Recap: Michael and Kimberly are enjoying some post coital afterglow...and when an exhausted looking Michael tells Kimberly how awesomely wild she is, she suggests they go at it again. Michael complains that his penis is worn out and that he'd prefer they talk, so Kimberly brings up the subject of him having sex with Sydney during their short-lived marriage. Michael insists that he only married her 'cause he was blackmailed into it and assures her that at no point did he ever fall in love with the wench, but Kimberly chides him for not standing up to his blackmailer...'cause if he had, the police would have eventually figured out that she was alive. Michael irritably tells her to stop laying these nonsensical guilt trips on him, then self-piteously tells her he greatly suffered when he got addicted to painkillers while recuperating from his injuries. When she reminds him that she was rotting away in a hospital bed waiting for him to visit her, he bellows that he's very very sorry she felt so abandoned during her long recovery and doesn't know how many more ways or times he can say it...and somehow refrains from reminding her that her idiot mother is the one she should blame, 'cause she was the one who told everyone she was dead. Kimberly smugly points out that "the art of conversation just doesn't suit us anymore", then gives him a smooch.
Alison tells Billy she's miffed at her sister Meredith for sending a note (with a return address in San Francisco) declining to attend their wedding. She acknowledges that there's a large age gap between them which precluded them from ever being very close, but can't help wondering exactly what it was that chased her so far away from Wisconsin. A few seconds later, Amanda stops by to haughtily return her bridesmaid dress, sourly says, "Give it to a friend...if you have any left", then angrily declares that she's keeping the beautiful piece of crystal she was planning to give her as a wedding gift. I find it interesting (and fairly odd) that Alison had actually invited Amanda to be in her wedding party.
Jo asks Jake what he plans to tell Amanda, then warns him about how manipulative she can be, and assumes that she'll work overtime persuading him to go back to her. Jake half-heartedly assures her that that won't happen, and that since she (Jo) hooked up with him first, their relationship never really quite ended.
Linda Gray storms over to D&D to admonish Amanda for firing Chas, so Amanda tells her that Chas hit on her in the conference room...then [rewrites history to suit her purposes and] claims that she made it clear to Chas that any hanky panky between them was out of the question. Linda Gray doesn't buy her version of events, insists that Chas loves her, and accuses Amanda of wanting revenge for the way she walked out on her when she was a child. She declares that she and Chas are now more committed than ever...and as she heads out, Amanda barks at her to leave and stay away for good this time. Linda Gray shoots her the stink-eye and bitchily promises that there's going to be hell to pay for firing her boy toy.
Jane is pitching her general approach to fashion design to a handsome department store clothing buyer named Chris Marchette, and he smittenly tells her she's the most beautiful designer he's ever met and invites her to dinner tomorrow night to discuss a potential partnership.
Alison is ferrying her parents from the airport to Melrose Place and telling them that Meredith has declined to attend the wedding. She wonders aloud exactly why Meredith seems to hate them so much, and Papa Parker evasively says it's prolly all the cult-inspired brainwashing and drugs that have turned her against her family, then abruptly changes the subject back to the wedding.
Bruce Teller summons Amanda to the conference room, where he and D&D's legal counsel of old white men have been sorting through the agency's latest crisis: the $10 million sexual harassment suit that Chas has filed against Amanda. Bruce chides Amanda for firing the indolent gigolo without his knowledge or consent, and she claims that the suit is an outrageous work of fiction and explains that Chas was the one who came onto her...and that because he's her mother's fiancé, she figured it would be best to quickly get rid of him by bitchily firing him in front of the D&D workforce. Bruce somehow refrains from pointing out that she never should have hired her mother's fiancé to begin with [because: shameless nepotism] and informs her that Chas alleges that he was subjected to "constant and relentless sexual insinuation, flirtations, provocations that made working at D&D Advertising an unbearable experience". The complaint goes on to allege that Amanda made it clear that his primary responsibility was to service her...and that when he refused, she terminated him. Amanda insists that that's a lie, and Bruce coldly says he'd love to believe her - but based on the serious charges Chas is making, the entire company is in some pretty deep shit.
As Mama and Papa Parker are getting settled into Alison's/Billy's apartment [instead of staying at a hotel like normal parents might], Amanda drops by to angrily inform Alison that Chas has filed a sexual harassment suit against her...and makes it clear that she doesn't give even the tiniest of rat's asses that Alison's parents are well within hearing range of her rant. Amanda declares that she's going to win this case, then vows to Alison that when it's over she's going down with Chas.
A sad looking Sydney has taken to streetwalking in an effort to earn the 5K to repay her debt to Kristian Alfonso. When she approaches a gaggle of hardened looking hookers, they admonish her for invading their turf and order her to relocate herself pronto. Sydney cheekily/stupidly tells them she has powerful friends who could wipe the pavement with their faces, and they respond by pulling out knives, knocking her to the sidewalk, and kicking and punching her.
Sydney is promptly rushed to the ER, where Kimberly happens to be one of the doctors on duty. Amid the gashes and bruises, she recognizes that the roughed up ho is Sydney and is all, "The hell?" She administers treatment and assures Sydney that she's going to be just fine, then promises that Michael is going to pay for what he's done to both of them.
The next morning, Amanda spots Jake helping Jo move baby stuff into her apartment. She storms up the stairs and bitchily reminds Jake that they're supposed to be in a relationship, then chides Jo for using her unborn spawn to try to reel Jake back in...and Jo's like, "Leave me out of it, this is between you and Jake." Jake concurs and yells at Amanda that he can't be with someone "who cheats on me every time I turn my back!", and Amanda derisively calls him a loser for always seeing everything as black or white.
Kimberly drops by Sydney's hospital room and tells her that physically she's going to be A-OK. Sydney explains that the asskicking happened while she was trying to hook her way out of debt, so Kimberly hands her a wad of cash and tells her to get off the streets and get her life together. Sydney scrunches her face in puzzlement and asks her why she's being so nice to her, so Kimberly tells her to meet her tonight at the Griffith Observatory, where all will be revealed.
Bruce tells Amanda that D&D has agreed to binding arbitration, then explains that it means a judge will listen to testimony and make a subsequent ruling. Amanda says she's all for any process that reveals Chas as the liar he is...and Bruce says he's keeping his fingers crossed that things work out that way, then urges her to come clean about any questionable/sleazy behavior she may have recently exhibited, 'cause apparently Chas is claiming he has an eyewitness whose testimony could be extremely damaging. Amanda plays dumb and says she doesn't have a clue who this witness could possibly be...then makes a beeline over to Alison's desk and says she just heard she's being called as Chas's star witness. Alison confirms that she just got the subpoena and says she's not looking forward to being forced to recollect the icky smoochfest she witnessed. Amanda sheepishly apologizes for her cunty 'tude the other day and says she'd be forever grateful if she were to tell the judge she didn't see anything, but Alison says she can't/won't perjure herself by lying under oath.
Over dinner, Chris wanks Jane about how talented she is and offers her a proposition: he'll supply the funding for her to create an exclusive clothing line for his department store. Jane squeals happily and says she'd be very interested in that kind of partnership - but first will have to convince her silent partner to sign off on the deal.
Billy is at Shooters with his college buddy Rob, who he's asked to be his best man. The two drink beer and talk about Billy's wonderment about being the first of the two of them to wed, then chuckle about whether or not Billy's ex, Donna, has any idea he's about to get married.
Sydney arrives at the Griffith Observatory to meet with Kimberly, who explains that when she was recuperating all those months from the car accident caused by Michael's drunken joyriding, all she could think about was getting revenge. She calls him a monster who needs to be contained, and then put out of his misery...and a stunned Sydney asks her if she's seriously suggesting murdering him. Kimberly calls her murderous intentions justice and asks Sydney if she too wouldn't like to see him dead after all the horrible things he's said and done to her this season. Sydney mulls that over for a few seconds and says that, as a matter of fact she would like to see him six feet under, and Kimberly happily declares that they're going to put their heads together and figure out a way to make that happen.
Jane drops by the beach house to tell Michael that a department store rep wants to buy a large stake in her design biz, and that she hopes he won't be a dick about giving his consent. When Michael grumbles that he doesn't trust her, she offers to have Chris Marchette explain it to him like he's five, and implores him to pleeeeeease not stand in the way of this once-in-a-lifetime growth opportunity. Kimberly calls her "a condescending bitch" and tells her to go home so they can look over the paperwork and then let her know what they decide. Jane angrily tells her to not talk to her like that, and Michael promises to seriously consider the deal. Kimberly announces that she's off to the hospital, then warns Jane to keep her hands off of Michael before smugly adding, "He's all mine now."
Bruce tells Amanda that D&D's insurance company has suggested they settle the Chas lawsuit for 500K, 'cause the brass is too wary about rolling the dice on the binding arbitration process. Amanda tells him she won't be bullied into signing a false admission of guilt, and Bruce is like 'fine' - but warns that if she loses the case, she'll be fired from D&D and blacklisted throughout the entire advertising industry. (Seems like dickish overkill, but OK.) Amanda sarcastically thanks him for his support.
Kimberly and Sydney are munching on ice cream and wandering through a park, discussing the various ways they could kill Michael. Kimberly suggests an ocean drowning, but Sydney points out that he's too strong a swimmer...then tells her he had a brief addiction to painkillers. Kimberly chews on that for a few seconds, then says she likes the idea of slipping him an overdose, and promises to flesh out a concrete plan.
Billy, Papa Parker, and the groomsmen are getting fitted for their wedding tuxedos. Billy tells Jake that during all the contentiousness following his doinking of Amanda, he asked Rob to be his best man, and Jake assures him it's fine and that he'll still be there for him as a buddy and groomsman. When Matt wanders over and suggests they all get something to eat, Billy declines 'cause he has to head back to the office, then asks Matt if he wouldn't mind showing Rob around. Matt says he'd be delighted to spend the afternoon with his college pal...who, incidentally, has been surreptitiously setting off his gaydar.
Kimberly tells Dr. Levin that Michael has been severely depressed since being stripped of his Chief Resident status, and that he's been abusing painkillers and alcohol and babbles on and on about taking his own life. As Dr. Levin contemplates why he should possibly give a shit about Michael's inner torment, Kimberly urges him to order Michael to undergo psychiatric treatment as a requirement to remaining employed at the hospital, and Dr. Levin's like 'what could possibly go wrong with forcing Michael into psychiatric care based solely on the recommendation of his revenge-obsessed girlfriend?'
Over lunch at Shooters, Rob tells Matt about his college adventures with Billy...blah blah...and eventually Matt comes right out and asks him if he's into guys. Rob tells him that, yep indeed, he's a gay man, and Matt grins approvingly and blushingly tells him he finds him rather attractive. Mmm hmm..
Alison frets to Billy about having to testify at the arbitration and is worried that Amanda will hate her forever and that stupid Chas will get a huge settlement out of it. She laments opening her big mouth in the first place (as well she should), but then puts part of the blame on Billy for drunkenly partially spilling the beans to Jake about it after his bachelor party.
Matt and Rob return to Melrose Place...and as the two bid each other goodnight, Matt advances on Rob in slo-mo before the camera abruptly cuts away ['cause I don't think '90s primetime shows were allowed to show two men kissing] to capture Billy's wha-a-a-a?? reaction as he glances out of his apartment window just in time to witness the same sex smooch.
While strolling in the marina, Jane tells Chris she's worried that Michael will spoil their business deal 'cause he has a penchant for always ruining the good things in her life. Chris stares at her all smitten-like and says, "Not everything, I hope" and leans in for a kiss.
A worn down looking Amanda trudges home and finds Jake waiting for her in the courtyard. He tells her he's been thinking about their toxic rollercoaster of a mostly sex-based relationship and has deduced that what they need is space - but a tearful Amanda argues that what she needs is for someone to believe in her. Jake stares at her concernedly, immediately rethinks his space suggestion and gives her a much needed hug.
Alison is having one of her creepy 'someone is chasing me when I was a small child' nightmares and wakes up screaming for help. Her parents and Billy rush into the room to see whassup...and her mom hugs her while Papa Parker breezily tells Billy it was just a bad dream and heads back to bed, while Billy continues to stare at her concernedly.
The next morning, Jake and Amanda canoodle in bed together, and Amanda purrs about how happy she is that they worked everything out, and that she really really wants to believe that he only likes Jo the way any guy would want to help a friend who's in a jam. She then tells him she'd like his support during the arbitration, and he promises to be there, then gives her a big smooch.
Billy runs into Matt in the courtyard and says he happened to see him and Rob kissing last night, then awkwardly stammers as he ponders whether or not Rob might have been engaging in some, shall he say, sexual experimentation after getting buzzed on the alcohol he drank at Shooters. Matt mulls that over for a few seconds and goes, "Nope, his tongue in my mouth didn't feel like an experiment" and says that Rob's sexual preferences are his own business, and that if he wants to get all in Rob's bidness about it, he should just ask him about it directly.
Arbitration! Chas testifies that he was surprised when Amanda gave him the job at D&D (given his sleazy aura and fake credentials that would have been easy enough to uncover), but figured she did it 'cause she wanted to get into Linda Gray's good graces. He goes on to claim that it soon became obvious that Amanda was interested in his bod 'cause she constantly brought up the topic of sex and seemed to relish the idea of "stealing" him away from her mother. He smarmily declares how much he loooooves Linda Gray and wanted nothing to do with Amanda's sex-fuelled aggression, and says with a straight face that their sexual encounters made him feel cheap. He then testifies that soon after Amanda forced him to nail her on the conference room floor, she fired him in front of everyone at D&D, a trauma that has stained his [non-existent] work record and negatively affected his relationship with his cherished sugar momma.
Amanda takes the witness stand and tells her side of the story, which is that..
The judge mulls all that over, then calls for a recess.
While lounging in bed post coitus, Michael tells Kimberly he's not going to sign off on Jane's business deal, but will show up for today's meeting about it for the joy of watching her squirm. Kimberly chuckles and offers to get him a beer before he heads off to the meeting, then goes into the kitchen and laces his beer with a strong sedative.
Back at the arbitration, Alison testifies that Amanda's amiable attitude towards Chas seemed to change after she witnessed them sucking face in the conference room. She adds that Chas had claimed they then had sex...and when Chas's lawyer asks her to speculate on how probable that is, Amanda's lawyer argues that that calls for some pretty wild speculation. The judge is like, "No duh" and says he's pretty much throwing out the window any semblance of "the normal rules of testifying" and directs Alison to answer...and Alison hesitates for a few seconds, but then says that, yep, she could totally see Chas and Amanda bumping uglies on D&D's conference room floor.
As Michael lays passed out on his bed, courtesy of the sedative Kimberly slipped into his beer, Sydney arrives and helps Kimberly transport him into the garage and then into the driver's seat of his car. Kimberly starts the engine and estimates that he'll "be done" in about three hours...and when Sydney remarks that leaving him to die this way is inhuman, a vexed Kimberly tells her to "put a sock in it" and reminds her that Michael is human garbage. She orders Sydney to head to Palm Springs and make sure that people see her there...while she will walk to the Malibu Cantina and "find" him dead when she returns with takeout food. She then shoves Sydney out of the garage, turns off the lights, and closes the door.
Jane gets impatient when Michael doesn't show up for their meeting and grumbles to Chris about how much her ex hates seeing her attain any amount of success...then decides that they should bring the meeting to him. When they arrive at the beach house, Jane is perplexed by the sound of a car running in the garage and goes inside and is all - ack! - at the toxic fumes. She and Chris drag Michael outside, and Jane administers mouth-to-mouth resuscitation until he finally regains consciousness. Michael looks startled to see Jane hovering over him and cheekily mutters, "That was one helluva kiss", and she slaps his hand away in disgust.
Wedding Day! As contractors construct a platform over the Melrose Place courtyard swimming pool, Amanda bursts out of her apartment to ask what the hell all the racket is at this early hour. Papa Parker tells her they're building some much needed space for his daughter's wedding ceremony, and Amanda bitchily informs him that she's the owner of the complex and that someone should have run this by her - just as Jo notices a shirtless Jake emerge from Amanda's apartment. Jake sheepishly rushes over to where Jo's standing and weakly tells her "it's not what it seems", then cancels that and admits that it's pretty much exactly what it seems - but Jo cuts him off and says she doesn't have time for his fickleness and goes back up to her apartment.
Alison apologizes to Amanda about her damaging testimony yesterday, and says she was merely trying to do what's right...and Amanda sourly points out that that always seems to end up being bad for her. She then gives the OK for the contractors to continue building the over-the-pool wedding platform, as long as someone cleans everything up afterwards. Amanda then turns her attention to Jake and smarmily asks him if Jo's having "a little trouble dealing with reality", and Jake breezily says she's doing fine, then lets himself be ushered back up to Amanda's apartment to finish "the job" he started for her this morning. Mmm hmm..
A haggard looking Michael mutters, "What a weird night" to Kimberly and how odd it was finding Jane standing over him after he "fell asleep" at the wheel inside the garage. Kimberly grumbles that she wishes Jane would get outa their lives (uh oh), then pretends to think long and hard about yesterday's events and tells Michael she recalls him taking a shower when she left the beach house for her walk to the cantina. She then gives him a hug and coos about how much she loooooves him and "never wants to be scared like that again".
Billy tells Rob that he saw him and Matt kissing last night, and Rob confirms that, yep, he's full on gay and has known this since college. Billy stares at him in stunned befuddlement, then asks if he was ever attracted to him, and Rob's like, "Hell no" and jokes (?) that he's only into mentally stable dudes.
Jo assures Jake they're still friends, but that they should forever leave it at that (hurray!) ... then heads over to Alison's apartment. She finds Alison decked out in her wedding gown with Jane doing some last minute primping and is all, "Awwww, you look stunning", and Alison tears up and says she's soooo overwhelmed (in a good way) about getting married, then calls Jo and Jane the best friends a person could have. After that, they do the whole 'something old, something new' thing that, by law, every wedding must include.
Michael thanks Jane for saving her life, then breaks the news that he's not signing onto the department store deal, 'cause he wants "their" design firm to remain small and stress-free. Jane shoots him a hateful stink-eye and regrets not letting him die of carbon monoxide poisoning, then loudly decrees that if he doesn't leave her or her business alone, she'll kill him...and the wedding attendees within hearing range are all, "So noted, Jane."
Sydney wanders into the courtyard, and is so aghast to see that Michael is still among the living that she shrieks in stunned shock. Kimberly rushes out to explain to Sydney that their first murder attempt didn't take, and that she'll have to come up with a Plan B.
Papa Parker tells Alison how beautiful she looks on her wedding day and how proud he is of her, then opens his arms wide and creepishly says, "Please tell me you'll always be daddy's little girl." OMG, how gross. As the two hug, Alison begins to tear up...so he murmurs, "Sshh, don't cry" - which triggers Alison into fully remembering all of the grotesque times he molested her in the basement of her childhood home. She abruptly pulls away, stares at him in shocked horror, and calls him a monster for the things he did to her as a child. Papa Parker scrunches his face in faux confusion and weakly says she's not making sense - but Alison continues staring at him in revulsion and cries, "Oh God! You did! You molested me!" As she heads for the door, Papa Parker grabs her, covers her mouth and angrily insists that it never happened...and that if she ever tells anyone it did, he'll kill her.
The wedding guests are getting slightly restless waiting for the bride to emerge...and eventually, Jane sneaks past Papa Parker into the apartment and is shocked when she finds Alison's gown laying atop the bed and the bedroom window wide open.
Amanda, meanwhile, says she has a meeting and can no longer wait around for this wedding to happen, and haughtily storms off. Jane rushes over to Billy to tell him that Alison is gone...and Billy races into the bedroom and finds a note from Alison assuring him 'it's not you', but that for reasons she won't get into right now, she can't bring herself to marry him.
Jake tells the perplexed wedding guests that the wedding is being postponed, and Kimberly uses the chaos of the moment to slip into Jane's apartment and steal her car keys.
Amanda arrives at Linda Gray's house and finds Chas lounging in the backyard, reading the paper. He snidely calls her "the loser of the week" ... and when Amanda asks him why he's trying to ruin her life, he openly admits that he's a cheap hustler who lives by his wits, and that Linda Gray's fine and all, but that he can't survive solely on "the crumbs" she's been throwing him. While that's happening, Linda Gray has arrived home with Teri Stevens in tow and is quietly eavesdropping on her boy toy's smug confession. Chas tells Amanda that he's ready to move onto someone his own age, and chortles about how clever he is to have succeeded in making Linda Gray believe that her own daughter lied to her...and that by the time she realizes the lawsuit was nothing but a bunch of phony bullcack, he'll be long gone with the cash. Amanda vows that she won't let that happen - but Chas points out that she no longer has any credibility with her mother, then dismissively declares both she and Linda Gray washed up.
That evening, Alison arrives at her sister's cute Victorian house in San Francisco...and when Meredith opens the door, the two hug hello in the doorway.
Jane calls the police to report her car and her car keys stolen, but seems weirdly optimistic that both will be returned to her very soon.
As Billy and Mama Parker try to figure out where in blazes Alison might have run off to, Papa Parker breezily says he has no doubt she's fine. An irked Billy reminds him that he was the last person to see Alison, so Papa Parker sourly retorts that when a bride skips out on her own wedding, it usually has something to do with the groom. Mama Parker tells them both to shut it and focus their energy on locating Alison, and Papa Parker promises to talk to the police and assures his wife that their daughter will be found soon.
Alison tells Meredith she finally realizes why she left home all those years ago and cut off all communication with their parents. She then explains that their creepy father said something today that triggered the memory of his basement abuse, and Meredith tears up and regrets running away and not helping her little sister escape what she had endured. The two hug and ponder whether or not their mother knows, then compare their traumatic experiences, which include a standing death threat from Papa Parker if they ever spill the beans on his abuse.
Back at the arbitration, the judge says he's reached a decision...which, by the sounds of it, is about to go in Chas's favor. Linda Gray interrupts to tell the judge she has some last minute relevant information to share, then testifies that yesterday she overheard Chas chuckling at Amanda about the phony lawsuit...which prompted her to research his marketing credentials, which - shocker - she quickly learned was a pack of lies. A miffed Chas is all, "Wha-a-a-a?!" and tells the judge his sugar momma is out of her mind - but the judge decrees that they're going to go through the accusations in the lawsuit, one step at a time (mercifully off camera) ... and across the room, Bruce Teller gives Amanda a supportive shoulder pat.
After the lawsuit is thrown out, Chas growls at Linda Gray for being "a crazy bitch" and pretends as though he had been planning to split the lawsuit money with her...and she responds by ordering to pack up his shit and get the hell out of her house. She then strides over to Amanda and apologizes for not believing her, and Amanda politely says she appreciates her coming forward and telling the truth about Chas, but that it's too late for them to have any kind of functioning mother-daughter relationship. Linda Gray accepts that, says she loves her, and that her door is always open if the Melrose Place producers are ever tempted to rehash their story arc.
Meredith tells Alison she can't hide out in her house forever and urges her to call Billy - but Alison doesn't want to do that until after they've confronted their father. Meredith looks horrified by the prospect and says she's too afraid to dredge up the past, and Alison says that since they have each other now, they no longer have to fear the man...and as they're hugging, the camera pans over to Meredith's front yard, where Papa Parker is standing and glaring at them menacingly through the window. Eeeeek!!
Michael is paged to the lobby of the hospital and is told that Jane called to leave a message that she's waiting to meet him at the coffee shop across the street, and that apparently it's a matter of life and death. Michael mutters, "Boy, this better be good", then exits the hospital and ambles onto the street, where he stands and stares mutely at the car that's barreling straight at him. The driver hits him, then squeals off...and an unresponsive Michael is rushed into the ER, where the doctor treating him solemnly warns, "We're losing him" as his heart is shocked with defibrillator paddles.
Jane is at her design studio when two cops arrive to arrest her for the hit and run murder attempt on Michael's life. When the cops explain that her car was used to perpetrate the evil deed, she tells them she reported it stolen...and one of the cops directs her to look out the window overlooking the street where her now damaged car is parked. She's all, "Wha-a-a?" and tells the cops that this is a horrible mistake - but they ignore her and start reading her her rights and handcuffing her...as she cries that she didn't doooooo anything, that they have the wrong person, and that someone is trying to set her up.
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Recap: The Melrose Place gang is in the hospital waiting room, anxiously awaiting word on Jo's condition following her tumble down the staircase. Over in the exam room, Jo is conscious and chatting with Jake, who urges her to think positively about her baby's wellbeing - just as the doctor enters the room and gives both her and her baby a clean bill of health. He adds that, just to be extra safe, he's going to keep her in the hospital an extra day for observation.
Amanda arrives at the hospital just as Jake emerges from the exam room to tell the gang that both Jo and the baby are OK. As everyone lets out a sigh of relief and starts to disseminate, Amanda reminds Jake he has a boat charter scheduled later today, and he tells her he cancelled it so he could sit vigil by Jo's bedside. When Amanda scrunches her face disapprovingly, Jake points out that Jo doesn't have anyone else...and Amanda mutters about what a lousy excuse that is before huffily storming off.
Billy asks Alison why she seems extra miffed at Amanda lately, so Alison tells him that she witnessed Amanda and Chas kissing in the conference room at the end of the previous episode, and how annoyed she is on behalf of Jake, who's once again getting screwed over by the unfaithful she-devil. Billy urges her to keep mum about what she saw in order to keep the peace, and Alison hems and haws about it before finally agreeing to keep the explosive intel to herself.
Over in the doctors' lounge, Michael tells Kimberly he just got a bunch of financial statements from Jane and is disappointed that her design company doesn't appear to be earning anything. Kimberly asks if she can take a look at the statements, smugly says she has a nose for discrepancies, and promises to look into whether or not Jane's reporting is honest or if she's been engaging in some creative accounting.
Amanda is startled to find Chas sitting behind the desk in her office...then tells him he shouldn't be in here, and that she has zero desire to discuss last episode's blechy smooch. Chas says he thinks they should discuss it openly 'cause it's all he's been able to think about, and assures her it's totes A-OK to lose control sometimes. Amanda firmly tells him that from now on they're to have a business only type relationship, and Chas just kind of shrugs and goes, "Sure, you're the boss - and I'm not" before sauntering out of the room.
Sydney tells the creepy owner of Body Stocking that she's choosing the stage name Jane, so then he introduces her as Jungle Jane as she takes the stage and struts her scantily clad stuff.
Kimberly drops in on Jane's design studio to express her bitchy concern about all the "red ink" on the financial reports she sent to Michael. She then informs Jane that she took the liberty of calling up the stores she's doing business with and found a huge discrepancy between what's being reported and all of the clothing orders the stores claim they've placed. She threatens to formally accuse Jane of embezzlement if she doesn't correct her "accounting error" ... then suddenly clutches her head as if she's suffering a sudden headache and rushes out of the studio. Jane stares confusedly after her, no doubt thinking, "Mmm...that was really weird."
After a productive client meeting, Amanda applauds Alison and Chas for charming the clients, then announces that she's off to write up a follow-up report for Bruce. Once she's out of earshot, Chas asks Alison whassup with her not blabbing to anyone about the kiss she witnessed between himself and Amanda, so Alison says that whatever game they're playing is too fuckin' weird for her and that she's just going to continue pretending she didn't see nuthin'. Chas tells her he didn't plan on smooching Amanda, who he claims has "a screw loose" and practically raped him on the conference room floor. Alison gives him an ew, gross look and says she really just wants to focus on her job. Chas tries to get her interested in his "plight" and expresses grave concern that Amanda's going to pounce on him whenever they're alone together, but Alison just wishes him a good night and makes a break for the door. As a wigged out looking Alison gathers up her stuff and tells Amanda she's outa here, Amanda glances over at the smirking Chas with a 'hmm, I wonder what that was all about' expression on her face.
Jake and Sarah help Jo up the staircase to her apartment, and she thanks them for their help before retiring to her bedroom for a nap. Jake asks Sarah if she has any idea where her shittheaded boyfriend Hank might be hiding out, so she tells him that there's a bar on Sunset Boulevard he likes to sometimes hang out in and shoot pool. Jake says he's going to head over there to see if he can nab the creep...and on his way out, he runs into Amanda, who invites him to attend her mom's birthday dinner (at the behest of Chas, who seems intent on the two of them reconciling). He agrees to meet her at the restaurant once he takes care of a few things...and Amanda snarks that she hopes these things don't include Jo. Jake chides her for not being very understanding where Jo's concerned, and she wryly says she could be, but doubts it'd get her anywhere.
Alison is staring out the window at Jake and Amanda and remarking to Billy how shitty she thinks Amanda is for stringing Jake along. Billy tells her to forget about the Amanda/Chas smooch she witnessed, then changes the subject to his upcoming bachelor party that Michael was somehow put in charge of planning. Alison remarks that Michael is just sleazy enough to guarantee that everyone will have a great time, then starts unbuttoning her blouse...and when he asks whassup with her disrobing, she explains that she's seducing him in order to get him to be so sexually content and fulfilled that whatever Michael tries to tempt him with at the bachelor party won't have a chance of taking root.
Jake finds Hank hanging in the Sunset Boulevard bar and snidely tells him he's a friend of the woman he pushed down the stairs, and is happy to report that she and her unborn spawn are A-OK. He then warns that the cops are looking for him so he might want to hightail it out of L.A., like pronto, and Hank responds by swinging a pool cue at Jake, who ducks and then gives Hank a well deserved punch in the face. The two get into a punching/wrestling match before Jake fully kicks his ass and snarlingly warns him that the LAPD is on its way.
Over at the hospital, a man with a ruptured appendix, who makes it a point to tell the medical staff that he's allergic to penicillin, is on his way to the OR, and Michael says he's ready to scrub in and perform the life-saving surgery. Kimberly grabs the man's chart from the nurse, heads over to a vacant room, and decides 'why not risk this hapless patient's life by removing the penicillin warning from his chart for the purpose of getting Michael into trouble?'
Linda Gray arrives for her birthday dinner with her top model, Teri Stevens, in tow and looks surprised - but happy - to see Amanda in attendance. Jake arrives soon after, but isn't wearing the required tie to dine in the swanky restaurant and so is given a loaner. Amanda rushes over, notices his bruised face and rolls her eyes as she assumes he got into a scuffle while once again defending Jo. She calls his constant protection of Jo ridiculous, and that if she were to carry on this way he'd be furious. Jake pissily insists, "I can have my own friends, you know", then gets so vexed by her snide 'tude that he rips off the loaner tie and storms out of the restaurant.
Hank calls Sarah to tell her he's leaving L.A., and assumes that she'll be back home before long and beg for his forgiveness. He bitterly says he'll tell everyone back home how well she's doing, then abruptly hangs up to catch his bus. Godspeed, douchewad! Sarah sadly tells Jo that Hank is on his way back to the Midwest and moans about how he was her first boyfriend, but Jo's just like, "Whatever. Good riddance" and gives her young friend a comforting hug.
Kimberly sneakily reattaches the penicillin warning to the hapless patient's chart and scurries off - just as the machines attached to his vitals start beeping and a nurse rushes out to the hall to yell, "Code blue!" Kimberly and Dr. Levin rush over to administer life-saving treatment, and Dr. Levin asks who in the hell gave the man penicillin when there's a clear warning about the allergy on his chart. When one of the nurses tattles on Michael for ordering the potentially deadly medication, Dr. Levin says he wants a full report detailing how this happened, then tells Kimberly that if Michael screwed the pooch on this case, he's in deep shit. Kimberly glares into space while muttering, "Wouldn't that be a shame."
Jane meets with her tax attorney, who advises her to keep Michael's coffers full if she wants to avoid legal trouble and keep Michael out of her life.
Dr. Levin tells Kimberly it's looking bad for Michael and that he's shocked at the negligent level of sloppiness Michael allegedly demonstrated regarding the patient's penicillin allergy. He then tells Kimberly it's possible that someone (who has a psychotic ax to grind with Michael, for instance) could have removed the caution tag and replaced it later...and when she faux innocently asks, "Why would someone do that?", he smiles and says he's not going to ask that question and will merely send his findings to the board. He then chuckles and tells her she's a very complicated woman, and she smilingly thanks him for letting her get away with nearly killing a patient, not to mention fucking with the hospital's potential liability in the matter, in her vengeful quest to stick it to Michael.
Linda Gray drops by D&D to check in on her boy toy and thank Amanda for joining her for dinner last night. Amanda tells her that Chas left early to attend Billy's bachelor party - despite him not being friends with Billy and barely knowing the Melrose Place menfolk - then asks her how well she knows the brazen gold digger. Linda Gray shrugs and says, "As well as I need to" and insists that they're deeply in love despite the twelve year age difference. Amanda says that this relationship won't have been worth it if he hurts her, but Linda Gray assures her that she's somehow convinced herself that that could never happen.
Jane stops by the hospital to drop off the profit check for Michael...and when she's unable to find him, she gives the check to Kimberly and tells her she's mostly doing this to keep them both out of her hair. Kimberly chuckles and tells Jane she's not another Sydney and doesn't give a damn about being remotely involved in her life...and Jane just shakes her head wearily and exits the doctors' lounge.
Alison and Jo are playing cards in Jo's apartment when Sarah blurts out that she thinks Jo and Jake make the perfect couple. Alison says she can't help but agree, and Jo admits that she can't deny her lingering feelings for the meaty stud and wonders what might have been if he hadn't dumped her. Alison points out that Amanda is a cheater and that she and Jake "are not a done deal" - but Jo argues that any opportunity she had to couple with Jake is gone and that she simply has to accept it.
Billy's bachelor party is being held at Body Stocking...and as Michael toasts the imminent end of Billy's bachelorhood, Jungle Jane takes the stage and begins shaking her naughties. Sydney removes her bra and unwittingly throws it straight at Michael...and when she finally realizes that the Melrose Place menfolk are in the audience and have been watching her humiliating live nude girls act, she shrieks in horror and flees backstage. The club's manager promptly fires her, and Michael chases Sydney outside to laughingly tell her her stripper routine was "a real class act", then gives her a wad of cash as a tip and places her bra atop her head while cackling like a rabid hyena.
Later, Jake deposits a drunk Billy in his apartment, then asks Alison if she's seen Amanda this evening and remarks that he's been calling and calling her. Alison says she hasn't seen her and calls him "amazingly trusting" ... and Billy drunkenly blurts out that Jake needn't worry 'cause Chas was with them the whole night. Jake's all, "Wuh? Care to explain that remark?", so Alison spills the beans about how she witnessed Chas and Amanda kissing at D&D. She adds that Chas claimed it got pretty hot and heavy, then implores Jake to finally come to the realization that Amanda is not right for him. An enraged Jake immediately storms over to Amanda's apartment to ask if "what Alison is saying is true" (!) and asks her if she's sleeping with Chas. Amanda assures him she isn't, gets supremely irritated when he makes it clear that he doesn't believe her, and snarls, "You bastard!" before ordering him to get the hell out of her apartment.
Dr. Levin tells Michael that his Chief Residency has been revoked by the board on the grounds that he negligently endangered a patient's life. Michael's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and demands that he overturn the decision otherwise he'll tattle about his penchant for hiring hookers, but Dr. Levin says that the staff from the hospital's legal department is now involved and that there's really no way he can make this go away. He gleefully adds that he looooves seeing someone who's had it coming for so long finally get the justice he so richly deserves.
The next morning at D&D, Amanda storms over to Chas and, in full hearing range of what looks like the entire D&D workforce, calls him a "pathetic, sick excuse for a man" and fires him. She then storms over to the conference room, where Alison's prepping for a client meeting. She berates Alison for deliberately destroying her relationship with Jake and vows to "do you the way you did me" and make her life at D&D such a living hell that she'll wish she'd never been born. It remains unclear why D&D's Human Resources department has never been asked to call out Amanda on her tendency to use personal grudges to foster what looks like the world's most toxic work environment.
Jake tells Jo he's definitely, absolutely, for sure this time on the outs with Amanda and wants to go back to resuming their dull-as-fuck relationship. Jo moans, "OMG, don't dooooo this to me", but Jake insists that she's the only person to whom he can ever really open up. Jo says she doubts seriously that Amanda will just go away, so he tells her that this change of heart has nothing to do with Amanda and everything to do with him not being able to be relationship-less for more than five fucking minutes.
A skimpily clad Sydney goes to the bar where Kristian Alfonso and her ho posse are drinking...and when Kristian Alfonso spots her and motions her over, she happily scampers across the bar and says she really really wants her old job back. Kristian Alfonso orders Sydney a martini, then declines the opportunity to rehire Sydney and says she doesn't deal in tramps...and says this as if she isn't the head of a seedy L.A. prostitution ring. Sydney responds by throwing the martini in her face, and as the bouncers forcibly escort her out, Kristian Alfonso reminds her she still owes her 5K. Sydney is bitterly muttering to herself about the tramp remark when a guy in a convertible pulls up and offers her $200 for a sex romp in a nearby motel. Sydney decides 'sure, why the hell not become a full on streetwalker?', gets into the passenger seat, and tells the john he's getting a helluva good deal.
Over at the hospital, a bummed Michael tells Kimberly he's been stripped of his Chief Resident title, and Kimberly pretends to be sympathetic and offers to cheer him up by cooking him a nice dinner. When he tells her he's far too glum to be cheered up by food, she shows him the 5K check she got from Jane and suggests she use it to open a joint bank account. Michael agrees and says he's been meaning to suggest that, and Kimberly dryly says, "Of course you have" and heads out. She drives over to the industrial part of town for a secret meet-up with a shady looking guy. She tells him she wants to off someone and is willing to pay 5K, and he laughs and informs her that a professional hit costs upwards of 50K...and that if she doesn't have that kind of dough, she should just execute the person herself. As he saunters off, Kimberly murmurs to herself, "Then that's exactly what I'll do."
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Recap: Amanda tells Alison that since they've been getting slammed with so many new client accounts, the D&D powers-that-be have decided to create an opening for a second Junior Account Executive. Amanda invites Alison to be a part of the hiring process, given that she'll be working so closely with this new person, and a pleasantly surprised Alison perks up at that and thanks her for the opportunity.
Over at the hospital, Sydney complains to Matt about how horrible her life has been ever since Kimberly returned from the dead...and Matt's like, "Go tell someone who gives a rat's ass", tells her she's finally getting what she deserves, and stomps off. Sydney then runs into Kimberly, who asks her what in the hell she's doing at the hospital...and when Sydney haughtily says she's looking for her husband, Kimberly grabs her and yanks her into the nearest vacant exam room. Sydney defiantly tells her she's old news and doesn't care that she's been suddenly resurrected by the Melrose Place producers, and Kimberly snarlingly calls her "an opportunistic little bitch" who's dumber than she looks if she actually believes that her blackmail-fueled shotgun wedding is going to protect her from a crazed woman bent on revenge. She warns her to stay away from both her and Michael or else, confirms that 'yes, this is a threat so you should be scared', and stalks out of the room.
Linda Gray drops by D&D at lunchtime, and Amanda tells her mom she's thrilled about their lunch date, then says she's been sooooo busy all morning looking at resumes for a new Junior Account Executive. Linda Gray's like, "Really?" and tells her that Chas just happens to have an extensive background in marketing, and Amanda somehow manages to keep a straight face at the obvious load of bullcack Chas has been peddling and says, "Really? I had no idea." Linda Gray then breaks the news that she can't make lunch - but that Chas is free [him currently being unemployed and all], and that she should use the opportunity to exercise a little nepotism and offer the job to her vapid boy toy.
Jo is photographing models frolicking in the sand in D&D's never-ending beach photoshoot when Sarah Owens wanders over with her boyfriend Hank. After being introduced, Hank smarmily tells Jo he just moved to L.A. to possessively hover his gal to ensure that she stays normal while working in this "twisted business", then sourly adds that it's inevitable someone with sleazy intentions is going to take advantage of the naive eighteen year old model. Jo assures him that the modelling business isn't always a total snake-pit, and Hank's like 'yeah whatever' and says he was super relieved when Sarah's new friend Jo turned out to "just be a woman". Sarah stupidly giggles, "Isn't he the sweetest?", and Jo somehow restrains herself from coming right out and telling her that no, Hank isn't remotely sweet, and that he comes across as a pissy little man-bitch.
Over lunch, Amanda tells Chas she has to consider other applicants for the Junior Account Executive job, but that he can take part in the process like everyone else by coming to D&D for an interview later in the week. Chas tells her he really really wants the job, apologizes for rubbing her leg with his foot the other night ('cause blech), and "explains" that he's just a harmless flirt. Amanda mulls that over, says if she hired him their relationship would be strictly business, and asks him to articulate why he thinks he's a worthy candidate...and so he rattles off his mostly fake credentials:
Amanda makes it clear that her work means everything to her and that she expects everyone on her team to share this sentiment, and Chas assures her that he'll be more than happy to pretend to do exactly that.
In the hospital parking lot, Sydney spots Michael getting into his car, so she runs over and says he can't possibly want to dump her and go back to Kimberly...and he's like, "Watch me." Sydney tells him that Kimberly has become mad as a hatter, and that earlier she grabbed her arm and threatened her. Michael chuckles and says he'd like to break her arm, snappishly tells her she's his ex-wife, and orders her to back away from the car so that he doesn't run over her toes.
Alison enters Amanda's office to report that she's carefully hand-selected some promising resumes for the new Junior Account Executive position, and Amanda's like, "That's nice, but I already hired someone" and then introduces her to Chas, who's been quietly standing on the other side of the room. When Alison remarks on how quickly this came about, Amanda tells her that Chas is her mom's future husband and so she figured 'why not throw all common sense out the window and skip a proper recruitment process by hastily hiring a shady creep I haven't bothered to properly vet?' It's interesting that Amanda somehow didn't learn her lesson about the perils of hiring weird men on the spot so soon after the Ted Ramsey debacle. Alison asks to speak to Amanda in private so that she can call her out on the dickishness of promising to involve her in the hiring process only to pull the rug out from under her by doing something as unprofessionally boneheaded as hiring her mother's fiancé without so much as an interview. Amanda chides her for not acting like more of a team player, and then the two glare at each other in mute loathing.
Michael returns home and finds Kimberly standing on the deck of the beach house, staring out at the ocean. She tells him she's still pretty miffed about how quickly he got over her "death" and married/slept with Sydney. Michael explains that he only did that 'cause, aside from being blackmailed, he was so crazed with grief and loneliness. Kimberly tells him she "understands it all now" and says she had an out-of-body experience while she was in a coma, which brought her to the other side...and that once she regained consciousness, she decided she was never going to compromise herself for a man ever again. She firmly tells Michael that from now on they're going to be doing things her way, and then gives him a forcible smooch.
Jo is photographing Sarah aboard Jake's boat, asking whassup with her being in a relationship with an insecure moron like Hank. Sarah dreamily says they're high school sweethearts, that he's a farmer by trade, and that they've gone through plenty of rough times, but always work shit out [not least 'cause she's still too young and simple-minded to realize she deserves far better].
Sydney is hanging with her stable o' hos by the Melrose Place pool and giddily tells them it's their new headquarters. The hos look thrilled by the arrangement and wank Sydney about what a natural she is as their new pimp. A few seconds later, Amanda enters the courtyard, stares at the hos with distaste, and pulls Sydney aside so they can speak privately. She tells her that the pool is for tenant use only and orders her to ask her friends to leave - but Sydney argues that, according to her lease agreement, she's permitted to have guests on the premises. She then informs Amanda that she's hosting a party tonight, and clarifies that since it's a ho's only type affair, she's not invited.
Jake informs Jo and Sarah that the boat's engine is pooched, which essentially means they'll be stuck at sea until someone can speedboat over with whatever mechanical part needs replacing. Jo and Sarah says they're A-OK with that, while Jake laments missing a scheduled dinner with Amanda, her mom and Chas.
Amanda arrives at the restaurant and tells Linda Gray and Chas that Jake can't make it 'cause he's stuck out at sea. Linda Gray proposes a toast to Chas's future at D&D, and Chas toasts Amanda by calling her "my new boss, and a great woman". Linda Gray looks slightly put out by the compliment, then hastily recovers and says that naturally Amanda's so great 'cause she takes after her side of the family. Amanda remarks to her mom how much her dad would love seeing them dining out together and getting along so well, and Linda Gray reacts by pissily bitching about how the manipulative hustler forbade her from seeing her own daughter. She and Amanda then bicker back and forth about the shittiness/virtues of Papa Woodward...blah blah...until Amanda abruptly gets up from the table and makes a beeline for the exit. Chas gets up and rushes out after her and nonsensically explains that Linda Gray runs a ruthless business, and that sometimes her ruthlessness crosses into personal life territory. Amanda politely thanks him for being so understanding, then urges him to get back to the table and finish having dinner with his sugar momma.
Jake tells Jo that his relationship with Amanda is going great, except for the part about her not being much of a family person - while he, on the other hand, dreams of one day having a family. Jo tells him that she currently has zero male prospects on the horizon, then wanks him about what a great father he'll be if/when the time comes. Jake perks up at that last thing and leans in for a kiss, but Jo snaps, "Don't" so he quickly backs his face away.
Ho party! The stable o' hos tell Sydney how impressed they are with all the food and champagne she's providing them with, and that they absolutely looooooove being together again. A few seconds later, Kristian Alfonso makes a dramatic entrance and condescendingly shrieks, "You call this a party?!" and explains that her lawyer finally got her released from jail on a technicality. She turns the stereo off, announces to everyone that they're all heading over to her luxury pad so they can really party, then turns her attention to Sydney. Once the apartment has been emptied out, she stonily informs Sydney that she owes her 15K, and Sydney's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and reminds her that they had agreed to a 50/50 split of the profits. Kristian Alfonso smirkingly replies that she remembers it being more like 75/25...and when Sydney protests, Kristian Alfonso's henchman smashes one of Sydney's wall photos while glaring menacingly at her. Kristian Alfonso says she wants her money asap...and when Sydney says that all she can scrape together is 10K, Kristian Alfonso says she has until the end of the week to come up with the rest. And that she won't be permitted to rejoin her prostitution ring as a means of working it off.
Amanda makes it clear to Jake that she's miffed at him for not making last night's dinner and complains about how she's never a priority for him. When he sheepishly says he wants to make it up to her, she invites him to dinner tomorrow night and warns that he'd better show up or else.
Chas is yukking it up with Bruce Teller and suggesting they start up a weekly D&D poker game. Bruce is like, "Great idea!" and offers his Brentwood house as the venue, and lays it on thick - in full hearing range of Alison - about how much D&D needs a great Junior Account Executive like him around. Once Bruce is out of earshot, Chas hands Alison the report he's supposed to have done by the end of the day and tells her to get busy...and when she's all, "The fuck? I have my own work to do!", he cheekily reminds her that Amanda had decreed that her job is to help him out, then smugly adds, "Now would be a good time for you to start doing it" before sauntering off.
Sarah desperately bangs on Jo's apartment door...and when Jo lets her inside, she tearfully explains that Hank slapped her around after once again becoming enraged about her modelling career and all the time she spends time around men who aren't him. Jo gives her a comforting hug, urges her to not go back to him, and invites her to stay at her place for awhile.
Over at the hospital, Kimberly summons Michael to a vacant exam room, removes her lab coat to reveal that she's wearing nothing underneath but a red bra and panties, then sucks his face in yet another amorous smoochfest. She then slides her hand to his nether regions, and he closes his eyes dreamily and looks totes into getting pleasured while he's supposed to be on duty.
Sydney goes to Jane's apartment to beg for her sister's compassion, apologize for having behaved so hideously during the last several episodes, and cry in desperation about how scared she is 'cause she owes her former pimpette a lot of money. Jane firmly says she won't help her anymore, can no longer pity her, and half-heartedly hopes she finds her way out of this self-inflicted money conundrum. She then closes the door in Sydney's face, and Sydney repeatedly bangs on it and pleads for her help...and Jane is reduced to tears as she leans against the other side of the door while staring mournfully into space.
Jo drops by Jake's place to let him know that Sarah is staying with her for a little while after being smacked around by her abusive turdpile of a boyfriend. She asks if he wouldn't mind being on the lookout for Hank tonight in case he comes looking for Sarah, but Jake says he can't do it 'cause Amanda'll put his nuts in a vice if he cancels out on one more of their dinners. A few seconds later, Amanda calls to confirm their dinner plans, and gets annoyed when Jake tries to pin down an exact start time for their dinner and chides him for not wanting to be with her 100%. Jake assures her he's committed to their dinner plans and that tonight he's all hers.
Sydney enters a strip club called Body Stocking, featuring the ever classy Live Nude Girls signage on the building's exterior. She tells the creepy looking manager she'd like to apply for the job opening as stripper, says she has lots of pole-dancing experience, then admits that she's only in this sleazy dive 'cause she needs to earn a lot of cash pronto.
Dr. Levin tells Kimberly how happy everyone is that she's returned from the dead, then advises her to not continue pursuing a relationship with Michael. He urges her to break it off and makes it clear that he has zero respect for the man...and Kimberly leans in close and tells him not to worry 'cause she's on a mission, and that very soon all will be revealed about her nefarious plans.
Billy arrives at D&D to pick up Alison so they can head over to a catering appointment. Alison complains to him that she's swamped with work 'cause of the lazy moron Amanda just hired, then abruptly decides to march over to the conference room and give Amanda the what for for hiring her future stepfather, a man who's proving himself to be more asshole-ishly inept than she originally feared.
Chas, meanwhile, has entered the conference room, where Amanda is moping about Jake's lackluster attitude about tonight's dinner. Chas gushes about how amazing she is, then caresses her hand and coos about how she's a one-of-a-kind, precious flower to whom even Linda Gray cannot hold a candle. He leans in for a smooch, and despite it seeming totally out of character for the supposedly savvy and sophisticated Amanda to fall under the spell of a brazenly sleazy jerkwad like Chas, she totally gets into it and smooches him back. As that's happening, Alison happens to wander over and witnesses the kiss...and her 'the fuck?' reaction is witnessed by Chas, who makes sure she gets an eyeful before drawing the blinds.
Hank storms over to Melrose Place and is banging on Jo's door, demanding that she open up...and Jo tells Sarah she'll handle this lunatic and stupidly opens the door. Hank barges in past her, grabs Sarah, and decrees that they're leaving L.A. Jo rushes out after them and threatens to call the police, then cries out to Billy and/or Matt for help just before Hank flails his arm in her direction and shoves her down the staircase. Sarah watches in horror as Jo topples down the stairs in slo-mo...and the camera zooms in on her lifeless form.
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Recap: After getting up early and ambling around the apartment in her bathrobe, Alison climbs back into bed with Billy, kisses him awake, and coos about how much she's missed getting it on with him. Billy reminds her that she was the one who put a pause on all hanky panky until after the wedding, and she's like 'screw that' 'cause she can't wait another second to ride his baloney pony.
Michael and Sydney are blissfully walking along the beach, drinking their morning coffee, when Sydney announces that after tonight's ho soiree, she's getting out of the hooker biz for good...and will, from tomorrow on, be content to be a doctor's wife and devote herself to taking care of her man. [Seems like a grand departure from her previous episode's smugness about out-earning Michael even if he were the Surgeon General, but OK.] Michael says that having a full-time housewife sounds great and gives her a smooch...then glances over at the beach house and sees a woman who looks startlingly like Kimberly ambling along the deck. He mutters, "No, couldn't be" ... and when he glances over at the beach house again, she has predictably disappeared.
Later at the hospital, Michael tells Matt he's starting to see Kimberly everywhere and thinks that maybe his conscience is getting the better of him. Matt's like, "Uh, you don't have one" (LOL) and thinks he's overreacting about the hallucinations and assures him that Kimberly is most probably dead.
Jo is shooting photos of female models playing volleyball on the beach...and we get what seems like a very loooooong montage of scantily clad nubile bodies posing for the camera, which serves as our first glance at the short-lived Melrose Place spin-off, Models Inc. A few seconds later, Amanda storms over and berates Jo for hiring a Models, Inc. model, then bitchily informs her that D&D never uses that agency. When she orders Jo to fire the Models, Inc. model - a bubbly fresh-faced lass named Sarah Owens - a horrified Jo says she can't bring herself to do that, especially considering the 'no Models, Inc. models' policy was never actually communicated to her...so Amanda brusquely summons Sarah over, tells her to change back into her regular clothes and fuck the fuck off for committing the crime of joining the wrong modelling agency.
Alison is on the phone with her dad, who informs her he's gifting her the services of an expensive Beverly Hills wedding planner to help her successfully pull off the grand affair. When Alison tells Billy about her dad's generousness, he makes an ew face and says he thought the wedding was going to be a small, informal gathering of their family and friends...and Alison sheepishly says she has a hard time saying no to her parents and urges him to at least be open to meeting with the wedding planner. She gives him a big smooch, and soon the two are getting it on atop the kitchen counter.
That evening, during a violent thunder storm, Michael is reading in bed when he hears a door open and close. He goes into the kitchen to investigate and is - ack! - aghast to see Kimberly Shaw standing across the room staring at him. She stonily says, "It's nice to see you again, Michael", and a freaked out looking Michael asks her if it's really her standing in his kitchen. She grins and says, "Of course it's me", invites him to touch her, and says that rumors of her death were premature. She explains that while she was in a coma for months, her mother told people she was dead so she wouldn't be tempted to resume their shitty relationship if/when she regained consciousness. Michael moans, "God, how I've missed you", and apologizes for nearly killing her when he got behind the wheel after drinking like a drunken sailor. She tells him to not worry 'bout that [for now, at least], then says she has to go 'cause tomorrow she has a big day at the hospital. She tells him to 'sleep tight', then whirls around and flits through the patio doors in a weird, ghostly fashion.
The following morning, Sydney smooches Michael good morning, and he stares into space, his face scrunched all discombobulated-like. He pushes her away and mumbles about how he needs to get to the hospital asap, then staggers over to the bathroom.
At D&D, Alison asks Amanda if she can book a few personal days to meet with her new wedding planner, and Amanda sighs and points out that she's just now concentrating on her work after her various relationship dramas and should be able to do all of her wedding stuff on the weekends. When Alison insists that she needs more time than that, Amanda allows her to take one day off - just as Bruce Teller storms over and bitchily summons Amanda to the conference room now.
Bruce informs Amanda that he just got a phone call from the CEO of Models, Inc., and that she's majorly pissed at D&D 'cause one of her models was fired for no reason. Amanda admits to firing the model and calls her decision "unfortunate, but necessary" - but Bruce accuses her of demonstrating a cunty pattern of boycotting Models, Inc. whenever she casts for D&D photo shoots, expects her to grovel to the agency's CEO at a meeting later today, and warns that if she ever does anything like this again, she'll be out of a job.
Over at the hospital, Kimberly is settling back into her old job. She tells Michael that the hospital staff keeps looking at her like she's a ghost...and he's like, "Uh, speaking of you being assumed dead.." and breaks the news that, in her absence, he was blackmailed into marrying Sydney. Kimberly breezily tells him she doesn't give a shit, orders him to get rid of the red-haired tart, and gets all in his face as she aggressively declares that she's come back to reclaim what's hers. She then gives him a forcible smooch before grinning maniacally.
Alison and Billy meet at a restaurant with the wedding planner, a woman named Sheila who quickly proves to be a brash, overbearing snoot. She natters about the awesomeness of the restaurant's chef and suggests they book him right now to cook their wedding feast, then rushes off to get menus. Alison dismayingly tells Billy she doesn't like the way Sheila has suddenly taken over the planning of their big day, but Billy points out that the important thing is that they're getting married (or...as it turns out, not).
Michael stops in at the beach house over the lunch hour to inform Sydney that he wants..
A stunned Sydney asks this is a cruel joke, and reminds him that they just agreed she'd spend her every waking moment catering to his needs...then warns that if he dumps her, she can (and will!) do him a great deal of harm. Michael repeats his desire for an immediate divorce and orders her to pack up her shit and get out, and an enraged Sydney threatens to ruin him and decrees that she controls what happens to him. Michael retorts, "Not anymore" as a stupefied Sydney flees the room.
Jane gives Sheila a preview of the wedding gown she's been cobbling together for Alison...and Sheila gushes about the stunning beadwork, but then in private mocks the dress to Alison and Billy, derisively remarking, "That thing is practically eggshell." She says she was only being nice to Jane's face 'cause she has manners [though clearly not enough business savvy to know it's bad form to badmouth a client's friend] and snootily criticizes the dress design for being "very last year". A miffed looking Alison insists that she loooooves the gown - but Sheila rolls her eyes and is all, "Whatever", insists on arranging for Billy - who she keeps referring to as William - to get fitted for an Armani suit, then rushes off to her next appointment.
Amanda is summoned into the D&D conference room to forcibly grovel to the Models, Inc. CEO, aka Linda Gray of Dallas fame! Bruce introduces Amanda to Linda Gray, and Amanda reacts by coolly saying, "Hello, mother."
After the meeting, Amanda and Linda Gray exit the D&D building together. Linda Gray tells her daughter she handled her humiliation well, and expresses surprise that she knew she's been the Models, Inc. CEO for the last several years. She tells her how sorry she is about the unknown whereabouts of her father, aka a criminal fucktard who always chased the quick buck...and Amanda quickly chastises her for criticizing him and reminds her of her own douchebaggery in walking out on her family and causing permanent emotional damage. Linda Gray acknowledges that she can never make up for what she did and says there are details surrounding her departure she doesn't know - but Amanda snappishly says she doesn't care 'cause she doesn't want a relationship with her, then storms off.
Sydney has summoned the authorities to the hospital to accuse Michael of killing Kimberly Shaw via vehicular homicide...and also drags Matt into it by reporting that he changed Michael's blood alcohol level in the hospital's online patient records. When the detective asks Matt if he has this kind of access to patient records, he mumbles, "I don't think so..?" - LOL - and Sydney exasperatedly reminds him that he signed a confession that indicates otherwise. A few seconds later, Dr. Kimberly Shaw enters the room and asks if someone paged her. As Sydney stares at her in stunned disbelief, Michael tells the detective how crazy Sydney is to accuse him of vehicular homicide when the "dead" woman is clearly alive and well...and Sydney gets more and more spacey looking until she faints and collapses in Matt's arms.
Linda Gray drops by Amanda's apartment and encounters Jake, who tells her that Amanda's not home at the moment. She introduces herself as Amanda's mother and says they're currently doing some business together...and correctly assumes that her daughter filled him in on the shitty way in which she abandoned her family. Jake invites her inside and introduces himself as Amanda's trophy boyfriend...and Linda Gray wanders around the living room and tearfully expresses how proud she is of her daughter for creating such a wonderful life for herself: career, nice apartment, smoke-show of a boyfriend. She laments not being able to tell Amanda how sorry she is, and that she has to sadly accept Amanda's determination to hate her forever. Jake gives her a comforting hug and offers to talk to Amanda in an effort to convince her to smooth things over.
Michael and Kimberly are having dinner in a fancy marina restaurant, and he's gleefully recalling Sydney's catatonic reaction to seeing her return from the dead. As he downs a glass of liquor and orders another, Kimberly gives him a 'are you shittin' me?' look and stops the waiter from bringing over anymore alcohol, and instead asks for menus. She then tells Michael she forgives him for almost getting her killed by driving like a drunken lunatic, and that she was sad throughout her recuperation 'cause she thought he had abandoned her. She then presses her hand against her head, says she has frequent headaches now, and takes a painkiller.
Amanda rails at Jake for allowing her mother inside her apartment and tells him it's not his business to try to repair their relationship. Jake points out that he couldn't very well slam the door in her mother's face, and Amanda's like, "Why not?" and admonishes him for not respecting how much she fuckin' loathes the woman. Jake tells her that his mom is a hopeless drunk and that he has no idea where his father is...but that he'd like to see him again one day so he can try to understand the man who helped make him. He solemnly tells Amanda that she can't run away from her mother forever...and Amanda somehow represses the urge to retort, "Can too!"
Sydney slinks back to Melrose Place and knocks on Jane's door. She tearfully tells her sister that since Kimberly is - surprise! - not dead after all, Michael has kicked her out of his beach house and wants a divorce asap. Jane digests those fascinating nuggets for a few seconds, then points out that blackmail is probably not the strongest foundation for a lasting relationship. Fair point. Sydney starts sobbing and asks if she can stay with her 'cause she's about to have a nervous breakdown, and Jane snarkishly tells her to have it someplace else, and then slams the door in her face.
Sarah Owens bounds onto the set of the D&D beach photoshoot, hugs Jo, and tells her she's sooooo happy to be back. As she sits in the makeup chair, Jo notices bruises on her neck and asks her whassup with that, and Sarah fibs about how she fell on some stairs...then breezily assures Jo that a layer of makeup will adequately conceal the not-so-secret domestic violence situation she's currently entangled in.
Jane storms over to Alison's and Billy's apartment, angry about being fired as the wedding gown dressmaker. When Alison's all, "Wha-a-at are you talking about?", Jane explains that Sheila just called her and said she has no use for the gown she's been working on. Alison says she has no knowledge about any of this and assures Jane that she's definitely wearing her gown...and a few seconds later, Sheila arrives and is promptly fired by Billy. Sheila snarkishly tells Alison she's billing her father for all services rendered thus far (which doesn't seem like a whole lot), then flounces out...and it remains unclear how such an insolent twit could possibly remain in business as a wedding planner.
Amanda has softened since her earlier conversation with Jake and has agreed to a double-date dinner out with Linda Gray and her boy toy, Chas. Linda Gray waxes on about how much she'd loooove to repair the mother-daughter relationship...and while she's doing that, Chas is rubbing his foot on Amanda's leg under the table and warning her that he knows a lot of people in the biz and can make life difficult for her if she doesn't get more amenable to a reconciliation with her mother. Jake snarls at him to stop making threats to his girlfriend, and Amanda tells her mom she'll do her best to no longer hate her with the intensity of a thousand suns - as long as she keeps a leash on her idiot boyfriend. Linda Gray smiles gratefully and promises to, from this moment forward, put a muzzle on Chas's sassy mouth.
Alison and Billy stroll the Melrose courtyard and agree that it's the perfect venue for a simple, cheap wedding. The two run into Sydney, who sourly tells them she's living in this shitty complex again and that she's getting a divorce...like they will someday. As she huffily ambles off, Alison and Billy exchange a 'the fuck is her problem?' glance and chuckle in amusement.
Over at the beach house, Michael and Kimberly are vigorously going at it in the bedroom...and after the exhausting looking romp, Kimberly excuses herself to use the bathroom. She presses her hand against her head before taking more painkillers...then all of a sudden looks 100x more feeble and pasty-faced than she did a minute ago. She grimly stares at her sickly self in the mirror and removes her "wig" to reveal a sparse red hairdo and nasty scars on either side of her skull. Ack!
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Recap: Michael is eating breakfast on his beach house deck and looking over Sydney's prostitution ring client list when he spots the name of his boss, Dr. Stanley Levin (who apparently enjoys playing 'hooker cowboy'...giddyup! LOL), and gleefully exclaims, "No way!" He calls the phone number to confirm that the man doesn't happen to be a different Dr. Stanley Levin...then marvels at the revelation that his haughtily straight-laced boss pays hookers to service him. Michael hastily hangs up the phone after Dr. Levin answers and goes, "Hello? Hello?" - just as Sydney ambles over to admonish him for going through her client list, which is supposed to be confidential. Michael explains that one of her clients is his boss, aka a mean douchebag who's always looking down on him and acting all holier-than-thou. He smugly points out that he may not be a saint, but at least he doesn't indulge in weird hooker sex, then pauses to add, "No offense." LOL. Sydney implores Michael to not blab to anyone about Dr. Levin being on her client list and/or do anything to screw with her lucrative hooker biz, and he assures her he has no desire to "kill the golden goose".
Jake drops by Billy's apartment to coldly ask for his fishing gear back 'cause he's off on a solo fishing trip for the next couple of days. Billy says he's love it if they could get past his recent nailing of Amanda to the point where they can go fishing as pals again, and Jake non-committally says, "Sure" and saunters off. Alison enters the kitchen and tells Billy she has a client meeting this evening and is going to be home later than usual.
Over at the hospital, the residents are crowded around a bulletin board to get a look at the short list of candidates for Chief Resident (which doesn't include Michael). Michael tells one of the smug contenders to wipe the smugness off his face 'cause a decision hasn't been made yet - just as Dr. Levin wanders over and berates Michael for his sloppy operating room reports and general fuckwittedness. He then sneers at Michael that no way in hell would he ever be considered for Chief Resident and that she should count his lucky stars he's even employed as a doctor.
At Shooters, Jane complains to Amanda that, so far, having her own business has entailed a lot of tedious administrative crap, and Amanda wryly retorts, "Welcome to big business" and says that she just had to fire a perverted handyman [she didn't bother to properly vet prior to hiring on the spot]. Billy enters the bar and asks the two if either of them have seen Alison, and Amanda says that Alison left the office hours ago and that she has no knowledge of any after-work client meeting. She faux concernedly says she hopes Alison isn't sneaking around with another man, and reminds Billy about how Alison flirted with Steve McMillan to the point of nearly hitting the sheets with him at his ranch. Meow.
Alison is in a therapy session with Dr. Miller, telling him she really really wants her icky nightmares to stop. Dr. Miller asks her if she's in a sexual relationship...and she looks uncomfortable and says she's sorta in one with Billy, but has really missed sharing any intimacy as of late. Dr. Miller gets her to admit that she tends to err on the side of being a people pleaser rather than a pleasure hog...and as Alison chews on that self-revelation, Dr. Miller says he'd like to see her three times a week to see if he can uncover what's causing her troubling nightmares and offers to meet with her during the lunch hour so she doesn't have to keep lying to Billy about being in client meetings.
When Alison returns home, Billy glares at her all judgey-accusingly, asks her where she's been all evening, and says that Amanda told him she wasn't aware of any D&D client meeting being scheduled. Alison confesses to fibbing to him earlier in order to cover for her first psychiatry session with Dr. Miller, and Billy pissily reminds her that they're supposed to be a team and hates that she's seeing a shrink in secret. Alison [refrains from reminding the bonehead him how blatantly unsupportive he was during the previous episode with respect to her desire to seek psychiatric help and] explains that she's merely trying to work out her mental health problems so they can start out their [non]marriage on the right foot, and Billy stares mutely into space as he contemplates whether or not his fully grown fiancée should have the right to see a fucking therapist if she fucking wants to.
Ted is lurking in the bushes of the Melrose Place courtyard...and once the coast is clear, he scurries up the stairwell and into his old apartment. He then climbs into the attic that extends into Amanda's apartment and cuts a small square of the ceiling so he can creepily peep at her while she gets undressed.
Dr. Miller harps at Alison about how sexual satisfaction for her translates to pleasing her lover...and when she looks wigged out by the intimateness of the conversation, he suggests they go out to a restaurant in the marina and enjoy a working lunch in a less stuffy atmosphere. As the two lunch on an outdoor patio, he remarks on how a woman's beauty can create its own set of problems, and correctly assumes from Alison's reaction at being called beautiful that she's uneasy when it comes to receiving compliments. As Alison twitches nervously, she's suddenly all, "Fuuuuuuuuck.." when she spots Amanda enter the patio. Amanda wanders over to Alison's table, glances all intrigued-like at Dr. Miller who casually introduces himself as Dan Miller, then smirkily says, "See you back at the office."
Amanda blabs to Jo that she thinks - er, hopes - that Billy and Alison are having relationship problems, then mentions "catching" Alison having lunch with an attractive man. A few seconds later, the two hear scuttling sounds above the ceiling, and Amanda remarks on how this is now the second time she's heard noises up there. Jo breezily says it's probably just a rodent - but then the two decide to head over to the vacant apartment next door and search the closets, but find nothing. Ted, who's crouching in the attic above them, breathes a sigh of relief when the two exit the apartment.
Michael returns home, where Sydney has decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment hooker party. An intrigued Michael asks her which of the hos is Dr. Levin's favorite, so she motions at a stunning blonde named Ingrid. Michael marvels at how a dud like Levin could be tapping such a hottie, and Sydney wryly points out that he's doing so at $2,000 a pop. Michael makes a beeline over to Ingrid and tells her he's a friend of Dr. Levin...and when she chuckles, "Oh, Dr. Cowboy!", a delighted Michael urges her to spill as much dish about her doc john as possible.
Alison is dreaming that she's standing on the beach when Dr. Miller does a come from behind and starts smooching her neck. She contorts her face into an orgasmic expression and moans "Ohhhh, doctor" ... and when she suddenly wakes with a start and stares confusedly into space, Billy asks her if she was having another nightmare. She evasively replies, "Not exactly", then rebuffs his attempt to spoon or canoodle her.
Amanda runs into Billy in the courtyard and nosily asks him if he straightened everything out with Alison who, incidentally, she recently spotted having a cozy lunch with a handsome man. Billy assures her that everything's fine, and that Alison's handsome lunch partner is nothing for her to be worrying about, or tattling to everyone about.
Billy storms over to Dr. Miller's office, rails at him for being a quack, admonishes him for coming onto Alison, and threatens to continue contorting his face in his most angry expression if he ever does anything to hurt his beloved. Dr. Miller calmly insists that he's abiding by the ethics of his profession and would be happy to elaborate on his clinical procedures, but Billy like, "Bo-ring", shoots him an extra hostile stink-eye, and huffily exits the office.
While scrubbing for surgery, Dr. Levin takes one look at Michael's bloodshot eyes and snappishly tells him he's in no condition to operate. He derisively calls him a mess and reminds him that the patients at this hospital deserve some amount of professionalism from their surgeons. Michael complains that he's been on his case for days and asks if it's 'cause he manslaughtered Kimberly, aka his favorite protégé. A fed up Dr. Levin threatens him with an imminent firing, along with a complaint to the medical board - but Michael gleefully predicts that by end of day tomorrow he'll be appointed Chief Resident. A bemused Dr. Levin's all, "Wha-a-a-a?"
Billy sulkily tells Alison he's going on a fishing trip for a few days, then informs her that he stormed over to Dr. Miller's office and made a giant arse of himself. As Alison shakes her head incredulously, Billy insists he's not jealous of her psychiatrist as much as he is concerned about her mental wellbeing...and Alison assures him she really really believes that Dr. Miller is helping sort out her mental health issues. Billy mulls that over for a few seconds and says he's finally ready to concede that she's doing the right thing, then heads off on his fishing trip.
Michael tells Sydney he's off to a dinner party at Dr. Levin's, then ruefully adds that he expects to be fired. Sydney all, "The hell?" and rhetorically (?) asks what good it is to be married to a doctor when he's unemployed, and Michael assures her he has no intention of allowing Dr. Levin to throw him out of his job.
Dinner party! Dr. Levin lays it on thick to his guests about how super awesome it is to have a beautiful wife and daughter to come home to every night, then visibly pales when Michael arrives at the party with Ingrid on his arm. Michael introduces his hooker date to Dr. Levin and his wife, and Ingrid plays along and pretends as though she hasn't been role playing in his buckin' bronco sex fantasies. When Mrs. Levin ushers Ingrid over to the drinks table, Dr. Levin seethingly calls Michael "a son of a bitch" and asks whassup with him bringing "that trash" into his home. Michael chucklingly informs "Dr. Cowboy" that he's officially blackmailing him into being appointed Chief Resident - otherwise he'll blab to anyone who might care about his extramarital debauchery. Dr. Levin glares at him for several long seconds, then calls for everyone's attention before announcing Michael as his choice for Chief Resident. The guests are all, "Wuh?", but then mostly applaud as Michael beams happily.
Jo glances out of her window and notices the glow of a flashlight in the vacant apartment...which then quickly moves into Amanda's apartment! She frantically tries to call Amanda - but because Amanda's in the shower, she doesn't hear her phone ringing. Jo rushes over to her place and bangs on the door, prompting a skulking Ted to hide in one of the closets. When a startled Amanda opens the door and asks what the big emergency is, Jo tells her there's an intruder inside her apartment. The two arm themselves with big kitchen knives, inch over to the bedroom closet, and catch Ted as he attempts to escape into the attic. They pull him down and hold him at knifepoint...and when Jo suggests calling the police, Amanda says she'd prefer to take care of this pervert herself. She then waves her knife at Ted, who's looking increasingly anxious at his self-inflicted predicament.
Hours later, Amanda and Jo have taken a page out of Farrah Fawcett's Extremities' playbook and have tied up Ted and are staring at him curiously as they ponder what to do with the freak. Amanda tells Jo she's worried the cops are just going to let him go...and that because he's such a sicko, he might do something worse than just peeping at women. Ted points out to Amanda that he never physically hurt her and that she's the one who's breaking the law by holding him captive, and Amanda responds by holding the knife at his throat and tauntingly suggesting she might just be crazy enough to bludgeon him to death.
Sydney tells Michael she just got a call from Ingrid, who informed her that he used her to blackmail Dr. Levin. She demands to know who the hell he thinks he is for messing with her lucrative prostitution ring, and he's like, "The hospital's new Chief Resident!" As he gushes about how awesome it's going to be to have his butt kissed for a change, Sydney muses about how much she likes the idea of being married to the Chief Resident...but smugly points out that even if he became the Surgeon General, the money she rakes in with her ho biz is far more than he could ever hope to earn.
Jo tells Amanda she found peep holes (courtesy of Ted) in her shower and bedroom, and Amanda glares at Ted in disgust and asks him what he saw. He cheekily replies, "Lots of you", stupidly claims he's seen better [which, considering he's talking to Heather Locklear, is utter rubbish], and that she should either kill him or call the police. Amanda waves her knife around and tells Jo she'd love to kill this pig if she weren't risking her own freedom...then decides that the pervert's punishment should match the crime. When she threatens to blind Ted so he can't peep on women anymore and holds the tip of the knife next to one of his eyeballs, he cracks and sobs, "Sorrrrrry..." and Amanda sneers, "God, you're pathetic" and tells Jo she can call the cops now.
At the hospital, Michael is enjoying his new elevated status as Chief Resident. He tells Matt he arranged for him to be promoted to a fat management job so he can focus on all the "loser cases" he seems to love so much. Matt glares at him in disgust, then says he's only accepting the promotion 'cause he truly believes he can do positive things for the downtrodden. He then makes it clear to Michael that they're not friends and that he wants him to stay the hell away from him. Michael says he's good with that, but warns him to forever keep his trap shut about anything related to the drinking and driving incident that "killed" Kimberly.
Dr. Miller tells Alison that Billy came to his office and accused him of coming onto her, and Alison's like, "Well d'yuh, you have been coming onto me" and cites as proof all of the sex-related questions he's been asking her. Dr. Miller insists he's merely doing his job to find out as much about her sexual hang-ups as possible, and then keep his fingers crossed that it'll help get to the root of her troubling nightmares. He points out her history of pushing away the men who want to love her, and she mulls that over and admits to pushing Keith and Steve away...and is getting to the point of doing the very same thing to Billy.
Sydney arrives home, surprised to find a scrumptious looking dinner waiting for her on the dining table. Michael kisses her hello, tells her he had a great first day as Chief Resident, and that he owes his new life to her. As Sydney grins in joyous bewilderment, he pours her a glass of champagne, declares that maybe they really do belong together after all, then leans in for some intense smooching. As the camera pans out, we see that someone is watching the two get busy from a distance...and that this someone is none other than a not dead Kimberly Shaw!
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Melrose Place - Season 2, Episode 26
Recap: Amanda dives into the courtyard pool to enjoy a morning swim, then screams, "Jaaaaaaaake!!!!" a few seconds later. As he lumbers down the staircase, she chides him for not fixing the pool heater, and he tells her he'll try to get to it it later - but that right now he's too busy with his own stuff...and that she should seriously consider hiring a handyman so that he's not always getting roped into fixing Melrose Place stuff for free just 'cause the two of them are hitting the sheets.
Over at the beach house, Michael tells Sydney he's determined to get his 50K inheritance, not least 'cause of how hard Jane screwed him with the divorce settlement. He orders Sydney to make a list of all the dates/times Grams ever said anything nice about him...and when Sydney tells him she'd generally tune Grams out whenever she gushed about him or Jane, Michael tells her to just make up some shit that sounds believable enough for court.
Jane drops by D&D to ask Amanda if she'd be interested in giving her a loan to fund her new design firm - but Amanda says she has a policy of not loaning money to friends [even though they're not actual friends] and that when she offered her assistance, she was only referring to free financial advice. She pretends to get no satisfaction out of saying 'I told you so' when she points out to Jane how colossally stupid it was to spend funds she didn't yet have, then suggests she take on a partner...and as Jane chews on that prospect, Amanda tells her she has the perfect person in mind.
Amanda makes a beeline over to the hospital to offer Michael a proposition: invest his half of his inheritance from Grams in Jane's design business, and in exchange she won't contest the will. Michael mulls that over for a few seconds and snarks, "Pass", so then Amanda warns that if he continues down his current path, his inheritance is sure to get whittled away by expensive lawyers' fees. When Michael still doesn't seem convinced, she tells him that Jane is having serious financial problems, and that this business arrangement could bring the two of them together. Michael glares suspiciously at Amanda and asks her what she's getting out of all this, so she says she'd like a finder's fee and for him to sign a contract stipulating that all advertising of Jane Mancini Designs go through D&D. Michael's like, "Deal", then creepily asks her if she could use a physical while she's at the hospital, and she [refrains from pointing out that that's exactly the kind of grossness which could get his medical license revoked and] sassily tells him to keep his stethoscope in his pocket before strutting off.
Alison and Billy are visiting a prospective church for their impending wedding. The church lady tells them they offer a wide array of services, including daycare, and Billy chuckles and says it might be awhile before they have kids, and then Alison blurts out, "If at all." Billy scrunches his face perplexedly and is all, "Wha-a-a?" as Alison sheepishly admits the obvious: that they probably should have had this life decisions type conversation before now. As the two depart the church, Billy tells Alison he just assumed she wanted a family 'cause, as far as he's concerned, it's the whole point of getting married - but Alison says she'd much prefer to devote her life to her career and all the stuff she wants to do and doesn't see children as a part of her future. A stunned Billy says she's suddenly acting like an entirely different person and demands to know whassup, and she cries, "Nothing, damn it!", and confesses that she hasn't been able to sleep lately 'cause she's been having very frightening nightmares about someone coming after her while she was a child. She then hugs Billy, who breezily attributes the dreams to pre-wedding anxiety.
That evening, prospective handyman Ted Ramsey arrives at Melrose Place and explains to Amanda that he's an hour late for their interview 'cause he wanted to clean himself up after working construction all day. He assures her he can easily do the handyman job, likes the fact that it's part time 'cause he's an aspiring actor and needs the flexibility of being able to go on auditions...and wonders if there's any way he could live at Melrose Place on account of he's currently going through a housing crisis. Amanda decides she likes what she sees and hires him on the spot, and tells him he can move into the vacant unit next to her apartment.
Alison is having one of her creepy 'someone is chasing me when I was a small child' nightmares and wakes up looking scared and breathless.
The next morning, Amanda tells Jane she found a prospective investor for her design business and that she made arrangements for the three of them to have a lunch meeting to negotiate a deal.
Amanda introduces Ted Ramsey to Jake as the new handyman, and Jake politely tells Ted to let him know if he needs any help, then gets all smoochy with Amanda...and their PDA seems to irk Ted, who stares at them creepishly as he pretends to get back to work.
Over lunch at a fancy patio restaurant, Alison tells Billy she's thinking of seeing a psychiatrist about her terrifying dreams. He scrunches his face disapprovingly and tells her he thinks she's overreacting, points out how expensive psychiatrists are, and says she should unburden herself to him for free if she needs to gabble about whatever's bothering her. Alison gets miffed about his laissez-faire attitude about her nightmares and cuts their lunch short by getting up, abruptly declaring that she has a lot of work to do back at D&D, and storming off.
At the investor lunch meeting, Jane shows Amanda her business plan and says she hopes that the prospective investor is impressed enough to float some much-needed cash her way. She suddenly notices that Michael has entered the restaurant...and when Michael heads over and identifies himself as the investor, Jane glares at Amanda and angrily accuses her of setting her up. Amanda explains that in exchange for not contesting Grams' will, Michael will invest his 50K in her design firm - but Jane snarls that she'd rather file for bankruptcy than go into business with him and storms out. Michael wryly tells Amanda that this would be a good time for her to start earning her 5% finder's fee, so she rushes out after Jane, does her best to persuade her to not let her emotions get in the way of business...and that if she doesn't accept Michael as an investor, she could lose her entire inheritance. Jane stares despondently into space while her brain recombobulates, then returns to the restaurant and tells Michael she'll take him on as an investor if he agrees to the following terms:
Michael says he's fine with all that, so Jane tells him she'll set up an appointment with her lawyer to create a legally binding agreement. Once Jane is out of earshot, Michael applauds Amanda for her great work in helping create this deal, and she stonily retorts that she wants her 5% finder's fee asap, along with an exclusive contract for D&D for any advertising the design firm wishes to undertake.
Alison returns home and is freaked out when Ted Ramsey exits her bedroom. When she demands to know what he's doing in her apartment, he explains that he's the new handyman and was fixing a broken pipe - but she doesn't look convinced and makes it clear that she doesn't want him in her apartment unless it's an emergency, then barks at him to get the hell out.
Alison heads straight over to Amanda's apartment to complain about Ted letting himself into her apartment without her permission, and Amanda rolls her eyes and unconcernedly explains that he's the building's new handyman, and that she's given him carte blanche to ensure the safety of every tenant. Billy wanders over, eavesdrops on the conversation, and asks Amanda to ensure that he's home whenever Ted needs access to the apartment. He needlessly explains that Alison's been having difficulty sleeping lately, and a disinterested Amanda just rolls her eyes and is like, "Whatever" and snappishly says she'd like to get back to her dinner now.
Michael tells Sydney she no longer needs to provide him with a list of all the times Grams said nice things to him 'cause he's investing his 50K inheritance in Jane's design firm. When he remarks that he's pretty sure the firm will make a profit 'cause of how talented Jane is, Sydney insists that she too is talented...and Michael scoffs, "Making money while lying on your back isn't what I'd consider talented" then shoves her away from him and reminds her that their marriage is nothing more than a blackmail-type arrangement. Sydney responds by grabbing a large knife from the kitchen, stabbing the pillow Michael's resting his head on, and continually puncturing it while the feathers fly. Michael leaps away and is all, "The fuck?!" and races out of the the room while Sydney sits on the feather covered couch and weeps.
Alison has another of her creepy 'someone is chasing me when I was a small child' nightmares and wakes up, once again looking scared and breathless. A concerned Billy asks her if she's OK, and she assures him she's fine and that she's going to take a shower.
Michael tells Sydney he hopes she's planning to clean up the feather mess she made last night - but she's too engrossed in a news broadcast about Kristian Alfonso being arrested for running a prostitution ring. Michael chuckles and tells her she's lucky she gave up hooking when she did...but Sydney just stays glued to the TV and beams.
Amanda shows Ted the leak in her shower, and he assures her he can fix it...and after she exits the room, he stares creepily at his power tool.
Sydney visits Kristian Alfonso in jail to say hey and propose that she take over the prostitution ring so that her stable o' hos won't be tempted to find a new pimp while she's incarcerated. Kristian Alfonso stares at her incredulously and calls her "a piece of work" ... but when Sydney presses her to "take it or leave it", she decides 'ah, why the hell not?'
Alison arrives at psychiatrist Dr. Miller's office for her first session, and gigglingly remarks on how youthful and hip he looks.
Ted is carrying Amanda's groceries when the two run into Jake, who just kind of rolls his eyes when Ted eagerly offers to wash Amanda's car. Amanda later acknowledges to Jake that, yes, Ted has a crush on her - but that she likes having him around 'cause he does good work. Jake's like, "Yeah whatever" and heads off...and Amanda goes into her bathroom to take a shower, while Ted stares at her wet nakedness through the little peep-hole he drilled earlier.
The next morning, Jake finds Ted in Amanda's apartment and asks whassup with him being there unattended, so Ted tells him he's fixing the window in her bedroom and assures him that Amanda knows all about it. Jake shoots him a suspicious glare, warns that he's watching him, then ushers him out of the apartment.
Alison tells Jo that her new psychiatrist is great and that she felt as though he really listened to her concerns about all the nightmares she's been having. Jo wryly points out that it's his job to listen, and advises her to tell Billy she's begun seeing a professional therapist.
Sydney drops by Jane's design studio (where Jane and her two employees are celebrating a big order that just came in) to check on "our investment" and place an order for twelve sexy dresses - no doubt for her new stable o' hos. Jane's all, "The fuck are you doing here?", tells her she's only pooling financial resources with Michael 'cause she had no better options, and that she doesn't want her anywhere near her studio. Sydney argues that as Michael's wife she's entitled to 25% of the studio's earnings, then flounces off...and Jane asks her accountant to keep two separate ledgers - one for expenses, another for profits - so that she can manipulate Michael into agreeing to her one day buying him out.
Jake tells Amanda that earlier he found Ted in her apartment claiming to fix a window she knew all about, and she's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and calls that a blatant lie, and complains that he still hasn't fixed the pool heater. She recalls that Alison had complained about him lurking in her apartment, then decides there are enough red flags to fire him. The two head over to Ted's apartment, where Amanda demands he return the keys, and informs him he's fired effective immediately. Ted glances out of the window, sees that Jake is watching, and hands over the keys before grabbing his stuff and beating a hasty retreat.
Michael returns home, where Sydney is having a meet n' greet for her new stable o' hos. When he orders her to shut down the party, she gleefully explains that she's taking over Kristian Alfonso's business. Michael snarks that being associated with a prostitution ring could get him arrested or cost him his medical license, so Sydney retorts by pointing out that half the revenue earned will be his without him having to do anything...and Michael stares into space as he mulls over the prospect of becoming Sydney's silent co-pimp.
Amanda canoodles Jake, thanks him for having her back while she fired Ted, and wanks him about how awesome it is to have a real man around. She suggests they enjoy some sexy time in her shower, so the two head over to her bathroom - just as Ted creeps back into his old apartment and peeps at Amanda and Jake through his peep-hole with a lecherous grin on his face.
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Melrose Place - Season 2, Episode 25
Recap: Alison is on the phone with her mom, discussing her plans to fly home to Wisconsin to celebrate her dad's fiftieth surprise birthday party. Billy, who has eavesdropped on the last part of the conversation, asks her whassup, so she tells him that her mom has successfully guilting her into attending the birthday party...and that she'd really just prefer to go by herself. Billy asks her how she's going to explain the absence of her fiancé, so she sheepishly admits that she hasn't actually told her parents about their impending nuptials 'cause she doesn't want them meddling in any of her wedding planning. Billy makes it clear he's not pleased that his future in-laws have no clue about their marriage plans, and Alison's like, "I really don't give a shit" and heads out to run some errands.
Jane's boss (Kay Beacon) snarls at her for talking out of turn in front of the landlord who holds the lease on her studio space, and Jane calls her out for always lying to him about her finances. Kay bitchily orders Jane to get her accessories sketches done pronto - just as she gets an incoming emergency call for Jane on her cell phone.
Jane rushes over to the beach house to break the news to Sydney that their aged grandmother has finally kicked the bucket. Sydney shrugs disinterestedly and says that while she feels a tiny bit bad, she always resented how much Grams liked her (Jane) while treating her (Sydney) like a second-class citizen.
Over at Shooters, Jake tells Amanda he's looking to expand the market for his boat charter business, says he knows she's in need of a last minute location for a D&D photo shoot tomorrow, and suggests she book the boat. He hands Amanda his pricing menu, and she glances at it and decides 'sure, why the hell not?'
Billy tells Alison he just bought two plane tickets for Wisconsin, and she's visibly annoyed that he insists on tagging along and says she doesn't want their engagement announcement to steal her father's birthday thunder. Billy asks her if that's really what's bothering her, and she just kind of shrugs and says she prefers to keep the various components of her life in different compartments...and feels discombobulated now that everything is getting all mixed up. She tells him she feels added pressure now that he's coming along to Wisconsin, then sighs, "It's fiiiiine", but makes it clear that she wants to be the one to tell her parents about the engagement in her own way...which Billy eventually translates to mean that he should feel free to announce it to everyone at Papa Parker's birthday bash.
Jane is on the phone with her mom, commiserating about Grams' death and promising to be in Chicago tomorrow for the funeral and the reading of the will. A few seconds later, Alison drops by to offer her condolences...and Jane tells her that Grams left her 100K in her will, and that she feels guilty for being the only Andrews daughter to inherit anything 'cause she doesn't feel as though she did anything particularly special to deserve the cash.
Michael sneaks up behind Matt in the courtyard, and snarls at him for spilling the beans to Jane about his drunkenness during the accident that "killed" Kimberly, along with his (Matt's) role in altering the blood alcohol level in the hospital's database. He orders Matt to retract his confession to Jane...and when Matt refuses, Michael punches him in the face. Matt glares at him and warns him to never touch him again, so Michael taunts, "When was the last time you said that to a guy?" and gets his own punch in the face.
The next morning, Jane runs into Amanda in the courtyard, tells her she's about to come into 100K and would like her advice about starting her own design firm. Amanda warns that running a design firm is a major undertaking, then advises her to use 80K for the startup costs and hold back 20K to stay afloat financially.
Alison and Billy arrive in Wisconsin and are greeted by her mom, who looks surprised to see that her daughter's "roommate" has tagged along. As Billy gets the bags from the cabbie, Alison enters the house, where her dreamboat (!) of a high school boyfriend, Adam Travell, is waiting to say hi and gaze at her all flirty-like. Billy looks less than pleased by the presence of her dreamy ex, and by being introduced to him as Alison's completely platonic roommate.
Alison shows Billy to his attic guest room and explains that she and Adam dated in high school, and that he wrote to her a few years ago, but she never wrote back. Billy tells her he's deeply annoyed that she hasn't told any of her old friends and family members that they're engaged, then lumbers up to the guest room to unpack.
The photo shoot aboard Jake's boat is underway. Jo photographs a male model, who seems to like the cut of her jib and invites her out for dinner...and she hems and haws about her policy to not date the talent, but then decides 'ah, why the hell not?'
Kay Beacon attempts to renegotiate the lease agreement with her landlord (Jeff), but he declines her offer - just as Jane appears out of nowhere and smugly says he has a new tenant. Kay bitterly guffaws and warns Jane that she's making a stupid mistake 'cause she has neither the talent nor the cash to run her own design firm - but Jane tells her she's wrong on both counts, says she's tired of being treated like a bag of shit, and that her brand new design venture is none of her business.
Sydney glumly tells Michael that her Grams just died, and that she mostly doesn't give a shit 'cause the old lady always treated her like the black sheep of the family, while worshipping Jane. Michael says that Grams loved him like a son when he was married to Jane, then insists they attend the will reading so he can hear for himself if Grams left him anything.
Everyone yells surprise! when Papa Parker arrives at his fiftieth birthday party. Once the dancing and mingling gets underway, Billy ushers Alison up to the stage and announces that the two of them are engaged. Adam looks bummed and dejectedly wanders off, while Alison's parents look startled and are all, "Wuh?"
The next morning, Mama Parker tells Alison she's both shocked and miffed to have learned about the engagement along with everyone who was in attendance at the party. Alison sheepishly says it's her fault for constantly making excuses to keep the news quiet, and assures her mom that despite the obvious bonehead factor, she loves Billy very much.
Billy is hanging with Papa Parker in the kitchen as he chats and cooks his favorite recipe. Papa Parker asks Billy to go down to the basement and get him a couple of cans of chicken broth...and Billy dutifully finds the cans, then looks intrigued when he sees a toy train track. He tinkers with it for a few seconds and calls for Alison to come down to the basement - but she spacily ignores him and later explains that she hates going to the basement ['cause of some very icky PTSD she's about to start suffering from].
Jo is out to dinner with the male model, whose name we learn is Gregory. She sums up her life story in one sentence, then blurts out that she's currently pregnant and that her baby daddy died last month [but leaves out the part about fatally shooting him]. She tells Gregory that if he wants to get up and leave he should feel free, but he opts to stay and schmaltzily says he'd loooooove to have dinner with a beautiful lady.
Adam stops by the Parker's to apologize for his sulkiness last night, and Alison sheepishly acknowledges that she should have been the one to tell him about her engagement to Billy. When she rushes upstairs to get her purse, Adam tells Billy he's a lucky guy...and that Mr. and Mrs. Parker are nice - but weird and overly polite, and that he always had the strong sense that Alison moved to Los Angeles to get away from the freaks.
The reading of the will is in progress when Michael and Sydney arrive - just as the executor announces that Grams left 100K to Jane and Michael Mancini. Jane, who's sitting beside her mom, points out that since they're divorced she's assuming the money is solely hers - but Michael argues that that's not what Grams' will specifically implies. Jane scowls at Sydney and sourly asks her if she's here to pay respect to Grams' money, and Sydney primly claims she's only here to pay respect to Grams. Michael introduces himself to the executor and declares that he deserves half of the inheritance, and a disgusted Jane tells him the money is hers alone and that he shouldn't expect to see a penny of it. After the reading, Sydney whimpers to Michael about how no one - him included - loves her, so he half-heartedly comforts her and tells her they're going to need to stick together and strategize in order to score the 50K inheritance. He wanks her about how they're now a team and squeezes out an 'I love you'...and Sydney giggles and says she's waited soooooo long to hear him say that and promises to do everything she can to help him screw Jane out of half of her inheritance.
At D&D, Jo tells Alison she came clean to Gregory about the bun in her oven, and that she was pleasantly surprised he seemed so OK with it. A few seconds later, Gregory drops by the ad firm to tell Jo that, upon further reflection, he really doesn't want to date a pregnant woman 'cause his preference is to one day have a family of his own and not have to father some other guy's spawn. A disappointed Jo says she appreciates his honesty, then shoots him the stink-eye when he tries to lean in for a 'take care of yourself' kiss-off type kiss.
Jane is handling a large furniture delivery for her new studio, Jane Mancini Designs, while Amanda looks on and coos about what a great space it is. When the furniture deliveryman tells Jane that her order is cash on demand, she tells him to check with his boss 'cause she could have sworn he promised to send her an invoice. Once the deliveryman is out of earshot, a suspicious looking Amanda asks Jane if she's having money issues, and Jane explains that her 100K inheritance is frozen 'cause the will is being contested by Michael. Amanda chides her for her stupidity in launching a new studio before actually having the funds in her bank account - right?? - and snarkishly asks her if she's even going to be able to afford her rent. Jane assures her she can still pay her rent and that she'll figure something out with her now unfunded design venture.
While laying in bed, Billy asks Alison why she broke up with Adam, so she tells him that her dad didn't like him very much, then remarks on how her family isn't big on hugging and showing affection. Billy spoons her and says he plans on being a big hugger when it comes to his wife and children.
Jane drops by the beach house, where Michael and Sydney are having a scrumptious looking dinner on the deck. Jane warns Michael that she'll blab to the authorities about how his drinking and driving resulted in Kimberly's death, and Michael points out that if she does that, she'll drag Matt down with him. Jane glares at him and snarls that she'd rather see him dead than give him the money, then huffily storms off.
Alison is having a nightmare about being in her parents' basement with all the creepy toys and shit that are down there, then wakes up with a start and stares into space with a haunted expression.
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Melrose Place - Season 2, Episode 24
Recap: Jo is rushed to the hospital, screaming as her spawn is crowning. The spawn is suddenly being delivered by Reed, who glares at Jo all sinister-like...and Jo wakes up from the nightmare screaming, then glances around her bedroom as she absorbs the fact that the birth horror was only a dream.
Matt calls the hospital to ask if anyone knows exactly where in the Sierras Michael is honeymooning...and a few seconds later, Jane drops by with some mail for Michael and asks him if he wouldn't mind delivering it to him at the hospital. Matt tells her it'll have to wait until he and Sydney return from their honeymoon, then apologizes for bringing up what must be a very sore subject for her. Jane assures him she couldn't give the tiniest of rat's asses about those two getting hitched, and laughingly predicts that they'll probably kill each other, given enough time. Matt stares back at her with a stricken expression on his face.
At the Dreamy Pines, Sydney is happily picking wildflowers, then scampers back to the stone cabin (she and Michael are renting) to sit by Michael's bedside and graze his nostrils with the flowers. As he grimaces and shoves her hand away, she gushes about how much she loooooves this place, particularly since it's so far away from L.A. and all the nosy people at Melrose Place. She adds that this honeymoon will be a great opportunity to get the marriage off on the right foot, and Michael grins and says, "That's the idea." She gaily offers to make him breakfast in bed, then skips over to the kitchen...and while she's whipping something up, Michael sneaks out of bed and opens his overnight bag, pulls out a bottle with the label fatal if swallowed, and stares at it contemplatively.
Billy tries to convince Jake that their ongoing feud is stupid, but Jake argues that they don't have to be best friends just 'cause they live in the same apartment complex. Fair point. After he stalks off, Alison reminds Billy that they have a wedding to plan - but Billy says he has zero interest in having anything to do with that process and assures her he'll love whatever kind of event she slaps together. After that, Alison runs into a sickly looking Jo, who assures her she's fine and that she'll see her later at today's D&D photo shoot.
Matt calls the Dreamy Pines head office looking for Michael, but the clerk who answers the phone says he's not available 'cause he and his new bride just went out for a hike. Matt asks him how things are going, and the clerk snaps, "They're honeymooning" ... and Matt says he'll call back later to make sure they're both accounted for. He then tells his co-worker he needs to take a couple of sick days, and she says she'd be more than happy to cover for him.
Michael finds Sydney swimming naked in a hot spring, so he strips down and joins her. The two playfully splash at each other...until Michael starts dunking her head underwater in what looks like a half-hearted effort to drown her, but then stops when another couple wanders by and says hey. Once the couple is out of earshot, Sydney coos, "I love you", poutishly points out that he hasn't said it to her once during their honeymoon, then gives him a big smooch.
Jake attends the police auction to sell off Reed's boat, then approaches the new owner, who introduces himself as a salvage operator. He tells Jake he's planning to sell the boat piece by piece, but Jake urges him to consider a different path and would like to propose a partnership.
Jo suffers PTSD in the form of seeing Reed everywhere while she's doing her photo-ing for D&D ... and, at one point, runs out of the studio and into the nearest bathroom to hurl and wig out. Alison follows her and asks whassup, so Jo tells her she's pregnant with Reed's spawn, and that she continues to have nightmares about the douchewad. Alison clucks empathetically and says she went through the same kind of thing after her deranged ex-boyfriend Keith blew his brains out - but once she fully came to terms with his death, she was able to move on with her life. Jo chews on that for a few seconds, then points out that her situation is a lot more complicated, given that she was the one who pulled the trigger.
When Jake tells Amanda that he's looking to make a charter deal with the new owner of Reed's boat, she dismissively says it's nuts, inappropriate, and thinks he should just a regular type job like most normal people do. Jake insists he's his own [unemployable] man, has lofty ambitions, and vows to eventually make something out of his aimless life. While he's storming off, Amanda runs into Jo and tells her about Jake's dumb boat plans, and Jo spacily says it's none of her business and that she really couldn't give two shits how her ex decides to earn a living.
Michael laces Sydney's brandy with the fatal if swallowed poison, then brings it to her while she's cooking a scrumptious looking fish dinner. She's about to take a sip of the brandy when she suddenly looks inspired and pours the brandy into the pan to flambé the fish, and a panicked Michael's all, "Nooooo!!" and douses the flames with water. Sydney's all, "The fuck?! I was flambé-ing!", then glumly tells him the dinner's ruined now. A deflated looking Michael suggests they eat at the local restaurant they hiked by earlier...and after he shuffles out of the room, Sydney sniffs the brandy glass and stares suspiciously after him.
Jo tells Jake she's now annoyed with him for chartering Reed's boat, and he sheepishly agrees that he didn't give a moment's thought to how this new venture might adversely affect her. Jo then back pedals on her feelings of annoyance and shares that her decision to keep the baby has really been freaking her out lately, and that she has no clue how she's going to tell her spawn that she killed its father.
Matt reaches Michael by phone, tells him he's in the Sierras, and that he can be at his cabin by nightfall so they can talk before he does anything he may later regret. Michael pretends they have a bad connection and hangs up, and tells Sydney it was a wrong number. He then urges her to pack up 'cause he's suddenly decided he wants the two of them to camp out under the stars.
Jo tells Alison she's planning on telling her child the truth, then gets all weird and manic about the fact that she doesn't even have a photo of Reed. The two head over to the County Clerk's office to collect any personal effects they have from Reed, and the most interesting things they're given are: the location of his unmarked grave, and a key to a storage locker.
While chillin' in front of a campfire, Sydney tells Michael she believes in destiny...and by destiny she means she figured they'd somehow end up together. She then reminisces about her first sexual fantasy, which came about after she spied on him and Jane messing around by a lake while she watched from the nearby dock. As Michael's expression remains inscrutable at the icky revelation that she once got off from watching her sister get dry humped by her then-boyfriend, Sydney tells him she's sure that deep down - way deep down - he loves her. Michael changes the subject to their hike to The Ridge tomorrow and says they should probably turn in now, and Sydney chirps about how neat The Ridge sounds...and once she's inside their tent and out of earshot, Michael glares into the fire and sinisterly mutters, "It'll be perfect."
In the Melrose Place courtyard, Jake tells Jo he won't sign the final papers for his prospective new charter business unless she gives him the OK, and she looks touched by his concern and tells him she doesn't want to stand in the way of his dreams. Jake wanks her about how generous and strong she is, then holds her hand while Amanda watches from her living room window. Jake bids Jo good night, then heads up to Amanda's place to tell her the happy news about his boat deal, and Amanda snarls, "I'm sure Jo was thrilled" and slams the door in his face. [I like these two - individually - but as a couple they're an obnoxiously toxic blend that needs to permanently break up asap.]
Alison complains to Jane that Billy is unwilling to offer any input or help into the planning of their wedding, then laments how they've done everything backwards (e.g. moving in together before becoming a couple) and that there's no mystery left. Jane assures her that weddings make all men crazy, and that her backwards relationship is "very '90s".
In the Sierras, Matt tells the sheriff he's concerned that Michael and Sydney might have gotten lost, and adds that he's very worried in particular about Sydney, who could be in a lot of danger right now. The sheriff brushes off that "wild accusation", but then agrees to put together a team of deputies to search for the missing newlyweds. He warns Matt that if the two are found happy and unharmed, he'll have to pay for any expenses incurred.
Jake storms over to D&D and loudly tells Amanda she has no right to dump him for talking to his ex-girlfriend, particularly after she recently had sex with her ex-boyfriend. As the D&D employees who happen to within hearing range of this spectacle look on in intrigued fascination, a mortified Amanda tells him to shut it...but when he keeps nattering about their dysfunction, she screeches, "My office! Now!!" When Jake saunters into her office, Amanda shuts the door and drops whatever files she was carrying, and the two start smooching and then do the TV tropey thing of roughly clearing off the papers on her desk before getting it on atop a hard wooden surface that couldn't possibly be a comfortable way for anyone to be having sex.
Jo arrives at Reed's unmarked grave and sits next to it...and a few seconds later, Reed's ghost appears behind her. He tells her his "funeral" was pathetic, and that it amounted to a couple of grave diggers being too lazy to dig the regulation six feet, which means he's only four feet under. He tells Jo not to sugarcoat his criminal douchebaggery for the sake of his spawn, and that if she hadn't shot him, he surely would have killed her. He admits to being extraordinarily selfish and stupid and begs for her forgiveness, and she indulges him and starts crying...and then Reed's ghost mercifully disappears. So long, Reed! It's been a fuckin' chore knowin' ya.
Sydney and Michael make it to the top of The Ridge, and Sydney gushes about how happy she is right now, and that she wants to return to this spot every year to renew their vows. Michael hovers behind her and grips her by the shoulders, but somehow can't bring himself to shove her off the cliff...and after a few terrifying seconds of not being entirely sure if she's about to be sent hurtling to the bottom of a steep ravine, Sydney murmurs, "I knew you couldn't do it." Michael pretends he has no earthly idea what she's talking about, and Sydney responds by assuring him he'll love her someday...and as the two hug, she silently thanks him for not murdering her.
Matt, meanwhile, is at the cabin, arguing with the sheriff about the urgent need to locate his friends when Michael suddenly strolls over and asks whassup. LOL. Matt pales when he sees him alone and murmurs, "You did it" ... and the sheriff steps forward and asks Michael where his wife is - just as Sydney wanders over and asks Matt what in blazes he's doing here. When Matt just stares at her as if he's looking at a ghost, Sydney escorts him into the cabin and suggests he take some time off and destress in the idyllic paradise that is Dreamy Pines.
Alison grumbles at Billy for showing no interest in wedding planning, then admonishes him for not doing anything romantic ever since the proposal. When he just stares back at her cluelessly, she decrees that they shall abstain from sex until after the wedding...and when he's all, "Wha-a-a-a?? That's, like, three months from now!", she smugly retorts, "Exactly."
A tortured Matt spills the entire can of beans to Jane about Sydney blackmailing Michael into marriage 'cause she somehow found out he was drunk when he drove his car off a cliff and killed Kimberly...and then 'fesses up about his role in changing Michael's blood alcohol level in the hospital's database. He says he's probably going to need to unburden himself by reporting all of this to the authorities - but Jane mulls all this over, tells him not to risk destroying his career, and that there's a better way to handle this sick mess in a manner that only hurts Michael and Sydney.
At the beach house, Michael is coming around to be a newly remarried man and is canoodling Sydney (!) when Jane drops by with their wedding gift. Sydney looks pleasantly surprised - until she opens the gift and finds that it's a signed confession from Matt, witnessed and signed by Jane, that implicates Michael as the drunk driver in the accident that killed Kimberly. When Sydney scrunches her face confusedly and goes, "I don't get it", Jane explains that she wants them both to leave her alone by staying together in this sick, loveless marriage...and that if they ever separate or divorce, she'll tattle about Michael's drunkenness to the police. As Sydney and Michael stare at her in stunned bewilderment, she wishes them good look, and exits the beach house with a smug grin on her face.
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Melrose Place - Season 2, Episode 23
Recap: Sydney brings Michael breakfast in bed, then hands him an envelop and excitedly tells him to open it. He grudgingly indulges her...but when he sees that it contains an invitation for their impending wedding he hasn't actually agreed to, he rips up the card and tells her to get lost. An unfazed Sydney insists that they're good for each other and that eventually this marriage will turn out to be what he wants - but he just sneeringly refers to her as "one stupid slut who's crossed the line" and that he'd do just about anything to never see her face again. Sydney chalks up the verbal abuse to his usual morning crankiness, then reminds him that if she were to go to the police and report that his drinking and driving accident killed Kimberly, he'd lose his medical license and be thrown into jail. She asks him if living with her isn't better than having no life at all, and he responds by throwing the breakfast tray onto the floor.
At D&D, Amanda notices the fugly ring on Alison's ring finger and excuses her bluntness in asking if Billy has any plans to buy her a real one - bwahahaha! - just as Bruce Teller wanders over to congratulate Alison on her engagement and invite her and Billy out to dinner with him and his wife. Amanda interjects to inform Bruce that she too has a significant other in her life she'd love for him to meet, and Bruce politely invites her and her beau to join them for dinner as well.
Sydney gives Matt a wedding invitation and says it's just going to be a simple affair...and Matt looks it over, does a poor job of masking his amusement, and asks her if Michael knows about this. Sydney shoots him a withering glare, calls that "a ridiculous question", and says she'd like him to be the best man. Matt points out that it's usually the groom who makes that request, and Sydney's all, "Whatever" as she rushes off to hand out more invitations to disinterested acquaintances. [I find this interaction all the cuter knowing that a few years later these two get married in real life...and as of 2021 are still together.]
Jo is back at work, photographing models in a studio, when she suddenly looks green around the gills and runs to the nearest bathroom to hurl. She then resumes her photo-ing, but faints a few seconds later.
Michael rails to Matt that Sydney's out of her mind, telling everyone they're getting married. Matt just kind of shrugs and tells Michael it doesn't look as though he has much of a choice but to marry the headcase...and that since he risked his own ass by altering hospital records to spare him a manslaughter/murder charge 'cause of his drunken driving incident, he needs to get used to Sydney being his spouse.
Sydney drops by Jane's apartment to break the news to her sister that she and Michael are engaged. A dumbfounded Jane - who, incidentally, is sporting a grisly new pageboy 'do - stares back at her while chuckling, "You can't be serious." Sydney assures her she is and that she'd like her blessing, but an incredulous Jane says she's in desperate need of psychiatric attention, then shuts the door in her face.
Jake tells Amanda he'd sooner jump off a cliff than be forced to have dinner with her boss, but Amanda begs him to come as her plus one 'cause she has no intention of letting Alison advance her career without her direct interference. When Jake doesn't look very incentivized, Amanda remarks on whether or not she needs to trade up for a guy who can "play the game", and Jake relents and promises to attend the dinner if it's really that important to her.
Jo sees a doctor, who tells her she's pregnant...and that if she knows who impregnated her, she needs to notify him asap. A dazed Jo reacts by staring despondently into space.
Sydney giddily tells Michael she found the perfect venue for their wedding ceremony, and that it's going to be a small gathering, given that most of her relatives had their fill from the giant spectacle that was his and Jane's Chicago wedding. Michael wearily tells her to shut it, then incredulously asks her why she'd want to marry a man who can barely stomach the sight of her. Sydney canoodles him and coos about how she has enough love for both of them, then tells him he's going to need to fork over some money so she can buy a wedding gown. He growls, "No way" and flippantly tells her to just borrow Jane's...and Sydney chews on that for a few seconds and decides that since the dress is a family heirloom, she has as much of a right to wear it as Jane did. She rushes out of the house as Michael chuckles at the shitstorm he may have just unwittingly unleashed.
Jo runs into Jake in the courtyard, then suffers a wave of nausea and has to run back up to her apartment to vomit. A confused Jake follows her upstairs and asks her whassup, so she tells him she's pregnant with Reed's spawn...then starts crying and beating herself up about what a cluelessly idiotic moron she is not only to have slept with a brazenly shady fraudster like Reed, but to have done so without birth control. She curls herself across Jake's lap and sobs about how desperately she wants an abortion, and he does his best to comfort her while doing his best to not cringe at the mention of abortion.
At the jeweler's, Alison selects an extravagant looking diamond ring and gushes about how gorgeous it is - but Billy pulls her aside and says they can't afford it and reminds her that she's not actually into expensive jewelry. Alison explains that she's into it when it comes to her engagement ring - but Billy accuses her of just wanting to have a big diamond ring with which to impress her boss at dinner. Alison's face falls as she mumbles, "You're a real jerk", gives the ring back to the salesman, and huffily exits the store.
Sydney sneaks into Jane's apartment and heads straight for the bedroom closet. She quickly finds the wedding gown in a garment bag, unzips it, and stares at the poofy monstrosity in fascinated awe. LOL.
Jake is waiting for Jo to finish up with the counsellor at the abortion clinic...and when she emerges from the exam room, she tells him there's a mandatory 24 hour waiting period. The two head outside and stroll in a nearby park...and when Jo says she detects a note of disapproval over her decision to abort Reed's spawn, Jake assures her he's not the slightest bit judgey - but that she needs to think long and hard about the irreversible decision. He offers to be named the father on the birth certificate so that she she never has to admit to her child what a dumbbell she was to get herself knocked up by a cocaine dealing douchenozzle, but Jo declines and then says she doesn't want to be alone tonight...and accepts his invitation to go out to dinner together.
Jane returns home earlier from work than usual and finds Sydney in her apartment, dressed in her wedding gown. Jane bellows at her to take it off, but Sydney insists on leaving with the dress and beats a hasty retreat. Jane runs after her and grabs her by the skirt...and after the two exchange barbs about who's more entitled to the ownership of this hideous dress, Jane shoves her towards the pool and leaps with her into the deep end. An enraged Sydney screeches, "I hate you!!" ... as Matt rushes over and assists Sydney out of the pool. Sydney yells at Jane that she'll never forgive her for ruining grandma's dress, and Jane cackles about how it's now "tailor made for the bride of Frankenstein". Sydney shrieks in frustration, then stomps out of the courtyard.
At the D&D dinner at The Bistro, a waiter comes by the table to inform the party of five that Jake just called to leave word that he won't be coming, and Amanda does her best to conceal how pissed off she is while everyone else just looks relieved that they can finally order their food.
Jake and Jo stroll back to Melrose Place, and Jo thanks him for his support and for keeping her company tonight. Jake walks her to her door, gives her a brotherly kiss, then heads back downstairs, where a less-than-pleased Amanda has been eavesdropping. When Jake tries to explain that he ditched her business dinner so he could be there for Jo, she snappishly tells him he can "keep being there for her" 'cause as far as she's concerned, they're through.
The next morning, Amanda storms over to Jo's apartment to ask what in the hell is going on between her and Jake, then snarls that she has some nerve making a play for her boyfriend after her generousness in posting her bail money. Jo tells her it's not what she thinks, then lets out a weary sigh before spilling the beans about Reed's bun in her oven, and that Jake was just supporting her in a platonic friend kinda way. Amanda sheepishly asks her if that's really true, and Jo rolls her eyes and says that only she would ask such a thing.
Amanda apologizes to Jake for leaping to the conclusion that he was bumping uglies with Jo, who she says just explained her pregnancy situation. She then puts her sad face on and says she wishes that Jo would turn to her for emotional - not just financial - support, and Jake hugs her and reminds her of how much she's done for Jo, and that the thorny issue of what to do with Reed's spawn is a conundrum that Jo's going to have to sort out for herself.
Jane has picked up her mother from the airport and is filling her in on Sydney's demented marriage plans. Jane tells her she hopes she's able to talk some sense into her youngest child, and Mama Andrews promises to do her best, not least 'cause she doesn't want Michael back in their family.
Sydney is blow-drying the heirloom wedding gown when her mom drops by the beach house. Sydney happily squeals at her about her impending wedding, claims that Jane is being a jerk 'cause of how jealous she is of her happiness, and announces that the wedding will be held later today on the beach. An aghast Mama Andrews asks her how, in the name of all that is holy, this marital abomination could possibly be happening, and Sydney dreamily says that she and Michael simply fell in love and that Jane has treated her horribly 'cause she's "protecting her turf". Mama Andrews refrains from pointing out that since Jane angrily excised Michael from her life he can no longer be considered her "turf", and strongly urges her to give serious thought to why she'd want to jump headfirst into marriage, which [for some, anyway] is a life-long commitment. When Sydney stubbornly retorts that she's going to live her life the way she wants, a dismayed Mama Andrews tells her she's making a terrible mistake and wonders aloud how in blazes she could have raised such a deluded fuckwit. Sydney stonily glares at her mother and bitchily asks "a favor": "Get back on your broom and fly home to Chicago."
At Escapade Magazine, Celia tells Billy she feels sorry for Alison, specifically 'cause of the embarrassment of having to wear a cheap tin engagement ring to dinner with her boss. Billy says he doesn't get the point of spending oodles of money on an expensive piece of jewelry when it's so far out of one's price range, so Celia clues him in about how the size of the diamond on an engagement ring reflects how many dollars worth a man loves his fiancée, then helplessly throws up her hands and says it's just the reality.
Amanda drops by Jo's place to apologize for assuming she was hitting the sheets with Jake, and to offer her some emotional support by reminding her that she had a miscarriage during the Season 1 finale and lost Billy's spawn: a real tragedy for the world. She adds that, whether or not she decides to have an abortion, she can count on her for support...and when Jo says that the abortion is scheduled for tomorrow, Amanda says she'd like to be there for her. Jo's like 'ah, what's the harm?' and thanks her for not being her usual bitchy self in her hour of need.
Beach wedding! As the rows of white chairs - which were set up for all of the no-show wedding guests - sit vacant, Michael and Sydney stand in front of the reverend, along with the only guest in attendance: Matt. Michael grumpily asks the reverend if he wouldn't mind zipping through the short version of the vows, so he obliges and gets right to asking Sydney if she takes this man to be her lawfully wedded husband...blah blah...and once the two are pronounced husband and wife, Sydney beams from ear to ear and forcibly smooches Michael's unpuckered lips. She then hugs him and promises to make him sooooo happy, and he's just like 'whatevs' while staring despondently into space. LOL. Saluti!
Later that night, Michael gets out of bed, glares at Sydney as she sleeps, and heads over to the kitchen to get himself a beer. He glances over at the knives atop the countertop, then picks up one and studies the shiny blade before returning to the bedroom, where he proceeds to bludgeon Sydney to death. Eeeek! A few seconds later, Michael wakes up from what was only a dream...and when Sydney sleepily asks him whassup, he smilingly tells her he just had the most marvelous dream, and that he'd loooove to take her on a honeymoon to the Sierra Nevada, specifically to a remote cabin in the woods where there are plenty of places to hide a corpse.
Jake and Amanda swing by Jo's apartment to pick her up for her abortion appointment, and are mystified when she's not home. Jake says he might know where she is, then heads off to the marina.
Jo is standing on the pier, staring contemplatively into space, when Jake approaches and warns that she's going to miss her scheduled abortion. Jo tells him she's been standing here since sunrise, then natters about how much Reed loved the sunrise...and that she's doing her best to convince herself that Reed also loved her at the precise nanosecond their baby was conceived. She tells Jake she's ready to be a mother after all and intends to keep the baby, and he's all, "Hooray!" and gives her a congratulatory hug.
Billy presents Alison with the diamond ring she selected at the jeweler's earlier, and she cries, "Oh God! It's gorgeous!" and gives him a happy kiss. Billy says that despite the ring being waaaay out of their budget, she deserves it if it makes her happy...but that she isn't allowed to leave him until after the ring is paid for. Alison chuckles and pretends to be in full agreement with that condition.
Michael informs a concerned looking Matt that he and Sydney are going on a honeymoon in the Sierras...and as Sydney eagerly climbs into the passenger seat of his car, Michael smirkingly tells Matt to "say goodbye to Sydney". As the two drive off, Matt stares after them worriedly.
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Melrose Place - Season 2, Episode 22
Recap: Jo is being led by a scary looking female Corrections officer into a scary looking detention center where the inmates are all screeching at each other. Later, she's summoned from her cramped cell to meet with her attorney, a bumbling public defender who introduces himself as Benjamin Skyler. He gives her a disdainful once over and informs her that she's a suspected drug dealing murderer...and when Jo tries to explain that she killed Reed in self defense, he unhelpfully tells her that that's the kind of thing that can happen when one goes out to sea with a sketchy ex-con who's so clearly up to no good. Jo stares back at him incredulously, insists she knew nothing of the drugs, and asks him if he's not supposed to be defending her - as opposed to lecturing her about her [disastrous] choice of lovers. Benjamin tells her that he generally doesn't believe anyone is innocent, despite the country's guiding principle of everyone's innocent until proven guilty, and that he can only defend her effectively if she tells him the truth. A few seconds later, the DA (Quinton Benson) enters the room to tell Jo that he's prepared to deal her case down if she's willing to provide information about Reed's big drug deal, but Jo snappishly retorts that she doesn't know anything 'bout that, that she killed Reed in self defense, and wants to exercise her right to make a damn phone call. Quinton shoots her the stink-eye and says he had been prepared to offer her more than just a phone call, but suddenly doesn't feel so generous anymore. Seems ridiculously thin-skinned for a DA...and I know I'm a recapper not a lawyer, but but doesn't the DA usually have a tête-à-tête with the defense attorney to formally offer the terms of a plea deal, which the defense attorney then presents to the client with some accompanying legal advice?
Jo uses her one phone call to contact Jake, who immediately rushes over to the jail to inquire about posting bail. He's rudely told by the desk clerk that bail will be set at Jo's arraignment hearing tomorrow...and that since there's no chance in hell he's going to be allowed to see her before then, he might as well fuck off and go home.
Over at Escapade Magazine, Celia admonishes Billy for walking out on the New York job for the sake of his relationship with Alison, then tells him she's extra pissy 'cause the job (which she would have happily accepted and not walked out on) has already been filled by someone at the New York office. Celia gets extra extra pissy when Alison chooses that moment to phone and invite Billy for lunch so they can discuss his [yet unresponded to] marriage proposal, and Billy agrees to meet her at 1pm, then quickly hangs up the phone when he's summoned to Nancy Donner's office to find out if he still has a job.
Amanda overhears the tail end of Alison's call with Billy and snidely refers to him as "the boomerang boyfriend who's back from New York". An irked Alison tells her that her relationship with Billy is none of her business, but Amanda argues that an unstable relationship with a bonehead can adversely affect one's job performance. Alison smugly tells her that things with her and Billy are so solid that he proposed to her last night, and Amanda calls the proposal "a wonderful gesture", but advises her to think long and hard before marrying someone who's done some shameful stuff he's never told her about. As she sashays off, Alison's all, "Wuh?" and stares after her looking perplexed.
In the courtyard, Jane encounters Sydney, who's carrying a box of her personal things, and asks whassup. Sydney tells her she's moving out of Melrose Place...and by moving out of Melrose Place she means she's blackmailing Michael into agreeing to let her squat in the spare bedroom of his beach house. When Jane stares at her in shocked befuddlement and tells her that this is the worst thing she's ever done (not counting the various times she's literally prostituted herself), Sydney explains that she's embarking upon an adult relationship with Michael, has somehow deluded herself into believing it's true love, and that if her own sister can't be happy for her, she can go pee up a rope.
Billy and Alison are eating hot dogs while strolling through a park and discussing their future. Alison tells Billy she'd be willing to accept his proposal if he can explain what in blazes Amanda meant when she alluded to secrets he's been keeping from her. Billy plays dumb and pretends he has no earthly idea what she could be talking about, and urges her to forget about the past and focus on moving forward. Alison mulls that over, seems satisfied enough with that response, and happily tells him the wedding is officially on.
Jake implores Amanda to help Jo with her various financial and legal connections, but Amanda says she'd prefer to steer clear of Jo 'cause of her concern that the authorities will interpret her financial investment in Reed's faux boat charter venture as financing for his drug business. She adds that if Jo really did kill Reed in self defense, her lawyer will easily prove that in court. (She obviously hasn't met that inept fucktard.) Jake glares at her, accuses her of having zero integrity, and angrily stalks off.
Jo, meanwhile, is locked up in her jail cell, huddled in a corner and trying to look as haunted and freaked out as possible.
Jo has another meeting with Benjamin Skyler, who informs her that her arraignment is in three hours... and that he's not remotely hopeful it's going to go well. He urges her to spill everything she knows about the drug deal, or risk being charged with Murder One...and Jo somehow refrains from:
Benjamin half-heartedly promises to give her the best defense he can...and by the best defense he can, he means he's going to keep his fingers crossed that she changes her mind and confesses to a drug deal she had nothing to do with. He then packs up his papers and leaves the room.
Jake gives Billy and Alison an update on Jo's current predicament, and they all agree they need to put their heads together and think of a way to come up with enough cash to cover her bail. When he wryly says that Amanda was less than helpful when he pleaded for her to chip in, Alison rolls her eyes and mutters, "Why am I not surprised?"
Sydney is in happy homemaker mode as she makes Michael waffles for breakfast. He grumbles at her to cut the shit with the "sunshine act", but she argues that it's not an act, and that she's soooooo happy their togetherness is finally out in the open. Michael snappishly reminds her that she's blackmailing him into shacking up together, then angrily dumps his coffee and the waffles onto the counter and bitterly snarls that the only reason she's even in his house is 'cause she's putting a gun to his head.
At the arraignment, a dismayed Jo watches Benjamin fumble around as he searches for her case file. He then glares at her disapprovingly and asks, "I don't suppose you've changed your mind..?" and Jo once again emphasizes that she has zero knowledge about anything related to Reed's drug dealing. The DA rises and requests that Jo be charged with Murder One and held without bail, and Benjamin counters that a request for bail be set at 100K, and ignores the Murder One part. The DA argues that Jo doesn't have particularly strong ties to the community and was arrested on a weapons charge in Season 1, and Benjamin shrugs helplessly and says that, nope, he definitely can't argue with that.
The judge is about to remand Jo to the county jail when famed attorney Walter Kovacs strides into the courtroom to inform the impressed judge that he's been retained by a family friend to represent Jo - just as Amanda slips into the room and nods her approval at the good deed she just orchestrated. When Jo tells the judge that this arrangement meets with her approval, Benjamin gathers his things and leaves, and Walter requests a continuance for twenty-four hours so he can review the case. The judge agrees...and Billy ambles over to Amanda and applauds her for doing such a nice thing for Jo. She responds by congratulating him on his engagement, and he tells her he's going to start his marriage out right by 'fessing up to Alison about their recent liaison. Amanda looks horrified and says she doesn't want Jake finding out about that, but Billy points out that he can't fully rely on her to keep her big trap shut.
Over at the hospital, Michael is dismayed to see Sydney chatting up his boss, Dr. Levin. He's further dismayed when Dr. Levin tells him to lighten up, and that he credits Sydney with helping him get off painkillers. He then tells Michael to stop by his office later so they can discuss putting him back on the doctors' rotation schedule, but warns that he won't tolerate anymore screw-ups.
Jake tells Amanda he's grateful for all she's doing to help Jo, and Amanda credits him with piling so much guilt atop her that she felt compelled to not just sit back and watch Jo risk getting a twenty year prison sentence. She then changes the subject and confesses to having a one night stand with Billy while they were broken up...and Jake responds with a bitter chuckle - but quickly assures her he's not angry with her 'cause he feels it's somehow reasonable to place all of the blame for the mutual indiscretion squarely on Billy.
Alison visits Jo in jail and assures her she's going to be released in time to be her maid of honor...and Jo's all, "Wuhh?" and squeals about how happy she is for her, and that she fervently hopes her prediction comes true.
Michael arrives home and is dismayed that Sydney's in the process of receiving a shipment of new furniture and is referring to herself to the deliverymen as Mrs. Mancini. When Michael's all, "The fuck?", she explains that she borrowed one of his credit cards to buy a bunch of stuff to make this beach house a cozy home. Michael argues that he can't afford it, orders her to return everything she just purchased, and to get it through her thick skull that the only Mrs. Mancini is his mother. Sydney furrows her brows at him and warns that he's making her mad, and that bad things can happen when she gets mad.
Jake and Amanda visit Jo in jail and discuss the progress they're assuming Walter is making with her case. As Jake promises to somehow come up with a way to scrape together enough cash for her bail, Amanda announces that she's willing to put up the Melrose Place complex as collateral for the 100K 'cause she's tired of getting the stink-eye from Jake for not helping out more, and figures that she (Jo) is a fairly low flight risk. Jo stares back at her in mute gratitude, then solemnly thanks her for all of her help.
Jake and Amanda escort a newly freed Jo to Melrose Place...and when Amanda tells Jo that the gang planned a party at Shooters to jointly celebrate her freedom and Billy's/Alison's engagement, Jo declines and says she just wants to crawl into bed. She expresses her deepest gratitude to Amanda for all of her help, then goes upstairs to her apartment.
At Shooters, Alison makes a toast celebrating Jo's freedom and the imminent end of Billy's freedom. Har har. Jake rolls his eyes and tells Amanda he desperately wants to leave...but a few seconds later, Billy approaches him to affably offer him a drink and ask him to be his best man. Jake snarls, "Go to hell, you son-of-a-bitch!" and punches Billy in the face, then storms out as the confused partygoers are all, "Wha-a-at just happened?!" Amanda tells Alison she was afraid this would happen, then spills the beans about her and Billy recently hitting the sheets. Alison glares at her in shocked bewilderment before storming out of the bar, and Billy shakes his head at Amanda and growls at how unbelievable she is.
The next morning, Billy sheepishly admits to Alison that he lacked the courage to tell her about his indiscretion with Amanda and now assumes that their engagement is off. Alison coos about how much his black eye must hurt, then assures him she doesn't blame him for whatever he did while she was so near coitus with Steve. She says that the wedding is definitely on - but that if he ever lies to her again, she'll punish him far worse than Jake.
Billy emerges from his apartment just as Jake is getting out of the pool. He tries to talk to Jake, but Jake snarls at him to back off and stomps to his apartment.
Dr. Levin tells Michael that Sydney just called and said she has an emergency, and orders him to rush home to see what the little woman needs. Michael argues that he's sure it's nothing and that he'd much prefer to assist with the surgery he was about to scrub in for, but Dr. Levin firmly says no and reminds him that Sydney has turned his life around ever since he indulged in the drunken joyride that "killed" Kimberly.
Jo is nervously standing in the courtroom as the judge consults with Walter and the DA. A few seconds later, the judge decrees that self defense in this case has been proven, and that all of the charges against Jo are hereby dismissed. Jo stares at her lawyer in disbelief and cries with relief...but then is all, "Huh?" as Walter explains that the DA was only threatening her with a Murder One charge in order to suss out intel about Reed's drug deal. When the authorities examined the boat, they quickly concluded that she shot Reed in self defense and most likely didn't know anything about the drugs. Walter derisively refers to Reed as scum, and Jo responds by mournfully staring back at him and moaning, "But I loooooved him." What a hopeless, stupid moron.
Michael storms into the beach house and growls at Sydney for telling his boss she has an emergency, and she reacts by smilingly telling him they need to start planning their wedding and honeymoon asap. Michael shoots her an extra squinty-eyed stink-eye for pulling him out of a surgery to discuss her "demented fantasies". Looking as incredulous as possible, he snappishly asks, "You seriously want to get married?" ... and Sydney translates that to an actual marriage proposal and gaily replies, "Oh Michael! I thought you'd never ask!" LOL.
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MELROSE PLACE HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French
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Television of Yore
Snide recaps of television's most entertaining classics