Recap: Alison wakes up on the couch after her vodka-fuelled bender the night before. She stares at the empty bottle in mild dismay, then throws it into the garbage can and rinses out her drinking glass. After that she tiptoes over to her bedroom, quietly slips into the bed beside Billy, and pretends as though she's been sleeping there all night when Billy wakes up a few seconds later and gives her a good morning spoon-canoodle. She pulls away and says she has to get ready for her busy day ahead at D&D, and Billy says he's concerned that she's burying herself in her work instead of dealing with the trauma of Keith's stalking and self-inflicted mercy killing. She insists that she's ready to move on and snarls that she doesn't want to talk about Keith anymore - amen to that - and Billy flops onto the bed in exasperation.
Jake excitedly shows Jo a bunch of decrepit motorcycles he just bought at an auction and explains that he plans on fixing them up for resale...and Jo's all, "Wha-a-a?!" and informs him that the money he just withdrew from the business account to buy the bikes was earmarked for the quarterly taxes, for which she just mailed a check to the IRS. She orders Jake to take the bikes back, but he says that the auction house doesn't do returns...and acknowledges the stupid breakdown in communication [on both of their parts] regarding the shop's finances. He promises Jo he'll find a buyer for the bikes, and she seems satisfied enough with that and tells him she's off to a casting session at D&D.
Over at D&D, Amanda glances over the headshots of the male models auditioning for the role of Sage Brush Beer Spokesman and complains to Alison and Jo that none of these schmoes has the rugged hotness of Jake. She hands the phone to Alison and explains that she's on hold with the photo studio...and Alison takes that to mean she's supposed to book a photo session in the much-sought-after studio A with a top lighting technician. When she proudly tells Amanda about the booking, Amanda bitchily reminds her that they haven't even cast the Sage Brush Beer Spokesman yet so they'll have to cancel the booking, then snatches the phone back from Alison and says she'll handle it...the way she probably should have done instead of not clearly communicating exactly what the hell Alison was supposed to do when she handed her the damn phone.
Over dinner at Shooters, Jo is complaining to Jane about how Jake bought auction motorcycles without consulting her, and Jane's like, "Yeah whatever" and says she's soooo annoyed that Michael's life is so together while hers is such a mess. Jo urges her to enjoy a night out with a hot guy of her choosing, and Jane mulls that over and says she has a hankering for Sam Towler, aka Michael's best friend who gave her a smooch in the Irreconcilable Similarities episode. Jo nods approvingly and says that, yep, she should definitely look into tapping that.
Jane arrives at the construction site that Sam presides over and gets hooted at and cat-called by the horny construction workers as she sashays in her mini-dress over to where Sam is standing. She tells him she was just in the neighborhood and figured she'd drop by to invite him over for dinner tomorrow night...and he says he highly doubts that she was "just in the neighborhood", but is more than happy to accept her saucy invitation.
As Alison and Amanda rush to get to a client meeting, Amanda notices that Alison has the wrong client's file in her hand and irritably tells her that she should sit the meeting out. Alison whines, "Give me a channnnnnce", but Amanda points out that she can't rely on her on account of all the screwing up she's being doing recently. She says that something is clearly affecting her ability to be functional on the job, and is therefore officially cutting back on her responsibilities.
After working the phones, Jake has zero luck finding a buyer for the motorcycles and tells Jo to stop payment on the IRS check. Jo says she can't/won't do that, then laments the possibility of losing her 50K investment. Jake gets irked at that and reminds her that he never wanted her money, and she's like, "Whatever. We have a week and a half to get the money into the bank account before the check bounces."
The next morning, Alison rushes around the apartment getting ready for work and tells Billy she's determined to prove to Amanda that she's able to perform the bare basics of her duties at D&D. A few seconds later, Amanda drops by to tell Alison that she completely re-worked the figures for whatever account she was working on and hands her a floppy disk. As Alison rolls her eyes in irritation and heads out to her car, Billy chides Amanda for cracking the whip too hard - but Amanda says she's merely expecting Alison to do the job the way she was expected to do it back when she was in the position.
Jane urges Sydney to go out to a movie tonight, then hands her some cash and says it's her treat. Sydney correctly guesses that she has a date, and Jane admits she invited Sam over for dinner and doesn't want her younger sister third-wheeling it with them. Sydney gets all judgey and says it's a little soon to be dating, given that she and Michael aren't even divorced yet - but Jane brusquely says she doesn't need a second opinion on how to live her life and stalks out of the room.
At the hospital, Michael canoodles Kimberly in the hallway, and the two agree to meet up at the beach house after their shifts to get it on.
Dr. Katya Petrova drops by Matt's office to tell him she needs to find a permanent home for a patient, in order for her to avoid being shipped off to a shitty county hospital. Matt tells her he'll do his very best to find something suitable.
Billy asks Amanda to meet up with him in the park so he can give her low-down on the Keith-induced trauma that Alison has been enduring for the last three episodes. Amanda looks shocked and horrified and says she had no idea that any of this was happening - but points out that if Alison insists on coming to work every day as if nothing's wrong, she has no choice but to expect her to be at least halfway functional on the job. Billy urges her to give Alison enough time and space to recover, then makes it clear she has no idea that he's spilling the beans to her boss about her temporary mental health issues.
Jane and Sam are having a lovely dinner, and both agree that they thoroughly enjoy each other's company. He tells her he's glad they didn't spend the entire evening Michael-bashing, and she concurs and says that that'd be a colossal waste of energy. The two then raise their glasses and toast to a future of making good memories.
Amanda drops by Jake's Bikes to once again try to convince him to agree to be the Sage Brush Beer Spokesman, and explains that she prefers to cast "real people living real life". Jake makes an ew face and says it's just not him, but agrees to listen to her final sales pitch over a beer. Amanda's like, "Kewl!" and grabs her purse...and unwittingly knocks over a blow-torch in the process. Egads!
Jane and Sam are making out on the couch - but Jane pulls away and says she's not ready to jump into a new romance...and also wants to be entirely sure that she's not hooking up with him to get revenge on Michael for his philandering. Sam says he's good with that, encourages her to take however much time she needs in order to be absolutely sure that she wants to be with him, then assures her that his attraction to her has absolutely nothing to do with sticking it to Michael.
Jo arrives at Jake's Bikes and notices smoke billowing from the workroom. She runs to the back of the building...and when the door handle is too hot to turn, she stupidly throws a rock through the window part of the door, which causes the fire to gain in intensity, and screeches, "Jakkkkkke!"
As the firemen put out the fire, Jo stares at the shop in tears when Jake and Amanda return from Shooters. He cries, "What happened?" and Jo hugs him and says she thought he was inside, then collapses against him and says she nearly got killed trying to brave the flames and save him.
When Sydney finishes sleeping in, she tells Jane she sat through a boring double feature so she could have her privacy with Sam. Jane thanks her for staying away and says that the date went really well, and that Sam's an awesome listener.
Sydney makes a beeline over to Michael's beach house to blab about Jane inviting Sam over for an intimate dinner. Michael looks miffed and mutters, "Sam..?", then asks Sydney why she's telling him this. She shrugs and says she figured he'd be happy with this latest development, 'cause now Jane won't spend so much of her energy trying to make his life miserable...and I have to admit that that actually is kind of a valid observation.
At D&D, Amanda hovers over Alison as she taps away at her computer and remarks, "That's clerical work." Alison self-piteously says it's all she has left, so Amanda acknowledges that she may have been hasty in stripping her of all responsibility and tells her to go back to doing client work - in particular focusing exclusively on the Famous Family Restaurants account. Alison looks at her suspiciously and asks her if anyone put her up to this, and Amanda breezily says she's merely being fair.
Mr. Harris, Jake's insurance agent, reports that the charred bike shop is a total loss, and that he's going to need to look over the accounting books to determine the fair value of the business. After he leaves, Jake growls about what a total failure he is - but Jo points out that the fire was an accident, and that he's going to have a lot of choices about what to do with the insurance money. Jake says that his first order of business will be to pay her her 50K investment back, then says in his opinion the fire is a total disaster...and that if he ever decides to start up a new shop, he'll do it alone, aka without dragging anyone else down with him.
Michael races over to the construction site to angrily confront Sam. He demands to know how long he's been dating his wife, and Sam's all, "Wuh?" and says they just had one dinner together...before reminding him that Jane is his soon-to-be ex-wife. Michael takes a swing at him, but Sam easily blocks his fist, shoves him to the ground, and tells him to get the hell off of his construction site. Haha!
Mr. Harris tells Jake and Jo that the Fire Department has concluded that the fire is suspicious, not least 'cause of the dire financial situation the bike shop was in at the time. Jake angrily denies setting the fire, and complains that after dutifully paying his insurance premiums each month, he's unable to get help when he needs it. Mr. Harris ignores his bitching and makes it clear that the company's decision regarding a payout will be based on the results of the arson investigation.
Alison is at Shooters, guzzling martinis when Billy seats himself next to her at the bar. She tells him she knows he spoke to Amanda about Keith's self-inflicted mercy killing - despite her asking him not to tell anyone. Billy says he had no choice 'cause she's throwing her career away, not to mention endangering the wellbeing of her liver with all the binge-drinking she's been indulging in over the last several weeks. He implores her to pull herself together, fight back, and stop sabotaging herself - otherwise she's going to lose everything she loves.
Sam drops by Jane's apartment to ask her why in blazes she'd drag Michael into their budding romance...and when Jane scrunches her face confusedly, he explains that Michael confronted him at work about their date. Jane says she hasn't seen Michael in weeks - which means that someone else must have told him...and the two glance over at Sydney, who's pretending to still be asleep on the pullout couch. Jane apologizes to Sam for putting him in the middle of her pre-divorce woes and kisses him goodbye. Sydney springs out of bed and denies to Jane that she had anything to do with informing Michael about her new love life and suggests that maybe he hired someone to spy on her.
Michael is so irked at the visual of Sam and Jane getting it on that he's unable to perform in the sack with Kimberly. She coos about how totally understandable it is that he's so tense, and he retorts by bitchily complaining that she could put a little more effort into making him happy...and I genuinely have no idea what he means by that, or why a smart doctor like Kimberly continues to stick in out with this stupidly toxic relationship.
Matt tells Katya that he found a room for her patient at Glen Acres...and explains that he was able to get her to the top of the list 'cause he used to work with the director of Glen Acres. Katya squeals happily and says in return she'd love to cook him dinner tomorrow night. He's like, "Er, OK..?" so she chirps, "It's a date!" and gives him a cheek kiss...then skips down the hall, leaving Matt staring after her muttering, "A date..?"
Alison invites Billy to stroll along the beach with her so she can tell him how much she appreciates his tough love and lament about how much Keith made her doubt her judgement. She acknowledges that she has to make changes in her life, starting with an immediate ban on over-boozing...and Billy's all, "Hurray!" and promises to support her through her desperately needed mental rehabilitation.
Jake returns home and tells Jo that the charred remains of his shop have been demolished, and that it all fit into one dump truck. Jo says she's confused by the Fire Department's suspicion that the fire was deliberately set, which prompts Jake to stare at her incredulously and ask if she truly thinks he'd really torch his own shop. She declines to answer and says she's off to bed...leaving Jake staring despondently into space.
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Recap: Alison is having a black and white nightmare about being attacked by Keith during the previous episode - just before she's startled awake by the ringing phone. It's Billy, fibbing about having to go out of town for a work assignment. She tells him about her Keith nightmare, and he assures her that Keith is in Seattle and won't be bothering her anymore. After the call, Billy glances at the return address written on one of Keith's pleeeeeease take me back letters to Alison, then climbs into his rental car and drives over to Keith's place. When he finds Keith's house empty, he walks to the back of the house and forces his way in through the back door. The kitchen is a disgusting mess of dirty dishes and takeout boxes, prompting Billy to mutter, "What a pig." He then wanders into the living room, where Keith has a makeshift office set up with papers scattered about...as well as a creepy assortment of framed close-ups of Alison. Billy stares at it for several seconds before muttering, "Oh my God.."
Sydney gabbles at Jane about how she should give Michael a second chance, then chides her for the unrealistic standards she's always holding people to. When she points out that Michael is probably as good a husband as she'll ever be able to snag, an irked Jane tells her to shut it before rushing off to work.
Over at the hospital, Michael tells Kimberly he really doesn't mind the divorce process being dragged out 'cause of how much it's probably torturing Jane. As the two smooch, Matt appears in the hall and awkwardly says hello, then thanks Michael for helping him land his new social services job. He tells Michael he has no reason to feel awkward with him given The Jane Situation - but Michael just shrugs unconcernedly and is like, "Well duh."
One of the D&D bigwigs, Doug Vincent, drops by Amanda's office to request a copy of the proposal that she and her team have been working on, and she remarks that her subordinate was due to hand it in today and offers to bring it by later. When Doug says he needs to see it now, Amanda calls Alison, who's predictably spaced out at her desk, to ask whassup with the proposal she was supposed to have submitted this morning. Alison's all, "Oops, I spaced on that" and says she's going to need until the end of the day to finish it, so Amanda fibs to Doug by telling him that her subordinate is having problems extracting the completed proposal from the computer...and once he's out of earshot, she bitchily summons Alison to her office. She rails about how Doug Vincent is breathing down her neck about the proposal, that she couldn't give a rat's ass about Alison's "traumatic weekend", and snappishly advises her to not make it a habit of repeatedly fucking up at work...even though it's pretty much the way Alison's been functioning at D&D as far back as when she was under Lucy's tutelage.
Keith is giving a small group of people a tour of a construction site when Billy shows up and threatens to kill him if he ever contacts Alison again. Keith disdainfully tells him to get a life, to which Billy responds by grabbing and repeatedly punching him in the face. When one of the women in the tour group cries, "Call the police!", a bloodied Keith says that that won't be necessary, then glares menacingly over at Billy and growls, "I'll be seeing you soon" before continuing on with his tour...despite the distraction of nostril blood smeared across the lower half of his face.
At the beach house, Michael complains to Kimberly that he can't find any clean clothes, then wonders aloud why she hasn't taken it upon herself to launder his clothes. Kimberly replies, "Uh, 'cause I'm a doctor not a maid" and snarks at him to take care of his own damn laundry.
Keith calls Alison to complain that Billy showed up in Seattle to physically assault him and is twisting everything around, making her hate him, and Alison snaps, "I do hate you, Keith. In fact, I wish you were dead" before slamming the phone down. Keith, meanwhile, picks up one of his framed photos of Alison, glares at it hatefully, and throws it against the wall. A few seconds later, Amanda stops by Alison's apartment to see if she can get a ride to work 'cause her Porsche is on the fritz - just as Billy returns home and gets an earful from Alison for sneakily flying to Seattle to pummel Keith. She snarls, "I need support, not lies" before heading off to work.
Jo arrives at D&D to show Amanda the photos of Jake at the motorcycling event. An impressed Amanda says she definitely wants to hire her to shoot the upcoming campaign, then says she's going to need her to return to the track this evening to get some night shots. Jo's like, "Kewl!" and scampers off while Amanda picks up the phone and places a call to Jake.
Sydney drops by the beach house to bring Michael some of her homemade lasagne and check out his new digs. When she sees his laundry piled in the middle of the bedroom floor, she says she'd be more than happy to wash it for him. He half-heartedly protests and points out that Jane probably wouldn't like that, but she tells him she really doesn't give a shit what her sister thinks and rushes out of the beach house clutching his dirty clothes.
Amanda invites Jake out to dinner to inform him that she hired Jo to shoot the Sage Brush Beer campaign...and that because he's so sexy and photogenic, she's tapping him (heh) to be the Sage Brush Beer man. Jake blushingly says that being a male model isn't really his thing, but agrees to mull it over.
Billy explains to Alison that he felt compelled to go to Seattle to give Keith the what for in the interest of seeking justice, and Alison pours herself a glass of hard liquor and laments the bitchy way she antagonized Keith during their phone call. She says she's having problems concentrating at work, has zero desire to confide any of this in Amanda, then snappishly says she's going to have to spend the evening finishing the D&D proposal she was supposed to have finished days ago.
Jane asks Sydney to straighten up the apartment while she's at work, then suggests they hit the town that evening. After she exits the apartment, Sydney pulls out Michael's dirty laundry from under the bed and takes a long whiff of it, which...gross.
When Jake tells Jo that Amanda asked him out to dinner to discuss becoming the Sage Brush Beer man, Jo shakes her head in dismay and calls Amanda manipulative. Jake assures her that the dinner was all business, and that he has no desire to be the Sage Brush Beer guy or to canoodle with another woman.
Sydney is in the laundry room, putting Michael's clothes in the washing machine when Jane pops in to ask Sydney if she wouldn't mind also throwing her laundry into the machine.
Billy enters the kitchen and sees that Alison has been up all night working. Alison checks her watch and is all, "Ack! I have to shower and get to work!" as Billy apologizes for confronting Keith without her knowledge or permission. Alison accepts his apology and instructs him to never speak of Keith again...and the two jump into the shower and enjoy a wet smoochfest.
Sydney returns to the beach house to drop off Michael's freshly laundered clothes and is startled to find Kimberly sunning herself on the deck. Sydney introduces herself as Michael's soon-to-be ex-sister-in-law and fibs that Michael left these newly laundered clothes at Jane's apartment, and Kimberly calls herself Michael's friend and is all, "OK then, off you go now."
Jo runs into Alison at D&D, tells her she's been hired to shoot the new beer campaign, then grumbles about Amanda's private dinner with Jake. Alison urges her to take the job, but warns her to not turn her back on Amanda.
Kimberly stops by the hospital to report to Michael that Sydney came by the beach house with his laundry, and he chuckles and explains that Sydney was only too eager to perform the duties that his female live-in is supposed to be performing. He then chastises Kimberly for tipping Sydney off about the fact that they're shacking up together, and Kimberly complains that she hates sneaking around and can't wait until they don't have to be so secretive about their love or living situation. Michael responds by giving her a big smooch and urging her to chillax.
Amanda is presiding over a D&D campaign meeting when a low level flunky interrupts to tell Alison she has an urgent phone call from Billy. Alison sheepishly rushes out to take the call at her desk...and when she learns it's Keith - and not Billy - on the phone, she threatens to call the police. He mumbles, "Don't bother. I'll be dead" and moans about how wrecked he is by what he's done to her life...and to traumatize her even further, he tells her he's holding a loaded gun and called to say goodbye. Alison urges him to put the gun down and implores him to get help for his various mental health issues - but Keith ignores her pleas, says, "I'll always love you. Forgive me", and proceeds to blow his head off. Alison cries, "Nooooo!!" and drops the phone as the camera shifts into dramatic slo-mo mode.
That evening, Billy tells Alison that the Seattle PD confirmed that Keith did, in fact, kill himself. Alison, who's guzzling vodka, tearfully wails that she should have done more (er, anything) to help him. She recalls snarling at him over the phone about how much she hated him and wished he were dead, then says that nothing is going to change the fact that her psycho ex-boyfriend killed himself because of her.
Michael drops by Melrose Place to ask Sydney to please not say anything to Jane about seeing his "friend" Kimberly at his beach house. Sydney says she'd be more than happy to keep his secret, giddily says she really enjoys doing things for him, and hopes that he liked her homemade lasagne. Michael thanks her for keeping his living situation under wraps and heads to the hospital...and Sydney gazes out the window, grinning stupidly after him.
Amanda and Alison are hosting a business lunch with prospective clients - but Alison is too distracted by Keith's suicide to contribute anything useful and spends the better part of the meeting mutely throwing back cocktails. When the meeting ends and the clients excuse themselves, Amanda shoots Alison an incredulous stare and asks her whaddup with her uselessness and binge-drinking. Alison says she's going through yet another crisis, and a fed up Amanda points out that she's not the only person in the world with a personal life...and that since her problems are preventing her from functioning at even the most basic level, she needs to go home - by cab 'cause she's way too drunk to be behind the wheel.
Alison is at Jo's apartment, guzzling yet more booze as she unburdens her feelings of guilt about Keith's self-inflicted mercy killing. Jo reminds her that her mother killed herself when she was ten, and that it took her a looooong time to get over the feeling that it happened 'cause she was a bad daughter. She urges Alison to stop numbing her feelings with all the boozing she's been doing of late and to just endure the pain, then reminds her that she has a nice [albeit dimwitted] fella waiting at home for her who is more than happy to help her work through this emotional trauma.
Alison returns to her apartment and tells Billy she loves him and vows to not let anything Keith-related to get in the way of their relationship.
Later that night, a restless Alison gets out of bed, tiptoes to the kitchen, and pours herself a glass of vodka. She then settles onto the couch, where she boozes it up while staring mournfully into space.
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Recap: Billy and Alison wake up in bed together and enjoy some contented canoodling. Billy admits that he's been jealous of all the time she's been spending with Keith lately, then says he's A-OK with it now and that he loves her 'cause she makes him sooooo happy. She retorts, "Vice versa" - ouch - and Billy says, happy as he is about their budding romance, he can't help but be annoyed at her for agreeing to have a goodbye dinner with Keith 'cause he still believes that Keith is the stalker. Alison points out that the phone call she got from the [pretend] stalker at the end of the previous episode proves that Keith is innocent, but Billy just snorts derisively and says that Keith clearly set that up. Alison doesn't buy that theory, tells Billy to give Keith a break, then climbs out of bed to take a shower.
Jane piles anything that's Michael-related in the middle of her living room floor and mutters, "That's it, the whole marriage...a pile of useless crap." A few minutes later, Michael drops by to pick up his pile of useless crap, and Jane tells him she wants it out of her apartment asap 'cause she needs the extra room for Sydney, who's returning to Melrose Place to give the show a much needed jolt of sexy drama. Jane then offers Michael half the wedding china, and he responds by urging her to call off her killer attorney and stop acting like a child...to which she responds by throwing his half of the wedding china at him while screeching, "I hate you!" and ordering him to get the hell out. LOL.
Jane heads over to LAX to pick up Sydney, who babbles about how shocked she is that Jane is filing for divorce. She begs Jane to spill all the juicy details, but Jane says she has zero desire to dredge it all up for her amusement.
Amanda encounters Matt moping around the courtyard, mumbling about how much he misses baring his soul to Rhonda. Amanda invites him to bare his soul to her, so he's like 'sure, why the hell not?' and explains that he's so depressed 'cause he just got laid off by the defunded halfway house. Amanda clucks sympathetically and says that surely he'll find a new job in no time, then asks if he has enough cash in his savings to cover the rent. LOL. Matt glares back at her and snaps, "Don't worry, you'll get your rent. Thanks!" and storms off. Amanda, meanwhile, runs into Jo and Jake and is so intrigued by Jake's plan to enter the upcoming Superbike Competition that she invites herself to tag along with the two of them.
Billy tells Alison he's been researching crazy stalkers and is staggered by all the similarities between them and the nutty way Keith's been behaving. Alison insists that Keith has only ever been nice to her, accuses Billy of being obsessed, then says she's off to meet up with Keith for his goodbye dinner. Billy scrunches his face concernedly, then grabs his jacket and decides to sneakily follow her.
After dinner, Keith and Alison amble around the boardwalk, then stroll along the beach. Keith tears up and tells Alison that all is not as well as he's been pretending: he's on probation at work 'cause of how dysfunctional he became after she dumped him. Alison's like, "Sorry about that" and gives him a hug...and as Keith holds her he gets a demonic look on his face. Billy, who's lurking nearby, gets so alarmed by the look on Keith's face that he yells, "Hey!" and rushes over. Alison's all, "The fuck?" and admonishes him for following her, and Keith glares at him and says he'll take Alison home now, and snarls that she doesn't need protecting from him.
The next morning, Billy apologizes to Alison for following her last night, and she tells him she's not angry and that after she takes Keith to the airport, all of the tension related to this dull love triangle will finally be over. It remains unclear why Alison doesn't just tell Keith to book a damn airport shuttle to get his keister to LAX.
Amanda and Jo are among the spectators of the Superbike Competition, and Jo shoots a series of photos as Jake roars past them on his motorcycle. Amanda tells her she may be interested in some of those photos for an ad campaign, and Jo tells her she'll bring them by D&D once they've been developed.
At the hospital, Michael runs into Matt, who just dropped off his resume for a Social Services job that just opened up. Michael says he's sorry to hear about his layoff at the halfway house and offers to put in a good word with whoever runs Social Services...then whines again about losing all of his Melrose Place friends. Matt says that whatever happened between him and Jane is nobody's business, and that from now on he's going to be neutral about it 'cause of how grateful he'll be to Michael if he helps him land this new job.
Jane takes a leisurely walk along the beach with Sydney, reminiscing about how her wedding day was the most perfect day ever, and how hopeful she was that it would work out and one day be blessed with children. She whimpers, "Why didn't he want me?" and Sydney shrugs helplessly and gives her a comforting hug.
At the hospital, Kimberly pulls Michael into a private room to tell him she got subpoenaed by Jane's lawyer in front of a bunch of other doctors. She calls the whole thing "ugly and out of hand", tells him that the subpoena names her the other woman, and that she doesn't know if she can take it anymore. Michael asks if by it she means their relationship, and she's like, "Uh, kinda" and says she hates having to sneak around and asks him if he doesn't also hate it. Michael shrugs and is all, "Nah, I'm good", but offers to move out of the beach house if it'll make her feel better.
Billy assures Alison that he's not going to trail after her while she takes Keith to the airport, but urges her to make certain that the psycho boards the Seattle bound plane.
Jake, Jo, and Amanda return to Melrose Place after the Superbike Competition. Amanda suggests they celebrate Jake's win with some yummy takeout, but Jo declines and says she needs to get to work developing the photos. Amanda asks Jake if he's interested in takeout, and Jo quickly says that Jake can't go either 'cause she needs his help developing the photos...even though she's never needed his help with that up until now. Amanda heads up to her place...and once she's safely out of earshot, Jo forbids Jake to ever step foot inside Amanda's apartment unchaperoned.
Alison arrives at Keith's hotel and is dismayed to see that his bags aren't packed and that he's arranged a romantic, candle-lit dinner for the two of them. She irritably says she'll come back later when he's ready to leave for the airport - but Keith suddenly gets angry and grabs her, then growls menacingly about how much he loves her and that he knows she loves him too. Alison's all, "Ack!" and reminds him that she's with Billy now, but would be happy to remain lifelong platonic friends with him. He snaps, "Don't patronize me, bitch!" and blocks the door, then gets all in her face and snarls, "I'm in control now, you got it?!" and declares that they're going to make love now. A freaked out Alison's all, "Uh, noooo" - but he ignores her protests and throws her atop the bed, then gets all sweaty and crazed looking as he looms over her and demands to know if she loves him. She nods unconvincingly, then a few seconds later kicks him in the groin while he's unbuckling his belt. As he clutches his gonads in pain, Alison makes a break for the door and races into an elevator, where she sinks to the floor and cries, "Ooooh God.."
A traumatized Alison returns to her apartment, pours herself a stiff drink, and tells Billy she wants to be alone. He ignores that request and follows her to her room and asks her why she's back from her airport run so early...so she tells him he was right about Keith, and that he just attacked her in his hotel room. She chides herself for trusting him, yells, "I want to kill him!", then collapses into Billy's arms and sobs.
Michael packs up whatever stuff he brought to the beach house, and Kimberly tells him he's being ridiculous and tries to get him to put his stuff down. When he reminds her about their argument at the hospital, she's like, "So what?" and leans in for a smooch. Michael apologizes for the messy divorce situation, agrees to continue living at the beach house, and leans in for some amorous smooching.
Billy brings Alison to the police station to report Keith's attack - but Detective Altman looks unimpressed when Alison admits that Keith didn't have a weapon, didn't hit her, and that she once dated him. Billy haughtily informs the detective that Keith has been terrorizing Alison for weeks, then admonishes her for not seeming as if she's taking the complaint seriously enough.
Michael and Kimberly are canoodling in bed, post coitus, as he natters about his divorce and Jane's dickish determination to go after his future earnings. He then looks as though he just stumbled onto a brilliant idea and points out to Kimberly that there's no actual evidence they're having an affair...and that if they manage to keep their stories straight, Jane's lawyer won't have a case against him for inflicting mental cruelty on his wife. Kimberly's like 'sure, why the hell not?', and the two start going at it again.
Keith is checking in for his flight to Seattle when he's detained by police, handcuffed, and told he's under arrest for attacking Alison.
Under questioning, Keith tells Detective Altman that he was planning to break things off with Alison 'cause she was getting too possessive...and that he organized a candle-lit dinner for the two of them purely to let her down easy. Detective Altman looks suitably skeptical about that last thing and remarks on how jovial he seems for someone who's being accused of attempted rape. When she advises Keith to get himself a lawyer, he smugly says he did nothing wrong and therefore has no need for a lawyer.
Billy tells Alison she did a good thing coming forward to report the attack...and she sheepishly laments not taking heed of his multiple warnings. Detective Altman returns and tells Alison that the DA's office doesn't think there's enough of a case to proceed, which means that she has no choice but to release Keith. She points out that he's flying back to Seattle tonight, and that she should get back in touch if he causes her any further problems. As Alison and Billy head out, they encounter Keith, who smirkingly tells Alison he's sorry she felt the need to go through with "this charade", but that there's no hard feelings. He then directs his attention to Billy and says, "See ya, sport" before sauntering off.
Sydney calls Michael to ask him if there's anything she can do to help him during his divorce messiness, and he responds by inviting her to lunch.
Back at Melrose Place, Alison pours herself another stiff drink, while Billy paces the living room and debates whether or not he should alert the Seattle police about Keith's imminent arrival. Alison says she's too tired to think about it anymore and announces that she's going to bed alone.
The next morning, Matt runs into Amanda on his way to the social services job interview. She apologizes for her insensitivity the other day and offers to give him some grace time to pay the rent...and he thanks her, but says he probably won't need it 'cause he expects to be employed very soon. After he heads off, Jake compliments Amanda for her kindness to Matt just now, then admires her fancy red sports car and asks how "it handles". She flirtily suggests he find out for himself by driving her to work so that he can enjoy the car all day, then pick her up at quitting time. Jake says he definitely likes the sound of that idea.
Over lunch, Sydney tells Michael she misses him, and he asks her if she could please do him a favor and get Jane to "lower the stakes" of their divorce and not go after his future earnings. Sydney says she'll somehow find a way to bring that up in conversation and subtly urge Jane to get her lawyer to back off. Michael self-piteously says he never meant to cause anyone pain, and Sydney coos, "I know" and clutches his hand while gazing at him lovingly. Ew.
Billy arrives at LAX, buys a round trip ticket to Seattle, then stares into space with a troubled look on his dumb face.
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Recap: Season 2 kicks off with Amanda throwing a big pool/housewarming party for herself. All of the complex's residents are in attendance...except for Alison, who's burning the midnight oil at D&D after Amanda assigned her a big report that's due first thing in the morning. Billy calls Alison to beg her to wrap it up so she doesn't miss the entire party - just as Amanda flounces over and reminds Billy that he promised to dance with her. Alison urges him to go have fun and says she'll be there asap...and a few seconds after she hangs up, she gets a call from her stalker who snarls, "Bitch, I know where you are." She's all, "Ack!" and quickly hangs up, grabs her purse, and rushes into the hall. As she waits for the elevator, she gets freaked out by the sight of a human shadow and flees to the stairwell - just as Keith suddenly appears from out of nowhere and asks her what's wrong. She tells him she just got another threatening call from her stalker, and Keith's like, "Oh, bummer" and explains that he got worried when she didn't show up at Amanda's housewarming party and thought he'd better check up on her.
Billy expresses his worry to Amanda that the partygoers are going to trash the place, but she shrugs unconcernedly and reminds him that she owns the complex and frankly couldn't give even the tiniest of rat's asses if someone burned the entire dump to the ground.
Jake is canoodling with a blonde bimbo while Jo and Jane stare over at him disapprovingly. Jo tells Jane she can't help but feel deeply insulted that Jake dumped her so soon after she refused to move in with him, and Jane breezily tells her to celebrate the fact that she's a free woman again.
Alison and Keith arrive at the housewarming party together and run into Matt, who says hey and directs them to where the food and drinks are located. Amanda takes a break from dancing with Billy to flounce over to Alison and tell her she's starting to feel like one of the gang, then faux apologizes for giving her so much work to do on party night. Billy pulls Alison aside to ask whaddup with Keith being here, so she explains that he magically appeared at D&D moments after her stalker called [and is choosing to consider that a pure coincidence]. Billy says he wants her to make it clear to Keith that they're now a couple, and Alison assures him she's in the process of working up the nerve the break the news to him. She points out that it doesn't look as though Amanda has gotten the message that he (Billy) is off the market, so Billy proposes that they both set the record straight for Keith and Amanda right after the party.
Jo bitchily asks Jake if they're just going to ignore each other from now on, and he just shrugs and says he's merely enjoying Amanda's housewarming party.
Amanda asks Billy to hang around after the party ends so he can help her clean up...and by help her clean up, she means hang out in her apartment. He stares back at her with his usual wooden expression and mumbles, "Sure."
Jo and Jake take a stroll down Melrose Avenue to discuss their breakup. He tells her he's looking for a commitment and won't continue their relationship if she refuses to move in with him, and she explains that she's been afraid to take that step 'cause of the shitty experience she had being married...but then throws all caution and good sense to the wind and decides 'ah, what the hell?' Jake's all, "Hurray!" and gives her a big smooch.
Alison is sacked out on the couch after being slipped strong drinks from Keith all evening. She natters about how much she haaaaaates having to see so much of Amanda at both work and home...and Keith's just like, "Uh huh" and stares at her creepily as she closes her eyes and passes out.
When Amanda asks Billy whassup with his lack of interest in helping her straighten up her apartment, Billy's like, "We need to talk" ... and by talk, he wants to make it clear that he and Alison are a couple in the exclusive, romantic sense. Amanda says that that's not exactly a huge revelation, then assures him she gets the message despite not liking the idea of being just platonic friends with him. She coos, "What's a girl to do?" as she fondles his hair and says that, irrelevant as her approval may be, he and Alison have her blessing.
Keith carries Alison to her room, deposits her atop her bed, then locks the door so he can unzip her dress and stare creepily at her bare back. When he hears Billy arrive home and call out to Alison, he quickly zips her dress back up and unlocks the door. Billy enters the room and glares suspiciously at Keith, who says he was just tucking Alison in for the night.
The next morning, Jane is about to leave for work when Michael storms over to rail about being served with divorce papers. She tells him she had warned him she was filing, then reminds him that the reason they're getting divorced is 'cause of the mental cruelty he inflicted on her when he began hitting the sheets with Kimberly. She says that all she wants is to split everything 50/50 and be done with him - but Michael tells her he won't cop to mental cruelty and is refusing to sign the papers. Jane rolls her eyes and is all, "Whatever" and gets into her car...leaving Michael to rail at Matt, who has the misfortune of standing nearby. He self piteously complains that ever since the Season 1 finale, he's lost his apartment and all his friends 'cause everyone's taking Jane's side. When Matt points out that he's the cheating man-whore in this scenario, Michael tells him where he can shove his sanctimonious lecturing...and a weary Matt's like, "Go fuck yourself, Michael" and climbs into his car and drives off.
Jake tells Jo he assumed she'd be moving into his apartment, and Jo says she assumed he'd be moving into her apartment. She points out that her place is bigger, cleaner, and has an extra bedroom...and Jake hems and haws for a few seconds, but decides he's willing to capitulate and be on the losing side of that boring argument.
Michael meets up with Kimberly at a gorgeous beach house she wants to rent so that they can officially shack up together. She tells him she's always dreamed of living in a place like this...and when he grumbles about Jane serving him with divorce papers, she tells him to think of it as the end to something that wasn't working. Michael mulls that over, decides he likes that perspective, and agrees to move in.
During dinner out, Keith tells Alison he's going to look into who might be stalking her, and she's like, "Uh OK, but we need to talk" and firmly tells him that she and Billy are together in the budding romance sense and that him (Keith) being around is making things really awkward. She says that from now on they can only be friends, and he stonily retorts, "Don't worry about it" and says he figured it was just a matter of time before she and Billy hooked up. He adds that he can't help being disappointed 'cause he'd do absolutely anything for her and says this while staring at her with his usual creepish intensity.
Jane is taking a leisurely dip in the Melrose Place pool while Jo and Amanda dip their feet and trash-talk Michael. Jo reminds Jane that she supported Michael through med school and urges her to sue him for future earnings, but Jane says she doesn't want her divorce to be about the money and just wants the chance to start over. Amanda argues that it'd be a whole lot more satisfying to make Michael hurt, then offers to recommend a ruthless lawyer - but Jane's like, "Nope, it's not me." When Alison enters the courtyard after a long day at D&D, the gals invite her to join their trash-talk-fest, but she grimly says, "Too much work", shoots Amanda an accusatory stink-eye, and lumbers in the direction of her apartment.
Billy kisses Alison hello and perks up when she tells him she finally broke the news to Keith about their relationship. They get into some amorous smooching action before heading over to her bedroom to strip each other's clothes off...and while that's going on, Keith is in his hotel room, clutching the phone receiver with a cloth over the mouthpiece. When Alison and Billy ignore the ringing phone 'cause they're too busy getting it on, Keith hangs up the phone, glares at himself in the mirror, then bangs his head on the corner of the TV stand. Ouch. A few seconds later, he stares at himself in the mirror again and grins maniacally at the blood trickling down his forehead.
The next morning, Keith is parked across the street from Melrose Place, waiting for Billy to leave for work. He then heads over to Alison's apartment to show off his forehead wound and lie about how he was attacked by probably the same tire iron wielding madman who attacked Billy last season. Alison gasps in horror at the latest thing her deranged "stalker" has done, and agrees to head over to the police station to file an official complaint.
Jo is visibly dismayed by the many boxes of stuff Jake is hauling into her apartment, so he promises to go through all of it and throw the bulk of it out. She breathes a sigh of relief, then tells him he's on his own tonight 'cause she has plans to go to dinner with the other Melrose Place gals.
Alison returns home and tells Billy that Keith was attacked with a tire iron, and that it was probably the same man who attacked him last season. She then locks all the windows and says she's totally freaked out by the idea of a stalker phoning her and hurting her men friends. Billy scrunches his face in puzzlement and says the police never established that he was beaten with a tire iron - just as Jo and Jane drop by to collect Alison for their girls' night out.
At the restaurant, Jane gabbles about how she's never lived alone before so abruptly dumping Michael, and Jo insists that it'll be a great experience for her. A few seconds later, Michael and Kimberly enter the restaurant...and when Jo and Alison say they're totes fine with going somewhere else to eat, Jane assures them she's fine dining in the same place as her soon-to-be ex and his home-wrecking girlfriend. She then rushes over to the ladies room to vomit her rage.
Billy drops by Keith's hotel room to ask him details about his "attack" and point out that the police never determined exactly what type of blunt instrument he was attacked with. Keith irritably says he just assumed it was a tire iron, and Billy's like, "Whatever dude" and wishes him a safe and speedy return to Seattle as soon as humanly possible. LOL.
Michael is holding court with his doctor colleagues in the hospital lounge when Jane drops by to serve him with a set of new and improved divorce papers. She says that since he rejected her request for a simple divorce and had the nerve to eat out in public with Kimberly last night, she's getting "down and dirty" by going after his future earnings. Michael's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" then cries, "You can't dooooo that!" and Jane's like, "I can and I will" and gleefully informs him that her ruthless shark of a lawyer plans to make Kimberly his star witness in court.
Keith meets up with a shady guy who's clearly up to no good, hands him a wad of cash, and says, "Eight o'clock exactly. You know what to do."
Michael arrives at the beach house and tells Kimberly that no one can know they're shacking up together, then explains that Jane is going after his future earnings and that the impending divorce battle is going to eat up whatever meagre savings he's managed to put away. Kimberly says she has no problem paying the rent and laying low 'cause of how much she looooooves him, and the two head onto the deck and start bumping uglies atop a lounger.
As Jake quietly eats dinner, Jo glares at him and says that this is her greatest fear: they'll have nothing to say to each other during dinnertime. Jake points out that he's not generally chatty when his mouth is full...then is forced to put in a pin in the pointless conversation when he's summoned up to Amanda's apartment to deal with a faux emergency.
Jake (accompanied by a suspicious Jo) rushes up to Amanda's place and learns that her "emergency" is needing a big strong man to lift her heavy television set onto the TV stand. LOL. Amanda remarks to Jo that Jake's a handy guy to have around...and Jo nods her agreement as the two openly ogle his buff bod.
Billy tells Alison he's been researching stalking cases and learned that they all seem to have one thing in common: a desire for revenge after being rejected. He says that this fits Keith's pattern of wanting her (aka his victim) to be fearful and helpless, then comes right out and says he's pretty sure that Keith is the person responsible for the threatening bitch phone calls and tire iron attacks. When Keith drops by a few seconds later, an irked Alison tells him it's not a good time...and Billy outright accuses him of being the stalker. Keith gets angry and shoves him in response, and an exasperated Alison orders them to break it up.
When the phone rings at precisely 8pm, Alison answers it and drops the receiver when she realizes that it's yet another threatening phone call. An incredulous Billy grabs the receiver and listens to Keith's substitute stalker make nonsensical threats while a freaked out Alison collapses against Keith for comfort. Billy continues to scrunch his face in puzzlement as Alison quietly escorts a smug looking Keith out of the apartment and across the courtyard.
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Recap: Billy comes into Alison's room at 7am to natter about the monkey wrench in their lives that is Amanda's pregnancy and how it's pulling them apart. Alison scrunches her face miserably and wails, "What do you want from meeeee?!" and says she's miffed by the way he jumped back into Amanda's life so quickly. He reminds her that the woman is carrying his spawn, something he considers a UGE deal...then insists, despite his confusion, that he still cares about her. Alison picks up a stack of letters that Keith has written to her ever since she fled Seattle, and bitchily says that Keith never got confused about anything and was always clear about how much he wanted her. Billy shrugs helplessly at the unfavorable comparison and says he's doing his best.
Michael is on the phone with the Melrose Place landlord, who announces that he's selling the apartment complex. Michael passes along this info to Jane and says it might be good for them to start over somewhere new - but Jane points out that the location of their apartment has nothing to do with the steaming turdpile of a mess he's made of their marriage...but then backpedals as she wistfully says, "Too bad. It was great here for awhile."
Amanda tells Alison she could really use a friend while enduring her unplanned pregnancy, and Alison half-heartedly says she'll do her best to fulfill that role. A few seconds later, Lucy summons them to her office to excitedly announce that she's leaving D&D to take a job at her rich new husband's company in Hawaii. As Amanda and Alison gushingly congratulate her, Lucy informs them that management is in the process of deciding who they're going to promote to replace her, and that it's a two-way race between Amanda and some kiss-ass named Brett Nelson. Amanda makes a blech face and says that Brett doesn't have a creative mind and tends to steal accounts from other agencies...and Lucy says she agrees, but points out that Brett brings in a lot of money. She tells Alison that if Amanda is promoted, she'll likely be promoted to Amanda's current position, and emphasizes the importance of demonstrating teamwork.
As Michael and Kimberly arrive at the hospital together, he admits that he really misses her, but can't do much about it. Kimberly says she gets that it's complicated, but still hates the thought of losing her best friend.
Jane tells Jo that Michael bailed on tonight's marriage counseling session, and that she's still so angry at him for cheating on her that she finds herself fantasizing about beating the crap out of him. As the two chuckle over Michael's fictional ass-kicking, Jane laments how horribly messed up things are and isn't sure her shitty marriage is going to survive. She tears up and says she feels ashamed of her failure, and Jo points out that Michael is the one who failed...then invites Jane to go get a bite to eat with her.
At D&D, Amanda is on the phone making dinner plans with Billy...and we know this 'cause she's loudly saying, "Sure, Billy. Dinner with you tonight sounds great!" so that Alison can't not overhear. After that, Alison runs into Brett Nelson, who smarmily gushes about how great her report writing is, as is her reputation at D&D. He says he'd like to get to know her better and invites her out for a drink after work, and she's like 'sure, why the hell not?'
Keith Gray arrives in Los Angeles and checks into the Bel Age Hotel. He needlessly tells the front desk clerk that he's in town to propose to his girlfriend, and the clerk perks up at that and tells him that the honeymoon suite is available. Keith gets a strange, faraway look in his eyes and says that that sounds perfect.
At Shooters, Brett is plying Alison with drinks and egging her on to talk shit about Amanda. She drunkenly obliges and tells him all about The Billy Situation, and the way it's led to conflicts between her and Amanda...up to and including an unplanned pregnancy. She's all, "Oops!" and swears Brett to secrecy about the bun in Amanda's oven, and he manages to keep a straight face while promising to keep that delicious nugget under wraps.
Brett walks Alison to her front door and flirtily cackles about what a great team they could make at D&D. He kisses her cheek before heading off - just as Billy appears and asks Alison whassup with her getting drunk and letting another guy kiss her. She just rolls her eyes and says she's going to bed now.
Keith is sitting alone in his hotel room, staring manically at framed photos of himself and Alison. After several seconds, he lifts one of the photographs to his lips and kisses it.
As Rhonda and Matt power walk around the neighborhood, she tells him she's ready to wrap up the boredom of her lingering subplot and marry Terrence...and can only hope he hasn't changed his mind about wanting to marry her. When the two return to Melrose Place, they're shocked to see an agent putting up a for sale sign in front of the apartment complex. The agent explains that the property just went into foreclosure and that she got the listing yesterday.
A hungover Alison apologizes to Billy about last night...and when Billy says he was jealous when he saw another guy kiss her, she sheepishly admits that that was her intention. Rhonda and Matt drop by to report that Melrose Place is on the market, and Alison sighs in dismay and says she can't even begin to process that right now 'cause she's late for work. Billy races after and gives her a goodbye hug - while Keith creepily spies on them from across the street inside his parked car.
Lucy is presiding over a D&D meeting at which Amanda, Alison, and Brett Nelson are in attendance. Lucy tells everyone that with all the company's imminent staffing changes they should probably hold off on booking vacation time...and Brett goes, "What about Amanda's maternity leave?" Amanda registers faux surprise, says, "Excuse me?", and tells him she has no earthly idea where he could possibly have heard that unsubstantiated gossip. Lucy stares at Amanda in alarm before deciding she buys the denial, and proceeds with the meeting. Afterwards, Amanda pulls Alison aside and asks what the fuckety fuck with her spilling the beans about her spawn to Brett Nelson of all people. Alison sheepishly apologizes and explains that it accidentally slipped out after a few drinks at Shooters. Amanda warns her that this is precisely the kind of stupidity that's going to sabotage both of them, 'cause it's unlikely that the D&D brass would ever promote a woman who's an expectant mother.
Alison makes a beeline over to Brett's office to admonish him for blurting out Amanda's pregnant status in front of Lucy, but he just smirks and says he figured she'd enjoy watching Amanda be humiliated in front of a group of people. He then gets all grab handsy and leans in to kiss her, but she shoves him away and yells, "Stay away from me!" ... and somehow refrains from heading straight to D&D's HR department to report the brazen sexual harassment.
Amanda tattles to Billy about Alison drunkenly gossiping about her delicate condition to their D&D colleagues, and says she's dismayed that the nitwit isn't being more respectful of her privacy. Billy comes right out and asks her why she wants a baby, and she says that being such an ambitious person makes her worry about possibly missing out on things like motherhood. But that said, she also has no intention of getting passed over for a well deserved promotion.
When Amanda returns to the office, Alison pulls her aside to sheepishly apologize for confiding in Brett, and concedes that she made a giant mistake trusting the jerk. She assures Amanda that she's totes behind her, and Amanda nods approvingly and says they're going to need to impress the higher ups by demonstrating some teamwork - starting with staying late at the office tonight and burning the midnight oil.
Jake and Jo return home from the grocery store and discuss Melrose Place being put up for sale. Jake proposes they share expenses by moving in together, and Jo says that while she still has a fear of intimacy, she'll take it under consideration.
Alison and Amanda are working late at D&D when Amanda suddenly gets a searing pain in her abdomen. As she doubles over in pain, Alison quickly calls for an ambulance.
Billy rushes to the hospital and finds Alison sitting in the waiting room. She tells him that Amanda is OK, but that her pregnancy was of the tubal variety and was therefore never going to result in a baby. Billy rushes over to Amanda's room to personally check on her, and she she tells him how helpful Alison was in getting her to the hospital so quickly...and that the pregnancy being a no-go is probably best in the long run, considering how inept they'd be at co-parenting a child when they couldn't even manage something as basic as practicing effective birth control.
Alison is over at Jo's place, telling Jo that she was secretly happy when Amanda lost her baby, but is also dismayed by Billy's eagerness to sit by Amanda's bedside and comfort her. Jake emerges from the nearby bedroom and urges Jo to be careful on her next assignment: a photo gig on Skid Row. After he and Alison head off to work, Jo goes to her bathroom and retrieves her handgun from its secret hiding place.
Lucy applauds Alison for handling Amanda's medical emergency so superbly, then tells her on the down low that since Amanda's definitely not pregnant, it can only help her chances of being promoted. A few seconds later, Alison receives a package from the receptionist...and when she excitedly opens it, she's horrified to find it filled with dried up black roses and WHORE scrawled across the inside of the box.
Jo rides along Skid Row on her motorcycle, stopping periodically to snap photos of whatever down-on-their-luck type people appear willing to be photographed by her. After turning at an intersection, she's stopped by a police officer, who informs her that she failed to signal. The cop asks to see her license and registration, so she opens her purse to retrieve her wallet...and in doing so reveals her concealed handgun. The cop's all, "The fuuuuuuuck you have in there?!!" and points his gun at her (!), then screams that she's being placed under arrest for not giving him a heads up that she was packin' heat. LOL.
As Jo gets her mug shots taken at the police station, she explains that she was merely trying to protect herself as she ventured into the scary 'hood. The officer chides her again for carrying a concealed weapon, then says she can reclaim her handgun in about a week's time. As she departs the police station, she finds Jake waiting outside...and he shakes his head in dismay and tells her she's a stubborn moron for not getting rid of the gun like she told him she had. He adds that he's not thrilled about the idea of living with a gun owner, so Jo snaps, "Then don't!" and angrily flounces off.
Michael tells Jane he wants to take her somewhere romantic, and she's like 'sure, why the hell not?' and allows herself to be whisked away for the evening.
Billy brings Amanda home from the hospital. She hobbles around her apartment and offers to make him some lunch - but he urges her to get off her feet and says he'll whip up something for the both of them.
Alison returns home and listens to her answering machine, where Billy has left her a message inviting her to hang with him and a recuperating Amanda - but Alison's like nope and decides she'd rather spend the evening drinking heavily. A few seconds later, she gets two calls from an anonymous heavy breather who warns, "I'm watching you" ... and she assumes it's Brett Nelson and unplugs her phone before continuing her boozing.
During their romantic getaway, Michael tells Jane he regrets his infidelity and hopes she can find it in her heart to forgive him. He gabbles about what the future holds for them - a big house and lots of children - and breezily says they'll barely remember this adulterous blip. Jane says she'll do her best to try to believe in him again...and the two get amorous, tear each other's clothes off, and start going at it on the rug.
When Billy returns home, Alison says she's irked that he spent the entire evening comforting Amanda and wonders aloud if she made the right decision dumping Keith...just as - ack! - Keith is standing outside their apartment, creepily staring at them through the living room window.
Rhonda tells Matt that she really really hopes Terrence proposes to her again, and Matt suggests she take him to his favorite Chinese restaurant and let nature take its course.
The D&D staff cheer Amanda when it's announced that she'll be taking over for Lucy, and Amanda thanks Alison for sticking by her through her recent health scare and hopes they can leave the entire Billy conflict behind them. Amen to that. Alison is hand delivered a greeting card, and when she opens it sees that has BITCH scrawled inside of it. She snaps, "Damn it!" and storms straight over to Brett Nelson's office. She shrieks, "No more!" and orders him to stop sending her cards and flowers with expletives scrawled across them...and Brett stares back at her blankly and insists that he had nothing to do with any of that. Alison stares back at him confusedly, looking as though she believes him.
Kimberly tells Michael she's willing to be just friends with him, and he slyly asks her how she feels about sleeping with a married man who's determined to be a cheating spouse. He makes it clear that he has no intention of leaving Jane...but at the same time doesn't have the kind of passion with his wife that the two of them generate every time they hit the sack. When he asks her what she's doing tonight, she cackles gleefully and plants a big smooch on his lips. Assholes.
Amanda calls Billy to invite him to dinner to celebrate her promotion - but he declines after Alison calls him on his other line to tell him she could use a relaxing evening after all the scary shit that's been happening to her lately.
Rhonda and Terrence are out for dinner in Chinatown, and her marriage proposal surprise is derailed when the waitress fails to deliver the fortune cookie with the will you marry me? message inside. She comes right out and asks Terrence if he still has any interest in getting hitched, and he beams and says, "I thought you'd never ask." Farewell, dullards.
While standing on the sidewalk in front of Melrose Place, Billy tells Alison he'll resolve things with Amanda so they can resume their budding romance...and when Alison suggests they chillax this evening with a bowl of popcorn and a movie, Billy offers to run down to the video rental store to pick out something for them to watch. Keith, who's been watching the interaction from his car, stares daggers at Billy before sneaking up on him from behind and viciously attacking him.
Amanda and the Melrose Place gang are at the hospital, waiting for word about Billy, when Keith appears with a bouquet of flowers. He tells Alison he just happened to be in town on business when he heard about Billy's accident, and she somehow finds this plausible and tells him it's good to see him again. Michael comes over to inform everyone that Billy is going to be just fine...and Amanda and Alison rush over to his room to pay him a short visit.
Jane wanders around the hospital looking for Kimberly...and when she finally locates her, she holds up her ring finger and haughtily says that her wedding ring is a symbol of a commitment and a bond - and that she hopes when she gets a man of her own, some bitch will come along and seduce him. As she begins to flounce off, Kimberly screeches, "It's not over!" and Jane's all, "Wuh" ... then says if that's really true, she has no problem dumping the cheating man-whore like yesterday's news.
Amanda tells Billy she has a big surprise for him when he's released from the hospital, and he perks up at that and is all, "Surprise..?"
Jo tells Jake she just can't decide if she wants to move in with him, so he warns her if they go their separate ways after the building sells, he's going to start seeing other people. Jo snaps, "Fine, have fun" and tells him she'll get a ride home [from the hospital] with Matt.
Alison returns to her apartment with Keith and apologizes for the shitty way she abandoned him in Seattle. She pulls out her bottle of booze, starts guzzling, and tells him about the BITCH and WHORE flowers and card she recently received. Keith scrunches his face faux concernedly and says, "That's terrible" ... and as he gives her a reassuring hug, he stares into space with his face contorted all sinister-like.
The next day, Alison picks up Billy and brings him back to Melrose Place. They're startled to see Amanda and her father in the courtyard...then look shocked when Amanda excitedly informs them that her father bought Melrose Place so she can live in one of the apartments and preside over the management of the complex. She chortles gleefully and chirps, "I think I'm really going to loooooove it here!"
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Recap: Billy and Alison return home from the D&D retreat in time to hand over the motorcycle loaner to Jake, who rushes it back to Jake's Bikes for resale. Alison tells Billy she's worried, now that they've hit the sheets, that their romance is moving too fast - but he assures her they'll take it slow and also be extra discreet in front of their fellow apartment dwellers. Not counting those already in the know - Jake and Jo - and anyone else who isn't blind and can easily put two and two together.
At the hospital, Kimberly pokes Michael awake and tells him he needs to stop hiding out at work, grow a pair, and resolve things with Jane one way or another. A few seconds later, Michael is paged to the nurse's station, where he gets a message that Jane is waiting for him in the parking lot. She admonishes him for being a sleazy adulterer and using the hospital as a convenient hideout...then points at the cluster of suitcases she hurriedly packed and tells him he can pick up the rest of his stuff later, preferably when she's not home. Michael hangs his head in shame and reaches out to touch her, but she snaps, "Don't ever come near me again!!" and jumps into her car and squeals off.
Jo and her model friend Karen arrive at Melrose Place...and Karen squeals excitedly at the sight of the courtyard swimming pool, promptly strips down to her bra and panties, and dives in. Jake emerges from his apartment to say hey and ogle at the near naked model, while Jo obliviously gabbles about her latest photography gig. Karen gives Jake an appreciative once over and urges him to join her for a dip - heh - and he blushingly declines.
At D&D, Alison tells Amanda she got a ride home from the retreat with Billy, then smugly adds, "I got that note after all." Amanda explains that she was simply looking out for her, since apparently Lucy frowns upon female subordinates who sneak boyfriends into executive retreat venues. She then says she really really needs to talk to Billy about something serious and life altering.
That evening, Alison encounters Jane as she's cleaning out the swimming pool. Jane tells her she was right about Michael's philandering and that she caught him cheating with Kimberly. She adds that since she threw him out of the apartment she's now the defacto building manager in case anyone has anything that needs fixing.
Billy is at work writing a schmaltzy love poem about Alison...and Cameron looms over his shoulder and says he should prolly spend less time writing romantic drivel for his girlfriend and more time re-editing his latest assignment. A few second later, Amanda drops by...and Cameron is so dazzled by her blonde hotness, assumes she's Billy's girlfriend, and tells her he's available if she ever tires of dating the bonehead. Once Cameron is out of earshot, Amanda comes right out and tells Billy she's pretty sure she's pregnant, but needs to confirm it with her doctor...and Billy 's all, "Wha-a-a-a-a?!" and contorts his face into an expression of hapless befuddlement.
Billy returns home looking dazed and wastes no time blurting out to Alison that his bun is in Amanda's oven. Alison stares at him in shocked horror...and as Billy attempts to comfort her with a hug, she whines, "It's not fairrrrrrrrrrrr.."
Michael has himself checked into a depressingly tiny hotel room and places a call to Jane, who's sobbing and ignoring the ringing phone. Kimberly drops by to tell Michael how much she hates seeing him wallow in misery, particularly when the situation is partially her fault. Michael tells her he just destroyed his marriage and probably shouldn't continue seeing her if he expects to patch things up with Jane...and Kimberly's all, "Seriously?" [um, seriously?!] and nonsensically accuses him of being an egoist who's threatened by a woman who's his equal. She snaps, "Bastard!" and storms out of the room.
The next morning, Alison runs into Michael as he's lurking outside the Melrose Place gate. He tells her that his affair with Kimberly is over and that he wants her to pleeeeeeeeease convince Jane to meet with him so he can beg for her forgiveness. Alison hems and haws about it for a few seconds, then decides 'sure, why the hell not jump right back into the middle of this marital quagmire?'
As Jo develops her photos in her bathroom, Karen coos about her superb photography skills and says she likes working with her - unlike most photographers who bore her after the first five minutes. She suggests they go clubbing tomorrow night...and when Jo says she already made plans with Jake, Karen urges her to bring the hottie along.
Over at D&D, Amanda tells Alison she assumes that Billy told her about the pregnancy, and a visibly irked Alison says she has zero desire to discuss it. A few second later, Billy arrives to escort Amanda to her doctor's appointment, and Alison glares after them as they head out.
Alison lunches with Jane, who gabbles about what a mess her marriage is, and that she now thinks Michael proposed too soon. Alison tells her the reason for this lunch is to let her know that Michael wants to reconcile...and Jane mulls that over for a few seconds and ask her if she thinks it's a wise idea. Alison shrugs unhelpfully and says these days she has no idea what she thinks about anything.
Jane meets up with Michael that evening...and as the two stroll along the street, he says he loves and misses her, and admits to making a UGE mistake for which he wants her forgiveness. Jane says she's not ready to do that, but will contemplate giving their marriage another shot if he agrees to go to marriage counseling.
Billy finds Alison drinking at Shooters and tells her that, yep, Amanda is definitely pregnant. Alison wonders aloud if Amanda really wants a baby and points out that there are options for an unwanted pregnancy. Billy nods and points out that that's Amanda's choice, and Alison grunts in exasperation and storms off.
Billy meets up with Amanda the next day and tells her that the two of them co-parenting a child isn't necessary the end of the world. He double-checks that the baby is actually his - ouch - and after Amanda bitchily assures him it is, she tells him she's A-OK raising it herself, and that he can consider himself off the hook.
Jane tells the marriage counselor she's so angry about Michael's infidelity that she can barely bring herself to look at him. The counselor chews on that for a few seconds before recommending twice weekly visits, urges them to keep the lines of communication open, and says they can decide for themselves whether or not they want to live together during this process. As the two head back to their cars, Jane tells Michael she'll let him move back in, but only if he agrees to sleep on the couch. Michael perks up at that and says he'll be home for dinner and promises to cook them a scrumptious meal.
Alison rails to Jo about Amanda's surprise pregnancy, and what a giant wrench it's thrown into her budding romance with Billy. Jo tells her to think of this as a test of their relationship - just as Jake pops by to go clubbing for the evening with Jo and Karen.
Jake complains about the loud thumping music in the dance club, and Karen tells him to shut up and dance with her. As he accompanies her to the dance floor, she presses him against the nearest wall, plants him with a big smooch, and purrs, "Jo wouldn't mind." Jake gives her a strange look and counters, "I might" then storms back over to Jo and tells her he's outta here. Jo says she can't just leave her drunk friend in a club by herself, and Jake's like, "Whatever" and says he's heading home regardless.
Billy drops by Amanda's apartment while her father is over for dinner. He quickly pulls Amanda aside and asks her to please not tell her father about the baby 'cause he wants it kept quiet until he can get his tiny brain around the fact that he unwittingly impregnated the woman who's now his ex-girlfriend.
Karen drunkenly rambles at Jo, criticizing her boring apartment and her boring boyfriend. She says that her photographic artistry is a gateway to a new life, and Jo wryly says she's still getting used to the newness of her relatively new California life. When Karen leans in for a kiss, Jo stops her and says that non-hetero kissing action from other women is definitely not for her, then says she's going to order them some coffee from the bar.
When Billy returns home, Alison tells him she's miffed that he spent the evening at Amanda's, then wails about all the emotion she risked when she agreed to leap into a romance with him. Billy hugs her and says he hates himself for raw-dogging it with Amanda and dragging her into this pathetic mess, but assures her that it doesn't need to change anything for the two of them. Alison solemnly replies, "It already has", then storms off to bed.
Billy tells Jake that Amanda has let him off the hook as far as the baby is concerned - but Jake cautions him against walking out, 'cause once he does that, the baby will belong solely to Amanda.
Michael sees Jane packing up some food and asks her if he can tag along on her beach picnic outing - just as his beeper goes off. He calls the ER, gets confirmation that there is indeed an emergency for which he's urgently needed, and tells Jane he can't go picnicking after all. Jane gets irked by his abrupt cancellation and tells him to leave already...then snappishly says she thinks they got married far too young.
Michael rushes to the hospital and is asked to assist Kimberly with a patient...even though all she's doing is finishing up applying a cast and doesn't really look like she needs much in the way of assistance. Michael chuckles at the plaster smudged across her face...and the two grin at each other and agree that they've really missed each other.
Alison is rifling through Billy's stuff when she finds the poem he wrote about her, and reacts by staring contemplatively into space.
Billy arrives at the marina where Amanda and her father are about to go sailing on his gorgeous boat. Billy tells Amanda that after much contemplation he's decided he really wants to be part of the baby's life, and Amanda's all, "Yay!" and invites him to come along sailing. He declines to get on the boat...and Amanda stares sadly at him as she and Papa Woodward slowly drift away from shore.
Recap: The first morning post-kiss, Alison tells Billy she wants them to take their budding romance slow...and he says that while he'd looooove to skip ahead to the part where they hit the sheets together, he's willing to put the brakes on his horniness and take her out on a traditional first date.
Jane gives Michael a from behind canoodle while he's shaving and gaily reminds him that tomorrow is their two year anniversary. She says she's missed him lately and that they need to find ways to spend more time together, and he's like, "Yeah whatever, I have to get dressed now so I can go meet up with my girlfriend."
Michael smilingly greets Kimberly as she pulls into the hospital parking lot. She tells him she had a sexy dream about him and suggests they get together tomorrow night - but Michael says he prolly won't be able to 'cause tomorrow is his second wedding anniversary. When Kimberly laments having to sneak around like the slutty bimbo she's allowed herself to become, Michael promises to work something out.
Alison enters the laundry room and runs into Jane, who excitedly tells her it's hers and Michael's second wedding anniversary...then natters about marriage, commitment, and the rewards of sticking it out with one's spouse through thick and thin. An uncomfortable Alison avoids eye contact while nodding mutely, then says she's off to get a bite to eat with Billy. LOL.
Billy takes Alison to a jazz concert in the park for their traditional first date...and gets visibly annoyed when Alison can't bring herself to shut up about Michael's infidelity. When Billy breezily says that maybe Jane's and Michael's marriage can survive an affair, then tries to canoodle Alison...she lets out an angry snort and snaps that she's sooooo tempted to spill the beans to Jane. Billy sourly accuses her of using Michael's cheating as an excuse to not sleep with him, and she shoots him the stink-eye and snaps, "You've taken the romance out the evening!"
The next morning, Alison apologizes to Billy for her bitchitude last night, then suggests that for date #2 they order a pizza, watch movies, and abstain from talking about Jane's marriage woes. Billy perks up and says he definitely likes the sound of that.
Jo is working a photo shoot, cooing, "Nice!" "Gorgeous!" and "You're beautiful!" as she photographs lingerie clad models who are sexily lounging on a giant bed that someone has placed on the beach. The lead model, Karen, self-importantly purrs to Jo, "I staaaaarve so others can droooool", then invites Jo to party with her and the other models after the shoot wraps.
Kimberly tells Michael that while she has no right to be upset about him and Jane celebrating their second wedding anniversary, she still can't stand playing second fiddle. [Then go find a man who's unmarried and available, trollup.] Michael says he's come up with a brilliant idea: Kimberly should page him during his anniversary dinner so he can flee his wife's presence by claiming he has to respond to a fake hospital emergency.
At D&D, Alison openly bitches at Amanda for excluding her from a client meeting, and Lucy summons Alison to her office to admonish her for challenging Amanda in front of other colleagues. She then tells her that, starting tonight, D&D is hosting a retreat for executives, and that she's ordering her and Amanda to attend so they can figure out how to get along better. Alison is about to decline in favor of the pizza/movie watching plans she made with Billy - but quickly thinks better of it and tells Lucy she's looking forward to the retreat.
Jake drops by Shooters, where Jo is smoking and hanging with her new model friends. Karen informs Jake that they're partying at a heavy metal club tonight, and Jake's all, "Blech" and says he's going to pass 'cause he has a motorcycle that needs repairing.
Jane and Michael are at a fancy restaurant, toasting two years of marital bliss. Jane complains about how frequently the hospital has been intruding on their lives - just as Kimberly sends Michael an "urgent" page for a fake emergency. Michael's like, "Oh no! It's the ER!" and rushes off to respond to the page, while a bummed Jane asks the waiter to bring the check.
Alison thanks Billy for being so understanding about her having to bail on their pizza/movie date, then packs a bag and heads out. In the courtyard she runs into Jane, who whines about her anniversary dinner getting cut short after Michael got paged by the hospital. She adds that she's starting to get paranoid about all the time he's been spending away from home, and Alison decides there's probably no better time to tell her about the illicit parking lot kiss she witnessed between Michael and Kimberly during the previous episode. Jane's all, "Wha-a-a?!", calls it crap, and accuses Alison of deliberately misrepresenting what she saw. Alison gives Jane the number of the hotel she's staying at during the D&D retreat and urges her to call whenever she's ready to sheepishly retract her bitchy retort and mourn her failed marriage.
Alison and Amanda arrive at the retreat venue and are dismayed to learn that they're forcibly rooming together. Amanda says she'll do her part to make the best of things and starts unpacking her things, then tells Alison she should feel free to borrow whatever she "can squeeze into". Meow, Amanda. We can't all be a size 0.
The next morning, Michael returns home and pretends to be utterly exhausted after the fake hospital emergency...and Jane comes right out and asks him if he's having an affair, then presents the evidence she's stumbled across thus far:
Michael says that the sand must have gotten into his shoes after wandering along the beach during a work break, then says he was merely comforting Kimberly after she lost a patient...and that Alison has twisted their innocent hug into a piece of gossip to hurt them. Jane scrunches her face in puzzlement and asks, "Why in the hell would Alison do that?" and Michael stares at her all weirdly sinister-like and nonsensically retorts 1) Alison has no life of her own, 2) she dated Keith when he was still married, and 3) she's now getting back at Jane for expressing her disapproval of that doomed relationship. He then contorts his face in an effort to look as insultingly appalled as possible and mutters how disgusting it is of Alison to deliberately try to break up a marriage...and assures Jane that he'd never do anything to hurt her. Jane tears up and gives Michael a hug - but does so while staring contemplatively into space.
Lucy tells the gathered group of D&D executives that the exercises and workshops she's devised for this retreat are designed to accelerate their work performance, and that they're going to start off with some role playing. That sounds like a living nightmare. She instructs everyone to find the person they work most closely with, switch roles, then reconvene in one hour to report their findings. Amanda's all, "Ack!" and beats a hasty retreat to go suntanning - LOL - but Alison insists they do the exercise, then mimics Amanda by snarking, "Where is that report I told you to do [that I'm sure is too shitty for Lucy to look over yet]?" Amanda retorts by feigning airheadedness and saying, "I dunnoooo" and the two have it out over their competitiveness about Billy...blah blah...which really seems like colossal waste of energy, considering it's Billy they're arguing over.
Billy tells Jake that he and Alison finally went out on a first date, and that he's eager to hit the sheets - hopefully on their second date. Jake suggests he borrow one of his bike shop motorcycles and ride to wherever the retreat is and surprise Alison...and Billy looks intrigued by the idea and decides 'sure, why the hell not?'
At the retreat cocktail party, Alison concedes that she (Amanda) has had every right to be upset about her (Alison) interfering with her relationship with Billy and hopes they can magically set aside their resentment towards each other and become the best of friends...and Amanda agrees and says she really hates the tension between them. Billy, meanwhile, arrives at the hotel and tells a hotel flunky that he's here to see Alison Parker of the D&D retreat...and when he's told she's at a private cocktail party, he writes a quick note and asks the flunky to give it to Alison, aka "the beautiful blonde girl". As anyone could predict, the flunky hands the note to Amanda, who reads it and makes a beeline over to the lobby. She flashes Billy her million-watt smile and tells him that Alison can't see him right now 'cause she's still on pretty thin ice at D&D and has to focus all of her attention on work...then coquettishly says it was really great to see him.
Jo drops by Jake's apartment to tell him she had a meeting with a photo editor who works with the models she's been photographing, and excitedly explains that this could be just the career break she's been looking for. Jake makes a blech face and says he hates the people she's been working with lately 'cause she acts differently whenever she's around a group of snooty models. Jo gets pissed off and nonsensically says it must hurt his ego to see her succeed, then pissily announces that she's off to celebrate her good news with Karen.
Jane calls the hospital to talk to Michael and is told he's on a break until 11pm. Jane tells whoever she's talking to that there's a family emergency and she desperately neeeeeeeds to talk to him, then asks for Dr. Kimberly Shaw's home address or phone number - just in case all of the red flags that have been flapping around her lately have been trying to tell her something.
Lucy is thrilled to see Alison and Amanda sitting at a table together, amiably chatting. Lucy remarks on how sore her voice is from talking so much all day, so Alison offers to go to her car and get her some throat lozenges. While in the parking lot, she spots Billy attempting to start his motorcycle and asks whassup with him being here, and he says he came to surprise her - but that Amanda had told him she wasn't allowed to fraternize with non-D&D people during the retreat. Alison rolls her eyes and says she's thrilled to see him, and he suggests they check into a room of their own so they can finally indulge in their maiden doink.
Jane arrives at Kimberly's apartment and asks her if Michael is here, and Kimberly shiftily tells her she has no idea where Michael could possibly be - just as a towel clad Michael can be heard loudly complaining about Kimberly's girly antiperspirant before poking his head in the doorway to see who Kimberly is talking to. When he comes face-to-face with Jane, she shoots him a look of dismayed horror before stoically muttering, "That's all I needed to know" before storming off...and Michael makes a half-hearted attempt to chase after her, then gives up after a couple of seconds and stares miserably into space.
Alison and Billy enter their hotel room...and we get a lot of superfluous close up footage of them kissing, then slowly getting undressed before laying atop the bed and getting it on for the first time.
Recap: Jake and Jo go over the books for Jake's Bikes and are somehow shocked to discover that the shop owes $8,000 in taxes. Jake freaks out and says that that's pretty much all the cash they have to keep the shop going, then laments his stupid decision to not hire a real accountant. Jo snappishly tells him to go hire an accountant if he doesn't trust her bookkeeping skills, then insists he'd still owe the IRS $8,000 - plus whatever it costs to hire a professional accountant. Jake moans that they're in real trouble, and Jo's like, "Whatever, jerkwad. Do your own books!" and angrily storms out of his apartment.
Over at D&D, Lucy summons Alison and Amanda to her office to giddily announce her engagement to Irving Marshall Jr., a rich dork who she claims is phenomenal in the sack. Amanda cackles and says that she too had some multi-orgasmic action with her last boyfriend, Billy...and after seeing the kind of stamina he had, moved him right into her apartment. Alison makes a blech face as Amanda cheerily advises Lucy to cling onto her rich, well hung fiance for dear life and not let a man like that get away...and Lucy's like, "Can do!" and invites Amanda and Alison to attend her fancy engagement party tomorrow tonight.
Michael is holding court with a group of doctors when he gets distracted by the sight of Kimberly standing in front of the water fountain, a few feet away. He excuses himself and wanders over to her, and the two step inside the nearest elevator so they can stare hungrily at each other. Michael hits the emergency button (as does every fictional man character on TV who has an uncontrollable need for urgent sex whenever he's in a multi-story building), and the two strip off their clothes and start getting it on.
Alison rails to Billy about how Amanda always treats her like a country bumpkin, and Billy's like, "But you are a bumpkin" and points out that some men find her brand of wide-eyed naivete a huge turn-on.
Jake asks Jo to explain some of the more complex tax stuff to him, but she bitchily refuses and tells him to figure it out himself...which seems completely nonsensical, 'cause doesn't she have 50K of her personal funds invested in Jake's Bikes?
Billy drops by D&D to asks Amanda whassup with her unrelenting bitchitude toward Alison, who then comes home and complains about it to him every night. Amanda denies denigrating Alison in any way...then says if anything she's been propping her up 'cause of how brain dead, distracted, and disorganized she's been ever since re-breaking up with Keith and fleeing Seattle. Billy mulls over that possibility - just as he spots a framed photo of himself and Amanda on her desk and asks whassup with her displaying that romantic keepsake. Amanda sheepishly admits that she's found it difficult to let go of their relationship, then promises to be more sensitive to Alison - despite it being a daily chore to supervise such an incompetent halfwit.
Alison is at the hospital for a followup appointment for her fibroid removal surgery. On her way out, she glances across the parking lot and spots Michael smooching Kimberly between two cars in the parking lot. Michael notices her staring over at them with an aghast expression, and responds by staring back at her all defiant-like while continuing to make out with Kimberly.
That evening, Alison spies on Michael from her living room window...and when she sees him head down to the laundry room, she suddenly decides she needs to do a load of laundry. Michael lets out a fuuuuuuuck groan when he sees Alison enter the laundry room and says there's no way they're discussing what she saw earlier...and by saw, he claims that what she stumbled upon in the parking lot was him simply comforting Kimberly after a patient flat-lined on her. Alison stares at him incredulously and asks how in blazes he could do this to Jane, and he throws in the towel on pretending that his make-out session with Kimberly was anything other than adultery, and smugly reminds Alison that not so long ago she was the other woman when she first dated Keith. He tells her not to tell Jane what she witnessed - otherwise she'll be responsible for wrecking two marriages...then schools her on the innate horniness of males, who have a hard time resisting sexual temptation and, from time to time, like a little variety in the sack.
Jane is at the design studio, barking at her minions to stop fucking around and sew the bikinis in her new swimwear line with the correct thread 'cause there's a buyer coming in tomorrow, which is putting her under enormous pressure. Kay Beacon watches the freakout from a few feet away and tells Jane that while she's impressed by her bitchy treatment of her underlings, she suggests chilling the fuck out and maybe see if her husband is free for lunch.
Jane heads over to the hospital and asks the receptionist to summon Michael, but is told that he signed himself out to go dine at a nearby restaurant.
Over lunch, Michael coos to Kimberly about how attracted to her he is - and Kimberly's like, "Holy shit!" when she sees Jane enter the restaurant and speak to the hostess, who directs her over to their table. Michael covertly tells Kimberly, "I got this" and explains to Jane that he and Kimberly are having lunch to celebrate their successful surgeries. Jane easily buys that lie and starts nattering about how busy she's been with the launch of her new swimwear line...and Kimberly says she just remembered she has to go back to work now, tells Jane she's welcome to eat her shrimp salad, and beats a hasty retreat. Once she's fully out of hearing range, Jane tells Michael she gets the impression that Kimberly doesn't have much of a life, and Michael mumbles in agreement.
At the engagement party, Lucy introduces Alison and Billy to her dorky fiance - just as Amanda makes a grand entrance in a sexy sleeveless number. She asks Alison whassup with her inviting Billy, so Alison says she dragged him along 'cause he had nothing better to do this evening. Amanda perks up at that and asks Billy to dance, and he's like 'sure, what mixed messages could possibly arise from that?' and follows Amanda onto the dance floor.
Lucy asks Alison why Amanda still refers to Billy as her boyfriend...and when Alison shrugs and is all, "I dunno", Lucy clucks knowingly and says she always suspected that a man was at the root of her conflict with Amanda.
Amanda tells Billy she misses him, and that she sees in his eyes how much he misses her too and assumes that he's deeply unhappy living in his shitty Melrose Place apartment. When Billy just stares dumbly into space, Amanda asks if they can remain friends, and he's like, "Uh, sure" ... and Amanda leans in for a kiss - just as Alison appears, stares at them incredulously, and mutters, "God...what's happening to meeeeee?!" LOL.
Alison later admits to Billy that the sight of him kissing Amanda made her physically sick, and that she's somehow equating the kiss to her discovery that Michael is cheating on Jane. Billy's all, "Michael is cheating on Jane?!" then assures her that he's not the kind of guy who falls into bed with a woman he doesn't love. He also points out that he's never acted on the temptation to doink her [her meaning Alison] and Alison gets flustered by that admission and scurries off to bed.
Kimberly tells Michael she laid awake all night thinking about how her shitty behavior is affecting an unwitting Jane. Michael grunts dismissively and says that since he's compartmentalizing the various components of his life, he's able to pronounce - with a straight face and a clear conscience - that their affair has absolutely nothing to do with his marriage.
Alison tells Amanda that the mind games she's playing regarding her and Billy aren't going to work - but Amanda's like, "Sure they will" and says she's fairly confident she can easily lure Billy back to her any time she wants. Alison insists she's wrong about that 'cause of how special Billy is - bwahaha! - and Amanda chuckles, then mockingly says it almost sounds like she's in love with the dolt.
That evening, Alison steals covert glances at Billy, who's doing some writing on the computer, shirtless. A few seconds later he decides to take a break from his writing and tells Alison he's off to Shooters.
At Shooters, Billy seats himself next to Michael and starts nattering about how much Amanda still wants him, then wonders aloud if he should just throw all caution and good sense to the wind and satisfy his carnal needs and worry about the consequences later. Subtle, Billy. Michael rolls his eyes and advises Billy to just go for it...and Billy says he definitely would if he weren't so worried about other people finding out and getting hurt. Michael glares at him, says it's painfully obvious that Alison gossiped to him about what she saw in the hospital parking lot, and bitchily reminds him that they're fellow tenants not friends. He snarks at Billy to stay out of his personal bidness, then storms out of the bar.
Alison is complaining to Jo about how complicated her life has gotten ever since returning from Seattle, then rails about how aggressive Amanda is when it comes to her lust for Billy. Jo grins and says she thinks that she (Alison) and Billy would make a great couple...and Alison's like, "Me too!" and says she's heading back down to her apartment to interact with Billy in more of a spontaneous, in-your-face sexy kind of way than she's been doing up until now.
Alison returns home just as Billy is listening to yet another answering machine message from Amanda, who's moaning about desperately she wants him to drop by her lonely apartment. He tells Alison he's going out, then rushes out.
Jo drops by Jake's apartment, hands him the finished tax return for Jake's Bikes, and smugly says she [fraudulently] "juggled the numbers" to the point that he no longer owes the IRS any money. When Jake expresses concern about being audited and getting into hot water with the IRS, Jo breezily says that everyone cheats on their taxes...then urges him to just shut up and sign the papers, drop them in the mail, and move on with his life.
Amanda is delighted when Billy comes over and tells him that ever since he moved out, she's been missing having someone around to share her feelings with. She hugs and kisses him, then invites him to accompany her to the bedroom...and he mulls over that possibility while staring vacantly into space.
A S.W.A.T. team descends onto Melrose Place and surrounds Jake's apartment, demanding that he come out with his hands up and face the serious charge of submitting a falsified tax return. Jake wakes up in a cold sweat beside Jo and tells her they still have time to avoid committing tax fraud.
Billy returns home to report to Alison that despite running over to Amanda's place for a quickie, he opted to not hit the sheets with her. Alison says she's skeptical 'bout that, given how sexy Amanda is and how horny men can be - and Billy gets annoyed that she doesn't believe him and storms out of her room.
Jake and Jo stake out the mailbox until the mailman comes for his morning pickup. They appeal to him to give them back the tax returns that they dropped in the mailbox the night before 'cause they're afraid of getting into trouble with the IRS...and the mailman's like 'sure, I'll indulge you at the risk of losing my job' and agrees to hand over the envelopes if they can present some photo ID. Jake and Jo breathe a huge sigh of relief, but then wonder aloud how on earth they're going to come up with $8,000...and this really seems like a subplot that maybe should have ended up on the editing room floor.
Jane calls the hospital and asks to speak with Michael, but is told he has the day off. She's all, "Day off..?" while scrunching her face confusedly.
Michael is lounging on the beach with Kimberly, who natters about how tortured she's been deciding how eager she is to leap head first into a torrid affair with a married douchebag. She then happily announces that she's totes fine with them continuing to hook up with no commitment or strings attached, and Michael lets out a delighted woot and sexily mounts her atop the beach blanket.
Amanda asks Alison how exhausted Billy was after last night's romp, and Alison says she's choosing to believe Billy, who insisted that there was no penetration. Amanda chuckles and says it stands to reason that Billy wouldn't tell her the truth about their 'on the down-low' relationship, and Alison says she has faith in Billy, and that what they share is far more substantive than a mindless doinkfest.
Jane waits up for Michael, who returns home from the beach, pretend exhausted about what a busy day he just had at the hospital. He asks Jane to open a bottle of wine, then heads straight to the shower...and a suspicious looking Jane searches his pockets, then discovers sand in his sneakers, which she turns upside down so that the sand dramatically spills onto the floor, making a mess for herself to sweep up.
Alison apologizes to Billy for doubting him about not hooking up with Amanda, and admits that she's been far too timid about going after what she wants...and by wants, she means make a clear pass at him. The two smooch for several long seconds before Alison pulls her lips away and says good night, leaving Billy staring hornily into space.
Recap: Amanda spots Alison on the street as the two approach the D&D building, says good morning, then asks to see the report she asked her to write. Alison pulls it out of her briefcase and proudly says she worked on it all night...and Amanda gives it a once over, makes an ew face, and dismissively calls it slipshod work. When Alison suggests they let Lucy look at it and decide how slipshod it truly is, Amanda snappishly says she really doesn't care what Lucy thinks of it, then wearily says, "Forget it" and asks her how Billy's doing. Alison tells her he got a fact checking job at Escapade Magazine, and Amanda chirps, "Good for him!" and credits herself for always encouraging Billy to improve himself. LOL. Alison tells her she thinks it's best if she and Billy don't communicate anymore, 'cause 1) his life seems complicated enough right now, and 2) it's painfully obvious he's no longer interested. Amanda breezily retorts that she's glad to hear he's doing well and snidely says she hopes that she (Alison) will start doing a better job on her D&D reports.
Cameron tells Billy he called Columbia to get samples of his writing - but that no one could find anything attributed to him in the college newspaper archives. Billy says he probably used his pen name, William Campbell, but Cameron smugly retorts that he used all the variations of his name - William, Bill, Will, Willy, Billy-Willy, Willy-nilly - and still came up with nothing. He accuses Billy of lying on his resume and threatens to out him to Nancy...and Billy says, "Go ahead" - just as he receives a call from Nancy summoning him to her office pronto. Cameron shoots him a smug grin and says, "I already did." Tattletale.
Billy confesses to Nancy that he lied on his resume - but, in his defense, only did it 'cause he didn't think she'd hire him if he hadn't attended a fancy school like Columbia. Nancy says she hired him 'cause he has potential, then decides she's A-OK with his deviousness and assigns him to cover a dog wedding in Hollywood. As Billy woots excitedly at landing the puff piece, Nancy says she believes in second chances and warns him to not let her down.
At the hospital, Kimberly tells Michael she has a tattoo in a place he'd never suspect, then asks him to guess where. He's like, "Shoulder?" so she coquettishly bares a shoulder and goes, "Nope" ... and he also guesses wrong about her leg and ankles. When he gives up on the tediousness of guessing which of her body parts is tattooed, she reveals that the tattoo is a butterfly that she impulsively got during a torrid affair while in medical school.
Matt and Rhonda are lunching at Shooters when Rhonda says she's been noticing a guy checking her out from across the bar. A few seconds, the ogler wanders over - but focuses his attention on Matt and introduces himself as Scott Daniels, aka a lawyer from the firm that had handled his wrongful dismissal/discrimination suit. He gives Matt his card and suggests they get together for dinner sometime, and Matt blushingly promises to give him a call.
Amanda leaves Billy three 'please call me!' phone messages, 'cause she's somehow unaware that she's hot enough to have any man she wants and could therefore do a helluva lot better than a vapid lightweight like Billy. Alison hastily hits delete just as Billy arrives home and excitedly tells her he got the green light to cover a Hollywood dog wedding - LOL - and when he asks her if he got any messages, she shakes her head and says that it looks like the answering machine is on the fritz again.
A few days later, Nancy reads over Billy's dog wedding article and gets all touchy feely with his shoulders as she gushes about how much she looooves his writing. She tells him she's so impressed that she's promoting him to staff writer, and he squeals happily and exclaims, "I don't know how to thank you" ... and Nancy slyly retorts, "We'll think of something." Heh. And ick, Nancy. Ick.
Amanda admonishes Alison about yet another subpar report she wrote that once again isn't worthy of showing to Lucy. She says she doesn't mean to be harsh, but that her work is nowhere the level it was before she "ran off to Seattle with Keith". Alison grits her teeth and smilingly concurs with the "constructive" criticism, then gets a call from Billy, who excitedly tells her he was just appointed staff writer at Escapade. Alison's like, "That's great Billy!" and proceeds to repeat, in full hearing range of Amanda, the time and place of the celebratory dinner he's throwing for the entire Melrose Place gang that evening. Amanda makes a mental note of that intel and tells Alison to pass along her hello to Billy.
At Billy's celebratory dinner, Jake toasts Billy's promotion, and Billy thanks everyone for their friendship. A few seconds later, Amanda shows up to pick up her takeout and is all, "What a surprise to see you all here!" - LOL - and tells Billy she's been leaving messages on his answering machine. He's all, "Wha-a-a?" and says he never received them, likely 'cause the answering machine has been acting up. Amanda buys that fib and tells him they should talk, then kisses his cheek and murmurs, "Call me." Jake stares quizzically at Billy and asks whassup with the hot woman he dumped still paying that kind of attention to him, while Michael openly expresses how dazzled he is by Amanda's blonde gorgeousness.
After dinner, Jo remarks to Alison how weird it was that Amanda just happened to show up at their dinner party, and Alison tells her she's been erasing Amanda's messages for Billy. Michael, meanwhile, urges Billy to follow his libido and keep Amanda around as a fuck buddy if she's game...then laments that he doesn't have that luxury, being married and all - but then wonders aloud, "Or do I?" LOL. Jake concurs with the first thing Michael said and advises Billy to take a second look at Amanda and reconsider tapping that again.
While Jake and Jo canoodle in bed together later, Jake says that Michael clearly has a wandering eye and was gauging his and Billy's reactions to him wanting to seek out some extramarital hanky panky. Jo shakes her head disapprovingly and says she thinks that Michael is heading into dangerous territory...and I kind of zoned out during the rest of that conversation, which gets cut short anyway when they abruptly stop talking and go at it in earnest.
Alison confesses to Billy that she erased Amanda's messages from the answering machine, then apologizes for also not passing along her verbal 'hope you're doing well' messages. She offers to make up for her deviousness by taking him to lunch tomorrow, and he happily takes her up on it...and doesn't look remotely upset at missing out on Amanda's many messages.
Alison arrives at Escapade Magazine at around noon, and Cameron greets her and tells her that Billy is currently schmoozing with the boss. He points at a nearby conference room with a big window wall so that everyone can see Nancy perched atop the conference table in a miniskirt, baring her shapely legs to Billy, who's seated on the chair beside her.
Nancy is gigglingly telling Billy an anecdote about men and the unsightly comb-overs they sometimes like to sport. Billy suggests doing a future puff piece on that...and Nancy says that's a great idea, then ruffles his hair and says it doesn't look like he has any reason to fear balding anytime soon.
After lunch, Alison tells Billy that Nancy is clearly flirting with him - but Billy laughs it off and says he's under the illusion that Nancy hired him purely for his writing talent. When he chides her about always thinking the worst of people, she snaps, "Fine!", thanks him for joining her for lunch, and huffily storms off.
Kimberly tells Michael that the dermatologist she's been dating dumped her for his ex-girlfriend...and that last night she wept bitter tears, not for the guy who dumped her, but rather the guy she's currently just friends with who she can never have. As the two clutch hands, Michael cluelessly asks her if this friend knows how she feels about him...and she shoots him a smoldering look and says, "He does now" and purrs about how much she'd looooove to spend the night with him. Michael responds by staring back at her with a pained look on his face.
Matt heads out for his dinner date with Scott Daniels. He runs into Rhonda in the courtyard, who coos excitedly about the first date he's had in awhile and wishes him a fun time.
Alison cooks Billy a pasta dinner and apologizes for assuming that Nancy just wants to get in his pants. She muses that perhaps Nancy is just naturally a touchy-feely person...and Billy mulls over that possibility before telling her he can't stay for dinner 'cause he only stopped in to change into something more comfortable before heading back to the office to finish up his latest puff piece - a cat bat mitzvah? - with Nancy.
Michael races after Kimberly in the hospital parking lot - and she tells him she's so mortified after baring her true feelings that she just wants him to leave her alone so she can slink home in shame. He blocks her from entering her car, says he doesn't want to lose her friendship, then pulls her towards him and plants a hard smooch on her lips. A startled Kimberly purrs, "Don't start something you can't finish" and Michael's like, "Mmm hmm..."
Scott Daniels lights up a cigarette in the restaurant and tells Matt that his firm likes to represent companies who pollute, corrupt, and generally make people's lives miserable 'cause it's incredibly lucrative. He then tells Matt he was very surprised when he didn't move forward with his discrimination suit, not least 'cause it was such an airtight case - but Matt just shrugs and says he really just wanted to get his job at the halfway house back so he could continue to mentor innercity kids. Scott's like, "Whatever" and says he could make a ton more money giving therapy sessions to spoiled Beverly Hills kids.
Jane is all canoodly when Michael returns home from work and tells him she's cooking an elaborate roast chicken dinner. He tells her he's going to have to pass 'cause he already ate at the hospital and just wants to go to bed now...and she scrunches her face in disappointment and agreeably says they can always save the chicken for tomorrow night's dinner.
Nancy offers Billy a drink and creepily pats the space on the couch next to her. She tells him the latest research he did is very good, then starts rubbing her neck and complaining about it being all in knots. Subtle, Nancy. She asks Billy if he wouldn't mind giving her a neck massage, and he's like, "Uh, sure" and starts awkwardly rubbing her neck. She moans, "That feels soooooo gooooood", then suddenly turns around and plants a smooch on him. Billy's all, "Whoa!", pushes her lips away, and suggests they forget this happened...and she snaps, "Fine. Let's also forget about your promotion."
Rhonda asks Matt how his date went and if he and Scott hit the sheets, and Matt makes a blech face and tells her that Scott is definitely not his type. Rhonda urges him to give Scott another chance, and he reacts all prickly-like and says that just 'cause he's gay doesn't mean he's obligated to leap into bed and/or a relationship with the first fellow gay who shows an interest in him...then reminds her that she sat home alone on plenty of Saturday nights before finally hooking up with her Mr. Right.
Billy tells Alison about Nancy revoking his promotion after he rebuffed her advances, then grumpily says he probably should have just given into her. He muses, "She's not that bad looking...and I'm a guy. I like sex", to which Alison [refrains from giving his head a good shake and] suggests he seek legal assistance to call out Nancy on sexually harassing him so she can be pressured to give him his job back. Billy mulls that over, then decides it's best if he just handles the situation his own way.
As Michael is shaving, Jane gives him a from behind canoodle, coos, "I looooove you", and asks him if he wants to get together for lunch later. When Michael shiftily says he'll be too busy at the hospital, she suggests they have dinner together instead, and he mumbles something in the affirmative. As soon as Jane leaves the apartment, Michael gets on the phone with Kimberly and says he really needs to see her.
Billy confronts Nancy about last night's brazen act of sexual harassment in the workplace and shames her for using her power to diminish others, then calls her pitiful and storms out of her office. Nancy cries, "Billy, wait!" and sheepishly admits that she's deeply embarrassed by the way she behaved, then explains that during her climb up the corporate ladder she had to put up with a lot of abuse and come ons...and figured 'why not be just as big an asshole as those men were to me and turn the tables on my fact checker?' She says she now wants to make it right and offers him his staff writer job back without any "funny business" ... and Billy accepts before the two shake on it.
Michael arrives at Kimberly's apartment for lunch, and she motions at the dining table and the scrumptious salad she prepared for the two of them. Michael ignores the food and starts caressing her face, then moans about how he can't stop thinking about her before giving her an intense smooch. As the two go at it even more intensely, Michael mounts her atop the salad bowls that are sitting atop the dining table (the fuckety fuck he doing?!), instead of mounting her atop the couch, conveniently located just a few feet away.
Recap: Jake and Jo wake up in bed together and canoodle playfully, each gushing about how awesome in bed the other is. When the phone rings, Jake scrunches his face confusedly and says he never gets calls before 8am and lets the answering machine pick it up. The call is from his ex-squeeze Perry (last seen in the For Love or Money episode), asking him to call her back asap. Jo snappishly asks who the hell Perry is, and Jake breezily says she's just some drug-addled freakshow he used to get busy with. He assures Jo he has no intention of calling her back...and when she seems satisfied enough with that, he steers her back to bed for a morning romp.
When Alison wanders into Lucy's office, Lucy stares at her incredulously and is all, "The fuck are you doing here?" Alison sheepishly tells her she's back in L.A. after it dawned on her what a dumb decision it was to move to Seattle after abruptly resigning from D&D. She says she's prepared to beg for her old job back...and Lucy shakes her head and sighs, "Oh Alison.." She tells her that the position is still available so she'll allow her to interview for it - but adds that she's turned over the hiring decision to someone else.
Alison returns to her old cubicle, says hey to Amanda, and explains that she's here to hopefully get her old job back...and Amanda's like, "You have to be kidding" and gleefully informs Alison that she's the someone else who's been doing the interviewing. Alison tells her that things with Keith didn't work out and that she's back to roommating with Billy, then implores her to put all their past bitchiness behind them and revert to being friends-ish. Amanda's like 'sure, why not?' and says that until a hiring decision has been made, she'll do her best to convince Lucy to re-install her in a humiliating capacity, aka let her go back to her lowly job as receptionist and answer the phones.
Jake and Jo are finishing up at Jake's Bikes for the day when Perry shows up and tells Jake she really really needs to talk to him alone. Jo glares at her suspiciously, then kisses Jake goodbye and smugly says she'll see him at Melrose Place later.
Alison returns home to a living room filled with her newly arrived moving boxes and furniture. She tells Billy she got her receptionist job at D&D back, then complains that if she's going to successfully climb the corporate ladder, there's no way around having to shamelessly suck up to Amanda. Billy concurs, then tells her he's "enhanced" his resume with faux educational and employment credentials and listed her as a fake employment reference in the hope that something fruitful will come of that.
Perry tells Jake she used to dabble in the unsafe habit of needle exchanging during her 'shooting up heroin' phase...then eventually decided to go to rehab and get herself clean. She was on track to stay on the straight and narrow when she suddenly got a strange flu-like illness, and was subsequently diagnosed with AIDS. Jake murmurs, "My God" ... and a few seconds later it dawns on him that her frightening condition might possibly affect him. Perry asks him if he's ever been tested for AIDS...and when he says he's never had a reason to, she solemnly replies, "You do now."
Jo drops by Jake's apartment to ask how his chat with Perry went, and he shiftily tells her that Perry has fallen on hard times and needs money. He then says he's off to bed now...and when Jo perks up and goes, "Great idea!", he retorts, "Not tonight." Jo scrunches her face confusedly and unhappily retreats back to her apartment.
The next morning, Alison wanks Amanda by telling her how fond of and inspired by her greatness she is, and that she's looking forward to learning from her and being part of a successful team. Amanda looks amused by the heavy dose of brown-nosing and cheekily tells Alison she hopes she'll continue to be an inspiration to her, then reminds her to have enough coffee brewed for her morning meeting with a client.
Billy arrives at Escapade Magazine clutching a bouquet of flowers. He tells the receptionist that they need to be hand delivered to Nancy Donner, the managing editor, 'cause it's a singing delivery...and the receptionist buys that nonsense and directs him to the appropriate office. As Nancy Donner finishes the phone call she's on, she squeals happily at the sight of the flowers, and Billy admits using them to sneak into her inner sanctum 'cause he's sooooo tired of enduring the traditional job-seeking process and was sooooo confident she'd be sold on the idea of hiring him after meeting him in person, reading samples of his writing, and perusing his fake resume. Nancy looks impressed by his bogus Columbia Journalism School degree and employment credentials, and says if his column samples aren't an illiterate disaster, she'll maybe consider calling his faux job reference.
Jake summons Perry to a restaurant and accuses her of trying to pull a scam, then reminds her that it's been over a year since they last hooked up. Perry says she has no idea how long she's been HIV positive and points out that for all she knows he was the one who gave it to her. She tells him he could be at risk and urges him to get tested asap...and to also urge Jo to get herself tested.
Alison tells Billy she got a call from Nancy Donner, then giggles about how she lied through her teeth about what an awesome employee he was while under her tutelage. She then whines about how shitty it is to be working at D&D in a demoted capacity, and blames this misfortune on Billy's hookup with Amanda. Billy curtly reminds her it was her stupid decision to quit her job [without the courtesy of giving at least two weeks notice to her employer, no less] and move to Seattle - only to slink back to L.A. two weeks later.
Matt arrives at Shooters and asks Jake why he's so glum, and Jake blurts out, "Have you ever had an AIDS test?" then wonders aloud if it's truly necessary to be tested after possible exposure to the virus. Matt's like, "Uh, yes it is, idiot" to his second question, then reveals that he once had an AIDS test after sexing with a dude who got sick and eventually died of AIDS.
Jake takes Jo on a motorcycle ride to a remote overlook to break the news that Perry has AIDS. Jo's all, "Wha-a-a-a-a?!" and asks him if he ever doinked Perry without protection...and Jake admits that he probably did, much like the foolish raw-dogging the two of them have engaged in on more than one occasion. Jo stares back at him in horror and says she now deeply regrets not wanting to spoil the mood with a pesky condom, and Jake says he'll never forgive himself if he unwittingly infected her with HIV.
Lucy summons Amanda to her office and says she can no longer bear the sight of Alison "killing herself" answering phones at the reception desk, and adds that there's really no good reason to not give her her old job back. Amanda says there's a perfectly good reason, namely that they don't get along - and Lucy rolls her eyes and reminds her that this is a place of business, and that she's going to have to grow up and function as part of a team. She then summons Alison, who squeals excitedly when a visibly pissed off Amanda tells her she's been rehired to her old position - but warns her that this time they can't allow their [non-existent] friendship to get in the way of work.
Jake and Jo go to a medical clinic to get tested for AIDS, then lament the torture of having to wait 24 hours for the results. Jake tells Jo he's going to take his mind off the test by heading back to Jake's Bikes and working on motorcycles, and Jo says she's going to do her best to think of anything but the possibility that she may have contracted a deadly virus.
Nancy Donner has somehow hired Billy to work at Escapade Magazine, and he arrives for his first day on the job as a fact checker. Nancy greets him, gives him a brief tour of the office, then hands him off to a journalist named Cameron to fact check a restaurant review. As Nancy ambles off, Cameron asks Billy where he went to school...and when Billy fibs about graduating from Columbia's School of Journalism, Cameron lights up and goes, "Hey me too!" LOL. He says it's odd that they never met, given what a relatively small program it is, then shakes off that seed of doubt and advises Billy to do his best to make a good first impression.
Amanda chides Alison for the lazy, sloppy-ass job she did on her latest assignment and says it's not even worthy of showing to Lucy. Alison disagrees and says she wants Lucy to look at it and decide for herself - but Amanda bitchily refuses and snaps, "It's fine when I say it's fine!" She reminds Alison that she works for her...and if she can't get that straight, she'll be out of a job.
Jake is at his shop, repairing a motorcycle, when he has needless back-to-back flashbacks of doinking Perry, and then Jo. A few seconds later, Jo arrives at the shop and asks him how he's holding up under the stress, and he admits that he can't stop thinking about his impending test results. He suggests they close up the shop for the day and take a motorcycle ride...and in the next scene, the two are out in nature somewhere, roasting marshmallows over a campfire. The two contemplate the peaceful beauty of sitting under the stars and realize what a privilege it is to be young and healthy. Jo says she has a newly acquired clarity about her life and vows that if she's HIV positive she'll fight as hard as she can to stay alive. Jake says that he too has clarity, namely that he loves her...and she thanks him and returns his I love you.
Jake returns to the clinic for his test results and is informed by the doctor that he tested positive. He pales, is all, "Wha-a-a-a-a?!", and starts twitching - until he wakes up in a cold sweat inside a sleeping bag next to the doused campfire. He pokes Jo awake and suggests they pack up and go enjoy a hearty breakfast.
Alison tells Amanda she has no interest in being her whipping post on account of any unresolved jealousy she may still have about Billy. Amanda's like, "Unresolved..?" and reminds her that she was there for Billy when his father died and hints that they've been seeing each other on the down low. Alison stares back at her in shocked bewilderment before hastily excusing herself.
Jake and Jo return to the clinic (for real this time) and both get the good news that their blood tests came back negative for HIV. Phew! The doctor urges Jake to be more careful about where he dips his wick and to use a damn condom whenever he hits the sheets with the kind of women he's inclined to hit the sheets with.
Nancy Donner summons Billy to her office to congratulate him for the bang-up job he did on the restaurant review and give him his next assignment. She then tells him she was at the gym last night and was on the stairmaster next to a hottie who looked a lot like Billy, and coyly confides that she was tempted to make a move on him. Oh yeesh. She asks him if he thinks the guy would have found her attractive, and Billy shoots her a blank stare and mumbles that, yep, it's definitely possible that some gym guy he doesn't know would think she's pretty.
Jake drops by Perry's apartment to tell her that both he and Jo tested negative for HIV, and apologize for the shitty way he treated her after she told him about her AIDS diagnosis. He offers to help out in whatever way she needs and adds that despite the two of them making a shitty couple, he's open to giving friendship a try. Perry nods at him tearfully and gives him a grateful hug.