Recap: Jeff and Kirby tiptoe into Carrington manor after dark. Kirby warns Jeff to be extra quiet 'cause her father has "a sixth sense about these things". They smooch for a few seconds, then head over to the phone...and she sits on his lap while he calls his late uncle's pilot and books a flight to Reno. Kirby asks him if he's absolutely, positively, undeniably sure he wants to marry a social climbing nitwit like herself without thinking over this life decision more carefully, and he's like, "Yep! Let's get packed." LOL.
Over in Singapore, Steven tells Blake he's made up his mind about not coming home, then bitchily snaps, "So forget it!" Blake says, "You can't mean that" but Steven retorts that he damn well does mean that. He adds that he's made it very clear he no longer wants to be a Carrington, and that they should have just let him be presumed dead. Considering his relentlessly prickly personality, that's not altogether a bad idea. Blake reminds him he has a son, and Steven scoffs, "How do you know he's mine? How will I ever really know?" (Maybe you could take a blood test, like Blake did in The Gun episode in Season 2 in order to prove that Fallon was his bio daughter??) Steven reminds him that Sammy Jo is such a slutty skank that any man west of the Mississippi could be the boy's father, but Blake shakes his head and says, "He resembles you, Steven" then suddenly remembers that the role of Steven was recast, so he hastily adds, "He has your eyes." LOL. Blake says he just traveled 7,000 miles to find him, his long-lost son, then advises against abandoning Danny, 'cause the day may come when he'll want to have a relationship with his son...but Danny may resent him and refuse to see him. Steven contemplatively stares into space as he mulls that over.
Blake phones the mansion to give Krystle and Fallon the good news that Steven is alive. Fallon tears up and happily orders her brother to come home immediately. Steven warns her that he's had facial reconstructive surgery and looks like a totally different person now...and then Blake takes the receiver from him and assures Fallon that the surgeon did a bang up job on Steven's face and that he's still very handsome. Blake informs Krystle that they'll be boarding a U.S. bound plane in a few hours and gives her the flight number. After they hang up, Fallon orders Joseph spread the joyous news among the servants that Steven is finally coming home! I'm sure they'll all be thrilled.
Jeff and Kirby are at a Justice of the Peace in Reno, getting married by a yokel dressed in a plaid shirt and jeans. They exchange vows, rings, say their I dos and are pronounced husband and wife. That ceremony had all the pomp and excitement of getting one's driver's license renewed.
Steven and Blake are en route to the U.S. and are lounging in the first class section of the plane. Blake fills in his son regarding what he's missed out on so far in Season 3:
Blake says the most important Season 3 storyline was, of course, the birth of Danny. Steven asks why the baby is living with them at the mansion, so Blake explains that Sammy Jo left the tot in their care so she could pursue a modeling career in New York.
Krystle rushes over to Alexis' penthouse to give her the good news about Steven...and also informs her that he had to have reconstructive surgery after his face was blown off during the oil rig explosion. Alexis gasps with horror at the thought of having a hideously disfigured son, then concedes, "At least he's alive." LOL. Krystle invites her and Adam to swing by the mansion tomorrow night for the grand homecoming and promises to let her know the precise time. Alexis says she appreciates her coming over to deliver the good news, and Krystle smiles prettily and sees herself out. That was boring. I much prefer it when these two are cat-fighting in a pond.
When Krystle returns to the mansion, Joseph looks out of sorts and tells her that neither Kirby nor Jeff are home yet. Apparently, Kirby told him she'd be home by 10pm...and since it's way past that time, he's worried that something bad happened to her. (Something did; she married Fallon's sloppy milquetoast seconds.) Krystle stares into space, looking pensively concerned.
Jeff and Kirby are rolling around in bed together in a hotel room in Reno. She tells him their wedding was like a fairytale, then asks him if he's absolutely, positively, undeniably sure he's not on the rebound...and he assures her he isn't. She asks him if he wants her as much as he once wanted Fallon, and he's like, "Uh huh" and they roll around the bed some more, and smooch while contorting themselves in various positions.
Alexis is at a spa somewhere, getting a pedicure, foot massage, and having her hair styled as she talks to Adam on the phone. He tells her he's been able to locate more Denver-Carrington board members, and she says she's thrilled - but not nearly as thrilled as she is about Steven's homecoming. She tells him the family will be gathering at Carrington manor at 8pm, and Steven tightly replies, "Then I'll be home by 7pm to change."
The next morning, Krystle is working out with her trainer in extremely bright red tights and a matching bodysuit. That's a whole lot of bright red. Mrs. Gunnerson (the cook) interrupts the workout to get Krystle's approval for Steven's homecoming dinner menu and blathers on and on about all the lavish delights she plans to cook/bake. Krystle orders her to stick to the simple menu they discussed yesterday, and a chastened Mrs. Gunnerson asks if it's true that Steven now has a few face, then wistfully says she'll always remember him as Al Corley. She laments, "It's like that Steven is just gone from us forever." Heh. That he is, Mrs. Gunnerson. That he is. But Jack Coleman seems nice. Maybe you'll like him too.
The servants are nervously gathered in the vestibule, and Joseph is coaching them on what they should do and say to make Steven feel as comfortable in the mansion as possible. Fallon sweeps down the staircase just as Alexis and Adam arrive - and everyone is dressed in ridiculously formal evening wear - especially Alexis, who's wearing a black hat with a veil attached to the front of it. A few minutes later, Steven hobbles into the mansion with the aid of his cane and politely greets the smiling servants. Fallon runs into his arms and gives him a giant bear hug, while Alexis totters over in her stilettos and caresses every inch of her son's "new" face as if she were a blind person trying to determine what he looks like...and then runs her hands through his hair. As they hug, she breathily coos, "Oooh...thank God you're alive." She introduces him to Adam, who shoots him the stink-eye and coldly says, "Welcome home, Steven." Blake then takes the floor and announces that after suffering much grief at the thought of losing his son, he's incredibly joyous about his long-awaited return home. The camera then pans over to Krystle, who's descending the staircase while decked out in a pristine white gown and cradling Danny. Blake smiles goofily as she brings the baby over to Steven, says, "Welcome home", and places the tot in his arms. Steven stares down at Danny, tears up, and whispers, "My son."
Later, in the master bedroom, Krystle is giving Blake a shoulder rub to help him unwind. Ew. She asks him how he thinks Steven will manage, and Blake's like, "I dunno" especially since he now has a child. Krystle remarks that he clearly loves the boy and is confident he'll find his way, and Blake says he hopes that being a father will give Steven a different view of his own father...and that maybe by some miracle, all the bitterness between them [most of which stemmed from Blake's acts of stubborn douchebaggery] will somehow magically disappear.
Fallon and Steven hang out in the nursery together, reminiscing about all the good times they had in this room while growing up. Steven tells her that Danny is the main reason he decided to come home, then wonders if he can handle the responsibility of being a father. Fallon says she was very skeered when she became a new mother, but says that with enough love, she eventually got the hang of it. (I notice she conveniently skipped past the part where she went to a clinic and almost had her baby aborted.) Steven describes his son as "so damned appealing" and wonders how Sammy Jo could have abandoned him. He asks his sister if Sammy Jo has matured at all since Season 2, but Fallon's like, "I dunno" and says she didn't get much of a chance to interact with the vapid tart during her brief interlude at the mansion.
Alexis brings Steven to the La Mirage, where they meet up with Fallon. Mark appears out of nowhere, and Fallon introduces him to Steven...and a few seconds later, she and Steven head off together so she can give him a quick tour of the hotel. Alexis and Mark seat themselves in the bar area, and she asks him why he hasn't phoned her to set up some nooners, and he tells he he's been busy with tennis and stuff...and when she contorts her lips into a disapprovingly pouty expression, he reminds her she made it clear that she wasn't interested in anything remotely serious with him. He irritably says, "Sometimes I'm not in the mood for just fun and games" then gets up, tells the waiter to put the drinks on Alexis' tab, and stalks off. Hee!
During lunch, Alexis asks Steven if he and Adam hit it off last night, and Steven just shrugs and says they didn't get much of a chance to talk. Alexis assures him that once they get to know each other, they'll be good friends, which I think is highly debatable. Steven shoots her a suspicious look and flatly states that he has no interest in working at ColbyCo, then switches the conversation to Sammy Jo and the payoff she received from Alexis to get out of his life. Alexis admits paying the tramp $20,000 and has no regrets about it, then wisely pivots and informs Steven about Blake's/Krystle's plot to buy Danny. Steven's all, "Wha-a?!" so she adds, "It was a sale: your baby for bucks. But now that you're back, it's all changed." Steven snaps, "You're damned right it's all changed!" then gets up and hurriedly hobbles away from the table.
Steven's hobbling around the solarium, looking pissy when Krystle enters the room. He angrily asks her why he wasn't told that Blake had wrenched Danny away from Sammy Jo. He barks, "Did he pay her off?!" and Krystle's like, "Well...kinda" then explains that he offered Sammy Jo money, but only so she could take Danny along to New York and care for him there. Sammy Jo, however, declined that offer and made it clear she didn't want to care for an infant, like anywhere. Steven snidely retorts that Blake likely bullied her into thinking that the baby would have a better life in his custody at the mansion. Krystle denies that Blake manipulated the situation, but Steven refuses to believe her.
Mark is moping in the La Mirage lounge when Fallon ambles over. He says he had planned to invite her to dinner at the St. Denis Club - a place that isn't owned by a Carrington. She asks him why he didn't actually invite her, and he glumly says that people would probably laugh at them if they went out together in public: a Carrington going out with the hired help. Oh Mark. If they're laughing at anything, it's your '70s porn star vibe. Fallon insists they go out, then tosses her purse at a waitress who just happens to be walking by (the fuck?), and tells Mark she's ready to go to dinner.
After their dinner date, Mark and Fallon are in his room, sharing a brandy. He gives her a creepily intense stare and says, "Fallon, I want to make love to you" then leans in and plants a big smooch on her. After that, they stare at each other for a looooong time...and then he undoes the top button of her high collar. After that, he gently caresses her face and the two stare at each other some more. At this point, the scene fades out for a commercial break, so that's all we have to endure of their "lovemaking".
Krystle informs Blake that Alexis told Steven he bought Danny, so Blake heads over to the study for one of their awful father/son chats. I definitely have not missed those this season. Blake tells Steven he wants to get everything out in the open, but Steven just snarks that he hasn't changed at all, and that he realizes his gayness is an ongoing disappointment to him. Blake wearily reminds him that the Dynasty writers beat that horse to death in Seasons 1-2 and he has no desire to argue about his gayness/fake straightness anymore. Amen to that. Steven admonishes Blake for wanting to take his son and mold him in his image, then accuses him of forcing Sammy Jo to leave Denver. Blake angrily denies that and insists that Sammy Jo cared so little for Danny that she happily handed him over to him and Krystle - but Steven snarkishly wonders if Sammy Jo would see it that way. [Um, yeah. She would. You should maybe go talk to her about all this before you start throwing around unfounded accusations.] Steven declares that he's going to New York to talk to his wife/ex-wife (did they ever get legally divorced?) and try to be a family with her and Danny. Say what?!! Wasn't he just bitching to Blake in Singapore about what a slutty skank she was? And didn't he just re-confirm, five seconds earlier, that he's a gay man? Blake points out that he's still weak from his ordeal, and says his life is in Denver, and Steven retorts, "My life is with my son! And with Sammy Jo! If I can make it work with her." He then storms out of the study, leaving Blake to screech after him, "Steeeeeven!!"
Bitchiest homecoming ever.
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