Recap: While sitting around the breakfast table, Jo leafs through A Big Book of Career Choices and says that since the graduation episode is just around the corner, she's going to have to figure out what to do with the rest of her life [which is probably a wise idea after four years of an expensive post-secondary education]. She mentions that a computer analyst can make as much as $26,500 (!), and Blair gives her a seriously? look and says if she's satisfied with earning that kind of pittance, she may as well join the Peace Corps. A few seconds later, the doorbell rings, and the stranger - who's played by the Eight is Enough dad - introduces himself as Beverly Ann's ex-husband, Frank Stickle. As the Facts gals exchange holy shit! glances, Frank correctly assumes that they've been made fully aware of the intensity with which Beverly Ann loathes him. He asks them to tell Beverly Ann he dropped by...and is about to leave when she suddenly returns home after bicycling with Andy and Oliver. She's all, "The fuck?" at the sight of her ex...and when he asks her if they can speak privately, she reluctantly agrees to postpone her lunch date with Oliver. Frank starts tapping his fingers on the end table, and Beverly Ann irritably remarks that he still has that annoying habit. She then passively-aggressively asks how The Trollop is doing, and Frank argues that Trixie was no trollop - but that it's a moot point 'cause they're no longer hitting the sheets. He swiftly changes the subject and says he dropped by their house the other day, and that it fully sank in that they no longer live there as a married couple. He reminisces about how happy they both were there, says he really really wants to be happy again, and is eager to make a fresh start. Beverly Ann perks up at that easy-to-misinterpret revelation and warmly touches his hand. Jo wanders into the room carrying a plate with a muffin on it, and Beverly Ann leaps up and decides she needs to help Jo carry her muffin into the store part of the building. She then babbles at the Facts gals that she's pretty sure Frank wants to get back together. Blair bursts out giggling and asks why he'd want to reunite with the woman he recently dumped - LOL - and Beverly Ann haughtily says that Frank can't just expect to just waltz back into her life after so callous a dumping...and as she's saying this, she's primping in front of a compact mirror, brushing a layer of blush onto her cheeks. Beverly Ann returns to the living room and tells Frank he should come right out and ask her what he came to ask her - but before he can utter anything, he clutches his chest and tells her to call an ambulance. Beverly Ann and the Facts gals are nervously sitting in the hospital's waiting room, and Jo looks visibly uncomfortable with all the sights and smells, and soon rushes outside to get some air. An attractive, middle-aged blonde woman ambles over to ask if any of them has change for the pay phone, and Beverly Ann gives her a quarter...then seats herself beside Andy and assures him that Frank will like him and make a fabulous stepfather. A doctor and nurse wheel a gurney covered with a sheet and leave it standing in the hallway for a few seconds. Jo gets icked out when she assumes it's a dead body - but then is pleasantly surprised when the doctor rips off the sheet and reveals several trays of yummy looking snacks...which I doubt is how food ever gets transported around a hospital. Beverly Ann assumes that Frank must have known he was sick and wanted to reunite with her before it was too late. She then vows to get him to exercise more, watch his diet, and spend time at a health spa every now and then. Andy looks visibly bummed at the prospect of the two remarrying, but Beverly Ann assures him that they (along with the Facts gals) are family no matter what. The doctor who treated Frank exits the exam room and asks for Mrs. Stickle...and Beverly Ann and the woman she gave a quarter to rush over and anxiously reply, "Yes?" The two women then stare at each other in confusion, and the blonde lady identifies herself as Frank's wife (Noreen) while Beverly Ann's all, "Wha-at is going onnnn?" After the commercial break, the doctor tells both women that Frank is OK after suffering a minor gas attack...and then the current Mrs. Stickle goes into the exam room to look in on her gassy husband. The Facts gals rally around a stunned Beverly Ann, and Blair wankingly assures her she's way prettier, nicer and smarter than Noreen. A few seconds later, Noreen exits the exam room to tell Beverly Ann that Frank would like to see her, explains that he has a very sensitive stomach (hence the gas attack), and that, since they're newlyweds, they don't spend much time in the kitchen making home cooked meals. Mmm hmm... And ew. Frank sheepishly informs Beverly Ann that he recently got remarried, is surprised that his chest pains turned out to be nothing more than stomach gas, and that he had dropped by her place earlier 'cause he wants her to agree to sell their marital home. He adds that the tenants have made him a good offer - but Beverly Ann makes it clear that she's feeling so vengeful about him marrying someone else that she's going to flatly refuse to sell. While canoodling on the couch together, Beverly Ann tells Oliver that Frank always made all the decisions in their marriage, and that this time she wants to be the decider. Oliver asks why in the hell she'd want to torture herself by holding onto that house, then tells her the story of his car Bessie, which he couldn't bring himself to sell after he split with his wife...then later realized that he was needlessly holding onto the past. Eventually he sold it and bought a Pinto (that hopefully didn't explode while he was driving it), and Beverly Ann makes it clear that she didn't much appreciate his story about moving on from a defunct relationship and coldly says they're not relating very well to each other. He shrugs and says he'll let her work through this contrived conundrum on her own and to call him if/when she decides to let common sense prevail. Over in the store, Jo is once again gabbling to the rest of the Facts gals about her boundless career options when Beverly Ann enters the room. She apologizes for interrupting the conversation and urges them to continue talking about whatever it was they were talking about, so Jo resumes nattering about how there are sooooo many career possibilities in life for a college graduate such as herself, and that she has lots and lots of choices. Beverly Ann shoots her the stink-eye and says, "Nice try, Jo" and accuses her of pretending to talk about her future when what she's really doing is talking in subtext about the house-selling/not selling situation with herself and Frank. The Facts gals are like, "Nope, Jo really is just trying to figure out her life", and Tootie assures Beverly Ann that they're not doing whatever it is that she thinks they're doing. Beverly Ann challenges her to look her in the eye and tell her that, and Tootie looks her in the eye and says she truly has no earthly idea what in blazes she's accusing them of. Jo adds that they weren't trying to subtly give her any life advice, and Beverly Ann decides that she should probably see Frank in person a third time...and begs Jo to accompany her to the hospital. Back at the hospital, Beverly Ann tip-toes into Frank's room, while Jo sees a sheet-covered gurney and assumes it's trays of snacks - but when she peeks under the sheet, she's all, "Ack!" when the motionless lump turns out to be a dead body. Womp womp! As Beverly Ann watches Frank sleep, she mutters that she should have just left him a note, aka the way he dumped her...and reveals that she carries around the 'I'm leaving you' letter that he gave her when he abruptly ended their marriage - which seems alarmingly pathetic - and pulls it out of her purse and reads it aloud. A few seconds later, Noreen enters the room, tells Beverly Ann she's surprised to see her back here, and warmly says they'd probably be friends if they'd met under different circumstances. A few seconds later, Frank wakes up with the two women hovering over him, and Beverly Ann tells him it finally dawned on her that she no longer needs to hold onto the past when she has a lot going for her nowadays: Andy, Oliver, housemothering the grown Facts gals. She then agrees to sell the house...and a relieved Frank starts tapping his fingers along the side of the bed. When Beverly Ann flinches and asks Noreen if that doesn't drive her completely crazy, Noreen just stares back at her obliviously and goes, "What?" ... and Beverly Ann smiles to herself, tells the two to have a nice marriage, and beats a hasty retreat. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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Recap: Jo returns home from a day at Langley and announces that she's been appointed the new editor-in-chief of the college's senior yearbook. Beverly Ann dreamily stares into space and reminisces about how young and fresh she looked in her college yearbook...and before she can launch into a long-winded story about how it was that she came to look so young and fresh during her college years, Jo beats a hasty retreat to go write captions for each graduating senior. Blair arrives with her new ventriloquist friend: Jay Johnson and his sassy puppet-boy, Sam. After gratuitously showcasing his ventriloquist skills for a few minutes, a glum Andy enters the store and glares moodily at Sam. Beverly Ann asks him if everything's OK, and he snaps, "Fine" - but a few seconds later, Sam draws attention to the fact that Andy is stealing cash from the Over Our Heads money box. Andy reacts by looking sheepishly horrified at being caught in the act of committing the brazen theft, which for some reason, he thought was a good idea to do while in full view of Beverly Ann, all four Facts gals, and a ventriloquist and his snitch puppet. In the next scene, Andy is sitting on the couch, broodily staring into space as Beverly Ann and the Facts gals are all, "WTF is up with you stealing from us?" Beverly Ann assumes that something must be terribly wrong to drive him to do such a heinous thing, so Andy fibs that he's being bullied/blackmailed by a guy who has photos of him cavorting with a couple of hot twins. Tootie gruffly orders him to cut the shit 'cause they deserve some honesty, so he admits the real reason for his crime: his foster parents are splitting up, which means he's getting shipped back to the group home to await adoption. He adds that he has no intention of actually going back there and plans to run away...which is why he stole their money (with the half-hearted intention of paying them back once he reaches adulthood). Beverly Ann tries to lift his spirits by pointing out that the child welfare agency will surely place him with a new family, but Andy complains that he's sooooo sick of being shuttled from home to home, and is under no illusion that any couple would want to formally adopt a cheeky jackanapes who can't seem to make friends his own age. Beverly Ann's like, "Can't argue with you there", and offers to call his foster family to let them know he'll be staying with them for the next few days. Later, Beverly Ann makes up a bed for Andy on the living room couch and offers to tuck him in, but he declines 'cause 1) he's not five, and 2) doesn't want to get used to that type of maternal kindness. He then leaps off the couch to go pee - just as the Facts gals enter the room and tell Beverly Ann they've decided that they want to be Andy's new foster family. Natalie describes how they can each rotate their time to take the imp on various types of outings - but Beverly Ann points out that since Blair and Jo are graduating from college soon, they might soon decide 'enough already with the four of us living under the same roof with a housemother replacement' and finally - finally! - go their separate ways and live life as emotionally independent adults. She says that what Andy needs is a devoted parent who can look after him permanently...then looks as though she just stumbled upon a brilliant idea when she adds, "Like me, for instance." When Andy returns from the bathroom, she kneels at his couch bedside to humbly declare her love for him and that she wants to adopt him...and when he's like, "You do?", she earnestly replies, "With all my heart" and gives him a motherly hug as the four Facts gals look on with heartfelt approval. Beverly Ann announces that she has contacted the child welfare agency, and, in the meantime, is slogging her way through the mountainous paperwork. Andy, meanwhile, is shovelling sugar into his bowl of cereal and ignoring Beverly Ann's suggestion that he brush his teeth before going to school. When Natalie gets ready to head off to her dead end restaurant job, Beverly Ann laments how awkward things have suddenly gotten between herself and Andy...so Natalie reminds her that she too was adopted and advises Beverly Ann to just dive right into the job of parenting the urchin. Beverly Ann frets about doing a good job, but insists that she's A-OK about making this ginormous change in her life 'cause of how much she looooves Andy. Blair has a sock puppet on one hand as she practices her ventriloquist skills, and an irritated Jo tells her to go away 'cause she's busy writing yearbook captions for all the graduating Langley seniors. Blair takes a look at the photo of herself that Jo has selected for publication, deems it less than spectacular, and begs Jo to replace it with a better one - but Jo's just like, "Go away" and denies her request. Tootie tells Blair she likes having Andy around (like, more than usual), and Blair concurs and says she hates the thought of him being sent to a shitty group home. She then gazes at her sock puppet and begins singing Tomorrow. Beverly Ann returns home and worriedly says that Andy wasn't at the school when she went to pick him up...and a few seconds later, he saunters into the room. She asks him where he's been all afternoon and what he was doing and with whom, and he offers no details, except to cryptically tell her he was "doing stuff" with "some guys". After Beverly Ann rushes off to get Andy the junk food dinner he requested, Tootie admonishes him for acting like a spoiled brat who could be throwing away the chance to have a permanent ma. Andy guffaws and says he doesn't believe that'll actually happen, not least 'cause every time he's been up for adoption something invariably goes wrong. Tootie insists that this time things will work out - but when she's pressed by Andy to make her swear that she can guarantee that, she falls silent. Beverly Ann is nervously pacing the living room in advance of the social worker's visit when Jay Johnson drops by to bring Blair a Jo look-alike puppet with which she can torment her non-hetero crush. Blair uses her ventriloquist skills to mimic Jo and then blackmail her into using a more flattering yearbook photo in exchange for not performing this puppet act in front of the student union..and Jo's like, "Deal." The social worker, Dorothy Newell, arrives to assess Andy's prospective ma and living arrangement. She's unimpressed to learn that the residence houses four adult women living together as roommates, and that Beverly Ann is a divorced, un-remarried woman. She excuses Andy from the room...and once he's out of hearing range, she tells Beverly Ann she highly doubts that this adoption is going to work out. The Facts gals are all, "Whoa lady!" and do their best to praise Beverly Ann and give testimonial as to what a great parent she'd make. A few seconds later, Andy scampers down the stairs and says he's off to hang out elsewhere...and that since she probably won't be allowed to adopt him, he really doesn't give a rat's ass that he hasn't yet finished his homework. Beverly Ann gets visibly irked and makes it clear that, regardless of the outcome of this assessment, he's to get his tiny hiney back upstairs to finish his homework...and when he hangs his head in shame and squeaks, "Yes ma'am", Dorothy Newell looks impressed at Beverly Ann's tough love parenting approach and promises to reverse the opinion she had less than a minute ago and write up a strong recommendation that she be given the green light to adopt Andy. As soon as she leaves, an elated Andy scampers back into the room to hug Beverly Ann and gush about how he now believes that an adoption will for sure, absolutely, truly happen this time. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Tootie is exercising her singing voice when the doorbell rings and she comes face-to-face with Bobby Rydell and Fabian...and has no idea who they are, even after they introduce themselves. They explain to her that in the '60s they used to live in this very building (back when it was a boarding house) and figured 'why not drop in on complete strangers to revisit the place that holds so many fun memories for us?' A disinterested Tootie's like, "OK, whatever" and tells them to maybe stop by later, when the oldest person living in the house [who might have a clue as to who the hell they are] returns home. When Beverly Ann hears that Robby Rydell and Fabian were in her living room, she squeals like an infatuated schoolgirl...and Jo confirms that the two icons are definitely in town 'cause they're scheduled to perform with Chubby Checker at a concert that Langley College radio has been plugging all week. Beverly Ann dreamily calls the '60s "my era" and reminisces about all the groovy clothes and music of yore. She then wanders over to her collection of 45s and puts on her favorite song from the decade on the record player...and as the music plays, the Facts of Life takes an inevitable trip back to the time of tie-dye, love-ins, and shaggy hairdos. Well, sort of...since it seems like whoever was in charge of this episode's wardrobe lumped in a bunch of different looks from various decades. '60s Beverly Ann is decked out in black garb, a long blonde wig atop her head, and is saying man a lot. When a group of neighborhood hooligans smash her window with a baseball, a boy rushes inside the boarding house to deny that he had anything to do with the baseball...and he turns out to be '60s Andy who, for some incoherent reason, is sporting overalls and a Little Rascals Alfalfa hairdo. '60s Beverly Ann doesn't buy his fib and hands him a broom before ordering him to clean up all the broken glass, capping off the interaction with, "Ya dig?" ... and he must dig, 'cause he obediently takes the broom and starts sweeping. Bobby Rydell and Fabian are being pursued and attacked by starstruck girls before dashing into the boarding house for safety. '60s Beverly Ann asks them if they wouldn't mind discussing ideas to save her failing coffee house [next door], and they half-heartedly promise to talk about it later, then race up the stairs. '60s Jo, who's rocking a beehive 'do and a Danny Zuko style leather jacket, slips into the boarding house. She makes sure the coast is clear, then motions for '60s Blair, who looks like a Sandra Dee clone, to follow. '60s Blair gigglingly laments wasting time skulking around a boarding house when she could be making out, and '60s Jo snappishly orders her to park her lips in neutral so they can do what they came here to do. She then lets out a whistle, which prompts '60s Tootie and '60s Natalie to also sneak inside. '60s Tootie wrings her hands worriedly about getting caught trespassing, while '60s Natalie gabbles excitedly about how far out it is to be standing in the very same room that Bobby Rydell and Fabian were just standing in. Be still my heart. '60s Jo chides her for being a lame-o, then urges everyone to clump together so they can envision the name of their foursome in lights when they become a famous band: the Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la's. '60s Beverly Ann enters the room and asks whassup with the four of them standing in her boarding house, so '60s Jo explains that they're a budding girl band that's written a song they think would be outa sight for Bobby Rydell and Fabian to perform. (Full disclosure: Elvis has already turned it down.) '60s Beverly Ann dismissively says they're way too busy to be bothered with some obscure song - but Jo insists that the four of them have to make it in showbiz 'cause they all got kicked out of beauty school. '60s Beverly Ann's like, "I can dig it", tells the beauty school dropouts to leave the sheet music with her, and promises to show it to Bobby and Fabian. The gals hand it to her, then happily scuttle off...and '60s Beverly Ann chuckles derisively at the song's title - Hot Rod Lover - then casually tosses the sheet music on the piano bench before rushing off somewhere. Bobby Rydell and Fabian scamper downstairs, find the sheet music on the piano bench, and instantly look intrigued. They quickly determine that Hot Rod Lover has the potential to be a mega-hit and seat themselves in front of the piano and perform the song [as if they'd been rehearsing it for weeks]. '60s Beverly Ann re-enters the room and apologizes for leaving that lame-o sheet music laying around - but the men argue that the song is a definite hit and ask who wrote it...and '60s Beverly Ann craftily takes the credit for that honor. '60s Beverly Ann is on the phone with her landlord and assures them she'll have the rent money soon 'cause she's about to come into some cash, and ends the call with, "Thanks, daddy-o." '60s Andy finishes sweeping up the broken glass - but '60s Beverly Ann points out that he still owes her for some previous damage that he and the other little rascals caused and orders him to get back to work. A few seconds later, the Facts gals return to see if Bobby Rydell and Fabian liked their song...and '60s Beverly Ann tells them that the guys weren't impressed, then asks if they happen to have any other songs she could take credit for writing. '60s Jo says they don't and asks for the sheet music back, but '60s Beverly Ann says she doesn't have it and thinks she may have thrown it out with the trash. As the gals lament their bad luck, '60s Jo cheers them up by assuring them they're somebodies. '60s Natalie suggests they perform Hot Rod Lover specifically for Robby Rydell and Fabian, and '60s Jo says she definitely likes the boldness of that idea. Bobby Rydell and Fabian are continuing to work on the song when the Facts gals enter the boarding house dressed in white overalls, disguised as house painters. Fabian tells them they're busy rehearsing and to please come back tomorrow...and as '60s Natalie gushes over his hotness, Beverly Ann enters the room and suspects that something fishy is going on. She rips off their fake moustaches - just as Bobby Rydell and Fabian resume rehearsing Hot Rod Lover. The Facts gals gasp and inform the two that they wrote that song - calling out '60s Beverly Ann as a liar. Bobby Rydell scrunches his face confusedly and says he's going to need proof as to who the real songwriter is, so the gals strip off their white overalls, stand in a line, and begin singing Hot Rod Lover with accompanying dance moves. When they mercifully wrap up the performance, Bobby Rydell and Fabian excitedly announce that the song is definitely a hit! A deflated '60s Beverly Ann apologizes for her thievery, but explains that she only did it to save her failing coffee house. Bobby Rydell and Fabian cluck sympathetically and offer to perform a show in her coffee house in order to help her raise funds for the mortgage, and she's so thrilled by their kindness that she runs over and literally jumps into their arms. Later at the coffee house, '60s Beverly Ann is reciting a depressing poem to the crowd while a goatee-ed '60s Andy bangs on a drum. After that drudgery, she introduces Bobby Rydell and Fabian, who in turn invite the Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la's to perform on stage along with them. The coffee house audience gets all into it, and dances along before breaking out into enthusiastic applause. Back to present day.. Beverly Ann sums up the episode by saying, "That's how the story goes", and that the Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la's promptly quit showbiz and opened a beauty parlor. When Bobby Rydell and Fabian return, Beverly Ann rushes upstairs to get dolled up before meeting them. Tootie introduces the two music icons to Andy and the rest of the Facts gals, and sheepishly apologizes for not having a clue as to who they were earlier. The two men glance around and remark on how different the place looks, then mention a third floor. When a confused Blair says there is no third floor, they're all, "Oops! Wrong building!" and rush out - LOL - just as Beverly Ann sweeps down the staircase in a sexy red dress. She's crushed when she hears that the heartthrob has-beens abruptly left, then flails about like a headless chicken, I guess in an effort to chase after them. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Beverly Ann, Andy, and the Facts gals are in Over Our Heads, putting out tacky Valentine's Day inventory and chatting about the upcoming dance. Blair announces that her date for the evening will be her latest squeeze, Fletcher, while everyone else mumbles that they don't have dates and will most likely skip the dance. Beverly Anne's beau, Oliver, arrives at the store for a lunch date...and Tootie gets all in his bidness and unsubtly hints that he really really needs to ask Beverly Ann to the Valentine's Day dance or else. Natalie pulls a Cupid statue out of one the boxes and wonders aloud what the thing is doing here since none of them ordered a Cupid. Jo suggests sending it back to where it came from - but Beverly Ann advises against that and proposes they keep it around for the duration of the episode in case the sting of its arrow results in bringing one or more of them true love. A few seconds later, Oliver dutifully invites Beverly Ann to attend the Valentine's Day dance with him, and she happily accepts before the two head off on their lunch date. Tootie takes that interaction as a sign that Cupid is working its magic - but Jo grumpily insists it's a myth, then ambles off to fix her motorcycle. Cliff - Blair's ex-beau last seen in the Dream Marriage episode - drops by for a surprise visit, and Blair's all, "Wha-a-a-at are you doing here?" before happily hugging him and steering him into the living room so they can get caught up on their lives. Cliff tells Blair that he's about to graduate from medical school and is now on the hunt for an internship in an east coast hospital. Blair gazes at him lovingly and asks him if he'd like to stay for dinner, but he's forced to decline 'cause he has to catch a train to New York for an interview. He then brings up the Valentine's Day dance at Langley and wistfully assumes she already has a date lined up, and she blushingly confirms that, yep, there's definitely a long line of guys eager to experience the privilege of dating her. Jo returns home, says hey to Cliff...and offers to give him a lift to the train station when she hears that he needs to catch a train to New York. Cliff then returns his attention to Blair to wank her about how lucky he was to have dated such a beautiful, doe-eyed cherub, promises to call her before returning to Houston, and leans in for a tender goodbye smooch. Natalie tries to get Blair to admit that her naughty parts tingled when she was reunited with Cliff, but Blair adamantly insists that she and Cliff are history and that Fletcher is "the man of the hour". Tootie, meanwhile, reads aloud from a book detailing Cupid's abundant romantic powers, which Natalie dismissively says can be explained away as the positive vibes people give off to prospective mates in their orbit. Tootie gets a call from her ex-boyfriend Jeff, last seen in the My Boyfriend's Back episode, to announce that he too is about to make a guest appearance. Tootie squeals happily about reuniting with her former illiterate beau after a two year absence and announces that she's going to ask him to go to the dance with her...and a curmudgeonly Jo refuses to believe that this is, in any way, related to Cupid's abundant romantic powers. Jo answers the door to a man wearing a Gorilla suit, who's been directed to deliver a banana-gram to Natalie. He sings a love long to her, courtesy of Snake, who offers to escort her to the Valentine's Day dance...and in response Natalie squeals happily. A few seconds later, the gorilla head is removed - and Jo is stunned to see that the mystery banana-gram deliverer is none other than Roy, I think last seen in the Different Drummer episode. He informs Jo that he's now the proud owner of a lucrative banana-gram business (you heard me), is ready to take the next step in life, and to that end wants to rekindle their romance so that he can share his burgeoning empire with her. Jo points out that they never actually had a romance, makes it clear that she has zero interest in hooking up with him in any capacity, and gives him the bum's rush out the door. An alarmed looking Tootie looks around for the Cupid statue, which appears to have gone missing, and worriedly says that its absence doesn't bode well for the karma surrounding their romantic prospects. A few seconds later, Beverly Ann storms into the room, raging about how Oliver is stepping out with another woman who he was spotted kissing. Cliff drops by a second time to ask Jo if she'd be interested in going to the Valentine's Day dance with him. Jo mulls over that interesting invitation before she decides she likes the idea of sticking it to Blair and accepts. In the next scene, Blair's all, "The fuck?!" when she learns about Jo and Cliff going to the dance together. Jo reminds her that she was pretty adamant about her and Cliff being dunzo, and Blair shoots her an incredulous glare while snapping, "And you thought I meant that?" She reminds Jo that Cliff proposed marriage - marriage! - to her, and Jo wryly points out that in response she turned him down...and then promptly embarked on a dating frenzy with every Biff, Tad, and Fletcher. Jo then offers to cancel on Cliff, but Blair passively-aggressively says not to cancel on her account - but that if she does go to the dance with Cliff, she'll never speak to her again. Beverly Ann continues to rant and rave about Oliver's infidelity, and reveals that she left an angry message on his answering machine. When Jeff arrives, Tootie gives him a happy hug and steers him over to the couch so they can get caught up. Jeff makes a point of telling her that he's not currently dating anyone, feels bad about his 'hell no!' reaction when she offered up her virginity in Season 6, and that his newest passion in life is marine biology. Um, OK..? Tootie's like, "I couldn't possibly care any less about your life" and excitedly gabbles about her grinding quest to be an actress...and soon the two are staring blankly at each other, forced to admit that they're once again at different places in their lives. Jeff glumly says he was hoping they'd have more in common, then gets up and dejectedly shuffles off. Blair rails to Natalie about Jo's betrayal in trying to steal her boyfriend, but Natalie points out that Cliff isn't her boyfriend...and that clearly she still has unresolved feelings for him, much like the situation with herself and Snake. Blair chuckles and condescendingly tells Natalie that she can't possibly compare her fictional relationship to a non-existent reptile-person to her near engagement with Cliff...and Natalie gets visibly annoyed by the accusation that she made up the whole 'I have a boyfriend named Snake' thing. Andy brings back the Cupid statue after borrowing it to see if he could get lucky, and complains that the thing sucks 'cause its romantic powers resulted in toooo many girls simultaneously going ga-ga over him. Sure, Andy. That sounds completely plausible. Oliver arrives to pick up Beverly Ann for another lunch date, and she serenely enters the room to calmly inform him that, upon reflection, she's decided it's A-OK with her if he wants to see other women. Oliver perks up at that prospect and says that that sounds good to him, and assures her he's still fine with escorting her to the Valentine's Day dance. Beverly Ann says she's surprised he'd be willing to do that, given the tongue-lashing she left on his answering machine. A perplexed Oliver says he hasn't been home to hear his messages 'cause he was out having lunch with his sister...and a sheepish Beverly Ann's like, "Your sister?" and asks if she's an attractive woman. Oliver just kind of shrugs and replies, "Uh, yeah..?", then confirms their plans to attend the dance together. As they head out, Beverly Ann warns him that a deranged woman has been impersonating her and leaving really hostile phone messages on random people's machines. LOL. Blair and Natalie urge Tootie, who's moping in the living room in her nightie, to come to the Valentine's Day dance with them - but she refuses to go stag. Blair tells her to just invent a boyfriend - like the way Natalie did - just as Jeff arrives for a follow-up visit. He tells Tootie that he snuck in on her theater rehearsal this afternoon and was deeply impressed by her acting talent...and Tootie looks pleased at the wankery and happily accepts his invitation to attend the dance. Fletcher calls to cancel on Blair 'cause his great uncle in Palm Beach is ill...and he needs to rush to his side so that he stays in the will. A few seconds later, Oliver arrives to escort Beverly Ann to the dance, and she makes a grand entrance, sweeping down the stairs in a sexy, tight-fitting red dress. Cliff arrives to escort Jo - but first gets drawn into a conversation with Blair about how it's probably all for the best that she turned down his marriage proposal, given that he wouldn't have been able to spend any time with her while he was busy training to be a doctor. Jo eavesdrops from the second floor landing, then ambles downstairs looking visibly pensive - just as Roy happens to drop by. Jo pulls him inside, tells Cliff she just remembered she had agreed to attend the dance with Roy, and a confused but delighted Roy's all, "You did?" Jo then suggests the four of them attend the dance together as a friendly foursome, and Blair shoots her a grateful smile and orders Roy to take good care of her bestie. Natalie tells everyone she'll catch up to them 'cause she's still waiting on Snake to pick her up. Blair rolls her eyes skeptically and is all, "Have fun waiting for your imaginary boyfriend" before heading out. A few seconds later, a car horn summons Natalie off camera, and she stares out at the live studio audience and chirps, "You'll just have to take my word for it!" before dashing out. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: The Facts gals are about to leave for a weekend ski trip...and when Andy begs for some relevance in this episode by needlessly tagging along, Jo shuts that down with a firm, "Er, nope." Tootie, meanwhile, is snapping multiple photos of everyone rushing around and explains that she wants to capture every moment for posterity 'cause it might be their last big trip together, given that Jo and Blair are graduating from Langley soon...and would maybe finally want to move on from living under the same roof with the housemates they've had since high school, and a housemother replacement. A desperate Andy gets down on his knees and begs for permission to come along - but Tootie tells him it's more of a girls' weekend...and somehow refrains from suggesting that it'd probably be a healthy thing for everyone if he directed more of his energy into finding kids his own age to hang with. When the Facts gals arrive at a fancy mountain cabin, they're shocked to see that it's occupied by a guy in a towel (Hopper) and two pals. When Jo gruffly demands to know what the hell they're doing in their cabin, Tootie explains that the cabin belongs to Warner Industries. One of the towel-less guys - hey, it's the actor who plays Matt Fielding on Melrose Place! - says that his dad, who's on the board of Warner Industries, got him and his buddies the company cabin for the weekend. Blair perks up, introduces herself, and tells Matt Fielding that her dad is on the board of his dad's company...and Matt immediately gets all gushy-smitten and tells Blair that they once crossed paths at a company picnic when she was twelve, and that he couldn't be more pleased about her gorgeous metamorphsis since those awkward pre-teen years. Jo interrupts the flirtitude to brusquely point out that they can't all co-habitate in the one-room cabin all weekend, and Hopper's like, "Sure we can." Natalie visibly perks up at that prospect, then visibly perks up even more when she learns that nine of the guys' pals are expected to join them to attend Matt Fielding's bachelor party. Matt gallantly offers to dash out, find the nearest pay phone, and come up with a solution to The Case of the Overcrowded Cabin, and a chipper-than-usual Blair offers to go with him. Hopper seats himself beside Jo and schmaltzily tells her that he's a shy kinda guy who'd prolly always regret letting a hottie such as herself slip away - but she shooes him away like a pesky insect...as does Tootie when he uses the same schmaltzy schtick on her. He then moves onto Natalie, who's definitely into it and blushingly giggles at the flattery. LOL. Blair and Matt Fielding return from their pay phone errand and inform everyone that they were accidentally double-booked in the cabin - but that the gals have a reservation later in the day in a cabin a few miles down the road. Jo et. al. decide that in the meantime they're going to hit the slopes...and when Blair announces that she'd much prefer to hang in the cabin. Matt mulls that over and decides he too is going to hang in the cabin all day. While cozying by the fire, Matt tells Blair that this is the first weekend in awhile that he and his fiancée have been apart, and that they're expecting a few hundred people at their wedding. Blair dreamily says she envies Sheila, and Matt shoots her an 'I'm definitely smitten with you' look and half-heartedly agrees that his fiancée is indeed a very special gal. The others return to the cabin after an afternoon of skiing...and when the Facts gals start gathering up their stuff to relocate to their own cabin, a disappointed Matt says he'd much prefer it if they all hung out some more. And by all he really just means himself and Blair. When Beverly Ann suddenly peers into the window, the guys assume she's an aged stripper one of them hired for Matt's bachelor party. LOL. A few seconds later, Beverly Ann bursts inside to 1) clarify that she's not a stripper, and 2) inform the Facts gals that she got a call from Blair's dad, warning that a bunch of guys accidentally got double-booked in their cabin for the weekend. She then thought it'd be a good idea to fire up her dilapidated Winnebago and drive up to the mountains to tell the Facts gals something they'd no doubt have figured out the minute they arrived at the cabin. She tells them that her Winnebago got stuck in the snow on account of the blizzard, and that all the roads in the area are closed. An alarmed Tootie's all, "Wuhhhh?" and makes it clear how annoyed she is that they're going to have to spend their much anticipated girls' weekend with three strangers. In the kitchen, Blair tells Matt she's sorry that the blizzard has put the kibosch on his bachelor party, and he reacts by leaning in for a touchy-feely canoodle and cooing, "It's turning out just fine." Mmm hmm.. Annoyed by the inconvenience of the hazardous weather conditions, Tootie snaps photographs around the cabin to cheer herself up, while Blair pulls Jo aside for an urgent tête-à-tête. The guys, along with Beverly Ann, decide to pass the time playing poker. Blair tells Jo that they need to leave the cabin pronto 'cause of the hot crush Matt Fielding has developed on her. Jo's all, "The hell you talkin' 'bout?" and reminds her that Matt's getting married next week. Blair explains that she's been getting some pretty strong signals, including an unmistakable canoodle in the kitchen just now - but Jo says she has serious doubts that a guy like Matt would actually dump his fiancée for someone he barely knows, and dismissively tells Blair she's just seeing things. Blair mulls that over, decides she prefers Jo's theory to reality, and looks relieved at not being a potential home wrecker. As Beverly Ann cleans out the unsuspecting guys with a series of big poker wins, Matt Fielding seats himself next to Blair by the fire and says he hopes she doesn't think he was being too forward when he so brazenly touchy-feelily canoodled her. She happily chirps back that [after being flippantly advised by Jo] she now [mis]understands the situation perfectly...and he's all, "Yay!" and says he's sooooo happy to have found the right woman. A relieved Blair says she's sooooo happy to hear him say that - just as he starts wringing his hands about what in blazes he's going to tell Sheila when he dumps her for someone he just met. When Blair's all, "Uh, the fuck?", Matt professes his love for her and says he plans to call off his wedding to Sheila. A horrified Blair scrambles to her feet and steers Jo back into the kitchen for a follow-up tête-à-tête. Beverly Ann, meanwhile, continues to win big at poker. Blair tells Jo there can be no more denying that Matt Fielding is in love with her...and Jo chuckles about how completely ass-backwards off-the-mark her earlier advice was, then asks Blair what she did to encourage Matt's attraction to her. Blair insists that she was merely being friendly - but then admits that, yeah, she may have tossed back her hair and giggled flirtily a few times. When bedtime arrives, the guys and gals divide the cabin by hanging up a curtain. Matt Fielding schmaltzily wishes Blair sweet dreams, and she scrunches her face concernedly and spills the beans to Beverly And and the rest of the Facts gals about how Matt plans to dump his fiancée 'cause he suddenly decided he's in love with her. As Tootie and Natalie look visibly shocked and quasi-appalled, Beverly Ann chalks up Matt's change of heart to men being swine. Blair announces that she can't possibly sleep on the floor (nearest the curtain) and begs Jo to change places with her. Jo grumpily agrees, mainly to shut her up...and a few seconds later from the other side of the curtain, Matt Fielding misdirects his romantic cooing when he tells Jo that he's lying next to her and that - fingers crossed - it's going to be at the most exciting night of their lives. An amused Jo pulls back the curtain and cackles, "But will you respect me in the morning?!", and everyone (including me) chuckles heartily at her sassy mockery. Beverly Ann chides Matt for betraying his fiancée, but then concedes that marriage is big step. She fibs that her marriage ended when Frank was torn apart by wild animals, then assures Matt that it's perfectly natural [for a twenty-something guy who's clearly not mature enough to be in a marriage] to want a fling before settling down...but refrains from mentioning that he's sooooooooo barking up the wrong tree with Blair, 'cause despite the flirty vibe she's always giving off to guys, she's a staunch virgin who was conspicuously absent in the very special Season 9 episode when the first of the Facts gals - Natalie - gets her cherry popped out of wedlock. A restless Blair tries to have a heart-to-heart with Beverly Ann when she admits that she's always craved attention from males by acting cute and perky...and Beverly Ann refrains from laughing about how that has to be the biggest understatement in the history of understatements 'cause she's fast asleep and loudly snoring. The next morning, Blair apologizes to Matt for doing anything that may have led him on in any way, and he assures her that his change of heart about his marriage was more about cold feet. When he calls her terrific, she giggles and flirtily tosses her hair - but then has a brief moment of self awareness and hastily stops. The rest of the gang wakes up to the sound of snowplows clearing the roads. Hopper once again puts the moves on Natalie - but she wearily tells him that, upon further reflection, she's perfectly fine with him letting a hottie such as herself slip away. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: George Clooney (!) is hanging in Over Our Heads - just as Jo is reminded that she's supposed to be hosting a college radio show. She races off as Blair arrives, and Blair doesn't try to hide the fact that she deliberately stayed away to avoid helping the other Facts gals get ready for tomorrow's big sale. A few seconds later, she hears a knock on the door...recognizes Stacey Q from the Off-Broadway Baby episode and welcomes her inside. Tootie's all, "Wha-a-a-at are you doing here?", so Stacey Q explains that she's been replaced in the Broadway show - but that she's fine with it 'cause she's decided to quit showbiz. Tootie scrunches her face confusedly and asks why in blazes the producers would fire such a talented performer...and Stacey Q just shrugs and mumbles something about how she maybe wasn't good enough. A smitten George wanders over, introduces himself, then escorts her off-camera to look at some Over Our Heads inventory. Tootie is visibly mystified about why Stacey Q was fired and is taking it upon herself to talk her out of quitting showbiz. Beverly Ann advises her to mind her own damn business, but Tootie's like, "Nope" and refuses to allow her friend to throw her career away. Later, Jo returns home after putting in an eighteen hour college radio shift. She explains that she's always having to cover for other DJs, but slogs through by drinking coffee non-stop. Stacey Q drops by with George and Andy, babbles incoherently about something or other, and asks if Tootie's around. Beverly Ann tells her that Tootie's rehearsing a radio show and adds that since Jo is so zonked from working overtime at college radio, they could really use some help in the store. Stacey Q perks up and offers to help out, citing her past retail experience working in a live bait shop. Later, Stacey Q has just made her first Over Our Heads sale and gushes about how thrilled she is to be a cashier again. When Tootie returns home after her rehearsal and performs part of her monologue, Stacey Q bloviates about how some things are a part of you...then announces that she's decided to open her own live bait shop. Tootie's all, "The fuuuuck?" as she stares back at her incredulously. Jo is back at Langley Radio, dishing out nonsensical advice as she fills in for the Ask Al Anything show. Beverly Ann drops by with some sustenance and tells her that Stacey Q has been covering her Over Our Heads shifts. A few seconds later, Jo's DJ-mate Stan arrives at the station with some new music for her to play, then hands her Stacey Q's new album and says that the imp is supposed to start her national tour next week - but has mysteriously disappeared. The following morning, Stacey Q is staring into a cup of earthworms while Andy helps her develop a concept for her prospective live bait shop. Tootie tells Stacey Q that failure is nothing to be ashamed of, gives her a pep talk about how she should get right back up on the horse, and invites her to regain her confidence by performing on her upcoming radio show. Jo returns home a few seconds later and wryly suggests that Stacey Q perform something from her new album - Color Me Cinnamon - and Tootie's all, "Wha-a-a?" and asks what gives. Stacey Q explains that the record company loved her new album so much that they set up a national tour to promote it...and she reacted by running away 'cause she's very skeered she's nowhere near good enough to be an emerging '80s pop star. Tootie flatly calls her nuts for squandering her big break, makes it clear that she has zero sympathy for her insecurities 'cause of how hard she's been busting her ass to break into the biz, then barks at her to go hide out somewhere else. Ouch. Stacey Q sheepishly announces that she's going to pack up her things before slinking out of the room. Blair has warmed to Stacey Q's earthworms, and is lovingly talking to them when Jo returns home from yet another long DJing shift. George drops by to announce that he just quit his job at his pop's hardware store so he can begin to fulfill his destiny of becoming a major Hollywood movie star, and Beverly Ann nods approvingly and says a guy's gotta do what makes him happy. He reveals that he really has no plan, other than to hit the road and see the country. Tootie comes downstairs and says she's off to rehearse/perform her radio show - but the rest of the Facts gals make it clear how miffed at her they are for being so mean to Stacey Q. Tootie digs in about how stoooopid it is that Stacey Q is squandering her opportunity to become a pop star, then stomps off to rehearsal. Over at Langley Radio, Tootie performs her dramatic reading...and as that's happening, Beverly Ann and the rest of the Facts gals arrive to watch from the control booth. As they applaud Tootie's performance, she tells listeners she has a sheepish confession to make, then laments not supporting her showbiz friend. A few seconds later, she sees that Stacey Q has arrived at the radio station with George Clooney and is all, "What are you doing here?" - leaving Jo to scramble to introduce the next act: a ukulele player. Stacey Q says she's now ready to embark on her national tour (with George Clooney tagging along as a roadie), and credits Tootie's support in having so much faith in her. Tootie apologizes for her bitchitude earlier and asks if she'd be interested in getting in some extra exposure by performing her newest hit on Langley Radio...and Stacey Q says's she's game - since why the hell else did she make a second Facts of Life appearance? - and starts singing We Connect, as the rest of the Facts cast bops to the '80s beat. After the performance, George Clooney offers to treat everyone to pizza...before leaving Peekskill, never to be seen on Facts of Life again. Godspeed, George Clooney! See you on E.R. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Jo and Blair are taking down Christmas decorations while Jo visibly struggles to keep her New Year's resolution to refrain from directly insulting Blair. Natalie bounds downstairs in a loud yellow and blue sweater and asks everyone how she looks...then decides that, based on Jo's snarky retort, she needs to do a much better job of keeping her New Year's resolution to present a more professional image to the world. Beverly Ann urges Jo to be more careful while roughly tossing the Christmas decorations into the box and is about to launch into one of her long-winded stories - but then stops herself and says that since she, along with all the Facts gals, invested $20 in the pot to see who can keep their New Year's resolution the longest, she's going to do her best to keep her lips zipped so that she can claim the $100 prize. Blair gets a call from Perry, who asks her out for tonight - but Tootie hastily reminds her of her New Year's resolution to not go out on dates during the week. Blair reminds Tootie of her New Year's resolution - to avoid meddling in the other Facts gals' lives - then tells Perry she can't make it tonight 'cause she has a date with a math book. Andy arrives with the mail, which includes a letter to Natalie from her bank. She opens it and excitedly informs everyone that because of her long term residency in Peekskill and stable employment history - which is interesting, given that since graduating high school she's been showcased on Facts jumping from one dead-end job to another - they're giving her a pre-approved credit card with a $3,000 spending limit. Beverly Ann's all, "Wha-a-a?" and says she's newly miffed at her bank 'cause she's been turned down six times for a credit card - but then concedes that it's prolly 'cause she's a divorcée who has zero cash and has never worked a day in her life. Sounds like someone should have negotiated an actual divorce settlement after getting kicked to the curb by Frank. A delighted Blair tells Natalie that the prospect of getting her first credit card must be a very emotional moment for her, while Tootie suggests she use the card to buy something to boost the professional new image she wants to put out there. Natalie wanders around Over Our Heads in search of something professional looking to buy...somehow in lieu of shopping for image building items in a non-dollar-type store. She selects a pair of bunny ear muffs...but a disapproving Blair urges her to choose something more substantive and suggests she blow $50 on a fancy leather appointment book. Natalie's all, "Whoa! I could buy a car with that kind of money!" [dunno about that...though in 1987 I guess it's possible that $50 might have been the going rate for a badly used, pre-exploded Pinto]. Blair points out that the awesomest thing about blowing cash with a credit card is that she'll only have to pay a few dollars at the end of the month (to meet the minimum payment), then breezily adds that she'll also have to pay "a few dollars" in interest fees. Natalie decides 'why not overspend on an appointment book I don't need, along with the pair of bunny ear muffs?' and stupidly shrieks, "Charge it!" Blair is on the phone, informing another of her admirers about her new 'No Dates During the Week' policy, and squeezes him in for a half hour mini-date on an upcoming Saturday. Jo, meanwhile, is laying on the couch listening to Blair's end of the exchange...and when Blair sassily does everything possible to get her to break her New Year's resolution and lob insults at her, Jo manages to not take the bait. Natalie arrives home decked out in a frumpy grey '80s business suit with an orange scarf slung over one shoulder, and excitedly gabbles about how it's her new professional image. She tells the Facts gals that the saleslady wanked her about how the suit makes her look "crisp" ... and when Jo blurts out a snide retort, Natalie poutishly asks if she doesn't like the new her. Jo grunts, "The old you was fine", despite having made fun of her loud yellow and blue sweater at the beginning of the episode. Tootie enters the room, is stunned by Natalie's new look, and asks her how much her new frumpwear set her back. When Blair warns that she's stepping into meddling territory (thereby breaking her New Year's resolution), Tootie backs off and says she's merely asking in case she wants to buy a frump suit of her own. Natalie proudly says she blew $300 on the shapeless ensemble, and an aghast Tootie's all, "The fuuuuuck?" Natalie self-importantly announces that she scored a lunch meeting with a prominent publisher...then consults her $50 appointment book and adds that the meeting is set to take place in Manhattan. She then scribbles herself a note to buy an attaché case for the meeting by charging it, and Blair nods approvingly at her friend's glee at wanting to buy more stupid shit she can't afford. Blair listens to the answering machine, filled with messages from admirers who refer to her as "princess" and desperately want to take her out on dates during the week. She contorts her face in an expression of distress and moans, "This is toooooorture." Natalie returns home from her lunch meeting loaded down with a ridiculous number of shopping bags and boxes after indulging in an uncontrollable New York spending spree. When she adds that she also picked up the tab at lunch 'cause she figured it would further boost her professional image, Tootie admonishes her for the idiotic way she's allowed herself to get carried away with her new credit limit. Blair concurs and tells Natalie she's lost her damn mind [a sentiment that maybe would have been more helpful just prior to the attaché case purchase] ... and when Natalie points out to Blair that she would have done the same, Blair reminds her that she's filthy rich. Beverly Ann's like, "Speaking of getting carried away" - but then mercifully stops herself from launching into one of her tediously long-winded stories. Natalie is adding up the receipts from her shopping spree that tally to well over $1,000 - which...in 1987 dollars, yikes. Blair points out that her monthly payments have just skyrocketed to $110 a month, and an appalled Tootie breaks her New Year's resolution to sassily order Natalie to return her purchases. Natalie sheepishly says she can't, on account of she bought most of it on sale, then half-heartedly assures the Facts gals that she'll somehow figure out a way to get herself out of debt. Beverly Ann throws in the towel on winning the New Year's Resolution Contest and tells the gals the sad tale of when her ex-husband agreed to stop smoking so that they could afford to go on holiday, and then went to Mexico without her...and in an effort to shut her up, Natalie hands her her credit card and orders her to keep hidden from her so that she's no longer tempted to overspend. Jo answers the phone and takes a message for Blair...and when Blair enters the room a few seconds later, Jo smugly tells her she just got a call from the waiter of the restaurant where she was dining - on a week night, so busted! - with one of her admirers to tell her she left her notebook behind. As Blair breezily says that she and Perry merely got a bite together after studying together in the library, Jo unleashes a tirade of insults about her deviousness, resulting in her too breaking her New Year's resolution. Natalie declines an offer from Beverly Ann and the Facts gals to go to the movies, and says she's going to spend the evening tapping out a short story to sell so that she can start to dig herself out of debt. Later, Andy drops by to watch TV and eat snacks, and turns the channel to Shop Around the Clock - a show hosted by a self-identified lunatic named Looney Lou who sells crap to gullible people with credit cards. Natalie chuckles about the inventory 'o crap being peddled - until Looney Lou trots out a word processor. She perks up at the prospect of buying the computer system for the insanely low low price of $995 - but then remembers that Beverly Ann hid her credit card, and starts ransacking the place in an effort to find it. A wigged out Andy tells her she's out of control, then promptly packs up his snacks and beats a hasty retreat. When Beverly Ann and the Facts gals return home, they take note of the mess Natalie made of the residence and are all, "Wha-a-a-at happened?" Natalie bursts into the room, storms over to Beverly Ann, and bitchily demands her credit card so that she can buy a word processor over the phone...and an unfazed looking Beverly Ann opens her purse, pulls out the credit card, and hands it to her after deciding 'what the fuck do I care if Natalie gets herself into more financial trouble?' As Natalie dials up Looney Lou and proceeds to place her order, Tootie strongly urges her to reconsider blowing more money she doesn't have on a computer system she doesn't need...and an irritable Natalie reacts by snappishly telling her to shut her pie-hole. As everyone quietly exchanges looks with solemn 'Natalie's stepped over the line this time' expressions, Natalie suddenly looks suitably sheepish, hangs up the phone, and apologizes to Tootie for her cunty outburst. Tootie assures her she's not offended enough to not be willing to hug it out...and Natalie proceeds to apologize to the rest of the cast for making a mess of the living room and promises to clean it up. She then picks up a pair of scissors and cuts her credit card into pieces...then is informed that since everyone else has broken their New Year's resolutions, she's the grand prize winner of the $100 pot. Natalie happily says that while she should probably do the responsible thing and use it to help pay off her credit card debt, she'd much rather take them all out and nonsensically blow the windfall on a nice dinner. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Blair enters the living room, donning a helmet and a football jersey with padding underneath, and explains to the others that Jo has talked her into playing field hockey in order to fulfill Langley's phys. ed. requirement (which really sounds more like a requirement at the high school level, but whatever). Natalie, meanwhile, happily announces her plans for the day: she has a meeting with an editor at The Peekskill Press to get a freelance writing assignment and hopes the headline ends up being something super-juicy like Illicit Sex in Peekskill...and then is meeting up with Tootie, who's taking her out to dinner to celebrate the [soft] launch of her journalism career. Tootie arrives home with her new gal pal and - fingers crossed! - future sorority sister, who's played by a very young Penelope Ann Miller. Tootie excited announces that she's decided to rush the Gamma Gamma Mu sorority, but isn't yet sure if she's going to move into the sorority house...and Andy (who the producers somehow haven't yet axed as a semi-regular Facts cast member) saucily offers to take Tootie's place in the sorority house if she opts to continue living in the Over Our Heads building. Tootie urges Natalie and Penelope Ann Miller to seat themselves with her in the living room so they can get to know each other better, and Natalie explains that she's delaying entering college in order to spend time "experiencing life". Tootie chucklingly tells Penelope Ann Miller about how Natalie has worked every shitty, lowly job imaginable, and a grinning Natalie adds that she considers herself "a Renaissance woman of the minimum wage". An unimpressed looking Penelope Ann Miller asks her how on earth she finds the time to write, and Natalie's like, "I manage", and says that later she has a meeting with an editor from The Peekskill Press. Penelope Ann Miller informs Tootie about how one of her boyfriend's friends is interested in her, and Tootie's all, "Wheee! He's the finest guy on campus!" ... and the two cackle about possibly double dating. Tootie then hastily tries to include Natalie and her off-camera fella (Snake) to make it a triple date, and Penelope Ann Miller reacts to the prospect of spending time with anyone named Snake by scrunching her face in an ew, not interested expression before reminding Tootie about tonight's big rush party. Natalie's all, "Uh, don't we have dinner plans tonight?", to which Penelope Ann Miller replies that it's fairly vital for Tootie to be at the rush party if she has a hope in hell of impressing the Gamma Gamma Mu decision makers. Tootie excitedly invites her new friend to scamper upstairs with her so she can help her accessorize tonight's outfit. Later, Tootie is dressed up in her shoulder-padded '80s best and nervously tells Beverly Ann that she has to dress to impress 'cause the sorority gals like to scrutinize every little thing. Beverly Ann feigns as much as interest in her outfit as she possibly can and assures her that she looks fantastic. Jo aids a hobbling Blair into the house after their field hockey game, and Blair explains that she got injured when Jo accidentally hit her ankle with her field hockey stick. Jo assures her that since no bones were broken in the incident, the only thing she needs to do is keep the leg elevated. Blair decides 'why not milk my faux injury for as long as possible?' and asks Jo to fetch her her pillow and bathrobe so that she can lazily languish on the couch for the rest of the episode. Natalie excitedly announces her writing assignment for The Peekskill Press: the inside story of Rush Week at Langley College. Tootie says that that sounds fab, then rushes off after she hears Penelope Ann Miller honking from her car. Natalie grumbles to Beverly Ann about being brushed off by Tootie, who she was hoping would agree to take notes about her sorority rushing experience, and Beverly Ann's all 'I couldn't possibly give less of a shit about this contrived conundrum' and breezily assures Natalie that, whether or not Tootie supplies her with notes, she's sure she'll end up writing a wonderful puff piece for the local paper. [And if not, she has even less of a shit to give.] At the rush party, a group of particularly perky sorority sisters are mindlessly singing what I'll assume is their theme song: "We're Gamma Gamma Mu. Ooh ooh ooh!" Penelope Ann Miller tells Tootie she's sure that this sorority is the place for her, and Tootie says she's just thrilled that she's being considered a prospective member. Penelope Ann Miller looks openly amused by her modesty, then introduces her to two snooty looking sorority sisters, one of whom remarks that she remembers seeing Tootie perform in a recent campus play. Natalie slips into the sorority house, "disguised" in a grisly mulleted, straw-colored wig, glasses, and an unsightly blue sack dress. As she clutches her pen and notepad to take notes in the most non-covert way possible, a brainless sorority sister named Becky rushes over to chirp hello...and Natalie introduces herself as Natasha and is handed a name tag. Natalie meets a prospective sorority sister named Debbie and peppers her with questions about why she wants to join this wretched looking girl club. Debbie dishes about how much she loooooves the fact that Gamma Gamma Mu does charity work at the local children's hospital...though it's is mostly a cover for them to scope out the hottest male interns to party with. Natalie overhears the two snooty sorority sisters from earlier discuss the kind of gals they like to accept into their little club, then chuckle about rejecting them by with the cryptic NOTD acronym. Natalie promptly asks Debbie what NOTD means, so she explains that it's an acronym for Not Our Type, Dear. Meow. Natalie hastily jots that down in her notepad while faux assuring Debbie that there's nothing at all suspicious about her writing everything down that she's seeing and hearing, and pretends that her notebook is little more than a shopping list. Tootie recognizes Natalie despite the grisly wig and is all, "The fuck?", so Natalie explains that she sneaked into the party for the purpose of getting dirt on Rush Week for her article...and that she tried to enlist her help before being dickishly brushed off when Penelope Ann Miller arrived to pick her up. A few seconds later, Penelope Ann Miller saunters over, asks Natalie what she's doing with that notepad...then grabs it and angrily accuses her of wanting to do a hatchet job on Gamma Gamma Mu. Tootie promises to sort out the situation, and a miffed Penelope Ann Miller says, "I hope so" before wandering off. Tootie tells Natalie that getting into Gamma Gamma Mu is very important to her, and worries that if she pens a negative article about it'll impede her chances of acceptance. Natalie argues that she really really wants to do a good job on this article, and is mystified that she actually wants to be part of this brand of ooh ooh ooh vapidity. Tootie insists that there's more to the gals than the few brain cells it looks like they're sharing, and that she really wants to enhance her college experience with "a feeling of belonging and sharing". Natalie grumbles that she thought she had that at home and storms off - just as Tootie is informed that the candle-lit ceremony is about to begin. Jo helps Blair hobble down the stairs as Blair mutters how much she haaaaates the ongoing feud between Tootie and Natalie. She says she wants them to settle their differences pronto, but Jo says she gives far less of a rat's ass about the current conflict and urges her to stay out of their friends' bidness. Natalie brings her typewriter downstairs to the living room, muttering her displeasure about Tootie's new friendship with Penelope Ann Miller. She then asks Blair if she wouldn't mind proofreading her article when she finishes tapping it out...and Blair says she'd be happy to, and a few seconds later also agrees to loan Tootie a pair of her pearl earrings for tonight's sorority event. When Natalie and Tootie object to Blair's equitable helpfulness and start bitching at each other, Blair and Jo order them to work out their differences, like pronto. The two agree, quickly declare a truce, and head back upstairs. Blair is still pretending to be disabled as she lays on the couch and proofreads Natalie's article. When Penelope Ann Miller arrives to pick up Tootie, Blair heads to the door to answer - but then races back to the couch when she hears Jo about to enter the room. Blair asks Penelope Ann Miller if she wouldn't mind fluffing her pillows for her, and Penelope Ann Miller obliges...and while she's fluffing, notices Natalie's article sitting on the nearby table. She grabs it, somehow slips it into her purse without being detected...and when Tootie enters the living room, the two rush off to the sorority house. Natalie asks Blair how the proofreading is going, and Blair suddenly realizes that the manuscript is gone. She says it disappeared around the time Penelope Ann Miller arrived to pick up Tootie, and Natalie says she can only assume that Tootie colluded with Penelope Ann Miller to steal it, and vows to get it back. Natalie storms over to the sorority house and makes a beeline over to where Tootie and Penelope Ann Miller are chatting. She rails at Tootie for not honoring their truce, but Tootie denies knowing anything about the missing article, as does Penelope Ann Miller. Natalie snarls that she's definitely not buying that load of bullcack and sassily threatens where she'd like to stick Penelope Ann Miller's sorority pin. She says she'll leave once she gets her article back, but Penelope Ann Miller curtly orders her to just leave...which she does when it's painfully clear that Tootie is siding with her new friend. Tootie apologizes to Penelope Ann Miller about Natalie's wild accusations - just as Penelope Ann Miller pulls the article out of her purse and chucklingly hands it to her. A dismayed Tootie's all, "Wha-a-at did you dooooo?!" and Penelope Ann Miller looks proud of her theft and reminds Tootie that she should be A-OK with it 'cause they're about to be sisters. Tootie's all, "Nuh uh", and takes off the little sorority heart necklace she was given to wear and dumps it in Penelope Ann Miller's drink before storming out in protest. Tootie returns home and informs Natalie that she now knows it was, in fact, Penelope Ann Miller who stole her article. She hands it back to her and assures her she'd never do such a heinous thing - but then accuses Natalie of being jealous of the new friends in her life. Beverly Ann suddenly blurts out, "Harriet!" ... and when everyone stares over at her confusedly, she explains that she once had a girlhood friend named Harriet - a friendship she's comparing to Tootie's/Natalie's - from whom she went separate ways after high school and, sadly, never saw again. A sheepishly looking Tootie and Natalie apologize to each other, agree to make time for one another from this moment forth, and scamper off to enjoy their belated celebratory dinner. Blair asks Beverly Ann if there really was a Harriet, and Beverly Ann coyly asks, "What do you think?" and heads upstairs. Blair then wanders around the living room - just as Jo returns home and correctly assumes that Blair has been faking her leg injury all episode. Blair blurts out, "Hallelujah! I'm heeeealed!", then races up the stairs with Jo in close pursuit - I assume to punish her for her naughty deceit. And that's all I'm going to say 'bout that. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: It's a dark, stormy night - with sinister music tinkling in the background - when Beverly Ann wakes up in her sofa chair. She calls out to the Facts gals...and when there's no answer, she calls George Clooney to tell him that the foursome isn't yet back from the movies, and that she's worried they may have gotten caught in the storm. He agrees to head over to the movie theater to check on them...and after Beverly Ann exits the living room to make herself a cup of cocoa, the camera pans over to a Rod Serling look-a-like to ponder the notion of whether or not Beverly Ann is actually awake, then warns that this episode is about to become a really lame Twilight Zone parody [I truly could have done without having to watch and then recap]. The Facts gals return home and explain to Beverly Ann that it took them longer than expected to drive through the flooded streets. They add that they saw a horror flick about a chainsaw killer, and Tootie says she's still pretty rattled about the heinous acts of the fictional serial killer they just watched commit gruesome atrocities on the big screen. She then declares that she's going to stay awake all night 'cause she's far too frightened to let herself fall asleep. Later, in the communal bedroom, Tootie keeps the other gals awake by panicking over every little noise. They breezily assure her she's just imagining things - until they hear a loud shriek. A few seconds later, Beverly Ann bursts into the room to stammeringly inform them that Andy is dead...and when they rush downstairs to the store, they see that the imp died from a ridiculously implausible accident. The camera then pans back to the Rod Serling look-a-like, who babbles incoherently about the grisly discovery, and cackles about how much fun it is for him to enunciate Toootie. Natalie wonders aloud if perhaps Andy was murdered, while Beverly Ann that decides she should probably call the police - but is prevented from doing so when she realizes that the phone has no dial tone. Natalie deduces that a murdering madman must have gone outside to cut the phone lines after murdering Andy, and gasps when she sees that Beverly Ann is wearing a pair of muddy boots. Beverly Ann explains that she put her muddy boots on 'cause she was planning on driving Andy home - just as Tootie panics over ominous sounding footsteps approaching the store and cries, "We are in trooooouble!" as the Facts gals huddle together. The four breathe a sigh of relief when they realize that the footsteps belong to George Clooney, who's decked out in a raincoat and hat and merely dropped by to see if the Facts gals made it home from the movies OK. They tell him about Andy's demise and that he may have been slain by a murderous madman who could still be lurking inside the house. George searches the upstairs rooms, assures everyone that there's no sign of any murderous madman, then offers to alert the police about Andy's demise. After the Facts gals separate, George returns to retrieve his keys, talks to whoever's standing behind the camera, then says he can tell by the ominous music tinkling in the background that he's about to be murdered. He cries, "Nooooooo!" as the scene fades to black. Consider yourself liberated, George. Later, Beverly Ann brings out a tray a cocoa for the Facts gals, who are waiting for George to return with the police. They're mystified when a bowling ball suddenly rolls out of the closet...and when they investigate, they find a dead George hanging on the inside of the closet door (though it's really just his raincoat and hat that's somehow supposed to simulate his corpse). A few seconds later, a pair of fuzzy dice rolls down the stairs...and when the lights abruptly go out, the unseen killer strangles Natalie with the dice, leaving the rest of the Facts gals to discover her corpse when the lights come back on less than a minute later. Blair offers to go upstairs and get her cell phone so that they can finally summon the police, and Tootie shrieks, "We're all going to die!" while fearfully clutching onto Beverly Ann. Beverly Ann points out what's troublingly obvious: the killer must have thrown the fuzzy dice down the stairs, which means that he/she is still upstairs. Where Blair is! The remaining survivors rush up to the communal bedroom to check on their friend, and find her rigidly dead after what appears to be murder by electrocution (as is evidenced by her ginormous hairdo), as she sits grimacing in her makeup chair holding a mirror. After the Rod Serling look-a-like recaps the nonsense that's occurred so far [in this insanity-riddled excuse of a TV show that should have pulled the plug in Season 4], Beverly Ann points out to Jo and Tootie that since the doors and windows have all been locked all night, the killer has to be one of them. She wonders how the demented foe might strike next - just before she keels over after drinking a poisoned cup of cocoa. Jo and Tootie immediately suspect the other of being the murderer...and when Tootie announces that she's going to head over to the police station on foot, Jo chases after her - but then only to barricade the door after her, which seemed like a weird turnabout. Tootie returns to the store - seemingly without having alerted authorities to the multiple homicides that have just occurred in her home - clutching a garbage can lid for protection. She finds a deceased Jo collapsed on the floor with an inflatable frog atop her, and questions whether she herself committed the murders, perhaps as a result of a multiple personality disorder she didn't know she had. Blair suddenly pops up from behind the counter - her hair looking even more ginormous than before and with a demonic look on her face - and reveals to Tootie that she merely wanted everyone to think she was dead so that she could carry out her evil [and fiscally nonsensical] plot to rid the world of anyone who falls under the 50% tax bracket. As she advances on Tootie, Beverly Ann suddenly wakes from the nightmare - just as the Facts gals return from the movies during the thunderstorm. She laughingly tells them she just had a dream that Blair was murdering them one by one 'cause of their lack of wealth...and as everyone chortles over the lame silliness of that kind of fuckwitted sitcom writing, Tootie opens the back door when she hears footsteps and is confronted by a demented killer wearing a pig mask and holding a chainsaw. She promptly wakes up from her nightmare, and rambles incoherently while the Rod Serling look-a-like holds the fuzzy dice and natters about the cleverness of the Facts writers' dream within a dream "plot twist". OMFG. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: George Clooney is helping Beverly Ann move her new piano to various places in the living room - until she finally agrees to position it adjacent to the staircase. She then asks an exhausted looking George to help her bring in some sheet music from the garage, and he looks relieved at the comparative ease of that task. Blair brings in the mail and tells Natalie she got a response to the submission she made to the magazine Desperate Confessions, and Natalie squeals excitedly and tells Tootie she hopes hopes hopes it's good news. Tootie assures her that it can only be good news - otherwise the envelop would be a whole lot thicker 'cause a rejection response would have contained her returned manuscript. Natalie decides to buy into that logic and excitedly rips open the letter - but is quickly deflated when she learns that her story - titled 'Barbara's Downbeat Summer' - was rejected...and that, as a consolation prize, the editors sent her a copy of the magazine's latest issue. Jo says that perhaps the downbeatness of the title was unappealing to the editors, while Tootie suggests that maybe her writing style isn't what they're looking for. Blair, meanwhile, is flipping through Natalie's complimentary issue of Desperate Confessions and reads a piece written by an author named Desiree and tells her it's just as well her story didn't get published, given what a ridiculously lame publication it appears to be. She then hands the magazine to Tootie, who reads aloud from Desiree's cheeseball story, and Natalie suddenly looks alarmed and blurts out, "That's my story. With the names and places changed!" Blair wonders aloud why anyone would want to rip off something so shittastic - LOL - then urges Natalie to sue the magazine for plagiarism. George Clooney gets in on that action and offers to introduce her to a lawyer friend who might be willing to help out with the lawsuit. George's lawyer friend Jack compares the published story with Natalie's manuscript and concludes that, yep, it's definitely a clear case of plagiarism. When he asks if anything different or suspicious has happened in her life lately, Natalie says the only major life change is that Beverly Ann moved in and became their new housemother [despite the four of them being fully grown women]. She marches over to Beverly Ann, who's sitting in front of her new piano, and accusingly asks her if she's ever had a desire to publish anything under the pen name Desiree...and an insulted looking Beverly Ann refuses to answer before haughtily high-tailing it out of the room. Natalie then glares in Tootie's direction and remarks on how jealous the other Facts gals are of her literary prowess, and Tootie dryly assures her that they can safely be taken off of her suspect list. Blair enters the room and coquettishly says she loooooves the combination of aftershave and a monogrammed briefcase, so George promptly introduces her to Jack, who apparently does legal work whenever he's not busy with his menial job of hanging doors. Blair makes an ew face at being in the same room with a door hanger and makes it clear to George that she's unimpressed with Jack's low earning potential. Natalie announces that she's definitely moving forward with the lawsuit, and Jack concurs that she has a pretty good case. Jo needlessly weighs in and says that she much prefers the direct approach: find the guilty person and beat a confession out of him/her. Natalie continues to scratch her head in puzzlement about how/where the manuscript could possibly have been stolen, then recalls that she gave it to Andy to make copies. She asks him if he gave her back all of the copies, and he suddenly looks nervous, rambles incoherently, and asks what she means by all. He then insists he knows nothing about any manuscript theft and beats a hasty retreat...and Natalie tells the other Facts gals that she's going to call his parents and rat him out for stealing her work. Natalie tells Beverly Ann and the other Facts gals that she can't seem to reach Andy's parents, and Beverly Ann says she just remembered that they're currently in Europe and that Andy's been staying with his grandmother. Jo insists that Andy's a good kid, while Tootie questions what they really know about the cheeky imp. Beverly Ann concurs that they don't know a whole lot...but then launches into a story about how Edna stole her award winning apple pie recipe when they were kids, but that she turned out fine. She firmly adds, "And so will Andy", and the Facts gals all seem to agree with that sentiment. Andy later drops by with his grandmother, Polly, who says she heard about the manuscript theft and is here to insist that Andy is an honest boy. Jo points out that Natalie got ripped off and gets the distinct impression that Andy knows something 'bout that...and Beverly Ann hastily interjects and suggests that she and Polly talk this out, guardian-to-guardian. Polly agrees, and stupidly mentions that while her name is Polly, she's an aspiring writer who sometimes goes by the pen name Desiree. &^%$!! In the next scene, Polly admits to reading Natalie's manuscript, and then reworking and renaming it before submitting it to Desperate Confessions and getting a $500 payment out of it. An incensed Natalie informs her she's suing her for plagiarism, and an unfazed Polly tells Andy they're outa here to figure out how to spend her $500 windfall. George Clooney helps Natalie organize the papers of her manuscript for the impending lawsuit, then heads off and assures her he'll guard them with his life. Natalie declares Polly a plagiarist - but Blair argues that she's just a little old lady who deserves their pity. Beverly Ann points out that people shouldn't get away with crimes just 'cause they're old, while Tootie says it's wrong to sue one's neighbors. Jo urges Natalie to reconsider her lawsuit, given that the defendant is Andy's grandmother - prompting an incredulous Natalie asks if they're all deserting her in her quest for justice. Blair's like, "Well, kinda" and asks what harm Polly really did, and Natalie angrily says that she poured out her emotions into 'Barbara's Downbeat Summer' - only to have Polly steal it, rename some stuff, and sell it as though it were her original work. Blair rethinks her stance on the matter and urges her to sue and squeeze all the money she can out of the old lady, while Jo remains staunchly in favor of letting Polly get away with her brazen act of plagiarism. Andy drops by to tell Natalie and Beverly Ann that Polly is willing to sit down together and discuss The Case of the Plagiarized Story, then apologizes for the debacle and explains that he merely showed his grandmother a copy of Natalie's manuscript in an effort to cheer her up about how, like her, Natalie can't seem to get her written work published. Natalie agrees to talk to Polly on the assumption that she's going to admit being a thief and hand over the $500...and Beverly Ann urges her to take her 'tude down a notch and calmly have an open mind about what the old woman has to say. Natalie suddenly realizes that she's not under control and urges Beverly Ann to come along for the sit-down to make sure that she doesn't completely lose her shit. The two arrive at Polly's house, which is stuffed to the gills with weird knick-knacks and everything her family has ever owned. As Beverly Ann admires the collection of miniatures spread out on the dining table, Polly snappishly tells her not to touch them and explains that she spent a very loooong time organizing them so that they're just so. She then turns her attention to Natalie and says it's unfortunate that this whole "plagiarism" incident occurred, and Natalie agrees and says she's ready to listen. Polly then starts rambling nonsensically, insisting that the story she submitted to Desperate Confessions is really her original writing, and Natalie angrily says that if this is the story she's sticking to, she has no problem suing her. Beverly Ann tries to get Polly to admit that she ripped off Natalie - but Natalie stops her and says she's suddenly horrified by the kind of suspicious and paranoid person she's turned into this episode, and is no longer interested in pursuing a lawsuit. She smugly tells Polly she knows that she's in the right, doesn't feel she has to prove it...and that when she's finally published, she'll have the satisfaction of knowing it's her original work. As she heads for the door, Beverly Ann follows her - but first takes a moment to haphazardly rearrange Polly's carefully arranged miniatures. LOL. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! |
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