Melrose Place - Season 2, Episode 26

"I heard that your apartment complex needed a Peeping Ted, so here I am."

"In Bed With the Enemy"
Original airdate: 4/6/1994

Episode summary: Amanda hires a handyman for the Melrose Place building, but he quickly turns out to be a creepy pervert. Alison sees a psychiatrist to help explain her PTSD type nightmares. Jane and Michael agree to use their inheritance from Gram's will to finance her new design firm.

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Recap: Amanda dives into the courtyard pool to enjoy a morning swim, then screams, "Jaaaaaaaake!!!!" a few seconds later. As he lumbers down the staircase, she chides him for not fixing the pool heater, and he tells her he'll try to get to it it later - but that right now he's too busy with his own stuff...and that she should seriously consider hiring a handyman so that he's not always getting roped into fixing Melrose Place stuff for free just 'cause the two of them are hitting the sheets.

Over at the beach house, Michael tells Sydney he's determined to get his 50K inheritance, not least 'cause of how hard Jane screwed him with the divorce settlement. He orders Sydney to make a list of all the dates/times Grams ever said anything nice about him...and when Sydney tells him she'd generally tune Grams out whenever she gushed about him or Jane, Michael tells her to just make up some shit that sounds believable enough for court.

Jane drops by D&D to ask Amanda if she'd be interested in giving her a loan to fund her new design firm - but Amanda says she has a policy of not loaning money to friends [even though they're not actual friends] and that when she offered her assistance, she was only referring to free financial advice. She pretends to get no satisfaction out of saying 'I told you so' when she points out to Jane how colossally stupid it was to spend funds she didn't yet have, then suggests she take on a partner...and as Jane chews on that prospect, Amanda tells her she has the perfect person in mind.

Amanda makes a beeline over to the hospital to offer Michael a proposition: invest his half of his inheritance from Grams in Jane's design business, and in exchange she won't contest the will. Michael mulls that over for a few seconds and snarks, "Pass", so then Amanda warns that if he continues down his current path, his inheritance is sure to get whittled away by expensive lawyers' fees. When Michael still doesn't seem convinced, she tells him that Jane is having serious financial problems, and that this business arrangement could bring the two of them together. Michael glares suspiciously at Amanda and asks her what she's getting out of all this, so she says she'd like a finder's fee and for him to sign a contract stipulating that all advertising of Jane Mancini Designs go through D&D. Michael's like, "Deal", then creepily asks her if she could use a physical while she's at the hospital, and she [refrains from pointing out that that's exactly the kind of grossness which could get his medical license revoked and] sassily tells him to keep his stethoscope in his pocket before strutting off.

"Would you like to stay and undergo a sexy physical with an ethically compromised doctor?"

"Not even a teeny tiny bit."

Alison and Billy are visiting a prospective church for their impending wedding. The church lady tells them they offer a wide array of services, including daycare, and Billy chuckles and says it might be awhile before they have kids, and then Alison blurts out, "If at all." Billy scrunches his face perplexedly and is all, "Wha-a-a?" as Alison sheepishly admits the obvious: that they probably should have had this life decisions type conversation before now. As the two depart the church, Billy tells Alison he just assumed she wanted a family 'cause, as far as he's concerned, it's the whole point of getting married - but Alison says she'd much prefer to devote her life to her career and all the stuff she wants to do and doesn't see children as a part of her future. A stunned Billy says she's suddenly acting like an entirely different person and demands to know whassup, and she cries, "Nothing, damn it!", and confesses that she hasn't been able to sleep lately 'cause she's been having very frightening nightmares about someone coming after her while she was a child. She then hugs Billy, who breezily attributes the dreams to pre-wedding anxiety.

That evening, prospective handyman Ted Ramsey arrives at Melrose Place and explains to Amanda that he's an hour late for their interview 'cause he wanted to clean himself up after working construction all day. He assures her he can easily do the handyman job, likes the fact that it's part time 'cause he's an aspiring actor and needs the flexibility of being able to go on auditions...and wonders if there's any way he could live at Melrose Place on account of he's currently going through a housing crisis. Amanda decides she likes what she sees and hires him on the spot, and tells him he can move into the vacant unit next to her apartment.

Alison is having one of her creepy 'someone is chasing me when I was a small child' nightmares and wakes up looking scared and breathless.

The next morning, Amanda tells Jane she found a prospective investor for her design business and that she made arrangements for the three of them to have a lunch meeting to negotiate a deal.

Amanda introduces Ted Ramsey to Jake as the new handyman, and Jake politely tells Ted to let him know if he needs any help, then gets all smoochy with Amanda...and their PDA seems to irk Ted, who stares at them creepishly as he pretends to get back to work.

Over lunch at a fancy patio restaurant, Alison tells Billy she's thinking of seeing a psychiatrist about her terrifying dreams. He scrunches his face disapprovingly and tells her he thinks she's overreacting, points out how expensive psychiatrists are, and says she should unburden herself to him for free if she needs to gabble about whatever's bothering her. Alison gets miffed about his laissez-faire attitude about her nightmares and cuts their lunch short by getting up, abruptly declaring that she has a lot of work to do back at D&D, and storming off.  

"Think of me as Dr. Billy, a non-licensed shrink you can confide all your problems in."

"I'd prefer a second, third, or even fourth opinion."

At the investor lunch meeting, Jane shows Amanda her business plan and says she hopes that the prospective investor is impressed enough to float some much-needed cash her way. She suddenly notices that Michael has entered the restaurant...and when Michael heads over and identifies himself as the investor, Jane glares at Amanda and angrily accuses her of setting her up. Amanda explains that in exchange for not contesting Grams' will, Michael will invest his 50K in her design firm - but Jane snarls that she'd rather file for bankruptcy than go into business with him and storms out. Michael wryly tells Amanda that this would be a good time for her to start earning her 5% finder's fee, so she rushes out after Jane, does her best to persuade her to not let her emotions get in the way of business...and that if she doesn't accept Michael as an investor, she could lose her entire inheritance. Jane stares despondently into space while her brain recombobulates, then returns to the restaurant and tells Michael she'll take him on as an investor if he agrees to the following terms:
​

• She retains full creative control over her designs
• They split the expenses and profits 50/50
• He keeps Sydney far away from her new venture

Michael says he's fine with all that, so Jane tells him she'll set up an appointment with her lawyer to create a legally binding agreement. Once Jane is out of earshot, Michael applauds Amanda for her great work in helping create this deal, and she stonily retorts that she wants her 5% finder's fee asap, along with an exclusive contract for D&D for any advertising the design firm wishes to undertake.

Alison returns home and is freaked out when Ted Ramsey exits her bedroom. When she demands to know what he's doing in her apartment, he explains that he's the new handyman and was fixing a broken pipe - but she doesn't look convinced and makes it clear that she doesn't want him in her apartment unless it's an emergency, then barks at him to get the hell out. 

"I was fixing a broken pipe in the drawer where you keep your panties."

"This definitely isn't going to be good for my anxiety issues."

Alison heads straight over to Amanda's apartment to complain about Ted letting himself into her apartment without her permission, and Amanda rolls her eyes and unconcernedly explains that he's the building's new handyman, and that she's given him carte blanche to ensure the safety of every tenant. Billy wanders over, eavesdrops on the conversation, and asks Amanda to ensure that he's home whenever Ted needs access to the apartment. He needlessly explains that Alison's been having difficulty sleeping lately, and a disinterested Amanda just rolls her eyes and is like, "Whatever" and snappishly says she'd like to get back to her dinner now.

Michael tells Sydney she no longer needs to provide him with a list of all the times Grams said nice things to him 'cause he's investing his 50K inheritance in Jane's design firm. When he remarks that he's pretty sure the firm will make a profit 'cause of how talented Jane is, Sydney insists that she too is talented...and Michael scoffs, "Making money while lying on your back isn't what I'd consider talented" then shoves her away from him and reminds her that their marriage is nothing more than a blackmail-type arrangement. Sydney responds by grabbing a large knife from the kitchen, stabbing the pillow Michael's resting his head on, and continually puncturing it while the feathers fly. Michael leaps away and is all, "The fuck?!" and races out of the the room while Sydney sits on the feather covered couch and weeps. 

Alison has another of her creepy 'someone is chasing me when I was a small child' nightmares and wakes up, once again looking scared and breathless. A concerned Billy asks her if she's OK, and she assures him she's fine and that she's going to take a shower. 

Michael tells Sydney he hopes she's planning to clean up the feather mess she made last night - but she's too engrossed in a news broadcast about Kristian Alfonso being arrested for running a prostitution ring. Michael chuckles and tells her she's lucky she gave up hooking when she did...but Sydney just stays glued to the TV and beams.

​Amanda shows Ted the leak in her shower, and he assures her he can fix it...and after she exits the room, he stares creepily at his power tool.

Sydney visits Kristian Alfonso in jail to say hey and propose that she take over the prostitution ring so that her stable o' hos won't be tempted to find a new pimp while she's incarcerated. Kristian Alfonso stares at her incredulously and calls her "a piece of work" ... but when Sydney presses her to "take it or leave it", she decides 'ah, why the hell not?'

"What could we possibly have to discuss?"

"I'd like to propose becoming the new you."

Alison arrives at psychiatrist Dr. Miller's office for her first session, and gigglingly remarks on how youthful and hip he looks.

Ted is carrying Amanda's groceries when the two run into Jake, who just kind of rolls his eyes when Ted eagerly offers to wash Amanda's car. Amanda later acknowledges to Jake that, yes, Ted has a crush on her - but that she likes having him around 'cause he does good work. Jake's like, "Yeah whatever" and heads off...and Amanda goes into her bathroom to take a shower, while Ted stares at her wet nakedness through the little peep-hole he drilled earlier. 

The next morning, Jake finds Ted in Amanda's apartment and asks whassup with him being there unattended, so Ted tells him he's fixing the window in her bedroom and assures him that Amanda knows all about it. Jake shoots him a suspicious glare, warns that he's watching him, then ushers him out of the apartment.

Alison tells Jo that her new psychiatrist is great and that she felt as though he really listened to her concerns about all the nightmares she's been having. Jo wryly points out that it's his job to listen, and advises her to tell Billy she's begun seeing a professional therapist. 

Sydney drops by Jane's design studio (where Jane and her two employees are celebrating a big order that just came in) to check on "our investment" and place an order for twelve sexy dresses - no doubt for her new stable o' hos. Jane's all, "The fuck are you doing here?", tells her she's only pooling financial resources with Michael 'cause she had no better options, and that she doesn't want her anywhere near her studio. Sydney argues that as Michael's wife she's entitled to 25% of the studio's earnings, then flounces off...and Jane asks her accountant to keep two separate ledgers - one for expenses, another for profits - so that she can manipulate Michael into agreeing to her one day buying him out.

"I would like to place an order for a dozen sexy dresses for L.A.'s hottest hos."

"Whaddya say? Should we start cornering the market on hookerwear?"

Jake tells Amanda that earlier he found Ted in her apartment claiming to fix a window she knew all about, and she's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and calls that a blatant lie, and complains that he still hasn't fixed the pool heater. She recalls that Alison had complained about him lurking in her apartment, then decides there are enough red flags to fire him. The two head over to Ted's apartment, where Amanda demands he return the keys, and informs him he's fired effective immediately. Ted glances out of the window, sees that Jake is watching, and hands over the keys before grabbing his stuff and beating a hasty retreat.

Michael returns home, where Sydney is having a meet n' greet for her new stable o' hos. When he orders her to shut down the party, she gleefully explains that she's taking over Kristian Alfonso's business. Michael snarks that being associated with a prostitution ring could get him arrested or cost him his medical license, so Sydney retorts by pointing out that half the revenue earned will be his without him having to do anything...and Michael stares into space as he mulls over the prospect of becoming Sydney's silent co-pimp. 

Amanda canoodles Jake, thanks him for having her back while she fired Ted, and wanks him about how awesome it is to have a real man around. She suggests they enjoy some sexy time in her shower, so the two head over to her bathroom - just as Ted creeps back into his old apartment and peeps at Amanda and Jake through his peep-hole with a lecherous grin on his face.

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