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Brody and Lauren form an anti-Spencer alliance
"Rolling With the Enemy"
Original airdate: 9/3/2007
Episode summary: Spencer gets so miffed at Brody for hanging out with Lauren that he severs their friendship. Audrina can't get Justin to label himself her boyfriend.
Original airdate: 9/3/2007
Episode summary: Spencer gets so miffed at Brody for hanging out with Lauren that he severs their friendship. Audrina can't get Justin to label himself her boyfriend.
Recap: Audrina tells Lauren that she was sooooo irked at Justin for abandoning her at Brody's barbecue party that she left her motorcycle helmet behind at the beach house...and when Lauren asks her if she won't be needing it in the near future, she replies, "Probably" - %$#@!! - and says she's still kinda into the "up and down" fucktardedness of their coupling. Lauren reports that Brody and Spencer had a recent falling out, and Audrina remarks on how pissed off Spencer is going to be now that she and Brody have declared themselves friends again. A gleeful Lauren responds by chuckling about how ironic it is that the tables have turned.
Over at Bolthouse Productions, Brent assembles a staff meeting...then asks Heidi if Lauren and Brody are "back on". He explains that he saw them out together last weekend, and Heidi's all, "Wha-a-a?" and says that last she heard they haaaaaated each other, and that it'd be very weird if they were hanging out again.
Audrina tells her work friend, Chiara, about how Justin ditched her at Brody's barbecue, and that she wept over the humiliation...which is unusual 'cause she doesn't typically cry over a guy. She tells Chiara she called Justin to ask whaddup with him just leaving her at the party...and also whaddup with her calling him, given his rude bitchitude. She dramatically declares, "I'm done", but then sheepishly acknowledges that because she's declared being done with Justin so many times, at this point it's pretty much a meaningless pronouncement. She compares her stupid hook-up with Justin as a rollercoaster ride, and Chiara unhelpfully enables this idiocy by cackling about how much fun rollercoaster rides are.
Over at Bolthouse Productions, Brent assembles a staff meeting...then asks Heidi if Lauren and Brody are "back on". He explains that he saw them out together last weekend, and Heidi's all, "Wha-a-a?" and says that last she heard they haaaaaated each other, and that it'd be very weird if they were hanging out again.
Audrina tells her work friend, Chiara, about how Justin ditched her at Brody's barbecue, and that she wept over the humiliation...which is unusual 'cause she doesn't typically cry over a guy. She tells Chiara she called Justin to ask whaddup with him just leaving her at the party...and also whaddup with her calling him, given his rude bitchitude. She dramatically declares, "I'm done", but then sheepishly acknowledges that because she's declared being done with Justin so many times, at this point it's pretty much a meaningless pronouncement. She compares her stupid hook-up with Justin as a rollercoaster ride, and Chiara unhelpfully enables this idiocy by cackling about how much fun rollercoaster rides are.
"My on-again, off-again toxic hook-up with Justin is like an amusement park ride."
"Sounds healthy and invigorating!"
Heidi reports to Spencer that Brent tattled to her about seeing Lauren and Brody out together, and Spencer's all, "Wha-a-a?" and describes that type of sighting as "hell freezing over" - but also doesn't seem extraordinarily surprised at this "unscripted" Hills plot twist.
Lauren and her pals are out at Les Deux when Brody and Frankie arrive and ooooh their hellos with some flirty hey there pointing before seating themselves at her table. Brody suggests that they all convene at Roosevelt Pool on Sunday, and Lauren says she definitely likes the sound of that idea - but that an awesome idea for this evening would be to hang out at his condo...and Brody and his hangers-on make oooooohhhhh!! and mmmmmm!! cooing noises at the sauciness of Lauren's request.
The next day in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney that ever since she and Brody have renewed their friendship, Spencer bitchily refuses to return Brody's phone calls. Whitney calls that soooo immature...and then the two exchange some inane banter that I just kind of fast-forwarded through.
That evening, Audrina primps for her dinner date with Justin - %$#@!! - and tells Lauren and Lo that she hasn't seen him since the barbecue. She asks if it's normal to not be his girlfriend after two years of this type of on-again, off-again shittery, and Lo does her best to mask her disdain at the notion of even wanting to be in a non-platonic relationship with an unwashed cretin like Justin and says that, yeah, in a normal world he should probably be her boyfriend by now.
Audrina and Justin dine at a restaurant named Toi...and Audrina says she's really not that hungry 'cause she ate earlier, but wanted to come out so that they can get to know each other. Justin argues that he already knows her, doesn't think they need to slow nuthin' down, and bloviates about how much he hates putting "statements on things". Audrina asks if by statements he means the boyfriend/girlfriend label, then explains that Lauren and Lo have been inquiring about when/if their unholy coupling is going to be official...and Justin grumbles about them putting things in her ear, wonders aloud why they even care [fair point], and rails about how much it pisses him off when society and Hills cast mates demand clarity on the status of their relationship. Audrina shoots him a weary glance, no doubt exhausted by his bristly 'I'm not going to let the world put me in a box' style rant.
Lauren and her pals are out at Les Deux when Brody and Frankie arrive and ooooh their hellos with some flirty hey there pointing before seating themselves at her table. Brody suggests that they all convene at Roosevelt Pool on Sunday, and Lauren says she definitely likes the sound of that idea - but that an awesome idea for this evening would be to hang out at his condo...and Brody and his hangers-on make oooooohhhhh!! and mmmmmm!! cooing noises at the sauciness of Lauren's request.
The next day in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney that ever since she and Brody have renewed their friendship, Spencer bitchily refuses to return Brody's phone calls. Whitney calls that soooo immature...and then the two exchange some inane banter that I just kind of fast-forwarded through.
That evening, Audrina primps for her dinner date with Justin - %$#@!! - and tells Lauren and Lo that she hasn't seen him since the barbecue. She asks if it's normal to not be his girlfriend after two years of this type of on-again, off-again shittery, and Lo does her best to mask her disdain at the notion of even wanting to be in a non-platonic relationship with an unwashed cretin like Justin and says that, yeah, in a normal world he should probably be her boyfriend by now.
Audrina and Justin dine at a restaurant named Toi...and Audrina says she's really not that hungry 'cause she ate earlier, but wanted to come out so that they can get to know each other. Justin argues that he already knows her, doesn't think they need to slow nuthin' down, and bloviates about how much he hates putting "statements on things". Audrina asks if by statements he means the boyfriend/girlfriend label, then explains that Lauren and Lo have been inquiring about when/if their unholy coupling is going to be official...and Justin grumbles about them putting things in her ear, wonders aloud why they even care [fair point], and rails about how much it pisses him off when society and Hills cast mates demand clarity on the status of their relationship. Audrina shoots him a weary glance, no doubt exhausted by his bristly 'I'm not going to let the world put me in a box' style rant.
"I hate it when society tries to label me."
"Even if it's something descriptively accurate, like Disheveled Dolt or Demented Doofus?"
Brody calls Spencer to ask whassup with him not returning his calls, and Spencer says he has zero respect for the lack of loyalty he demonstrated in re-connecting with Lauren. Brody calls that ridiculous and says he's not going to hate Lauren just 'cause he tells him to, and Spencer snarls, "You are rolling around with my enemy. That makes you my enemy." Brody says he feels like they're back in high school [or perhaps even kindergarten], and Spencer snaps, "I have nothing to say to you" and hangs up...and Brody stares at his phone, looking incredulous as he mumbles, "Little bitch."
"Whaddya say we not let my decision to hang with Lauren destroy our many years of friendship?"
"I say...the enemy of my enemy is supposed to be my blindest, loyalest friend."
Brody, Lauren, and their respective posses arrive at Roosevelt Pool to frolic in front of the MTV camera crew and get caught up on each other's lives. Audrina reports that since Justin seems highly averse to society's labels, she's going to give her desperate 'please be my boyfriend' quest a rest, which...hallelujah. Brody, meanwhile, reports about his bitchy exchange with Spencer, who chided him for rolling with the enemy. Lauren tells him that, unlike his baby of an ex-friend, she wouldn't care if he were to hang with Heidi and Spencer. Brody chucklingly argues that she's razzed him about hanging with the two, so Lauren points out that there's a ginormous difference between razzing someone and bitchily severing an entire friendship on extremely flimsy grounds.
Heidi tells Spencer she's off to have breakfast with Jen Bunney...and when Spencer scrunches his face all suspicious-like and asks if Jen is hanging out with Lauren, Heidi assures him that she too has been permanently shunned by their mortal enemy. Spencer looks visibly bummed as he mumbles about how ridiculous this all is, and Heidi attempts to cheer him up by suggesting they have dinner at their fave Mexican place, Don Antonio's.
Heidi arrives at Doughboys and gaily greets Jen...and tells her she hasn't been going out on the town lately, and that Frankie et. al. were really more Spencer's friends than hers. When she fills Jen in on the rift that has formed between Spencer and Brody, Jen's all, "Wha-a-a?", so Heidi explains that Brody's loyalty came into question when he started hanging out with Lauren again, then drops the [faux] bombshell that it was Brody Jenner - and not Spencer - who spread the Lauren/Jason sex tape rumor. As Jen stares back at her in shocked dismay, Heidi insists it's the truth and that she can back it up with the non-convincing assertion: "Because I heard him say things about it." Jen looks visibly skeptical, then swiftly changes the subject to the friendships that were awesome in Season 2 but are now defunct - due largely to Spencer's dickish malevolence. She shares that, even at the height of their beef, Lauren assured her that she'd always be there for her, e.g. if she was sobbing at 2:00am and really really needed her. Heidi cattily retorts, "Well, if you talk to her, tell her I say hello." Jen asks if she thinks that she and Lauren will ever be friends again, and Heidi mutters about how funny it is the way things turn out, then half-heartedly says, "I don't really care" to which Jen shoots back, "Yes you do", and Heidi reacts by mutely staring unhappily into space.
Heidi tells Spencer she's off to have breakfast with Jen Bunney...and when Spencer scrunches his face all suspicious-like and asks if Jen is hanging out with Lauren, Heidi assures him that she too has been permanently shunned by their mortal enemy. Spencer looks visibly bummed as he mumbles about how ridiculous this all is, and Heidi attempts to cheer him up by suggesting they have dinner at their fave Mexican place, Don Antonio's.
Heidi arrives at Doughboys and gaily greets Jen...and tells her she hasn't been going out on the town lately, and that Frankie et. al. were really more Spencer's friends than hers. When she fills Jen in on the rift that has formed between Spencer and Brody, Jen's all, "Wha-a-a?", so Heidi explains that Brody's loyalty came into question when he started hanging out with Lauren again, then drops the [faux] bombshell that it was Brody Jenner - and not Spencer - who spread the Lauren/Jason sex tape rumor. As Jen stares back at her in shocked dismay, Heidi insists it's the truth and that she can back it up with the non-convincing assertion: "Because I heard him say things about it." Jen looks visibly skeptical, then swiftly changes the subject to the friendships that were awesome in Season 2 but are now defunct - due largely to Spencer's dickish malevolence. She shares that, even at the height of their beef, Lauren assured her that she'd always be there for her, e.g. if she was sobbing at 2:00am and really really needed her. Heidi cattily retorts, "Well, if you talk to her, tell her I say hello." Jen asks if she thinks that she and Lauren will ever be friends again, and Heidi mutters about how funny it is the way things turn out, then half-heartedly says, "I don't really care" to which Jen shoots back, "Yes you do", and Heidi reacts by mutely staring unhappily into space.
"Lauren assured me that she'd be there for me if I desperately needed her friendship."
"Spencer is going to find that disloyal."
As the final credits roll, Spencer is at home tapping away on his laptop, Brody and Lauren are chillin' with their posses at Roosevelt Pool, and Heidi has finished her breakfast meeting and is sashaying alone down the street.
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Spencer uses his particular brand of charm to impress Heidi's parents
"Meet the Parents"
Original airdate: 8/27/2007
Episode summary: Spencer travels to Colorado with Heidi to spend the weekend with her and her family. Brody invites Lauren and her pals to his barbecue party. Audrina is tearful when Justin brazenly disrespects her.
Original airdate: 8/27/2007
Episode summary: Spencer travels to Colorado with Heidi to spend the weekend with her and her family. Brody invites Lauren and her pals to his barbecue party. Audrina is tearful when Justin brazenly disrespects her.
Recap: While at a jewelry store to get Heidi's ginormous engagement ring resized, Heidi invites Spencer to tag along with her to Colorado and spend the weekend with her and her family. Spencer says he's supposed to be hosting a barbecue with Brody, but would be happy to pretend to not be less than thrilled to skip it in favor of being scrutinized by his future in-laws.
Spencer and Brody stop in at STI Motorsports to shop for car tires. Spencer breaks it to Brody that he and Heidi are off to Colorado this weekend, and a visibly irked Brody reminds him that his travel plans conflict with the big Malibu barbecue party they've been planning for two months. Spencer says he'll just have to be there in spirit, and Brody tells him it ain't cool "to flake out on the homies like that".
Audrina and Justin are walking along Venice Beach looking very canoodly. Audrina remarks on the rough start that he and Lauren got off to after his disgusting belch-fest during the previous episode, but Justin just kind of shrugs and mumbles, "It's all good." Audrina refuses to let the matter drop and tells him that Lauren is worried about their hook-up on account of she (Audrina) has been screwed over by so many guys, and Justin unsympathetically coos, "Awww...dum dum dum..." but then concedes that Lauren is probably just being a good friend. He assures Audrina that she need not worry about him screwing her over, then adds, "'Til you piss me off", and Audrina chooses to take that as a light quip and lets out a nervous giggle.
Spencer and Brody stop in at STI Motorsports to shop for car tires. Spencer breaks it to Brody that he and Heidi are off to Colorado this weekend, and a visibly irked Brody reminds him that his travel plans conflict with the big Malibu barbecue party they've been planning for two months. Spencer says he'll just have to be there in spirit, and Brody tells him it ain't cool "to flake out on the homies like that".
Audrina and Justin are walking along Venice Beach looking very canoodly. Audrina remarks on the rough start that he and Lauren got off to after his disgusting belch-fest during the previous episode, but Justin just kind of shrugs and mumbles, "It's all good." Audrina refuses to let the matter drop and tells him that Lauren is worried about their hook-up on account of she (Audrina) has been screwed over by so many guys, and Justin unsympathetically coos, "Awww...dum dum dum..." but then concedes that Lauren is probably just being a good friend. He assures Audrina that she need not worry about him screwing her over, then adds, "'Til you piss me off", and Audrina chooses to take that as a light quip and lets out a nervous giggle.
"Lauren's worried that you're going to break my heart."
"Seems like a reasonable concern."
While packing for Colorado, Heidi jokes that pretty much the entire town of Crested Butte knows they're coming...not least 'cause they'll be accompanied by the MTV film crew. She adds that her parents know that they've been shacking up together, given that she talks to her mom every day...and Spencer mumbles about how this is "the heaviest thing" he's ever done.
Over dinner, Lauren tells Audrina and Lo that Brody has invited them to his barbecue party this weekend. Audrina says she'd like to invite Justin, and that she's kinda into how his predictable bouts of inconsiderate douchebaggery keep her on her toes.
Heidi and Spencer arrive in Crested Butte, rent an SUV, and make the short drive to the Egelhoff home. When they arrive, Darlene (Heidi's mom) jumps up and down with delight, while Spencer mumbles about how being in this tiny a town is "a trip" when compared to an urban sprawl like L.A.
Malibu barbecue! Frankie asks where Spencer is, so Brody snarlingly replies that he's with his "wife" in Colorado, meeting his future in-laws. The two then cackle about how, at this very moment, Spencer is probably horseback riding.
Spencer calls Brody, and Brody mockingly asks him if he's having fun "in the Outback". Spencer tells him that Crested Butte is a whole other world than what they're used to in L.A., and Brody rubs it in about how he's missing a gorgeous day in Malibu at their super fun barbecue party. Spencer tells him to pretend like he's there in spirit, and Brody snarls, "You're blowin' it", then says to give his best to Heidi's parents.
Over dinner, Lauren tells Audrina and Lo that Brody has invited them to his barbecue party this weekend. Audrina says she'd like to invite Justin, and that she's kinda into how his predictable bouts of inconsiderate douchebaggery keep her on her toes.
Heidi and Spencer arrive in Crested Butte, rent an SUV, and make the short drive to the Egelhoff home. When they arrive, Darlene (Heidi's mom) jumps up and down with delight, while Spencer mumbles about how being in this tiny a town is "a trip" when compared to an urban sprawl like L.A.
Malibu barbecue! Frankie asks where Spencer is, so Brody snarlingly replies that he's with his "wife" in Colorado, meeting his future in-laws. The two then cackle about how, at this very moment, Spencer is probably horseback riding.
Spencer calls Brody, and Brody mockingly asks him if he's having fun "in the Outback". Spencer tells him that Crested Butte is a whole other world than what they're used to in L.A., and Brody rubs it in about how he's missing a gorgeous day in Malibu at their super fun barbecue party. Spencer tells him to pretend like he's there in spirit, and Brody snarls, "You're blowin' it", then says to give his best to Heidi's parents.
"How are you enjoying the Outback?"
"I'm admittedly very 'fish out of water'."
Lauren and her gal pals arrive at the barbecue and get enthusiastic hellos from Frankie and Brody. They excitedly discuss all the fun things they're going to do that day...and then we get a montage of the guys kayaking, Audrina cavorting in the water with Justin wearing a teeny tiny bikini, and a game of football, which results in Brody suffering a serious finger injury.
While shopping for souvenirs. Heidi pulls Tim aside and asks him what he thinks of Spencer, so Tim says he seems polite enough...and that as long as she doesn't object to his general horses' ass-ishness, he has no real objection to the two of them dating. Heidi says she's always wanted a guy who's just like her daddy and assures him she looooooves Spencer a lot, and Tim decides he should probably step into a time machine and initiate a private [future father-in-law/son-in-law] chat to grill Spencer about his intentions.
Back at the barbecue, Justin ambles around the beach looking idiotic in his big black boots, while Brody shows everyone his broken finger before deciding he should probably head to the nearest medi-clinic to get it checked out.
Back in Colorado, the family sits down for dinner on the picnic table, and Tim decides that this is the perfect time to pull Spencer aside for their tête-à-tête. Spencer gabbles about how no one is more surprised than he that he's soooo eager to marry Heidi at his young age, but has determined that he looooooves spending every minute of the day with her. Tim wryly says that Heidi has often shown a tendency to be social with her gal pals - until she gets a boyfriend and then devotes all of her time to him, losing her gal pals in the process. He expresses concern that Heidi seems to have all of her eggs in one basket and asks what would become of her social circle if the two of them ever broke up, and Spencer does that annoying TV tropey thing where he just mutely stares back at Tim until the camera eventually cuts away.
While shopping for souvenirs. Heidi pulls Tim aside and asks him what he thinks of Spencer, so Tim says he seems polite enough...and that as long as she doesn't object to his general horses' ass-ishness, he has no real objection to the two of them dating. Heidi says she's always wanted a guy who's just like her daddy and assures him she looooooves Spencer a lot, and Tim decides he should probably step into a time machine and initiate a private [future father-in-law/son-in-law] chat to grill Spencer about his intentions.
Back at the barbecue, Justin ambles around the beach looking idiotic in his big black boots, while Brody shows everyone his broken finger before deciding he should probably head to the nearest medi-clinic to get it checked out.
Back in Colorado, the family sits down for dinner on the picnic table, and Tim decides that this is the perfect time to pull Spencer aside for their tête-à-tête. Spencer gabbles about how no one is more surprised than he that he's soooo eager to marry Heidi at his young age, but has determined that he looooooves spending every minute of the day with her. Tim wryly says that Heidi has often shown a tendency to be social with her gal pals - until she gets a boyfriend and then devotes all of her time to him, losing her gal pals in the process. He expresses concern that Heidi seems to have all of her eggs in one basket and asks what would become of her social circle if the two of them ever broke up, and Spencer does that annoying TV tropey thing where he just mutely stares back at Tim until the camera eventually cuts away.
"If you and Heidi broke up, what would she do for friends, now that she's dumped them all in favor of you?"
"I'd mostly consider that to be her problem..?"
Audrina complains to Lauren about how Justin has been chatting with another girl and ignoring her all afternoon, and an incredulous Lauren says that the grimy dumbfuck should be "jumping to date you". Brody returns to the beach house with a cast that extends all the way to his elbow and announces that he's going to need surgery, and a shocked Lauren's all, "OMG!" and chuckles heartily as he shows everyone the x-ray of his broken finger/hand/limb(?).
Darlene tells Heidi it's nice that she feels like she's in a loving relationship, and that Spencer might possibly be the man she marries - but Heidi insists that the Chucky doll lookalike is definitely going to be her husband, and that he's her best friend, boyfriend, and "my everything". Darlene's like, "That's precisely what concerns me" and asks who she'd hang out with if things went south with Spencer...and Heidi vaguely says she'd probably look into befriending some of Spencer's pals' girlfriends. Darlene asks what on earth happened to her once-tight friendship with Lauren, and Heidi brusquely says that Lauren hated all the time she was spending with Spencer, conveniently leaves out the part about Spencer allegedly starting a sex tape rumor, and decrees that she and Lauren are never ever going to be friends again.
Brody pouts at Lauren for laughing at his arm cast earlier, so she points out that it is fairly amusing that he dashed off to get a sore finger looked at, only to return with a full on arm cast. Brody thrusts his cast at her and jokingly says that he's a little insecure about this, and Lauren cheers him up by giving the cast a light smooch.
Over a family dinner at the Egelhoff's family restaurant, Timberline, Darlene tells Spencer she's deeply impressed with his commitment to Heidi, as is evidenced by the ginormous amethyst engagement ring he gave her. Spencer says that since they've been shacking up together for awhile now, he already thinks of her as his wife...and Darlene cautions that before they take the marital plunge, they need to go through some rough times so that they can bounce back to a strengthened relationship. Spencer's just like, "Whatevs, I'd marry her tomorrow if she were to weakly cave in to my wishes."
Brody grumbles to Lauren that lately Spencer has been spending every waking moment with Heidi, and Lauren remarks that whenever she's out at the clubs these days, she couldn't help but notice that Spencer isn't among the dipshit posse. When Brody just stares sadly into space, Lauren says she totally gets it 'cause she too lost a BFF last season.
After Heidi excuses herself from the dining table, Darlene asks Spencer whaddup with Heidi feeling as though she has to choose between him and Lauren, so Spencer figures 'why filter my response to come across as a mature individual, considering that these are Heidi's parents I'm talking to?' and gripes about how Lauren is a stubborn, immature, selfish girl, then contorts his face while mimicking: "I want Heidi to myself! You don't share her...duh duh duh..." Darlene and Tim stare back at him looking a combination of dismayed and aghast - just as Heidi returns to the table and snappishly asks why they're talking about Lauren.
Lauren tells Audrina that her mom loves that she's Heidi replacement, and Audrina laments the fact that Heidi let Hollywood go to her head and became a different person. Lauren recalls how intensely Jason hated Heidi, but that she stubbornly refused to choose one over the other and never let that bad blood let it get in the way of their friendship. Audrina reminds her about all the great friends she currently has in her life, and Lauren concurs, but then breaks into sobs and squeaks, "It's hard to lose a best friend."
Heidi tucks Spencer into his couch bed and says that she'll be in the adjoining bedroom, and the two exchange I love yous.
Audrina tries to call Justin and gets no answer, and complains to Lauren that she hasn't seen him in a long while. Lauren goes inside the beach house to get drinks and notices that 1) Justin is nowhere to be found, and 2) the motorcycle helmet that Audrina wears when she rides with him is laying, abandoned, on the couch. She somberly brings it over to Audrina, who does her best to tear up as she self-piteously whimpers, "He just left me? He's gone?" ... and lets that sink in for a few seconds before declaring, "Seriously, I'm done." Lauren clucks sympathetically, then laughingly points out that the slovenly shitbag wore combat boots to the beach...and Audrina agrees that, yeah, that's kinda funny - but then continues to dwell on the fact that her boorish beau just unceremoniously ditched her without so much as a bye.
Darlene tells Heidi it's nice that she feels like she's in a loving relationship, and that Spencer might possibly be the man she marries - but Heidi insists that the Chucky doll lookalike is definitely going to be her husband, and that he's her best friend, boyfriend, and "my everything". Darlene's like, "That's precisely what concerns me" and asks who she'd hang out with if things went south with Spencer...and Heidi vaguely says she'd probably look into befriending some of Spencer's pals' girlfriends. Darlene asks what on earth happened to her once-tight friendship with Lauren, and Heidi brusquely says that Lauren hated all the time she was spending with Spencer, conveniently leaves out the part about Spencer allegedly starting a sex tape rumor, and decrees that she and Lauren are never ever going to be friends again.
Brody pouts at Lauren for laughing at his arm cast earlier, so she points out that it is fairly amusing that he dashed off to get a sore finger looked at, only to return with a full on arm cast. Brody thrusts his cast at her and jokingly says that he's a little insecure about this, and Lauren cheers him up by giving the cast a light smooch.
Over a family dinner at the Egelhoff's family restaurant, Timberline, Darlene tells Spencer she's deeply impressed with his commitment to Heidi, as is evidenced by the ginormous amethyst engagement ring he gave her. Spencer says that since they've been shacking up together for awhile now, he already thinks of her as his wife...and Darlene cautions that before they take the marital plunge, they need to go through some rough times so that they can bounce back to a strengthened relationship. Spencer's just like, "Whatevs, I'd marry her tomorrow if she were to weakly cave in to my wishes."
Brody grumbles to Lauren that lately Spencer has been spending every waking moment with Heidi, and Lauren remarks that whenever she's out at the clubs these days, she couldn't help but notice that Spencer isn't among the dipshit posse. When Brody just stares sadly into space, Lauren says she totally gets it 'cause she too lost a BFF last season.
After Heidi excuses herself from the dining table, Darlene asks Spencer whaddup with Heidi feeling as though she has to choose between him and Lauren, so Spencer figures 'why filter my response to come across as a mature individual, considering that these are Heidi's parents I'm talking to?' and gripes about how Lauren is a stubborn, immature, selfish girl, then contorts his face while mimicking: "I want Heidi to myself! You don't share her...duh duh duh..." Darlene and Tim stare back at him looking a combination of dismayed and aghast - just as Heidi returns to the table and snappishly asks why they're talking about Lauren.
Lauren tells Audrina that her mom loves that she's Heidi replacement, and Audrina laments the fact that Heidi let Hollywood go to her head and became a different person. Lauren recalls how intensely Jason hated Heidi, but that she stubbornly refused to choose one over the other and never let that bad blood let it get in the way of their friendship. Audrina reminds her about all the great friends she currently has in her life, and Lauren concurs, but then breaks into sobs and squeaks, "It's hard to lose a best friend."
Heidi tucks Spencer into his couch bed and says that she'll be in the adjoining bedroom, and the two exchange I love yous.
Audrina tries to call Justin and gets no answer, and complains to Lauren that she hasn't seen him in a long while. Lauren goes inside the beach house to get drinks and notices that 1) Justin is nowhere to be found, and 2) the motorcycle helmet that Audrina wears when she rides with him is laying, abandoned, on the couch. She somberly brings it over to Audrina, who does her best to tear up as she self-piteously whimpers, "He just left me? He's gone?" ... and lets that sink in for a few seconds before declaring, "Seriously, I'm done." Lauren clucks sympathetically, then laughingly points out that the slovenly shitbag wore combat boots to the beach...and Audrina agrees that, yeah, that's kinda funny - but then continues to dwell on the fact that her boorish beau just unceremoniously ditched her without so much as a bye.
"I'm somehow surprised that Justin abandoned me at this barbecue."
"I will resist the urge to gleefully point out 'I told you so'".
Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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"I shall wear my rumpled, too-short trousers
And heavy boots upon the beach
I shall let my grimy hair grow long
Do I dare eat a peach?"
"Truth and Time Tells All"
Original airdate: 8/20/2007
Episode summary: Lauren third-wheels it on Audrina's date with Justin and makes it clear how unimpressed she is with the dolt. Heidi paints over the graffiti art that Spencer had commissioned for their living room wall.
Original airdate: 8/20/2007
Episode summary: Lauren third-wheels it on Audrina's date with Justin and makes it clear how unimpressed she is with the dolt. Heidi paints over the graffiti art that Spencer had commissioned for their living room wall.
Recap: Audrina tells Lauren that she and Justin have plans to grab drinks at Bella later, then invites her to third-wheel it on their date...and adds that since she has commitment issues, she's going to need to take more time to determine if the dumb oaf is boyfriend material [let me assess: he's not]. Lauren tells Audrina she's looking forward to scrutinizing her potential boyfriend, then credits her for being a smart girl...though not really, 'cause when Lauren advises, "Go with your gut, but use your head", Audrina stares blankly into space before replying, "We'll see." LOL.
Heidi arrives at Bolthouse and says hey to Elodie, who's all, "Whassup with that purple monstrosity on your ring finger?" As Heidi happily flashes her engagement ring, she gabbles about how Spencer proposed to her in Santa Barbara over the weekend - which came as a huge surprise after all the presumptuous shit he's been doing lately, e.g. vandalizing the walls of their apartment with tacky graffiti art. Elodie says she couldn't imagine getting married at Heidi's age 'cause of how fucking nuts that is, and Heidi says, "Yeah, but when you meet a Spencer at my age, it's a whole different thing", and Elodie manages to not break into too much of a smile when she quizzically replies, "Really..?" Heidi waxes on about how the Chucky doll lookalike is her soulmate, and Elodie advises her to keep her marital status as engaged for as long as humanly possible, and to not buy a wedding dress anytime soon.
Heidi arrives at Bolthouse and says hey to Elodie, who's all, "Whassup with that purple monstrosity on your ring finger?" As Heidi happily flashes her engagement ring, she gabbles about how Spencer proposed to her in Santa Barbara over the weekend - which came as a huge surprise after all the presumptuous shit he's been doing lately, e.g. vandalizing the walls of their apartment with tacky graffiti art. Elodie says she couldn't imagine getting married at Heidi's age 'cause of how fucking nuts that is, and Heidi says, "Yeah, but when you meet a Spencer at my age, it's a whole different thing", and Elodie manages to not break into too much of a smile when she quizzically replies, "Really..?" Heidi waxes on about how the Chucky doll lookalike is her soulmate, and Elodie advises her to keep her marital status as engaged for as long as humanly possible, and to not buy a wedding dress anytime soon.
"When you meet a Spencer at my age, it's a very different thing than settling for him when you're middle-aged with fewer choices."
"Or, a sane young person could flee far and fast before realizing she could be aiming far higher."
Spencer and Brody wander into a clothing store and discuss the engagement. Spencer says the proposal in Santa Barbara went amaaaaaazing, and is shocked that he's even contemplating marriage at the tender age of twenty-three. He used to think that marriage was stupid - until he met Heidi and realized that he could happily spend the rest of his life with the same woman. Brody's all, "Nope, doesn't compute" and asks about the bachelor party, then chuckles about the lack of sex Spencer is going to be saddled with once he gets hitched.
Over in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney that Audrina asked her to tag along on her date with Justin so that she can get to know him better, then scrunches her face into a blech expression and says's she's utterly mystified by how Audrina can possibly be attracted to such a mumbly, moronic assbag. Whitney points out that he's a good looking guy (though...meh), but then acknowledges, "Looks can only take you so far." Lauren says she really really wants to not feel overwhelming disdain for this human sloppy joe...then says that since she hasn't actually had a full on conversation with him, he probably maybe possibly deserves the chance to change her negative opinion of him.
Heidi arrives home, startled by the sight of a giant video game in her dining room. When she's all, "What in blazes is this latest abomination?", Spencer excitedly says it's a collector's item from the '80s and that it's going to remain in their apartment for the foreseeable future. An exasperated Heidi says she assumed that they were going to put a dining table in the, uh, dining area, then looks distressed as she mutters, "Oh my God.."
Lauren arrives at Bella for Operation Find Something Redeeming About Justin. She asks Justin if he rode over here on his motorcycle...and when he mumbles a yeah, she urges him to ride carefully, gesturing at Audrina and saying, "That's precious cargo you've got there." Justin responds to that with a belch, then barks, "Hey!" at Audrina and - in case anyone thought it was an involuntary release of gas - loudly belches a second time. Audrina giggles and remarks, "You burp a lot", then covers his mouth while chiding, "Excuse you, mister!" as a horrified Lauren wistfully eyes the nearest exit. Audrina asks her if she thinks Justin is a good guy, and Lauren somehow refrains from asking her what fantasy world she's living in and dryly retorts, "It takes more than a couple of drinks to tell." Justin mumbles that he has his own set of questions for her, as well as an evaluation...then jokingly (?) tells Audrina that he's actually in love with Lauren. As Audrina jokingly (?) reacts by saying, "You're such a fucking asshole", Lauren asks Justin if he's ready for her evaluation of his boorishness - but he makes it clear how little he cares about what she thinks of him. Lauren points out that Audrina cares, but Justin just shrugs and mumbles, "It is what it is" and tells Audrina he's ready to hit the road. After exiting the bar, the two put on their helmets and climb aboard his motorcycle, and Lauren implores Justin to be careful while riding with her, then stares after them in dismay as he motors off.
Over in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney that Audrina asked her to tag along on her date with Justin so that she can get to know him better, then scrunches her face into a blech expression and says's she's utterly mystified by how Audrina can possibly be attracted to such a mumbly, moronic assbag. Whitney points out that he's a good looking guy (though...meh), but then acknowledges, "Looks can only take you so far." Lauren says she really really wants to not feel overwhelming disdain for this human sloppy joe...then says that since she hasn't actually had a full on conversation with him, he probably maybe possibly deserves the chance to change her negative opinion of him.
Heidi arrives home, startled by the sight of a giant video game in her dining room. When she's all, "What in blazes is this latest abomination?", Spencer excitedly says it's a collector's item from the '80s and that it's going to remain in their apartment for the foreseeable future. An exasperated Heidi says she assumed that they were going to put a dining table in the, uh, dining area, then looks distressed as she mutters, "Oh my God.."
Lauren arrives at Bella for Operation Find Something Redeeming About Justin. She asks Justin if he rode over here on his motorcycle...and when he mumbles a yeah, she urges him to ride carefully, gesturing at Audrina and saying, "That's precious cargo you've got there." Justin responds to that with a belch, then barks, "Hey!" at Audrina and - in case anyone thought it was an involuntary release of gas - loudly belches a second time. Audrina giggles and remarks, "You burp a lot", then covers his mouth while chiding, "Excuse you, mister!" as a horrified Lauren wistfully eyes the nearest exit. Audrina asks her if she thinks Justin is a good guy, and Lauren somehow refrains from asking her what fantasy world she's living in and dryly retorts, "It takes more than a couple of drinks to tell." Justin mumbles that he has his own set of questions for her, as well as an evaluation...then jokingly (?) tells Audrina that he's actually in love with Lauren. As Audrina jokingly (?) reacts by saying, "You're such a fucking asshole", Lauren asks Justin if he's ready for her evaluation of his boorishness - but he makes it clear how little he cares about what she thinks of him. Lauren points out that Audrina cares, but Justin just shrugs and mumbles, "It is what it is" and tells Audrina he's ready to hit the road. After exiting the bar, the two put on their helmets and climb aboard his motorcycle, and Lauren implores Justin to be careful while riding with her, then stares after them in dismay as he motors off.
buuuuuuurp
"Check please!"
The next day, Lauren and Audrina are laying poolside at Hillside Villas, discussing Justin's assholery. Audrina concedes that he was weird, rude, and disrespectful, and Lauren grumbles about how awkward it was for her to third-wheel it in the company of an immature fucktard who intentionally communicated via belch. Audrina wonders aloud if she should bother calling the horse's ass to see what he has to say for himself...and when Lauren asks her if she seriously wants her opinion, Audrina hastily says no, 'cause she's well aware of the utter contempt she feels for him. Lauren urges her to find a guy who makes her happy and asks her if she's done with Justin...then stares in bafflement as Audrina, who clearly can't decide whether or not she should kick him to the curb in favor of a guy who's capable of presenting himself as a reasonably well-mannered human being while out with her and her friends.
Spencer tells Heidi he now agrees that they really really need to buy plates, cutlery, a coffee table, and - yes - maybe even a dining table. Heidi complains about how their apartment feels like a kids' playhouse...then says that when she told Elodie about the graffiti art and video game, she was [only very mildly] shocked that the two of them weren't making those kinds of decisions together. Spencer says they're not so much decisions as they are surprises, and Heidi tries to explain that it's not a fun surprise to come home and see that her living room wall has been spray painted with unsightly graffiti. She expresses concern that their landlord is going to throw them out if he ever watches Season 3 of The Hills and/or gets wind of what they've done to the place - but Spencer just chuckles and nonsensically mumbles, "Wow, I looooove having this power."
Over a Pinkberry snack, Lo asks Lauren whassup lately, so Lauren tells her that she went out for drinks with Audrina and Justin to try to make sense of why - in the name of all that is holy - her roommate would give that disheveled train wreck the time of day...and swiftly came to the conclusion that Justin is even more objectionable than she had originally feared. She then calls Audrina to ask if they're still meeting at the gym later, but Audrina cancels 'cause she has plans to get together with Justin. Lauren rolls her eyes and tells Lo, "I can't do the roommate thing with the sucky boyfriend" - while The Hills producers silently, yet vehemently disagree about plot lines mirroring the 'Heidi/Spencer/Lauren hate triangle' that are a lake that's anywhere near fished dry.
Spencer tells Heidi he now agrees that they really really need to buy plates, cutlery, a coffee table, and - yes - maybe even a dining table. Heidi complains about how their apartment feels like a kids' playhouse...then says that when she told Elodie about the graffiti art and video game, she was [only very mildly] shocked that the two of them weren't making those kinds of decisions together. Spencer says they're not so much decisions as they are surprises, and Heidi tries to explain that it's not a fun surprise to come home and see that her living room wall has been spray painted with unsightly graffiti. She expresses concern that their landlord is going to throw them out if he ever watches Season 3 of The Hills and/or gets wind of what they've done to the place - but Spencer just chuckles and nonsensically mumbles, "Wow, I looooove having this power."
Over a Pinkberry snack, Lo asks Lauren whassup lately, so Lauren tells her that she went out for drinks with Audrina and Justin to try to make sense of why - in the name of all that is holy - her roommate would give that disheveled train wreck the time of day...and swiftly came to the conclusion that Justin is even more objectionable than she had originally feared. She then calls Audrina to ask if they're still meeting at the gym later, but Audrina cancels 'cause she has plans to get together with Justin. Lauren rolls her eyes and tells Lo, "I can't do the roommate thing with the sucky boyfriend" - while The Hills producers silently, yet vehemently disagree about plot lines mirroring the 'Heidi/Spencer/Lauren hate triangle' that are a lake that's anywhere near fished dry.
"What is your latest assessment of Justin-Bobby?"
"I'll let this expression be my response."
Audrina chides Justin for being "grumpy and mean" the other night...so he explains that he was sick, but came out anyway 'cause he had a Hills filming schedule to stick to. He then back-pedals and offers an off-handed sorry, but didn't think that acting like an ill-bred six year old in front of her friend and roommate "that big of a thing", and says he couldn't care less about how horribly he came across. Audrina tests the waters of a potential unholy coupling (or not) by suggesting that maybe they'd be better off as friends, and Justin mumblingly offers two scenarios in this fork in the road. They can..
Audrina asks Justin if he's looked beyond rock kicking, and he confirms he has...then launches into the first of what will be his many 'I'm an aloof poet/wise young sage' verbal diarrhea-ologues and natters about how he just takes her for who she is, the heart that she has, and doesn't "let anyone interfere with that". He concludes with the pronouncement, "I think truth and time tells all" ... and an intrigued looking Audrina smilingly makes a toast to his word salad-y "truth and time" prophesy.
Heidi has summoned the courage to buy a roller and some white paint, and is painting over the graffiti art on her living room wall. When Spencer arrives home a few seconds later, she chirps, "Surprise!" ... and a faux shocked Spencer asks her if she's kidding, then points out that his surprise was a beautiful mural, while her surprise is a boring white wall. Heidi insists that he can't actually be mad at her for wanting to revert the living room wall back to its default settings...then makes it clear that, now that they're officially engaged, any future decisions affecting decor need to made together.
- Be like 'fuck it, peace', kick rocks, and be acquaintances, OR
- Be cool with each other, enjoy each other's company, have fun when they go out and do things, and not let the bullshit get in the way
Audrina asks Justin if he's looked beyond rock kicking, and he confirms he has...then launches into the first of what will be his many 'I'm an aloof poet/wise young sage' verbal diarrhea-ologues and natters about how he just takes her for who she is, the heart that she has, and doesn't "let anyone interfere with that". He concludes with the pronouncement, "I think truth and time tells all" ... and an intrigued looking Audrina smilingly makes a toast to his word salad-y "truth and time" prophesy.
Heidi has summoned the courage to buy a roller and some white paint, and is painting over the graffiti art on her living room wall. When Spencer arrives home a few seconds later, she chirps, "Surprise!" ... and a faux shocked Spencer asks her if she's kidding, then points out that his surprise was a beautiful mural, while her surprise is a boring white wall. Heidi insists that he can't actually be mad at her for wanting to revert the living room wall back to its default settings...then makes it clear that, now that they're officially engaged, any future decisions affecting decor need to made together.
"We should decide together how we're going to deface the walls of this rental."
"I poutishly disagree."
The two stare at the half-painted-over mural, and Heidi concludes her chastisement by saying, "This is what it is" ... and Spencer chuckles and sarcastically applauds her painting job. Heidi then wanders off to the bedroom, and Spencer picks up the roller and continues painting over the graffiti art.
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"I can't wait to become Mrs. Chucky."
"Big Girls Don't Cry"
Original airdate: 8/13/2007
Episode summary: Audrina introduces Justin to Lauren and Lo. Spencer proposes to Heidi during a romantic getway in Santa Barbara.
Original airdate: 8/13/2007
Episode summary: Audrina introduces Justin to Lauren and Lo. Spencer proposes to Heidi during a romantic getway in Santa Barbara.
Recap: While out for lunch, Heidi grumbles at Spencer about her screaming match with Lauren during the previous episode, jokes about the accusation that she's been brainwashed, and expresses bewilderment at Audrina's chutzpah in inserting herself in the middle of the Lauren/Heidi conflict. Heidi then changes the subject to the new apartment and tells Spencer they need to make it homey by getting more kitchenware, art, and light yellow paint for the walls...and Spencer hastily vetoes that color choice by making an errrrrr noise.
Over at Hillside Villas, Audrina tells Lauren she's re-interested in a guy named Justin, who once abandoned her in Vegas. Lauren gasps in horror and advises her to maybe aim for someone who's not a complete and utter douchecanoe, and an irked Audrina points out that she's not interested in marrying the guy and is just going out on a date. Lauren decides 'why risk losing a second friendship by making snarky judgements about her dating choices, however boneheaded those choices prove to be?' and quickly shuts it.
Heidi arrives home from shopping, and is startled by the graffiti art that's been splashed across the living room wall and kitchen island. When she asks Spencer what in blazes the fugly murals are doing on the walls of their home, he somehow manages to keep a straight face while replying, "I got us some art" and refers to it as "a surprise". Heidi points out that when she said they needed art, she meant buying paintings to hang up on the walls...then complains that this particular brand of graffiti art gives the entire apartment a truly tacky vibe. Spencer's all, "Whatevs" and changes the subject to some good news: he's arranged for them to spend a romantic weekend in Santa Barbara, and has even more fun surprises planned.
Over at Hillside Villas, Audrina tells Lauren she's re-interested in a guy named Justin, who once abandoned her in Vegas. Lauren gasps in horror and advises her to maybe aim for someone who's not a complete and utter douchecanoe, and an irked Audrina points out that she's not interested in marrying the guy and is just going out on a date. Lauren decides 'why risk losing a second friendship by making snarky judgements about her dating choices, however boneheaded those choices prove to be?' and quickly shuts it.
Heidi arrives home from shopping, and is startled by the graffiti art that's been splashed across the living room wall and kitchen island. When she asks Spencer what in blazes the fugly murals are doing on the walls of their home, he somehow manages to keep a straight face while replying, "I got us some art" and refers to it as "a surprise". Heidi points out that when she said they needed art, she meant buying paintings to hang up on the walls...then complains that this particular brand of graffiti art gives the entire apartment a truly tacky vibe. Spencer's all, "Whatevs" and changes the subject to some good news: he's arranged for them to spend a romantic weekend in Santa Barbara, and has even more fun surprises planned.
"What in the grisly fuck is this?"
"It's the art you requested."
Audrina meets up for lunch with Justin, who's wearing a big black hat over his long brown locks. After the two hug hello, they sit across from each other and pore over the restaurant's menu.
At Hillside Villas, Lauren tells Lo that Audrina is out with Justin far longer than she said she'd be, then clarifies that Justin is the fucktard who once abandoned Audrina in Vegas. As Lo cackles in horror, Lauren says there's always that one [borderline abusive] guy [dumb] girls insist on going back to, then pronounces that every girl wants to be the one who's able to transform a shitty guy into a somewhat less shitty guy.
Justin tells Audrina she's lookin' pretty hot. She remarks on how he hasn't seen her new apartment yet, then agrees that he's a very different guy than the rude prick who abandoned her in Vegas (though not really).
Lauren explains to Lo that Justin wants to change his name to Bobby, but thinks this could result in confused people calling him Justin-Bobby. The two erupt into gales of laughter - just as Audrina returns home with Justin in tow and introduces him. Lauren brings up the topic of his name change, so he says his friends call him Bobby...and Lo is barely able to hold it together when she asks if having dual names means they should be calling him Justin-Bobby. He responds by glaring back at her stonily and snarling, "You can call me whatever the hell you want" ... and when he and Audrina are temporarily out of earshot, Lauren looks momentarily concerned that they may have hurt the dolt's feelings. A few seconds later, Audrina announces that she and Justin/Bobby/Justin-Bobby are off to Forty Deuce, and Lauren's all, "Wuh?" ... then later explains to Lo that Audrina got tickets for the two of them to hang at Forty Deuce, like, right now. Lo responds by cackling that she's pretty sure Justin-Bobby took her ticket, and Lauren can't help but cacklingly agree.
At Hillside Villas, Lauren tells Lo that Audrina is out with Justin far longer than she said she'd be, then clarifies that Justin is the fucktard who once abandoned Audrina in Vegas. As Lo cackles in horror, Lauren says there's always that one [borderline abusive] guy [dumb] girls insist on going back to, then pronounces that every girl wants to be the one who's able to transform a shitty guy into a somewhat less shitty guy.
Justin tells Audrina she's lookin' pretty hot. She remarks on how he hasn't seen her new apartment yet, then agrees that he's a very different guy than the rude prick who abandoned her in Vegas (though not really).
Lauren explains to Lo that Justin wants to change his name to Bobby, but thinks this could result in confused people calling him Justin-Bobby. The two erupt into gales of laughter - just as Audrina returns home with Justin in tow and introduces him. Lauren brings up the topic of his name change, so he says his friends call him Bobby...and Lo is barely able to hold it together when she asks if having dual names means they should be calling him Justin-Bobby. He responds by glaring back at her stonily and snarling, "You can call me whatever the hell you want" ... and when he and Audrina are temporarily out of earshot, Lauren looks momentarily concerned that they may have hurt the dolt's feelings. A few seconds later, Audrina announces that she and Justin/Bobby/Justin-Bobby are off to Forty Deuce, and Lauren's all, "Wuh?" ... then later explains to Lo that Audrina got tickets for the two of them to hang at Forty Deuce, like, right now. Lo responds by cackling that she's pretty sure Justin-Bobby took her ticket, and Lauren can't help but cacklingly agree.
"Can we call you Shit For Brains if it amuses us?"
"I am glumly indifferent to whatever nickname you wish to assign me."
The next morning, Audrina tells Lauren she had a fun night with Justin, and believes he's much improved from the inconsiderate dipshit he was two years ago. She assures Lauren she won't find him wholly objectionable and that she'd like the two of them to get to know each other. She then wonders aloud if he has any cute friends that she (Lauren) could date, and Lauren reminds her that they have vaaaaaaast differences when it comes to their taste in men.
While driving, Spencer tells Brody he's planning to propose to Heidi during their Santa Barbara vacay, and asks if he'll be his best man. A horrified looking Brody tells him he's nuts to want to waste his youth by getting married at the age of twenty-three - but Spencer says he's determined to move forward with his marriage plan 'cause of how flawless and great his relationship with Heidi is. He then asks Brody if he can borrow his credit card, and Brody snarls that he's not lending his credit card to anyone who's dumb enough to get married while in his twenties.
At Epic Records, Audrina tells Chiara about her budding romance with Justin, and that Lauren doesn't like him 'cause she's worried he's going to break her heart. Audrina says she much prefers to learn the hard way that a guy is undeserving of her time and energy, then adds that she's been single for a long time and really really wants a boyfriend.
Spencer and Brody arrive at a jewellry store named Ice in Brentwood to buy "some high-end bling". The saleswoman promptly directs his attention to some low-end bling (in Hills dollars, anyway) and hands him an amethyst ring [that, according to Internet gossip, had a retail price of less than $3,000]. Spencer studies it for several seconds, chirps, "Sold!", and tells the saleswoman he can now cross 'buy Heidi's engagement ring' off of his 'to do' list. She coos, "Awwww.." while Brody shakes his head and mutters, "You have officially lost your mind."
While driving, Spencer tells Brody he's planning to propose to Heidi during their Santa Barbara vacay, and asks if he'll be his best man. A horrified looking Brody tells him he's nuts to want to waste his youth by getting married at the age of twenty-three - but Spencer says he's determined to move forward with his marriage plan 'cause of how flawless and great his relationship with Heidi is. He then asks Brody if he can borrow his credit card, and Brody snarls that he's not lending his credit card to anyone who's dumb enough to get married while in his twenties.
At Epic Records, Audrina tells Chiara about her budding romance with Justin, and that Lauren doesn't like him 'cause she's worried he's going to break her heart. Audrina says she much prefers to learn the hard way that a guy is undeserving of her time and energy, then adds that she's been single for a long time and really really wants a boyfriend.
Spencer and Brody arrive at a jewellry store named Ice in Brentwood to buy "some high-end bling". The saleswoman promptly directs his attention to some low-end bling (in Hills dollars, anyway) and hands him an amethyst ring [that, according to Internet gossip, had a retail price of less than $3,000]. Spencer studies it for several seconds, chirps, "Sold!", and tells the saleswoman he can now cross 'buy Heidi's engagement ring' off of his 'to do' list. She coos, "Awwww.." while Brody shakes his head and mutters, "You have officially lost your mind."
"Can I interest you in something from our Cubic Zirconia line?"
"Yes, and sold!"
While en route to Santa Barbara, Spencer tells Heidi he's looking forward to getting out of L.A. and spending the weekend at a lovely beach house.
Lauren arrives at her parents' swanky Laguna Beach house. She hugs her mom hello and tells her she needed a break from L.A., and that Audrina has just started to date a guy she can't help but predict is going to turn out to be an insufferable assbag. She pontificates about how Hollywood can bring out the worst in a person...and when her mom says that being from L.A. often makes people act like horses' asses, Lauren argues that the biggest horse's ass of all [aka Heidi] grew up in rural Colorado.
Lauren arrives at her parents' swanky Laguna Beach house. She hugs her mom hello and tells her she needed a break from L.A., and that Audrina has just started to date a guy she can't help but predict is going to turn out to be an insufferable assbag. She pontificates about how Hollywood can bring out the worst in a person...and when her mom says that being from L.A. often makes people act like horses' asses, Lauren argues that the biggest horse's ass of all [aka Heidi] grew up in rural Colorado.
"Don't get tangled up with self-centered users who just want to appear on your reality show."
"That ship has long sailed, mummy."
While reclining on a Santa Barbara beach, Spencer tells Heidi he's soooo happy being in a relationship with her and wants them to spend their lives together, then presents her with the amethyst ring. Heidi tears up and squeaks about how much she loves him, regardless of how strenuously everyone around her advised her to run far and fast from the Chucky doll lookalike. She calls him "the most loyal, amazing, loving, 'everything person'" and that she loves him more than anything in the whole entire world.
Ma Conrad tells Lauren that most people are good and that she doesn't want her to have trust issues - but Lauren argues that, considering the viper pit that is the glossy reality show she's sold her soul to for the next three seasons, having trust issues is inevitable. Ma Conrad urges her to focus on her internship and tighknit group of friends to keep her on the straight and narrow, and Lauren mulls that over...then wanders over to a nearby terrace to stare contemplatively at the ocean.
In the concluding montage, Audrina is riding on the back of Justin's motorcyle, while Heidi admires her engagement ring...and Lauren contines to stare contemplatively at the ocean.
Ma Conrad tells Lauren that most people are good and that she doesn't want her to have trust issues - but Lauren argues that, considering the viper pit that is the glossy reality show she's sold her soul to for the next three seasons, having trust issues is inevitable. Ma Conrad urges her to focus on her internship and tighknit group of friends to keep her on the straight and narrow, and Lauren mulls that over...then wanders over to a nearby terrace to stare contemplatively at the ocean.
In the concluding montage, Audrina is riding on the back of Justin's motorcyle, while Heidi admires her engagement ring...and Lauren contines to stare contemplatively at the ocean.
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Audrina holds an impromptu summit on Heidi's assbaggery
"You Know What You Did"
Original airdate: 8/13/2007
Episode summary: Heidi and Spencer throw a housewarming party, while Lauren fumes about a sex tape rumor.
Original airdate: 8/13/2007
Episode summary: Heidi and Spencer throw a housewarming party, while Lauren fumes about a sex tape rumor.
Recap: Whitney is stationed at her desk in the newly reorganized Teen Vogue closet office when Lauren arrives. She congratulates Whitney on her promotion to Fashion Contributor, then fills her in on the off-camera drama that unfolded during the summer hiatus: a rumor was started [prime suspect: Spencer] that she and Jason filmed a sex tape...and this falsehood spread like wildfire across the Internet, eventually finding its way to her friends and family in Laguna Beach. Whitney's all, "Wha-a-a?" and asks if she's heard from Heidi lately, and Lauren just silently shakes her head as the opening credits roll.
Spencer arrives at his/Heidi's new digs with a jelly aquarium, and Heidi's like, "I didn't know we were getting a jelly aquarium!" and shows her beloved the guest list she's been cobbling together for their upcoming housewarming party. Spencer chortles at the notion of writing up a formal guest list and tells her he just verbally invited his [soon-to-be-ex] pals Brody, Frankie, and Gino (?), while Heidi's guest list consists of Lauren, Audrina, and Whitney. Spencer smilingly replies, "Let's see if we can get them on the list", and Heidi reacts by scrunching her face in mild disapproval.
Heidi drops by Epic Records, Audrina's new workplace, to 1) make fun of her faux receptionist job by smirkily asking, "You just sit here by yourself?" and 2) personally deliver two invitations - one for her, one for Lauren - to her housewarming party. Heidi says she's somehow under the illusion that Whitney has RSVPed and is definitely going to be there, and Audrina looks rightfully skeptical 'bout that before pretending she that she has to rush over to the mailroom asap in order to pass along some important Epic Records correspondence.
Spencer arrives at his/Heidi's new digs with a jelly aquarium, and Heidi's like, "I didn't know we were getting a jelly aquarium!" and shows her beloved the guest list she's been cobbling together for their upcoming housewarming party. Spencer chortles at the notion of writing up a formal guest list and tells her he just verbally invited his [soon-to-be-ex] pals Brody, Frankie, and Gino (?), while Heidi's guest list consists of Lauren, Audrina, and Whitney. Spencer smilingly replies, "Let's see if we can get them on the list", and Heidi reacts by scrunching her face in mild disapproval.
Heidi drops by Epic Records, Audrina's new workplace, to 1) make fun of her faux receptionist job by smirkily asking, "You just sit here by yourself?" and 2) personally deliver two invitations - one for her, one for Lauren - to her housewarming party. Heidi says she's somehow under the illusion that Whitney has RSVPed and is definitely going to be there, and Audrina looks rightfully skeptical 'bout that before pretending she that she has to rush over to the mailroom asap in order to pass along some important Epic Records correspondence.
"Look at you, all adorable and receptionisty."
"About as adorable as being a second assistant at Bolthouse Productions."
Once Heidi is out of range, Audrina makes a beeline over to her co-worker and Epic intern, Chiara, to report that Heidi just stopped in to deliver invitations to her upcoming housewarming party. She then offers the backstory to this cheekiness and explains that Heidi didn't call Lauren all summer, and that Spencer and his ilk were spreading sex tape rumors involving Lauren and Jason, and trash-talking Lauren about what a loser she is without Heidi...despite Heidi really being more of a sidekick character in this - at least up until now - Lauren-centric reality show. Audrina adds that since Heidi has done fuck all to defend Lauren, she has zero desire to go to her housewarming party, and vows that she has Lauren's back.
Over lunch at Milk, Lauren tells Whitney that Heidi dropped by Epic Records to deliver invitations to her and Audrina for her housewarming party. Whitney says she feels bad (though not really) about never having had any intention of going, 'cause she knows she'd be really uncomfortable around Spencer and Heidi. Lauren's all, "Whatevs" and invites her to party with her and her pals at Les Deux tonight, and says that whenever she goes to that club she meets cute guys. Whitney mulls over that invitation and decides it sounds like fun.
That night, Lauren and her posse arrive at Les Deux. Lauren invites a cute Brit named Jason to sit next to her, then tells Audrina - in full hearing range of Jason - that she just found an adorable boy from London who's leaving tomorrow, describing the fortunate discovery and his imminent departure as "jackpot".
Jen Bunney arrives at the housewarming party and is hugged hello by Heidi, who tells her she's soooooooo happy she showed up. At Les Deux, meanwhile, Whitney arrives, sits beside Lauren, and throws shade at Jason, who she does not deem as adorable as Lauren finds him to be...which seems ridiculously picky, since he looked plenty adorable to me.
Jen tells Heidi she's, like, focused on her real, non-Hills friendships, and Heidi's all, "I hear that" and tells her she's soooooooo happy she could be part of her Season 3 fresh start. She adds that she invited Lauren and wishes she were here to see how much fun Brody, Frankie, Gino (?), and the other partygoers are pretending to have, then stares wistfully at the front door.
The next morning, Audrina and a bleary-eyed Lauren, who appears to have slept beneath her puffy comforter on the couch, agree that a gals' pre-party before partying at Les Deux is just too damn much partying for one evening. Audrina then shares that after Les Deux she spent several hours at the home of [soon-to-be-introduced idiot] Justin, mostly making out.
Heidi gushes to Spencer about how much she loooooved meeting his friends, and he assures her they loooooved meeting her. He says that Frankie invited them to his birthday party at Les Deux tonight, and Heidi wonders aloud if Lauren will be there...then sadly laments her absence at the housewarming party. Spencer says he gets that Lauren [justifiably] hates him with the intensity of a thousand suns - but thinks it's wrong for her to project that hate onto Heidi...and Heidi agrees on how hard it sucks that her friendship with Lauren has to suffer on account of her insistence on coupling up with a malevolent Chucky doll lookalike who starts sex tape rumors.
Over lunch at Milk, Lauren tells Whitney that Heidi dropped by Epic Records to deliver invitations to her and Audrina for her housewarming party. Whitney says she feels bad (though not really) about never having had any intention of going, 'cause she knows she'd be really uncomfortable around Spencer and Heidi. Lauren's all, "Whatevs" and invites her to party with her and her pals at Les Deux tonight, and says that whenever she goes to that club she meets cute guys. Whitney mulls over that invitation and decides it sounds like fun.
That night, Lauren and her posse arrive at Les Deux. Lauren invites a cute Brit named Jason to sit next to her, then tells Audrina - in full hearing range of Jason - that she just found an adorable boy from London who's leaving tomorrow, describing the fortunate discovery and his imminent departure as "jackpot".
Jen Bunney arrives at the housewarming party and is hugged hello by Heidi, who tells her she's soooooooo happy she showed up. At Les Deux, meanwhile, Whitney arrives, sits beside Lauren, and throws shade at Jason, who she does not deem as adorable as Lauren finds him to be...which seems ridiculously picky, since he looked plenty adorable to me.
Jen tells Heidi she's, like, focused on her real, non-Hills friendships, and Heidi's all, "I hear that" and tells her she's soooooooo happy she could be part of her Season 3 fresh start. She adds that she invited Lauren and wishes she were here to see how much fun Brody, Frankie, Gino (?), and the other partygoers are pretending to have, then stares wistfully at the front door.
The next morning, Audrina and a bleary-eyed Lauren, who appears to have slept beneath her puffy comforter on the couch, agree that a gals' pre-party before partying at Les Deux is just too damn much partying for one evening. Audrina then shares that after Les Deux she spent several hours at the home of [soon-to-be-introduced idiot] Justin, mostly making out.
Heidi gushes to Spencer about how much she loooooved meeting his friends, and he assures her they loooooved meeting her. He says that Frankie invited them to his birthday party at Les Deux tonight, and Heidi wonders aloud if Lauren will be there...then sadly laments her absence at the housewarming party. Spencer says he gets that Lauren [justifiably] hates him with the intensity of a thousand suns - but thinks it's wrong for her to project that hate onto Heidi...and Heidi agrees on how hard it sucks that her friendship with Lauren has to suffer on account of her insistence on coupling up with a malevolent Chucky doll lookalike who starts sex tape rumors.
"I'm so sad that Lauren doesn't want to be my friend anymore."
"I may be the biggest cockwomble in the history of reality TV, but that's no reason for Lauren to hate you."
Audrina tells Lauren that Brody snarked at her about the two of them skipping the housewarming party, and Lauren makes a the fuck? face and calls that rude, and says she was well within her rights to snub the party, given that she was disrespected by Heidi. She says she's not going to "be there" for Heidi no 'mo, and that she likes her new roommate and Heidi-less future so much better.
Heidi is getting dressed in a boob-baring dress and high heels while Spencer mumbles that he's just dying to know if Lauren, Audrina, and Whitney show up for Frankie's birthday party...sourly adding that they've only known the guy for three months. Heidi tells him she wrote a letter to Lauren about her absence at the party and will hand deliver it if she sees her at the club.
Lauren and her gal pals are partying at Les Deux when an exuberant Frankie arrives...followed by Spencer and Heidi, whose presence Lauren reacts to by making an ew face. Heidi hands Lauren a letter and is all, "Hurray! It's Frankie's birthday!" as Lauren stares at her coldly, then abruptly leaves the table. Heidi tells Audrina she has no idea what she did, and hates the idea that she and Lauren can't even be in the same room together. Audrina shrugs and says she needs to hash it out with Lauren...then turns to an unnamed guy wearing a black knit hat and says that Heidi knows damn well what she did.
Spencer loudly thanks those who came to his housewarming party and emphasizes, "Good friends came."
Audrina finds Lauren in the bathroom, and the two read Heidi's letter, which chides Lauren for not coming to her party and urges her to call when she gets a chance. Lauren tells Audrina she's mostly peeved about how Heidi refuses to admit any wrongdoing.
As Heidi maintains her cluelessness as to why Lauren is so angry with her, Spencer urges her to "roll up on her" right now and ask what the hell her problem is. Heidi decides that that sounds like a great idea and confronts Lauren in a dimly lit area of the club. Lauren comes right out and says, "You're not my friend anymore. I don't care about you. I don't ever want to talk to you again", to which Heidi refers as "really sad", given that she's been there for her through many contrived life crises. Lauren then begins shrieking, "You know what you did! You know what you did!" ... as Audrina concurs and chimes in, "Heidi, you're brainwashed. You're a different person now." LOL. When Heidi just stares back at Lauren looking perplexedly baffled, Lauren finally clarifies that she's sooooo angry at her 'cause of the "sick little rumor" she started. Heidi denies doing any such thing, and Lauren calls her sad and pathetic and storms back inside the club.
Heidi is getting dressed in a boob-baring dress and high heels while Spencer mumbles that he's just dying to know if Lauren, Audrina, and Whitney show up for Frankie's birthday party...sourly adding that they've only known the guy for three months. Heidi tells him she wrote a letter to Lauren about her absence at the party and will hand deliver it if she sees her at the club.
Lauren and her gal pals are partying at Les Deux when an exuberant Frankie arrives...followed by Spencer and Heidi, whose presence Lauren reacts to by making an ew face. Heidi hands Lauren a letter and is all, "Hurray! It's Frankie's birthday!" as Lauren stares at her coldly, then abruptly leaves the table. Heidi tells Audrina she has no idea what she did, and hates the idea that she and Lauren can't even be in the same room together. Audrina shrugs and says she needs to hash it out with Lauren...then turns to an unnamed guy wearing a black knit hat and says that Heidi knows damn well what she did.
Spencer loudly thanks those who came to his housewarming party and emphasizes, "Good friends came."
Audrina finds Lauren in the bathroom, and the two read Heidi's letter, which chides Lauren for not coming to her party and urges her to call when she gets a chance. Lauren tells Audrina she's mostly peeved about how Heidi refuses to admit any wrongdoing.
As Heidi maintains her cluelessness as to why Lauren is so angry with her, Spencer urges her to "roll up on her" right now and ask what the hell her problem is. Heidi decides that that sounds like a great idea and confronts Lauren in a dimly lit area of the club. Lauren comes right out and says, "You're not my friend anymore. I don't care about you. I don't ever want to talk to you again", to which Heidi refers as "really sad", given that she's been there for her through many contrived life crises. Lauren then begins shrieking, "You know what you did! You know what you did!" ... as Audrina concurs and chimes in, "Heidi, you're brainwashed. You're a different person now." LOL. When Heidi just stares back at Lauren looking perplexedly baffled, Lauren finally clarifies that she's sooooo angry at her 'cause of the "sick little rumor" she started. Heidi denies doing any such thing, and Lauren calls her sad and pathetic and storms back inside the club.
"I hate you! I don't ever want to see you again!"
"Does this mean our Taco Tuesdays are permanently cancelled?"
Audrina derisively mutters to Lauren that Heidi is playing innocent, while Heidi stares sadly out of the car window as she and Spencer drive home.
The next day, Heidi fills in her co-worker Elodie about the Les Deux screaming match, and concludes that she and Lauren aren't friends anymore. She adds that since she's "not a catty girl", she doesn't "have time" for the kind of drama that The Hills producers are going to do everything possible to instigate.
Lauren arrives at the Teen Vogue closet office and tells Whitney about the ugly confrontation...and that since Heidi refuses to take responsibility for what she did, she doesn't feel as though she can ever trust her again. Whitney clucks sympathetically and remarks on the rough time she's had with various ill-fated friendships, and Lauren says it almost feels as though the Heidi of Season 1 has died 'cause she's no longer part of her life...but that it's A-OK 'cause she knows she's a whole lot better off.
The next day, Heidi fills in her co-worker Elodie about the Les Deux screaming match, and concludes that she and Lauren aren't friends anymore. She adds that since she's "not a catty girl", she doesn't "have time" for the kind of drama that The Hills producers are going to do everything possible to instigate.
Lauren arrives at the Teen Vogue closet office and tells Whitney about the ugly confrontation...and that since Heidi refuses to take responsibility for what she did, she doesn't feel as though she can ever trust her again. Whitney clucks sympathetically and remarks on the rough time she's had with various ill-fated friendships, and Lauren says it almost feels as though the Heidi of Season 1 has died 'cause she's no longer part of her life...but that it's A-OK 'cause she knows she's a whole lot better off.
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Heidi is thrilled to begin this new chapter in her life
"Goodbye For Now"
Original airdate: 4/2/2007
Episode summary: Heidi gives in to pressure and agrees to move in with Spencer.
Original airdate: 4/2/2007
Episode summary: Heidi gives in to pressure and agrees to move in with Spencer.
Recap: Heidi enters the living room and tells Lauren she slept in her room last night after getting into a fight with Spencer 'cause she declined his offer to move in with him. Lauren agrees that it's much too soon for them to be moving in together, reminds her that at the start of their unholy coupling she declared she wouldn't be willing to move in together until they'd dated at least two years, and asks if she really wants to change what she believes in just 'cause a Chucky doll lookalike is trying to manipulate her into doing what he wants her to do. She then throws in the towel on the friendship and urges Heidi to do whatever she wants and to not use her as an excuse to continue being her roommate [in name only] by pointing out, "You don't even live with me. I live with your stuff."
Whitney arrives at Teen Vogue headquarters in New York and is greeted by Emily, who escorts her to Amy Astley's office for her job interview.
At Bolthouse Productions, Elodie tells Heidi what a douchecanoe Spencer is for relentlessly pressuring her to move in with him, not least 'cause of all the dickishness he's pulled on her this season...and adds that it's a mystery why in the fuckity fuck she's still with the moron man-child. Heidi says she's pretty sure that technically they're broken up right now...and that while most of her wants to move in with him, the tiny sensible part of her can't help wondering what the rush is. Kristen tells her she's lived with almost every boyfriend she's ever had and that it's not always a good thing. This prompts Heidi to wonder aloud how she'll ever know if it's a good/bad decision if she doesn't take a leap of faith, but Elodie and Kristen just shake their heads and make it clear what a horrible idea they both think it is.
Whitney arrives at Teen Vogue headquarters in New York and is greeted by Emily, who escorts her to Amy Astley's office for her job interview.
At Bolthouse Productions, Elodie tells Heidi what a douchecanoe Spencer is for relentlessly pressuring her to move in with him, not least 'cause of all the dickishness he's pulled on her this season...and adds that it's a mystery why in the fuckity fuck she's still with the moron man-child. Heidi says she's pretty sure that technically they're broken up right now...and that while most of her wants to move in with him, the tiny sensible part of her can't help wondering what the rush is. Kristen tells her she's lived with almost every boyfriend she's ever had and that it's not always a good thing. This prompts Heidi to wonder aloud how she'll ever know if it's a good/bad decision if she doesn't take a leap of faith, but Elodie and Kristen just shake their heads and make it clear what a horrible idea they both think it is.
"I need the best life advice you wise old ladies can give me."
"Dump Chucky like he's yesterday's news."
Amy Astley tells Whitney they're looking to staff the magazine with special people who somehow can predict what's happening in the L.A. fashion scene before it happens. After that, she asks Whitney to name some of her favorite photographers and designers, and Whitney rattles off a list of names, then gushes that she looooooves fashion so much she totes wants to make a career of it.
Spencer calls Heidi at Bolthouse to tell her he has a surprise for her, then texts her an address he wants her to meet him at. As she rushes out, Elodie and Kristen roll their eyes and shake their heads at each other in dismay.
Spencer is sitting on the front steps of an apartment building when Heidi pulls up in her Audi convertible. The two hug hello before he steers her inside to show her a vacant apartment he just rented so the two of them can shack up together. Heidi reminds him he rudely kicked her out of his car at the end of the previous episode, and he explains that he's been soooooo frustrated about her continual refusal to make the decision he wants her to make. He then gives her the grand tour of the apartment, including the balcony that offers an impressive view of all their favorite Hollywood haunts. Heidi asks him if he's absolutely sure he's ready to settle down and be a serious boyfriend (e.g. there can be no more playmates), and Spencer nods and says, "Deal." Heidi mulls that over for a few seconds before saying, "Let's do it. Let's move in", and the two hug happily.
Heidi returns to Hillside Villas to report to Lauren that she's decided to give in to the mounting pressure Spencer's been putting on her to move in with him, and an unfazed Lauren's all, "OK, whatevs. Let me know when you're leaving so I can find a new roommate." Heidi excitedly tells her about the beautiful new digs Spencer got for them, and Lauren smirkingly retorts, "What could go wrong?" and half-heartedly congratulates her before heading off to Teen Vogue.
Over at Casa Dipshit, Brody teases Spencer about his near married status - but Spencer's all 'whoa' and points out that marriage entails buying a ring, which he's definitely not doing [until Season 3]. He says his main goal is to break up the Heidi/Lauren Roommate Bond 'cause of what a horse's ass Lauren [understandably] thinks he is...and when Brody asks if this means he won't be partying with the guys anymore, Spencer chuckles about having a 'homeboy phone' separate from his 'girlfriend phone' so he can continue to hit the clubs hassle-free. He mumblingly pronounces in that weird way he talks without moving his lips, "I was born to play, dawg, that's what I do" - OMFG - and Brody chortles at Playboy Spence and predicts that his wild-oat-sowing playboy ways are going to push him outa his new love nest soooo fast.
Spencer calls Heidi at Bolthouse to tell her he has a surprise for her, then texts her an address he wants her to meet him at. As she rushes out, Elodie and Kristen roll their eyes and shake their heads at each other in dismay.
Spencer is sitting on the front steps of an apartment building when Heidi pulls up in her Audi convertible. The two hug hello before he steers her inside to show her a vacant apartment he just rented so the two of them can shack up together. Heidi reminds him he rudely kicked her out of his car at the end of the previous episode, and he explains that he's been soooooo frustrated about her continual refusal to make the decision he wants her to make. He then gives her the grand tour of the apartment, including the balcony that offers an impressive view of all their favorite Hollywood haunts. Heidi asks him if he's absolutely sure he's ready to settle down and be a serious boyfriend (e.g. there can be no more playmates), and Spencer nods and says, "Deal." Heidi mulls that over for a few seconds before saying, "Let's do it. Let's move in", and the two hug happily.
Heidi returns to Hillside Villas to report to Lauren that she's decided to give in to the mounting pressure Spencer's been putting on her to move in with him, and an unfazed Lauren's all, "OK, whatevs. Let me know when you're leaving so I can find a new roommate." Heidi excitedly tells her about the beautiful new digs Spencer got for them, and Lauren smirkingly retorts, "What could go wrong?" and half-heartedly congratulates her before heading off to Teen Vogue.
Over at Casa Dipshit, Brody teases Spencer about his near married status - but Spencer's all 'whoa' and points out that marriage entails buying a ring, which he's definitely not doing [until Season 3]. He says his main goal is to break up the Heidi/Lauren Roommate Bond 'cause of what a horse's ass Lauren [understandably] thinks he is...and when Brody asks if this means he won't be partying with the guys anymore, Spencer chuckles about having a 'homeboy phone' separate from his 'girlfriend phone' so he can continue to hit the clubs hassle-free. He mumblingly pronounces in that weird way he talks without moving his lips, "I was born to play, dawg, that's what I do" - OMFG - and Brody chortles at Playboy Spence and predicts that his wild-oat-sowing playboy ways are going to push him outa his new love nest soooo fast.
"I was born a gnome, and I'm gonna stay a gnome. Dawg."
"Then you're probably not going to need two cell phones."
Lauren phones Whitney in New York to tell her that Heidi is moving in with Spencer. Whitney's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and says they'll have to discuss the matter in greater detail once she returns to L.A. tomorrow morning.
Lauren returns home to find Heidi packing up her stuff. When Heidi announces she's moving out today, a startled Lauren's all, "Wuh? Today?" ... and Heidi's all, "Um, d'yuh" and says she really wants to put in the effort to maintain their friendship by getting together a lot, e.g. tacos every Tuesday. Lauren just kind of shrugs and points out that she's pretty much been MIA from their friendship this entire season, to which Heidi says she doesn't want this to be the end for them. Lauren replies, "It might be though, Heidi" and says it's nice she's going to live with someone she loves...but since he's such a ginormous fucktwat, she really shouldn't expect to be able to have both of them in her life.
Lauren returns home to find Heidi packing up her stuff. When Heidi announces she's moving out today, a startled Lauren's all, "Wuh? Today?" ... and Heidi's all, "Um, d'yuh" and says she really wants to put in the effort to maintain their friendship by getting together a lot, e.g. tacos every Tuesday. Lauren just kind of shrugs and points out that she's pretty much been MIA from their friendship this entire season, to which Heidi says she doesn't want this to be the end for them. Lauren replies, "It might be though, Heidi" and says it's nice she's going to live with someone she loves...but since he's such a ginormous fucktwat, she really shouldn't expect to be able to have both of them in her life.
"I hope we'll be able to enjoy Taco Tuesdays in Season 3."
"It'll be more like Fuck You Fridays - but every day of the week."
After Spencer finishes loading Heidi's stuff into the moving truck, Lauren tells Heidi she can always come back from the dark side if things don't work out. The two then hug and exchange I love yous before Heidi climbs into the passenger seat of the truck. Spencer remarks on her serious aura and assures her she won't regret this decision...and a glum Heidi mutely gazes at Lauren via the rearview mirror as the truck slowly pulls away from Hillside Villas.
At Bolthouse Productions, Heidi tells Elodie she's thrown all good sense to the wind and moved in with Spencer. Elodie stares at her incredulously before exclaiming, "After all of my grown up advice to you?!" Heidi happily gabbles that she's cooking dinner for her beloved tonight...after she buys some pots, pans, and dishware. Elodie ambles back to her workstation, shaking her head in utter disbelief.
Lauren returns home to celebrate the arrival of her new roommate - Audrina! - with pizza and a bottle of exploding champagne.
Over at Casa Dumbfuck, Spencer tells Heidi he's still a bit irked that it took her so long to agree to move in with him...and Heidi tells him he should be grateful she did, given that she disregarded her policy of implementing a two year waiting period before cohabitation. She warns, "Don't make me regret this", and he just stares back at her blankly...and as the camera pans out, Heidi stares vacantly into space as a bored looking Spencer starts fiddling with his cell phone.
At Bolthouse Productions, Heidi tells Elodie she's thrown all good sense to the wind and moved in with Spencer. Elodie stares at her incredulously before exclaiming, "After all of my grown up advice to you?!" Heidi happily gabbles that she's cooking dinner for her beloved tonight...after she buys some pots, pans, and dishware. Elodie ambles back to her workstation, shaking her head in utter disbelief.
Lauren returns home to celebrate the arrival of her new roommate - Audrina! - with pizza and a bottle of exploding champagne.
Over at Casa Dumbfuck, Spencer tells Heidi he's still a bit irked that it took her so long to agree to move in with him...and Heidi tells him he should be grateful she did, given that she disregarded her policy of implementing a two year waiting period before cohabitation. She warns, "Don't make me regret this", and he just stares back at her blankly...and as the camera pans out, Heidi stares vacantly into space as a bored looking Spencer starts fiddling with his cell phone.
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Lauren is tentatively miffed at Heidi for bailing on her birthday dinner
"Apology Not Accepted"
Original airdate: 3/19/2007
Episode summary: Heidi throws Lauren a surprise birthday party. Jen Bunney apologizes to Lauren for her unauthorized canoodling of Brody.
Original airdate: 3/19/2007
Episode summary: Heidi throws Lauren a surprise birthday party. Jen Bunney apologizes to Lauren for her unauthorized canoodling of Brody.
Recap: Heidi breaks it to Lauren that Spencer invited her to move in with him, and Lauren's like, "Yeah, Lo told me" and says she's surprised/disappointed/dismayed that she'd tell Lo before her. Heidi calls the invitation a sweet offer, while Lauren contorts her face into a seriously? expression and says that even talking about moving in together after dating for only a few months is waaaaaay too soon. Heidi stubbornly insists, "No...it's sweet", prompting Lauren to ask her if she's going to do it...and Heidi says that, for the moment at least, she's decided to stay put at Hillside Villas. Lauren lets out a sigh of relief and jokes about how finding a good roommate is like a good pair of jeans: you hang onto 'em.
Heidi heads over to Audrina's apartment to finalize the details for Lauren's surprise birthday party. Heidi tells her that Lauren thinks the two of them are celebrating her birthday by having dinner together - before which Heidi will bail out on her at the last minute. Audrina chuckles and remarks on how mad at her Lauren's going to be...and somehow refrains from asking Heidi if her friendship with Lauren isn't on too shaky a ground to be pulling a stunt like this. Audrina's plan is to swoop in and offer to take Lauren out for drinks with her friends, then drive her to a nightclub named Hyde, aka where the extended The Hills cast and random extras will be waiting to yell surprise!!
Heidi heads over to Audrina's apartment to finalize the details for Lauren's surprise birthday party. Heidi tells her that Lauren thinks the two of them are celebrating her birthday by having dinner together - before which Heidi will bail out on her at the last minute. Audrina chuckles and remarks on how mad at her Lauren's going to be...and somehow refrains from asking Heidi if her friendship with Lauren isn't on too shaky a ground to be pulling a stunt like this. Audrina's plan is to swoop in and offer to take Lauren out for drinks with her friends, then drive her to a nightclub named Hyde, aka where the extended The Hills cast and random extras will be waiting to yell surprise!!
"I'm going to act really convincing when I bail out on Lauren at the last minute."
"I'm sure she'll have zero problem believing you're capable of pulling such a dick move."
Over in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren gabs at Whitney about her 21st birthday and how her dinner plans with Heidi are far more understated than what she once envisioned for this milestone.
From her Bolthouse workspace, Heidi calls Spencer and tells him to be sure to invite Brody to Lauren's surprise birthday party - just as Jen Bunney drops by for an awkward tête-à-tête. Heidi steers her over to the lobby so they can have more of a private conversation, which she prefaces by saying she can't really talk 'cause she's soooo busy at her pretend place of employment. Jen whines that she hasn't talked to her in soooo long, and that it's craaaaazy to not have talked to her best friend because of "sloppy thirds". Heidi points out "it's code" that you don't hook up with a friend's past hook-ups - or, in this case, non-hook-up - and Jen somehow refrains from calling out Heidi on how she so brazenly egged her on to canoodle with Brody during the entire With Friends Like These.. episode. Heidi says she's washing her hands of the mess, which she decrees is now solely between her and Lauren...then mutters, "Busy, busy" as a way of ending this torturous discussion and pretending she so desperately needs to hurry back to her faux job.
From her Bolthouse workspace, Heidi calls Spencer and tells him to be sure to invite Brody to Lauren's surprise birthday party - just as Jen Bunney drops by for an awkward tête-à-tête. Heidi steers her over to the lobby so they can have more of a private conversation, which she prefaces by saying she can't really talk 'cause she's soooo busy at her pretend place of employment. Jen whines that she hasn't talked to her in soooo long, and that it's craaaaazy to not have talked to her best friend because of "sloppy thirds". Heidi points out "it's code" that you don't hook up with a friend's past hook-ups - or, in this case, non-hook-up - and Jen somehow refrains from calling out Heidi on how she so brazenly egged her on to canoodle with Brody during the entire With Friends Like These.. episode. Heidi says she's washing her hands of the mess, which she decrees is now solely between her and Lauren...then mutters, "Busy, busy" as a way of ending this torturous discussion and pretending she so desperately needs to hurry back to her faux job.
"Sloppy thirds is definitely not worth losing a friend over."
"Considering it's Brody, I wouldn't be surprised if you were more like his eighth sloppy serving."
Heidi returns to Hillside Villas and tells Lauren that Jen Bunney showed up at Bolthouse, then spins quite a tall tale about how she chided Jen for her inappropriateness at showing up at her workplace to discuss an issue of which she's self-servingly washed her hands clean. Lauren seems to buy her load of bullcack and says she just wants space from Jen, and/or for Jen to 'fess up to having acted shady two episodes ago.
Later, as Lauren and Heidi are primping to go out for dinner, Heidi gets a fake call from Spencer and exclaims, "Right now? Seriously?" A few seconds later she tells Lauren she has to go see Spencer asap...and Lauren shoots her a 'the fuck?' look, reminds her it's her birthday, and beseeches her to not dump her for Spencer. Heidi's like, "No can do" and slips out of the apartment so she can covertly call Audrina to announce that Operation Surprise Lauren on Her Birthday is in motion - just before Lauren calls Audrina to complain about Heidi abandoning her on her birthday. Audrina pretends to know nothing of her plight and offers to take her out for drinks.
En route to Hyde, Lauren complains to Audrina about Heidi skipping her birthday dinner to attend to whatever "emergency" Spencer called about...and in the next scene the entire gang yells, "Surprise!!" when Audrina ushers her into the nightclub. Lauren looks genuinely surprised and gives everyone a hello hug before summoning Brody over. He asks her if Jen is expected to arrive...and when Lauren says they're no longer friends, he sheepishly apologizes for his part in the shady canoodling. Lauren assures him, "That was not you at all, that was Jen" ... despite the fact that anyone could argue it was at least 50% him. Spencer then offers up a nonsensical birthday toast about how he and Lauren don't see eye to eye...but figures she's an amazing person by virtue of the fact that she and Heidi see eye to eye.
Later, as Lauren and Heidi are primping to go out for dinner, Heidi gets a fake call from Spencer and exclaims, "Right now? Seriously?" A few seconds later she tells Lauren she has to go see Spencer asap...and Lauren shoots her a 'the fuck?' look, reminds her it's her birthday, and beseeches her to not dump her for Spencer. Heidi's like, "No can do" and slips out of the apartment so she can covertly call Audrina to announce that Operation Surprise Lauren on Her Birthday is in motion - just before Lauren calls Audrina to complain about Heidi abandoning her on her birthday. Audrina pretends to know nothing of her plight and offers to take her out for drinks.
En route to Hyde, Lauren complains to Audrina about Heidi skipping her birthday dinner to attend to whatever "emergency" Spencer called about...and in the next scene the entire gang yells, "Surprise!!" when Audrina ushers her into the nightclub. Lauren looks genuinely surprised and gives everyone a hello hug before summoning Brody over. He asks her if Jen is expected to arrive...and when Lauren says they're no longer friends, he sheepishly apologizes for his part in the shady canoodling. Lauren assures him, "That was not you at all, that was Jen" ... despite the fact that anyone could argue it was at least 50% him. Spencer then offers up a nonsensical birthday toast about how he and Lauren don't see eye to eye...but figures she's an amazing person by virtue of the fact that she and Heidi see eye to eye.
"On your 21st birthday, I salute you."
"Thanks. I still loathe you."
Over lunch at Cuvee, Lauren asks Brody whassup with Spencer's rambley birthday toast instead of just saying 'happy birthday' ... and Brody chuckles at his friend's social ineptitude and swiftly changes the subject to Jen Bunney. He tells Lauren he heard through the L.A. rumor mill that a lot of people don't like her, and Lauren concurs and says that Jen has a tendency to make moves on her friends' boyfriends. Case in point: in high school, Jen kissed Jason after Lauren had declared her feelings for him. Egads!
Jen arrives at Hillside Villas to rehash her non-hook-up with Brody, and to once again express how "blown out of proportion" the whole thing has gotten. Lauren mulls that over and disagrees, pointing out that she's able to downplay it so much 'cause it didn't happen to her. She admonishes Jen for doing a shady thing behind her back with the first guy she wasn't totally repulsed by after giving Jason the heave-ho, then reminds Jen about her shitty track record in ruining friendships over guys. When she invokes The Jason-Kissing Incident, an incredulous Jen insists that that was a joke, urges Lauren to "don't even go there", and apologizes for lying about whatever didn't actually happen between her and Brody. Lauren says she has every reason not to believe a word she says, is learning who her true friends are, and flatly says that right now there's nothing she can say or do that could possibly restore her trust. At that point, Jen decides to throw in the towel on the reconciliation attempt and ambles toward the door mumbling, "I'll let you call me when you're ready" before dejectedly shuffling out of the apartment.
Farewell, Jen Bunney. We hardly knew ye.
Jen arrives at Hillside Villas to rehash her non-hook-up with Brody, and to once again express how "blown out of proportion" the whole thing has gotten. Lauren mulls that over and disagrees, pointing out that she's able to downplay it so much 'cause it didn't happen to her. She admonishes Jen for doing a shady thing behind her back with the first guy she wasn't totally repulsed by after giving Jason the heave-ho, then reminds Jen about her shitty track record in ruining friendships over guys. When she invokes The Jason-Kissing Incident, an incredulous Jen insists that that was a joke, urges Lauren to "don't even go there", and apologizes for lying about whatever didn't actually happen between her and Brody. Lauren says she has every reason not to believe a word she says, is learning who her true friends are, and flatly says that right now there's nothing she can say or do that could possibly restore her trust. At that point, Jen decides to throw in the towel on the reconciliation attempt and ambles toward the door mumbling, "I'll let you call me when you're ready" before dejectedly shuffling out of the apartment.
Farewell, Jen Bunney. We hardly knew ye.
"The producers made me pretend to hook up with Brody."
"The same way they're making me act as if I'm angry about you hooking up with a guy I never gave two hoots about."
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A Teen Vogue star is born
"Everyone Falls"
Original airdate: 3/26/2007
Episode summary: Whitney takes a spill while modelling an Oscar gown during a Good Morning America segment. Spencer continues to badger Heidi about moving in together.
Original airdate: 3/26/2007
Episode summary: Whitney takes a spill while modelling an Oscar gown during a Good Morning America segment. Spencer continues to badger Heidi about moving in together.
Recap: Lisa Love announces to Lauren and Whitney that their next assignment will be to work amid Vogue editor-at-large André Leon Talley who's coming to town - hurray! - to commentate on famous Oscar gowns during a live Good Morning America segment...and adds that Emily Super Intern will be putting in another guest appearance to model one of the gowns. After the meeting wraps up, Whitney stays behind to remind Lisa that she'll be graduating from UCLA soon and wanted to ask "in what realm" of Teen Vogue she might possibly become a paid employee. Lisa informs her that there's a vacancy for Fashion Contributor for which she, along with various other interns (e.g. Emily), has the requisite credentials and closet office experience.
Whitney tells Lauren about the job opportunity and says she really really wants to prove herself worthy by doing a superb job at the upcoming Good Morning America shoot.
Over dinner at Don Antonio's, Spencer tells Heidi he finds it ironic that he found himself toasting Lauren during her surprise birthday party...then adds that Lauren probably hated the toast - which is all part of his devious plan 'cause he intended it to come across as mean. Heidi breezily chides her man-child of a boyfriend's dickitude before the conversation once again shifts to the subject of them moving in together. She warns that there can never be another playmate incident, to which Spencer insists he loves her sooooo much more now than when he canoodled with the bosomy blondes during the Who Do You Trust? episode. When Heidi looks visibly skeptical, he stares back at her incredulously and snappishly asks, "You don't trust me?", and Heidi responds by literally throwing her hands in the air and muttering, "I don't even know what to say to that." [Suggested response: "Mmm, nope."]
Whitney tells Lauren about the job opportunity and says she really really wants to prove herself worthy by doing a superb job at the upcoming Good Morning America shoot.
Over dinner at Don Antonio's, Spencer tells Heidi he finds it ironic that he found himself toasting Lauren during her surprise birthday party...then adds that Lauren probably hated the toast - which is all part of his devious plan 'cause he intended it to come across as mean. Heidi breezily chides her man-child of a boyfriend's dickitude before the conversation once again shifts to the subject of them moving in together. She warns that there can never be another playmate incident, to which Spencer insists he loves her sooooo much more now than when he canoodled with the bosomy blondes during the Who Do You Trust? episode. When Heidi looks visibly skeptical, he stares back at her incredulously and snappishly asks, "You don't trust me?", and Heidi responds by literally throwing her hands in the air and muttering, "I don't even know what to say to that." [Suggested response: "Mmm, nope."]
"How can you not trust this face?"
"There's no polite retort to that question."
Good Morning America! Lawren Howell - ack! - is lecturing Whitney and Lauren in her usual bitchy manner about how they're to eliminate as much chaos as possible during the preparation of the segment. Emily arrives, warmly greets Lauren and Whitney, and the three gush about being in the presence of so many stunning Oscar gowns. After that, Lisa Love arrives with André Leon Talley, who squeals with delight during the fittings and rehearsal. He mistakenly assumes that Whitney is one of the models...and when he's told that she's a Teen Vogue intern, he scrunches his face perplexedly, tells her she missed her calling, and suggests she try on the backless Guy Laroche gown made famous by Hilary Swank in 2005. When Whitney emerges looking model thin and TV-ready, he decrees that she is to be included in the live segment. Emily, meanwhile, looks less than thrilled by Talley's gushy complimenting of Whitney as a natural runway beauty, and by the prospect of having to share the spotlight with a fellow intern.
As André Leon Talley starts commentating on each of the Oscar gowns chosen for the segment, the four models descend a giant staircase...and Whitney suddenly topples over to the side, but swiftly pops back up weeble-like and manages to regain her composure. During the commercial break, Talley tells a red-faced Whitney not to worry about taking a spill on live TV, and jokingly adds that it's a great way to kickstart her modelling career. As she tears up in embarrassment, Lauren rushes over and gives her a reassuring hug, tells her she looked gorgeous in the Hilary Swank-wear, and insists that her brief moment of toppling over wasn't really all that bad...and should have added that anyone who happened to catch it on TV will likely forget about it within the next ten minutes.
As André Leon Talley starts commentating on each of the Oscar gowns chosen for the segment, the four models descend a giant staircase...and Whitney suddenly topples over to the side, but swiftly pops back up weeble-like and manages to regain her composure. During the commercial break, Talley tells a red-faced Whitney not to worry about taking a spill on live TV, and jokingly adds that it's a great way to kickstart her modelling career. As she tears up in embarrassment, Lauren rushes over and gives her a reassuring hug, tells her she looked gorgeous in the Hilary Swank-wear, and insists that her brief moment of toppling over wasn't really all that bad...and should have added that anyone who happened to catch it on TV will likely forget about it within the next ten minutes.
Now you see her
Now you don't
The next day at Teen Vogue, Lisa tells Whitney she did a great job modelling, and that her tripping mishap was embraced as more of an endearing moment than a cringy embarrassment. She passes along the notes of encouragement sent by Amy Astley and Anna Wintour, who applauded her ability to recover quickly and maintain her dignity. Whitney breathes a sigh of relief and says she's just happy she didn't embarrass the magazine - before Lisa changes the subject to the vacant position of Fashion Contributor. She says the interview will take place in Amy Astley's New York office, and that she (Lisa) will be giving her a strong recommendation.
Later, Lauren and Whitney meet up with Audrina at Lulu's Café to rehash Whitney's fall and then gabble about her (hopefully) new role as Teen Vogue Fashion Contributor, which apparently will be tasked with supervising all the interns. Lauren tells Whitney she hopes she gets the job, 'cause if Emily's her new boss, she'll have no choice but to quit Teen Vogue in protest.
Spencer summons Heidi to meet him for another of their in-car tête-à-têtes. He irritably reminds her about their unresolved living situation, and complains about being soooo over her not being as ready as he is for them to move in together. Heidi points out that it's a big decision and that she has to carefully consider how this move will affect all aspects of her life...then ultimately tells him her answer is no. Spencer stares despondently into space for a few seconds before replying, "Sweet. My answer is 'get outa my car'", and Heidi hastily exits the car, slams the passenger door, and glares after the rude douchewad as he squeals off.
Later, Lauren and Whitney meet up with Audrina at Lulu's Café to rehash Whitney's fall and then gabble about her (hopefully) new role as Teen Vogue Fashion Contributor, which apparently will be tasked with supervising all the interns. Lauren tells Whitney she hopes she gets the job, 'cause if Emily's her new boss, she'll have no choice but to quit Teen Vogue in protest.
Spencer summons Heidi to meet him for another of their in-car tête-à-têtes. He irritably reminds her about their unresolved living situation, and complains about being soooo over her not being as ready as he is for them to move in together. Heidi points out that it's a big decision and that she has to carefully consider how this move will affect all aspects of her life...then ultimately tells him her answer is no. Spencer stares despondently into space for a few seconds before replying, "Sweet. My answer is 'get outa my car'", and Heidi hastily exits the car, slams the passenger door, and glares after the rude douchewad as he squeals off.
"My current response to your repeated invitation to move in: negative."
"In that case, don't let my BMW car door hit you on the way out."
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"I'm only going to ask once...and then another five hundred times: will you pleeeease move in with me?"
"New Year, New Friends"
Original airdate: 3/12/2007
Episode summary: Spencer repeatedly pressures Heidi into moving in with him. Lauren celebrates New Year's Eve with her Laguna gal pals and Audrina.
Original airdate: 3/12/2007
Episode summary: Spencer repeatedly pressures Heidi into moving in with him. Lauren celebrates New Year's Eve with her Laguna gal pals and Audrina.
Recap: While out clothes shopping, Lauren tells Audrina she's inviting three of her old Laguna gal pals to join them at Area on New Year's Eve...and that their purpose for being there is to fill the friend void left by Heidi, who she correctly assumes would prefer to celebrate the occasion with her pumpkin-headed ball and chain. In the next scene, Lauren and Audrina are at a baseball game cheering on Whitney...and after the game, the three gabble about how much they're looking forward to getting Happy New Year kisses from cute boys.
While out shopping for New Year's outfits, Heidi tells Spencer the plan for the evening: the two of them will go out to dinner together, then head over to Area to meet up with Lauren et. al. Spencer makes a blech face and says he has zero desire to hang with Lauren and her posse, so Heidi tells him she's determined to make more of an effort to spend time with her soon-to-be ex-bestie and figured that New Year's Eve would be the perfect opportunity. A reluctant Spencer capitulates, then suggests she move out of Hillside Villas asap so the two of them can shack up together. Heidi's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and says that while she'd love to, she made a commitment to play the role of Lauren's BFF/roommate/sidekick for as long as the MTV producers are willing to pay her. Spencer rolls his eyes and says that her current living situation is adversely affecting their relationship...then points out that her BFF role no longer makes sense, given that Lauren now spends most of her leisure time with Audrina.
While out shopping for New Year's outfits, Heidi tells Spencer the plan for the evening: the two of them will go out to dinner together, then head over to Area to meet up with Lauren et. al. Spencer makes a blech face and says he has zero desire to hang with Lauren and her posse, so Heidi tells him she's determined to make more of an effort to spend time with her soon-to-be ex-bestie and figured that New Year's Eve would be the perfect opportunity. A reluctant Spencer capitulates, then suggests she move out of Hillside Villas asap so the two of them can shack up together. Heidi's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and says that while she'd love to, she made a commitment to play the role of Lauren's BFF/roommate/sidekick for as long as the MTV producers are willing to pay her. Spencer rolls his eyes and says that her current living situation is adversely affecting their relationship...then points out that her BFF role no longer makes sense, given that Lauren now spends most of her leisure time with Audrina.
"I'd like us to spend New Year's Eve partying at a club with Lauren and her friends."
"While I remain opposed to spending any time with people who can see me for the asshat I really am."
Lauren, Audrina, and Heidi are at a swanky salon, getting their hair done for New Year's Eve. Lauren mentions that she's bringing a hottie from Colorado to the party...and when Heidi's all, "Say wuh? You met a new guy?", Lauren snidely retorts that she'd know that if she ever separated herself from Spencer long enough to spend an evening hanging with her. She then abruptly changes the subject and says that she and Audrina have decided to take kick-boxing classes together...and as Heidi puts her sad face on at being excluded from the aerobic bonding, Lauren ignores Heidi further and suggests to Audrina that they order pizza and champagne before heading out to Area.
Heidi and Spencer arrive at Dolce for a fancy dinner out, and he smarmily gushes about how hot she is, and how much he'd loooove to take her home for a romp instead of going clubbing with his arch nemesis. He asks her if she's decided to move in with him yet, and she answers with a vague 'maybe sometime in the future' and worries that if she moves out of Hillside Villas she'll no longer be friends with Lauren. Spencer's like, "And that's a problem because..?" and breezily points out that Lauren can always live with her new & improved BFF, Audrina.
Over at Hillside Villas, Lauren and Audrina are celebrating the upcoming festivities with Laguna pals Lo, Jill, and Natania by taking photos of each other and guzzling champagne. Lo asks why Heidi isn't here partying along with them, and Lauren explains that she pretty much spends every waking hour with her boyfriend...and when Lo says she heard that Spencer was a colossal fucktard, Lauren and Audrina chuckle [in agreement] and tell her she'll have to use her own judgement to decide just how colossal a fucktard he truly is.
Heidi and Spencer arrive at Dolce for a fancy dinner out, and he smarmily gushes about how hot she is, and how much he'd loooove to take her home for a romp instead of going clubbing with his arch nemesis. He asks her if she's decided to move in with him yet, and she answers with a vague 'maybe sometime in the future' and worries that if she moves out of Hillside Villas she'll no longer be friends with Lauren. Spencer's like, "And that's a problem because..?" and breezily points out that Lauren can always live with her new & improved BFF, Audrina.
Over at Hillside Villas, Lauren and Audrina are celebrating the upcoming festivities with Laguna pals Lo, Jill, and Natania by taking photos of each other and guzzling champagne. Lo asks why Heidi isn't here partying along with them, and Lauren explains that she pretty much spends every waking hour with her boyfriend...and when Lo says she heard that Spencer was a colossal fucktard, Lauren and Audrina chuckle [in agreement] and tell her she'll have to use her own judgement to decide just how colossal a fucktard he truly is.
"Whassup with the cretin Heidi's shackled herself to this season?"
"We'd prefer you formulate your own opinion on MTV's newest reality show villain."
Heidi and Spencer are en route to Area, and Spencer continues to grumble about being forced to party in the company of Lauren. When they arrive at the club, they hug everyone hello...and as Lauren occupies herself with her Colorado hunk, Heidi excitedly gabs to Lo about how Spencer has asked her to move in with him. As the clock strikes midnight, everyone screeches 'Happy New Year!' and smooches their beloved ... and a few seconds later, Lauren et. al. exit the club while Heidi and Spencer trail behind and try to look as left behind as possible. Spencer points out to Heidi what "a reality check" it is that Lauren basically just ditched her without saying goodbye, and Heidi half-heartedly tells him to stop constantly harping on the slow deterioration of their friendship.
At Bolthouse Productions, Heidi tells Elodie how disappointed she is that Lauren spent most of New Year's Eve hanging with Audrina - and Elodie says it's totally understandable, given how much she (Lauren) hates Spencer...to whom she (Heidi) was, no doubt, joined at the hip all night. Heidi's like, "Speaking of Spencer.." and tells Elodie he asked her to move in with him, and dreamily adds that she's never known what love was until the douchecanoe started manipulating her into distancing herself from anyone who's not him. Elodie scrunches her face in puzzlement and goes, "Really?" - LOL - and asks Heidi if she's ready to move in with him...and Heidi says she's pretty sure she really really wants to, and is going to have to find a way to break the news to Lauren.
Lauren and Whitney go out for coffee and dish about what they each did on New Year's Eve. Lauren tells her she was sooo happy that her Laguna pals came out, then adds that Heidi and Spencer were also at Area - but that she didn't spend much time with Heidi, who she can't believe hasn't yet given Spencer the heave-ho. Whitney chucklingly concurs and says that she too can't believe that that unholy coupling is still going on.
While out to dinner, Spencer and Heidi schmaltzily exchange I love yous...and Spencer insists he loves her more despite having to deal with her shitty friends. He snarls at Heidi for continuing to choose to live with Lauren over him, reminds her that Lauren left her in the dust on New Year's Eve, and orders her to break the news to Lauren that she's moving out 'cause he's in the process of finding a lair for the two of them to cohabitate in.
Lauren and Lo are dining out at Café Sushi and gabbing about New Year's Eve and all the bad blood that still exists between Lo and Jen Bunney. Lo switches gears and asks Lauren who she's going to room with after Heidi moves in with Spencer...and when a confused Lauren's all, "Wha-a-a-at are you talking about?!", Lo explains that Heidi told her at Area about how Spencer asked her to move in with him. A visibly shocked Lauren mulls that over, tells Lo she really doesn't think Heidi is crazy enough to want to live with the human shitbag, then stares worriedly into space.
At Bolthouse Productions, Heidi tells Elodie how disappointed she is that Lauren spent most of New Year's Eve hanging with Audrina - and Elodie says it's totally understandable, given how much she (Lauren) hates Spencer...to whom she (Heidi) was, no doubt, joined at the hip all night. Heidi's like, "Speaking of Spencer.." and tells Elodie he asked her to move in with him, and dreamily adds that she's never known what love was until the douchecanoe started manipulating her into distancing herself from anyone who's not him. Elodie scrunches her face in puzzlement and goes, "Really?" - LOL - and asks Heidi if she's ready to move in with him...and Heidi says she's pretty sure she really really wants to, and is going to have to find a way to break the news to Lauren.
Lauren and Whitney go out for coffee and dish about what they each did on New Year's Eve. Lauren tells her she was sooo happy that her Laguna pals came out, then adds that Heidi and Spencer were also at Area - but that she didn't spend much time with Heidi, who she can't believe hasn't yet given Spencer the heave-ho. Whitney chucklingly concurs and says that she too can't believe that that unholy coupling is still going on.
While out to dinner, Spencer and Heidi schmaltzily exchange I love yous...and Spencer insists he loves her more despite having to deal with her shitty friends. He snarls at Heidi for continuing to choose to live with Lauren over him, reminds her that Lauren left her in the dust on New Year's Eve, and orders her to break the news to Lauren that she's moving out 'cause he's in the process of finding a lair for the two of them to cohabitate in.
Lauren and Lo are dining out at Café Sushi and gabbing about New Year's Eve and all the bad blood that still exists between Lo and Jen Bunney. Lo switches gears and asks Lauren who she's going to room with after Heidi moves in with Spencer...and when a confused Lauren's all, "Wha-a-a-at are you talking about?!", Lo explains that Heidi told her at Area about how Spencer asked her to move in with him. A visibly shocked Lauren mulls that over, tells Lo she really doesn't think Heidi is crazy enough to want to live with the human shitbag, then stares worriedly into space.
"Have the MTV producers told you who they're casting as your new BFF/roommate next season?"
"No, but I'll run down the list of all my TV-ready friends and try to hazard a guess."
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"There's no telling what I'll do if one more person asks me to steam clothes at a photo shoot."
"Enough is Enough"
Original airdate: 2/19/2007
Episode summary: Whitney becomes disgruntled while working under the oppressive supervision of a bitchy Teen Vogue editor. Lauren and Audrina go on a double-date with two bland guys.
Original airdate: 2/19/2007
Episode summary: Whitney becomes disgruntled while working under the oppressive supervision of a bitchy Teen Vogue editor. Lauren and Audrina go on a double-date with two bland guys.
Recap: Over lunch, Spencer suggests to Heidi that they go to Santa Barbara for the weekend...and when she's like, "I dunno, I really should spend more time with Lauren", he reminds her that Lauren doesn't deserve any Heidi time 'cause she's been treating him like he's the plague. Heidi says she's somehow convinced that Lauren will come around one day soon and meekly accept the fact that they're in love, and Spencer contorts his face into a 'yeah right' expression and says that people need to stop worrying about them coupling up. Heidi walks around the table and plops herself atop his lap, and he gushes about how cute she is and implores her to come to Santa Barbara with him, and she's like 'sure, why the hell not?'
Lisa Love summons Lauren and Whitney to her office to inform them that their next assignment will be to work under the oppressive supervision of Lawren Howell at a 'young L.A.' children's photo shoot. When she mentions that they're still in need of more teenagers for the shoot, Whitney says she has a photogenic sister named Jade she's certain will make the cut. Lisa's like, "Fantastic" and tells her to have Jade come in for the casting.
Lisa Love summons Lauren and Whitney to her office to inform them that their next assignment will be to work under the oppressive supervision of Lawren Howell at a 'young L.A.' children's photo shoot. When she mentions that they're still in need of more teenagers for the shoot, Whitney says she has a photogenic sister named Jade she's certain will make the cut. Lisa's like, "Fantastic" and tells her to have Jade come in for the casting.
"Your next assignment will be to dutifully take orders from one of Vogue's most bitchy and demanding editors."
"We couldn't be more excited."
Back in the Teen Vogue closet office, Whitney is nattering to Lauren about how she's soooo ready to be more than someone's intern and be given more responsibility - just as Lawren Howell enters the room to talk about the upcoming shoot. She tells them there's going to be lots of clothes and models on site, so it'll be imperative that they stay extremely well organized and have everything steamed and ready...and warns that if she happens to grab a dress that hasn't been steamed, it'll be their ass. After she leaves, Whitney makes a 'the fuck?' face at Lawren's bitchitude, and Lauren chuckles and offers to be head steamer for the shoot.
At Hillside Villas, Lauren is working on some fashion sketches when Heidi briefly returns home to pack for Santa Barbara. Lauren wanders upstairs to see whassup, and Heidi extends an invitation her to tag along to Santa Barbara with her and Spencer...and when Lauren somehow refrains from laughing and is all 'seriously?', Heidi instead suggests they have a special Heidi and Lauren night when she returns. Lauren contorts her face in an 'I'll believe that when it happens' expression, and Heidi announces that she's off for her romantic getaway and heads out with her suitcase.
At Hillside Villas, Lauren is working on some fashion sketches when Heidi briefly returns home to pack for Santa Barbara. Lauren wanders upstairs to see whassup, and Heidi extends an invitation her to tag along to Santa Barbara with her and Spencer...and when Lauren somehow refrains from laughing and is all 'seriously?', Heidi instead suggests they have a special Heidi and Lauren night when she returns. Lauren contorts her face in an 'I'll believe that when it happens' expression, and Heidi announces that she's off for her romantic getaway and heads out with her suitcase.
"I'd like to schedule a special Heidi and Lauren night so we can awkwardly re-bond as BFFs."
"I'll be sure to pencil you into my calendar."
Audrina tells Lauren that some guy named Chris asked her out, and that he has a hockey player friend named Blake he wants to bring along for a double date. Audrina assures her that they're normal, regular guys, and Lauren decides she's up for a no-drama evening.
In Santa Barbara, Heidi and Spencer are strolling along the beach, agreeing on how relaxing it is here compared to all the contrived drama that comes along with shooting a reality show in Los Angeles.
The next day in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney that she and Audrina have a double date with two normal dudes - just as Jade enters the room to announce that she scored the modelling gig. The three head over to a nearby dressing room, where Lawren Howell is prepping for the shoot. She once again reminds Lauren and Whitney that their primary responsibility will be to keep track of all the clothes and to not let anything get out of order.
Double date night! En route to the restaurant, Lauren tells Audrina she's looking forward to meeting a hockey player and that she finds testosterone-charged hockey games kinda hot. When they arrive, they greet Chris and Blake - two bland, definitely not MTV-ready type guys - and engage in boring chit-chat. Chris mentions that he saw Spencer at Area the other night, and Lauren widens her eyes and moans, "Nooooo..." and says she can't stand the Chucky doll lookalike. After dinner, the foursome hug each other goodnight...and once the boys are out of earshot, Lauren tells Audrina she considers the outing a successful date - despite Blake not asking for her number and her giving zero indication that she was at all into him.
In Santa Barbara, Heidi and Spencer are strolling along the beach, agreeing on how relaxing it is here compared to all the contrived drama that comes along with shooting a reality show in Los Angeles.
The next day in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney that she and Audrina have a double date with two normal dudes - just as Jade enters the room to announce that she scored the modelling gig. The three head over to a nearby dressing room, where Lawren Howell is prepping for the shoot. She once again reminds Lauren and Whitney that their primary responsibility will be to keep track of all the clothes and to not let anything get out of order.
Double date night! En route to the restaurant, Lauren tells Audrina she's looking forward to meeting a hockey player and that she finds testosterone-charged hockey games kinda hot. When they arrive, they greet Chris and Blake - two bland, definitely not MTV-ready type guys - and engage in boring chit-chat. Chris mentions that he saw Spencer at Area the other night, and Lauren widens her eyes and moans, "Nooooo..." and says she can't stand the Chucky doll lookalike. After dinner, the foursome hug each other goodnight...and once the boys are out of earshot, Lauren tells Audrina she considers the outing a successful date - despite Blake not asking for her number and her giving zero indication that she was at all into him.
"I'm just a normal, run-of-the-mill type guy who's not really used to being on TV."
"In that case, thanks for making this one-time guest appearance."
Lauren and Whitney are en route to the 'young L.A.' children's photo shoot when Heidi calls Lauren to ask if they're still on for Heidi and Lauren night. Lauren says she's looking forward to their scheduled bonding and will meet her at the apartment at around 7pm. After she hangs up, she tells Whitney it's so weird to have to schedule time to hang out with her former BFF, given that every night used to be Heidi and Lauren night.
Photo shoot! Lawren Howell tells Lauren and Whitney for the umpteenth time that she's counting on them to keep all the clothes in perfect hanger order, then asks Whitney to stay by her side and have pins and tape ready for her at all times. In the next scene, a visibly irritated Whitney is holding a bag of pins and staring despondently into space when Lawren barks at her to have pieces of double-sided tape ready to grab whenever she needs some.
Later, Whitney tells Jade she's lucky to be on the model end of things 'cause it's hard when the person in charge treats interns like slaves and continually harps on keeping the photo shoot clothes in perfect order. She later complains to Lauren about how fuuuuucking tired she is of being bossed around at these tedious photo shoots, and is more than ready to hold the reins and enter the glamorous world of stylingk.
Toward the end of the shoot, Lawren Howell asks Lauren and Whitney to start packing up the stuff that's already been photographed - and Whitney interjects to inform Lawren that she has to leave early for a family dinner. Lawren shoots her an icy glare and is like, "I don't give a rat's ass; I need you to pack up the clothes" ... and a visibly miffed Whitney mumbles, "Nope, no can do" and stares sullenly at the floor, prompting Lauren to offer to stay late and pick up the slack.
Photo shoot! Lawren Howell tells Lauren and Whitney for the umpteenth time that she's counting on them to keep all the clothes in perfect hanger order, then asks Whitney to stay by her side and have pins and tape ready for her at all times. In the next scene, a visibly irritated Whitney is holding a bag of pins and staring despondently into space when Lawren barks at her to have pieces of double-sided tape ready to grab whenever she needs some.
Later, Whitney tells Jade she's lucky to be on the model end of things 'cause it's hard when the person in charge treats interns like slaves and continually harps on keeping the photo shoot clothes in perfect order. She later complains to Lauren about how fuuuuucking tired she is of being bossed around at these tedious photo shoots, and is more than ready to hold the reins and enter the glamorous world of stylingk.
Toward the end of the shoot, Lawren Howell asks Lauren and Whitney to start packing up the stuff that's already been photographed - and Whitney interjects to inform Lawren that she has to leave early for a family dinner. Lawren shoots her an icy glare and is like, "I don't give a rat's ass; I need you to pack up the clothes" ... and a visibly miffed Whitney mumbles, "Nope, no can do" and stares sullenly at the floor, prompting Lauren to offer to stay late and pick up the slack.
"I need you to stay as long as is necessary to pack up all the clothes."
"I do not accept this injustice."
Lauren gets a call from Audrina as she's driving home from the photo shoot, inviting her on another double-date with Chris and Blake at a sushi cafe. Lauren says she has to decline 'cause she has plans with Heidi, and Audrina's all, "Oh well, maybe another night."
Lauren returns to an empty apartment and finds a note from Heidi that reads 'I'm at the movies with Spencer. See ya later!' Lauren glares at the note, broods on the couch for a few seconds about the unexpected cancellation of Heidi and Lauren night, then promptly calls Audrina to tell her she's free for another double-date after all. Across town, Heidi and Spencer get snacks before seating themselves inside a near-empty movie theater, and grin stupidly at each other as they wait for the movie to start.
Lauren returns to an empty apartment and finds a note from Heidi that reads 'I'm at the movies with Spencer. See ya later!' Lauren glares at the note, broods on the couch for a few seconds about the unexpected cancellation of Heidi and Lauren night, then promptly calls Audrina to tell her she's free for another double-date after all. Across town, Heidi and Spencer get snacks before seating themselves inside a near-empty movie theater, and grin stupidly at each other as they wait for the movie to start.
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