Recap: The Facts gang arrives in Sydney, Australia...and when they exit the airport terminal with a mountain of luggage (which I'll assume mostly belongs to Blair), they anxiously look around for their ride. An exhausted Blair says she'd prefer to call a limo, and Andy decides to take control of the situation by approaching a random man wandering towards the airport entrance to ask him if he could be of assistance...and naturally the man replies back in intelligible Aussie-speak while looking oblivious to Andy's confused expression before continuing on his way. A few seconds later, a shuttle bus pulls up, and a group of young women rush over to the Facts gang, apologize for being late, and introduce themselves as the delegation from the Koolunga School, aka Eastland's Australian sister school. The leader of the group, Carrie Carstairs, remarks on how they all look too old (save for Andy) to be Eastland students [or to still be living with a housemother], so the Facts gang explains that even though they all graduated from high school many years ago, someone thought it made sense to finance a trip for all of them to fly across the globe just so that Natalie can deliver a short speech at a high school assembly as an Eastland alum. Carrie introduces them to each member of the Koolunga School delegation, then urges everyone to climb aboard the shuttle bus 'cause they have a ferry to catch.
While en route to the ferry station, Carrie tells the Facts gang about all the fun activities they can enjoy while in Australia, then points out that they're driving by Bondi Beach when the shuttle drives past. Blair cranes her neck in various directions...and when Jo snarlingly asks her what the hell she's doing, she explains that she's looking for jewelry shops. Andy, meanwhile, chats up one of the Koolunga students, Jane Willis, and she reacts by telling him to take it easy with the flirtitude 'cause he literally just stepped foot in her country a few minutes ago.
The shuttle bus pulls up to the Kirribilli Ferry Station, and Carrie urges everyone to sprint across the street 'cause the ferry's about to depart. The gang awkwardly hurries while clutching their large suitcases as they race toward the boat, causing Beverly Ann to spill the contents of one of her suitcases all over the ground...and it remains unclear why they couldn't just wait for the next ferry, assuming the thing runs at least every hour. Once they're on board, Tootie gushes to Natalie about how super excited she is to discover this new land, and Natalie hammily says she's already discovered all that matters about Australia, aka the country that produced Mel Gibson - who, I'll grant her, was extremely dreamy in his pre-nutty '80s heyday.
Andy continues to chat it up with Jane Willis, and she looks as though she's deciding whether or not she can withstand any more of his incessant nattering.
Blair and Jo spot the very distinctive Sydney Opera House and remark on its awesomeness...and a ferry rider who's eavesdropping on their conversation weighs in with his thoughts on the expensive-to-build landmark, then introduces himself as Inspector Kevin Colton. He says he hails from a family that's lived in Australia for many decades...which, considering the country's history, could very well mean that his ancestors were thieves or cutthroats. He then gazes toward the ferry station they're rapidly approaching and tells the gals that awaiting him are three thugs, one of whom is Nick Aintree, an infamous jewel thief. He says they've never gotten the goods to arrest Aintree until now, then holds up a packet and says it contains a tape recorder with evidence of Aintree's crimes. He grimly remarks, "That trio could make it a bit dodgy" and says he figured he'd be "greeted" by Aintree and his minions at the ferry station to steal the recording device. Jo asks if they can help him in any way, and he's like, "Oh no, I'd never involve civilians in an active police operation - hmm...or would I?", and asks if they'd like to work undercover for a few hours. Blair perks up at the prospect of being pulled into an inane caper while on holiday, so Kevin slips his packet into Jo's bag while Blair gives him the address of their vacation house.
As the passengers exit the ferry, Kevin saunters over to the dodgy trio, while the camera pans over to the Facts gals as they struggle with all their luggage to cross a long bridge (!) and a mountain of stone steps to reach their vacation house.
As the Facts gang gets settled into their new digs, Blair pulls Jo into a private room and asks her if they should tell the others about the jewel thief caper Kevin Colton just roped them into, then blushingly admits that she's kinda hot for Kevin and rather likes the fact that he comes from a well established Australian family.
That evening, the Facts gang heads to an outdoor buffet place where everyone cooks their own steaks...and as Blair and Jo are grilling their meat, Nick Aintree wanders over to Jo and asks, "Mind if I put another shrimp on the barbie?" Jo asks him if Aussies actually utter that stereotypical Crocodile Dundee-inspired catchphrase during the course of regular conversation, and he jokes about how he heard it "on the telly". Natalie assumes that Nick is nothing more than a cute guy who randomly decided to flirt with Jo and blurts out the address of their vacation house so that he can court her properly, and this prompts Jo and Blair to exchange worried glances.
At bedtime, Tootie tells Natalie that she's soooooo excited about them flying to the Outback tomorrow for a brief getaway, while Natalie's just like 'meh' about the upcoming trip and bids goodnight to her Mel Gibson poster.
Jo keeps watch by the window, while Blair says that she also can't sleep 'cause she's worried that Nick Aintree will show up to steal Kevin's recording device. Jo tells her that she stashed it in an undisclosed hiding spot and won't share any further details with her for her own protection, and Blair points out that Nick really doesn't seem like "the cutthroat kind" and that it's obvious that she (Jo) is totes smitten with him.
At dawn, Nick Aintree skulks around the Facts gang's vacation house before he picks the lock of the front door and lets himself in. He enters the foyer and trips a wire that's attached to several suitcases, which come tumbling atop him and proceed to knock him unconscious. Jo and Blair hear the commotion and rush over, confirm that he's still breathing, and tie up his hands and feet before dragging him into their bedroom. They pull his wallet from his pocket and are all, "Ack!" when it contains a card identifying him as a police inspector...and they both stare quizzically at each other while wondering that if Nick Aintree is a cop, then who the hell is Kevin Colton?
After the commercial break, Jo spills to Blair that she hid Kevin's recording device at the bottom of Natalie's backpack without giving her any kind of head's up - a monumentally stupid decision, not least 'cause Natalie is currently en route to the Outback and has no idea that she's lugging around something of great importance to both law enforcement and a gang of criminals. When Nick finally regains consciousness, Jo's all 'what the fuck?' about him breaking into their house, so he weakly explains that when Natalie gave him their address he figured it was an open invitation to commit a break-in any time he wanted. He then tells them he's a police inspector and that his officers photographed the two of them departing the ferry with Kevin Colton, who he describes as "a slick jewel thief". He explains that he's on the hunt for a very large (and therefore very heavy), rare opal worth several hundred thousand dollars he's pretty sure Kevin stole...then warns that if he concludes that they were acting as Kevin's accomplices, he'd have no choice but to drag them through the country's infamous justice system. Jo tells him he's free to search the house for the opal, and Nick spends a few seconds poking around the bedroom, but then quickly deduces that if she's this willing to let him search the place, the opal is most likely not here.
Tootie and Natalie are on a plane en route to Ayers Rock, and Natalie remarks on how heavy her backpack suddenly seems - like it's filled with rocks! - but then just shrugs it off and refrains from spending the few seconds it would take to solve the mystery of how her bag became significantly heavier than it was a day ago.
While strolling around the city center, Blair makes a beeline over to a jewelry store to shop for opals, while Jo finds the nearest pay phone and leaves a message at Hotel Outback for Natalie to call her this evening 'cause she stupidly stashed something in her backpack that she desperately needs back. Unbeknownst to her, Kevin is eavesdropping on the call...and unbeknownst to Kevin, Nick is surveilling him as he eavesdrops on Jo. Oh what a tangled web this cop and jewel thief weave.
Tootie and Natalie arrive at Hotel Outback to check in, and the front desk clerk tells Natalie that she got a call from Jo to call her back later and that it's very very important.
Nick comes up behind Jo and Blair in the city center and is all, "Surprise!" as he hands each of them a rose, then explains that after he let himself into their vacation house (!), he learned from a day planner they left laying around that they'd be spending the morning shopping.
While ambling around a zoo, Andy tells Beverly Ann that he's been contemplating his future and has come to the random-seeming conclusion that he might like to become a sheep farmer. Beverly Ann's like, "What an unbelievable coincidence, 'cause I have an old friend named Roger who moved to Australia decades ago to run his family's sheep ranch." Andy perks up at that and asks her if 1) Roger was her boyfriend, and 2) she'd be willing to call him up after all these years so that he can learn all he can about sheep farming...and Beverly Ann confirms that 1) yes, Roger was once her beau, and 2) she's totes open to arranging a (possibly romantic) reunion.
Kevin invites Jo and Blair to join him for lunch...and they're like 'sure, why not have lunch with this alleged jewel thief who broke into our house?', and the three seat themselves on the patio of an outdoor restaurant. Kevin explains to the gals that he broke into their house earlier to search for his recording device but couldn't find it, and Blair glares at him suspiciously and points out that if he were really a police inspector he could arrest them for withholding evidence. Jo informs him that Nick Aintree, who also claims to be a police inspector, warned them about him being the criminal, and Kevin chuckles nervously at that and says that if "Inspector Aintree" were to get possession of his recording device he'd promptly disappear somewhere within his criminal organization. He orders the gals to return his recording device, otherwise he'll be forced to arrest them for co-conspiring with a known jewel thief. A few seconds later, Nick Aintree wanders over to their table and invites himself to join them for lunch, and an unfazed looking Kevin smarmily toasts the loveliness of Jo and Blair, who stare confusedly into space as they wonder which of the two men is the police inspector and which is the jewel thief...despite, one can only assume, it being a fairly simple matter for a legitimate police inspector to prove his credentials beyond simply flashing an ID badge.
While en route to Roger's sheep ranch town via train, Beverly Ann tells Andy that when she called Roger to say hey, he had been so delighted to hear from her that he invited them to drop by his farm pronto and also stay for dinner. She stares dreamily into space and wonders aloud what he looks like after all these years...and as soon as the train pulls into the station, Roger awaits them on the platform, looking pretty good for a guy who was Beverly Ann's ex-flame decades ago. He gives her a big hug and kiss, and says g'day to Andy and that he'd be more than happy to teach him everything he can about sheep farming.
While en route to the ranch, Andy peppers Roger with questions about sheep farming, and Roger tells him he runs the ranch with just the help of Willie and Tom. Andy offers to shut up and save his many questions for Willie and Tom, but Roger chuckles and says that that might not work out so well, given that they're his sheep-herding dogs. Hee!
Out in the Outback, Natalie says she just wants to take photos of Ayers Rock, while Tootie says she'd like to actually explore the famous sandstone formation...and so the two go their separate ways.
As Roger pulls up to his ranch house, he gives Beverly Ann and Andy a heads up that his "lovely Gwen" is eagerly awaiting their arrival...and Beverly Ann's all, "Huh? Gwen?", but is soon relieved when she learns that Gwen is Roger's grown daughter.
Jo suggests to Blair that they could always drop in at police headquarters to learn which of their two lunch dates is the actual cop [a solid idea], but then decide they'd much rather spend the afternoon at the Aquarium [also a solid idea]. Kevin's like, "Hey - sounds like fun!" and invites himself along, citing the smittenness that's clearly raging between him and Blair. As Blair blushingly gushes about what a cool idea that is, Nick invites himself to tag along as Jo's date.
Over in Ayers Rock, an elderly Indigenous man hands a large, hand-carved flute type instrument to David Johnson, a doctorate professor from Yale who's in Australia on some kind of academic sabbatical. David then wanders over to a more private part of the Rock, takes off his dress shirt, and blows into the giant flute - just as Tootie happens to hike by. She hears his flute noises, waves up at him, and asks him if he speaks English...and if so, could he direct her to the Cave of Women? When David mutely nods yes in response to both questions, Tootie marvels at his leisurely enjoyment of life as he sits alone on a rock and plays his flute, then wistfully remarks, "If only we in the west could approach life in that carefree way." If only we could, Tootie. If only we could.
Natalie is photographing Ayers Rock, along with a group of other tourists, when she asks a cute Aussie standing next to her (Ren Calley) if he wouldn't mind snapping her picture with the Rock in the background. He indulges her, then gets drawn into some friendly chit-chat about how he and his family run a cattle station (2,000 square miles in size) nearby. Natalie saucily tells him she's always wondered what a cattle station in the Outback looks like, and Ren takes the bait and invites her to come along on his routine check of the station to see how the cows are doing.
Kevin and Nick escort Blair and Jo home so they can 1) change outfits for their night out at the Opera House, and 2) continue to stupidly wonder which of them is the cop and which is the jewel thief. As Blair tries to decide on what to wear, Jo quips, "Don't wear any jewelry" - heh - and says she's staring to wonder if both Kevin and Nick could be jewel thieves. She then phones Hotel Outback in an attempt to get in touch with Natalie to warn her about the very important thing she so stupidly hid in her backpack, but Tootie answers and tells her that Natalie is currently ambling around Ayers Rock, and that she has her backpack with her.
Blair glances through a telescope and notices that there are two shady looking men watching their house. She informs Jo, and the two scratch their heads confusedly, wondering if the blokes are somehow connected to the now tedious jewel theft caper they've gotten themselves roped into in this made-for-TV dreck.
While en route to the cattle station in a lumbering old truck, Natalie spots a kangaroo and excitedly lunges towards the window while an annoyed looking Ren manages to not lose control of the steering wheel. A few seconds later, the truck comes to a quiet stop, and Ren gets out and looks under the hood and declares the engine dead until further notice. He promptly starts collecting firewood 'cause there's no gettin' around the reality that they're pretty much stranded here until morning...or whenever his father notices him missing and decides to start looking for him. Natalie's all, "Ack!" and says she has to be in Sydney tomorrow to deliver a speech to the Koolunga youth - but Ren doesn't seem to give too much of a shit about that and warns her about the dingos that roam these parts, and advises her to get comfortable before darkness falls.
Andy is watching Roger herd his sheep, then hangs out with Willie and Tom so that Roger and Beverly Ann can have some private time to take a trip down memory lane.
Natalie gamely helps Ren collect firewood and seems far less stressed than she was in her previous scene.
Roger tells Beverly Ann that he lost his wife to a deadly illness, and that he often wondered what might have been had they hooked up, decades ago. The two reminisce about their romance of yore before engaging in the most amorous kissing action Beverly Ann has ever gotten in any standard Facts episode.
Andy calls Jane to tell her he's thinking of becoming a sheep farmer, and she's like, "Um, OK..? Thanks for sharing."
After exiting the Opera House, Jo accuses Nick of only going out with her 'cause he's hoping she can lead him to the missing opal, while Kevin tells Blair that his superiors are getting impatient about him retrieving his recording device.
Out in the Outback, Ren gives Natalie his jacket for warmth as the two sit by the fire. When Natalie says she's starving 'cause she missed dinner, he holds up a boomerang and offers to use it to slay a kangaroo and then cook it over the open fire. Natalie declines that offer and tells him she'd rather eat the fig bars in her backpack...and when she digs around inside of it, she pulls out a packet that contains the giant opal rock (presumably the one Nick Aintree has been searching for) and assumes that Jo and/or Blair put it inside her bag to weigh it down as some kind of unfunny practical joke.
The following morning, Roger is schooling Andy on the basics of sheep farming while gazing lovingly across the distance at Beverly Ann as she ambles about.
Natalie is asleep in Ren's truck when she's awakened by the sensation of a camel nibbling her toes. As she rushes out of the truck in a panic, she runs into Ren, who holds up a dead rabbit and happily reports that breakfast will soon be served.
Beverly Ann and Roger continue to reminisce about their past romance, yada yada, when Gwen summons them for breakfast by ringing a large bell. She then carries a huge platter of food to the patio table...and, once Roger is out of earshot, tells Beverly Ann that she's clearly "a good tonic" for her lonely widower father.
In the Outback, Tootie is floating around on a raft with David while the two study rock paintings. When she learns that he has plans to fly to Sydney later, she offers to give him tips on how to survive in an urban environment. She then decides it's finally time for them to formally introduce themselves, so he tells her that his name is David...and she scrunches her face confusedly 'cause David doesn't seem at all like something an Indigenous Australian tribesman would be named.
Back at the vacation house, Jo and Blair spot two shady looking men continuing to lurk nearby, so they decide to sneak out through the basement door. As they flee across the bridge that leads to the ferry station, the shady men spot them and race after them...and Blair continually grabs at Jo (!), and Jo reacts by continually pushing her away and snapping at her to stop fucking doing that. The two board the ferry just as it's about to depart, so the shady men continue their pursuit by jumping into a small motorized boat and zooming after them. When the ferry docks at the first stop, Blair suggests to Jo that they flee to the Opera House...and Jo's like 'sure, what could possibly go wrong with boxing ourselves in there?', so the the two race up the concrete steps leading to the Opera House, where Blair loses her shoes in the process, then run up a narrow stairwell and eventually find themselves trapped inside the small balcony that overlooks the main stage, where a choir is rehearsing. Oops.
Roger tells Beverly Ann that he'd really really like it if she gave up her life in America to move to Australia and live with him on his sheep ranch - but she tells him that after her divorce she's enjoying the complete freedom of not having to answer to a man. Roger assures her that she'd be happy with him 'cause he'd just let her do whatever she wants...and as she chews on that unwittingly sexist remark, Andy reminds her that they need to get back to Sydney if they're going to make it on time to the Koolunga School assembly.
While practicing boomerang throwing, Natalie tells Ren she has a speech in Sydney to deliver in a few hours and therefore really does need to return to civilization. Ren attempts to help by attaching a camel to his truck and thinking that that'll be, in any way, faster than travelling on foot - but his dumb idea becomes a moot point a few seconds later when his father arrives by chopper to speedily rescue them. Natalie's all, "Hurray!" as she grabs her backpack and asks Mr. Calley if he'd be so kind as to drop her off at the local airport, and Ren climbs into the chopper after her.
Tootie is in a cab with David, explaining to him what it's like to be in an urbanized environment amid technological inventions such as automobiles and telephones...and David manages to keep a straight face while pretending to be intrigued by the notion of a direct communication device with big numbers on it. LOL. When the cab driver drops him off at his destination, he's greeted by someone as Dr. Johnson...and when Tootie overhears him speaking perfect American-accented English, she storms out of the cab to ask whassup with him pretending to be a non-urbanized Indigenous man. He tells her that his name is David Johnson, and that he earned a PhD from Yale University...and played along with her assumption that he lives in the Outback and plays a hand-carved flute all day. He half-heartedly asks for her forgiveness and invites her out for tonight, and she mulls that over and decides she's A-OK hanging out with a man in front of whom she's made a total ass of herself for the past two days.
Jo and Blair remain trapped in the Opera House balcony...and when Jo tiptoes back to the sole exit, she can hear the shady men continuing to pound on the door and demanding to be let inside. When she confirms their ongoing predicament to Blair, Blair tells her she's in the process of formulating a brilliant escape plan.
Tootie arrives at the Koolunga School for the assembly and meets up with Beverly Ann and Andy. She tells them that Natalie is on her way after a delay in the Outback, but has no idea why Jo or Blair haven't yet made an appearance.
Jo starts begins playing the organ, which prompts the choir leader to halt the rehearsal and shine a light at them and demand to know whassup with them being up there. Blair fibs and says they're here to repair the organ and that the contractors are currently outside the balcony door, so the choir leader hastily summons security. In the ensuing chaos of the security guards confronting and subduing the shady men, Blair and Jo manage to slip out of the balcony and exit the Opera House...and Blair even manages to retrieve her lost shoes while fleeing to safety. Phew!
Kevin arrives at the Koolunga School assembly and skulks around while a band plays string instruments and the Facts gang in attendance wonders when the heck Natalie's going to arrive, 'cause she's about to be announced as the next speaker.
Andy tells Jane that he really thinks sheep farming is for him, and that it wouldn't be so lonely if he were to find someone to share it with, and she's like, "Thanks for sharing, and good luck with all that."
When the string instrument band wraps up their performance, a teacher announces their keynote speaker: Natalie Green from America! When nothing happens, she glances around the auditorium confusedly and introduces Natalie a couple more times...which oddly seems to do the trick, 'cause a few seconds later, Natalie arrives at the school by cab and races inside the building looking under-dressed and disheveled. She pretends to the audience that her hiking attire was a deliberate clothing choice to serve as a respectful salute to Australia's frontier, then holds up a boomerang as a non sequitur type 'show and tell' item, and then yammers about how her backpack was weighed down by what turned out to be a very heavy stone she was surprised to discover she'd been carrying around. Kevin perks up at that last thing and reacts by leaping on stage, grabbing her backpack, and fleeing the school with it. The Facts gang chases after him, as does everyone in attendance at the assembly...and Kevin is able to make it to the nearby beach and get into a waiting dinghy before motoring off. Natalie uses the boomerang throwing skills she acquired in the Outback to clock Kevin in the head...and while he's laying unconscious in the dinghy, a police boat - with Nick Aintree aboard - intercepts and recovers Natalie's backpack. As they move the operation onto shore, Nick empties the contents of the bag, which no longer contains the opal - but he decides it's still worth the trouble to arrest Kevin for theft of personal property.
At the after-assembly party, Jo and Blair ask Natalie what in blazes she did with the rock that was hidden in her knapsack, on account of it's the valuable opal around which much of this made-for-TV movie has been structured...and Natalie exclaims, "That was an opal?!", then tells them about her encounter with Ren and their subsequent rescue by chopper, and that she tossed the the heavy rock out of the chopper while they were flying somewhere over the vastness of the Outback. The Facts gals are all, "Hooooooly shit!", but then decide they have zero interest in pursuing the matter further 'cause, at this point, it's really mostly Nick's problem.
Andy asks Beverly Ann if she had been seriously tempted to take up Roger on his offer to share his life as a sheep farmer, but she tells him she had gotten turned off by his 'I'll let you do whatever you want' remark, and particularly didn't care for him using the word let. She adds that she also didn't want to abandon her happy life in Peekskill as his adoptive American mother and the superfluous housemother of four women in their mid-twenties.
The Facts gang mingles with the Koolunga students before deciding to take them up on a tour of Sydney. Tootie says she should prolly head back to the house to wait for David's call, then decides 'ah fuck it', not least 'cause she's still a tiny bit miffed about him pretending to be an Indigenous tribesman who had never seen a telephone.
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