The Hills - Season 1, Episode 8

Whitney and Lauren begin the hard work of drooling over prospective male models for an upcoming swimsuit photoshoot

"You Can't Just Be With Me?"
Original airdate: 7/19/2006

Episode summary: Jason gets irked when Lauren neglects to tell him that the Teen Vogue photoshoot she's assigned to work on features mostly young, attractive men.

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Recap: The four Hills gals are out on the town together when they enter a boutique and try on fancy dresses. For some reason Lauren thinks it'd be fun to try on a bridal gown, and the other three cackle about the horror of her ever seriously agreeing to marry a douchewad like Jason.

After the opening credits, Lisa Love informs Lauren and Whitney that in this episode they'll be helping at a casting for a swimsuit photoshoot. She asks them to hit the ground running by calling casting agencies and going on various beefcake modelling websites to find as many photos of buff young bucks aged 17-20 who are pleasing to look at while near naked. As Whitney giggles with delight at the tasty assignment, Lisa shoots her the stink-eye and snappishly warns her and Lauren to "behave accordingly".

Brent summons Heidi to his office to inform her that tonight Bolthouse is hosting a William Morris Grammy party at LAX and that she'll be "working" the front door. He gives her the green light to liven up the party by inviting her Hills castmates [and by extension the MTV camera crew] ... and as Heidi beams happily, he tells her he wants a full report tomorrow.

"I want the MTV cameras to show up at our Grammy party in case there's any contrived, superfluous drama that needs filming."

"This being MTV, I can almost guarantee the occurrence of contrived, superfluous drama."

Over in the Teen Vogue closet office, Blaine tells Lauren and Whitney that the swimsuit photoshoot will take place at Quixote Studios, aka Audrina's workplace. The two then stare at the same computer screen as they gigglingly scout prospective male models.

Grammy party! Lauren and Jason arrive at LAX and are greeted by Heidi before being let into the nightclub, where they connect with Jordan and Audrina. Lauren tells Jason about her latest Teen Vogue task: helping out at a swimsuit shoot at Quixote Studios. Jason furrows his brows concernedly and asks, "What kind of models?", and Lauren fibs when she replies that she's only been looking into girl swimsuit models. Jason asks if there's also going to be dudes there, and Lauren insists that she's only been focused on girl models...and Jason shoots her a cold stare and says, "I was just asking."

At the apartment, Heidi complains to Lauren that she hasn't been getting any sleep lately, which isn't surprising given that her work schedule consists of her being at the office from 9am-6pm, then being stationed at a nightclub door until 2am. Lauren says she told Jason that the upcoming photoshoot she's helping out with only features girl models and neglected to mention that it's mostly aimed at buff young bucks parading around in swimsuits. Heidi chuckles and warns, "He's going to get mad at you" ... and Lauren rolls her eyes and retorts, "What the fuck else is new?" (Sorry, no. That was my reaction.)

Audrina greets Lauren and Whitney when they arrive at Quixote Studios for the shoot, then shows them to their stage...and soon after that, Blaine and a Teen Vogue stylist arrive, and the casting process gets underway. Lauren takes Polaroid shots of a wide variety of shirtless young men while a more-giggly-than-usual Whitney ogles their muscular, hairless chests. Audrina becomes smitten with one of the models, Brad, and tells him that she and the other Hills gals will be hanging out at Bella Restaurant this evening and invites him to stop by, and he says he's definitely interested in doing that.

Later, at Bella Restaurant, Audrina, Lauren, and Whitney are gushingly telling Heidi about the hotness of all the male models they got to salivate over all day. Audrina glances across the room and notices Brad sitting at a table with another guy, so she makes a beeline over to give him a hello hug and invite him and his friend to join her table. When everyone's been introduced and seated together, Brad asks Audrina where they're going after this, and Audrina says in her usual 'I-can't-control-my-lips-from-constantly-smiling' fashion, "We'll see."

Over at Casa Neanderthal, Brian complainingly remarks to Jordan and Jason (whose hair is looking more porcupine-esque by the episode) that Audrina is always going out on dates with random guys. Jordan's like, "Uh, speaking of random guys.." and spills the beans on the Teen Vogue casting at Quixote that mostly featured buff young bucks in swimsuits - and Jason's all, "Say wuh?!", stares sullenly into space for a few seconds, then gets up and bitchily stalks out of the room.

"I heard that the photoshoot Lauren worked on was full of buff young bucks."

"I heard the opposite of that. Me sad."

While doing laundry, Jordan tells Heidi he thinks that Lauren fibbing to Jason about guys being at a swimsuit casting is "retarded". He adds that he thinks Jason and Lauren are too immature and insecure to even be in a relationship...and says this as if he himself didn't completely blow a gasket after encountering Heidi's ex-date Josh in the Boyfriends and Work Don't Mix episode. Heidi suggests that maybe Lauren and Jason are stuck in their toxic relationship, and Jordan says he can't comprehend that notion - despite the daily toxicity that is his and Heidi's shitty relationship.  

Heidi tells Audrina that when Jordan blabbed to Jason about the Quixote photoshoot, Jason got really mad. Audrina's all, "Ooooh noooo!" and the two agree that they hope Jason won't be a total dickwad to Lauren on her birthday.

Lauren is in her car, en route to somewhere with Whitney, when Jason texts her about how he knows the truth about the photoshoot...and then a few seconds later, he calls her so he can verbally accuse her of being a liar. Lauren wearily says she has zero desire to argue with him about something this inane, and Jason pretends he couldn't care less about guys being at her photoshoot, and says he's mostly irked that she lied to him about it. He then declares, "I love you", and Lauren stares at her phone in puzzlement and tells Whitney that, shocking as it may sound, Jason is letting this latest perceived transgression roll off his back. 

Later at the apartment, Lauren receives a flower bouquet from Jason and a note that reads 'Be ready at 5pm, pack a bag for school'.

Lauren arrives at the Standard Hotel and Jason ushers her to a swanky suite, where a candlelit dinner awaits them. Lauren thanks Jason with a hug before the two seat themselves at the table and start chowing down. He asks her what she'd like to do for the rest of the evening, and she replies that she'd like to hang out at the hotel and enjoy all that the suite has to offer. Jason mumbles that Brian is doing some club thing and that they could always meet up with Jordan and Heidi - but Lauren remains firm on wanting to stay in. Jason mutters, "What's that?" as he faux-confusedly wonders if 'I want to stay in' could possibly be translated to mean 'let's meet up with our castmates at a nightclub', and a vexed Lauren firmly repeats, "I. Would. Rather. Stay. Here." 

"I would like to spend the entire evening in this beautiful hotel suite."

"I will interpret that to mean you're unsure about whether you want to stay in or go out."

When Jason asks what exactly 'staying in for the evening' entails, Lauren scrunches her face into a hurt expression and asks, "Can't you just be with me?" Jason unconvincingly says, "I can" ... and in the next scene, the two are laying atop the bed together with him looking visibly irked while she stares back at him with a look of grimaced concern.

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