Recap: Lauren and Heidi are sunning themselves by the Hillside Villas pool, discussing the current boy situation. Lauren says she just wants to be friends with Brody, while Heidi insists that she and Spencer are becoming much more secure in their relationship. She then says she's meeting up with Audrina later 'cause she now realizes how stupid it is for them to not be friends, and Lauren nods approvingly and calls the impending reconciliation "very mature".
Heidi asks Brent if she can take some time off from pretending to work at Bolthouse in order to fly home to see her mom, and he says she's free to do whatever she wishes with her pretend vacation time. When she returns to her workstation, she gets a call from her co-worker Max (who looks to be situated a few feet away) to give her a heads-up about the dress code 'cause he just got "chewed out by Jen" over the yellow polka-dotted monstrosity of a shirt he fished out of his closet this morning...and says that while her low-cut, back-baring white dress is cute, it probably isn't appropriate office attire. Heidi breezily says she'll talk to Brent about it...and Max giggles girlishly to himself as he hangs up.
In the Teen Vogue closet office, Whitney asks Lauren if she's kissed Brody on any of their dates...and Lauren says that while she doesn't usually kiss and tell, she's pleased to report that:
Heidi meets up with Spencer for lunch, and the two are eating on an outdoor patio while she tells him about Max's criticism of her skimpy dress despite Brent not giving a rat's ass how someone who was cast in an MTV reality show dresses while pretending to work at his company. Spencer says he can't wait to run into Max in the clubs so he can take the low road and criticize his outfit. Heidi changes the subject and tells him she's having dinner with Audrina later in the episode...and Spencer looks displeased and reminds her that they're supposed to be mortal enemies - but Heidi says they used to be good friends and that she doesn't actually believe the nonsensical trash-talk he's been trying to pedal about Audrina plotting to break them up so she can have him for herself. LOL. Spencer's like, "Whatevs" and says he'd rather talk about how awesome and cute she is - then gets distracted when Heidi motions over at Elodie and Max, who just walked past their table and are about to enter the indoor part of the restaurant. Spencer shoots Max the stink-eye before wandering over to introduce himself and admonish him for daring to comment on Heidi's wardrobe. Max just kind of nods and pats Spencer on the shoulder as he attempts to quickly extricate himself from the ridiculous confrontation - but Spencer responds by shrieking, "Don't touch me, bro! That's assault!" He then follows Max down the street bellowing, "I'll see you in the club!" ... and when Max mutters about what a tool he is, he threatens, "I'll beat your ass!" As Heidi wrings her hands and is all, "You can't dooooo that, Spencer!", he insists he was being nice up until the tool remark, and assures a bewildered Elodie that he's not nearly as big a jerk as she could only assume he is. Heidi then half-heartedly chides him for his anger management issues as the two climb into her car and speed off.
Over at Teen Vogue, Whitney tells Lauren she has a birthday party to go to, but doesn't have a thing to wear 'cause she hasn't had any time to go shoppingk. Lauren suggests she borrow something from the closet office, then changes the subject and tells her that Heidi and Audrina have plans to go to dinner so they can work through their contrived Spencer-instigated problems.
At dinner that evening, Heidi explains to Audrina that she didn't want to have any drama at her birthday party last episode and says she didn't much like it when she arrived at Area with Spencer while rumors were circulating that they had hooked up. Audrina makes an 'ew! gross!' face and makes it clear that Spencer is not her type. At all. And that she was thoroughly icked out whenever they happened to be in the same club and he'd do weird shit to try to make it look to everyone as if they were coupling up. Heidi says she's soooo sick of people warning her about Spencer 'cause they don't see what he's like when they're alone together...and Audrina refrains from telling her what a dumbass defense of him that is and asks her if she was with Spencer a couple of Saturdays ago. Heidi consults with her planner and says it looks like she was, and Audrina tells her that Spencer had called her that day - but she didn't bother calling him back, given how revolting she finds him. She urges Heidi to be careful with this turd of a man-child, but stupid Heidi just sips her drink and mutters, "I dunno."
Heidi reports back to Lauren that Spencer has been calling Audrina, and Lauren agrees that it's annoying to have people constantly warning her about what a douchebag the guy she's currently dating is. Lauren then back pedals from that and nonsensically pronounces that while she doesn't completely trust Spencer, she does trust that he likes her...then asks Heidi who she trusts more - Audrina or Spencer - and Heidi mulls that over for a few seconds before replying, "I dunno."
Heidi packs for her trip to Colorado to visit her mom and tells Lauren to go out to the clubs tonight so that she can report back on how well/abominably Spencer is behaving. She then admits she's sooooo jealous at the thought of him flirting with other girls, a state of mind I can only describe as baffling in the extreme.
Over at Condo Dipstick, Spencer tells Brody he thought he'd shake things up on The Hills by inviting a bunch of blonde playmates to hang with them while Heidi's out of town - but will surely learn about after she sees the MTV footage. A few seconds later, four bosomy blonde playmates arrive...and everyone raises their glasses in a toast to an amaaaazing night at Area.
Heidi ends up missing her flight Colorado and primps with Lauren and Jen in the bathroom as they get ready for their night out. Heidi says she didn't inform Spencer that she'll be in L.A. this weekend after all and looks forward to surprising him and seeing for herself the depths of boorishness to which he sinks when he thinks she isn't around.
At Area, one of the playmates tells Spencer she's doing a naked picnic photo shoot tomorrow, and Spencer looks intrigued and jokingly proposes marriage.
Heidi arrives at Area and hugs her co-worker Kristen, who tells her that Spencer arrived at the club with a bunch of blonde bimbos in tow...and Heidi manages to contort her face into an expression of shock and asks, "What blonde bimbos?" - but in the next breath chirps, "This is going to be fun!"
The Hills gals enter Area, make a beeline over to where Spencer and Brody are chillin' with the playmates, and shriek, "Spennnnnncer! Surprise!" ... and he responds by clapping his hands and saying to Heidi, "Aaah, so you had a little plan, look at you." Heidi explains that she unexpectedly missed her flight to Colorado, then storms off to the bathroom while Lauren gives Body a hello canoodle and engages in pleasant small talk. When Heidi emerges from the bathroom, she pulls Lauren aside to tell her she has it on good authority (aka one of the blonde bimbos who was in the condo) that Spencer has been hitting on every girl in the club. Heidi confronts Spencer about his coarse behavior...but he just chortles and asks her to give him a hug. She declines and says she no longer believes what comes out of his mouth 'cause it's usually a giant load of bullcack, then stalks off before exiting the club and climbing into a taxi with Lauren.
At Hillside Villas, Heidi sobs on the couch and cries, "Just hang up! I'm over you! It's fine!" while Lauren actually expends energy talking to Spencer via Heidi's phone, calling him out for hanging with playmates when he thought Heidi would be in Colorado. She exclaims that when he called she "had to pick up the phone like I had to pick up my best friend and carry her upstairs!" [even though it's doubtful she physically carried Heidi up the stairwell and then down the long hall to the apartment]. She looks aghast at whatever he's saying in response, tells him he has to figure out what he wants with Heidi, and that (maybe) Heidi will call him tomorrow.
Heidi tearfully tells Lauren she was starting to fall in love with the shitbag, and Lauren gives her a comforting hug and cautions her against falling in love with anyone in L.A. Especially while filming an MTV reality show.
Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!