Recap: Heidi tells Audrina that the honeymoon with Jordan is over now that they've been a couple for nearly eight months. Audrina scrunches her face in puzzlement and says she always thought they were soooo perfect together - but Heidi says they've been bickering more than usual, and that he snaps at her a lot and seems oddly jealous/angry about her having a job at Bolthouse. She declares that she's on the verge of a turning point, but isn't yet sure in which direction she wants to go. Heidi's on her cell with Jordan when she arrives at Audrina's apartment. She pleads with him to not cuss at her...and after she hangs up, she recounts to Audrina the way he yelled and cursed at her 'cause she couldn't pick him up from somewhere, then wails, "I don't know what to doooooo!!" She tearfully tells Audrina that his constant yelling at her is breaking her down and that she wants to be with someone who loves her...and Audrina stares back at her with her cold, dead eyes and agrees that it's probably not OK for Jordan to be treating her like a bag of shit.
Over in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney about the lovely candlelit birthday dinner Jason arranged for her during the previous episode, and Whitney says she's always impressed when young guys know precisely how to woo their ladies. When Jordan arrives at the apartment, Heidi's like, "Jordan, we need to talk" and tells him that his snappishness is really hurting her feelings. Jordan reacts by ignoring the 'we need to talk' alarm bell and slouches on the couch with his eyes glazed over, mumbling about how he has zero desire to reconstruct the kind of rude fuckbag he's grown into. He tells her to simply regard his snappishness as passion, then chides her for always wanting to be treated like a princess. Heidi's like, "Well d'yuh", says that every girl deserves to be treated like a princess, and points out that she always treats him like a prince. Jordan shrugs disinterestedly and breezily retorts, "That's just the way I am", then gets up and announces that he's going for a run. Heidi heads toward her bedroom and snarls, "See you tomorrow", and Jordan's all, "Tomorrow..?", makes his irritation known with a pfuuuuu sound, and dismissively growls, "Shut up" before leaving. Yeesh. It's a miracle he's held on as long as he has during this relationship's post-honeymoon phase. At an outdoor cafe, Jason tells Lauren he'd like them to live together in a beach house all summer, and Lauren perks up at that idea, orders him to kiss her, and the two depart the cafe, their arms locked around each other. In a nearby park, Jordan tells Brian about his argument with Heidi and says he's pretty sure there has to be more to what's irking her than the douchebaggish way he's been barking at her. Brian concurs and complains about how women always expect their men to know exactly why they're mad, then assures him that all will be well with Heidi. He suggests showing up at Bolthouse wearing a suit and tie and carrying flowers just when Heidi's done with work for the day and gallantly offer to take her out to dinner - but a disinterested Jordan's all, "Meh. I don't know if I want to do that." LOL.
Over dinner at Cafe Sushi, Heidi is complaining to Lauren about how shittily Jordan has been treating her lately. Lauren advises her to seriously ponder whether or not this relationship is working and assures her that, whatever she decides, she and Jason will be there for her [prior to their inevitable breakup, I guess]. Heidi says that Jordan's verbal abuse could be the easy out she's been looking for, but then another part of her worries that she'll really miss him...and she moans, "And I don't know the difference. I don't know what I think." Lauren points out that naturally she'll miss Jordan in the short term, then decrees: "Love is not a maybe thing." Heidi mulls over that pearl of wisdom for a few seconds, then reveals that while she loves Jordan, she's definitely not in love with him. Breakup Day! It's a suitably rainy day when a subdued looking Jordan arrives at Hillside Villas and looks aghast at the sight of his stuff packed up in boxes and piled in the living room. He enters Heidi's bedroom, where Heidi is finishing a call to her mom...and then the two sit atop her bed, where she stares at him tearfully and whimpers, "I can't do this anymore." He says he can't either, acknowledges how badly he screwed the pooch on this relationship, and tearfully declares his love for her. He says he can't imagine his life without her, and she says that while she loves him, they tend to bring out the worst in each other. Jordan stares at her beseechingly and moans, "I can't liiiiiive without you..", but she firmly shakes her head and flatly says, "I'm done." She gives him back his apartment key, and he dejectedly shuffles out of her bedroom, then out of the apartment [leaving behind his many boxes]. Heidi then wanders over to the living room couch, where Lauren has been silently witnessing the aftermath of Jordan's humiliating heave-ho, and the two girls hug before Heidi wearily says she's going to take a nap with her tiny dog Bella.
A shell-shocked Jordan returns to Casa Neanderthal to report to Jason and Brian that Heidi just gave him the boot, then stares cluelessly into space and says it feels like the breakup came out of nowhere. Brian stares back at him in stunned bewilderment and says he always thought they were the perfect couple - like Ken and Barbie - while a mystified Jason says he figured that he and Lauren would be "way done" before them. [Yep, I'd kind of been assuming that too.] Jordan wistfully says he always thought of himself and Heidi as the perfect couple, and that people often commented on how in love they seemed. In the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney that her apartment is really depressing right now 'cause Heidi and Jordan just broke up. Whitney's all, "Oooh nooo!" and says she should probably call Heidi to offer her some comfort and support. Lauren says she has no idea if Heidi's planning to stay in the apartment all summer, then changes the subject and says that Jason proposed that the two of them move into a Malibu beach house together for the next few months. Heidi drops by Quixote Studios to tearfully tell Audrina she plans "to be careful with my heart" while getting over Jordan. Audrina agrees it'll be hard for awhile, then remarks on how she's never seen her function as a single gal. Heidi grins and suggests they go clubbing tonight so she can officially begin the start of her new single life. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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THE HILLS HOMEPAGERecapper: Isabel K. French
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