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Soak it up, Jen
"With Friends Like These.."
Original airdate: 2/26/2007
Episode summary: Lauren is incensed when she learns that Jen hooked up with Brody.
Original airdate: 2/26/2007
Episode summary: Lauren is incensed when she learns that Jen hooked up with Brody.
Recap: Lauren tells Audrina that she and Heidi have mutually decided nothing good can come of the two of them discussing Spencer, and that it's a bit weird 'cause the Chucky lookalike is such a huge part of Heidi's life. Lauren and Audrina agree on how dicked up it is that Heidi could be so head over heels for such a giant assbag, and Audrina goes a step further and says it's like he somehow put Heidi under his creepy spell. Lauren concurs and adds that Spencer has uttered what she thinks is a very premature 'I love you' to Heidi, and Audrina gasps in horror at his relationship level-jumping.
While shopping at a fancy boutique, Jen Bunney asks Heidi if she thinks Lauren would be upset if she were to start hanging out more with her and Spencer...and make a play for Brody. Heidi shrugs unconcernedly and tells her that she should do as she pleases and not worry so much about how hard Lauren's head is going to explode after she hears about it. Jen happily says she will take that advice.
While shopping at a fancy boutique, Jen Bunney asks Heidi if she thinks Lauren would be upset if she were to start hanging out more with her and Spencer...and make a play for Brody. Heidi shrugs unconcernedly and tells her that she should do as she pleases and not worry so much about how hard Lauren's head is going to explode after she hears about it. Jen happily says she will take that advice.
"Whaddya think about me pursuing Brody?"
"I will support your decision for as long as Lauren allows."
In the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney that she and some gal pals are going out tonight to celebrate Jen's 21st birthday. She makes an ew face and adds that Spencer is invited to the party at Les Deux, then cackles about the only good thing to having Spencer show up anywhere: he tends to bring Brody along.
While cruising along in Brody's gas guzzling asshole-mobile, Spencer tells Brody it's imperative he get himself a lady so they can go out on a double date with him and Heidi. He then mentions that the two of them have an invitation from Heidi [and The Hills producers] to come to Jen Bunney's birthday party at Les Deux. Brody perks up at that and calls Jen "a cutie pie", and Spencer agrees and mumbles, "I think you should mack Jen, to be honest" ... and the two boors cackle over the icky prospect.
That evening, Lauren and the gals arrive at the Geisha House for Jen's birthday dinner...and Lauren makes a toast and lays it on thick about how Jen is one of her oldest and bestest friends in the entire world, then presents her with the gift of a diamond bracelet. Jen marvels about how Lauren shelled out major cash for real diamonds, gives her a warm thank you hug, and covertly asks Heidi if Brody is coming to Les Deux later. When Heidi confirms he is, she replies, "Too bad he hooked up with my best friend" [despite the non-existent hook-up between Lauren and Brody]. The two then excuse themselves to go to the bathroom so that Heidi can dish to Jen between stalls about how Brody "loves you loves you loves you" and "wants macking asap". When Jen excitedly asks if this is reliable, recent gossip, Heidi assures her that she heard it directly from the arsehole - I mean the horse's mouth.
While cruising along in Brody's gas guzzling asshole-mobile, Spencer tells Brody it's imperative he get himself a lady so they can go out on a double date with him and Heidi. He then mentions that the two of them have an invitation from Heidi [and The Hills producers] to come to Jen Bunney's birthday party at Les Deux. Brody perks up at that and calls Jen "a cutie pie", and Spencer agrees and mumbles, "I think you should mack Jen, to be honest" ... and the two boors cackle over the icky prospect.
That evening, Lauren and the gals arrive at the Geisha House for Jen's birthday dinner...and Lauren makes a toast and lays it on thick about how Jen is one of her oldest and bestest friends in the entire world, then presents her with the gift of a diamond bracelet. Jen marvels about how Lauren shelled out major cash for real diamonds, gives her a warm thank you hug, and covertly asks Heidi if Brody is coming to Les Deux later. When Heidi confirms he is, she replies, "Too bad he hooked up with my best friend" [despite the non-existent hook-up between Lauren and Brody]. The two then excuse themselves to go to the bathroom so that Heidi can dish to Jen between stalls about how Brody "loves you loves you loves you" and "wants macking asap". When Jen excitedly asks if this is reliable, recent gossip, Heidi assures her that she heard it directly from the arsehole - I mean the horse's mouth.
"Cheers to you Jen, my oldest, most loyal friend in the entire world."
"Also, cheers to my budding romance with Brody."
After dinner, the gals head over to Les Deux, where Brody, Spencer, and Audrina are already getting the party started. Brody loudly asks Heidi to find him a girl - just as Jen wanders over, sits beside Brody, and glances happily at the clique of idiots with an 'I'm so happy to finally belong' look before declaring, "It's my crew. It's my crew." Spencer points at Brody and tells her he got her this stupid lug for her birthday, and she smilingly retorts, "Shut up!", then expresses her mild-by-this-point concern about Lauren being mad at her, which Heidi breezily assures her won't be an issue. Cue Lauren, who ambles over with Audrina to pose for photos with Jen...and then in what looks like out-of-chronological-order footage, Brody suggests that he, Jen, Spencer, and Heidi head to his condo, leaving behind a clueless Lauren asking Audrina, "Where's Jen?"
The next morning at Teen Vogue, Lauren tells Whitney that Jen et. al. went to Brody's condo without bothering to tell her they were leaving Les Deux...and that Jen later called her to ask how much she'd care if she hooked up with Brody. Lauren refrains from mentioning that three episodes ago she made it clear to Heidi that she only wanted to be friends with Brody and tells Whitney that in addition to Jen, she's furious at:
She grumbles about how tired she is of her friends screwing her over for a guy, then wonders aloud why anyone would even contemplate throwing away a friendship for the opportunity to "mack" a dipshitted womanizer like Brody Jenner.
The next morning at Teen Vogue, Lauren tells Whitney that Jen et. al. went to Brody's condo without bothering to tell her they were leaving Les Deux...and that Jen later called her to ask how much she'd care if she hooked up with Brody. Lauren refrains from mentioning that three episodes ago she made it clear to Heidi that she only wanted to be friends with Brody and tells Whitney that in addition to Jen, she's furious at:
- Spencer for egging on the Brody-Jen hookup
- Heidi for standing idly by
She grumbles about how tired she is of her friends screwing her over for a guy, then wonders aloud why anyone would even contemplate throwing away a friendship for the opportunity to "mack" a dipshitted womanizer like Brody Jenner.
"I'm soooo angry that Jen hooked up with a guy I'm not remotely interested in."
"This nonsensical storyline is making my head hurt."
Over at Epic Records, Audrina tells Chiara that Lauren is very sad about the Brody-Jen hookup largely 'cause Heidi just stood by and let it happen. She says she strongly believes that Spencer has been brainwashing Heidi - who, a year ago, would have objected to Jen getting canoodly with a guy her best friend had kissed [and then quickly determined 'nope, definitely no sexual chemistry here'].
Back in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren admonishes Jen over the phone for doing "a really cutthroat thing" and reminds her it's code that a girl doesn't hang out with a guy her best friend was [never truly] interested in. She chides Jen for her insincere apology, snarls, "Don't be at my apartment when I get home", and angrily tosses her phone onto the carpet.
Heidi returns to Hillside Villas to rehash with Lauren what went down at Les Deux last night. Lauren makes it clear that if their friendship keeps deteriorating the way it's been deteriorating this season, she's not going to want to live in Hillside Villas no mo'. Heidi says she's confused about why the Brody-Jen hookup is her fault when Jen's the one who made out with Brody, so Lauren makes it clear that she's so livid with Jen she's no longer speaking to her and has banned her from the apartment. She then berates Heidi for no longer being the friend she used to be, so Heidi accuses her of putting up a wall 'cause of her hatred for Spencer...and an exasperated Lauren's all, "OMFG, I was trying to be a good friend!" and doubts their friendship will survive if she insists on continuing to date the fuckbag. When Heidi asks if this means she can never bring up Spencer as a topic of conversation, Lauren scrunches her face in disgust and snarls, "Spencer has you so friggin' brainwashed, it's so sick to see", says she's changed soooo much since their unholy coupling, then blurts out what a sucky person she thinks Spencer is. She rails about how she hasn't felt soooo betrayed by friends in a long time...and when Heidi argues, "I didn't doooo anything", Lauren bellows, "Exactly! You didn't do anything" and says she could have at least pretended to weakly attempt putting a stop to Jen's/Brody's canoodling. Heidi fibs, "I did say 'stop'", and Lauren refrains from pointing out that the MTV footage tells an entirely different story and says that the situation is only going to worsen until she exhibits some semblance of common sense and dumps Spencer. Heidi responds by stupidly shaking her head and staring despondently into space.
Back in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren admonishes Jen over the phone for doing "a really cutthroat thing" and reminds her it's code that a girl doesn't hang out with a guy her best friend was [never truly] interested in. She chides Jen for her insincere apology, snarls, "Don't be at my apartment when I get home", and angrily tosses her phone onto the carpet.
Heidi returns to Hillside Villas to rehash with Lauren what went down at Les Deux last night. Lauren makes it clear that if their friendship keeps deteriorating the way it's been deteriorating this season, she's not going to want to live in Hillside Villas no mo'. Heidi says she's confused about why the Brody-Jen hookup is her fault when Jen's the one who made out with Brody, so Lauren makes it clear that she's so livid with Jen she's no longer speaking to her and has banned her from the apartment. She then berates Heidi for no longer being the friend she used to be, so Heidi accuses her of putting up a wall 'cause of her hatred for Spencer...and an exasperated Lauren's all, "OMFG, I was trying to be a good friend!" and doubts their friendship will survive if she insists on continuing to date the fuckbag. When Heidi asks if this means she can never bring up Spencer as a topic of conversation, Lauren scrunches her face in disgust and snarls, "Spencer has you so friggin' brainwashed, it's so sick to see", says she's changed soooo much since their unholy coupling, then blurts out what a sucky person she thinks Spencer is. She rails about how she hasn't felt soooo betrayed by friends in a long time...and when Heidi argues, "I didn't doooo anything", Lauren bellows, "Exactly! You didn't do anything" and says she could have at least pretended to weakly attempt putting a stop to Jen's/Brody's canoodling. Heidi fibs, "I did say 'stop'", and Lauren refrains from pointing out that the MTV footage tells an entirely different story and says that the situation is only going to worsen until she exhibits some semblance of common sense and dumps Spencer. Heidi responds by stupidly shaking her head and staring despondently into space.
"I hate Spencer. I never want to look at Spencer, hear about Spencer, or think about Spencer."
"Does this mean we can never talk about Spencer?"
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"Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to come second to a cretin like Spencer?"
"You Have Chosen"
Original airdate: 2/19/2007
Episode summary: Lauren disapproves of Heidi's decision to get back together with Spencer.
Original airdate: 2/19/2007
Episode summary: Lauren disapproves of Heidi's decision to get back together with Spencer.
Recap: Lauren and Heidi are out for a bite to eat when Heidi breaks the news that she's decided to give Spencer a second chance. Lauren looks alarmed and reminds her that the douchenozzle seems to love playing mind games with her, and can't understand why she wouldn't want to steer clear of him. She adds that Spencer is not a good person and that she's coming right out and saying this 'cause she's her friend. Heidi shrugs dismissively and says she's pretty confident that Spencer has changed for the better - but if not she's just going to have fun and see what happens. Lauren says she hates the thought of the creepy Chucky lookalike coming between them, and makes it clear what a terrible idea she thinks it is to get back together with him. She then says she no longer wants to talk about him or hear about him...and when Heidi says it's going to suck to not be able to mention her boyfriend to her best friend, Lauren's like, "Whatever" and promises to be there for her when he screws her over, which she thinks is pretty much a certainty.
Heidi meets up with Spencer for lunch at the Breadbar, and squeals with delight when he presents her with a lovely bouquet of roses. She then tells him she's been sooooo stressed with the whole Lauren Hates My Boyfriend situation and is worried that things are going to be awkward. Spencer professes his love for her...and when Heidi moans, "No one understands that", he wonders aloud how he can get Lauren to like him again. Heidi tells him he's just going to have to prove himself, and Spencer's all ew at the notion of putting any effort into convincing Heidi's friends he's not the massive tool he is and changes the subject to a "slumber party" at his place tonight...and Heidi perks up and tells him she's totes into that idea. Blech.
Heidi meets up with Spencer for lunch at the Breadbar, and squeals with delight when he presents her with a lovely bouquet of roses. She then tells him she's been sooooo stressed with the whole Lauren Hates My Boyfriend situation and is worried that things are going to be awkward. Spencer professes his love for her...and when Heidi moans, "No one understands that", he wonders aloud how he can get Lauren to like him again. Heidi tells him he's just going to have to prove himself, and Spencer's all ew at the notion of putting any effort into convincing Heidi's friends he's not the massive tool he is and changes the subject to a "slumber party" at his place tonight...and Heidi perks up and tells him she's totes into that idea. Blech.
"Lauren hates you 'cause of your two-timing behind my back."
"Sounds like someone's a good judge of character."
Heidi returns home and presents Lauren with her rose bouquet and gaily fibs, "These are for you, from Spencer!" and an unimpressed Lauren wryly asks if he's planning on giving them to Audrina tomorrow. Haha! After an awkward pause, Heidi goes upstairs to pack for her "slumber party" ... and after she heads out, Audrina calls Lauren and invites her to her apartment for dinner.
Over dinner, Lauren tells Audrina that Heidi is giving Spencer another chance, and Audrina's all, "OMG!" and laughs about how Spencer tried so hard to give people the impression that she (Audrina) was into him. Lauren says she's extremely annoyed at Heidi for telling Spencer what a cretin she thinks he is after the playmates spectacle and is worried that Spencer's going to put ideas in her head and alienate her from her gal pals. Audrina agrees that Heidi's in over her head and wishes she'd get out from under Chucky's mind control before she's in too deep.
In the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney she's dismayed by the way Heidi has seemingly abandoned her whole life for Spencer. She then flatly says that things between them aren't going to be fine until he's permanently out of the picture.
Heidi and Spencer are happily strolling down the street, hand in hand. Heidi invites him to come to Area with her and Lauren tonight, but he says he'd rather not 'cause he's suddenly indignant about the way Lauren's been bad-mouthing him. Heidi refrains from reminding him that he brought the well-deserved disdain on himself and says [for now, at least] she'd prefer to not cut her best friend out of her life.
At Area, Heidi tells Lauren she doesn't want to fight with her about Spencer anymore and just wants the two of them to have fun tonight. Across the club, Audrina is staring over at Spencer and pointing out to her friend Clint that Spencer is brazenly flirting with some random woman despite the fact that Heidi is sitting just a few feet away. Audrina calls Lauren over and draws her attention to Spencer's flirting, and Lauren gets up and tells Heidi they're outa here. As Lauren heads for the door, Spencer stops her and says, "We're so making peace" and says it's fine if she hates him...and Lauren says she doesn't hate him, but thinks he's a user and would prefer Heidi not date him. Spencer insists that Heidi knows and fully accepts what a fuckbag he is and that they both understand each other, and Lauren retorts, "Good for you and Heidi", nonsensically declares, "I don't dislike you as a person", and says she's done talking to him now. After she exits the club, Spencer tells Brody he doesn't ever want to talk to Lauren again, and Heidi rushes over to give Spencer a comforting canoodle and coos about how it's all going to be OK.
The next day, Lauren drops by Brody's condo to tell him that pretty much everyone has warned Heidi not to get into anything serious with Spencer. When Brody stupidly asks why, Lauren tells him about Spencer's two-timing with Audrina and the flowers, and that he hits on girls every time he's out at a club. Brody reacts by chuckling at his degenerate friend's flirty flower buying, acknowledges that "maybe that was a little bit wrong", then spouts some nonsense about how Spencer feels threatened by her always getting into Heidi's ear and calling him shady. Lauren reminds him that Heidi was sobbing two episodes ago because of what his best friend did to her, then says if she weren't getting along with her best friend, she definitely wouldn't be happy.
Over dinner, Lauren tells Audrina that Heidi is giving Spencer another chance, and Audrina's all, "OMG!" and laughs about how Spencer tried so hard to give people the impression that she (Audrina) was into him. Lauren says she's extremely annoyed at Heidi for telling Spencer what a cretin she thinks he is after the playmates spectacle and is worried that Spencer's going to put ideas in her head and alienate her from her gal pals. Audrina agrees that Heidi's in over her head and wishes she'd get out from under Chucky's mind control before she's in too deep.
In the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney she's dismayed by the way Heidi has seemingly abandoned her whole life for Spencer. She then flatly says that things between them aren't going to be fine until he's permanently out of the picture.
Heidi and Spencer are happily strolling down the street, hand in hand. Heidi invites him to come to Area with her and Lauren tonight, but he says he'd rather not 'cause he's suddenly indignant about the way Lauren's been bad-mouthing him. Heidi refrains from reminding him that he brought the well-deserved disdain on himself and says [for now, at least] she'd prefer to not cut her best friend out of her life.
At Area, Heidi tells Lauren she doesn't want to fight with her about Spencer anymore and just wants the two of them to have fun tonight. Across the club, Audrina is staring over at Spencer and pointing out to her friend Clint that Spencer is brazenly flirting with some random woman despite the fact that Heidi is sitting just a few feet away. Audrina calls Lauren over and draws her attention to Spencer's flirting, and Lauren gets up and tells Heidi they're outa here. As Lauren heads for the door, Spencer stops her and says, "We're so making peace" and says it's fine if she hates him...and Lauren says she doesn't hate him, but thinks he's a user and would prefer Heidi not date him. Spencer insists that Heidi knows and fully accepts what a fuckbag he is and that they both understand each other, and Lauren retorts, "Good for you and Heidi", nonsensically declares, "I don't dislike you as a person", and says she's done talking to him now. After she exits the club, Spencer tells Brody he doesn't ever want to talk to Lauren again, and Heidi rushes over to give Spencer a comforting canoodle and coos about how it's all going to be OK.
The next day, Lauren drops by Brody's condo to tell him that pretty much everyone has warned Heidi not to get into anything serious with Spencer. When Brody stupidly asks why, Lauren tells him about Spencer's two-timing with Audrina and the flowers, and that he hits on girls every time he's out at a club. Brody reacts by chuckling at his degenerate friend's flirty flower buying, acknowledges that "maybe that was a little bit wrong", then spouts some nonsense about how Spencer feels threatened by her always getting into Heidi's ear and calling him shady. Lauren reminds him that Heidi was sobbing two episodes ago because of what his best friend did to her, then says if she weren't getting along with her best friend, she definitely wouldn't be happy.
"Spencer brought Audrina flowers, called her several times, and then pretended as if she were the one pursuing him."
"Tee hee. What a lovable cad he is."
Brody promptly reports to Spencer what Lauren just told him, and Spencer stares back at him incredulously and grumbles that she's going to have to "get over it". Brody brings up the Pinkberry/giving Audrina roses incident, and Spencer cackles about how Heidi told Lauren that the roses he bought were intended for her, then derisively mumbles, "Yeah, right. I'm not spending a dollar on you."
Spencer calls Heidi while she's at Bolthouse and whines about how Lauren told Brody she thinks she (Heidi) isn't happy anymore, which of course is a complete misrepresentation of what Lauren actually said. Heidi's all, "Wha-a-a?" and says she's the happiest she's ever been, and Spencer sourly says that clearly Lauren's too negative to see that. Heidi calls this conflict "so weird", says it's gotten sooo out of control, and that she wants everything to go back to normal.
Lauren is at FIDM, looking sad and wistful...and in the next scene she's driving home while continuing to look sad and wistful.
When Lauren returns home, Heidi asks her whaddup with her telling Brody that she (Lauren) thinks she (Heidi) is unhappy, so Lauren clarifies what she actually said: if she weren't getting along with her best friend, she would definitely not be happy. Heidi complains about how unfair it is that she feels as though she has to choose between her best friend and Spencer, and Lauren says that no one's making her choose, then snidely adds, "But you have chosen, for the last week and a half." She complains that this whole conflict came about 'cause she was the only friend who was willing to level with her about what a fucktard Spencer is...and Heidi says she haaaaates it when things aren't fine between them and can't stand the "weird space" that now exists between them. Lauren admonishes her for telling Spencer how much she disdains him, which he reacted to by buying her flowers, and Heidi's like, "Uh, those flowers weren't actually for you" and explains that for some inexplicable reason she thought it'd be hilarious to present them to her as a gift from Spencer. Lauren's all 'the fuck?', shoots her the stink-eye for several long seconds, then mutters, "I really don't want to talk to you right now" before storming up to her bedroom.
Spencer calls Heidi while she's at Bolthouse and whines about how Lauren told Brody she thinks she (Heidi) isn't happy anymore, which of course is a complete misrepresentation of what Lauren actually said. Heidi's all, "Wha-a-a?" and says she's the happiest she's ever been, and Spencer sourly says that clearly Lauren's too negative to see that. Heidi calls this conflict "so weird", says it's gotten sooo out of control, and that she wants everything to go back to normal.
Lauren is at FIDM, looking sad and wistful...and in the next scene she's driving home while continuing to look sad and wistful.
When Lauren returns home, Heidi asks her whaddup with her telling Brody that she (Lauren) thinks she (Heidi) is unhappy, so Lauren clarifies what she actually said: if she weren't getting along with her best friend, she would definitely not be happy. Heidi complains about how unfair it is that she feels as though she has to choose between her best friend and Spencer, and Lauren says that no one's making her choose, then snidely adds, "But you have chosen, for the last week and a half." She complains that this whole conflict came about 'cause she was the only friend who was willing to level with her about what a fucktard Spencer is...and Heidi says she haaaaates it when things aren't fine between them and can't stand the "weird space" that now exists between them. Lauren admonishes her for telling Spencer how much she disdains him, which he reacted to by buying her flowers, and Heidi's like, "Uh, those flowers weren't actually for you" and explains that for some inexplicable reason she thought it'd be hilarious to present them to her as a gift from Spencer. Lauren's all 'the fuck?', shoots her the stink-eye for several long seconds, then mutters, "I really don't want to talk to you right now" before storming up to her bedroom.
"When I fibbed about Spencer giving you the roses, I assumed you knew that it was just me being hilarious."
"I'm sure that one day I'll be able to laugh about it."
Heidi packs her suitcase for her slumber party, then knocks on Lauren's door to see if she's ready to talk yet...and when Lauren tells her to go pee up a rope, Heidi gives up and heads off to Spencer's lair.
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"So...when can I expect to get my own reality show?"
"One Big Interruption"
Original airdate: 2/12/2007
Episode summary: Lauren is asked to join forces with Emily "super intern" to help plan a Teen Vogue dinner party. Heidi decides to reconcile with Spencer.
Original airdate: 2/12/2007
Episode summary: Lauren is asked to join forces with Emily "super intern" to help plan a Teen Vogue dinner party. Heidi decides to reconcile with Spencer.
Recap: Audrina drops by the apartment to see how Heidi's doing after catching Spencer hanging with playmates during the previous episode, and Heidi motions at her head and calls herself death face, then says that one of the playmates was heard calling Spencer her boo. Audrina cites that as yet more proof that he's a dirt bag, and Lauren concurs and rhetorically asks Heidi how many more people need to point out what a total cretin he is for her to finally get it?!! Audrina recalls the day Spencer brought her roses at Pinkberry and then later hooked up with Heidi...and Heidi pretends as though this is the first she's heard of it [despite Audrina telling her all about it during dinner last episode] and swiftly dials Spencer's number, puts him on speaker, and calls him out on his brazen two-timing. After he replies with a muffled response that's too incoherent to get subtitled, Heidi tells him she's so angry she's shaking, and that she haaaates finding out from other people the various shitty things he's been doing behind her back. After she hangs up, Lauren cautions her to steer clear of the manipulative dickwad.
At Teen Vogue, Lisa Love informs Whitney and Lauren that the magazine is hosting a dinner for young designers tomorrow night, and that a "super intern" named Emily from the New York office [where she works under Jane Keltner's tutelage] will be flying in to help with the planning. She adds that she expects everything to be carried out in accordance with the Teen Vogue's usual high standards. Once Lauren and Whitney are back in the closet office, they wonder if an intern who reports to someone as prim and uptight as Jane Keltner will be similarly prim and uptight [spoiler: yes].
Spencer calls Heidi while she's at Bolthouse...and when she decides to pick up, he cackles, "Oooh hoo, look who picks up their phone", calls it weird that she hasn't been calling him back, and can't seem to grasp why she's been avoiding him. Heidi quietly reminds him that she caught him red-handed with playmates at Area, and he's all, "Why are you whispering?", so she explains that he's interrupting her at her faux workplace, then snidely adds, "You're one big interruption in my life." Spencer says he didn't think that going to Area with a bunch of playmates was any big deal, particularly since he didn't kiss or hook up with any of them...and when Heidi asks, "How do I know?", he bitchily retorts, "'Cause I'm telling you. I'm not a liar." Heidi calls the whole incident "very sketchy" and that if he wants her in his life he needs to respect her need for time and space...and the fuckhead responds by daring her to ignore him for a week, then snarls, "Let's see if I'm here to call" and hangs up.
At Teen Vogue, Lisa Love informs Whitney and Lauren that the magazine is hosting a dinner for young designers tomorrow night, and that a "super intern" named Emily from the New York office [where she works under Jane Keltner's tutelage] will be flying in to help with the planning. She adds that she expects everything to be carried out in accordance with the Teen Vogue's usual high standards. Once Lauren and Whitney are back in the closet office, they wonder if an intern who reports to someone as prim and uptight as Jane Keltner will be similarly prim and uptight [spoiler: yes].
Spencer calls Heidi while she's at Bolthouse...and when she decides to pick up, he cackles, "Oooh hoo, look who picks up their phone", calls it weird that she hasn't been calling him back, and can't seem to grasp why she's been avoiding him. Heidi quietly reminds him that she caught him red-handed with playmates at Area, and he's all, "Why are you whispering?", so she explains that he's interrupting her at her faux workplace, then snidely adds, "You're one big interruption in my life." Spencer says he didn't think that going to Area with a bunch of playmates was any big deal, particularly since he didn't kiss or hook up with any of them...and when Heidi asks, "How do I know?", he bitchily retorts, "'Cause I'm telling you. I'm not a liar." Heidi calls the whole incident "very sketchy" and that if he wants her in his life he needs to respect her need for time and space...and the fuckhead responds by daring her to ignore him for a week, then snarls, "Let's see if I'm here to call" and hangs up.
"I'm still mad at you for hanging out with playmates in public."
"You must have me confused with a different reality show man-whore."
Emily "super intern" arrives at Teen Vogue, plops her gold purse atop Lauren's desk in the closet office, then gets to work making photocopies. A few minutes later, Lauren arrives and stares at the purse in puzzlement - just as Emily enters the room, introduces herself, and promptly gets down to business. She recites a to do list for their busy day ahead in preparation for the big dinner:
Over at Bolthouse Productions, Kristen stops by Heidi's desk to re-emphasize what a douchebag Spencer is for keeping company with playmates at Area last weekend. Heidi concurs and says she's still very miffed that he would embarrass her like that in front of her co-workers.
Lauren is en route to The Velvet Garden with Emily, who gabbles about Lisa wanting chinoiserie vases for the centerpiece flowers. Lauren scrunches her face confusedly and says she has no idea what chinoiserie is, then chuckles about the needless expense and general ridiculousness of buying a bunch of fancy new vases to use as centerpieces for one lousy dinner party - right?! - but a humorless Emily's like, "I don't find it ridiculous at all", insists that that kind of minutiae is crucially important to the success of an upscale dinner party, and that everything Teen Vogue does has to be "just so". After that fun awkwardness, the two arrive at The Velvet Garden, where Emily takes charge and selects the appropriate chinoiserie vases, and impresses the saleswoman with her vast knowledge of flower types. The camera then pans over to Lauren, who looks completely out of her element and is staring despondently at Emily's selections.
- MapQuesting (how 2007!) a florist called The Velvet Garden, then driving over there to carefully select flowers for the centerpieces
- Overseeing the delivery of stuff for the fancy place settings
- Sending out invitations with directions to the venue, aka Kevin's house [we never find out who Kevin is]
Over at Bolthouse Productions, Kristen stops by Heidi's desk to re-emphasize what a douchebag Spencer is for keeping company with playmates at Area last weekend. Heidi concurs and says she's still very miffed that he would embarrass her like that in front of her co-workers.
Lauren is en route to The Velvet Garden with Emily, who gabbles about Lisa wanting chinoiserie vases for the centerpiece flowers. Lauren scrunches her face confusedly and says she has no idea what chinoiserie is, then chuckles about the needless expense and general ridiculousness of buying a bunch of fancy new vases to use as centerpieces for one lousy dinner party - right?! - but a humorless Emily's like, "I don't find it ridiculous at all", insists that that kind of minutiae is crucially important to the success of an upscale dinner party, and that everything Teen Vogue does has to be "just so". After that fun awkwardness, the two arrive at The Velvet Garden, where Emily takes charge and selects the appropriate chinoiserie vases, and impresses the saleswoman with her vast knowledge of flower types. The camera then pans over to Lauren, who looks completely out of her element and is staring despondently at Emily's selections.
"You're the smartest, prettiest customer I've ever helped."
"My florist never talks to me like that."
That evening, Heidi, Lauren, and Jen are out to dinner at Luna Park, and Heidi is prattling about how much she's loving being single right now. A few second later, she checks her phone and shrieks, "Stop texting me!" and explains to Lauren and Jen that Spencer keeps texting her and leaving her 'please don't dump me' voicemail messages. Jen threatens to toss her phone into her mojito, while Lauren flatly declares, "He's not a good guy", which prompts Heidi to stare contemplatively into space. Uh oh.
Lauren drops by Whitney's place to check on how she's doing after she had her wisdom teeth removed earlier in the day. Lauren gives her the low-down on Emily and says they definitely did not mesh while running errands...and Whitney chuckles and promises to be at Kevin's house later to help set up for the dinner.
At Bolthouse Productions, Heidi pulls Elodie aside to tell her how much she misses Spencer - &#%$!! - and Elodie stares back at her with a 'you can't be serious' look and asks her how she could possibly feel that way about a person who so creepily embarrassed and disrespected her. Heidi shrugs and replies, "You don't choose who you love" [yeah you do] and explains that Spencer's been wearing her down with his many texts and phone messages, telling her how desperately he wants to be her boyfriend [and continue reaping the financial rewards of keeping up with regular appearances on The Hills]. Elodie reminds her that he's only proven what an untrustworthy dinkwhistle he is, then asks what she plans to do about it...and Heidi just kind of shrugs and once again stares contemplatively into space.
Lauren drops by Whitney's place to check on how she's doing after she had her wisdom teeth removed earlier in the day. Lauren gives her the low-down on Emily and says they definitely did not mesh while running errands...and Whitney chuckles and promises to be at Kevin's house later to help set up for the dinner.
At Bolthouse Productions, Heidi pulls Elodie aside to tell her how much she misses Spencer - &#%$!! - and Elodie stares back at her with a 'you can't be serious' look and asks her how she could possibly feel that way about a person who so creepily embarrassed and disrespected her. Heidi shrugs and replies, "You don't choose who you love" [yeah you do] and explains that Spencer's been wearing her down with his many texts and phone messages, telling her how desperately he wants to be her boyfriend [and continue reaping the financial rewards of keeping up with regular appearances on The Hills]. Elodie reminds her that he's only proven what an untrustworthy dinkwhistle he is, then asks what she plans to do about it...and Heidi just kind of shrugs and once again stares contemplatively into space.
"I intend to forgive Spencer so I can start dating him again."
"Are you being serious, or did I accidentally stumble onto the set of Punk'd?"
Over at Kevin's house, Lauren, Whitney, and Emily are putting the final touches on the place settings for the Teen Vogue dinner party. Lauren remarks on the over-abundance of Emily's centerpiece flowers, but is ignored by Emily and Jane Keltner - until Lisa Love arrives, takes one look the ginormous garden of flowers clustered down the center of the table, and suggests they scale it down by half. Haha! Whitney quietly tells Lauren she's pretty sure they'll be invited to stay - just as Lisa informs Emily that she's been chosen to dine with the fashion glitterati...unlike Lauren and Whitney, who will need to skedaddle asap. Lauren and Whitney beat a hasty retreat and head to the nearest drive-thru, where they eat hamburgers and chuckle over Lisa's more-rude-than-usual snub.
Heidi emerges from the Hillside Villas lobby decked out in a strapless black dress and sashays in her usual overexaggerated wiggly hips manner to Spencer's black BMW. As she approaches the passenger door he coos, "Hello, beautiful" ... and a few seconds later, the two drive off together. Noooooooo!!
Heidi emerges from the Hillside Villas lobby decked out in a strapless black dress and sashays in her usual overexaggerated wiggly hips manner to Spencer's black BMW. As she approaches the passenger door he coos, "Hello, beautiful" ... and a few seconds later, the two drive off together. Noooooooo!!
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"I have a strong feeling that this douchebag could be the one."
"Who Do You Trust?"
Original airdate: 2/2/2007
Episode summary: Heidi is devastated when she catches Spencer flirting with blonde playmates at Area.
Original airdate: 2/2/2007
Episode summary: Heidi is devastated when she catches Spencer flirting with blonde playmates at Area.
Recap: Lauren and Heidi are sunning themselves by the Hillside Villas pool, discussing the current boy situation. Lauren says she just wants to be friends with Brody, while Heidi insists that she and Spencer are becoming much more secure in their relationship. She then says she's meeting up with Audrina later 'cause she now realizes how stupid it is for them to not be friends, and Lauren nods approvingly and calls the impending reconciliation "very mature".
Heidi asks Brent if she can take some time off from pretending to work at Bolthouse in order to fly home to see her mom, and he says she's free to do whatever she wishes with her pretend vacation time. When she returns to her workstation, she gets a call from her co-worker Max (who looks to be situated a few feet away) to give her a heads-up about the dress code 'cause he just got "chewed out by Jen" over the yellow polka-dotted monstrosity of a shirt he fished out of his closet this morning...and says that while her low-cut, back-baring white dress is cute, it probably isn't appropriate office attire. Heidi breezily says she'll talk to Brent about it...and Max giggles girlishly to himself as he hangs up.
Heidi asks Brent if she can take some time off from pretending to work at Bolthouse in order to fly home to see her mom, and he says she's free to do whatever she wishes with her pretend vacation time. When she returns to her workstation, she gets a call from her co-worker Max (who looks to be situated a few feet away) to give her a heads-up about the dress code 'cause he just got "chewed out by Jen" over the yellow polka-dotted monstrosity of a shirt he fished out of his closet this morning...and says that while her low-cut, back-baring white dress is cute, it probably isn't appropriate office attire. Heidi breezily says she'll talk to Brent about it...and Max giggles girlishly to himself as he hangs up.
"Your skankwear isn't appropriate office attire."
"True; however, it is appropriate for an MTV reality show."
In the Teen Vogue closet office, Whitney asks Lauren if she's kissed Brody on any of their dates...and Lauren says that while she doesn't usually kiss and tell, she's pleased to report that:
Heidi meets up with Spencer for lunch, and the two are eating on an outdoor patio while she tells him about Max's criticism of her skimpy dress despite Brent not giving a rat's ass how someone who was cast in an MTV reality show dresses while pretending to work at his company. Spencer says he can't wait to run into Max in the clubs so he can take the low road and criticize his outfit. Heidi changes the subject and tells him she's having dinner with Audrina later in the episode...and Spencer looks displeased and reminds her that they're supposed to be mortal enemies - but Heidi says they used to be good friends and that she doesn't actually believe the nonsensical trash-talk he's been trying to pedal about Audrina plotting to break them up so she can have him for herself. LOL. Spencer's like, "Whatevs" and says he'd rather talk about how awesome and cute she is - then gets distracted when Heidi motions over at Elodie and Max, who just walked past their table and are about to enter the indoor part of the restaurant. Spencer shoots Max the stink-eye before wandering over to introduce himself and admonish him for daring to comment on Heidi's wardrobe. Max just kind of nods and pats Spencer on the shoulder as he attempts to quickly extricate himself from the ridiculous confrontation - but Spencer responds by shrieking, "Don't touch me, bro! That's assault!" He then follows Max down the street bellowing, "I'll see you in the club!" ... and when Max mutters about what a tool he is, he threatens, "I'll beat your ass!" As Heidi wrings her hands and is all, "You can't dooooo that, Spencer!", he insists he was being nice up until the tool remark, and assures a bewildered Elodie that he's not nearly as big a jerk as she could only assume he is. Heidi then half-heartedly chides him for his anger management issues as the two climb into her car and speed off.
- yes she has, and
- Brody is an excellent kisser
Heidi meets up with Spencer for lunch, and the two are eating on an outdoor patio while she tells him about Max's criticism of her skimpy dress despite Brent not giving a rat's ass how someone who was cast in an MTV reality show dresses while pretending to work at his company. Spencer says he can't wait to run into Max in the clubs so he can take the low road and criticize his outfit. Heidi changes the subject and tells him she's having dinner with Audrina later in the episode...and Spencer looks displeased and reminds her that they're supposed to be mortal enemies - but Heidi says they used to be good friends and that she doesn't actually believe the nonsensical trash-talk he's been trying to pedal about Audrina plotting to break them up so she can have him for herself. LOL. Spencer's like, "Whatevs" and says he'd rather talk about how awesome and cute she is - then gets distracted when Heidi motions over at Elodie and Max, who just walked past their table and are about to enter the indoor part of the restaurant. Spencer shoots Max the stink-eye before wandering over to introduce himself and admonish him for daring to comment on Heidi's wardrobe. Max just kind of nods and pats Spencer on the shoulder as he attempts to quickly extricate himself from the ridiculous confrontation - but Spencer responds by shrieking, "Don't touch me, bro! That's assault!" He then follows Max down the street bellowing, "I'll see you in the club!" ... and when Max mutters about what a tool he is, he threatens, "I'll beat your ass!" As Heidi wrings her hands and is all, "You can't dooooo that, Spencer!", he insists he was being nice up until the tool remark, and assures a bewildered Elodie that he's not nearly as big a jerk as she could only assume he is. Heidi then half-heartedly chides him for his anger management issues as the two climb into her car and speed off.
"You can't take it upon yourself to tell Heidi how she should dress in the office."
"I can and I do."
Over at Teen Vogue, Whitney tells Lauren she has a birthday party to go to, but doesn't have a thing to wear 'cause she hasn't had any time to go shoppingk. Lauren suggests she borrow something from the closet office, then changes the subject and tells her that Heidi and Audrina have plans to go to dinner so they can work through their contrived Spencer-instigated problems.
At dinner that evening, Heidi explains to Audrina that she didn't want to have any drama at her birthday party last episode and says she didn't much like it when she arrived at Area with Spencer while rumors were circulating that they had hooked up. Audrina makes an 'ew! gross!' face and makes it clear that Spencer is not her type. At all. And that she was thoroughly icked out whenever they happened to be in the same club and he'd do weird shit to try to make it look to everyone as if they were coupling up. Heidi says she's soooo sick of people warning her about Spencer 'cause they don't see what he's like when they're alone together...and Audrina refrains from telling her what a dumbass defense of him that is and asks her if she was with Spencer a couple of Saturdays ago. Heidi consults with her planner and says it looks like she was, and Audrina tells her that Spencer had called her that day - but she didn't bother calling him back, given how revolting she finds him. She urges Heidi to be careful with this turd of a man-child, but stupid Heidi just sips her drink and mutters, "I dunno."
At dinner that evening, Heidi explains to Audrina that she didn't want to have any drama at her birthday party last episode and says she didn't much like it when she arrived at Area with Spencer while rumors were circulating that they had hooked up. Audrina makes an 'ew! gross!' face and makes it clear that Spencer is not her type. At all. And that she was thoroughly icked out whenever they happened to be in the same club and he'd do weird shit to try to make it look to everyone as if they were coupling up. Heidi says she's soooo sick of people warning her about Spencer 'cause they don't see what he's like when they're alone together...and Audrina refrains from telling her what a dumbass defense of him that is and asks her if she was with Spencer a couple of Saturdays ago. Heidi consults with her planner and says it looks like she was, and Audrina tells her that Spencer had called her that day - but she didn't bother calling him back, given how revolting she finds him. She urges Heidi to be careful with this turd of a man-child, but stupid Heidi just sips her drink and mutters, "I dunno."
"I could never be interested in a manipulative Chucky doll look-alike."
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
Heidi reports back to Lauren that Spencer has been calling Audrina, and Lauren agrees that it's annoying to have people constantly warning her about what a douchebag the guy she's currently dating is. Lauren then back pedals from that and nonsensically pronounces that while she doesn't completely trust Spencer, she does trust that he likes her...then asks Heidi who she trusts more - Audrina or Spencer - and Heidi mulls that over for a few seconds before replying, "I dunno."
Heidi packs for her trip to Colorado to visit her mom and tells Lauren to go out to the clubs tonight so that she can report back on how well/abominably Spencer is behaving. She then admits she's sooooo jealous at the thought of him flirting with other girls, a state of mind I can only describe as baffling in the extreme.
Over at Condo Dipstick, Spencer tells Brody he thought he'd shake things up on The Hills by inviting a bunch of blonde playmates to hang with them while Heidi's out of town - but will surely learn about after she sees the MTV footage. A few seconds later, four bosomy blonde playmates arrive...and everyone raises their glasses in a toast to an amaaaazing night at Area.
Heidi ends up missing her flight to Colorado and primps with Lauren and Jen in the bathroom as they get ready for their night out. Heidi says she didn't inform Spencer that she'll be in L.A. this weekend after all and looks forward to surprising him and seeing for herself the depths of boorishness to which he sinks when he thinks she isn't around.
At Area, one of the playmates tells Spencer she's doing a naked picnic photo shoot tomorrow, and Spencer looks intrigued and jokingly proposes marriage.
Heidi arrives at Area and hugs her co-worker Kristen, who tells her that Spencer arrived at the club with a bunch of blonde bimbos in tow...and Heidi manages to contort her face into an expression of shock and asks, "What blonde bimbos?" - but in the next breath chirps, "This is going to be fun!"
The Hills gals enter Area, make a beeline over to where Spencer and Brody are chillin' with the playmates, and shriek, "Spennnnnncer! Surprise!" ... and he responds by clapping his hands and saying to Heidi, "Aaah, so you had a little plan, look at you." Heidi explains that she unexpectedly missed her flight to Colorado, then storms off to the bathroom while Lauren gives Brody a hello canoodle and engages in pleasant small talk. When Heidi emerges from the bathroom, she pulls Lauren aside to tell her she has it on good authority (aka one of the blonde bimbos who was in the condo) that Spencer has been hitting on every girl in the club. Heidi confronts Spencer about his coarse behavior...but he just chortles and asks her to give him a hug. She declines and says she no longer believes what comes out of his mouth 'cause it's usually a giant load of bullcack, then stalks off before exiting the club and climbing into a taxi with Lauren.
At Hillside Villas, Heidi sobs on the couch and cries, "Just hang up! I'm over you! It's fine!" while Lauren actually expends energy talking to Spencer via Heidi's phone, calling him out for hanging with playmates when he thought Heidi would be in Colorado. She exclaims that when he called she "had to pick up the phone like I had to pick up my best friend and carry her upstairs!" [even though it's doubtful she physically carried Heidi up the stairwell and then down the long hall to the apartment]. She looks aghast at whatever he's saying in response, tells him he has to figure out what he wants with Heidi, and that (maybe) Heidi will call him tomorrow.
Heidi packs for her trip to Colorado to visit her mom and tells Lauren to go out to the clubs tonight so that she can report back on how well/abominably Spencer is behaving. She then admits she's sooooo jealous at the thought of him flirting with other girls, a state of mind I can only describe as baffling in the extreme.
Over at Condo Dipstick, Spencer tells Brody he thought he'd shake things up on The Hills by inviting a bunch of blonde playmates to hang with them while Heidi's out of town - but will surely learn about after she sees the MTV footage. A few seconds later, four bosomy blonde playmates arrive...and everyone raises their glasses in a toast to an amaaaazing night at Area.
Heidi ends up missing her flight to Colorado and primps with Lauren and Jen in the bathroom as they get ready for their night out. Heidi says she didn't inform Spencer that she'll be in L.A. this weekend after all and looks forward to surprising him and seeing for herself the depths of boorishness to which he sinks when he thinks she isn't around.
At Area, one of the playmates tells Spencer she's doing a naked picnic photo shoot tomorrow, and Spencer looks intrigued and jokingly proposes marriage.
Heidi arrives at Area and hugs her co-worker Kristen, who tells her that Spencer arrived at the club with a bunch of blonde bimbos in tow...and Heidi manages to contort her face into an expression of shock and asks, "What blonde bimbos?" - but in the next breath chirps, "This is going to be fun!"
The Hills gals enter Area, make a beeline over to where Spencer and Brody are chillin' with the playmates, and shriek, "Spennnnnncer! Surprise!" ... and he responds by clapping his hands and saying to Heidi, "Aaah, so you had a little plan, look at you." Heidi explains that she unexpectedly missed her flight to Colorado, then storms off to the bathroom while Lauren gives Brody a hello canoodle and engages in pleasant small talk. When Heidi emerges from the bathroom, she pulls Lauren aside to tell her she has it on good authority (aka one of the blonde bimbos who was in the condo) that Spencer has been hitting on every girl in the club. Heidi confronts Spencer about his coarse behavior...but he just chortles and asks her to give him a hug. She declines and says she no longer believes what comes out of his mouth 'cause it's usually a giant load of bullcack, then stalks off before exiting the club and climbing into a taxi with Lauren.
At Hillside Villas, Heidi sobs on the couch and cries, "Just hang up! I'm over you! It's fine!" while Lauren actually expends energy talking to Spencer via Heidi's phone, calling him out for hanging with playmates when he thought Heidi would be in Colorado. She exclaims that when he called she "had to pick up the phone like I had to pick up my best friend and carry her upstairs!" [even though it's doubtful she physically carried Heidi up the stairwell and then down the long hall to the apartment]. She looks aghast at whatever he's saying in response, tells him he has to figure out what he wants with Heidi, and that (maybe) Heidi will call him tomorrow.
"You're a lying, cheating manwhore."
"Yep, looks like someone has me pegged just right."
Heidi tearfully tells Lauren she was starting to fall in love with the shitbag, and Lauren gives her a comforting hug and cautions her against falling in love with anyone in L.A. Especially while filming an MTV reality show.
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The Hills gals hold a summit to discuss Brody's suitability to become Lauren's new suitor
"The Best Night Ever"
Original airdate: 1/29/2007
Episode summary: Audrina crashes Heidi's birthday party in an effort to salvage their friendship. Lauren and Brody canoodle at his condo.
Original airdate: 1/29/2007
Episode summary: Audrina crashes Heidi's birthday party in an effort to salvage their friendship. Lauren and Brody canoodle at his condo.
Recap: Lauren and Heidi are out shopping for dresses to wear to Heidi's upcoming birthday party. Heidi says she invited Whitney [despite her complete lack of interest in attending] - but not Audrina, though she'll consider being cordial to her if they happen to cross paths.
Lauren meets up with Brody for lunch, and the two talk about their past relationships and how Brody likes to jump from one relationship to another without skipping a beat. He shrugs and tells her it always just seems to happen that way, then says he currently has an opening for someone to cuddle with while the MTV cameras are rolling.
At Epic Records, Audrina wanders over to Chiara's cubicle to smilingly discuss the inanity that is the her/Heidi/Spencer feud situation. She insists that nothing is going on between her and Spencer, who she describes as a pig and a dirtbag...and says that despite not being invited to Heidi's birthday party, the producers are making her go to Les Deux to wish the nitwit a happy birthday and ask whaddup with all the snubbing.
Lauren meets up with Brody for lunch, and the two talk about their past relationships and how Brody likes to jump from one relationship to another without skipping a beat. He shrugs and tells her it always just seems to happen that way, then says he currently has an opening for someone to cuddle with while the MTV cameras are rolling.
At Epic Records, Audrina wanders over to Chiara's cubicle to smilingly discuss the inanity that is the her/Heidi/Spencer feud situation. She insists that nothing is going on between her and Spencer, who she describes as a pig and a dirtbag...and says that despite not being invited to Heidi's birthday party, the producers are making her go to Les Deux to wish the nitwit a happy birthday and ask whaddup with all the snubbing.
"Tonight I'm crashing Heidi's birthday party to find out why she's so mad at me. Care to join me?"
"Sorry, I'll be too busy washing my hair."
Heidi and Lauren arrive at a fancy salon to get their hair done for the party. Heidi tells the stylist she wants a fun, sexy, sophisticated Audrey Hepburn-type 'do, then tells Lauren she's not lifting a finger to do her own makeup 'cause on her special day she considers herself to be an American princess. Lauren says that Whitney probably won't make the party 'cause she's "too tired" [and clearly uninterested in coming up with a nicer sounding excuse she could at least have put an ounce of effort into], and Heidi just shrugs and once again declares that Audrina is definitely not invited.
Party time! Heidi's birthday party is in full swing at Les Deux, and after Heidi hugs guests upon their arrival, Lauren brings out a ginormous cake featuring an edible photo of Heidi as a little girl. Heidi blows out the candles, poses with the cake, and obnoxiously shrieks, "I'm soooo cute! Nobody can eat me!" Across the room, Spencer tells Brody that Lauren is soooo his style, but Brody shrugs noncommittally and says he's not sure 'bout dating someone new 'cause he just got out of an entanglement. Lauren, meanwhile, tells Heidi she's not ready to jump into a relationship with anyone, much less a vapid tool like Brody, but Heidi urges her to throw all good taste to the wind and aspire to become the womanizer's newest lady love.
Audrina arrives at Les Deux talking into two different cell phones, then comes to the second floor of the club to look around for the birthday girl. When she finally finds Heidi, she asks if she's mad at her...and Heidi just shrugs, avoids making eye contact while muttering, "It's cool", then says she doesn't want to discuss anything feud-related on her birthday. A bewildered Audrina tells an unnamed friend how weird it is that Heidi acts as if she barely knows her - just as Jen Bunney tells Lauren she could use more MTV airtime and is therefore taking it upon herself to confront Audrina about "talking shit on Heidi", even though Lauren's like, "Uh, she's not" and that she and Audrina have plans to talk through this nonsense at lunch tomorrow. Jen's like 'whatever' and barrels ahead with an awkward sit-down with Audrina, who she insults by calling "such a random girl" [in true pot calling the kettle black fashion] and tells her she's taken it upon herself to ensure that Heidi has a great birthday. Audrina explains that she merely came upstairs to wish Heidi a happy birthday - but since she's obviously not welcome to stay, she and her friends are leaving. Jen agrees that that would be best and says, "Not that I don't like you or anything" as Audrina collects her friends and exits the club. A few seconds later in the parking lot, Audrina wails into one of her cell phones that she has no idea what she did to make all the mean girls hate her so much.
After the party, Lauren, Heidi, and Jen head over to Hillside Villas, eat Chinese takeout, and gigglingly discuss the prospect of Lauren and Brody becoming an item. Jen tells Lauren she thinks that Brody really likes her, Lauren says she's not sure what the hell she wants when it comes to dating, and Heidi acknowledges that Brody is nothing more substantive than arm candy.
The next day in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney she's expected to come to lunch with her and Audrina and listen to a re-hash of the Audrina/Heidi feud...and Whitney's all 'the fuuuuuuck am I doing on this show?'
At Café Verona, Lauren and Audrina discuss Heidi's snubbing of Audrina last night, while Whitney stares blankly into space and kicks herself for not invoking her "I'm too tired" excuse to avoid having to tag along. Audrina kicks things off by explaining that she had no intention of ruining Heidi's birthday party and merely wanted to wish her a happy birthday and casually inquire as to why she's been shunned by the rest of The Hills' cast for the last three episodes for trying to steal Heidi's man when it's become crystal clear how repulsed she is by the notion of getting busy with the horrid Chucky look-alike. Lauren tells her that Heidi didn't want to focus on anything not birthday-related during her birthday party, to which Audrina argues that Heidi has flatly refused to talk to her at all. The two agree that much of this contrived conflict is Spencer's doing, but then just leave it at that (!) ... and Whitney snaps out of her detachment long enough to suggest to Audrina that maybe she and Heidi have just drifted apart the way friends sometimes do. The camera then pans over their faces for several seconds as they mutely stare at each other, their faces scrunched in perplexed contemplation.
Party time! Heidi's birthday party is in full swing at Les Deux, and after Heidi hugs guests upon their arrival, Lauren brings out a ginormous cake featuring an edible photo of Heidi as a little girl. Heidi blows out the candles, poses with the cake, and obnoxiously shrieks, "I'm soooo cute! Nobody can eat me!" Across the room, Spencer tells Brody that Lauren is soooo his style, but Brody shrugs noncommittally and says he's not sure 'bout dating someone new 'cause he just got out of an entanglement. Lauren, meanwhile, tells Heidi she's not ready to jump into a relationship with anyone, much less a vapid tool like Brody, but Heidi urges her to throw all good taste to the wind and aspire to become the womanizer's newest lady love.
Audrina arrives at Les Deux talking into two different cell phones, then comes to the second floor of the club to look around for the birthday girl. When she finally finds Heidi, she asks if she's mad at her...and Heidi just shrugs, avoids making eye contact while muttering, "It's cool", then says she doesn't want to discuss anything feud-related on her birthday. A bewildered Audrina tells an unnamed friend how weird it is that Heidi acts as if she barely knows her - just as Jen Bunney tells Lauren she could use more MTV airtime and is therefore taking it upon herself to confront Audrina about "talking shit on Heidi", even though Lauren's like, "Uh, she's not" and that she and Audrina have plans to talk through this nonsense at lunch tomorrow. Jen's like 'whatever' and barrels ahead with an awkward sit-down with Audrina, who she insults by calling "such a random girl" [in true pot calling the kettle black fashion] and tells her she's taken it upon herself to ensure that Heidi has a great birthday. Audrina explains that she merely came upstairs to wish Heidi a happy birthday - but since she's obviously not welcome to stay, she and her friends are leaving. Jen agrees that that would be best and says, "Not that I don't like you or anything" as Audrina collects her friends and exits the club. A few seconds later in the parking lot, Audrina wails into one of her cell phones that she has no idea what she did to make all the mean girls hate her so much.
After the party, Lauren, Heidi, and Jen head over to Hillside Villas, eat Chinese takeout, and gigglingly discuss the prospect of Lauren and Brody becoming an item. Jen tells Lauren she thinks that Brody really likes her, Lauren says she's not sure what the hell she wants when it comes to dating, and Heidi acknowledges that Brody is nothing more substantive than arm candy.
The next day in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney she's expected to come to lunch with her and Audrina and listen to a re-hash of the Audrina/Heidi feud...and Whitney's all 'the fuuuuuuck am I doing on this show?'
At Café Verona, Lauren and Audrina discuss Heidi's snubbing of Audrina last night, while Whitney stares blankly into space and kicks herself for not invoking her "I'm too tired" excuse to avoid having to tag along. Audrina kicks things off by explaining that she had no intention of ruining Heidi's birthday party and merely wanted to wish her a happy birthday and casually inquire as to why she's been shunned by the rest of The Hills' cast for the last three episodes for trying to steal Heidi's man when it's become crystal clear how repulsed she is by the notion of getting busy with the horrid Chucky look-alike. Lauren tells her that Heidi didn't want to focus on anything not birthday-related during her birthday party, to which Audrina argues that Heidi has flatly refused to talk to her at all. The two agree that much of this contrived conflict is Spencer's doing, but then just leave it at that (!) ... and Whitney snaps out of her detachment long enough to suggest to Audrina that maybe she and Heidi have just drifted apart the way friends sometimes do. The camera then pans over their faces for several seconds as they mutely stare at each other, their faces scrunched in perplexed contemplation.
"I will do whatever it takes to get to the bottom of the feud that was sown by Spencer and The Hills producers."
"I could not give any less of a shit."
Lauren tells Heidi the lunch went fine, and that if she sees Audrina out in the clubs it's not going to be an issue. Heidi looks disconcerted as she mulls that over, then sing-songishly retorts, "I don't care. I have too many friends and too little time." As Lauren stares back at her with a 'the fuck?' look, Heidi switches gears and decrees how they should spend the rest of the day: nap, dinner, meet up with Spencer and Brody at Area.
Later, Lauren and Heidi arrive at Area and greet Spencer and Brody with happy hugs. Across the club, Audrina tells her friends she's getting tired of being the pariah of the show, and one of her friends concurs with how dicked up that is and derisively calls Spencer "the ultimate cheese". LOL. Spencer, meanwhile, urges Heidi to not let Audrina come between them [despite his effort at keeping the ever implausible 'oh no...two hot girls are fighting over me' conundrum alive], then barks at Jen to move her keister so that Lauren can sit beside Brody and endure his gushing about her gorgeous eyes and how he really really likes hanging out with her. A few seconds later, a puzzled Heidi glances around Area and asks Spencer where Lauren and Brody disappeared to. Mmm hmm..
Brody takes Lauren to his condo, then steers her over to his terrace so the two can stare out at the fantastic view of L.A. and gabble about what a fantastic time they had at Area. Brody leans in for a kiss, which prompts Lauren to giggle and call him a cheeseball - bwahahaha! - and he's like, "If by cheeseball you mean that I keep it real, then yeah I'm a cheeseball" and smarmily compliments her smile for the thousandth time.
Later, Lauren and Heidi arrive at Area and greet Spencer and Brody with happy hugs. Across the club, Audrina tells her friends she's getting tired of being the pariah of the show, and one of her friends concurs with how dicked up that is and derisively calls Spencer "the ultimate cheese". LOL. Spencer, meanwhile, urges Heidi to not let Audrina come between them [despite his effort at keeping the ever implausible 'oh no...two hot girls are fighting over me' conundrum alive], then barks at Jen to move her keister so that Lauren can sit beside Brody and endure his gushing about her gorgeous eyes and how he really really likes hanging out with her. A few seconds later, a puzzled Heidi glances around Area and asks Spencer where Lauren and Brody disappeared to. Mmm hmm..
Brody takes Lauren to his condo, then steers her over to his terrace so the two can stare out at the fantastic view of L.A. and gabble about what a fantastic time they had at Area. Brody leans in for a kiss, which prompts Lauren to giggle and call him a cheeseball - bwahahaha! - and he's like, "If by cheeseball you mean that I keep it real, then yeah I'm a cheeseball" and smarmily compliments her smile for the thousandth time.
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Ashley Paige's runway models eagerly anticipate the upcoming fashion show
"When You Least Expect It"
Original airdate: 1/22/2007
Episode summary: Lauren is tasked with behind-the-scenes scutwork at an Ashley Paige fashion show. Heidi breaks the news to Spencer that she's not, or was ever carrying his demon spawn.
Original airdate: 1/22/2007
Episode summary: Lauren is tasked with behind-the-scenes scutwork at an Ashley Paige fashion show. Heidi breaks the news to Spencer that she's not, or was ever carrying his demon spawn.
Recap: Heidi emerges from the bathroom and tells Lauren how nauseous and dizzy she's been feeling lately, and that these symptoms led her to the worrisome conclusion that she might be in a family way. She adds that she just took a pregnancy test - but wants to continue to keep viewers in suspense until she reveals the results directly to Spencer during the first of their many in-car tête-à-têtes.
Later, Heidi calls Spencer from her workstation and asks him to meet her in the back alley behind Bolthouse 'cause there's something super important they need to discuss.
Over at Teen Vogue, Lisa Love summons Lauren and Whitney to her office to inform them about tomorrow's assignment: behind-the-scenes scutwork for designer Ashley Paige in preparation for her bikini fashion show. Whitney says she has class tomorrow but will rush over to the studio asap, so Lisa turns her attention to Lauren and emphasizes how crucially important it is to the very foundation of Teen Vogue that she not piss off Ashley Paige and obediently carry out whatever menial shit is asked of her.
When Spencer rolls up in his black BMW, Heidi climbs into the passenger seat with her most serious face on and explains that she's been feeling sick and nauseous for the last few days. After a pregnant pause (hee!), during which a grinning Spencer just stares at her with a 'yeah, and..?' expression, Heidi natters that she's unsure exactly how he feels about her other than her assumption, "I get that you like me, whatever", and Spencer interjects and says he more than just likes her - waaaaay more, in fact - but won't tell her what she should do with her body and that he'll go "either way with this". Heidi reveals that she took a pregnancy test...then pauses...for maximum...dramatic effect...before the anti-climactic revelation: "I'm not pregnant." Spencer tells her he's kinda irked about how hard she worked just now to give him the impression she was pregnant in order to gauge his reaction to the startling news. Heidi explains that her faux pregnancy scare made her ponder the seriousness of their unholy coupling, and Spencer assures her she can stop being jealous of Audrina, who he insists he never tried to hook up with and describes as "out of her mind". Heidi half-heartedly chides, "I'm so mad at you still!", but otherwise seems satisfied with his 'I waaaaay more than just like you' declaration and promises to call him later.
Later, Heidi calls Spencer from her workstation and asks him to meet her in the back alley behind Bolthouse 'cause there's something super important they need to discuss.
Over at Teen Vogue, Lisa Love summons Lauren and Whitney to her office to inform them about tomorrow's assignment: behind-the-scenes scutwork for designer Ashley Paige in preparation for her bikini fashion show. Whitney says she has class tomorrow but will rush over to the studio asap, so Lisa turns her attention to Lauren and emphasizes how crucially important it is to the very foundation of Teen Vogue that she not piss off Ashley Paige and obediently carry out whatever menial shit is asked of her.
When Spencer rolls up in his black BMW, Heidi climbs into the passenger seat with her most serious face on and explains that she's been feeling sick and nauseous for the last few days. After a pregnant pause (hee!), during which a grinning Spencer just stares at her with a 'yeah, and..?' expression, Heidi natters that she's unsure exactly how he feels about her other than her assumption, "I get that you like me, whatever", and Spencer interjects and says he more than just likes her - waaaaay more, in fact - but won't tell her what she should do with her body and that he'll go "either way with this". Heidi reveals that she took a pregnancy test...then pauses...for maximum...dramatic effect...before the anti-climactic revelation: "I'm not pregnant." Spencer tells her he's kinda irked about how hard she worked just now to give him the impression she was pregnant in order to gauge his reaction to the startling news. Heidi explains that her faux pregnancy scare made her ponder the seriousness of their unholy coupling, and Spencer assures her she can stop being jealous of Audrina, who he insists he never tried to hook up with and describes as "out of her mind". Heidi half-heartedly chides, "I'm so mad at you still!", but otherwise seems satisfied with his 'I waaaaay more than just like you' declaration and promises to call him later.
"I thought it would be best to share my pregnancy test story by revealing the results in the most dragged out manner possible."
"I'll just sit here, grinning like an idiot, regardless of the outcome."
The next day, Heidi tells Lauren she gave Brody Jenner her phone number and says it'd be cool if the two of them hooked up, given that he's Spencer's BFF...which, under any other circumstance, would mostly serve as a deterrent. Lauren's all, "Ewww! He's been tainted by Kristin [Cavallari]!", but Heidi's like, "Yeah, whatever. Just answer your cell when he calls you."
Lauren arrives at the Ashley Paige Store, where two models are slumped across a couch in anticipation of the fashion show. Amid Ashley's vocal bitchery about the general uselessness of interns, Lauren is immediately put to work answering phones and digging through a jar of wax to find the wick of what Ashley calls a special "green money" candle. She's impressed when Lauren manages to find and light the wick and happily pronounces, "You can stay", then assigns her the task of sewing flower petals on the top of a black parasol.
Spencer phones Audrina...and when she answers (for whatever God-only-knows-why reason) he mumbles in his weird sing-songy way, "Well look who it is, my favorite person in the world" and invites her out to dinner. Audrina declines, says she's not interested in giving any more oxygen to the contrived feud between herself and Heidi, and abruptly hangs up. Bwahahaha! She definitely seems of sound mind to me.
The Ashley Paige crew has transported itself to the fashion show venue, where the models are backstage, getting their hair and makeup done. Whitney arrives and immediately jumps in to help Lauren et. al. get the models in show order...and during that chaos, Lauren gets a call from Brody. She tells him she's going to have to put a pin in their conversation 'cause right now things are too frantic at Model Central. The bikini fashion show gets underway, appears to run smoothly, and afterwards Ashley gushes to Lauren how thrilled she is with her help and jokingly (?) asks if she can steal her away from Lisa Love.
Later at Hillside Villas, Heidi notices that Brody is calling Lauren's cell, so she answers, "Heidi's dating service" ... and Brody chortles about how hilarious he finds that. Heidi hands the phone to Lauren, who apologizes for having to cut their earlier conversation short and accepts his dinner invitation for tomorrow night.
Lisa Love thanks Lauren for her assistance to Ashley Paige and says she was reportedly very helpful. She surmises that one of Lauren's strengths in the fashion world seems to be responding to orders that get barked at her by crotchety designers...and Lauren pretends that she loved every minute of answering the phone, digging through candle wax, and helping arrange the bikini models in proper runway order.
Lauren arrives at the Ashley Paige Store, where two models are slumped across a couch in anticipation of the fashion show. Amid Ashley's vocal bitchery about the general uselessness of interns, Lauren is immediately put to work answering phones and digging through a jar of wax to find the wick of what Ashley calls a special "green money" candle. She's impressed when Lauren manages to find and light the wick and happily pronounces, "You can stay", then assigns her the task of sewing flower petals on the top of a black parasol.
Spencer phones Audrina...and when she answers (for whatever God-only-knows-why reason) he mumbles in his weird sing-songy way, "Well look who it is, my favorite person in the world" and invites her out to dinner. Audrina declines, says she's not interested in giving any more oxygen to the contrived feud between herself and Heidi, and abruptly hangs up. Bwahahaha! She definitely seems of sound mind to me.
The Ashley Paige crew has transported itself to the fashion show venue, where the models are backstage, getting their hair and makeup done. Whitney arrives and immediately jumps in to help Lauren et. al. get the models in show order...and during that chaos, Lauren gets a call from Brody. She tells him she's going to have to put a pin in their conversation 'cause right now things are too frantic at Model Central. The bikini fashion show gets underway, appears to run smoothly, and afterwards Ashley gushes to Lauren how thrilled she is with her help and jokingly (?) asks if she can steal her away from Lisa Love.
Later at Hillside Villas, Heidi notices that Brody is calling Lauren's cell, so she answers, "Heidi's dating service" ... and Brody chortles about how hilarious he finds that. Heidi hands the phone to Lauren, who apologizes for having to cut their earlier conversation short and accepts his dinner invitation for tomorrow night.
Lisa Love thanks Lauren for her assistance to Ashley Paige and says she was reportedly very helpful. She surmises that one of Lauren's strengths in the fashion world seems to be responding to orders that get barked at her by crotchety designers...and Lauren pretends that she loved every minute of answering the phone, digging through candle wax, and helping arrange the bikini models in proper runway order.
"Thanks for not screwing the pooch on this week's assignment."
"Thanks for not once again dredging up my decision to decline Paris."
Lauren is in her Hillside Villas bathroom, primping for her date with Brody and telling Heidi that, fingers crossed, at worst the evening will be a harmless dinner outing.
Lauren and Brody arrive at a restaurant named Social, and he waxes on about how amaaaaazing she looks, repeatedly (to the point of creepishness) compliments her pretty smile, and thanks her for being the hottest arm candy of all the arm candy inside the restaurant.
Lauren and Brody arrive at a restaurant named Social, and he waxes on about how amaaaaazing she looks, repeatedly (to the point of creepishness) compliments her pretty smile, and thanks her for being the hottest arm candy of all the arm candy inside the restaurant.
"I call cheese!"
"You've got a real purdy mouth, ain't you?"
After dinner, Brody drives Lauren home, carries on ad fucking nauseum about her smile again, then bids her goodnight with a hug. Lauren thanks him for paying the dinner check, promises to give him a call, and scampers into Hillside Villas while he drives off.
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Heidi contemplates the grisly possibility of Spencer's bun being in her oven
"Out With the Old.."
Original airdate: 1/15/2007
Episode summary: Heidi is jealous when rumors circulate about a possible hook-up between Spencer and Audrina.
Original airdate: 1/15/2007
Episode summary: Heidi is jealous when rumors circulate about a possible hook-up between Spencer and Audrina.
Recap: Lauren arrives in front of Jason's place to drop off his golf clubs and various other belongings...and he's all, "Hurray! My golf clubs!", while a tearful Lauren informs him that since they're now Splitsville she can't be "a normal buddy" to him and would prefer they didn't see each other in Season 2. Jason scrunches his face confusedly and says he really doesn't get why breaking up means they can't hang out anymore, so Lauren explains to the dolt that right now it's too difficult for her to stomach the sight of him. He hugs her and assures her it's A-OK, and then she climbs into her Mercedes convertible and speeds off.
Over at Bolthouse Productions, Brent announces to the staff that the new nightclub Area is having an grand opening that will feature a red carpet and lots of media. He assigns Heidi to be the evening's hostess, reminds everyone that they all have a lot of work to do, and good-naturedly snarls, "So don't bug me."
Audrina, who's now a receptionist at Epic Records instead of Quixote Studios, calls Heidi's cell phone, but Heidi makes a face at the incoming call and lets it go to voicemail. Audrina leaves a message that's something along the lines of, "I dunno if you're mad at me, but if you're not, like, super mad call me back."
Lauren and Whitney reunite in the Teen Vogue closet office, where Whitney describes her summer in Paris as insane and pretends to have immersed herself in runway couture dresses while working on a high profile French photo shoot. Lauren glumly says that she and Jason didn't live at the beach house for very long 'cause they fought constantly and eventually broke up. As Whitney clucks sympathetically, the two are summoned to Lisa Love's office for her first passive-aggressive smackdown of the season.
Lisa welcomes the two back to Teen Vogue and asks how the summer went, so Whitney waxes on about how amazingk Paris was, and how she was able to experience the joy that was visiting Coco Chanel's apartment. Lisa lays it on thick about what a great opportunity it was for her to go to Paris and asks her if she'd be up for pretending to spend another summer there...and Whitney eagerly chirps, "Yes!" while Lauren stares over at her despondently. Lisa remarks on how "Lauren will always be known as the girl who didn't go to Paris" and asks her if she regrets that decision. As a miserable looking Lauren shrugs as if to say 'yeah, but whaddya gonna do?', Lisa piles on further and bitchily asks if spending the summer with her boyfriend worked out for her...and Lauren refrains from bitchily retorting that she's a grown woman who gets to decline a faux internship in Paris if she wants to, and just mutely shakes her head.
Over at Bolthouse Productions, Brent announces to the staff that the new nightclub Area is having an grand opening that will feature a red carpet and lots of media. He assigns Heidi to be the evening's hostess, reminds everyone that they all have a lot of work to do, and good-naturedly snarls, "So don't bug me."
Audrina, who's now a receptionist at Epic Records instead of Quixote Studios, calls Heidi's cell phone, but Heidi makes a face at the incoming call and lets it go to voicemail. Audrina leaves a message that's something along the lines of, "I dunno if you're mad at me, but if you're not, like, super mad call me back."
Lauren and Whitney reunite in the Teen Vogue closet office, where Whitney describes her summer in Paris as insane and pretends to have immersed herself in runway couture dresses while working on a high profile French photo shoot. Lauren glumly says that she and Jason didn't live at the beach house for very long 'cause they fought constantly and eventually broke up. As Whitney clucks sympathetically, the two are summoned to Lisa Love's office for her first passive-aggressive smackdown of the season.
Lisa welcomes the two back to Teen Vogue and asks how the summer went, so Whitney waxes on about how amazingk Paris was, and how she was able to experience the joy that was visiting Coco Chanel's apartment. Lisa lays it on thick about what a great opportunity it was for her to go to Paris and asks her if she'd be up for pretending to spend another summer there...and Whitney eagerly chirps, "Yes!" while Lauren stares over at her despondently. Lisa remarks on how "Lauren will always be known as the girl who didn't go to Paris" and asks her if she regrets that decision. As a miserable looking Lauren shrugs as if to say 'yeah, but whaddya gonna do?', Lisa piles on further and bitchily asks if spending the summer with her boyfriend worked out for her...and Lauren refrains from bitchily retorting that she's a grown woman who gets to decline a faux internship in Paris if she wants to, and just mutely shakes her head.
"How did spending the summer with your boyfriend work out?"
"About as pleasantly as this meeting."
Later at Hillside Villas, Lauren commiserates to Heidi about her shitty day, and how she's soooooo over getting shit from Lisa for opting to spend her summer with Jason. Heidi coos, "Every day it'll get a little easier", and Lauren cries about how she cried every day when she and Jason were fighting, and continues to cry 'cause she's somehow sad he's not in her life anymore. Heidi comforts her by nonsensically pronouncing, "The best part of Jason was you", then tells her that soooooo many guys are totes interested in going out with her. Lauren complains that she hates being single and grumbles, "I'm not good at it."
Heidi is out to dinner at Don Antonio's with her new beau and Chucky doll lookalike, Spencer Pratt. She gabbles about how Bolthouse is running the grand opening of Area and gushes about how her faux job as a nightclub hostess is soooooo fun. Spencer asks her if Audrina is expected to show up at Area, and Heidi makes an ew face and says that everyone she works with hates Audrina - no doubt due to her jealousy-fueled trash-talking - and that, word on the street, is that she (Audrina) and Spencer have been spotted hanging out together. She comes right out and asks Spencer if Audrina has ever hit on him, and he admits that he's only ever gotten "a friend vibe" from her, weakly denies spending time with the brunette hottie, and complains about the general nuttiness of some people in L.A. He then shifts gears and tells Heidi how happy he is to be chowing down on Mexican food with her...and after dinner, the two head over to his place, where she happily agrees to spend the night. Blech.
Heidi returns to Hillside Villas the next morning and gleefully reports to Lauren that Spencer is getting more and more affectionate towards her, and Lauren teasingly cackles, "Spencer loooooves you."
Spencer surprises Audrina at Pinkberry with three roses, and the two sit down and discuss the contrived drama that is Heidi's anger about their non-hook-up. Audrina says she's tried to convince Heidi that she'd sooner jump off a cliff then do the nasty with a repugnant life-sized Chucky doll - but she refuses to listen to reason...as does Lauren 'cause the two are such inseparable BFFs. A befuddled Spencer shakes his head in faux bewilderment at the notion of anyone not liking her, then decides 'why not continue to fuel the bad blood between Heidi and Audrina that I'm largely responsible for instigating?' and invites Audrina to have dinner with him at Don Antonio's before making a grand, dramatic entrance at the opening of Area.
Heidi is out to dinner at Don Antonio's with her new beau and Chucky doll lookalike, Spencer Pratt. She gabbles about how Bolthouse is running the grand opening of Area and gushes about how her faux job as a nightclub hostess is soooooo fun. Spencer asks her if Audrina is expected to show up at Area, and Heidi makes an ew face and says that everyone she works with hates Audrina - no doubt due to her jealousy-fueled trash-talking - and that, word on the street, is that she (Audrina) and Spencer have been spotted hanging out together. She comes right out and asks Spencer if Audrina has ever hit on him, and he admits that he's only ever gotten "a friend vibe" from her, weakly denies spending time with the brunette hottie, and complains about the general nuttiness of some people in L.A. He then shifts gears and tells Heidi how happy he is to be chowing down on Mexican food with her...and after dinner, the two head over to his place, where she happily agrees to spend the night. Blech.
Heidi returns to Hillside Villas the next morning and gleefully reports to Lauren that Spencer is getting more and more affectionate towards her, and Lauren teasingly cackles, "Spencer loooooves you."
Spencer surprises Audrina at Pinkberry with three roses, and the two sit down and discuss the contrived drama that is Heidi's anger about their non-hook-up. Audrina says she's tried to convince Heidi that she'd sooner jump off a cliff then do the nasty with a repugnant life-sized Chucky doll - but she refuses to listen to reason...as does Lauren 'cause the two are such inseparable BFFs. A befuddled Spencer shakes his head in faux bewilderment at the notion of anyone not liking her, then decides 'why not continue to fuel the bad blood between Heidi and Audrina that I'm largely responsible for instigating?' and invites Audrina to have dinner with him at Don Antonio's before making a grand, dramatic entrance at the opening of Area.
"I could never be attracted to a mind-fucking douchebag who's a dead ringer for Chucky."
"In that case, I guess I'm fortunate that Heidi has such low standards."
Area opening! Heidi is "working" the front door with her Bolthouse gal pals while Lauren and her friend Jen Bunney sit inside the nightclub and ogle the dreamy Brody Jenner. Spencer arrives, followed closely by Audrina walking alongside an unnamed friend, and rolls his eyes at Heidi while contorting his face as if to say 'I have no earthly idea how or why I'm arriving at this club with Audrina!' An irked Heidi gives Spencer a hello hug, coldly ignores Audrina, and glares after the two as they enter Area. She then complainingly asks her co-worker Kristen, "Why can't she get her own friends?", and Kristen nonsensically agrees that sometimes "the girls are worse than the guys", while Spencer - who pretends to be deeply befuddled about the drama unfolding in real time that is entirely of his [and The Hills producers'] own making - tells Audrina he had no idea that Heidi openly hated her.
Heidi scampers inside Area to tell Lauren that Spencer just arrived with Audrina, to which Lauren shrieks, "Nooooooo!!" ... and across the club, Spencer is standing behind Audrina while chortling about how he's hiding from Heidi. Jen Bunney snorts in disgust and sneers, "That girl, she has balls, dude", while Spencer denies to Heidi that he came to Area with Audrina, despite the MTV crew filming him making plans with Audrina to arrive at Area together and then arriving at Area together. Heidi breezily replies that it's none of her business who he clubs with, then wanders over to Lauren's table to moan, "My life sucks right now." Audrina tells Spencer she's given up on being friends with Heidi, and he massages her shoulder and calls her "too sweet" while she squirms away and looks visibly icked out by his touch.
Heidi returns to her post at the front door and tells Kristen she's dismayed by the nerve of Audrina to arrive at Area with Spencer, who somehow gets a free pass for his brazenly douchebaggish mindfuckery. Kristen wanks Heidi by calling her "a good girl", and that man-stealing skanks like Audrina "are not worth it".
The next day at Bolthouse Productions, Elodie asks Heidi how the boy situation is going, so Heidi dishes about how Spencer showed up at Area with Audrina while she was working the front door. Elodie's all, "Shut up!" ... and Heidi grimaces, says it sucks 'cause she was starting to fall for him, and announces that she's going home early 'cause she's been experiencing various symptoms that suggest she might possibly be carrying Chucky's demon spawn.
Heidi scampers inside Area to tell Lauren that Spencer just arrived with Audrina, to which Lauren shrieks, "Nooooooo!!" ... and across the club, Spencer is standing behind Audrina while chortling about how he's hiding from Heidi. Jen Bunney snorts in disgust and sneers, "That girl, she has balls, dude", while Spencer denies to Heidi that he came to Area with Audrina, despite the MTV crew filming him making plans with Audrina to arrive at Area together and then arriving at Area together. Heidi breezily replies that it's none of her business who he clubs with, then wanders over to Lauren's table to moan, "My life sucks right now." Audrina tells Spencer she's given up on being friends with Heidi, and he massages her shoulder and calls her "too sweet" while she squirms away and looks visibly icked out by his touch.
Heidi returns to her post at the front door and tells Kristen she's dismayed by the nerve of Audrina to arrive at Area with Spencer, who somehow gets a free pass for his brazenly douchebaggish mindfuckery. Kristen wanks Heidi by calling her "a good girl", and that man-stealing skanks like Audrina "are not worth it".
The next day at Bolthouse Productions, Elodie asks Heidi how the boy situation is going, so Heidi dishes about how Spencer showed up at Area with Audrina while she was working the front door. Elodie's all, "Shut up!" ... and Heidi grimaces, says it sucks 'cause she was starting to fall for him, and announces that she's going home early 'cause she's been experiencing various symptoms that suggest she might possibly be carrying Chucky's demon spawn.
"Chucky is still my dream man."
"One of my greatest skills is being able to laugh uncontrollably on the inside while appearing calm and empathetic on the outside."
At Epic Records, Audrina tells her co-worker and friend Chiara about her night at Area, specifically that Spencer was annoyingly grab-handsy with her on the dance floor. She calls him piggish, describes the show's contrived lust-triangle as "a huge ordeal" and soooo stupid. That it is, Audrina. That it is.
Heidi stops by the drug store on her way home to pick up a pregnancy test. When she arrives at Hillside Villas, she goes straight up to the bathroom and stares at herself worriedly in the mirror as she summons the courage to pee on a stick.
Heidi stops by the drug store on her way home to pick up a pregnancy test. When she arrives at Hillside Villas, she goes straight up to the bathroom and stares at herself worriedly in the mirror as she summons the courage to pee on a stick.
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Lauren frantically wishing that Hamish Bowles was two different people
"Timing is Everything"
Original airdate: 8/2/2006
Episode summary: Lauren must choose between spending the summer doing an internship in Paris or sharing a Malibu beach house with Jason.
Original airdate: 8/2/2006
Episode summary: Lauren must choose between spending the summer doing an internship in Paris or sharing a Malibu beach house with Jason.
Recap: Lauren and Jason arrive at a gorgeous beach house in Malibu, which Jason calls "a killer summer rental" and suggests they rent it for the next few months 'cause of how great things have been between them lately. Lauren says she definitely likes the sound of that idea and shoots him a happy smile.
Lisa Love summons Lauren and Whitney to her office to hand out this episode's L.A. Fashion Week assignments: Whitney will help set up for an after-party at the Roosevelt Hotel, while Lauren will be in charge of getting tickets to the Jennifer Nicholson show for various Teen Vogue editors...and for maximum drama she'll let her know who these editors are at the last minute instead of just making a quick call herself to secure the tickets in advance. Lisa adds that Amy Astley (Teen Vogue's New York editor-in-chief) will be in L.A. for fashion week and that she really really wants everything to run as smoothly as possible while she's in town.
Lisa Love summons Lauren and Whitney to her office to hand out this episode's L.A. Fashion Week assignments: Whitney will help set up for an after-party at the Roosevelt Hotel, while Lauren will be in charge of getting tickets to the Jennifer Nicholson show for various Teen Vogue editors...and for maximum drama she'll let her know who these editors are at the last minute instead of just making a quick call herself to secure the tickets in advance. Lisa adds that Amy Astley (Teen Vogue's New York editor-in-chief) will be in L.A. for fashion week and that she really really wants everything to run as smoothly as possible while she's in town.
"You'll be in charge of getting difficult-to-acquire tickets to a fashion show at the last minute."
"Sounds like something you could accomplish yourself with one quick phone call."
Over at Bolthouse Productions, Brent tells Heidi he has extra tickets to the Jennifer Nicholson fashion show and asks if she'd like to go, and she's like, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" and immediately gets on the horn with Elodie to share the exciting news. Elodie squeals, "Awesome!" and Heidi stares dreamily into space and smugly declares, "Life in Hollywood is soooooo good."
Lauren heads over to the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel to meet up with Lisa Love and Amy Astley. Lisa tells her they're going to need two additional tickets for the Jennifer Nicholson show and instructs her to get them from Nicholson's crusty publicist, Kelly Cutrone. Lauren retreats to her town car and calls Whitney to complain that Lisa has asked her to get two more tickets to a fashion show that's sold out...and Whitney's all, "Say wha-a-a-a?" and agrees that it's "kind of like a really big request".
Lauren arrives at Smashbox Studios, the venue for the Jennifer Nicholson show. She locates Kelly Cutrone and tells her that Lisa Love is requesting two additional tickets, and an irked Kelly says that while she loves Lisa, the request is "a little eleventh hour". She then presses Lauren on specifically which Vogue editors need these tickets, and Lauren's like, "Dunno" and says that Lisa never gave her that info...and Kelly rolls her eyes and asks her to miserably stand around until she can get around to dealing with this contrived drama. A few seconds later, Lauren spots Heidi and Audrina making their entrance and looks momentarily miffed when she assumes that they're crashing another of her work things - but Heidi quickly explains that Brent gave her a couple of tickets to the show, then asks her why she looks so stressed. Lauren's on the verge of tears as she explains that Kelly Cutrone snappishly told her she won't hand over any tickets unless she can supply the names of the editors who need them...and naturally Lisa isn't answering her phone right now. She complains, "This is not fun", and Heidi clucks sympathetically and offers to help see her through this fashion show conundrum.
When Lauren finally gets Lisa on the phone, she gets the names of the two Vogue editors needing tickets: Hamish and Bowles (which Kelly dryly points out is actually one person named Hamish Bowles) ... and Lawren Howell. With that resolved, Lisa Love arrives at the Jennifer Nicholson show with her editor pals and thanks Lauren for securing the tickets.
The next day, Blaine pops into the Teen Vogue closet office to tell Lauren that Lisa wants to see her asap. Lauren immediately looks worried as Whitney recalls that the last time she was summoned by Lisa was when she was about to get into trouble for letting her drunk friends crash the Young Hollywood party. She then chuckles and assures Lauren she's fine and has done nothing wrongk.
Lisa wanks Lauren about what a great job she's done this season as an intern, then informs her that she's been nominated for an internship in Paris this summer. Lauren raises her eyebrows and asks, "For this summer?" and Lisa ignores the alarmed look on her face and waxes on about how Paris is the most important city in the world fashion-wise, and that she'd get to experience the joys of Couture Week. Lisa says she'll need an answer pretty quickly, then dreamily adds that if she does decide to go to Paris she probably won't want to come back.
Lauren heads over to the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel to meet up with Lisa Love and Amy Astley. Lisa tells her they're going to need two additional tickets for the Jennifer Nicholson show and instructs her to get them from Nicholson's crusty publicist, Kelly Cutrone. Lauren retreats to her town car and calls Whitney to complain that Lisa has asked her to get two more tickets to a fashion show that's sold out...and Whitney's all, "Say wha-a-a-a?" and agrees that it's "kind of like a really big request".
Lauren arrives at Smashbox Studios, the venue for the Jennifer Nicholson show. She locates Kelly Cutrone and tells her that Lisa Love is requesting two additional tickets, and an irked Kelly says that while she loves Lisa, the request is "a little eleventh hour". She then presses Lauren on specifically which Vogue editors need these tickets, and Lauren's like, "Dunno" and says that Lisa never gave her that info...and Kelly rolls her eyes and asks her to miserably stand around until she can get around to dealing with this contrived drama. A few seconds later, Lauren spots Heidi and Audrina making their entrance and looks momentarily miffed when she assumes that they're crashing another of her work things - but Heidi quickly explains that Brent gave her a couple of tickets to the show, then asks her why she looks so stressed. Lauren's on the verge of tears as she explains that Kelly Cutrone snappishly told her she won't hand over any tickets unless she can supply the names of the editors who need them...and naturally Lisa isn't answering her phone right now. She complains, "This is not fun", and Heidi clucks sympathetically and offers to help see her through this fashion show conundrum.
When Lauren finally gets Lisa on the phone, she gets the names of the two Vogue editors needing tickets: Hamish and Bowles (which Kelly dryly points out is actually one person named Hamish Bowles) ... and Lawren Howell. With that resolved, Lisa Love arrives at the Jennifer Nicholson show with her editor pals and thanks Lauren for securing the tickets.
The next day, Blaine pops into the Teen Vogue closet office to tell Lauren that Lisa wants to see her asap. Lauren immediately looks worried as Whitney recalls that the last time she was summoned by Lisa was when she was about to get into trouble for letting her drunk friends crash the Young Hollywood party. She then chuckles and assures Lauren she's fine and has done nothing wrongk.
Lisa wanks Lauren about what a great job she's done this season as an intern, then informs her that she's been nominated for an internship in Paris this summer. Lauren raises her eyebrows and asks, "For this summer?" and Lisa ignores the alarmed look on her face and waxes on about how Paris is the most important city in the world fashion-wise, and that she'd get to experience the joys of Couture Week. Lisa says she'll need an answer pretty quickly, then dreamily adds that if she does decide to go to Paris she probably won't want to come back.
"We're offering you an internship in Paris, and you have less than three minutes to decide whether or not you want to accept."
"Giving advance notice for things really isn't your forte, is it?"
Lauren returns to the closet office and tells Whitney about the Paris offer, and Whitney's all, "OMG! You gotta do it, right?" Lauren's like, "Wrong. I have plans with Jason all summer", to which Whitney retorts, "But this is Paris." Lauren moans about how she really doesn't want to be away from L.A. all summer, and Whitney eagerly says she'd be more than happy to fill in if Lauren turns the internship down. The two then wrap up work for the day, head down to the lobby of the building, and hug goodbye until they reunite in Season 2.
At Hillside Villas, Lauren tells Heidi about the Paris internship...and Heidi exclaims, "OMG! That's huge!" and asks if she's going, and Lauren shrugs and says she already had plans to spend the summer with Jason at the Malibu beach house. She says that after the toxic rollercoaster that has been their relationship for most of Season 1, they're finally in a good place, and that it'd really suck for her to have to leave him now.
Lauren arrives at the Malibu beach house, where Jason is sitting on the living room floor with earbuds on. She kisses him hello and listens to him excitedly natter about all the stuff he wants to bring to the house to ensure that their summer is awesome. When he finally notices the grim expression on her face, he asks whassup, so she breaks the news that her Teen Vogue boss offered her a summer internship in Paris. Jason looks less than thrilled by the possible wrench in their plans and asks her if she's going, and she shrugs and is all, "Dunno", then adds that Paris isn't something one says no to. Jason half-heartedly says he'll support whatever decision she makes, then gives her a reassuring canoodle.
At Hillside Villas, Lauren tells Heidi about the Paris internship...and Heidi exclaims, "OMG! That's huge!" and asks if she's going, and Lauren shrugs and says she already had plans to spend the summer with Jason at the Malibu beach house. She says that after the toxic rollercoaster that has been their relationship for most of Season 1, they're finally in a good place, and that it'd really suck for her to have to leave him now.
Lauren arrives at the Malibu beach house, where Jason is sitting on the living room floor with earbuds on. She kisses him hello and listens to him excitedly natter about all the stuff he wants to bring to the house to ensure that their summer is awesome. When he finally notices the grim expression on her face, he asks whassup, so she breaks the news that her Teen Vogue boss offered her a summer internship in Paris. Jason looks less than thrilled by the possible wrench in their plans and asks her if she's going, and she shrugs and is all, "Dunno", then adds that Paris isn't something one says no to. Jason half-heartedly says he'll support whatever decision she makes, then gives her a reassuring canoodle.
"I was just offered an internship in Paris."
"I'll do my best to squelch my resentment if you choose Paris over me."
Heidi and Audrina are lounging by the pool, looking at their phones and giggling about wanting to meet a crop of new guys. Heidi jokes about how she'd like to revert back to her behavior in preschool: having a new boyfriend every five minutes. She then chuckles about how over Jordan she is and that she wants to go clubbing every night this summer and meet lots of new guys.
Lauren is packing up her large pink suitcase while a sad looking Heidi watches and offers to help. Lauren finishes the task and hugs Heidi goodbye as the two exchange I love yous, and they agree that they're looking forward to being BFFs and roommates again in Season 2.
Lisa Love is at Los Angeles International airport, fiddling with her phone and glancing around as if she's waiting for someone. Lauren, meanwhile, arrives at the Malibu beach house and joins Jason on the balcony, where he's staring dreamily into space. Whitney (!) arrives at the airport, greets Lisa, and the two pretend to head inside to check in for their pretend flight to Paris. Back in Malibu, Lauren and Jason are on the balcony smooching, watching the sunset, and cooing about how they're going to have the best summer ever.
And that's a wrap for Season 1!
Lauren is packing up her large pink suitcase while a sad looking Heidi watches and offers to help. Lauren finishes the task and hugs Heidi goodbye as the two exchange I love yous, and they agree that they're looking forward to being BFFs and roommates again in Season 2.
Lisa Love is at Los Angeles International airport, fiddling with her phone and glancing around as if she's waiting for someone. Lauren, meanwhile, arrives at the Malibu beach house and joins Jason on the balcony, where he's staring dreamily into space. Whitney (!) arrives at the airport, greets Lisa, and the two pretend to head inside to check in for their pretend flight to Paris. Back in Malibu, Lauren and Jason are on the balcony smooching, watching the sunset, and cooing about how they're going to have the best summer ever.
And that's a wrap for Season 1!
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Jordan contemplates Heidi's warning about a possible dumping
"Love Is Not a Maybe Thing"
Original airdate: 7/26/2006
Episode summary: Heidi tires of Jordan's verbal abuse and gives him the heave-ho.
Original airdate: 7/26/2006
Episode summary: Heidi tires of Jordan's verbal abuse and gives him the heave-ho.
Recap: Heidi tells Audrina that the honeymoon with Jordan is over now that they've been a couple for nearly eight months. Audrina scrunches her face in puzzlement and says she always thought they were soooo perfect together - but Heidi says they've been bickering more than usual, and that he snaps at her a lot and seems oddly jealous/angry about her having a job at Bolthouse. She declares that she's on the verge of a turning point, but isn't yet sure in which direction she wants to go.
Heidi's on her cell with Jordan when she arrives at Audrina's apartment. She pleads with him to not cuss at her...and after she hangs up, she recounts to Audrina the way he yelled and cursed at her 'cause she couldn't pick him up from somewhere, then wails, "I don't know what to doooooo!!" She tearfully tells Audrina that his constant yelling at her is breaking her down and that she wants to be with someone who loves her...and Audrina stares back at her with her cold, dead eyes and agrees that it's probably not OK for Jordan to be treating her like a bag of shit.
Heidi's on her cell with Jordan when she arrives at Audrina's apartment. She pleads with him to not cuss at her...and after she hangs up, she recounts to Audrina the way he yelled and cursed at her 'cause she couldn't pick him up from somewhere, then wails, "I don't know what to doooooo!!" She tearfully tells Audrina that his constant yelling at her is breaking her down and that she wants to be with someone who loves her...and Audrina stares back at her with her cold, dead eyes and agrees that it's probably not OK for Jordan to be treating her like a bag of shit.
"I'm so devastated that Jordan just cursed at me on the phone."
"That asshole is one fucking horrible communicator."
Over in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney about the lovely candlelit birthday dinner Jason arranged for her during the previous episode, and Whitney says she's always impressed when young guys know precisely how to woo their ladies.
When Jordan arrives at the apartment, Heidi's like, "Jordan, we need to talk" and tells him that his snappishness is really hurting her feelings. Jordan reacts by ignoring the 'we need to talk' alarm bell and slouches on the couch with his eyes glazed over, mumbling about how he has zero desire to reconstruct the kind of rude fuckbag he's grown into. He tells her to simply regard his snappishness as passion, then chides her for always wanting to be treated like a princess. Heidi's like, "Well d'yuh", says that every girl deserves to be treated like a princess, and points out that she always treats him like a prince. Jordan shrugs disinterestedly and breezily retorts, "That's just the way I am", then gets up and announces that he's going for a run. Heidi heads toward her bedroom and snarls, "See you tomorrow", and Jordan's all, "Tomorrow..?", makes his irritation known with a pfuuuuu sound, and dismissively growls, "Shut up" before leaving. Yeesh. It's a miracle he's held on as long as he has during this relationship's post-honeymoon phase.
At an outdoor cafe, Jason tells Lauren he'd like them to live together in a beach house all summer, and Lauren perks up at that idea, orders him to kiss her, and the two depart the cafe, their arms locked around each other.
In a nearby park, Jordan tells Brian about his argument with Heidi and says he's pretty sure there has to be more to what's irking her than the douchebaggish way he's been barking at her. Brian concurs and complains about how women always expect their men to know exactly why they're mad, then assures him that all will be well with Heidi. He suggests showing up at Bolthouse wearing a suit and tie and carrying flowers just when Heidi's done with work for the day and gallantly offer to take her out to dinner - but a disinterested Jordan's all, "Meh. I don't know if I want to do that." LOL.
When Jordan arrives at the apartment, Heidi's like, "Jordan, we need to talk" and tells him that his snappishness is really hurting her feelings. Jordan reacts by ignoring the 'we need to talk' alarm bell and slouches on the couch with his eyes glazed over, mumbling about how he has zero desire to reconstruct the kind of rude fuckbag he's grown into. He tells her to simply regard his snappishness as passion, then chides her for always wanting to be treated like a princess. Heidi's like, "Well d'yuh", says that every girl deserves to be treated like a princess, and points out that she always treats him like a prince. Jordan shrugs disinterestedly and breezily retorts, "That's just the way I am", then gets up and announces that he's going for a run. Heidi heads toward her bedroom and snarls, "See you tomorrow", and Jordan's all, "Tomorrow..?", makes his irritation known with a pfuuuuu sound, and dismissively growls, "Shut up" before leaving. Yeesh. It's a miracle he's held on as long as he has during this relationship's post-honeymoon phase.
At an outdoor cafe, Jason tells Lauren he'd like them to live together in a beach house all summer, and Lauren perks up at that idea, orders him to kiss her, and the two depart the cafe, their arms locked around each other.
In a nearby park, Jordan tells Brian about his argument with Heidi and says he's pretty sure there has to be more to what's irking her than the douchebaggish way he's been barking at her. Brian concurs and complains about how women always expect their men to know exactly why they're mad, then assures him that all will be well with Heidi. He suggests showing up at Bolthouse wearing a suit and tie and carrying flowers just when Heidi's done with work for the day and gallantly offer to take her out to dinner - but a disinterested Jordan's all, "Meh. I don't know if I want to do that." LOL.
"You could make an effort to be a good boyfriend and woo Heidi with some flowers and a dinner out."
"Dude, have you met me?"
Over dinner at Cafe Sushi, Heidi is complaining to Lauren about how shittily Jordan has been treating her lately. Lauren advises her to seriously ponder whether or not this relationship is working and assures her that, whatever she decides, she and Jason will be there for her [prior to their inevitable breakup, I guess]. Heidi says that Jordan's verbal abuse could be the easy out she's been looking for, but then another part of her worries that she'll really miss him...and she moans, "And I don't know the difference. I don't know what I think." Lauren points out that naturally she'll miss Jordan in the short term, then decrees: "Love is not a maybe thing." Heidi mulls over that pearl of wisdom for a few seconds, then reveals that while she loves Jordan, she's definitely not in love with him.
Breakup Day! It's a suitably rainy day when a subdued looking Jordan arrives at Hillside Villas and looks aghast at the sight of his stuff packed up in boxes and piled in the living room. He enters Heidi's bedroom, where Heidi is finishing a call to her mom...and then the two sit atop her bed, where she stares at him tearfully and whimpers, "I can't do this anymore." He says he can't either, acknowledges how badly he screwed the pooch on this relationship, and tearfully declares his love for her. He says he can't imagine his life without her, and she says that while she loves him, they tend to bring out the worst in each other. Jordan stares at her beseechingly and moans, "I can't liiiiiive without you..", but she firmly shakes her head and flatly says, "I'm done." She gives him back his apartment key, and he dejectedly shuffles out of her bedroom, then out of the apartment [leaving behind his many boxes]. Heidi then wanders over to the living room couch, where Lauren has been silently witnessing the aftermath of Jordan's humiliating heave-ho, and the two girls hug before Heidi wearily says she's going to take a nap with her tiny dog Bella.
Breakup Day! It's a suitably rainy day when a subdued looking Jordan arrives at Hillside Villas and looks aghast at the sight of his stuff packed up in boxes and piled in the living room. He enters Heidi's bedroom, where Heidi is finishing a call to her mom...and then the two sit atop her bed, where she stares at him tearfully and whimpers, "I can't do this anymore." He says he can't either, acknowledges how badly he screwed the pooch on this relationship, and tearfully declares his love for her. He says he can't imagine his life without her, and she says that while she loves him, they tend to bring out the worst in each other. Jordan stares at her beseechingly and moans, "I can't liiiiiive without you..", but she firmly shakes her head and flatly says, "I'm done." She gives him back his apartment key, and he dejectedly shuffles out of her bedroom, then out of the apartment [leaving behind his many boxes]. Heidi then wanders over to the living room couch, where Lauren has been silently witnessing the aftermath of Jordan's humiliating heave-ho, and the two girls hug before Heidi wearily says she's going to take a nap with her tiny dog Bella.
"I'm giving you the heave-ho."
"Is there any chance this isn't actually happening right now?"
A shell-shocked Jordan returns to Casa Neanderthal to report to Jason and Brian that Heidi just gave him the boot, then stares cluelessly into space and says it feels like the breakup came out of nowhere. Brian stares back at him in stunned bewilderment and says he always thought they were the perfect couple - like Ken and Barbie - while a mystified Jason says he figured that he and Lauren would be "way done" before them. [Yep, I'd kind of been assuming that too.] Jordan wistfully says he always thought of himself and Heidi as the perfect couple, and that people often commented on how in love they seemed.
In the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney that her apartment is really depressing right now 'cause Heidi and Jordan just broke up. Whitney's all, "Oooh nooo!" and says she should probably call Heidi to offer her some comfort and support. Lauren says she has no idea if Heidi's planning to stay in the apartment all summer, then changes the subject and says that Jason proposed that the two of them move into a Malibu beach house together for the next few months.
Heidi drops by Quixote Studios to tearfully tell Audrina she plans "to be careful with my heart" while getting over Jordan. Audrina agrees it'll be hard for awhile, then remarks on how she's never seen her function as a single gal. Heidi grins and suggests they go clubbing tonight so she can officially begin the start of her new single life.
In the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney that her apartment is really depressing right now 'cause Heidi and Jordan just broke up. Whitney's all, "Oooh nooo!" and says she should probably call Heidi to offer her some comfort and support. Lauren says she has no idea if Heidi's planning to stay in the apartment all summer, then changes the subject and says that Jason proposed that the two of them move into a Malibu beach house together for the next few months.
Heidi drops by Quixote Studios to tearfully tell Audrina she plans "to be careful with my heart" while getting over Jordan. Audrina agrees it'll be hard for awhile, then remarks on how she's never seen her function as a single gal. Heidi grins and suggests they go clubbing tonight so she can officially begin the start of her new single life.
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Whitney and Lauren begin the hard work of drooling over prospective male models for an upcoming swimsuit photoshoot
"You Can't Just Be With Me?"
Original airdate: 7/19/2006
Episode summary: Jason gets irked when Lauren neglects to tell him that the Teen Vogue photoshoot she's assigned to work on features mostly young, attractive men.
Original airdate: 7/19/2006
Episode summary: Jason gets irked when Lauren neglects to tell him that the Teen Vogue photoshoot she's assigned to work on features mostly young, attractive men.
Recap: The four Hills gals are out on the town together when they enter a boutique and try on fancy dresses. For some reason Lauren thinks it'd be fun to try on a bridal gown, and the other three cackle about the horror of her ever seriously agreeing to marry a douchewad like Jason.
After the opening credits, Lisa Love informs Lauren and Whitney that in this episode they'll be helping at a casting for a swimsuit photoshoot. She asks them to hit the ground running by calling casting agencies and going on various beefcake modelling websites to find as many photos of buff young bucks aged 17-20 who are pleasing to look at while near naked. As Whitney giggles with delight at the tasty assignment, Lisa shoots her the stink-eye and snappishly warns her and Lauren to "behave accordingly".
Brent summons Heidi to his office to inform her that tonight Bolthouse is hosting a William Morris Grammy party at LAX and that she'll be "working" the front door. He gives her the green light to liven up the party by inviting her Hills castmates [and by extension the MTV camera crew] ... and as Heidi beams happily, he tells her he wants a full report tomorrow.
After the opening credits, Lisa Love informs Lauren and Whitney that in this episode they'll be helping at a casting for a swimsuit photoshoot. She asks them to hit the ground running by calling casting agencies and going on various beefcake modelling websites to find as many photos of buff young bucks aged 17-20 who are pleasing to look at while near naked. As Whitney giggles with delight at the tasty assignment, Lisa shoots her the stink-eye and snappishly warns her and Lauren to "behave accordingly".
Brent summons Heidi to his office to inform her that tonight Bolthouse is hosting a William Morris Grammy party at LAX and that she'll be "working" the front door. He gives her the green light to liven up the party by inviting her Hills castmates [and by extension the MTV camera crew] ... and as Heidi beams happily, he tells her he wants a full report tomorrow.
"I want the MTV cameras to show up at our Grammy party in case there's any contrived, superfluous drama that needs filming."
"This being MTV, I can almost guarantee the occurrence of contrived, superfluous drama."
Over in the Teen Vogue closet office, Blaine tells Lauren and Whitney that the swimsuit photoshoot will take place at Quixote Studios, aka Audrina's workplace. The two then stare at the same computer screen as they gigglingly scout prospective male models.
Grammy party! Lauren and Jason arrive at LAX and are greeted by Heidi before being let into the nightclub, where they connect with Jordan and Audrina. Lauren tells Jason about her latest Teen Vogue task: helping out at a swimsuit shoot at Quixote Studios. Jason furrows his brows concernedly and asks, "What kind of models?", and Lauren fibs when she replies that she's only been looking into girl swimsuit models. Jason asks if there's also going to be dudes there, and Lauren insists that she's only been focused on girl models...and Jason shoots her a cold stare and says, "I was just asking."
At the apartment, Heidi complains to Lauren that she hasn't been getting any sleep lately, which isn't surprising given that her work schedule consists of her being at the office from 9am-6pm, then being stationed at a nightclub door until 2am. Lauren says she told Jason that the upcoming photoshoot she's helping out with only features girl models and neglected to mention that it's mostly aimed at buff young bucks parading around in swimsuits. Heidi chuckles and warns, "He's going to get mad at you" ... and Lauren rolls her eyes and retorts, "What the fuck else is new?" (Sorry, no. That was my reaction.)
Audrina greets Lauren and Whitney when they arrive at Quixote Studios for the shoot, then shows them to their stage...and soon after that, Blaine and a Teen Vogue stylist arrive, and the casting process gets underway. Lauren takes Polaroid shots of a wide variety of shirtless young men while a more-giggly-than-usual Whitney ogles their muscular, hairless chests. Audrina becomes smitten with one of the models, Brad, and tells him that she and the other Hills gals will be hanging out at Bella Restaurant this evening and invites him to stop by, and he says he's definitely interested in doing that.
Later, at Bella Restaurant, Audrina, Lauren, and Whitney are gushingly telling Heidi about the hotness of all the male models they got to salivate over all day. Audrina glances across the room and notices Brad sitting at a table with another guy, so she makes a beeline over to give him a hello hug and invite him and his friend to join her table. When everyone's been introduced and seated together, Brad asks Audrina where they're going after this, and Audrina says in her usual 'I-can't-control-my-lips-from-constantly-smiling' fashion, "We'll see."
Over at Casa Neanderthal, Brian complainingly remarks to Jordan and Jason (whose hair is looking more porcupine-esque by the episode) that Audrina is always going out on dates with random guys. Jordan's like, "Uh, speaking of random guys.." and spills the beans on the Teen Vogue casting at Quixote that mostly featured buff young bucks in swimsuits - and Jason's all, "Say wuh?!", stares sullenly into space for a few seconds, then gets up and bitchily stalks out of the room.
Grammy party! Lauren and Jason arrive at LAX and are greeted by Heidi before being let into the nightclub, where they connect with Jordan and Audrina. Lauren tells Jason about her latest Teen Vogue task: helping out at a swimsuit shoot at Quixote Studios. Jason furrows his brows concernedly and asks, "What kind of models?", and Lauren fibs when she replies that she's only been looking into girl swimsuit models. Jason asks if there's also going to be dudes there, and Lauren insists that she's only been focused on girl models...and Jason shoots her a cold stare and says, "I was just asking."
At the apartment, Heidi complains to Lauren that she hasn't been getting any sleep lately, which isn't surprising given that her work schedule consists of her being at the office from 9am-6pm, then being stationed at a nightclub door until 2am. Lauren says she told Jason that the upcoming photoshoot she's helping out with only features girl models and neglected to mention that it's mostly aimed at buff young bucks parading around in swimsuits. Heidi chuckles and warns, "He's going to get mad at you" ... and Lauren rolls her eyes and retorts, "What the fuck else is new?" (Sorry, no. That was my reaction.)
Audrina greets Lauren and Whitney when they arrive at Quixote Studios for the shoot, then shows them to their stage...and soon after that, Blaine and a Teen Vogue stylist arrive, and the casting process gets underway. Lauren takes Polaroid shots of a wide variety of shirtless young men while a more-giggly-than-usual Whitney ogles their muscular, hairless chests. Audrina becomes smitten with one of the models, Brad, and tells him that she and the other Hills gals will be hanging out at Bella Restaurant this evening and invites him to stop by, and he says he's definitely interested in doing that.
Later, at Bella Restaurant, Audrina, Lauren, and Whitney are gushingly telling Heidi about the hotness of all the male models they got to salivate over all day. Audrina glances across the room and notices Brad sitting at a table with another guy, so she makes a beeline over to give him a hello hug and invite him and his friend to join her table. When everyone's been introduced and seated together, Brad asks Audrina where they're going after this, and Audrina says in her usual 'I-can't-control-my-lips-from-constantly-smiling' fashion, "We'll see."
Over at Casa Neanderthal, Brian complainingly remarks to Jordan and Jason (whose hair is looking more porcupine-esque by the episode) that Audrina is always going out on dates with random guys. Jordan's like, "Uh, speaking of random guys.." and spills the beans on the Teen Vogue casting at Quixote that mostly featured buff young bucks in swimsuits - and Jason's all, "Say wuh?!", stares sullenly into space for a few seconds, then gets up and bitchily stalks out of the room.
"I heard that the photoshoot Lauren worked on was full of buff young bucks."
"I heard the opposite of that. Me sad."
While doing laundry, Jordan tells Heidi he thinks that Lauren fibbing to Jason about guys being at a swimsuit casting is "retarded". He adds that he thinks Jason and Lauren are too immature and insecure to even be in a relationship...and says this as if he himself didn't completely blow a gasket after encountering Heidi's ex-date Josh in the Boyfriends and Work Don't Mix episode. Heidi suggests that maybe Lauren and Jason are stuck in their toxic relationship, and Jordan says he can't comprehend that notion - despite the daily toxicity that is his and Heidi's shitty relationship.
Heidi tells Audrina that when Jordan blabbed to Jason about the Quixote photoshoot, Jason got really mad. Audrina's all, "Ooooh noooo!" and the two agree that they hope Jason won't be a total dickwad to Lauren on her birthday.
Lauren is in her car, en route to somewhere with Whitney, when Jason texts her about how he knows the truth about the photoshoot...and then a few seconds later, he calls her so he can verbally accuse her of being a liar. Lauren wearily says she has zero desire to argue with him about something this inane, and Jason pretends he couldn't care less about guys being at her photoshoot, and says he's mostly irked that she lied to him about it. He then declares, "I love you", and Lauren stares at her phone in puzzlement and tells Whitney that, shocking as it may sound, Jason is letting this latest perceived transgression roll off his back.
Later at the apartment, Lauren receives a flower bouquet from Jason and a note that reads 'Be ready at 5pm, pack a bag for school'.
Lauren arrives at the Standard Hotel and Jason ushers her to a swanky suite, where a candlelit dinner awaits them. Lauren thanks Jason with a hug before the two seat themselves at the table and start chowing down. He asks her what she'd like to do for the rest of the evening, and she replies that she'd like to hang out at the hotel and enjoy all that the suite has to offer. Jason mumbles that Brian is doing some club thing and that they could always meet up with Jordan and Heidi - but Lauren remains firm on wanting to stay in. Jason mutters, "What's that?" as he faux-confusedly wonders if 'I want to stay in' could possibly be translated to mean 'let's meet up with our castmates at a nightclub', and a vexed Lauren firmly repeats, "I. Would. Rather. Stay. Here."
Heidi tells Audrina that when Jordan blabbed to Jason about the Quixote photoshoot, Jason got really mad. Audrina's all, "Ooooh noooo!" and the two agree that they hope Jason won't be a total dickwad to Lauren on her birthday.
Lauren is in her car, en route to somewhere with Whitney, when Jason texts her about how he knows the truth about the photoshoot...and then a few seconds later, he calls her so he can verbally accuse her of being a liar. Lauren wearily says she has zero desire to argue with him about something this inane, and Jason pretends he couldn't care less about guys being at her photoshoot, and says he's mostly irked that she lied to him about it. He then declares, "I love you", and Lauren stares at her phone in puzzlement and tells Whitney that, shocking as it may sound, Jason is letting this latest perceived transgression roll off his back.
Later at the apartment, Lauren receives a flower bouquet from Jason and a note that reads 'Be ready at 5pm, pack a bag for school'.
Lauren arrives at the Standard Hotel and Jason ushers her to a swanky suite, where a candlelit dinner awaits them. Lauren thanks Jason with a hug before the two seat themselves at the table and start chowing down. He asks her what she'd like to do for the rest of the evening, and she replies that she'd like to hang out at the hotel and enjoy all that the suite has to offer. Jason mumbles that Brian is doing some club thing and that they could always meet up with Jordan and Heidi - but Lauren remains firm on wanting to stay in. Jason mutters, "What's that?" as he faux-confusedly wonders if 'I want to stay in' could possibly be translated to mean 'let's meet up with our castmates at a nightclub', and a vexed Lauren firmly repeats, "I. Would. Rather. Stay. Here."
"I would like to spend the entire evening in this beautiful hotel suite."
"I will interpret that to mean you're unsure about whether you want to stay in or go out."
When Jason asks what exactly 'staying in for the evening' entails, Lauren scrunches her face into a hurt expression and asks, "Can't you just be with me?" Jason unconvincingly says, "I can" ... and in the next scene, the two are laying atop the bed together with him looking visibly irked while she stares back at him with a look of grimaced concern.
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