Recap: Michael is eating breakfast on his beach house deck and looking over Sydney's prostitution ring client list when he spots the name of his boss, Dr. Stanley Levin (who apparently enjoys playing 'hooker cowboy'...giddyup! LOL), and gleefully exclaims, "No way!" He calls the phone number to confirm that the man doesn't happen to be a different Dr. Stanley Levin...then marvels at the revelation that his haughtily straight-laced boss pays hookers to service him. Michael hastily hangs up the phone after Dr. Levin answers and goes, "Hello? Hello?" - just as Sydney ambles over to admonish him for going through her client list, which is supposed to be confidential. Michael explains that one of her clients is his boss, aka a mean douchebag who's always looking down on him and acting all holier-than-thou. He smugly points out that he may not be a saint, but at least he doesn't indulge in weird hooker sex, then pauses to add, "No offense." LOL. Sydney implores Michael to not blab to anyone about Dr. Levin being on her client list and/or do anything to screw with her lucrative hooker biz, and he assures her he has no desire to "kill the golden goose".
Jake drops by Billy's apartment to coldly ask for his fishing gear back 'cause he's off on a solo fishing trip for the next couple of days. Billy says he's love it if they could get past his recent nailing of Amanda to the point where they can go fishing as pals again, and Jake non-committally says, "Sure" and saunters off. Alison enters the kitchen and tells Billy she has a client meeting this evening and is going to be home later than usual.
Over at the hospital, the residents are crowded around a bulletin board to get a look at the short list of candidates for Chief Resident (which doesn't include Michael). Michael tells one of the smug contenders to wipe the smugness off his face 'cause a decision hasn't been made yet - just as Dr. Levin wanders over and berates Michael for his sloppy operating room reports and general fuckwittedness. He then sneers at Michael that no way in hell would he ever be considered for Chief Resident and that she should count his lucky stars he's even employed as a doctor.
At Shooters, Jane complains to Amanda that, so far, having her own business has entailed a lot of tedious administrative crap, and Amanda wryly retorts, "Welcome to big business" and says that she just had to fire a perverted handyman [she didn't bother to properly vet prior to hiring on the spot]. Billy enters the bar and asks the two if either of them have seen Alison, and Amanda says that Alison left the office hours ago and that she has no knowledge of any after-work client meeting. She faux concernedly says she hopes Alison isn't sneaking around with another man, and reminds Billy about how Alison flirted with Steve McMillan to the point of nearly hitting the sheets with him at his ranch. Meow.
Alison is in a therapy session with Dr. Miller, telling him she really really wants her icky nightmares to stop. Dr. Miller asks her if she's in a sexual relationship...and she looks uncomfortable and says she's sorta in one with Billy, but has really missed sharing any intimacy as of late. Dr. Miller gets her to admit that she tends to err on the side of being a people pleaser rather than a pleasure hog...and as Alison chews on that self-revelation, Dr. Miller says he'd like to see her three times a week to see if he can uncover what's causing her troubling nightmares and offers to meet with her during the lunch hour so she doesn't have to keep lying to Billy about being in client meetings.
When Alison returns home, Billy glares at her all judgey-accusingly, asks her where she's been all evening, and says that Amanda told him she wasn't aware of any D&D client meeting being scheduled. Alison confesses to fibbing to him earlier in order to cover for her first psychiatry session with Dr. Miller, and Billy pissily reminds her that they're supposed to be a team and hates that she's seeing a shrink in secret. Alison [refrains from reminding the bonehead him how blatantly unsupportive he was during the previous episode with respect to her desire to seek psychiatric help and] explains that she's merely trying to work out her mental health problems so they can start out their [non]marriage on the right foot, and Billy stares mutely into space as he contemplates whether or not his fully grown fiancée should have the right to see a fucking therapist if she fucking wants to.
Ted is lurking in the bushes of the Melrose Place courtyard...and once the coast is clear, he scurries up the stairwell and into his old apartment. He then climbs into the attic that extends into Amanda's apartment and cuts a small square of the ceiling so he can creepily peep at her while she gets undressed.
Dr. Miller harps at Alison about how sexual satisfaction for her translates to pleasing her lover...and when she looks wigged out by the intimateness of the conversation, he suggests they go out to a restaurant in the marina and enjoy a working lunch in a less stuffy atmosphere. As the two lunch on an outdoor patio, he remarks on how a woman's beauty can create its own set of problems, and correctly assumes from Alison's reaction at being called beautiful that she's uneasy when it comes to receiving compliments. As Alison twitches nervously, she's suddenly all, "Fuuuuuuuuck.." when she spots Amanda enter the patio. Amanda wanders over to Alison's table, glances all intrigued-like at Dr. Miller who casually introduces himself as Dan Miller, then smirkily says, "See you back at the office."
Amanda blabs to Jo that she thinks - er, hopes - that Billy and Alison are having relationship problems, then mentions "catching" Alison having lunch with an attractive man. A few seconds later, the two hear scuttling sounds above the ceiling, and Amanda remarks on how this is now the second time she's heard noises up there. Jo breezily says it's probably just a rodent - but then the two decide to head over to the vacant apartment next door and search the closets, but find nothing. Ted, who's crouching in the attic above them, breathes a sigh of relief when the two exit the apartment.
Michael returns home, where Sydney has decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment hooker party. An intrigued Michael asks her which of the hos is Dr. Levin's favorite, so she motions at a stunning blonde named Ingrid. Michael marvels at how a dud like Levin could be tapping such a hottie, and Sydney wryly points out that he's doing so at $2,000 a pop. Michael makes a beeline over to Ingrid and tells her he's a friend of Dr. Levin...and when she chuckles, "Oh, Dr. Cowboy!", a delighted Michael urges her to spill as much dish about her doc john as possible.
Alison is dreaming that she's standing on the beach when Dr. Miller does a come from behind and starts smooching her neck. She contorts her face into an orgasmic expression and moans "Ohhhh, doctor" ... and when she suddenly wakes with a start and stares confusedly into space, Billy asks her if she was having another nightmare. She evasively replies, "Not exactly", then rebuffs his attempt to spoon or canoodle her.
Amanda runs into Billy in the courtyard and nosily asks him if he straightened everything out with Alison who, incidentally, she recently spotted having a cozy lunch with a handsome man. Billy assures her that everything's fine, and that Alison's handsome lunch partner is nothing for her to be worrying about, or tattling to everyone about.
Billy storms over to Dr. Miller's office, rails at him for being a quack, admonishes him for coming onto Alison, and threatens to continue contorting his face in his most angry expression if he ever does anything to hurt his beloved. Dr. Miller calmly insists that he's abiding by the ethics of his profession and would be happy to elaborate on his clinical procedures, but Billy like, "Bo-ring", shoots him an extra hostile stink-eye, and huffily exits the office.
While scrubbing for surgery, Dr. Levin takes one look at Michael's bloodshot eyes and snappishly tells him he's in no condition to operate. He derisively calls him a mess and reminds him that the patients at this hospital deserve some amount of professionalism from their surgeons. Michael complains that he's been on his case for days and asks if it's 'cause he manslaughtered Kimberly, aka his favorite protégé. A fed up Dr. Levin threatens him with an imminent firing, along with a complaint to the medical board - but Michael gleefully predicts that by end of day tomorrow he'll be appointed Chief Resident. A bemused Dr. Levin's all, "Wha-a-a-a?"
Billy sulkily tells Alison he's going on a fishing trip for a few days, then informs her that he stormed over to Dr. Miller's office and made a giant arse of himself. As Alison shakes her head incredulously, Billy insists he's not jealous of her psychiatrist as much as he is concerned about her mental wellbeing...and Alison assures him she really really believes that Dr. Miller is helping sort out her mental health issues. Billy mulls that over for a few seconds and says he's finally ready to concede that she's doing the right thing, then heads off on his fishing trip.
Michael tells Sydney he's off to a dinner party at Dr. Levin's, then ruefully adds that he expects to be fired. Sydney all, "The hell?" and rhetorically (?) asks what good it is to be married to a doctor when he's unemployed, and Michael assures her he has no intention of allowing Dr. Levin to throw him out of his job.
Dinner party! Dr. Levin lays it on thick to his guests about how super awesome it is to have a beautiful wife and daughter to come home to every night, then visibly pales when Michael arrives at the party with Ingrid on his arm. Michael introduces his hooker date to Dr. Levin and his wife, and Ingrid plays along and pretends as though she hasn't been role playing in his buckin' bronco sex fantasies. When Mrs. Levin ushers Ingrid over to the drinks table, Dr. Levin seethingly calls Michael "a son of a bitch" and asks whassup with him bringing "that trash" into his home. Michael chucklingly informs "Dr. Cowboy" that he's officially blackmailing him into being appointed Chief Resident - otherwise he'll blab to anyone who might care about his extramarital debauchery. Dr. Levin glares at him for several long seconds, then calls for everyone's attention before announcing Michael as his choice for Chief Resident. The guests are all, "Wuh?", but then mostly applaud as Michael beams happily.
Jo glances out of her window and notices the glow of a flashlight in the vacant apartment...which then quickly moves into Amanda's apartment! She frantically tries to call Amanda - but because Amanda's in the shower, she doesn't hear her phone ringing. Jo rushes over to her place and bangs on the door, prompting a skulking Ted to hide in one of the closets. When a startled Amanda opens the door and asks what the big emergency is, Jo tells her there's an intruder inside her apartment. The two arm themselves with big kitchen knives, inch over to the bedroom closet, and catch Ted as he attempts to escape into the attic. They pull him down and hold him at knifepoint...and when Jo suggests calling the police, Amanda says she'd prefer to take care of this pervert herself. She then waves her knife at Ted, who's looking increasingly anxious at his self-inflicted predicament.
Hours later, Amanda and Jo have taken a page out of Farrah Fawcett's Extremities' playbook and have tied up Ted and are staring at him curiously as they ponder what to do with the freak. Amanda tells Jo she's worried the cops are just going to let him go...and that because he's such a sicko, he might do something worse than just peeping at women. Ted points out to Amanda that he never physically hurt her and that she's the one who's breaking the law by holding him captive, and Amanda responds by holding the knife at his throat and tauntingly suggesting she might just be crazy enough to bludgeon him to death.
Sydney tells Michael she just got a call from Ingrid, who informed her that he used her to blackmail Dr. Levin. She demands to know who the hell he thinks he is for messing with her lucrative prostitution ring, and he's like, "The hospital's new Chief Resident!" As he gushes about how awesome it's going to be to have his butt kissed for a change, Sydney muses about how much she likes the idea of being married to the Chief Resident...but smugly points out that even if he became the Surgeon General, the money she rakes in with her ho biz is far more than he could ever hope to earn.
Jo tells Amanda she found peep holes (courtesy of Ted) in her shower and bedroom, and Amanda glares at Ted in disgust and asks him what he saw. He cheekily replies, "Lots of you", stupidly claims he's seen better [which, considering he's talking to Heather Locklear, is utter rubbish], and that she should either kill him or call the police. Amanda waves her knife around and tells Jo she'd love to kill this pig if she weren't risking her own freedom...then decides that the pervert's punishment should match the crime. When she threatens to blind Ted so he can't peep on women anymore and holds the tip of the knife next to one of his eyeballs, he cracks and sobs, "Sorrrrrry..." and Amanda sneers, "God, you're pathetic" and tells Jo she can call the cops now.
At the hospital, Michael is enjoying his new elevated status as Chief Resident. He tells Matt he arranged for him to be promoted to a fat management job so he can focus on all the "loser cases" he seems to love so much. Matt glares at him in disgust, then says he's only accepting the promotion 'cause he truly believes he can do positive things for the downtrodden. He then makes it clear to Michael that they're not friends and that he wants him to stay the hell away from him. Michael says he's good with that, but warns him to forever keep his trap shut about anything related to the drinking and driving incident that "killed" Kimberly.
Dr. Miller tells Alison that Billy came to his office and accused him of coming onto her, and Alison's like, "Well d'yuh, you have been coming onto me" and cites as proof all of the sex-related questions he's been asking her. Dr. Miller insists he's merely doing his job to find out as much about her sexual hang-ups as possible, and then keep his fingers crossed that it'll help get to the root of her troubling nightmares. He points out her history of pushing away the men who want to love her, and she mulls that over and admits to pushing Keith and Steve away...and is getting to the point of doing the very same thing to Billy.
Sydney arrives home, surprised to find a scrumptious looking dinner waiting for her on the dining table. Michael kisses her hello, tells her he had a great first day as Chief Resident, and that he owes his new life to her. As Sydney grins in joyous bewilderment, he pours her a glass of champagne, declares that maybe they really do belong together after all, then leans in for some intense smooching. As the camera pans out, we see that someone is watching the two get busy from a distance...and that this someone is none other than a not dead Kimberly Shaw!
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MELROSE PLACE HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French
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Television of Yore
Snide recaps of television's most entertaining classics