Recap: An Eastland alumni named Beth McNeil is interviewing Eastland students and other alumni for a book she's writing about the boarding school. She kicks off this plot-free season finale with her first of five humdrum one-on-one interviews:
Tootie gabbles about her dream of becoming an actress, and how determined she is to beat the odds and make it in showbiz. She tells Beth that Natalie is her BFF, and that she's also very close to Jo and Blair [in the same way that hamsters become friends when they're put in the same cage] ... and that Mrs. Garrett has been a mother, friend, and guardian to all of them. She predicts that in ten years they'll all still be friends and/or still living together (as they wrap up Season 16, aka the year Beverly Ann's second cousin arrived in Peekskill to take over the Facts gals' house mothering responsibilities).
Natalie tells Beth she's considering a career in journalism, fiction writing, or politics - then gets interrupted by Tootie, who briefly halts the interview to pull a cluster of leaves out of her friend's hair. Natalie irritably shoos her away, then tells Beth that Eastland has given her a strong sense of herself, and that she's fairly confident she's going to be A-OK out in the world...and by world, she means the roof she's going to be living under along with the other three Facts gals - a dynamic the writers experimented with in Season 2 and have zero interest in shaking up [beyond adding superfluous characters like Kelly, Andy, or George Clooney to the mix].
Blair fluffs her hair and strikes a flirty pose for the camera....then quickly deflates when Beth tells her that this video footage is strictly for her reference while she writes her book. Blair talks about the difference in relationships in high school versus college, namely that there's pressure in college to take relationships further. She recaps her brief engagement to Cliff, who she dumped soon after he went to med school. She describes herself as wonderful, waxes on about how much she loooooves the traditions of Eastland...and how turned on she is by Jo's street smarts and prickly confidence.
Jo is rushing around campus, as Beth and her cameraman race to keep up with her. Jo explains that she's super busy 'cause she's involved in so many clubs, and has to work extra hard to keep up her grade point average in order to keep her scholarship. She adds that she's the first person in her underprivileged Bronx family to go to college and is interested in becoming a teacher, despite the shit pay. She says that over the years she's grown close to people she has nothing in common with...and by people she mostly means her most special BFF, Blair.
Beth decides to interview Mrs. Garrett 'cause of how gushingly each of the Facts gals spoke of her. Mrs. Garrett stares dreamily into space and says she loved Eastland the moment she stepped on campus, and that eventually she became an honorary graduate. She tells Beth that in a previous life she entered the Peace Corps and drove a taxi [but interestingly neglects to mention her former job as the Drummond's housekeeper on Diff-rent Strokes]. When she became Eastland's house mother, she made it a point to learn every girl's name and create as cozy an atmosphere as possible...then decided to shake things up by starting her own business and going back to college. She considers the Facts gals her family and feels like the luckiest house mother in the world.
After the interviews, Mrs. Garrett invites the Facts gals out to dinner despite it being a week night and shrieks, "My treat!" They're all, "Yippee!" and grab their coats and head for the door...and Mrs. Garrett helps Blair as she struggles with her coat, then gives her a tender smile.
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Recap: Tootie, Jo, and Mrs. Garrett - who's finally returned from her "vacation"! - are refinishing a used bookshelf for Natalie that they plan to fill with a set of encyclopedias and then present to her as a high school graduation gift. A few seconds later, Blair returns home...and when Jo snarls at her for not helping out with the bookshelf, Blair says she would have if she didn't have so much darn studying to do. She adds that Natalie's new bookshelf will look nice in their communal bedroom, and Mrs. Garrett says, "Only if she goes to college here." An alarmed Tootie's all, "Wha-a-a-a-a?!" and asks her if she has the inside scoop on Natalie's future plans, and Mrs. Garrett assures her she doesn't..but that it's unrealistic to expect that they'll all keep living under the same roof together, well into adulthood, under the watchful eye of a house mother (and then later a replacement house mother) who seems to revel in the responsibility of babysitting four grown women for an unfathomable duration of nine fucking seasons.
When Natalie returns home, the rest of the Facts gals throw a blanket over the bookshelf and pretend as if they're all studying together while standing up. Natalie shoots them a suspicious glare before heading into the living room...and once she's out of earshot, the rest of the Facts clan discusses the importance of Natalie selecting Langley as her primary college choice.
Natalie asks Blair and Jo why they're all acting so weird, and Blair responds by talking up the awesomeness of Langley and how it's provided her and Jo with the perfect college experience. Jo gets in on that action and waxes on and on about the fabulousness of the Langley social scene and academics, and Blair "assures" Natalie that they aren't trying to push her into anything...even though the choice to do anything other than enrol as a Langley freshman in the fall would be a disaster of gargantuan proportion.
Natalie strolls around the mall and seats herself on a bench beside an irked looking older man. She chirps hello at him and natters about the movie she just saw...and he grumbles about how his daughter and son-in-law drag him to the damn mall every week 'cause they just assume that he enjoys this type of outing. Natalie nods sympathetically and says that people generally mean well, and that she too has something to tell her friends and family that they're not going to want to hear...namely that she's decided to put off going to college. She says she finds the idea of attending college right after high school depressing, and is considering applying to a school she has no hope of being accepted to, and use that rejection to shut everyone up. The old man urges her to just be honest about her plans, and she mulls that over for a few seconds and agrees that he's probably right. She then thanks him and says that their little chat has given her a fresh perspective on how to best handle her conundrum.
The Facts clan throws Natalie a surprise graduation party at Edna's Edibles...and Blair has invited the best looking A-listers from Langley College's various clubs so they can lay it on thick to Natalie about how it's the best college choice in the entire universe. When someone screeches, "Natalie's coming!", they shut off the lights and hide...then yell, "Surprise!" after Natalie enters the store and turns the lights back on. Natalie says she's thrilled by the surprise party, then glances around and discreetly asks Tootie why they invited so many strangers. Tootie explains that Blair invited a bunch of Langley socialites...and Natalie looks troubled by that, then tells the Facts gals and Mrs. Garrett that she needs to talk to them in private, pronto.
Natalie announces that she's putting off college so she can travel, to which Jo snarks, "Don't be an idiot." Natalie says she made this decision months ago - just as Jo hands her a letter that just came for her from Princeton University. Natalie says she assumes that this is a rejection letter, then is all, "Wha-a-a-a-a?" when she opens it and learns that it's actually an acceptance. As the other gals woot and cheer, Natalie stares despondently into space.
The party breaks up soon after Natalie's no college announcement, and she further explains that she really really wants to put off college so she can take a year off to travel, find out who she is, and be exposed to the real world. When Mrs. Garrett asks her what part of the earth she plans to wander, she dreamily replies, "Wherever the bus takes me...New Mexico...Canada..." Blair looks horrified at the notion of taking a bus anywhere, while Jo rails at her for turning down Princeton. She shrieks, "So many people never get a chance like this!" and disgustedly calls her need for a gap year "a waste" ... and says this as though Natalie's life choices are, in any way, any of her damn business.
When the encyclopedias arrive in the mail, Tootie, Jo, and Blair are annoyed that they're no longer an appropriate graduation gift for Natalie. Jo wonders aloud if they can return them, but Blair says her dad got them on sale and therefore can't get a refund. A few seconds later, Natalie and her mother enter the communal bedroom, and the rest of the Facts gals hastily hide the encyclopedias and rush out to give the two some privacy.
Mama Green tells Natalie she already knows about her decision not to go to college 'cause Jo and Blair spilled the beans to her...which I thought was pretty dickish of them. Natalie explains that she's merely putting off college so she can spend a year traveling and experiencing life. Mama Green asks her how she plans to support herself during this exploration of self discovery, and Natalie's like, "Uh, I just figured you'd pay for it." LOL. Mama Green's like nope and reminds her how important education was to the late Papa Green...and that even though she hates forcing her into anything, she feels so strongly about a year long delay in applying to college that she's willing to withhold any kind of financial support. Natalie moodily stares into space and despondently agrees to throw in the towel on her travel plans.
Graduation Day! Mrs. Garrett is putting a giant bow on the bookshelf filled with encyclopedias when Mama Green arrives for the ceremony. Upstairs, Natalie is dressed in her cap and gown, and gets oohed at by Tootie when she enters the bedroom. Natalie assures her that they won't drift apart after she goes off to Princeton 'cause their friendship is destined to last forever, and Tootie's all, "Phew!" while the two hug.
Natalie goes downstairs to back pedal on her back pedalling about skipping college for a year. She explains to the Facts clan and her mom that she's been stuck in private schools her entire life and needs to take a break from learnin' so she can see which direction she wants to go in...then points out that her fancy Eastland education has prepared her for a world she hasn't even seen. As everyone contorts their faces into bummed out expressions, Natalie tells her mom that she's fully prepared to face the financial consequences of going against her wishes...but her mom says she's reversing her earlier threat to cut her off and now has her full support. She gushes about how proud of her she is, and the two hug.
Mrs. Garrett marvels at Natalie for being all grown up, then shrieks, "How could you dooooo this to meeeee?!" Natalie looks touched and says she's ready to receive her graduation present now...and everyone exchanges uncomfortable glances until Blair explains that it's probably no longer appropriate. When Natalie insists, the gals unveil the bookshelf and encyclopedia set, and Natalie squeals about how much she looooooves it. She says she'll leave it in the communal bedroom for safekeeping, but will take the atlas with her...in case she gets lost while aimlessly wandering around North America.
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Recap: Tootie and Natalie are conducting a "croissant challenge" (with the needless help of Kevin and Andy) to determine if the competing bakery, Croissant My Heart, is serving tastier pastries than Edna's Edibles. Kevin blindfolds Blair and feeds her two croissants, and when she declares them both delicious, Andy chuckles about how the meaningless results of this taste test have been rendered even more meaningless than they'd normally be 'cause he thought it'd be amusing to give her two Edna's Edibles croissants. After Tootie and Natalie bark at him to get lost, Blair assures them that she's a savvy businesswoman with plenty of relevant corporate experience, and that she has no problem going head to head with the competition. When Jo enters the room, the gals tell her about the possible threat that is Croissant My Heart, and Jo says that she and Mrs. Garrett already checked it out and decided that people are still willing to pay for the kind of high quality baked goods that Edna's Edibles offers. When Tootie and Natalie look satisfied with that explanation and imply that they consider Jo to be largely in charge while Mrs. Garrett continues to "vacation" off camera, Blair huffily argues that she should be the one in charge. Jo shrugs disinterestedly and says, "Go for it", while Natalie and Tootie stare worriedly into space...then even more worriedly when Blair imperiously declares that she demands total loyalty and support from her subordinates.
Blair's dad drops by Edna's Edibles and is thrilled when he learns that his daughter has declared herself Interim Overlord of Edna's Edibles. She happily tells him she's super excited about all the changes she plans to implement - but he cautions her to first do a lot listening to the underlings.
Early the next morning, Blair summons Natalie and Tootie to the kitchen to begin their first work day under her regime. She tells them she's been studying the efficiency level at Edna's Edibles and has found it to be sucky to the point of embarrassment...and says this as if her own work performance has had no part in the low functioning of the store. She orders Natalie and Tootie to put on hairnets and then rapidly roll croissant dough so she can time them while blaring kabuki music [the way they do to Japanese workers in one of her father's Tokyo factories]. Natalie and Tootie flail about as they do their best to quickly flatten the dough, but get too flustered to generate anything that's worth baking in the oven.
That evening, Blair sashays into the store and decrees that Edna's Edibles will stay open until 11pm and offer free "bottomless" coffee refills, the way Croissant My Heart does. Jo points out that it's unnecessary to do that 'cause business is fine, and Tootie and Natalie tell Blair they can't work late tonight 'cause they both have dates. Blair reminds them that Mrs. Garrett doesn't permit them to go out on dates during the week and demands that they cancel, and they're all, "Screw you!" and throw their aprons at her before storming out. When Blair stares helplessly at Jo, Jo shrugs disinterestedly and tells her she can't force people to follow her decrees, then breaks the news that she can't work tonight either 'cause she has a student council meeting on campus.
Blair is run off her feet, pouring free coffee refills for customers, when Papa Warner drops by. She breezily explains that she's stretched so thin 'cause she gave the staff the night off...then sheepishly admits that they angrily walked out on her when she got too dictatorial. She explains that she's trying to match the low prices and late hours of service as their main competitor, and Papa Warner scrunches his face concernedly and says he's worried that she's in over her head. He offers to pitch in with some of the baking, but she declines and says she's determined to succeed on her own.
Blair continues to rush around the store serving customers, and gets groped by a college hockey player who's bitter about losing tonight's game. When he and his friend announce that they're going to blow off steam by shooting pucks inside the store, Blair yells at them to leave - just as Andy, Kevin, Tootie, and Natalie enter the store. Kevin attempts to take control of the situation and barks at the hockey players to get out...and when the hockey players puff up their little chests and threaten to punch his lights out, Blair grabs a can of air freshener and threatens them with a scented face spritz if they don't leave immediately. The hockey players are all, "Ack!" and beat a hasty retreat, and Kevin gushingly tells Blair how impressed he is by her handling of the scary situation. Jo enters the store with Papa Warner, who gave her a ride home from Langley, and is pleasantly surprised when she opens the cash register and sees how much extra business Blair brought in by staying open until 11pm. Papa Warner looks impressed and tells Blair he clearly underestimated her businesswoman prowess. She grins and informs him that she's applying for an internship at a design firm that competes with Warner Industries...and he looks momentarily startled by the sassy act of self empowerment before warmly wishing her good luck.
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Recap: It's Alumni Week at Langley College...and in the absence of Mrs. Garrett (who continues to enjoy her off camera "vacation"), the Facts gals are bustling around the store, baking and serving tarts to their hungry customers. Blair's mom (Monica) arrives, gives her daughter an air kiss, and tells her she'll be in Peekskill all week for the alumni festivities. Blair perks up at the prospect of spending some quality time with her mom this episode and invites her to bunk in Mrs. Garrett's vacant room.
Later, an exhausted Jo, Tootie, and Natalie are lounging in the living room while Monica schools Blair on how best to polish her fingernails. A few seconds later, Jo's dad (Charlie) drops by unexpectedly and tells Jo that the territory for his auto parts salesman job has just been expanded to include Peekskill, so he figured he'd stop in and say hello. Monica greets him and reminds him they met during Season 4's graduation two-parter...and he's like, "Oh yeah..", then turns his attention to Jo and offers to treat her to dinner. Jo declines and explains that she and the rest of the Facts gals have too much baking to do for tomorrow's Edna's Edibles pastry rush, so Tootie suggests to Monica and Charlie that they go out and have dinner together. Jo and Blair are all, "Wha-a-a-a-a?" as Charlie mulls that over and decides 'sure, why the hell not?' Monica says she's game and tells Charlie there's plenty of time to change his jacket if he doesn't want to enter a restaurant dressed in his uncouth leather jacket/tie ensemble, and he deadpans, "If it's too dressy I can always take it off." Once they're out of hearing range, Natalie squeals giddily and points out Charlie and Monica are both single and could therefore fall madly in love and leap head-first into a disastrously ill-thought-out marriage - but Blair makes an ew face and reminds her it's just one dinner, and that the two have absolutely nothing in common.
Four hours later, Jo and Blair are sitting on the couch, glaring into space as they impatiently wait for Monica and Charlie to return from dinner...and a few seconds later, the two burst through the door, giggling about the amaaaaaazing time they had at dinner. Charlie apologizes to Jo for being out so late, and Monica concurs and says that time slipped by while Charlie regaled her with one hilarious story after another. She blushingly describes him as "vastly amusing", then bids Blair a good night before going upstairs to bed.
In the kitchen, Charlie tells Jo he had a great time tonight, and describes Monica as "a classy broad" who treated him to an expensive, multi-course dinner while educating him about the ins and outs of the rich people fingernail polishing process.
At bedtime, Tootie and Natalie press Jo and and Blair for all the juicy details about the dinner date...and Blair concedes that while it wasn't technically a date, it did seem to go very well. Natalie giddily points out that the dinner could be the start of something big...and by big, she means a foolhardy rush to get married, which by default would make sisters out of Jo and Blair. The two look intrigued as they mutely contemplate the prospect of adding an exciting new layer to the non-hetero undercurrents that perpetually simmer just beneath the surface of their spicy friendship.
Blair and Monica return from a shopping trip, and Monica pulls out a fancy tie and handkerchief set and happily says she bought it for Charlie. She invites Blair to dinner...and when Blair has to decline 'cause she's too busy studying for finals, Monica decides to call up Charlie and see what he's up to tonight. Charlie tells her he has no plans and suggests they go bowling, and Monica chirps, "I'd love to!" and agrees to meet him at 6:30pm. As Jo scowls disapprovingly, Natalie points out that if Charlie and Monica get married she'll likely have access to a lot of dough...and an irked Blair grumps about how unfair it is that the union wouldn't serve to benefit her in any way. She suggests to Jo that they join Monica and Charlie on one of their "dates" so they can more closely examine how the two interact in a social setting, and Jo's like 'since I have nothing better to do with my time during finals week, why the hell not?'
After an evening out, Jo bitchily remarks to Blair that Monica is clearly "making a play" for her dad. Blair haughtily denies that and calls Charlie crude, so Jo retorts that Monica is a spoiled airhead whose entire life revolves around getting her hair and nails done. Blair counter-retorts that she bets Charlie would just looooove to get his hands on her mom's money, and Jo snaps back that money is the only way an over-the-hill socialite like Monica is ever going to attract a man. Ouch. And meow, Jo.
Later, Jo finds Blair studying in the living room, apologizes for her earlier bitchitude, then says she's beginning to think that Natalie might be right about future wedding bells for Monica and Charlie. Blair concedes that her mother could do a lot worse than hook up with a streetwise boor like Charlie...and after mulling over that disturbing possibility, the two agree to give their parents their blessing to wed after enjoying dinner out together three times.
The next evening over coffee and dessert, Blair remarks on the blossoming friendship that has developed between Monica and Charlie, and that it's obvious how much joy they bring to each other. Jo concurs, then stands up so that she and Blair can put their arms around each other and simultaneously declare, "You have our blessing." Monica stares back at them blankly and goes, "For what?" - LOL - and Blair replies, "To get married." Charlie and Monica burst out laughing at the ludicrousness of two middle-aged divorced people leaping into a marriage simply because they've enjoyed hanging out together for the last few days...so Blair reminds them they've practically been inseparable this episode. Monica waves a dismissive hand in the air and says they've merely been having some fun times together, and that neither of them has even entertained the notion of extending the friendship into anything beyond a short-lived Facts subplot.
Charlie announces that he has to head back to the city, then jokingly tells Monica to let him know where she wants to go for their honeymoon. Monica lightly chuckles and kisses the top of her daughter's head...then kisses the top of Jo's head while joking, "And for the one who got away."
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Recap: The Facts gals are about to leave for the drive-in...and their feelings about it being bulldozed tomorrow range from the despondent (Natalie) to the utterly indifferent (Tootie). Natalie reminds the gals that she wrote several editorials for the local newspaper, imploring the community to save this precious institution, then says she regrets not doing more. Blair says she's looking forward to experiencing the drive-in for the first/only time 'cause she's in the mood to slum it with the common folk for one evening. Jo informs her that they'll be taking Mrs. Garrett's Volkswagen, and that it's a time-honored tradition to sneak in someone via the trunk...and that tonight, she (Blair) is going to be that someone.
Upon arriving at the drive-in, Jo, Tootie, and Natalie head straight to the snack bar...and quickly realize that they forgot to let Blair out of the trunk. A few seconds later, Blair staggers into the snack bar looking dirty and disheveled - but cheers up when Jo offers to treat her to some movie snacks.
Natalie runs into the owner of the drive-in, Mr. Lowell, and tells him that she's the Natalie Green who's been writing editorials in an attempt to save the drive-in. Mr. Lowell says that after thirty years he's more than ready to call it quits and retire to Arizona, and was therefore delighted when a second hand clothing chain submitted an offer to buy the land so they could build another store. Natalie stares wistfully into space and tells him she had so many good times at his drive-in over the years, and he dismissively waves a hand in the air and tells her to do what everyone else in the '80s is doing for movie entertainment: rent cassettes.
Natalie agonizes to Tootie about the imminent demise of her beloved drive-in...and Tootie multitasks by coquettishly waving at a cute guy who's standing at the counter and telling Natalie how her lawyer parents once saved an old schoolhouse: get the local historical society to declare it a landmark, then file for an injunction. Natalie's like, "That's brilliant!" and rushes over to the nearest pay phone to get the ball rolling.
As Jo gives Blair a crash course on the best snacks to mix together to guarantee the most satisfying movie watching experience, Natalie informs Mr. Lowell that her Save the Drive-in petition needs five hundred signatures in order to have a chance of it being declared a landmark...and he scrunches his face in puzzlement as to why she'd want to do anything to mess with his Arizona retirement plans.
When the film for Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? gets tangled up in the projector, Tootie complains about how the universe is conspiring to prevent her from seeing this film...and Natalie uses the impromptu intermission as an opportunity to collect more signatures.
Two dorky teens approach Blair and Jo and invite the two to join them for the rest of the movie, and Blair shoots them a seriously? look and turns them down in the most disparaging way possible. Mr. Lowell sits idly by as souvenir hunters brazenly swipe items off of his counter, and Jo decides to get in on that action and looks around for something desirable to steal. Blair remarks that she needs to use the bathroom, and obliviously cuts to the front of the long line.
Natalie earnestly asks moviegoers to sign her Save the Drive-in petition, and they provide her with a fun variety of cartoon character names.
Blair shuffles out of the bathroom with her blazer tied around her backwards and explains to Jo that an angry woman did this to her in retaliation for not waiting her turn in the bathroom line. A few seconds later, Tootie runs over to announce that Mrs. Garrett's Volkswagen has been stolen!
Blair expresses shock that anyone would go to the trouble of stealing such a shitty car - just as Natalie realizes with horror that she was the one who left the keys in the ignition. Tootie, meanwhile, begs Jo to help the projectionist fix the film so that she can finally see the rest of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?
Blair runs into the woman - Moon Unit Zappa! - who rearranged her blazer for her, and is promptly threatened with bodily harm if she doesn't leave the premises immediately. Blair grabs Tootie and introduces her to Moon Unit as one of the many loyal friends who accompanied her to the drive-in...but a wincing Tootie slinks off, disinterested in Blair's plight. After Moon Unit stalks off, Blair rushes over to the pay phone to call a cab...then is all, "Wha-a-a-a-a?" when she learns it'll be a two hour wait.
Jo is discreetly trying to unscrew one of the drive-in's barstools to take as a souvenir while Natalie continues to collect signatures.
Two police officers arrive at the drive-in to investigate the theft of Mrs. Garrett's Volkswagen, and Blair throws herself into the arms of one of them and begs them to rescue her from this horrible place. The officers offer to give the Facts gals a lift home, but Tootie declines and says she's determine to stay as long as it takes for her to find out Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. The officers are like, "OK, whatever" and rush off when they get an emergency call. Blair runs into the dorky teens she insulted earlier and says she's now interested in being in their company for protection...but after being snubbed by Dork 1 and giving Dork 2 a careful once over, she decides she'd much rather risk a beating by Moon Unit Zappa. She calls for a cab again and tells the dispatcher that her need for a ride home has become a matter of life and death.
Natalie is finding it impossible to collect five hundred signatures, so she's resorted to forging names, which Tootie warns is fraud.
Moon Unit Zappa is incensed when she sees that Blair is still at the drive-in and empties a bucket of popcorn over her head before placing the bucket atop her head like a helmet. Blair grabs the nearest thing she can defend herself with - a mop - and blindly swings it in Moon Unit's direction, knocking her off her feet. The Facts gals rush over and ask what just happened, and Blair glances over at a fearful looking Moon Unit and says she had no choice but to deck the popcorn toting assailant. As Moon Unit scurries off, Blair clutches the mop and triumphantly pronounces, "I did what I had to do."
Natalie calls Jo out for trying to steal a barstool and asks her why she's doing that in the midst of her Save the Drive-in campaign. Jo shrugs and tells her that, in the VCR era, people don't really want to go to the drive-in anymore.
The police officers return and report that they were able to locate the stolen Volkswagen, and that it's only minimally damaged. The gals, Tootie included, agree that they're ready to go home now...and a newly confident Blair tells the cops that ever since [accidentally] fending off Moon Unit Zappa with a mop, she's been thinking about joining the force. Mr. Lowell presents Natalie with the iconic pizza clock that has hung in the drive-in for the last thirty years in exchange for giving up on her petition and allowing him to peacefully retire, and she thanks him and bids the drive-in a wistful adieu.
Recap: The Facts gals (minus Jo) and Andy are in the attic of the Edna's Edibles building, cleaning out all the dust and grime like they promised Mrs. Garrett they'd do while she's off vacationing in Tucson with Ted. A few seconds later, Jo arrives with Kevin and says she has no time to help them clean the attic 'cause she has to help Kevin look for a new apartment now that his roommates have given him the heave-ho. He asks the gals if they have any ideas about where he could live...and as Tootie and Natalie quickly reply, "Nope!", Jo glances around contemplatively and suggests he move into the attic. Kevin perks up at that idea and promises to help clean it up, prompting Tootie to glare at Jo and propose that the four of them discuss the matter in private.
Blair says she has no problem with Kevin moving in so long as she can fob off her least desirable chores on him, while Natalie argues that having a man living in the house would upset the delicate balance the show's producers have struck [in keeping these four living and working under the same roof while under the supervision of a housemother for nine relentless seasons]. Tootie worries about being labelled a trollop when people learn that a man is now living in such close quarters to them, but then agrees to call Mrs. Garrett to find out whether or not she approves of the proposed living arrangements. They phone her while she's hot tubbing with Ted [visual alert], and she says she's of the mind that any son of Ted's is welcome to live in her building. A dismayed Tootie primly tells the gals she'll force herself to be all right with the impropriety of Kevin co-habitating with them if everyone else is fine with it.
Kevin enters the room and assures the gals that they're under no pressure to give him the green light to move in - but then drops to his knees and throws his arms around Natalie's legs, begging to be allowed to stay. Natalie shakes him off her legs and tells him they've all agreed to give it a go.
The next morning, Kevin is shaving in the kitchen while donning a skimpy bathrobe (!) when a groggy looking Blair shuffles in with curlers in her hair. It takes her a few minutes to fully comprehend that she's in in full view of Kevin in a pre-coiffed state, and scrunches her face in horror while declaring to Kevin that she adamantly refuses to change her morning grooming routine just to accommodate him. He's like, "Uh, OK..?" and continues shaving - just as Tootie enters the kitchen and admonishes Kevin for shaving in full view of whoever happens to be walking past the window...then orders him to find a less skimpy bathrobe to parade around in. Natalie breezes in wearing a silky yellow pyjama ensemble in full makeup and expertly styled hair, and pretends she just fell out of bed looking this fabulous. An oblivious Kevin loudly gargles, then swallows the mouthwash, which - ack! - is not advisable, so please don't try this at home.
Jo wakes up in the middle of the night to the sound of blaring music and goes up to the attic to see whassup with all the racket. Kevin points to his boombox and says he can't seem to shut it off, so Jo easily remedies that problem by unplugging it, then warns him he needs to keep the decibel level down after midnight - not least 'cause the other Facts gals weren't exactly thrilled about him moving in. Kevin sheepishly says, "I know" and reveals that he's been privy to their conversations 'cause he's been able to eavesdrop on them through the vents. Jo heads off to bed and momentarily panics when the door jams from the inside. She bellows at Blair to come up and let her out, then seats herself on the large trunk beside Kevin. He thanks her for making him feel so welcome...then leans in and gives her a smooch as the scene fades to black for a commercial break.
Blair enters the room and asks Jo if she needs help...but when she sees Jo and Kevin in an unmistakable lip lock, she's all, "Ack!" and hastily rushes back out.
Blair asks Jo whassup with her and Kevin kissing, then asks her if she wanted Kevin to move in 'cause they have a thing. As an intrigued Natalie and Tootie are all, "Wha-a-a-a-a?!", Jo tells them to keep their voices down 'cause Kevin can hear everything they say through the vents...and Kevin confirms this by yelling through the vents that, yep, he's had no problems eavesdropping on them ever since moving in. LOL. Jo tells the gals that nothing happened between her and Kevin, and that their friendship is strictly platonic, but Blair points out that Kevin clearly has some non-platonic feelings for her...then muses about how puzzling it is that, out of the four of them, Kevin was somehow attracted to the most mannish.
The next day, Jo tells the gals that her attempt to "dump" Kevin went awry when he failed to get the message and proceeded to ask her out to lunch. Kevin enters the room and invites Jo to go out with him tonight, but she tells him she has plans to attend a quilting bee that shuns men - LOL - and he's like, "Bummer" and says he'd hoped they'd go to a basketball game together.
Later, Kevin is in the communal bedroom, ironing Blair's soaking wet wool sweater. When Natalie enters the room and asks him what in blazes he's doing, he explains that he wanted to do something nice for them, so he figured 'why not throw all of their dirty laundry into the washing machine, and then iron the stuff instead of using a dryer?' Blair, who's been looking everywhere for her favorite red sweater, enters the room and gasps in horror at the sight of Kevin twisting the sweater to wring all the water out. He obliviously tosses it onto the ironing board and says he has to head off to class now, but will finish up the laundry when he gets back.
Later, Jo heads up to the attic to once again tell Kevin she's not into him...but gets flustered when she finds him hanging out with a pretty blonde woman named Diane. Kevin cheerily introduces the two and tells Jo he just met Diane at the local drugstore and liked the cut of her jib so much that he invited her over.
Tootie is busily writing up a list of rules for Kevin to follow if he insists on living under their roof - when Jo bursts into the communal bedroom and shrieks, "He has a girl upstairs!" Blair looks visibly amused at Jo's obvious jealousy, but Jo denies being jealous and says she's mostly irked at making a giant arse of herself in front of the drugstore clerk. Kevin overhears the conversation and yells at Jo through the vent to come back upstairs for a tête-à-tête.
Kevin apologizes to Jo for the embarrassing encounter with Diane, then explains that when he's attracted to a woman, it's hard for him to remain just friends. Jo points out that men and women who like each other can be just friends, and Kevin perks up at that notion and asks her if their friendship can include kissing - but she's like, "Uh, no" as the other Facts gals file into the attic. Tootie tells Kevin she's come up with some house rules - e.g. no more doing their laundry - and as she reads the list, he assures her he's A-OK with whatever kind of stringency they want to impose on him.
Recap: The violent hurricane that was hurtling towards Fort Lauderdale in Part 1 took a merciful shift away from the city and ended up causing only minimal damage. Natalie surveys the post-party mess in her grandmother's condo and wonders how in blazes she's going to explain the damage to all of the old lady's treasured knick-knacks. Jo emerges from the kitchen, still donning her red onesie (!), and assures Natalie that they'll all pitch in to clean things up. She then blushingly says she promised Michael Damian she'd meet up with him at Rock Island later, and Tootie and Natalie are all, "What a coincidence! We're meeting our new Florida beaus there later too!" Natalie notices that Blair is missing and decides to get Ben on the case...but a few minutes later she finds them at his place, sitting together on his couch. Blair sheepishly explains to the gals that she left with Ben last night to escape Morgan, then had a lovely time getting to know him and accepting his complete lack of ambition in life - while demurely refraining from engaging in hanky panky of any kind.
While cleaning up, Natalie notices that the couch legs are missing. She says she's going to call up Ben to ask him if he could stop by and fix that, but Blair smiles dreamily and tells Natalie that that won't be necessary 'cause she's fairly certain that Ben will be popping by very soon.
Jo says she just learned that Rock Island got flooded after the heavy rain [they're apparently still experiencing], so she and the gals decide to meet up with their beaus at the Red Claw instead. Natalie suggests they jazz up their appearance by tanning under a sun lamp, and Jo's like 'sure, what could possibly go wrong with laying under a hot lamp?' and discreetly takes off her robe so she can discreetly sneak behind the couch and do her tanning off camera. She repeatedly complains that the lamp is extraordinarily hot...but for some reason continues laying under it and hoping for a good outcome.
In the next scene, Jo winces from the pain of charring her skin and snipes at Natalie, who whines that she too is suffering after badly burning her feet. Blair, meanwhile, returns to the condo with a dreamy look on her face and dramatically drops the bombshell that she's in love with Ben and has decided to remain in Florida.
After the commercial break, Blair admits concedes that she’s fallen in love with Ben ridiculously quickly - but nonetheless wants to stay in Florida so she can spend more time getting to know him...by going camping with him in the Everglades, for example. Tootie, Natalie, and Jo (who's now wearing a baggy white onesie), are all, "That's nice, see ya later" and head out to the Red Claw - just as Ben arrives at the condo with his camping gear. Blair scrunches her face confusedly and says she figured they’d rent an RV, but Ben argues that they'd commune better with nature by tenting under the stars. Blair makes an ew face, then decides 'how bad could sleeping outside possibly be?' and gamely agrees to rough it before giving him a big smooch.
Michael Damian, along with the two guys that Natalie and Tootie coupled up with during this two-parter, arrive at the Red Claw. Michael Damian asks Jo to dance - but doesn't wait for her response before he gets jiggy with it and begins flailing his arms about and pivoting his hips in that funny looking way people danced like in the '80s. Jo complains that she's in far too much pain from her sunburn to dance - just as the waitress comes by to bitchily accuse the Facts gals of being underage and therefore banned from ordering alcohol. The gals are all, "OK, chillax" and order non-alcoholic drinks, and Jo promises Michael Damian she'll do her best to stop bitching and moaning about her painful sunburn and make the best of whatever's left of her Florida vacay.
Ben tells Blair that since meeting her he's been sooooo confused, though in a good way. After agreeing that they've fallen hard for each other, Ben breaks the news that he's accepted a job in Alaska for two years and wants her to join him there [after making an honest woman out of her, I can only assume]. As Blair mulls over the quasi-marriage proposal, Ben makes it clear that he expects her to give up her pampered life of luxury and be content to live on the shitty salary he'll be earning. Blair says she's pretty sure she could adjust to that, as long as they can get right on having a family - ack! Say what?! - and Ben says he might possibly, eventually want a family, but warns that it could be years before he's ready to seriously consider reproducing.
Michael Damian and Natalie's date excuse themselves and hurriedly rush away from the table, and Jo and Natalie wryly remark that that's probably the last they'll ever see of their menfolk.
Blair tells Ben she wants him to be absolutely sure he wants a family...and he strangely back pedals and says that, upon further reflection, he can't bring himself to promise that. Blair chews on that change of heart for a few seconds and sadly says that maybe their timing is wrong, and Ben agrees and says she should probably finish her schooling while he does his Alaska stint. He points out that they can always revisit the possibility of a relationship in two years...though I'm guessing this is the last we'll ever see of Handyman Ben.
Natalie's date returns with a non-alcoholic pitcher of orange juice (her favorite), while Michael Damian declares to Jo that he wants to croon to her while they gently dance. He helps her to her feet and lip syncs one of his grislier slow songs...and the rest of the bargoers look on happily as they too sway and bob their heads to the beat.
During the flight home, for which Jo is donning a baggy yellow onesie, the gals look over the photos they took during this two-parter and agree that Florida was a blast. Blair laments her reluctance at rushing head-first into a marriage with Ben, but Jo assures her she did the sane thing by putting the brakes on that...then applauds Blair for being capable of forging an attraction to a poor guy with honest values. She then moans about how much she misses being sung to, aka the way Michael Damian performed his "hits" while creepishly hovering over her, so Tootie and Natalie lean on either side of her and belt out one of his tunes before dissolving into a fit of giggles.
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Recap: Blair complains to Kevin about how bored she is 'cause she and the gals neglected to make interesting plans for their spring break, then implores him to go somewhere fun with her - but he declines and says he promised Mrs. Garrett he'd do some stuff around the store while she takes a hiatus during this two-parter. Tootie lumbers into the store still wearing pyjamas and gets admonished by Jo for wasting her entire spring break sitting in front of the TV. A few seconds later, Natalie rushes in and exasperatedly informs everyone that her grandmother just called to suggest that she invite her gal pals to stay at her vacant Fort Lauderdale condo during spring break...and offered this when the week is half over. Blair perks up regardless and offers the use of her father's private jet, and points out that Kevin can keep an eye on the store while they're away. Tootie loves the idea...as does Jo when she's assured by the gals that the trip isn't going to cost her anything.
The four arrive at Grandma Green's Fort Lauderdale condo, settle onto the plastic covered couch, and discuss their evening plans to cut loose. A youngish blonde guy emerges from the second floor...and when the gals are all, "Mmm...who's that?", Natalie introduces him as Ben the building manager and good friend of her grandmother's. Blair makes it clear she considers him very far beneath her station in life and sassily informs him that her father has tons of money. Ben rolls his eyes derisively and asks her what she does, and she smugly retorts, "Spend it." Ben quips, "What a grind" to which she replies, "It's a living" - even though it's the opposite of that - and makes an ew face when Ben tells her he's a full time handyman. She asks if there's any chance he's doing that while attending college and aspiring for a higher earning career, and he's like, "Uh, no" and heads out. I'm going to safely assume that the open hostility between these two was just a TV trope-ish prelude to them being secretly intrigued by the other while masking an insatiable desire to hook up in the near future.
The gals arrive at a nightclub called the Red Claw, where Tootie and Natalie manage to sneak in without having to show their fake IDs to the bouncer. When the waitress comes by their table to take their drink orders, Tootie orders a whiskey sour.
Young and the Restless '80s hunk Michael Damian - OMG! - and his unspeakably poofy mullet hair - OMFG! - take the stage, and soon he starts crooning in Jo's direction. He somehow decides he likes what he sees as he checks out Jo and the baggy red onesie she decided was a good look for a night out, and ambles over to the gals' table. He creepishly hovers over Jo as he throatily belts out his "hit" ... and when she makes no move to laugh, groan, or even grimace at the cheesy hilarity of getting hit on by Dreamy Danny Romalotti, he grabs her by the hand and pulls her onto the stage. A pretty blonde guy, meanwhile, seats himself beside Blair and smaltzily calls her "a vision of beauty", then introduces himself as Morgan, a well-pedigreed snoot who's studying pre-law and comes from a highbrow family. Tootie merrily orders drinks for everyone before announcing that she's throwing an impromptu party at Natalie's grandmother's condo...and everyone's all, "Kewl!" as they follow her out the door.
The condo is soon filled with whoever had been clubbing at the Red Claw, and Tootie giddily remarks to Natalie what an awesome party they've unwittingly thrown. Morgan continues to woo Blair and suggests they find somewhere quiet to hang out, but Blair's like, "No can do" 'cause it's obvious that, despite how good he looks on paper, she finds him to be an insufferable dud.
Michael Damian leaps atop the couch that Jo's sitting on and tells her how impressed he was by the extraordinary dancing ability she demonstrated after he pulled her on stage...and Jo blushes and jokes, "Anyone can breakdance." Natalie, meanwhile, circulates among the partygoers, yells at two guys playing catch with a couple of her grandmother's knick-knacks, and makes it clear how stressed she is about hosting so many strangers in a condo that doesn't belong to her. Ben drops by, looks dismayed by the volume of partygoing, and tells Natalie he's going to each condo unit to board up windows in advance of the - surprise! - hurricane that's roaring toward Fort Lauderdale.
Morgan is laying it on thick to Blair about how gorgeous he finds her when Ben suddenly bursts into the kitchen to board up the windows. He eavesdrops on Morgan as he brags about his he plans to practice corporate law 'cause it's the only kind of law that'll pay him what he's worth...and when Ben makes a snide remark about his low value, Blair looks visibly amused.
Jo blushingly tells Michael Damian she's puzzled about why he's chosen her - a tomboy on the mannish end of the spectrum who decks herself out in shapeless onesies - to fixate on, and he shrugs at the totally reasonable observation and says that underneath his pretend rock star persona, he's just a regular dude [with a big side of dork baked in]. He then decides to regale her with another song...and gets all edgy with it by fist pumping - LOL! - and bobbing his mulleted head - LMAO! - to the beat. Blair, meanwhile, crawls away from Morgan and complains to Jo that despite him being everything she thought she wanted, she really can't stand the sight of him. She then crawls straight into Ben and pretends she was looking for an earring.
Ben tells Natalie that the storm has been upgraded to a hurricane and that all the partygoers in her grandmother's condo should stay put until after the storm passes. A stressed out Natalie grabs the mic from Michael Damian [thank you!] and announces to everyone that a hurricane is about to bear down on them, and they all react by wooting happily. LOL.
Blair asks Ben if he could use some help checking on the other condos...and when he says he can handle it himself, she insists that she really really wants to help. He accepts her offer and the two depart the condo just before the camera pans over to some stock footage of a violent looking hurricane. Eeeeeek!
Recap: Blair is admiring her lovely reflection in her compact mirror as she practices Italian...and gets embarrassed when Jo and Kevin sneak up on her and chuckle at the self-absorbed spectacle. She explains that she was practicing her Italian 'cause her new beau Nick is on his way over, and apparently he looooooves the way she rolls her Rs. When Kevin’s all, "Huh?”, Jo explains that Blair and Nick recently fell in love in Italian class...and Kevin shrugs disinterestedly and tells Jo he's super stoked about their plans to go to a Gloria Steinem lecture (her idea), after they go to a movie about surfers (his idea).
Mrs. Garrett complains that her freezer is on the fritz, and that the repairman isn't willing to come fix it on a Sunday...which doubly sucks 'cause she has dozens of cheesecakes from a cancelled order that need to remain frozen. Tootie suggests they unload the cheesecakes by selling them in the store, and Natalie perks up at that idea and offers to pitch in.
Nick arrives at Edna's Edibles and babbles about how hard it was to decide on what to bring Blair as a trinket - flowers or chocolates - and decided 'why not buy her some Muppet bookends?' Er, OK. He asks Mrs. Garrett why she's so visibly stressed out...and when she tells him about the freezer/cheesecake situation, he offers to buy one of the cheesecakes. Blair pulls Jo aside and gleefully tells her he's doing this strictly to be a nice guy 'cause she well knows how much he hates cheesecake. Nick tells Blair they need to hang around for his friend Steve 'cause he's dropping off some class notes, then swiftly changes the subject and urges her to roll her Rs for him. Blair purrs something - we'll say rrrrrrruscello - and Nick is all, "Mmm...I am soooo turned on right now." A few seconds later, he gets a call from Steve to tell him he'll be over any second now, so Nick "admits" to Blair that Steve's not so much dropping off notes as he is borrowing some much needed cash. As Blair happily ponders the generous nature of her new beau, Andy arrives at the store and offers to help Mrs. Garrett and the gals with the cheesecake crisis by posting signs all over downtown Peekskill.
Natalie drags Father Donovan into Edna's Edibles to report to Mrs. Garrett that he somehow lost a big batch of desserts while driving to a church bazaar. He asks her if she has anything to sell him, and she happily shrieks, "I have plenty of cheeeeeeesecake!" LOL.
Blair and Nick are playing Battleship to kill the time while waiting for Steve to turn up. Andy, meanwhile, returns to the store wearing a Let Edna show you a little cheesecake! sign with a rendering of a sexy version of Edna wearing a bikini (!) and tells a reluctant Tootie it's her turn to publicly humiliate herself by walking around town with the offending sign strapped onto her. Mrs. Garrett says she's not entire sold on the idea of advertising cheesecake by having minors parade downtown with signs that depict her decked out in skimpy swimwear, but does nothing to stop a reluctant Tootie from putting on the sign and lumbering out for her shift.
Blair tells Nick she's annoyed that they've spent so much time waiting around for Steve to show up to collect his loan, and says they could have spent the day having fun with Jo and Kevin. A few seconds later, Jo and Kevin return from the surfing movie - just as Jo overhears Nick leave a phone message for Steve Hartman. She scrunches her face concernedly, makes a beeline over to where Blair's sitting, and tells Blair it's unlikely that this Steve fellow needs money 'cause the only trouble he could be in is...then pauses and silently taps the side of her nose while nodding knowingly. Blair stares back at her blankly and asks, "Sinus trouble?", so Jo spells out that Steve Hartman is "the campus connection" for those who like to dabble in cocaine...and Blair's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and stares back at Jo in horror.
Blair steers Nick into the living room area and tells him that Jo just dropped a bombshell on her, namely that Steve Hartman is a drug dealer...then asks if it's true. Nick's like, "Yep!" and openly admits that he makes buys from Steve every now and again. An incensed Blair's all, "Wha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a?!" and gives him the what for for ruining their entire day by making her wait around with him for his drug dealer to show up - but, more importantly, for neglecting to mention that he's a druggie. Nick says he didn't tell her 'cause he figured she'd overreact, then insists he has perfectly legitimate reasons for doing coke: he needs to get by on four hours of sleep a night so he can keep up with his full course load, play football, run track, be a member of student government, and work for the college paper. Yeesh. He explains that he's unnecessarily overextended himself 'cause he's trying to get a future together and not let her down. After babbling that nonsensicalness, he self-piteously throws his hands in the air and goes, "What else can I do?" and Blair firmly retorts, "Stop." Nick says he can't/won't do that 'cause there's far too much at stake...and that while he doesn't totally hate the feeling that washes over him whenever he snorts a little blow, he's mostly doing it so he can stay on top of his many commitments. Blair points out that such regular drug use is surely hurting him, but he breezily assures her that he's very responsible, aka not the type of guy who "gets caught up in this stuff" - despite being caught up in it enough to make his girlfriend wait around with him for hours just so he can score his latest fix. When he asks Blair if his coke use changes anything between them, she stares sullenly into space and says, "I don't know." Andy pops into the room to inform Nick that he has a phone call, and Nick's all, "Wooooo hoooo!" and races across the room to go answer it. LOL.
By the end of the day, all of Mrs. Garrett's defrosted cheesecakes have been sold, mostly 'cause she lowered the prices to such a ridiculous degree that the net profit ends up being a meagre $5.00. She parcels out the share of the earnings - $1.65 each - to a dismayed Natalie, Tootie, and Andy.
Blair wryly tells Jo that Nick has been waiting around the store all day for his drug dealer to arrive, then wails that she doesn't know what to dooooo. Jo gives her a funny look and says it's not complicated, then points out how stupid and destructive coke is. When Nick saunters over, Jo bitchily asks him if he's given any thought to how a drug deal going down in Edna's Edibles could impact Mrs. Garrett's business...and when Nick gets annoyed at being called out for using Edna's Edibles as his drug/money transaction venue, Jo mocks him for dabbling in something that he's in way over his head with and for supporting the dirty system of illegal drugs. After she storms off, Nick tells Blair that Jo is way off base, then laughs off the idea that Mrs. Garrett could, in any way, be negatively impacted by a drug deal going down in her store. Blair tells him she doesn't find any of this amusing, and resents the fact that he made the Facts cast an unwitting part of his drugging. She stalks across the store, defiantly turns the sign on the front door to closed, and says she's no longer willing to wait around with him in the hopes that Steve will finally get around to dropping by to top off his coke supply. She implores Nick to attend the Gloria Steinem lecture with her...or frankly do anything that doesn't involve a drug purchase, but he tightly says, "I can't tonight" and goes outside to pace the sidewalk as he continues to patiently wait for the elusive Steve, who - for whatever reason - didn't seem to regard selling drugs to Nick to be very high on his priority list that day.
Recap: The Facts gals are bustling around the store when they're distracted by a cute blonde guy - swoon! it's Shaun Cassidy's real life brother, Ryan! - who comes in looking for his father. He introduces himself as Kevin Metcalf and explains that his father, Ted, is an old friend of Mrs. Garrett's from Appleton, WI, who's planning to drop by the store unannounced to surprise her. Kevin has a reverse brain fart when he suddenly realizes he's a full day early and tells the gals to pretend he wasn't here. On his way out, he bumps into Mrs. Garrett as she arrives...and when she asks the gals who that blonde cutie is, they keep mum - until Tootie can keep the secret no longer (LOL) and blurts out, "His father is coming to see you." Mrs. Garrett's all, "Wuh?" and asks who his father is, and Jo says they'll spill the beans as long as she pretends to look surprised when Ted Metcalf comes calling. Mrs. Garrett scrunches her face confusedly and says the only Ted Metcalf she knows is her ex-high school sweetheart, who she dumped like yesterday's news before eloping with a vacuum salesman. [Hee! That's a fascinating tidbit about Edna's past I don't recall ever hearing before.] She sheepishly tells the gals she didn't have the heart to break up with Ted to his face, so she sneaked onto his doorstep and left the pin he'd given her when he officially asked her to go steady. She then breezily waves a hand in the air and says she assumes that since Ted has a grown son, he's been happily married all these years and wouldn't be harboring any kind of grudge against her.
The next day, Ted arrives at Edna's Edibles...and he and Mrs. Garrett shyly say hello and agree that the other looks terrific. As they sit on the couch and get caught up on the last several decades of their lives, Mrs. Garrett learns that Ted fled to Paris after his dumping, studied art, and became a sculptor. She congratulates him on doing something so surprisingly exciting with his life, then sheepishly apologizes for giving him the dumperoo in the coldest manner possible - but he just beams and says it was the best thing that ever happened to him. LOL.
When Mrs. Garrett's all, "Wha-a-a-a-a-a?", he explains that if she hadn't so callously dumped him, he would have continued living his boring life in boring Appleton and taken over the running of his father's boring hardware store - instead of jetting off to Paris, studying art, and becoming a sculptor. He tells her he got divorced ages ago, that his son Kevin grew up with his mother in California, and that he's deeply annoyed Kevin appears to have no ambition beyond working as a ski instructor. He says that he and Kevin are planning to vacation in Canada for a few days, then abruptly decides he should get going now. After his hasty departure, Tootie and Natalie rush into the room to find out how the reunion went...and Mrs. Garrett admits that she's disappointed Ted didn't ask her out - but a few seconds later, Ted pops back in to invite her to dinner.
The next day, the Facts gals tell Kevin that his dad and Mrs. Garrett have been gone for nearly three hours...and Kevin chuckles and remarks on how happy his dad has been ever since the two reconnected. Ted and Mrs. Garrett return to the store, bicker lightheartedly about how he ruined her snow angel, and announce to the gals that Ted has decided to postpone his trip to Canada with Kevin so that he can take Mrs. Garrett instead. Blair raises an eyebrow and goes, "Without a chaperone?" [I honestly couldn't tell whether or not she was asking that jokingly] , and Mrs. Garrett gleefully says they're not going to need one 'cause they're getting married. Tomorrow!
As Blair plans the quickie wedding, Tootie waxes on about how romantic it is for Mrs. Garrett and Ted to be leaping into a marriage decades after dating in high school. Natalie worries that she's rushing head-first into something ill-fated, while Jo worries that she won't be able to adjust to saying a new name: Mrs. Metcalf or the preferred shortened Mrs. M. A few seconds later, Mrs. Garrett enters the room looking for her something borrowed, tells the gals about Ted's touching proposal while they were making snow angels, then gaily shrieks, "I'll see you in the morning!" as she scampers off to bed.
As various friends and customers (?) stream into the residence to attend the hastily thrown together wedding ceremony, Ted tells Jo and Blair how irked he is at Kevin for being late, especially since he has the rings. He then rails about his idiot son always being late for every damn thing...and when he decides he can bear it no longer, he abandons his post at the makeshift altar and rushes off to look for Kevin.
Mrs. Garrett is in the gals' communal bedroom, dressed in what looks like a snugly fitted green bridesmaid's dress. When Natalie pops by to check in on her, she babbles about her and Ted's honeymoon plans: Toronto, Montreal, and then Saskatchewan to see the caribou. Interesting variety. Natalie tells her they all like Ted [except for the dickish way he talks shit about his own son behind his back], then asks if maybe she's rushing into marriage. Mrs. Garrett retorts with a firm no, but admits she'd have the very same reservations about this quickie wedding if she weren't her. She explains that she's operating purely on instinct, and doesn't want to express concern to Ted about the speediness of this wedding 'cause she doesn't want to risk losing him a second time. Natalie concedes that she generally has pretty good instincts, and the two hug.
Kevin arrives with the rings and gets an earful from his father about his tardiness. Jo snaps at Ted to knock it off, and Kevin explains to his dad that he's late 'cause he stopped by Langley College to register for a couple of courses. Ted perks up at that and gives him an approving hug, then announces that he's going upstairs to have a one-on-one with his bride-to-be (not).
Ted finds Mrs. Garrett looking through her old high school yearbook, and the two sit side by side and reminisce about their friends and teachers of yore. She gently asks him if they're rushing into marriage far too quickly than what is reasonably sensible, and he's like, "Well d'yuh" and says he was merely going with the flow to keep up with how rapidly things move in the '80s. Mrs. Garrett suggests they slow down and hit the restart button on their relationship by going steady for awhile, and he's like, "Can do" and shyly says he'd like to present her with something...and by something he means the high school pin he presented her with [prior to her dumping him and running off with another man]. Mrs. Garrett looks touched by the sweet gesture, and plants his lips with a big smooch.