Recap: Sydney visits Michael in jail, smugly remarks on how awful he looks, then says it must suck really hard to be locked up for a crime he didn't commit. She breezily says she wishes she could help him out - but since there's nothing she can do, she's simply going to put his plight out of her mind and go out for a nice lunch...and perhaps do some shopping. Michael begs her to pleaaaaaase help him, insists that Kimberly set him up with a faux assault charge, and pleads with her to find out what the crazy lady is up to. He lays it on thick about how she's the only friend he can truly trust right now, and Sydney visibly softens and agrees to look into whether or not Kimberly is concocting some kind of nefarious plot.

Pa Armstrong is enjoying breakfast outdoors on his lovely estate when Brooke and Billy amble over, hand in hand. Billy breaks the news that they're engaged, assures Pa that he loves his daughter, and is A-OK devoting the rest of his life to making the spoiled twit happy. Pa Armstrong wryly calls that "a tall order" and congratulates them - but is alarmed when Brooke tells him they're marrying this Saturday 'cause of how bafflingly desperate she is to lock this down. Pa Armstrong asks to speak with her privately...and while Billy is still in hearing range, he's like, "Are you out of your mind?" - uh, right? - but Brooke insists that while Billy might seem like a dipshitted lightweight, in fact he has lot of potential and, for some God-only-knows-why reason she's fallen deeply in love with him over the course of only a few weeks.

A dazed looking Kimberly arrives at the hospital, opens her locker in the staff lounge, and sees the goateed demon man in her little mirror. When Demon tells her they need to talk, she mutters that she doesn't want to lose her sanity [despite the sanity train having left the station a long time ago]. Demon retorts that he's always been inside of her, to which Kimberly moans, "This isn't haaaaappening..." He haughtily says he can't just sit back and do nothing...particularly with regard to Amanda and Michael, who both deserve acts of revenge for what they've done to her. Kimberly insists that she doesn't want to hurt anyone - but Demon threatens to continue living inside of her conscious mind until the job is finished. 

Jake returns to Shooters, gets enraged when he finds Jess working behind the bar, and tells him to get lost. Jess chides him for being ungrateful about all the hours he's been putting into the bar to keep it afloat while he was hospitalized, and Jake's all, "Blah blah...just fuck off already and get out of my life" and amen to that.

Sydney is at the hospital, getting examined by Kimberly for a set of wide-ranging (faux) symptoms. She expresses shock that Michael assaulted her and stalked Amanda, but hastily assures her she doesn't doubt her side of the story. Kimberly does her best to keep her focus on the examination and remarks to Sydney that her blood pressure is a bit high, so she's going to draw blood to send off to the lab. As Sydney starts chattering non-stop, Kimberly fixates on a pair of sharp scissors while Demon taunts, "What are you waiting for? This is your chance. Kill her, Kimberly. Do it. Do it." When Sydney asks Kimberly where she's living these days, she replies that she checked into a nearby motel, then picks up the scissors and looks as though she's seriously contemplating stabbing Sydney, but then noisily drops them back onto the tray.
​
Paul phones Matt to coo about how much he misses him, and inform him that he and Carol are meeting with their divorce lawyers later. He tells Matt he neeeeeeeeds to know he's going to hang in there with him, and Matt amiably assures him he's not going anywhere. 

Jane is busily working at her design studio when two deputies from the Sheriff's office burst in and announce that they've been ordered to shut the place down and seize the assets. When a panicked Jane demands to know whassup, one of the officers tells her the studio is in foreclosure and that she needs to vacate immediately. Jane wails that she has orders to fill and can't bear to leave behind her sketches, and he makes it clear how tiny of a rat's ass he could give about her inability to keep her design business financially afloat.

Over at Melrose Place, Jo tells Jess she just cooked him a tasty pasta dinner - but he shrugs disinterestedly and grumbles about being fired from Shooters. She points out that Shooters is by far not the only employer in town and promises to help him look at want ads tomorrow...and Jess suddenly looks contrite and apologizes for being such a downer and admits that the pasta smells delish. Before they're able to sit down, Jo gets a call from Alison in Hong Kong, who rails about her deteriorated relationship with Billy and finds herself tempted to get on a plane...and an irked Jess rips the phone receiver out of Jo's hand and snarlingly tells Alison that she's interfering with his 'Jo time' and causing their dinner to get cold. Yeesh. A weirded out looking Jo takes the receiver back, tells Alison she'll call her in the morning, and urges her to not leave Hong Kong until they've talked this out.  

Michael is stunned when he receives a jail visit from Peter Burns (!), who informs him that he'd be more than happy to pay his bail [in exchange for a rather large favor].

Jo runs into Billy when he (and Brooke) return from a morning jog...and pulls him aside to inquire about his sudden romance with Brooke. Billy says he loves Brooke and is marrying her this Saturday, and a stunned Jo's all, "The fuck?" and points out that clearly he's on the rebound from his toxic rollercoaster coupling with Alison. Billy points out that his relationship decisions are really none of her business...and that if she can't be supportive of his impending marriage, ill-advised as it may be, she prolly shouldn't RSVP to the wedding.

Over at the beach house, Michael tells Peter he's sooooo happy to be bailed out of jail...and Peter tells him that after attempting to murder Amanda in the They Shoot Mothers, Don't They? episode, he retained a great lawyer, got a mere slap on the wrist and ridiculously light sentence of community service, and was in and out of the jail system within three days. Michael marvels, "Wow...and you were guilty!" LOL. Peter goes on to explain that he's scheduled for a hearing with the medical board this week to determine whether or not he should lose his medical license [probably he should, IMO]. He tells Michael that in exchange for posting bail, he'd like him to recant his prior testimony about Amanda's faux emergency appendectomy...and sweetens the deal by suggesting that perhaps the two of them could be partners in a lucrative Beverly Hills practice. 

Alison is attending an AA meeting, Hong Kong style, when a handsome young man approaches her, tells her he liked what she shared with all the meeting-goers, and introduces himself as Ian Sinclair (from the Armstrong Sales Division). When he learns that she doesn't yet have a sponsor in Hong Kong, he offers to fill that void and hands her his card and tells her to feel free to call him any time.

​Michael is over at Jane's apartment, railing at her about her bankrupt studio despite Sydney sinking 100K of his money into it...which is a totally fair point. Jane weakly explains that she used the bulk of the 100K to pay off her creditors, but that it wasn't enough - just as Amanda stops in to deliver the invoice for the D&D campaign her studio had commissioned. Amanda is stunned to see that Michael is out of jail, and is even more stunned when he explains that his bail was paid courtesy of Peter Burns. She says she's skeptical of that, 'cause she's under the delusion that after being charged for her attempted murder, he'd rightly be deeply holed up in the prison system. Michael just shrugs and says that Peter just got himself a good lawyer - correction: they both have a good lawyer...to which Amanda snarkishly tells him to stay far away from her. Michael cackles about her flattering herself for thinking that he'd risk prison to go anywhere near her, then says he's seriously contemplating slapping a defamation suit on her that'll drain her finances and cause her to go bankrupt, like Jane. After he saunters off, Amanda turns her attention back to Jane and is like, "What's this about you being bankrupt?" and Jane admits that, yep, her business is officially defunct and that D&D is going to have to get in line with the rest of her creditors. Amanda says she couldn't give two shits 'bout that and needlessly shares that she's meeting with Richard Hart, the new president of Mackenzie Hart Designs. Jane's all, "Wha-a-a-at?!" and says she looooooves Mackenzie Hart, who is apparently the reason she became a designer. She implores Amanda to introduce her to Richard, but Amanda derisively says she highly doubts the man would have any interest in her shitty scribbles, then sashays off to work.

In the next scene, Jane shows up at D&D, spots Richard Hart ambling towards the elevators with Amanda and Brooke, and brazenly walks over to introduce herself. Amanda apologizes to Richard for the intrusion and snarls at Jane to get lost - but Jane roughly shoves Amanda away from her and jumps into the elevator with Richard so she can have a private one-on-one. Jane explains to Richard that up until yesterday she had her own design company...then interprets the blank look on his face as one of disinterest and deflatedly apologizes for bothering him. He hands her a business card and invites her to stop by Mackenzie Hart Designs tomorrow, and she beams happily and thanks him for the opportunity. 

Sydney tells Michael she figured out which motel Kimberly is currently living in - but isn't under the impression she's up to no good, judging from how sweetly she acted towards her during her medical exam earlier. Michael reminds Sydney how intensely Kimberly hates her guts, and implores her to sneak into her motel room and have a good look around...preferably with a camera so that she can capture any visible proof of her nuttiness.

Paul calls a local florist to order roses for his wife...and a few seconds later, Matt drops by and the two head out together. 

Sydney calls the hospital to verify that Kimberly is on duty, then sneaks into her motel room via an unlocked window. She enters the bathroom and finds the mirror covered with photos of various Melrose Place cast members - Amanda, Jane, Matt, Michael, Sydney - with their eyes gouged out. Sydney stares concernedly at the disturbing collage, mumbles, "Kimberly, you're not a well woman", and takes several photographs.

Michael and Sydney head over to the nearest police precinct with the collage photos - but the unimpressed officer glances at the photographs, correctly assumes that they were obtained illegally, and reminds Sydney that he's well aware of the fact that she recently spent time in the psych ward for trying to kill Michael. After that, he wryly reminds Michael that he's currently out on bail for stalking and assault. He tells them he has zero interest in their theories about Kimberly Shaw being a demented threat to society, and suggests they leave before he decides to look into their lawbreaking. 

Peter is carrying out his community service in a medi-clinic when Kimberly drops by. She makes it clear how unhappy she is that Michael is out on bail...and the two exchange barbs about each other's lousy judge of character, blah blah. Peter shifts gears and admits that he's had naughty sex fantasies about her, then cheekily asks her out. Kimberly looks as though she's considering it, then wonders aloud what'll happen if the reality of their sexing doesn't measure up to his wet dreams, to which he coquettishly counters, "What if it does?"

Jane is at the Mackenzie Hart design studio, tooting her horn with Richard Hart about what a great designer she is - but that she doesn't have the cash and/or business know-how to not run her own design studio into the ground. Richard agrees that her work is solid and innovative, promises to pass along her portfolio to Mackenzie, and declares that the three of them will further discuss the matter at dinner tonight.

Alison calls D&D and is accidentally transferred to Amanda, who drops the bombshell news that Billy is marrying Brooke this weekend...and that she's been asked to serve as maid of honor. Alison's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and stares into space with an expression of shocked befuddlement.

Billy drops by Shooters to ask Jake if he'll be his best man. Jake points out how dumbfuckingly idiotic it is to marry a woman he met five minutes ago - but then says he just wants him to be happy and is A-OK standing up for him at his wedding.

Back in Hong Kong, Alison moans to Ian Sinclair about how her beloved Billy is marrying another woman this weekend, so Ian stupidly suggests she fly home asap, adding that surely Pa Armstrong won't mind her absence, considering the fact that he created this position especially for her...and Alison's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" at that last thing.

Carol Graham is heading out of town for her niece's graduation...and Paul wishes her adieu and promises a fun getaway for the two of them to Laguna when she returns. Paul then goes back inside, phones Matt to falsely report that Carol has just moved out, and says he wants them to be together. Matt says he definitely likes the sound of that and agrees to meet up with him at the hospital later. 

That evening at Dominique's restaurant, Mackenzie is looking over Jane's sketches and grilling her about what she thinks makes a good designer and whether or not she's ever stolen another designer's ideas. Mackenzie then gets up, criticizes Jane's outfit while calling her 'Janet', and sashays off. When Jane stares glumly at Richard, he informs her that Mackenzie's odd behavior is actually a clear sign that she likes her and that she starts work at the design studio tomorrow. 
​
While standing at an overlook above downtown L.A., Jess tells Jo he found a construction job...and Jo's all, "Hurray!" at that low bar achievement and gives him a congratulatory hug. Jess gushes about how she represents "home" to him and wants to make things permanent, including their [chemistry-free] relationship. When he proposes marriage, Jo kind of laughs (while I laughed too), then sheepishly says she assumed he was kidding. Jess gets visibly pissed off, says he's not in the mood to talk about marriage anymore, and yells at her to get on his motorbike so that he can drop her off at her apartment.

Kimberly arrives at Peter's house dressed in fancy evening wear. She tells him she has two tickets for the opera...and Peter sexily retorts that he hates the opera, tosses the tickets onto the floor, and presses against her for an amorous smooch. 

The next day, Peter is over at the beach house, coaching Michael on what he should say to the medical board in order to successfully back pedal his prior testimony...and Michael says he'd be more than happy to do his bidding in exchange for being out on bail. Peter then informs him that he just started dating Kimberly, and looks totally unfazed when Michael issues a dire warning about how the woman is more than a few clowns short of a circus.

Back at the Mackenzie Hart design studio, Richard shows Jane some bad sketches and tells Jane that, basically, Mackenzie wants to rubber stamp her (Jane's) designs under the Mackenzie Hart umbrella. Jane argues that she would much prefer to get credit for her work, and Richard somehow refrains from pointing out that, since she's clearly incapable of running her own design firm, she's certainly not going to get individualized credit while working at a studio run by someone else. He suggests they chat more about it at dinner later. 

Later that evening, Richard escorts Jane to her door...and when he remarks on how she has the skills of a top designer but not the killer instinct, Jane vehemently denies that [totally spot-on] assessment and leans in for a big smooch. Richard's immediate reaction is, "I should get going" - but Jane continues to smooch him and then steers him into her apartment.

Alison calls Pa Armstrong to haughtily inform him that she's resigning from her made-up job, effective right now. Pa Armstrong weakly claims that he merely created a job for her 'cause he has a special eye for talent - but she snarls, "Save it" and says it's obvious that the newly created position had everything to do with Brooke conniving to get her hooks into Billy and then rushing him to the altar.

Peter runs into Kimberly in the hospital parking lot, hands her a bouquet of flowers, and makes it clear how into her he is. As she basks in the flattery, he invites her to be his plus one at the Beverly Hills Physicians' Association cocktail party tomorrow night...and sexily urges her to bring along her toothbrush. As Kimberly blushingly gets into the driver's seat and is ready to drive off, goateed Demon appears in the rearview mirror and admonishes her for getting so distracted with a new romance. Kimberly buries her head in her hands and moans, "I can't taaaaaake this" and proposes killing herself as the only way to get rid of him. She then squeals out of the parking lot and drives maniacally as Demon warns her against doing something she'll regret. She wails that she's ready to die to be rid of him - but when she brings the car to a screeching halt, she's relieved that Demon's unsightly reflection is no longer staring back at her. She happily murmurs, "I'm free" [though, spoiler: not].

Pa Armstrong calls Brooke at D&D to inform her that Alison just quit her fake job, knows about her/Billy's wedding, and is likely returning to the U.S. as they speak. Brooke says she's worried that Alison is going to spoil her wedding and snappishly orders her pa to keep Alison from finding out Billy's general whereabouts until they're safely hitched. After she slams down the phone, Amanda walks over and admits that she's the one who spilled the beans to Alison about the wedding - but before Brooke can react to that act of blabbery, Billy ambles into his cubicle and agrees to Brooke's urgent request to keep the wedding planning on schedule by staying at Casa Armstrong tonight.

Jo drops by Jess's workplace/construction site and says she was worried when he didn't come home last night. Jess apologizes, admits to being a jerk, and explains that her refusal to commit to marriage really got under his skin. Jo ignores that red flag and reminds him that before last night they never talked about commitment, and doesn't know if she's even interested in anything long-term - just as the foreman yells at Jess to stop jabbering with his girlfriend and get back to work. 

Mackenzie tells Richard she tried calling him several times last night, so he fibs that he was working late with Jane...and when she asks if he slept with her, he gives her an adamant no, but then reminds her that they agreed it was OK for each of them to see other people. Mackenzie says she only faux agreed to that so she wouldn't lose him, adding that she can't stand the thought of him doinking another woman. She self-deprecatingly says she totally gets that she's no spring chicken - but is sure he feels a little something for her...and when Richard half-heartedly agrees that he does, Mackenzie leans in for a smooch. From across the studio, Jane happens to glance over at that moment and witnesses the canoodling.

Matt arrives at Paul's house for some takeout Chinese food. Paul says he hasn't heard from Carol, and that she left a lot of her things behind...like the expensive candle holders on the table, for example. Matt unwisely picks up one of the candle holders to admire it close up, and the camera pans in to emphasize that he noticeably gets his fingerprints all over it. 

Jane snippily tells Richard that she spotted him and Mackenzie smooching earlier, and Richard sheepishly informs her that he routinely puts out in order to keep his well-paying job. Jane declares that she won't play the role of "the other woman", especially since he's not married, then leans in for a kiss...and for some reason doesn't ask why Mackenzie and Richard have the same last name (which I found rather confusing).

Alison has boarded an L.A. bound plane, which suddenly experiences mechanical issues and is now going to be delayed for four hours. Alison complains to her disinterested seat mate that it looks as though she's not going to make it to a wedding nobody wants her at.

At the Beverly Hills Physicians' Association cocktail party, a hot and bothered Kimberly tells Peter she wants to jump his bones right now, and he tells her the feeling's mutual and that he'll prove it to her - but only after he's done networking with other rich doctors. As they press against each other and suck face, they're interrupted by Michael and his date (Sydney). Kimberly warns Sydney that dating a classless brute like Michael could be hazardous to her health, and Michael quickly tires of the tedious back and forth and says he's off to make small talk with people who can further his medical career. Kimberly, meanwhile, excuses herself and heads over to the ladies room.  

Demon is staring at Kimberly from the ladies room mirror and chiding her for letting everyone - Peter included - walk all over her. Kimberly defends Peter and insists on continuing their budding romance, and Demon says 'fine', but then asks what she plans on doing with the others. At that moment, Sydney is about to enter the ladies room - but stops short when she overhears Kimberly telling Demon that she'll kill Michael, along with the Melrose Place residents she most despises...and Sydney backs away from the door, looking thoroughly weirded out.

Wedding day! Billy canoodles Brooke in bed and assures her he has no doubts about marrying a woman he barely knows, and that he wants to grow [slightly] old[er] with her. Brooke gushes about the wonderful life they're going to have, and then the two indulge in a lengthy smoochfest.

Michael tells the medical board panel that his previous testimony about Peter Burns should be considered hogwash, and that performing emergency surgery on Amanda had been necessary. Amanda, meanwhile, testifies that Peter stabbed her with a needle with the intention of needlessly cutting her open...and that if they don't revoke Peter's medical license, she plans to sue each of them for reckless endangerment. With that said, she brusquely announces she has a wedding to get to (LOL) and exits the conference room. She runs into Kimberly, who's canoodling with Peter, and admonishes her for her horrible taste in men...and when Kimberly is called as a character witness, Peter looks helplessly intrigued by the sight of Amanda as she awaits the next available elevator.

At the wedding, Amanda sees that Jane's plus one is Richard Hart, so she tells Jane she kinda admires her ruthlessness in uncharacteristically bulldozing her way into the Mackenzie Hart studio. Elsewhere on the estate, Pa Armstrong warns Billy that Brooke is a spoiled brat who's used to getting what she wants, and therefore he expects her new husband to make her extra happy...and that if he does anything to cause her a nanosecond of discomfort, he'll promptly take away all the perks of marrying into the Armstrong family. Billy puff up his little chest and counter-warns Pa Armstrong that if he does anything to ruin his marriage, "You'll have me to deal with" ... and Pa manages to keep a straight face when he expresses surprise at his new son-in-law's backbone and likes that he's not reacting to his threats like a frightened boy-child.

Paul drops by Matt's office to tell him he bought groceries for tonight's dinner - but has to work later than planned. He suggests that Matt come by and start cooking...then hands him the keys to the house and assures him that the alarm system won't be set and that he should just make himself at home. [Noooooo, Matt!! Don't do it!]

Peter returns home with Kimberly in tow, and says he hopes the medical board will rule in his favor. Kimberly suggests they bump uglies to pass the time - just as one of the board members telephones to inform Peter that, yep, he gets to keep his medical license. Kimberly gushingly congratulates him and pulls him atop her so they can start going at it - but he suddenly looks not into the prospect of boning her anymore, and tells her he has a ton of work to do before he can get reinstated at the hospital. Ouch. Kimberly looks visibly disappointed as she shuffles over to the door and exits the house...then becomes visibly enraged when she overhears (through an open window) Peter leave an 'I miss you despite having tried to kill you' phone message for Amanda. While all that's happening, Sydney is spying on Kimberly from inside her car across the street...and then Demon appears in the reflection of Peter's living room window, telling Kimberly that since every cast mate on Melrose Place is against her, "it's time". Kimberly must agree, 'cause she promptly climbs into her car and squeals off (and is followed by an increasingly concerned Sydney).

Alison arrives at LAX and jumps into a cab and gives the driver the address of Casa Armstrong.

As soon as Matt lets himself into Paul's house, the security alarm starts blaring. He tries to call Paul, but can't reach him...and a few seconds later, he notices Carol's lifeless body in a nearby bedroom. He stares at the grisly crime scene (blood + the candle stick that was clearly used as the murder weapon) before bolting to the front door - just as police officers burst in and immediately place him under arrest.

Back at Melrose Place, Jess tells Jo he's extremely serious about wanting to marry her and presents her with a ring (without the usual little velvet box). Jo scrunches her face into a seriously? expression and asks him if he purchased the thing legitimately...then says that, sure, the sex is electric [er, OK] - but they should prolly get to know each other better before they even consider getting married. Jess reacts by shooting her the stink-eye and then gives her a brutal looking face smack that knocks her to the floor, and then tries to force the ring onto her finger. Jo yells at him to get out and throws a lamp at him, then locks herself in the bathroom - but Jess breaks the door down and beats her as he barks, "You belong to me, and the rest of the world's going to know it!" He then exits the bathroom, where Jo is laying unconscious on the floor, and snappishly tells her to clean up this mess.

Back at Wedding Central, Billy is about to say "I do" when Alison appears, shrieks, "Billy! Don't!", and frantically explains that Brooke orchestrated her relocation to Hong Kong and falsely led him to believe that she (Alison) didn't love him anymore. Billy just kind of shrugs and says he's determined to get married regardless, and that if she can't respect his decision, she needs to leave. Alison stares at him incredulously for several seconds, then spacily wanders off. 

Jane rushes after Alison and offers to give her a ride home, but Alison snarlingly calls her a traitor before stalking off alone...and suffers the indignity of having to listen to the applause of the wedding guests when Billy and Brooke are officially declared husband and wife. 

Brooke tells her pa to do everything within his power to ensure that Alison stays far away from where she and Billy are honeymooning (Hawaii) ... and a few seconds later, the newlyweds climb into a limo while the guests wave goodbye. 

Billy tells Brooke that, oops, he accidentally left their Hawaii plane tickets in his apartment...so Brooke directs the limo driver to make a stop at Melrose Place, then engages in an endless smoochfest with her dimwitted new husband.

Kimberly enters the Melrose Place courtyard carrying gasoline cans, while Sydney is in pursuit and spying on her from several feet away. When Kimberly slips into the laundry room, Sydney follows her and is all 'ack!' when she sees that, along with the gasoline cans, Kimberly also has a stash of dynamite sticks. Sydney foolishly descends the staircase [instead of simply rushing to the nearest phone to alert the bomb squad], where she's quickly confronted by Kimberly...and when Sydney threatens to call the police and then tries to make a break for it, Kimberly grabs her and knocks her unconscious.

Peter receives a delivery, seemingly from Amanda: a bottle of champagne and a note inviting him to meet her at Melrose Place at 6pm. 

Over at the police precinct, Matt is explaining to the detectives that he was at Paul's house to innocently cook him dinner...and when the security alarm went off, he tried to call Paul when he happened to spot Carol's bloodied corpse on the bedroom floor. The detectives inform him that both Carol and Paul have filed harassment complaints against him and advise him to get a lawyer asap - just as Paul appears in the doorway of the interrogation room and cries, "You murdered my wife, you disgusting pervert!" and tells the cops he had warned Carol that Matt was dangerous. Matt finally gets a clue what's really going on here and stares in dazed horror at Paul while murmuring, "You set me up." That he did, Matt. That he did.

Kimberly has tied and gagged Sydney, and is humming to herself as she carries in more flammables and glances over at a homemade bomb. She openly tells Sydney how the carnage will unfold via the four firebombs that have been strategically placed throughout the Melrose Place complex:

• The first one will blow up the laundry room
• The second was planted underneath Alison's apartment, but only 'cause she lives next door to Matt (who she hates with the intensity of a thousand suns)
• Either I missed it, or she skipped the details about the third firebomb
• The fourth and biggest firebomb is reserved for Amanda for the crime of catching the roving eye of her philandering clown of a husband

Kimberly gleefully tells Sydney that with one push of the detonator button all of Melrose Place will be toast...then orders her to talk to Michael on the phone and urge him to come over, pronto. She warns Sydney that if she refuses or tips Michael off that he's going to be walking into a bomb situation, she'll take a blow torch to her face. A terrified Sydney complies and tells Michael to get over to Melrose Place asap, fibbing that Kimberly wants to confess to him personally for being the one who stalked Amanda and set him up for the assault in the beach house. She urges him to come quickly, adding that they'll be waiting for him in the laundry room.

Peter arrives at Melrose Place, clutching his bottle of champagne, and quickly runs into Amanda and Jake. When Amanda's all, "The fuck are you doing here?", he stares at her in puzzlement and says he received a note from her, asking him to drop by at 6pm. Amanda denies sending him any note - just as a severely injured Jo crawls out of her apartment and cries for help. Jake races up the stairs, becomes red with fury when he learns that she was beaten by Jess, and runs off to confront his douchebag of a yokelly brother. Amanda calls 911, then helps Peter carry Jo inside her apartment so that he can properly attend to her.

Alison, meanwhile, is holed up in her apartment (which it looks like she kept despite moving to Hong Kong) with a bottle of vodka. When she looks out the window and spots Billy and Brooke walking hand-in-hand across the courtyard, she reacts by guzzling the vodka.

Jake storms over to the construction site, climbs to the upper level where Jess is working, and gives his brother a well-deserved punch in the face. Jess snarls that the beating he gave his fiancée is none of his bidness, then comes right out and admits that, yep, he was behind the Shooters robbery that was supposed to result in his demise. He grumbles that he now has to finish the job himself, and an enraged Jake lunges at him...sending both men flying off the building with an unknown fate, 'cause the camera pans away. 

Back at Melrose Place, Michael finds Sydney tied and gagged in the laundry room...and as he's pulling off her restraints, Kimberly hits him on the head from behind. He turns around and wrestles her to the ground and successfully knocks her out, and Sydney warns him that they have to skedaddle asap 'cause there are bombs planted everywhere. The two race out of the laundry room and start knocking on doors, frantically warning everyone about impending doom - but are met with skepticism (by Jane), as well as outright indifference (by Alison, who drunkenly yells at them to leave her alone). Mackenzie Hart suddenly arrives, sees Richard canoodling Jane, and yells, "Whore!" - LOL - and Michael warns that there's no time - no time! - to slut-shame Jane 'cause a series of bombs are about to go off. Billy rushes upstairs to his apartment to fetch Brooke - just as Kimberly emerges from the laundry to gleefully inform everyone, "It's not what it looks like", then pushes the button on the detonator and grinningly adds, "It's worse." 

And this is where the writers decided to abruptly end the Season 3 finale.

​Thoughts? Questions?

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Recap: In the hospital waiting room, Matt updates the Melrose Place gang about Jake's condition after being shot in the torso: he suffered internal damage and needs surgery asap. When Jo says she reaaaaally neeeeeeeds to see Jake, Matt tells her that Jake expressed a specific desire to not see her, but that he did ask for Amanda. Ouch.

While Jake is being wheeled to surgery, he tells Amanda he's fairly certain that Jess was responsible for the shooting, and that he wants her to help him uncover proof of the allegation.

Brooke arrives at D&D, uncrumples Alison's Dear Billy letter, and reads the contents...which mostly consist of Alison's declaration of love for Billy and her desire for them to be together - but that she's also totes fine if he doesn't feel the same way about her and would prefer to sever all ties. Either way, she's passively leaving their future in his hands. Brooke mutters, "This won't do at all" and shreds the letter, then types up a new version in which Alison tells Billy that long distance relationships never work out. 

Amanda is sitting by Jake's bedside when Sydney wanders into the room to get an update on how he's doing. Jake regains consciousness a few seconds later and looks happy to see Sydney, who assures him that no one else at Shooters suffered injury during the robbery attempt. Jake thanks her, but then makes it clear that he really only wants Amanda to keep him company.

Back at D&D, Brooke delivers the rewritten Dear Billy letter and tells Billy it's from Alison. He eagerly opens it...and quickly looks disappointed when he reads that Alison thinks it's time for them to go their separate ways and remain platonic friends - but also understands if he opts to sever all ties. Billy shakes his head in dismay and calls it cold, but also "classic Alison", then heads outside for some much needed air.

Over in the hospital's workout room, Matt tells Paul that his wife-beard openly threatened him and that he's extremely miffed to be positioned as the bad guy. Paul faux explains that Carol was angry, hurt, and wailing uncontrollably after learning that her husband bedded another man...and so he reacted by panicking and deferring all blame onto his sex partner. Matt declares that this situation isn't working out for him at all, but promises that he'll be there as a friendly only sounding board whenever necessary.

At Shooters, Sydney wraps up questions from two detectives investigating the shooting, then ambles across the room and looks appalled when she sees Jess working behind the bar. She snarlingly tells him he doesn't belong here, and Jess counter-snarls that as Jake's next-of-kin he (presumptuously) re-hired himself. He then points out that she has even less business being at Shooters than he does, on account of 1) she no longer works at Shooters, and 2) Jake dumped her for cheating. He taunts her about how she only wishes she were part of the Hanson family, then sanctimoniously says he's doing whatever he can to keep his brother's bar up and running...and that she needs to stay the hell out of his way.

Across the globe, Alison is shown to her luxurious Hong Kong office with its spectacular view while her tour guide (Lin) informs her that the office used to belong to Pa Armstrong. She then tells Alison to spend the day getting acclimated to her new surroundings, and that tomorrow she'll give her a complete tour and introduce her to the various department heads. Alison thanks her, then seats herself behind the big wooden desk and places a call to D&D.

Billy is on his way out of the D&D building with Brooke when the receptionist informs him he has an incoming call from Hong Kong. Brooke urges him to pass, pointing out that talking to Alison will only upset him on what should be a happy day. Billy chews on that advice for a few seconds, then tells the receptionist to tell Alison he's already left for the day. Ouch. 

Kimberly opens her locker in the doctors' lounge at the hospital and pretends to look horrified by the sight of a disembodied mannequin head sporting a brown wig with a knife imbedded in one eye and a sign reading 'You forgot something'. She shrieks, "Damn you, Michael!" while several colleague extras are in the room to witness the gruesome sight and hear her moan about how Dr. Mancini has been harassing her for weeks. A few seconds later, Michael saunters into the room...and as everyone glares at him in disgust, Kimberly admonishes his cruelty. He glances over at the mannequin head inside her locker, denies having anything to do with putting it there, and expresses disbelief that anyone would seriously believe he'd have the time or interest in doing such a thing. He then chuckles and tells Kimberly she should do something cleverer next time...and when she tearfully pleads with him to leave her alone, he chucklingly retorts, "Everyone knows I've been trying to leave you alone for months." After he and the colleague extras exit the room, a chagrined Kimberly yanks the knife out of the mannequin head and calls Amanda at D&D. She tells her that Michael has been gaslighting her by making her look like the crazy one, then suggests they meet up for dinner later to discuss it further...and Amanda agrees that, yep, the two of them need to join forces.

Brooke phones Alison to tell her that after reading the [re-written] Dear Billy letter, Billy decided he wanted to restart his life - but couldn't face saying goodbye to her directly, which was also the reason he declined to drive her to the airport [even though it was obvious that Amanda was the reason he wasn't able to get away from D&D long enough in order to give her a lift that day]. Brooke further explains that Billy needs to find his own niche in life...and so she just wanted to call and explain his state of mind so that there'd be no confusion as to why he's not phoning her in Hong Kong.

Amanda enters the underground parking garage below the D&D building and hears ominous sounding footsteps behind her. She glances around suspiciously, then races to her red Porsche, which has 'Die bitch' spray-painted across the side. She climbs into the driver's seat and is squealing off when the person attached to the footsteps reveals herself to be Kimberly...wearing a pair of man shoes. 

Jess drops by Jake's hospital room, but Jake snarls at him to get out and outright accuses him of being responsible for the shooting. Jess calls the accusation crazy - just as Jo appears and corroborates that Jess was with her when the shooting occurred. Jess hands Jake an envelop with last night's Shooter's earnings...and when Jake barks at him to stay the hell away from his bar, Jess calls him an ungrateful jerk and reminds him he still has bills and salaries to pay...then vows to do everything possible to ensure that the bar stays afloat.

​Kim arrives at the restaurant late and apologetically fibs to Amanda that she was unexpectedly pulled into an emergency surgery. Amanda shares that Michael just stalked her in the D&D parking garage, no doubt 'cause he's sooooo angry about the lawsuit she just filed against him. Kimberly mulls over that theory and suggests he's probably more mad that they both dumped him [despite the reality that Michael unmistakably dumped Kimberly in full view of anyone who just happened to be in the hospital hallway that day]. Amanda admits that she's increasingly skeered about what horrors Michael might unleash upon her next, and Kimberly's like, "I hear that" and says they're going to have to get him before he causes either of them anymore harm...and so it's crucial that they stick together. Amanda agrees wholeheartedly, and makes it clear that she totally believes she (Kimberly) is the true victim of Michael's increasingly disturbing behavior.

The inept thugs (who shot Jake during the previous episode) show up at Shooters to demand the other half of their money. Jess points out that since they screwed the pooch by not murdering Jake as per the deal, he doesn't feel like he should have to pay. The dismayed thugs warn that, as long as the bill is outstanding, they'll settle the matter one way or another. 

Amanda drops by the beach house to haughtily inform Michael that she told the police about him stalking her last night in the parking garage, then gives him an estimate of how much it's going to cost to get 'Die bitch' scrubbed off of her Porsche. Michael stares back at her confusedly and says he was at the hospital all evening performing surgery, and that clearly Kimberly is filling her head with a lot of nonsense. 

Paul tells Matt he's legally separated, and that the papers are being served to Carol as they speak. Matt says he's happy that their budding romance now has a chance and gives him a hug. Paul says he could use a hand moving his things outa the house, specifically this evening at 7pm...but warns that since Carol could get extremely upset, he (Matt) should wait for him outside so that she's less likely to blow a gasket. 

​Jess stops in at Jo's apartment to coo about how much he's missed her since the last time they bumped uglies, and then start smooching in earnest. During a pause in the foreplay, he hands her a jewelry box...and for a few seconds she's unsure whether or not it's an engagement ring - ack! - but quickly discovers it's a brooch that belonged to his now deceased ma. After he gushes about how much his ma would have liked her, the two start going at it yet again. 

Kimberly lays in wait under the beach house deck until Michael leaves for his nightly jog. She proceeds to sneak inside, fill her large purse with some household items, then mischievously decrees, "Let the games begin!" She starts smashing breakables and overturning furniture, throwing red wine bottles at the walls, and violently rips open her dress (!). 
​
Over at Casa Graham, a bemused Carol asks Paul if Matt is still parked outside their house, and Paul just shrugs and says he has no idea what in blazes Matt thinks he's doing out there. Carol hands Paul a drink and remarks on how weird it is that Matt just quietly watches the house, and suggests calling the police - but Paul points out that he's not actually breaking any laws. He tells her he'll talk to Matt at the hospital tomorrow and implore him to back off, then tells Carol how sorry he is for being seduced into indulging in a non-hetero sex romp [even though no one held a gun to his head and forced him to participate]. Carol smiles and says she's totally understanding about his infidelity - I guess in lieu of accepting the obvious reality that her husband should prolly come out of the closet sometime soon. Matt, meanwhile, gets tired of waiting for Paul to emerge and irritably drives off. 

As Michael jogs back to the beach house, Kimberly has bloodied up her right cheek with absurdly huge scratch marks that make it look as though she's just been attacked by a wild animal...and is calling 911 to shriekily report that her husband started beating her when she stopped by their beach house to pick up a few things. She then hangs up the phone and flops atop the couch...and when Michael enters the beach house a few seconds later, he's stunned to see the living room in such disarray, then hovers worriedly over a lifeless looking Kimberly. She suddenly grabs him by the shirt and wrestles with him while simultaneously begging him to not kill her...and when two police officers burst in, they immediately pull Michael off of her and put him in handcuffs. Michael reacts to the obvious set-up by glaring at Kimberly and unhelpfully threatening, "I'm going to get you!" while the police officers steer him out of the house. 

Across town at Melrose Place, Billy and Brooke are canoodling in bed together after having dining with Pa Armstrong and his newest squeeze. Brooke sheepishly apologizes for dragging him to dinner, but figured it was better than him spending the evening stewing about his failed relationship with Alison. Billy chews on that before declaring that he's done running from relationship to relationship...a few seconds before Alison calls from Hong Kong. Alison gabbles about how fantastic her new job is, but that she left certain things (e.g. them) unfinished in L.A., as she indicated in her Dear Billy letter. Billy sourly references the out-of-context "sever all ties" line...and instead of Alison clarifying that her letter mostly expressed her fervent desire for them to get back together, she sadly tells him she understands his need to move on and wishes him good luck with that. 
​
The next morning, Paul fibs to Matt that Carol was inconsolable last night...and that while he hasn't changed his mind about wanting to leave her, he needs to be understanding towards his wife-beard and hopes that Matt can be understanding as well.

Jo drops by Jake's hospital room with a bouquet of flowers and proudly reports that Jess has been working fourteen hour shifts at Shooters. An unimpressed Jake grimaces and mutters, "He's workin' for something", then once again accuses Jess of trying to kill him. He notices the brooch Jo is wearing, angrily explains that he bought it for his ma on her birthday before Jess hid it soon after her death, and snarlingly yells at Jo to get the hell out of his room.

Michael, who's now clad in an orange jumpsuit, is brought into a courtroom for his bail hearing. He sees Amanda in attendance and happily assumes she's there to help him...but when she makes it clear that she's on Team Kimberly, he self-piteously mumbles, "Why didn't she kill me the first time?" and correctly assumes he's totally screwed. He insists to the judge that he didn't lay a finger on Kimberly, while the opposing attorney claims that Kimberly is deathly afraid of him...and the camera pans over to where she's sitting and looking comically meek and defenceless with a sling on one arm and a bandage across the side of her face. The judge weighs both arguments for a nanosecond before setting bail at 200K, prompting Michael to wail that he doesn't have that kind of dough and pleads, in vain, for the court's mercy.

Billy and Brooke are back at the Santa Monica Pier, playing air hockey and having a light-heartedly lovely time. Brooke breezily points out how awesome it is to just enjoy life in this type of carefree manner, then jokingly [though: not] proposes that if she wins the next air hockey match, they should get married. When she scores the winning goal a few seconds later, Billy says he's totally willing to honor the bet...and after the two exit the arcade, he non-jokingly asks, "Will you be my wife?" [despite the idiocy of him even contemplating marrying someone he's known for less than a month.] Brooke - who somehow fails to grasp that she could do a whole lot better in the husband department than a blank-faced nitwit like Billy - happily chirps, "Yes! I'd loooove to be your wife!" before the two lock lips in a celebratory smoochfest.

Kimberly returns to her motel room, examines the ridiculously large scratches on her cheek, then hallucinates a sinister looking goateed man staring at her from the other side of the mirror, warning her not to run away. When Kimberly stares back at him in horror and begs him to leave her alone, he taunts, "I'm inside you. We have so much work to do together" ... and she responds by clutching her head and repeating, "I'm not crazy. I'm fine!" followed by, "No no no no no!"

​Oh boy.

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Recap: Jake has packed up Jess's meagre belongings and is dumping them outside his front door when Jess wanders over (after having spent the night in Jo's apartment - ew) to ask whassup. Jake says he's officially kicking him out, and that he needn't bother showing up for his Shooters shift 'cause he's fired. Jess calls his reaction to his blechy hookup with Jo ridiculous, points out that he (Jake) doesn't own Jo, who - and this is completely besides the point - allegedly told him he was the best sex she's ever had. He continues to taunt Jake about how awesome it's been to hit the sack with her and thanks him for "warming her up" ... and Jake responds by growling, "You sonofabitch.." and giving him a well deserved punch in the face. The two then go at it for several seconds - until Jo races downstairs and pulls Jake off of her lover. Jake shoots them both the stink-eye and coldly declares to Jess that, as of now, they're nothing to each other and that he doesn't ever want to see him again. 

Across the complex, Matt offers Paul coffee, but he declines 'cause he has to rush off to the hospital. He gushes about what an orgasmic delight last night was and promises to call him later. After he leaves, Matt notices that he left behind his beeper...but when he tries to catch him, he sees that Paul has already disappeared from the courtyard.

The hospital's Chief of Staff, a no-nonsense type old guy named Calvin Hobbs, summons Michael and Kimberly to his office. He asks Kimberly if it's true that she penned a suicide note...and when she admits she did, he calls it a very serious situation. Michael concurs and pretends as though his only motive in blowing the whistle on his soon-to-be ex was to alert the hospital to a potentially dangerous personnel situation - but Hobbs just shoots him a withering glare, then chides them both for dragging the hospital into their personal baggage. He orders them to find a way to work together amicably, otherwise they'll both be suspended...and Kimberly and Michael respond by shaking hands before exiting the office and getting back to work.

While strolling in a neighborhood park, Brooke tells Alison she took the liberty of arranging an interview for her with her dad's company for [what I can only assume is a made up] VP of Marketing position - but Alison says she'd much prefer to kick back and maybe repair her fractured relationship with Billy. Brooke argues that she should strike while the iron's hot and at least interview for the job to see if it's something she'd be interested in.

Over at Mancini Designs, Jane asks Sydney what she did with the heroin, and Sydney tells her she flushed it all down the toilet. Jane says that while that's a good first step, she also needs to find a way to nullify the pantyhose contract with Vince and Jim, then grabs Sydney and urgently tells her she neeeeeeds to get them out of this mess today. A few seconds later, Sydney answers the phone...and when she realizes it's Jim, she calls him out on slipping heroin in the boxes along with the pantyhose and makes it clear to anyone who may be listening in to their bugged phone that she knows nothing of any drug trafficking. Jim assures her he can explain everything and wants to meet up with her for dinner 'cause of how well they clicked, and a flattered Sydney accepts...then tells Jane she has the situation under control.

Matt drops by Paul's office to return his beeper, then happens to notice a framed photo of Paul and a pretty brunette. When he asks (Paul's assistant) Susan who the woman is, she's like, "Well duh, it's his wife" and gushes about how Paul and Carol have everything going for them (hetero nooky excepted): looks, love, money.

Jo enters Shooters and attempts to talk to Jake - but he snarlingly tells her that as long as she's bumping uglies with Jess, he can't not throw up whenever he thinks about either of them. He tells her she used to be a better judge of character [though not really...'cause let's not forget that in Season 2 she hooked up with a drug dealing murderer who impregnated her]. Jo argues that his anger seems to stem more from a competition with his brother, but Jake flatly tells her he considers her dalliance with Jess to be a betrayal of their friendship/whatever they are to each other. 

Sydney meets up with Jim at a nearby restaurant, and he flashes her an FBI badge and tells her he's undercover, and that his unit is days away from busting a major heroin operation. He warns that the Mancini Design Studio is about to go down, and strongly advises her to resign as president and make it look as though she was never in charge. He cautions her to tell absolutely no one what he's just revealed to her, and that she can only save herself...meaning not Jane.  

Kimberly stops in at D&D to apologize to Amanda for her horrendous behavior of late, explaining that she blamed her for her failed marriage to Michael. Amanda just kind of shrugs and says it's a moot point, given that she's not seeing Michael [or was ever really into him to begin with], not least 'cause he's proven himself to be one sick puppy. Kimberly informs her that the reason she got so sick during her chemo treatment was because Michael screwed up the medication...and then urges her to file a lawsuit against him. She insists that Michael is so inept as a physician that he needs to be stopped, and gives Amanda her number in case she's interested in pursuing the matter. Amanda somehow refrains from pointing out the completely nonsensical nature of this accusation, given that much was made in the Breakfast at Tiffany's, Dinner at Eight episode about banishing Michael from any involvement in Amanda's cancer treatments:

Matt admonishes Paul for not telling him he was married...and Paul insists he was going to tell him - but that he's confused, scared, and until last night, has never acted on his instincts as a closeted gay man. He moans about how he doesn't know how to handle any of this, and Matt coldly suggests he buy a book and figure it out...adding that as long as he's married, they can only be platonic friends. 

Sydney informs Jane that Jim agreed to let them out of the pantyhose deal, then says she suddenly feels the enormous weight of being the studio's president and wants to be cut loose asap. She hands Jane her resignation letter and tells her she can just keep the 100K investment...and a [faux] perplexed Jane's all, "What aren't you telling me?" while Sydney mutters that she just wants out.  

Pa Armstrong is interviewing Alison (aboard his fancy yacht) for the VP of Marketing position. Alison concurs that, yes, she has the requisite confidence, knowledge, and range for a high level (pretend) job such as this...and Pa Armstrong offers scant details about the position: 100K salary, bonuses, four weeks vacation. He warns that it's a challenging job, then pretends as though he's going to be interviewing a few other people before he makes his final decision.

Sydney talks on a pay phone with Jim, who advises her to go underground for a week or two. He instructs her to covertly drive to Palm Springs, then gives her directions to a specific food place where she's to order a pastrami on rye...after which the clerk will provide her with the name of a hotel where she can check in and wait for him to join her and brief her about the undercover heroin bust. When Sydney remarks on how completely ridiculous all of this sounds, Jim gruffly retorts that he's doing everything possible to save her ass, and that she needs to do exactly what he says.

Jess is shooting pool at a dive bar called Side Show when he overhears a group of thuggish men talking about the next robbery they'd like to commit [because clearly they're a bunch of indiscreet dumbasses]. For whatever reason, Jess sasses them...and after they give him a semi-mild beating, he tells them he has a job he'd like to hire them to do. 

Alison gets a call from Pa Armstrong, who offers her the VP of Marketing job...then breaks the news that it means she'll have to relocate to his company's headquarters in Hong Kong. Alison's all, "Excuse me?", to which he slyly replies, "Oops. Didn't I mention that tiny detail?" [Mmm...nope.] When Alison says she's not actually interested in moving halfway across the world, he urges her to sleep on it, adding that the position needs to be filled asap. After he hangs up, he asks Brooke, who's been eavesdropping on the call, if Hong Kong is far enough away, and she cackles happily, "It's perfect, daddy!" and gives him a grateful hug. Incidentally, it looks as though Brooke lied to Billy about being cut off from her dad financially after she dumped the approved fiancé. 

Later at D&D, Brooke tells Billy that her pa offered Alison a job in Hong Kong, and gabbles about how it's a hotspot for international trade. Billy mentions that Alison invited him to dinner tonight, and remarks on how he doesn't think she's of sound mind enough to be jetting off to Hong Kong - particularly 'cause she doesn't do well whenever she's away from a familiar environment. Brooke points out that he holds the power to either 1) urge Alison to stay in L.A. and continue to live in the shadow of her many failures, or 2) urge her to accept the opportunity of a lifetime in Hong Kong.

As instructed by Jim, Sydney arrives in Palm Springs, then approaches a lunch truck and orders a pastrami on rye. When the cook tells her he only serves tacos - 'cause the truck is clearly labelled as a taco lunch truck - she slowly repeats her order while giving him a knowing look. He tells her again they only serve tacos...and when she asks if there's anyone else who works at the truck, he tells her his brother has a shift in a few hours. Sydney decides to settle in and wait for the brother. 

Back at the hospital, Paul pleads with Matt to help him through his 'I wanna come out of the closet but since I'm married I can't quite do it' conundrum. He invites Matt to come by his house tonight to talk and assures him his wife will be away all evening...and Matt chews on that for a few seconds and decides he's game.  

Michael bursts into Amanda's office at D&D while she's meeting with Brooke, rails about the malpractice suit she just filed against him, and snarlingly calls her "one cold-blooded bitch". When an alarmed Brooke picks up the phone to call 911, Michael tries to wrench it out of her hand, warns Amanda that the lawsuit will never make it to court, then storms out of the office and slams the door behind him. Amanda just shakes her head in dismay and remarks to Brooke that she always assumed Kimberly was the kook of that gruesome twosome. 

While dining out, Billy tells Alison he can't think of a single reason for her to not accept the Hong Kong job, then points out that it's only for a year [ ?? I must have missed mention of that earlier] ... and Alison reacts by looking bummed that he's not begging her to pleeeeease stay in L.A.

Over at Casa Graham, Paul is prepping a nutritious looking dinner while explaining to Matt that he met his wife Carol, a blue blood, in college...but that they've always been more like siblings than husband and beard. He says he doesn't feel an ounce of sexual attraction to her - unlike the way he (Matt) has awakened his penile pleasure points. He says he no longer wants to deny his feelings, then suggests they continue this discussion upstairs...and Matt looks visibly intrigued by the sexy prospect. 

The brother of the taco truck guy tells Sydney he's closing up now...and when she tries to once again order a pastrami on rye, he wearily tells her they only serve tacos and that she needs to skedaddle - otherwise he'll consider her hanging around an act of loitering.

At the Side Show bar, Jess is finalizing "the job" with the gang of dumbasses. He pays them half, then promises the other half upon completion...and remarks on how the soon-to-be victim has had this coming for a long time. Uh oh.

Back at D&D, Amanda overhears Billy talking to Alison on the phone as he offers to drive her to the airport. Amanda swiftly nixes that and reminds him he has an important meeting in an hour - but allows Brooke to give her a lift, in lieu of suggesting that Alison call a damn cab to get herself to the airport. 

Alison tells Jo [I guess these two made up from their beef from four episodes ago] that it feels weird to not see Billy one last time before she abruptly jets off to Hong Kong, 'cause in her mind there's so much that remains unresolved. Jo strongly encourages her to say what she needs to say, perhaps in the form of a letter.

Carol Graham saunters into Matt's office to call him a "disgusting piece of trash" and then nonsensically accuses him of taking advantage of her poor defenceless husband by seducing him. Matt somehow refrains from pointing out how clearly desperate Paul is to come out of the closet and stammeringly promises to not see her husband anymore, and Carol's like, "Well d'yuh" and threatens to kill him if he does. Yeesh.

After arriving at the airport, Alison confesses to Brooke that she's still in love with Billy, and Brooke hastily changes the subject and points out that her new Hong Kong job will open all kinds of doors and allow her to satisfy her own dreams. She then weakly points out that if she and Billy are really meant to be, he'll be there for her when she returns to the States. Alison hands Brooke the Dear Billy letter she wrote and asks her to pass it along to him...but after Alison disappears inside the airport terminal, Brooke's like, "I don't think so" and crumples it up. 

Sydney tentatively arrives at the Mancini Design Studio, and Jane coldly greets her at the door and grimly asks if she came to see her get handcuffed and dragged off to the slammer. She then tells Sydney it's over, and that she currently has a photoshoot in progress. As a befuddled Sydney wanders over to where the photography is taking place, Jane chucklingly introduces her to Vince and Jim, her catalogue models (aka not drug traffickers who spend their days packaging heroin and pantyhose). Jim is barely able to keep a straight face as he asks, "Did you ever get your pastrami on rye?" - which, incidentally, made me laugh pretty hard - and when Sydney haughtily calls Jane out on setting her up, Jane replies that was simply fighting fire with fire. She goes on to explain that not everything about this hilarious operation was phony, then holds up the resignation letter Sydney gave her a few days earlier. She orders Sydney to vacate the premises before she's thrown out for trespassing...and a discombobulated Sydney calls them all freaks before angrily flouncing off. 

Amanda is doing some D&D work in her apartment when the power suddenly goes out. As she rummages around for a flashlight, the front door creaks open...and she spots a shadowy figure peer inside before running off. When Amanda rushes to the front door, she finds a note stuck on the wall that creepily says We're not finished yet.

The shadowy figure rushes into a motel room while the phone begins to ring, and we see that it's Kimberly wearing a baggy overcoat with a hood. When she answers the phone, it's Amanda, frantically recounting how Michael just tried to terrorize her in her apartment. 

Jo arrives home and finds Jess preparing a romantic, candlelit dinner for her, explaining that he's celebrating some work he just lined up. He gushes about how he owes all of his good fortune to her...and that ever since she gave him hope, he feels as though nothing is impossible. The two then start smooching and quickly move on to some frantic looking sex atop the kitchen counter...and, nope, still no chemistry happening there. 
​
At Shooters, Jake tells Sydney he fired his traitor of a brother and kicked him out of his apartment, and Sydney applauds him for getting that fugly loser out of his life. Across the bar, meanwhile, the dumbass thugs Jess hired are milling around looking all sinister-like...and a few seconds later they draw their guns and yell at everyone to hit the floor. Jake calmly urges them to take it easy...and when one of the thugs orders him to open the cash register, he complies and then hastily crouches down to press the secret panic button. The thug is all, "Hey! What are you doing down there?!" and opens fire, shooting Jake in the torso...and then full on chaos ensues as the thugs race for the exit while Sydney yells at whoever to call 911. 

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Recap: Michael bursts into the Melrose Place courtyard screaming for Amanda, then rails about the restraining order she just filed against him [for obviously good reason]. When Amanda appears on the landing in front of her apartment, Michael violently rips up the restraining order, to which she responds by warning him to stay away from her or face jail. He reminds her that he saved her life, so she argues that an entire team of doctors saved her life...and then the two exchange insults back and forth, blah blah. He glares up at her and snarls, "I should have let you die", and she sassily retorts, "Better luck next time" (LOL) and returns to her apartment. 

Jo drops by Jake's apartment to tell Jess they need to talk about their blechy affair...and he tells her that Jake is in the shower, then grabs her and gives her a giant smooch. She's all, "Ack!" and pulls away - just as Jake emerges from the bathroom, looking deliciously buff with just a towel wrapped around his waist. Jo nervously says hey and pretends as though she stopped in to tell him she just got an exciting new photography gig...and after he wishes her good luck and slips into his bedroom to get dressed, she rushes past Jess to beat a hasty retreat.

At D&D, Alison is on the phone, barking at someone from Gold Press Printing, for screwing the pooch on the Glorious Gowns layout...and when she hangs up, she screams at Amanda for her blatant disregard for detail. Amanda calmly explains that 1) she (Alison) is actually to blame, 'cause clearly her instructions to Gold Press Printing weren't clear enough, and 2) it's Brooke's job - not hers - to follow up with the printer. Brooke looks ashen for a few seconds, but then gets that this is all part of Operation Oust Alison from D&D ASAP and admits that, yep, her ineptitude was the cause of this crisis. An enraged Alison pulls Amanda aside and chides her for undermining her (fast diminishing) authority - but Amanda just shrugs and breezily insists that she's merely trying to help.

Billy summons Alison to her office and warns that she's going to have a mutiny on her hands if she doesn't chill the fuck out. Alison whines about all of the loooooong hours she's been putting in lately, then glumly shares that the D&D board has outright told her they're losing confidence in her, and have put her on notice. She then asks him to please not tell Amanda, 'cause she's pretty sure the she-devil would move in for the kill if she knew the precariousness of her employment status. When Billy dumbly tells her she's being paranoid, Alison points out that a number of high profile clients have recently left D&D...and if Glorious Gowns doesn't get its layout on time, they're going to miss the deadline for their ads to appear in the all-important June bride magazines. Billy suggests she contact Gold Press Printing and offer them a bonus for a fast turnout, and she decides to take that wise advice and immediately gets on the phone. 

Sydney drops by the hospital to inform Michael that she bailed out Jane's failing design studio with the cash she got in exchange for blackmailing him and Kimberly. She then says she wants the two of them to be partners so they can push Jane out of the business, then offers to make him a home cooked meal at the beach house tonight...and Michael decides 'sure, what could go wrong with that?'

Over at Boot Camp, Kimberly knocks down Mackenzie Phillips while the two are doing some Martial Arts training. The fed up looking drill sergeant storms over and chides Kimberly for not understanding the concept of cooperation, then moves onto the next exercise: how to escape a chokehold. Kimberly eagerly volunteers to be the choke-ee, then during the demonstration proceeds to knock the drill sergeant down and pull up his arm behind him until the bone snaps. As he moans, "She broke my arm!", Kimberly chuckles, "Oh no! How awful." Yeesh.

That evening at the beach house, Michael grumbles to Sydney that since he no longer has Kimberly to share expenses with, he can't afford to live in this swanky waterfront home anymore. Sydney chews on that for a few seconds and offers to pay his rent if he agrees to indulge her with a bed romp whenever she's in the mood for some sexy time. Michael balks at becoming Sydney's personal prostitute...but then decides 'sure, what could go wrong with that?' He then makes an ew face and mumbles, "Let's just get it over with" before the two lock lips and work on romp #1.

​Across town at Shooters, Jane tells Jo that she sold her soul to the devil when she agreed to let Sydney invest in her design studio in exchange for being appointed president. Jo's like, "I see your business problem and raise you a repugnant fling" and motions at Jess. She adds that Jake has no idea she's riding his brother's baloney pony, and Jane advises her to keep that grotesque secret under her hat for as long as humanly possible.

While laying in bed together, post-romp, Sydney reminisces to Michael about how happy they were during their five minute marriage, then hastily climbs out of bed and says she has to rush off 'cause she has "major meetings" in the morning. Michael chuckles at the idea of her having any kind of meeting, and she responds by smugly writing him a check [interestingly, from the money she blackmailed him with], warns that he shouldn't be so sassy to her, and promises to keep the checks coming as long as he's willing to jump into the sack with her every time she says jump.

Over at Casa Armstrong, Billy and Brooke are enjoying a sexy bubble bath (while her pa is out of town). Brooke complains that she can't seem to "do right" by Alison anymore, so Billy tells her in confidence that Alison is extraordinarily stressed out 'cause the board has put her on notice...and that if she makes one more blunder, they're going to steel-toe her out. Brooke coos, "Poor Alison. I hope she can ride this out", then smiles deviously into space.

The drill sergeant, who now has a cast on his broken arm, walks over to Kimberly while she's doing sit-ups and tells her that - surprise! - she's been cleared to graduate from boot camp early and needs to leave the premises post-haste.

Brooke dishes to Amanda that Alison is on the outs with the D&D board and cites her source as "a little birdie" ... and Amanda just rolls her eyes and correctly assumes that Billy was the one who blabbed about it during a recent pillow talk session. She then instructs Brooke to take the Glorious Gowns layout duplicates to Arrowpoint Printing and tell them that D&D will pay triple the going rate for a 24 hour turnaround. After Brooke scurries off to do her bidding, Amanda gets on the phone with Gold Press Printing, identifies herself as Alison, and tells them that she's no longer in a rush and doesn't need the Glorious Gowns layout for two weeks.

Back at the hospital, Michael is chit-chatting with the new plastic surgeon, Dr. Paul Graham, when Matt rushes over to ask Michael if he plans to attend an upcoming fundraiser...then laments that he's going solo now that he's broken up with Jeffrey. Paul looks visibly intrigued by that tidbit and later tells Michael he's not used to someone being so openly gay on '90s primetime TV.

Jane admonishes Sydney for suddenly putting Michael on the studio's payroll, and Sydney explains that she did that 'cause she's paying his rent - but doesn't have time to further discuss what seems like a nonsensical financial decision, 'cause she has an important business meeting to get to. Jane's all, "Business meeting..?" and says she'd like to attend as well - but Sydney gives that a hard no and promises to give her a full report when she returns.

Sydney arrives at a fancy restaurant and meets with two thuggish looking men: Vince McConnell and Jim Stone. They quickly deliver their pitch: they have a line on some cheap pantyhose mass produced in China, and want to use the Mancini Studio brand to "class up" the shitty merchandise. When they cacklingly mention to Sydney that they know she used to hook for Kristian Alfonso, she angrily springs up and threatens to leave. Vince calms her down by praising her business smarts, so she retakes her seat and negotiates for a higher percentage of the profits. When they easily accept without further haggling, Sydney [ignores that red flag and] orders a bottle of Dom Pérignon.

Matt is working out in the hospital's gym when Paul ambles in and chats him up. He gives off a distinctly flirty vibe as he natters on about his recent move to L.A., then spots Matt while he works out with the heavy weights. Mmm hmm..

Sydney is collecting her mail when she sees Jess head up to Jo's apartment to have an agonizing [to watch] conversation about how uncomfortable it is (for Jo) to be boning her ex-boyfriend's brother...'cause no duh. Jess tells her he's soooooo crazy about her [despite them having absolutely zero chemistry], then half-heartedly says he should go - but Jo moans, "Dooooon't go" and leans in for a smooch...and within a few seconds, the two are going at it hard, bumping uglies against the shared wall of Jo's/Sydney's apartments.

Sydney wastes no time making a beeline over to Shooters to tattle to Jake that she just heard Jo and Jess sexing against the wall that divides her/Jo's apartment. As Jake pales and is all, "The fuckety fuck?", Sydney's like, "That pretty much sums it up" and says she hates seeing people do shady shit to him behind his back. 

Jake barrels over to Jo's apartment and asks her if she's really seriously actually doing the nasty with his creepy half-bro to as a means of getting back at him, and she's like, "Er, kinda" and reminds him that he made it clear he didn't want anything serious with her. Jake sourly points out what a dumb loser Jess is, says there's no way he's buying that this could possibly be a real relationship, and haughtily storms out.

Vince and Jim drop by Jane's studio with the pantyhose contract and some samples...and when Jane's all, "The fuck is all this?", Sydney explains that these creepy thugs are their new business partners. Jane makes it clear how deeply annoyed she is that Sydney went ahead and did this without consulting her...and when Vince and Jim inform her that this sweet deal will net them 100K, she snarkishly tells them she's not interested. Jim's like, "OK whatevs" and gushes about how terrific Sydney is and invites her to dinner, and Sydney flirtily accepts. 

At the hospital, Paul invites Matt to dinner, and Matt's like 'sure, why the hell not?'

Back at D&D, Alison calls Gold Press Printing to ask whassup with the delay with the Glorious Gowns layout, and whoever she's talking to reminds her that she had called earlier to tell them they now have two weeks to prepare the layout. When Amanda just happens to enter her office a few seconds later, Alison accuses her of deliberately delaying the print job - but Amanda denies it, chides Alison for not getting anything from Gold Press Printing in writing, and mockingly points out that she's screwing up all by herself. She strongly urges Alison to "save face" by calling a board meeting and inviting Bob McGovern (from Glorious Gowns) to let them all know that the campaign is officially a bust...and Alison somehow agrees that, yep, it's the best course of action. 

Kimberly is back at the hospital and cockily tells a befuddled Michael that she moved all of her stuff out of the beach house and that she's back in L.A. permanently. A displeased Michael grumbles, "Not if I have anything to do with it."

Over dinner, Jim asks Sydney how in blazes she was able to invest so much money in her sister's design business and got herself appointed president, and Sydney saucily rejoins, "Creative financing" and adds that she is, quite simply, a very clever gal.

While leaving work for the day, Alison tells Brooke that this is going to be Amanda's last week at D&D, then abruptly changes the subject and asks her if she has any idea why Billy's been so distant lately. Brooke just kind of shrugs and says she doesn't ask him about his personal life, then bids Alison good night and climbs into the backseat of a limo, where Billy is waiting to give her an amorous smooch.

Jess arrives at the beach, where Jo is finishing up a photo shoot. They agree how worrying Jake's mental state is over the colossal grossness of the two of them knockin' boots - but then Jess insists that his brother's bad attitude isn't going to stop him from seeing her. He creepishly decrees, "I'm never going to give you up" and leans in for some amorous kissing...and, nope, still no chemistry there.

Kimberly says hey to Matt, profusely apologizes for all the harm she's caused him this season, and says that to make amends she'll do anything to help him professionally. As Matt stares back at her skeptically, she leans in for a cheek kiss and giddily shares that she suddenly has a whole new lease on life. 

Alison has stupidly gathered together the D&D board, along with Bob McGovern, to sheepishly announce that much to her regret Glorious Gowns will be unable to meet its June layout deadline...then blames Amanda for the debacle. An aghast Bob McGovern's all, "Nooooo.." about missing out on all the June bridal magazine ads - but Amanda interjects and smugly informs him that she managed to get his layouts prepared on time by a different printer. Alison stares at her incredulously and accuses, "You set me up!", to which Amanda wryly retorts, "To try to please the client - you're right." Alison promptly loses her shit and cattily rants about how she (Amanda) has been trying to get back at her ever since Billy dumped her...and the board members look put off by her sophomoric bitchitude as Amanda calmly explains that she's been doing her darnedest to work around this incompetent woman at the helm. She assures the board that her health is tip-top, then gives them an ultimatum: appoint her as D&D president, or allow her to leave and take all of her accounts with her. Alison squeals, "That's outrageous!" and angrily calls Amanda "a conniving, bleach blonde piece of dirt" - until the board chair tells her to shut it and hastily appoints Amanda as president, effective now. A triumphant Amanda decrees that, as her first order of business, she's cutting Alison loose...and Alison scurries out of the conference room in tears. Brooke chases after her and laments how horribly she's being treated and half-heartily says she wants to leave along with her, but Alison assures her she'll be fine, and urges her to keep her job.

In the next scene, Amanda pops a bottle of champagne, while Brooke slavishly declares, "The Queen is dead. Long live the Queen!"

​After a lovely dinner out, Matt invites Paul to his place for a nightcap, and Paul says he definitely likes the sound of that idea. 

Jane summons Sydney to her studio office to show her the stash of heroin that Vince and Jim included in the pantyhose shipment box...and explains that she checked the box 'cause she had serious suspicions about the two thugs. Sydney's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and insists that she had no idea she was doing business with drug traffickers, and promises to get to the bottom of it - preferably without police involvement. 

After a satisfying romp, Paul quietly climbs out of Matt's bed and tiptoes over to the living room. He calls his wife (!) and fibs to her that he won't be home for awhile 'cause he'll be stuck at work performing an emergency surgery.

Across town, Kimberly is defacing photographs of Michael by cutting out the eyes and crazily murmuring, "An eye for an eye, Michael." As the camera pans out, we see that she's surrounded by a giant pile of Michael photos, all with the eyes cut out...and with wax candles burning all around her. Yeesh.

Recap: A desperately lovesick Michael shreds what's left of his dignity by phoning Amanda (during a shift at the hospital) to declare his unending passion for her...and she responds by firmly telling him she's not remotely interested in dating him or listening to anything he has to say. He whines that he can't accept losing her, to which she snaps, "You have to. Goodbye." A few seconds later, Matt obliviously ambles over to ask Michael if he knows where Kimberly is, and Michael pissily-bitchily snaps at him that he couldn't give the tiniest rat's where Kimberly is, but is glad she's gone.

Kimberly, meanwhile, has enrolled herself in some kind of boot camp training for what looks like a group of hard done by women. They're all dressed in grey sweats with red 'No more victims' splashed across the front of their sweatshirts...and during a military-style run, a drill sergeant is yelling at them to jog faster. One of the other boot campers, played by Mackenzie Phillips, repeatedly shoves Kimberly to the ground, which prompts the drill sergeant to bark at Kimberly to better focus on success, control, and strength...and to never let another person get her down. Kimberly reacts to the [what I thought was a misdirected] tongue lashing by staring into space as she gains some renewed looking vigour.

Jess packs up his meagre possessions in a box, then mopishly tells Jake it's time he headed back to his hometown...'cause it's clear that he doesn't want his dud of an older brother around. He self-piteously decrees, "I'm a dead end guy, Jake. I belong in a dead end town" - no argument here - but Jake meekly apologizes for (accurately) questioning the legitimacy of his credit card at dinner during the previous episode . He says he'd loooooove for him to stay in L.A., not least 'cause he could use the extra help at Shooters...and Jess agrees to stick around.

Over at D&D, Brooke tells Amanda she has twelve voicemails from a Dr. Michael Mancini, and Amanda rolls her eyes and instructs her to transfer all future calls from the infatuated dolt to the security desk. She then pulls Brooke aside and says they need to turn up the heat on Operation Oust Alison From D&D 'cause she wants her office back, like yesterday. Brooke furrows her brows and says she isn't sure exactly what she should do to further that along, so Amanda specifies, "Destroy her" and says that surely an inept nitwit like Alison has made some blunders...and suggests that Brooke take a deeper dive into her files and daily schedule. Brooke wrings her hands about how shitty it makes her feel to be doing this, given how kind Alison has been to her, so Amanda tells her that with her future power and her (Brooke's) rich people connections, they could build something great together. Brooke mulls that over for a few seconds and decides that, yep, she's A-OK with plotting against her boss. When Amanda spots Billy entering the cubicle area a few seconds later, she snappishly tells Brooke to get her shit together, in order to prevent Billy from twigging onto their secret plot to overthrow Alison.

Sydney drops by Jane's design studio to gloat about the 100K she managed to score from Kimberly and Michael, earnestly explaining, "Blackmail is a growth industry." LOL. She then tells Jane she's extremely interested in investing in her floundering design firm, then passes along her lawyer's card and says if she's interested they can meet at his office tomorrow and draw up the papers. 

Back at D&D, Alison is dictating a letter to Brooke about the exciting new campaign the company will be working on for the Mrs. Molly's Cookies account. She then tells Brooke that the new, youngish CEO of the family business, Tyler Hirsch, will be coming to D&D in a couple of days to listen to their pitch.

After the meeting, Brooke makes a beeline over to Amanda to blab that D&D is going to delivering a big campaign for Mrs. Molly's Cookies...and that through her family connections she knows knows a disturbing tidbit about the Hirsch family that could help with Operation Oust Alison From D&D.

Amanda is at home, screening calls from Michael, who screams into the receiver that he's not going to put up with her rejection of him. After he hangs up, Amanda calls the hospital to schedule her next cancer remission checkup, making it clear to the nurse that she absolutely does not want Dr. Michael Mancini to be present during the appointment.

Jo arrives at Shooters, where Jess is bartending, and orders a beer. Jess tells her that he and Jake patched up their differences...and that since Jake made it clear to him that the two of them were totally dunsville as a romantic couple, he invites her to dinner. He leans in, flirtily touches her arm, and calls her incredible...and Jo agrees to think about spending an evening dining with the unsightly loser.

Back at Boot Camp, the drill sergeant barks at the group about the need to stand up to anyone who means to cause them harm, and the women dutifully bleat, "I'm not a victim anymore!" repeatedly. After that, they break up into groups of two so they can practice takedown exercises. Kimberly and Mackenzie Phillips pair up and then aggressively shove each other and roll around in the dirt...and it quickly escalates until the drill sergeant has to jump in and physically separate them.
 
Amanda's oncologist tells her she's on her way to a full recovery from her brief bout with cancer, and she tells him she's very relieved - but also deeply annoyed that she's being harassed by Dr. Mancini, and wants it stopped asap. The doctor just kind of shrugs and says there's nothing he can personally do about it and suggests she complain to the hospital's Chief of Staff - but Amanda irritably says she has zero confidence that that's going to accomplish anything...and wonders aloud if she might have to sue the hospital. After the doctor exits the exam room, Michael unexpectedly appears and tells Amanda he's so desperate for her to not dump him that he's willing to get down on his knees and beg for her love. When he tries to bring it in with a forcible hug, she smacks him across the face, makes it clear that she only pretended to be into him while she was cancer-stricken 'cause she needed his help as a physician, then snarks, "You disgust me", and tells him to get some damn dignity. 

At Sydney's lawyer's office, Jane is aghast to learn that part of the agreement to acquire Sydney's 100K investment entails Sydney being installed as president of Mancini Designs. Jane bewilderedly points out to her sister that she knows fuck all about fashion design and/or running any kind of business...so the lawyer interjects to bizarrely claim that being president is somehow his client's best way to protect her sizeable investment, and that if she (Jane) doesn't agree to the terms she's going to go bankrupt. Jane glares hatefully at Sydney before helplessly signing the papers.

During a D&D meeting on the upcoming Mrs. Molly's Cookies campaign, Amanda excitedly blurts out that she has a winning idea for a modern, energized pitch that's sure to appeal to the youthful new CEO: a high-powered female executive is busily working when she discovers she's out of her favorite snack - Mrs. Molly's Cookies - then looks out the window of her fifteenth story office, sees a Mrs. Molly's Cookies delivery truck, and leaps out the window [presumably to land atop the truck and somehow get inside to devour whatever cookies haven't yet been delivered ?? Sounds like a less than mediocre pitch at best...but OK]. Alison wisely nixes the idea out of hand and says she wants to stick to a more conservative, family-oriented pitch. After Amanda and Billy exit the conference room, Brooke urges Alison to consider using Amanda's idea and take D&D in a new direction, pointing out that the worst that can happen is Tyler Hirsch rejects the campaign.

Jo and Jess are enjoying an evening mini-putting. Jess natters about being a simple guy who likes simple pleasures, then gets all flirty-touchy with Jo when he stands behind her and offers her some hands-on golf tips. 

Later at Shooters, Alison, Billy, and Brooke are chatting about the upcoming cookie campaign. When Jake wanders over to say hey, he's introduced to Brooke...and once he's safely out of earshot, Alison makes it a point of telling Brooke that Jake is available - in case she's interested. She then calls it a night, and once she's safely out of earshot, Brooke assures Billy that, for whatever inexplicable reason, she's totes into him (and not Jake) ... and that she'd very much like to go home with him. Billy scrunches his face perplexedly and asks her what in blazes she sees in him, given that he doesn't have a trust fund or play polo [or is, to put it mildly, not the sharpest knife in any drawer], and Brooke just insists that she's extremely attracted to him - but is also growing tired of pursuing him when he never reciprocates. She makes it clear that, starting now, she's refusing to make a fool out of herself anymore, then gets up and sashays out of the bar.

On the day of the big cookie pitch, Amanda introduces herself to Tyler Hirsch and wanks him about how his company is the best cookie-maker in the business...then makes it clear that D&D's presidential torch has been passed to Alison, and that she's a mere observer at this meeting. Alison takes that as her cue to begin parroting Amanda's 'jump out the window' pitch idea ... and ends with the tagline: There is never a wrong time to jump for a Mrs. Molly cookie. Tyler reacts by staring back at her with a horrified expression before pitifully murmuring, "How could you?" and explains that his mother took her own life by leaping out of a fifteenth story window. Oops. Alison stares back at him in stunned silence as he rails about her inhumanity and poor taste in making a joke of his mother's suicide, then storms out. Alison shoots the stink-eye at Amanda and snarlingly warns that she'd better pray she had no idea about Ma Hirsch's death jump...and after she dashes out of the conference room, Amanda and Brooke exchange devious grins. 

After Billy does his best to bring calmness to the situation, Alison manages to put her rage on hold long enough to phone Tyler Hirsch's office to leave a message about what she can only describe as an unfortunate coincidence/misunderstanding. She then whines to Billy about how she doesn't feel as though she can trust anyone, and asks him if he would pleeeeeease take her out for dinner tonight 'cause she really really needs to be treated like a human being...and an unenthused Billy decides 'sure, why the hell not?'

As Amanda collects her mail in the Melrose Place courtyard, Sydney flounces over and announces that she's the new president of Mancini Designs, and that D&D is on probation 'cause she's displeased with the way their account is being handled. Amanda suggests she talk to Alison, aka the person in charge, about that - but Sydney just rolls her eyes and tells Amanda that everyone knows she's the one who holds the cards at D&D, then decrees that she wants a meeting next week.

Amanda enters her apartment and is vexed to find Michael setting her table for a big Italian meal he just cooked...and he explains that he didn't even have to break in 'cause he had her keys copied while she was staying at the beach house. Amanda warns that she's been restraining herself from involving the police because of how grateful she is to him for the way he helped her when she was cancer-stricken. On the subject of cancer, Michael proudly credits himself for being the one who cured her, and that he's also extremely proud of the wonderful meal he just whipped up for her. An unamused Amanda responds by picking up the phone and threatening to call 911, so Michael hastily agrees to leave before (falsely) predicting, "You'll come around, baby."

Back at Boot Camp, the sweatshirted gals are sitting around a campfire as the drill sergeant natters on about the importance of their unity, and calls out Kimberly for having particular difficulty fitting in. Mackenzie Phillips apologizes for lashing out, then explains that she just got out of an abusive relationship and took her bad feelings out on her. Kimberly retorts that she couldn't care less about her feelings, and that she's suffering through this horrendous boot camp in order to gain power, strength, and determination...and when she's filled herself up with those qualities, she's going to lash out at everyone who's ever hurt her and take back what's hers. She then gets a demonic look in her eyes as she pronounces, "I will find selfness when I'm standing on the corpses of my enemies" ... and an alarmed Mackenzie Phillips just stares back at her, and then the drill sergeant, in mute bewilderment.

After enjoying dinner out, Alison and Billy stroll back to Melrose Place...and Alison whines about the pressure cooker she's been in at D&D ever since taking the reins, then flirtily urges him to help her release "the tension" so she can relax for the evening. She coquettishly wanks, "You're always real good at that, if you know what I mean" - but Billy makes it clear that he has zero interest in hitting the sheets with her and suggests she try a hot bath or a cold shower. He then dismissively mumbles, "I've got other things to do" before turning and ambling out of the courtyard. Ouch.

Billy heads over to Brooke's dad's fancy estate and throws pebbles at Brooke's bedroom window...and a few seconds later, Brooke appears on the balcony, then descends the spiral staircase to the ground level. Billy apologizes for not fully committing to their budding romance, but is now certain that he truly digs her. Brooke's all 'hurray!' and happily leads him up the staircase and into her bedroom, where the two start smooching and amorously going at it atop her bed.

The next day at D&D, Billy acts very lovey-dovey towards Brooke, then tells her that Alison is looking for her...and seems pretty bent out of shape. A few seconds later, Amanda sneakily sidles next to her and warns, "Be prepared, it's close to time for our palace coup."

Alison needlessly shares with Brooke that she and Billy were a couple for a long time and nearly got married - but that it's finally penetrated her thick skull that the relationship is fully over. She then moans about how she doesn't have a single friend in the world, thanks Brooke for being someone she can trust, and says that since "it's open warfare around here", she's going to need her to spy on Amanda. She wants to know what Amanda's up to 'cause she's certain that the Tyler Hirsch fiasco was no accident...and Brooke tepidly agrees to do her best to suss out whatever nefarious plot Amanda might be cooking up. 

Back at Boot Camp, the women are given their final challenge: sit in a sweat lodge and chant "inside myself is the warrior" until such time as they start hallucinating and/or pass out. Over the next while, Kimberly manages to out-chant her competitors, but then hallucinates that Amanda, Jane, Jo, and Sydney are sitting across from her, mocking her as they malevolently chant, "Die, Kim!" When it all becomes too much, Kimberly screams, "Noooooo!!" and races out of the lodge, knocking over Mackenzie Phillips in the process. The two wrestle around until Mackenzie Phillips punches her in the face and complains to the drill sergeant that the nutty bitch has completely lost control. Kimberly denies that and breathily declares, "I've found my mission."

Jo arrives at Shooters and tells Jess she needs to talk to him privately, so the two head outside to the alley. Jo tells him that despite the crackling electricity that exists between them [though: not], she thinks they need to cool it, 'cause she's worried it will hurt Jake. Jess coos about how he feels something for her that's much stronger than electricity: a pull. Jo looks too overcome by passion to deny that she too feels this "pull", and doesn't protest when Jess leans in for what he calls "one last kiss". After locking lips, the two urgently strip off each other's clothes before getting it on while pressed against the brick wall...and, nope, still no chemistry there.

​Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!

Recap: Michael continues to not give a rat's ass about Kimberly's self-inflicted attempted mercy killing (via a pill overdose) and leisurely puts on some classical music, pours himself a drink, and sits on the deck to read aloud the suicide note he found clutched in her hand. A few seconds later, Sydney arrives, surveys the bizarre scene, and exclaims, "OMG you killed her!" ... and so Michael jumps into action and pretends as though he's extremely worried about his wife's well bring. He checks her vitals as Sydney calls 911 (and covertly steals the suicide note Michael was reading) while Michael performs some pretty half-hearted looking mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. 

Kimberly is rushed to the ER by ambulance...and, much to Michael's annoyance, Sydney tags along 'cause she figured this is as good a time as any to talk about Jane's fashion design business being in desperate need of a major cash infusion. LOL.

The next morning, Jess is swimming laps in the Melrose Place pool when he notices Jo exiting her apartment with a heavy box. He leaps out of the pool to give her a hand - a chivalrous act that visibly irks Jake, who races over so that he can grab the heavy box away from Jess. Jo reacts by rolling her eyes in amusement at the brotherly competition...but then can't help herself from checking out Jess's bod when he dives into the pool. Mmm hmm..

Amanda summons Billy to her apartment to share the good news that she's in remission, and that for some God-only-knows-why reason she wants to go back to work at D&D - but is unwilling to humiliate herself by asking Alison directly. She asks Billy if he wouldn't mind doing it, and he responds by asking her why in blazes she'd want to work at a place that canned her when she could get hired at any other ad agency. Amanda explains that she considers D&D home...and also, since she's still in recovery mode, is confident that she'll be allowed to ease back into full time employment. Billy agrees to float the idea to Alison, then heads off to work - just as Amanda gets a call from Michael, who gushily proclaims his deep love for her before inviting her out to dinner tomorrow night. Amanda makes it clear she's wholly uninterested in doing anything romantic with him, but then decides it might be fun to crush his spirit over an expensive meal.

Billy enters Alison's office while she's rudely barking at someone on the phone (in a 90s style demonstration of what a tough CEO she is). When she ends the call, Billy tells her he'd like to formally recommend someone for the vacant account executive position: Amanda. Alison assumes he's joking and starts chuckling...but when Billy says he's quite serious, Alison rails about the nerve of Amanda, asking him to ask his boss to reinstall her at D&D instead of having the guts to do it herself. Fair point. Billy points out that they're in such desperate need of more staff and that Amanda is a proven hard worker...then craftily suggests to Alison that she fully exploit her frenemy for her advertising skills and experience. Alison chews on that interesting perspective for a few seconds and decides 'sure, what could possibly go wrong with hiring Amanda back?'

Brooke apologizes to Billy for the under-the-table massage she gave him during the previous episode, then says she really really likes talking to him 'cause of what a terrific sounding board he is. She invites him to have dinner with her, 'cause apparently there's no one else in her life she feels comfortable talking to about her current dad problems, and Billy just kind of shrugs and decides 'sure, why the hell not?'  

Sydney drops by Kimberly's hospital room, assures her she hasn't died and gone to hell, and explains that when she arrived at the beach house last night, Michael was enjoying a drink as he waited for her to expire from all the pills she overdosed on. Kimberly retorts by rewriting history and insists she wasn't trying to kill herself - but, in fact, was poisoned. She claims that Michael slipped something nefarious in her vitamin bottle and would like Sydney to ensure that that's what police detectives will discover when they execute a search warrant of the beach house. Sydney agrees to make the toxic switch, but wants 50K upfront...and Kimberly promises to wire her the cash tomorrow. She asks Sydney to also look around for a suicide letter she wrote "way back", 'cause she's worried it'll be misconstrued as a more recent suicide letter.

Over drinks at Shooters, Brooke tells Billy that her dad was a single father who doted on her - but is very angry with her now 'cause she broke off her engagement to Lowell. She says her dad has gone so far as to threaten to cut her off financially - but Billy just shrugs and says she'll do fine on her own, and offers to show her the ropes of living a more 'regular person' life.

Alison drops by Amanda's apartment to smugly offer her the Small Accounts Representative job at D&D, emphasizing that it's a ginormous step down from being the CEO. She warns Amanda to never lose sight of the fact that she's now the boss, and Amanda somehow manages to keep a straight face as she replies, "Of course you are" ... but after Alison leaves and is safely out of hearing range, Amanda gaily adds, "But not for long."

The next morning at D&D, Amanda is warmly greeted by Billy...and a few seconds later, Alison wanders over and sticks it to her about having to work in a shitty cubicle. Amanda just happily sucks it up and offers to fetch everyone coffee.

Jess apologizes to Jake for "stepping on toes" with regard to his flirtiness towards Jo earlier, and pretends as though he fully respects Jake's affection for her. Jake confirms that, yep, he is very protective of Jo, and that he could see them coupling up some point down the line. Jess calls him a lucky man, then changes the subject and asks if he can borrow a shirt...and when Jake says, "Help yourself", Jess grins to himself and mutters, "I will." Mmm hmm..

Alison bitchily summons Amanda to her office to demand an explanation as to why she didn't send out the Lambert campaign info, and Amanda innocently retorts that she has no idea what she's talking about. Alison accuses her of playing dumb about not receiving the memo...and says this while Brooke is sifting through the papers on her desk. She picks up the Lambert memo and informs Alison that it was buried under her other paperwork and therefore never made it to Amanda's inbox...and a deflatedly red-faced Alison instructs Amanda to send out the campaign info asap.

Sydney sneaks into the beach house wearing gloves and snoops through the kitchen cupboards until she locates Kimberly's vitamin bottle. She exchanges the pills with something or other, then puts the bottle back - just as Michael returns home unexpectedly. Sydney instantly drops to the floor and huddles in a corner behind the kitchen counter...and Michael stands in front of the counter looking as though he might enter the kitchen and discover Sydney's hiding spot, but then decides to wander off to a different room. As soon as he's out of sight, Sydney quietly slips out undetected through the front door.

Over dinner at a fancy restaurant, Michael gushes to Amanda about her gorgeousness, then presents her with a diamond engagement ring as he proposes marriage. Amanda reacts by chuckling...and then chuckles more heartily to the point that she can't seem to stop (LOL), and as Michael stares back at her with a crestfallen expression, she flatly says, "I'm not marrying you." She adds that while she appreciates all of his help as her doctor, their quasi-relationship was largely based on a need that no longer exists (now that she's implausibly in full remission). Michael angrily points out that he's gone through a lot to be with her, plus Kimberly attempted suicide when he ended their toxic union - but Amanda says that's waaaaay more than she needed to know, and that Kimberly's mental health issues really aren't her problem. 

The next day at the hospital, two police detectives inform Michael that they're investigating his role in attempting to murder Kimberly, who has accused him of poisoning her vitamin supply. When Michael vehemently denies any wrongdoing, the detectives inform him that they got a search warrant to comb through the beach house and found a vitamin bottle with something un-vitamin-like in it. They warn that once the lab confirms the pills are poisonous, he could face potential prison time.  

Back at D&D, Alison barks at Billy and Amanda about all the urgent work that needs to get done by morning, adding that they're prolly going to have to stay late to get everything done on time. After Amanda exits the office to dive into the task, Billy admonishes Alison for riding Amanda purely out of spite, and for generally being an insufferable bitch ever since she was appointed to the top job. Alison yells at him to stop challenging her at every turn and snarlingly calls him her mere subordinate...and Billy gets particularly irked by being called out for his lowly status and storms out of the office. Inside the cubical farm, Brooke tells Billy she overheard some of the sniping just now and offers a surefire remedy for stress: a night of arcade games at the Santa Monica pier. Billy mulls on that prospect for a few seconds and decides 'sure, why the hell not?'

Michael drops by Kimberly's hospital room to confront her about the ridiculous attempted murder accusation...and Kimberly smugly retorts that once Amanda hears about his plot to kill her, she won't be interested in pursuing any kind of relationship with him [and says this as though it isn't totally obvious to anyone with a brain cell how utterly disinterested Amanda is in the prospect of coupling up with Michael, like in general]. Michael points out that dying was obviously the desired result of her self-inflicted overdose, and that his valiant effort saved her life - but Kimberly argues that she only survived the "poisoning" 'cause fate (aka Sydney) stepped in. She adds that she's fully determined to make his life a living hell...and when Michael tells her she has zero proof of a murder attempt, Kimberly chortles, "Wrong, Michael. Very wrong."

That evening, Michael returns to the beach house and rips the deck apart in his search for Kimberly's suicide note...and when he carefully retraces his steps, he remembers that Sydney likely took it when she had dropped by unexpectedly. He picks up the phone to call Shooters, snarlingly accuses Sydney of theft, and demands to know where Kimberly's suicide note is. Sydney openly tells him that the note is definitely for sale and proposes they get together in a public place to discuss an exchange, and Michael agrees to meet up with her in an hour.

As Sydney wraps up her Shooters shift, Jess wanders over to the bar and brazenly pours himself a drink. Sydney warns that he's not supposed to do that while working...but then just kinda shrugs and announces that she's officially off duty and couldn't give the tiniest rat's ass what a loser like him does. LOL. Jess then ambles over to one of the tables, sees that someone has accidentally left their credit card behind, and covertly pockets it.

Billy and Brooke are at the Santa Monica Pier, having a carefree evening as they take a break from playing video games...and Billy remarks on how he's had more fun with her in one evening than he's had all season with his ex (meaning Alison). Brooke says she really enjoys being herself around him...then leans in for a near kiss before suggesting they go back to the arcade and play more video games.

Sydney tells Michael she wants 50K in exchange for Kimberly's suicide note, and reminds him that it would absolve him of all wrongdoing with regard to the phony attempted murder charges. Michael reluctantly agrees - but then warns her to watch her back now that both he and Kimberly hate her.
​
Back at D&D, Brooke tells Billy that an extremely pissed off Mr. Lambert is on the line and is demanding to talk to Alison - but, as fate would have it, she's out of the office attending an AA meeting. Amanda just happens to overhear their conversation and suggests that she take the call 'cause she's totes familiar with how Mr. Lambert operates...and Billy's like, "Sure, whatever", so Brooke puts the call through to her cubicle. Amanda greets Mr. Lambert, tells him that Alison is at her AA meeting, and that her lingering booze addiction is no doubt at the heart of all the glitches in his campaign. 

Back at Shooters, Jess tells Jake he'd like to treat him and Jo to dinner tonight. Jake hems and haws for a few seconds before agreeing to what is sure to be an uncomfortable three-way dynamic. Jess says he'll surprise him about where they're eating, but that he should wear something nice. 

When Alison returns to work after her AA meeting, Brooke nervously tells her that Billy gave her the OK for Amanda to take a call from Mr. Lambert, who's now insisting that Amanda be his sole account rep. Brooke mournfully adds that it's pretty clear Amanda has designs on her job and wonders if there's anything to be done 'bout that - but Alison says she's not going to worry about it, not least 'cause [she's choosing to mistakenly believe that] Amanda is utterly powerless in her current, low-level position. 

Kimberly is packing up to leave the hospital when Michael enters the room and smugly informs her that he's officially off the hook for any attempted murder charges. As he waves her suicide letter in the air, Kimberly grabs it and rips it into pieces - but Michael chucklingly tells her it's one of 200 copies he made. He then gives her an ultimatum:

• Stay in L.A. and risk losing her medical license when he sends a copy of her suicide note to the state medical board
• Leave L.A. and be a doctor anywhere else  

While dining at a fancy restaurant, Jess is regaling Jo with stories of when he and Jake were young lads, blah blah. When the bill comes, Jess pulls out his (stolen) credit card and offers to pay for the meal...but when Jake asks to see the credit card 'cause he's doubtful that Jess could possibly have a legitimate one, Jess gets angry at the (spot on) accusation and storms away from the table. Jo chides Jake for not being more gracious about accepting a free meal from his ugh of a brother...then races after Jess and insists that Jake actually really does want to work things out. Jess moans about how haaaard it's been for him after the passing of their ma, then says that the only silver lining is that he got to know her better. He opts not to return to the table 'cause he needs to go somewhere to cool off, then leans in close to kiss her cheek and thank her for listening. Mmm hmm..

Over at Melrose Place that evening, Alison drops by Billy's apartment with a stack of D&D reports that need to be edited by noon tomorrow. As Billy glares hatefully at her [and somehow refrains from pointing out that he's not currently at work and therefore shouldn't be subjected to her edicts on his unpaid, leisure time], she admits to being somewhat of a workaholic lately, then coquettishly promises that - though, I guess, not including today - there won't be anymore talk of work after 5pm. Billy brusquely tells her that she shouldn't expect sex on demand, makes it clear they're no longer a couple, and pronounces, "The new you is rude, selfish, and completely ego-centric." He adds that he has no desire to sleep with his boss, is still mad that she referred to him as a subordinate, and hands her the shoes she kicked off a few seconds earlier and firmly wishes her a good night. Alison reacts by staring at him incredulously, then snarlingly tells him he'd better have that stack of reports finished first thing in the morning, 'cause "The noon deadline was for someone I cared about."

Sydney is carrying her laundry across the Melrose Place courtyard when she runs into Kimberly, who tells her she's leaving town - despite being deeply enraged at being screwed over by her regarding the 50K sale of her suicide note. She growls, "You owe me" and vows to return to Melrose Place to collect. With interest. Eeek!

Brooke meets up with Amanda at an out-of-the-way bar so that she can pass along a copy of Alison's current files and phone logs. Amanda applauds her sneakiness and chuckles about how much she enjoyed the look on Alison's face when she (Brooke) "found" the Lambert memo on her desk. The two agree that they're going to make a very formidable team at D&D as they plot to oust Alison from the top job, then raise a glass to each other's deviousness.

​Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!

Recap: Michael is standing next to Amanda's ICU bedside looking worriedly despondent at her deteriorating condition. He tells Matt he now regrets being so pushy about getting her into the special research program - but Matt's like, "Yeah, whatever. Your heart was in the right place", then urges him to take a much-needed break and get some rest. When he promises to keep a watchful eye on Amanda, Michael reluctantly agrees to take some me time and sadly lumbers off. 

Michael returns to the beach house and is startled when Kimberly abruptly turns on the lights and sweetly asks him if he had a rough day at the hospital...then waves around Amanda's undergarments and asks, "What's all this stuff?" Michael glumly explains that right now Amanda is in the ICU and might not survive the day...and nonsensically adds that she was sooooo sick and such a pathetic co-dependent that he felt he had no other choice but to move her into the beach house so that she felt as though she had a reason to live. Kimberly makes a sarcastic remark about how he's always putting his patients first, and how lucky she is to have such an honest, loving husband. She then creepily urges, "Come here, you. Give mommy a kiss", so Michael joins her on the couch and leans in for a smooch - but then shrieks out in pain when Kimberly bites his lip and snarls, "Love hurts, Michael. Remember that." No doubt he will, weirdo.

Jess has arrived in L.A. and is standing in the middle of Shooters, looking impressed as he glances around his half-bro's bar. Sydney approaches him, assumes he's a customer, and tells him they're not open for another half hour...so he explains that he's Jake's yokelly disheveled half-bro, and that they worked through their hostility-related issues after the recent passing of their ma. Sydney perks up at that and hastily offers to escort him over to Jake's nearby apartment.

At D&D, Jo is bellyaching to Billy about Alison's lack of communication about her overall vision for the upcoming Glorious Gowns photoshoot...and when Alison ambles over a few seconds later, Jo breaks the news to her that the shoot's location fell through. Alison gets irked and accuses Jo of deliberately sabotaging the campaign, to which Jo angrily points out how nonsensical it is to accuse her of doing such a dickish thing. Brooke interrupts to inform Alison that a bunch of prospective models for the shoot are waiting in the conference room for their scheduled audition - and Alison snarks back that there's no sense in having auditions if there's no location for the shoot. An exasperated Jo offers to book the models so that Alison can be freed to look into a new location, and Alison snarkishly replies, "Your butt's on the line here. I just want you to know that." Jo just stares back at her mutely and somehow refrains from telling her where she can shove her bitchitude.

Billy chides Alison for her appalling lack of people management skills, and she snarlingly replies that she needs his advice less than she needs a new location for the photoshoot pronto and barks, "Find one!" LOL. Brooke interjects and tells Alison that she's welcome to use her father's vast estate in Pasadena, and Alison chews on that for a few seconds and orders Billy to check it out and report back asap.

​Sydney brings Jess over to Jake's apartment and explains to Jake that when the schlub stumbled into Shooters and introduced himself as the half-bro, she figured he'd want to see him right away. Jake thanks her, tells her he'll see her at Shooters later, and shuts the door in her face. Jess tells Jake that he came to L.A. 'cause he didn't have a whole lot to do in Washington now that their high-maintenance ma is gone...and that he's hoping to get some help turning his life around. He wankingly adds that he's sooooo impressed by his ownership of Shooters, and Jake says he's welcome to a job at the bar if he's interested in earning some quick cash...and Jess happily replies, "Put me on the payroll."

Billy and Brooke arrive at Casa Armstrong, a lovely brick mansion on a sprawling, well-manicured estate. Brooke chuckles at Billy's surprised expression and confirms that, yep, her family is indeed filthy rich. The two stroll along the grounds and end up sitting near a patio garden, which Brooke reveals is the exact place she lost her virginity. She needlessly overshares about her first time and gets all canoodley with Billy - until a handsome man appears, and she springs up and rushes over to kiss him hello. She introduces him to Billy as her fiancé Lowell...and a befuddled Billy puts a pin in that tidbit for now and warily asks her if he can borrow her cell phone so that he can call Alison to confirm the new photoshoot location. 

Scott Schenkman of the Greater Plains Insurance Company arrives at the hospital in search of Michael...and when Kimberly just happens to overhear him asking for Michael, she introduces herself as his wife and suggests that maybe she can help. He stares at her confusedly and says, "It's good to see you out of bed" ... and when Kimberly confusedly snaps, "Excuse me?", he explains who he is and reminds her that [he believes] they recently met at the beach house. He then tells her he has the settlement check for Michael, who filed a claim against the city for the car accident [that mostly disfigured her hairline] ... and Kimberly suddenly starts pretending she knows all about it and says she'd be happy to take the check and pass it along to her husband. 

When Amanda finally regains consciousness, Michael is holding her hand and happily cooing about her turning a corner...and that this latest scare has made him fully realize how much he loves her. When an underwhelmed Amanda's all, "I'm waaaaay too tired to react to that stupid pronouncement", Michael backs off, says he'll stop by later, and exits the room. He runs straight into Kimberly, who snarkishly informs him that she just got a 100K check from an insurance guy for the terrible car accident that disfigured her. She agrees to hand it over if he formally dumps Amanda, and Michael faux insists that he'd be more than happy to tell Amanda to get lost so that he can refocus his energy on their toxic coupling. Kimberly's all, "Yay!" and gives him a happy smooch before promising to put the check into a joint account as a show of faith in his devotion to her.

Over at D&D, Brooke flirtily invites Billy to lunch - but he declines 'cause he's too busy. He pissily asks whassup with her having a fiancé she never mentioned, and Brooke rolls her eyes at that and chides him for not being mature enough to forge a friendship with someone he's so obviously attracted to. A few seconds later, Alison wanders over and praises Brooke for providing a venue for the upcoming photoshoot. She then directs her attention to Billy and informs him that Michael just let her know that Amanda can receive hospital visitors...before flirtily reminiscing about their doinkfest in her office the other day. Billy makes a seriously? face and reminds her that when he wanted to ruminate about it, she just wanted to forget it ever happened. Alison mumbles something or other about how their fuck buddy antics are the only thing keeping her going...and after she lumbers off and is safely out of earshot, Billy bitterly mutters, "Yeah, sure."

Sydney shows Jess the ropes of working at Shooters...and when he asks what happened between her and Jake, she says he dumped her after he cheated on her - but insists that she cheated on him for a very good reason. She adds that she and Jake belong together, and that it's just taking him longer than expected to realize it.
​
That evening, the Melrose Place gang (+ Brooke, - Jo) arrives at the hospital to visit Amanda. At the last minute, Alison decides she can't bring herself to face her former boss...and, much to Billy's dismay, asks Brooke to pass along to Amanda the rose she had intended to give her.

Back at Shooters, Jo is grumbling to Jake about how uppity Alison has gotten since becoming head cheese at D&D, and that it's making her long for the time when Amanda was president. Jess then wanders over, says hey to Jo, and tells her he's now working at Shooters...and that since's he's too poor to afford housing, he's sleeping in Jake's bar office. Jo gives him a funny look and chides Jake for not insisting that he stay in his cozy apartment - but Jess argues that he'd feel like too much like a burden and actually prefers to have no real home to bunk in. Jo's like, "OK, whatever" and offers to take Jake out to dinner, and Jess urges him to go and insists that he and Sydney can close up...and after a bit of hemming and hawing, Jake's like 'sure, why the hell not?'

Matt, Billy, and Jane are visiting Amanda, who derisively rolls her eyes at the single orchid she got from Jane and Jo (who obviously cheaped out by going in on the flower together). When Brooke tiptoes into the room and hands Amanda the rose from Alison, Amanda tosses it onto the floor (LOL) and growlingly says to pass along the message: "She's going to have to put away her dancing shoes 'cause I'm not dead yet."

After Shooters is shut down for the night, Sydney hands Jess his share of the tips...and he announces that he's going to turn in (in the back office) and get some shut-eye. He then ambles into the office and brazenly snoops through the papers in Jake's filing cabinet...and when Sydney suddenly appears in the doorway and asks what he's doing, he faux explains that he wants to make sure his bro is turning a good profit, and isn't being taken advantage of by anyone. Sydney responds by shooting him a suspicious stink-eye and says it's painfully obvious that he's up to no good and threatens to reveal her suspicions to Jake - but Jess warns her not to stick her nose in their family bidness if she wants to stay out of harm's way.

Kimberly drops by Amanda's hospital room to gloat about how she and Michael are back together after they (faux) decided on a mutual understanding, smugly adding, "Now he's mine. Bought and paid for." An indifferent Amanda's like, "What-the-fuck-ever" and says she couldn't give even the tiniest of rat's asses what she and Michael do - just as Michael enters the room. Kimberly gaily tells him that she was just sharing their good news with Amanda, then gives him a kiss before chirping, "I'll see you at home." Once she's safely out of hearing range, Michael tells Amanda he can explain - but she just rolls her eyes and tells him to not put her in the middle of their "marital machinations". Michael insists that his toxic cesspool of a marriage will be over very soon - but Amanda just tells him to get lost so that she can focus her attention on reading the newspaper. 

Glorious Gowns photoshoot! Alison barks at someone on the phone, then barks at a flunky assistant about why the shoot hasn't gotten started yet. Brooke, meanwhile, introduces her father (hey - it's Cody from Riptide!) to Billy...and a few seconds later, Alison ambles over to introduce herself to the handsome dad. When the topic of Brooke's unpaid internship comes up in the conversation, Pa Armstrong makes it clear how put out he is that his daughter has been putting in such long hours without getting paid, and Alison announces that - voilà! - Brooke is suddenly a paid D&D employee...which prompts Brooke to beam even more widely than she usually beams. 

Alison decides she's unhappy with the backdrop of the photos and bitchily tells Jo she wants her to move the entire photoshoot over to the swimming pool. Jo argues that it's a giant pain in the ass to do this now, particularly when she refused to have a conversation about her general vision for the shoot a day earlier - but Alison unapologetically barks, "Make it work!" and threatens to hire another photographer. Jo barks back that she's in way over her head trying to fill Amanda's shoes, and that there's zero chance of her finding a new, reputable photographer during the actual shoot...to which a deflated Alison mutters, "Just do it, Jo. My way" ... and when she ambles off and is safely out of earshot, Jo mutters, "Bitch."

After the half-bros enjoy an afternoon of surfing, Jess natters at Jake about the awesomeness of California living. He then asks, "What's the deal with Sydney?" ... and when Jake insists that they're just friends, Jess says she clearly wants more from him, and that he's worried she's trying to take advantage of him. He vows to watch out for his little bro now that he's going to be sticking around for awhile, and Jake says he likes the sound of that and invites him to move into his apartment so that he can finally experience the joy of living in a non-mobile home.

That evening in the Melrose Place courtyard, Alison runs into Jo, who's still irked by the verbal tongue lashing she was subjected to during the photoshoot. Alison delivers the back-handed apology, "I'm sorry if I wounded your ego", then whiningly explains that she's under a lot of pressure to make this campaign a success. Jo chucklingly points out that she's coping with all of the stress by being a self-centered, ungrateful ass...and that she's kidding herself if she thinks exhibiting this kind of bitchitude is going to get her to the top. Alison retorts, "Nice guys finish last", and Jo's all, "Whatever" and makes it clear to Alison that she has no fucks left to give if she has unilaterally decided to stop acting like a decent human being.

Back at the hospital, Kimberly is stunned and devastated when she's served with divorce papers in front of a group of colleagues. She immediately races over to Michael and demands to know whassup, so he coldly tells her she misrepresented herself as a fertile woman, despite knowing how important having a family was to him [though: not]. Kimberly tears up and calls him cruel - but he points out that her barrenness is valid grounds for ending a marriage, then flatly says, "I want out" 'cause he's in love with Amanda...who, apparently, is recovering from her cancer quicker than even her team of doctors anticipated. He proceeds to add salt into the wound by telling Kimberly that he's been planning this dumping for a very long time, and that his feelings for her were nothing more than an act...and that every time he was guilted into smooching her, he closed his eyes and thought of England [along with the insurance loot coming his way]. A sobbing Kimberly sinks to the floor as Michael instructs her to move out of the beach house asap...then chides her to stop crying and get a damn grip already.

Back at D&D, Brooke gets a lovely flower arrangement from Amanda (who also sent along a note to ask her to come see her at the hospital), but tells Alison they're from her fiancé. Alison says she'd love to meet him and suggests that they go on a double-date with herself and Billy. 

Michael tells Amanda that her bloodwork is A-OK, and Amanda happily says she suddenly feels super great and wants to get back to work. Michael leans in for a thank you kiss - but she rebuffs him and points out that she had an entire team of doctors who helped her turn this pivotal corner. A few seconds later, Brooke arrives for their tête-à-tête...and Amanda informs her that:

• She fully intends to get her job back from Alison
• She's a formidable ally (or enemy) when she's at full strength
• She wants her to function as her spy while she continues to recover

Over at the beach house, a distraught Kimberly pens Michael a suicide note, then swigs some booze straight from the bottle, staggers onto the outdoor deck and lowers herself atop a beach lounger before downing an entire bottle of pills.

While dining out at a fancy restaurant, Alison toasts Brooke and Lowell, while Brooke cheekily fondles Billy's upper thigh under the table. Billy hastily excuses himself and rushes over to the bathroom...but Brooke follows, tells him to stop denying his feelings for her, and plants a smooch on his lips. She explains that Lowell is "just a business deal", and that her father hand-picked him to be her husband, but she doesn't love him. She decrees that one day she will run her daddy's company and choose the father of her children. 

Michael returns home and finds an overdosed Kimberly on the beach lounger. His first reaction is to grab the phone and dial 911...but when the operator answers, he suddenly gets a faraway look in his eyes, abruptly ends the call, and chuckles evilly to himself. 

Recap: Alison makes her triumphant, post-award return to D&D, clutching the glass advertising trophy she won at the end of the previous episode. After several of her colleagues congratulate her for winning Print Ad of the Year, Billy informs her that 1) Amanda is going to be late 'cause she has a doctor's appointment this morning, and 2) the board of directors are gathered in Amanda's office and want to talk to her.  

The board chair congratulates Alison on her award and adds that they, along with many D&D clients, know that she's been shouldering much of the company's workload while Amanda tends to her ill health. He then decrees that it's time for a change at D&D, namely that he wants her to take over as president, effective right now. A stunned Alison's all, "Say wuh?" - but then assures the board chair that she'd be delighted to stick it to Amanda extra hard and agrees to take the reins of the top job.

Michael is meeting with his lawyer about the car accident that severely injured Kimberly. When Michael insists that the road conditions (and not his drunkenness) were to blame for the accident and that he and his wife are entitled to a giant cash settlement, the lawyer says there'd have to be a trial in order to prove this nonsensical claim. Michael chews on that for a few seconds, then asks how much he could get from the insurance company if he agreed to drop the lawsuit, and the lawyer says he could prolly get as much as 200K - but that he first needs to get Kimberly to agree to it and sign the requisite papers.

Amanda arrives at D&D, snarlingly asks Billy where the hell Alison is, then haughtily decrees that employees will not be permitted to go out for lunch this week...which sounds to me like a labor law violation of some kind, but whatevs. Billy haplessly tries to explain that there's a good explanation as to why Alison isn't slaving away in her cubicle - but Amanda refuses to listen and storms off to her office, and is startled to find Alison sitting at her desk. Alison rises to her feet and clarifies, "This is my desk" and breaks the news that the board has replaced her [and obviously didn't have the guts to tell her to her face 'cause of what shitty cowards they are]. Amanda scoffs, "With you? I don't think so" (LOL), then tries to sit at her desk - but is blocked by Alison, who hands her the 'you're fired' memo. Amanda stares at it incredulously, accuses Alison of engineering this cruel twist of fate, and threatens that when she does get to the bottom of it, "I'm going to cut you open like a rotten piece of fruit". Ouchie. She then notices Brooke, who's been quietly packing up her (Amanda's) things, and - for good measure - growls, "You're dead too." LOL. Alison calmly tells Amanda that her firing is nothing personal, urges her to focus her energy on surviving her cancer, and assures her that there will always be a job for her at D&D. An incensed Amanda snipes, "There sure as hell is. And you're in it" before storming out of the office. 

Over at the hospital, Michael pages Kimberly to tell her that he's been in contact with the Mayo Clinic in (Rochester MN), and that the people in charge are interested in interviewing them. He then covertly produces the insurance papers (related to her accident), pretends they're from the Mayo Clinic and says he needs her to sign them in a rushed fashion...and excitedly gushes about how they're going to become rich, famous doctors who have the privilege of working at the nation's top hospital. Kimberly squeals happily at this ridiculously transparent nonsense...and after she obliviously signs the insurance papers, Michael urges her to pack and fly up to Rochester asap, faux promising that he'll meet up with her in a couple of days when he gets his heavy patient load under control. When Kimberly shoots him a suspicious glare, he assures her that this "heavy patient load" definitely doesn't include Amanda, who he considers a lost cause given her terrible prognosis. He then kisses her goodbye and happily scampers out of the lounge, clutching the signed papers.

At Shooters, Jake gets a call from his hometown lawyer friend Sam, who delivers the sad news that his ma has died. Jake thanks him for the call...and when Sydney scampers over to ask whassup with his sudden moroseness, he snappishly tells her to shut her stupid pie-hole.

A devastated Amanda returns to her apartment and immediately calls Michael to complain that she feels sicker than usual, informs him that she was just fired from D&D, and grumbles that she can't stand the thought of being anywhere near Alison and her smugitude. Michael promises to rescue her by nightfall, then asks the nurse to page Kimberly and instruct her to meet him at the beach house stat.

That evening, Jo finds Jake in the Melrose Place courtyard, sitting despondently by the pool. When she asks 'why so glum?', he tells her he just got word that his ma died. He mumbles something about how he had planned on visiting her to see if her drinking problem had levelled out - but then never did, and now has zero desire to travel to Washington State to attend her funeral and deal with his jerk-off half-brother, Jess. When Jo offers to accompany him and hold his hand through this difficult time, he looks touched, eagerly takes her up on it, and says they'll need to leave tomorrow - just as Sydney enters the courtyard and asks where they're going. Jake apologizes for snapping at her earlier, explains that he was overcome by the news of a death in the family, and asks her if she wouldn't mind covering for him at Shooters while he sees to it that his deceased wino ma gets to her final resting place.

​At the beach house, Michael rushes Kimberly into an airport-bound cab so that she can jet off to Rochester asap...and a few seconds after that, Amanda arrives. Michael gallantly says, "Welcome to your retreat", assures her that Kimberly isn't around (at least for the next day or two), and that his marriage is officially dunzo (even though Kimberly has no idea, 'cause Michael doesn't have the stones to formally break it off with her).

The following morning, Scott Schenkman of the Greater Plains Insurance company drops by the beach house to inform Michael that the company is prepared to settle the car accident lawsuit - but that he needs to first speak with Kimberly. Michael mulls that over and tells Scott that his wife is very fragile at the moment - mostly because of the accident - then excuses himself and slips into the bedroom to give Amanda a heads up that a strange man is going to come into the room to study her. He hastily covers her head with a blanket and implores her to remain mute. A few seconds later, Scott tiptoes into the room and stares curiously at Amanda...then tells Michael that, despite himself not being any kind of medical professional, he's satisfied with "Mrs. Mancini's" weakened condition and assures him that his settlement check will be in the mail soon.

Once Scott has left and is safely out of earshot, Amanda tells Michael she doesn't even want to know what that strange visit was all about, and admonishes him for clearly trying to pull something over on her. 

Jake and Jo arrive in Washington and meet up with Sam, who tells Jake that Jess isn't taking their ma's death very well...not least 'cause he was the one who found her after she had suffered a fatal brain haemorrhage. Jake says he'll head over to Jess's workplace (a gas station) for a bro-on-bro chat, then snarkishly remarks to Jo about his half-bro being a freeloader who's been living off of their ma for years.

Billy drops by Alison's new office to gift her a fancy new day planner. He also offers to take some work off of her hands, so she gives him a stack of folders and says she needs him to summarize each of the accounts...and is going to have to work late into the night to get it all done before tomorrow.  

Jake and Jo arrive at Jess's gas station and encounter the half-bro, a disheveled, goatee-ed local yokel, who's immediately hostile to Jake and accuses him of not giving a damn about their now-deceased ma. They bicker back and forth...blah blah...before Jess growls at Jake to go back to California and leave him the hell alone. 

​Michael escorts Amanda back to the beach house after a particularly gruelling chemo session. She collapses onto the couch and thanks him for his help, and he declares his love for her and vows to do everything possible to ensure that she fully recovers. She sternly tells him to never again declare his love for her, 'cause it's weird, far too soon in their courtship (or whatever chemistry-free thing they're doing) ... and, given what a pathological liar he is, is not actually believable.

Billy finishes the D&D account summaries and hands them back over to Alison, and she thanks him with an amorous smoochfest...and eventually the two start going at it atop Amanda's former desk.

Jake is dismayed when Jess pulls a no-show at their ma's funeral. Sam reminds Jake that after the burial they're going to have to deal with his ma's estate, which mostly consists of selling her decrepit trailer home. A perturbed Jo shushes him so that the funeral can get underway.

Billy tries to engage Alison in a discussion about last night's smoochfest - but she immediately shuts him down and says she's far too busy focusing on her important new job. Billy looks visibly miffed and snaps, "Find yourself another toy", to which Alison bitchily declares that she plans to attend tonight's Advertising Association dinner stag. She then says he's going to have to work late once again, 'cause apparently there are lots more D&D account summaries that need writing up.  

Jake and Jo arrive at his ma's trailer home and find Jess in a foul mood as he nonsensically accuses Jake of stealing their ma's jewelry box. He bitchily insists that everything inside this trailer is his, and Jake's all, "Well d'yuh" and gently explains that all he wants to do is help settle their ma's affairs. Jess grumbles about how deeply he resents Jake for leaving him alone in this hellhole to be their ma's caregiver - even though no one held a gun to his head and forced him to take on that role - then whines about his ex-wife, who absconded with whatever little money he had. Jake refrains from pointing out that only he is responsible for his disastrous life choices, then sarcastically says they missed him at ma's funeral. Jess barks that he doesn't appreciate being judged, and sneers, "Go to hell!"

Billy drops by the beach house with some D&D papers for Amanda to sign so that she can enjoy some extended medical coverage. She thanks him for looking out for her, firmly declares that D&D is over for her, and says it finally dawned on her that even though she's no longer a CEO, she's still "a somebody" by virtue of being alive. (Er, OK..?) She thanks him "for being human", and he kisses the side of her head as he wishes her good health.

Jo stops by Jake's motel room with snacks and beer to help him relax from the stressful day. Jake grumbles about how he and Jess are blaming each other for everything...blah blah...and after he frustratedly throws a beer across the room, he stares hungrily at Jo before the two start getting it on.

The next day, Jo heads over to the gas station to implore Jess to kiss and make up with his half-bro - but Jess makes it clear that he has zero interest in any kind of reconciliation with Jake, then tells her the story about when he and Jake were young lads and got into trouble with the sheriff after robbing a store. He (Jess) took all the blame and was shipped off to Juvenile Hall, while Jake eventually ran off to California and had a great life [a gross over-exaggeration of Jake's Melrose Place existence, I would argue]. Jess then snaps at Jo to get lost, and she gives up on her effort to get him to tone down his needless, unconstructive hostility and ambles back to her car. 

At the hospital, Michael confides in Matt about how totes in love with Amanda he is...and a stunned looking Matt says that while it's nice to hear him talk so pleasantly about someone, he's currently married to a psycho-nut named Kimberly. Michael says he knows full well what an unstable kook he hitched his wagon to...and adds that he's looking for a quick way to pay her off and dump her like yesterday's news.

During an impromptu meeting outside Ma Hanson's trailer, Sam tells Jess and Jake that settling their ma's affairs translates to hiring a realtor to sell the trailer and split the meagre earnings between them. Jake hastily says he's A-OK with Jess getting all of it, to which Jess bitchily argues that he doesn't need his charity [even though he so clearly does] ... and after the two bros glare hatefully at each other for several seconds, Jake says he really just wants to do the right thing. He signs the papers Sam hands him, and concludes the meeting by telling Jess to do whatever he wants with the trailer cash...and as he and Jo amble off, a contrite Jess blurts out an apology for being such a surly douchewad for the last two days, and that he'd maybe like to give him a call sometime. Jake happily says that that'd be nice, and then he and Jo climb into their car and drive off. 

Michael returns to the beach house and is all 'ack!' when he finds Amanda collapsed on the kitchen floor. He scoops her up and rushes her out the front door to his car - just as Kimberly enters through the side (sliding door) entrance, calls out for Michael, and gushes about how amazingly her Mayo Clinic interview went. [Incidentally, I find it interesting and deeply surprising that Michael went through the actual trouble of setting up a Mayo Clinic interview in his haste to get her out of town for a few days.] When she gets no response, she wanders into the bedroom, sniffs Amanda's bathrobe, then glares incredulously at a bottle of medication on the nightstand that has Amanda's name on the label. Oops.

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Recap: Michael encounters Kimberly in the hospital lounge as he's primping for his shift. He smarmily tells her he missed her while he was in New York...and when she makes it clear how furious she is that he and Amanda were staying in the same hotel room, he insists it would be utterly unthinkable that he'd ever behave in an unethical and inappropriate manner. Kimberly looks as if she doesn't quite buy what he's peddling and warns, "If you're lying, there's going to be hell to pay."

Kimberly calls Amanda to 1) welcome her home and 2) warn "keep your claws out of my husband" and sternly advises her to find her own man...and an unfazed Amanda's all, "Yeah, whatever."

After the opening credits, Amanda is at the hospital, making work calls as she gets her latest chemo treatment. Michael and some old doctor enter the room and chide her for making so many work calls - but she insists it's a necessity in order to keep D&D afloat. Dr. NoName disapprovingly pronounces that her career is working against them, not least 'cause it's raising her blood pressure and bringing on stress that can undo all of their progress. He suggests she take a leave of absence or at least reduce her work hours...and Michael concurs and announces that he made reservations at the Royal Canyon Ranch in Santa Barbara so that she (while in his company) can get some much needed R&R. Amanda nixes that proposition and explains that she can't miss her industry's annual awards ceremony this weekend 'cause she's up for Print Ad of the Year. When Dr. NoName just shrugs disinterestedly at that and ambles out of the room, Amanda makes it clear to Michael she thinks the two of them going away together is unethical and somewhat gross. He argues that, as her primary physician, he needs to personally ensure that she gets at least one day of solid R&R, assures her there won't be any funny business while he tags along, and promises that she can still return to L.A. in time to attend the awards ceremony.

Later, Michael informs Kimberley he signed up for a weekend shift at the Santa Barbara Hospital...and fibs about how the money's so good he may take on these extra shifts for the foreseeable future. He further fibs about how he intends to use his earnings to pay for a holiday in Maui and give her the honeymoon they never had, and Kimberly squeals excitedly and gives him a happy hug.

Over at D&D, an elated Billy tells Amanda that Alison heroically saved the Franklin Cruise Lines account, and a vexed Amanda's all, "What do you mean save?" and snarlingly says the account was perfectly stable before she left for New York. Billy points out that, actually, the account was not stable given that she didn't leave them with a solid enough campaign...then credits Alison for turning the situation around. Amanda grumbles about how absolutely everything else at the company has gone to shit, and barks that she wants all quarterly reports updated asap. She then asks Alison if she submitted the entry form to Century Advertising Awards so that she (Amanda) can win Print Ad of the Year...and when Alison sheepishly admits that she hasn't yet gotten around to it, Amanda calls her ineptitude "a pathetic fumble" and orders her to personally deliver the form to Century's Long Beach office...and to maybe let it slip to the Century folk that she's very ill, in the hopes that the judges will take pity on her and vote for her - which, I must note, is a complete departure from her sentiments just two episodes ago: 

Over at Shooters, Jake confirms to Sydney that he and Jane are officially dating...and Sydney reacts by wryly pronouncing that their togetherness is going to prove to be little more than a short-lived experiment, 'cause Jane is all about flash and style - not substance. She further warns that Jane likes her men to be window dressing, and that no way in hell can he fit into her world - but Jake looks unmoved by that and accuses her of being jealously biased.  

Alison arrives at the Century Advertising Awards office, where she's greeted by the awards coordinator, Brooke Armstrong (aka Charlotte from Sex and the City!). Alison submits the application for Amanda's campaign and comes right out and tells Brooke that Amanda is very ill and hopes that the judges will take that tidbit into consideration before awarding her Print Ad of the Year...but Brooke looks unimpressed by that and invokes Alison's brilliant work on the Glorious Gowns campaign and says she should definitely fill out a form so that her name can at least appear on the ballot. Alison chews on that idea for a few seconds, decides it'd be fun to be nominated [at a ceremony that Amanda thinks is going to be all about her], and agrees to submit the paperwork.

Back at D&D, Alison tells Amanda that her entry form was successfully submitted to the Century Advertising Awards coordinator, and Amanda issues a curt thank you before ushering her and Billy into her office for a private chat. She tells them that since she doesn't have the energy to work at her usual optimal level, she's going to take an R&R day tomorrow, and then work from home next week. She laments the need to put her trust in two incompetent bozos such as themselves, then orders them to step up their completion of the quarterly market reports, which they need to fax to the Royal Canyon Ranch in Santa Barbara. Alison squeals about how awesome that resort is and that surely she'll have a lovely, restful time...but Amanda just grumblingly remarks that she hopes the two of them will be able to function better as colleagues than they did as a girlfriend/boyfriend. Alison lets that needless insult slide and promises they'll do their absolute best to make her proud, and Amanda bitchily retorts, "That's what worries me." 

Jake and Jane return to Melrose Place after their date, which sounds like it was a formal affair at some fancy art gallery. Jane coos about how great he looks in his tux...and then the two smooch while Sydney glares disapprovingly from her apartment window above.

Elsewhere in Melrose Place, Billy and Alison are working late and feeding each other Chinese takeout food...and eventually they get amorous and press against each other for an impromptu smoochfest.

The next morning, Sydney marches over to Jane's apartment and makes it clear that she has a HUGE problem with her dating Jake...and that she should stop if she wants things to stay good between the two of them. Jane tells her she couldn't give the tiniest of rat's asses what she thinks of her romance with Jake and mockingly points out that she (Sydney) and Jake were only a couple for about 10 minutes. Sydney argues that Jake is the love of her life (um, seriously?), and that, "All's fair in love and war. This will definitely be war."
​
Over at the Royal Canyon Ranch, Michael confides to Amanda that his relationship with Kimberly is heading towards Splitsville...and that he's getting supremely turned off by her obsession with acquiring a baby and would really really like to hook up with a woman who's as into her career as he's into his career. Amanda looks impressed by his nonsense and calls that sentiment "a rarity in a man", and he responds by kissing her...and when she reminds him that he promised to behave in a strictly professional manner, he breezily says he just needed to get that kiss out of his system.

Back at D&D, Alison tells Billy she's off to lunch with Brooke Armstrong, then shares that she allowed herself to get talked into nominating herself for a Century Advertising Award for her work on the Glorious Gowns campaign. Billy just kinda shrugs and says that that sounds A-OK to him...and when Alison invokes their smooching last night and says they likely engaged in the smoochfest out of a sense of familiarity, Billy responds by planting another smooch on her lips and amusedly challenges, "Psycho-analyze that one."

Over lunch, Brooke tells Alison that she was something of a rising star at her last workplace - but the organization went belly-up before her promotion could take effect. She adds that she was regularly tormented by an older female supervisor who had it out for her, and asks Alison if women are generally unsupportive of each other in the advertising world...and Alison confirms that indeed there are uppity women in the industry who consider female colleagues competitors instead of teammates. Brooke says she'd looooooove to get into advertising, and wankingly adds that she wanted to talk to someone of Alison's calibre of talent and experience who could give her valuable insight into making the career change. Alison mulls that over and tells her there's currently a part-time internship available at D&D, and Brooke squeals happy and assures her that if she's hired for the position, she'll prove to be a very quick learner.

Back at the hospital, Matt wonders aloud where Michael is, and Kimberly says he took a shift at Santa Barbara Hospital this weekend to earn some extra cash. Matt grins in amusement and informs her that their hospitals are no longer doing that reciprocal shift exchange program anymore 'cause it was discontinued about a year ago...and Kimberly reacts by staring into space all peeved-like.

Jo is at D&D, delivering a batch of photographs she was commissioned to take for an official campaign...and when she asks Alison where Amanda is, Alison says she's taking an R&R day, then spills the beans about her cancer diagnosis. Jo's all, "OMG! She must be sooooo scared" - but Amanda just kind of shrugs and says she heard from Matt that the prognosis is good. She then gets a phone call from Kimberly, who pretends to be a nurse in Amanda's oncologist's office. When she says she needs to reach Amanda for an important but unspecified reason, Alison tells her she's at the Royal Canyon Ranch in Santa Barbara...and Kimberly responds by once again staring into space all peeved-like.

Jane and Jake are enjoying a romantic dinner when Sydney calls to faux report that her car just happened to break down while she was partying at the Palomino, a scarily seedy dive bar. She then cancels the need for help and breezily says she'll ask one of the roughnecks she's been flirting with to give her a hand - but Jake gets on the phone and orders her to sit tight while he rushes over to pick her up. Sydney hangs up the pay phone, grins mischievously to herself, then invites a group of roughnecks who are clearly up to no good to buy her a drink.

Back at the ranch, Amanda and Michael are kissing and canoodling in a private hot tub when a demented looking Kimberly appears out of nowhere, grabs a lamp, and threatens to electrocute the two of them. As Michael's all, "Ack!" and implores her to please put the lamp down, Amanda disgustedly calls him spineless and climbs out of the hot tub. When Kimberly reacts by smashes the lamp on the tile floor, Michael stammers about how he accompanied Amanda to Santa Barbara strictly as her physician. Kimberly calls him out on that bullcack, says that seeing them canoodle in the hot tub has made her sick to her stomach, then stalks out of the room. Amanda, meanwhile, is packing up her stuff...and when Michael asks whaddup with her leaving, she calls him out for being the pathological liar he is, and declares that life is too short to put up with the likes of him.

Back at the Palomino, Sydney is continuing to hold court with the roughnecks when someone announces that a Black Bra Contest is about to get underway. One of the roughnecks (Cal) proposes that Sydney represent their corner of the bar and enter the contest...and when Sydney jokes that she's not qualified, the roughnecks manhandle her to see what color bra she's wearing, see that it is indeed black, and drag her onto the stage. A few seconds later, Jake storms into the bar and marches over to the stage to rescue Sydney by slinging her over his shoulder and beating a hasty retreat. Once they're outside, Jake chides Sydney for going to such a shitty dump - just as Cal races over and orders Sydney to get off of Jake's motorcycle and pleasure him with enough sexual favors to compensate him for the $20 he spent on drinks. Jake tells him to get lost...and the two get into a brief fist fight before he levels Cal and motors off with Sydney.

The next morning, Amanda drops by Alison's apartment to rail at her for unwittingly telling Kimberly where she was spending her R&R day...and Alison's all, "Wuh..?" before it dawns on her that the call she got from the faux nurse was actually Kimberly, who so easily tricked her into revealing where Amanda and Michael had sneaked off to. Amanda grumbles that her retreat turned into a sordid nightmare, then changes the subject to the limo arrangements for the evening's Century Advertising Awards ceremony. When Alison says she took care of it, Amanda snarls, "At least you're not totally useless" ... and Alison sweetly assures her she wants to be there for her during her cancer treatment journey, and vows to not screw her over at D&D.

Michael returns to the beach house and finds Kimberly in bed, sobbing. He somehow manages to keep a straight face when he insists he's only spending time with Amanda 'cause she's sooooo terrified her life is soon going to end...and he's very concerned that if he rejects her advances, the resulting devastation could jeopardize her chemo treatment. He acknowledges that, yeah, it's put a strain on their marriage, and therefore faux promises to put an abrupt end to it. Kimberly listlessly retorts, "You do what you have to do" ... and when Michael thanks her for being so understanding, she tears up and reminds him that she knows his faults like no one else, loves him regardless, and is more than happy to let him be true to his very shitty self. She then comes right out and begs, "Pleeeeeease don't leave me", and Michael assures her he knows how good he has it with her, and gives her a comforting hug.

​Jane drops by Jake's apartment to tell him it's becoming too icky for her to be hitting the sheets with the same guy who bedded her sister, and the two agree to abruptly stop dating...and thank goodness, 'cause there was zero chemistry happening there.

Alison drops by Amanda's apartment while she's readying herself for the awards ceremony. Amanda then gets an unexpected call from Michael, who insists on being her plus one to the event, and declares that his marriage with Kimberly is officially dunzo. Amanda wryly retorts that she finds it hard to believe a word he says - but he ignores that and says he'll be at her place with a limo in 15 minutes. When Michael hangs up the phone, he's all, "Ack!" when he sees that Kimberly has been eavesdropping on the last part of the conversation. He fibs about having no choice but to escort Amanda to tonight's awards ceremony...but that it'll be the last time he "babysits" the clingy twit. Kimberly reacts by staring back at him with a look of suspicious incredulousness, and it remains unclear why she thinks it's, in any way, worth it to soldier on in this ridiculous marriage.

Sydney drops by Jake's apartment to apologize for causing him to brawl with Cal at the Palomino the night before - but he makes it clear he has no desire for them to hang out and quickly ushers her out the door. Sydney then runs into Jane and tauntingly tells her that Jake got into a physical fight over her last night. Jane mockingly calls the Palomino a real classy joint, then informs her sister that she and Jake have decided to end their chemistry-free budding romance...and Sydney coldly replies that it's for the best, since she doesn't have the kind of sex appeal a woman needs to have in order to be worthy of dating a stud like Jake. Meow.

Century Advertising Awards ceremony! Michael leans in and smooches Amanda, which elicits understandably stunned reactions from Billy and Alison. A few seconds later, the nominees for Print Ad of the Year are read aloud, and Amanda's all, "The fuck?" when she hears Alison's name mentioned as a nominee for the Glorious Gowns campaign. She glares at Alison and calls it "a heartless manoeuvre" before Alison is declared the winner. When she gets up to accept her award, Brooke slips into her vacated seat, presses her shoulder against a befuddled looking Billy, and smugly says, "I knew she would win all along." Everyone in the room then claps as a stunned Alison stands at the podium, doing her best to stutter out an acceptance speech.

A devastated Amanda hastily exits the room with Michael racing after her. She sadly laments that everything is being taken away from her, to which he coos, "Not everything", then professes, "I love you, Amanda. Like I've never loved anyone." She stares back at him with an expression of sad defeat, then presses herself against him for a comforting hug.   

Recap: As Michael packs a suitcase to travel with Amanda to New York so he can plead with Dr. Steele to take her on as a patient, Kimberly snarlingly questions why he feels the need to be the woman's personal escort. Michael mumbles something about being intimately involved with Amanda's case, then rushes off...leaving Kimberly staring after him with a look of stunned dismay.

Over at Melrose Place, Amanda instructs Alison and Billy to keep their loose lips zipped about the real reason she's in New York...then gives them her contact number - but warns not to call unless it's a dire, 'world is coming to an end' type emergency.
 
As Matt helps Jo get her ransacked apartment back in order, Jo worriedly natters about the possibility that Detective John Rawlings might be spying on them while they clean up the mess he made, then abruptly screeches, "Go to hell!" - in case he happens to be listening. Matt remarks that John could be guilty of manslaughter if the now comatose drug dealer he beat up (Davis) dies, and Jo wrings her hands about having had enough trouble in her life this season - while at the same time feels kinda bad about Davis being in a coma. Matt reminds her that neither of them has done anything wrong and strongly believes that everything is going to turn out fine.

Sydney prepares breakfast for Jane and tells her sister that she's fully dedicated to making her life easier. Jane argues that she doesn't want or need a personal slave and would much rather put the past behind them...and when Sydney nonetheless expresses great joy at the idea of devoting her life to being her personal slave, Jane wryly rejoins, "You're my cross to bear."

Alison and Billy are meeting with a disgruntled D&D client (Franklin of Franklin Cruise Lines), who's pissily railing about how hard they screwed the pooch on the last campaign. When he sourly asks where in blazes Amanda is, Alison tells him she's in New York on business, but that she and Billy are fully authorized to cobble together an entirely new campaign. Franklin sneers, "Good" and says he wants a presentation tomorrow morning...and Alison and Billy assure him they'd be delighted to share their ideas with him despite the ridiculously short notice [in lieu of telling him where he can shove his sneery bitchitude and unreasonable demands].  

Over at the hospital, Detective John Rawlings wanders into Matt's office looking a combination of worried and demented. He gets all in Matt's face and informs him that the Internal Affairs cop, Bob Wilkens, hates him sooooo much that he'd love to pin a murder on him. He adds says that the comatose Davis might actually die, and that [instead of feeling an ounce of guilt for possibly beating a man to death] he can't help but wonder if Jo lied to him about not exiting the car and sneakily took photos of him attacking the hapless drug dealer. Matt plays dumb and pretends to know nothing about any covertly taken photos and weakly promises, "I'll see what I can do" ... and John mumbles, "Thank you" and stumbles out of the office in a daze.

While checking into a New York hotel, Amanda's all, "Hell no" when the front desk clerk tells her that she and Michael are booked in the same room. As Michael feigns shock at the reservation "error", the clerk informs them that the hotel is fully booked (because of course it is) - but that the situation isn't entirely a calamity 'cause the room has two beds. Amanda sighs and says she's reluctantly OK with having to bunk with Michael...and after she saunters off and is safely out of hearing range, Michael tips the clerk for not letting on that he was well aware at the time he booked the room that there was only one room available in the entire hotel. Mmm hmm..

Jane drops by Shooters to urge Jake to rehire Sydney, pointing out that Rikki (and not Sydney) was the head case who trashed his bar. Jake hems and haws...but when Jane assures him that Sydney has (sorta) taken full responsibility for her questionable behavior of late, he agrees to let her have her waitressing job back - but makes it clear that if she screws up again, she's out for good.

Later that evening, Kimberly calls the New York hotel room...and when Amanda picks up the phone, Kimberly stares into space with another look of stunned dismay. She then abruptly hangs up and glares at herself in the mirror all demented-like.
 
Early the next morning, Billy and Alison are at D&D after having pulled an all-nighter working on Franklin's new campaign. They express their pride and awe at the masterful campaign they were able to put together so quickly and have zero doubt that Franklin will be hopelessly dazzled by their collective marketing genius.

Dr. Steele is informed by his secretary that Michael and Amanda have come all the way from California to meet with him, despite not having an appointment, and are now in his waiting room. A couple of seconds later, Dr. Steele gets an urgent call, which ends up being Kimberly phoning to warn that a certain Dr. Michael Mancini has nefarious plans to steal his cancer study and replicate it in Los Angeles. Dr. Steele looks alarmed by the implausible sounding prospect, tells her he appreciates the warning, then promptly instructs his secretary to tell Michael and Amanda that he suddenly decided to take early retirement and therefore isn't taking on any new patients. When the secretary dutifully passes along the message to Michael and hands him a list of referring doctors, a defiant Michael decrees that Dr. Steele will see Amanda and orders her to tell her boss that he's not going to take no for an answer.

Michael takes Amanda to Tiffany's, where she picks out a stupid expensive brooch and decides she likes the optimism of making monthly payments for the next two years to cover the jewelry piece's exorbitant price tag.

Over at D&D, Alison and Billy are smugly presenting the new campaign strategy - in tag team format - to Franklin, emphasizing the ritz factor of his cruise vacation packages. When they ask what he thinks of their ideas, he shoots them the stink-eye and flatly says, "I hate it." Bwahaha! He chides them for their inability to grasp the simple fact that the majority of his clients are middle class families who can't afford first class cruise tickets, then decides that since they're both so clueless about what his company is looking for, he's pulling his account from D&D. Alison and Billy stare back at him in mute shock...and it remains unclear if Franklin never articulated his marketing preferences in prior meetings, or if Alison or Billy were somehow never able to suss this out of Franklin before spending all night working on such a misguided campaign.

A freaked out Jo rushes over to Matt's apartment to inform him that the comatose drug dealer (Davis) has died after being beaten by Detective John Rawlings, and that the Internal Affairs cops want to question her again. Matt urges her to chillax and offers to keep her out of the investigation by personally handing over the photographs to the police. He calmly assures her he'll handle everything without her needing to get involved, and Jo calms down and gives him a grateful hug. 

Jake drops by Sydney's place and offers to reinstate her at Shooters, and she happily accepts and says she'll see him tomorrow.

While out dancing, Amanda glumly complains to Michael that their plan to beg Dr. Steele to take her on as a patient is clearly proving to be futile - but he insists it's not, and that she actually has a lot to be grateful for. When Amanda reacts by storming off the dance floor, Michael races after her, tells her she has a good chance of being cured, then leans in for a hard smooch. Amanda glares back at him and snarls that right now she needs a friend and a doctor, not a new romance - but he insists, "This is exactly what you need" and smooches her again, and she responds by disinterestedly ambling off.

Later, Amanda calls Alison and Billy to get an update on D&D business, and Alison fibs and tells her there's nothing going on that can't wait until her return. After the call, Alison proposes a plan to convince Franklin to reverse his decision to dump D&D: appeal to his sympathetic nature by telling him about Amanda's cancer diagnosis, and then get down on their hands and knees to plead for another chance. Billy flatly says it's a very bad idea, not least 'cause it's a total invasion of Amanda's privacy...and warns that since they have no idea how Franklin will react, it could easily backfire on them (and by them, he mostly means her). 

Matt goes to the police precinct to hand over photographic proof about the Davis case, and explains to Detective Bob Wilkens that the envelop he's giving him contains all of the photographs that Jo took of Rawlings as he whaled on the now deceased drug dealer. He emphasizes that Jo really really doesn't want to be involved in the matter, and so Bob says he'll make every effort to keep them both out of it...but as Matt exits the precinct, Rawlings just happens to be covertly standing several feet away, and is staring after Matt with an expression of demented panic.

Michael bursts into Dr. Steele's office and decrees that he neeeeeeeeds to see Amanda. Dr. Steele's like, "I don't, actually" and admonishes him about his allegedly nefarious plot to steal his cancer study so he can take it over. When Michael stares at him confusedly and is all, "Huh..?", Dr. Steele explains that earlier he got a phone call from a colleague who painted a rather dismal picture of his scruples. Michael chews on that for a few seconds, then suggests he take him out of the equation, and insists that he genuinely has zero interest in interfering with his cancer study and simply cares about getting Amanda the medical help she needs. Dr. Steele softens at that and tells him to bring Amanda by his office at 10am tomorrow. 

Alison meets with Franklin and blabs that Amanda has cancer, and that she'd greatly appreciate it if he didn't pull his account from D&D. Franklin coos about how sorry he is to hear about Amanda's illness and says it does change things. He then thanks Alison for her candor and promises to factor in this intel while making his final decision.

Sydney reports for her Shooters shift and flirtily tells Jake it's great to be spending time with him again, and that she missed him during her cult storyline. She touches his arm and says she wants them to be close again - but he pulls away and makes it clear that he only rehired her as a favour to Jane, and that the notion of them being a couple again is water under the bridge. Ouch.

Alison tells Billy that Franklin was extremely compassionate about Amanda's ill health and concludes, "I think the sympathy route was the perfect way to go." A few seconds later, however, she receives a registered letter from Franklin Cruise Lines, informing her that they've decided to terminate their account at D&D. Oops.

While dining out in New York, Michael assures Amanda that she has a real shot at being cured of her cancer - just as the waiter comes over and tells Amanda she has an emergency call from Jake. When Amanda rushes over to the phone, she's dismayed when the caller turns out to be Kimberly, who warns that Michael is using her to make a name for himself in the medical research world. Amanda informs her that Michael has excused himself from Dr. Steele's study [that he was never actually a part of] - but Kimberly doesn't buy it, then says she looked at her (Amanda's) health records and tut tuts Michael for clearly giving her false hope, 'cause it's obvious to any doctor with a brain that her cancer is terminal. A devastated Amanda slams down the phone and flees the restaurant.

A vengeance-fuelled Detective John Rawlings bursts into Matt's apartment while Matt and Jo are having dinner. John rails about how he tried his best to be friends with them, then pulls out his gun. A panicked Jo's all, "Ack!" and incoherently proposes, "I'll tell them that I lost my memory! I'll tell them it was someone else!" - LOL - but John yells at her to shut up and points out that her photos are probably viral by now. He grumbles about how Internal Affairs has been looking for a way to kick him off the force (as well they should) ... and that since his life is over, 'cause surely he's going to prison for beating Davis to death (as well he should), he figures 'why not commit a couple more homicides while I'm at it?' Fair point.

After the commercial break, Matt tells John (who's still pointing his gun at them) he totally gets the pressure he's under, then proposes he tell Internal Affairs an ass-backwards version of the Davis beating story: a second guy appeared and attacked him (John). John kind of perks up at that fake tale, but then realizes it's really just Matt's desperation talking 'cause of the gun being pointed at him and yells, "Liar!" He then squeezes his eyes shut as he tears up, and Jo uses that moment of weakness to lunge at John, grab his gun, and turn the tables by pointing the weapon at him and growling, "I'm tired of playing victim."

After aimlessly walking the streets of New York all night, Amanda returns to the hotel, tells Michael that Kimberly was the one who phoned her last night and said she was for sure going to die soon...and so she now has zero interest in being Dr. Steele's guinea pig. Michael tells her to pay no attention to Kimberly, and to keep in mind that Dr. Steele is the world's best oncologist. He adds that he voluntarily withdrew from Steele's study [that he was never actually a part of], and Amanda chews on that for a few seconds and abruptly reverses her decision to give up on life and says she hopes to hell he's not lying.

Later that morning, Amanda tells Dr. Steele she really really needs Michael's help through her cancer treatment journey, and Dr. Steele mulls that over and decides he's OK with it.

Over at Shooters, Sydney thanks Jane for convincing Jake to rehire her...then stares wistfully after him as he and Jane head off to the movies together. 

Back in New York, Michael gives Amanda a bouquet, apologizes for his unprofessional behavior this episode, and vows no more kissing. Amanda agrees that, yeah, he really did step over the line when he smooched her uninvited...but then saucily suggests, "Why don't you step a little farther?" before pressing against him for a consensual smooch.

​Mmm...nope. No chemistry there.

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