Recap: Heidi breaks it to Lauren that Spencer invited her to move in with him, and Lauren's like, "Yeah, Lo told me" and says she's surprised/disappointed/dismayed that she'd tell Lo before her. Heidi calls the invitation a sweet offer, while Lauren contorts her face into a seriously? expression and says that even talking about moving in together after dating for only a few months is waaaaaay too soon. Heidi stubbornly insists, "No...it's sweet", prompting Lauren to ask her if she's going to do it...and Heidi says that, for the moment at least, she's decided to stay put at Hillside Villas. Lauren lets out a sigh of relief and jokes about how finding a good roommate is like a good pair of jeans: you hang onto 'em.
Heidi heads over to Audrina's apartment to finalize the details for Lauren's surprise birthday party. Heidi tells her that Lauren thinks the two of them are celebrating her birthday by having dinner together - before which Heidi will bail out on her at the last minute. Audrina chuckles and remarks on how mad at her Lauren's going to be...and somehow refrains from asking Heidi if her friendship with Lauren isn't on too shaky a ground to be pulling a stunt like this. Audrina's plan is to swoop in and offer to take Lauren out for drinks with her friends, then drive her to a nightclub named Hyde, aka where the extended The Hills cast and random extras will be waiting to yell surprise!!
Over in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren gabs at Whitney about her 21st birthday and how her dinner plans with Heidi are far more understated than what she once envisioned for this milestone.
From her Bolthouse workspace, Heidi calls Spencer and tells him to be sure to invite Brody to Lauren's surprise birthday party - just as Jen Bunney drops by for an awkward tête-à-tête. Heidi steers her over to the lobby so they can have more of a private conversation, which she prefaces by saying she can't really talk 'cause she's soooo busy at her pretend place of employment. Jen whines that she hasn't talked to her in soooo long, and that it's craaaaazy to not have talked to her best friend because of "sloppy thirds". Heidi points out "it's code" that you don't hook up with a friend's past hook-ups - or, in this case, non-hook-up - and Jen somehow refrains from calling out Heidi on how she so brazenly egged her on to canoodle with Brody during the entire With Friends Like These.. episode. Heidi says she's washing her hands of the mess, which she decrees is now solely between her and Lauren...then mutters, "Busy, busy" as a way of ending this torturous discussion and pretending she so desperately needs to hurry back to her faux job.
Heidi returns to Hillside Villas and tells Lauren that Jen Bunney showed up at Bolthouse, then spins quite a tall tale about how she chided Jen for her inappropriateness at showing up at her workplace to discuss an issue of which she's self-servingly washed her hands clean. Lauren seems to buy her load of bullcack and says she just wants space from Jen, and/or for Jen to 'fess up to having acted shady two episodes ago.
Later, as Lauren and Heidi are primping to go out for dinner, Heidi gets a fake call from Spencer and exclaims, "Right now? Seriously?" A few seconds later she tells Lauren she has to go see Spencer asap...and Lauren shoots her a 'the fuck?' look, reminds her it's her birthday, and beseeches her to not dump her for Spencer. Heidi's like, "No can do" and slips out of the apartment so she can covertly call Audrina to announce that Operation Surprise Lauren on Her Birthday is in motion - just before Lauren calls Audrina to complain about Heidi abandoning her on her birthday. Audrina pretends to know nothing of her plight and offers to take her out for drinks.
En route to Hyde, Lauren complains to Audrina about Heidi skipping her birthday dinner to attend to whatever "emergency" Spencer called about...and in the next scene the entire gang yells, "Surprise!!" when Audrina ushers her into the nightclub. Lauren looks genuinely surprised and gives everyone a hello hug before summoning Brody over. He asks her if Jen is expected to arrive...and when Lauren says they're no longer friends, he sheepishly apologizes for his part in the shady canoodling. Lauren assures him, "That was not you at all, that was Jen" ... despite the fact that anyone could argue it was at least 50% him. Spencer then offers up a nonsensical birthday toast about how he and Lauren don't see eye to eye...but figures she's an amazing person by virtue of the fact that she and Heidi see eye to eye.
Over lunch at Cuvee, Lauren asks Brody whassup with Spencer's rambley birthday toast instead of just saying 'happy birthday' ... and Brody chuckles at his friend's social ineptitude and swiftly changes the subject to Jen Bunney. He tells Lauren he heard through the L.A. rumor mill that a lot of people don't like her, and Lauren concurs and says that Jen has a tendency to make moves on her friends' boyfriends. Case in point: in high school, Jen kissed Jason after Lauren had declared her feelings for him. Egads!
Jen arrives at Hillside Villas to rehash her non-hook-up with Brody, and to once again express how "blown out of proportion" the whole thing has gotten. Lauren mulls that over and disagrees, pointing out that she's able to downplay it so much 'cause it didn't happen to her. She admonishes Jen for doing a shady thing behind her back with the first guy she wasn't totally repulsed by after giving Jason the heave-ho, then reminds Jen about her shitty track record in ruining friendships over guys. When she invokes The Jason-Kissing Incident, an incredulous Jen insists that that was a joke, urges Lauren to "don't even go there", and apologizes for lying about whatever didn't actually happen between her and Brody. Lauren says she has every reason not to believe a word she says, is learning who her true friends are, and flatly says that right now there's nothing she can say or do that could possibly restore her trust. At that point, Jen decides to throw in the towel on the reconciliation attempt and ambles toward the door mumbling, "I'll let you call me when you're ready" before dejectedly shuffling out of the apartment.
Farewell, Jen Bunney. We hardly knew ye.
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THE HILLS HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French
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Snide recaps of television's most entertaining classics