Recap: Krystle is picking at her breakfast and looking pensively sad when Blake enters the room. He asks her if she's OK, and she grunts, "Yes" then falls silent. Blake gets irritated and accuses her of pretending to be asleep when he came to bed last night and says he also knows full well she didn't go jogging this morning - despite the pink sweatsuit she went through the trouble to put on. He grumbles that he has enough on his mind with Alexis and "that damn merger" and doesn't need her adding to his stress by giving him the silent treatment. Krystle tells him she's pissed off 'cause despite everything she's done to help him and Steven reconcile, he continues to act like a douchewad and refuses to compromise. Blake says he appreciates her help, but would prefer to deal with Steven in the same abominable way he's been dealing with him his entire life. Joseph interrupts their snarkfest to show Blake a copy of The Denver Chronicle, and the headline du jour: The Congressman and His Washington Lolita: Full story of their trysts! Blake shakes his head in dismay and mutters, "My God...I don't believe it." He shows the front page to Krystle, then orders Joseph to tell his driver to bring the car around. 

Jeff is in bed, spooning Kirby, smooching her neck, and gushing about how beautiful she is. He apologizes for arguing with her during the previous episode, but she just shrugs and says they were bound to have their first fight one of these days, then apologizes for bitching at him about all the time he spends with Fallon. Jeff announces he has to head to the office, kisses her goodbye, and reminds her about the doctor's appointment he scheduled for her this morning. Kirby says she feels fine, but Jeff insists she keep the appointment so we can get the new who's-her-baby-daddy? storyline rolling.

Jeff runs into Fallon and Baby Blake on his way out. They banter and chuckle over Baby Blake's cuteness, while Kirby unhappily eavesdrops from the top of the staircase.

In the nursery, Steven is about to move Danny and all of his baby accoutrements to his new apartment. Steven assures a sad looking Krystle that she's always welcome to drop by for a visit...then tells her he ran into Blake a few minutes earlier, and that the whiny little bitch is still irked about him canceling on the reconciliation dinner. Krystle admits that things between her and goat daddy have been tense as well, and Steven promises that, regardless of the nature of the conflict, he'll always automatically side with her. He gives her a goodbye hug...and after he leaves, Krystle stares pensively at Danny's empty crib, then bursts into tears.

Congressman McVane angrily bursts into Blake's office, but before he can make any accusations, Blake says he wants him to assure him that the story in the newspaper is "garbage and a lie" and that he's going to sue the reporter for libel. McVane deftly avoids admitting being a pedophile by asking Blake if he's the one behind the snooping effort into his personal life. Blake snaps, "I don't traffic in this filth!" and points out that he'd have to be an idiot to destroy his reputation, since it would ruin his ability to help him out with with the merger postponement. Blake asks him to think vewy hard about who else could have known about his felonious dalliance with a teenager and would want to ruin his credibility...then deduces that it can be none other than Alexis, since she has the most to gain by preventing the congressman from delaying the merger of ColbyCo and Denver-Carrington. McVane mulls that over for a few seconds, realizes that Blake is probably right, then stares contemplatively into space.

Over at the penthouse, Alexis is reading The Denver Chronicle and grinning with devilish delight. When the phone rings, Adam answers it and tells his mother that Congressman McVane is on the line. She waves her hand dismissively in the air and tells him to inform the creepy pedo that she's unavailable - and when Adam relays that message, McVane angrily slams the phone down. Alexis gushes to Adam about the chocolate croissants she had flown in from France - which, by the way, look totally delish - but Adam ignores her silly prattling and tells her what a dumbass move it was to publicly trash McVane and make it so easy for him to identify her as the behind-the-scenes puppet master. Alexis reminds him that he poisoned Jeff, and Adam's like, "Exactly!" and points out that he went to great pains to protect himself (and her) from even being suspected of that heinous act. He warns her that McVane will want revenge.

Steven and his lawyer, Chris, are at the La Mirage, enjoying a yummy buffet breakfast. Steven thanks him for handling his divorce and custody arrangements, then tells him about how Sammy Jo bitchily told him that the baby would be better off with a straight father. He invokes the Ted Dinard trial and being put "on the cross" because of his gayness, blah blah. Chris tells him he heard all about his relationship with Ted and feels badly for all he went through...and that it's a good thing Sammy Jo never returned to Denver. I couldn't disagree more. I really miss the vapid tart.

Mark drops by Fallon's office to sort out the misunderstanding about him and Alexis. He claims he was an innocent victim of her manipulation, but Fallon reminds him that she found Alexis in his bed drinking champagne and that he had been standing nearby with a towel wrapped around his waist. Mark tells her that Alexis plays rough and that she's not the kind of woman who loses easily...but when Fallon asks him if he's ever slept with her, he just stares back at her with a sheepish expression. She snaps, "See? You just answered my question" and stalks out of the room.

Kirby drops by Jeff's office at ColbyCo to give him the exciting news that she's preggers. Jeff is delighted, then concerned when Kirby suddenly feels faint and has to sit down. He remarks that Fallon wasn't this dizzy so early in her pregnancy, and Kirby snaps at him for comparing Fallon's pregnancy to hers. She then announces that she's off to do some shopping and heads out, leaving Jeff staring after her worriedly.

Adam drops by the La Mirage to ask Fallon to put in a good word for him with Steven. Fallon tells him he needs to do that on his own by fully loving and accepting his crotchety brother with no judgement about his gay lifestyle. Her manager suddenly enters her office to ask if he can book a suite for a doctor who's in town to attend a medical convention, and she tells him it's fine and asks what his name is (as if she'd actually care). The manager tells her his name is Dr. Jonas Edwards from Billings, Montana, which prompts Adam to stiffen and have a flashback of The Mirror episode when the good doctor dropped by ColbyCo during a layover and told Adam his eyes were "looking too bright again".    

Steven is in his new apartment in the El Royale complex, unpacking his stuff. Soon after the nanny takes Danny out for a walk, Chris stops by with a housewarming gift...and after some boring pleasantries, he tells Steven he's gay. He says his story isn't so different from his, in that he attempted to be a straight married man - but then became very confused about his waning desire to doink his wife. After the divorce, he moved to Denver to start fresh, but soon realized that "life in the closet is life in the closet no matter what the map says". Steven thanks him for enlightening him about his gay status, and the two toast to friendship...and maybe something a little more.

Alexis drops by Carrington manor and tries to make nice with Fallon, but she's too icked out by the lingering visual of her boyfriend doinking her mother and just wearily says, "I saw what I saw." Alexis poutishly says she desperately cares about her happiness, to which Fallon retorts, "As far as I'm concerned, I don't have a mother anymore." Alexis says it broke her heart when she dumped a great guy like Jeff and then got so carried away by a tennis bum who's totally unworthy of her. She declares, "You left me no other choice except to expose the man for what he was." Fallon abruptly changes the topic and says she hates herself for going along with her malevolent schemes to break up Krystle's and Blake's marriage, and for not realizing sooner what an awesome woman Krystle is.

After Fallon storms out of the room, Alexis ambles over to the window and notices Krystle sitting by the lily pond, pensively staring into space. She struts outside to confront her archenemy about doing everything in her power to alienate her from Fallon. Krystle's all, "Huh??" and reminds her she's never stopped trying to destroy her marriage - and that, because of her, Blake and Steven are barely on speaking terms. Alexis says, "Is that really so much concern to you, Mrs. Jennings? You still are, you know?" [The fuck? Krystle still hasn't sorted out the paperwork related to her defunct marriage to Mark??] Krystle barks at her to get out, and Alexis reminds her that this isn't her property, then calls her Mrs. Jennings again. Krystle shrieks, "Get. Out!" and Alexis starts taunting her about mourning for the baby she couldn't have, as well as the baby she almost got to adopt. Krystle gets so incensed that she yells, "Why, you miserable bitch!" and lunges at her, and the two women go flying into the lily pond and start wrestling around in the water. They slap and splash each other for a few minutes...and Alexis hits Krystle with her giant hat, while Krystle lunges at her and punches her on the side of the head. They continue fighting until Blake happens to pass by in his town car, and he rushes over and snaps, "What the devil is going on here?!" He extends his hand to help Krystle climb out of the pond, then admonishes her for getting into a common brawl with Alexis "like a couple of female mud wrestlers". He barks, "I won't stand for it, you understand?!" Krystle glares at him looking hurt and dismayed and quietly stalks off, and then Blake helps Alexis climb out of the pond. She rails about how Krystle just tried to drown her and that she behaved no better than an animal. Blake looks unmoved and says he has no doubt that she was the one who started the altercation and assumes that Krystle was merely defending herself. Alexis looks indignant, refuses to argue about it any further, and huffily stalks off. 

That evening, Krystle packs two suitcases and announces to Blake that she's moving to the La Mirage, pending her decision about whether or not it's really worth it to be married to a rich douchebag. When Blake is all, "Wuh?!" she angrily explains that he humiliated her in front of Alexis - the woman who cost them their child. She also reminds him that she's currently not legally married to him, and doesn't know if she wants to be. She wails, "What am I in your life?" then heads downstairs with her suitcases. Blake runs after her and calls out, "Kryssssstle!" but she ignores him and strides out the door.

The next morning, Krystle and Mark are hanging in the La Mirage restaurant when Blake suddenly appears and asks Krystle if they could speak privately. They head over to the lounge, where he hands her a letter that arrived at the mansion via registered mail: her divorce decree from Mark. Finally. As Krystle stares pensively at it, she tells him she's feeling hurt, empty, and doesn't think he needs her anymore...and that ever since Alexis joined the cast of Dynasty in Season 2, she's been messing up their lives. She says he has too many ties to her, (e.g. their children, the merger) but Blake tells her she's being ridic and assures her that she's the most important person in his life, and that he's never wanted to look at another woman ever since she first became his secretary. He says if she needs to sort things out she should do it at the mansion, but she replies, "I can't." 

Kirby's in the kitchen of Carrington manor, drinking a glass of milk and looking unwell. Joseph enters the room and asks her what's wrong, so she tells him it's morning sickness, and that it's very weird it's happening so early on. (Looks like somebody's refusing to do the math about how long ago she was assaulted by Adam.) She asks him if her mother was ill like this when she was pregnant with her, but Joseph suddenly notices Alexis quietly lurking in the doorway and says, "I don't remember" and hustles his daughter out of the room. Once Kirby's out of earshot, Alexis sashays in and tells Joseph she lost an earring in the lily pond and orders him to drain it asap. She then says she overheard Kirby asking about her mother, then asks him what she'd think if she knew the truth about "that woman". Joseph looks alarmed and says, "You wouldn't do that" and Alexis makes it clear she damn well would, then bitchily orders him again to drain the lily pond.

Alexis is in her office at ColbyCo reading The Denver Chronicle, whose latest headline reads: Party Disavows McVane as Candidate for Re-election. She calls Blake and tells him that in light of McVane's gross scandal, they should get together, like pronto, and discuss the merger. While she's on the phone, McVane slips into her office undetected and glares menacingly in her direction. Alexis says to Blake, "Poor Neil's influence in Washington is going to be nil from now on" and urges him to stop by her office tonight. McVane suddenly walks across the room and unplugs the phone, which prompts Blake on the other end to growl, "Damn it! Don't you hang up on me, Alexis!" LOL. Alexis asks McVane whaddup with him coming in unannounced and unplugging her phone, so he says, "Let's just say I had a sudden urge." Alexis looks frightened by the maniacal glint in his eyes and asks, "What's wrong with you?" and he tightens the phone cord he's holding and says, "I came here to visit you."

Alexis reaches for the letter opener that's sitting on her desk, but McVane grabs her arm and forcibly takes it from her. He tells her he's been quietly hanging out in the nearby men's room, waiting for everyone to clear out. As he pours himself a drink, Alexis slowly rises from her chair and remarks that she hasn't been feeling well lately, and McVane mutters, "That's not good...that is really not good." She tells him she's going to be going now, and he runs over to where she's standing, looms over her, and says before she leaves he'd like her to read to him. She looks confused and repeats, "Read to you..?" and he explains, "My mother used to read to me when I was a kid. It always calmed me down." He then grabs the newspaper from her desk, waves it in front of her face, and barks, "This article! This!" and Alexis flinches and unconvincingly replies, "I don't know what you're talking about." She then runs around her desk in an attempt to flee, but he cuts her off and snarls, "I think you do!" He tells her he called his friends in Washington when the scandal in The Chronicle broke and learned that a man named Hess from Denver was the one doing the investigating into his personal life. Alexis weakly denies knowing him, which he doesn't believe 'cause he had Hess's office checked last night and learned that she's listed in his Rolodex. [Kinda dumb for a private investigator to have a Rolodex of clients sitting out in plain view like that.] Alexis throws in the towel pretending she had nothing to do with outing his blechy affair and snarkishly says she always repays her debts - and that since he betrayed her, she repaid him! She suddenly makes a break for it and runs for the door, but McVane is too fast, beats her there, and leans against it. He bellows, "I'm going to kill you!" and she's all, "NOOOOOO!!" as he starts strangling her. At that moment, Blake bursts into her office, sees what's going on, and yells, "Let her go, Neil!" and pulls him off of Alexis. He growls, "What the hell is the matter with you, anyway?" then orders him to get out 'cause he's already in enough trouble. McVane leaves the office, muttering, "The score's not settled yet." Alexis rubs her neck and whines to Blake that he was trying to kill her, then thanks him for saving her. Blake gruffly tells her that there may not be someone to save her next time and warns, "If you go on ruining other people's lives, I wouldn't give a dime for your chance for holding onto your own." Alexis looks terrified as she stares contemplatively into space...and for some reason it doesn't occur to either of them that calling 911 to report an attempted murder by a deranged pedo might be a wise idea.  

Recap: Blake enters the nursery, where Steven is talking to Krystle as she feeds Danny. Blake gives Steven a curt nod, then gruffly snarks, "Good morning. Nice to see you again" and complains that he always seems to drop by for his visits when he (Blake) is not likely to be at the mansion. Steven reminds him that the world doesn't revolve around him, and that he visits his son whenever it's convenient for his work schedule. Blake bitterly mutters, "ColbyCo.." and asks him how things are going with Alexis, then throws in his face that he once refused to be an executive at Denver-Carrington. Steven shrugs wearily and says he just had a change of heart. Krystle interjects to inform Blake that Steven will be moving out of the La Mirage soon 'cause he found an apartment for himself and Danny, and hired a nursemaid to help take care of the tot. Blake growls, "Better than we can take care of him here?" and Steven suddenly tires of his father's bitchitude and stalks out of the room. Blake directs his snarliness toward Krystle and says, "Tell me I'm being too hard on Steven" and warns her not to get caught in the middle. Krystle insists she loves them both and that his dickwadishness is making the situation impossible, and Blake snaps, "Leave it alone!" but then instantly looks regretful and gives her a goodbye kiss. After he leaves the room, Krystle shakes her head and mutters, "It's not OK." No duh it's not OK. But you're the dumbass who married him so deal with it.

Joseph tells Blake that Congressman McVane arrived a short while ago and insisted on seeing him. Blake heads over to the library, where McVane has been cooling his heels, and asks whassup. The congressman says he kept his end of their agreement by putting off a merger decision in Washington so that Blake would have time to build a defense - but in return he got a knife in his back! Apparently, he heard that someone's been investigating his personal life and learned that he's currently messing around with a governor's teenage daughter...which, blech, writers. He reminds Blake that during Fallon's Roaring '20s party, he had threatened to blackmail him when he refused to do his bidding, and Blake looks offended and says he'd never blackmail him by digging into his personal life - just his dealings in Congress. McVane refrains from calling him on his bullshit, since Blake did, in fact, threaten to expose his "sordid sex activities", as is documented in an excerpt of my recap of the La Mirage episode:

So there, continuity challenged Dynasty writers. Also, a sleaze like McVane belongs in a prison cell for statutory rape, not in Congress.

Steven arrives at the penthouse to deliver a report to Alexis - and he runs into Claire, the reporter from The Chronicle. She tells him that Alexis is upstairs but will be down soon, then gabbles about how much she'd loooove to write a story about his experience getting blown off of a rig, being presumed dead, then getting rescued and having facial reconstructive surgery to explain his character's recast, etc. Steven says he's not interested and politely declines, so Claire changes the subject and asks him whether or not he's visited Claudia at the funny farm yet. He says he hasn't had a chance, and Claire pulls out a tape recorder and starts peppering him with more questions - and Steven gets wigged out by her pushiness and makes a beeline for the elevator and flees. A few seconds later, Alexis breezes downstairs dressed in a flowy moo moo and asks Claire why her piece on Congressman McVane hasn't been published yet...then chuckles to herself about his pedophile-esque indiscretion with "the governor's nymphet daughter".

Krystle drops by Denver-Carrington to tell Blake she'd like to host a reconciliation dinner for him and Steven. Blake looks irked and snaps, "My God, Krystle!" and reminds her of the disastrous dinner they had with Adam during the Siblings episode. (Hee! That was a fun dinner.) He adds that he has a lot of urgent matters to deal with at work, so Krystle huffily asks him which is more important: work or his son. She reminds him that when they all thought Steven was dead, he had lamented not having a second chance to make things right between them. She says, "You have your second chance. Will you take it, or throw it away?" and Blake mulls that over while contemplatively staring into space.

Steven meets with Alexis in her ColbyCo office to submit his report. She gushes about what a "dazzling" job he's doing with the Far East oil leases, then asks him if he likes working at ColbyCo. He says he does, and appreciates that she respects his intelligence enough to give him important work to do - unlike the Mickey Mouse shit Blake would probably be assigning him. Alexis poutishly coos, "My very special son" and reminds him of the many times Blake tried to drive them apart, and says she won't allow the old goat to ever succeed in breaking their mother-son bond.

Jeff meets with Blake at Denver-Carrington to update him on Alexis' latest shenanigans, and makes it clear that his loyalties lie with him. Blake gets on the horn with Alexis to tell her that he found even more discrepancies regarding her evaluation of Denver-Carrington assets and orders her to come to his office for a meeting this afternoon. Alexis says she'd much prefer it if he came to her office and reminds him that she's in charge now, so he argues that he's the one with the books, the ledgers, and the clout. She mockingly retorts, "Clout? What clout?" and he snaps, "You'll find out!" LOL.

Kirby arrives at ColbyCo wearing an ugly patterned dress with poofy sleeves to meet Jeff for lunch. His secretary tells her he might be in Adam's office, so she knocks and then bursts in. Adam, who's sitting alone at his desk, exclaims, "Kirby! What a nice surprise" and she hastily tells him she's looking for Jeff. He frowns disapprovingly and says, "You know, Kirby. Just invoking that name does not push me out of your life" then reminds her of the night they danced and made love [he sexually assaulted her]. He gets all grab-handsy with her - and a few seconds later, Jeff enters the room, furrows his furry brows at the disturbing sight and is all, "Wha-at's going on?!"

During lunch at the La Mirage, Jeff is irked at Kirby for acting "sweet" to Adam, and reminds her that she can't say hello to the mental case without him finding a way to take advantage of it. Kirby gets annoyed and says if she's not allowed to talk to Adam, then he shouldn't be allowed to talk to Fallon...and grumbles about being dragged to Fallon's place of business for lunch. She says she wants them to go house hunting, which he promised they'd do when the latest "business crisis" was over. She asks him if it's over yet, and he coldly replies, "I'll let you know." Kirby starts to tear up and whimperingly remarks that they're having their first fight. She gets up to flee to the ladies room, then feels faint and sits back down. Jeff tells her she looks pale, then insists on making a doctor's appointment for her. Uh oh..

Krystle drops by ColbyCo to invite Steven to the reconciliation dinner, then prattles on and on about what a miracle it is he made it home alive, blah blah. She wants him and Blake to give each other a chance to get along again and says she won't stop fighting until the day comes when they're not constantly at each others' throats. Alexis enters the room, looks less than thrilled to see the two talking, and asks Krystle if they can speak alone. As soon as Steven exits the room, Alexis snarls, "How dare you come into my office uninvited and how dare you interfere in my son's life!!" Krystle accuses her of enjoying it when Steven and Blake are at odds, and Alexis argues that it's 'cause Blake is always poisoning Steven's mind against her. Krystle says it's beneath Blake's dignity to do that, then reminds her that she recently tried to convince Steven that Blake tried to buy his son from Sammy Jo, which was proven to be a lie. She vows to keep on interfering until Blake and Steven are a father and son who love and respect each other (aka when hell freezes over), and Alexis abruptly shrieks, "Get out!!", opens her office door, then shrieks "Get out!!" again. After Krystle sashays out, Alexis dramatically clutches her temples and acts as though her head is about to explode.

​Alexis arrives at Denver-Carrington for her meeting decked out in a fantastic bubble gum pink hat and matching blouse. She sits across from Blake and snidely asks, "Where is your so-called clout and what's your problem?" Blake says his problem is that ColbyCo continues to underestimate the value of Denver-Carrington, which is somehow driving down the value of the company's stock. He informs her that the shale oil extraction process is one of the company's most valuable assets and could revolutionize the oil industry, then concedes that it's the only thing her company has evaluated accurately. As for his clout, he tells her that, courtesy of some obscure professor [we've never heard anything about until this very second], he now owns all the rights to the shale oil extraction process - as of this morning...and he's refusing to lease it to the merged companies unless the evaluation of all Denver-Carrington assets meets with his approval. Alexis poutishly cries, "You're playing dirty!" and Blake growls, "The oil industry is my turf" and self-importantly warns, "This is a high stakes game." He tells her he'll send over documents with the correct evaluation figures inserted, then barks, "Meeting adjourned. Get out!" and Alexis haughtily storms out while Blake smugly smiles to himself.

Steven drops by the funny farm to visit Claudia. She tells him she's happy, healthy, and has been doing a lot of jogging - hence the ridiculous '80s headband she has wrapped around her forehead. She says that Krystle visits her often and was the one who told her about his disappearance and subsequent recast/return from the dead. Steven invokes that fateful day on the hotel roof, when she thought a doll baby was Lindsay...and Claudia gets vexed and accuses him of pitying her, then says the person he should be pitying is Fallon 'cause of everything she put her through. She brings up Danny, then accuses him of not wanting to mention him to her 'cause he's afraid it'll remind her of Lindsay and cause her to act all squirrelly again (well, d'yuh). She tells him that Krystle has already told her all about Danny and that she totally gets how hard she's working to get her brain cells functioning at full capacity again. Steven says he came here 'cause of what they once meant to each other and what he cost her, and she snaps, "I'm not an emotional cripple!" and informs him that she'll be leaving the funny farm soon and wants the world to know she has her pride and that she's totes A-OK again. She then decides she needs a shower 'cause she's smelly from jogging, and abruptly runs off. Yep, she's still as nutty as fuck.

Mark drops by the penthouse to discuss his and Alexis' icky gigolo/sugar mama hookup. He says, "We had a thing. It was pleasant, but now it's over." Alexis haughtily tells him she saw him and Fallon kissing in the La Mirage boutique, then orders him to stay out of her daughter's life 'cause of how vulnerable she is after her divorce from Jeff. She pulls out her checkbook and offers to give him money to leave town, but he shoots her a look of disgust and says he doesn't want her money. When he turns to leave, she asks him if he loves Fallon, and he replies, "That's right, lady" and Alexis snidely refers to him as a "second rate fortune hunter in tennis shoes". Mark ignores the insult and exits, leaving Alexis staring after him unhappily. She flounces over to her desk and uses the typewriter (that suddenly appeared out of nowhere) to type up a note: Must see you. Five o'clock, my room. Mark. She then pulls the note out of the typewriter and smiles devilishly to herself, probably not considering how weird Fallon would find that Mark left her a typewritten note when it's highly doubtful that he owns a typewriter.

Shortly before 5pm, Alexis arrives at Mark's room at the La Mirage to launch Operation Ruin Mark's and Fallon's Budding Romance. Mark, who's shirtless 'cause naturally he just got out of the shower at this incredibly inopportune moment, and asks her what the hell she's doing here. Alexis looks fake contrite and apologizes for her behavior during the previous scene and explains, "A woman like me doesn't enjoy losing out to another woman - especially not her own daughter." Mark accepts the disturbing apology, then tells her to get the hell out. After he heads back to the bathroom, Alexis pulls out a bunch of clothes she had stuffed in her purse and tosses them on the floor so they look like they've been sexily strewn about. She then pulls out two glasses and a bottle of champagne, tousles her hair, and gets into Mark's unmade bed and pulls the covers over her so that if anyone were to burst into the room at that moment, they'd get the strong impression that she and Mark had just hit the sheets. Alexis definitely has some issues. She coos, "Mark!" and he comes out, still naked except for a towel cinched around his waist [put some damn clothes on, ya idiot], and exclaims, "What the hell are you doing?!" She saucily tells him she's just pouring some champagne and asks if he'd like some. Cue Fallon, who enters the room, stares at the two of them with icked-out incredulity and gasps, "Oh my God!" Mark wails, "Nothing happened!" as Fallon rushes out of the room to the nearest toilet to vomit. Mark barks at Alexis to get out, and she sarcastically snarls, "Nothing happened - just like the other boring afternoons I wasted with you." Mark gets dressed (finally) and runs out after Fallon, but she drives off before he can explain the contrived misunderstanding.

Back at the penthouse, Alexis criticizes Adam for not extending himself to Steven, and insists that he try harder to become friends with his younger brother. Adam says he's tried, then complains that it's impossible to be friends with Steven when she keeps involving him in her schemes - a totally valid point - and begs for a break from her drama. When she chortles and ridicules him for being "an innocent", he angrily grabs at her. She snaps, "You're out of control!" and says he's got his father's rotten temper...but that clearly there's something else wrong with him. Ya think? She tells him to do as he's told, then flounces upstairs as he glares after her.

Mark is giving a tennis lesson when he spots Fallon ambling around the hotel grounds with a client. He abruptly cuts the tennis session short and runs over to Fallon, but she wearily says, "I saw what I saw" and that there's nothing more to talk about. She orders him to get back to the tennis courts, and he looks hurt and whimpers, "I thought I meant more to you than a tennis pro" but Fallon continues to look unmoved and stalks off.

Steven and Adam are on a charter plane together, en route to an oil field in Wyoming. Apparently, Alexis sent them on the trip so they could engage in some brotherly bonding. Steven, who clearly isn't interested in bonding with a psycho-nut, derisively asks Adam if he's ever been on an oil rig or gotten oil sludge under his nails. (No and no.) He then orders Adam to keep his mouth shut when they meet with whoever they're meeting with at the oil field, and Adam whines about how hard he is to get along with. I'm no fan of Adam, but even on a good day Steven is a miserable sack of shit, so he kind of does have a point there.

In the next scene, Adam and Steven arrive in Wyoming, and they're all, "Wha-a?!" when the plane leaves them stranded after it takes off to go pick up the person they're supposed to meet with. Apparently, this too was something Alexis arranged, in order to force her sons to spend quality time together.

When Blake arrives home, Krystle, who's wearing a silky evening gown with large puff-balls on the hems of her sleeves, tells him that Steven called and informed her that he's marooned on a Wyoming air strip and won't be able to make the reconciliation dinner. Blake snarks about how "convenient" that is, so Krystle tells him that Alexis was the one who arranged this trip and reminds him about what a shitty, manipulative person she is. Blake tells her to stop wasting her time trying to be a referee and barks, "He's my son, and he is my problem!" Krystle retorts, "And that doesn't concern me?" and he snarks, "No. It doesn't." She asks him what she should concern herself with: what dress to wear? what's on the menu? (Since you're a trophy wife...probably.) She complains that she feels like an outsider, and reminds him about when he refused to take her along to Bali to look for Steven when he first went missing, or to Singapore after the character was finally recast. She gets fed up and tells him to solve his problems himself, and then she and her puff-balls angrily storm off. She leans against a nearby wall, looking like she's about to cry...and for some reason that's where the crew decided to call it a day and abort filming the episode.

Recap: Fallon joins Steven in the breakfast room and asks him how things went with Sammy Jo in New York. He mumbles something about how badly it went, and she nods and says she figured that things wouldn't work out with the vapid tart. Steven shoots her the stink-eye and asks, "Are you really sorry?" and Fallon says she is, but knew the marriage was doomed from the beginning - but gets that he had to figure out the obvious for himself. Steven says that from now on he's going to focus on moving forward; however, because he was presumed dead for so long, he has no access to any money. You'd think Blake would have taken care of that by now. He tells Fallon he needs $3,000 so he can hire a divorce lawyer and then get an apartment for himself and Danny. Fallon says she's sad that he's planning to move out, and points out that living at the mansion would be a whole lot easier 'cause there's already a team of servants to look after Danny 24/7. Steven bitchily snaps, "I want a loan, not a lecture!" and starts to storm off, but Fallon stops him and promises she'll get him anything he needs...then jokes about wanting to negotiate a peace treaty between him and Blake. The better option would be to throw in the towel and let them become estranged so that the tedious father-son arguments in the mansion's study can come to a merciful end.

In the study, Krystle advises Blake to apologize to Steven for acting like his usual dickwad, homophobic self, but Blake disagrees and grumbles, "There's nothing to apologize for." Krystle reminds him that, during the previous episode, he told Steven that Danny shouldn't be raised by a single father who's unable to set a positive example, and Blake goes, "Well, that's true, isn't it?" and says that Danny deserves the more wholesome kind of influence she could provide. Krystle says that Steven is still Danny's father (we're assuming, anyway) and that it really doesn't matter what his lifestyle choices are. Blake rolls his eyes and says, "You mean his gayness? That is the polite word they're using nowadays for it, isn't it?" [Yes, Blake. It's definitely a good substitute for the language you were using in Season 1.] He starts to storm out, but stops and apologizes to Krystle for snarling at her a few seconds earlier - then explains that he's in a shitty mood 'cause he's stressed about having to attend Alexis' merger meeting.

A group of portly white men are sitting around the Denver-Carrington boardroom, chatting and smoking cigars. Blake enters the room and sarcastically asks the men if they're all in good health, then snappishly says he wasn't able to reach any of them on the phone this morning. Alexis and Adam are on their way to the boardroom when they run into Jeff, who informs them that he's attending the meeting to protect his interests. The three enter the boardroom, and Alexis, who's looking fabulous in a white hat and chic tailored suit, greets Blake and gleefully refers to the occasion as his Abdication Day. Blake snaps, "I haven't abdicated" and Alexis smugly retorts, "Yet." When the meeting officially comes to order, Alexis lays out her edict: the two Denver-based oil giants, ColbyCo and Denver-Carrington, will form a merger "by joining assets and forces". She adds that the interest on Wall Street and around the world is enormous. She then warns the men that she's a very direct [and vindictive] woman and says, "If I don't get your vote, I shall fire you all on the spot and replace you with a board who will approve the merger." They all look suitably freaked out, and when she asks for a show of hands in support of the merger, all of the men fearfully raise their hands...and even Blake gives in and says he'll go along with the majority. Alexis looks delighted and chirps, "Splendid!" then wishes them all a pleasant evening and exits the room with Adam dutifully trotting behind her. Blake glares at the board members and sarcastically thanks them, so Sam Dexter explains that they were merely protecting their interests. Blake starts railing about how Denver-Carrington is his company, and that he learned the oil business when he was a young man, then clawed his way to the top and founded Denver-Carrington, blah blah.. Oh just suck on it, Blake. No one held a gun to your head and forced you to take the company public.

Over at Carrington manor, Jeff receives a letter from his alma mater, grins as he reads it, then races up to the nursery. He finds Fallon cuddling Baby Blake and waves his letter in the air and says that their son has officially been registered by his college out east. (Not sure why an infant would need to be registered by a college. Is this an actual thing Americans do?) Fallon says that's great and all, but what will happen if Baby Blake decides he wants to attend Northwestern? The two start reminiscing about some dance they attended when they were teenagers, then relive the past and start dancing together. Kirby suddenly appears in the doorway and witnesses the tender moment, then backs away dejectedly.

Krystle enters the sitting room where Kirby is playing Chopin on the piano and looking sad. Krystle sits on the bench next to her and asks whassup about her sadness, so Kirby admits she hates living under the same roof as her husband's ex-wife (and probably isn't thrilled about living in a house where her father is the head servant). Krystle nods sympathetically and says she understands how horribly that sucks, and that she was in a similar situation when Alexis moved into the nearby art studio during Season 2. She assures Kirby that Fallon is no longer part of Jeff's life, other than their shared responsibility parenting Baby Blake, and that she's nowhere near as cunty and intrusive as Alexis.

Blake calls Alexis and tells her that her people have "juggled the figures" on his company so badly that it's practically criminal. He demands a meeting with her, and after some hemming and hawing she agrees to meet with him at her penthouse at 6pm. Blake says he's much rather meet in her office, but she says she likes to relax in the evenings, and he reluctantly agrees.

Steven enters the nursery and finds Krystle cuddling Danny on the window seat. She asks him how it's going, and he grumbles that the apartment hunt is lousy 'cause it's hard to find a cheap place that can accommodate a baby. He announces that he'll be staying at the La Mirage until he can find a suitable apartment, then asks Krystle if she'd mind looking after Danny a little while longer. Krystle happily agrees and says she hates what's happening between him and Blake. She reminds him that Alexis' claim that Blake was trying to buy Danny from Sammy Jo was bullshit, and that all he wanted to do was ensure that the tot was well cared for. Steven admits that Blake does have some good qualities and wishes he could love him like she does...but there's just too much pain and douchebaggery where he's concerned and he's given up hope that the wounds can ever heal.

Alexis is at her penthouse, eating lunch and trying to call Mark at the La Mirage...but she's told he's busy and can't be reached. Take a damn hint, Alexis. A few seconds later, Morgan Hess arrives to deliver his report on Operation Dig Up Dirt on McVane. Turns out the sleazy politician is messing around with the seventeen year old daughter of some governor. Ick. Alexis reads the report and grins with delight. Hess, meanwhile, ambles over to her balcony, looks down, and notices a big black car with an ominous, burly man standing beside it. He looks jittery and asks Alexis if there's a back exit in the building, then explains that in his line of work he makes a lot of enemies. Alexis, who doesn't seem overly concerned about his safety, breezily directs him to the service elevator.

Over at ColbyCo, Adam demands to know from Jeff why he was at the merger meeting (didn't Jeff tell him and Alexis that he was there to protect his interests??). Jeff tells him that Blake called him up and asked for some figures and asked him to attend the meeting. He then picks up some papers and starts waving them around, accusing Adam's ColbyCo flunkies of underestimating Denver-Carrington's oil reserves by 30%. Adam flatly denies that and accuses his head of not being screwed on straight. LOL. He then shoots Jeff a sly grin and says, "Kirby can really get a man going. She is, as they say, one sexy doll." Jeff glares at him in disgust and tells him to stop talking about his wife in such a crude manner, so Adam fake apologizes and says, "I meant to say she is one very sexy woman. I oughta know." Ouch. That sounds a lot worse than the first thing he said. Jeff's all, "Wha-a?!" then grabs Adam with both hands, slams him against the nearest wall, and threatens to kill him if he implies anything unsavory about his wife.

At the La Mirage, Mark is in the hotel's boutique with Fallon, and the two are brazenly flirting while he helps her try on a pair of tennis gloves. Alexis suddenly appears at the store's entrance, and looks startled and dismayed when her ex-gigolo and daughter start smooching.

Alexis makes a beeline over to Fallon's office, and is pacing across the floor when Fallon enters. She tells her daughter she's been concerned about her ever since Mark followed her to Haiti to be her "good friend". She says he's a certain type of man, then gives up trying to be diplomatic and blurts out, "He's a male tramp." Fallon says she doesn't believe that, so Alexis assures her it's true...and that she knows this 'cause she had him investigated and learned that after he split with Krystle, he made a career out of living off of wealthy women. (Like her, for example, when she became Mark's sugar momma earlier this season.) Fallon rolls her eyes and goes, "So what?" and refuses to fire Mark.

Alexis storms back to her office at ColbyCo and barks at her secretary, David, that she's not to be disturbed. As she fixes herself a drink, Adam bursts in to tell her that he just eavesdropped on something disturbing: apparently, the cronies in Washington D.C. have agreed that they cannot rule on the merger until "all ramifications have been examined", which could take months. Alexis growls, "It's because of McVane...miserable scum" then starts railing about how tired she is of being used by men. She suddenly gets a delicious idea and buzzes David and asks him to connect her with a reporter from The Chronicle. She smiles smugly into space and says she's no stranger to unfeeling men, and that she used to be soft and giving - but no more! Now it's "use or be used". David puts the call through, and Alexis gets on the horn and tells her reporter friend she has a story that's going to make headlines across the country.

Steven and Fallon are hanging together at the La Mirage. He thanks her for setting him up with a deluxe suite and giving him access to some much needed funds. He then says he's off to see his lawyer, who's also an old college buddy.

Steven's lawyer friend's name is Christopher Deegan - hey, he's the oldest brother from Eight is Enough! - who runs a small law firm. Steven tells him he wants to end his bad marriage, and Chris sympathizes and says he had a bad one too. He agrees to take Steven's case, but says he doubts it'll go smoothly, considering the kind of shameless gold digger Sammy Jo is...and Steven agrees that she'll probably want a big payoff. Regardless, he wants that skank out of his life and acknowledges that she never should have been there in the first place. Chris goes, "I know what you mean" and gives him a not-so-subtle mmm hmm look. Mmm hmm..

Steven drops by ColbyCo to talk to Alexis, but instead finds Adam hanging in her office. Adam says he regrets not hitting it off with him prior to his trip to New York, and that having a kid brother means a lot to him. He tells Steven the sad tale of how he grew up in isolation in Montana with his fake grandmother who never let him do anything...probably 'cause she was so scared that someone would figure out she was a kidnapper. He tells Steven he'd really like to be friends and tries to give him a brotherly hug - but Steven stiffens and snaps, "We're not friends!" Damn he's one prickly little bitch. Alexis enters her office at that moment and asks whassup, so Steven tells her he's accepting her offer to work at ColbyCo, and she gushes about how absolutely thrilled she is - unlike Adam, who's clearly not so thrilled. Alexis scolds Adam (not sure why) and says she doesn't want to see any fighting between them, and Adam gets understandably miffed and storms out. Alexis then turns her attention to Steven and tells him again how happy she is, and that eventually Adam will come around and love him.

Adam returns to his office, glumly stares at himself in the mirror, and says, "You tried...still alone." He pulls out a bottle of pills and looks as though he's about to take some of the medication, but then changes his mind and stares contemplatively into space. If they're antipsychotics, he should definitely considering taking a few.

Blake is impatiently waiting for Alexis at her penthouse. When she arrives, he snarks that she's a half an hour late and that he wants to go over those papers now. Alexis ignores his grumbling and casually sashays over to the bar, where she pours herself a drink. Blake tells her that her people came up with a phony evaluation of Denver-Carrington's reserves, oil leases, refineries, etc. and Alexis is all, "Wuh?" and looks insulted at the accusation. She announces that she's going upstairs to change...and after she flounces off, an irked Blake calls Krystle and tells her not to hold dinner for him 'cause he has no idea how late he's going to be. He tells her he's at Alexis' penthouse, trying to work through "her creative arithmetic".

Alexis appears on the landing of the staircase dressed in a  strapless fuchsia outfit, then puts one hand on her hip and sexily poses for a few seconds. Blake nods approvingly and says, "That's quite a change" and she coos, "It's much more comfortable." Blake holds up his martini and toasts her loveliness, and she thanks him, returns downstairs, and pours herself another drink. She announces that she's ready to discuss business - and Blake suddenly picks up the phone and tells her he's calling Krystle to invite her to join them. What in the hell for? Alexis gets mad at her lost opportunity to...I dunno, flirt with/flash/seduce Blake?? I thought she recently decided she hated him. She snaps, "Forget the meeting! We'll have it tomorrow." Blake scornfully says she'll have to dress in a much more dazzling outfit if she plans on robbing him blind, then smugly informs her that he has McVane and a bunch of other powerful contacts working for him in D.C. He mocks her for being an amateur in this business and snarls, "I've got weapons that will blast you right out of this town!" LOL. Alexis retorts, "We'll see about that" and Blake smirks as he heads out. She responds by dramatically shaking her head from side to side and yelling, "Oh God I hate you!" then hurls a vase at the elevator.

Recap: Krystle and Blake are discussing Jeff's and Kirby's quickie wedding as they breakfast in the solarium. She says that Joseph thinks the marriage is a mistake, but Blake just shrugs indifferently and says it's their decision - but hopes that when Jeff proposed, he wasn't still suffering the squirrelly after-effects of being poisoned.

Over in Reno, Jeff and Kirby are packing up for their return home. Kirby gushes about how happy she is to be married to her dream man...but also how bummed she is about returning to Denver, aka reality. She's worried that Fallon will be pissed off at them for getting married without alerting her, but Jeff points out that they don't owe Fallon anything, and that he's anxious to return home and be reunited with his son.

Steven is cuddling Danny in the nursery when Krystle enters the room. She tells him that Blake is still upset about their quarrel from the previous episode, but Steven just shrugs and calls it "business as usual".  He bitchily adds that the only reason he came back to Denver was to be with Danny...and wants to explore the possibility of reconciling with Sammy Jo so the three of them can live happily ever after as a family. What a clueless sap. Krystle warns him that Sammy Jo is nothing more than a vapid opportunist who's made it clear she has no interest in Danny, but Steven refuses to take her word for it and bitchily tells her he needs to figure all of this out for himself.

In New York, a young Eric Forrester from The Bold and the Beautiful carries a breakfast (well...lunch) tray to Sammy Jo, who's still lounging in bed at 11:30am. He tells her he's off to an important business meeting, and she poutishly reminds him he promised to arrange for her to get a contract as an exclusive model. Eric Forrester coos, "These things take time", then kisses her goodbye and heads out. Sammy Jo finds a copy of The National Enquirer on her night stand and settles back into bed to get caught up on the news. Featured on the cover is a photo of the cast of Dallas with the headline "Sneak Preview" (I would soo enjoy reading that article), along with the breaking news headline above it: Denver-Carrington Heir Found - Steven Carrington Alive.

Over at ColbyCo, Alexis is on the phone with her investigator, Morgan Hess, and she chides him for not uncovering enough scandalous dirt on Congressman McVane. Blake suddenly barges into her office, so Alexis acts all covert and pretends to be on the phone with someone else and quickly hangs up. Blake starts berating her for poisoning Steven's mind against him and tells her that Steven's planning to fly to New York to see Sammy Jo. Alexis gasps and goes, "He's not going to try to reconcile with that tramp, is he?" Blake says they need to stop turning their son's life into a battleground to settle their own interests and asks for her help in burying the past, and she agrees to put their hostilities aside. He snaps, "Good!" and then storms out.

Alexis reminds Adam that he promised to be a good brother to Steven and wants them to be friends. Adam says he'll do his best and just hopes Steven will like him. Considering Steven's general prickliness about fucking everything, that might be asking a lot. It also doesn't help that Adam's a smarmy psychopath.

Jeff and Kirby return to Carrington manor. Fallon greets them in the vestibule and congratulates them on their nuptials...and the three exchange awkward, but pleasant chitchat. After that, Fallon and Jeff head upstairs to the nursery and Kirby goes off in search of her father. When Jeff asks Fallon if she's really, truly OK with him being remarried, she assures him she's genuinely happy for him and hopes that he and Kirby will be able to make it work.

Kirby finds Joseph in the kitchen, and he dismisses the servants from the room so he can berate her in private. He tells her she's ruined her life by marrying Jeff, but she argues, "I'm married to a man I love. How could I be ruining my life?" and says it would be nice if he congratulated her. He grumbles about how she's not from the same world as the Colbys or Carringtons and seems to be really hung up on her being "the downstairs girl who married up". He sourly asks her what he's supposed to call her now - madame? your royal highness? - then storms out in his usual pole-up-his-butt manner.

Blake meets with Jeff in his Denver-Carrington office and offers his congratulations on his new marriage, then asks him if he was of sound mind when he married Kirby...and Jeff assures him that all of his faculties were in good working order when he made the decision to wed. Blake laments about how they're no longer in-laws, but says the most important thing is his happiness. Jeff changes the subject and tells him he wants to sue Alexis for making him sign over shares of Baby Blake's stocks to her while his brain was discombobulated - but Blake urges him not to, and says the case will likely be dragged out for years and that he'll be raked over the coals in the press for his bout of temporary insanity. He says he wants to fight Alexis his way, and Jeff agrees to back off. Blake then says he's welcome to continue living at Carrington manor with Kirby, and Jeff thank him and promises to think it over.

Adam arrives at the mansion and heads up to Steven's room for some brotherly bonding. Steven has just finished packing a bag and tells him he can't talk right now 'cause he's off to New York to see about reuniting with his wife. Adam says he's heard a lot about Sammy Jo, then chuckles and says he knows all about skanks like her. He asks him how he can be sure that Danny is his son, and Steven snarks back that he's 100% certain he had sex with Sammy Jo, then tells Adam to get lost and angrily hobbles down the stairs. Krystle, who has overheard most of the exchange, tells Adam she wants to talk to him in private...and he reluctantly follows her over to one of the sitting rooms.

Krystle snaps, "What kind of brother are you?" and tells him that Steven was her first friend in Carrington manor when everyone else was dickish to her. She accuses Adam of coming over to the mansion to do Alexis' dirty work, but he denies that and suddenly his hands start shaking. Krystle doesn't appear to notice and haughtily declares that, regardless of what Alexis wants, Steven is determined to go to New York to attempt a reconciliation with Sammy Jo. After she exits the room, Adam glances across the hall and is intrigued by the sight of Kirby and Jeff talking.

Kirby isn't thrilled with the idea of living in the mansion, not least because it's also where her husband's ex-wife lives...but Jeff says it would be way too time consuming to go house hunting and then hire movers. LOL. He assures her that living in the mansion will be awesome, then gives her a kiss and trots off to work. A few seconds later, Adam slithers into the room, gives Kirby a once over, and starts laughing like a hyena. He exclaims, "You are so dumb, Mrs. Colby!" and says it's so obvious she married Jeff for his name and his money. He says he doesn't get why she'd marry Jeff when she could have had him, then reminisces about the night he sexually assaulted her. Kirby makes a face and says she gets physically sick whenever she thinks about that, and Adam responds by getting all grab-handsy with her. She shoves him away and snaps, "I forbid you to ever touch me again!" but Adam just stares back at her in amusement and predicts that one day soon she'll be back for more. He smugly adds, "Married or not, you and I aren't finished." God he's a creepy psycho.

Alexis is aghast when Adam tells her that Jeff and Kirby got married - but only 'cause she's concerned that Kirby will want to find out how Jeff got poisoned. (Not sure why she thinks that would be Kirby's priority.) She worriedly says, "She could start digging and discover something" but Adam assures her there's nothing to discover; he discarded the wood panels that were in his office, along with the cans of toxic paint.

Over at the La Mirage, Mark asks Fallon how she's doing after hearing about her ex-husband's remarriage, and she insists she's very happy for them. He admits that he felt sad when Krystle married Goat Daddy, 'cause it made him feel like the inadequate failure he is. Fallon assures him she's totally fine about Jeff remarrying, and the two head over to the couch and start making out.

Blake arrives home and finds Krystle in the master bedroom, wearing a silk negligee and seductively laying on a bear skin rug in front of the fireplace. He scrunches his face concernedly and asks, "Why are you so pensive, darling?" (he said pensive, bwahaha!) and she says she was just thinking about Jeff and Kirby, and wondered how he was taking the news of their quickie wedding. Blake admits that he would have preferred a reconciliation between Jeff and Fallon, but has come to realize that that was never going to happen. Krystle then shifts from looking pensive to earnest and says that everyone has to give Jeff and Kirby a chance, and adds that Kirby has been put in a very uncomfortable position in Carrington manor when she transitioned from being the majordomo's daughter to a rich man's wife. She asks Blake if he could tell Joseph to chill out about his daughter's status change - and Blake says he will, then tells her how awesome she is for always thinking about other people's feelings. He then suggests they skip dinner and spend the evening doinking atop the bear skin rug she's laying on. She giggles about how scandalous that would be for the household, and the two start getting it on. Gross.

Steven arrives in New York and shows up at Sammy Jo's apartment, and she politely greets him and invites him in for some awkward chitchat. She tells him she's pursuing a career as a model - but is short on cash, and subsists on the money Blake sends her every month. She asks him why he traveled all the way to New York to see her, and he suggests they talk about it over dinner at one of his favorite restaurants. She's like, "Sure. Why not?"

At the restaurant, Steven tells Sammy Jo he wants them to get back together. She mulls that over for a few seconds and says, "Maybe it wouldn't be so bad" and figures they could get a cool apartment in the city, and a summer place in the Hamptons. She grins mischievously and adds, "Blake could afford all that." Steven's all, "Whoa.." and informs her that they won't be taking any money from Blake, 'cause once they return home he'll get a job and support her and Danny. Sammy Jo doesn't like the sound of that and reminds him that Denver isn't her home and that she'd prefer to stay in New York. She says that getting back together would be a rotten idea, mostly 'cause of his gayness. Steven argues that he hasn't touched a man in a loooong time, but Sammy Jo gives him a disdainful stare and retorts, "But you haven't stopped thinking about them, have you?" She points out that New York is where he once lived with Ted Dinard, then asks him if he and Ted used to frequent this restaurant. Steven admits that, yeah, they may have eaten here once or twice, and Sammy Jo snarls, "I don't want you - just like I don't want a baby. It was a mistake." Steven looks appalled and says, "But he's our son!" and she says she only carried the pregnancy to term 'cause she was too afraid of having an abortion. She says she doesn't know the baby, nor does she want to...which is precisely why she gave him to people who would give him a good upbringing. She glares at him hatefully and snarks, "If you want to do your thing with other guys, go do it.  But, if you really give a damn about your son - let him grow up with a straight family.  Don't stick him with you for a father." Ooouch. She gets up and flounces out of the restaurant, leaving Steven looking decimated and really close to tears.

One of Denver-Carrington's board members, Sam Dexter, is in Blake's office. He tells Blake he was tracked down while vacationing and given a letter about Alexis' merger meeting, which he strongly feels he must attend. Blake urges him to skip it 'cause soon Andy will be arguing to a judge against Alexis' right to convene the meeting. Sam insists he must attend, and points out that if Andy's arguments are tossed out of court, he'll be screwed 'cause of all the Denver-Carringon stock he owns. Blake snarls, "My company made you a rich man!" but Sam shrugs and tells him it's just business.

Steven arrives at the penthouse to see Alexis...and she's relieved he didn't bring Sammy Jo back with him, and says she's glad he finally sees the tart for the gold digger she is. She tries to get him interested in working at ColbyCo, but he says he first has to decide what to do about Danny. She tells him she understands, but hopes he'll eventually make the decision to join her company.

Steven and Blake are in the study for another one of their acrimonious father-son chats. Steven announces that he plans to move himself and Danny into an apartment and raise the little gaffer as a single parent. Blake says he doesn't like that idea at all - and as they argue, Krystle quietly enters the room carrying Danny. Blake motions toward the baby and says, "All we want for this child here is to be surrounded by a real family.  A whole family and not some...some..." and Steven interjects and bitterly says, "You don't want Danny to have a gay for a father." He then bitches about how much he hates being back at Carrington manor - so much so that he wakes up sweating, and wants out asap. He takes the baby from Krystle and exits the room, leaving Blake to growl, "Steven!" Krystle tells him to stuff a sock in it and urges him to try to see things from his son's perspective. He barks, "Have you lost your mind?!" but she explains that if he keeps up his usual douchebaggery, they may never see Danny again - and that would be heartbreaking. Blake mulls this over while staring contemplatively into space...and this is where the episode abruptly ends.

Recap: Blake and Krystle are cuddled in bed together (blech) when they're awoken by strange noises coming from outside. Blake gets out of bed and walks over to the window to investigate, and sees a small crew of workmen erecting a giant tent on the lawn in front of Alexis' studio. He snarls, "What the hell is Alexis up to now?" then storms outside, still in his robe and slippers. He bursts into the studio and asks Alexis whassup with all the racket, and she crisply replies, "Preparations for tomorrow." He barks back, "Preparations for what, damn it?" and she smugly retorts, "My wedding." She explains that the ceremony will take place in a church, and the reception will be on her front lawn. Blake gives her an incredulous stare and asks her if she's completely insane, and she giddily gabbles about how she's in love with Cecil and life in general. He growls, "Have you no decency?" and she just shakes her head and breezily retorts, "Questions, questions. I can't bear answering questions so early in the morning." LOL. Blake gives up on the nonsensical conversation and storms out of the studio and back to the mansion.

Blake gets on the phone [with who I assume is Andy] to ask if he can legally block the road leading to Alexis' studio, but unfortunately the judges have turned down various injunctions to that effect. When Krystle ambles into the study, Blake suggests that they spend the next few days at the Sky Crest Dude Ranch. He's considering buying the property, and he also wants to be far away from "this farce, this carnival". He tells Krystle that by the time they return, Alexis probably will have moved out of the studio for good and into Cecil's estate.

The workmen continue to assemble the wedding tent when Fallon rides over on her horse. She asks her mother whassup, and Alexis explains that she and Cecil will be holding their wedding reception here. Fallon's all, "Wha-a?!" so Alexis reminds her that she sent her and Jeff a wedding invitation that neither of them has replied to. Fallon tells her that Jeff has zero desire to be anywhere near his shitty uncle or their wedding...and Alexis asks her if she too feels this way, then poutishly adds that it would greatly upset her if she did. She pleads with Fallon to attend her wedding, but Fallon bitchily declines and she and her horse trot off.  

Joseph stops by Nick's office to inform him that he has just transported Claudia to the hospital for her check up. He warns Nick that during the drive, she rambled nonsensically about how life is eternal and that after it ends it begins again. Nick mulls over Claudia's escalating nuttiness and thanks Joseph for the heads up.

Fallon drops by the nursery to visit her son, and when Nurse Susan ambles into the room a few seconds later, she admonishes her for leaving the baby unattended. Nurse Susan tells her she was only out of the room for a few moments, then haughtily reminds her that she's a registered nurse, not a bonded slave. She then asks Fallon if it's all right for her to go downstairs and get a cup of tea, and Fallon sheepishly nods...and after Nurse Susan exits, she gathers Little Blake in her arms and sits with him in the rocking chair. Blake enters the room for a few minutes of his own cuddle time with the baby, then invites Fallon and her brood to join him and Krystle at Sky Crest. Fallon says she'd rather settle in with the baby at home, then asks him if he's heard from Steven. Blake says he hasn't, and Fallon tells him she doesn't think they'll hear from him for a loooong time. Yep, that's safe to say. She acknowledges how dickish this version of Steven became towards the end, then switches gears and declares that her baby is going to know what a privilege it is to be a Carrington...and suddenly Jeff appears in the doorway of the nursery and frowns in disapproval. After Blake leaves, Jeff bitchily orders Fallon to inform the nurse that he wants Little Blake dressed and ready to leave with him in twenty minutes. Fallon's all, "Wuh?" and says he's on a schedule and can't just be taken away on a whim...but Jeff just glares at her and snarls, "Oh no? Try me" and storms off. That was weird and out-of-character.

Nick is doing his best to examine Claudia's gunshot wound, but she keeps jerking her head away from him and acting really squirrelly. He tells her her wound is healing nicely - though I'm not sure how he can tell with all that hair. He says she's going to need more time to become totally well, then suggests she go to a mountain retreat to complete her recuperation - and Claudia bitchily tells him he can call it what it is: a funny farm. She snarks that she's intimately familiar with funny farms, since she spent two years in one. That said, she tells him she's more than willing to check herself in, and Nick's like, "Great!" and offers to make all the arrangements. He tells her that Joseph will be by to pick her up shortly and transport her back to the mansion, and she pretends to wait out in the hall...but when Nick returns to his office, she makes a break for it.

Jeff takes Little Blake to the cemetery to visit his father's mausoleum. He runs into a creepy caretaker named Al, who remarks on all the rich people who are buried here. He then peers at the baby and says he must be worth a fortune, being a Colby/Carrington and all...and Jeff looks slightly weirded out and orders Al to ensure that there are fresh flowers placed by his father's mausoleum. Al creepily replies, "You take care of that little fella now, you hear?" and Jeff stares back at him with a worried expression. Al glances around the cemetery, looking as ominous and shady as he can muster, then walks over to Jeff's car where Nurse Susan is waiting and grins maniacally at her for no apparent reason - other than to make us think that he could be the baby snatcher [oops, spoiler]. Jeff, who must not have noticed that weird interaction, carries the baby over to the mausoleum and tells him about how he's both a Carrington and a Colby, then promises to be a caring, involved parent in his life. Fallon, meanwhile, has followed Jeff to the cemetery and is skulking behind grave stones...and eventually she gets close enough to the Colby mausoleum so that she can eavesdrop on Jeff. He's now telling the baby that he'll be there to play ball and help him with his schoolwork, blah blah...in other words, do all the things he wasn't able to share with his late father. Fallon looks both touched and sheepish.

Claudia returns to the mansion with a bundle of cash...and she's gleefully counting it when Joseph enters her room. He irritably reminds her that he had driven all the way to the hospital to give her a ride home, so she fibs and tells him she needed to pick something up at the drug store and then took a taxi back to the estate. She's like, "Sorry!" and he shoots her a suspicious glare before stiffly exiting the room.  
Fallon arrives at the St. Dennis Club and finds Jeff eating alone. She asks him if he'd like some company, and he's like, "Sure!" so she has a seat. She confesses to following him to the cemetery earlier and that she overheard what he was telling their son. She apologizes for not acknowledging to Blake earlier that their son is a Colby as well as a Carrington...and Jeff apologizes for his out-of-character bitchitude in the nursery. Jeff suddenly decides they should visit their reverend at the rectory so they can start planning Little Blake's christening, and Fallon agrees that that's a fantastic idea. 

Over at Denver-Carrington, Blake's secretary buzzes him and tells him that Mr. Ahmed has just arrived for their meeting. When Mr. Ahmed turns out to be Rashid's brother, Faruq, Blake's all, "Wha-at's happening?!" and asks him why his brother didn't show. Faruq says he couldn't make it, but assures Blake that he has all the necessary documents and full deal-making authority. He tells Blake he has an extremely attractive deal to offer his company, and for the low low price of just $1 million, he can offer what is actually worth $20 million. Blake's beady little eyes light up, and he asks Faruq to give him the specifics - but Faruq offers none and just says that the deal is an awesome way for both of their companies to make a lot of money. LOL. Blake glares at him suspiciously and grumbles, "What kind of bind is your brother really in?" and suggests that Rashid didn't pay the General (?? still dunno who that is) all the money he was supposed to, and is now trying to shake him down for the money he now needs to pay off his debt. Faruq begs him to please hand over $1 million and moans about how much he loooves his brother, but Blake bitchily declines and tells him to go pee up a rope. Faruq wails that he could lose his brother, then asks Blake how he'd feel if he lost someone he loves...and ominously threatens to smile at his agony when he experiences such a loss. He storms out with his Arab bodyguards...and Blake looks over at a framed photograph of Krystle and stares at it worriedly. 

Nick's in his office at the hospital, staring at a photo of himself and his brother, Gianni. [That stupid storyline. Didn't we resolve the mystery of Gianni's boring suicide, like, eight episodes ago?] Nick suddenly has flashbacks of Gianni's dirty, dangling feet again...then recalls his accusation against Blake that one phone call from him would have saved Gianni's life. Nick picks up the phone and learns from whoever he's talking to that Faruq Ahmed has just checked into his hotel.

Nick arrives at the fancy hotel to see Ahmed. After two bodyguards usher him into the suite, he asks Faruq where his brother is and Faruq tells him he's still abroad. Nick grumbles about how he's been given the runaround about his brother's death and demands to know why his body wasn't brought back to the States like he'd arranged. Faruq tells him that Gianni was buried in a mass grave, due to a coup that had just broken out. Nick lunges at him and chokes him until Faruq's bodyguards pull him off. He bellows, "Scum!" but Faruq insists that it was "the plunderer" who killed his brother. Nick's like, "Who's the plunderer?" and Faruq tells him it's Blake Carrington. He recounts that Gianni was arrested for smuggling drugs, and the prison guards told Blake about it and made it clear that a certain sum of money would void the charges...but for whatever reason, Blake opted to not to pay them off. Faruq snarls, "I could tell you many more ugly things" and Nick looks troubled, yet intrigued at learning this new information...that he suddenly believes to be the truth despite any real evidence to back it up.

Blake and Krystle arrive at the Sky Crest Dude Ranch. They admire the beautiful grounds, canoodle happily for a few seconds, then head over to the office to check in.

Nick bursts into Blake's office at Denver-Carrington and finds Jeff there. He demands to know where Blake is, and Jeff tells him he went to Sky Crest for a few days. He then takes the opportunity to inform Nick that he and Fallon are giving their marriage another try, and warns him that if he catches him near Fallon he'll punch him in the face. Nick just laughs (and I laughed too) and disdainfully retorts, "You don't have a wife - you have a Carrington" then taunts Jeff by asking him if he's sure the baby is really his...or is it like everything else in the Carrington mansion: a possession of Blake's? After he storms out, Jeff contemplatively stares into space.

Blake and Krystle are riding horses together, enjoying the dude ranch's lovely scenery. They're both very impressed with the property, and Blake suddenly decides he'd like to ride all the way up to the top of the mountain, but would prefer to do it alone 'cause it might be a tad perilous for her. He urges her to go back down and wait for him...and reminds her that they can stay in touch via their walkie-talkies. Krystle agrees and slowly leads her horse toward the bottom of the mountain.

Nick is driving to Sky Crest, looking truly bizarre as he glares through his windshield with a cigarette dangling out of the corner of his mouth. He grimly recalls his conversation with Blake, when he insisted that his hands are clean regarding Gianni's death - and fortunately we don't have to endure the sight of Gianni's dirty dead feet again. When Nick arrives at the dude ranch, Krystle immediately spots his vehicle and rushes over to ask him what he's doing here. He tells her he urgently needs to speak with Blake, so she tells him he's currently riding the Scorpion Peak Trail, then radios Blake and tells him that Nick is on his way up to see him. She then tells her husband not to be too long, and he smiles into the walkie-talkie and promises to head back soon.

Nurse Susan is hovering over Little Blake's crib, cooing at him, when Joseph suddenly rushes into the nursery and tells her he needs help with Mrs. Gunnerson. She has badly cut her finger, and he can't stop the bleeding. Egads! Nurse Susan rushes downstairs with Joseph, leaving the baby unattended. Eeek!
Creepy Al is on the Carrington estate, pretending to be one of the crew members who's erecting Alexis' wedding tent. One of the workers asks him what he's doing here, and Al snarls at him to mind his own business and then glances around the estate all shifty-like. Meanwhile, Alexis and Cecil rush over to the studio to indulge in some afternoon delight, and that's all I'm going to say 'bout that right now. Jeff arrives home in his Mercedes and runs into Claudia, who's acting even nuttier than she did during her previous nutty interactions of the day. He politely tells her that even though they can't doink anymore, they're still friends and he wishes her well. She spacily replies, "Don't pity me. I didn't expect a future" and he tells her he hopes that one day she'll be able to find someone who's into wacky chicks and wouldn't object to coupling up with her. She assures him she won't be alone, then calls him "a sweet Colby"...and after he ambles off, she reaches into his car, pulls the key out of the ignition, and puts it in her purse.

Alexis gets a call from Morgan Hess, who reports that he has tracked down Mark Jennings in New York. Alexis excitedly calls it "splendid news", then orders him to return to Denver asap so she can give him his fat pay check. After she hangs up, she tells Cecil she has a lovely surprise for Blake and Krystle, namely that she tracked down Krystle's one and only husband. Cecil doesn't appear to give much of a rat's ass, so she suggests that they doink now...and the two stare at each other hornily while the camera pans from her face to his face, and then back again. LOL.

The door of the nursery creaks open, and a mysterious person wearing a trench coat and blue gloves enters. He/she picks up the baby and absconds with him. Eeek!

Nick rides along the Scorpion Peak Trail and finds Blake near the top of the mountain. Blake says he's surprised to see him, and that he must have something super important to tell him to warrant driving all the way from Denver. Nick glares at him and replies, "For this I would have come all the way back from hell" and Blake's all, "Wha-a?" so Nick tells him that Faruq Ahmed told him that Gianni's death was his fault because he refused to pay off the prison officials. Blake insists that Ahmed is lying, but Nick refuses to believe that and lunges at Blake...and their stunt doubles topple off of their horses and start rolling around in the dirt. Eventually they stagger to their feet and face each other with their hands balled into fists. LOL. Nick takes a swing at Blake and knocks him over, and he (Blake) continues to insist that everything he's told him has been the truth. He says he was in Indonesia when the cable about Gianni's death arrived...but Nick continues to not believe him and the two wrestle around in the dirt some more. At one point, Blake is atop Nick, and he claims he was unable to help his brother 'cause he had no power to intervene. He says he had called the State Department to get his sentence reduced - but didn't realize that Gianni would give up on life so quick and hang himself. Nick decks him and growls, "You lie!" and their stunt doubles wrestle around some more. Blake says he's sick of being blamed for his brother's death, then points out that Gianni wasn't exactly an innocent, considering that he was dealing drugs in the Middle East - which, generally speaking, is a pretty fucking boneheaded thing to do. He snarks at Nick to leave him and his family alone and ambles back to his horse. Nick watches him as he rides off, then stares contemplatively into space. Blake's stunt double (who I'm pretty sure is the same guy who played Alexis' stunt double during the cat fight episode) heads down the hill, and suddenly a rattlesnake spooks his horse, and "Blake" gets thrown into the air, rolls down a large hill, and lands just inches from the edge of a cliff. A few minutes later, Nick arrives at this area of the trail and sees Blake's horse standing alone. He gets off and looks around...and eventually spots Blake lying unconscious several feet down the mountain. He stares down at him, then gets back on his horse and continues riding, leaving him for dead.

Fallon and Jeff return to the mansion. They're gabbling excitedly about Little Blake's christening and head up to the nursery so they can tell the little gaffer all about it. When they find the crib empty, they're all, "Wuh?" and Fallon irritably calls for Nurse Susan. When she's nowhere to be found, they both rush downstairs and run into Joseph. He informs them that Nurse Susan was in the kitchen about fifteen minutes ago, tending to Mrs. Gunnerson's cut finger. Fallon and Jeff rush back upstairs, but the baby's still MIA...and Fallon wails that she's starting to get scared.

Nick calls someone from a pay phone and tells whoever it is to bring "it" to his house, then adds, "And keep your mouth shut." He's heading back to his car when Krystle spots him and runs over. She notices his black eye and asks him what happened, and he fibs and says he took a fall. She asks him if he spoke with Blake, and he tells her he wasn't able to locate him, then adds, "It's a big mountain." She scrunches her face in confusion and says she doesn't understand how he could have missed Blake, and is worried something might have happened to him. Nick shrugs indifferently, climbs into his car and starts the engine, then coldly says, "Goodbye, Krystle" and drives off. She stares after his car, looking pensively confused and worried.

Alexis and Cecil are getting it on - OMFG. She purrs that she finally got everything she's ever wanted, and we get an icky montage of the two of them kissing, fondling, and caressing as jazz music plays in the background. A few minutes in, Cecil suddenly contorts his face in pain, then whimpers, "I...can't...breathe..." Alexis stares at him in horror, shrieks, "Cecil!" and starts smacking him across the face, wailing, "You can't die on me! We're getting married tomorrow!" LOL. As he desperately gasps for air, she barks, "I need you to get Blake!" Poor Cecil. Considering his options, he's definitely better off surrendering to an early death.

Blake is still lying unconscious on the edge of the cliff. Krystle radios him on the walkie-talkie and pleads with him to respond. To make matters even more urgent and perilous, a thunderstorm is starting to roll in.

Fallon and Jeff frantically search the mansion for their missing baby. They run into Claudia, who spacily informs Jeff that she borrowed his Mercedes, then hands him his keys. Fallon asks her if she's seen Nurse Susan and/or their baby, and Claudia tells them she saw a foreign looking, bearded man lurking around near the greenhouse. Could it be...Faruq?! Jeff rushes to the nearest phone to call the police, and Fallon continues to freak out about her stolen baby and wails, "Daddy!" even though her daddy is far away, lying motionless atop a cliff. 

Blake continues to appear dead as the thunderstorm rolls closer. Krystle continues to screech at him via the walkie-talkie instead of doing something useful like report Blake missing so that the authorities can launch a search and rescue effort.

And that's a wrap for Season 2!

Recap: Blake wakes up before dawn and feels around for Krystle, then quickly realizes she's not in the room. He puts on his robe and heads downstairs, where he runs into Joseph (who must work 24 hours a day). He asks his majordomo if he's seen Krystle, and Joseph tells him he just saw her drive off somewhere. Blake says he's pretty sure he knows where she went, then dashes upstairs to get dressed.

As Blake predicted, Krystle's at the hospital...and she's nervously pacing up and down the hallway. Blake arrives, runs over to her, and asks her whassup...and she wails that they won't let her see Claudia. Blake's like, "Well, d'yuh. It's 4:00am" then advises her to go home, chill the fuck out, and return to the hospital during visiting hours. Krystle wails that Claudia's injured because of her, so he assures her that Claudia will be fine, and informs her that he asked Nick to transport her to a private clinic. Krystle's all, "Wha-a?!" and says Claudia should be housed somewhere close to them. She cries, "She's all alone! She doesn't have anyone else! We can't just abandon her!" and Blake tries to squelch her mini meltdown with a hug.

Later that morning, Nick is escorting Claudia down a hallway at Carrington manor - and Krystle sees them and runs over and is all, "Hey Nick! Hey Claudia! It's good to see you!" Claudia glares at her and bitchily snarks, "Is it?" Krystle reaches out to touch her, but she violently jerks away and bellows, "Don't touch me!!" She then slowly backs into the guest bedroom and snarls, "Leave me alone...and don't touch me!" LOL. Krystle tries to follow her, but Nick stops her and says Claudia's just a little shaken up at the moment. He assures her he'll handle it, then goes in and closes the door, leaving Krystle to stare at it in pensive bewilderment.

Over at Denver-Carrington, Blake is snarling at Jeff because of the incompetence of his "Los Angeles people" for failing to track down Steven. He snarks, "What about the L.A. police?" and Jeff wearily says they haven't notified the police, and Blake glares at him and grumbles, "I told you to get in touch with the police!" Jeff glares back and retorts, "You also told me you wanted me to think and not be a yes man" and says there's no evidence that anything bad has happened to Steven. Blake instructs him to cancel whatever he's got scheduled today so that he can focus on finding Steven, and Jeff's like, "Uh, nooo" and tries to explain to the dickwad that Steven is a grown man and should be left alone to sort out his own life. He then gets up and stalks out, leaving Blake to grimly stare contemplatively into space. 

Steven is, as it turns out, is sitting in a Santa Fe bar, guzzling beer with an odd new friend named Dwayne. Apparently, he's been talking Dwayne's ear off about how Sammy Jo accepted money from his mother to leave the marriage, fled to Los Angeles, and hooked up with a sleazy photographer. Dwayne suggests that maybe Steven didn't do such a good job of pleasuring her in the sack, and Steven mumbles, "I never heard a complaint." [Kind of a moot point, since Sammy Jo was strictly in that marriage for the gold digging, not sex with a straight-gay man.] Dwayne says his wife sounds like bad news and that maybe his mother did him a big favor. Steven guzzles more beer and grumbles, "My mother doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself" then apologizes to Dwayne for talking his ear off about his problems. He promises to keep his mouth shut from here on in, but Dwayne says it's important to express what's in his heart. The waiter comes by (hey - it's Miguel from The Young and the Restless!) and serves them another round of beers and asks for payment. Steven hands him a $100 bill, but the waiter can't change such a big bill, so Steven pulls out his checkbook. Dwayne glances down at the check and notices Steven Carrington written across the top and looks intrigued. The waiter tells him they don't accept checks and says, "No mon, no fun." Dwayne offers to pay the $2.50 tab [beer sure was cheap in 1982], and Steven thanks him and says, "I owe you one...if you're ever in Denver." Dwayne's like, "How about today?" and offers to travel to Denver with him and help out with the driving. He adds, "I've always wanted to drive a Rolls" and Steven's all, "Wuh? A Rolls?! What makes you think I drive a Rolls?" Dwayne just shrugs and says the watch he's wearing must be worth at least 5K, and Steven's like, "Uh, not quite." He then willfully ignores all of the giant red flags flapping around him and agrees to drive to Colorado with this shady character he's only known for a couple of hours. A delighted Dwayne heads over to a nearby pay phone and dials someone named Charlie. He smugly reports, "I got me a real live one. Steven Carrington" and reminds Charlie that Steven's father was recently on trial for killing his son's gay lover.

Alexis is in her studio, painting another masterpiece. Joseph drops by with a manservant, who's carrying the box of wine she ordered...and he irritably tells her he'd appreciate it if she gave the wine store the correct address, since it accidentally got delivered to the main house. She rolls her eyes and says she'll write him a check...and while she's sitting at her desk, she looks out the window and sees Krystle talking to Tony the gardener. Krystle is brusquely ordering Tony to put fresh flowers in Claudia's room asap, and then Tony needlessly invokes the 'Alexis skeet shooting incident' during the Viva Las Vegas episode that resulted in her miscarriage. He sheepishly says, "Sorry for getting mixed up that day." Krystle glares at him and asks, "Are you saying she was shooting?" and he hangs his head shamefully and replies no, so Krystle snarks, "Then you didn't get mixed up." She says an apology doesn't wipe out a lie, and that if she could prove the lie she'd fire him on the spot. Joseph, who's impatiently waiting for his check, tells Alexis to speed it up 'cause he's got shit to do. She quickly finishes writing out the check, hands it to him, then rudely shoos him out of her studio. LOL. She then stands in her front doorway and beckons Tony to come inside for a little chat...and he sighs deeply and obediently trots over. She sits him on her couch and asks him if he enjoys working on the Carrington estate, so he says, "Very much" and when she asks him if Blake pays him well, he goes, "Enough." Alexis stares over at him with a pouty, suggestive expression and purrs, "Why don't we talk about better than enough?" and Tony perks up and looks intrigued.

Krystle stumbles into the kitchen and tells Joseph she wants to ensure that Claudia feels very comfortable while she's recovering at Carrington manor. Joseph's like, "Yeah yeah" and says he already knows what all of her favorite foods and beverages are. Krystle accidentally knocks over a cup, and Joseph asks her if she's OK 'cause she seems kinda nervous, and she snaps, "I'm not nervous! I don't need you to tell me I seem nervous!" Joseph's like, "Whatever" and informs her that the portly police lieutenant is in the study, patiently waiting to speak with her.

Krystle breezes into the study, and the lieutenant says he heard that Claudia Blaisel has been brought to the mansion to recover from her bullet wound. He tells Krystle he'd like nothing more than to wrap up this case, but first he needs to clear up "the question mark" that's hanging over him. He informs her that prior to the shooting, she was seen lunching with Claudia at the St. Dennis Club, and that Claudia got upset and left the table...so Krystle explains that Claudia had just learned that her crybaby daughter was presumed dead. The lieutenant then reminds her that when he was standing in the doorway of the hospital room, he overheard Claudia accusing her of stealing her husband, then goes, "Care to explain?" Krystle says that Nick has already explained that (he did?), then says Claudia was in a very confused state. He suggests they all go upstairs to talk to Claudia about it and get it straightened out. [Um...should you really question Claudia with Krystle in the room?] Nick suddenly enters the room and puts the kibosh on that plan and tells the cop that Claudia's in no condition to see anyone. The cop tells him that sooner or later Claudia's going to have to be allowed to talk to him, and Nick asks him why he doesn't just believe Krystle's account and call it a day. LOL. Instead of telling Nick to go pee up a rope and stop fucking obstructing justice, the lieutenant actually wastes his breath explaining that he kinda needs to get accounts from both people who were involved in the shooting in order to get a full report. When Nick refuses again to grant him access to Claudia, he mutters, "Fine" and leaves. Somebody really should report this lieutenant to his supervisor, 'cause a spineless dinkwhistle like that does not belong on any police force.  

The lieutenant makes his way over to Alexis' studio and asks her what she can tell him about the relationship between Krystle and Claudia. She's like, "How should I know?" then proceeds to tell him about how Krystle had an affair with Matthew Blaisdel and was always virulently defensive about it. The lieutenant asks her if she's implying that Krystle would commit violence, and Alexis pretends to carefully contemplate this and then says, "We're all capable of violence if there's a good reason." She then tells him that Krystle once got really angry with her and violently tore her studio apart (ahh...the blessed cat fight), and the lieutenant looks intrigued.  

Jeff meets Blake at the St. Dennis Club, and Blake apologizes to him for acting like such a douchebag earlier. He explains that he's just really concerned about Steven...as well as "the damn Rhinewood threat" to take over Denver-Carrington. He tells Jeff he's calling a board meeting later and wants the company to issue preferred stock to anyone who owns common stock. Or something like that. I guess the goal here is that it would make stock owners more likely to sell their shares to Denver-Carrington instead of Rhinewood. Jeff contorts his weird caterpillar eyebrows (which, once again, seem to have a life of their own), and his eyes shine with admiration as he tells Blake what a brilliant idea that is.

Cecil is sitting in his secret "mission control" lair at ColbyCo, re-watching the videotape of his meeting with Blake from the previous episode. He suddenly clutches his chest and makes a comical oow face, then quickly pops a pill and chases it with a few gulps of water. [Thanks for the foreshadowing, writers. It would have been really weird if Cecil suddenly dropped dead with no prior indication of any heart health issues.] He stops the tape and exits the room, which appears to be located adjacent to his office. A few seconds later, Alexis drops by to tell him that the front lawn on his estate looks like shit. She proposes he hire a more creative gardener and has someone in mind: Tony Driscoll. She also suggests that since he's so interested in marrying her, he should install her there as Lady of the Manor. Cecil looks intrigued and sexily fondles her leg.

Claudia is having a minor meltdown as she frantically searches through drawers. Nick enters the room and asks her whassup, and she tells him she needs to find the phone book so she can call the passport office and then travel to South America and find Lindsay. Nick advises her to wait until she's stronger before she flies off, half-cocked, to track down her dead daughter...then says he needs to do a quick neuro check. He sits her down and shines a pen light in one of her eyes, and she wigs out and cries, "What are you doing?! Get that needle out of my eye!" He tells her it's just a pen light, then gives it to her so she can see for herself that it's nothing dangerous. She suddenly bursts into tears, and he assures her she'll be OK...and explains that she suffered a trauma, which will take time to heal. He urges her to get some rest and promises to look into getting her a passport. After he leaves the room, she crawls into bed and continues to weep.

Nick exits the mansion, and Fallon runs out after him. She opens the trench coat she's wearing and flashes him with the hideous one-piece bathing suit she's wearing underneath. She saucily tells him it's a preview of their upcoming trip to the Caribbean. He winces and says he had to cancel that trip, and she's all, "Wha-a?! Why?" He tells her he has to care for Claudia, since apparently her entire future depends on the kind of treatment she receives right now. Fallon pouts and goes, "But what about our vacation?" and tells him that some other flunky at the hospital could just as easily sort out Claudia's various emotional disorders. Nick angrily retorts that she's behaving like a selfish whiny brat and barks, "Stop it!" She says, "Oh great - is that what you really think of me, doctor?" and he replies, "Yes." She stares at him with a look of utter incredulity, and he glares back at her and snarks, "Call me. When you grow up. If you ever do." Fallon shoots him the stink-eye, then flounces back into the mansion and slams the door. Awesome!

Fallon is suddenly at the hospital, cuddling her baby as she bottle feeds him. She coos at the little gaffer and tells him he's so tiny and pretty, and then apologizes for all the trash-talking she did about him during her pregnancy. LOL. Suddenly, Jeff enters the room and smiles goofily at the two of them. He happily reports that the baby is gaining weight and getting stronger, then tells Fallon she too has grown into a beautiful woman...much different from the scrawny kid who used to climb trees with him. (The fuck, Jeff??) He says he can't wait to bring their son home so they can start acting like a real family...which is weird, since the two have been hating on each other for the last several months, vowing to get divorced as soon as Blake will allow it.  

Fallon and Jeff head over to the St. Dennis Club, where they cozily hold hands. He tells her that when he looks at their son, he sees so much of her in him...and she says she hopes the kid picks up on her terrific virtues (bwahahaha!). Jeff says he'd like them to go home and discuss which college the baby should attend...and after giggling about that for a few seconds, he tells her he wants to go someplace less crowded, namely her bedroom. (The fuck, Jeff??)
Krystle calls Blake at the office, and he tells her he's just wrapping up some stuff and will be heading home soon. He coos, "I love you a lot" and Krystle smiles and says, "I love you a lot too." She then heads down the hall to Claudia's room. The nut appears to be fast asleep, so Krystle covers her with a blanket and tiptoes back out.

Jeff and Fallon arrive at the mansion and sneak up the stairs, narrowly missing running into Krystle. They enter her bedroom and start kissing, and she warns him, "This doesn't mean anything." Meanwhile, Claudia enters Krystle's room (does no one at this mansion knock?) and looks all spaced out and smiley. She says she finally figured it out, and Krystle's all, "Wuh?" so Claudia tells her that God caused her to lose her baby 'cause she deserved it...and also 'cause it was in exchange for her losing Lindsay. As Krystle stares at her nutty house guest in bewilderment, Claudia says, "That's how simple it really is" and heads back to her room. Damn Nick for not unplugging her when he had the chance.

Steven and Dwayne arrive in Denver, and Dwayne's like, "Nice!" and suggests they go to a specific street block downtown. He then looks over at Steven suggestively and asks, "How about it?" and Steven looks back at him blankly and goes, "How about what?" and Dwayne says, "How about you and I checking into a hotel?" Steven declines, and Dwayne says it's obvious he likes him...and that he just wants one night. Steven declines again and says he wants to go home, but Dwayne insists, "I know you like me" and says he knows when a guy is coming onto him. He then says he knows all about the Dinard murder trial and theorizes that the only reason he got married was so he could clean up his uptight family name. Steven abruptly swerves onto a side street and orders Dwayne to get out of his car. Dwayne says it's going to cost him, and that the price is $500 (no that's not a typo). He tells Steven that if he doesn't fork over $500, he'll go public and tell everyone that he tried to force him into a homosexual liaison. Steven snarks, "Are you shakin' me down?" and Dwayne laughs at him for being "quick"...as I continue to laugh at Dwayne for shaking down the son of a well known millionaire for a measly $500. Hell, even I could afford to be blackmailed for that amount. Steven pulls Dwayne out of the passenger seat and starts punching him...and, by scripted coincidence, a police car appears. The officers restrain Steven, and Dwayne tells them he tried to kill him after he refused to have sex with him. One of the cops arrests Steven and reads him his rights, and Steven just mutely stares into space before he's taken away.

Alexis enters the Carrington kitchen as Krystle is heating up some milk. She asks Krystle how Claudia's doing, and Krystle curtly says she's feeling better. Alexis starts gabbling about how she must finally understand the pressure that Blake was under during his trial, then reminds her of the way she walked out on him that day in court. Krystle says she was pregnant with the child she (Alexis) caused her to lose. Alexis goes, "Please. You don't still believe that, do you?" and Krystle replies, "Yes, I do." Alexis tells her she's mentally ill and suggests she book some therapy sessions with Dr. Toscanni. Haha! Krystle tells her she's rotten and evil and that she's the one who's in desperate need of a psychiatrist, then orders her to get out of her house. Damn. I was hoping for another delicious cat fight.

Jeff and Fallon lay in bed, enjoying the afterglow. Jeff says he doesn't remember their sex being this good before, then says, "Sometimes you have to be apart to realize what you had." Fallon tells him not to get "too heavy" on her, and he ignores that and tells her his extra-marital hookup is over. She's like, "That's nice...and it's your business." Jeff says he wants everything on the table, and for there to be no more secrets between them. He asks about her relationship with Nick, and she says she really doesn't want to discuss that right now...then says she has zero interest in learning about the woman he used to doink on the side. Jeff switches gears and tells her that their son is a huge miracle, and that their love for him has brought them together and is giving them a second chance. She tells him that one doink doesn't change anything, but he insists that it does and wants the three of them to be a family. (The fuck, Jeff??)

Blake arrives home, and Joseph greets him and informs him that Tony the gardener has given notice and will be moving on to Cecil Colby's estate, where he was offered the job of Head Groundskeeper. Blake heads upstairs and asks Krystle if she heard about Tony's imminent departure, and she caustically says it's merely a ploy by Alexis to send him away in order to ensure that he stays quiet. Blake scrunches his face in confusion and is all, "Wha-a?!"

Blake asks Tony to join him in the study and offers him a drink. He tells him he doesn't want him to quit, then urges him to tell him everything that's been going on for the last several weeks.

Tony must have totally spilled the beans, 'cause Blake storms over to Alexis' studio and tells her he knows all about her accusations against Tony for the theft of her silver desk set. He calls her "vicious and ruthless" and that she was determined for Krystle to not have his child. Alexis claims that she dropped the skeet shooting rifle and it accidentally went off...but Blake doesn't buy that and accuses her of firing it on purpose. Alexis insists that she's not capable of such a thing...especially after what happened to their baby, Adam. [Take special note, recap readers: this is the genesis of when long lost Carrington baby #1 comes out of the woodwork.] Blake grumbles, "We swore never to talk about that" and she says she'll never get over his loss. Blake snaps at her for trying to resurrect the past in order to excuse the present, and she wails, "I love you! Why do you hate me so much?!" and he's like, "Duh, 'cause you killed my child." He says he no longer wants to see her anywhere on his estate, and that he'll burn her studio to the ground if that'll get her out. He then violently tosses her onto the couch and storms out. She cries, "Blake!" then positions herself in front of the camera and dramatically mutters in a breathy voice, "It's not going to end this way. I didn't fight this hard to lose. I may have lost you now, but I'm not going to lose everything. Oh no...oh no..." LOL.

Recap: Blake storms back to the mansion after his altercation with Alexis. He heads straight upstairs to tell Krystle that Tony (the gardener) admitted that Alexis purposely fired her skeet shooting rifle to spook her horse and cause her miscarriage. He says, "I just had it out with Alexis about her killing our child." He adds that he ordered her to leave the estate, and then growls, "I'm going to bulldoze her damn studio in the morning!" Krystle looks alarmed and wails, "You can't!" and points out that Alexis holds the deed to the property...plus, he's still on probation for the manslaughter of Ted Dinard. Most importantly, she reminds him that his grandchild is coming home from the hospital tomorrow - and it's a special occasion he shouldn't allow Alexis to ruin. Blake mulls all that over and agrees to exercise restraint...for now. But he assures her that Alexis will not get away with her nefarious misdeeds. Joseph suddenly pops into the room to inform Blake that Steven just called...and that he called from the jailhouse, where's he's being held after getting arrested.

Blake arrives at the police station...and when Steven is brought into the visitor's room, he gives his son a look of dismay and says, "Well...at least you're safe." Steven snaps, "What does that mean?" and Blake says it means he obviously made it back from Los Angeles in one piece...after stopping off in more than a few towns and a few bars, and picking up a [suspiciously gay] stranger from Santa Fe. Steven rudely turns his back on Blake, so Blake yells at him to turn around and face him when they're speaking. He asks Steven if he managed to find Sammy Jo, and Steven sullenly retorts, "That's my business" and Blake's just like, "Whatever" and grumbles that he didn't come all the way to the police station to talk about the floozy anyway. He informs Steven that the desk sergeant is preparing his bail papers, but Steven bitchily tells his father to go home and that he doesn't need him to bail him out.

Jeff and Fallon are in bed together...and Jeff desperately wants to discuss their marital situation, but Fallon sleepily grumbles that they've already exhausted the topic and she just wants to go to sleep. Jeff presses the issue and says they have to "face facts" before they bring their baby home, and then mumbles something about how hurt he still is over his father's untimely death. He desperately wants his child to have both a mother and a father, otherwise he could be scarred for life. Fallon astutely points out that it would be much worse for their child to live with their constant fighting...and Jeff agrees and says they need to put his welfare above their petty, childish disagreements. Fallon promises she'll do her best, then rolls over and goes back to sleep.

The next morning, Fallon admonishes Blake for leaving Steven to languish in jail all night. Blake tells her to stop hassling him and says he just wants to enjoy a peaceful breakfast before he leaves for the office. Fallon continues to badger him about his troubled relationship with Steven, so Blake tells her he sent Andy over to the jailhouse at 6:00am to secure Steven's release. He then stares down at his plate and snarks at the manservant who's hovering over him that he just served him eggs that are overdone and bacon that's burned. Egads! The shame-faced servant swiftly removes the offending breakfast and somehow restrains himself from telling the rude douchewad where he can stick his overly crispy bacon. Blake tells Fallon that perhaps letting Steven face the jailhouse alone will make a man out of him, and Fallon asks him when this tedious I-hate-having-a-gay-son storyline is finally going to run its course. Blake says he doesn't know, then barks at her to stop telling him how to be a father. Fallon tears up and heads toward the staircase, then turns around and asks what she's supposed to tell her son about why his Uncle Steven isn't at his homecoming. (He's an infant; I doubt he'll notice.) She then whines about how this is supposed to be a happy day, and Blake gruffly insists that it will be...and she pouts and asks, "Will it?" and flounces upstairs.

Krystle is primping in her room when Joseph pops in to inform her that Claudia is acting even more squirrelly than usual. Apparently, she's demanding that he bring her a suitcase so she can pack her things and leave for South America to retrieve her daughter. (My immediate reaction would be: let's get this woman a suitcase, a passport, and a one way ticket to Argentina...and then we'll change all the locks.) Krystle asks Joseph to call Nick for back-up, and she rushes down the hall to Claudia's room to see whassup. Joseph walks across the room toward the phone, rolls his eyes warily, and dials Nick's number. LOL.

Claudia is folding her clothes when Krystle enters the room and asks her whassup. Claudia tells her she wants to go to South America and look for her [presumed dead] daughter, and Krystle just stares at her with pensive concern and says she should probably discuss it with Nick to ensure that she's well enough to make the trip. Claudia starts twitching and insists nothing's wrong with her, so Krystle reminds her that she's still recovering from the accident. Claudia goes, "Accident? What accident? I don't remember any accident"...then says she does, however, remember how sneaky Krystle was when she was doinking Matthew while she was laid up at the funny farm. She dismissively tells Krystle to go away 'cause she's very busy...and when Krystle just stares back at her mutely, she screeches, "Get out of here!" Krystle wisely beats a hasty retreat, and Claudia glares after her with a maniacal expression. Yikes. Nick should probably look into maybe getting her re-installed at the funny farm.

Over in the studio, Alexis and Cecil are enjoying pizza and champagne for breakfast. As she slices up the pizza, she starts yammering about how the mansion servants refuse to let her borrow anything from the kitchen...and Cecil ambles a few feet away and clutches his chest, then mops the sweat from his forehead. Once Cecil's faux heart attack has passed, he pours two glasses of champagne...and Alexis, who remains oblivious to his failing heart, suddenly announces that she's decided to accept his marriage proposal. He's like, "Wuh?" and after a few seconds of stunned silence, he gives her a little smooch. She stares back at him in disappointment and says that usually his lips are more passionate than that lackluster attempt...so he says he's just surprised that she accepted his proposal so suddenly. He tells her he finds her unpredictability very alluring and asks her what prompted her to accept his proposal, so she tells him she had to get rid of "old ghosts". Cecil correctly assumes that she's talking about her marriage to Blake and asks her if that means she still holds a candle for the old goat, but Alexis insists that she loathes him, and that he's vile and arrogant and that she'd like nothing more than to see him destroyed. Cecil perks up at that, and Alexis asks him if he too hates Blake with as much intensity as she does. Cecil admits that there's no love lost between him and Blake, and Alexis grins broadly and says, "That's very, very good. That puts us on the same side." (LOL, writers.) She asks Cecil to tell her more about his hatred for Blake, so he tells her he does a little something every day to indulge his hatred for the man. (Well that's healthy.) This seems to turn Alexis on, and the two indulge in a blechy smoochfest. 

Krystle is on the terrace, arranging a big bouquet of very colorful flowers. Nick comes out and tells her that Claudia has agreed she's in no shape to travel to South America, and will stay in Denver and complete the healing process. Krystle tells him she's grateful for all he's done for Claudia, and praises him for being adult enough to put aside his anger after she dumped him. Nick admits that he was royally pissed off when she dumped him, but concedes that her love for her husband was stronger than her lukewarm interest in him. She concurs and gives him a chaste kiss on the cheek...and - oops! - we see that Fallon is staring down at them from her bedroom window and totally misinterprets the gesture. She whirls around and glares into the camera with her eyes narrowed.

Blake returns to the police station to bring Steven a change of clothes and to inform him that his bail has been paid. Naturally, this angers Steven, and he bitchily refuses to accept help from a highly-paid Denver-Carrington lawyer. Blake urges him to plead guilty, then asks, "You did hit that man, didn't you?" but Steven refuses to answer. Blake points out that if he pleads guilty, there won't be a trial...then says he knows first hand what a horrible ordeal a trial can be. Steven insists he can handle it, but Blake tells him it'd be bad enough if this had been just a regular assault - but this was a homosexual assault, which apparently is way worse. LOL. Blake implores his idiot son to plead guilty so they can all get on with their lives, but Steven stubbornly refuses to listen.

Fallon and Blake arrive at the hospital to pick up the baby. As Blake heads over to the pay phone to call Jeff, Fallon runs into Nick. She smugly informs him that she and Jeff are back together, and that she wants to make a life for her son with a mother and a father. Nick chirps, "Can't argue with that!" so a crestfallen Fallon pouts and tells him he really let go of a prize when he dumped her ass. She then snootily tells him that he should get back to work - and she'll get back to her aimless life of leisure and nothingness. Nick just kind of shrugs indifferently and ambles off, and Fallon stares at the floor and puts her sad face on.

Nurse Susan is readying the baby for his trip home. Nick walks into the room and gives her a suggestive stare - hey, she's Steve Sanders' mom from Beverly Hills, 90210! Nick peeks at the baby and calls him beautiful, and Nurse Susan wryly informs him that Blake refers to the little gaffer as the little prince. Apparently, Nurse Susan has taken the job as live-in baby nurse at Carrington manor...but she doesn't seem too thrilled about working for rich people in a giant mansion. She tells Nick she'd much rather move into his house, but Nick's like, "Sorry, but it could never work between us." I really don't get why so many women find this weirdo so irresistible.

Fallon and Blake arrive at the mansion with the baby, and his grand homecoming is being celebrated with balloons, champagne...and the servants are all assembled in the living room to witness the momentous occasion. Tony the gardener is snapping photos (LOL) and Fallon introduces her son to the household as Blake Carrington Colby. (Won't it be confusing to have two Blakes living under the same roof?) Old Blake then gathers Baby Blake in his arms, raises his glass of champagne and decrees, "I want you to drink to this splendid child...this splendid prince...this splendid grandson of mine...otherwise you're all fired!!" Bwahaha! The maids and manservants dutifully drink up, and then Blake carries the baby over to each servant for a personalized introduction. Meanwhile, Jeff sidles up to Fallon and asks her if they're really, actually, truly going to make their marriage work...and she's like, "Yeah, sure. Whatever." Jeff should maybe stop acting like a needy teenage girl.

Steven arrives home during the ridiculous festivities, notices all the balloons and photo taking, and tries to make a break for it down the hall. Krystle stops him and asks him if everything is OK, then invites him to join them and enjoy a glass of champagne. Steven coldly snarks, "To celebrate the heir apparent's arrival? Maybe a little later" and stalks off. Fuck he's a moody prick. 

Fallon and Nurse Susan bring Prince Blake to his elaborately decorated nursery. Fallon coos and promises him they'll spend lots of time together...and a few seconds later, she hands him to Nurse Susan and flounces off to her room. Nurse Susan caustically tells the baby that he's a very lucky boy, since not everyone has Buckingham Palace to come home to. Krystle enters the nursery so she too can coo and fuss over the tot...but then Fallon returns and looks pissed off that Krystle is holding her son. She orders her step-mother to hand him back to Nurse Susan, then says she'd like to speak with her in the hallway. She then makes it bitchily clear that she doesn't want Krystle anywhere near her baby - but Krystle says she's not taking Fallon's bitchitude personally, 'cause she gets that she's in a shitty mood because of her recent breakup with Nick. She swears that she and Nick never hit the sheets together...and that if she (Fallon) is angry because she lost him, she only has herself to blame.  

Nick and Blake read a telex (I guess that's pre-fax machine..?) that has just arrived from Ecuador...and the news isn't good. Nick says he's worried to share it with Claudia, but Blake points out that there's never a right time to tell someone their entire family is dead - plus, he promised Claudia he'd tell her the truth, whatever it ends up being. He grimly says, "We have no choice. She has to face reality" and Nick's like "Yeah, OK", and the two head upstairs to break the sad news to the nut. When they enter her room, she's frenetically tearing pages out of fashion magazines, and explains that they're pictures of all the clothes she wants to buy for Lindsay when she finally returns home. Nick tells her she's not going to have to worry 'bout that, and then Blake blurts out, "They're gone." Claudia stares back at him blankly and asks, "Gone where?" so he bluntly says, "They're dead." She reacts with a freakout and yells that they're lying, so Nick explains that the investigators found the remains of their bodies, which had been thrown from the jeep...and the reason they weren't found right away is 'cause they were covered with jungle growth. Makes sense. Claudia still thinks they're lying to her, so Blake hands her the telex...and she reads it and whimpers, "My husband...my baby." She woodenly says she can't bring herself to cry, and Nick's like, "Sure you can!" (LOL) but she insists that the tears won't come. She then says she already knew her family was dead, 'cause she read about it in a telex that she recently intercepted at Denver-Carrington. Blake's all, "Wuh?" so she explains that a telex arrived when she was working late one night, and that it read no sign of life. She knew in her heart then that Matthew and Lindsay were dead...and rambles on and on about that for a few minutes. She tells them that after reading the telex, she went to her apartment to fetch her gun so that she could kill Cecil Colby because of how he used her as a spy but then didn't tell her her family was dead. Nick asks her if that's when Krystle entered the apartment, and Claudia nods. She says that Krystle saw the gun and tried to stop her from taking it...so then Blake gets in on that action and asks her who fired the gun, and Claudia starts twitching and finally admits, "I did." Nick suggests she tell the police her account of the shooting, like pronto, so they can get Krystle off the hook. She agrees to do that, but insists she's not sorry about her intention to kill Cecil...and Blake and Nick nod and tell her they're both A-OK with that. LOL.

Nick has managed to get Claudia a room somewhere (hopefully at the funny farm) and Blake thanks him for all his help. Jeff enters the study at that moment and tells Blake that Rashid Ahmed is desperate to schedule a meeting with him. Nick overhears him say Rashid Ahmed and starts having grisly flashbacks of his dead brother's dangling feet again...then recalls how Blake insisted that he had nothing to do with Gianni's death. Nick exits the mansion and ominously whispers, "Rashid Ahmed.." then starts to twitch and have a Claudia-style freakout of his own. 

Krystle finds Alexis wandering around the mansion and demands to know what she's doing here. Alexis snarks, "None of your damn business" then explains that she's here to see the baby. Krystle bitchily tells her to phone Fallon and arrange for a visit in her studio, so Alexis accuses her of being jealous of Fallon's childbearing abilities - but Krystle denies it and says she no longer has the power to taunt her. Alexis just shrugs and announces she's marrying Cecil, and Krystle says, "Great. Two of a kind. Perfect match." For some reason, this causes Alexis to perk up, and she says, "I have the most wonderful idea! Where to have the wedding!" and quickly sashays out the side door. She runs into Steven on the terrace and tells him she heard about his arrest...and he tells her he pled not guilty and will therefore go to trial over the post-shakedown punch, then demands that she admit to paying off Sammy Jo to leave town. Alexis freely admits she did, then says, "It was for your own good. She was a cheap little tramp." Steven then goes on a weird tangent about how she probably believes that he hooked up with a strange man and had a homosexual liaison, but that he doesn't care what she thinks, blah blah. The dude's fast becoming a whiny, cranky bore. Joseph enters the terrace and tells Steven that his father wants to speak with him in the study.

Blake tells Steven he wants to "reassess things" (that can't be good) and wants to have a drink while they discuss this reassessment, but Steven refuses to accept a drink. Blake slips into his usual dickwad routine and starts with, "I've allowed you to lead your own life" and goes on to tell Steven what a moron he thinks he is to have ended up in jail after punching an allegedly homosexual punk he met in a bar. Steven just glares him with his usual stony expression, and Blake barks, "Aren't you going to say anything?" so Steven swipes his arm across the end table and sends several drinking glasses crashing to the floor. Krystle hears the shattering glass from the hallway...and a few seconds later, Joseph wanders over, along with Jeff and Fallon. Fallon bursts into the study and shrieks, "What's happening?!" and then Alexis wanders in and tells Steven she'd like a word with him. Steven just gives her a funny look and goes, "Kinda busy right now, mom" then re-directs his attention to Fallon. He sourly explains that Blake is getting all judgey about his life again, specifically how he's shaping up (or not) as a Carrington. He then accuses everyone in the room of being part of "this kangaroo court" and that he's the poor defendant who can't ever do anything right, wah wah.. He reminds Blake how he kept pressuring him to be attracted to women, so he went and married one - but then everyone was super bitchy to Sammy Jo. Alexis is like, "Well d'yuh, she was a tramp" and Fallon concurs and adds, "She was common trash." Steven shoots her the stink-eye and asks, "And what are you, Fallon? Uncommon trash?" Hee! And, uh, yes. Jeff warns Steven not to sass his woman, but Steven just shoves him onto the couch and continues his rant. He tells his family they're rotten to the core, and that Jeff and Krystle have been "contaminated by the oil baron". He then picks up a valuable vase, and Blake looks alarmed and warns him to put it down...but Steven holds it between two fingers like he's about to drop it...but then doesn't. He asks Blake if the vase is worth more than Ted Dinard's life, and Blake reminds him that that was an accident and soo last season. Steven starts moaning about how their love was decent and honorable, and that Blake ruined it because it didn't fit his ideal. Blake growls, "I wanted you to be a man" and Steven retorts, "I am a man. Just not your kind." He says he's been living a lie just to please him...but is no longer willing to do that. From now on, he's going to live his life his way - which I assume means no more female hookers or bordello girls. He looks Blake in the eye and declares, "I'm a homosexual, dad. I'm gay. And I want you to face it" and Blake just stares at him, icked out and dumbfounded. Steven prompts everyone in the room to repeat "Steven is gay" but everyone just stares at him mutely...until Fallon finally chirps, "Steven is gay." Yay Fallon! [For that, I promise not to make fun of you for the rest of the recap.] When it's clear that no other acknowledgements of his gayness are forthcoming, Steven lumbers toward the door and says he hates what all of them stand for (e.g. their morals, values, and blindness), but despite all that, he still loves them. Er...OK. As he stalks out of the study, Prince Blake starts to cry from his crib, and Steven cocks his head to the side as he listens to the crying for a few seconds, then says, "The heir apparent...the little Carrington prince. God help that poor baby." Amen to that, Steven. And may God have mercy on the little gaffer's soul.

Claudia also hears the baby crying and stumbles into the nursery. She stares down at the infant with a perplexed expression and whispers, "Lindsay?" She picks up the tiny prince, hugs him close to her and murmurs, "Life ends...but then it begins again." That can't be good.

Recap: Blake and Krystle arrange for a food cart from the ritzy St. Dennis Club to be delivered to Fallon's hospital room. Blake reminisces with Krystle about how he took Fallon there for her eighth birthday...but then his expression turns serious, and he says they need to do everything necessary to help her out of the shitty mood she's been in. A few seconds later, Fallon is wheeled into the room, and Blake shows her the food cart and says they should celebrate. She asks in a flat voice, "Celebrate what?" and he's like, "Duh, your son...my grandson." Fallon says she hasn't even seen the baby and has zero desire to do so - in fact, she'd prefer it if Jeff took him away somewhere and raised him. Blake and Krystle exchange looks of pensive concern, and Blake asks Fallon what's really wrong (aside from being such a horrible person with such obvious deficiencies), and she wails that she's tired, doesn't have an appetite, and just wants to be left alone. Blake gives her a fatherly kiss, and he and Krystle leave the room...and Fallon miserably stares into space.

A restless Blake paces in his office at Denver-Carrington, then buzzes his secretary and dictates a memo to Andy stating that another 100,000 shares of Denver-Carrington's stock was just purchased. He grumbles that whoever's behind all this stock buying is trying to raid his company, and he wants to know who the hell it is. Jeff enters his office, eavesdrops as he's dictating, and tells Blake that whoever's buying up all the stock is doing it anonymously, which means that it's impossible to trace it to a person. Blake snaps, "I know it's Rhinewood, damn it!" then immediately looks sheepish and apologizes for being such a snappish dickwad. He says it's been a bad week of feeling squeezed from all sides: he has a stranger trying to wreck his business, and a daughter who's treating him like a hostile stranger. He says he wishes Fallon would snap out of her postpartum bitchitude, then asks Jeff for his help figuring out why she's so pissed off at him.
A handsome groundskeeper named Tony (of the cleaning of the skeet shooting rifle from the previous episode) is summoned to the studio. Alexis snippily tells him he's a good groundsman, but a little loose with the tongue. He's all, "Wuh?" so she reminds him that he tattled to Krystle about how she (Alexis) was skeet shooting the day she (Krystle) fell off her horse, miscarried Blake's spawn, and destroyed all future chances of carrying his spawn. He casually says, "Oh that. Yes" - LOL - and Alexis glares at him, bitchily mimics him, then says, "But you were mistaken, weren't you, Tony?" ...but Tony doesn't get that this is more a threat than a question, and insists he wasn't mistaken. Alexis coldly retorts, "I see" and offers him tea, which he declines. She says she wants to talk about her silver - and he's all, "Wuh?" again - and claims that a valuable Georgian silver desk set was stolen from her studio. She accuses him of taking it, since he was recently in her studio alone, delivering flowers. She promises not to blow the whistle on him as long as he explains his "faulty memory" of his account to Krystle about Skeet Shooting Day. Tony scrunches his face with worry, now that it's clear he's being so brazenly blackmailed, and Alexis smiles in smug satisfaction.
 
In the next scene, Tony robotically tells Krystle he was mistaken when he told her that Alexis was skeet shooting on the day of her accident, and Krystle stares at him pensively and says, "I see. Thanks Tony. For remembering." She then glares at Alexis as the poor sod scampers off to safety. Alexis says she's glad the matter has been "cleared up" and laments how upset she's been ever since she (Krystle) accused her. She fake graciously says she forgives her for their contretemps in her studio, and Krystle corrects her and says, "It was a fight. A good, dirty, no holds barred, cat fight." Alexis just rolls her eyes and is like, "Whatever" so Krystle brings up a disturbing incident that happened years ago in Beverly Hills when Alexis tore the wig off of an actress and threw it and the actress through a French window. Yikes. Alexis chuckles at her psychopathic behavior and recalls that it was "quite amusing". She once again tells Krystle she forgives her for accusing her of causing the accident, 'cause losing the baby wasn't something she could easily recover from...then theorizes that Fallon's new baby and Tony's account of Skeet Shooting Day must have triggered an irrational response. Krystle derisively tells her she's giving quite the performance, and Alexis thanks her and says she once attended the Royal Academy, then "accidentally" calls her Mrs. Jennings. Krystle ignores that faux Freudian slip and informs her frenemy that she hasn't told Blake about her suspicions about Skeet Shooting Day because she can't prove for certain that Alexis caused her accident - but she solemnly vows that as long as she lives, she'll never forget what it cost her.

Alexis arrives at the hospital after being summoned by Fallon, and she mistakenly assumes that her daughter is in a better mood than she was during the previous episode. Fallon asks her if Blake knows about his questionable paternity, and Alexis dances around the issue...but when Fallon presses her to answer the damn question already, she admits she told Blake years ago, but he refused to believe it. Alexis reminds her daughter that Blake loves her, but Fallon looks despondent and says she no longer believes in anyone - not Blake, and definitely not her.

Nick checks on the baby in the NICU. The doctor tells him that the little gaffer's health is still precarious and wonders aloud if she should tell his parents. [Um...probably??] Nick suggests holding off on that, which was weird, and the doctor says she'll tell Fallon about the baby's condition, but wants to wait until the last possible moment.

Over at the studio, Steven tells Alexis how bummed he is that his wife left him. He says he still loves the vapid twit, and insists on driving around town to look for her. Alexis tells him not to waste gas on such a search - LOL - then offers him a snack from her cheese plate. Steve suddenly grabs her by the arm and demands to know what she did to drive Sammy Jo away, and she angrily snarls that she's his mother, and not "that trollop you married" and orders him to take his hands off of her. Steven hotly denies that Sammy Jo is a trollop or a conniving gold digger, and Alexis rolls her eyes and is like, "Whatever" and claims that Sammy Jo came to her to hit her up for money so she could leave town. Steven doesn't believe her, and Alexis insists that that's what really happened...then grumbles about how sick she is of getting dumped on by her ungrateful children. Steven asks her what she's holding back to protect herself, and when he can't get anything resembling a straight answer, he storms out to go look for his wife.

Fallon stares despondently out the window of her hospital room. Nick enters her room and says the doctor just told him how gravely ill her baby is, then asks her why she doesn't want to see him. She petulantly replies, "That's my business" so Nick reminds her that the child is her son and that he needs his mother...and Fallon just shrugs and says, "He's in an incubator...I couldn't touch him anyway" then outright says she doesn't want to. She says, "I only had him for Blake, and Blake isn't my..." And when her voice trails off, Nick glowers and snaps, "What?!" so she defiantly retorts, "My father." Nick accuses her of inventing "another fantasy", so she insists that Alexis told her that Blake may not be her bio dad. She moans, "If he isn't my father, I just want to die!" and then forcibly hugs Nick and begs him not to tell anyone what she just said.

Jeff's in Claudia's bed again, savouring the after-glow. He says he should probably get going 'cause he has an early morning meeting across town, then tells her she's starting to mean a lot to him. She looks pleased and tells him she doesn't normally sleep around. Jeff says he admires her for having the courage to make a new life for herself, blah blah...and then compares her upbeat disposition to Fallon's spiteful cuntiness. He gushes, "You're so open, honest, and without guile." (Ha! Just wait ten minutes.) Claudia grimly says she may not be entirely without guile, but Jeff insists she's special, and the two kiss, canoodle, and continue to have no chemistry.

Nick arrives at the mansion to meet with Blake. Krystle greets him coldly, looking especially busty in a tight green, cleavage bearing top. She coolly informs him that Blake's waiting for him in the study, then stalks off. Nick tells Blake there's a good chance the baby will make it, and Blake says he wants to head over to the hospital to be near his grandson and daughter. Nick says that Fallon doesn't want to see him, then ignores Fallon's request to keep mum about her issues and blabs about how she's suffering from an identity crisis 'cause she doesn't know for sure who her father is. Blake's all, "Wha-a?!" and asks who she heard that from, and Nick says, "Alexis." Blake growls, "It's a damned lie! Invented by Alexis to hurt me." Nick advises him to take a blood test, but Blake says he doesn't need a blood test to prove she's his daughter...but then Nick snaps that this isn't about him; he needs to do it for Fallon's sake. Blake wonders aloud who else the father could possibly be, then shakes his head and mutters that he'll go straight to the source for that info.

Blake enters the studio looking for Alexis, but she's not home. He snoops around and notices the portrait of himself that Alexis painted and Krystle repeatedly smashed during their contretemps. He stares at it in puzzlement.

Over at the hospital, the doctor tells Nick that the baby will require heart surgery. She needs to get permission from the parents, so Nick tells her he'll try to locate the father. He makes a beeline over to the nearest phone and calls the mansion looking for Jeff, but Joseph stiffly informs him that Jeff is MIA [doinking Claudia]. Nick then goes to Fallon, and she promptly signs the release papers. He urges her to go see her baby already, but she stubbornly wails, "I don't want tooo!" so Nick gets all prickly and reminds her she's his mother and that if the baby dies, she'll never recover emotionally. Fallon stares at him tearfully...and in the next scene, we see that Nick is wheeling Fallon into the NICU. She peers at her hapless baby through the window and whispers, "He's so tiny...oh my baby, my beautiful baby." I guess this means she suddenly loves him now.

Early the next morning, Claudia sneaks into Jeff's office at Denver-Carrington and uses a duplicate of the key she stole from him to open his secret filing cabinet. She pulls out a thick folder and is in the middle of taking photos of oil shale extraction documents when Jeff suddenly enters the room and catches her red-handed. He tells her that his morning meeting was canceled, then asks her to explain herself. Claudia hangs her head in shame and replies, "What is there to say?" so he demands to know why she's breaking into his files. He gets angry and snaps, "Why?!" so she spills the beans about how Cecil wanted all of Denver-Carrington's documentation regarding its oil shale process. Jeff assumes she's doing it for money and gets all disgusted and judgey about it, then says he was beginning to fall in love with her. She admits that the first time they doinked was primarily so she could steal his key and duplicate it...but last night was all about them. Jeff ignores that and demands to know how much Cecil is paying her, so she tells him she didn't do it for money, but rather information about Lindsay's whereabouts. Jeff's all, "Wuh?" and she starts crying and begs him to believe her.

Blake and Krystle arrive at the hospital again and discuss the baby's condition with Nick. He tells them the baby needs heart surgery and that there's a good chance he could die before, during, or after surgery. Well that's optimistic. Blake and Krystle put on their sad faces, then stare at the ailing baby through the NICU window.

Jeff storms over to ColbyCo and demands that Cecil tell Claudia where she can find her daughter...and if he doesn't, he'll tattle on him to Blake for enlisting Claudia as a spy to undermine his company. Cecil denies any wrongdoing and says, "My hands are clean" and claims that Claudia was the one who came to him and proposed a deal: she'd steal documents about the oil shale extraction process and sell it to ColbyCo in exchange for information on the whereabouts of her pet daughter. [Um...OK, but even if that version of events were true, Cecil would still be guilty of corporate espionage.] Jeff roughly grabs his uncle by the neck and snarls, "I'll choke the truth out of you if I have to!" Hee! Cecil says he doesn't know where the crybaby is anymore, since about a week ago she and Matthew disappeared in a jungle near the Peruvian border. Jeff is livid that he withheld this information from Claudia, and points out that she wouldn't still be spying for him if she was aware that her husband and daughter were likely dead. He then declares to Cecil that he's through with him forever, and that from now on, the only Colby in his life will be his son. A few seconds later, Cecil's secretary buzzes and tells Jeff he has an emergency call. He snatches up the phone, listens on the other end, and exclaims, "Surgery?! When?!" then drops the receiver and runs out of Cecil's office...and a confused Cecil's all, "Wha-at's happening?!"

Jeff arrives at the hospital and runs into Blake and Krystle, who inform him that the baby is in the operating room. A few minutes later, the doctor emerges from the OR, slowly takes off her surgical mask, and stares at Jeff, Blake, and Krystle for what seems like a looong time - and then the scene abruptly ends. A second later, Fallon says in a flat voice, "He's dead, isn't he?" and Jeff assures her that their son is very much alive, fighting. Fallon looks relieved and announces that she's changed her mind about not giving a hoot about the baby and now wants custody. Jeff's all, "ExCUSE me?!" and tells her she's being unstable and fickle...so then she reminds him that she's the baby's mother, and that no one's going to stop her from keeping him and screwing him up emotionally for the rest of his life. Nick, meanwhile, is eavesdropping from the doorway and asks to speak with Jeff in private. He tells Jeff that the operation was a success and thought it would be nice if he were the one to tell Fallon. That's weird - wasn't that exactly what Jeff was just relaying to Fallon? For some reason, Jeff reacts badly to Nick's advice and snarls at him for stealing his wife and now wanting his baby (?), and punches him in the face. Nick easily pins him against the wall and says that the baby needs both of his parents' love and that he should put his needs first. Jeff calms down, and Nick releases him from his grip, and stalks off while rubbing his sore jaw and muttering, "Not bad, not bad." Please. That fight wasn't even remotely comparable to the hair-pulling, studio trashing contretemps between Krystle and Alexis.

Blake snarks at Alexis for repeating "that lie" about Fallon not being his bio daughter. He reminds her he promised to kill her if she ever told Fallon that, then demands to know how any mother could do that to her own child. He looms over her menacingly and barks, "How?!" and Alexis shrinks back fearfully and whimpers in her little girl voice that she'd never do anything to hurt Fallon. She exclaims, "It wasn't me!" and throws Sammy Jo under the bus, referring to her as "that little tramp niece of Krystle's". She admits to "accidentally" letting this gossip slip to Steven, and Sammy Jo somehow overheard. Blake says he's never believed the filthy lie, but is now forced to accept that Fallon's paternity could be in doubt. He asks Alexis who else the father could be, and Alexis declines to answer and dramatically shakes her head and wails, "Nooo!" LOL. Blake grabs her by the arms to shake an answer out of her, so she finally squeaks, "Colby." Blake scrunches his face and goes, "Cecil Colby?" and looks like he might throw up. Alexis pleads with him to try to understand what a shamelessly slutty tart she was back in those days, but Blake is furious that she betrayed him with Cecil. He storms out, and Alexis starts to weep.

Jeff returns to his office and finds Claudia sitting zombie-like in his chair. She tells him she's come to a decision, meaning she's going to come clean about her spying to Blake, and then resign from Denver-Carrington. She tells Jeff she's thankful he caught her in the act, 'cause now all of her deception is out in the open and she doesn't have to spy anymore. She hands him the duplicate key and says goodbye - but he stops her, sits her down, and breaks the news to her that Matthew and Lindsay went missing in a Peruvian jungle...and, no suprise, she totally wigs out.

Claudia stumbles back to her apartment, looking wide-eyed and devastated as she mutters, "Matthew...Lindsay...Colby knew it all the time." With shaking hands, she tries to telephone Cecil, but he's not in...so she opens up a storage box, pulls out a gun, and stares at it. That can't be good.

Recap: Fallon and Blake are in the NICU wing of the hospital, staring at her incubated baby from behind the glass...and Fallon proudly tells Blake that the little gaffer gained three ounces. Nick comes over and asks Blake if they can speak privately, so Fallon heads off to wait in the car. Nick urges him to take a blood test to determine for once and for all if he is/isn't Fallon's bio dad, but Blake just glowers at him and snarls, "I will take that test when I'm good and ready!" and storms off like the temperamental dickwad he is. Meanwhile, Fallon runs into Jeff in the lobby, and she beams at him and tells him how "beautiful and fine" the baby looks. He tells her she's lookin' pretty good herself, then reminds her that the kid needs a name and suggests Blake Carrington Colby. Fallon scrunches her face in irritation [presumably because she doesn't know for sure if Blake is the kid's bio granddad] and snarks, "Name him whatever you want. I don't care!" and the two snipe at each other for a few minutes before she angrily stalks off. 

Alexis rings the doorbell at the mansion [as opposed to just letting herself in as she's been freely doing in every other episode] carrying a bright green donkey piñata. Joseph answers, and she tells him she's been vacationing in Acapulco for the last couple of weeks, and he just stares at her blankly and says, "I had no idea." She tells him that a photo of her attending a ball in Acapulco was featured in The Chronicle, then razzes the majordomo about how disappointed she is that he no longer keeps a scrapbook documenting her adventures. Hee! She tells him she'd like to see Fallon, but he informs her that Fallon has has no wish to see her under any circumstances. Alexis mulls that over, then says for now she'll settle for delivering the piñata to her daughter's room, but Joseph forbids her to venture past the foyer. She glares at him and snidely tells him he can stick the green donkey wherever he sees fit, thrusts the thing at him, and flounces out.

Blake and Fallon return to the estate, and he drops her off at the stables so she can spend some time with her horse Lady, who's been unwell. Blake says they should probably discuss the paternity issue, since it's been "killing" them both. He says he never believed Alexis' claim that he wasn't her father, 'cause in his heart and soul he knew she was his daughter. That said, he's finally agreed to take a blood test in order to get to the bottom of this never ending paternity issue. Fallon nods approvingly and says she needs to know who her real father is [particularly since she may have unwittingly slept with her bio dad (Cecil) in Season 1, which is just...ew.] 

Blake drops by Alexis' studio, and she whines to him about how Fallon still hasn't found it in her heart to forgive her about the who's-my-daddy? situation. Blake grumbles, "You almost killed her with your damned lie" and Alexis looks put out and accuses him of poisoning her daughter's mind against her. He laughs out loud and says, "You didn't need much help on that score" then informs her that he's taking a blood test to determine whether or not he's Fallon's father. He wants to know if all the "contenders" are accounted for, then spells it out and asks her if she was doinking anyone other than him or Cecil around the time she got pregnant with Fallon. She sheepishly says no, then suddenly prickles up and rails about his "damned all-consuming business", which caused her so much loneliness and pain during their marriage. Blake is like, "Whatever" and orders her to get in touch with Cecil and tell him to come by the hospital that evening so that he too can have his blood drawn. 

Alexis passes along Blake's edict to Cecil as the two lunch together at the ritzy St. Dennis Club. Cecil agrees to the blood test, but doesn't look thrilled. Alexis asks him if he's worried he may be Fallon's father, and he makes a blech face and says, "Let's say I'm not all that un-worried." Alexis tells him that if he is the father, he needs to explain her side of the story to Fallon (not exactly sure what that is), and then moans, "My children have given me so much misery lately." Cecil grumbles about what ingrates young people are - like Jeff, for instance - and says love is a two-way street, and that he isn't sure if he even loves his nephew anymore. He then shifts his attention to Alexis and murmurs, "I did love you once. Really love you" and Alexis gives him a sultry smile and asks, "Did you?" He softens his voice, contorts his face into a really goofy expression and schmaltzily coos, "Why do you persist in being the most exquisite woman wherever you go?" and reminds her of that special night (years ago) when they had dinner and a really satisfying doink afterwards. Unfortunately, she met Blake soon after that. Cecil says he often asks himself what would have happened if he had proposed to her himself...then asks her if she would have said yes. Alexis shrugs and is like, "I dunno" then recalls how madly in love with Blake she was, which...ew. He asks her if she'd marry him now, and she stares at him in surprise and goes, "Are you serious?" and he says he is and urges her to think about it. In light of this quasi-proposal, I can't help but wonder if Alexis recalls the ghoulish prophesy made by her wacky fortune teller, eight episodes ago:

"Adrianna then makes a cryptic prediction for the future of Alexis' love life: "Man veddy positive, veddy powerful, veddy attracted to you." But, unfortunately, the cards can't actually identify who this man is. She tells Alexis it's someone who knows her "veddy well...veddy intimately" and Alexis looks momentarily deflated and wryly retorts, "Well, that could be a regiment." Haha! She wants to know more about this mystery man, so Adrianna waves one of the tarot cards in the air and says he's going to ask her to marry him, and Alexis perks up and goes, "Really?" and suddenly Adrianna's face darkens as she bellows, "He vill expire!! He vill expire!! Like death!!" LOL. She glares at Alexis and ominously holds up the death card, which has a graphic of a funny looking, cartoonish skeleton on it...and Alexis dramatically clutches her chest, then gets up and flees the room."

​None of this bodes well for Cecil.

Claudia's walking on a hillside somewhere, hallucinating that her daughter (as a young child) is running toward her. Cecil suddenly appears out of nowhere and picks Lindsay up, and Claudia barks, "Leave my daughter alone!" She pulls the gun out of her purse and fires it at him...but since Cecil's just a figment of her hallucination, she ends up shooting a tree. This wacky broad should probably not be in possession of a gun.

Claudia drops by Jeff's office at Denver-Carrington. He's surprised to see her and says he thought she was taking the week off. She mumbles about how she went to Aspen, then scratches that and tells him she spent the last few days "going here and there" - places she used to go with Lindsay. She tells him she just doesn't have the feeling her daughter is dead - and when Jeff furrows his caterpillar brows to express doubt, she points out that no one has found Lindsay's or Matthew's body. She then thanks Jeff for not tattling on her spying activities to Blake, then says she's going to come clean and confess. After that, she heads over to Blake's office and tattles on Cecil for blackmailing her in exchange for photographing confidential documents. Blake is furious at Cecil's duplicity, but refuses to accept Claudia's resignation. She tells him she wants to go to South America to search the jungle for her daughter [please please please let her go, writers!], but Blake advises her to hang back and let his "people down there" do what they can to find her daughter and husband. He promises to tell her the truth, unlike that scoundrel Cecil, and asks her to trust him. Claudia mulls that over and nods in agreement.

Blake is at the hospital, getting his blood drawn. Cecil arrives a few minutes later, and Nick explains to him in detail how blood tests can be used to rule out a person as a biological parent. Cecil says he's very impressed by the science of blood testing (er...OK), so then Nick takes his blood and readies both samples for the lab. After he leaves, Cecil snarks at Blake about what an embarrassment it is that Fallon's paternity is so up in the air. He then needlessly recalls that he and Alexis were both so young when they started their affair, but he never believed that Fallon could be his daughter. Blake abruptly changes the topic and admonishes Cecil for blackmailing Claudia and snarks, "I hate your guts for what you've done to her." Cecil derisively retorts, "She's no better than a prostitute" and points out that she was bumping uglies with Jeff the night Fallon prematurely delivered her spawn. For some reason, this makes Blake super mad, and he punches Cecil in the face and says if Claudia's a prostitute, then he's the pimp for turning her into one. So there!

Later, Blake and Krystle share a cozy evening in the study. She remarks that she's still deciding on what to buy Jaime for a wedding gift (dunno who Jaime is) and Blake smiles at her and says she has "a way" about her, and seems to truly enjoy making others happy (unlike his cunty ex-wife). Krystle strides over to where he's sitting, gives him a squeeze, and says she knows he's preoccupied about the blood test. She reminds him he's the only father Fallon has ever known and that they love each other vewy vewy much. Blake thanks her for the lovely thought, and for some reason she chooses that moment to start mumbling something about Alexis and comes close to telling him about their awesome cat fight, but then abruptly stops herself and announces that she's heading upstairs to bed. Blake, meanwhile, opens an old memento box and finds a Valentine's Day card that Fallon made for him when she was a child...and he stares into space, looking nostalgic. 

The next morning, Blake tells Krystle he's off to go riding...then notices the grim look on her face and asks her whassup. She finally decides to throw all caution to the wind and blurts out, "It's Alexis. She's got to go, Blake!" Blake winces helplessly and says he's tried to buy her out; unfortunately, she owns the deed to the studio and the property it's built on. Krystle says she doesn't care and insists there must be a way. She rants about how much she hates the way Alexis walks around Carrington manor as if she owns it, then reminds Blake of the grief she's caused him and Fallon, and how her testimony at the trial helped convict him. Furthermore, on a personal level, she hates the way Alexis is always hanging around, insulting her and putting her down. She ends her rant there and waits for Blake's reaction...and he smiles at her affectionately and kisses her cheek. He says he totally understands her frustration, and promises to one day maybe attempt to deal with his ex-wife.

Steven overhears Joseph talking on the phone and suspects that Sammy Jo is on the other end of the call. Joseph denies it, so then Steven gets all bitchy and orders him to tell him the truth, then haughtily reminds him of his place as a lowly servant. Joseph hotly denies that he was talking to Sammy Jo, so Steven gives up on the argument and, by scripted coincidence, runs into Krystle. He asks her if she's heard from Sammy Jo, then accuses her of being all judgey like Blake and opposed to his ill-fated marriage. Krystle tells him she wasn't opposed to the marriage, per se, but just felt that he deserved a lot better than to be married to a phony, money grubbing airhead. She clucks at Steven sympathetically and says she knows how hurtful it can be to be drawn to the wrong person. Steven stares unhappily into space, then goes up to his room to contemplate the mess he's made of his life by marrying a vapid dimwit he barely knew...and without a prenup, I can only assume. A few seconds later, Joseph drops by and sheepishly hands him a piece of paper with a Hollywood address written on it. He tells her that that's where he can find Sammy Jo, then acknowledges that he (Steven) is a grown man who's entitled to make his own mistakes. He helpfully informs Steven that there's a flight leaving for Los Angeles later that afternoon.

Ray Bonning returns Blake's call, and Blake offers him $50,000 to set up a business meeting between him and Logan Rhinewood. Ray grumbles about how difficult that might be to do [considering Logan Rhinewood doesn't actually exist - sorry if that's a spoiler for anyone], and Blake's like, "Well, d'yuh. That's why I'm offering you 50K."

Krystle and Claudia are lunching at the St. Dennis Club...but Claudia is just despondently staring at her plate like the chronically depressed downer she is. She says she hates it when people try to keep her from looking for her daughter, so Krystle assures her that all she wants is for them to be friends. She invites her to move back to Carrington manor while she waits for news of Lindsay's/Matthew's whereabouts, but Claudia bitchily snarks at her to "let up". She wails about how everything in life - like, literally everything (e.g. the salad in front of her) - is utterly meaningless if she doesn't have her crybaby daughter in her life. She suddenly gets up from the table and says she needs to head back to the office, then bolts toward the exit.

Fallon is chatting it up with Tony at the stables when she gets a call from Blake's office telling her he wants to see her asap. 

Blake is on the phone in his office, telling someone (probably Andy) that he has a meeting tonight with Logan Rhinewood in Las Vegas...and then wraps up the call just as Fallon enters the room. He shoots her a goofy grin, then hands her the results of the blood test. She reads it, gets teary, and exclaims, "Oh daddy!" and the two hug now that it's been confirmed that they're father and daughter. Yippee! Hallelujah! Woot woot! Thank goodness that subplot is finally resolved.

Steven arrives in Los Angeles...and elsewhere, in a low rent studio, Sammy Jo is posing in a skimpy bikini for a sleazy looking photographer. Hey - whatever happened to her promise to use Alexis' $20,000 to acquire some fancy manners? LOL. The photographer, whose name is Ace (yes, really), takes a few shots of Sammy Jo's lithe body, then mounts her, and the two start making out. He grunts, "I want you out of that bikini" and Sammy Jo's like, "Tee hee, OK" and is in the process of getting naked when Steven suddenly bursts into the room. He demands to know what's going on, then gets into a shouting match with Ace. Sammy Jo intervenes and tells Ace she'd like a few minutes alone with her husband, and he obliges and leaves the room. Steven gives her an incredulous, WTF? look and asks, "What are you doing in this place - half naked?!" She tells him she's making a career for herself, and that Ace (who she met on the plane) told her he could make her famous, a somebody. A famous somebody. LOL. Steven says he's worried about her, and can't comprehend that the girl he loves would go to his mother to ask for money to leave him. Sammy Jo denies that that's how it happened, and blabs the actual version of events: "Your dear mother asked me to sign a piece of paper and you know what that paper would make you out to be? A fag!" Steven's all, "Wuh?" so she explains that his mother wanted to tell the world they had never slept together - but she refused to sign it. Steven looks indifferent to the fag crack and is like, "Whatever" and says he wants her to come back to Denver with him - but she refuses and says she's sick and tired of "begging for crumbs at the Carrington table". Steven pleads, "I need you!" but she coldly retorts, "I don't need you." She explains that since he couldn't give her the things she wanted, she now has to get them for herself...apparently by dabbling in the lucrative world of porn.

An exuberant Fallon arrives at the hospital. She runs into Nick and hugs him happily and tells him she's here to see her baby. She tells him the happy news that Blake is her bio dad, which means that all is right with the world again. Nick invites her to accompany him to the Caribbean for a medical conference, and she happily accepts. I guess her sickly baby will have to get well on his own. 

Claudia's working late at Denver-Carrington when a cable comes in. It says that the Blaisdel's burned jeep was found in a Peruvian jungle, but there were no signs of life. Claudia wigs out and, with shaking hands, picks up the phone.

Joseph enters the study and tells Krystle that a very distraught sounding Claudia is on the phone...so Krystle picks up the extension. Claudia asks her if Blake is there, but Krystle tells her he's in Vegas [running a fool's errand] then asks her whassup. Claudia says she now knows that Matthew and Lindsay are dead, and Krystle's like, "Ack!" and offers to come over and keep her company, but Claudia says she's at Denver-Carrington and will head home. After she hangs up, Krystle frantically dials Nick and tells him she has a code red emergency!

Blake and Andy are on the Carrington jet, en route to Las Vegas. Blake happily tells his lawyer how great his personal life is going...as is his business life, now that he's been able to score a meeting with Logan Rhinewood. He smiles, basking in the smugness of being able to buy Rhinewood's henchman with $50,000. Andy furrows his brows and says he's concerned about what they'll be up against once they arrive in Vegas, but Blake continues to look smugly relaxed and is like, "Meh."

Claudia is at her apartment, calling a taxi to take her to ColbyCo. Krystle suddenly bursts through the door (knock much?) and explains that she was very worried about her. She implores her to move back to the mansion, but Claudia insists she's fine and just wants to be left alone. Krystle glances around the tiny apartment and notices the gun sitting on a side table. She gasps at the sight of it, so Claudia explains that she uses it for protection. Krystle says she's worried she's going to use it to off herself (if only), but Claudia assures her there's no danger of that 'cause she plans to use it on Cecil. Krystle grabs for the gun at the same time Claudia snatches it, and the two awkwardly wrestle for it. At that very moment, Nick arrives at Claudia's building...and he bursts into the apartment seconds after the gun goes off...and the camera zooms in for a close-up, so we don't miss the look of horror on his face as he moans, "Oh dear God.."

Recap: Jeff pulls up in front of Claudia's apartment building and sees an ambulance and police cars parked out front. Someone is being wheeled out on a stretcher, and Nick is barking orders at the paramedics...and Jeff soon realizes that the person on the stretcher is Claudia. He asks Nick what happened, and Nick tells him he's not quite sure. The two spot Krystle stumbling out of the building, looking discombobulated...and Nick instructs Jeff to give her a ride to the hospital, and says he'll meet the two of them there. Jeff goes over to Krystle and steers her over to his car, and she moans, "Oh Jeff!" and tells him about how Claudia had a gun she intended to use on Cecil, and that she tried to wrestle it away from her just before it went off. She wails, "Oh God, Jeff! What if I've killed her?!" then climbs inside his car and starts weeping.

Blake and Andy are aboard the Denver-Carrington jet, en route to Las Vegas. Blake smugly says, "I'm finally going to meet Logan Rhinewood face-to-face." He adds that, at long last, he's going to get what he wants - and Andy somehow refrains from laughing out loud and replies, "I hope so." Blake declares that the $50,000 he offered to Ray Bonning to set up the meeting was definitely one of his better investments, which is high praise (of himself) since he's made a lot of great investments. Kudos to you, Blake!

Claudia's in the hospital, hooked up to a bunch of machines while Nick examines her. He assures her she's going to be OK, but she seems oblivious to his presence and repeatedly mutters, "No sign of life...Lindsay...sign of life...no..." blah blah..

Meanwhile, Jeff and Krystle are in the hospital's waiting room, anxiously waiting for word about Claudia's condition.

Nick is now testing Claudia's reflexes and eye movements, but her eyes can't seem to follow his finger. Mystified, he studies her x-rays and notices that there's a bullet fragment lodged in her brain, then remarks to the other doctors and nurses in the room that it might be contributing to the development of a blood clot. He declares that she needs immediate surgery...and in the background Claudia keeps muttering, "Lindsay...he lied to me...lied...lied to me...Lindsay..." I say just pull the plug - but then I'm a recapper not a doctor.

Nick comes out to the waiting room to give Krystle an update. He smiles and assures her that Claudia's doing just fine, but when she presses him for details, his smile disappears and he solemnly says, "There's a bullet fragment lodged in her head." LOL. Apparently, the fragment is lodged in her speech center, and she's beginning to show signs of dysfunction in that area. Krystle says she wants to see her, but Nick says there's no real point, then orders her to get some rest. He summons a nurse and asks her to find a room where Krystle can lay down...and a few seconds later Jeff appears and informs Nick that Blake landed in Las Vegas, but no one seems to know where he went after departing his plane. Nick urges him to do his best to find him and says, "His wife might be in trouble. Serious trouble."

Ray Bonning ushers Blake and Andy into a tacky looking suite and says that Logan Rhinewood will be along in just a minute. He asks Andy to wait in the den, and Andy's all, "Wha-a?" and insists on staying with his client...but Blake assures him he'll be all right on his own, so Andy obediently toddles off. Ray asks Blake for his $50,000, and Blake dutifully hands it over. Ray then gestures toward a chair and says, "He'll be with you when the light comes on" and Blake scrunches his wrinkly face in confusion and asks, "What light?" so then Ray opens the door of a little shelving unit, revealing a camera and a large speaker. Blake just stares up at it, mystified.

As Claudia is being wheeled off to the OR, Nick's boss (Tom) arrives and says he heard that Mrs. Carrington was involved in a shooting. Nick confirms that Claudia Blaisdel was shot, and that he's going to operate on her to remove a bullet fragment. He solemnly adds, "I pray to God she'll be able to talk again." Yeah, 'cause it'd be a tragedy if she was no longer able to bitch and moan about her missing/dead crybaby daughter 24/7.

A mystery man is in an elaborate control room, pushing a bunch of buttons until he gets a live video feed of the Las Vegas suite in which Blake and Ray are standing. Blake is griping, "It's been twenty minutes now. Where is he? What is this ridiculous set up?" LOL. Suddenly, the gruff voice of Logan Rhinewood growls through the speaker, "Good eeeevening, Mr. Carrington." LOL. Blake angrily demands to have a face-to-face conversation, but Rhinewood says he's a busy man and is a thousand miles away from Las Vegas. Blake whines that this set up wasn't the condition of the meeting and calls it a farce. He gets up to leave, but Rhinewood sternly warns him to sit his ass back down. He says this will be his last chance to talk to him for a loooong time, since he's off to Asia tonight...and Blake mulls that over for a few seconds and gives in. He tells Rhinewood that his sources have informed him that 40% of Denver-Carrington stock has been bought anonymously, and by anonymously he means him, and Rhinewood freely admits that he is indeed the buyer of all that stock. Blake takes a few seconds to absorb that admission, then proposes that Rhinewood bring some "creative thinking" to the table to make Denver-Carrington bigger and more profitable. He offers Rhinewood two seats on the company's board, but Rhinewood just chuckles and says it's obvious he just wants him on the inside so he can keep an eye on him, then snarls that that type of thinking is very misguided. Blake insists that he's only thinking of the good of the company, and Rhinewood smugly retorts that he owns nearly half of Blake's "erratic empire" and will figure out a way to own more. He growls, "And that will be the end of you!" Blake glares at the camera and shouts, "You maniac!" and suddenly Ray Bonning re-enters the room and says that the meeting is officially over, and promptly closes up the little shelving unit. Blake snarks about how the meeting wasn't face-to-face, which was the deal, then snaps, "I want my 50K back!" Ray just smirks back at him, and I doubt there's any way in hell he's getting his money back. Haha!

Joseph informs Fallon that Claudia has been shot and that Krystle was with her when it happened. He asks her if she plans on going to the hospital, but Fallon scrunches her face and says she doesn't think she'd be of any help. Well, true enough. She asks Joseph if he's heard from Steven, and he tells her he hasn't. And speaking of Steven..

A shirtless Steven is in a motel room in Hollywood, paying a hooker for their romp. She asks him if this is his first time having sex with a 'lady of the evening', and he's like, "Not exactly" and needlessly tells her about how he spent an hour with a hooker during the Bordello episode, but all they did was watch TV. So, um, yes. The hooker says she likes him for him - which is apparently a rare reaction to her johns - then asks him why his wife dumped him. He shrugs and says, "Maybe 'cause I'm just me and she sensed I was uncertain of myself" (and by uncertain he means back in the closet). He finishes getting dressed and leaves the room, ending a painfully awkward and thoroughly pointless scene.

Blake and Andy are on the corporate jet, on their way back to Denver. Blake is seething about how horribly the meeting went and how Rhinewood humiliated him...and he snarls, "I'll get him." The pilot calls from the cockpit to inform Blake that there's an emergency back home: Krystle was involved in a shooting and is being questioned by police. Egads!

Nick looks pleased with Claudia's x-rays and is confident that he can remove the bullet fragment from her brain. Tom's concerned 'cause it's lodged in her speech center, but then just kind of shrugs and goes, "I'll be in my office. Let me know when it's over." LOL. An orderly informs Nick that a cop is asking to see him, so he goes out into the hallway and finds a portly police lieutenant. He tells Nick he wants to question the woman who was with Claudia when she was shot, but Nick says that the unnamed woman is in a state of shock and in no condition to answer questions. Isn't that obstruction of justice or something? He stalks off and then rushes over to the room where Krystle and Jeff are hiding out. He instructs Jeff to take Krystle home - but to take her through the rear exit so she can avoid the police. Apparently she's too fragile a porcelain doll to have to face police questioning just yet.

Alexis is hanging out in her studio decked out in a white silk negligee and fur trimmed robe, enjoying an episode of The Love Boat (hee!). Cecil drops by and giddily presents her with a bottle of champagne, and Alexis says she's flattered that he wants to share his good mood with her. He tells her that things have been going well for him lately, particularly when he learned he's not Fallon's bio dad. Alexis tries not to look offended by his utter joy at not fathering the insufferable brat, and he pours them both a glass of champagne then toasts their unholy coupling. He reminds her about his marriage proposal, and she coyly tells him he's being very persistent and that she hasn't decided if she wants to marry him, so he says, "It could be a delightful union. Just think of the possibilities." She mulls that over, then smiles and purrs, "Yessss." He eyes her suggestively and says he'd like to "explore" the possibilities again...and the two stare at each other hungrily while the camera pans from his face to her face and then back again for what seems like a really loooong time. OMG. He then slips off her fur trimmed robe, and the two start making out in earnest.

Post coitus, Alexis and Cecil lay together on her little daybed. As Cecil sleeps off the afterglow, Alexis watches the news and catches a news story about Krystle being involved in the shooting of Claudia Blaisel. She perks up, puts on a thick robe, and dashes out of the studio.

Fallon is watching the same news report in the mansion's kitchen. Alexis breezes in and poutishly says she had to find someone to talk to about "poor Krystle", and Fallon just rolls her eyes and tells her to cut the shit, since everyone knows how much she despises Krystle. As Alexis starts tinkering with the espresso machine, Fallon tells her that their days of plotting together against Krystle are over. Alexis claims she just came over to see her...and also because she wants to be forgiven for the whole paternity debacle. She then asks about Steven, and Fallon informs her that he went off to Los Angeles to look for Sammy Jo. Alexis looks dismayed for a few seconds, then tries to tempt Fallon with juicy dish about Krystle's first marriage - but when Fallon expresses no interest in learning what it is, Alexis wryly murmurs, "That will be revealed in good time." She suddenly loses her desire for espresso and remarks that Joseph is going to have a big mess to clean up, then snarks, "Good!" Hee! (Though I doubt Joseph will be the one to personally clean the espresso machine - he'll probably just delegate the task to a flunky level housemaid.)

Elsewhere in the mansion, Jeff tells the portly police lieutenant he'll have to come back tomorrow 'cause Krystle has already gone to bed. Fallon suddenly appears and tells the cop she just saw Krystle a little while ago and offers to go get her...and an irritated Jeff shoots her the stink-eye.

Alexis rushes back to the studio and giddily tells Cecil about the shooting. Cecil just kind of shrugs disinterestedly and says he should probably get going...but she urges him to stay, and the two start getting it on all over again. Gross.

Krystle is in the study, wailing to the portly police lieutenant that he has it all wrong. She insists that she and Claudia argued over the gun 'cause she was afraid that Claudia would use it to harm herself or someone else (aka Cecil). Blake suddenly storms into the study and demands to know what's going on, so the portly police lieutenant explains that he's trying to determine if a crime has been committed. Blake snarls that the DA's office has been trying to get back at him ever since the Dinard trial, then barks, "No more questions!" and orders the cop to leave...which he fucking does. Get some balls, Portly. Blake hugs Krystle and says he's sorry he wasn't here during the traumatic aftermath of Claudia's shooting, and Krystle tells him that the police don't believe her account of the shooting. He tells her he spoke to Nick on his car phone on the way over and learned that the bullet fragment was successfully removed from Claudia's brain...and that she'll be OK. Sort of.

Back at the hospital, Nick is standing over a comatose Claudia, pleading, "Please come back." When she fails to respond, he begs, "Come on...come on!" LOL. I guess she's not so OK after all.

The next morning, Blake tells Joseph he's going outside to get some air. As he ambles around his estate, he catches Cecil leaving Alexis' studio and snarls, "You're on my property!" Cecil snarks back that Alexis owns her little house, and that he "lost that prize" when he divorced her. Cecil then fake sympathizes about Claudia's injury, and Blake bitchily informs him that Krystle is very traumatized by the shooting, then yells at Cecil for being worthless scum. Cecil counter-retorts that he's a "two-bit oil speculator who scrambled his way up from a hovel into a grand house" but is still so very common. Ouch.

Back in the tacky Vegas suite, Ray is sitting in front of the camera and speaker, telling Rhinewood he was able to locate another 10,000 shares of Denver-Carrington stock. Rhinewood agrees to buy the shares, even at the inflated price - and when he finishes the call, he swivels his chair around...and we see that Rhinewood is really Cecil. A-ha! Dull mystery solved.

Andy drops by the mansion to tell Blake that the DA refused to meet with him, and Blake gets all snappish and bitchy about his failure to arrange a simple meeting despite the giant retainer he pays him...then grumbles about how Krystle is "being tortured" by her involvement in the shooting. He's convinced that it's 'cause of their vendetta against him, but Andy says he doubts that the DA's office would give enough of a rat's ass to spend time and energy getting back at him. Blake insists they do and snarls that he refuses to allow them to attack Krystle. Their conversation is interrupted when Nick phones to inform him that Claudia is coming around and starting to speak. Blake looks pleased and says she'll be able to tell the police the truth, which means that the DA will no longer be able to implicate Krystle in the shooting. 

Nick is testing Claudia's reflexes when Krystle and Blake enter the hospital room. Claudia stares listlessly at Nick and tells him to stop, so he starts testing her brain function and asks her her name, and she whimpers, "Claudia." Krystle looks visibly relieved, and Claudia stares over at her and menacingly snaps, "You." Krystle approaches her bedside and is all, "Hey girl!" and Claudia nonsensically mumbles, "Mistress of the house...the lady who has everything." Krystle scrunches her face in confusion and goes, "Alexis?" then says, "I'm not fond of her, but that's not important - 'cause you and I are." Claudia spacily asks, "Am I? Why am I important?" and Krystle ignores her question and breezily says, "Thank God you're recovering." She tries to get Claudia to talk about what happened when she was shot, but Claudia just stares at her and looks befuddled. Krystle then engages in some brazen witness tampering and prompts, "Remember? You snatched the gun and it accidentally went off..?" and Claudia unhelpfully mumbles, "Matthew gave me that gun a long time ago." Suddenly, the portly police lieutenant appears in the doorway and listens intently to Claudia's gibberish. Krystle prompts her again about how she merely tried to take the gun away from her, and Claudia moans, "I felt the pain. I felt the pain...when they told me about you and Matthew together." A panicked Krystle implores her to stay on track and focus on what happened last night, but Claudia just mumbles, "You stole him from me...was it last night?" She stares at Krystle in confusion for a few seconds, then finally tells her to go away 'cause she's too tired to talk.

A frustrated Krystle starts crying, and Nick and Blake look on grimly from across the room. The portly police lieutenant continues to stare with an inscrutable expression on his face, and when Krystle notices him in the doorway, she looks even more upset and cries harder...despite the fact that none of what Claudia is mumbling actually implicates her as the shooter.