Melrose Place - Season 3, Episode 1

This father-daughter chat isn't off to a great start

"I Am Curious Melrose"
Original airdate: 9/12/1994

Episode summary: Alison and Meredith confront their father about his past abuses. Michael regains consciousness after the hit and run and claims selective amnesia. Jake helps an attractive stranger escape a volatile domestic situation.

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Recap: Kimberly races inside Wilshire Memorial Hospital, runs over to her boss (Dr. Levin), and makes a point of telling him she's been doing research work at the library all day and just heard that Michael was in an accident. Dr. Levin grimly counters that it was no accident and that Michael's ex-wife (specifying Jane) was arrested for attempted murder and is currently languishing in the county jail. Kimberly pretends to look utterly aghast as Dr. Levin informs her that Michael is being prepped for emergency surgery due to acute cerebral swelling. She remarks, "Hey, that's exactly the same kind of head injury I had last season!", and Dr. Levin nods in agreement - but then gravely adds that, unlike in her case, Michael has a less than 50% chance of survival. A few seconds later, Michael is wheeled into the hallway, and Kimberly hovers over the gurney and cooingly assures him he'll be OK...and as he's rushed off to the operating room, she mutters, "Oh God..", but then gleefully smirks once she's sure that no one is watching. 

Over at Melrose Place, Sydney tiptoes into the entrance area and sees that the courtyard is swarming with police officers. Jo ambles over, startles her by tapping her on the shoulder, and gives her the latest update from the end of last season's finale: Michael was hit by a car in front of the hospital, and Jane was subsequently arrested for attempted murder and hauled off to jail. Sydney pales and is all, "Jane's in jail??" and says she must be freaking out. She tells Jo she doesn't want to talk to the police until after she visits her sister in the clink, then races off into the night.

Over at county jail, Lieutenant Truman is interrogating Jane, who reminds him that she reported her car stolen, which makes it obvious that someone used it to commit the crime, and then park it in front of her office building in order to frame her. An unconvinced Truman scoffs, "Someone who looks just like you?" and Jane's like, "Well d'yuh" and says that the culprit was likely wearing a disguise. A still skeptical Truman points out some incriminating details: 1) she desperately wanted out of her business partnership with Michael, 2) she openly threatened to kill him within hearing range of a large group of wedding attendees, and 3) she disappeared somewhere with no alibi when the hit and run occurred. Jane wisely decides to clam up and demands to see her attorney, and Truman retorts, "Fine, bring in your attorney. That'll just give us more time to build our case against you" ... and after he exits the interrogation room, Jane stares worriedly into space. 

"The real crime is that ghastly page boy hairdo you've been sporting since last season."

"Guilty as charged."

The next morning, Amanda asks Jo if she's seen Jake around, then says he was out all night and didn't call. Jo says she hasn't, and has become so fed up with this annoying Jo/Amanda/Jake love triangle situation that she's throwing in the towel. She firmly declares, "From now on, Mr. Washboard Stomach is all yours" before irritably huffing off.

Billy, meanwhile, is railing at Mama Parker about how weird it is that both Alison and her creepy father are missing after his non-wedding. Mama Parker says that maybe her husband wanted to be the first to know why she was fleeing - but Billy says that that's kinda nonsensical 'cause he was the last known person to have talked to Alison before she disappeared. Mama Parker mutters about how she hoped that all of this unpleasantness involving Meredith and now Alison was over and that her family could start putting things back together. Billy scrunches his dumb face confusedly and asks what in blazes she's talking about - before suddenly recalling Alison's frequent nightmares (of someone chasing after her in the family's cellar) soon after their visit to Wisconsin. He deduces that everything points to Papa Parker being the someone in her nightmares, and comes right out and asks Mama Parker if he molested his daughters. An incensed Mama Parker reacts by slapping him across the face and snarking, "How can you ask such a thing?" As she continues to pretend to know nothing about her molesting shitbag of a husband, Billy says it's the only thing that makes sense, then demands to know where in San Francisco he can find Meredith and (by association) Alison.

Over in Meredith's cute Victorian pad in San Francisco, Alison tells her sister she's been blocking a lot of past trauma from her childhood, and that she really really wants to formulate a plan of action before returning to her L.A. life. Meredith urges her to forget 'bout that, avoid their parents, and start her own family - but Alison says that their dad's abuse has been at the root of every poor life decision she's ever made, as well as the cause of her string of failed relationships. Meredith implores her to stop obsessing on the abuse...and when she announces that she's off to work now, Alison pleads with her to call in sick so that they can put their heads together and figure out what their next move should be. As that's happening, we see that Papa Parker is sitting in a parked car, across the street from the Victorian house, staring perturbedly into space.

"I think we should form an action plan to deal with the abuse we suffered as children."

"And I am in favor of doing the exact opposite of that."

Sydney visits Jane in the county jail and says it's glaringly obvious that someone is setting her up, and a wary Jane's like, "Right?" and points out that there's only one person who's sick and desperate enough to plot Michael's demise: her (meaning Sydney). She points out to Sydney that she had a key to her apartment and knew where she kept her car keys...and when Sydney vigorously denies any involvement in the failed murder plot, Jane shoots her the stink-eye, hangs up the jail phone, and stomps back to her cell. Sydney haughtily exits the visiting area, and her abrupt departure is noticed by Lieutenant Truman, who just happened to be standing in the hall at that very moment. 

Jake returns home, reads the 'where the hell have you been?' note that Amanda left on his door, and promptly lumbers up to her apartment. He explains that he spent the night aboard his boat so he could enjoy some much needed me time, and Amanda apologizes for her part in the love triangle/tug-of-war with Jo, then happily announces that Jo has taken herself out of the running 'cause she just can't summon the energy to give a rat's ass about hooking up with him anymore. Jake says he doesn't find it a turn-on that they've made him an objectified prize, and is frankly tired of riding on the coattails of a woman's success while having nothing of his own. He decrees that he's burned out on the very notion of a relationship, and apologizes to Amanda for the unexpected dumperoo. An incredulous Amanda tells him it's always a good idea to try to "find oneself" - but that he shouldn't expect to find her waiting for him whenever he reaches the end of that journey. Jake hastily assures her that he has no such expectations, then beats a hasty retreat.

Sydney drops by the hospital and attempts to visit Michael - but she's stopped by a police officer, who brusquely informs her that only hospital personnel are allowed inside. She peers through the window and sees that Kimberly is in the room, conferring with the other doctors...and a few seconds later, Kimberly excuses herself so that she and Sydney can have a private one-on-one. Sydney scoffs at the notion that she's playing the role of concerned doctor when she was the one who ran Michael down with Jane's car after a failed attempt to poison him with carbon monoxide. Kimberly just kind of shrugs and breezily says it's a moot point 'cause Jane is the official suspect. She then strongly urges Sydney to flee the country...'cause if Jane is somehow released and she (Kimberly) is pressed during police questioning, she may just point the finger at Jane's vindictive sister, who no one would have problems believing is capable of murdering the ex-husband she's on record as hating with a vengeance. 

"I'm worried that the police are going to suspect me of killing Michael."

"That seems like a reasonable concern."

Hours later, Papa Parker is still in his car, staking out Meredith's Victorian house. Meredith tells Alison she's currently dating a guy she thinks could be the one - but Alison argues that the after-affects of their father's icky abuse continues to hang over them, and is likely the cause of their relationship failures over the years. Meredith abruptly gets up and announces that she's off to get them some takeout for dinner, and Alison says she'll try to decompress from all this past abuse chitchat by taking a shower and putting on a fresh change of clothes. After Meredith heads out, Alison hears a noise coming from the bathroom...and is relieved to see that it's just the window shade flapping against the wall. She closes the window and is heading towards the staircase - when suddenly Papa Parker grabs her from behind, puts his hand over her mouth, and shushingly tells her that they have a lot to talk about. Eeeeeek!

After the commercial break, Papa Parker warns Alison not to scream when he takes his hand away from her mouth, chides her for pulling a runaway bride stunt, and warns that if she goes public with her molestation accusations she'll be the one who's looked upon as damaged goods. Alison tearfully retorts that she doesn't care what anyone's opinion of her is, and Papa Parker points out that she and Meredith turned out great, despite the lingering trauma he inflicted upon them. Alison snappishly argues, "I am not fine!" - but Papa Parker suggests she could be if she continues to keep their secret, returns to L.A. as if nothing happened, and moves forward with her life. Suddenly, Meredith stealthily enters the room clutching a gun and warns the pedo not to move, adding, "I swear to God, I will blow your brains out."

Over at the hospital, Dr. Levin tells Lieutenant Truman he has no way of predicting when or if Michael might regain consciousness, and at this point in time has no idea how successful the brain surgery was...and an unimpressed Truman's all, "Blah blah, I really need to ask him some questions." Lol. A few seconds later, a nurse enters the room and informs Dr. Levin that Michael has just woken up...and Lieutenant Truman races across the hall with Dr. Levin and looms over Michael as he asks him if he saw the car that hit him - but a dazed looking Michael just stares confusedly into space. When Kimberly hovers over him and coos at him lovingly, he looks even more confused and says he has absolutely no idea who she is.

"My love for you knows no bounds, Michael."

"That's sweet. And you are..?"

Papa Parker assures his daughters that he didn't come to San Francisco to hurt them, only to prevent them from dredging up his sex crimes so that he never has to face accountability for treating his own children as sexual prey. He points out that he's largely stayed out of their lives in recent years, and that they're happy, healthy, well adjusted adults. Meredith shoots him an incredulous glare as she points out, "I'm, uh, pointing a gun at you...and Alison jumped out of a window on her wedding day. We're a mess!" As she rails at him for wanting to get away with everything, he suddenly lunges at her and struggles to reach for the gun - just as Billy bursts through the front door and runs over to stop the altercation. Papa Parker reacts to Billy's presence by running out of the house and squealing off in his car, and a re-traumatized Meredith huddles against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest. 

Michael says that while he remembers all of the medical training he's ever received, he mysteriously recalls nothing of his personal life...and everyone in the room is all, "Yep, seems totally plausible" - just as Lieutenant Truman's partner enters the room to inform Truman that Jane has requested a meeting with them at the county jail. Truman assumes that she's finally ready to confess to attempted murder and tells Michael
he may not need his eyewitness account of the hit and run after all. 

Billy chides himself for allowing Papa Parker to just run off - but Meredith assures him that letting him go was the right thing to do. She then declares to Alison that, now that they've confronted him for being the disgusting child abuser he is, it's over - but Alison argues that it's their duty to step forward and do everything they can to convince a D.A. to prosecute him. Meredith looks horrified at the prospect and says it'll ruin their lives, then makes it clear that if she intends to go down that path, she's going to have to go down it alone.  

Jane tells Lieutenant Truman she's pretty sure she knows who struck Michael: her sister Sydney, who was married to Michael before things ended very badly. She explains that Sydney had the key to her apartment, could easily have stolen her car keys, and that it was well known that she harbored feelings of deep hatred for Michael. She admits it's awful to accuse her own sister of such a heinous crime, but firmly says she's no longer willing to protect someone who would go so far as to plot murder.

Jake is aboard his boat when he hears an argument emanating from a neighboring boat. The woman threatens to leave, and the man says there's no point 'cause he owns her and will always find her. When the man suddenly cries, "Get back here!", Jake heads above deck, spots a woman swimming towards his boat, and helps her aboard. The pretty brunette - 90s model Kathy Ireland (!) - thanks him and credits him for saving her life. 

Jake provides Kathy Ireland with a towel and a warm drink (topped off with brandy) and tells her he's heading to the mainland tonight and will drop her off so that she can call whoever she needs to call. Kathy Ireland tells him, in case he's curious, the man she was arguing with was her husband...and Jake just shrugs disinterestedly and says, "I'm not." Lol..

"If you want, I can elaborate on my dysfunctional marriage."

"Nah, I'm good."

Kathy Ireland tells Jake that her husband is rich, powerful, and has connections to a lot of low-lifes...and that earlier she was very frightened he was going to kill her. She tells Jake she'd love it if he could transport her to San Diego or Mexico - but Jake chucklingly reminds her that he doesn't actually know her and therefore has zero interest in getting roped in to help solve her personal problems. 

As Kimberly leaves the hospital for the evening, she encounters Sydney, who says she's increasingly worried that the police are going to start nosing around her bidness now that Jane has implicated her in Michael's hit and run. When she laments that she had both motive and opportunity, Kimberly suggests they use each other as an alibi and tell police that while Michael was getting mowed down by Jane's car, the two of them were enjoying lunch at a seafood stand at the local Farmer's Market. Sydney seems satisfied with that solution and happily scampers off. 

Jake docks his boat and tells Kathy Ireland that this is the end of the line, hands her $50, and suggests she make a beeline over to the nearest pay phone and call someone who can pick her up. Kathy Ireland cries, "How can you doooooo this?", complains about how pissed off her abusive husband is going to be, then dejectedly shuffles off. Jake stares after her concernedly, then lets out an 'arg' noise before rushing after her and telling her she can stay aboard his boat for a couple of days. She thanks him and gives him a happy hug.

​Lieutenant Truman and his partner enter the Melrose Place courtyard to question Sydney about where she was when Michael was struck by Jane's car. She tells them she was having lunch at the Farmer's Market with Dr. Kimberly Shaw until around 2:30pm, and the cops thank her and tell her that they intend to corroborate the faux alibi.

When Alison returns home with Billy, Mama Parker hugs her and laments about how worried she was when she stood Billy up at the altar. Alison tells her she fled to San Francisco to spend time with Meredith before Papa Parker showed up and terrorized them, but then was quickly chased off by Billy. She tells her mother she can cut the shit 'cause it's all out in the open now...and when Mama Parker pretends to have no earthly idea what it's refers to, Alison specifies that she's referring to the sexual abuse that both she and Meredith suffered at the hands of their creepy-as-fuck father. Mama Parker calls Alison disgusting for saying such a thing and asks her why she didn't come to her when it was happening, so Alison explains to the nitwit that at the time she was a frightened child who was understandably terrified of the repercussions of accusing her father of being a pedophile. Mama Parker's like, "Whatevs", says she assured her husband that she's going home to him, and urges Alison not to betray him. After she huffs out, Alison sadly remarks to Billy how supremely fucked up it is that her own mother refuses to stand by her. 

"The cat's totally out of the bag, mom."

"I don't know nuthin' about no cat bag."

Lieutenant Truman and his partner head over to the hospital to verify Sydney's alibi - as Sydney quietly eavesdrops from around the corner. Kimberly tells the cops that when Michael was struck by the car she was doing research at a nearby medical library...which the check-in records will surely indicate. Sydney pales and is all, "The fuuuuuck?"

Billy brings Alison a tray with soup to her bedroom, then tells her he doesn't think anything good will come of trying to get her father prosecuted for past crimes. He urges her to just sweep it under the rug and concentrate on their future, then leans in for a smooch. When he suggests they drive to Vegas, get hitched, and start their lives together, Alison happily chirps, "Yes!" and returns his smooch. 

Kimberly skulks into the Melrose Place courtyard, breaks into Sydney's apartment, and plants a blonde wig in her underwear drawer. She then murmurs, "Bye, Sydney" as she tiptoes out.

The next day, Lieutenant Truman and his partner arrive at Melrose Place with a search warrant, and Amanda promptly lets them into Sydney's apartment where they quickly find the blonde wig. Truman remarks that Sydney Andrews has some explaining to do. 

Jake runs into Kathy Ireland as she emerges from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. She coos about how much she appreciates him letting her stay aboard his boat, coquettishly wishes there was a way she could repay him, and leans in for an amorous smooch. Jake declares, "We're even" and makes it clear that he has zero interest in being anything but being platonic friends, and she pretends to be A-OK with that, but then reminds him that sometimes platonic friends end up becoming fuck buddies.

Over at D&D, Alison drops by Amanda's office to ask for some additional time off so that she and Billy can elope to Vegas. Amanda rolls her eyes and chides her for fleeing her wedding just 'cause she got cold feet, so Alison tells her she fled the wedding 'cause she suddenly remembered all the abuse she suffered at the hands of her father. Amanda sheepishly apologizes, says if she were in that situation she wouldn't let his past behavior stand, and urges her to pursue prosecution of the sicko. As Alison digests that sage advice, Amanda says she can take off as many vacation days as she likes - but urges her to think carefully about how she's going to use them.

"If I were you I'd make that fucker fry."

"Sometimes the best advice comes from a frenemy with the right amount of perspective."

Over in the Melrose Place courtyard, Sydney runs into a smug looking Jane, who says she paid her bail - but that it's a moot point 'cause she's pretty sure that Lieutenant Truman is going to drop the charges now that they have a new suspect: her (meaning Sydney). Sydney argues that Kimberly should be the actual suspect - but when Jane somehow considers that notion too farfetched to be plausible, Sydney vows to leave town pronto in order to escape arrest.

At the hospital, Michael tells Kimberly he had a dream about his overwhelming feelings of love for her, and says he feels safe around her...and she tells him she's totes happy to hear that, and assures him that his memory will return in good time. He then says he also had a nightmare about a demonic redhead wanting to kill him, and Kimberly hastily says it must have been Sydney, then leans to give him a light kiss.

Alison breaks the news to Billy that she's decided to move ahead with outing her father for molesting her, and Billy gets irked and sarcastically says he's grateful that she at least told him to his face instead of leaping out a window and disappearing. He then climbs into his car, angrily barks, "Good luck, I hope it all works out" and squeals off, leaving a bewildered Alison staring after her unsupportive, bitchy man-child of a fiancé. 

At Shooters, Sydney begs one of her waitress friends to loan her some money - but the waitress tells her she's aware that the cops are looking for her and doesn't want to get into any kind of aiding and abetting type trouble. As Sydney turns and tries to flee the bar, Lieutenant Truman and his partner, who have been surveilling her at a nearby table, advance on her...and as she struggles against their grip, they slap a pair of cuffs on her and arrest her for the attempted murder of Michael Mancini.

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