Recap: Lucy summons Alison to her office to inform her that D&D just fired a low performing flunky, and that the brass agreed to promote her to the position of Account Executive. As Alison is all, "Yippee!!", Lucy says her first order of business will be to find a photographer to snaps some pics of tennis sensation Rex Weldon for an underwear ad campaign...then adds that she'll be working closely with Amanda Woodward, the art director on the account. And to that I say: hurray for the long awaited arrival of Heather Locklear!!! A few seconds later, Amanda sashays into the room, greets Alison, and is instructed by Lucy to fill Alison in on the details of the underwear account. As a giddy Alison continues to be all, "Yippee!!" Lucy sternly warns, "Just don't let me down" ... which we can take as a huge clue that Alison will soon do something to let Lucy down.
Amanda shows Alison to her fancy new cubicle, then gives her the low down on Rex Weldon: he's adorable (sorta), but try not to gush at him too much. She also cautions Alison against getting romantically involved with a client, 'cause when the relationship inevitably goes kaput, so does the account. In fact, according to the D&D rumor mill, it's one of the reasons her predecessor got fired.
That evening at Shooters, the Melrose gang toasts Alison's promotion. Billy says he's worried that since Alison is now earning the big bucks she won't need a roommate anymore, but Alison chuckles and says her promotion only amounts to an extra $50 a month. A few seconds later, Michael invites Billy to shoot some pool and says he'd like to set him up on a blind date with a lovely nurse named Lydia Perkins who works with him at the hospital. Billy makes a blech face at the idea of going out on a blind date, but Michael assures him that Lydia is a perfect match for him.
Back at the Melrose Place complex, Alison looks over Jo's photography book, says she loooooves her dramatic style, and offers to show it to her colleagues at D&D to see if they'd be interested in hiring her. Jo thanks her for the opportunity to get a future gig.
The next day at D&D, Amanda and Lucy look over Jo's book and gush about how dynamic, sexy, and stylish her work is. Lucy asks Alison to give Jo a call pronto and book her for an interview this afternoon.
Terrence and Rhonda are at his restaurant, taste-testing wedding pastry. Terrence says he'd like to hire his pastry chef to make their wedding cake, but a poutish looking Rhonda says she was planning to let her mother take care of all the cake baking. Terrence points out that there are going to be at least two hundred guests at their reception, then asks if they really want their parents "running the show". He says he'd prefer the wedding be about them, not what their parents want them to be, and an increasingly dismayed looking Rhonda mumbles, "Yeah, OK, whatever.."
Lucy introduces Rex Weldon to Alison and Amanda, and as Lucy confers with the head of the underwear company, Rex pulls Alison aside and flirtily implores her to take him somewhere "happening" tonight.
Alison takes Rex to Shooters, and he smarmily gushes about how beautiful she is and how she should be the underwear model...or at least offer to pose in her underwear along with him. Alison's like, "Check please!" and tells him she's determined to keep their relationship professional, and needs to rush home asap so she can worriedly wring her hands about tomorrow's shoot.
Alison tells Billy she regrets turning down a possible romp with Rex Weldon and doubts she'll ever have the chance to rub up against such a famous, hot celebrity again...even though he's a fairly mediocre looking dude with, from what I can tell so far, not much in the personality department. Billy reminds her that she was right to exercise that kind of willpower, 'cause why risk blowing her first big chance at being an account executive for an impromptu roll in the hay? He then says he's off to meet his blind date, which he's not particularly excited about.
Lydia Perkins turns out to be a fairly homely looking nurse with short brown curly hair...and when Billy shows up at her door, she looks less than thrilled by his disheveled boneheadedness. In the next scene, the two are at a restaurant, engaging in banal chitchat over dinner. They agree that blind dates - like this one, for example - are horrendous and awkward, especially when the two people involved have no shared interests and zero chemistry.
The next morning, Alison natters to Billy about how stressed she is about today's photo shoot and that she feels in over her head. Billy urges her to chillax...but when he hears that Jo is the photographer D&D hired, he makes a face and goes, "Holy shit...you should be stressed. She's a difficult, horrible person who's definitely going to cause problems." LOL. He then changes the subject to his blind date, which sucked 'cause of no spark between them...but for some reason he promised Lydia he'd call. Alison says he's a jerk for making that promise and says if he had a scrap of integrity he'd keep his word and call her.
Photo shoot! Jo snaps photos of Rex in his underwear as she enthusiastically blurts out things like, "That's right, baby!", "Ooh yeah!", and "That's it!" ... and Lucy, Amanda, and Alison look on from a few feet away and are all, "Awesome! This is going so much better than expected!" After a few more minutes of this shlock, Lucy says it looks like they got all the shots need to pitch the client and heads out with Amanda. Jo pulls Alison aside and tells her she considers the photos she just took "pretty standard stuff", then smiles devilishly and asks her if she has any interest in opening her mind to risk doing something "new and fresh". Alison looks intrigued by the concept of new and fresh and gives that vague suggestion the green light...and once she's out of hearing range, Jo eyes Rex's nearly nude body and sassily orders him to "lose the briefs". Rex smiles back at her in amused bewilderment despite being totally down with posing for the camera in his birthday suit.
At Shooters, Billy grumbles to Jake about getting himself trapped into another dinner date with Lydia, who he's pretty sure has no attraction to him either. Jo, meanwhile, makes an entrance with Rex and laughingly promises to make his butt famous. He smarmily assures her it already is and makes it clear he'd be totes into a meaningless romp with her - but she rebuffs him, then rushes over to an irked looking Jake to assure him she's just having a drink with her latest photography subject. He scowls at her and snaps, "It's tough to watch" and stalks out of the bar.
Alison is shocked when Billy tells her that Jo is at Shooters, yukking it up with Rex, and haughtily snarks that Jo should be at home right now, developing the photos from the shoot. When Jo and Rex stagger into the Melrose Place courtyard a few seconds later, Alison demands to see the proofs tonight - but Jo just rolls her eyes and says she'll get them first thing tomorrow, then bids Rex good night.
The next morning, Alison chides Jo for going out with Rex, and tells her she has a lot riding on these photos and that it's her ass if the client doesn't love them. Jo points out that this gig is important to her too, and assures her that nothing happened with Rex, who turned out to be a giant bore. She bitchily tells Alison she doesn't like to follow anyone's rules, then brusquely says she'll messenger the slides over to D&D sometime this afternoon.
Terrence shows Rhonda a ritzy, vacant house in the suburbs and tells her he'd really like to buy it for them. Rhonda looks weirded out by the prospect and says it's so big for just two people...and when he points out that they'll grow into it once they start a family, she looks even more weirded out. He glances around and gushes about how in love he is with the gorgeous property, but Rhonda just shrugs disinterestedly and says, "It's nice" ... and of course her lackluster reaction to the house goes completely unnoticed by Terrence.
When Jo's slides arrive at D&D, Alison takes a quick look and is shocked that they're all shots of Rex butt naked. Amanda perks up at that and is all, "Really? Butt naked?" and checks out a few for herself, while Alison grits her teeth and mutters, "I'm going to kill her" before storming off to confront Jo at her apartment.
Jo explains to Alison that she made a professional judgement that, for some reason, entailed her sending only the naked pics to D&D 'cause she figured they're the most fresh, original photos from the shoot. Alison gives her a seriously? glare and reminds her that D&D's client is selling underwear, and that they expect to see the product in the ad campaign photos. She whines, "This is my jobbbbbb!" and demands the non-naked, more traditional photos she took, and Jo hands them over while disdainfully muttering, "They're soooooo traditional" - unlike the naked pics, which she feels are more dramatic and exhibit a sense of humor. Alison agrees that, yep, the naked pics are far sexier - but not at all what the client asked for. Jo shrugs and tells her she's free to use the non-naked set of photos, and Alison refrains from asking her why in the hell she didn't include those in the D&D delivery in the first place.
Billy and Lydia are sticking it out during boring date #2: dinner at her apartment. They both acknowledge the complete and utter lack of chemistry between them, and Lydia takes it one step further and says she's into more substantial men who have gainful employment. Bwahaha! Billy dickishly retorts, "Well you're not my type either!" and they both agree that the only reason they got together a second time was 'cause they didn't want to insult Matchmaker Michael. With that settled, Lydia brings out the dessert...and when Billy sees it's a vanilla eclair and not chocolate cake (his fave), he decides it's definitely time to call it a night.
Rhonda runs into Matt in the laundry room and tells him about the luxury house Terrence wants to buy for them, then complains that she's not quite ready to settle down to a boring life in the boring 'burbs. Matt urges her to tell this to Terrence, then asks her if she really truly loves the guy...and Rhonda natters incoherently before concluding that, nope, she's not 100% sure 'bout that.
Alison is studying the slides of Jo's naked pics and tells Billy she's contemplating showing them to the client as an alternative to the more traditional shots, and Billy shrugs disinterestedly and breezily says she'll figure it out.
Amanda tells Alison she's out of her damn mind if she's seriously considering showing the naked pics to the client. Alison wails, "But they're so cutting edgggggge!" - but Amanda warns her it's far too risky, is pretty sure the client will hate the idea of serving up something resembling soft porn to its underwear customers, and advises her to "play it smart".
At the client meeting, Alison, Lucy, and Amanda are in the room with the two heads of the underwear company, viewing Jo's [non-naked] slides on a projection screen...and the men are jazzed by Jo's work and call the traditional shots great and terrific. When Lucy asks Alison if there's anything more to show, she decides 'ah what the hell, I'm going for it' and says she has a few more...then extends the slide show to include the naked pics. The clients immediately look appalled and are all, "What the hell is this? He's butt naked!" - LOL - and a mortified Lucy pulls the plug on the demo, then chuckles nervously and says, "Just a little stab at humor!" before urging them to refocus on the approved, clothed shots. She grits her teeth as she asks Alison to stick around, and Amanda shakes her head in dismay at her and makes a slicing knife motion at her neck.
Rhonda and Terrence are in a wedding shop, looking over the various options for wedding invitations. When Terrence muses about how he favors fancy white paper scented with lavender, Rhonda blurts out, "I'm not ready to get married!", says that their four episode romance has been waaaaay too much of a whirlwind, and that she's pretty sure he's only in love with the person he wants her to be instead of the dullard she is. She hands him her engagement ring, says, "Thanks for everything", and scurries out of the store, leaving Terrence staring after her in stunned bewilderment.
Jo apologizes to Alison for getting her in trouble over showing the clients the naked pics - but Alison assures her it's all good 'cause apparently Lucy thought it demonstrated courage and imagination on her part - but warned that if she ever pulls a stunt like that again she'll be fired immediately.
Jo drops by Jake's place with a bag full of Chinese takeout, and he pouts and complains about the way she keeps "barging" in and out of his life. Jo assures him she totally digs him, and explains that her first instinct when dating a new guy is always to run away. She adds that she's not the slightest bit interested in Rex Weldon, and Jake perks up at that and gives her an intense smooch.
Amanda stops by Alison's apartment to drop off a file for their new account and is greeted by Billy, who tells her that Alison isn't home at the moment. He makes a quick note of Amanda's extreme hotness and invites her out for a drink and/or dinner...and Amanda chuckles knowingly and says she has too much work to do this evening, but will take a rain check. Billy stares at her dreamily and murmurs, "Yeah, any time.." and Amanda shoots him a flirty grin and gaily flounces off.
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Recap: Billy is getting himself all gussied up in his tuxedo and fancy French cuff links in order to escort Alison to the annual Advertising Association Ball. Alison, who's decked out in a glittery halter dress, tells Jake she's worried she'll feel as embarrassed at the ball as she was at her high school prom...and Jake chuckles and points out that taking Billy as her date isn't going to help alleviate that fear. Bwahaha! He then glances out the window, sees Jo return home, and tells Alison he ran into Jo's ex-husband in the courtyard at the end of the previous episode...and has been searching for the exact right moment to inform her 'bout that.
Jake heads up to Jo's apartment and tells her he has something important to tell her - but she does that weird, TV tropey thing where she ignores the urgent look on his face and obliviously natters about how she was rejected from six different photography jobs in one day. She suggests they unwind with a beer at Shooters, and drags him out of the apartment with her.
Jane is taking Rhonda's measurements for a custom sewn wedding gown...and Rhonda complains that she doesn't want the kind of traditional wedding Terrence is expecting, which will entail her wearing a train and a veil. Jane shrugs and urges her to go with whatever her rich fiancé wants, while Sydney sits on the couch and snarks about how every wedding gown trend Jane seems to favor is passé. Jane gets annoyed at her unhelpful remarks and suggests she go elsewhere to sit and do nothing...and once Sydney is out of hearing range, an exasperated Jane tells Rhonda that the pressure of providing her featherbrained sister with a life has been building to a near boiling point. Rhonda says that she and her brother got like that once...and now they only speak cordially at family events. Jane makes a face and says that while Sydney is a total pain in the ass, she doesn't want to completely cut her out of her life.
Over at Shooters, Jo continues to natter at Jake about the hardships associated with wanting to make a living as a photographer. Jake stares worriedly into space until he finally tells her to shut it so he can break the news that he ran into her ex-husband in the Melrose Place courtyard the other day. Jo stares back at him in horror, anxiously says, "I got to get outa here" and makes a beeline for the exit.
Alison and Billy are having fun on the dance floor, but then scurry away when a slow song starts playing. Danny Baker ambles over and goes, "Hey Eleanor!", says he got stood up, and asks Alison if she'd like to dance. Alison tells him what her first name is [not Eleanor], then accepts his invitation to dance...leaving behind an irked looking Billy, who just got stuck holding Danny's food plate.
Back at Melrose Place, Jo tells Jake she never actually filed for divorce...and figures her husband has been looking for her since the moment she fled their troubled marriage. She then makes it clear that this is her problem to solve, hustles Jake out of her apartment, and phones someone in New York to ask where her husband is staying during his guest appearance.
Alison tells Billy she's off to a post-ball party with Danny, then kisses his cheek, and thanks him for being such a great date.
Jo arrives at the Bel Age Hotel to finally face the music with her husband, Charles. She firmly declares that their marriage is over...and explains that her departure from New York was so abrupt 'cause his drinking and abusive behavior had become too scary to live with day in, day out. Charles assures her he's sworn off the booze...and says that shortly after she left him, he drank himself into oblivion, passed out in Central Park, and promptly checked himself into rehab. He says he's currently at the stage in his recovery where he's supposed to apologize to everyone he hurt while he drank/acted like an asshole, then asks her if she'd like to get together for lunch tomorrow.
Jane has a dream that she walks in on Sydney and Michael having sex (heh), then wakes up in horror. Sydney - who, for some reason, is lounging in Jane's bedroom - tells her she overslept, but that it's A-OK 'cause apparently Kay will also be arriving late to the office this morning.
Sydney suggests to Michael that they host Jane's surprise birthday party at Kay Beacon's design studio...and after some hemming and hawing, he's like, 'sure, why the hell not?' Sydney hugs him and calls him the best and is kissing his cheek when Jane enters the room. When she glares at Michael suspiciously, he "explains" that Sydney was just thanking him for making her breakfast.
Alison apologizes to Billy for ditching him at the ball, not least 'cause the after-party ended up being a stupid waste of time. Billy says he's peeved that she left the ball with another guy, particularly since he went to a lot of trouble to make himself look less disheveled than usual. He snarks about how bugged he is, despite being too much of a bonehead to fully grasp why he's having these feelings.
Jo tells Jake she met up with Charles last night, and that he finally acknowledged his drinking problem and has her convinced he's no longer using booze to mask his anger management issues. She admits she still "gives a damn" about him...and even though she now cares for him (Jake), she needs some me time to resolve her marriage/future divorce, hopefully before the end credits roll.
Rhonda is gabbling to Matt about her upcoming wedding, and how marrying a rich guy is going to completely change her life. Matt scrunches his face disapprovingly and asks her how committed she's going to continue to be to L.A.'s innercity communities, and she breezily assures him she'll jump right back into her volunteer work sometime after her extravagant honeymoon.
Over lunch, Jo tells Charles she's working as a photographer (despite her inability to actually get hired as a photographer), then chides him for snubbing her passion as a mere hobby. Charles admits that he underestimated her 'cause of how undeserving he always felt being with a woman as awesome as her...and Jo calls him out on that brazen bullcack, but then shakes it off by bragging about the fantastic California life she's now living. Charles tells her he's planning to fly back to New York on Sunday, but would like it if they could get together again so she can show him the sights.
Jane gets annoyed when Sydney follows her around the design studio, gabbling about how much she likes to be near all the action in case Kay suddenly wants her to fetch a donut or the day's paper. Jane rolls her eyes and tells her to get lost so she can focus on her work, and Sydney shoots her a pouty look before ambling away dejectedly.
Jake complains to Billy that he hasn't been able to get a hold of Jo all day...and worries that he might have lost "the one" before getting a chance to hit the sheets with her. As Billy's all, "Wha-a-a-a? You mean you haven't hit the sheets with Jo yet?", Jake peers through the window blinds and sees Jo and Charles standing in the courtyard, gushing about how much fun they had sightseeing before he leans in for a kiss.
Jane tells Michael she's asking Sydney to move out 'cause she can no longer stand the way her sister has latched onto every aspect of her life. Michael glances at the birthday cake he had to quickly hide in the laundry basket and urges Jane to go out drinking with Sydney one last time tonight and see if she feels the same way tomorrow morning [aka when he no longer has her surprise birthday party to worry about].
Alison is shocked at Jo for going sightseeing with Charles, and Jo says it reminded her of that brief moment in time when he didn't drink and get all creepily possessive. Jake drops by to remind Jo about Jane's surprise party - but Jo quickly replies that she won't be able to make it. Jake stares sadly into space before heading back to his apartment...and Jo admits to Alison that The Jake Issue has become awkward now that her formerly estranged husband is temporarily back in the picture.
Michael brings Jane's birthday cake over to Billy's/Alison's apartment and instructs them to bring it to the design studio before the party starts. Billy snippily tells Alison he'll bring the cake, and makes it clear he doesn't want to attend the party with her 'cause he plans to get lucky with another woman.
Jane and Sydney are playing pool at Shooters when they get into an argument about Sydney's irresponsible life choices that the rest of her family is always having to clean up after. Jane snaps, "This was a mistake!" then grabs her purse and storms out of the bar.
Meanwhile, the surprise party is in full swing at Kay Beacon's design studio when Sydney arrives and announces, "The birthday girl isn't coming!" without a shred of contriteness. When Michael's all, "Wha-a-a?", she explains that they got into a fight, then shrugs unconcernedly at a random partygoer and says, "Best laid plans." LOL. A vexed Michael says he'll go find Jane and forcibly bring her to the party - while, across the room, Alison tells Jake that giving Jo the time and space to figure out whassup with her husband is a good thing. Jake responds by mutely hopping onto his motorcycle and squealing off into the night.
Jo and Charles are hanging together in a fancy pub. He tells her they never used to talk this openly before, then asks her if she's hooked up with someone new. Jo says she's been spending some quasi romantic time with Melrose's resident hottie Jake, a "rough edges "kind of guy...and Charles stares bewilderedly into space as he pretends to not feel even a tiny bit jealous.
Everyone yells Surprise! when Jane arrives at the studio - and Michael sheepishly explains that the party isn't much of a surprise after he was forced to tell Jane about it so she'd agree to leave the apartment. After a few birthday hugs, Jane pulls Sydney aside and tells her she wants her out of the apartment by tomorrow night 'cause she's tired of all the petty drama...and Sydney pissily retorts, "You won't have to wait until tomorrow" before flouncing off.
Jo looms over Jake as he swims laps in the Melrose Place pool. He admits that he finds the situation vexing, and that he's afraid he'll lose the woman he may have fallen in love with before things got a chance to get really good. An exasperated Jo gives up on the conversation and heads toward the stairwell...and when Jake accuses her of running away from him every time things get intense, she snaps, "Go to hell!"
Alison shuts off the TV while Billy is watching so they can resolve their boring conflict. Billy admits that he was miffed when she took the chance to "close the deal" with Danny Baker after the ball, 'cause he's insulted that she's less attracted to him than she is to Danny Baker. Alison chuckles and asks what he'd do to close the deal, so he clowns around like a half-wit, picks her up, then carries her over to the couch before saying good night. Er, OK.
Later that night, Charles pounds on Jo's door while making incoherent drunken noises...and when Jo lets him in she's like, "Oh God, you've been drinking." He chastises her for messing around with Jake, then yells, "You slept with him, didn't you?!!" and gets all in her face. Jo races over to the phone to call for help - but he snatches the receiver out of her hand and snarls about how she owes him for the humiliation she caused him when she ran out on him. Jo tearfully pleads with him to get help - but Charles says he doesn't give a damn what she thinks of him. He glares at her in disgust, says she's not worth it, and calls her a nothing. As he staggers out the door, Jake appears at the bottom of the stairwell and asks Jo if she's OK...and she wails, "Just leave me alone!" and locks herself inside her apartment. Charles shakily descends the stairs, looms over Jake and snarks about his rough edges, then announces that he's off to call a cab before he falls over and passes out on the street.
The next morning, a sad looking Sydney hands Jane a farewell note and sheepishly says she doesn't want to depart with a lot of fanfare. She admits to wanting to ruin her surprise birthday party by picking a fight with her at Shooters 'cause it was a chance to hurt her - and Jane wryly says, "It worked." Sydney bellyaches about their parents' low expectations of her, and how much she always wished she could be like her perfect sister...blah blah...then announces she's heading back to their hometown to pursue life as a fashion designer (not in L.A.). Jane says she'd welcome the competition, hugs her goodbye, and the two share I love yous.
Rhonda asks Matt why he's acting all weird about her marrying a rich guy, so he tells her he's skeered about the possibility he won't be brave enough to find someone for himself...and is also worried he's going to lose her as a friend. Rhonda admits that she's a tad wary about turning her life upside down, but insists that they'll always be friends. Matt grins and asks her if she'd like to have her own best man for the wedding, and she gives him a look of happy puzzlement and is all, "Uh, sure..?"
Jo enters the Bel Age Hotel just as Charles is checking out. She tells him she's filing for divorce so she can get on with her life, and says he owes her this chance. He sneers at her in disgust, then hands her a wad of cash and says, "It's what I pay all my whores." Jo's like, "Kewl!", takes the cash, then hands it to the nearest bellhop and tells him that while her douchebag of a soon-to-be ex-husband is an excellent tipper, he's not much else. Hee!
Jo tells Jake that Charles is leaving town, hopefully never to be seen again on Melrose Place, and that she's filing for divorce. She says she appreciates all of the time and space he's given her this episode, but that it's going to take her considerable time to want to commit to someone new. Jake beams happily and says he's OK with that...and the two agree to go for a motorcycle ride up the coast later. He then gives her a big smooch and says, "Welcome home" ... and she smilingly heads upstairs to her apartment.
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Recap: Jo and Jake are lolling on the beach while Jo photographs seagulls and gushes about the incredibly gorgeous sunrise. As the two share a giggly romp on a beach blanket, Jake finds a poetry book Jo's been reading, and she tells him she looooves poetry and urges him to also get interested in it. A few seconds later, they decide it's time to head home...and Jo mocks Jake's girly motorcycle before they both hop on and speed away.
Jane and Michael are in bed canoodling when Jane gets a call from her sister, Sydney, who informs her that she's at LAX and could use a lift to Melrose Place. Jane's all, "Wha-at's going onnnnn?", tells her she should have called first, then informs Michael that they're hosting Sydney for the weekend (and well beyond).
Rhonda puts an abrupt end to her canoodling with Terrence 'cause she has a cardio-funk class to preside over, and Terrence rolls his eyes derisively and says she's a dancer and therefore shouldn't have to lower herself to be an aerobics instructor...then reminds her about their plans tomorrow night to attend a dinner party with his snooty Newport Beach friends. Rhonda grumbles about not having anything suitable to wear to be in the company of rich snoots, and he not-so-subtly hints that he'd be more than happy to buy her an expensive dress for the occasion.
While en route from LAX, Sydney puffs on a cigarette and tells Jane she just had to get away from school, and adds that she didn't bother telling her parents about her abrupt departure, but then charged the plane ticket to L.A. on her father's credit card. I'm sure he'll appreciate that when he gets the bill. She says she can't wait to see the sights, and Jane tells her she's too busy with work to play tour guide - but since Michael has some time off from the hospital, she'll volunteer him to ferry her around Los Angeles.
Michael takes Sydney (who's puffing on another cigarette) to an outdoor restaurant. She gushes about how cooooool he is to do this for her, and hopes that her unannounced visit to L.A. will bring them all closer as a family. Heh. When he asks her how school is going, she makes an ew face and says, "School isn't my thing", then laments not being perfect like him and Jane. Michael argues that he and Jane are far from perfect, and that Jane can be insecure, especially when it comes to dealing with her demanding new fashion designer boss. Sydney insists that Jane always comes out on top, then continues to puff away on her cigarette in the funny way that people who were never smokers look like when they pretend puff on a cigarette to showcase their edginess.
Over at D&D, Lucy presents Alison with an invitation to the annual Advertising Association Ball for her and a plus one. Alison tells her she's thrilled to be invited, then looks wistful that she's no longer hitting the sheets with Keith and has no idea who she could ask to be her date. Lucy suggests she take someone from the office, and Alison mulls that over and says she's always found Danny Baker in Accounting to be somewhat cute.
Alison heads over to Danny Baker's office and shyly asks him if he'd be interested in going to the advertising ball with her, and he says that while he's flattered by the sweet offer, he already has a date lined up. He breezily adds, "Thanks anyway, Eleanor." Bwahahahaha!
That evening, Jane thanks Michael for entertaining her sister while she was at work, and Michael says they got along pretty well - but would like to have a firm departure date so that there's an end in sight to Sydney's visit. Jane reasons that since Sydney has to return to her classes in the near future, the stay shouldn't last longer than a few more days.
Jane helps Sydney prepare the pull-out couch in the living room, and Sydney waxes on about how Michael was sooooooo coooooool to show her around L.A. today. She then breaks the news that she dropped out of college 'cause of the shitty grades she was getting and that she found it too hard to make friends. She says she can't yet face their parents and was hoping she could squat in hers/Michael's Melrose Place apartment until she gets her "act together" ... and Jane makes a subtle 'nooooooo fuuuuuuuck' expression, but then tells her she's welcome to stay as long as she likes.
Alison tells Billy what a complete ass she made of herself when she asked out Danny Baker, and Billy can't help but chuckle and agree that it's pretty damn funny he didn't even know her name. He offers to set her up with his buddy who just broke up with his girlfriend and suggests the three of them get together for drinks at Shooters tomorrow night...and Alison just shrugs, but is like 'sure, why the hell not?'
Jo removes her name from her mailbox after getting a letter from the husband she so callously abandoned in New York. She shows it to Jake and says she can't figure out how in blazes he got her address...so he takes it from her, writes addressee unknown on the envelop, then drops it into the outgoing mailbox. He then invites her to stop by his motorcycle shop at noon 'cause he'll have a fun surprise for her.
Jane tells Michael that the status of Sydney's impromptu stay has been changed to indefinitely, and Michael looks visibly irked and reminds her that spending any length of time with Sydney always makes her do things she regrets. A few seconds later, Sydney breezes into the kitchen and gabbles about how much she'd looooove to see what a day in the life of a fashion designer at Kay Beacon's studio is like, and Jane's like 'nooooooo fuuuuuuuck' before reluctantly inviting her to briefly drop by.
At the motorcycle shop, Jake shows Jo the new, more manly bike he just restored for himself...then unveils the surprise: his previous girly bike, which he's now gifting to her. She stares at him incredulously and says she couldn't possibly accept it, but kisses his cheek and thanks him for the kind gesture.
At the design studio, Sydney is perched beside Jane when Kay Beacon comes over to talk to Jane about something work-related and ask whassup with the redhead sitting next to her. Jane introduces Sydney, who gushes to Kay about how super cool she finds fashion design and that she's soooo into the latest trends and keeps up with all the fashion mags. Kay looks over her outfit and says she definitely has a good eye...and when Sydney asks if it's OK to continue to hang around and maybe do some odd jobs around the studio, Kay mulls that over for a few seconds and sends her out to buy the paper and newest issues of whatever fashion magazines are on the newsstands.
That evening, Sydney gushes to Jane and Michael about how awesome Kay Beacon is...and how jealous she is of Jane for having the perfect boss. A few seconds later, Mama Andrews calls the apartment to ask Jane if she has any clue where Sydney is...and when Sydney desperately mouths 'I'm not here', Jane fibs and tells her mom she has absolutely no idea. She hangs up the phone looking sheepish, then glances over at Michael, who shakes his head disapprovingly.
Rhonda shows Matt the fancy dress Terrence bought for her to wear at the Newport Beach dinner party, then complains about how he's been showering her with so much expensive stuff that she's starting to feel stifled. Matt reminds her that until now she's dated very low caliber men, and that the two of them have spent many a Saturday night huddled in their shitty Melrose Place apartments, weeping from loneliness. She acknowledges that this is true, but insists that she finds her newest relationship oppressive and terrifying, which Matt somehow translates to mean I'm deeply in love.
Sydney thanks Jane for covering for her with their mother, then despondently says that one day their parents will be proud of her. Jane assures her they already are [I highly doubt that], then crawls onto the pullout with her and gigglingly reminisces about their childhood. Sydney says she's soooooo happy to be in L.A., and that she needs what Jane has: a job she's good at, a husband, a general direction in life. She then proudly announces that she too has found a general direction in life...and when she reveals it's fashion design, Jane stares at her incredulously and asks, "After one day?" She warns Sydney about rushing into an implausible-for-her career path too quickly and urges her to finish school - but Sydney firmly says that that's not an option, and that she's at Melrose Place to stay.
The next morning, Sydney arrives at the design studio with a box of donuts, and Jane looks irked and tells Sydney to run along 'cause she doesn't want to give anyone the impression that she has a job here. Sydney ignores her snarkitude and says she doesn't mind being Kay's errand girl and that she genuinely enjoys making daily donut deliveries.
Jo excitedly tells Jake she developed the seagull photos from the beach, but he pissily says he's not interested in anything she wants to show him. She explains that she has a really hard time accepting extravagant gifts without feeling as though she needs to give something in return, so he tells her they don't have to keep score and figured that her having a motorcycle to scoot around town on would be easier and more convenient than cabbing it everywhere.
Alison and Billy arrive at Shooters to have drinks with Tom, Billy's newly single friend. Alison perks up when Tom ends up being deliciously handsome and sweet...and when the two grin stupidly at each other and act like smitten-like, Billy twitches in discomfort at the idea of them hooking up. Tom suggests they extend drinks into dinner, and amiably chitchats with Alison about his law career.
On Friday evening, Sydney stops by the design studio to tell Jane that everyone's headed over to a nearby club to party and urges her to just ditch whatever she's doing and come with them - but Jane declines and tells her she's finishing up something for Kay, and to go on without her.
As Alison and Tom continue to enjoy their flirty banter, Billy interrupts Alison just as she broaches the subject of the upcoming ball, and hustles her out of Shooters before she gets a chance to invite Tom as her plus one. When a bewildered Alison asks why he bothered setting her up in the first place, he says he suddenly realized he doesn't want her dating any of his friends.
Terrence and Rhonda are at the fancy Newport Beach party, chatting with the self-important snooties about classical composers and the dreadful cultural famine that's been spreading across the USA. When someone asks Rhonda what she does for a living, Terrence interjects and says she's a dancer who's currently between companies - but Rhonda shoots him the stink-eye and sassily clarifies that she's an aerobicizer who teaches cardio-funk to gym rats.
Later, Rhonda chides Terrence for trying to lie to his friends about her, accuses him of presenting her as "not the real me", and for making her feel as though teaching cardio-funk should be a source of embarrassment. Terrence retorts that he well knows who the real Rhonda is, but she refuses to engage in the argument further and kicks him out of her apartment. Gaaaa...even their fights are snorefests.
Jane scolds Sydney for getting in so late after clubbing with Kay et. al., and tells her she was getting very worried. Sydney tells her talked her up to Kay while they were partying and gives her a smug, 'you're welcome' look, but Jane tells her that that wasn't necessary, and implores her to figure out where her aimless life as a college dropout is heading.
Jake drops by Jo's apartment to recite some poetry from the book she's been reading, and she looks touched and tells him how much she looooooves the girly motorcycle he tried to give her. A few seconds later, she gets a phone call and barks, "Don't ever call me here again!" and tells a confused Jake that that was her husband she was talking to.
Billy tells Alison he wants to make up for ruining her blind date with Tom by being her plus one for the Advertising Association ball, and promises to rent a fancy tux and hopefully rein in his disheveled '90s hair.
Michael and Jane bicker about how soon she'll be willing to throw Sydney out, and Jane assures him she probably won't be sponging off of them for much longer. She heads over to the kitchen and brightly asks Sydney what her plans for the day are...and when Sydney glumly mumbles, "Figuring out how to help myself", Jane goes, "Great!" and heads off to work.
Jane is all, "Wha-a-a-a??" when Sydney makes her regular donut delivery to the design studio...and is even more stunned when Sydney smugly informs her that Kay hired her as her personal assistant. As Jane mulls over the future uncomfortableness of that arrangement, Kay's like, "You don't mind, do you?" and Jane does her best to breezily assure her boss that she's totes fine with it.
Rhonda's hanging with Matt when the two hear romantic music playing in the Melrose Place courtyard...and when Rhonda peeks outside to investigate, she sees that it's a singing trio with Terrence staring in the direction of her apartment, motioning for her to come outside. He waxes on about how much he looooooves her, finds her soooooo beautiful, then gets down on one knee and proposes. When she argues that all this is happening so fast, he says he doesn't need any more time to know that she's the right woman for him. She mulls that over for a few seconds and happily cries, "Yesssss!"
Jane tells Michael she really hates that Sydney is suddenly invading all aspects of her life, aka her home and job, then goes, "What's next? You?" Bwahahahaha! (Uh, yes, as a matter of fact.) Michael sniffs the air and says it smells like Sydney is smoking in the living room, so Jane rushes to the other room to remind her sister that they have a no smoking policy. Sydney puts out her cigarette and says she'll quit being Kay's donut delivery girl if it'd make her feel better, but Jane half-heartedly says it's fine, then lumbers off to bed.
The next morning, Jake sees a man examining the names on the Melrose Place mailboxes and asks if he can help him. The man says he's looking for Beth Reynolds and heard that she was living in this shitty complex, so Jake scrunches his face in faux contemplation and says he's never heard of her, and that no one has moved in or out of these apartments for years. The man thanks him and saunters off, and Jake stares after him worriedly.
Recap: Jo tags along with Jake when he goes Christmas tree shopping, chiding him for wasting his money on something he's just going to throw out in a couple of weeks. Jake explains that he's had nothing but horrible Christmases his entire life and is done being cynical about it...and by done being cynical, he means he's going to buy the biggest tree in the lot that has no chance of comfortably fitting inside his little apartment.
Alison is checked into her hospital bed, nattering to Billy about how worried she is regarding her future ability to have children. Billy says they'll cross that bridge...then blushingly chuckles and corrects himself by saying, "You'll cross that bridge" - just as Michael enters the room. He confirms that her surgery is all set for 8am the following morning, wishes her good luck, and adds that Jane won't be in this episode 'cause she's spending Christmas with her parents in Chicago...but that she sends her best wishes.
Rhonda is leading a cardio-funk workout with Terrence in the class, gawking appreciatively at her taut, leotard-clad body. During a short break in the cardio, he tells her he has an emergency meeting with a client and can't make dinner tonight...and she scrunches her face in disappointment and says this means she won't be able to see him until after the holidays. He gives her a sly grin and suggests she ditch her plans to visit her parents and instead spend Christmas skiing with him in Aspen...then produces two plane tickets. Rhonda's all, "Wha-a-a?!" and says she has no ski clothes nor any idea how to ski - but he just shrugs and urges her to tell her parents she's spending the holidays with a nice rich guy who seems really into her. Rhonda mulls that over and promises to have an answer for him tomorrow.
The next morning, Alison is given anesthesia, and then her two hour surgery gets underway.
Later, the Melrose Place gang gathers in the hospital waiting room for word on Alison...and when Billy can stand the uncertainty no more, he stomps over to the nurse's station to demand an update on his roommate. After the nurse tells him to go pee up a rope 'cause he's not a blood relative, he runs into Michael, who tells him that the surgery went great, Alison still has her ability to have children, and that he can visit her for a few minutes.
Billy hovers Alison as she smiles up at him groggily...and when he tells her she'll be able to one day have kids, she gives him a teary smile. The surgeon drops by to inform her that she can go home tomorrow if she takes it easy and has someone to take care of her...and Billy's like, "On it!" and promises to wait on her hand and foot.
The next day, Billy escorts Alison back to their apartment, where Christmas lights and decorations are strewn everywhere...and he explains that the stuff belongs to his parents, who don't need it this year 'cause they're spending the holidays out of town. He orders her to relax on the couch and make herself useful by testing the various strings of Christmas lights, then heads out to get groceries. Jo drops by with a stack of magazines for Alison to read while she's recuperating and remarks on how nice Billy is being...and Alison grimaces and says he's being too nice, and that she's quasi creeped out by how suddenly fixated on her he is.
Matt drops by Rhonda's apartment, where she's trying on the various ski outfits Terrence bought for her. She tells Matt she decided to go to Aspen...and that while her parents were disappointed she's bailing on them for Christmas, they're thrilled she finally hooked up with a nice rich man who's soon going to rescue her from this shitty apartment complex. Matt says he's spending Christmas at the halfway house - meaning not his parents' place 'cause of how unsupportive they were when he was suing his boss. He then starts grumbling about how everything always has to be on their terms...blah blah, I don't care.
Michael and Kimberly race over to the ER to tend to a young boy who has suffered a gunshot wound. The mom clutches Michael's hand and begs him to pleeeeeease save her son.
Jake and Jo finish decorating mega-tree...and Jo takes a deep breath and says she loooooves the smell of Christmas. She shows him the angel topper she bought for the tree, then climbs the ladder to mount it on the highest branch she can reach...and as she makes her way back down, Jake presses himself against her and gives her a smooch. She mutters, "Don't.." and shoves him away, remarking that Christmas always makes people do things they later regret. A few seconds later, Billy drops by for some advice on what to give Alison for Christmas, then shows them the pretty necklace he bought for her. Jo studies it, learns it's 24 carat gold, then tells Billy it's definitely crossing the line between romance and friendship. Billy shrugs and says that while he's greatly enjoying being Alison's post-surgery caretaker, he's not yet ready to publicly admit having any romantic feelings for her.
A tearful Alison tells Billy she's going through post-op depression, then says she feels bad that she can't repay his kindness with a Christmas gift 'cause she's so broke. When Billy assures her she doesn't have to buy him anything, she suggests they make a pact to not exchange gifts. Oops.
When the young gunshot victim succumbs to his injuries, Michael rails about the injustice to his superior (Dr. Levin), who tells him to shut his dumb pie-hole and go break the news to the boy's family. Michael dutifully ambles over to the boy's distraught parents and does a truly horrible job of blurting out that their son expired on the operating table.
Michael tells Dr. Levin that the breaking of the bad news went as well as could be expected of a nitwit intern such as himself, and Dr. Levin grimly says that Christmas can bring out the worst in people...so he should expect to see a whole lot more carnage before the day is over. He's not much of a cheery optimist, that Dr. Levin.
Christmas morning! Billy brings Alison a stack of holidays movies to watch, then says he's off to earn some cash making airport runs with his cab.
Kimberly tells Michael there's a Christmas party in the hospital's lobby...and when he glumly declines, she gives him a from behind massage to help take "the weight of the world" off of his shoulders. He laments about how Christmas is officially senseless to him after witnessing a child die...and tells her that when he was a kid he was so naively gullible he never believed that anything bad could happen to anyone on Christmas. Kimberly refrains from rolling her eyes at the rube and urges him to focus his energy on the kids he can save - just as his beeper goes off, signalling another emergency.
Matt is at Alison's apartment, staring at a monstrously large raw turkey he's about to pass along to Alison to be stuffed and then somehow squeezed into her tiny oven.
Jake lures Jo to his apartment with the promise of egg nog and Elvis music...and she mulls that over and decides 'why the hell not?'
A heavily pregnant woman (in labor) arrives at the ER, and Michael and Kimberly privately remark on how neither of them has ever delivered a baby before. Michael says that since they're the only doctors currently available, they have no choice but to somehow stumble their way through the birthing process and hope it all turns out OK.
Over egg nog, Jo natters at Jake about how Christmas has no meaning for her, then tells him how much she hated spending the holidays with her shitty husband and his shitty family. Jake urges her to take a page out of his book and find new meaning to the holiday, and points out that not everything has to be so complicated. He then dances with her and leads her over to the couch, where they start smooching intensely. Jo pauses their make out session to hint that while he may get lucky soon, for now she wants to limit their action to above-the-neck smooching.
Matt takes a break from cooking at Alison's to fetch a whisk from his apartment - and runs into his father in the courtyard. Papa Fielding apologizes for not being more understanding [er...downright dickish] about his halfway house lawsuit, and assures him he's always on his side. He tells Matt he's proud of him and loves him...and Matt agrees to put this negative subplot behind them. Papa Fielding invites him to spend what's left of Christmas Day at their family home - and Matt says he'll stop by after he's done cooking dinner for his Melrose Place co-dwellers.
Michael delivers a newborn that's ginormous even by unrealistic TV show newborn standards, then gushes to Kimberly about the "force of life" in the delivery room and how the tot's birth was "a perfect moment". He invites her to join him for the Melrose Place feast at Alison's place, and she scrunches her face disinterestedly before reluctantly agreeing.
When Billy returns home after his cab shift, Alison pulls him aside and apologizes for being such a bitch to him this episode (?? not sure when that happened), then thanks him for everything he's done for her during the last two episodes. She explains that needing him scared her...and that they've transitioned so quickly from being roommates to BFFs. Billy says he too is surprised by how much he relished being her caretaker in her time of need, then presents her with a gift. She opens the box and finds the pretty necklace he bought for her, coos about how beautiful it is, then gives him a thank you hug and cheek kiss.
Jo and Jake drop by the apartment just as Matt announces that the turkey is fully cooked and ready to carve. Michael arrives with Kimberly, introduces her to the Melrose Place gang, and happily gabbles about how they just experienced the miracle of life by successfully delivering a ginormous baby. Billy urges everyone to go out into the courtyard so they can witness the lighting of the Melrose Place balcony...and when he plugs the lights in, everyone ooohs and awws at the sparkly prettiness. Jo makes a toast about having real friends...and the camera pans over the glazed over expressions of the cast as she natters about her rebirth in discovering the true meaning of Christmas. When everyone rushes back to the apartment to dive into the food, Alison gives Billy a canoodly squeeze and wishes him a Merry Christmas.
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Recap: Billy tells Alison he's thinking about applying for a job as a department store Santa 'cause 1) it's the only job he can find, and 2) he could put his journalistic "skills" to good use by writing about the experience. Alison looks visibly distracted and mumbles something about her mind being on a work-related problem, then heads out with a troubled expression on her face.
Michael has been assigned to attend a family practice seminar in San Francisco, so he and Jane decide to use it as an opportunity to enjoy a romantic getaway. As they pack, Michael wonders aloud if this seminar is his boss's way of getting him out of the surgical rotation - but Jane argues that it's probably a reward for all of his hard work, then shoves him atop the bed and insists on a quickie before heading off to the airport.
Jake asks Billy if he can spot him $20 'cause he's having lunch with an ex-girlfriend and doesn't want her to see what a broke loser he turned out to be. As Billy hands over the cash, Jake grins and calls his ex "the one who got away".
Alison is at Dr. Miller's office, being told that she has an enlargement of her uterus, and that further tests will need to be run to fully learn whassup.
Matt and Rhonda are at an outdoor food market, loading up on groceries for the halfway house urchins. When Matt notices that they're short one tray of strawberries, Rhonda heads back to the fruit tent and grabs the last strawberry tray - but is snarked at by a guy who insists it's his. Rhonda sassily informs him they're for the halfway house - just as Matt runs over to tell her he miscounted the berries and that this tray isn't theirs after all. Rhonda's like, "Whatever. The guy was still rude" and stomps off ... and Mr. Rude chases after her to apologize, introduce himself as Terrence Haggard, and stare at her all smitten-like as he asks her out. Rhonda continues to glare at him as he applauds her assertive, smart-alecky 'tude...and after glaring at him for a few more seconds, she shoots him a toothy grin and agrees to a date.
Dr. Miller tells Alison she's going to need to test her blood and do a sonogram...and when Alison looks alarmed and asks what in blazes is wrong with her, Dr. Miller's like, "Dunno" and says she'll likely have to produce a health insurance number to processes all of these tests. Alison looks alarmed and cries, "But I have no health insurance!" and Dr. Miller gives her a 'sucks to be you' look and refrains from asking what in the hell kind of shit company D&D is to not even offer basic health insurance to its employees??
Jake is lunching with his gorgeous brunette ex-girlfriend Colleen, gabbing nostalgically about old times. She tells him she's been married to a great guy named Robert for the past three years...and that, oh yeah, he (Jake) got her pregnant four and a half years ago, which means he has a bio son named David he never knew existed until right this second. As Jake's all, "Wha-a-a-a?!", Colleen says she'd really appreciate it if he would sign legal papers that absolve him of all parental rights so that Robert can formally adopt David...and Jake stares at her all discombobulated-like and snaps, "No!", says he's refusing to abandon his child, and storms out of the restaurant.
Later at Shooters, Jake commiserates to Jo about his newly discovered son, and that he'd like to bring the lad home with him so he knows his bio dad didn't reject him...the way he was rejected/neglected by his own shitty mom and dad. Jo scrunches her face disapprovingly and points out that forcing David to live with him in his decrepit shithole of an apartment might not be the best thing for a tiny boy, and that it'd be cruel to needlessly "blow up his family". Jake gets angry, says he's going to go brood about this by himself now, and bitchily stomps across the bar.
Alison gets a follow-up phone call from Dr. Miller and assures her she'll find a solution to her insurance problem...then quickly hangs up when Billy arrives home and snaps at him for drinking the last soda.
Terrence takes Rhonda to a fancy restaurant...and she starts bitching and moaning about being seated near the kitchen - until it becomes clear that Terrence is the restaurant's owner.
Jake clutches a stuffed bear as he ambles around the hotel where Colleen and her family are staying while in L.A. He finds the three frolicking in the hotel pool...and when Colleen spots him, she storms over and demands to know what the hell he thinks he's doing, coming here unannounced. He tells her he came to see David, but she barks, "Save it!" and says that next time he wants to talk, he needs to call her ahead of time and not pull "this macho crap". As she stomps back to the pool, David stares over at Jake with a mixture of puzzlement and curiosity etched across his little face.
Terrence invites Rhonda to picnic with him on Catalina Island - but she has to decline 'cause she has lots of errands to run and then a cardio funk class to preside over. He offers to chauffeur her around on her errands, and she checks out his fancy Mercedes convertible and decides 'hell yeah'.
Billy puts on a Santa suit and gives Alison an animated ho ho ho! - but she just slumps over to the couch and bursts into tears. He finally gets a clue that something is seriously wrong and asks whassup, so she tells him she just learned she has a rapidly growing fibroid tumor in her uterus which could derail her chances of having children...and that her doctor recommends an operation, pronto, but she has no health insurance to cover the cost. Billy too refrains from asking WTF is up with D&D not providing its employees with basic coverage and suggests she call her parents and ask for a loan - but she says it's not a good idea 'cause her dad's currently out of work. Billy weakly promises her it'll somehow all turn out OK, and she snifflingly nods and gives him a grateful hug.
Jo ambles over to Jake's apartment with a loaf of bread and bottle of wine to apologize for being so judgey at Shooters. He invites her in and starts nattering about how Colleen lied to him...and that he's determined to hire a lawyer and get joint custody of David. He says he's pretty sure he could be a good dad...his daily struggle eking out a pitiful, near-poverty level existence in a shitty rental notwithstanding. Jo gently suggests that he may want to think about what joint custody would be like for David, and Jake instantly gets all defensive and pissily growls, "You don't understand meeeeeeeeee!" before storming over to the kitchen.
Billy accompanies Alison to a local hospital to inquire about how one might get surgery with no insurance and zero money. The snippy bureaucrat tells her it's against hospital policy to admit anyone without insurance or enough cash to prepay for the operation - which, in her case, would come to 15K. Alison meekly says she doesn't have that kind of dough and asks if he could put her on some kind of repayment plan, but he haughtily replies that that too is against hospital policy.
Billy and Alison hit every other hospital in L.A. and get the same unhelpful answer. Alison wonders aloud if it's really that bad to not have a rapidly growing fibroid tumor removed from one's uterus, and says there's always a chance the thing could disappear on its own. Billy reminds her that the doctor highly recommended she have it taken out asap, then offers to borrow money from his parents. Alison declines the offer, says this is her problem to solve, but thanks him for his support.
Jane, Michael, and Matt are decorating the Melrose Place courtyard with Christmas decorations when Billy and Alison return home. When asked where they've been all day, Billy grumbles about doctors and insurance, then shoots a bewildered Michael an accusatory stink-eye.
Rhonda and Terrence emerge from Rhonda's apartment, decked out in formal wear for a night out at the symphony. After Rhonda introduces her new boyfriend to her fellow apartment dwellers, Michael pulls Alison aside and asks her whassup with Billy's bitchitude just now. She invites him into her apartment to explain her current health insurance conundrum, and Michael scrunches his face in deep contemplation and promises to use all of his [non-existent] clout as a first year intern to help her out.
Colleen tracks down Jack at the garage he works at and apologizes for what's become a [predictably] messy situation. She implores him to sign over full custody of David to her so he can continue his life in his loving home with her and Robert...and assures Jake that her son is well aware that he has a bio dad out there somewhere. Jake mulls that over, but decides he still really wants a son in his life and says he's pissed off that he's been kept in the dark about David all these years. He then jests about how he always seems to be pissed off about something or other - bwahaha!! right?? - and promises to call her tomorrow.
The next morning, Jake calls Colleen at her hotel and says he's willing to work something out with her, but only if he can spend a bit of time with David.
The following afternoon, Jake meets up with Colleen and David at a fancy outdoor restaurant. When David calls him out on arguing with his mom yesterday, Jake says it was just a minor disagreement...and then the two have some kind of back and forth about Batman and Superman. Jake looks amused when he notices that David likes to dip his french fries in mayonnaise (just like he does!) ... and is touched when the lad says he has no idea where he got the desire to do that, 'cause neither his mom or dad (dad meaning Robert) likes mayo on their fries. Jake shoots him a wistful smile, then tells Colleen he's ready to sign those papers now.
Michael stops by D&D to inform Alison that he can get her admitted to the hospital he works at as a teaching patient...and that she'll have to submit to interns' superfluous tests, but won't be charged for the surgery. Alison's like, "Hurray!", but then worriedly asks him if she'll be OK after the surgery...and Michael breezily replies, "Yeah, whatever. I'll assume you'll be in good hands." LOL.
While exiting the restaurant, Colleen thanks Jake for signing the papers and calls him "a good guy". David looks awed by Jake's motorcycle and asks if he can sit on it - and when Jake lifts him into the air, the two stare into each other's eyes and grin: a moment Jo captures on film from her hiding spot several feet away.
Jake is chowing down on pizza when Jo drops by his apartment to deliver the developed father and son photo. Jake stares at it mutely for several seconds...then thanks her, says he looooves it, and asks how on earth she was able to snap this moment in time. She self identifies as a shameless snoop and confesses to following him to the restaurant...and Jake just chuckles and says he owes her big time. He then puts the photo on his fridge, studies it closely, and mumbles, "You're gonna be OK, kid."
Recap: Billy tells Alison he's off to Shooters to see if there are any eligible women he could hit on...and when Alison's not looking, he covertly grabs a bottle of wine and two glasses, then heads up to Jo's apartment. When Jo answers the door, she makes an eww face, tells him his stenchy aftershave is stinking up her foyer, and that she's not remotely interested in drinking wine with a vapid boneheaded loser. Haha!
In the next scene, Billy and Jake are drinking at Shooters while Billy recounts Jo's brutal retort to his wine offering...and Jake laughs - but also concurs that Billy's aftershave is indeed stenchy.
Jane and Michael are in bed canoodling when Jane's boss calls to inform her that she just sold her boutique, which essentially means that Jane is suddenly out of a job.
The next morning, a miserable looking Billy shuffles into the kitchen and tells Alison he has a toothache. She says he should get that taken care of asap and offers to set up an appointment with her dentist.
Jo is in the courtyard, photographing Jake's motorcycle, when he ambles over and jokes about charging her $2 a shot. When she says she needs some interesting shots for her portfolio, he tells her what she really needs is to experience the full awesomeness of his bike by going for a sexy ride with him...and she grins back at him and decides 'sure, why the hell not?'
Jake allows Jo, who's apparently an experienced motorcyclist, to drive...and when the two take a break in a remote area, Jake says he likes to come here whenever he needs to vacantly stare into space and moodily brood about his pretty white people problems. Jo's like, "That's nice" and tells him she needs to get downtown for a job interview, pronto.
Matt is consulting with his lawyer Sarah, who informs him that the halfway house administrators refuse to admit he was fired after he accidentally outed himself within earshot of his boss. Matt grimaces and says he assumed they'd do the right thing after he filed a lawsuit against them...then moans about how much he misses working with the L.A. troubled street urchins. Sarah tells him that the administrators made an offer 'cause it's obvious they want to settle out of court, but advises him to reject it so there's even more pressure on them to meet their demands. Matt agrees that that's probably the right thing to do.
Jane is packing up her personal items at the now defunct boutique when she encounters the space's new tenant: Kay Beacon, aka Fashion Designer Extraordinaire. When Kay's like, "Who are you, and what are you doing in my new space?", Jane explains that she was employed at this boutique and just came by to collect her things. She holds up her sketch book and says she's an aspiring designer who's also the creative mind behind all the dresses she wears...so Kay looks over the shapeless long frock she currently has on and chuckles about how it embodies several of her old design ideas. LOL. An insulted looking Jane insists that, nope, she designed the fugly thing herself, then quickly heads for the door. She abruptly stops when Kay asks her if she thinks she could do better with newer, fresher ideas under her supervision...and as Jane stares back at her with an expression of hopeful bewilderment, Kay invites her to stop by her studio the following morning to see about interviewing for the job.
Jake drives Jo to where she has her job interview, and she thanks him for the lift and says she'll take a cab home.
Jo enters a nearby pawn shop and hands the clerk a bracelet that she claims is worth 12K. The clerk studies it and says he's willing to give her 7K - but only if she can show him some photo ID. Jo chuckles nervously and pretends to have left her wallet in the car, then gives up when the clerk refuses to do business without her ID. She exits the store and is miffed to find Jake parked across the street, waiting for her. She admonishes him for spying on her and bitchily says she'll find her own way home.
Jane and Michael crack open a bottle of champagne to toast Jane's new job as Kay Beacon's junior design flunky.
Over a casual looking pizza dinner, Jo tells Alison her job hunt has been "a washout", then wistfully shares that her beloved mother taught her everything she knows about photography.
Michael tells Jo that, since she went and got her door locks changed without prior approval, she's going to need to provide him with a duplicate key so he can access her apartment in the event of an emergency. Jo snarks that she has no intention of giving him a key...but when he counter-snarks that it's the landlord's policy, she promises to turn it over soon.
Over at the design studio, Kay admonishes Jane for not catching a sewing error on one of the shirts she's inspecting, then reminds her that nothing can leave this studio if it's less than perfect. Kay then throws her a bone by saying if she pays close attention to her brilliance and is willing to work her butt off in this studio, she might one day emerge a halfway decent designer.
During his shift at Bikini Burger, Matt runs into Pete Stoller, a young adult who spent his formative years living in the halfway house. Pete says he misses the halfway house and asks how everything is going over there, and Matt says, "Fine" and pretends he's only waiting tables at Bikini Burger to make some spare cash.
Jo tells Jake she needs him to sell a bracelet for her at the pawn shop 'cause she doesn't have the required ID, and Jake's like 'sure, why the hell not?'
The pawn shop clerk tells Jake he'll pay him 7K for the bracelet - but then notices the name Beth inscribed on the inside of it and assumes that the piece is stolen. He barks, "No deal!", so Jake lumbers back outside and tells Jo he was unable to sell it 'cause of the personalized inscription. He asks who Beth is, and Jo gets weirdly evasive and rails about how sick and tired she is of "you people and your questions". Jake gets fed up with her bitchitude while trying to do her a damn favor and squeals off on his motorcycle.
At Shooters, Jake recounts for Billy what happened at the pawn shop and adds that he doesn't trust Jo...and Billy urges him to keep his distance from the hostile weirdo. Billy then chuckles about Jo getting under his skin, and Jake protests way too much about how she is most certainly not under his skin.
Jane complains to Michael that Kay repeatedly humiliates her at work, and that she can't tell if she likes or hates her. Michael sighs and says he's tired of talking about her cunty boss all night, then gives her a shoulder rub to get her to relax. When they get into some intense smooching action, Jane's like, "Put a pin in that!" and dashes over to the bathroom to get birth control. An annoyed Michael asks her why she's no longer into the idea of making a baby - and she tells him not only is she not into the idea right now, she has serious doubts about wanting to produce a child any time soon. Michael's all, "Nooooo...I only wanna have sex if there's a chance of procreation" - 'cause, yeah, that's a plausible reaction by a twenty something hospital intern living in a shitty apartment complex - then poutishly says he's no longer in the mood to doink and is off to retire for the night to his side of the bed.
Two cops show up at Jake's apartment to inform him that Jo was caught driving his motorcycle...and since he just admitted to loaning it to her, he's getting ticketed on account of she's not actually licensed to be driving a motorcycle. Um, I'm no traffic enforcement expert, but wouldn't Jo be the one getting the ticket? Or at least one of two people getting a ticket? After the cops leave, Jake glares at Jo and is all, "The fuck..?", so she explains that she took his bike without asking 'cause she needed to go for a ride to clear her muddled head, assures him that the bracelet really does belong to her, and that she'll pay half the ticket...even though, considering she took his bike without asking, she should be offering to pay the full ticket. Jake continues to look annoyed and says she owes him big...and by big he demands that she take him out to dinner this evening.
Sarah summons Matt to her office to inform him that the halfway house administrators upped their offer to 10K and warily agreed to rehire him. When Matt woots happily, Sarah advises him to turn the offer down so they can go to trial and try to squeeze 100K out of his oppressors. Matt tells her about his run-in with Pete Stoller yesterday, which made him realize how much he misses working at the halfway house. He firmly tells her he's agreeing to the 10K settlement 'cause mostly he just wants to reclaim his old job.
When Alison arrives home, she finds Billy laying on the couch with a spacey look on his dumb face. He tells her he went to the dentist to resolve his toothache and is now on pain medication. When he starts ordering her around and asking her to fetch various things for him to make his couch time more comfortable, she wryly tells him he may want to recuperate at his parents' house.
Jake and Jo arrive at a gritty looking biker's hangout for dinner, and she explains that it's a happening place with lots of interesting people she can photograph. Just as they start getting canoodly, a guy named Gerry comes over and chirps, "Hey, Beth! What are you doing in L.A?" Jo pretends to not know him...and when he insists she does know him, Jake gets all in his face, and the two end up in a superfluous fist fight. Jo's like, "Ack!" and flees the scene.
Billy is moaning, "Alison.." as he dreams about the two of them canoodling on the couch with Alison clad in a skimpy nightie. Alison pokes him awake, smiles knowingly, and asks him whassup with him moaning her name just now...and he scrunches his face all discombobulated-like and says he just had a really disturbing dream.
When Jake comes knocking on Jo's door to ask her whassup with her fleeing from the restaurant parking lot, she says she can't stand being around physical fighting. Jake accepts that explanation and asks her again who Beth is, and she gets all bitchy-defensive again, barks about how her life is waaay too complicated, then slams the door in his face.
Billy staggers into the kitchen and tells Alison about the dream he's now pretending he had: that they were chastely sitting on the couch when dinosaurs suddenly entered the apartment and attacked them. Alison says she's not buying that load of bullcack, haughtily declares that she's never dreamed about him, then heads off to work.
Rhonda is happy for Matt regarding the 10K settlement and getting his old job back. She urges him to put the money into mutual funds (excellent advice), but Matt says instead of that he's going to start a legal aid fund for people exactly like him who find themselves in exactly the same situation he did: victims of sexual orientation discrimination.
Over at the studio, Kay asks Jane what she thinks of her latest design creations, so Jane suggests that perhaps the jacket buttons could be bigger. Kay snorts derisively and snarks that heavier buttons will cause sagging, then bitchily asks if she skipped the lesson on buttons at the Institut de Chic. Jane gets fed up enough to loudly snap that she has no desire to be a successful designer if it means becoming an ego-maniacal bitch like her...and Kay rushes her over to the privacy of her office and concedes that, yep, she can definitely be a cunty boss - but that she also thinks that she (Jane) has a lot of potential and would prefer she not quit. A few seconds later, Michael drops by to surprise Jane with a picnic basket lunch...and Kay gives Michael an approving once over and applauds Jane for so cunningly landing herself a handsome rich doctor. For the moment, anyway.
Jane and Michael head up to the roof to enjoy their picnic lunch in private. He tells her she deserves a shot at a great career, then asks what this means for their future family planning. She says she'd like to delay having a baby until she knows where this designer job is headed, then asks him if that's OK...and he says he loves her too much to say no. For the moment, anyway.
Jake drops by Jo's apartment to assure her she doesn't have to run from him...and that he cares about her, not her stupid secrets. When Jo sheepishly asks him why on earth her abrasive behavior hasn't prompted him to permanently avoid her, he says it's obvious she's desperate to have someone in her life who cares about her, and that he really really wants her to trust him. Jo decides 'sure, why the hell not?' and gives him a brief bio: in college she met a rich guy named Charles Reynolds, married him, and quickly realized she hated his elite social circle so much that she abandoned him without so much as leaving a goodbye note. Sounds like there's a UGE chunk missing from that lackluster backstory, but OK. She reveals that Jo-Beth is her real name...and that her mother, who killed herself many years ago, was the only person who ever called her Jo. After her wretched marriage, she decided that Jo is who she really is, and wants it to be her identity now. Jake's like, "Whatever, sounds good to me" and leans in and kisses her cheek...and soon the two are smooching intensely.
Recap: Alison and Billy are jogging together as a means of keeping her mind off of last episode's breakup with Keith. Alison takes a break so she can catch her breath, then tells Billy she's too exhausted to continue and would much prefer to mope uselessly around their apartment.
Jane tells Michael she's less than enthused about being forcibly appointed to serve on the decorating committee for an upcoming hospital interns mixer. Michael implores her to stick with it so she can be more involved with his career, then says that this mixer will be a good opportunity for him to mingle with the hospital's higher-ups.
A bobbed brunette named Jo Reynolds arrives at Melrose Place to announce that she's interested in the apartment for rent, then cringes when she learns it's a studio. Rhonda perks up and says she's looking for a roommate - but Jo's like, "I'm not" ... and after Jane and Rhonda give her a quick walk through of Rhonda's two bedroom apartment, Jo decides she'd like Rhonda to move into the available studio apartment so she can have the two bedroom place. Today, if possible. When Jane asks her whassup with her needing two bedrooms, she explains that she's a photographer and needs one of the bedrooms to serve as her darkroom.
Michael's new BFF and mentor, Dr. Scott McBain, has just taken him sailing on his fancy boat, and magnanimously promises to personally introduce him to all of the hospital's movers and shakers at the interns' mixer.
Over at the hospital, Jane is discussing decorating ideas with Liz McBain (Scott's wife) when Scott and Michael enter the lounge. Jane gushes to Michael about how much she and Liz have in common, e.g. they're both working women who are new to Los Angeles. She then announces that the four of them are going out for dinner tonight so they can bond as couples.
Jake is perplexed by a large box that's blocking the path to his apartment - until Jo bounds over and explains that it's filled with her photography equipment. Jake says he'll assume that she's a photographer, and she snappishly calls him nosy as he proceeds to introduce himself and offer to carry the box upstairs for her. She snootily tells him that Rhonda provided her with quick synopses of each cast member, then derisively adds, "I'm the quiet type." Jake's like, "Er, OK..?" and warns her about the hot/cold water situation at Melrose Place - meaning, if she hears him showering, she should wait for him to finish before starting her shower. Sounds like an unacceptable plumbing issue that Michael should address with the landlord asap. When he offers to give her a tour of the neighborhood, she bitchily rebuffs him and says she'd prefer to take a cab. Jake's like, "OK then" and saunters off, and Jo calls her dad to report that she made it safely to L.A. and that soon she'll write him a letter that will explain everything.
The Mancinis and McBains are enjoying a lovely dinner out. Liz tells Jane and Michael a story about how she recently had to fix a burst pipe...and Scott repeatedly interrupts her, which is our first clue that something is amiss with this pompous tool.
Alison tells Billy she's going to take a break from moping about Keith to go to bed early. Billy suggests they go out for coffee 'cause he's concerned that, left to her own devices, she's going to break down and call Keith - but Alison insists that their fling is over, and retires to her bedroom.
Jane and Liz go to the restroom together...and Liz gabbles about how she and Scott are childless 'cause they don't have enough time to devote to kids right now. Jane notices a stain on Liz's jacket and eagerly chirps, "I can help you with that!" and starts taking it off of her (!) ... then gasps in horror when she sees that Liz's arms are covered with bruises. Liz breezily says it's nothing, then hurriedly puts her stained jacket back on and flees the restroom.
The next day, Jane tells Michael about the bruises on Liz's arms and says she doesn't know what to think except that Scott is a wife-beating douchebag. Michael refuses to believe this about Scott 'cause of how patient and gentle he is with the kids in his pediatrics unit. He then chides Jane for being nosy and seeing things that aren't there...and Jane mulls that over for a few seconds and decides 'yep, I probably just hallucinated seeing both of Liz's arms covered with bruises'.
Billy helps Jo carry her stuff into her new apartment...and when he learns that she's a photographer, he perks up and says that he too is an artist, aka a writer. Jo haughtily says she didn't think L.A. had any real writers, and Billy calls her out on her snootiness - just as the phone rings, to which she responds by staring at it with a fearful expression.
At the party venue, Jane hangs up a celebratory banner while Liz tinkers on the piano, then sadly remarks that she's not allowed to play at home 'cause she's always having to tiptoe around quietly so Scott can get adequate rest whenever he's home from the hospital. She adds that she sometimes feels she can never do anything right in Scott's eyes, hence the bruises. When Jane responds by staring uselessly into space, Liz shakes off her marital predicament and suggests they go to lunch.
Alison is in the laundry room, sadly sniffing one of Keith's shirts, when Jo comes in to transfer her washed clothes into the dryer. When the dryer fails to start, Alison tells her they usually have to kick it to get it working...and then the two decide to take out their frustrations on the poor machine by simultaneously kicking it. After several seconds of this, they both burst out laughing, introduce themselves to each other, and agree that kicking the poor machine felt really great. Jo confides that she just split with her husband, and Alison wryly says she just split with someone else's husband and isn't quite over the breakup.
En route to the interns mixer, Jane insists to Michael that all signs point toward Liz being in a domestic violence situation - but Michael dismissively says that surely she'd speak up if she were getting regularly beaten up. When Jane points out that she's probably scared and in disbelief that this is happening to her, Michael says there's no concrete proof, and that Scott's career could be irreparably destroyed if he's falsely accused of such a heinous thing. He then decides 'nope, there's nothing about this I'm willing to look into' and promptly drops the matter.
At the mixer, Jane discreetly comes right out and asks Liz if Scott is beating her...and Liz claims he's only ever hit her once, then snappishly tells Jane to leave her alone, and flees. Scott notices them talking and rushes over to Jane to ask her where Liz just ran off to...and when Jane says she has no idea, Scott applauds women's ability to talk their feelings out to each other, then says he'd loooooove to know what she and Liz have been chatting about lately. When Jane shoots him a look of disgust and tries to dodge past him, he grabs her arm and asks her if everything is OK...and she responds to the weird question by glaring at him - just as Michael comes over and seems totally oblivious that Scott is brazenly manhandling his wife. Scott tells Michael he has more high ranking doctors he'd like to introduce him to, and the two scamper off.
The next day, Scott enters the hospital's staff lounge, where Michael is catching up on some medical journal reading. Scott tells Michael that Liz told him what Jane has been insinuating, insists that he's never struck his wife, and that such scurrilous allegations could tank his career. Michael just shrugs dumbly and mumbles that his alleged wife-beating is none of his business.
Jo invites Alison to hang out in her apartment, where the two drink wine and raise toasts to "all the good men out there". Jo shares part of her back story: she got married at age twenty and lived with her husband in an Upper East Side penthouse in New York - until she woke up one morning wanting to be young, free, and irresponsible. Sounds pretty flaky for a grown woman, but OK. She then suggests they continue their boozing at the nearest hotspot...so Alison takes her to Shooters, where she (Jo) hustles a pair of stoner dudes during a game of pool. The stoner dudes get angry when they realize that Jo has fooled them into losing a $70 bet, call her and Alison bitches, and advance on them as they flee the bar.
A distressed sounding Liz calls Casa Mancini and tells Michael she really really needs to talk to Jane.
In the next scene, Jane and Michael race over to Liz's house and find her standing in her driveway looking unmistakably bruised and battered. Michael stares at her in shocked bewilderment.
Back at Casa Mancini, Michael treats Liz's cuts and bruises as Liz wryly reveals that usually it's Scott who beats her up, patches her up afterwards, then apologizes and begs her for forgiveness. She declares that she's never going back to him, not least 'cause there always seems to be something new that sets him off. Michael sheepishly admits that Jane came to him with her suspicions that she was being regularly beaten by Scott - and that he dickishly blew her off 'cause he simply couldn't bring himself to believe that Scott could be such a violent creep. Liz says that sometimes she too finds it hard to believe, then gives Michael a teary hug.
Alison and Jo drive to a hill overlooking the Los Angeles skyline. Jo looks impressed and says the feeling she has right now is why she moved out west...and that she looooves the freedom to be whoever she wants. She then acknowledges how cunty she's behaved towards everyone in the Melrose Place complex...and when Alison's like, "No duh", Jo explains that she's really bad at making friends 'cause of how scared of change she is. She pulls out a bottle mood enhancing pills she was prescribed by her husband's psychiatrist and declares that she's no longer going to take them. She tosses them over the hill while screeching, "No more safety nets!" I really hope that was a wise idea.
When Alison returns home, she tells Billy all about her fun girls' night out with Jo...and Billy shows her the ladies magazine he's currently reading, specifically an article on how to choose a boyfriend. He explains that he's trying to gauge how well he stacks up...and the two giggle heartily at that amusing notion as they head off to bed.
At the hospital, Michael confronts Scott about his now undeniable wife-beating and informs him that he's planning on ratting him out to their superiors. Scott gets enraged and slams Michael against a row of lockers and barks, "They'll throw me out!" When he looks startled at the sudden realization that he's attacking someone who could probably smack him back just as hard, he quickly lets go of Michael and says he'd really really like to talk to Liz - but Michael tells him that Liz has officially left him and is now staying in an undisclosed location. Scott holds his head in his hands and whines, "Work is sooooo hard!" and Michael's all, "Well d'yuh", but points out that it's still not a generally acceptable excuse to beat the crap out of one's wife. He urges Scott to turn himself in to the hospital's administration...and eventually Scott agrees that he'd rather the higher ups get his version of the story.
Jake is in the shower when Jo has the temerity to use the hot water in her apartment at the exact same time. He storms up to her place with nothing but a towel around his waist (yum!), and bangs on her door. When she answers and stares at him questioningly, he goes, "The water..?" and she sheepishly explains that she forgot about the hot/cold water problem when she started brushing her teeth. Jake's anger evaporates as he whirls on his heel and struts back down to his apartment, while Jo stares hungrily at his nearly naked bod. Jake runs into Billy on the way and tells him that there are "definite possibilities" with the snooty new tenant, and Billy chuckles and is all, "Mmm hmm.."
Recap: Keith finds Alison standing on his deck and staring contemplatively out at the ocean. When he asks her whassup, she tells him that this whole affair-with-a married-man storyline feels very complicated and messy, then tears up and says she never thought she'd fall in love with someone who would actually love her back. Keith assures her that he really really does love her, then gives her a from-behind canoodle.
Alison returns to her Melrose apartment and smilingly tells Billy that her breakup with Keith got unexpectedly derailed when he informed her that he's leaving his wife. As Billy shoots her a skeptical glare, she waxes on about how kewl and super awesome Keith is in bed...and Billy's like, "Ew" and calls her adulterous hookup dysfunctional, and Alison snaps back that he's only saying that 'cause of how jaded and cynical he is. Even though Billy doesn't actually have the brainpower to register anything more than a shallow level of vapidity.
A tightly wound weirdo named Carrie Fellows answers Rhonda's ad for a roommate. She hands Rhonda her resume and references and tells her she doesn't smoke, have a boyfriend or any pets...and that she enjoys cooking and has a steady job as an OP (organizational professional). Rhonda ignores her abnormally tight woundedness and decides she'd be the perfect roommate, and excitedly asks, "How soon can you move in?" before chuckling about the parade of losers she's been subjected to ever since placing the ad.
Matt meets with a lawyer and tells her he got fired from a halfway house for being gay. The lawyer asks him how far he's willing to take this lawsuit, then warns him that things can get ugly, and that his privacy will almost certainly get invaded. Matt assures her he can handle all that, but tells her he's kinda short on cash. She breezily says it's no problem to put her fees on hold temporarily, but that her firm requires all clients to pay a minimum of 5K up front.
Billy is ranting to Jane and Michael about how Alison is in the process of breaking up a marriage, and Jane shakes her head all judgey-like and says she's appalled at the home-wrecker for continuing with the relationship. Michael, who clearly couldn't give much of a rat's ass about Alison's sexploits, shrugs disinterestedly and says that love can change people, and tells Jane she's over-dramatizing. And that he hopes she'll take his future cheating with Dr. Kimberly Shaw much more in stride than she's taking the Alison-Keith Situation.
Matt starts his new job, waiting tables at Bikini Burger. He finds Jake sitting at one of the tables and bellyaches to him about being so desperate for the 5K payment for his lawyer that he's thinking of hitting up his gay unfriendly parents for a loan.
On a rainy evening, Jane runs into Alison in front of the mailboxes and bitchily congratulates her on her exciting relationship news. Alison tells her she doesn't sound very sincere, so Jane snaps, "Sorry, what do you want me to say?" and Alison says she could try being happy for her...but then invites her to express what she really thinks. Jane says she's irked by the way she's talking about Keith's wife, as if she's the other woman, a pesky obstacle in her way. Alison's like, "Well duh" and chides Jane for being so unsupportive and wonders aloud if it's 'cause she's so insecure about her own marriage - ouch - and Jane snarls, "What goes around comes around."
Billy suggests to Alison that they order takeout for dinner, but she declines and says she has plans with Keith. A few seconds later, Keith calls to tell her he can't get together tonight and that he'll call her tomorrow...and in the background we see that his wife Lily is milling around behind him.
Billy tells Alison he finds it highly suspicious that Keith cancelled their plans so abruptly...and a few seconds later, Keith knocks on the apartment door, soaking wet from the rain. He explains that his estranged wife Lily showed up at his beach house unannounced, implored him to not end their marriage this way, then got angry and kicked him out of his own house. Alison invites him to crash at the apartment, and he's like, "Kewl!" and makes a beeline over to the bathroom to get out of his wet clothes and take a shower. Billy's like, "The fuck?" and tells Alison he'd rather that Keith didn't stay over, but she assures him that this is only a temporary situation.
As Keith showers, Alison snoops through his wallet and finds a photo of him and Lily smiling into the camera. She hurriedly puts it back when she hears Keith finish his shower...and he enters her bedroom clad in nothing but a towel and leans toward her for an intense looking smooch.
Matt is having a tense looking dinner with his parents. Papa Fielding tells Matt he'd consider it a blessing to get fired from the halfway house 'cause of the shitty pay he was getting while also having to go to a halfway house every day...and Matt's like, "Um, speaking of having no money" and says he was hoping they'd lend him 5K so he can file a lawsuit against the halfway house director, who terminated him for being gay. Papa Fielding makes a sneering noise and says the firing doesn't surprise him in the least, and chides Matt for bringing it onto himself by choosing "the gay lifestyle". He advises Matt to forget about the lawsuit, not least 'cause the world doesn't give a damn about him and his cause - but Matt says he's determined to forge ahead, with or without his financial help, sarcastically thanks them both for their support, and storms out of the house.
Alison has a dream that Lily Gray makes a surprise appearance atop her bed and tells her she had no idea that her marriage to Keith was over, and explains that she's been spending the last several months working Washington D.C. Alison tells her that Keith considers the marriage dead - but Lily argues that all relationships go through cycles, and that if her marriage dies it's 'cause she (Alison) destroyed it. Alison wakes with a start and looks very freaked out.
The next morning, Rhonda notices that her weird new roommate has rearranged the contents of the kitchen cabinets so that they're now in alphabetical order. Consider a red flag officially raised, Rhonda.
Keith suggests to Alison that they go camping for the rest of the weekend, and she happily agrees. When Keith leaves to gather up his camping gear, Billy - who, for some reason, is wearing a pair of overalls with no shirt underneath but a flannel shirt over top - scoffs at the idea of Alison roughing it and reminds her how much she hates camping. Alison tells him about the Lily dream she just had and that it made her feel guilty for dating her husband...and that she feels the need to weakly attempt a face-to-face interaction with the woman.
Alison parks across the street from Keith's beach house and watches Lily as she emerges from the house to pick up the newspaper. Lily notices her staring at her from her car and starts walking over to see whassup with the creepy idiot, and Alison's all, "Ack!" as she puts her car into gear and squeals off.
Alison runs into Jane in the laundry room and natters at her about her weekend plans to camp with Keith, and Jane retorts by snarling at her to maybe leave her merit badges at home. She adds that she can't bring herself to even pretend to like what she's doing, and admonishes her for not bailing out of the relationship the minute she learned Keith was married. That said, she apologizes for her sanctimonious judgeyness 'cause, at the end of the day, she doesn't want any of this to ruin their friendship.
Matt hands his lawyer the pink slip for his car and says that despite how broke he currently is, this discrimination lawsuit is really really important to him in setting a precedent for other gay people who might be in danger of losing their jobs. His lawyer gives him back the pink slip and tells him he'll probably need his car, then says that since fighting for the civil rights of gay men and woman is "media brush fire", she's willing to take the case pro bono and keep her fingers crossed that it helps her make a name for herself.
Rhonda discovers that her deranged new roommate has emptied her clothes closet and shipped the contents off to a dry cleaner. Rhonda somehow gets only mildly annoyed at what I'd consider a major inconvenience and tells her to stop being so tidy with her stuff...and Carrie smilingly says she was only trying to be helpful, but agrees that she could probably use some easing up.
While canoodling by the campfire, Keith tells Alison he'd like her to 1) give up her Melrose Place apartment and move in with him, or 2) kick Billy out and find someone else to split the rent with until this "business" with his estranged wife is settled. He tells her his parents are going to be saddened by the divorce, not least 'cause they've been happily married for many years...and when he asks Alison about her parents, she gets all evasive and says they're too ordinary to even talk about, then stares despondently into space.
The next morning, Alison tells Keith she's not feeling well and needs to go home asap.
Rhonda cooks Carrie a delicious breakfast [I guess as a treat for raiding her closet without permission] and tells her she'll also be doing the cleanup of the dishes and frying pan. Carrie stares anxiously at the frying pan and reminds Rhonda that she needs to soak it, then pretends to shake it off and look relaxed enough to enjoy her breakfast.
Alison whines to Billy about how her relationship with Keith is all so confusing and wrong. She goes on to explain that when Keith asked her about her parents, she clammed up to avoid talking about it 'cause she didn't want to admit that her parents had a sucky marriage 'cause of all the cheating her dad regularly did. She says she'd obsess about her dad's girlfriends 'cause of all the love and attention they got from him...and that she hated them while also envying and wanting to be them. However, now that she's a married man's girlfriend, she realizes what a shitty thing it is to be in that role. Billy stares back at her in mute horror as the circuits in his tiny brain work overtime to process Alison's quasi-incestuous confession.
Alison drops by Keith's beach house and says, "We need to talk" ... then quickly says she can no longer see him. Keith's like, "I'm leaving my wife. What more do you want?!", so Alison explains that she needs to feel "right" with herself...and that even though she doesn't want to be without him, being with him also scares her. Keith tells her that, regardless of what she decides, he and Lily are dunzo...but Alison firmly says she's still moving ahead with the breakup and starts wandering off. Keith grabs her by the arm and asks her if she's playing some kind of game, then yells at her for being selfish and dickishly says that if she blows it with him, she won't be able to make a relationship work with anyone. She snaps back, "At least I can live with myself", then breaks into a run.
Carrie wakes Rhonda and shoves the frying pan in her face and snarls, "You missed a spot!" and points at the tiny stain of burned egg that she would have been able to scrape off if she (Rhonda) had soaked the damn thing like she had suggested. When she cries, "Slob!", a wigged out Rhonda tells her that clearly this roommate arrangement isn't going to work, and Carrie perks up at that and says she'll pack up her things after she meticulously scours her frying pan. So long, Carrie!
Alison returns to her apartment, shoots Billy a hangdog look, and says, "Fire up the hot chocolate." She tears up and tells him that breaking up with Keith was the hardest thing she's ever done - but insists that the relationship is definitely, absolutely, for sure over. (Um, nope.) As she breaks into a sob, Billy rushes over and gives her a comforting hug.
Recap: Alison and Keith enjoy some giggly 'good morning' canoodling in his beach house before she climbs off of the bed and announces that she needs to get dressed and head off to work. She tells him that after work she'd like to stop by her apartment and check in with her Melrose Place cast mates, then suggests they both spend the evening hanging at Shooters so he can meet everyone. He perks up at the idea and says it sounds kewl.
Billy scrunches his face confusedly when Alison slowly explains that she's no longer mad at Keith for being a lying adulterer and is therefore continuing on with the ill-fated romance. He shoots her a look of incredulity and grumbles, "Love is blind and stupid", but Alison insists she's very happy with her new married boyfriend.
A nerdy looking Shooters customer tells Sandy he's a casting director for the soap Forever and Tomorrow and that he likes the cut of her jib so much he's concluded that she'd be a great addition to the soap's full time cast. When he asks for her name and number, she glares at him skeptically and snaps, "Nice try!" before stomping off.
Alison, meanwhile, breaks it to the Melrose Place gals that Keith is married...then quickly explains that the marriage is dead. As Jane and Rhonda exchange bewildered, the fuck? glances, Keith arrives at Shooters and gets introduced to Rhonda and [re-introduced to] Jane. When they respond with judgmental stink-eyes, Alison suggests to Keith that they find a friendlier atmosphere...and as they head out, Jane shakes her head in dismay and tells Rhonda she's sure that Keith is going to break Alison's heart. Rhonda concurs and grunts, "Bastard."
Matt and a guy pal exit a restaurant, hug each other goodbye, and go their separate ways. A gang of homophobic street thugs sitting nearby gets so incensed by the man-on-man hug that they yell, "Queer!" at Matt, then chase him, and punch and kick him until he looks seriously injured.
In bed, Jane tells Michael she can't belieeeeeve Alison is having an affair with a married man, to which Michael mumbles, "It happens all the time." When Jane's all, "Wuh?" and demands an explanation for his [prophetically] laissez faire attitude about spouse cheating, he tells her studies have shown that two-thirds of all married men cheat, and that "it's only human". When Jane tries to dispute that, he asks her if she's ever been attracted to another man during the course of their marriage...and she mulls that over and admits that, yep, she definitely has. Michael's like, "See?" ... but then a few seconds later glances suspiciously in her direction.
Keith assures Alison that her overly judgey friends will like him once they get to know him, and she's like, "Yeah, I guess", then says she should probably head home and work on the pile of D&D research papers she left at her apartment. He says he's totes fine with her spending the night at her place for a change and kisses her goodnight...but their kissing becomes so electric that Alison decides to forgo doing anything work-related to spend yet another night riding Keith's baloney pony.
Jake finds a bruised and battered Matt doubled over in pain while limping around the courtyard. He's all, "Wha-a-at happened, buddy?" and insists on taking him to the ER.
At the hospital, Matt gives two police detectives a statement about the homophobic street thugs who attacked him, and the cops are like, "Thanks for the info, but don't get your hopes up that we'll ever catch the guys." Jake gets upset at their lack of enthusiasm and tells Matt it looks like they're going to have to handle the retribution part of this subplot on their own, but Matt points out that committing violence isn't actually going to solve anything.
Billy drops by D&D to deliver the research papers Alison left at the apartment - but doesn't bring the entire pile, so she begs him to return home and fetch the rest. He pissily tells her he's too busy with his cab driving, then snarks, "Let Keith fetch it." A few seconds later, Lucy rushes over to the reception desk and tells Alison she desperately needs the Maximum Advantage synopses right now 'cause the clients are on their way, and Alison has to sheepishly admit that she left them at home. Lucy angrily snaps, "Oh great, terrific" and summons Alison to her office so she can ream her out in relative privacy.
Alison tells Lucy she "completely spaced" when she decided 'to hell with my D&D career, I'd rather spend the evening doinking Keith for the umpteenth time this week' and acknowledges that she must sound like a UGE flake right now. Lucy snaps, "Yes, you do!" and irritably adds that she'll somehow wing it through her meeting with the Maximum Advantage clients. Alison assures her that the general incompetence she's been displaying for the last two episodes won't happen again, and Lucy bitchily says if it does, she can find a receptionist job elsewhere...which I wouldn't think would be too much of a hardship in a city like L.A. She then sighs in frustration and says, "He must be some helluva guy" and Alison says he is, but then adds, "Well, maybe, sorta. I dunno...it's complicated" and Lucy correctly guesses that complicated translates to he's married.
Matt is leading a group counselling session with several angry teens and is probingly counselling one particularly sullen kid, Amado, until he has an emotional breakthrough in the form of throwing his chair across the room and hugging Matt while he weeps about how much he hates everyone.
Sandy tells Rhonda she got a call from the casting director of Forever and Tomorrow, and that the nerdy Shooters customer she assumed was coming onto her was actually being truthful about who he is. He's flying her to New York tomorrow to read for the role of a sexy young neurosurgeon. LOL. She says she's trying not to get her hopes up - but then shrieks excitedly at the thought of being so unceremoniously dumped halfway through the first season of Melrose Place for such an implausible explanation.
A police detective from L.A.'s Hate Crimes division shows up at the halfway house to get a statement from Matt, who confirms that the motive of the street thugs' attack was an intense hatred of gay guys such as himself. Matt's boss glares disapprovingly at the mention of gay, then barks at Matt to clean up the mess Amado made earlier.
Alison arrives home after work and apologizes to Billy for burdening him when she asked him to ferry over her research papers to D&D, and he apologizes for his bitchiness in refusing to fetch the rest of the documents. He then suggests they unwind by watching a movie, but she declines and tells him she merely popped by to get a change of clothes before heading back over to Keith's place. Billy gets all pissy and calls Keith a jerk for cheating on his wife - and Alison retorts that the wife doesn't love Keith, then snappishly tells Billy to mind his own business. On her way out, she runs into Rhonda, who's wishing Sandy good luck auditioning for the soap...and Sandy hops into a cab and is never ever seen or heard from on Melrose Place ever again. Bye Sandy!
While preparing dinner, Alison complains to Keith that her Melrose pals disapprove of their relationship, then asks him exactly how dead his dead marriage is. Keith gets all defensive and accuses her of parroting her disapproving friends, then chides her for not trusting him - just as his wife calls and insists on talking to him right now. Keith's like, "Hey, no problem, honey" - LOL - and takes the phone into another room...and an appalled Alison grabs her overnight bag and beats a hasty retreat.
The next morning, Alison tells Billy she knows that the most sensible next step in this relationship drama would be to dump Keith, then says that ever since she met the shady adulterer, her emotions have been so out of whack that she believes her life would be a misery without Keith in it.
Rhonda runs into the courtyard and squeals, "Sandy got the part!", then explains to her bemused neighbors that Sandy was given a one year contract to star in Forever and Tomorrow.
Billy takes it upon himself to drive over to Keith's beach house, demand to know what his intentions regarding Alison are, and accuse him of not caring enough about Alison to free her from carrying on an affair with a married guy. Keith just stares blankly at him and is all, "You're just jealous, dude."
Matt's boss summons him to his office to admonish him for egging Amado on to throw a chair across the room, and to inform him that since he doesn't represent the [non-gay] family values the halfway house has dedicated itself to, he has no choice but to fire him without cause...or with more than a minute's notice. Matt's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and stares back at him in shocked bewilderment.
Keith stops by D&D to invite Alison to lunch - but she starts wailing about how "far out on a limb" she is, and that she really wants to focus her job for the foreseeable future. Keith's all, "But I looooove you" and says he can't get her out of his head...and she implores him to leave so she doesn't burst into tears and risk pissing off an already pissed off Lucy yet again. Lucy happens to walk by at that moment to retrieve her phone messages and shoot Keith the stink-eye, and Keith quietly agrees to back off and give Alison some space.
Matt is glumly sitting by the pool when Rhonda bounds over to see whassup. He gabbles about how much he loved going to the halfway house every morning and working with disadvantaged street kids, then breaks the news that he just got fired when he unwittingly outed himself to his gay-unfriendly boss.
When Jake gets wind of Matt's firing, he snarks, "Do something about it" and urges Matt to either demand his job back or "sue the jerk". When Matt says he can't prove wrongful dismissal (yes you can, dimwit), Jake shrugs and says it's up to him to stand up for himself.
Over lunch in a fancy restaurant, Alison admits to being a lousy protege, to which Lucy snarks, "Yes you are" (bwahaha!), but concedes that she's at least a mediocre level functioning receptionist who shouldn't ruin her life for a guy. She says that nothing good can come of dating a married man, then shares her past experience dating a married dickwad named Dan, who never followed through with his promise to leave his wife, Karen. Lucy laments wasting five years of her life waiting out Dan's and Karen's marriage, and implores Alison to not make the same mistake she did.
Alison tells Billy she's definitely, absolutely, for sure breaking up with Keith, and that she hates herself for knowingly and repeatedly sleeping with another woman's husband. Billy applauds her decision and says it takes a lot of guts...then tells her how he stormed over to Keith's beach house earlier to give him the what-for. Alison giggles at the revelation and marvels, "You really care about me, don't you?" and Billy blushingly admits he does, then wishes her good luck while giving Keith the heave-ho.
When Alison arrives at the beach house, Keith takes her by the hand, leads her onto the deck, and pours two glasses of wine. He announces that he's finally decided to leave his wife 'cause he can't imagine a life with her (Alison). He gushes about how she's the only woman he's ever loved or could ever love...and Alison just stares back at him, mutely transfixed.
Recap: Alison is spending her lunch hour at D&D helping Lucy Cabot run a '90s aerobic workout themed photo shoot. Lucy is so impressed with her enthusiasm that she asks her if she'd be interested in doing some freelance work for her on the side, and Alison excitedly chirps, "Yes!", then thanks her for the opportunity to expand upon her reception duties.
Jake and Michael are watching baseball on the tube, while Billy complains about his problems getting a credit card. Jake tells him it's probably for the best, 'cause he's definitely the type of bonehead who'd abuse the privilege and rapidly spiral into a cesspool of unmanageable consumer debt.
While out on the town, Alison gabbles excitedly to Jane about the freelance opportunities Lucy promised to throw her way...and Jane's like, "That's nice" and laments being five pounds heavier than she was pre-pregnancy...to which I say, 'Shut the fuck up, Jane. You look like you barely weigh a hundred pounds.' A guy representing the nonprofit Ocean Alert asks the two if he could interest them in attending his upcoming lecture about how to save the dying ocean, then eyes Alison appreciatively and introduces himself as Keith Gray. Alison gets all flushed and smilingly tells him she'll do her best to attend...and when she ambles off with Jane, she gushes about how totes adorable he is.
Billy has just wrapped up a phone call with a credit card company - who was like, "Fuck off, moron, we're never giving you a credit card" - when Alison enters the kitchen and asks him if he'd like to attend a save the dying oceans lecture with her tonight. He tells her he can't 'cause he's working the cabbie graveyard shift, and Alison gleefully rubs it in his face that she had no problem getting a credit card, but that she uses it responsibly.
Jane stops by Rhonda's apartment to announce that she's signing up for her next exercise class, and Rhonda's like, "Er, OK."
Keith is wrapping up his save the dying oceans lecture when he notices Alison in the audience and looks visibly pleased that she's in attendance. Afterwards, Matt (who must have gotten roped into tagging along) urges her to go up to the front of the room and talk to Keith...and when she's all, "Noooooo, I'm too shy", he forcibly steers here towards Keith. She smilingly greets him and says that since she works for an ad agency, she could arrange for Ocean Alert to get some free promotional stuff...but fails to clarify that she's just a receptionist and has no authority to be offering free anything. She then introduces him to Matt, who invites Keith out for a drink with them, then deftly excuses himself to avoid being a third wheel.
At Shooters, Keith gabbles to Alison about his activism in trying to get the polluted ocean cleaned up, and Alison mulls that over and says she has been noticing how much dirtier it's been getting lately. He invites her to examine the ocean up close and go scuba diving with him tomorrow, and she smilingly tells him that that sounds terrifying, but also super fun.
The following day, Keith hooks Alison and himself up to scuba gear, and the two gaily swim among the fishes, hand in hand. When they return to shore, Alison gushes about how incredible that was and that she used to fantasize about being a mermaid...and Keith's all, "Mermaid, hmm?" and leans in for a smooch.
Alison returns home that evening and tells Billy she had the most intense day scuba diving with her new friend Keith - a guy she finds herself magnetically attracted to and is the sort of person she feels like she's known a long time. Billy grumbles that it sounds like a silly schoolgirl crush, but Alison just stares dreamily into space and insists he's woooonderful.
Jane arrives at cardio-funk class and is horrified when she looks in the mirror and, through the lens of a badly distorted body image, sees herself with an enormous pot belly (but still really thin everywhere else). Rhonda greets her, suggests she start with something more for beginners and work her way up to an advanced class, but Jane stubbornly insists that she can handle it.
Billy gets several phone messages from a woman named Mary Smith and figures she must be the hottie he met at Shooters the other night. When he calls her back, he's dismayed to learn that she's a collection agent who's looking to collect on his defaulted student loan. She gleefully informs him that his inquiries about obtaining a credit card alerted them to his whereabouts, then declares, "It's payback time."
Billy complains to Jake about the nerve of a collection agency expecting him to repay his student loan, then - without a scrap of self awareness - bitches about the credit card company that continues to refuse to give him a credit card.
Alison tells Lucy she's become involved with a nonprofit called Ocean Alert and was hoping that D&D might offer them some corporate sponsorship. Lucy just kind of shrugs disinterestedly and says she'll think about it, then says she's sooooo busy with the current campaign and asks Alison if she can stay late to help her out. Alison eagerly replies, "Sure!"
Billy arrives at collection agency headquarters and finds Mary Smith doing paperwork in her cubicle. When he tells her who he is, she looks up his record and informs him that he owes $2,000 (plus interest) for a state student loan. Billy says he meant to pay that back - but decided not to when all of his earnings kept getting eaten up by rent and groceries. He asks Mary if she wouldn't mind cutting him some slack by erasing his debt, and she does her best to keep a straight face as she tells him that she too went to college and majored in romantic literature...and when that degree didn't translate to actual employment, she took a job at this collection agency in order to make a living and pay back her student loan. She tells him it's time to grow up, face reality, and figure out how he's going to pay his debts.
Keith drops by D&D to invite Alison over to his beach house later for a home-cooked dinner, and Alison smilingly accepts and says she just needs to get out of a pesky work thing. She heads over to Lucy's office and asks her assistant to tell Lucy she's not feeling well, and the assistant shoots her a disapproving stink-eye and says she'll let her soon-to-be-disappointed boss know that she's bailing out on her at the last minute.
Alison primps for her date while listening to Billy grumble about having to pay back his student loan. Alison snaps at him to shut up and just repay the thing so he doesn't screw with his credit rating...then changes the subject to Keith, and giggles about how she blew off a freelancing assignment to spend time with her new boyfriend. Billy makes a face and tells her that Keith seems way too perfect, then nosily asks her if she's planning on hitting the sheets with him tonight. Alison wails, "I don't knoooooow!" and says she's only been with two men in her life, and one was a sordid fling with a college professor. Billy urges her to be careful and fishes out a condom from his condom drawer.
Alison and Keith are lingering over a romantic, candle-lit dinner on the deck of his fantastic beach house. He tells her the most frightening moment in his life was seeing a great white shark while diving...and when he asks her what her most frightening moment was, she blushingly says, "Right now." He shoots her a creepishly intense stare, then takes her hand and steers her to the bedroom. As they tumble atop the bed, she acknowledges that this is probably the most appropriate, yet awkward moment for her to ask him about his sexual history. He assures her he's been tested, is AIDS free, and just came out of a long-term relationship. Alison looks satisfied enough with that, hands him Billy's condom, and the two get into some heavy smooching action.
The next morning, the two stare out at the ocean and exchange details on exactly how hot each thought the other was when they first met. He invites her to come back for round 2 this evening, and she responds by stripping off the man shirt she's wearing and playfully throwing it at him...and he sexily scampers after her to the bedroom.
Billy rails to Michael about Alison staying out at all hours with Keith, and how weird he thinks it is that she's so hung up on a guy she just met. When Michael just shrugs and is like, "She's a grown woman, so I really don't give a rat's ass", Jake ambles over and asks Billy how his debt problem is going. Billy continues to be bewildered that a collection agency would expect him to repay a student loan, and Michael suddenly gets all prickly and says it's deadbeats like him who default on their payments that make it hard for honest, law abiding med students to get loans and are then forced to borrow the money from their in-laws. Billy stares dumbly into space for a few seconds before muttering something unintelligible and quietly shuffling back to his apartment.
Lucy berates Alison for being two hours late for work, then admonishes her for squandering the chance to do some freelance work for her last night. She tells Alison it's clear she doesn't have her priorities in order, then barks at her to come in an hour early tomorrow.
Over dinner at Shooters, Alison tells Jane that her doinkfest with Keith was sooooo great, and that this is the first time she's been boned by a guy she really cares about. Jane says that that's exactly the way it was with Michael when they first hooked up, then picks at her food so she can continue starving off those pesky five pounds.
Billy drops by his parents' furniture store and tells his mom about his debt situation. She asks her boneheaded son why in blazes he'd take out a student loan when she and his father were paying his entire college bill, so he sheepishly tells her that, in lieu of getting a part time job to pay for the little extras, he took out a state loan for his personal expenses: e.g. skis, a stereo, dates. His mother shoots him an incredulous stare.
Alison arrives at Keith's beach house with food and a bottle of wine - just as Keith finishes a contentious personal phone call. When Alison asks him if he was just talking to his "old relationship", he's like, "Uh, no. That was my wife." Alison's all, "Wha-a-a-a? You're marrrrrried?!", then berates him for humiliating her before storming off. Keith chases after her and explains that he and his wife rarely see each other and that their marriage is pretty much history. He says he doesn't want to waste his life saddled with a defunct wife...and that, instead of just resolving the untenable situation by getting a divorce and moving on with his life, he avoids mentioning his marital status to new love interests 'cause he's afraid of scaring them off.
Alison is moping on the couch while Billy makes her a mug of hot chocolate. He says that even though he never actually met Keith, he knew all along what a shady guy he was. Alison says she lost herself in the budding romance, and that nothing else seemed to matter when she was with Keith. She tears up and admits that she's still crazy about him, and fears he's the only man she'll ever feel this way about.
Jane weighs herself and tells Michael she finally lost the five pounds of pregnancy weight, but now feels sad about losing the last connection she had with their miscarried spawn. Michael says it's normal for a miscarriage to have lasting effects - but that they have a lifetime to recover from it...and by lifetime he means toward the end of Season 1, when he starts his awesomely torrid affair with Kimberly Shaw.
Billy tells Alison he's considering moving back in with his parents so he can save enough money to pay off his student loan. Alison urges him to reconsider and offers him the use of her credit card, but Billy declines and says he's going to have to rely on his own wit and ingenuity to get himself out of this debt crisis.
Billy returns to collection agency headquarters to ask Mary Smith if they could work out a payment plan, and she's like, "Of course!" and says the goal of the agency isn't to make his life hell, but rather to get their money back. She tells him she'll run some numbers and get back to him.
Alison arrives late for a meeting with Lucy and stupidly says, "I completely spaced." When Lucy just glares at her in dismay, Alison explains that she's been having "intense personal problems" then needlessly tells her she got in over her head with a guy she's known barely two days...and that it quickly got very messy. Lucy tells Alison it's perfectly fine to have a love life as long as she never has to hear a word about it...then adds that it's pretty shortsighted and immature to let a relationship limit her career potential. When Lucy's assistant pops in to inform Alison that Keith called for her, Lucy shakes her head and mutters, "I hope he's worth it." Nope, doesn't seem to be.
Alison drops by Keith's beach house and tells him she can't seem to stop thinking about him, despite her aversion to breaking up a failing marriage...and instead of alluding to any kind of divorce plans on the horizon, Keith breezily promises it'll all work out somehow, and gives her a comforting hug.