The Hills - Season 2, Episode 5
Recap: Audrina drops by the apartment to see how Heidi's doing after catching Spencer hanging with playmates during the previous episode, and Heidi motions at her head and calls herself death face, then says that one of the playmates was heard calling Spencer her boo. Audrina cites that as yet more proof that he's a dirt bag, and Lauren concurs and rhetorically asks Heidi how many more people need to point out what a total cretin he is for her to finally get it?!! Audrina recalls the day Spencer brought her roses at Pinkberry and then later hooked up with Heidi...and Heidi pretends as though this is the first she's heard of it [despite Audrina telling her all about it during dinner last episode] and swiftly dials Spencer's number, puts him on speaker, and calls him out on his brazen two-timing. After he replies with a muffled response that's too incoherent to get subtitled, Heidi tells him she's so angry she's shaking, and that she haaaates finding out from other people the various shitty things he's been doing behind her back. After she hangs up, Lauren cautions her to steer clear of the manipulative dickwad.
At Teen Vogue, Lisa Love informs Whitney and Lauren that the magazine is hosting a dinner for young designers tomorrow night, and that a "super intern" named Emily from the New York office [where she works under Jane Keltner's tutelage] will be flying in to help with the planning. She adds that she expects everything to be carried out in accordance with the Teen Vogue's usual high standards. Once Lauren and Whitney are back in the closet office, they wonder if an intern who reports to someone as prim and uptight as Jane Keltner will be similarly prim and uptight [spoiler: yes].
Spencer calls Heidi while she's at Bolthouse...and when she decides to pick up, he cackles, "Oooh hoo, look who picks up their phone", calls it weird that she hasn't been calling him back, and can't seem to grasp why she's been avoiding him. Heidi quietly reminds him that she caught him red-handed with playmates at Area, and he's all, "Why are you whispering?", so she explains that he's interrupting her at her faux workplace, then snidely adds, "You're one big interruption in my life." Spencer says he didn't think that going to Area with a bunch of playmates was any big deal, particularly since he didn't kiss or hook up with any of them...and when Heidi asks, "How do I know?", he bitchily retorts, "'Cause I'm telling you. I'm not a liar." Heidi calls the whole incident "very sketchy" and that if he wants her in his life he needs to respect her need for time and space...and the fuckhead responds by daring her to ignore him for a week, then snarls, "Let's see if I'm here to call" and hangs up.
Emily "super intern" arrives at Teen Vogue, plops her gold purse atop Lauren's desk in the closet office, then gets to work making photocopies. A few minutes later, Lauren arrives and stares at the purse in puzzlement - just as Emily enters the room, introduces herself, and promptly gets down to business. She recites a to do list for their busy day ahead in preparation for the big dinner:
Over at Bolthouse Productions, Kristen stops by Heidi's desk to re-emphasize what a douchebag Spencer is for keeping company with playmates at Area last weekend. Heidi concurs and says she's still very miffed that he would embarrass her like that in front of her co-workers.
Lauren is en route to The Velvet Garden with Emily, who gabbles about Lisa wanting chinoiserie vases for the centerpiece flowers. Lauren scrunches her face confusedly and says she has no idea what chinoiserie is, then chuckles about the needless expense and general ridiculousness of buying a bunch of fancy new vases to use as centerpieces for one lousy dinner party - right?! - but a humorless Emily's like, "I don't find it ridiculous at all", insists that that kind of minutiae is crucially important to the success of an upscale dinner party, and that everything Teen Vogue does has to be "just so". After that fun awkwardness, the two arrive at The Velvet Garden, where Emily takes charge and selects the appropriate chinoiserie vases, and impresses the saleswoman with her vast knowledge of flower types. The camera then pans over to Lauren, who looks completely out of her element and is staring despondently at Emily's selections.
That evening, Heidi, Lauren, and Jen are out to dinner at Luna Park, and Heidi is prattling about how much she's loving being single right now. A few second later, she checks her phone and shrieks, "Stop texting me!" and explains to Lauren and Jen that Spencer keeps texting her and leaving her 'please don't dump me' voicemail messages. Jen threatens to toss her phone into her mojito, while Lauren flatly declares, "He's not a good guy", which prompts Heidi to stare contemplatively into space. Uh oh.
Lauren drops by Whitney's place to check on how she's doing after she had her wisdom teeth removed earlier in the day. Lauren gives her the low-down on Emily and says they definitely did not mesh while running errands...and Whitney chuckles and promises to be at Kevin's house later to help set up for the dinner.
At Bolthouse Productions, Heidi pulls Elodie aside to tell her how much she misses Spencer - &#%$!! - and Elodie stares back at her with a 'you can't be serious' look and asks her how she could possibly feel that way about a person who so creepily embarrassed and disrespected her. Heidi shrugs and replies, "You don't choose who you love" [yeah you do] and explains that Spencer's been wearing her down with his many texts and phone messages, telling her how desperately he wants to be her boyfriend [and continue reaping the financial rewards of keeping up with regular appearances on The Hills]. Elodie reminds her that he's only proven what an untrustworthy dinkwhistle he is, then asks what she plans to do about it...and Heidi just kind of shrugs and once again stares contemplatively into space.
Over at Kevin's house, Lauren, Whitney, and Emily are putting the final touches on the place settings for the Teen Vogue dinner party. Lauren remarks on the over-abundance of Emily's centerpiece flowers, but is ignored by Emily and Jane Keltner - until Lisa Love arrives, takes one look the ginormous garden of flowers clustered down the center of the table, and suggests they scale it down by half. Haha! Whitney quietly tells Lauren she's pretty sure they'll be invited to stay - just as Lisa informs Emily that she's been chosen to dine with the fashion glitterati...unlike Lauren and Whitney, who will need to skedaddle asap. Lauren and Whitney beat a hasty retreat and head to the nearest drive-thru, where they eat hamburgers and chuckle over Lisa's more-rude-than-usual snub.
Heidi emerges from the Hillside Villas lobby decked out in a strapless black dress and sashays in her usual overexaggerated wiggly hips manner to Spencer's black BMW. As she approaches the passenger door he coos, "Hello, beautiful" ... and a few seconds later, the two drive off together. Noooooooo!!
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THE HILLS HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French
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