Melrose Place - Season 2, Episode 23
Recap: Sydney brings Michael breakfast in bed, then hands him an envelop and excitedly tells him to open it. He grudgingly indulges her...but when he sees that it contains an invitation for their impending wedding he hasn't actually agreed to, he rips up the card and tells her to get lost. An unfazed Sydney insists that they're good for each other and that eventually this marriage will turn out to be what he wants - but he just sneeringly refers to her as "one stupid slut who's crossed the line" and that he'd do just about anything to never see her face again. Sydney chalks up the verbal abuse to his usual morning crankiness, then reminds him that if she were to go to the police and report that his drinking and driving accident killed Kimberly, he'd lose his medical license and be thrown into jail. She asks him if living with her isn't better than having no life at all, and he responds by throwing the breakfast tray onto the floor.
At D&D, Amanda notices the fugly ring on Alison's ring finger and excuses her bluntness in asking if Billy has any plans to buy her a real one - bwahahaha! - just as Bruce Teller wanders over to congratulate Alison on her engagement and invite her and Billy out to dinner with him and his wife. Amanda interjects to inform Bruce that she too has a significant other in her life she'd love for him to meet, and Bruce politely invites her and her beau to join them for dinner as well.
Sydney gives Matt a wedding invitation and says it's just going to be a simple affair...and Matt looks it over, does a poor job of masking his amusement, and asks her if Michael knows about this. Sydney shoots him a withering glare, calls that "a ridiculous question", and says she'd like him to be the best man. Matt points out that it's usually the groom who makes that request, and Sydney's all, "Whatever" as she rushes off to hand out more invitations to disinterested acquaintances. [I find this interaction all the cuter knowing that a few years later these two get married in real life...and as of 2021 are still together.]
Jo is back at work, photographing models in a studio, when she suddenly looks green around the gills and runs to the nearest bathroom to hurl. She then resumes her photo-ing, but faints a few seconds later.
Michael rails to Matt that Sydney's out of her mind, telling everyone they're getting married. Matt just kind of shrugs and tells Michael it doesn't look as though he has much of a choice but to marry the headcase...and that since he risked his own ass by altering hospital records to spare him a manslaughter/murder charge 'cause of his drunken driving incident, he needs to get used to Sydney being his spouse.
Sydney drops by Jane's apartment to break the news to her sister that she and Michael are engaged. A dumbfounded Jane - who, incidentally, is sporting a grisly new pageboy 'do - stares back at her while chuckling, "You can't be serious." Sydney assures her she is and that she'd like her blessing, but an incredulous Jane says she's in desperate need of psychiatric attention, then shuts the door in her face.
Jake tells Amanda he'd sooner jump off a cliff than be forced to have dinner with her boss, but Amanda begs him to come as her plus one 'cause she has no intention of letting Alison advance her career without her direct interference. When Jake doesn't look very incentivized, Amanda remarks on whether or not she needs to trade up for a guy who can "play the game", and Jake relents and promises to attend the dinner if it's really that important to her.
Jo sees a doctor, who tells her she's pregnant...and that if she knows who impregnated her, she needs to notify him asap. A dazed Jo reacts by staring despondently into space.
Sydney giddily tells Michael she found the perfect venue for their wedding ceremony, and that it's going to be a small gathering, given that most of her relatives had their fill from the giant spectacle that was his and Jane's Chicago wedding. Michael wearily tells her to shut it, then incredulously asks her why she'd want to marry a man who can barely stomach the sight of her. Sydney canoodles him and coos about how she has enough love for both of them, then tells him he's going to need to fork over some money so she can buy a wedding gown. He growls, "No way" and flippantly tells her to just borrow Jane's...and Sydney chews on that for a few seconds and decides that since the dress is a family heirloom, she has as much of a right to wear it as Jane did. She rushes out of the house as Michael chuckles at the shitstorm he may have just unwittingly unleashed.
Jo runs into Jake in the courtyard, then suffers a wave of nausea and has to run back up to her apartment to vomit. A confused Jake follows her upstairs and asks her whassup, so she tells him she's pregnant with Reed's spawn...then starts crying and beating herself up about what a cluelessly idiotic moron she is not only to have slept with a brazenly shady fraudster like Reed, but to have done so without birth control. She curls herself across Jake's lap and sobs about how desperately she wants an abortion, and he does his best to comfort her while doing his best to not cringe at the mention of abortion.
At the jeweler's, Alison selects an extravagant looking diamond ring and gushes about how gorgeous it is - but Billy pulls her aside and says they can't afford it and reminds her that she's not actually into expensive jewelry. Alison explains that she's into it when it comes to her engagement ring - but Billy accuses her of just wanting to have a big diamond ring with which to impress her boss at dinner. Alison's face falls as she mumbles, "You're a real jerk", gives the ring back to the salesman, and huffily exits the store.
Sydney sneaks into Jane's apartment and heads straight for the bedroom closet. She quickly finds the wedding gown in a garment bag, unzips it, and stares at the poofy monstrosity in fascinated awe. LOL.
Jake is waiting for Jo to finish up with the counsellor at the abortion clinic...and when she emerges from the exam room, she tells him there's a mandatory 24 hour waiting period. The two head outside and stroll in a nearby park...and when Jo says she detects a note of disapproval over her decision to abort Reed's spawn, Jake assures her he's not the slightest bit judgey - but that she needs to think long and hard about the irreversible decision. He offers to be named the father on the birth certificate so that she she never has to admit to her child what a dumbbell she was to get herself knocked up by a cocaine dealing douchenozzle, but Jo declines and then says she doesn't want to be alone tonight...and accepts his invitation to go out to dinner together.
Jane returns home earlier from work than usual and finds Sydney in her apartment, dressed in her wedding gown. Jane bellows at her to take it off, but Sydney insists on leaving with the dress and beats a hasty retreat. Jane runs after her and grabs her by the skirt...and after the two exchange barbs about who's more entitled to the ownership of this hideous dress, Jane shoves her towards the pool and leaps with her into the deep end. An enraged Sydney screeches, "I hate you!!" ... as Matt rushes over and assists Sydney out of the pool. Sydney yells at Jane that she'll never forgive her for ruining grandma's dress, and Jane cackles about how it's now "tailor made for the bride of Frankenstein". Sydney shrieks in frustration, then stomps out of the courtyard.
At the D&D dinner at The Bistro, a waiter comes by the table to inform the party of five that Jake just called to leave word that he won't be coming, and Amanda does her best to conceal how pissed off she is while everyone else just looks relieved that they can finally order their food.
Jake and Jo stroll back to Melrose Place, and Jo thanks him for his support and for keeping her company tonight. Jake walks her to her door, gives her a brotherly kiss, then heads back downstairs, where a less-than-pleased Amanda has been eavesdropping. When Jake tries to explain that he ditched her business dinner so he could be there for Jo, she snappishly tells him he can "keep being there for her" 'cause as far as she's concerned, they're through.
The next morning, Amanda storms over to Jo's apartment to ask what in the hell is going on between her and Jake, then snarls that she has some nerve making a play for her boyfriend after her generousness in posting her bail money. Jo tells her it's not what she thinks, then lets out a weary sigh before spilling the beans about Reed's bun in her oven, and that Jake was just supporting her in a platonic friend kinda way. Amanda sheepishly asks her if that's really true, and Jo rolls her eyes and says that only she would ask such a thing.
Amanda apologizes to Jake for leaping to the conclusion that he was bumping uglies with Jo, who she says just explained her pregnancy situation. She then puts her sad face on and says she wishes that Jo would turn to her for emotional - not just financial - support, and Jake hugs her and reminds her of how much she's done for Jo, and that the thorny issue of what to do with Reed's spawn is a conundrum that Jo's going to have to sort out for herself.
Jane has picked up her mother from the airport and is filling her in on Sydney's demented marriage plans. Jane tells her she hopes she's able to talk some sense into her youngest child, and Mama Andrews promises to do her best, not least 'cause she doesn't want Michael back in their family.
Sydney is blow-drying the heirloom wedding gown when her mom drops by the beach house. Sydney happily squeals at her about her impending wedding, claims that Jane is being a jerk 'cause of how jealous she is of her happiness, and announces that the wedding will be held later today on the beach. An aghast Mama Andrews asks her how, in the name of all that is holy, this marital abomination could possibly be happening, and Sydney dreamily says that she and Michael simply fell in love and that Jane has treated her horribly 'cause she's "protecting her turf". Mama Andrews refrains from pointing out that since Jane angrily excised Michael from her life he can no longer be considered her "turf", and strongly urges her to give serious thought to why she'd want to jump headfirst into marriage, which [for some, anyway] is a life-long commitment. When Sydney stubbornly retorts that she's going to live her life the way she wants, a dismayed Mama Andrews tells her she's making a terrible mistake and wonders aloud how in blazes she could have raised such a deluded fuckwit. Sydney stonily glares at her mother and bitchily asks "a favor": "Get back on your broom and fly home to Chicago."
At Escapade Magazine, Celia tells Billy she feels sorry for Alison, specifically 'cause of the embarrassment of having to wear a cheap tin engagement ring to dinner with her boss. Billy says he doesn't get the point of spending oodles of money on an expensive piece of jewelry when it's so far out of one's price range, so Celia clues him in about how the size of the diamond on an engagement ring reflects how many dollars worth a man loves his fiancée, then helplessly throws up her hands and says it's just the reality.
Amanda drops by Jo's place to apologize for assuming she was hitting the sheets with Jake, and to offer her some emotional support by reminding her that she had a miscarriage during the Season 1 finale and lost Billy's spawn: a real tragedy for the world. She adds that, whether or not she decides to have an abortion, she can count on her for support...and when Jo says that the abortion is scheduled for tomorrow, Amanda says she'd like to be there for her. Jo's like 'ah, what's the harm?' and thanks her for not being her usual bitchy self in her hour of need.
Beach wedding! As the rows of white chairs - which were set up for all of the no-show wedding guests - sit vacant, Michael and Sydney stand in front of the reverend, along with the only guest in attendance: Matt. Michael grumpily asks the reverend if he wouldn't mind zipping through the short version of the vows, so he obliges and gets right to asking Sydney if she takes this man to be her lawfully wedded husband...blah blah...and once the two are pronounced husband and wife, Sydney beams from ear to ear and forcibly smooches Michael's unpuckered lips. She then hugs him and promises to make him sooooo happy, and he's just like 'whatevs' while staring despondently into space. LOL. Saluti!
Later that night, Michael gets out of bed, glares at Sydney as she sleeps, and heads over to the kitchen to get himself a beer. He glances over at the knives atop the countertop, then picks up one and studies the shiny blade before returning to the bedroom, where he proceeds to bludgeon Sydney to death. Eeeek! A few seconds later, Michael wakes up from what was only a dream...and when Sydney sleepily asks him whassup, he smilingly tells her he just had the most marvelous dream, and that he'd loooove to take her on a honeymoon to the Sierra Nevada, specifically to a remote cabin in the woods where there are plenty of places to hide a corpse.
Jake and Amanda swing by Jo's apartment to pick her up for her abortion appointment, and are mystified when she's not home. Jake says he might know where she is, then heads off to the marina.
Jo is standing on the pier, staring contemplatively into space, when Jake approaches and warns that she's going to miss her scheduled abortion. Jo tells him she's been standing here since sunrise, then natters about how much Reed loved the sunrise...and that she's doing her best to convince herself that Reed also loved her at the precise nanosecond their baby was conceived. She tells Jake she's ready to be a mother after all and intends to keep the baby, and he's all, "Hooray!" and gives her a congratulatory hug.
Billy presents Alison with the diamond ring she selected at the jeweler's earlier, and she cries, "Oh God! It's gorgeous!" and gives him a happy kiss. Billy says that despite the ring being waaaay out of their budget, she deserves it if it makes her happy...but that she isn't allowed to leave him until after the ring is paid for. Alison chuckles and pretends to be in full agreement with that condition.
Michael informs a concerned looking Matt that he and Sydney are going on a honeymoon in the Sierras...and as Sydney eagerly climbs into the passenger seat of his car, Michael smirkingly tells Matt to "say goodbye to Sydney". As the two drive off, Matt stares after them worriedly.
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1/25/2022 10:40:24 am
Despite it being years since I saw this episode, I can still remember the fight over the dress. "You're ripping it!" "I'll rip it to shreds before I see you wear it!" Or something to that effect. Awesome. I remember being in my early 20's watching this series with my beautiful momma (RIP), both of us making snarky comments at the screen. :D
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Recapper: Isabel K. French
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