The Facts of Life - Season 8, Episode 14

"I think I charged one too many zeroes on my new credit card."

"Post-Christmas Card"
Original airdate: 1/17/1987

Episode summary: Natalie gets a pre-approved credit card, then subsequently goes on a spending spree and gets herself into a stupid amount of debt.

---

Recap: Jo and Blair are taking down Christmas decorations while Jo visibly struggles to keep her New Year's resolution to refrain from directly insulting Blair. Natalie bounds downstairs in a loud yellow and blue sweater and asks everyone how she looks...then decides that, based on Jo's snarky retort, she needs to do a much better job of keeping her New Year's resolution to present a more professional image to the world. Beverly Ann urges Jo to be more careful while roughly tossing the Christmas decorations into the box and is about to launch into one of her long-winded stories - but then stops herself and says that since she, along with all the Facts gals, invested $20 in the pot to see who can keep their New Year's resolution the longest, she's going to do her best to keep her lips zipped so that she can claim the $100 prize.

Blair gets a call from Perry, who asks her out for tonight - but Tootie hastily reminds her of her New Year's resolution to not go out on dates during the week. Blair reminds Tootie of her New Year's resolution - to avoid meddling in the other Facts gals' lives - then tells Perry she can't make it tonight 'cause she has a date with a math book.

Andy arrives with the mail, which includes a letter to Natalie from her bank. She opens it and excitedly informs everyone that because of her long term residency in Peekskill and stable employment history - which is interesting, given that since graduating high school she's been showcased on Facts jumping from one dead-end job to another - they're giving her a pre-approved credit card with a $3,000 spending limit. Beverly Ann's all, "Wha-a-a?" and says she's newly miffed at her bank 'cause she's been turned down six times for a credit card - but then concedes that it's prolly 'cause she's a divorcée who has zero cash and has never worked a day in her life. Sounds like someone should have negotiated an actual divorce settlement after getting kicked to the curb by Frank.

"Despite my history of earning meagre salaries in various minimum wage paying jobs, the bank wants to give me a pre-approved credit card."

"What could possibly go wrong with that?"

A delighted Blair tells Natalie that the prospect of getting her first credit card must be a very emotional moment for her, while Tootie suggests she use the card to buy something to boost the professional new image she wants to put out there.

Natalie wanders around Over Our Heads in search of something professional looking to buy...somehow in lieu of shopping for image building items in a non-dollar-type store. She selects a pair of bunny ear muffs...but a disapproving Blair urges her to choose something more substantive and suggests she blow $50 on a fancy leather appointment book. Natalie's all, "Whoa! I could buy a car with that kind of money!" [dunno about that...though in 1987 I guess it's possible that $50 might have been the going rate for a badly used, pre-exploded Pinto]. Blair points out that the awesomest thing about blowing cash with a credit card is that she'll only have to pay a few dollars at the end of the month (to meet the minimum payment), then breezily adds that she'll also have to pay "a few dollars" in interest fees. Natalie decides 'why not overspend on an appointment book I don't need, along with the pair of bunny ear muffs?' and stupidly shrieks, "Charge it!"

Blair is on the phone, informing another of her admirers about her new 'No Dates During the Week' policy, and squeezes him in for a half hour mini-date on an upcoming Saturday. Jo, meanwhile, is laying on the couch listening to Blair's end of the exchange...and when Blair sassily does everything possible to get her to break her New Year's resolution and lob insults at her, Jo manages to not take the bait.

Natalie arrives home decked out in a frumpy grey '80s business suit with an orange scarf slung over one shoulder, and excitedly gabbles about how it's her new professional image. She tells the Facts gals that the saleslady wanked her about how the suit makes her look "crisp" ... and when Jo blurts out a snide retort, Natalie poutishly asks if she doesn't like the new her. Jo grunts, "The old you was fine", despite having made fun of her loud yellow and blue sweater at the beginning of the episode.

Tootie enters the room, is stunned by Natalie's new look, and asks her how much her new frumpwear set her back. When Blair warns that she's stepping into meddling territory (thereby breaking her New Year's resolution), Tootie backs off and says she's merely asking in case she wants to buy a frump suit of her own. Natalie proudly says she blew $300 on the shapeless ensemble, and an aghast Tootie's all, "The fuuuuuck?"

"I paid $300 for this unflattering garb."

"For that kind of money you could have bought six used Pintos!"

Natalie self-importantly announces that she scored a lunch meeting with a prominent publisher...then consults her $50 appointment book and adds that the meeting is set to take place in Manhattan. She then scribbles herself a note to buy an attaché case for the meeting by charging it, and Blair nods approvingly at her friend's glee at wanting to buy more stupid shit she can't afford. 

Blair listens to the answering machine, filled with messages from admirers who refer to her as "princess" and desperately want to take her out on dates during the week. She contorts her face in an expression of distress and moans, "This is toooooorture."

Natalie returns home from her lunch meeting loaded down with a ridiculous number of shopping bags and boxes after indulging in an uncontrollable New York spending spree. When she adds that she also picked up the tab at lunch 'cause she figured it would further boost her professional image, Tootie admonishes her for the idiotic way she's allowed herself to get carried away with her new credit limit. Blair concurs and tells Natalie she's lost her damn mind [a sentiment that maybe would have been more helpful just prior to the attaché case purchase] ... and when Natalie points out to Blair that she would have done the same, Blair reminds her that she's filthy rich. Beverly Ann's like, "Speaking of getting carried away" - but then mercifully stops herself from launching into one of her tediously long-winded stories.

Natalie is adding up the receipts from her shopping spree that tally to well over $1,000 -  which...in 1987 dollars, yikes. Blair points out that her monthly payments have just skyrocketed to $110 a month, and an appalled Tootie breaks her New Year's resolution to sassily order Natalie to return her purchases. Natalie sheepishly says she can't, on account of she bought most of it on sale, then half-heartedly assures the Facts gals that she'll somehow figure out a way to get herself out of debt. Beverly Ann throws in the towel on winning the New Year's Resolution Contest and tells the gals the sad tale of when her ex-husband agreed to stop smoking so that they could afford to go on holiday, and then went to Mexico without her...and in an effort to shut her up, Natalie hands her her credit card and orders her to keep hidden from her so that she's no longer tempted to overspend.

Jo answers the phone and takes a message for Blair...and when Blair enters the room a few seconds later, Jo smugly tells her she just got a call from the waiter of the restaurant where she was dining - on a week night, so busted! - with one of her admirers to tell her she left her notebook behind. As Blair breezily says that she and Perry merely got a bite together after studying together in the library, Jo unleashes a tirade of insults about her deviousness, resulting in her too breaking her New Year's resolution.

"You are soooo busted for breaking your New Year's resolution."

"Clearly this princess deserves to be sexily punished for her misdeeds."

Natalie declines an offer from Beverly Ann and the Facts gals to go to the movies, and says she's going to spend the evening tapping out a short story to sell so that she can start to dig herself out of debt. 

Later, Andy drops by to watch TV and eat snacks, and turns the channel to Shop Around the Clock - a show hosted by a self-identified lunatic named Looney Lou who sells crap to gullible people with credit cards. Natalie chuckles about the inventory 'o crap being peddled - until Looney Lou trots out a word processor. She perks up at the prospect of buying the computer system for the insanely low low price of $995 - but then remembers that Beverly Ann hid her credit card, and starts ransacking the place in an effort to find it. A wigged out Andy tells her she's out of control, then promptly packs up his snacks and beats a hasty retreat.

When Beverly Ann and the Facts gals return home, they take note of the mess Natalie made of the residence and are all, "Wha-a-a-at happened?" Natalie bursts into the room, storms over to Beverly Ann, and bitchily demands her credit card so that she can buy a word processor over the phone...and an unfazed looking Beverly Ann opens her purse, pulls out the credit card, and hands it to her after deciding 'what the fuck do I care if Natalie gets herself into more financial trouble?' As Natalie dials up Looney Lou and proceeds to place her order, Tootie strongly urges her to reconsider blowing more money she doesn't have on a computer system she doesn't need...and an irritable Natalie reacts by snappishly telling her to shut her pie-hole. As everyone quietly exchanges looks with solemn 'Natalie's stepped over the line this time' expressions, Natalie suddenly looks suitably sheepish, hangs up the phone, and apologizes to Tootie for her cunty outburst. Tootie assures her she's not offended enough to not be willing to hug it out...and Natalie proceeds to apologize to the rest of the cast for making a mess of the living room and promises to clean it up. She then picks up a pair of scissors and cuts her credit card into pieces...then is informed that since everyone else has broken their New Year's resolutions, she's the grand prize winner of the $100 pot. Natalie happily says that while she should probably do the responsible thing and use it to help pay off her credit card debt, she'd much rather take them all out and nonsensically blow the windfall on a nice dinner. 

Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!

---