The Hills - Season 3, Episode 4
Recap: While at a jewelry store to get Heidi's ginormous engagement ring resized, Heidi invites Spencer to tag along with her to Colorado and spend the weekend with her and her family. Spencer says he's supposed to be hosting a barbecue with Brody, but would be happy to pretend to not be less than thrilled to skip it in favor of being scrutinized by his future in-laws.
Spencer and Brody stop in at STI Motorsports to shop for car tires. Spencer breaks it to Brody that he and Heidi are off to Colorado this weekend, and a visibly irked Brody reminds him that his travel plans conflict with the big Malibu barbecue party they've been planning for two months. Spencer says he'll just have to be there in spirit, and Brody tells him it ain't cool "to flake out on the homies like that".
Audrina and Justin are walking along Venice Beach looking very canoodly. Audrina remarks on the rough start that he and Lauren got off to after his disgusting belch-fest during the previous episode, but Justin just kind of shrugs and mumbles, "It's all good." Audrina refuses to let the matter drop and tells him that Lauren is worried about their hook-up on account of she (Audrina) has been screwed over by so many guys, and Justin unsympathetically coos, "Awww...dum dum dum..." but then concedes that Lauren is probably just being a good friend. He assures Audrina that she need not worry about him screwing her over, then adds, "'Til you piss me off", and Audrina chooses to take that as a light quip and lets out a nervous giggle.
While packing for Colorado, Heidi jokes that pretty much the entire town of Crested Butte knows they're coming...not least 'cause they'll be accompanied by the MTV film crew. She adds that her parents know that they've been shacking up together, given that she talks to her mom every day...and Spencer mumbles about how this is "the heaviest thing" he's ever done.
Over dinner, Lauren tells Audrina and Lo that Brody has invited them to his barbecue party this weekend. Audrina says she'd like to invite Justin, and that she's kinda into how his predictable bouts of inconsiderate douchebaggery keep her on her toes.
Heidi and Spencer arrive in Crested Butte, rent an SUV, and make the short drive to the Egelhoff home. When they arrive, Darlene (Heidi's mom) jumps up and down with delight, while Spencer mumbles about how being in this tiny a town is "a trip" when compared to an urban sprawl like L.A.
Malibu barbecue! Frankie asks where Spencer is, so Brody snarlingly replies that he's with his "wife" in Colorado, meeting his future in-laws. The two then cackle about how, at this very moment, Spencer is probably horseback riding.
Spencer calls Brody, and Brody mockingly asks him if he's having fun "in the Outback". Spencer tells him that Crested Butte is a whole other world than what they're used to in L.A., and Brody rubs it in about how he's missing a gorgeous day in Malibu at their super fun barbecue party. Spencer tells him to pretend like he's there in spirit, and Brody snarls, "You're blowin' it", then says to give his best to Heidi's parents.
Lauren and her gal pals arrive at the barbecue and get enthusiastic hellos from Frankie and Brody. They excitedly discuss all the fun things they're going to do that day...and then we get a montage of the guys kayaking, Audrina cavorting in the water with Justin wearing a teeny tiny bikini, and a game of football, which results in Brody suffering a serious finger injury.
While shopping for souvenirs. Heidi pulls Tim aside and asks him what he thinks of Spencer, so Tim says he seems polite enough...and that as long as she doesn't object to his general horses' ass-ishness, he has no real objection to the two of them dating. Heidi says she's always wanted a guy who's just like her daddy and assures him she looooooves Spencer a lot, and Tim decides he should probably step into a time machine and initiate a private [future father-in-law/son-in-law] chat to grill Spencer about his intentions.
Back at the barbecue, Justin ambles around the beach looking idiotic in his big black boots, while Brody shows everyone his broken finger before deciding he should probably head to the nearest medi-clinic to get it checked out.
Back in Colorado, the family sits down for dinner on the picnic table, and Tim decides that this is the perfect time to pull Spencer aside for their tête-à-tête. Spencer gabbles about how no one is more surprised than he that he's soooo eager to marry Heidi at his young age, but has determined that he looooooves spending every minute of the day with her. Tim wryly says that Heidi has often shown a tendency to be social with her gal pals - until she gets a boyfriend and then devotes all of her time to him, losing her gal pals in the process. He expresses concern that Heidi seems to have all of her eggs in one basket and asks what would become of her social circle if the two of them ever broke up, and Spencer does that annoying TV tropey thing where he just mutely stares back at Tim until the camera eventually cuts away.
Audrina complains to Lauren about how Justin has been chatting with another girl and ignoring her all afternoon, and an incredulous Lauren says that the grimy dumbfuck should be "jumping to date you". Brody returns to the beach house with a cast that extends all the way to his elbow and announces that he's going to need surgery, and a shocked Lauren's all, "OMG!" and chuckles heartily as he shows everyone the x-ray of his broken finger/hand/limb(?).
Darlene tells Heidi it's nice that she feels like she's in a loving relationship, and that Spencer might possibly be the man she marries - but Heidi insists that the Chucky doll lookalike is definitely going to be her husband, and that he's her best friend, boyfriend, and "my everything". Darlene's like, "That's precisely what concerns me" and asks who she'd hang out with if things went south with Spencer...and Heidi vaguely says she'd probably look into befriending some of Spencer's pals' girlfriends. Darlene asks what on earth happened to her once-tight friendship with Lauren, and Heidi brusquely says that Lauren hated all the time she was spending with Spencer, conveniently leaves out the part about Spencer allegedly starting a sex tape rumor, and decrees that she and Lauren are never ever going to be friends again.
Brody pouts at Lauren for laughing at his arm cast earlier, so she points out that it is fairly amusing that he dashed off to get a sore finger looked at, only to return with a full on arm cast. Brody thrusts his cast at her and jokingly says that he's a little insecure about this, and Lauren cheers him up by giving the cast a light smooch.
Over a family dinner at the Egelhoff's family restaurant, Timberline, Darlene tells Spencer she's deeply impressed with his commitment to Heidi, as is evidenced by the ginormous amethyst engagement ring he gave her. Spencer says that since they've been shacking up together for awhile now, he already thinks of her as his wife...and Darlene cautions that before they take the marital plunge, they need to go through some rough times so that they can bounce back to a strengthened relationship. Spencer's just like, "Whatevs, I'd marry her tomorrow if she were to weakly cave in to my wishes."
Brody grumbles to Lauren that lately Spencer has been spending every waking moment with Heidi, and Lauren remarks that whenever she's out at the clubs these days, she couldn't help but notice that Spencer isn't among the dipshit posse. When Brody just stares sadly into space, Lauren says she totally gets it 'cause she too lost a BFF last season.
After Heidi excuses herself from the dining table, Darlene asks Spencer whaddup with Heidi feeling as though she has to choose between him and Lauren, so Spencer figures 'why filter my response to come across as a mature individual, considering that these are Heidi's parents I'm talking to?' and gripes about how Lauren is a stubborn, immature, selfish girl, then contorts his face while mimicking: "I want Heidi to myself! You don't share her...duh duh duh..." Darlene and Tim stare back at him looking a combination of dismayed and aghast - just as Heidi returns to the table and snappishly asks why they're talking about Lauren.
Lauren tells Audrina that her mom loves that she's Heidi replacement, and Audrina laments the fact that Heidi let Hollywood go to her head and became a different person. Lauren recalls how intensely Jason hated Heidi, but that she stubbornly refused to choose one over the other and never let that bad blood let it get in the way of their friendship. Audrina reminds her about all the great friends she currently has in her life, and Lauren concurs, but then breaks into sobs and squeaks, "It's hard to lose a best friend."
Heidi tucks Spencer into his couch bed and says that she'll be in the adjoining bedroom, and the two exchange I love yous.
Audrina tries to call Justin and gets no answer, and complains to Lauren that she hasn't seen him in a long while. Lauren goes inside the beach house to get drinks and notices that 1) Justin is nowhere to be found, and 2) the motorcycle helmet that Audrina wears when she rides with him is laying, abandoned, on the couch. She somberly brings it over to Audrina, who does her best to tear up as she self-piteously whimpers, "He just left me? He's gone?" ... and lets that sink in for a few seconds before declaring, "Seriously, I'm done." Lauren clucks sympathetically, then laughingly points out that the slovenly shitbag wore combat boots to the beach...and Audrina agrees that, yeah, that's kinda funny - but then continues to dwell on the fact that her boorish beau just unceremoniously ditched her without so much as a bye.
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THE HILLS HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French
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