The Hills - Season 3, Episode 1

Audrina holds an impromptu summit on Heidi's assbaggery

​"You Know What You Did"
Original airdate: 8/13/2007

Episode summary: Heidi and Spencer throw a housewarming party, while Lauren fumes about a sex tape rumor.

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Recap: Whitney is stationed at her desk in the newly reorganized Teen Vogue closet office when Lauren arrives. She congratulates Whitney on her promotion to Fashion Contributor, then fills her in on the off-camera drama that unfolded during the summer hiatus: a rumor was started [prime suspect: Spencer] that she and Jason filmed a sex tape...and this falsehood spread like wildfire across the Internet, eventually finding its way to her friends and family in Laguna Beach. Whitney's all, "Wha-a-a?" and asks if she's heard from Heidi lately, and Lauren just silently shakes her head as the opening credits roll. 

Spencer arrives at his/Heidi's new digs with a jelly aquarium, and Heidi's like, "I didn't know we were getting a jelly aquarium!" and shows her beloved the guest list she's been cobbling together for their upcoming housewarming party. Spencer chortles at the notion of writing up a formal guest list and tells her he just verbally invited his [soon-to-be-ex] pals Brody, Frankie, and Gino (?), while Heidi's guest list consists of Lauren, Audrina, and Whitney. Spencer smilingly replies, "Let's see if we can get them on the list", and Heidi reacts by scrunching her face in mild disapproval.

Heidi drops by Epic Records, Audrina's new workplace, to 1) make fun of her faux receptionist job by smirkily asking, "You just sit here by yourself?" and 2) personally deliver two invitations - one for her, one for Lauren - to her housewarming party. Heidi says she's somehow under the illusion that Whitney has RSVPed and is definitely going to be there, and Audrina looks rightfully skeptical 'bout that before pretending she that she has to rush over to the mailroom asap in order to pass along some important Epic Records correspondence.  

"Look at you, all adorable and receptionisty."

"About as adorable as being a second assistant at Bolthouse Productions."

Once Heidi is out of range, Audrina makes a beeline over to her co-worker and Epic intern, Chiara, to report that Heidi just stopped in to deliver invitations to her upcoming housewarming party. She then offers the backstory to this cheekiness and explains that Heidi didn't call Lauren all summer, and that Spencer and his ilk were spreading sex tape rumors involving Lauren and Jason, and trash-talking Lauren about what a loser she is without Heidi...despite Heidi really being more of a sidekick character in this - at least up until now - Lauren-centric reality show. Audrina adds that since Heidi has done fuck all to defend Lauren, she has zero desire to go to her housewarming party, and vows that she has Lauren's back.

Over lunch at Milk, Lauren tells Whitney that Heidi dropped by Epic Records to deliver invitations to her and Audrina for her housewarming party. Whitney says she feels bad (though not really) about never having had any intention of going, 'cause she knows she'd be really uncomfortable around Spencer and Heidi. Lauren's all, "Whatevs" and invites her to party with her and her pals at Les Deux tonight, and says that whenever she goes to that club she meets cute guys. Whitney mulls over that invitation and decides it sounds like fun.

That night, Lauren and her posse arrive at Les Deux. Lauren invites a cute Brit named Jason to sit next to her, then tells Audrina - in full hearing range of Jason - that she just found an adorable boy from London who's leaving tomorrow, describing the fortunate discovery and his imminent departure as "jackpot".
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Jen Bunney arrives at the housewarming party and is hugged hello by Heidi, who tells her she's soooooooo happy she showed up. At Les Deux, meanwhile, Whitney arrives, sits beside Lauren, and throws shade at Jason, who she does not deem as adorable as Lauren finds him to be...which seems ridiculously picky, since he looked plenty adorable to me.

Jen tells Heidi she's, like, focused on her real, non-Hills friendships, and Heidi's all, "I hear that" and tells her she's soooooooo happy she could be part of her Season 3 fresh start. She adds that she invited Lauren and wishes she were here to see how much fun Brody, Frankie, Gino (?), and the other partygoers are pretending to have, then stares wistfully at the front door.

The next morning, Audrina and a bleary-eyed Lauren, who appears to have slept beneath her puffy comforter on the couch, agree that a gals' pre-party before partying at Les Deux is just too damn much partying for one evening. Audrina then shares that after Les Deux she spent several hours at the home of [soon-to-be-introduced idiot] Justin, mostly making out. 

Heidi gushes to Spencer about how much she loooooved meeting his friends, and he assures her they loooooved meeting her. He says that Frankie invited them to his birthday party at Les Deux tonight, and Heidi wonders aloud if Lauren will be there...then sadly laments her absence at the housewarming party. Spencer says he gets that Lauren [justifiably] hates him with the intensity of a thousand suns - but thinks it's wrong for her to project that hate onto Heidi...and Heidi agrees on how hard it sucks that her friendship with Lauren has to suffer on account of her insistence on coupling up with a malevolent Chucky doll lookalike who starts sex tape rumors.

"I'm so sad that Lauren doesn't want to be my friend anymore."

"I may be the biggest cockwomble in the history of reality TV, but that's no reason for Lauren to hate you."

Audrina tells Lauren that Brody snarked at her about the two of them skipping the housewarming party, and Lauren makes a the fuck? face and calls that rude, and says she was well within her rights to snub the party, given that she was disrespected by Heidi. She says she's not going to "be there" for Heidi no 'mo, and that she likes her new roommate and Heidi-less future so much better. 

Heidi is getting dressed in a boob-baring dress and high heels while Spencer mumbles that he's just dying to know if Lauren, Audrina, and Whitney show up for Frankie's birthday party...sourly adding that they've only known the guy for three months. Heidi tells him she wrote a letter to Lauren about her absence at the party and will hand deliver it if she sees her at the club.

Lauren and her gal pals are partying at Les Deux when an exuberant Frankie arrives...followed by Spencer and Heidi, whose presence Lauren reacts to by making an ew face. Heidi hands Lauren a letter and is all, "Hurray! It's Frankie's birthday!" as Lauren stares at her coldly, then abruptly leaves the table. Heidi tells Audrina she has no idea what she did, and hates the idea that she and Lauren can't even be in the same room together. Audrina shrugs and says she needs to hash it out with Lauren...then turns to an unnamed guy wearing a black knit hat and says that Heidi knows damn well what she did.

Spencer loudly thanks those who came to his housewarming party and emphasizes, "Good friends came."

Audrina finds Lauren in the bathroom, and the two read Heidi's letter, which chides Lauren for not coming to her party and urges her to call when she gets a chance. Lauren tells Audrina she's mostly peeved about how Heidi refuses to admit any wrongdoing.

As Heidi maintains her cluelessness as to why Lauren is so angry with her, Spencer urges her to "roll up on her" right now and ask what the hell her problem is. Heidi decides that that sounds like a great idea and confronts Lauren in a dimly lit area of the club. Lauren comes right out and says, "You're not my friend anymore. I don't care about you. I don't ever want to talk to you again", to which Heidi refers as "really sad", given that she's been there for her through many contrived life crises. Lauren then begins shrieking, "You know what you did! You know what you did!" ... as Audrina concurs and chimes in, "Heidi, you're brainwashed. You're a different person now." LOL. When Heidi just stares back at Lauren looking perplexedly baffled, Lauren finally clarifies that she's sooooo angry at her 'cause of the "sick little rumor" she started. Heidi denies doing any such thing, and Lauren calls her sad and pathetic and storms back inside the club.

"I hate you! I don't ever want to see you again!"

"Does this mean our Taco Tuesdays are permanently cancelled?"

Audrina derisively mutters to Lauren that Heidi is playing innocent, while Heidi stares sadly out of the car window as she and Spencer drive home. 

The next day, Heidi fills in her co-worker Elodie about the Les Deux screaming match, and concludes that she and Lauren aren't friends anymore. She adds that since she's "not a catty girl", she doesn't "have time" for the kind of drama that The Hills producers are going to do everything possible to instigate. 

Lauren arrives at the Teen Vogue closet office and tells Whitney about the ugly confrontation...and that since Heidi refuses to take responsibility for what she did, she doesn't feel as though she can ever trust her again. Whitney clucks sympathetically and remarks on the rough time she's had with various ill-fated friendships, and Lauren says it almost feels as though the Heidi of Season 1 has died 'cause she's no longer part of her life...but that it's A-OK 'cause she knows she's a whole lot better off. 

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