Melrose Place - Season 2, Episode 24
Recap: Jo is rushed to the hospital, screaming as her spawn is crowning. The spawn is suddenly being delivered by Reed, who glares at Jo all sinister-like...and Jo wakes up from the nightmare screaming, then glances around her bedroom as she absorbs the fact that the birth horror was only a dream.
Matt calls the hospital to ask if anyone knows exactly where in the Sierras Michael is honeymooning...and a few seconds later, Jane drops by with some mail for Michael and asks him if he wouldn't mind delivering it to him at the hospital. Matt tells her it'll have to wait until he and Sydney return from their honeymoon, then apologizes for bringing up what must be a very sore subject for her. Jane assures him she couldn't give the tiniest of rat's asses about those two getting hitched, and laughingly predicts that they'll probably kill each other, given enough time. Matt stares back at her with a stricken expression on his face.
At the Dreamy Pines, Sydney is happily picking wildflowers, then scampers back to the stone cabin (she and Michael are renting) to sit by Michael's bedside and graze his nostrils with the flowers. As he grimaces and shoves her hand away, she gushes about how much she loooooves this place, particularly since it's so far away from L.A. and all the nosy people at Melrose Place. She adds that this honeymoon will be a great opportunity to get the marriage off on the right foot, and Michael grins and says, "That's the idea." She gaily offers to make him breakfast in bed, then skips over to the kitchen...and while she's whipping something up, Michael sneaks out of bed and opens his overnight bag, pulls out a bottle with the label fatal if swallowed, and stares at it contemplatively.
Billy tries to convince Jake that their ongoing feud is stupid, but Jake argues that they don't have to be best friends just 'cause they live in the same apartment complex. Fair point. After he stalks off, Alison reminds Billy that they have a wedding to plan - but Billy says he has zero interest in having anything to do with that process and assures her he'll love whatever kind of event she slaps together. After that, Alison runs into a sickly looking Jo, who assures her she's fine and that she'll see her later at today's D&D photo shoot.
Matt calls the Dreamy Pines head office looking for Michael, but the clerk who answers the phone says he's not available 'cause he and his new bride just went out for a hike. Matt asks him how things are going, and the clerk snaps, "They're honeymooning" ... and Matt says he'll call back later to make sure they're both accounted for. He then tells his co-worker he needs to take a couple of sick days, and she says she'd be more than happy to cover for him.
Michael finds Sydney swimming naked in a hot spring, so he strips down and joins her. The two playfully splash at each other...until Michael starts dunking her head underwater in what looks like a half-hearted effort to drown her, but then stops when another couple wanders by and says hey. Once the couple is out of earshot, Sydney coos, "I love you", poutishly points out that he hasn't said it to her once during their honeymoon, then gives him a big smooch.
Jake attends the police auction to sell off Reed's boat, then approaches the new owner, who introduces himself as a salvage operator. He tells Jake he's planning to sell the boat piece by piece, but Jake urges him to consider a different path and would like to propose a partnership.
Jo suffers PTSD in the form of seeing Reed everywhere while she's doing her photo-ing for D&D ... and, at one point, runs out of the studio and into the nearest bathroom to hurl and wig out. Alison follows her and asks whassup, so Jo tells her she's pregnant with Reed's spawn, and that she continues to have nightmares about the douchewad. Alison clucks empathetically and says she went through the same kind of thing after her deranged ex-boyfriend Keith blew his brains out - but once she fully came to terms with his death, she was able to move on with her life. Jo chews on that for a few seconds, then points out that her situation is a lot more complicated, given that she was the one who pulled the trigger.
When Jake tells Amanda that he's looking to make a charter deal with the new owner of Reed's boat, she dismissively says it's nuts, inappropriate, and thinks he should just a regular type job like most normal people do. Jake insists he's his own [unemployable] man, has lofty ambitions, and vows to eventually make something out of his aimless life. While he's storming off, Amanda runs into Jo and tells her about Jake's dumb boat plans, and Jo spacily says it's none of her business and that she really couldn't give two shits how her ex decides to earn a living.
Michael laces Sydney's brandy with the fatal if swallowed poison, then brings it to her while she's cooking a scrumptious looking fish dinner. She's about to take a sip of the brandy when she suddenly looks inspired and pours the brandy into the pan to flambé the fish, and a panicked Michael's all, "Nooooo!!" and douses the flames with water. Sydney's all, "The fuck?! I was flambé-ing!", then glumly tells him the dinner's ruined now. A deflated looking Michael suggests they eat at the local restaurant they hiked by earlier...and after he shuffles out of the room, Sydney sniffs the brandy glass and stares suspiciously after him.
Jo tells Jake she's now annoyed with him for chartering Reed's boat, and he sheepishly agrees that he didn't give a moment's thought to how this new venture might adversely affect her. Jo then back pedals on her feelings of annoyance and shares that her decision to keep the baby has really been freaking her out lately, and that she has no clue how she's going to tell her spawn that she killed its father.
Matt reaches Michael by phone, tells him he's in the Sierras, and that he can be at his cabin by nightfall so they can talk before he does anything he may later regret. Michael pretends they have a bad connection and hangs up, and tells Sydney it was a wrong number. He then urges her to pack up 'cause he's suddenly decided he wants the two of them to camp out under the stars.
Jo tells Alison she's planning on telling her child the truth, then gets all weird and manic about the fact that she doesn't even have a photo of Reed. The two head over to the County Clerk's office to collect any personal effects they have from Reed, and the most interesting things they're given are: the location of his unmarked grave, and a key to a storage locker.
While chillin' in front of a campfire, Sydney tells Michael she believes in destiny...and by destiny she means she figured they'd somehow end up together. She then reminisces about her first sexual fantasy, which came about after she spied on him and Jane messing around by a lake while she watched from the nearby dock. As Michael's expression remains inscrutable at the icky revelation that she once got off from watching her sister get dry humped by her then-boyfriend, Sydney tells him she's sure that deep down - way deep down - he loves her. Michael changes the subject to their hike to The Ridge tomorrow and says they should probably turn in now, and Sydney chirps about how neat The Ridge sounds...and once she's inside their tent and out of earshot, Michael glares into the fire and sinisterly mutters, "It'll be perfect."
In the Melrose Place courtyard, Jake tells Jo he won't sign the final papers for his prospective new charter business unless she gives him the OK, and she looks touched by his concern and tells him she doesn't want to stand in the way of his dreams. Jake wanks her about how generous and strong she is, then holds her hand while Amanda watches from her living room window. Jake bids Jo good night, then heads up to Amanda's place to tell her the happy news about his boat deal, and Amanda snarls, "I'm sure Jo was thrilled" and slams the door in his face. [I like these two - individually - but as a couple they're an obnoxiously toxic blend that needs to permanently break up asap.]
Alison complains to Jane that Billy is unwilling to offer any input or help into the planning of their wedding, then laments how they've done everything backwards (e.g. moving in together before becoming a couple) and that there's no mystery left. Jane assures her that weddings make all men crazy, and that her backwards relationship is "very '90s".
In the Sierras, Matt tells the sheriff he's concerned that Michael and Sydney might have gotten lost, and adds that he's very worried in particular about Sydney, who could be in a lot of danger right now. The sheriff brushes off that "wild accusation", but then agrees to put together a team of deputies to search for the missing newlyweds. He warns Matt that if the two are found happy and unharmed, he'll have to pay for any expenses incurred.
Jake storms over to D&D and loudly tells Amanda she has no right to dump him for talking to his ex-girlfriend, particularly after she recently had sex with her ex-boyfriend. As the D&D employees who happen to within hearing range of this spectacle look on in intrigued fascination, a mortified Amanda tells him to shut it...but when he keeps nattering about their dysfunction, she screeches, "My office! Now!!" When Jake saunters into her office, Amanda shuts the door and drops whatever files she was carrying, and the two start smooching and then do the TV tropey thing of roughly clearing off the papers on her desk before getting it on atop a hard wooden surface that couldn't possibly be a comfortable way for anyone to be having sex.
Jo arrives at Reed's unmarked grave and sits next to it...and a few seconds later, Reed's ghost appears behind her. He tells her his "funeral" was pathetic, and that it amounted to a couple of grave diggers being too lazy to dig the regulation six feet, which means he's only four feet under. He tells Jo not to sugarcoat his criminal douchebaggery for the sake of his spawn, and that if she hadn't shot him, he surely would have killed her. He admits to being extraordinarily selfish and stupid and begs for her forgiveness, and she indulges him and starts crying...and then Reed's ghost mercifully disappears. So long, Reed! It's been a fuckin' chore knowin' ya.
Sydney and Michael make it to the top of The Ridge, and Sydney gushes about how happy she is right now, and that she wants to return to this spot every year to renew their vows. Michael hovers behind her and grips her by the shoulders, but somehow can't bring himself to shove her off the cliff...and after a few terrifying seconds of not being entirely sure if she's about to be sent hurtling to the bottom of a steep ravine, Sydney murmurs, "I knew you couldn't do it." Michael pretends he has no earthly idea what she's talking about, and Sydney responds by assuring him he'll love her someday...and as the two hug, she silently thanks him for not murdering her.
Matt, meanwhile, is at the cabin, arguing with the sheriff about the urgent need to locate his friends when Michael suddenly strolls over and asks whassup. LOL. Matt pales when he sees him alone and murmurs, "You did it" ... and the sheriff steps forward and asks Michael where his wife is - just as Sydney wanders over and asks Matt what in blazes he's doing here. When Matt just stares at her as if he's looking at a ghost, Sydney escorts him into the cabin and suggests he take some time off and destress in the idyllic paradise that is Dreamy Pines.
Alison grumbles at Billy for showing no interest in wedding planning, then admonishes him for not doing anything romantic ever since the proposal. When he just stares back at her cluelessly, she decrees that they shall abstain from sex until after the wedding...and when he's all, "Wha-a-a-a?? That's, like, three months from now!", she smugly retorts, "Exactly."
A tortured Matt spills the entire can of beans to Jane about Sydney blackmailing Michael into marriage 'cause she somehow found out he was drunk when he drove his car off a cliff and killed Kimberly...and then 'fesses up about his role in changing Michael's blood alcohol level in the hospital's database. He says he's probably going to need to unburden himself by reporting all of this to the authorities - but Jane mulls all this over, tells him not to risk destroying his career, and that there's a better way to handle this sick mess in a manner that only hurts Michael and Sydney.
At the beach house, Michael is coming around to be a newly remarried man and is canoodling Sydney (!) when Jane drops by with their wedding gift. Sydney looks pleasantly surprised - until she opens the gift and finds that it's a signed confession from Matt, witnessed and signed by Jane, that implicates Michael as the drunk driver in the accident that killed Kimberly. When Sydney scrunches her face confusedly and goes, "I don't get it", Jane explains that she wants them both to leave her alone by staying together in this sick, loveless marriage...and that if they ever separate or divorce, she'll tattle about Michael's drunkenness to the police. As Sydney and Michael stare at her in stunned bewilderment, she wishes them good look, and exits the beach house with a smug grin on her face.
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MELROSE PLACE HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French
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