The Facts of Life - Season 9, Episode 21

"Who do I talk to about transitioning to a more light-hearted career?"

"On the Edge"
Original airdate: 3/12/1988

Episode summary: Jo is stunned when her social worker friend makes a cry for help by threatening to jump off the roof of a building.

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Recap: Beverly Ann is busily setting the breakfast table with a mountain of food - but when the Facts gang learns that she was the one who cooked it all, each beats a hasty retreat citing different reasons:

• Jo is observing a counselling group at the shelter
• Natalie is off to The Peekskill Register to work on the classifieds
• Andy is headed to the mall with Pippa to see about getting his ear pierced (and ignores Beverly Ann's warnings that he's forbidden from doing so)
• Tootie has theater rehearsal
• Blair has no excuse at her fingertips and sneaks out with Tootie

At the shelter, social worker Sandy is wrapping up a counselling session with a group consisting mostly of sassy underprivileged women, along with a low-spirited young girl named Melissa, who responds to all direct questions by mutely shrugging her shoulders. As the group disperses, Jo applauds Sandy for her excellent mediation abilities - but Sandy laments Melissa's ongoing emotional issues and says that the troubled girl could really use some special attention. Jo decides that she's up to the task and wanders over to where Melissa is moping and invites her out to an evening at Fun Land, a local amusement park. Sandy chimes in and says that she'd be totes into going as well, and Melissa shrugs and says that since she has nothing better to do with her time, why the hell not? 

Andy is sitting at the dining table with a needle, rubbing alcohol, and some cotton, psyching himself up to stab his ear. Pippa reminds him that Beverly Ann has forbidden him from piercing his ear - but Andy points out that, technically, she told him he wasn't allowed to get his ear pierced at the mall. Before he's able to penetrate his earlobe, Natalie enters the room and warns him that, if he does it himself, his ear could get infected...and a few seconds later, Beverly Ann comes downstairs, prompting Andy to hastily gather up his ear piercing stuff and dash out of the room. Beverly Ann tells Natalie that she's aware of how desperately Andy wants to pierce his ear and how determined she is that he not...so Natalie reminds her that everyone does strange things that seem odd to others, and calls out Beverly Ann on the Mo tattoo she has on her "back there" and can't help wondering who Mo could possibly be. Beverly Ann explains that, during the wild days of her youth, she and a friend were dared by a group of boys to get a tattoo. She had originally intended to get Mom tattooed on her backside...but when the first two letters hurt so much, she ran out of the tattoo place and never returned. She breezily says that her partial tattoo is merely a memento of how young and wacky she once was, and Natalie points out that this is the same kind of reasoning that makes Andy think he needs to get his ear pierced.

Jo returns home from Fun Land with Melissa and Sandy in tow. Melissa clutches the stuffed animal she won and gushes animatedly about what an amaaaaaazing time she had. After she's directed to the kitchen for some water, Jo tells Sandy that Melissa really just needed someone to include her in their social circle - but Sandy argues that Melissa's joyous mood is a clear sign that she's at the high end of her manic depressive mood swings [for which a doctor should probably be prescribing her medication]. As Jo concernedly mulls that over, Melissa re-enters the room and reports that a strange lady just offered to defrost some oatmeal for her, so Jo explains that that was Beverly Ann, then jokes that she's fine as long as they all pretend that nothing's wrong with her. Melissa's mood abruptly darkens as she says, "Just like me, right?" and shoots Sandy an accusing stink-eye. Jo insists that she was just making a joke - but Melissa says she's well aware that they talk about her whenever she leaves the room, then complains about being treated like a lab mouse. She throws her stuffed toy at Jo and shrieks, "Thanks for nothing!" and storms out...and Sandy cautions Jo against chasing after her, despite acknowledging the high probability that Melissa is at imminent risk of self harm. 

"I highly suspect that you two talk about me behind my back."

"Well, d'yuh."

The next day at the shelter, Jo is on the phone with Rick describing what she's wearing (!) ... and the two are cooing about how much they miss each other when someone bursts in and yells that there's a person on the roof of the building next door who looks like they're about to jump. Jo's all, "Ack!" and assumes that the troubled individual is Melissa - but when she arrives at the scene of the imminent suicide, she's stunned to see that it's Sandy clinging onto the ledge warning, "Stay away from me Jo, or I'm gone."

After the commercial break, Jo tells Sandy that she had expected to see Melissa clinging to the ledge, [not the subpar social worker who hasn't seemed very proactive about getting Melissa the kind of meds and/or psychiatric help she so clearly needs]. Sandy tells her that Melissa ran off in the middle of the night, and that her mind suddenly snapped from dealing with ten years of Melissas. Jo snarlingly chides her for being stupid and urges her to climb back inside so they can end this now neighborhood-wide spectacle, and Sandy chides her for being openly hostile to a suicidal person 'cause it generally leads to a poor outcome. Jo sheepishly begs Sandy to pleeeeeease come inside 'cause she's been out there long enough, but to no avail.

A police officer named Bill arrives on the scene, and a relieved Jo says she hopes he has lots of practical experience talking people down from ledges. He's like, "Uh, not so much" and tells her that whenever he gets a call like this, Sandy's the person the department relies upon to resolve the situation. When he announces that he's going to lumber off and take his sweet time finding someone who's adequately trained to handle a possible suicide-in-progress, Sandy tells him not to bother 'cause she'd much prefer to saddle Jo with this responsibility. 

"If it weren't Sandy who needed to be talked off the ledge, we'd be calling Sandy."

"I'm definitely screwed."

Jo decides to demonstrate her empathy for Sandy's fragile mental state by climbing onto the ledge with her so that both of them can crap their pants about the possibility of one or both of them (wittingly and/or unwittingly) plunging to their death. A few seconds later, Natalie arrives, pokes her head out of the window, and says she's here to cover this potential tragedy for The Peekskill Register and would like to ask Sandy a few questions while she's still in one piece. Jo tells her to get lost...and while she's doing that to go find Melissa, a despondent looking girl brown haired girl who might be hanging out at Fun Land and who might be able to convince Sandy to not end it all. Natalie's like, "I'm on it!" and races off.

Blair arrives at the shelter and is all, "Whassup with all the loud, unsupervised kids?", so a shelter regular tells her that the place is in total chaos 'cause there's a suicide attempt in progress on the roof of the building next door.

As Jo prattles to Sandy about her various elementary school teachers, Sandy accuses her of stalling (no doubt with the faint hope that Officer Bill is going to return asap with a suicide prevention expert). Blair suddenly appears in the window and cries, "Jo! Don't do it!", promises to do anything to prevent her from killing herself, and professes her love for her (!). Jo snappishly retorts that she's not the one who wants to jump and motions at Sandy, and Blair urges Sandy to listen to Jo before flippantly pointing out, "Dead people can't shop." After Blair gives up on the situation, Sandy sadly recalls that she once counselled a troubled kid who ended it all with a gun...and Jo urges her to not go down that same path, 'cause surely there are less self-destructive ways in which she can process her grief and frustration. Sandy condescendingly tells Jo that she has absolutely noooooo idea what she's dealing with...and that since she's not a mental health professional of any kind, she's not equipped to properly help her sort through with her over-abundance of emotional pain. No duh, Einstein.

Natalie has somehow tracked Melissa down and brings her to the window. Sandy says she's relieved to see that Melissa's OK - but Melissa looks uninterested in doing fuck all the help defuse the situation and mumbles, "Hey, if she wants to jump, let her. Life stinks anyway." Jo's like, "The fuck?!" and orders Natalie to get Debbie Downer outa here pronto. 

"I'm on team jump."

"And I'm on team 'Natalie, get this idiot the hell outa here'."

Sandy tells Jo to just let her do what she feels she needs to do, so Jo's like, "What about meeeeeeee?" and says she's thinking seriously of becoming a licensed social worker. Sandy applauds that career choice and tells her to go for it, but Jo glumly adds, "Not if the job is going to make me want to kill myself." Sandy urges her not to give up, to which Jo sourly retorts, "Like you're doing?", so Sandy sheepishly explains that she's unable to separate herself from her work and really really hates losing people to suicide. Jo reminds her that the best she can be expected to do is save the ones she can, and then decides 'fuck this' as she inches her way back towards the window. Sandy reacts by deciding that she wants to live after all and cries, "Don't leave me out here!", and Jo helps her climb into the safety of the building. 

Back at the residence, Blair is regaling the Facts gals with the tall tale of how she managed to talk Sandy off the ledge. A few seconds later, Andy and Beverly Ann return home...and when Andy shows off his new pierced ear, Beverly Ann explains that she happily paid for it, and fully approves of his decision 'cause, after all, it is his ear. Andy tells Jo he heard about her heroism in saving Sandy...and Blair adds that she was worried when she saw Jo on the ledge, but mostly 'cause she gave her an advance on her salary. As everyone chortles at the episode's breezy 'all's well that end's well' denouement, Jo somehow refrains from making mention of whatever long-term impact Sandy's near suicide is going to have on 1) herself, 2) the under-resourced police department, and 3) Melissa and other troubled inhabitants of the shelter who continue to receive terrible social services.

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