Recap: Billy comes into Alison's room at 7am to natter about the monkey wrench in their lives that is Amanda's pregnancy and how it's pulling them apart. Alison scrunches her face miserably and wails, "What do you want from meeeee?!" and says she's miffed by the way he jumped back into Amanda's life so quickly. He reminds her that the woman is carrying his spawn, something he considers a UGE deal...then insists, despite his confusion, that he still cares about her. Alison picks up a stack of letters that Keith has written to her ever since she fled Seattle, and bitchily says that Keith never got confused about anything and was always clear about how much he wanted her. Billy shrugs helplessly at the unfavorable comparison and says he's doing his best.
Michael is on the phone with the Melrose Place landlord, who announces that he's selling the apartment complex. Michael passes along this info to Jane and says it might be good for them to start over somewhere new - but Jane points out that the location of their apartment has nothing to do with the steaming turdpile of a mess he's made of their marriage...but then backpedals as she wistfully says, "Too bad. It was great here for awhile."
Amanda tells Alison she could really use a friend while enduring her unplanned pregnancy, and Alison half-heartedly says she'll do her best to fulfill that role. A few seconds later, Lucy summons them to her office to excitedly announce that she's leaving D&D to take a job at her rich new husband's company in Hawaii. As Amanda and Alison gushingly congratulate her, Lucy informs them that management is in the process of deciding who they're going to promote to replace her, and that it's a two-way race between Amanda and some kiss-ass named Brett Nelson. Amanda makes a blech face and says that Brett doesn't have a creative mind and tends to steal accounts from other agencies...and Lucy says she agrees, but points out that Brett brings in a lot of money. She tells Alison that if Amanda is promoted, she'll likely be promoted to Amanda's current position, and emphasizes the importance of demonstrating teamwork.
As Michael and Kimberly arrive at the hospital together, he admits that he really misses her, but can't do much about it. Kimberly says she gets that it's complicated, but still hates the thought of losing her best friend.
Jane tells Jo that Michael bailed on tonight's marriage counseling session, and that she's still so angry at him for cheating on her that she finds herself fantasizing about beating the crap out of him. As the two chuckle over Michael's fictional ass-kicking, Jane laments how horribly messed up things are and isn't sure her shitty marriage is going to survive. She tears up and says she feels ashamed of her failure, and Jo points out that Michael is the one who failed...then invites Jane to go get a bite to eat with her.
At D&D, Amanda is on the phone making dinner plans with Billy...and we know this 'cause she's loudly saying, "Sure, Billy. Dinner with you tonight sounds great!" so that Alison can't not overhear. After that, Alison runs into Brett Nelson, who smarmily gushes about how great her report writing is, as is her reputation at D&D. He says he'd like to get to know her better and invites her out for a drink after work, and she's like 'sure, why the hell not?'
Keith Gray arrives in Los Angeles and checks into the Bel Age Hotel. He needlessly tells the front desk clerk that he's in town to propose to his girlfriend, and the clerk perks up at that and tells him that the honeymoon suite is available. Keith gets a strange, faraway look in his eyes and says that that sounds perfect.
At Shooters, Brett is plying Alison with drinks and egging her on to talk shit about Amanda. She drunkenly obliges and tells him all about The Billy Situation, and the way it's led to conflicts between her and Amanda...up to and including an unplanned pregnancy. She's all, "Oops!" and swears Brett to secrecy about the bun in Amanda's oven, and he manages to keep a straight face while promising to keep that delicious nugget under wraps.
Brett walks Alison to her front door and flirtily cackles about what a great team they could make at D&D. He kisses her cheek before heading off - just as Billy appears and asks Alison whassup with her getting drunk and letting another guy kiss her. She just rolls her eyes and says she's going to bed now.
Keith is sitting alone in his hotel room, staring manically at framed photos of himself and Alison. After several seconds, he lifts one of the photographs to his lips and kisses it.
As Rhonda and Matt power walk around the neighborhood, she tells him she's ready to wrap up the boredom of her lingering subplot and marry Terrence...and can only hope he hasn't changed his mind about wanting to marry her. When the two return to Melrose Place, they're shocked to see an agent putting up a for sale sign in front of the apartment complex. The agent explains that the property just went into foreclosure and that she got the listing yesterday.
A hungover Alison apologizes to Billy about last night...and when Billy says he was jealous when he saw another guy kiss her, she sheepishly admits that that was her intention. Rhonda and Matt drop by to report that Melrose Place is on the market, and Alison sighs in dismay and says she can't even begin to process that right now 'cause she's late for work. Billy races after and gives her a goodbye hug - while Keith creepily spies on them from across the street inside his parked car.
Lucy is presiding over a D&D meeting at which Amanda, Alison, and Brett Nelson are in attendance. Lucy tells everyone that with all the company's imminent staffing changes they should probably hold off on booking vacation time...and Brett goes, "What about Amanda's maternity leave?" Amanda registers faux surprise, says, "Excuse me?", and tells him she has no earthly idea where he could possibly have heard that unsubstantiated gossip. Lucy stares at Amanda in alarm before deciding she buys the denial, and proceeds with the meeting. Afterwards, Amanda pulls Alison aside and asks what the fuckety fuck with her spilling the beans about her spawn to Brett Nelson of all people. Alison sheepishly apologizes and explains that it accidentally slipped out after a few drinks at Shooters. Amanda warns her that this is precisely the kind of stupidity that's going to sabotage both of them, 'cause it's unlikely that the D&D brass would ever promote a woman who's an expectant mother.
Alison makes a beeline over to Brett's office to admonish him for blurting out Amanda's pregnant status in front of Lucy, but he just smirks and says he figured she'd enjoy watching Amanda be humiliated in front of a group of people. He then gets all grab handsy and leans in to kiss her, but she shoves him away and yells, "Stay away from me!" ... and somehow refrains from heading straight to D&D's HR department to report the brazen sexual harassment.
Amanda tattles to Billy about Alison drunkenly gossiping about her delicate condition to their D&D colleagues, and says she's dismayed that the nitwit isn't being more respectful of her privacy. Billy comes right out and asks her why she wants a baby, and she says that being such an ambitious person makes her worry about possibly missing out on things like motherhood. But that said, she also has no intention of getting passed over for a well deserved promotion.
When Amanda returns to the office, Alison pulls her aside to sheepishly apologize for confiding in Brett, and concedes that she made a giant mistake trusting the jerk. She assures Amanda that she's totes behind her, and Amanda nods approvingly and says they're going to need to impress the higher ups by demonstrating some teamwork - starting with staying late at the office tonight and burning the midnight oil.
Jake and Jo return home from the grocery store and discuss Melrose Place being put up for sale. Jake proposes they share expenses by moving in together, and Jo says that while she still has a fear of intimacy, she'll take it under consideration.
Alison and Amanda are working late at D&D when Amanda suddenly gets a searing pain in her abdomen. As she doubles over in pain, Alison quickly calls for an ambulance.
Billy rushes to the hospital and finds Alison sitting in the waiting room. She tells him that Amanda is OK, but that her pregnancy was of the tubal variety and was therefore never going to result in a baby. Billy rushes over to Amanda's room to personally check on her, and she she tells him how helpful Alison was in getting her to the hospital so quickly...and that the pregnancy being a no-go is probably best in the long run, considering how inept they'd be at co-parenting a child when they couldn't even manage something as basic as practicing effective birth control.
Alison is over at Jo's place, telling Jo that she was secretly happy when Amanda lost her baby, but is also dismayed by Billy's eagerness to sit by Amanda's bedside and comfort her. Jake emerges from the nearby bedroom and urges Jo to be careful on her next assignment: a photo gig on Skid Row. After he and Alison head off to work, Jo goes to her bathroom and retrieves her handgun from its secret hiding place.
Lucy applauds Alison for handling Amanda's medical emergency so superbly, then tells her on the down low that since Amanda's definitely not pregnant, it can only help her chances of being promoted. A few seconds later, Alison receives a package from the receptionist...and when she excitedly opens it, she's horrified to find it filled with dried up black roses and WHORE scrawled across the inside of the box.
Jo rides along Skid Row on her motorcycle, stopping periodically to snap photos of whatever down-on-their-luck type people appear willing to be photographed by her. After turning at an intersection, she's stopped by a police officer, who informs her that she failed to signal. The cop asks to see her license and registration, so she opens her purse to retrieve her wallet...and in doing so reveals her concealed handgun. The cop's all, "The fuuuuuuuck you have in there?!!" and points his gun at her (!), then screams that she's being placed under arrest for not giving him a heads up that she was packin' heat. LOL.
As Jo gets her mug shots taken at the police station, she explains that she was merely trying to protect herself as she ventured into the scary 'hood. The officer chides her again for carrying a concealed weapon, then says she can reclaim her handgun in about a week's time. As she departs the police station, she finds Jake waiting outside...and he shakes his head in dismay and tells her she's a stubborn moron for not getting rid of the gun like she told him she had. He adds that he's not thrilled about the idea of living with a gun owner, so Jo snaps, "Then don't!" and angrily flounces off.
Michael tells Jane he wants to take her somewhere romantic, and she's like 'sure, why the hell not?' and allows herself to be whisked away for the evening.
Billy brings Amanda home from the hospital. She hobbles around her apartment and offers to make him some lunch - but he urges her to get off her feet and says he'll whip up something for the both of them.
Alison returns home and listens to her answering machine, where Billy has left her a message inviting her to hang with him and a recuperating Amanda - but Alison's like nope and decides she'd rather spend the evening drinking heavily. A few seconds later, she gets two calls from an anonymous heavy breather who warns, "I'm watching you" ... and she assumes it's Brett Nelson and unplugs her phone before continuing her boozing.
During their romantic getaway, Michael tells Jane he regrets his infidelity and hopes she can find it in her heart to forgive him. He gabbles about what the future holds for them - a big house and lots of children - and breezily says they'll barely remember this adulterous blip. Jane says she'll do her best to try to believe in him again...and the two get amorous, tear each other's clothes off, and start going at it on the rug.
When Billy returns home, Alison says she's irked that he spent the entire evening comforting Amanda and wonders aloud if she made the right decision dumping Keith...just as - ack! - Keith is standing outside their apartment, creepily staring at them through the living room window.
Rhonda tells Matt that she really really hopes Terrence proposes to her again, and Matt suggests she take him to his favorite Chinese restaurant and let nature take its course.
The D&D staff cheer Amanda when it's announced that she'll be taking over for Lucy, and Amanda thanks Alison for sticking by her through her recent health scare and hopes they can leave the entire Billy conflict behind them. Amen to that. Alison is hand delivered a greeting card, and when she opens it sees that has BITCH scrawled inside of it. She snaps, "Damn it!" and storms straight over to Brett Nelson's office. She shrieks, "No more!" and orders him to stop sending her cards and flowers with expletives scrawled across them...and Brett stares back at her blankly and insists that he had nothing to do with any of that. Alison stares back at him confusedly, looking as though she believes him.
Kimberly tells Michael she's willing to be just friends with him, and he slyly asks her how she feels about sleeping with a married man who's determined to be a cheating spouse. He makes it clear that he has no intention of leaving Jane...but at the same time doesn't have the kind of passion with his wife that the two of them generate every time they hit the sack. When he asks her what she's doing tonight, she cackles gleefully and plants a big smooch on his lips. Assholes.
Amanda calls Billy to invite him to dinner to celebrate her promotion - but he declines after Alison calls him on his other line to tell him she could use a relaxing evening after all the scary shit that's been happening to her lately.
Rhonda and Terrence are out for dinner in Chinatown, and her marriage proposal surprise is derailed when the waitress fails to deliver the fortune cookie with the will you marry me? message inside. She comes right out and asks Terrence if he still has any interest in getting hitched, and he beams and says, "I thought you'd never ask." Farewell, dullards.
While standing on the sidewalk in front of Melrose Place, Billy tells Alison he'll resolve things with Amanda so they can resume their budding romance...and when Alison suggests they chillax this evening with a bowl of popcorn and a movie, Billy offers to run down to the video rental store to pick out something for them to watch. Keith, who's been watching the interaction from his car, stares daggers at Billy before sneaking up on him from behind and viciously attacking him.
Amanda and the Melrose Place gang are at the hospital, waiting for word about Billy, when Keith appears with a bouquet of flowers. He tells Alison he just happened to be in town on business when he heard about Billy's accident, and she somehow finds this plausible and tells him it's good to see him again. Michael comes over to inform everyone that Billy is going to be just fine...and Amanda and Alison rush over to his room to pay him a short visit.
Jane wanders around the hospital looking for Kimberly...and when she finally locates her, she holds up her ring finger and haughtily says that her wedding ring is a symbol of a commitment and a bond - and that she hopes when she gets a man of her own, some bitch will come along and seduce him. As she begins to flounce off, Kimberly screeches, "It's not over!" and Jane's all, "Wuh" ... then says if that's really true, she has no problem dumping the cheating man-whore like yesterday's news.
Amanda tells Billy she has a big surprise for him when he's released from the hospital, and he perks up at that and is all, "Surprise..?"
Jo tells Jake she just can't decide if she wants to move in with him, so he warns her if they go their separate ways after the building sells, he's going to start seeing other people. Jo snaps, "Fine, have fun" and tells him she'll get a ride home [from the hospital] with Matt.
Alison returns to her apartment with Keith and apologizes for the shitty way she abandoned him in Seattle. She pulls out her bottle of booze, starts guzzling, and tells him about the BITCH and WHORE flowers and card she recently received. Keith scrunches his face faux concernedly and says, "That's terrible" ... and as he gives her a reassuring hug, he stares into space with his face contorted all sinister-like.
The next day, Alison picks up Billy and brings him back to Melrose Place. They're startled to see Amanda and her father in the courtyard...then look shocked when Amanda excitedly informs them that her father bought Melrose Place so she can live in one of the apartments and preside over the management of the complex. She chortles gleefully and chirps, "I think I'm really going to loooooove it here!"
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MELROSE PLACE HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French
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Television of Yore
Snide recaps of television's most entertaining classics