Dynasty - Season 3, Episode 23

"How dare you concoct a scandal out of my penchant for pedophilia!"

"The Threat"
Original airdate: 4/13/1983

Episode summary: After a nasty argument, Krystle and Alexis wrestle around in a lily pond. Congressman McVane tries to strangle Alexis when he learns that she was responsible for outing his icky affair with a teenager. Fallon refuses to forgive Mark for hitting the sheets with her mother.

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Recap: Krystle is picking at her breakfast and looking pensively sad when Blake enters the room. He asks her if she's OK, and she grunts, "Yes" then falls silent. Blake gets irritated and accuses her of pretending to be asleep when he came to bed last night and says he also knows full well she didn't go jogging this morning - despite the pink sweatsuit she went through the trouble to put on. He grumbles that he has enough on his mind with Alexis and "that damn merger" and doesn't need her adding to his stress by giving him the silent treatment. Krystle tells him she's pissed off 'cause despite everything she's done to help him and Steven reconcile, he continues to act like a douchewad and refuses to compromise. Blake says he appreciates her help, but would prefer to deal with Steven in the same abominable way he's been dealing with him his entire life. Joseph interrupts their snarkfest to show Blake a copy of The Denver Chronicle, and the headline du jour: The Congressman and His Washington Lolita: Full story of their trysts! Blake shakes his head in dismay and mutters, "My God...I don't believe it." He shows the front page to Krystle, then orders Joseph to tell his driver to bring the car around. 

Jeff is in bed, spooning Kirby, smooching her neck, and gushing about how beautiful she is. He apologizes for arguing with her during the previous episode, but she just shrugs and says they were bound to have their first fight one of these days, then apologizes for bitching at him about all the time he spends with Fallon. Jeff announces he has to head to the office, kisses her goodbye, and reminds her about the doctor's appointment he scheduled for her this morning. Kirby says she feels fine, but Jeff insists she keep the appointment so we can get the new who's-her-baby-daddy? storyline rolling.

Jeff runs into Fallon and Baby Blake on his way out. They banter and chuckle over Baby Blake's cuteness, while Kirby unhappily eavesdrops from the top of the staircase.

In the nursery, Steven is about to move Danny and all of his baby accoutrements to his new apartment. Steven assures a sad looking Krystle that she's always welcome to drop by for a visit...then tells her he ran into Blake a few minutes earlier, and that the whiny little bitch is still irked about him canceling on the reconciliation dinner. Krystle admits that things between her and goat daddy have been tense as well, and Steven promises that, regardless of the nature of the conflict, he'll always automatically side with her. He gives her a goodbye hug...and after he leaves, Krystle stares pensively at Danny's empty crib, then bursts into tears.

Congressman McVane angrily bursts into Blake's office, but before he can make any accusations, Blake says he wants him to assure him that the story in the newspaper is "garbage and a lie" and that he's going to sue the reporter for libel. McVane deftly avoids admitting being a pedophile by asking Blake if he's the one behind the snooping effort into his personal life. Blake snaps, "I don't traffic in this filth!" and points out that he'd have to be an idiot to destroy his reputation, since it would ruin his ability to help him out with with the merger postponement. Blake asks him to think vewy hard about who else could have known about his felonious dalliance with a teenager and would want to ruin his credibility...then deduces that it can be none other than Alexis, since she has the most to gain by preventing the congressman from delaying the merger of ColbyCo and Denver-Carrington. McVane mulls that over for a few seconds, realizes that Blake is probably right, then stares contemplatively into space.

"Please please please tell me you're not actually sleeping with a teenager."

"Let me answer that uncomfortable question by asking you an unrelated question."

Over at the penthouse, Alexis is reading The Denver Chronicle and grinning with devilish delight. When the phone rings, Adam answers it and tells his mother that Congressman McVane is on the line. She waves her hand dismissively in the air and tells him to inform the creepy pedo that she's unavailable - and when Adam relays that message, McVane angrily slams the phone down. Alexis gushes to Adam about the chocolate croissants she had flown in from France - which, by the way, look totally delish - but Adam ignores her silly prattling and tells her what a dumbass move it was to publicly trash McVane and make it so easy for him to identify her as the behind-the-scenes puppet master. Alexis reminds him that he poisoned Jeff, and Adam's like, "Exactly!" and points out that he went to great pains to protect himself (and her) from even being suspected of that heinous act. He warns her that McVane will want revenge.

Steven and his lawyer, Chris, are at the La Mirage, enjoying a yummy buffet breakfast. Steven thanks him for handling his divorce and custody arrangements, then tells him about how Sammy Jo bitchily told him that the baby would be better off with a straight father. He invokes the Ted Dinard trial and being put "on the cross" because of his gayness, blah blah. Chris tells him he heard all about his relationship with Ted and feels badly for all he went through...and that it's a good thing Sammy Jo never returned to Denver. I couldn't disagree more. I really miss the vapid tart.

Mark drops by Fallon's office to sort out the misunderstanding about him and Alexis. He claims he was an innocent victim of her manipulation, but Fallon reminds him that she found Alexis in his bed drinking champagne and that he had been standing nearby with a towel wrapped around his waist. Mark tells her that Alexis plays rough and that she's not the kind of woman who loses easily...but when Fallon asks him if he's ever slept with her, he just stares back at her with a sheepish expression. She snaps, "See? You just answered my question" and stalks out of the room.

Kirby drops by Jeff's office at ColbyCo to give him the exciting news that she's preggers. Jeff is delighted, then concerned when Kirby suddenly feels faint and has to sit down. He remarks that Fallon wasn't this dizzy so early in her pregnancy, and Kirby snaps at him for comparing Fallon's pregnancy to hers. She then announces that she's off to do some shopping and heads out, leaving Jeff staring after her worriedly.

Adam drops by the La Mirage to ask Fallon to put in a good word for him with Steven. Fallon tells him he needs to do that on his own by fully loving and accepting his crotchety brother with no judgement about his gay lifestyle. Her manager suddenly enters her office to ask if he can book a suite for a doctor who's in town to attend a medical convention, and she tells him it's fine and asks what his name is (as if she'd actually care). The manager tells her his name is Dr. Jonas Edwards from Billings, Montana, which prompts Adam to stiffen and have a flashback of The Mirror episode when the good doctor dropped by ColbyCo during a layover and told Adam his eyes were "looking too bright again".    

Steven is in his new apartment in the El Royale complex, unpacking his stuff. Soon after the nanny takes Danny out for a walk, Chris stops by with a housewarming gift...and after some boring pleasantries, he tells Steven he's gay. He says his story isn't so different from his, in that he attempted to be a straight married man - but then became very confused about his waning desire to doink his wife. After the divorce, he moved to Denver to start fresh, but soon realized that "life in the closet is life in the closet no matter what the map says". Steven thanks him for enlightening him about his gay status, and the two toast to friendship...and maybe something a little more.

"So, like...I'm gay. Whaddya think 'bout that?"

"It's nice, not being the only gay in the village."

Alexis drops by Carrington manor and tries to make nice with Fallon, but she's too icked out by the lingering visual of her boyfriend doinking her mother and just wearily says, "I saw what I saw." Alexis poutishly says she desperately cares about her happiness, to which Fallon retorts, "As far as I'm concerned, I don't have a mother anymore." Alexis says it broke her heart when she dumped a great guy like Jeff and then got so carried away by a tennis bum who's totally unworthy of her. She declares, "You left me no other choice except to expose the man for what he was." Fallon abruptly changes the topic and says she hates herself for going along with her malevolent schemes to break up Krystle's and Blake's marriage, and for not realizing sooner what an awesome woman Krystle is.

After Fallon storms out of the room, Alexis ambles over to the window and notices Krystle sitting by the lily pond, pensively staring into space. She struts outside to confront her archenemy about doing everything in her power to alienate her from Fallon. Krystle's all, "Huh??" and reminds her she's never stopped trying to destroy her marriage - and that, because of her, Blake and Steven are barely on speaking terms. Alexis says, "Is that really so much concern to you, Mrs. Jennings? You still are, you know?" [The fuck? Krystle still hasn't sorted out the paperwork related to her defunct marriage to Mark??] Krystle barks at her to get out, and Alexis reminds her that this isn't her property, then calls her Mrs. Jennings again. Krystle shrieks, "Get. Out!" and Alexis starts taunting her about mourning for the baby she couldn't have, as well as the baby she almost got to adopt. Krystle gets so incensed that she yells, "Why, you miserable bitch!" and lunges at her, and the two women go flying into the lily pond and start wrestling around in the water. They slap and splash each other for a few minutes...and Alexis hits Krystle with her giant hat, while Krystle lunges at her and punches her on the side of the head. They continue fighting until Blake happens to pass by in his town car, and he rushes over and snaps, "What the devil is going on here?!" He extends his hand to help Krystle climb out of the pond, then admonishes her for getting into a common brawl with Alexis "like a couple of female mud wrestlers". He barks, "I won't stand for it, you understand?!" Krystle glares at him looking hurt and dismayed and quietly stalks off, and then Blake helps Alexis climb out of the pond. She rails about how Krystle just tried to drown her and that she behaved no better than an animal. Blake looks unmoved and says he has no doubt that she was the one who started the altercation and assumes that Krystle was merely defending herself. Alexis looks indignant, refuses to argue about it any further, and huffily stalks off. 

"Weeeee!!!"

[splash, splash, splash]

[slap, slap, slap]

"Kaboom!"

That evening, Krystle packs two suitcases and announces to Blake that she's moving to the La Mirage, pending her decision about whether or not it's really worth it to be married to a rich douchebag. When Blake is all, "Wuh?!" she angrily explains that he humiliated her in front of Alexis - the woman who cost them their child. She also reminds him that she's currently not legally married to him, and doesn't know if she wants to be. She wails, "What am I in your life?" then heads downstairs with her suitcases. Blake runs after her and calls out, "Kryssssstle!" but she ignores him and strides out the door.

The next morning, Krystle and Mark are hanging in the La Mirage restaurant when Blake suddenly appears and asks Krystle if they could speak privately. They head over to the lounge, where he hands her a letter that arrived at the mansion via registered mail: her divorce decree from Mark. Finally. As Krystle stares pensively at it, she tells him she's feeling hurt, empty, and doesn't think he needs her anymore...and that ever since Alexis joined the cast of Dynasty in Season 2, she's been messing up their lives. She says he has too many ties to her, (e.g. their children, the merger) but Blake tells her she's being ridic and assures her that she's the most important person in his life, and that he's never wanted to look at another woman ever since she first became his secretary. He says if she needs to sort things out she should do it at the mansion, but she replies, "I can't." 

Kirby's in the kitchen of Carrington manor, drinking a glass of milk and looking unwell. Joseph enters the room and asks her what's wrong, so she tells him it's morning sickness, and that it's very weird it's happening so early on. (Looks like somebody's refusing to do the math about how long ago she was assaulted by Adam.) She asks him if her mother was ill like this when she was pregnant with her, but Joseph suddenly notices Alexis quietly lurking in the doorway and says, "I don't remember" and hustles his daughter out of the room. Once Kirby's out of earshot, Alexis sashays in and tells Joseph she lost an earring in the lily pond and orders him to drain it asap. She then says she overheard Kirby asking about her mother, then asks him what she'd think if she knew the truth about "that woman". Joseph looks alarmed and says, "You wouldn't do that" and Alexis makes it clear she damn well would, then bitchily orders him again to drain the lily pond.

Alexis is in her office at ColbyCo reading The Denver Chronicle, whose latest headline reads: Party Disavows McVane as Candidate for Re-election. She calls Blake and tells him that in light of McVane's gross scandal, they should get together, like pronto, and discuss the merger. While she's on the phone, McVane slips into her office undetected and glares menacingly in her direction. Alexis says to Blake, "Poor Neil's influence in Washington is going to be nil from now on" and urges him to stop by her office tonight. McVane suddenly walks across the room and unplugs the phone, which prompts Blake on the other end to growl, "Damn it! Don't you hang up on me, Alexis!" LOL. Alexis asks McVane whaddup with him coming in unannounced and unplugging her phone, so he says, "Let's just say I had a sudden urge." Alexis looks frightened by the maniacal glint in his eyes and asks, "What's wrong with you?" and he tightens the phone cord he's holding and says, "I came here to visit you."

"Why do you have that murderous look in your eye?"

"Because I've come to murder you!!"

Alexis reaches for the letter opener that's sitting on her desk, but McVane grabs her arm and forcibly takes it from her. He tells her he's been quietly hanging out in the nearby men's room, waiting for everyone to clear out. As he pours himself a drink, Alexis slowly rises from her chair and remarks that she hasn't been feeling well lately, and McVane mutters, "That's not good...that is really not good." She tells him she's going to be going now, and he runs over to where she's standing, looms over her, and says before she leaves he'd like her to read to him. She looks confused and repeats, "Read to you..?" and he explains, "My mother used to read to me when I was a kid. It always calmed me down." He then grabs the newspaper from her desk, waves it in front of her face, and barks, "This article! This!" and Alexis flinches and unconvincingly replies, "I don't know what you're talking about." She then runs around her desk in an attempt to flee, but he cuts her off and snarls, "I think you do!" He tells her he called his friends in Washington when the scandal in The Chronicle broke and learned that a man named Hess from Denver was the one doing the investigating into his personal life. Alexis weakly denies knowing him, which he doesn't believe 'cause he had Hess's office checked last night and learned that she's listed in his Rolodex. [Kinda dumb for a private investigator to have a Rolodex of clients sitting out in plain view like that.] Alexis throws in the towel pretending she had nothing to do with outing his blechy affair and snarkishly says she always repays her debts - and that since he betrayed her, she repaid him! She suddenly makes a break for it and runs for the door, but McVane is too fast, beats her there, and leans against it. He bellows, "I'm going to kill you!" and she's all, "NOOOOOO!!" as he starts strangling her. At that moment, Blake bursts into her office, sees what's going on, and yells, "Let her go, Neil!" and pulls him off of Alexis. He growls, "What the hell is the matter with you, anyway?" then orders him to get out 'cause he's already in enough trouble. McVane leaves the office, muttering, "The score's not settled yet." Alexis rubs her neck and whines to Blake that he was trying to kill her, then thanks him for saving her. Blake gruffly tells her that there may not be someone to save her next time and warns, "If you go on ruining other people's lives, I wouldn't give a dime for your chance for holding onto your own." Alexis looks terrified as she stares contemplatively into space...and for some reason it doesn't occur to either of them that calling 911 to report an attempted murder by a deranged pedo might be a wise idea.  

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