The Hills - Season 2, Episode 3
Recap: Lauren and Heidi are out shopping for dresses to wear to Heidi's upcoming birthday party. Heidi says she invited Whitney [despite her complete lack of interest in attending] - but not Audrina, though she'll consider being cordial to her if they happen to cross paths.
Lauren meets up with Brody for lunch, and the two talk about their past relationships and how Brody likes to jump from one relationship to another without skipping a beat. He shrugs and tells her it always just seems to happen that way, then says he currently has an opening for someone to cuddle with while the MTV cameras are rolling.
At Epic Records, Audrina wanders over to Chiara's cubicle to smilingly discuss the inanity that is the her/Heidi/Spencer feud situation. She insists that nothing is going on between her and Spencer, who she describes as a pig and a dirtbag...and says that despite not being invited to Heidi's birthday party, the producers are making her go to Les Deux to wish the nitwit a happy birthday and ask whaddup with all the snubbing.
Heidi and Lauren arrive at a fancy salon to get their hair done for the party. Heidi tells the stylist she wants a fun, sexy, sophisticated Audrey Hepburn-type 'do, then tells Lauren she's not lifting a finger to do her own makeup 'cause on her special day she considers herself to be an American princess. Lauren says that Whitney probably won't make the party 'cause she's "too tired" [and clearly uninterested in coming up with a nicer sounding excuse she could at least have put an ounce of effort into], and Heidi just shrugs and once again declares that Audrina is definitely not invited.
Party time! Heidi's birthday party is in full swing at Les Deux, and after Heidi hugs guests upon their arrival, Lauren brings out a ginormous cake featuring an edible photo of Heidi as a little girl. Heidi blows out the candles, poses with the cake, and obnoxiously shrieks, "I'm soooo cute! Nobody can eat me!" Across the room, Spencer tells Brody that Lauren is soooo his style, but Brody shrugs noncommittally and says he's not sure 'bout dating someone new 'cause he just got out of an entanglement. Lauren, meanwhile, tells Heidi she's not ready to jump into a relationship with anyone, much less a vapid tool like Brody, but Heidi urges her to throw all good taste to the wind and aspire to become the womanizer's newest lady love.
Audrina arrives at Les Deux talking into two different cell phones, then comes to the second floor of the club to look around for the birthday girl. When she finally finds Heidi, she asks if she's mad at her...and Heidi just shrugs, avoids making eye contact while muttering, "It's cool", then says she doesn't want to discuss anything feud-related on her birthday. A bewildered Audrina tells an unnamed friend how weird it is that Heidi acts as if she barely knows her - just as Jen Bunney tells Lauren she could use more MTV airtime and is therefore taking it upon herself to confront Audrina about "talking shit on Heidi", even though Lauren's like, "Uh, she's not" and that she and Audrina have plans to talk through this nonsense at lunch tomorrow. Jen's like 'whatever' and barrels ahead with an awkward sit-down with Audrina, who she insults by calling "such a random girl" [in true pot calling the kettle black fashion] and tells her she's taken it upon herself to ensure that Heidi has a great birthday. Audrina explains that she merely came upstairs to wish Heidi a happy birthday - but since she's obviously not welcome to stay, she and her friends are leaving. Jen agrees that that would be best and says, "Not that I don't like you or anything" as Audrina collects her friends and exits the club. A few seconds later in the parking lot, Audrina wails into one of her cell phones that she has no idea what she did to make all the mean girls hate her so much.
After the party, Lauren, Heidi, and Jen head over to Hillside Villas, eat Chinese takeout, and gigglingly discuss the prospect of Lauren and Brody becoming an item. Jen tells Lauren she thinks that Brody really likes her, Lauren says she's not sure what the hell she wants when it comes to dating, and Heidi acknowledges that Brody is nothing more substantive than arm candy.
The next day in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney she's expected to come to lunch with her and Audrina and listen to a re-hash of the Audrina/Heidi feud...and Whitney's all 'the fuuuuuuck am I doing on this show?'
At Café Verona, Lauren and Audrina discuss Heidi's snubbing of Audrina last night, while Whitney stares blankly into space and kicks herself for not invoking her "I'm too tired" excuse to avoid having to tag along. Audrina kicks things off by explaining that she had no intention of ruining Heidi's birthday party and merely wanted to wish her a happy birthday and casually inquire as to why she's been shunned by the rest of The Hills' cast for the last three episodes for trying to steal Heidi's man when it's become crystal clear how repulsed she is by the notion of getting busy with the horrid Chucky look-alike. Lauren tells her that Heidi didn't want to focus on anything not birthday-related during her birthday party, to which Audrina argues that Heidi has flatly refused to talk to her at all. The two agree that much of this contrived conflict is Spencer's doing, but then just leave it at that (!) ... and Whitney snaps out of her detachment long enough to suggest to Audrina that maybe she and Heidi have just drifted apart the way friends sometimes do. The camera then pans over their faces for several seconds as they mutely stare at each other, their faces scrunched in perplexed contemplation.
Lauren tells Heidi the lunch went fine, and that if she sees Audrina out in the clubs it's not going to be an issue. Heidi looks disconcerted as she mulls that over, then sing-songishly retorts, "I don't care. I have too many friends and too little time." As Lauren stares back at her with a 'the fuck?' look, Heidi switches gears and decrees how they should spend the rest of the day: nap, dinner, meet up with Spencer and Brody at Area.
Later, Lauren and Heidi arrive at Area and greet Spencer and Brody with happy hugs. Across the club, Audrina tells her friends she's getting tired of being the pariah of the show, and one of her friends concurs with how dicked up that is and derisively calls Spencer "the ultimate cheese". LOL. Spencer, meanwhile, urges Heidi to not let Audrina come between them [despite his effort at keeping the ever implausible 'oh no...two hot girls are fighting over me' conundrum alive], then barks at Jen to move her keister so that Lauren can sit beside Brody and endure his gushing about her gorgeous eyes and how he really really likes hanging out with her. A few seconds later, a puzzled Heidi glances around Area and asks Spencer where Lauren and Brody disappeared to. Mmm hmm..
Brody takes Lauren to his condo, then steers her over to his terrace so the two can stare out at the fantastic view of L.A. and gabble about what a fantastic time they had at Area. Brody leans in for a kiss, which prompts Lauren to giggle and call him a cheeseball - bwahahaha! - and he's like, "If by cheeseball you mean that I keep it real, then yeah I'm a cheeseball" and smarmily compliments her smile for the thousandth time.
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THE HILLS HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French
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