The Hills - Season 3, Episode 2
Recap: While out for lunch, Heidi grumbles at Spencer about her screaming match with Lauren during the previous episode, jokes about the accusation that she's been brainwashed, and expresses bewilderment at Audrina's chutzpah in inserting herself in the middle of the Lauren/Heidi conflict. Heidi then changes the subject to the new apartment and tells Spencer they need to make it homey by getting more kitchenware, art, and light yellow paint for the walls...and Spencer hastily vetoes that color choice by making an errrrrr noise.
Over at Hillside Villas, Audrina tells Lauren she's re-interested in a guy named Justin, who once abandoned her in Vegas. Lauren gasps in horror and advises her to maybe aim for someone who's not a complete and utter douchecanoe, and an irked Audrina points out that she's not interested in marrying the guy and is just going out on a date. Lauren decides 'why risk losing a second friendship by making snarky judgements about her dating choices, however boneheaded those choices prove to be?' and quickly shuts it.
Heidi arrives home from shopping, and is startled by the graffiti art that's been splashed across the living room wall and kitchen island. When she asks Spencer what in blazes the fugly murals are doing on the walls of their home, he somehow manages to keep a straight face while replying, "I got us some art" and refers to it as "a surprise". Heidi points out that when she said they needed art, she meant buying paintings to hang up on the walls...then complains that this particular brand of graffiti art gives the entire apartment a truly tacky vibe. Spencer's all, "Whatevs" and changes the subject to some good news: he's arranged for them to spend a romantic weekend in Santa Barbara, and has even more fun surprises planned.
Audrina meets up for lunch with Justin, who's wearing a big black hat over his long brown locks. After the two hug hello, they sit across from each other and pore over the restaurant's menu.
At Hillside Villas, Lauren tells Lo that Audrina is out with Justin far longer than she said she'd be, then clarifies that Justin is the fucktard who once abandoned Audrina in Vegas. As Lo cackles in horror, Lauren says there's always that one [borderline abusive] guy [dumb] girls insist on going back to, then pronounces that every girl wants to be the one who's able to transform a shitty guy into a somewhat less shitty guy.
Justin tells Audrina she's lookin' pretty hot. She remarks on how he hasn't seen her new apartment yet, then agrees that he's a very different guy than the rude prick who abandoned her in Vegas (though not really).
Lauren explains to Lo that Justin wants to change his name to Bobby, but thinks this could result in confused people calling him Justin-Bobby. The two erupt into gales of laughter - just as Audrina returns home with Justin in tow and introduces him. Lauren brings up the topic of his name change, so he says his friends call him Bobby...and Lo is barely able to hold it together when she asks if having dual names means they should be calling him Justin-Bobby. He responds by glaring back at her stonily and snarling, "You can call me whatever the hell you want" ... and when he and Audrina are temporarily out of earshot, Lauren looks momentarily concerned that they may have hurt the dolt's feelings. A few seconds later, Audrina announces that she and Justin/Bobby/Justin-Bobby are off to Forty Deuce, and Lauren's all, "Wuh?" ... then later explains to Lo that Audrina got tickets for the two of them to hang at Forty Deuce, like, right now. Lo responds by cackling that she's pretty sure Justin-Bobby took her ticket, and Lauren can't help but cacklingly agree.
The next morning, Audrina tells Lauren she had a fun night with Justin, and believes he's much improved from the inconsiderate dipshit he was two years ago. She assures Lauren she won't find him wholly objectionable and that she'd like the two of them to get to know each other. She then wonders aloud if he has any cute friends that she (Lauren) could date, and Lauren reminds her that they have vaaaaaaast differences when it comes to their taste in men.
While driving, Spencer tells Brody he's planning to propose to Heidi during their Santa Barbara vacay, and asks if he'll be his best man. A horrified looking Brody tells him he's nuts to want to waste his youth by getting married at the age of twenty-three - but Spencer says he's determined to move forward with his marriage plan 'cause of how flawless and great his relationship with Heidi is. He then asks Brody if he can borrow his credit card, and Brody snarls that he's not lending his credit card to anyone who's dumb enough to get married while in his twenties.
At Epic Records, Audrina tells Chiara about her budding romance with Justin, and that Lauren doesn't like him 'cause she's worried he's going to break her heart. Audrina says she much prefers to learn the hard way that a guy is undeserving of her time and energy, then adds that she's been single for a long time and really really wants a boyfriend.
Spencer and Brody arrive at a jewellry store named Ice in Brentwood to buy "some high-end bling". The saleswoman promptly directs his attention to some low-end bling (in Hills dollars, anyway) and hands him an amethyst ring [that, according to Internet gossip, had a retail price of less than $3,000]. Spencer studies it for several seconds, chirps, "Sold!", and tells the saleswoman he can now cross 'buy Heidi's engagement ring' off of his 'to do' list. She coos, "Awwww.." while Brody shakes his head and mutters, "You have officially lost your mind."
While en route to Santa Barbara, Spencer tells Heidi he's looking forward to getting out of L.A. and spending the weekend at a lovely beach house.
Lauren arrives at her parents' swanky Laguna Beach house. She hugs her mom hello and tells her she needed a break from L.A., and that Audrina has just started to date a guy she can't help but predict is going to turn out to be an insufferable assbag. She pontificates about how Hollywood can bring out the worst in a person...and when her mom says that being from L.A. often makes people act like horses' asses, Lauren argues that the biggest horse's ass of all [aka Heidi] grew up in rural Colorado.
While reclining on a Santa Barbara beach, Spencer tells Heidi he's soooo happy being in a relationship with her and wants them to spend their lives together, then presents her with the amethyst ring. Heidi tears up and squeaks about how much she loves him, regardless of how strenuously everyone around her advised her to run far and fast from the Chucky doll lookalike. She calls him "the most loyal, amazing, loving, 'everything person'" and that she loves him more than anything in the whole entire world.
Ma Conrad tells Lauren that most people are good and that she doesn't want her to have trust issues - but Lauren argues that, considering the viper pit that is the glossy reality show she's sold her soul to for the next three seasons, having trust issues is inevitable. Ma Conrad urges her to focus on her internship and tighknit group of friends to keep her on the straight and narrow, and Lauren mulls that over...then wanders over to a nearby terrace to stare contemplatively at the ocean.
In the concluding montage, Audrina is riding on the back of Justin's motorcyle, while Heidi admires her engagement ring...and Lauren contines to stare contemplatively at the ocean.
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THE HILLS HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French
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