Recap: It's the middle of the night, and Blake is sitting up in bed, listening to someone on the radio announce, "Blake Carrington will be taking his assault case to a special crime committee." Bwahaha!! I guess he somehow convinced a group of senators (who obviously had nothing better to do) to launch a crime commission especially for him. Blake smiles to himself smugly when he hears himself quoted on the radio saying he wants to expose the man who ordered the attack on him by trying the case in the court of public opinion - in lieu of being able to have it tried by a judge with real lawyers in an actual courtroom. Blake shuts off the radio, puts his dark glasses on (it remains unclear why he needs to wear dark glasses), and ambles out of his room. He heads downstairs and stumbles on the stairs...and Jeff, who just happens to be there at that moment, grabs his arm to steady him. Blake irritably shoves him away and snaps that he can do it himself, then sheepishly apologizes for his dickishness and invites his son-in-law to join him in the study for a brandy.  

As the two sip their brandies, Blake leans back in his leather chair and mutters, "Damn it. Living in this darkness...helpless, patronized" then sourly remarks on all the people in the world who are enjoying his misfortune. Well, d'yuh. Jeff half-heartedly mumbles, "Oh Blake...come on" and then Blake starts nattering about Samson and the Philistines and how Samson destroyed his enemies with one blow. He growls that Samson had nothing to live for but one glorious moment of revenge, then declares that he intends to win this war...and by war, I guess he's talking about the feud (or whatever) he has going with Logan Rhinewood, who he's never actually met. Jeff's just like, "Whatever" and urges him to get some sleep before the crime commission tomorrow. Blake snarks that he has problems sleeping, then grumbles about how he's waited a long time to nail Rhinewood and wants to nail him hard. Er...OK.

Fallon too is having trouble sleeping and decides that 3:00am would be a good time to telephone Nick. He sleepily picks up the phone, and - no surprise - is irked that it's Fallon. She apologizes for waking him, then says she had a dream about the two of them and was sad when she woke up in a lonely, empty bed. He gruffly tells her to get more pillows, then reminds her that she has a husband...so Fallon informs him that Jeff sleeps in a room down the hall and that they're only pretending to go through the motions of being married for her father's benefit. Nick mutters, "Another coup for Blake Carrington" and Fallon scolds him for not being more sensitive to her father's suffering. He tells her he wants to go back to sleep now, mutters, "See you around" and abruptly hangs up the phone. Fallon stares unhappily at the receiver. 
Jeff is sitting up in bed, reading, when Fallon slips into his room. He ignores her as she crawls into bed with him, snuggles next to him, and starts tongue kissing his shoulder while looking up at him with a hopeful expression. Jeff calmly turns the page of his book and says, "I don't know what your angle is this time, but this book is more interesting." Ouch. Fallon looks deflated at his complete lack of interest in her, then quickly crawls out of bed and scurries out of the room. 

The next morning, Joseph leads Blake to the foyer and tells him he'll have the chauffeur bring the car around. The phone suddenly rings, and Blake stumbles over to the nearby end table to answer it - at the exact moment Krystle answers it in the study. She overhears a man threaten Blake if he testifies at today's crime commission, then ominously says, "One warning is all you'll get." Blake snarks back that he knows he's one of Rhinewood's goons - but the man just hangs up. A horrified Krystle rushes out of the study and urges Blake to skip the hearing, but he refuses to cave in to Rhinewood's threats and insists on testifying. Krystle says she wants to be there with him, and he sneers that that would be a mockery of their marriage. He then turns his head and bellows, "Joseph!" (even though Joseph is nowhere to be seen), and demands to know what's taking the chauffeur so long (even though there's no servant within earshot to respond - LOL).  

Fresh from her shower, Sammy Jo admonishes Steven for not asking Blake for some money so she can buy herself a new car, and Steven tells her that his father has other things on his mind today. Sammy Jo pouts and says she doesn't care about "all that politics stuff" and tells him how fucked up it is that he's the millionaire's real son and can't even ask him for a dollar...whereas Fallon, who isn't even his biological daughter, gets whatever she wants. That's actually a fair point. I've never understood why Steven is perpetually cash poor and repeatedly chastised for being unemployed, while Fallon has never been pressured to get a job and seems to have access to unlimited sums of cash. Steven gets irked at Sammy Jo and tells her to never again speak of Fallon not being Blake's daughter. She fake promises to keep her trap shut, then tells him she went to the bank the other day to discuss getting a line of credit and was pleased to discover that anyone with the last name Carrington is authorized to borrow as much cash as they want! She shows Steven the application form and tells him all he needs to do is sign. Steven snatches the form from her and snarkishly asks who she expects to pay for the credit line. He then rips up the application and tells her that since he still has a tiny scrap of pride left after jumping into their disastrous marriage, he refuses to ask his father to pay his bills. Sammy Jo scrunches her face in derision and tells him that being a Carrington is wasted on him. 

Krystle greets Fallon's decorator in the living room and is dismayed when the woman tells her she's been waiting for Fallon for forty-five minutes. Krystle offers to go upstairs to see what's keeping her spoiled rotten stepdaughter.

Krystle admonishes Fallon, who's primping in front of her mirror, for keeping the decorator waiting. Fallon says it's not her fault, since Blake was the one who made the appointment. She says she can't be expected to focus on wallpaper and fabric on the day of Blake's crime commission - despite the fact that she's not actually attending or participating in the hearing in any way. LOL. Fallon waves her hand dismissively and tells Krystle to just make the decorating choices, and Krystle points out it's not her child, much as she wishes it were. Fallon says she wishes that as well, and complains about what pregnancy is doing to her body...and Krystle just stares back at her, aghast. She reminds Fallon that it's part of the miracle of life, but Fallon rolls her eyes and says that any cat can do what she's doing with far less fuss. Krystle sternly reminds her that a grandchild is all Blake has to hang onto these days, and Fallon counter-snarks at her for abdicating her responsibilities as a wife by sleeping in the guest room. She then stalks out of her room, leaving Krystle to stare after her in pensive shock.

Fallon drops by Nick's office unannounced. He tells her he's really busy, so she complains about how "suddenly" turned off he is by her...even though he's never not seemed totally turned off by her. She promises not to act all jealous about Krystle, then proceeds to inform him that she knows Krystle showed up at his house the other night and accuses him of seeing her on the side. Nick irritably retorts that he doesn't need her spying on him, then tries to shoo her out of his office. She ignores his brush-off attempt and tells him she can't help loving him the way she does, then fibs and tells him that ever since Blake went blind, he and Krystle have been closer than ever. She doesn't know for sure whether it's just pity or love - but whatever it is, it's certain that Nick has lost Krystle to Blake. Nick pretends to be indifferent and says that Krystle was just his patient, then once again implores the nitwit to leave. Fallon obliges and flounces out of his office, and Nick tries to resume his work, but stares into space looking troubled and contemplative. 

Andy drops by Blake's office at Denver-Carrington and tells the old goat he has some bad news: the crime committee has decided that the session will be closed to the media. Blake looks dismayed and sadly retorts, "Why would they do that?" and Andy tells him they didn't give a reason, nor do they have to. Blake angrily says the reason can be summed up with one word: Rhinewood. He says that clearly the mobster got to the senators, but Andy argues that they're honorable men who can't be bought, and Blake's just like, "Can. Did."

Alexis arrives at Nick's office for a pretend therapy session decked out in a fantastic red tailored suit and matching hat. She thanks him for fitting her in on such short notice, then lights up a cigarette and tells him she's been feeling very anxious lately. She says that after her divorce sixteen years ago, she lived a pampered, glamorous, irresponsible existence and would love nothing more than to go back to it - LOL - but thinks it would upset her children too much if she left Denver. Nick looks amused and says, "All my patients should have such problems." Alexis chides him for not taking her seriously and asks him he thinks she's spoiled and foolish, and he goes, "Not foolish." Meow, Nick. Alexis switches gears and tells him that Fallon's in love with him and that she's worried about her vapid daughter being a "two time loser" with regard to marriage. She refers to her as "a remarkable girl" then admits that she can be impetuous at times...and by impetuous, she means childish, boorish, and vacuous. Alexis quickly adds that when Fallon's in love, she's "deeply, utterly committed". Nick asks her if Fallon knows she booked this session, and Alexis says she doesn't, and that she's only telling him all this 'cause she cares so much about her daughter. She urges Nick to consider a future with her dumb-as-a-post spawn and reminds him that she'll one day inherit the Carrington fortune - at least in part. Nick's just like, "Yeah whatever" since he's still not remotely interested in Fallon and abruptly ends the session.

Jeff tells Blake he found some intel on Nick's brother. His name is Gianni Malani and he used to work for Denver-Carrington on the Middle East crew. Apparently, he was tossed in jail on drug charges and had no money for legal help, so he gave up all hope and hung himself in his cell. Blake mulls that over and says he doesn't recall that case. Jeff shrugs disinterestedly and tells Blake he'll pick him up in an hour to take him to the crime commission hearing. Blake calls up Nick and says he needs to talk to him today and asks him to meet him over at the State House.

Blake is testifying at the hearing. He names Ray Bonning as a suspect and says the thug was in Denver just prior to the attack. One of the senators asks him if he has proof of this, and Blake replies, "He came to see me, hint at what might happen to me if I didn't sign over my football team to Rhinewood." He then tells the committee he refused to sell the mobster his team, then sanctimoniously declares that he was trying to keep shady types from tainting a clean American sport. The senator asks him what he means by "shady types", so Blake grunts, "Very underworld types, mob, professional murderers." The senator aptly points out that he freely entered into a business arrangement with these "very underworld types" when he sold Rhinewood 45% of his football team, then asks him whassup with that. Andy leans over and whispers something to Blake, and Blake says he has no intention of explaining that business decision. LOL. The chairman kind of perks up and asks him if he's refusing to cooperate with this committee (um, wasn't Blake the one who initiated this dumb thing?) and Blake snarls that Denver-Carrington financial matters are company business, then bellows, "Not yours!" He tells the senators he won't allow them to look the other way while organized crime "gobbles up legitimate business in Colorado" and the senator snarks back that he's not going to be lectured to by a convicted murderer - hahaha! Blake gets all prickly bitchy and asks them if they're turning him into the accused, then jumps to his feet and barks, "Who the hell are you people, anyway?!" The chairman orders him to shut it and sit down, then starts pounding his gavel. Suddenly, Blake looks freaked out about something...and, wait a second - he can see!! He stares around the room, then slowly lowers himself in his seat. Across the room, Nick's all, "Wuh?" and stares at Blake knowingly. Jeff asks Blake if he's OK, and he assures his son-in-law he's fine. After that dramatic breakthrough, the chairman calls Logan Rhinewood to testify...and everyone stares around the room in breathless anticipation, but nothing happens. LOL.

Alexis is in a swanky looking boutique, trying on a new fur coat. By scripted coincidence, Sammy Jo is in the other end of the boutique, contemplating a short fox coat. She makes a blech face and tells the salesgirl it's tacky, then picks out a long black mink coat. The salesgirl tells her it's very expensive, but Sammy Jo insists she'd rather have that one and hugs it tightly. She snootily declares that she's Mrs. Steven Carrington and announces that she's purchasing the black mink (and wants her initials sewn onto it), and tells the salesgirl that the store can charge it to her husband. Alexis happens to overhear her and asks her daughter-in-law if she's really charging a fur coat to Steven even though he doesn't have any money - then asks her if ultimately she expects Blake to pay for it. Sammy Jo's like, "Well d'yuh. Why shouldn't he?" She's confident Blake will pay for the coat and says she highly doubts he'd want to be harassed by a collection agent and get unwanted bad publicity. Alexis yanks her by the arm and threatens to tell Blake what she just said, so then Sammy Jo threatens to blab about how Fallon's not really Blake's daughter. She glares at Alexis smugly before flouncing out of the store.

The crime committee is still in limbo, patiently waiting for Logan Rhinewood to show up...and after a few minutes, Rhinewood's attorney arrives. He tells the commission that his boss is unable to attend due to illness, then releases a statement that basically says Rhinewood has no interest in participating in a bogus crime committee, since it has no jurisdiction over him or has any legal authority. Fair point. The chairman must agree, 'cause he abruptly adjourns the session. LOL. Blake snaps, "I don't believe this!" and Andy tells him they should have expected this, since no one has ever seen Logan Rhinewood...and maybe the man doesn't actually exist. Joseph helps Blake get to his feet and put on his coat, and Blake discreetly tells his majordomo that for a few seconds, he thought he could see, but is no longer sure if it really happened.

Krystle arrives at a park, and Nick shows up unexpectedly and explains that the mansion staff told him she'd be here. He tells her he's pretty sure that Blake is getting over his bout of hysterical blindness, then excitedly orders her to go back to the mansion and pack her things. Krystle's like, "Whoa.." and reminds him that she's still married to the old goat and that she loves him, and Nick gets all pissy and accuses her of using him to get revenge against Blake after he doinked his ex-wife in Rome. Krystle insists she did no such thing and says she just needs more time to pensively ponder the issue. Nick snaps, "Go back to your empty bed!" and Krystle storms away from him. He rushes after her, apologizes for his impertinence, and says she has every right to be disgusted with him. Krystle just stares at him mutely for several seconds, then says, "I have nothing to say to you, Nick" and walks away.

Fallon is annoyed that her mother went to see Nick, so Alexis explains that she was just being motherly, overprotective, and nosy. Fallon worries that Nick will think she put her up to it, so Alexis explains that she just wanted to see what sort of man her daughter has fallen for, and adds that she doesn't want to see her get hurt. Fallon's suddenly worried that Krystle will get "bounced out of the mansion" and run straight into Nick's arms...and she wails, "Then I lose Nick!" (It's kind of impossible to "lose" someone who can barely stand the sight of you.) Alexis points out that Nick only likes Krystle 'cause she's the wife of a rich man - but as soon as she's an unemployed secretary, she won't be such a catch anymore. (Actually, I think she'd probably be regarded as the ex-Mrs. Blake Carrington more than she would an unemployed secretary.) Fallon mulls that over and retorts, "Well, if he's that pragmatic, what have I got to offer?" and Alexis says, "Status and money" and adds that Fallon is the prize Nick has been striving for all of his life. LOL. Fallon scrunches her face and says she doesn't want to hurt her father by wrecking his marriage, and Alexis snippily asks her if she's serious about wanting to marry Nick. Fallon says she is, so Alexis coos, "Trust me" and urges her to go along with whatever harebrained scheme she's plotting...then mumbles something about waiting for the postman.

The postman arrives at the mansion with a special delivery for Blake, and Fallon rushes over to the front door and snatches the envelop from Joseph and says she'll take it up to her father. She heads upstairs to Blake's room and finds him sitting on a couch, staring into space. She tells him she's sorry about how the crime committee thing went, then asks him to just let it go. He snarks, "I can't! I just can't!" then asks her how the nursery is coming along. She assures him he'll have the most pampered, spoiled rotten grandchild in the history of grandchildren, then finally tells him a letter just arrived for him. He asks her to open it and read it to him, so she rips open the envelop and stares at the letter comprised of cut out words from a magazine, then tells him it's just a bunch of nonsense. He demands she read it, so she tells him it says: Why do so many frustrated wives end up in bed with their shrinks? Ask your wife. Blake tells her to give him the letter so he can tear it up, then orders her to forget she ever saw it. She promises, gives him a quick hug, and exits his room.

Blake crumples up the paper then...wait another second - he can see...again!! He uncrumples the letter and squints at it, then grins stupidly. Joseph enters the room and asks him if the letter's good news, and Blake smiles and tells the ass-licker that his hysterical blindness is finally wearing off. Joseph is shocked and says with restrained enthusiasm, "My God. You can see again." He asks him if Fallon knows, but Blake says no and orders him not to tell Fallon, or anyone else for that matter. He then asks Joseph to leave him alone for awhile...and once he's alone, he glares down at the letter and and puts on his dark sunglasses.

Recap: Blake is staring at the 'your wife is sleeping with her shrink' note when Joseph enters his room with a breakfast tray. Joseph says that since he can see again but doesn't want anyone to know, could he please share with him what his ultimate plan involves? Blake says he has to do this on his own - plus, the writers don't seem to know exactly where they're going with this pointless storyline. He tells Joseph he doesn't need to sleep in his room anymore, and if anyone asks whassup with that, he's to tell people that his master has gotten used to his blindness. Joseph's like, "Er...OK" and heads out, and Blake stares down at the disturbing note again.

Steven is sweatily pumping iron in the mansion's dedicated exercise room - a new set on Dynasty that is a wood-paneled, carpeted delight! Alexis enters the room looking like '80s exercise-wear threw up on her; she's decked out in a green leotard, tights, thigh-high leg warmers, a white scarf (you heard me), and a matching headband to cap off the ridiculous ensemble. She tells Steven that the two of them need to get certain things straight regarding his idiot wife, and asks him why in the hell he would tell Sammy Jo that Blake isn't Fallon's bio dad. Steven says he didn't tell her; she overheard the two of them talking about in the hall...and when she asked him about it later, he told her the truth. Alexis is like, "What'd you do that for?!" and Steven looks indignant and retorts, "We're man and wife. We trust each other." Alexis rolls her eyes derisively, so Steven explains that he ordered Sammy Jo to forget what she heard, and she pretended she'd go ahead and do that. Alexis glares at him (while getting a quick workout in with some hand weights...LOL) and warns him that if his human Barbie doll of a wife breathes another word of this tawdry gossip to anyone, she's going to personally attach hand grenades to the tiny wheels of her roller skates and gleefully watch as she blows up...and judging by the look of disgust on her face, I'm not entirely confident she was just joking around 'bout that. 

Fallon drops by Nick's place because she still can't grasp the fact that this man wants nothing to fucking do with her and tells him she's been driving around aimlessly since dawn. She came by to tell him how ashamed she is about Alexis coming to see him under the pretence of needing a therapy session and then extolling her (Fallon's) non-existent virtues. Nick tells her not to worry 'bout that and says he totally understand that it was a maternal gesture - one which he found immensely entertaining. Fallon pouts and asks him if he was entertained because she means so little to him, and he's like, "Well, d'yuh" but then pretends they'd have a shot at a relationship if only they'd met sooner...or if she were a more mature, pensive blonde. She asks him if he's still in love with the woman he's been rebuffing her advances for, and he nods and admits he is. Fallon abruptly says goodbye and leaves...and a few seconds later, Blake calls Nick to set up a face-to-face meeting so they can discuss any family-related grudges that might exist between them. Nick agrees to meet him at Denver-Carrington.

Blake's in the study reading the paper, and when Krystle enters the room, he hastily puts the paper aside and scrambles to put on his dark glasses so she'll continue to think he's blind. He tells her he'd like them to have lunch together today, and she beams and says she'd love to, then puts her sad face on and says how awful it is that he's been eating all of his meals alone. He explains that he didn't think he'd be very good company, what with his blindness and all - which I found funny, since Blake is generally shitty company even when all of his senses are in proper working order. He informs her that they have something important to discuss, but doesn't give her a hint what it's about...and Krystle stares back at him and looks confused. 

Steven steers Blake to his office in the Denver-Carrington building. Blake tells him he should strongly consider returning to the company and give up his half-baked dream of being a race car driver. He advises Steven to spend some quality time with Jeff - in the hopes that maybe his industriousness will rub off on him...but Steven just sneers and and tells his father if he loves Jeff so much, he should adopt him...and Blake's all, "Hmm..." After Steven stalks off, Blake finds Alexis sitting in his office, waiting for him to arrive. He grumbles at her that he's too busy for a visit, but she insists that they need to discuss Steven's gold digging wife. Apparently, she's been charging expensive items to Steven - most notably a mink coat - and has been overheard admiring jewelry and Jaguars. Blake scrunches his face in annoyance and says that Steven can't afford any of that. [Well, d'yuh. I think the idea is that you'll be paying for the stuff.] Alexis says she made that perfectly clear to Sammy Jo, but the little tart just smirked at her and flounced off. Alexis then switches gears and tells Blake that Fallon told her all about the 'your wife is sleeping with her shrink' note he received, then pretends to be aghast at the cruelty of the sender. Blake just kind of shrugs and is all, "Whatever", but she insists it was a vicious act. She wonders aloud if perhaps the culprit is an enemy of Blake's...one who's jealous of his success, and Blake grumps that he definitely has an enemy - the evil [but non-existent] Logan Rhinewood...grrr - then angrily vows, "I'll deal with him." Alexis looks kind of turned on by her ex-husband's angry passion and tells him it's wonderful to see him express the "splendid Carrington pride" she so adores, and then leans in to give him a smooch. A few seconds later, his secretary buzzes him to let him know that Nick Toscanni has arrived for their meeting...and Alexis sashays out of the office, smirking at Nick as she passes him.

Blake gets right to the point and tells Nick he knows about Gianni, and that he (Nick) blames him (Blake) for his death. Blake swears that he had no idea Gianni had been jailed until he got a cable about it...but the cable took so long to get to him that by the time he read it, Gianni had already hung himself. (He clearly had no patience for Middle Eastern prison life.) Nick rails, "One word from you could have saved my brother's life!" and Blake snaps, "My hands are clean, and your brother's death isn't my fault." After the two men glare at each other for several tediously looong seconds, Blake tells Nick that he has no reason to bear a grudge against him, and Nick mulls that over and says, "That's a lot of rug you're trying to pull underneath me." [LOL, writers.] He then admits that, yeah, he's definitely been carrying around a lot of anti-Blake hate for a ridiculous amount of time, then lights up a cigarette and moves closer to Blake. For some reason, he suddenly seems suspicious of his blindness and holds a lighted flame in front of Blake's face to provoke a reaction - but Blake manages not to react and get caught seeing. Blake tells Nick he was misled to think he had anything to do with Gianni's death, and Nick admits he's done him an injustice. Blake is like, "No worries" and points out he didn't actually do anything to avenge his brother's hanging, then suddenly gets all prickly and growls, "Or did you?" and Nick's like, "Er...no" so the two finally kiss and make up. Blake declares that as far as he's concerned, this meeting has totally cleared the air, and the two men shake on it...and after Nick leaves, Blake asks his secretary to confirm with Krystle that he'll be at the mansion for lunch as planned.

Cecil and Claudia are lunching together at the fancy restaurant. He tells her that his search team has managed to track her daughter to a remote village near a Peruvian jungle...or some such shit, and Claudia beams happily. He remarks that tracking her down was "quite the job", so Claudia says she's very grateful to him...but then he continues to yammer on and on about how he had "a whole platoon of men" involved in the faux search. Claudia vows to pay him back for the expenses he's incurred, and he breezily waves his hand at her and tells her that the money means nothing to him, then says, "I'm a businessman. I make deals." Claudia, who clearly doesn't get that he expects a favor in return for the endless fake search throughout South America, cocks her head and says, "I want my daughter." He promptly retorts, "I want access to Denver-Carrington's oil shale extraction process" and slides a gift-wrapped box that contains a camera across the table and tells her she can use it to take snapshots of the relevant documents in the Denver-Carrington file room...but she slides the box back toward him and tells him she won't agree to spy on Blake. Cecil sneers as he snidely refers to Blake as her "benefactor", then smugly reminds her that Blake isn't the one who located her daughter. Claudia insists she wants her daughter back, but it's not worth becoming a thief for. She gets up from the table and is about to storm off, but Cecil promises to drop the entire thing if she stays and finishes her lunch...so she slowly sits back down.  

Over at Carrington manor, Blake tells Jeff to look over some prospective oil leases - then says if they look good, he should just go ahead and buy them. Jeff thanks him for entrusting him with such a monumental task and earnestly says he hopes he does a good job. He then admits to his father-in-law that his marriage to Fallon is a total sham, and that once the baby is born, he's filing for divorce and taking custody of their child. Blake says he's afraid of losing his grandchild, but Jeff assures him they'll live nearby...and Blake says he also doesn't want to lose touch with him, so Jeff reminds him that he'll see him at the office every day. The conversation then takes a weird turn when Blake asks, "How would you feel about my legally adopting you?" and Jeff's like, "Are you [fucking] serious?" and Blake assures him he's very serious. Jeff tells the old goat he's truly honored, but he just can't do it, since in addition to being a grown man and therefore not needing an adoptive parent, he was born a Colby and should probably stay a Colby. Blake grins stupidly and says that the offer remains on the table...and Jeff leaves the room looking very weirded out. Or maybe I'm just projecting what my reaction to that bizarre proposition would be.

During lunch, Blake tells Krystle that Nick had a brother who hanged himself several years ago. She looks aghast, and he insists that he had absolutely nothing to do with the young man's death...but is annoyed that Nick may have used his family - namely her - to exact revenge for the tragedy. Krystle's all, "Wuh?" so he asks her: a) if she's ever been alone with Nick, or b) if he's ever expressed any romantic interest in her. She's like, "No and no" and tells him that these questions are upsetting her, and he raises his eyebrows and looks fake surprised as he asks her why they're upsetting her so much when he's not actually accusing her of anything. He says he was merely talking in hypothetical terms about men who seek revenge against other men they strongly believe caused a family member to hang himself, and that it's a common tactic to poison the enemy's woman against him...and to use her body and soul. Krystle just stares back at him mutely as he sarcastically adds, "But I know what kind of woman you are: moral and strong." How Krystle has stayed married to such a passive-aggressive, hateful dinkwhistle for this long, I have no idea.

Krystle drops by Nick's house...but when he hugs her hello, she pushes him away. She tells him that Blake told her all about their meeting, then asks him if he's been using her to destroy her husband. Nick chuckles nervously, then turns around and mumbles a weak denial. When she demands that he face her while denying it, he admits that he may have targeted her for that purpose when they first met, and she yells, "What kind of a man are you?!" He tries to give her a reassuring smooch, but she slaps him hard (!) and he glares back at her maniacally. She says she's ashamed she almost divorced Blake for him, then heads toward the door and storms out of his house, ignoring him as he yells, "You're wrong, damn it!"

Jeff drops by ColbyCo to visit Cecil and asks him if he'd consider selling (to Denver-Carrington) whatever oil related research findings he had recently commissioned - but Cecil gives him a big fat no, since he has no desire to do Blake any favors. Jeff says he owes Blake for calling in that stupid loan from Season 1 - but Cecil disagrees. Jeff says he's ashamed of being a Colby, so Cecil wryly tells him to change his name if he feels that way...and Jeff says he may, in fact, change it to Carrington. And then, without a shred of embarrassment, he informs his uncle that Blake has offered to adopt him, and Cecil's all "Wha-a?!" and scrunches his face angrily. As Jeff storms out of the office corridor, we see that Claudia is waiting to get in to see Cecil...and I wonder if maybe she had a change of heart about her spy mission?

Nick has a job interview at a hospital and tells the interviewer he's tired of counselling spoiled rich bitches and wants a job in which he can help people in need. The interviewer says he'll consider his application, then looks over his resume...blah blah. Boring.

Fallon tells Alexis she now regrets her part in sending Blake the 'your wife is sleeping with her shrink' note and blames her mother for executing the nefarious scheme. She wants to come clean to Blake, but Alexis poutily contorts her lips and says it would be a serious mistake...and besides that, the letter told the truth. Fallon laments hurting Blake and says she's now being punished by losing the man she loves - despite the fact that Nick has never given any indication that he can stand the sight of her. Alexis says she'd do anything to prevent Blake from finding out it was them who sent the note, then threatens to tell Nick about her part in note-gate...and Fallon's all, "Wha-a?! You'd do that?!" and Alexis is all, "Well, d'yuh."  
Krystle delivers flowers to Blake's room and finds the 'your wife is sleeping with her shrink' note atop the dresser. She stares at it pensively.

A little while later, she storms into Blake's office, tosses her fur coat on a nearby chair, and waves the 'your wife is sleeping with her shrink' note at him (even though he's "blind" - LOL) and then reads it aloud. She says that obviously someone's already read this filth to him, and insists he owes her an honest confrontation about it instead of reacting with his usual dickish passive-aggressiveness. Blake snaps, "On what honest grounds do I owe you a confrontation?" so Krystle tells him everything: she was, in fact, attracted to Nick...but she fought her attraction (well, sorta), and it wasn't easy. She wails, "I never forgot I was your wife!" and Blake just stares stonily at her through his stupid dark glasses. Krystle then turns to leave - and as she grabs her fur from the chair, she finds one of Alexis' monogrammed white hankies she must have "accidentally" left behind. She holds it up and stares at it for a few seconds before snarling, "Believe what you like - I just don't care anymore!" and storms out.

Alexis is blissfully working on her latest painting in the studio when Krystle barges in without knocking. She holds up the white hanky and says she dropped by to return it, and Alexis smirks and says, "That's very sweet of you. Thanks." She then explains to Krystle that she stopped by Blake's office earlier to discuss the spending habits of Steven's gold digging wife and that "she's been drawing heavily on the Carrington credit". She then politely tells Krystle she's busy and to beat it, then swivels her easel a few inches in Krystle's direction so she can get an eyeful of the - ack! - Blake portrait she's currently working on. Krystle accuses her of moving back to Denver to get closer to Blake and his money, then says she knows that the trip to Rome in the Psychiatrist episode was a ploy to accomplish this. She then tells Alexis she suspects her of being behind the 'your wife is sleeping with her shrink' note, but Alexis pretends to not know what she's talking about and then smugly points out that she and Blake share a bond the two of them can never have: children. Krystle looks stricken and says, "You're right. You and Blake deserve each other!" then flees the studio...and Alexis smirks after her in satisfaction.

As Krystle packs her things to leave Denver forever (again), Jeannette (the maid) tears up and tells her she wishes she wouldn't go 'cause the house won't be the same without her. Krystle says she needs to leave 'cause she can't stand another minute of married life with her dickwad husband.

Krystle's at the airport, in line to board her plane, when Blake and Joseph show up. Blake pulls her out of line, and she informs him she's moving back to Ohio, where she has honest, uncomplicated friends who don't get pleasure from pulling frequent head trips on her. He tells her her home is in Denver, but Krystle says she wants a divorce and that Alexis can have him. Blake begs her to stay and says she's his entire world, so she wails that he doesn't trust her, and that she's fed up with his manipulative, douchebaggish ways. He bows his head sheepishly and replies, "I'm sorry about that, but you know what I've been going through" and Krystle snarks that he bitchily refused to let her help him through his fake blindness, so then he snarks back that he doesn't want her pity, and then she counter-snarks that her feelings are about love not pity. He mercifully gives up on the argument and assures her he'll be a whole person any day now - LOL - and that once his sight "returns", they can go away together and maybe finish having the honeymoon that got cut short in Season 1. He promises her she doesn't have to doink him if she doesn't want to...he just wants her close by. Krystle looks pensively tortured and cries, "I can't!" and dashes over to the gate and out of the airport to board her plane. We then get footage of the plane's engines starting up, and the plane pushing back from the gate...and just when all hope is lost for a change of heart from Krystle, we see her quietly slinking back into the terminal. She rushes back to where Blake is standing, touches his shoulder, and he pulls her into a tight hug. He thanks her for not leaving him, and promises her that somehow they'll make their dysfunctional, train wreck of a marriage work. She continues to hug him and looks pensively hopeful.

Nick has summoned Fallon to his house...and naturally she immediately rushed right over. He tells her that everything he's been saying to her up until now has been untrue...and that he suddenly realized she's everything a woman should be: honest, sincere, and not calculating. Bwahaha!! Say what?! He then gets teary and laments about how some women can't make a commitment to true emotions, and he likes the fact that Fallon doesn't tease or do numbers on people...even though in past episodes we've seen her brazenly tease the very people she's doing numbers on. He tells her to have her baby, get a quickie divorce, and then they can be together. He then kisses her and has flashbacks of kissing Krystle...or maybe it's Fallon imagining Nick kissing Krystle - I dunno. Fallon, who clearly has no problem being sloppy seconds, asks Nick about the woman he was in love with, and he emphasizes, "Was" and hugs her tightly. 

Recap: Blake is sitting up in bed, staring at the 'your wife is sleeping with her shrink' note. Again. He turns out the light, puts his blind man glasses on, and stares moodily into space. When Krystle enters the bedroom, he barks, "Where have you been?!" so she tells him she was in the study reading. She climbs into bed seeming more pensive than usual, so he asks her what's wrong. She complains about the wall that exists between them, and that even though they're close physically (ew), they're miles apart emotionally. He tells her, "Walls can come down" so she wails, "When?! And what will it take?" Blake sighs and admits how crazy he's been driven over "the Rhinewood thing" and tells her he lies awake nights thinking about ways of tracking down the elusive mobster and forcing him to answer for ordering the attack that blinded him. He tells Krystle he doesn't want to subject her to all of that anger and angst, and she argues that she wants to share the good and the bad and be a real wife to him...but he has to meet her halfway and start acting like a real husband to her - as opposed to the dickish tyrant he's been behaving like up until now. 

The next morning, a large package from The Fur Store arrives at the mansion. Joseph signs for it and brings it to the study, where Krystle is doing some more reading. He asks her if she recently ordered a new fur, and she scrunches her face in confusion and says no. She opens the box and pulls out a long black mink coat and notices the initials SJC embroidered on the inside. She presses her lips together in disapproval and asks Joseph to summon Sammy Jo to the study, like pronto.

Steven and Fallon are in the mansion's workout room, doing stretching exercises together. Steven gives her breathing tips, and the two collapse on the mat, giggling. Steven suddenly looks sad and forlorn, so Fallon asks him whassup, and he tells her that things aren't working out and that he hates living at the mansion. Fallon says that's an awful thing to say, but he argues that his perpetual sadness has a negative effect on everyone else in the mansion, so he just wants to pack it in and leave with his wife by the end of the month. Fallon hugs him and assures him that everyone loves him to bits, but he continues to look miserable and asks, "What about Sammy Jo? The love should include her too." Fallon stares blankly at her clueless brother for a few seconds, then says, "OK, if that's what it takes to make you happy, you've got it" and promises to do her best to get to know the nitwit.

Sammy Jo enters the study, and Krystle sternly asks her whassup with buying an expensive mink coat. Sammy Jo looks delighted that her purchase has arrived and cuddles the furry garment, then drapes it around her shoulders. Krystle asks her if she charged the coat to Steven, and Sammy Jo's like, "Duh...he's my husband." Krystle points out that Steven doesn't have that kind of money, and Sammy Jo rolls her eyes derisively and says, "I've heard." Krystle asks her who she thought was going to pay for the coat, then snaps, "Blake?" and Sammy Jo just kind of nods. Krystle barks, "Well, he's not!" and yanks the fur off of her niece's shoulders and tells her she's sending it back, monogram and all. (I highly doubt The Fur Store will give a full refund now that it's been customized.) Krystle tells Sammy Jo that this sort of thing can't happen again, then says if there's something she needs, she has to run it by her first. Sammy Jo smirks cheekily, and Krystle looks exasperated and snarks, "What's going on in that mind of yours?!" Sammy Jo snidely tells her she'll have to figure it out sometime, then adds, "Like when you're wandering around in the middle of the night - instead of in bed, with your husband." (?? Not sure what Krystle's bedtime habits have to do with her overspending on a mink.) Sammy Jo gives her a smug stare, then flounces out of the room, and Krystle stares after her, looking pensively stricken. Sammy Jo, who's now vexed, charges up the stairs to find Steven - and when he's not in their room, she goes into Fallon's room to see if he's there. She finds the room empty, so she snoops around and spots a jewelry box, then rifles through it and pulls out a pretty necklace and decides to "borrow" it.

Fallon tells Alexis she'd like to throw a party to celebrate Steven's new marriage, and Alexis gives her a funny look and says, "You must be joking" then refers to her daughter-in-law as "that little tramp". Fallon points out that at least Steven hooked up with a female, and Alexis mulls that over for a few seconds and says, "Sometimes I think it might have been better had Steven gone on living the gay life.  At least that would have been more honest." Yeah - no fucking duh. Fallon just kind of shrugs and says that since Steven has deluded himself into thinking he's in love with Sammy Jo, they should do all they can to support his life as a heterosexual married man...but Alexis shudders and mutters, "That awful girl." LOL. Fallon insists on throwing Steven a party, then explains that she's soo happy about her relationship with Nick and wants to spread the happiness around. She gleefully reports that Nick assured her that he no longer loves Krystle [now that she's dumped him] and that he's committed to being with her [and settling for sloppy seconds]. Alexis smugly reminds her idiot daughter that her happiness is all due to the anonymous 'your wife is sleeping with her shrink' note they sent to Blake, and that it's proof that the end always justify the means. Alexis then does a sudden 180 and decides that she now likes the idea of celebrating Steven's ill-fated marriage with a big society party.

In Blake's Denver-Carrington office, Fallon fixes her father a martini and gabbles about the party. She says she knows he doesn't really approve of Sammy Jo, but that she'd still like his permission to host the party at Carrington manor. Blake just kind of shrugs and is like, "Whatever" and Fallon squeals happily and gives him a thank you hug. She then tells him how grateful she is that he and Alexis were once close enough to hit the sheets and conceive her, and Blake furrows his brows and falls mute. Fallon asks him if he's angry with her, but he assures her he's not and explains that he's just frustrated because of his fake blindness. He then reminds her to invite Nick Toscanni to the party, since he saved Steven's life after he drunkenly fell in the pool during the Fallon's Father episode, and Fallon grins knowingly and chirps, "Sure!" She gives Blake a goodbye kiss before flouncing out...and once he's alone in his office, he removes his blind man glasses and stares at the 'your wife is sleeping with her shrink' note for the hundredth time and stares pensively into space.

Alexis is in one of the sitting rooms at the mansion, going over logistics for the party with an event planner when Krystle bursts in. She asks the party planner to excuse them, then snarkishly asks Alexis what she thinks she's doing. Alexis lights up a cigarette, takes a few puffs, and says she's helping plan Steven's marriage celebration party...and Krystle's all, "Wuh?" 'cause I guess no one thought to fill her in about the blessed event. Alexis explains that she's pitching in to help her poor pregnant daughter and figured that she (Krystle) would also want to pitch in...but Krystle makes a face and says she has absolutely no interest in helping out with the stupid party. Alexis raises her brows and threatens to tattle to Blake about her lack of enthusiasm about the family event, and Krystle gets all in her face and tells her to go tell Blake whatever the hell she wants. She then declares war, vows to keep fighting her, and storms out of the room. Alexis continues to puff on her cigarette and smiles to herself, amused by how easily and frequently she's able to get under Krystle's skin.

Cecil drops by Blake's office at Denver-Carrington to bitch at him again for offering to adopt Jeff. Blake tells him it's one of the best ideas he's ever had (LOL - seriously?) but Cecil tells him it's a bad, bad idea. I think it's a dumb idea. Why would a grown man want to adopt another grown man? And conversely, why would a grown man want to be adopted by another grown man - especially when the "father" is a giant dickwad like Blake, who's also the grown man's father-in-law? The mind boggles. Cecil accuses Blake of stealing Jeff from ColbyCo and trying to corrupt him by egging him on to give up his birthright, and the two bicker about that for awhile, blah blah. Blake points out that it was Jeff's decision to jump ship and work at Denver-Carrington - just like the adoption will be his decision. He smugly tells Cecil he can provide Jeff with a father image he can respect, and Cecil snidely reminds him that he's a convicted murderer. Bwahaha!! That was a fun zinger, and such a valid point. Blake gets all prickly that he would dare bring up the demise of poor, forgotten Ted Dinard - and Cecil snarls that if he had one wish, it would be that he (Blake) could see again...then growls, "So I could face him eyeball to eyeball and beat the hell out of him!" I guess even Cecil would feel too much like a shithead if he physically assaulted a blind man.

Fallon drops by Sammy Jo's room for some faux friendly chit-chat. She asks her if Steven told her about the party she's throwing for the two of them on Saturday night, and Sammy Jo says he has not...and it doesn't look as though she's terribly thrilled about it either. Fallon explains that she's throwing the party to welcome her to the family and show her off to their friends, but Sammy Jo shoots her the stink-eye and asks, "Are you sure you don't mean 'show me up'?" and then accuses Fallon of treating her like a dimwitted child...which, well d'yuh. Fallon admits that she's throwing the party 'cause she loves her brother, then breezily tells her sister-in-law that she's on the guest list and doesn't need to bother RSVPing. Sammy Jo scrunches her face in confusion and asks her what RSVP means, and Fallon can't bring herself to explain to the dimwit what the acronym means and says she just made it up. It must be a startling confidence booster for Fallon to know that she's no longer the dumbest dumbass living in Carrington manor. 

Cecil is waiting for Alexis in her studio...and when she arrives home, she looks thrilled to see him. He tells her he needs her help, and reminds her that she owes him one for encouraging Steven to reconcile with Blake. The favor: he wants her help convincing Jeff to turn down Blake's adoption offer. He shrewdly points out that if Jeff legally becomes a Carrington, Fallon and Steven would have to split their inheritance with him...and Alexis tells him she's already thought about that, but doesn't think Jeff would allow Blake to "swallow his identity". She then shifts gears and starts gushing over how "outrageously attractive" Cecil is looking these days (um...OK?) and tries to get him to lighten up by reminiscing about the days of yore - like, when they used to doink a lot. Cecil looks contemplative, then suddenly gets aroused and starts smooching Alexis...and soon their smooching becomes very intense.

Nick has a second job interview with Tom, the hospital administrator. Tom is curious about Nick's Vietnam service record, and accuses him of using a hand injury as an excuse to avoid performing any surgeries. Nick hotly denies it and says he simply prefers psychiatry, then asks him if he's hired or what. Tom says that what he really needs is a neurosurgeon, but since the hospital currently has an overall doctor shortage, he's in. Ho hum.

Alexis and Cecil enjoy a post-coital canoodle on Alexis' day bed. Cecil tells her he has to get back to work and starts getting dressed...and as he's buttoning up, he follows up on what she once told him about Fallon maybe being his daughter, then asks her if she was putting him on. Alexis just shrugs and tells him not to worry his pretty little head about the past, especially since the present is so fabulous...and somehow Cecil looks satisfied with that response, and the two start smooching again.

A small army of servants is setting up for the big party at Carrington manor. Upstairs, Sammy Jo is sipping champagne and standing in front of a mirror, staring unhappily at herself in a horrifyingly frilly pink Little Bo Peep concoction. Steven primps in his tuxedo and tells her she looks very nice, but warns her to take it easy with the champagne. She tells him she's only had a couple of drinks, then explains that she's nervous about attending her first big rich people party.  

Krystle asks Blake if he needs help getting dressed, but he tells her he can manage on his own. She caustically wonders if he plans on spending the entire evening on Joseph's arm, but Blake says no and promises to stand next to her as they greet their guests. He then tells her that after they're done with all the greeting, she's free to go off and mingle with whomever she wants.

Fallon's searching through her jewelry box, looking for the necklace Sammy Jo stole. Jeff enters her room to retrieve a pair of cuff links, so she asks him if he's seen it, and he says he hasn't. She tells him she's grateful to him for telling Blake that their marriage is a sham and praises him for being a nice person who deserves a woman who loves him...or at least likes him a tiny bit. Jeff scoffs at her uncharacteristic kindness and says she's only in a good mood because of her new fella. He asks her if she's planning on marrying the mystery man, and she breezily retorts that marriage isn't very important to her right now. Well, d'yuh - especially when she hasn't even begun divorce proceedings with him yet, or given birth to their child. Jeff chuckles and says it's obvious that her new boyfriend hasn't asked her to be his wife...and Fallon pretends that it doesn't bother her in the least and tells Jeff she refuses to allow him to spoil her evening. She declares that she loves her new guy, her new guy loves her, and that's all that matters. So there.

Tom calls Nick and informs him that they have a code blue emergency at the hospital. Egads! Nick reminds him he wasn't hired as a surgeon, but Tom tells him that the emergency is so dire they need all hands on deck. Nick mulls that over and tells Tom he's on his way. 

Guests begin to arrive at Carrington manor, and Joseph steers them over to Blake's/Krystle's receiving line, which looks about a mile long. LOL. Fallon greets Steven and gushes about how great he looks and says she hopes he enjoys his party. She then starts blathering about being a Carrington...and Steven suddenly looks wigged out because of Blake's questionable paternity, so she asks him whassup with that...and he makes up a joke about how he recently discovered that a Pennsylvania Carrington several generations ago was caught shoplifting. Meanwhile, Alexis and Cecil make a grand entrance, and Fallon spots them and runs right over to Blake to report their togetherness. She then makes a beeline over to her mother and asks her why in the hell she brought Cecil, and Alexis tut tuts her about nursing grudges and encourages her to enjoy the evening. Alexis then goes over to Blake and comes clean about bringing Cecil to the party as her date. He snaps, "Why?!" so she tells him she just assumed he'd want everyone in attendance at the party so they can admire his generosity of spirit. She reminds him that his grandchild will have Colby blood in him, and Blake thinks that over and decides that Cecil can stay.

Claudia arrives, looking fresh and fancy in a strapless purple number. She greets Steven and congratulates him on his quickie wedding.

Fallon complains to Krystle that the party has been in full swing for an hour - but she hasn't seen Sammy Jo. She asks Krystle to go upstairs and see whassup...but before Krystle has a chance to ascend the stairs, Sammy Jo appears on the upper landing, looking fantastic in a slinky white, thigh baring gown. Yowza! It's a definite improvement over the frilly pink mess she had on earlier. Krystle looks at her disapprovingly and asks her why she's not wearing the gown they had picked out together, and Sammy Jo petulantly says she decided she didn't like it - scratch that - she hated it and much prefers this slinky number, which she purchased on her own. Incidentally, she's also wearing the sparkly necklace she stole from Fallon earlier. She flounces past Krystle and Fallon...and Fallon notices that she's wearing her missing necklace and is all, "The fuck?!"

Cecil tells Claudia he developed the photos she took of the Denver-Carrington documents, but the material he hoped for wasn't there. She just kind of shrugs and goes, "Oh well, I tried my best" - LOL - and he snarks, "Try harder." She tells him that the files he wants are in a locked cabinet in the file room, and he tells her to find a way to copy them and to do it discreetly. He then glares at her and adds, "If you're anxious to know where your daughter is." Cecil's certainly turning into quite the manipulative douchenozzle.

Nick arrives at Carrington manor, and Fallon rushes over to greet him, then steers him into the study. He's all giddy 'cause he just assisted in an emergency surgery and describes the experience like "coming home after being lost". Fallon pouts and unconvincingly says, "I'm happy for you" and he asks her whassup with her lacklustre reaction, so she tells him about how Jeff was teasing her about the new man in her life not wanting to marry her. Nick ignores her angst and tells her again how jazzed he is about being a surgeon, and warns her that it's probably going to be all consuming for him. He tells her she'll have to be patient, but assures her he wants her. She asks him if he loves her, and he carefully replies, "Oh babe. You're the only woman in my life." So...um, no. The two start smooching just as Jeff walks in...and he shoots Nick the stink-eye and snarks at Fallon that he would never have guessed she was tapping that. After he storms out of the room, Fallon shakes off the unpleasant encounter and tells Nick they should get out there and enjoy the party...and that she loves him and doesn't care who knows it. Once they exit the room, we see that Krystle has been sitting in an oversize chair in the study the entire time, eavesdropping on the conversation and looking pensively sad...even though she has absolutely no reason to look sad, since it was her decision to end the flirtation. 

A tipsy Sammy Jo claims an area of the party room as a makeshift dance floor, then abruptly starts swaying and awkwardly jiggling to the muzak the live band is playing - OMFG - and the guests appear amused by the spectacle of the sexy but rhythm-less woman flashing her thighs. Alexis notices her daughter-in-law's "dancing", looks peeved, and marches over to put a stop to it. She grabs her by the arm and snarls, "Act like a lady - as impossible as that may seem" and reminds the shameless little tart that this party was thrown to honor her son, not embarrass her publicly. Sammy Jo looks sheepish...but not so sheepish that she stops jiggling altogether, 'cause she continues to bob her head and lightly twist her torso to the muzak. LOL. Elsewhere, Jeff heads outside to the patio, and Claudia notices his exit from the party and follows him outside. She asks him if he's bored, and he's like, "Well, d'yuh" and invites her to join him for a drink at the St. Dennis club. Claudia accepts.

Blake secretly watches Nick as he tries to chat it up with Krystle, but she stalks away from him with an unmistakable look of disgust on her face...then heads out to the patio to stare pensively in the dark. Nick follows her and tells her he's still not over her...and Blake sneaks outside and hides in the bushes so he can eavesdrop on the two of them. Nick gushes at Krystle about how she's still the most beautiful, desirable woman he's ever met, and she snarks back that he's a liar. She loudly exclaims, "Thank God I never let you touch me" and Blake visibly perks up. LOL. She tells Nick how relieved she is that she remained faithful to her husband, since she really does love the old goat, then sashays back toward the mansion. She suddenly whirls around and bitchily refers to Fallon as Nick's "new victim" and says that even though the woman's a cunty tool, she's very vulnerable...so he'd better not destroy her. Nick stares into space as he mulls that over...and behind the bushes, Blake removes his dark glasses and smiles to himself.

Sammy Jo flounces around the mansion and flirtatiously greets the more attractive of the male guests. Fallon grabs her by the arm, tells her they need to talk, then pulls her into the study. She accuses her of stealing her necklace, and Sammy Jo giggles and says she only borrowed it...then slips into baby talk mode and whines about how nobody at Carrington manor ever gives her anything. Fallon glares at her and tells her she's her brother's biggest mistake, and that she could try changing that by a being a decent human being and live up to what being a Carrington really means. [That's seriously funny, considering the family's general dysfunction.] Sammy Jo starts cackling and tells Fallon how funny it is, the way she's "high and mightying" her, then says, "I may only be a Carrington by marriage, but you're not even one by birth." Fallon's eyes widen and she's all, "Wuh?!" so Sammy Jo drunkenly reveals that Steven told her all about how Blake isn't her real father, and that it makes her a...what's the word: oh yeah, bastard. Sammy Jo starts giggling maniacally, and Fallon tells her she's a miserable liar...but she just shrugs and tells her to ask her mother if she doesn't believe her. 

Krystle is lounging in the master bedroom, looking drained. Blake enters the room without his blind man glasses on and asks her if she's OK. She tells him she's tired and has a headache, and he acknowledges that he's probably the cause of the headache...and suddenly she stares at him in shock and realizes that he can see. He grins at her and says he got his sight back a little while ago and rushed upstairs to tell her personally. Krystle totally buys his bullcack and tears up...and he tells her to stop crying 'cause he wants her to celebrate this happy development. He then promises to do his very best not to be such a monumental dinkwhistle anymore, and the two hug.

Fallon's in the study, weeping, when Joseph enters. He assumes she overcome with emotion because of Blake regaining his sight, but she's all, "Whatever" and asks him where Alexis is...and he says she's out in the main hall. Fallon rushes out of the study, finds Alexis, and demands that they go somewhere private to talk. In the next scene, we see that the two are in Fallon's ridiculous Clenet car - and Fallon's behind the wheel, driving erratically. Alexis begs her to slow down, and Fallon snarks, "Is Blake my father or not?!" Alexis is like, "I dunno...it could be him...or Cecil." The car roars past a "roadwork" sign, and Fallon crashes it into a big pile of dirt. LOL. After the impact, she's slumped over in the driver's seat and looks very dead. Alexis frantically tries to wake her by violently shaking her (prolly not such a good idea), but when Fallon remains lifeless, Alexis gets out of the car and runs down the dirt road, yelling, "Help!"

Recap: The marriage celebration party is wrapping up, and Blake and Krystle are bidding their guests good night. Cecil congratulates Blake on regaining his sight, then scrunches his face in puzzlement and asks if either of them have seen Alexis. They haven't, of course, since Alexis is at the accident site, violently shaking an injured Fallon. LOL. Fallon wakes up and starts moaning, "Oh God...it's the baby" and a freaked out Alexis totters off in her high heels to get help. She manages to flag down a passing car and tells the driver to call an ambulance.

Jeff escorts Claudia to her apartment, which is a two-room dump in Denver's low rent district. He thanks her for accompanying him to the St. Dennis Club for a drink, then says he should probably get going. She asks, "Why? Is Fallon waiting for you?" and he says no, and that their marital situation is not good (that's putting it mildly). She tells him she totally gets that marriages can go sour, then gives him a needless overview of her failed marriage to Matthew. She then massages his shoulders and says she likes having someone around to talk to, then awkwardly places her forearms on his shoulders and stares at him hungrily. Eventually, the two move over to the couch and start smooching intensely.

Nick returns to the hospital to check on the patient he helped perform surgery on earlier. He runs into Tom, who wanks him about how great he was during the surgery, then tells him he'd love it if he gave up on psychiatry and became a full time surgeon. Nick mulls that over and officially agrees to make the transition. Ho hum.

Alexis bursts through the hospital doors, followed by the paramedics who are wheeling in Fallon on a gurney. Alexis spots Nick and wails to him about how Fallon crashed her Clenet car in a dirt pile while driving erratically...and Nick's all, "Wha-a?!" and rushes after the paramedics to get a full report on her condition.

Blake and Krystle are lounging together in front of a fireplace, sharing a bottle of champagne. They're laughing and canoodling, which is a pleasant switch from Blake's usual passive aggressive douchebaggery, not that their foreplay isn't completely nauseating to watch. They toast each other and smoochily cuddle in various positions for what seems like a really looong time...and then Blake moans, "I love you so much." Krystle grins and asks, "How much?" so he says, "More than life. Can you match that?" - and I was half expecting Krystle to retort, "More than life infinity" and for Blake to counter-retort, "Well, than I love you more than life infinity plus one" and so forth. It's very weird how Blake always feels the need to turn declarations of their love into a pissing contest. Krystle tells her ogre husband how badly she wants to show him how much she loves him - OMFG - when mercifully the phone rings. They let it ring for awhile, but eventually Blake answers it...and it's Alexis, calling from a hospital pay phone. She tells him that Fallon crashed her car and is in the hospital, then wails, "Pleeeeease come!! Waah!"

When Jeff dozes off for a post-coital snooze, Claudia rifles through his pockets and fishes out his key chain. She finds the key that unlocks Denver-Carrington's file room and removes it from the key chain, then tip-toes over to the door, puts on a trench coat so that viewers can fully grasp that she's about to embark on Part 1 of her spy mission for Cecil, and sneaks out the door.

Fallon wakes up looking sweaty and miserable. She's pleased to find Nick sitting by her bedside and asks him to please hold her hand. She whimpers, "I'm in...so much pain" and he assures her that she and the baby will be just fine. The doctor comes in to examine her, then brusquely announces that she needs to get to the OR - stat! The doctor takes Nick aside and informs him that Fallon needs an emergency Cesarean section. As she's being wheeled out, she cries, "Nick! Stay with me!" and he promises to wait it out at the hospital all night.

Alexis is anxiously pacing in the hospital's waiting room when Blake and Krystle arrive. She shrieks, "Blake!" then runs over and hurls herself into his arms. She tells him that Fallon's undergoing emergency surgery, and Blake barks, "My God! How did this happen?" Alexis starts rambling incoherently about how Fallon wanted to go for a drive with her, and then started driving erratically for no apparent purpose, drove into a construction site, and crashed into a big pile of dirt. LOL. She says she "suspects" that Fallon may have had too much champagne to drink, and Krystle furrows her brows and says she didn't see Fallon drink any champagne - which makes total sense since she's pregnant...not that I'm confident Fallon is responsible and/or mature enough to not drink during her pregnancy, so...well, whatever. Alexis snappishly asks, "Did you watch her the whole night?" and Krystle admits that, no, she didn't watch her step-daughter every minute of the evening. Alexis shakes her head dramatically and recounts how horrible the accident was and ponders whether or not she could have prevented it. Blake gently retorts, "You mustn't blame yourself" and credits her for getting Fallon to the hospital so quickly. He then says, at this point, all they can do is pray that the doctors are able to save Fallon's spawn. 

Things in the operating room look tense, and the doctors and nurses all stare at each other with pensive concern. After a few minutes, the baby is delivered, but he's not breathing. The doctor quickly starts ventilating him, and after a few anxious moments he stabilizes...and she bundles him up and rushes him up to the NICU.

Claudia returns from whatever key copying place was open in the middle of the night and sneaks back into her apartment. She's in the process of putting the key back on Jeff's key chain when he starts to stir. He notices she's wearing a trench coat and asks her where she's going, so she tells him she went out for some, uh, groceries. Jeff says he should probably get going, but Claudia urges him to stay a little longer and starts smooching him...and as they're lip-locked, she slips his keychain back into his pants pocket, and the two get naked again.

Alexis, Blake, and Krystle are anxiously waiting in the hospital's waiting room. After a few seconds, the doctor comes out and tells them that Fallon will be OK, and that her baby was premature - but since he's "perfectly formed" and "a determined fighter", he's expected to be A-OK as well. Alexis nods and gravely says, "He's a Carrington" as though that's any kind of reasonable explanation for the baby's robustness. Steven suddenly stumbles off of the elevator, and Blake rushes over to him and informs him that Fallon is fine and that she delivered a boy. Steven congratulates him on becoming a grandfather, then wonders aloud where Jeff is...and the two amble off in search of a phone to see if anyone at the mansion has heard from him. Once Blake is out of earshot, Alexis snidely tells Krystle she must be less than satisfied, and Krystle's all, "Wuh?" so Alexis rubs it in about how Blake didn't appear to believe her when she said she didn't see Fallon drinking during the party. Krystle admits it's possible she may have been wrong 'bout that, and Alexis bitchily retorts, "I forgive you." She then taunts Krystle about how upset she must be now that Fallon has given Blake something she'll never be able to give him, and that she must feel very left out and shattered. Alexis then smugly sashays down the hall, and Krystle stares after her with a pensively stricken expression on her face. Incidentally, I've always found it really weird when babies are referred to as something a person gives to another person. 

Steven picks up Sammy Jo's clothes that she left strewn across their bedroom floor. As he gets dressed, Sammy Jo wakes up and asks him where's he's going. He tells her he's headed over to the hospital to see Fallon, then snarks, "Like you didn't last night." He glares at her and barks, "What happened?!" so she whines that she was "dead tired". (Apparently, she'd come upstairs to change for a visit to the hospital, but instead had crawled into bed and fallen asleep. LOL.) Steven grumbles, "That's real caring of you. Don't you give a damn about anybody but yourself?!" and Sammy Jo whimpers, "I do...but I didn't think I'd be of any help" which is a completely valid point. She asks Steven how Fallon is doing, and he tells her he doesn't really know, but makes it clear that he expects her to go to the hospital with him - as in, right now. Sammy Jo makes a blech face and says she'd rather not, 'cause her hangover is suddenly giving her a fever. Steven snarks that Fallon went through the trouble of throwing her a party, and yet she can't even bring herself to congratulate her sister-in-law about her new baby. He snaps, "You're all heart, aren't you?" and storms out of the room.

Fallon wakes up in her hospital bed and looks around in complete befuddlement and moans, "What is this place?" so Alexis explains that she's in the hos-pi-tal and that she had a C-section and delivered the baby. Fallon scrunches her face as she thinks hard, then tells her mother she remembers the accident, as well as when Sammy Jo told her that Blake isn't her bio dad. Alexis looks aghast and snaps, "That little tramp told you that lie?!" Fallon asks her if it's true, and Alexis shrugs and says she has no way of knowing for certain exactly which man fathered her all those years ago. LOL. Fallon gets upset at the possibility that Blake may not be her father, and accuses Alexis of stealing him from her. She then slumps against her pillow and looks completely deflated, then says, "I'm nothing now. I used to be Fallon Carrington...but now I'm nothing." Oh Fallon. Regardless of your DNA, you were never not a dimwitted scourge on humanity. Fallon angrily orders Alexis out of her room, and when Alexis tries to shush her, she bellows, "Get out!" Alexis dashes out...then stands in the hallway, narrows her eyes, and snarls, "Sammy Joooo.." 

Blake is on the phone in his study, demanding to know if Logan Rhinewood is the person who's buying up big blocks of Denver-Carrington stock - and if not, who the hell is it? The person on the other end of the line is like, "I dunno" so Blake is forced to end the conversation without a clear answer. He then runs into Jeff in the hallway and asks him where he was all night, and Jeff comes right out and tells him he went on a drunken bender after the party. He suddenly notices that Blake has regained his sight and exclaims, "Oh my God! You can see!" Blake tells him that last night was a night of miracles and informs him that he's the father of a baby boy - and Jeff beams with pure delight as his caterpillar eyebrows furrow really far upwards. (Damn, but those hairy things seem to take on a life of their own.) He tells Blake he feels like a jerk for drunkenly carousing around town on the night his son was born - well d'yuh - but Blake just kind of shrugs indifferently and is like, "Meh."

Fallon's doctor tells Nick that the Colby baby isn't doing very well, and Nick responds by giving her a goofy smile. He's such a weirdo.

Alexis storms into Carrington manor and orders Joseph to fetch Sammy Jo, and by fetch she means drag out of bed if necessary. Joseph haughtily informs her that the vapid tart left the house a little while ago and that he has no idea to where she flounced off. Alexis tells him the moment she returns, she's to report to her studio.

Blake and Krystle arrive at the hospital to visit Fallon and congratulate her on the birth of her son...but Fallon just stares into space despondently and doesn't appear to give a rat's ass about her spawn. Blake asks her whassup with her bad mood, and she snarks that she's tired and doesn't want to talk to him...so he gives up and leaves the room. In the hallway, he tells Krystle that something serious must be bothering Fallon, and Krystle looks contemplative and recalls that since Fallon seemed so happy during the party, something must have happened later in the evening to change her mood. She suggests he speak to Alexis about it, and he bobs his head in agreement.

Morgan Hess calls Alexis to report that he just flew in from Ohio and has some juicy intel on Krystle. Alexis snarks that it had better be good, and he promises to stop by her studio later and give her a debriefing. A few seconds later, Sammy Jo arrives...and Alexis glares at her and snarls, "How dare you throw that lie at Fallon about her father!" Sammy Jo chuckles and says that Steven threw it first, at her...and, furthermore, she doesn't believe it is a lie. She cheekily asks, "So what are you going to do about it?" and Alexis tells her she wants her out of the Carrington family and not married to Steven anymore. She offers her daughter-in-law $20,000 to sign a "declaration" and leave town immediately. Sammy Jo asks her what declaration means, so Alexis explains that it is an official statement upon which she swears that she and Steven never doinked and can therefore get an annulment. Sammy Jo says that that would be a lie, since she and Steven have doinked "a real lot". That being said, she'll agree to take the $20,000 - but in exchange she wants a different deal: she'll leave Denver, enroll herself in a finishing school for yokels, acquire some fancy manners, and undergo an Eliza Doolittle type transformation. Alexis doesn't much care for that idea and tells her she'd much rather she took the money and simply went away forever - but then Sammy Jo threatens to show Steven the 'no doink' declaration "that would make him out to be a fag". (Oh, '80s TV..) Alexis tries to snatch the paper back, but Sammy Jo holds it tightly and refuses to hand it over until she gets the check. She throws Alexis a bone and tells her that once she's improved herself, it's possible she'll stumble across a richer, less sexually confused man...and if he's game to hook up with her, she'll divorce Steven in a New York minute.  

When Fallon wakes up in her hospital room, Jeff is sitting by her bed holding her hand...and she bitchily snatches it away. He apologizes for not being present for the baby's birth, but Fallon just shrugs indifferently and says it doesn't matter. He tells her he spent the night drinking and doinking another woman, but that it doesn't matter 'cause right now their son is the most important thing. Fallon says she doesn't want to talk about the baby or see him, and Jeff is appalled and calls her a monster and inhuman...or maybe he called her an inhuman monster. In either case, well d'yuh.  

Sammy Jo has her bags packed and a cab waiting for her outside. Krystle's all, "What's happening?!" and asks her niece where she's going, and Sammy Jo cryptically says, "Far away" and says if she wants more details, she should ask Alexis. 

In the kitchen, some guy named Tony is cleaning a skeet shooting rifle. Krystle asks him whassup, and he tells her he's cleaning it for "the other Mrs. Carrington" and then remarks, "She really does love to go out there and shoot." Krystle looks thoughtfully pensive and has a flashback of when she fell off the horse and got dragged. She asks Tony if he happens to recall whether or not Alexis was shooting on the day she had her accident, which subsequently caused her miscarriage, and Tony mulls that over and says, "As a matter of fact, she did decide to go shooting that day!" Krystle curtly thanks him, then offers to deliver the cleaned rifle to Alexis' studio.

Krystle bursts into the studio clutching the rifle, and Alexis wryly asks her if she's going to shoot her for sending Sammy Jo back to the boondocks where she belongs. Hee! Krystle tells her she's finally pieced together what happened on the day of her accident, then accuses her of firing the gun that spooked her horse. Alexis just chuckles and says, "You don't know what you're talking about." Krystle accuses her of being jealous about her pregnancy, so then Alexis counter-accuses her of being paranoid now that Fallon has had her baby - then denies causing her accident and subsequent barrenness. Suddenly, two mannish looking stunt doubles rush onto the set - one in a blonde wig, the other in a brunette wig - and I'm delighted to announce that we are about to witness the first official Alexis vs. Krystle Cat Fight! Woo hoo!! They start off light by throwing pillows at each other...but when the stuffing starts to fly (and I mean that literally - the stuffing from the ripped pillows quickly becomes airborne), they put some real muscle into it and wrestle each other to the ground. Krystle rips Alexis' clothes, and the two roll around on the floor together...and Alexis gets shoved down a small flight of stairs (and somehow doesn't injure herself while doing so), then throws a vase at Krystle. After that, they chase each other around the studio for awhile and lunge at one another...and eventually Krystle wins the fight by slamming Alexis against the wall, which causes her to cartoonishly slump to the floor. Krystle stalks over to the easel, picks up Alexis' portrait of Blake, and smashes it until the canvas rips apart. As Alexis catches her breath and recovers from the ass-kicking, Krystle snarls, "If you want a rematch, just whistle...if you can" and then strides out of the trashed studio. Fucking...awesome.

Claudia drops by ColbyCo to inform Cecil that she managed to steal Jeff's key to the file room and had a duplicate made - but, unfortunately, the papers he wants weren't there. She's like, "Oh well" and says she wants to know where Lindsay is. Cecil reminds her that that wasn't the deal, and that he needs those papers. He wonders if perhaps Claudia is too reluctant to betray Jeff, and Claudia admits she really doesn't want to betray her new lover, but insists that Lindsay is worth it (that crybaby is not worth it). She sneers, "You've made a prostitute out of me" so Cecil tells her she's naive and that if she wants something in life, she has to pay for it. He gruffly tells her that when he gets what he wants, the deal will be completed...and she glares hatefully at him and stalks out of his office.

Morgan Hess arrives at the studio and looks bewildered that it's been completely trashed...but then gets right down to business and tells Alexis he's finally earned his keep. While poking around in Dayton, he discovered that Krystle isn't legally divorced from her first husband, Samuel Mark Jennings. Alexis perks up and shrieks, "Bigamy!" and orders Morgan to locate this Samuel Mark Jennings and bring him to her. 

Jeff consults with one of Denver-Carrington's corporate attorneys and pretends he has a "friend" who needs information on fathers' rights in an impending abortion situation. The attorney says it not his area of expertise, so he'll have to do a little research and get back to him.

Alexis is chillin' in her fancy hotel suite in Rome, decked out in a gorgeous turquoise evening gown. When she hears a knock at the door, she sexily sashays across the room to answer it, and looks pleased when it's Blake. She gushes, "You're looking terribly handsome!" and offers him a glass of champagne, which he declines. He asks her if their "friend" will be joining them, and she looks fake surprised and goes, "Rashid?" then explains that the elusive Arab had to jet off somewhere for an important meeting. Blake looks annoyed and says, "The deal was all set" and she breezily replies, "Oh daaahling, the deal is set!" She reminds him how touchy these fictional Middle Eastern countries can be to deal with, then says that men like Rashid need to be handled with finesse. Blake grimly asks her what the best way is to pay off a bad man, and she tells him that they're scheduled to meet with Rashid tomorrow at his villa, which is located an hour's drive from Rome. She assures him that by tomorrow he should have his oil tankers back, but warns him not to leak details of his meeting to anyone, including Krystle. Blake grumps that he wanted to be back home with Krystle by tomorrow night, but Alexis reminds him that the trapped oil tankers represent a significant amount of his wealth, and he shouldn't throw it all away because of one minor delay.

Steven finds Sammy Jo working on the engine of his car. She tells him she's "souping it up" for a needless rematch against Buddy, her idiot yokel friend who raced Steven in the Miscarriage episode. She scheduled a road race for Monday afternoon and assures Steven that the souping up of his engine will ensure his win. Steven looks very impressed by her mechanical expertise and gives her a smooch. 

Alexis orders an elaborate dinner and has it wheeled into her suite, but Blake tells her he isn't hungry. She poutily remarks, "You're not hungry or thirsty. What are you?" and he hastily clarifies, "Not that either." That's a relief...but ew. Blake cocks his head contemplatively and says there's something about this tanker deal that seems a little too easy. He recalls the way he and the State Department struggled for months to get the tankers released...and suddenly his ex-wife is able to come up with "a magic key" and get the job done. He asks her what her connection to Rashid Ahmed is, so she says, "It's just a man-woman thing" and explains that they used to be an item, and something happened that caused him to owe her a favor...and then, years later, when she eavesdropped on him (Blake) and Andy talking about how badly they needed to get in touch with Rashid - voila! - she called in the favor. Blake tells her he's skeptical about her motives, but she assures him she'd never do anything to hurt him or their children. He bows his head and looks contemplative again, then wishes her good night and heads off to his own suite.

Sammy Jo is in Krystle's bedroom (not sure why), wearing one of Krystle's silk bathrobes and primping in front of her mirror. Krystle enters the room and tells her she just got a letter from her father, telling her he's never coming back to Denver...and that he already informed Sammy Jo of his decision. Krystle asks Sammy Jo why she didn't say anything about being abandoned, and Sammy Jo tells her aunt she knew how "wiped out" she was after losing the baby and didn't want to burden her with another problem. Krystle's all, "Aww!" and tells her she's family, and assures her she loves her. Sammy Jo laments not having a clue what to do with her life now, so Krystle suggests going to school or maybe becoming a secretary, like she used to be. Sammy Jo scrunches her face and repeats, "Secretary..?" and looks less than thrilled at the prospect, but promises Krystle she'll think about it. She then exits her aunt's bedroom, then snidely mutters to herself about how she has no interest in being a secretary - not when she's so close to bagging a rich Carrington man of her own.  

Fallon discusses her abortion situation with Steven, and moans about how Jeff hasn't talked to her in five days and just stares at her like she's some kind of monster. [You are a monster, Fallon.] She asks Steven if he thinks she's a monster, and he assures her she's not...but says he can see Jeff's side of the argument. Fallon whines that Jeff only wants to see Jeff's side (kinda like the way she only wants to see her side), and says she doesn't think she should be forced to become a mother when she doesn't even know how to be a wife...or a decent human being. Her excuse for her generally cuntish behavior is that she didn't have a mother to learn from. Steven asks her whassup about Jeff's accusations regarding her doinking another man, and Fallon denies that there's any truth to that claim (liar liar, pants on fire) and suddenly exclaims, "Oh God! What am I going to tell daddy?" LOL. Steven tells her she should make her own decisions independent of what Blake will think, and Fallon stares at him suspiciously and asks him if he's subtly trying to tell her something about the father-daughter bond between her and the old goat. Steven quickly back pedals and says he just hates seeing her so unhappy.

The lawyer checks in with Jeff and informs him that his "friend" has no legal rights regarding an impending abortion, and Jeff grimly thanks him for looking into it. A few seconds later, Claudia drops by to deliver some papers for him to sign, and he asks her if it's possible for a normal, healthy woman to not want a child. (Um, Fallon isn't normal.) Claudia mulls that over and says anything's possible...and then Jeff needlessly remarks that it wasn't like that for her when she was pregnant with Lindsay. She smiles at the memory and says the reason she was so well adjusted during her pregnancy was that she could count on Matthew's love...back then at least. That scene was fairly pointless.

Blake and Alexis are hanging together at Rashid's Italian villa. Blake is on the phone, updating Krystle about the situation - and in the background, we see Alexis stroll over wearing a strapless purple swimsuit and matching headband. LOL. Blake tells Krystle the only people at the villa are Rashid's staff, then cuts the call short. Alexis seats herself on a lounger and asks Blake if he would please lather her scantily clad body with suntan lotion - and he nods, 'cause that wouldn't be weird at all, and obliges her. He carefully rubs the lotion across her shoulders, and when he's done with that side of her body, she swivels around, thrusts her chest at him and asks him to lather the front of her...and, oh sweet baby Jesus, he fucking does. A paparazzo, meanwhile, has climbed a tree and is snapping photographs to capture the seemingly intimate moment. Rashid's guard dogs detect the intruder in the tree and start barking, and a few minutes later an Arab servant rushes out to apologize to Blake and Alexis for the disturbance. He tells them there was a man in a tree just outside the estate, and Blake scrunches his face, mystified, and repeats, "A man in a tree..?" - LOL - and the servant promises to do a better job of ensuring their privacy. Blake tells Alexis he hopes the man wasn't a paparazzo, and Alexis chuckles and says he's not exactly a movie star, then chides him for suggesting that anyone would be interested in photographs of him. Well, d'yuh. Blake points out he does make the news, but Alexis says that his coverage is usually limited to the financial papers.

Later, Alexis secretly meets with the paparazzo who snapped the blechy photographs. She looks them over, smiles with delight, and gleefully hands him a wad of cash.

Jeff enters the study where Fallon is watching her soap (heh) and drinking iced tea. He apologizes for shunning her lately, then says he's in a panic 'cause he feels like his child only has 24 hours left to live. She petulantly retorts that there is no child, 'cause the doctors at the clinic will be taking care of that tomorrow. Jeff implores her to please not abort their child, and she ignores his plea and says that their marriage was a mistake, and that a child would only double the mistake. She reminds him she only got pregnant to compete with Krystle for her father's love...but now that Krystle lost her baby, the competition is over. OMFG. Jeff insists that they could still make their marriage work (seriously?), but Fallon argues that they don't love each other, so he counter-argues that maybe that could change for the child's sake. Right - 'cause it always works out so well when people who hate each other stay married for the sake of a child. Fallon says she doesn't love him and never has, and that she only married him so his Uncle Cecil would loan Blake $9 million. Jeff glares at his hateful wife for several seconds, then snaps, "I gotta get outa here before I kill you!" and pitches his drinking glass across the room, where it shatters against a bookshelf.

After three days, Rashid finally makes his appearance at the villa. He schmoozily apologizes for the delay, but says it couldn't be helped...and Alexis discreetly leaves the pool area so that he and Blake can speak privately. Blake tells Rashid he's miffed that he was kept waiting for so long, then gets right down to business and says he wants his oil tankers to be released, like pronto. He grumbles about being forced to buy back his property, so Rashid reminds him that he acquired the oil by plundering it from his country. Fair point. He shows Blake a printout of the current market value of oil and agrees to release his tankers - but only if Blake is willing to shell out a 5% tanker liberation fee. Blake sneers at the condition and says he's not paying a dime until the tankers are back in his possession. Rashid looks put out and says His Excellency (not sure who that is??) will not agree to this. Blake reminds him that the tankers are blocking his fictional country's only outlet to the sea, then contends that he (Rashid) needs him (Blake) more than the other way around. He also wants to reduce the 5% tanker liberation fee by half and only pay 2.5%. Rashid scrunches his face in frustration, and says he'll have to consult with His Excellency before he can agree to Blake's terms, then rushes off to phone the fake king. Blake smiles smugly to himself, proud of his awesome negotiating skills.

Krystle arrives at Nick's office for her therapy appointment. The receptionist tells her the doctor's running a bit late, so she seats herself in the waiting room and looks over the reading materials on the table. She picks up a tabloid newspaper and sees a photo of Blake rubbing Alexis' shoulders beneath the headline, Oil Tycoon and Ex-wife: Romance in Italy? LOL - what kind of readership (even of the sleazy variety) could possibly be interested in the sex life of a wrinkly oil tycoon? Krystle looks pensively upset and blurts out, "They're together!" then drops the paper and runs out of the office. A few seconds later, Nick buzzes his receptionist, so she tells him that Mrs. Carrington got upset and abruptly left. Nick bursts into the waiting room and notices the tabloid with its offending cover laying on the table. He snarks at his receptionist to keep that rag out of his office, then rushes out after Krystle. He catches up to her in front of his building and asks her whassup. She fibs and tells him she didn't think she could handle talking to him today...and he insists that she watch him cook dinner, and drags her along behind him. 

Steven and Buddy are car racing, while Sammy Jo and her friends anxiously wait near the finish line. Steven and his souped up engine win, and Sammy Jo totters over to his car in her heels to congratulate him. Steven is thrilled and tells her he wants to celebrate his win with her at his lake cabin. She beams happily, and the two kiss.

Rashid asks Alexis how her three days alone with Blake went, then chides her for not warning him that Blake would prove to be "quite an adversary". LOL. He wonders aloud what Krystle will think when she hears that the two of them spent so much time alone together, but Alexis just shrugs and says she doesn't give a rat's ass. Rashid tells her he has to jet off now, but invites her to stay and enjoy the villa for as long as she wishes.

Nick is in the kitchen cooking, and Krystle is in his living room, sipping a glass of wine and staring out the window. She miserably recounts for Nick that the one thing Blake wanted was a baby, and she can no longer give him that. She laments how desperate he is for a son to take over Denver-Carrington, as that's clearly not going to happen with Steven. She moans about how she "killed his dream" and thinks he only married her for her childbearing abilities. She starts to tear up, and Nick gently lifts her chin, and the two stare at each other mutely. 

Blake is dressed in a silky bathrobe as he strolls around the villa...and Alexis joins him, decked out in a lacy, fur trimmed robe. Blake appears to be in a really good mood, so I'll assume that Rashid was able to get His Excellency to agree to his terms and release the tankers. He tells Alexis he appreciates everything she's done for him, and she says this trip brings back happy memories they once shared. She reminisces about the time when they were married...and he grins back at her as though he hasn't totally hated her for the last sixteen years. The two stare mutely at each other, then slowly lean in and smooch intensely for several seconds. As soon as their lips unlock, Blake says, "That shouldn't have happened" and Alexis poutily asks, "Why not?" and tells him they should be celebrating his victory over Rashid with a kiss. Blake grumbles about not having much practice at happiness lately, then says he should prolly fly home to the ol' ball and chain. He then stares at Alexis again and tells her she looks more beautiful than ever, and she seductively asks, "Wouldn't you like to take a closer look?" and once more the two stare at each other mutely.

Nick and Krystle are at Nick's house, eating pasta - and Krystle looks unhappy as she picks at her food. She tells Nick she's not very hungry, then remarks on how chilly it is and drapes his jacket over her shoulders. She quickly notices that the tabloid with Blake's/Alexis' photo is stuffed in his jacket pocket. She snarkishly declares that he knew about this all along, then asks him how she's supposed to deal with betrayal and starts weeping. Nick tells her, "You don't need tears. You don't owe him anything anymore" and then she tells him she should go...'cause if she stays, she knows they'll end up in the sack. The two stare at each other mutely (there's an awful lot of mute staring in this episode), then lunge at each other and intensely smooch.

Recap: Krystle and Nick Toscanni are exactly where we left them at the end of the previous episode: locked in each other's arms, smooching in Nick's living room. Krystle suddenly pulls away, then rushes over to the phone to call herself a cab. Nick takes the receiver out of her hand and hangs up the phone, and she looks up at him with a pensively tortured expression and tells him she has to go. He implores her to stay and insists that she feels something for him. He recalls the first time they met by literally bumping into each other at Carrington manor, then says he's wanted her ever since that moment. He asks her what she felt when she first saw him, and she's like, "Um, nothing." Ouch. Nick asks her what she feels for him now, and she admits she feels a little something, but doesn't want to betray her ogre husband. Nick reminds her that Blake is in Italy, doinking his ex-wife, then gets exasperated and grumbles, "Is that what's keeping you out of my bed tonight?" Krystle falls silent, and when he asks her again if she has feelings for him, she tells him to stop pressuring her. He finally backs off, then tells her she doesn't need to call a cab 'cause he'll give her a ride back to her car. 

Fallon retires to her bedroom and finds Jeff slouching in a chair and drinking heavily. He tells her he spent the evening looking for Cecil but couldn't find him, and Fallon shrugs disinterestedly and tells him he should try to get some sleep. Suddenly, he jumps up from his chair, grabs her by the arms, and snarks that since he wasn't able to locate Cecil, he couldn't confirm if the story she told him was the truth. She looks at him blankly and asks, "What story?" and he reminds her about how she claimed she promised Cecil she'd marry him (Jeff) in exchange for the $9 million loan to Blake. Considering that this marriage is an unrecoverable train wreck, I can't imagine why it even matters to him at this point. The two snipe back and forth some more, and then Jeff orders her to tell him that the story was a lie, then declares that he still loves her. He's mad as a hatter, this man. Fallon petulantly tells him to go find Cecil and ask him if the story's true, and Jeff moves his chair adjacent to her bed and says he's going to plant himself there all night so he can stop her from going to the abortion clinic tomorrow and destroying their child.  

Alexis is having her future told by Adrianna, a delightfully wacky fortune teller. She consults her crystal ball and tells Alexis it looks like the last few days have been very pleasant for her, and Alexis chuckles and says she's been hanging out with her ex-husband. Adrianna solemnly says, "You vant him veddy much" and Alexis replies, "Yes, I do." God knows why. Adrianna then begins studying the tarot cards, and looks momentarily puzzled that the cards somehow indicate that no lovemaking occurred during their time together. Alexis confirms that nothing sexual happened, but she's curious about whether or not it will in the future. Ew. Adrianna stares deeply into her crystal ball and sees a frightened blonde woman (Krystle) riding a horse, then falling off it. She gets very worked up and barks, "She vas hurt because of you!!" Alexis tries to mask her guilt by claiming that she warned blondie not to ride that frisky horse, but she wouldn't listen...then hastily asks Adrianna to go back to reading the tarot cards. Adrianna then makes a cryptic prediction for the future of Alexis' love life: "Man veddy positive, veddy powerful, veddy attracted to you." But, unfortunately, the cards can't actually identify who this man is. She tells Alexis it's someone who knows her "veddy well...veddy intimately" and Alexis looks momentarily deflated and wryly retorts, "Well, that could be a regiment." Haha! She wants to know more about this mystery man, so Adrianna waves one of the tarot cards in the air and says he's going to ask her to marry him, and Alexis perks up and goes, "Really?" and suddenly Adrianna's face darkens as she bellows, "He vill expire!! He vill expire!! Like death!!" LOL. She glares at Alexis and ominously holds up the death card, which has a graphic of a funny looking, cartoonish skeleton on it...and Alexis dramatically clutches her chest, then gets up and flees the room. That scene was pure awesome.

Blake is on his private jet, en route back to Denver. He phones the pilot and asks him to arrange a meeting with Andy and himself once they land. The pilot asks him if he'd like him to ring Krystle, but Blake says it's too early, and would prefer to tell her all about his deal with Ahmed in person. Shouldn't, um, the pilot be concentrating on flying the plane instead of functioning as Blake's personal assistant? 

Fallon slips out of the mansion and gets into a shiny red car. (I wonder what happened to her ridiculous Clenet?) Jeff, meanwhile, has just stirred in the chair he was sleeping in, and is alarmed to see that Fallon is gone. He runs out of the house, then down to the garage and sees that his wife's car is gone, then hops into the nearest Mercedes and peels out of the driveway. Downtown, Fallon pulls up to the Blandon Clinic and tries to bribe the receptionist into moving up her 1:00pm appointment, but the receptionist refuses to take her money and sternly tells her to come back later...and, if she doesn't like it, she can get her abortion elsewhere.   

Cecil calls his secretary and asks her to arrange a lunch date for him and Claudia. Suddenly, a disheveled looking Jeff bursts into his office and demands to know if Fallon married him in exchange for him (Cecil) loaning Blake $9 million. Cecil carefully mulls that over and goes, "Yeah, I guess you could look at it that way." Jeff tells him to cut the double talk...but then finally throws in the towel and believes it's probably true. Well, d'yuh. He then starts railing at his uncle about how he married him off to Fallon so that the Colbys and the Carringtons could be merged into one horrific oil powerhouse, and Cecil snarks back that Blake was well aware of what the deal entailed. Actually, I don't think Blake knew anything about this deal, but it's so hard to give a rat's ass about the origins of Jeff's and Fallon's marriage that I'm not even going to go through the trouble of digging up and quoting anything from my past recaps.  

Over at the lake cabin, a towel clad Sammy Jo dashes into the kitchen where Steven is making orange juice and drags him over to the couch and mounts him. She tells him that last night was the most special night of her whole life and that she's never been happier. He chirps, "Me either!" and declares that he wants out of the oil business so he can become a stock car racer. Um...OK? Sammy Jo looks delighted at his sudden desire for a career change and asks him if she can be his coach and "pit girl", and he's like, "Sure!" He then tells her he wants to be with her...and the two start smooching. Steven has to be the most fickle person on the planet.

Fallon arrives at Nick's office, but he doesn't look at all happy to see her and snarkishly tells her he doesn't have time to talk 'cause he's due at the hospital soon. She tells him she's in deep trouble and needs a place to hide out, then asks him if she can stay at his house. He asks her if she's hiding from Jeff and if Jeff still cares that she's aborting their child, and she admits he does still care, then petulantly says, "Right now I exist only for me. If that's wrong...if that's selfish, I don't care!" God she's such a soulless waste of skin. She tells Nick she loves him and thinks he'd love her if she weren't pregnant, and he gives her a look of revulsion and accuses her of using him and says she'll have to live with her decisions. She says she's already made her decision, and he gives up trying to talk sense into the nitwit and tells her she can hang out at his house for a few hours, but makes it clear he doesn't want her there when he gets home. Ouch.

Blake gets back to his office at Denver-Carrington and tries to call Krystle, but Joseph tells him she's still asleep. Ray Bonning makes a sudden, unexpected appearance, and Blake looks startled to see the lanky Vegas mobster. Ray reminds him that his boss, Logan Rhinewood, is determined to buy 100% of the football team that Blake sold him 45% of...and Blake says he knows, then explains that when he sold nearly half of the team to the mobster, he was in a tight spot financially...but that's no longer the case. In fact, he'd like to counteroffer and pay Rhinewood $10 million to get back full shares of the team, but Ray turns him down flat and ominously tells him that if he continues to refuse to sell, he'll be sorry. Blake asks him if that was a threat - I'd say so - and Ray says it's a fact...and then Blake gets mad and barks, "Get outta here!"
In the lobby of the Denver-Carrington building, Ray calls Rhinewood on a pay phone and tells him it looks like they're going to have to do something to scare Blake into selling them the entire football team...and if that doesn't work, hopefully they'll deal with someone more reasonable, like his widow. Hurray!

Joseph drops by Alexis' studio to deliver the mail that came for her while she was away in Europe. He tells her it's been piling up, then draws her attention to the tabloid newspaper with the photo of her and Blake. She tut tuts the impertinent majordomo and asks him if he still subscribes to that "trashy rag" and he grins and says, "Every week!" Hee! She quickly bores of his presence and brusquely dismisses him from her orbit.

Back at Denver-Carrington, Andy congratulates Blake on the deal he made with Rashid Ahmed. Blake brags about the fantastic job he did negotiating with the wily Arab and instructs Andy to finish up the paperwork, then fly to the Middle East and personally ensure that his oil tankers are released. He giddily informs his lawyer that they're on the verge of solvency. Andy's expression suddenly turns grim, and he tells Blake he has something to show him, then opens his briefcase and pulls out a copy of the trashy tabloid with him and Alexis on the cover. Blake looks at it in dismay and says he isn't surprised, but thinks it's too obscure a publication for Krystle to ever see. Andy then tells him that the story also made its way into several more reputable newspapers and explains that his murder trial sparked a lot of public interest in him and that this "affair" could become national news. Blake says he was only with Alexis in Italy 'cause she set up the meeting with Ahmed and insists that nothing happened. 

Cecil and Claudia lunch together and bore me with their small talk. She tells him she lives in a shitty little apartment, so he offers to arrange for more luxurious accommodations in a building his company owns, but she declines. Cecil then tells her the purpose of their lunch: his "people" have a new lead on the whereabouts of her husband and daughter! They were spotted in Brazil, but have since gone elsewhere...probably Venezuela. I'm mildly curious how Matthew seems to have endless financial resources to travel from country to country with a teenage daughter in tow. Claudia is thrilled by the news and says she doesn't know how to thank him...and Cecil gives her a sly half smile. Blech. 

Steven and Sammy Jo are at a Justice of the Peace, getting married. Considering that the episode was named for this event, the scene is strangely brief and anti-climactic.

Jeff, who's still careening around Denver looking hungover and disheveled, arrives at Denver-Carrington and storms into Blake's office. Blake asks him what the problem is, and Jeff snarls, "You, Blake! You're the problem!" He grumbles about how he was "bought", and how Blake must have laughed his ass off when Fallon married him. [I know I did.] Blake insists he was happy when he married his brat 'cause he liked the idea of having him as a son-in-law. He also swears that he didn't know anything about the deal Fallon made with Cecil until well after the wedding, then adds that the $9 million loan has been repaid, so it's a moot point anyway. Not to mention an overplayed storyline. He reminds him that he and Fallon have a baby on the way, but Jeff bitterly informs him that his cunty wife is getting an abortion at the Blandon Clinic, probably as they speak. Blake is all, "Wha-a?!" and after Jeff stalks out, Blake calls his driver and says they need to get over to the Blandon Clinic, like pronto.

Blake arrives at the clinic in record time and brusquely announces himself to the receptionist. She tells him that his daughter was just wheeled into surgery, so he bolts down the hall and barges past a nurse who tells him he's in a restricted area. He barks, "I don't give a damn about your regulations!" then suddenly sees Fallon standing in the hallway, dressed in a hospital gown and looking red-eyed and ghastly. She runs into his arms, and he mutters, "Oh honey. What have you done?" and she replies, "Nothing. I couldn't do it" and tells him he'll get his grandchild after all. What a relief.

Alexis admonishes investigator Morgan Hess for not finding anything adequately juicy about Krystle's past. He tells her there's a mysterious gap of information on Krystle's first husband, and Alexis gets annoyed and tells him to step it up, then snaps, "I want every damn piece of information you can get on Krystle Jennings!" He hangs his head sheepishly and leaves just as Andy arrives at the studio. He congratulates Alexis on arranging the meeting with Rashid Ahmed, then tells her he's leaving for the Middle East tonight to meet with him. He has a problem, however: his office can't seem to get a hold of the man, so he'd like her to call him. She agrees and picks up the phone and starts dialing...and as she's doing that, Andy asks her who the man is who just left her studio, and she fibs and says he's a picture framer.

Back at the mansion, Blake tucks Fallon into bed...and to punctuate the ickiness of their creepy father/daughter dynamic, Fallon is decked out in a Victorian era nightgown buttoned up to her chin and has a matching bow-tie ribbon on her head. OMFG. Blake reminisces about how when she was a little girl she used to sneak into the kitchen at night and make fudge for him. He then smiles at her gently and says she's been through a lot today, but that it'll all be OK...and urges her to get some sleep. She slips into her little girl voice and asks, "Daddy, do you love me? Really love me?" and he gazes down at his precious little lamb and replies, "More than ever, if that's possible." Fallon sighs contentedly and closes her eyes...and a few seconds later, Joseph tip-toes in and asks Blake if Fallon needs anything [other than a good, swift kick in the rear]. Blake tells him she's going to sleep off her aborted abortion, and that he's off to go see Krystle.

Blake heads over to the master bedroom and notices that there's a copy of the tabloid newspaper laying on the bed. He greets Krystle, but she just shoots him the stink-eye. He earnestly tells her that the tabloid is trash and assures her that nothing happened between him and Alexis. Krystle angrily points out that every time he called her during the trip, he never once mentioned that she was in Italy with him. Fair point. Blake reverts to his regular douchebag self and snarls at her for still not regaining her senses after her miscarriage, and she gets pissed off and scoops up her gigantic fur coat and storms out of the room. She heads down to the garage and climbs into one of her luxury cars and squeals off. Blake rushes out after her, but he's too old and slow to catch up to her. Joseph appears from out of nowhere and asks his master if he's OK or if he needs anything, and Blake says he won't need dinner tonight, so he and the other servants can take the night off. Alexis, who's eavesdropping nearby, looks intrigued.

That evening, Blake is bumbling around the kitchen when Alexis pops by and asks him if she can grab something to eat, since her cupboards are bare. He's like, "Sure!" and tells her they'll have to do their own cooking since he gave the staff the night off. He grimly tells her that Krystle saw the tabloid, and she looks fake apologetic and concerned. He then looks her in the eye and asks her if she had anything to do with orchestrating the photos, and she looks fake insulted, dramatically shakes her head from side to side (LOL), and asks him if he really thinks she could be so deceitful. She assures him she'd never do anything to jeopardize her relationship with her children or with him, so he gruffly apologizes and explains that he's just upset about the entire sitch. She offers to cook something for the two of them, and he nods amicably. 

Krystle, meanwhile, pulls her car over to a phone booth and wedges herself and her oversized fur inside the booth and calls the mansion. Back at the mansion, Blake is in the pantry with his hands full, so he asks Alexis to answer the phone. She does, and Krystle looks put out by the sound of Alexis' voice, then abruptly hangs up. Alexis smirks to herself knowingly and tells Blake there was no answer, then jokes that at least it wasn't a heavy breather. 

Inside the phone booth, Krystle starts weeping. As well she should.

Recap: Jeff returns to Carrington manor after spending the day careening all over town looking disheveled. He heads straight to his (and Fallon's) bedroom and looks surprised to see Fallon asleep in their bed. He pulls out a suitcase and starts throwing clothes in it...and the commotion wakes up Fallon, and she sleepily asks him what he's doing. He glares at her and snaps, "I'm leaving Camelot." She says she has something to tell him, but he cuts her off and barks, "Just shut up. I don't want to hear another word out of that mouth." He accuses her of murdering their child, and Fallon looks pretend hurt and says, "You really do hate me." He tells her he hates himself for allowing her to slip out of the house and make it to the abortion clinic, then calls her selfish and soulless. Fallon sulkily retorts that he doesn't know her at all, but he just snaps, "I can't stand the sight of you!" and storms out. 

Blake arranges to have colorful balloons and ginormous stuffed animals delivered to Fallon's room to celebrate the future birth of her spawn. She looks touched by the gesture, and Blake thanks her for not aborting his grandchild. She says that when the moment came, she just couldn't do it, and he lovingly takes her hands in his and says, "That's because you're beautiful inside." [She's not beautiful inside, Blake. She's ugly inside! She's as ugly as ugly can be!] He hands her a box and urges her to open it, and inside she finds a christening gown that apparently she, Steven, and Blake once wore when they were babies. She coos about how much she loves it, and Blake suddenly gets a faraway look in his eyes and talks about his mother and how poor they were, blah blah, and then tells Fallon she has his mother's eyes. Fallon tears up and hugs him, and Blake urges her to make nice with Jeff and reconcile. She makes a blech face and tells him that no way in hell is that ever happening, so he implores her to at least try. Out in the hall we see that Krystle is eavesdropping on the conversation and staring pensively into space.

Blake drops by Krystle's bedroom and asks her where she went after storming out of the mansion last night. She tells him she drove around aimlessly, then stopped at a phone booth and called him - then hung up after that bitch Alexis picked up the phone. Blake grimaces and says, "Oh - that was you who hung up." He says she should have asked to speak to him, since it would have avoided unwarranted upset on her part...and speaking of unwarranted upset, Krystle starts wailing about unimportant she's felt ever since she learned she was infertile - plus, he really seems to enjoy having Alexis around. Well, d'yuh. Having Alexis around is by far the most enjoyable part of watching Dynasty. Blake says she's making a big deal out of nothing, then reminds her that she promised to get some much needed therapy from Dr. Toscanni. She tells him she did go to a few sessions, but doesn't want to do it anymore. Blake shakes his head in exasperation and orders her to pull herself together, and she whirls around to turn her back on him...and he just kind of stares at her backside for a few seconds before quietly exiting the room. 

Jeff is cleaning out his office at Denver-Carrington when Blake bursts in and asks him whassup about him quitting his job. Jeff announces that he's divorcing Fallon because she just aborted their child. Blake smiles to himself, then lets his son-in-law in on the happy news that Fallon didn't actually go through with the abortion. Jeff scrunches his face in confusion and is all, "Wha-a?!"

Fallon asks Joseph to order the kitchen staff to buy ice cream so that she can satisfy her pregnancy cravings. Joseph smiles and remarks on how much more exotic her mother's cravings were when she was pregnant with her and Steven. Fallon ambles over to a nearby living room, where a tired, miserable looking Krystle is drinking tea and pensively staring into space. Fallon says, "You're looking well today" and snarkishly comments on how she's no longer sharing a bedroom with Blake. Krystle tells her to knock it off, so Fallon sassily asks her how Nick is doing. Krystle pretends to look clueless and goes, "I dunno" and says she hasn't decided whether or not she's going back to his office for more therapy. Fallon announces that she's off to do some shopping, then tells her to say hey to Nick for her...and Krystle stares after her, looking puzzled.

Fallon arrives at the restaurant where Nick is eating his lunch. She proudly tells him she manipulated his secretary into telling her where he was dining, then sits down uninvited. He glares at her and wryly says, "Have a seat." She ignores his obvious disdain for her and tells him she took his advice and decided not to abort her baby after all. He asks her if she's happy about it, and she asks, "Don't I look it?" then says she's mostly happy 'cause she's sitting at a table with him. He tells her she made a wise choice in keeping her child, and she reaches for his hand and says, "I love you." He looks around shiftily and warns her that people may be watching them, but she just shrugs and tells him that Jeff officially walked out on her this morning. She says, "I know how rotten I can be" (well, d'yuh), then says she can be whatever he wants her to be - 'cause yeah, that makes for a healthy, adult relationship. He stares at her with one eyebrow raised and tells her he can't offer her much...well, any hope in terms of anything remotely resembling a relationship. He reminds her that she's pregnant and married to another man...not to mention a shallow, selfish, vapid, cunty, soulless waste of human skin. Fallon puts her sad face on, and - OMG! - it looks as though her tiny brain may have finally fully processed the painful reality that Nick has absolutely no interest in her, and she gets up and quickly scurries out of the restaurant. A few seconds later, the waiter comes over carrying a rotary telephone and tells him Nick he has an emergency call. It's Blake, ordering him to come by his office for an impromptu meeting this afternoon.

Over at the lake cabin, Steven phones the mansion and informs Joseph that he and his skanky bride will be returning home later today...and Sammy Jo eavesdrops on the call and grimaces with displeasure. She tells Steven she doesn't want to go home, then shows him all the travel magazines she bought and suggests they jet off to France for a lavish honeymoon. He tells her they'll go someday, and she throws a mini tantrum and wails, "I wanna go now!" He explains to the nitwit that they can't afford to go...well anywhere until he's able to save up the money, and she gaily chuckles 'cause she truly thinks he's just kidding around. He earnestly tells her that just 'cause he's a rich man's son, doesn't mean he's rich, and Sammy Jo scrunches her face in confusion, then snarks, "You could have told me this!" He stares back at her, perplexed, and asks, "Why? Does it make a difference?" [LOL - seriously, Steven?] Sammy Jo pauses a moment, careful not to derail the gravy train she somehow lucked her way into climbing aboard, and wisely pretends not to give two hoots about Carrington money. She jokes that had she known they weren't honeymooning right away, she wouldn't have spent $10 on travel magazines...then falls into his lap and makes out with him. 

Fallon returns to the mansion in her fancy red car...and after she parks and turns the engine off, she buries her head in her hands. Alexis happens to walk by at that moment and asks her if she's OK, so Fallon starts whining about how she used to have everything. Alexis chuckles and tells her she does still have everything, then implores her to call her mother. She says she really does love her and points out that she needs more people than just Blake on her side, then invites her to come over to her little studio for some tea. Fallon accepts.

Over tea, Alexis asks her daughter if the baby is really Jeff's, and Fallon confirms it is...though I don't get how she could be 100% certain, since she was doinking both Jeff and Nick around the time of conception. Alexis asks her whassup with her mopey mood, so Fallon says she's in love with the guy she cheated on Jeff with, but he doesn't share the sentiment (to put it mildly). Alexis asks her if the guy's married, and she says no - but that he's into another woman. Alexis asks her if she loves this man and Fallon says she does and that she'd do anything for him. Alexis shakes her head dramatically and encourages her to fight for the man she loves, and to find out who the woman is he's in love with is and fight her too. LOL. That has to be the worst advice ever dispensed by a mother...especially to a vapid nitwit of a daughter who's already married and pregnant with her husband's child (according to her, anyway).   

Nick and Krystle meet in a secret outdoor location, and he tells her that Blake called him and requested a meeting. He wonders if the old goat suspects anything, but Krystle points out that there's nothing to suspect. Nick argues that there are feelings between them, and reminds her that they both want each other...but Krystle just stares at him pensively and says she needs time to think about all this. He barks, "Think about what? Alexis and Blake?" and Krystle says she's not exactly sure what happened between the two of them. He says that the newspapers pretty much said it all, then advises her to preemptively dump Blake before he can dump her for Alexis. He then points out that Alexis lives on Blake's property, and if he truly wanted to get rid of her, he could. Fair point. Krystle looks overwhelmed and wails that it's all happening too fast and that she needs more time. The two stare mutely at each other, then lock themselves in each other's arms and smooch.

Blake tells Nick he's disappointed with Krystle's lack of progress despite their therapy sessions...plus, she seems more depressed than ever. Nick points out that he hasn't been treating her long enough to expect real results, then comes right out and says, "The problem is you." He says that whenever people don't react the way The Great Blake Carrington wants them to, he has a tendency to get all bitchy and judgmental. Blake points out that he's paying him a lot to get his wife back to normal and expects more for his money...and Nick is just like, "Whatever" and announces that he's abruptly resigning from the case. In his opinion, Krystle doesn't need therapy - and Blake interjects by sarcastically quipping, "She needs someone more considerate?" and Nick is like, "Well, d'yuh." Blake gives him the narrow squint-eye and says it's obvious he holds something against him and demands to know what the hell it is...and this triggers Nick's dirty, hanging feet flashback again. He snarks at Blake that if someone hurts a member of his family, it hurts him too, and Blake scrunches his wrinkly face in confusion and is all, "Huh?" After Nick exits the office, Blake gets on the horn to his Personnel Director and tells him to send up whatever files he has on Nick Toscanni.  

Steven and Sammy Jo return to the mansion. Sammy Jo excitedly honks the horn and tells Steven she wants to announce their marriage to whoever's within hearing range, but Steven tells her to put a lid on it and says he needs to tell Blake before anyone else finds out. Alexis sashays over and hugs Steven hello as Sammy Jo sulkily stalks off. Steven excitedly tells his mother he won a car race, and she gives him a funny look and says she has no idea what the hell he's talking about. LOL. Inside the mansion, Sammy Jo tells Krystle that she and Steven tied the knot, and Krystle looks pensively horrified. Sammy Jo looks disappointed at her aunt's muted response and says she thought she'd be happy for her, then points out that they're both married to Carrington men now. Oh joy. Over in the studio, Steven tells Alexis about his new marriage and calls Sammy Jo "a wonderful girl" and then also announces, "I'm going to be a professional race driver!" Alexis stares at him in incredulity and mutters that this car racing nonsense must be a result of Sammy Jo's influence, then points out that he doesn't have the money to pursue this new career 'cause race cars cost a fortune. Steven says he was hoping she'd lend him the money, but she refuses and says after his pool/coma accident in the Fallon's Father episode, neither she nor Blake are going to do anything that will enable him to put himself in physical danger. 

Krystle runs into Steven on the grand staircase and congratulates him on his ridiculous marriage. He asks her what she really thinks of his sudden nuptials, and she admits she's concerned that it might have happened too fast. Steven looks irked at her disapproval and says he thought he had at least one friend in the mansion, then petulantly declares he doesn't care if Blake disapproves of his choice of a wife. "It's done!" he defiantly exclaims. 

Blake has ordered Fallon and Jeff to report to his office at Denver-Carrington to discuss their marriage and impending parenthood. Fallon snidely tells Jeff she's getting a divorce 'cause it's what she wants, and he scowls at her and retorts, "Then get it!" The two then start bickering back and forth until Blake yells at them to shut up. He says he won't tolerate them even thinking about getting a divorce, and Fallon snarks back that it's all she thinks about. Blake then tries to wax philosophical about the kind of people they are at their core [um...rotten?], and reminds them that they've been blessed with extraordinary privilege in life...but with that privilege comes responsibility. Jeff laughs at the thought of Fallon being responsible, and I laughed too. Blake says that now that they've conceived a child, that child has the right to live under the same roof with his/her mother and father. He tells them to abandon the notion of a divorce, so Jeff and Fallon both stare into space contemplatively...and eventually Jeff agrees to move back into the mansion for as long as he can stand living in close proximity to his cunty wife. Fallon promises her father she'll hold off on any divorce plans, then rolls her eyes derisively. This arrangement sounds like it'll be super fun for the poor, hapless baby once it arrives.

Jeff finds Claudia in his office, filing papers. The two chit-chat about the endless search for Matthew and Lindsay, and then he breaks the news to her that Steven just got married to Sammy Jo. Claudia's all, "Wha-a?!" then decides she's totally fine with her ambiguously gay ex-lover hooking up with another woman and calls it wonderful. She smiles reassuringly at Jeff and tells him she's over the whole Steven thing 'cause she has a whole new direction in her life, and Jeff raises his thick caterpillar eyebrows and looks impressed at her upbeat 'tude.

Ray Bonning shows up at the locker room where Blake's football team has just finished up one of their practices. He tells the coach that Rhinewood is unhappy with the dismal performance of the quarterback and wants him to cut him loose, like pronto. The coach argues that that would be a bad move, but Ray just stares at him with his soulless piercing blue eyes, and then orders him again to lose the quarterback, then saunters off with his thug. The coach makes a beeline over to the phone and calls Blake...and in the next scene, Blake arrives in the weight room, and says a casual hey to all the players. The coach greets him and motions over to where Ray and his thug are standing, and Blake walks over to confront them. He bitchily orders Ray to stop meddling with his football team, and to stay away from the coach. Ray just gives him a cold stink-eye, then stalks off without replying.

Fallon arrives home and finds Steven in the study. He excitedly tells her he just got married, and she widens her eyes in horror and makes a face as she asks, "Sammy Jo?" He nods happily and hands her a glass of champagne so they can toast his boneheaded decision to enter into such an obviously ill-fated marriage. Fallon just shakes her head and says that Sammy Jo's sexy and everything, but she's as dumb as a post and impossible to have an adult conversation with. That's amusing, coming from Fallon. Steven looks offended and says (and I quote), "Sammy Jo is smart" and insists that he loves the nitwit...and Fallon responds by staring into space and looking discombobulated. Steven's clearly miffed that no one at the mansion is even pretending to be enthusiastic about his new marriage, so Fallon throws him a bone and gives him a sisterly kiss on the cheek and wishes him the best of luck.

Sammy Jo flounces into the kitchen in Carrington manor and helps herself to a cookie. She runs into Alexis and tells her new mother-in-law that she's going riding, then asks her if she heard about her marriage to Steven. Alexis glares at her and says she did hear about it, then coldly adds, "I was thrilled to bits." LOL. Sammy Jo asks her if it's OK for her to call her mother now, and Alexis replies, "No, it's not OK" and haughtily tells her she may refer to her as Mrs. Carrington. Sammy Jo says she's good with that and cheekily points out that there are now three Mrs. Carringtons currently living on the estate...and Alexis continues to glare at her new daughter-in-law as she heads off to the stables.

Alexis drops by Krystle's room to complain about the quickie marriage. Krystle pretends to be delighted and gushes about how much she adores young love. Alexis snarks that she wants the travesty that is her son's marriage to be annulled, but Krystle says there's no legal cause for an annulment because Sammy Jo is of age. Alexis notices the tabloid newspaper Krystle has in her room, which features the photo of her and Blake canoodling. She chuckles that Krystle is plainly too upset to think clearly about anything. Krystle admits that she has been thinking about her and Blake, and Alexis grins evilly and says, "Yes...I would too if I were you." She implies that she and Blake hit the sheets while they were in Italy, then says they're meant for each other. After she leaves, Krystle dissolves into tears and calls Nick and wails that she needs to see him right away. 

Over at Nick's house, Krystle tells Nick she now believes that Alexis and Blake slept together and that it's making her feel like less of a woman. LOL. She then mutely stares over at Nick, and he mutely stares over at her...and then she moves closer to him and continues to mutely stare at him while he continues to mutely stare at her. OMFG. The spell is finally broken when she says, "Say it again...what you said earlier", so he shoots her a smoldering look and says, "I want you. I need you to be with me, Krystle." Strengthened by his lust for her, she tells him she's going to confront Blake about his philandering and then ask for a divorce. Yay! 

Blake and Jeff chit-chat as they walk over to their cars in the Denver-Carrington parking lot. Jeff is about to tell him about the unholy coupling between Steven and Sammy Jo when suddenly a car drives past them transporting a huge dynamite stick. Whoever's in the passenger seat tosses the explosive inside Blake's car...and Jeff thinks fast and pulls Blake several feet away from the car and shields him with his body. Seconds later, the car blows up and becomes a gigantic fireball. After the dust settles, Blake tells Jeff he's OK - but cancels that when he realizes he's blind. He gruffly wails, "My God! I can't see. I can't see anything at all!"

Recap: Three weeks have passed since Blake's car got blown up by dynamite...and the old goat is still blind and more crotchety than ever. Like, even more crotchety than he was throughout Season 1 - so that's pretty fucking crotchety. When the episode begins, Blake wakes up with his hair all disheveled, puts a pair of dark glasses on, then has problems finding both of his slippers. Joseph enters the room, helps him locate his slippers, and informs him that someone left a gift-wrapped package for him at the front door. Blake barks at him to open it, so Joseph unwraps it and discovers a foldable walking cane inside the box, then reads the accompanying card: "With my condolences, L.R." Blake quickly deduces that L.R. stands for Logan Rhinewood, then flies into a rage and starts whipping the cane around, knocking everything over in its path. Joseph meekly begs him to stop, and a few seconds later the entire family rushes in. Jeff urges Blake to chillax, and Blake responds by railing about how he's been blind for three weeks and "nothing's being done about it" by his useless doctor. Steven tells him that a police lieutenant is waiting for him in the study, and Blake snarls, "What does he want?" and grumbles that he doubts they've found the scum who tried to kill him. Steven shrugs and says he has no idea what the cop wants, so Blake snaps, "Tell him I don't want to see him!" then cackles at the bitter irony of saying the words "see him". He suddenly pauses his bitchy ranting and asks how many people are in the room with him right now...and when he realizes that Jeff, Steven, Krystle, Fallon, and Joseph are all staring at him in bewildered fascination, he snarks, "Is this an exhibition?! Come look at the blind man! See how he rages in his blindness!" LOL. Well, d'yuh. Blind Blake is far more of a train wreck-ish spectacle than Regular Blake. Fallon abruptly orders everyone out of the room, and they all file toward the door. Blake thanks her for clearing the room and says he can't stand not being able to see peoples' expressions while he's making a giant arse of himself. She tells him she loves him, then starts weeping...and he tells her to stop it, 'cause he hates it when she's upset. He lets out a deep sigh and decides that he should probably go downstairs and talk to the police lieutenant to see if he has any breaking news to share about the investigation. 

As Fallon helps the ogre down the stairs, he asks her how things are going with Jeff...and she rolls her eyes and fake assures him she's doing everything possible to save the marriage. He reminds her that Jeff saved his life when the dynamite was thrown at him, and she's like, "Yeah, whatever" and tells him to take it easy with the police lieutenant...and he gruffly promises. During all this, Krystle is pensively staring down at the two of them from atop the stairs.

Blake irritably tells the cop he already answered all their questions, and grumps that he now wants answers. The cop tells him he has none, 'cause the car that was involved in the explosion hasn't been identified, nor have the occupants of the car. Blake tells him he's fairly certain that the culprit is Logan Rhinewood, and the cop mulls that over for a few seconds and says that no one in his department has ever even seen Rhinewood 'cause he's such a recluse. Blake admits he's never seen the mob boss in person either, then snarks that it's the police's job to find the proof that Rhinewood ordered the dynamite attack. The cop half-heartedly promises that they'll keep trying to identify the driver, and Blake gets all prickly bitchy and snarls, "I am fed up with your incompetence, you understand?! I am fed up!" After the cop slinks out, Nick enters the study with Blake's doctor, who apologizes for arriving late, then needlessly explains that he was detained at a convention in L.A. He tells Blake he's examined his x-rays and is happy to report that there's no damage to his optic nerve. Blake snaps, "Then why the devil can't I see?!" and the doctor shrugs and goes, "I dunno." He suggests to Blake that his blindness is due to a psychological trauma, which only makes Blake even more prickly bitchy. He demands to know when it will go away, and the doctor says he has no clue, then wisely beats a hasty retreat.

Blake snaps at Nick about the doctor's incompetence, and Nick snaps back at him for behaving like such a cunty troll. Blake declares that he's going back to his Denver-Carrington office on Monday, and Nick reminds him he's blind, then remarks, "You're human...if not humane" and Blake pissily snaps, "Now what's that supposed to mean? Answer me!" but Nick just smirks to himself and quietly sneaks out as an enraged Blake bellows, "Toscanni! Answer me!" Nick saunters past Krystle, who's standing in the doorway...and she rushes after him and admonishes him for treating her dickwad husband in such a rude manner. Nick grumbles at her for leaving him hanging for the last month, and tells her he wants her for himself. He demands to know if she's sleeping with the old goat...and she tells him they haven't coupled since before Blake was in Rome with Alexis. He asks her when she plans on giving up the charade, and she's like, "I dunno" and ambles back inside the mansion. 

Jeff stops by Fallon's room to remind her that they're due at the Randolph's at 7pm. She helps him with his tie and gives him a smooch, but he just kind of pulls away and orders her to get ready. She makes a face and says she'd rather not go, 'cause apparently Mrs. Randolph is always talking about pregnancy and babies. She smooches Jeff again, and once again he tells her to get ready, then accuses her of trying to seduce him as a way of pleasing her father. She tells him she's actually doing it more out of horniness...but when she tries to kiss him again, he rebuffs her, snarks that she should call her boyfriend, then stalks out of the room. Ouch.

Early the next morning, Blake pulls down on some kind of bell/alert system to summon Joseph. A couple of minutes later, Joseph rushes into the room, tying his tie. He explains that he's late 'cause he generally likes to sleep in on Sundays...then reminds his ogre boss that he woke him up twice during the middle of the night to shave him and read spy stories to him. He grumbles about how much he hates spy stories, and Blake snaps that maybe it's 'cause he reads them so dully. Joseph wearily complains that his sarcasm is getting harder and harder to stomach, so Blake snarls that if he hates his job so much, he's free to leave and find another rich family who's in need of a majordomo...assuming that anyone aside from the Carringtons know what the hell a majordomo is. Joseph's face falls, and Blake immediately apologizes for his douchebaggery and asks him to please continue being his friend. Joseph tentatively asks, "And majordomo?" and Blake confirms that, yes, he'd like Joseph to continue in his current position of debasing himself by kissing his rich ass, as well as the rich asses of his self-entitled family members. Joseph smiles with relief and toddles off to the kitchen to get his master some much needed coffee.   

Andy enters the room, greets Blake, and tells him he's looking...er, fit. He has great news: Denver-Carrington's Middle East oil has been purchased, and the company is finally solvent again. Hurray! Blake grumpily thanks him, then tells him he'll sign the necessary papers at the office tomorrow. He then tells Andy his plans for Logan Rhinewood: “I’m going to get the man who did this to me. Get him and put him away!" and Andy doesn't appear to give much of a rat's ass, so he's just like, "Er...OK."

Outside, Sammy Jo is working on Steven's car engine again. Fallon flounces past her without saying anything, and Sammy Jo calls her out on her rudeness and snarkishly asks her if she doesn't speak to her own relatives. Fallon climbs into her ridiculous Clenet car and mutters a hello. Sammy Jo tells her she's now a part of this family whether she likes it or not, and Fallon concedes that that's true, but only for the time being. As she drives off, Sammy Jo bellows, "Enjoy church! That is where you're going, isn't it?!" Steven appears with some tools and asks his wife whassup with her snarly mood, so she sarcastically tells him that Fallon just asked her to lunch. She then puts her sad face on and asks him why he's ashamed of her...and by ashamed, she demands to know why he hasn't told Blake about their marriage. Steven says he's afraid of telling Blake anything in his current state of grouchy blindness, but then promises to break the news to him sometime today...and by sometime today, he means in the very next scene.

Blake snaps, "You did what?!" so Steven confirms that he really, actually did marry Krystle's skanky, vapid niece. Blake snarls, "How could you do that?" and Steven scrunches his face in confusion and tells him he doesn't understand the question. LOL. Blake asks him if he was drunk when he married her, and Steven insists that he married her because he loves her...then sarcastically thanks his father for congratulating him. Blake back pedals and half-heartedly congratulates him on his doomed marriage, and Steven pouts about his lack of enthusiasm. Blake wearily tells him they'll somehow all find a way to get used to each other, then decrees, "We'll train her to fit into the family." Steven furrows his brows and sarcastically quips, "Like you'd train your guard dog?" and Blake snaps that he's trying very hard to accept his rash, boneheaded decision...and speaking of rash, boneheaded decisions, Steven then tells him that he quit his job at the refinery so he can become a professional race car driver. Blake just shakes his head in disbelief and mutters, "My God...what have I done?" LOL. At that moment, Alexis happens to walk down the hall and overhears Blake tell Steven that he's not going to stand by while he kills himself on a racetrack. Steven snarls that it's his life, and Alexis quickly bursts inside the room and pulls Steven out into the hallway. She admonishes him for upsetting Blake while he's so blind and crotchety, and the two argue back and forth as Sammy Jo skulks around the hallway - just in time to overhear Steven needlessly remind Alexis that she once claimed that Fallon isn't really Blake's daughter. 

Alexis commiserates with Blake about the disaster-in-the-making that is Steven's and Sammy Jo's marriage, then suggests they try to annul the unholy coupling. Joseph enters the room and kind of grunts when he sees Alexis, then tells Blake he shouldn't spend his nights alone and offers to sleep next to him on a folding bed. Blake takes him up on his disturbing offer and later remarks to Alexis what a decent man Joseph is. She asks him if Krystle isn't going to feel awkward with Joseph sleeping beside them on a folding bed, and Blake tells her it's a non-issue, since Krystle is currently sleeping in the guest room. Alexis looks visibly delighted at the hint of marital problems between them, then contorts her lips poutishly and tells him that a husband should always have his wife close by 'cause, apparently, that's what marriage is all about. She adds, "That's something I learned too late" and then dashes out of the room, leaving Blake going, "Wuh?" and blindly staring into space.

Blake is back at work and has brought Joseph along to help him orient himself in his office. He feels around his desk, then answers a buzz from his secretary. She tells him Mr. Colby is here, and he happily says, "Send him in" not realizing it's Cecil, not Jeff. Cecil strolls in and says he came by to welcome him back, and also to bury the hatchet. He proposes they merge their companies, since ColbyCo has all the best leases on oil shale land, while Denver-Carrington has the technology to extract the oil. Blake basically tells him to go pee up a rope, then snarls that there's only one Colby he trusts: Jeff.

Cecil drops by Claudia's cubicle. Apparently she recently got promoted from file clerk to the up-and-coming Oil Shale Department. Cecil tells her he has breaking news about Matthew and Lindsay: the two have left Peru and are heading toward Colombia. Claudia scrunches her face in confusion and says he had last reported that they were entering Venezuela. She glares at Cecil skeptically and he quietly slinks off in order to avoid any more questions.

Nick calls Krystle while she's enjoying a pedicure and tells her he wants to see her at his place tonight. She tells him she can't make it, and he gets annoyed and threatens to come to the mansion and discuss their affair in front of all the servants. Krystle looks pensively troubled as she contemplatively stares into space. 

Alexis and Fallon arrive at a restaurant...and Fallon spots Nick dining alone and goes over to say hello. She sits down uninvited and tells him she's here with her mother, then babbles about...well, I dunno 'cause I kind of checked out during this part. Nick gets up and leaves, and Fallon returns to where Alexis is sitting. She asks Fallon if Nick is "the one" and Fallon admits he is. Alexis says she can tell by looking into the man's eyes that there's something dangerous about him, but Fallon's just like, "Whatever" and says he's the only man she's ever been truly in love with and wants to marry him someday. I guess his constant, unmistakable brush-offs somehow aren't getting through to the imbecile. Alexis asks her if she knows who he's involved with, and Fallon says she has an idea, but wants to confirm her suspicions. 

Jeff is in Blake's office, reading the contents of Nick's personnel file to Blake. Blake suddenly remembers that Nick once said something odd about family members who were hurt...so Jeff reads aloud the names of Nick's siblings, and Blake recognizes the name of Gianni and looks contemplative.

Fallon is staking out Nick's house 'cause she's a crazy stalker with not enough to do in her life...but the effort pays off when she sees Krystle pull up. Nick walks onto the driveway and greets her, and then the two head toward the house. Fallon glares at them through her narrowed, beady eyes.

Nick asks Krystle if she told Blake about wanting a divorce, and she says she hasn't - not after Nick was so rude to him. She warns him that the old goat is still her husband, despite the fact that they're not currently doinking. Nick snarkishly asks her why she's letting herself suffer, then says he's worried he'll be waiting forever for her to leave Blake. He kisses her, but then Krystle wails, "I have to do what I have to do...otherwise, I'll end up hating myself." She tells him to leave her alone, then rushes back to her car. 

Blake tells Andy he wants to nail Rhinewood for the dynamite attack, but Andy points out that they don't have any evidence to prove that he was behind it. Blake isn't too concerned 'bout that and says that by nail him, he means make him look guilty in the court of public opinion...and Andy just scrunches his face in confusion. Ray Bonning drops by unannounced and tries to get Blake to sell his controlling interest in his football team to Logan Rhinewood, but Blake refuses and snarks that he knows he (Ray) was responsible for having dynamite thrown at him. Ray informs him that he was in Vegas when it happened, and Blake says he'll have to prove that during a senate investigating committee, which he plans on putting together so that government officials can look into crime in Colorado. LOL - say what?! Ray tells him he'll look like an assclown if he does that, and Blake yells at him to get out and moves toward him as though it were possible to take the guy on - which I doubt would work out well for Blake even if he could see - and Andy humors him by restraining him and ordering Ray to leave, which he does while smirking. Blake mutters, "I'm gonna get him." Andy asks him what the hell he was talking about when he mentioned starting up a crime commission, then says, "I hope you're kidding." LOL. Blake says he's not, then orders Andy to call in all of their political favors and start on this thing immediately, then declares, "I'll testify as Exhibit A." Bwahaha! What a delusional fucktard. Andy tells him to stop with his lunacy, and reminds him that Rhinewood is dangerous and might actually kill him...but Blake gruffly says he's willing to take that chance. Yes! Take it!

Sammy Jo and Steven are canoodling in bed. She tells Steven she overheard what he said to Alexis about Fallon not being Blake's daughter, and he warns her not to breathe a word of it to anyone, since he doesn't even know for sure if it's true. Sammy Jo fake promises to keep her mouth shut and says she'd never want to repeat anything that might hurt Fallon...then smirks to herself.

Blake is on the phone with some unfortunate person, trying to get his ridiculous crime commission started up, like pronto. Krystle is standing in front of his desk holding a cup of coffee, and he's surprised to learn that it's her and not his secretary. She offers to take him home, but he irritably retorts that Joseph can do that. She wails, "I'm trying!" so he grumps about how he has servants and assistants to do errands and tote him around town, then ickily declares, "I need a wife in my bed." He asks her if that's what she's offering by bringing him coffee and offering to take him home, but she doesn't answer and then turns and walks away. I'll take that as a no.

Fallon drops by Alexis' studio to report that she saw Krystle at Nick's house...then adds that she once caught Krystle coming home very late while Blake was in Rome. Fallon says she doesn't blame Nick for the affair, since Krystle is clearly the one "throwing herself at him". She's itching to tell Blake about his wife's extramarital activities, but Alexis tells her not to do it as long as Blake is in his current state of grouchy blindness. She then tells her daughter to leave it with her to deal with, then promises to get Krystle out of Nick's life, as well as Blake's life...and both women grin evilly at each other.

Recap: Blake is reading papers in his study when Joseph enters the room and hands him the wrapped gift he was ordered to pick up for Krystle. He asks how Mrs. Carrington is doing, and Blake scrunches his face with concern and tells his majordomo that she didn’t come downstairs for breakfast this morning, nor did she want anything to eat. Joseph clucks sympathetically and tells his master that these things take time, but Blake moans, “It’s been weeks! It’s been enough time!” Joseph says he totally gets his frustration, 'cause if someone close to him were ill, he’d resent the moping and whining and just want that person to get better already. These two really ooze compassion, don't they? 

Krystle's moping in her room, staring despondently out the window. Jeannette (the maid) is trying to cheer her up by encouraging her to go lingerie shopping, but Krystle's too bummed about her fertility problems. Blake enters the room, and Jeannette gratefully scurries out to give them their privacy. He kisses Krystle’s forehead and tells her it’s a beautiful day, much like the day they met...and when Krystle just grunts in reply, he continues to reminisce. He reminds her that during her job interview, she told him that the most important thing to her was living life to the fullest. He then suggests they have lunch together, but she tears up and and wails, "Please stop!" so Blake gets all prickly and snarks, “You don’t want to be with me?” and she says, “It’s not you, it’s me.” He sighs deeply and tells her to explain to him exactly how she feels, so she stares into space despondently and says, “Useless. Empty.” He assures her that these feelings will pass, but she's not so sure 'bout that. He then shows her the wrapped gift that Joseph picked up earlier, opens it, and presents her with the magnificent pearl necklace inside...but she just shakes her head and says, “I don’t want it, Blake” then explains that she’ll always remember wearing it for having failed him. Blake mutters, “Oh Krystle..” and tells her that not being able to have a baby isn't the worst tragedy in the world. He shoves the necklace at her and orders her to wear it and be dressed and ready when the chauffeur picks her up for their lunch, but she cries, “No! I’m sick. Can’t you see that?” and he says he can, and looks deflated. He tells her he’ll have Nick Toscanni drop by to sort out her mood problems, but she tells him it won’t help, so he barks, “What will?” and she’s like, “I dunno.” He prickles up again and irritably declares, “I know what’s best for you” and says he plans on fixing her depression, even though he has way more important problems to deal with at Denver-Carrington.

During breakfast, Blake tells Jeff that as soon as he gets to the office, he’s to call their lawyers in D.C. and instruct them to track down Rashid Ahmed. Apparently, the mysterious Arab is somewhere in Europe. And speaking of Europe..

Alexis checks into a fancy hotel in Rome. The hotel manager, who has a comically fake sounding Italian accent, escorts her to her suite and makes it a point to show her the pretty bouquet of flowers they placed on one of the tables. She plucks one of the flowers and pins it to his lapel, then tells him she’s expecting a very important visitor later and would like a chilled bottle of Dom Perignon to be on standby. The hotel manager assures her it shall be done, kisses the back of her hand, and hands her the key to her suite.
Fallon is on the phone, making an appointment with her doctor. She’s aghast and dismayed that the only available appointment is at what she considers to be the crack of dawn: 9:30am. When Jeff suddenly enters the room, she abruptly hangs up the phone...and when he asks her who she was just talking to, she shrugs mutely. When he repeats the question, she goes, “Why?” and he says, “Husbandly curiosity” so she fibs and tells him she was just scheduling an appointment with her hairdresser. Jeff tells her he's more inclined to believe she was just talking her lover, so she pretends to fake confess that she does have a lover but is always careful not to call him until after he (Jeff) leaves for work. Jeff glares at her for a few minutes, then stalks out of the room. Why these two haven't divorced yet is a crazy mystery.

Jeff asks Steven if he’s seen Joseph around, and Steven replies, “Sorry, no” and abruptly rushes off, leaving Jeff staring after him and looking miffed. Steven goes into one of the mansion’s many sitting rooms to call up a new friend (Dottie) he met at The Blue Onion - LOL - and makes plans to hook up with her tomorrow night. Jeff eavesdrops from the doorway, and after Steven hangs up, he asks, “Why are you sore at me?” and asks if it's 'cause Blake hired him for an executive position at Denver-Carrington. Steven says, “You’re the son Blake ought to have had” and says that he and Blake “fit”...plus, he married the right kind of woman. That's pretty hilarious, considering that Fallon has to be the most ass-backwards wrong kind of woman any man could possibly marry. Steven asks him if everything is OK between him and Fallon, and Jeff is like, “Um...no" and says he strongly suspects her of doinking another guy. Steven looks shocked (seriously?) and says he heard they were trying for a baby. Jeff shrugs and says he doesn’t know who this alleged lover is - but he loves Fallon, and would fight for her if he only knew who he was fighting. Steven offers to talk to Fallon for him, but Jeff tells him that that’s his territory…but concedes that it’s getting tough to make an appointment with his slutty wife.

Blake has summoned Nick to his office and tells him that Krystle is so depressed she won’t even leave the house. He asks Nick if he’ll take her on as a patient...so Nick asks Blake if Krystle agreed to undergo therapy, and Blake is forced to admit that she outright said she doesn't want any - but quickly adds that she’s in no condition to know what’s best for her. Nick says that if Krystle doesn't want his help, he won't be able to give it to her, so then Blake points out that Claudia didn't exactly warm to the idea of therapy, but she's far less squirrelly after being counselled a few times. He then gets testy and barks, "I don't want to see her die inside!" and suddenly Nick has another grisly flashback of his hanged brother's dangling feet. For some reason, this prompts him to agree to counsel Krystle asap, and he bitchily snarks, “When you want to help somebody, there’s no stopping you, is there?” and this time Blake catches his hostile tone and shoots him a WTF? look.

Nick is in the study, pouring himself a drink when Krystle ambles into the room. He grumbles at her for missing her 2:00pm appointment at his office and wants to know why she pulled a no-show. She shrugs indifferently and tells him she went for a walk and forgot about it, but he doesn't buy it and accuses her of trying to avoid counselling. The two start bickering, blah blah...and Krystle comes right out and says she doesn't want him to treat her. He pretends to look indifferent and goes, "No problem" and says he has plenty of other patients who do keep their appointments. He then recalls that when he first met her, she was so beautiful and lovely…whereas now she’s just a lifeless shell. She stares pensively at him, and he tells her he’ll cancel the appointments the Blake’s secretary set up for her. When she continues to mutely stare, Nick tells her he’s a very busy man - but if she changes her mind about getting therapy from him, she can always call his office.

Fallon and Nick are enjoying a post-coital canoodle in his bed. She tells him she's different with him than she is with any other man, 'cause for her, sex is usually about a conquest. She tells him she wants him to like and respect her the way she likes and respects him, and loves that she can't out-think or manipulate him. That's not saying a whole lot, since I doubt Fallon could out-think a hamster. She tells him he's the first "grown-up man" she's ever met, then declares her love for him (say what??) and that she wants to marry him (say what??). Nick caresses her face and tells her she's prolly just looking for a way out of an unhappy marriage - but she insists she's not trying to dump her problems on him. She then tells him she currently has a very bad problem...and by very bad problem, she means she's pregnant. He stares at her in horror and is all, "The fuck?!" so she quickly assures him that the baby's not his. She then says it's not really hers either and declares, "Because I disown it." She says she shouldn't have a baby if she doesn't want it - and besides, she'd be a lousy mother. No fucking shit. Nick asks her what Jeff has to say about all this, and she says he doesn't know, nor is she planning to tell him. Nick tries to explain to the soulless nitwit that she'd be disowning her father's own grandchild, as well as Jeff's flesh and blood, but Fallon just petulantly retorts, "It's my body." Nick needlessly tells her that he was once married to a beautiful woman who was told if she had a baby she could die...so naturally she got pregnant - and, shocker, she and the baby both died. Fallon assures him she's not using him as "an escape hatch" and that she'll solve her "problem"...and after she does, she'll come back 'round and ask him to marry her. She tells him he's the most important thing in her life, and the two start smooching. 

The next morning, Steven's in the breakfast room, drinking tomato juice with a raw egg mixed in. It's intended to be a remedy for his brandy hangover from his night of hetero debauchery with Dottie. Blake comes downstairs and wryly asks him how his short term memory is doing, and Steven says he remembers running into him at the restaurant while he was on his way out with Dottie. Blake gives him a judgey look and informs him he's seen Dottie out numerous times with "boyfriends" who pay for her "services", and Steven gets all testy and reminds his dad that it used to make him sick when he put his hands on another man. He says, "Now I'm putting them on women. Aren't you satisfied?" Blake says it's obvious he's trying hard to live down what he once was - but sleeping with hookers fits under the category of "going overboard". Steven says he's just sowing some wild oats and having fun doing it and that it should be no concern of his. Blake gives up trying to talk sense into his gay/straight/whore-chasing son and turns his attention to the newspaper, and Steven scoffs, "I just can't win with you" and storms out of the room. Joseph, meanwhile, carries a telephone into the breakfast room and tells Blake that Alexis is on the line, calling from Rome.

Alexis tells Blake she was able to locate Rashid Ahmed, and that she'll fill him in on all the details when he arrives in Rome. It turns out Ahmed can arrange for the release of Denver-Carrington's oil tankers! Yay! Blake asks her how he plans on doing that, and she tells him he has the right connections...but that he'll want a 10% tanker freeing fee. The most important thing though, she cautions, is that he's to fly to Rome immediately. Blake whines that he doesn't want to leave Krystle alone, but Alexis reminds him how he's been sweating over this tedious oil tanker crisis storyline since the early episodes of Season 1. She informs him that Ahmed is leaving Rome tomorrow night, so that'll be the cut-off time. She then warns him not to tell Krystle or anyone else, 'cause if there's a leak, it'll kill the entire deal. Blake agrees to make the trip and promises to leave right away, and Alexis coos, "Wonderful! We'll be waiting. Ciao, Blake!" LOL. Rashid, who's been eavesdropping on the call, grins and gushes, "Alexis...Alexis. The way you handle men is most extraordinary." LOL. Alexis agrees that she is indeed awesome and chooses not to be an amateur at anything. Rashid wonders what Blake is going to say when he walks through the door and sees that they are not waiting (as she promised), and she says, "I want to be alone with Blake. I'll think of something." She then opens the door to give her Arab lover the bum's rush out of her suite, and the two indulge in a farewell smooch.

Jeff answers the phone while Fallon's in the shower. It's the abortion clinic, confirming her appointment, and he's all, "Wha-a?!!"

Blake is packing for Rome when Krystle ambles into the room. He tells her he has to go in person to see about his oil tankers getting released, then stares at her pleadingly and begs, "Get well, Krystle. Please get well." He tells her that Nick will keep an eye on her, so she sheepishly confesses that she didn't actually keep her appointment with him. He glares at her and barks, "So you want to keep on suffering?" She explains that she's in a natural period of mourning, but thinks she's getting better, and he snaps, "I'll be the judge of that." OMFG. He orders her to get therapy from Nick, and she remarks that this seems to be a full on command. Well d'yuh - has she met Blake? She finally throws in the towel and says, "If you want it that badly, you've got it!" and storms out. Weird.

Fallon emerges from the bathroom after her shower and finds Jeff glowering in the bedroom. She tells him she's been thinking about what a rotten, spoiled, misbehaving, immature, cunty brat she is, and that she's only making him miserable. She says that for some reason, he seems to bring the worst out in her. He bitterly retorts that that's prolly 'cause she wasn't in love with him when they got married. She doesn't disagree and says they should end their marriage before they become awful people (you're already an awful person, Fallon) and he says that it's odd timing, considering that they've been working on making a baby. She breezily tells him "it didn't take", so clearly it wasn't meant to be - and he asks her how she knows she's not pregnant right now. The jig is up when he tells her he knows that her abortion is scheduled for Tuesday, then orders her to cancel it. She refuses, so he points out that half of the unborn life is his. He snarkishly informs her that he'll grant her a divorce, but she can't destroy his baby.

Recap: Nick and Krystle are sitting together in the waiting room of the hospital...and when Nick excuses himself to check in with his service, Krystle continues to sit and stare pensively into space. Steven, meanwhile, continues to languish in his coma and has a big purple bruise on his forehead. Blake is hovering over him, saying he knows they've had their differences, but that none of it matters now. He orders him to regain consciousness, then barks, "I want you to be all right. Can you hear that, son?!" He takes Steven's hand in his and orders him to squeeze...then looks despondent when his comatose son's hand remains limp. Alexis, who's been hovering over Blake who's hovering over Steven, tearfully wails that she needs her son to be OK.

Blake takes a break from sitting vigil to give Krystle a quick update, then urges her to go home and get some rest. She makes a half-hearted attempt to weakly protest, but he reminds her that only immediate family are allowed in Steven's room. Alexis emerges from her vigil to tell Blake he should return to the room, then poutily says, "Our place is with our son." He tells her he'll be there in a minute, then asks Nick to please take Krystle home, which Nick is more than happy to do. 

Nick and Krystle stop at an outdoor cafe on their way to Carrington manor. Nick babbles about how he played piano when he was a child, then says he permanently hurt his hand in an accident. I notice that he really seems to like telling people stories about his childhood. He asks Krystle if she's annoyed by the sudden parental bonding that Steven's crisis has sparked between Blake and Alexis, and Krystle pretends as though the thought never occurred to her, but Nick doesn't buy it and assures her that Alexis isn't a threat. He tells her she's a good woman, which is apparently a rarity in her bitchified social circle. He adds, "You're a prize...a valuable prize" and says that Blake is well aware of her worth and would never want to trade platinum for tin. Krystle thanks him for his kind words, then jokes that she'll send him a check for his unsolicited counselling services.

Fallon has now joined the vigil...and Blake urges Alexis to get some rest, but she refuses to leave her son's side. Fallon wonders aloud if Steven might be brain damaged, and Alexis says it's definitely possible, but then then looks panicked at the thought. Steven suddenly starts moaning, and everyone perks up and crowds around his bed. When he opens his eyes, Alexis tells him he got hurt while careening around the estate, shit-faced, and he's all, "Wha-a?!" and starts wigging out. Blake looms over him and asks, "Do you remember me?" and Steven stares up at him in confusion and goes, "Fa-ther..?" (LOL) and when Fallon identifies herself, he stares up at her and repeats, "Fa-llon..?" When he sees Alexis, he says to her in a weird sounding little boy's voice, "You went off to find a rainbow." Alexis looks relieved that his brain appears to be at least somewhat functional, but then he suddenly starts flailing around and shrieking, "What's wrong with my head?! Why won't it work?!" He wails that his mind is in a fog and that it's cold and dark...and his family calmly urges him to chillax and rest.

Later, at the mansion, Alexis is putting the final touches on Steven's bedroom, including the careful placement of a ginormous bouquet of flowers. Krystle enters the room and looks surprised to see her there, so Alexis informs her that her son is being released from the hospital soon...and she's delighted to finally have a legitimate reason to be roaming around her ex-husband's mansion. She assures Krystle that the flowers in the ginormous bouquet weren't plucked from her sacred rose garden; she had them ordered in. Heh. She also had Steven's clothes brought over from his apartment. She tells Krystle she needn't trouble herself with anything related to Steven's comfort and care, so then Krystle tells her about the team of nurses she hired to care for him while he recuperates. Alexis says she's well aware of those arrangements and went ahead and canceled them 'cause she didn't feel it was necessary...and Krystle looks pissed off, shoots her the stink-eye, and storms out.

On the other side of the tracks, a stock car racer finishes a practice run, and when he brings his car to a stop, a leggy blonde dressed in the skimpiest pair of Daisy Duke short shorts imaginable wobbles over on her Candies. Hey - it's the very first sighting of Heather Locklear, who has officially joined the cast as dimwitted rube, Sammy Jo Dean. The car racer is her dad, Frank, and he invites her to sit on the side of the car so he can drop her off at work, which takes about half a minute. After that, he drives over to a nearby trailer, where a surly looking woman in an orange bikini is stretched out on a lounger. Frank tells her that Sammy Jo just timed him and says he's getting faster, but the bikini clad woman just snorts in derision and snarks, "That little tramp!" Frank makes a face and says he doesn't want to hear that, but she ignores that and gripes about how Sammy Jo is always getting in the way of their alone time. Frank asks her what he's 'sposed to do 'bout that, since she's his daughter and all, and the woman tells him about a dream she had in which Sammy Jo was made out of ice cream and slowly melted away. Er...OK. Frank turns on the TV and, by scripted coincidence, sees news footage of Blake and Krystle leaving the hospital after visiting Steven. He exclaims, "Hey! It's my sis-in-law, Krystle!" then tells his bitchy girlfriend/wife/whatever that Krystle may have just solved their problem.

Nick and Claudia are strolling the grounds of Carrington Manor, boring me with their inane chit chat. Claudia tells him she pretty much hates everything about herself, then starts moaning again about how she needs to find Lindsay, blah blah. Sorry, Claudia - but apparently viewers of Season 1 hated the little crybaby, so you're going to have to let it go. Their conversation is interrupted when Blake's limo enters the grounds...and as it passes, Claudia notices that Steven is sitting in the back seat. Nick also notices and cautions Claudia to give Steven some time and space before paying him a visit, and for some reason Claudia takes this as a huge insult and storms off.

Blake helps Steven to his room. Incidentally, he's being relocated across the hall so that he doesn't have to sleep in the room where Ted broke his head last season and died. Seems reasonable. Blake tells him he had a long speech prepared about how sorry he is for everything that's happened, but since every long conversation they've ever had on the show degenerates into a horrible fight, he's just going to say "Welcome home, son" and leave it at that. Whew! Steven looks visibly relieved, then gives his father a rare smile and says it's good to be back. After that, Nick drops by and asks Steven how he feels, then gives him a quick neuro check while Steven fake protests and insists he's fine. Blake chuckles affectionately as Nick orders Steven to take it easy...and after that, he and Blake exit the room to give Steven a chance to rest alone. Blake asks Nick if Steven really truly has no brain damage, and Nick says it's a bit too soon to tell for sure. Blake asks him if there's anything that could be done, but Nick says no, that it'll just take time, so Blake nods and says, "I'm in your debt." Suddenly, ominous music tinkles in the background as Nick has a gruesome flashback of someone's dirty dangling feet. Ick. He gives Blake an icy stare and replies, "Well, we all have debts to settle, Blake" and Blake just smiles and nods as though Nick didn't suddenly act really weird just then. 

Blake tells Krystle he's heading to the office, and Krystle walks him to his car and tells him how nice it is to see him happy for a change. He beams at her and says, "Of course I'm happy!" and runs down the list of reasons for his generally happy state: Steven is out of the hospital, he's forgiven him for his relentless douchebaggery, and Krystle is carrying his bun in her oven. Ew. What more could a man want? After he drives off, Joseph stiffly ambles over and informs Krystle that there's a yokel at the front gate named Frank Dean who claims he's her brother-in-law. Krystle pensively ponders that for a few seconds and tells Joseph to have him sent up to the house.

Krystle meets with Frank in one of the mansion's luxurious sitting rooms. He gushes about how beautiful her home is, then congratulates her for marrying so well. She chides him for not keeping in touch after Iris (her sister, I presume) died, because she would have liked to have stayed in touch with her niece. He reminds her that she wasn't crazy about her sister marrying a deadbeat car racer - well d'yuh - but Krystle breezily replies that she just wanted Iris to be happy. She asks him about Sammy Jo, and he smiles and describes her as "an innocent little beauty" and says she asks about her aunt a lot. He then says he happened to catch her on the news the other night with her "oil big-shot" husband. Krystle raises her eyebrows suspiciously, so he quickly assures her he didn't come looking for a free handout...except for a free stay at the mansion for Sammy Jo. Krystle says she's totally fine with that, and A-OK with her niece staying at Carrington manor as long as she likes. 

Krystle checks in on Steven, who has fallen asleep with a book spread out on his stomach. When she removes the book, the movement wakes him, and he stares at her in confusion and says, "I know you...you're my father's wife. But I can't remember your name." Krystle smiles and tells him her name, and he gets all upset that he couldn't remember it on his own. Alexis enters the room at that moment and asks Krystle if they could speak in private, so the two go out into the hallway. Alexis haughtily accuses Krystle of upsetting Steven, so Krystle snarks, "It's my house!" and Alexis counter-snarks with, "And I'm his mother!" She then smugly says it's very telling that Steven had trouble remembering who she was, and bitchily points out that he didn't have any trouble remembering her. She deduces that there must be tension in his mind associated with her...and Krystle scoffs at that notion and accuses her of coloring things, just like she did on the witness stand. I'm so looking forward to the day that these arguments degenerate into hair-pulling pond fights.

Frank tells Sammy Jo that he's arranged for her to stay with her Aunt Krystle for a few weeks, then describes Carrington manor with all of its servants, butlers, maids...and majordomo. Sammy Jo looks less than thrilled with the idea of living with strangers and tells her dad she'd rather go on the car racing circuit with him. He tells her she can't, then assures her she'll have lots of fun and will be waited on like a princess. He tells her that Krystle is rich, as in diamonds and emeralds rich, then hands her a small wad of cash for cab fare.

Krystle inspects the guest room which Sammy Jo will be occupying and tells Joseph it looks very nice. She suddenly hears a horn honking outside, so she peers out the window and sees Blake sitting in a shiny new Rolls-Royce convertible, waving at her as he leans on the horn. He tells her he's not going to stop honking until she comes down, so she rushes downstairs to see whassup. He tells her that a special woman should have a set of cars (!), then hands her the keys. Krystle gasps and says it's much too extravagant...but he argues it's not, considering what she's giving to him: a new child, hope, a beginning. She hugs him and then he invites her to take her new car out for a spin. As they're about to drive off, Fallon pulls up in her ridiculous luxury car. She admires Krystle's new gift and snarkishly remarks that she finally got her status symbol. Krystle just smiles and nods...and after Fallon drives off, she tells Blake she's way too happy to let Fallon wreck this moment.

Jeff bursts into Cecil's office at ColbyCo, tosses a bunch of papers at him and barks, "These just came in." He says that Blake isn't included in the California oil deal, and Cecil just kind of shrugs and says he fought for him, but the Californians didn't want him. Well...who could blame the Californians? Jeff asks him how hard he fought, then accuses him of betraying a friend. Cecil testily retorts that it's just business, then orders Jeff to get all the info he can dig up on the football team Blake owns. Jeff looks confused and is all, "Football team?? Wha-a?!"

Steven's relaxing in his room with a book when Joseph enters with a giant round Welcome Home Steven sign. He wryly announces "Little Dottie Dimples", and suddenly Fallon leaps through the sign, decked out in a blue flapper's costume, and starts dancing. Steven finds it hi-LAR-ious and laughs very hard, and Joseph gets into the schtick for a few seconds...but then quickly has enough and goes, "That's it!" and beats a hasty retreat. Fallon gives Steven a hug and tells him he looks wonderful...and he tries to ask about Jeff, but can't remember his name, so Fallon fills in that blank for him and tells him that they're currently trying to please Blake by conceiving his first grandchild. That's...so disturbing on so many levels. She then offers to sneak down to the kitchen and bring him some donuts and candy, like how she used to do when they were kids - but Alexis suddenly enters the room, and Fallon mumbles something unintelligible and rushes off. Steven is disappointed that his mother and sister still aren't talking, but Alexis is all, "Whatever" and tells him that the most important thing is that he and Blake have made up, and that he's back to being the Denver-Carrington heir. Steven suddenly looks somber and asks her if Fallon knows she's not Blake's daughter, and Alexis says she doesn't.

Blake and Cecil are eating together at the fancy restaurant. Cecil tells him that a reporter has written a less than flattering article about Denver-Carrington, and says it's articles like these that erode stockholders' confidence. He then informs Blake that the Colbyco board is putting pressure on him to call in the loan he made to him during Season 1, like pronto. Blake mulls that over and mutters that he doesn't have $9 million, so Cecil says he'll call off the debt and throw in a million bucks if he hands over ownership of his football team. Blake chortles and says that that team is easily worth $20 million, and then the two start bickering, blah blah..  

Sammy Jo arrives at the mansion via cab, and she's decked out in a tight crop top and a fresh pair of unimaginably short shorts. She's greeted at the front door by Joseph, and after she introduces herself, he tells her that her Aunt Krystle is busy driving her fancy new Rolls-Royce. He crisply informs her that the butler will bring her suitcase upstairs for her...and she gazes at him and asks him his name. He tells her it's Joseph, and she grins broadly and says, "Like half of mine! Samantha Josephine. We're like Jo and Joe!" Joseph winces and insists, "It's Joseph" so then Sammy Jo nods agreeably and concedes that a lot of people don't like nicknames. As the two head up the grand staircase, Sammy Jo looks around in wonderment and does a ghastly Scarlett O'Hara impression, which seems to both horrify and amuse Joseph. He shows her to her room, and she squeals with delight and tells him she loooves it. She seats herself at the fancy vanity, stares at herself in the mirror and exclaims, "Talk about neat!" LOL. Joseph tries his best to maintain his usual haughty, disdainful demeanor toward the vapid nitwit, but it's clear that the uppity majordomo finds himself unexpectedly charmed by her youthful babe-a-liciousness. She scampers over to the chaise lounge and stretches out, then asks Joseph what they do for kicks 'round here. He wryly suggests that she ask her Aunt Krystle that question, and she widens her big doe eyes and asks him if there's any chance she could get a pizza. He curls his lip and repeats, "Pizza..?" and she nods and explains that she's very hungry 'cause she hardly had any lunch. He informs her that dinner is served at precisely 8:00pm in the family dining room...and pizza isn't on the menu - duckling is. He then waves his hand in the direction of her skimpy outfit and informs her, "We dress for dinner" then heads toward the door, shaking his head in fake dismay.

Alexis is instructing one of the maids on the specifics of how to prepare Steven's breakfast, then reminds her it needs to be cooked just so. A few seconds later, Sammy Jo comes flying down the banister in her formal dinner outfit: tight blue hot pants and a pink crop top that's cinched under her breasts. She almost bumps into Alexis and goes, "Oh, I'm sorry! Aunt Krystle...?" Alexis stares at her curiously, tells her she's definitely not Krystle, then asks her who she is. Sammy Jo tells her she's Krystle's niece, then chatters about how Krystle invited her to stay at the mansion, which she refers to as "a palace", and then needlessly provides her with a complete rundown of her extended family's history in Ohio. Alexis looks contemplative, calls Sammy Jo "an interesting and pretty girl", then asks her what Krystle's maiden name is. Sammy Jo reveals that it's Grant...and Alexis files away that information, tells her it was nice meeting her, then saunters off.

Alexis returns to her studio and calls Morgan Hess, a private investigator...but he's not in the office at the moment. 

Sammy Jo finds her way to the study, where Steven is chillin'. The two introduce themselves to each other, and he explains that he's recuperating from an accident. Sammy Jo tells him she's staying at the mansion while her dad travels on the stock car racing circuit. Steven stares over at her, visibly charmed as she natters about wanting to become a hair stylist by mail, and then compliments his thick head of hair. LOL. Krystle, meanwhile, has returned home from her luxury joyride and heads straight to the study. She warmly greets her niece, and the two hug and compliment each other's beauty. Krystle tells her she hopes she likes it at Carrington manor, and Sammy Jo glances over at Steven and saucily retorts, "I know I'm going to like it here." Steven chuckles, and Krystle looks pensively confused.

Back at the studio, Alexis answers her phone - and it's Morgan Hess, calling her back. She tells him she wants him to dig up whatever he can find on a Krystle Grant from Ohio, then emphasizes that she wants to know everything about her...and by everything, she means, well everything.