Recap: Steve drops by the hospital to check on Jaime, who's recuperating under Rudy's watchful eye after blowing out both bionic legs after a desperate jump at the end of the previous episode. Rudy tells Steve he's worried that Jaime's body may be starting to reject her bionics (again) ... and both men stare concernedly as she lays motionless in her bed.
Steve arrives at the NSB to check in with Hanson on Operation Rescue (or Execute?) Oscar. Hanson grumbles at Steve about the major security breach coming from the OSI, then criticizes Jaime for going all lone wolf when she went to Callahan's apartment to look into her weird behavior. He snarks that because of the bad outcome of that decision, the NSB can't locate Callahan or fully investigate "the robot story". When Steve's all, "Wha-a-a? Robots?", Hanson impatiently explains that before losing consciousness in the hospital, Jaime had muttered something about Callahan being a robot. He curls his lips with disdain as he says he hates that brand of heroics, and also that they need to locate Oscar before he starts spilling government secrets. When Steve perks up at the prospect of showcasing his furry chest and slo-mo bionics during a rescue mission, Hanson sternly reminds him that the job of locating Oscar is officially under NSB jurisdiction...but Steve doesn't look as though he has any intention of obeying that edict.
Steve heads back to the hospital to ask Rudy if he remembers what Jaime had said about Callahan the night she leaped from her apartment window. When Rudy replies, "Not much", the two agree that they're going to need to temporarily revive Jaime so she can provide them with whatever relevant information she has...even though it seemed pretty clear that Rudy heard her mutter, "They're robots" at the end of the previous episode. Rudy gets a syringe with some kind of wake-up potion in it, lifts the bed sheets and injects it into one of Jaime's buttocks (!), and within a few seconds she's moaning her way back to consciousness. She tells them that Callahan and a shapely redhead who appeared at the apartment were both robots...and that she knows this 'cause their face skins got ripped off during the scuffle, and also 'cause they were physically stronger than her bionics could handle. Rudy chirps, "That explains it!" and says that the robots' wiring is probably what caused Jaime's newly enhanced bionic ear to detect the weird buzzing noise. Steve suggests high-tuning Jaime's ear back to supersonic levels so she can better detect the robots, and then he and Rudy rush over to a nearby lab to re-calibrate the cumbersome looking ear tuning machine. While they're doing that, Dr. Franklin - via the live feed installed in Fembot Linda - eavesdrops on their conversation and watches in puzzlement as Steve uses his bionic hands to speedily rewire the ear tuning machine. It suddenly dawns on him that the OSI has developed not one, but two bionic people! Steve and Rudy wheel the machine over to Jaime's room to reset her ear...and after that Steve returns to the lab, where Fembot Linda continues to mill around so that Dr. Franklin can keep monitoring what's going on. Steve taps some numbers into the OSI's giant '70s computer to pinpoint the exact coordinates of Dr. Franklin's base...and I dunno exactly how that secret intel came about 'cause I kind of checked out during this scene and then couldn't bring myself to hit rewind.
Dr. Franklin announces to Oscar (and the fembots standing nearby) that Steve Austin has just learned where his base is - and Oscar smugly warns him that it's just a matter of time before the OSI swoops in to rescue him. Dr. Franklin looks unfazed and says he's off to prepare for "their guest" ... and as he scampers off, Oscar stares after him worriedly.
Steve flies a helicopter to Dr. Franklin's secret base...and his arrival is monitored by Dr. Franklin and his fembot harem. Steve exits the helicopter and is sneaking around the base when Callahan suddenly pokes her head out of a window covered with iron bars, cries out, "Hey Steve!", and tells him that Oscar is being held in the main building. Steve rips the iron bars off the window and helps Callahan climb out...and she tells him that while the base has infrared beams everywhere, there are very few armed guards on the premises. The two quickly encounter Fembot Katie, who's holding a large metal pole and standing in a ready-to-attack position. She swings it at Steve, but his bionics are strong enough to deflect the blows. Amid all the chaos, Callahan's face skin gets ripped off - ack! - revealing that she too is a googly-eyed fembot. Steve grabs a metal pole that just happens to be laying nearby, bionically leaps over the two fembots, and lands on a wooden platform that's conveniently located a few feet away. Dr. Franklin speaks to him via an outdoor loudspeaker system and taunts him about how much stronger the fembots are than his bionic limbs...then says that if he surrenders easily, he'll get fair treatment. Steve mulls that over for a few seconds before throwing his metal pole like a javelin at the communications tower...and as it sizzles and fizzles, the Katie and Callahan fembots go into offline mode and wander around in circles, bumping into each other like windup dolls.
Dr. Franklin looks miffed that his plan to capture the OSI's Six Million Dollar Man has gone awry...while Oscar smiles in gleeful satisfaction. Two armed guards are dispatched to chase after Steve, so he flees to a nearby building, where he finds Linda tied to a chair. As he quickly deduces that the Linda back in DC must be a fembot, he quickly unties her...and she directs him to the computer lab, where she last saw Oscar being held. As he rushes toward the computer lab, he spots Dr. Franklin making a hasty escape, then finds Oscar standing in a nearby holding cell. When Steve asks if he has any idea where Callahan is, Oscar sadly tells him that she was killed by a guard when he assumed she was trying to escape. The armed guards move in on Steve and open fire - but they miss and accidentally shoot up Dr. Franklin's computers. Steve manages to narrowly escape the building with Oscar and Linda, then bionically barricades the exit door with giant steel drums that always seem to be laying around for his convenience whenever he appears in a Bionic Woman crossover episode. The three make it to Steve's chopper and climb aboard...but as Steve starts up the engine, he scrunches his face bemusedly and remarks that he's going to have to make adjustments for the extra weight. He ignores that red flag and manages to lift the helicopter off the ground...and a few seconds later, the buildings on the base suddenly blow up. Oscar tells Steve it must have happened 'cause of all the hydrogen Dr. Franklin had laying around from working with so much plastic (to cobble together his fembots)...then jokes that he'd better tell Hanson to cancel his orders to kill him.
Callahan (who's not really dead - yay!) is being restrained by a face skin-less fembot as the two of them and Dr. Franklin stand on a hill and watch the base go up in flames. When Callahan calls his actions insane, he explains that he wants everyone to think his entire base was destroyed so that they can travel undetected to his real base, somewhere in the Caribbean. Once he settles in, he's going to work on his life's mission: gain control of the OSI's weather control device...even though it seems like a highly unreliable device that's still very much in beta test mode.
Back at the OSI, Hanson peppers Oscar with questions about Dr. Franklin, his destroyed base of operations, and Callahan's death. After the inquisition, Oscar asks Steve to tell Rudy to run frequency tests on everyone to make sure there are no more fembots roaming around, then gets on the phone with the Secretary [of Whatever] to report that Dr. Franklin has infiltrated the OSI with realistic looking fembots for the purpose of infiltrating the OSI and stealing the weather control device. He says he's not certain if the nutter was killed during the explosion - but to be prudent he recommends they move the component parts of the device from White Sands to a new location: Base 5.
Rudy performs surgery on Jaime's messed up legs...and when he's finished, he assures Steve that she's going to be A-OK. The two wander over to an exam room to stare down at Fembot Linda, who's been powered down and is laying motionless on a stretcher. Rudy says that the fembot weighs 482 lbs. (!) and that he's just itching to bring her back to life so he can study her CPU innards. Steve scrunches his face concernedly and cautions him about the dangers of a functioning fembot, but Rudy breezily tells him he's got it under control. He then removes the fembot's face skin and gushes about how beauuuuutiful Dr. Franklin's design work is, despite the flaw of not better securing the face skin to the rest of the head so it doesn't get ripped off every time the bots engage in a tussle. Steve looks unimpressed and says he's off to check on Jaime.
Oscar tells whatever minion he's on the phone with that his top priority is to move the weather control device components to a more secure location.
Jaime regains consciousness and lets out a happy cry when she sees both Oscar and Steve at her bedside. She clutches Steve's hand, then tells Oscar she's soooo happy he made it home safely after being abducted. When a call comes in for Oscar, he tells whoever's on the other end that he'll take it in his office. Steve tells Jaime he's off to get some sleep, then gives her an intense smooch and a wink on his way out. Squeal!
When Steve drops in on the lab to needlessly bid goodnight to Rudy, Rudy giddily tells him he's enjoying studying Fembot Linda's innards 'cause of everything he's learning about robot technology. Suddenly, Fembot Linda's power source re-beams signals to Dr. Franklin's communication system, and she starts making beepy computer noises.
Steve stops by Oscar's office just as Oscar is making arrangements for the transfer of the weather control device. As Steve eavesdrops and watches Oscar pace the room, he becomes quietly alarmed when he notices that his heavy gait is leaving shoe imprints on the carpet. He has a flashback of the earlier scene in the helicopter with Linda and Oscar when he had to make an adjustment for the additional [400+ lbs.] weight...then decides to test his suspicions by tossing a pencil onto the carpet to see what happens. Oscar unwittingly crushes it when he steps on it - eeeeek! - and while that's happening, Dr. Franklin is monitoring the transport of the weather machine. A dismayed Human Oscar watches the latest developments unfold and solemnly tells Dr. Franklin, "The game isn't over yet." No shit, Oscar. We still have Part 3 to slog through.
Steve rushes back to the lab, closes the door, and tells Rudy it looks like he didn't rescue the real Oscar after all...and that the Oscar who's been milling around the OSI is a man robot: a manbot. Which is weird 'cause I thought Dr. Franklin was a misogynist assbag who was strictly into building female bots "as beautiful or as deadly" as he chooses to make them. Rudy says he'd really like to believe him, but that he's resistant to let his brain go there 'cause it means that Dr. Franklin is still holding the real Oscar Goldman hostage. Steve reminds Rudy that when he was looking up Dr. Franklin's base coordinates on the lab computer, Fembot Linda had been lurking around, watching - and Rudy decides to face reality and cries, "Yes!" and says that that must have prompted Dr. Franklin to plot the infiltration of the OSI via an Oscar manbot. Both men agree that they need to figure out how to stop the doctor's nefarious plan and get Oscar back without revealing to Manbot Oscar that they're onto him.
And speaking of Manbot Oscar...
He lumbers into the lab to tell Steve he needs to send him to Hawaii this minute 'cause of "something funny" going on there (must be all that poi and hula dancing) ... and when Steve stubbornly digs in and agrees to fly out only after he's had a good night's rest, Manbot Oscar relents and allows him to leave in the morning. Dr. Franklin narrows his face suspiciously and wonders aloud if Steve is onto his manbot - but Human Oscar tells him it's doubtful, and that Steve refuses direct orders all the time. Dr. Franklin glares at him, says he doesn't buy it, and declares that Steve is going to have to be neutralized asap. Oh no!
Manbot Oscar calls Hanson and tells him he suspects Steve Austin of being one of Dr. Franklin's robots, and that he should get on that right away.
When Steve enters the OSI parking garage, Hanson appears with several armed officers and accuses Steve of being a bot and impersonating an OSI agent. One of the officers runs a robot detection scanner over him (LOL), detects the wires in his bionic limbs, and everyone leaps to the conclusion that he's a robot. Steve tries to explain why his limbs are made of wires - but when Hanson refuses to listen, he bionically leaps atop a van that's exiting the parking garage, then jumps over a brick fence and jogs off in dun dun dun dun slo-mo. He quickly scurries over to Linda's apartment, tells her that Hanson thinks he's a manbot, then asks her to call Rudy and arrange a meeting in Jaime's hospital room.
Steve sneaks into the OSI hospital disguised as an orderly...and by disguised, I mean he's dressed in a white shirt and pants while pushing a wheelchair around. Rudy shows him the ludicrous looking high frequency microwave gun he was given by the props department and says if fired accurately it will interrupt the video feed that's getting beamed back to Dr. Franklin. Sounds remotely plausible. He then calls Manbot Oscar and tells him there's a problem with Jaime, namely that she's been moaning about how he (Oscar) is a robot. Manbot Oscar says he's on his way, then stares into space looking very sinister. Rudy reminds Steve that the microwave gun will interrupt just the video feed...so if they want to cut Dr. Franklin off entirely, they'll need to disconnect Manbot Oscar's power source, located at the back of his head.
Manbot Oscar enters Jaime's hospital room, lifts up both robotic arms, and slams them onto the bed in an effort to permanently shut Jaime up - but Steve, who was hiding under the sheets, leaps out of the way just in time and then lunges across the bed. The two crash into the hallway and wrestle around on the floor...and Rudy runs out after them and yells at the bewildered hospital staff, "Clear the area!" LOL. Manbot Oscar attempts to punch Steve, but hits the wall and gets his fists trapped in drywall...and somehow does that twice. Steve drops a large shelf atop him...and just as Hanson arrives to open fire on Steve, Manbot Oscar's face skin gets ripped off so he can be revealed as a robot, and Steve quickly pulls off his wig and yanks out the power source from the back of his head. Over in the Caribbean, Dr. Franklin is staring confusedly at his computer monitor, which is suddenly no longer streaming surveillance video from Manbot Oscar. Steve shoots Hanson an irritated stink-eye and snarkishly tells him he's a bionic man, not a robotic killing machine.
Jaime is sitting up in bed, insisting to Rudy and Steve that she feels well enough to co-star with Steve in Part 3 of this inane trilogy. A few seconds later, Linda bursts into the room to inform them that Fembot Linda has come back to life (!) ... and everyone runs over to the lab, where Fembot Linda is sitting up and acting as a Bluetooth speaker for Dr. Franklin's latest news. He informs them that he's now in control of their bum weather control device, then points out how windy it currently is in DC. He threatens to increase the wind to the point that it will destroy the city...then laughs evilly as Jaime and Steve stare out the window and note the swaying trees, and exchange concerned glances.
Recap: In a remote complex in a remote corner of the U.S., a shapely redhead named Katie, who's scantily clad in a crop top blouse and ultra short shorts, tells her crotchety mad scientist boss, Dr. Franklin, that the Soviets' plane has just arrived. Franklin grumbles about how much he hates being forced to beg from fools...and by fools he means rich gangsters who have too much money and power to not be treated with the appropriate amount of respect if he expects them to continue bankrolling the crazy Frankenstein shit he's been dabbling in since ever getting the heave-ho from the OSI. Two Russian gangsters enter the complex decked out in white suits - the mandatory uniform for villains on The Bionic Woman and The Six Million Dollar Man - and the sweatiest of them, Baron Constantine, tells Dr. Franklin he's not forking over an additional $10 million unless he gets a progress report on what he's accomplished so far. Dr. Franklin ushers him over to his lab and shows him a row of mannequins (housed in tall glass tubes) he's in the process of transforming into female robots, which he affectionately refers to as fembots. He proudly tells Baron, "They're programmable, obedient, and as beautiful or deadly as I choose to make them." A skeptical and somewhat bewildered Baron chides the kooky misogynist for squandering all the money they loaned him on building fembots when he's supposed to be using their financial resources to gain control of the weather control device that's currently under development by the OSI. Dr. Franklin reminds him that he worked for the OSI for ten years and knows the weaknesses of the system (blabby agents like Jaime who brazenly showcases her "top secret" cyborg abilities has to be near the top of that list), and that he can't acquire the weather machine without making some "very special arrangements". Katie hauls out an organizational chart for the OSI, which Dr. Franklin uses as a visual aid for Phase One of his sinister plan: replacing several OSI employees with fembots. He then clicks on one of the monitors and brings up a digital photo of Linda Wilson (Rudy Wells' secretary) and says she's been under surveillance for a month and will be the first to be replaced by a fembot. Baron, who's now sweating profusely, scoffs at the idea that a motorized mannequin would be able to fool anyone...and Dr. Franklin's like, "Oh yeah..?" then dramatically rips off Katie's face skin, revealing the grotesque innards of her bare fembot face: a motherboard type mask with googly eyes and a round mouth hole that looks like something I could plug my central vac hose into. Baron's all, "Ack!" as Dr. Franklin smugly dials the number of Baron's board of directors and shoves the phone at him...and a freaked out Baron tells the board he's agreeing to whatever additional funds Dr. Franklin needs in order to carry out Operation Replace People With Fembots For the Purpose of Acquiring OSI's Weather Control Device...Even Though It's Still Very Much in Beta Test Mode.
Jaime arrives at OSI headquarters in DC and drops in on Oscar's frazzled secretary, Peggy Callahan. Callahan (as everyone seems to call her) starts bitching and moaning about never getting encouragement or support from Oscar, and that the constantly OSI ringing phones are driving her nuts. She's forced to put a pin in her bitchfest when Linda Wilson pops by to tell Jaime that Rudy is looking for her...and Callahan makes Jaime promise to come back, 'cause she's not quite done bending her ear about Oscar's shitty interpersonal skills...which seems kinda unprofessional for the OSI director's secretary to be railing on and on about, but OK.
Back at the remote complex, Dr. Franklin is painting a mannequin's face so it'll look exactly like Linda Wilson. Eeeeek!
Rudy tells Jaime he wants to fine-tune her bionic ear so that they can "communicate in ultrasonic ranges", 'cause apparently the regular sonic ranges are no longer cutting it. Jaime suddenly hears thunder claps and is all, "Wuh? Is it storming outside?" so Rudy explains that Steve is helping the OSI test its new weather control device...then admits that it still needs a lot of work on account of they can't seem to control the storms' damage. Yeesh. Sounds like a nonsensical man-made disaster just waiting to happen. Jaime perks up at the mention of Steve and rushes over to the testing room...where smoke is starting to billow from. She finds Steve locked in a glassed-in testing lab, where a violent thunder storm is raging around him...and when his bionic arm gets struck by lightning, he urgently asks Jaime to shut off the magnetic power switch. When she quickly does, he flees the lab with a badly burned arm...and Rudy looks over the damage and assures him he'll be fine once he cleans out the charred parts and fuses the burned out wires back together. Steve grimly remarks on how unstable the weather control device still is, refrains from adding how completely, fucking insane it is to simulate a violent electrical storm inside a city building in the middle of Washington DC, and says that Oscar is under huge pressure to make this project work. Steve also refrains from reminding everyone that he's an astronaut - not a meteorologist's guinea pig.
Dr. Franklin has finished building Fembot Linda and is in the process of uploading Human Linda's personal history into her memory bank...and a few seconds later, Fembot Linda opens her eyes and stares blankly into space.
Human Linda, meanwhile, is helping Jaime with her bionic ear tune-up and informs her that she now has a 60% increase in hearing. Steve looks impressed at the enhancement and invites Jaime out for a game of handball, then dinner.
Dr. Franklin, Baron, and a squad of fembots are loaded in a white van and racing toward the OSI building.
Jaime and Steve flirtily banter as they bionically play handball...and the game seems to go on for a looooong time.
As the white van drives by the OSI gym, Jaime's enhanced bionic hearing picks up a strange buzzing sound from the fembots' internal wiring. The van gets waved into the OSI parking lot by an inattentive attendant...and I wonder if the lax security surrounding the OSI building is one of the "weaknesses of the system" that Dr. Franklin was talking about earlier.
Human Linda strolls toward her car as Jaime ambles nearby. She activates her bionic ear in time to hear Linda cry out for help, so she bionically races toward the parking lot...and nearly gets run over by Fembot Linda, who's behind the wheel of Human Linda's car. Jaime stares at her confusedly and asks why she was calling out for help just now, and Fembot Linda's like, "Say wuh?" and says she must have heard wrong. Dr. Franklin, who's watching Jaime via a live feed, wonders aloud who this female non-secretary could possibly be, then scrunches his face confusedly when Jaime gabbles about her ear being all out of whack ever since Rudy's fine-tuning. She quickly detects the same weird buzzing noise she heard earlier in the gym, then stares in puzzlement after Fembot Linda as she drives off.
Jaime heads back over to Callahan's office and gets an earful about how unappreciated the disgruntled secretary feels at work. She tells Jaime she's thinking about fleeing the workforce to be a wife and mother, and Jaime says she's going to have a word with Oscar about his abysmal treatment of her...which most people would find awkward and inappropriate - but since Callahan doesn't seem interested in fighting her own battles, she smiles and nods her approval.
Dr. Franklin is putting the final touches on Fembot Callahan and tells Baron he's ready to make the second switcheroo.
Oscar is informed by his Weather Control Station flunkies that the testing they've been doing in a remote location (White Sands) has had some serious storm damage related setbacks, which...shocker. He ruefully admits to Steve that he may have jumped the gun with this ill-conceived project, then orders him to fly to White Sands to lend whatever help his bionic limbs and eye could possibly offer to the group of disheartened OSI meteorologists. Steve agrees, but grumbles about how bummed he is to miss his dinner date with Jaime.
Oscar runs into Jaime outside, points at a chopper taking off, and tells her that Steve is off to White Sands. She scrunches her face in annoyance at having her dinner date cancelled, then chides Oscar for being such a rude turd to his beleaguered secretary. When he just stares quizzically at her and asks her whassup with Callahan, she smugly retorts, "That's exactly the problem."
That evening, Callahan calls Jaime from her apartment to report that Oscar wanked her about how much he needs and depends on her at the OSI, and Jaime's like, "You're welcome" and says she called him out on his shitty 'tude. When the doorbell suddenly rings, Callahan puts the phone down to see who's at the door...and comes face to face with the fembot version of herself. As she stares at her doppelganger in shock, Katie appears in the doorway and spritzes something in Callahan's face that promptly knocks her unconscious. Fembot Callahan then picks up the phone and abruptly ends the call with Jaime.
The next morning, Rudy rechecks Jaime’s hearing to see if he can figure out why her ear keeps detecting a weird buzzing noise - but he can't find anything wrong with his fine-tuning. The buzzing noise returns in earnest when Fembot Callahan enters the room...and as Dr. Franklin and Baron eavesdrop on Rudy's and Jaime's conversation, they twig onto the fact that Jaime is a bionic OSI agent. Dr. Franklin remarks that Jaime's bionic ear must be picking up the frequency of his fembot's transistors, so he quickly adjusts something on his computer to lower it, then orders Fembot Callahan to begin launching Operation Kidnap Oscar. Baron, meanwhile, is intrigued by the idea of a bionic woman and creepily murmurs, "She would fetch a price."
Fembot Linda is hovering over Rudy and Jaime as they continue gabbling about her bionic ear adjustments. Oscar, meanwhile, phones the lab to invite Jaime to lunch, and she happily accepts.
The white van carrying Dr. Franklin, Baron, and the squad of fembots is once again able to pull into the OSI parking lot. Fembot Callahan calls Oscar to tell him that Jaime asked if he could meet her in the parking lot at noon - just as Fembot Linda informs Jaime that Oscar cancelled their lunch and left the building a half hour ago. Jaime glances out the window and happens to see Oscar strolling towards the parking lot, is all, "Wha-a-a?" and rushes outside to see if she can intercept him. Dr. Franklin et. al. pull up to where Oscar is standing, spill out of the van's back door, and Katie spritzes the knockout drug in his face. Jaime, who is witnessing the brazen abduction, bionically jogs over to the van and punches her way through the back door in an attempt to rescue Oscar - but Katie foils her efforts by spritzing the knockout drug in her face...and Jaime instantly collapses. As the van speeds off, a miffed Baron says he really really wants to go back and abduct Jaime 'cause of how awesome it would be to possess a bionic woman who has the ability to think for herself - but Dr. Franklin says it's too risky, then snaps, "When is the ability of a woman who can think for herself an asset?!" I wonder if the fembots could be programmed to punch a man in the nuts every time he's heard making misogynist remarks like that.
Fembot Callahan is being grilled by NSB Chief Inspector Hanson, who tells a roomful of OSI employees that the white van used in Oscar's abduction was found abandoned near an airstrip. Jaime catches Fembot Callahan in a lie when she incorrectly recalls the time that Oscar left the office...and Fembot Linda is now denying telling Jaime that Oscar left thirty minutes before their scheduled lunch and gaslights her further by reminding her that she's been having problems with her hearing lately. Hanson opens Oscar's safe and pulls out a videotape that Oscar instructed them to play in the event of his capture. In the video, he orders all action units of the OSI and NSB to kill him before he's able to spill the beans about any government secrets. He assures everyone that it's kind, not cruel, then sadly bids them adieu. Jaime stares despondently into space, while Rudy refuses to even consider the possibility of killing Oscar to keep him from talking to the enemy. Hanson, on the other hand, has no such qualms about whacking Oscar and points out that since Oscar sanctioned his own killing, he's A-OK with carrying out his final wishes. Cold-hearted dickwad.
Inside the remote complex, Oscar is ushered into a cage, where the real Callahan and Linda are being held. He stares at them in confusion - just as Dr. Franklin appears and gleefully explains that he made robot copies of the two secretaries for the purpose of infiltrating the OSI. He smugly reminds Oscar how shittily he was treated by the OSI, and poutishly says that the weather control device was originally his harebrained idea. He declares that soon he's going to acquire the working model of the device, and that Oscar is going to help him - but Oscar's like, "Yeah right" and flatly refuses to assist him in any way. Dr. Franklin insists that he will help him, in ways he can't imagine, then ambles off to evilly cackle to himself about the success of Phase One. Callahan asks Oscar if the OSI is coming to rescue them, and Oscar's like, "Er...no" and solemnly explains that he left instructions to the OSI and NSB to swiftly kill him in the event of capture. He grimly acknowledges that he didn't expect to have fellow hostages...and when he doesn't even attempt to offer a scrap of hope that any of them will likely survive this kidnapping, Callahan and Linda stare back at him in despair.
Jaime demands that Hanson give her and Steve, who's rushing back to DC on the first available chopper, a chance to rescue Oscar. Hanson refuses, flippantly says that Oscar knew the risks, then ejects her and Rudy from the room. Rudy tells Jaime he's afraid that Hanson will gun Oscar down the minute he can get a clear shot...while a contemplative Jaime remarks on how weird Callahan has been acting.
Jaime drops by Callahan's apartment to further examine her strange behavior under the guise of wanting to apologize for being so snappish earlier. She brings up their conversation about her wanting to be a wife and mother...and when Fembot Callahan just stares at her cluelessly, Jaime throws in the towel on the jig and says she knows she's not really Callahan. She snaps, "Who are you? Where is Oscar?" and Fembot Callahan retorts by grabbing her by the wrist with her strong robotic grip - but Jaime manages to bionically push her away and run towards the door...where she finds Katie, menacingly aiming her spritzer bottle at her face. Jaime karate-kicks it out of her hand, unwittingly rips off Katie's face skin - that thing needs to be tied down firmer - and is so wigged out by the sight of her motherboard innards, googly eyes and central vac mouth hole that she shrieks in horror and falls backward. Katie grabs a metal pole and advances on Jaime, and Jaime shoves a bookshelf in her direction, and then a sofa chair at Callahan. While the fembots are momentarily incapacitated, Jaime flees to the nearest bedroom and barricades the door. A few seconds later, the fembots punch their way through the door, and Jaime runs over to the window and peers toward the ground, several stories below. She bionically leaps out the window...and when she hits the concrete, her bionic legs spark and quickly collapse beneath her...and she moans pitifully as she lays immobile on the sidewalk.
As Rudy hovers over Jaime in the OSI hospital, he hears her mutter, "They're robots.." Rudy assumes she's just rambling incoherently and worries that her body might start rejecting her bionics. Again. Fembot Linda enters the room...and Rudy asks her to keep an eye on Jaime - just before Dr. Franklin orders the fembot to finish Jaime off so she doesn't interfere with Phase Three of his nefarious plan. Eeeek!! An oblivious Jaime drifts off while TO BE CONTINUED flashes across the screen.
Recap: Somewhere in Nashville, a portly country music singer named Big Buck Buckley gets on stage in a glittery jumpsuit and cowboy hat and croons to the enthusiastic [stock footage] audience while strumming his guitar. While that's happening, an OSI agent named Bill enters a nearby phone booth with a portable radio and dials a "code seven scramble call" to Oscar Goldman. Eeeeek! Sounds serious.
When Oscar answers the "code seven scramble call", he's mystified when no one is on the other end of the line. The camera pans over to the phone booth, and we see that Agent Bill has disappeared...and that someone wearing black and red cowboy boots is smashing the portable radio with the heel of his boot. Eeeeek! The camera zooms in on Oscar as he scrunches his face confusedly.
Over at the Air Force Base school, Jaime is leading her class in a sing-along to practice for the upcoming talent contest. Oscar pokes his head into the classroom to summon Jaime for an OSI tête-à-tête...and she preemptively tries to get out of whatever pain-in-the-ass mission he's about to assign her by telling him she's far too busy to look danger in the face this week 'cause she needs to get her pupils' singing voices ready for the talent contest. Oscar shrugs indifferently - 'cause when has he ever given a rat's ass about Jaime's innermost desire to live the simple life of an Ojai schoolteacher? - and introduces her to Muffin Calhoon (I hit the rewind button...and, yep, this grown man's name is indeed Muffin), a yokelly music insider who's going to escort her to Nashville for a mind-numbing country music related mission.
Jaime and Muffin arrive at the airport in Nashville...and Jaime has honky-tonked herself up to a ridiculous degree by decking herself out in a flashy blue jumpsuit, white neck scarf, and cowboy hat. She must have looked really odd milling around the boarding area of the California airport. Muffin gives her an overview of the mission at hand: someone is passing along top secret intel to a contact in Nashville - but no one yet knows who the contact is, or what nefarious things are being done with the intel. The only clue he has is that it's somehow connected to the famous singer, Big Buck Buckley. Muffin grimaces and says he grew up with ol' Buck and therefore can't see him being involved in anything of the espionage variety...so he's mostly hoping to prove Buck's innocence. A few seconds later, a sinister looking friend of Buck's, Penn Mathers, arrives at the airport to pick them up, and - ack! - he's wearing the same black and red boots we saw beat the shit out of Agent Bill's portable radio.
As banjo music plays in the background, Penn chauffeurs the two to Buck's fancy estate. Buck saunters across the driveway and greets Muffin warmly, then is introduced to Muffin's "protege", Jodi Lee Sommers. Buck points out the various amenities on his lavish property: tennis court, huge lawn, recording studio...then says that only people on company business are allowed inside the recording studio. Muffin tells him this is company business, on account of he brought Jodi Lee here to audition for him...and as Jaime has a silent freak-out about having to perform in front of a group of strangers, Buck nods his consent and leads the group over to the recording studio. Jaime quietly notices the insane level of security around the little building: high beam fence, alarm wires, and a trigger at the front door for knockout gas (!) in case someone enters the studio without permission. Once they're inside the studio, where a band is in the process of recording some lackluster '70s music, Jaime activates her bionic hearing and picks up a strange buzzing noise. She also gets her first glimpse of Buck's wife Tammy and her blonde helmet of poofy Tammy Wynette hair.
Jaime pulls Muffin aside and freaks out about having to audition for Big Buck and wails that she can't sing worth a darn...and I can only assume the writers forgot about her show-stopping rendition of Feelings in Season 1's Bionic Beauty episode. Muffin breezily assures her she'll be great...and as she approaches the mic to belt out the song she had been practicing earlier with her pupils, a group of backup singers clumps together a few feet away and starts crooning along with her. LOL. Between choruses [that seem to go on forever], Jaime activates her bionic ear to eavesdrop on Penn and Tammy in the control room that looks like a dark room with its crazy red lighting...and she hears Tammy tell Penn that they could "sell him for interrogation". Jaime manages to keep her face expressionless and ends the song by hitting an impossibly high note...and everyone in the studio applauds her performance.
An impressed Buck gushingly tells Jaime she definitely has a future in the music biz...and when she asks him for advice on how to jump start her career, he suggests she find a keeper like Tammy, who somehow managed to revitalize his career after he hit rock bottom. For him, "rock bottom" came about after some hooligan broke into his recording studio and stole the music he had worked on for two years. Not long after that, Tammy came to the rescue and showered him with love, mysteriously generated large sums of cash to invest in his rebooted career, and generally became the person he could write songs for. Soon after the two joined forces, his music began rising up the charts once again.
Jaime calls Oscar with an update: she doesn't think Buck is involved in any of the nefariousness she's been dispatched to investigate; however, she's highly suspicious that Agent Bill is being held captive inside or near the music studio, given the ridiculous amount of security surrounding it. She adds that her bionic hearing picked up a strange buzzing noise, and that it might be some sort of code.
After dark, Jaime lurks around the recording studio...and once the coast is clear, she bionically leaps over all the security sensors to avoid detection. To avoid getting sprayed with the knockout gas at the front door, she leaps atop the roof of the studio and bionically rips her way into the building through a large vent - dun dun dun dun - and lowers herself into the studio. Inside the control room she spots a secret door, bionically rips it open, and finds a box filled with all the tracks that Penn and Tammy were laying earlier. She takes out one of the tapes, puts it into the machine, and hits play...and as she's listening to the music, she hears the familiar buzzing noise again and deduces that it must be a high frequency code. Buck suddenly bursts into the recording studio and angrily demands to know what she's doing, then leaps to the conclusion that she's trying to steal his shittastic music. Jaime throws in the towel on maintaining her cover and identifies herself as an OSI agent while flashing her badge. Buck's all, "Wha-a-a? I haven't done anything wrong!" so Jaime explains that someone in his inner circle has been inserting high frequency codes into his music for the purpose of passing along top secret intel. Buck mulls that over, concludes it's most likely Penn, and mutters that he always knew there was something shady about that jerkwad. Jaime concurs and says she thinks Tammy might also be involved - but Buck gets all defensive and outright refuses to believe that his beloved Tammy Wynette lookalike could ever be involved in anything so sinister. Jaime refrains from rolling her eyes at the dimwitted sap and says she has no choice but to call the OSI with her findings - but Buck decides 'why not risk a possible espionage charge and prison time?' and pulls out a gun and orders Jaime to put the phone down. He calls Tammy at the main house and tells her to hightail it to the recording studio, then smugly tells Jaime he plans to stand by his woman. What a dumbfuck.
The next morning, Muffin (in his pajamas) and Jaime (still in her blue jumpsuit) are being held captive inside the recording studio, while Buck is in the control room, yelling at Tammy and Penn for involving him in criminal activity while he remained so stupidly oblivious. Tammy barks back that she only did it 'cause she needed to make large amounts of cash in order to bankroll his floundering music career, then assures him that this is the last album they have to encode 'cause it's "the final data" and the key to the entire operation. Penn tells Buck and Tammy that since the OSI is starting to close in on their operation, he's going to administer a drug to Jaime and Muffin that will cause them to forget about everything they've seen and heard during this episode. Tammy's like, "Kewl!" and implores Buck to put his faith in this implausible plan...and the dumb oaf mulls that over for a few seconds before deciding to believe that a short-term memory erasing pill 1) exists, and 2) is the best solution to his current dilemma.
Buck heads out to get ready for his next show, ignoring Jaime and Muffin on his way to the front door. Jaime whispers to Muffin that they're going to need to make a break for it...and a few seconds later, she leaps into action and bionically shoves a piano at the two security goons manning the door. As they flee through the doorway, knockout gas starts spewing, and Jaime and Muffin choke on the gas and collapse onto the floor. An angry Penn orders his security goons to lock the two inside the control room along with Agent Bill, then set the studio on fire. An alarmed Tammy asks Penn what happened to his plan of administering a memory erasing drug, and Penn smirks and tells her he just made that up so Buck wouldn't freak out. Tammy digests that nugget, decides it's A-OK with her to be an accomplice to a triple homicide, then heads off to the main house to get herself gussied up for Buck's concert. LOL. The two security goons rip into the control room's electrical panel and tear out a bunch of live wires...and this soon leads to a fire and a huge ball of grey smoke that billows around Jaime, Muffin, and Agent Bill.
Over at the concert hall, Tammy primps Buck before he goes on stage for his live performance. Penn hands him his guitar with the encoding device thingy taped inside and reminds him he need only strum the instrument in order to pass along the top secret intel over the radio airwaves.
Jaime regains consciousness before being burned alive and urgently pokes at Muffin and Agent Bill. The three stagger toward the door of the control room, which Jaime bionically breaks open, then race towards the main door. Jaime rips out the knockout gas trigger thingy...and a few seconds later, the three rush outside, coughing uncontrollably, but relieved to be alive. Once Jaime's airway is cleared of smoke, she informs Agent Bill that Buck is planning to send out the high frequency code while strumming his guitar during his live performance, which means they need to get to the concert hall asap!
Over at the concert hall, Buck readies himself to go on stage. Ho hum.
As luck would have it, Jaime, Muffin, and Agent Bill locate a spare car on Buck's estate and race over to the concert hall with the car radio tuned in to Buck's live performance.
Tammy has a sudden change of heart and pleads with Buck to not commit treason, then rats out Penn about the triple homicide she assumes was just committed in the recording studio. Buck mulls over that disturbing development, decides he wants to blow the whistle on the entire operation after all, and announces that he's calling the police. Penn pulls a gun on Tammy and snarls at Buck to go on stage and perform as originally planned...and Buck meekly obeys and lumbers on stage and starts strumming his guitar. Jaime, meanwhile, activates her bionic hearing and her ear picks up the encoded buzzing noise over the radio. The three pull up to the concert hall and burst in through the back door...and when two armed men attempt to stop them, Jaime incapacitates them by bionically lowering a giant stage curtain atop them. Muffin (who's still in his pajamas) finds a long rope and uses it to lasso Penn away from Tammy [that was not a misprint; Muffin really did lasso Penn away from Tammy]...and when Buck notices all the crazy shit happening backstage, he abandons his performance and rushes over to comfort his sobbing wife. The clueless audience begins chanting, "We want Buck!", so Buck brings Tammy on stage with him so she can stare adoringly at him while he finishes his song. Jaime watches the two idiots who fully realize they're in deep shit, her face scrunched solemnly.
Back at the Air Force Base school in Ojai, Oscar tells Jaime that Buck and Tammy have been charged with treason and/or espionage, and that it's pretty certain that the two will serve time in prison. Jaime tears up 'cause of how horrible she feels for the nitwits, while Oscar just shrugs indifferently and is all, "Meh." The two return to Jaime's classroom, where Muffin is leading a sing-along with Jaime's students...and as the kids enthusiastically sing one of Buck's songs, Jaime's eyes get even more tear-filled.
It remains unclear why she gives this much of a shit about two such foolish morons.
Recap: Jaime is being tutored by an expert blackjack dealer named Joe while Oscar looks on approvingly. When Joe is satisfied that Jaime has acquired the requisite amount of card shuffling expertise to convincingly pass herself off as a skilled blackjack dealer, he packs up his deck of cards and heads out. Oscar summarizes for Jaime (and viewers) the details of this episode's mission: she needs to get herself aboard a casino ship called the Princess Louise, which is owned by a chronic gambler named Lucky Harrison. Oscar tells her that Lucky "likes his women gutsy and beautiful", and that the most critical part of the mission is to locate two energy cells. He produces a photograph of Lucky, then one of the energy cell so that Jaime has an idea what she's looking for. He explains that a double agent known only as Ice Man stole two prototypes of the energy cell, and it is believed that he brought them aboard the Princess Louise. Oscar scrunches his face solemnly and warns Jaime that if the energy cells get too warm, they'll cause an explosion the equivalent of 1,000 sticks of dynamite. Jaime contorts her face as if to ask 'why in the fuckety fuck does Oscar keep roping me into these ridiculously perilous missions when all I want is to be a school teacher in Ojai?' and laments being forced to board a potential floating bomb.
At fictional Puerto de Something or Other in faux South America, Lucky Harrison is holding a clipboard while checking in passengers boarding the Princess Louise. Jamie bursts into the scene pretending she's being chased la policía and begs Lucky for permission to board his ship - but when he tells her to go pee up a rope, she cries out in fake exasperation and dashes off to "evade" la policía, who pretend to be frustrated about "losing" her. While no one's looking, Jaime's stunt double bionically leaps aboard the Princess Louise via a giant cargo platform. The police officer in charge of the fake pursuit heads over to his cruiser, where Oscar has been sitting in the back seat, watching the phony drama play out. He thanks the officer for helping stage Jaime's escape from the authorities so she can cobble together a convincing cover story.
Once the ship hits the open sea, Jaime makes sure to "accidentally" run into Lucky - and he gets irked at the sight of her and snappishly reminds her that he says he expressly forbade her to board his ship. Jaime retorts that she's not the kind of woman who gives up easily...and that she got herself aboard the Princess Louise with as much skill and determination as a sassy-pants such as herself could muster. Lucky looks intrigued with her brazen impudence [remember: he likes his women gutsy and beautiful], flirtily orders her to behave, and asks one of his flunkies to escort her to his private quarters.
Jaime glances around Lucky's room to see if she can spot anything resembling an energy cell, but has no luck. She perks up when she sees a safe sitting in the corner and uses her bionic ear to crack the combination, but finds that it's just filled with folders and papers. She manages to close it up when she hears someone approach...and a few seconds later, Lucky bursts into the room. He asks her why la policía was chasing her, so she tells him she got herself in trouble with the law while dealing blackjack to a sore loser who happened to be the cousin of the local police commissioner. An intrigued Lucky asks her if she's any good at shuffling cards - and she tells him she's the best, then demonstrates her card shuffling abilities with a little help from her bionic fingers. Lucky looks impressed and schmaltzily says he also likes that she's so "distracting". He summons a portly dork officer named Grover [why parents would name their son after a muppet, I can't imagine] to escort Jaime to her own stateroom.
Grover shows Jaime to her stateroom and locks her inside...and Jaime bionically eavesdrops on him telling someone he's concerned about "the cute stowaway" and plans to ask the Ice Man what he thinks should be done with her. He then scoffs at Lucky for being too much of a softie when it comes to gutsy, beautiful women. LOL.
Over on a Navy ship, which is cruising behind the Princess Louise at a discreet distance, Oscar gets an update from Jaime on her tiny OSI-issued walkie talkie. She reports that Ice Man is aboard the ship, and Oscar says they're currently running background checks on all the passengers to see if they can suss him out. After she signs off, Lucky enters the stateroom clutching a flowy black dress, and explains that it's what all his lady blackjack dealers wear when working in his casino. Jaime slips into it from behind a wardrobe partition, then emerges and naturally looks totally fab in it. Lucky grins flirtily and says he doubts that the male gamblers will mind losing their cash to a dealer who's so super hot.
That evening, Jaime is blackjacking in the casino, shuffling cards and bionically eavesdropping on every suspicious looking person in her orbit. She overhears Grover order someone to do exactly as the Ice Man has commanded, then suddenly gets alarmed when she spots Romero, her cartoonishly schmaltzy admirer from the Fly Jaime episode enter the casino. He recognizes Jaime as the stewardess from their Lost-esque adventure, quickly makes a beeline over to her blackjack table, and jokingly asks if he can fluff her pillow. She scrunches her face in faux confusion and goes, "Excuse me?" while the player at her table - a douchefuck named Creighton - barks at her to focus on the game, then calls Romero a fruitcake and snaps at him to get lost. Jaime tells Romero that her table has a minimum bet of $500, and that if he can't place a bet, he's not allowed to stick around. When Lucky saunters over to see whassup, Creighton complains that Jaime has been ripping him off, then gives Lucky an unprovoked backhand across the face. The fuck? Jaime refrains from retaliating by giving Creighton a bionic karate chop and decides instead to get her mission fully underway and explore the ship. She runs into Romero and chides him for causing trouble for her - and he gigglingly accuses her of playing silly games, but says he'll split with his wife in a New York minute if she's remotely interested in running off with him. Jaime makes a yeech face and points up at the moon to distract him...and as he stares up at the sky and soliloquies about the moon's beauty, Jaime bionically leaps up to the top level of the ship. Romero turns around, is mystified by her sudden disappearance, then vows to search high and low for his "little coquette".
Jaime bionically overhears Grover order the engine room guy to steer the ship fifteen degrees off course, then sneaks into the engine room after Grover stomps off. The engine room guy, incidentally, is the same guy who plays Ray Krebbs from Dallas, and he's immediately smitten with Jaime and banters with her all flirty-like and gets grab-handsy. Jaime stares down at the navigational controls and remarks on how they're fifteen degrees off course, and Ray Krebbs pretends it was an oversight (and a plausible observation on her part) and immediately corrects course. Jaime manages to slip out of the engine room just as Grover re-enters to ask whassup with his course correction...and when he learns about Jaime's impromptu drop-in, he snarks at Ray Krebbs to stay away from her, then says he's off to confer with the Ice Man and inquire about their next move. Jaime perks up at the mention of the Ice Man and discreetly follows Grover to the casino to see if she can determine the shadowy man's identity. She closely watches as Grover interacts with various people - just as Romero resurfaces for another round of schmaltz. She does her best to keep her eyes on Grover, but when Lucky appears and invites to accompany him elsewhere for a drink, she has no choice but to put a pin in her mission.
Grover orders Ray Krebbs to slow the ship down, then reveals that Ice Man suspects Jaime of being a government agent. Eeeeek!
Jaime asks Lucky why he didn't react when Creighton backhanded him, and he hangs his head sheepishly and says he's resigned to being a punching bag for asshole gamblers on account of he needs to avoid any trouble so that he's not court-martialed by the Navy for something that happened ten years ago. He then tells her that when he was in the Navy, he ran the biggest floating craps game on a naval carrier...and when the jig was up, he deserted the military in order to avoid prosecution. He adds that he really really likes being on the open sea, then leans in and kisses her...and while that's happening, Grover is spying on them from the deck above and drops a giant search light onto where they're standing. Jaime manages to bionically deflect it before the two are crushed, then accuses Lucky of orchestrating the failed murder attempt. Lucky angrily denies doing any such thing and angrily storms off.
Jaime reports to Oscar on her little walkie talkie that she has zero proof Lucky is working with Ice Man, and that someone tried to kill her just now by dropping a giant search light on her head. Oscar furrows his brows concernedly and gives her permission to abort the mission and flee the ship, but Jaime says the episode is too far along for her to not see this shitty mission through. Oscar gives her a helpful tip on something he prolly should have told her much earlier: shortly before the energy cell is about to explode, it gives off a high pitched warning hum that her bionic ear should have no problem picking up. As Jaime chews on that disturbing nugget, Oscar informs her that an unidentified submarine has been detected in the general vicinity of the Princess Louise. Jaime deduces that Ray Krebbs most likely steered the ship off course in order to rendezvous with this submarine...and Oscar barks at her to find Ice Man asap, along with the energy cells before the ship, and everyone on it, gets blown to bits. Jaime somehow refrains from snarking that it's pretty fucking easy for him to bark multiple orders at her from the safety of the Navy ship he's currently floating around on.
Lucky gets a call informing him that someone just tried to sabotage the ship by breaking something in the engine room. He races over to check it out and finds the room filled with steam...and Jaime follows him and sees that the "sabotage" is a broken rudder. She finds Lucky face down on the floor, and gently pokes him back into consciousness and helps him to his feet. Lucky moans about how he doesn't want to call for help 'cause the Navy will be able to court-martial him for his gambling crimes...and his plan of escape is fleeing via a lifeboat stocked with a big bag of supplies. He invites Jaime to abscond with him - but she declines and decides to throw in the towel on her blackjack dealer cover story and tells him there's a nefarious man aboard the ship who calls himself the Ice Man and has been colluding with his head muppet to rendezvous with even more nefarious people aboard a nearby submarine. Lucky mulls that over, decides, "Yep, that sounds plausible" and says he's now committed to stay aboard his broken ship and see this crisis through. As he ambles off to get some help with the broken rudder, Jaime bionically repairs it, sorts out the steam problem, then calls Lucky back and tells him the repairs ended up being a snap. Lucky once again decides, "Yep, that sounds plausible" and tells Grover and Ray Krebbs that the ship's default functionality has been fully restored and they can once again proceed. Grover scrunches his face with irritation about his carefully executed plan getting foiled and mutters to himself about needing to have a word with the Ice Man asap.
Jaime watches Grover as he circulates among various people in the casino...and eventually he heads over to the bar and tells the bartender that Lucky was somehow able to fix the broken rudder. The bartender retorts by ordering him to signal the submarine pronto...and Jaime has an a-ha! moment as she watches him fill a glass with ice cubes and makes the connection to how he got his nickname.
Jaime is about to make contact with Oscar on her tiny walkie talkie, but is interrupted by a gun toting Grover and Ice Man. They force her along to the engine room, where Ray Krebbs informs them that a Navy ship is fast approaching. Grover orders Ray Krebbs to remove the energy cells from their current hiding place to place them somewhere warm 'cause he wants the Navy to be distracted by a fiery rescue mission after the ship has blown up. What a diabolical muppet.
As Oscar barks at his flunkies to be prepared for a giant explosion aboard the Princess Louise, Grover locks Jaime and Lucky inside a tiny utility room.
Jaime presses her bionic ear against the door and hears Romero wander by, muttering to himself. She cries out for help and urges Romero to turn the door handle as hard as he can...and as he's doing that, Jaime turns the wheel thing attached to her side of the door and - dun dun dun dun - bionically breaks free.
Grover and the Ice Man escape the imminent explosion via a lifeboat and speed toward the rendezvous point with the submarine...and Lucky decides he'd rather not hang around a moment longer and risk getting blown up. Jaime orders Romero to head down to the casino, announce that the ship's about to blow up, and advise the passengers to board lifeboats asap.
Jaime wanders around the engine room with her bionic hearing activated...and encounters Lucky, who says he changed his mind from what he just said five minutes earlier about fleeing certain death. Jaime tells him she's looking for the energy cells, which were most likely stashed in a warm place to cause maximum damage to the ship.
Romero informs everyone in the casino that a bomb is about to go off any minute - but everyone just laughs at his warning and continues to drink and gamble.
Jaime hears a high pitched humming coming from inside a metal panel secured by bolts and tells Lucky she's somehow sure that the energy cells were placed inside. Lucky's all, "Ack!" and races off in search of a wrench...and Jaime uses the opportunity to bionically unscrew the bolts, then calls him back and tells him the nuts were loose. As Lucky scratches his head in wonderment about her problem-solving abilities that seem to involve super-human strength, she grabs the energy cells and races in bionic slo-mo out of the room - dun dun dun dun - and runs straight into Romero. She then decides, "Why not fob the most perilous part of my top secret government mission off on this hapless schnook?" and places the energy cells in Romero's hands and orders him to put them inside the nearest freezer so they can cool down and not blow up the ship they're currently floating on in the middle of the ocean. She urgently adds, "Don't let them out of your sight!" Romero eagerly accepts the daunting task and gushingly tells her he's more than happy to do her bidding, however likely it could lead to his grisly demise.
Jaime races up to the nearest deck and spots Grover and the Ice Man speeding away on their lifeboat. She whips a big steel thing in their direction, and it smashes onto the boat and capsizes it...and the submarine they were about to rendezvous with disappears under water and races off. A few seconds later, a Navy helicopter arrives to capture the villains.
Lucky finds Jaime, who's teary and emotional from this exhausting mission, and gives her a comforting hug.
With the danger from the energy cells neutralized, Oscar boards the Princess Louise to wrap up this tedious mission. Lucky sheepishly says he knows he's busted - but Oscar tells him he's been in contact with the Secretary, and that he's willing to review his court-martialing 'cause of all the help he offered to Jaime this episode. Lucky tells Jaime how grateful he is to her for saving his ship, then stares at her all smitten-like and says he'd like to see her again once he's sorted out his court-martialing. After he ambles off screen, Oscar tells Jaime that Romero is being treated for frostbite after storing himself inside a large freezer with the two energy cells. Apparently, he took her instructions to not let the devices out of his sight literally. A few seconds later, the paramedics carry a frigid looking Romero out on a stretcher...and Jaime gives him a much deserved kiss on the cheek and thanks the dolt for his service.
Recap: A scared and sweaty man is fleeing from certain danger inside an empty wrestling arena. He's chased by several beefy women and eventually gets himself cornered inside the wrestling ring. As the beefy women surround him from the ropes and glare hatefully at him, a man emerges from the shadows - Mr. Roper from Three's Company! - and looks as ominous as is possible for Mr. Roper to look while he shoots the man the stink-eye and snarls, "Going somewhere, Mr. Haley?" Eeeeek!
Oscar has summoned Jaime to his office in D.C. to discuss the unknown fate of missing OSI agent, Wayne Haley. He tells Jaime that her next mission - should she choose to accept, which she has to 'cause he never really gives her a choice - is to locate Agent Haley. As he's telling her this, an irritable looking Russian woman in a gray suit (accompanied by two bodyguards) drops by Oscar's office for their scheduled meeting, but Oscar tells her he's too busy at the moment and politely sends her on her way. He explains to Jaime that the Russian's name is Dr. Brandes, and that she defected to the U.S. in order to work on the very important Delta Satellite Project. He then changes the subject back to Wayne Haley and says that he had reported stumbling upon something UGE...but then mysteriously disappeared before he could reveal the details. He hands Jaime the only clue they have to work with: a piece of paper with the address of an arena that specializes in lady wrestling. Jaime makes a face and says the address is in a seedy part of town...and that she couldn't be any less interested in a wrestling-related mission, not least 'cause she could hurt one of the women if she's forced to get into the ring and use her bionic strength to fend off blows and perform high kicks. Oscar assures her that lady wrestlers are quite capable of taking care of themselves, and that it's of national importance that she locate the missing OSI agent asap.
Jaime arrives in Seedytown dressed in jeans and a crop top, stares glumly at the ladies wrestling arena, and decides that the occasion calls for a stick of gum to defiantly chomp on. She enters the arena and finds her way to a practice gym, where Mr. Roper is barking at the lady wrestlers about doing a better job of hamming up the fake theatrics for the fans. Jaime looks weirded out by all the faux shrieking and flailing about of arms and legs, then approaches Mr. Roper and tells him she's looking to get into ladies wrestling. He gives her a once-over and derisively says she's way too skinny for the faux sport - but Jaime insists that despite her slender frame she's got some pretty slick movies, along with a total dedication to learning all she can about the art of pretend wrestling. Mr. Roper agrees to let her audition...and as Jaime curses Oscar under her breath, she gets into the ring with a hostile looking brunette named Mad Mary. Jaime darts around bionically to avoid Mad Mary's blows, then bionically arm wrestles her in mid-air and eventually immobilizes her with a bionic headlock. Mr. Roper looks surprised and intrigued by Jaime's superhuman strength and invites her to join his stable of wrestlers, then orders a chubby middle-aged blonde woman (April) to show Jaime the ropes. As Mr. Roper ambles off with Mad Mary, Jaime bionically overhears Mad Mary snark at Mr. Roper about how nuts it is for him to let an outsider into their nefarious operation - but he assures her they'll have no problems making the delivery to their foreign friends. Hmm...sounds suspiciously suspicious.
Jaime makes a beeline over to the nearest public phone and reports to Oscar that she overheard Mr. Roper talk about a delivery to some foreign friends...then abruptly ends the call so she can eavesdrop on April telling some old guy who works at the arena that she desperately needs $9,000 for a down payment on a health club she has her heart set on buying. The old guy relents and says he'll cut her in on whatever unholy nefariousness this seedy arena is perpetrating. April leads Jaime to a large, costumed filled trunk...and in the next scene Jaime is decked out in an offensive-by-today's-standards but revealing-eye-candy-for-the-'70s skimpy Native American get-up. A few seconds later, a woman shrouded in a spider costume lumbers into the locker room, and April explains to a bewildered Jaime that creating campy caricatures of themselves - e.g. Spider Lady, Amazon April - is what sells tickets to the uncultured dumbasses who shell out money to watch live lady wrestling in Seedytown, D.C. Jaime asks her if anything special is happening at the arena tonight, and April glances around shiftily before unconvincingly replying, "Uh, nope."
April and Jaime head back to the practice gym, where April teaches Jaime how deliver and receive fake punches. Jaime notices Mad Mary glaring at her from across the gym, so she activates her bionic ear and overhears Mr. Roper inform Mad Mary that he has the drug they're going to need for whatever heinous plot they plan on hatching later in the episode. Jaime tells April she could really use a break from training...and when April nixes that request and says they have a lot more work to do, Jaime lifts her onto her back, bionically spins her around until she's too dizzy to continue training her, then sets her down so she can bionically chase after Mad Mary and Mr. Roper. She follows them down a dark hallway that leads to his office, where she eavesdrops on the two discussing the drug they plan to use to incapacitate their hapless target. Mr. Roper cryptically adds, "Her driver will be waiting", then says he also expects to receive instructions about what to do with Haley. A few seconds later, he gets a call that a news crew is waiting outside to get a lively preview of tonight's entertainment...and I can only assume it must be a really slow news day in D.C. if the news crew has nothing more substantive to cover during the middle of the day.
Oscar turns on the little black and white TV that he must have gotten installed inside his desk console - just in time to catch the news coverage of tonight's lady wrestling event. The ladies ham it up for the camera by snarling insults at each other, then eventually rope Jaime - aka Savage Sommers (!) - into joining the freakshow...and she waves around her tomahawk and half-heartedly taunts her opponents. During all this, Dr. Brandes drops by Oscar's office to show him the teeny tiny circuit she's been working on, and explains that it functions as the brain of the Delta Satellite Project. She then complains about the shit quality of vodka in the U.S. and being surrounded by bodyguards every minute of the day. Oscar reminds her that she's "a priceless commodity" and that her "people" may want to reclaim her before she gets a chance to complete her work on the Delta Satellite Project. Dr. Brandes concedes that, yep, her "people" are very clever...then glances at the little black and white TV, recognizes Jaime, and remarks on how that Pocahontas chick was in his office a few scenes ago. Oscar blabs that she's doing some undercover work for the OSI, and Dr. Brandes mulls over that unexpected intel and looks more intrigued yet concerned than she probably should.
Dr. Brandes sneakily calls Mr. Roper to rat out Jaime and says it's critical that they get the Delta Satellite circuit out of the country tonight. She orders him to get Jaime out of the way so she doesn't throw any kind of wrench into their plot, and he's like, "I'm on it."
April tells Jaime she did a good job hamming it up during the TV interview, and Jaime retorts by grumbling about how badly she needs to score some cash 'cause she owes $5,000 to a shady guy named Austin (hee!). April mulls over her dilemma and calls Mr. Roper in his office about cutting Jaime in on whatever amorphously shady thing they have going on the side...and Mr. Roper looks amused and tells April to bring Jaime up to his office right away.
As soon as April and Jaime arrive at the office, Mr. Roper slaps Jaime on the arm with a drug needle, and she immediately collapses onto the floor. April's all, "Wha-a-a?", so Mr. Roper explains that he tranquilized her 'cause he just found out that she's a government spy who's looking to bust whatever nefarious shit he and his crime clique of lady wrestlers are cooking up. Mr. Roper orders Mad Mary and April to carry Jaime over to an empty cage that they'll then string up to the rafters (?)...and April wrings her hands worriedly and reminds him that the air up there is terrible and she may not be able to breathe. Mr. Roper says he doesn't give a rat's ass and supervises the ladies as they shove an unconscious Jaime inside the cage, then raise it to the ceiling. A few minutes later, Jaime regains consciousness, looks startled that she's been locked in a cage that's suspended in mid-air, and gets to work bionically ripping through the metal. Her stunt double is inserted into the footage so she can leap all the way to ground level, then bionically races up the bleachers, activating her bionic hearing just in time to hear Mr. Roper tell Mad Mary that they need to go check on something. April re-enters the room, gasps when she sees the ripped up cage, then gasps again when Jaime shows herself and motions her over. After glossing over how in blazes she was able to escape the suspended cage, Jaime asks April if she knows the whereabouts of Wayne Haley, and April scrunches her face in misery and says she never intended to get herself involved in the criminal side of lady wrestling. She says she doesn't know much about tonight's nefarious plot, except for one helpful detail: Mr. Roper and Mad Mary intend to extract something from someone in the audience during the match. Jaime files that tidbit away for later, then asks Mary if she knows where Wayne Haley is...and April leads her to where the poor man has been locked up for the past three days.
Rudy drops by Oscar's office to invite him out for a drink, then says he just ran into Dr. Brandes and her bodyguards, who mentioned that they're all headed to a wrestling match. Oscar's all, "Wha-a-a?" and looks suitably alarmed.
As the fans arrive at the arena for the big match, Mr. Roper and Mad Mary have found Jaime and April while on their way to spring Haley free, and are now holding them both at gunpoint. Eeeeek!
While en route to the arena, Oscar and Rudy hear an update on the radio that Savage Sommers and Amazon April will not be participating this evening. It's interesting how much local media this ladies wrestling match has been getting all day. Oscar furrows his brows worriedly.
Mr. Roper and Mad Mary deposit Jaime and April in a high voltage vault room, where Wayne Haley has been dumped since the beginning of the episode. He's barely conscious - but when Jaime pokes him, he manages to squeak, "Doctor is...going to...defect. Escape...with circuit" before flopping over and losing consciousness again. LOL.
Oscar gets on his car phone and orders one of his OSI flunkies to see if anything is missing from Dr. Brandes' lab. Meanwhile, Dr. Brandes and her bodyguards arrive at the arena just as the first wrestling match gets underway.
As the high voltage vault room heats up to 110 F, Jaime assures April that they'll somehow find a way to break out. She asks April to show her what a high kick in wrestling looks like - I'm guessing so that she can perform the move on the door without April suspecting she's a cyborg...which seems like scant cover, but OK. April's all, "Huh?" but shows her the move anyway, and Jaime then "practices" it on the door and - no surprise! - manages to kick it down. She asks April to get Wayne Haley outta here 'cause she's off to the wrestling ring to do some good for the OSI.
Oscar and Rudy are alarmed to hear that the teeny tiny circuit is missing from Dr. Brandes' lab...and Oscar barks into his car phone, "Code Snow White!" - LOL - and orders every available OSI agent to report to the ladies wrestling arena, stat!
Mad Mary takes a pretend fall during her match and rolls onto the floor, then injects Dr. Brandes' bodyguards with the drug needles. During the chaos that ensues, Dr. Brandes disappears beneath a hidden stage compartment to change into the Spider Lady's costume, then reemerges and yells, "Out ov zee vay!" - LOL - in earshot of Jaime, who recognizes her Russian accented voice. Jaime leaps into the wrestling ring, where Dr. Brandes is swiftly unmasked and revealed as a fake Spider Lady...and when Mad Mary angrily attacks Jaime for foiling their nefarious plot, Jaime retaliates by tying her up with some wrestling ring rope. By this time, Oscar and his squad of OSI agents have stormed into the arena. Oscar spots the teeny tiny circuit that Dr. Brandes accidentally dropped in the middle of the ring and barks at Jaime to pick it up...and after she grabs it, she's officially declared the winner of this bizarre faux wrestling match by a referee who is clearly oblivious to all the treacherousness that's been occurring right under his nose. As he holds up Jaime's arm during the triumphant announcement, Jaime grins happily while Oscar flirtily salutes her.
Later, April and Jaime and Oscar sit on the edge of the wrestling ring and do a post-mortem of this episode's mission. Oscar reports that the OSI agents managed to round up all the criminals, then thanks April for all her help - despite the fact that she was an accessory to Haley's abduction by keeping quiet about him being held captive inside the arena for several days. Oscar offers her a reward: a $9,000 down payment for the health club she wants to buy. April squeals happily, then agrees to give Oscar and Jaime free massages once her business is up and running. Oscar makes a face and is all, "I dunno 'bout that" ... and the three chuckle at his squeamishness about a semi-nude rub-down as they stroll out of the arena.
Recap: Jaime is on a helicopter, flying over the San Angelo mountains to look for any sign of the aliens Steve had spilled the beans about during Part 1. She radios with Oscar to inform him of her location, and he tells her that Rudy doesn't think Steve is going to survive Part 2 of the Bigfoot/alien saga and is strongly considering pulling his life support plug. Jaime begs him to tell Rudy to hold off 'cause she heard that the alien colony might have a wonder drug that can cure Steve of his radiation poisoning. Oscar makes a disparaging pffft noise and says he doesn't believe that the aliens actually exist...which seems uncharacteristically dickish of him, considering all the perilous missions Steve has carried out for the OSI. Where's the trust and loyalty, dude?
Meanwhile, 1800 miles south..
The rebel faction of the alien colony has settled into their new cave home on the coast of Mexico...and they're also still monitoring the airspace over the San Angelo mountains. They spot Jaime's helicopter on their video feed, but decide it's probably nothing to worry about and carry on with whatever they were doing. Jaime asks the pilot if he could fly a bit lower, then informs Oscar that she's going to roam the area on foot to see if she can uncover anything. She asks the pilot what level of security clearance he has...and when he says, "Five", she shrieks, "You're about to get six!" as if she hasn't already caused a major bump in the number of sixth level security clearances the OSI has had to grant after she's indiscriminately revealed her "top secret" bionic abilities to every guest star and random extra she's ever interacted with during her various missions. When she leaps off the helicopter and starts up with her usual dun dun dun dun slo-mo bionic jog, Nedlick spots her on the video monitor and is like, "Drats...another bionic person nosing around my bidness" and decides he should probably nip this problem in the bud. He summons Bigfoot and then uses his control device to transport the two of them to San Angelo.
Jaime is roaming around the San Angelo mountains bellowing, "Shalon!" when she encounters Bigfoot for the first time. She's all, "Ack!" at the sight of the ginormously tall ape-man and mutters, "Steve said you were big, but this is ridiculous!" Nedlick barks, "Attack!" into his little device, and Bigfoot advances on Jaime while growling maniacally. She does a bionic leapfrog over him...and when she spots Nedlick standing several feet away, she asks him if he could please call off his Sasquatch pet. Nedlick responds by once again commanding Bigfoot to attack, so the beast obediently picks up a huge paper mache boulder and throws it in Jaime's direction. She easily dodges it, then leaps into a large tree and holds onto one of the branches for dear life - but Bigfoot grabs the trunk of the tree and bends it over, forcing Jaime to leap back down. Sandy Duncan, who remains a captive of the rebels in the Mexico cave and has been watching Jaime and Bigfoot square off via the video feed, sneaks up behind one of the rebels, grabs his control device, and transports herself to Jaime's location. She urges Jaime to take her hand...and when she does, the two abruptly disappear together. Bigfoot's all, "Wuh?" and glances around in confusion, and an irked Nedlick admonishes the dumb beast for letting Jaime get away, then zaps them both back to the Mexico base.
Sandy Duncan introduces herself to Jaime, says she'll take her to her leader, and escorts her to the entrance of the alien's complex: a glowy, crystallized, new agey spinning tunnel I know would give me vertigo if I was ever forced to walk through it. Sandy Duncan introduces her to a couple of onesie wearing aliens on the way to the control room where Shalon is based...and Shalon greets Jaime warmly and tells her she knows how fond Steve is of her 'cause she looked at the naughty details of his brain scans after his probing. Jaime looks unsure of how to respond to that weird remark, so she just kind of shakes it off and informs Shalon that Steve is about to expire after suffering severe radiation poisoning and that he could really use a dose of her wonder drug, if any happens to be laying around. Shalon holds up the last vial of Neotraxin she has left, doesn't mention that she was planning on using it to keep herself from expiring, and hands it to Sandy Duncan and tells her to do everything she can to save Steve's life. In exchange, she wants Jaime's help stopping the alien rebels from achieving full power at their new base 'cause of all the carnage it'll cause to earthlings. Sandy Duncan produces a map and shows Jaime exactly where the rebels' new base is located, and Shalon explains that the dumbfucks have been drilling a volcanic vent in order to harness its power for their magnetic shield...and seem unaware that so much drilling of such a sensitive area could result in a geological disaster. Jaime agrees to do whatever she can to help out, and Shalon nods approvingly and says she'll monitor the situation through her video feed. She then says that Steve means a lot to her, and Jaime refrains from snarkishly warning her to keep her alien mitts off of her cyborg man.
On the Mexican coast, the alien rebels are continuing to drill into the volcanic vent...and even though it's causing a scary mess of shooting flames and smoke plumes, Nedlick orders Dallet to increase the voltage so he can get the job done faster. Sandy Duncan drops Jaime off in the jungle near the rebels' new base, then disappears to deliver the Neotraxin to Steve. Nedlick spots Jaime on his video monitor and makes a snappish remark about her tenacity. He orders Bigfoot to follow him into the jungle...and Jaime activates her bionic ear and overhears Nedlick tell Bigfoot he'd like to take Jaime hostage, 'cause he and his nefarious rebel faction don't have enough going on with their ill-fated volcanic drilling and would welcome the challenge of keeping a tenacious bionic woman confined to a poorly constructed jail cell. Jaime decides it would be an easy way to get inside the rebels' base and waits for Bigfoot to show himself. When he spots Jaime hiding behind some foliage, he scrunches his ape face confusedly and flashes back to when he used to hang with Shalon. Jaime activates her bionic ear and overhears Nedlick order Bigfoot to attack her before issuing another of his tired old threats to hurt Shalon if he refuses to obey. Bigfoot swats at Jaime, and she flies through the air, lands on the ground with a thud, and pretends to be knocked out cold. Nedlick orders Bigfoot to bring her to the base and put her in the jail cell.
Over at the hospital, Rudy is staring sadly at Steve, who still looks like he's at death's door. After Rudy exits the room, Sandy Duncan materializes and hovers over Steve holding a device that's designed to gauge exactly how much radiation poisoning he suffered...which turns out to be a fuckload. Sandy Duncan quickly disappears when she hears Rudy and Oscar approach the room - but Shalon continues to monitor the hospital room and hears Rudy tell Oscar that there's not a whole heckuva lot they can do for Steve. Shalon twitches nervously and cries, "Get out of there!" so that Sandy Duncan can reappear and administer the Neotraxin before all hope of saving Steve is lost.
Jaime ambles around her jail cell, looking for a way she can bionically break out and start wrapping up this crossover saga. She tries to bend the window bars, but can't get them to budge, so I'll assume they're made of extra thick steel. She spots Bigfoot standing in the hall outside her cell...so she starts cooing about how worried Shalon is about him, and how upset she is that he's turned against her. As he stares at her with his head cocked to one side, she adds, "But you haven't, have you?" and correctly assumes that he's been forced by Nedlick to commit various robberies and attack her and Steve. She assures Bigfoot that the alien rebels can't hurt Shalon...and as he quietly mulls that over, Nedlick wanders over and tells his Sasquatch pet that he needs his help with whatever damage his nitwitted minions have perpetrated on the volcanic vent.
When Oscar and Rudy finally exit Steve's hospital room, Sandy Duncan re-materializes to perform a thoracic curve examination on Steve...and while she's doing that, the data is being fed back to Shalon in real time. She identifies to Sandy Duncan the major areas of damage to Steve's body, and prescribes exactly where she needs to administer the Neotraxin and in what dosage. Once that's done and Steve is safely out of the woods, Shalon collapses from exhaustion and gets tended to by a green onesie wearing alien.
Rudy and Oscar get word about a volcanic disturbance in Mexico, along with warnings that it could spark a major geological disaster. Eeeeek!!
Jaime examines the wall in her jail cell and starts bionically karate chopping at it, and it easily crumbles...'cause while the rebels were clever about installing ultra strong bars over the window, they didn't think to reinforce the cell's flimsy walls.
Dallet calls out Nedlick on his dickish insistence that he drill through the volcanic vent with extra voltage, 'cause now there's hot lava spewing everywhere. Nedlick breezily says he's sure it'll start to taper off any minute now - LOL - and Dallet stares back at him incredulously and points out that the earth could experience a Tectonic Shift Situation if the needle on his little sensor thing starts registering too much heat. Egads!
Oscar is horrified of the notion of a Tectonic Shift and laments to Rudy the devastating tsunami that could result. Oscar decides it would be prudent (and somehow possible) to order an evacuation of the entire Pacific coast, asap.
Jaime, meanwhile, is making good progress bionically karate chopping her way out of her jail cell.
Steve regains consciousness and is all, "Ack!" when he sees Sandy Duncan staring down at him. She tells him he suffered severe radiation poisoning, but was given some Neotraxin in the nick of time and will probably be completely fine. There's no mention of his bionic legs still being crushed after his encounter with Bigfoot at the end of Part 1...so I'll have to assume that Rudy quietly repaired those in record time, 'cause once Steve hears that Jaime is in the clutches of the alien rebels, he quickly jumps into action - but then pauses, glances around the hospital room, and tells Sandy Duncan he's going to need a pair of pants. Hee!
Oscar and Rudy enter Steve's hospital room and are all, "Wha-a?!" when they find the bed empty.
Dallet tells Nedlick that the volcanic vent is out of control, and that too much lava is spurting everywhere at an alarmingly fast rate...but Nedlick shrugs unconcernedly and says he's pretty sure that the volcanic pressure will start to ease any second now. He checks on his video feed and spots Steve and Sandy Duncan milling around the jungle outside their new base, gets irked that Steve managed to recover so quickly from his radiation poisoning/leg crushing, and dispatches Bigfoot to the jungle to finish off the pesky bionic man for once and for all.
After more bionic karate chopping of the jail cell's wall, Jaime finally manages to kick out a hole that's large enough for her to crawl through.
Sandy Duncan brings Steve to the exact spot where she abandoned Jaime earlier...and Steve activates his bionic eye and sees Bigfoot lumbering in their direction. He approaches the imposing beast and asks him if he knows where Jaime is, and whether he remembers him from when he debuted on The Six Million Dollar Man. Unfortunately, Bigfoot is so addled from all the attack! commands that Nedlick has been barking at him, that his brain is unable to absorb anything Steve is asking. He continues to follow Nedlick's orders and goes a few rounds with Steve, then picks up a giant boulder and holds it above him menacingly. While that's happening, Jaime sneaks into the hall leading to the control room and overhears Nedlick ordering Bigfoot to kill Steve. She's all, "Noooo!!" and bionically races over to Nedlick, grabs the device he's been using to control the hapless Sasquatch, and cancels the kill Steve command. She then coos at Bigfoot to trust her, and assures him that no one is going to hurt Shalon. Bigfoot stares contemplatively into space as he processes Jaime's soft lady voice and reassuring promise, then puts down the giant boulder and helps Steve to his feet. Now that the danger has quickly passed, Sandy Duncan rushes over to make sure that Steve is OK, and to say hey to her long lost hairy pal.
Dallet implores Nedlick to relocate the base asap 'cause of all the damage they're about to cause to the earth's plates - but Nedlick still looks unconcerned 'bout damaging the planet and grumbles about how Jaime now has the control unit for Bigfoot, and snarkishly refuses to leave his Sasquatch slave behind. Jaime, meanwhile, is lost in the complex's maze and uses the control device she stole from Nedlick to send a frantic S.O.S. to Steve and/or Bigfoot to please rescue her from these insane rebel nitwits. She's all, "Ack!" when she suddenly finds herself in the control room with a group of angry rebels - but a few seconds later we hear the familiar dun dun dun dun sound effect as Steve charges in and, one by one, bionically tosses the rebel aliens across the room. Sandy Duncan helps out by powering down each of the rebel's control unit, which appears to render them motionless. Bigfoot lumbers into the complex and finds Nedlick trying to escape. He grabs his former master from behind and gets payback for all of his cruelty by starting to squeeze the life out of him - but Steve rushes over and implores him to stop. Dallet warns everyone that the volcano is about to blow...and everyone's all, "Ack! What kind of plan can we quickly hatch in order to narrowly avoid a geological disaster?!" Collectively, they decide that the best course of action would be to throw one of the aliens' control devices into the erupting volcano, 'cause somehow its time traveling capabilities will rapidly cool the lava back down to room temperature. I guess I can buy that.
Jaime and Steve bionically race toward the erupting volcano - but soon the heat of the lava becomes too much for Jaime. Steve takes the device from her and forges ahead, but then he too becomes incapacitated by the searing hot lava. Sandy Duncan, who's monitoring the operation via video feed, remarks to Dallet that she's doubtful Steve will be able to throw the device far or fast enough. And just when hope begins to fade, Bigfoot charges up the volcano mountain, grabs the device from Steve, and continues his upwards trek. He puts every ounce of his Sasquatch strength in throwing the device directly into the volcano...and it suddenly goes all freeze-framey as the lava cools down. Hurray! When the volcano stops erupting, Bigfoot collapses from heat exhaustion 'cause the fur suit he's encased in was a horrible wardrobe choice for a two hundred degree volcanic mission. Steve and Jaime race over to tend to him, and he grunts at them that while the inside of his furry onesie is hotter than a whorehouse on nickel night, he's pretty sure his core temperature will soon revert back to its default levels now that he's no longer surrounded by searing hot lava.
The aliens thank Steve and Jaime for their help disarming the rebels, who are being held in confinement pending trial. Green Onesie Guy breaks the sad news that he had to power Shalon down to barely functioning sleep mode. He shows them where she'll indefinitely lay - inside a Sleeping Beauty style glass coffin tube - until their mother ship swings by earth again (in a hundred years) to transport her back to their home planet. Green Onesie Guy invites Steve and Jaime stay at the complex on a permanent basis and help out with their colony...and the two glance over at each other as if to consider the offer, but don't actually give an answer.
I'll assume the answer was no, 'cause Green Onesie Guy, Bigfoot, and Sandy Duncan escort Jaime and Steve to the glowy, crystallized, new agey spinning tunnel exit. Jaime and Steve bid the aliens adieu, thank them for letting them retain their memory of this super awesome two-part episode, and hug each of them goodbye, including Bigfoot. The cyborgs amble through the tunnel, hand in hand, then turn around and wave goodbye to their extraterrestrial friends one last time.
Recap: A security guard at the Federal Gold Repository - one of the various made-up agencies that exist in the Six Million Dollar Man/Bionic Woman universe - is taking a coffee break when we see the looming shadow of a tall, furry creature. The creature smashes through the [paper mache] wall of the repository...and then the camera pans back to the guard, who heard the crashing noise and is frantically calling for backup. When he rushes over to the site of the break-in, he's shocked and dismayed to see that whatever superhuman monster smashed its way inside has just made off with a million dollars worth of gold bars.
Oscar Goldman and Steve Austin arrive on the scene to investigate the break-in. For the occasion, Steve is donning a groovy '70s shirt unbuttoned halfway down his chest, and he's also sporting a grisly pornstache. As he examines the hole in the wall, he wryly tells Oscar if he didn't know any better, he'd think a bionic man had burst through it. He goes outside to search for clues and bionically spots a giant footprint in the dirt. This sighting triggers a flashback to a previous Six Million Dollar Man episode, when someone gabbled at him about "the legend of Sasquatch, otherwise known as Bigfoot" ... and as the camera zooms in for a closeup, Steve does his best to contort his default blank expression into one of concerned puzzlement.
Over at OSI headquarters, Steve and Jaime are undergoing what Rudy jokes is their 10,000 mile checkup. Heh. Rudy informs Steve that his synapse circuitry is a bit slow - no surprise there - and Steve's like, "Wuh? Really?" and strips off his workout jacket so that viewers can ogle his ample mat of grizzled chest hair. Jaime pulls Steve aside and tells him he's acting strange and distant and asks if she did something to upset him. He assures her she hasn't - but concedes that he's been having troubled thoughts lately, then tells her he'd like to show her something.
The something ends up being a preserved imprint of a giant footprint that was discovered in the California mountains last year - and it looks much like the one Steve just saw outside the gold repository. As Steve, Jaime, Oscar, and Rudy stare in awe at the giant footprint, Steve's brain starts to trigger a flashback - but then quickly fizzles out. He tells Jaime about his memory recall problem and calls it frustrating, and she reminds him about when her brain nearly broke every time she pushed herself to remember them being a couple during the crossover episodes, then jokes, "I'm the one who wrote the book on partial memory, remember?" She suggests they go for a walk - and Rudy interjects and asks if they wouldn't mind doing one of their slo-mo, side-by-side bionic jogs through the countryside (preferably while Sweet Jaime plays in the background) so he can monitor their heart rates. After the two head out together, Rudy and Oscar stare down at the giant footprint, then exchange solemn glances.
Steve strips down to a pair of tight black shorts and pulls up his white socks so they're almost to his knees...and then he and Jaime bionically jog and leap about through a scenic wooded area. (Sadly, in this segment we don't get to hear Lee Majors croon Sweet Jaime.) A few feet away, we see a petite blonde woman wearing a pink onesie - it's perky Sandy Duncan! - and she's watching Steve and fiddling with some kind of handheld device. Steve senses that something is amiss and stops running, stares confusedly into space, and tells Jaime that he just had a faint recollection of bionically jogging with another woman. Jaime's all, "Wha-a-a? You steppin' out on me with another cyborg?" then activates her bionic ear in time to hear rustling noises up ahead. Steve activates his bionic eye and spots Sandy Duncan - but a few seconds later she clicks on her little device and vanishes.
At home that evening, Steve is staring at the preserved footprint when Sandy Duncan suddenly materializes in front of him. She tells him she needs his help in order to save her people...her people being a colony of deep space exploring aliens who have taken temporary residence on earth, have the ability to disappear and reappear wherever and whenever they choose, and wear solid colored onesies. She holds her little device up to Steve's head and uploads the memory of The Six Million Dollar Man two-part episode entitled The Secret of Bigfoot that they had previously erased from his brain. When the upload is complete, Steve is able to fully recall that he encountered Sasquatch in the California mountains (back when André the Giant played him), and that the creature's brute strength closely matched his bionic abilities. Sasquatch brought Steve to the aliens' complex to meet his leader and, for some gratuitous reason, get his naked bionic limbs probed by Shalon - who's played by Stefanie Powers in a horrific auburn wig. Shalon appears to have become so smitten with Steve that she planted a smooch on his lips while he lay unconscious on the examination table. Sandy Duncan tells Steve that Shalon sent her to make contact with him 'cause they need his help to stop the nefarious rebel faction that broke away from their colony, stole a large supply of their wonder drug Neotraxin (a cure for radiation poisoning), and absconded with their giant Sasquatch pet. Before their departure, they forced Bigfoot to destroy the complex's power converter, which resulted in many aliens (Shalon included) suffering exposure to radiation poisoning...and not enough Neotraxin to treat them all. Sounds like this faction is unnecessarily dickish and cruel. Steve quietly mulls over the aliens' dilemma, then promises Sandy Duncan he'll do whatever he can to help.
The rebel faction has taken residence in some kind of warehouse, and they're packing up all the gold they forced Bigfoot to steal at the beginning of the episode...and we get our first really good look at Ted Cassidy (Lurch on The Addams Family), who's encased in a furry brown onesie, a helmet of fluffy curls atop his head, brown paint smeared across his face, and piercing blue eyes that glare maniacally into space. The purple onesie wearing ring leader, Nedlick, tells his cohorts that with the help of Bigfoot, their new base on Planet Earth will be established...and that once they gather all the various ingredients that are needed to create a magnetic force-field around it, they'll be free to plunder and pillage the Earth of whatever they please. Egads!
Bigfoot is dispatched to a jewelry store to steal as many emeralds as his paws can carry, and Nedlick is monitoring him through a control device that looks to have some FaceTime type capabilities. When a security guard enters the store and makes a half-hearted effort to stop the seven foot ape, Nedlick uses his device to zap Bigfoot with an electrical shock, barks, "Attack!" and threatens to hurt Shalon if he fails to obey. Bigfoot lets out a tortured growl, then picks up the guard and tosses him across the room...and a satisfied Nedlick orders him to return to their warehouse base, pronto.
As Steve and Oscar investigate the jewelry store break-in, Steve stares at the crushed vault door and mumbles, "That's strange", stares mutely into space for a few seconds, then wanders off. LOL. Oscar stares after him, his eyes narrowed suspiciously.
Steve tells Sandy Duncan how weird it is that the jewelry thief stole emeralds, but left all the diamonds behind. A perplexed Sandy Duncan decides it might be time for the two of them to FaceTime with Shalon to see if she can shed any light on the situation. Shalon flirtily greets Steve, then explains that the alien rebels require, among other elements, gold and emeralds in order to construct a phase lock magnetic field around their new base to make it immune to attack. She implores Steve to help them prevent the rebels from acquiring any boron isotopes or titanium alloy, and Steve tells her he's on it, and that he has a pretty good idea which research facilities they'd most likely target.
Nedlick and his pink onesie wearing sidekick, Dallet, are monitoring Bigfoot as he lumbers toward a research facility. Steve and Sandy Duncan materialize onto the property moments later, and Steve bionically pursues Bigfoot into the building. He finds him milling around near the entrance of the Isotope Storage Room (as it's conveniently labelled) - and Bigfoot whirls around and stares at Steve in puzzlement, no doubt remembering that the last time they saw each other, they were hanging out all friendly-like at the alien colony's California mountain complex. Nedlick gets irked at Bigfoot's inertness and barks, "Sasquatch! Attack!" and the big ape glares at Steve and growls menacingly. When Nedlick threatens again to hurt Shalon, Bigfoot goes into attack mode, tosses Steve in the air, and dashes into the Isotope Storage Room. After Steve re-combobulates himself, he attempts to trap Bigfoot inside by locking the door - but after Bigfoot scoops up as many boron isotopes as he can find, he easily crashes through the locked door and fends Steve off by throwing a large steel drum at him. When a security guard arrives on the scene, Bigfoot also throws a steel drum in his direction and then races off. Steve crawls over to the injured guard to tend to him - just as a group of other guards burst in. They assume that Steve is the isotope thief and yell, "Hit the deck!" while Sandy Duncan, who's waiting for Steve outside, gets herself abducted by Nedlick (I guess before she had a chance to use her control device to vanish) and is forcibly brought to the rebels' warehouse.
Jaime arrives at OSI headquarters to hang with Steve, but is told by security that he's knee deep in shit and isn't allowed to have visitors. Jaime's like, "Er, OK" then loiters outside Rudy's office and activates her bionic hearing so she can eavesdrop on Oscar as he rails to Steve about getting caught red-handed at the scene of a crime, and that he's accused of assaulting a guard with a steel drum, which only a bionic man would have the superhuman strength to pick up and throw. Steve decides to blow the lid off the whole alien/Sasquatch storyline and spills the beans to Oscar and Rudy about the colony of aliens hiding out in the California mountains, their ape-like pet, and the nefarious rebel faction that broke away from the main group after they poisoned many of them with radiation and stole most of their Neotraxin wonder drug. Oscar shoots him a disbelieving stink-eye and tells him that the National Security Bureau has ordered him to power down his bionics and keep him under house arrest. Steve stares back at him in incredulity and cries, "You have to trust me!" ... then abruptly decides, "Ah, fuck that noise" and sprints across the room, leaps off of the balcony, and bionically flees the grounds.
Over in the warehouse, Dallet cackles to Nedlick about how Steve's superiors are blaming him for the various break-ins they've commanded Bigfoot to commit - but that he escaped OSI headquarters and somehow managed to fly off in a helicopter. Which we can safely guess is on its way to thwart the rebels' next research facility break-in.
Nedlick brings Bigfoot to research facility #2 and orders him to look around for some titanium alloy...and also attack and kill Steve if he happens to show up. Bigfoot obediently lumbers in the direction of the facility and bionically leaps over the fence - just as Steve flies in on his helicopter. Inside the facility, the two square off again....and Bigfoot glares demonically at Steve after Nedlick gives him another electrical zap and threatens again to hurt Shalon if he doesn't follow orders. Bigfoot and Steve throw heavy canisters at each other and wrestle around...until Steve gets knocked out cold. He lays unconscious on the floor while Bigfoot rips out a power converter that starts leaking radiation. As that's happening, some kind of motorized steel thing lowers itself over Steve and crushes his bionic legs. As Bigfoot stares sadly at his former friend's broken cyborg body, Nedlick says, "Well done" and declares that they now have everything they need to create a magnetic force field around their new Earth base.
At the hospital, Oscar tells Jaime that Steve is in rough shape - and that even before he got his lower extremities crushed, he'd become so squirrelly that he was running all over town robbing jewelry stores and research facilities. Jaime refuses to believe that of Steve and implores Oscar to start looking into the colony of aliens Steve told him about earlier...and when Oscar stares at her in astonishment, she explains that she was bionically eavesdropping at the door when Steve told him the implausible tale. Rudy wanders over to announce that Steve is pretty much a goner 'cause of all the radiation he was exposed to. In fact, he's so far gone he doubts Steve can survive another day. Jaime's like, "Ooooh nooo!" and asks to be brought to his bedside.
Jaime hovers over Steve, muttering, "Oh Steve..." and when he stirs and softly whispers, "Jaime..", she activates her bionic hearing and listens carefully so she can catch what he's trying to say. He moans, "Many will die...unless...find Shalon...she help...maybe stop them." As Jaime scrunches her face in confusion, he adds, "Jaime...Jaime...beware the Sasquatch. Much stronger than we are. Hurry Jaime...not much time." As he loses consciousness, Jaime cries, "Steeeeeve!" then stares worriedly into space as she mulls over his nonsensical instructions and wonders what the hell to do next.
Recap: We begin the Season 1 finale in a spooky graveyard, where it looks as though some kind of ghostly spirit has just departed the grave of one Elizabeth Putnam Cory - eeeeek! - and is heading toward the main cemetery gate. The door of the gate opens, then promptly shuts...which I found funny 'cause I figured a non-mortal entity would be able to float through the bars or flit over them. The ghost continues its way over a large bridge, then barrels toward the front door of a mansion. When it lets itself in, it goes all poltergeist - rattling the furniture around and causing anything that's not nailed down to violently shake and then crash to the floor. Upstairs, a young girl - hey, it's fourteen year old Kristy McNichol! - sits up in bed and shrieks, "Mother!" ... and a few seconds later, her father rushes into the room, hugs her, and assures her that everything is going to be A-OK by the time the end credits roll. Sort of.
Over at the Austin ranch, Jaime is packing her clothes in a small red suitcase while Oscar gives her the low-down on her next mission: look into the mysterious force/presence/disturbance that's been terrorizing the town of Essexville, which is located between Boston and Salem. Oscar explains that the only reason he gives a rat's ass about any of this is 'cause it's affecting the work of OSI researcher Alan Cory, who seems to have a direct connection to the mysterious force/presence/disturbance, but refuses to talk about it. Jaime glances at his photograph and remarks on how good looking he is, then asks about his marital status. [Is Steve Austin just a faint memory to you now, Jaime?] Oscar tells her that Alan's wife died a year ago...and that ever since her death, he insists on working out of his home-based lab. And OSI puts up with it 'cause he's a genius and is currently developing two components of the Alpha Sensor Project. Sounds super intense. Unfortunately, the mysterious force/presence/disturbance remains a problem 'cause it's wigging out the Essexville townsfolk, and Jaime's mission is to get to the bottom of it...'cause apparently she's a bionic ghost hunter now. He's assigned her to be Kristy McNichol's governess, a position that was vacated by the previous governess who fled in horror after the most recent spiritual visitation. He then puts on his most solemn Oscar face and warns Jaime that the disturbance is "very real and very dangerous". Eeeeek!
Jaime arrives at Cory manor, the stately old mansion that has been the epicenter of all the supernatural activity. She carries her small red suitcase with her to the front door...and as the camera pans behind her, we see that a creepy looking bearded man is watching her from behind the gates. Kristy McNichol answers the door, greets her new governess, and tells her that her father is hard at work in his lab. Jaime sees a giant bookcase overturned in the middle of the living room floor with books strewn about and asks whassup with that, and Kristy breezily says it just fell over. LOL. After she scampers off to get her father, Jaime bionically lifts the bookcase, maneuvers it so it's upright against the wall, then picks up and re-shelves all the books. I wonder why Oscar has never come right out and instructed her to keep her bionicness on the down-low with whoever she happens to be interacting with during her missions, since I'm pretty sure it's supposed to remain top secret. She activates her bionic ear and hears Alan express annoyance at being interrupted by the arrival of the new governess, then grumpishly agrees to get the introductions out of the way. When he and Kristy enter the room, they're surprised to see the bookcase back in its default position and stare at Jaime in puzzlement as she nonsensically explains, "I was just cleaning things up." Alan brusquely asks to see her OSI identification badge - which she promptly shows to him - then spots a misshelved book with Putnam written across the cover. He picks it up, mutters, "This doesn't belong here", and tells Kristy to take care of it. He then tells Jaime he's far too busy with the Alpha Sensor Project to spend another minute on polite niceties (!), promises to go over her assigned duties in the morning, then rushes back to his lab. Kristy places the large Putnam book on a special stand as Jaime stares at a painting of Kristy's mother - Elizabeth Putnam Cory - and remarks on how beautiful she was. Kristy tells her that the Putnam book has been in her family for a long time, then cackles, "It's a witch book!" and explains that one of her ancestors, Rebecca Putnam, was put on trial for witchcraft, then thrown into a Salem jail where she later died. Jaime calls that intriguing and says she'd be interested in taking a closer look at the Putnam book.
Later, Jaime is relaxing in her very large governess quarters, which features a cozy fireplace and a huge painting of Rebecca Putnam's witch trial. Yeesh, I wonder why that grisly thing isn't hanging in a local museum or something. Jaime reads the Putnam book while we get a disturbing audio re-enactment of Rebecca's Salem Witch Trial as the camera remains fixed on the painting.
Jaime hears noises coming from outside, so she wanders over to the window to investigate. She sees what looks like a ghostly spirit departing the house, then blowing through leaves and knocking over lawn furniture. Jaime bionically leaps out of the window and jogs after it, using her bionic ear to guide her since the thing she's chasing after isn't actually visible. The ghostly spirit leads her to the cemetery...and as she ambles around the gravestones, the creepy bearded man comes up right behind her, which freaks her the hell out when she senses his presence and whirls around. She shrieks, "Who are you?!" so he introduces himself as Emil Laslo and tells her that he likes to spend his time studying the supernatural. He's currently in Essexville to investigate the ghostly presence that's been wigging everyone out, then warns Jaime that while the ghost might be a harmless nuisance to some, it could be very dangerous to her. Jaime stares back at him, her face scrunched worriedly.
Jaime calls Oscar to report that, yep, there's definitely a ghostly spirit wreaking havoc in Essexville. She also tells him about her encounter with Emil Laslo and suggests that he look into that weirdo's background.
Alan is cleaning up all the broken glass from the spiritual visitation the night before when Jaime drops by the lab. He remarks on her Grade 6 security clearance, then says he knows that the OSI sent her to keep an eye on more than just his daughter - and Jaime's like, "Well duh" and points out that OSI has a lot of money invested in his Alpha Sensor Project. He assures her that he packed up the alpha sensor component very carefully, and it didn't sustain any damage during the chaos. He says that the ghost seems to center most of its rage in the lab...but that he can't bring himself to look into it 'cause he's pretty sure it's the ghost of his late wife, Elizabeth. He says she was "special", meaning telekinetic, and that some of her ancestors also had unusual abilities. I guess that would explain the witchcraft accusations that got lobbed against Rebecca Putnam during the Salem Witch Trials fiasco.
Alan steers Jaime over to a giant contraption equipped with large buttons and polygraph-like needles and explains that it's an instrument to register energy waves...and that his angry wife's ghost has been causing the needles to go wild. Jaime's like, "Uh, isn't your wife dead?" so Alan tells her that when Elizabeth learned she was dying, she promised to contact him from beyond the grave, if and whenever possible. Jaime asks him why Elizabeth's ghost would want to sabotage his work now that she's in the afterlife, and he's like, "I dunno" then says that all of these disturbances have been tough on Kristy, who he's been pretty much neglecting in favor of his OSI work. He gets a faraway look in his eyes and reminisces about how different their lives were when Elizabeth was alive...and says it's been a long time since he's been around a beautiful, stimulating woman.
And speaking of being around a beautiful, stimulating woman...
Alan looks as though he's just noticed Jaime's good looks and sparkling personality for the first time, brazenly ogles her, and tells her she's way cuter than Kristy's past governesses. He impulsively decides, "Why not take the day off?" and invites Jaime to come along on a picnic at the lake with him and Kristy. Jaime perks up at that and says it sounds like a wonderful idea...and as the two happily skip out of the lab, we see that Kristy has been standing in the shadows, eavesdropping and looking all Omen-like as she stares unhappily into space.
Picnic time! After a lovely picnic lunch, Alan urges Kristy to lie down and have a snooze so he can take Jaime on a romantic canoe ride. In the next scene, Jaime and Alan are happily paddling along when - eeeeek! - they stumble into the crosshairs of a nearby log that abruptly becomes possessed. It launches itself at Jaime and Alan, then slams into the side of the canoe. Jaime looks unsettled by the strange attack - 'cause who the hell expects an inanimate object like a log to hurl itself at your canoe? - and even more unsettled when the demonic log propels itself at the canoe a second and third time and smashes a giant hole into the side of it.
Emil Laslo is standing on the shore, watching the bemusing attack through a pair of binoculars. As the canoe rapidly sinks, Jaime and Alan are thrown into the water. Jaime swims over to Alan, who's floating face down in the water, turns him upright and hopes to hell he's still breathing, and bionically swims with him to shore...with the maniacal log in hot pursuit like Jaws. When the two reach the shore, the log torpedoes itself straight at Jaime - but she sees it coming and bionically leaps into the air to avoid being impaled by the evil thing. She activates her bionic ear and hears Kristy shriek, "Mother?!" and when she and Alan rush over to where the demon spawn is napping, she wails that mother was just here, and that she was trying to hurt Jaime. Jaime stares back at her looking frightened and discombobulated.
Oscar calls Jaime to give her some background info on Emil Laslo. Apparently, he's a well known investigator of the supernatural and makes his money on exposing hoaxes and explaining how illusions are created. Jaime tells him about the demon log that tried to sink the canoe that she and Alan were paddling...and that she's still pretty freaked out about the whole thing.
Alan packs up his phase one sensor in a metal suitcase 'cause he's transporting it to MIT, where he'll then train people on how to use it. He hugs Kristy goodbye and promises to make some time for her when he returns...though probably not 'cause he's going to have to start work on the phase 2 sensor, like pronto. He then turns to Jaime, gives her a sultry cheek kiss, and says he's also looking forward to spending more time with her. Mmm hmm.. As he drives off in his wood panelled station wagon, a vexed looking Kristy tells Jaime how upset her mother always got whenever her father spent time away from them...and Jaime ignores that giant red flag as she stares into space, smiling vacantly.
Jaime and Kristy head over to the lab to straighten things up when the ghostly spirit makes an unexpected appearance. When the shelving starts to shake, a bottle of sulfuric acid falls off the shelf and crashes near Jaime's cyborg foot. Kristy shrieks in horror, then looks puzzled when Jaime's shoe is the only thing that gets burned beyond recognition. The needle sensors of the large ghost-o-meter contraption start moving rapidly...and Kristy says she's pretty sure it's her mother's spirit, pissed off that her father is spending so much time away from home. Jaime rolls her eyes derisively says she doesn't believe in ghosts and that there has to be another explanation...like, for example, the %$@! call is coming from inside the house!!
Emil Laslo drops by Cory manor to speak with Alan - but Kristy tells him he's not around, but that her governess is. Jaime bounds into the room wearing a fresh new pair of shoes...and when Kristy asks her whose shoes those are, she says she found them in the lab. Kristy glares at her feet and accusingly says they're her mother's shoes - but Jaime just kind of shrugs disinterestedly and ushers Laslo into the living room. Laslo stares in fascination at Elizabeth's painting and remarks on how she's a direct descendant of Rebecca Putnam. He tells Jaime he saw what happened at the lake and thinks he can offer an explanation...and as they're talking, the furniture in the room starts vibrating. Kristy looks alarmed and says it's her mother's angry ghost again, and that she's having a fit 'cause Jaime is wearing her shoes. Laslo pulls Jaime aside and tells her he's seen this phenomenon only once before - but before he can elaborate, the ghost knocks over the giant bookcase, which lands atop Laslo. Ouch. After Jaime bionically lifts the bookcase off of him, he warns her to beware the poltergeist 'cause it's after her - eeeeek! - then falls silent as his head flops to the side. I assumed that that meant he was a goner, but Jaime must have sensed a pulse 'cause she tells Kristy she's going to take him to the hospital. Kristy declines to go 'cause she's still traumatized about her mom dying in a Salem hospital.
After getting looked over in the ER, a nurse tells Jaime that Laslo is going to be fine...and we see that Jaime has been sitting in the waiting room reading Laslo's book about the supernatural, in particular the chapter on poltergeists. She suddenly looks alarmed as scary music starts up in the background, and rushes over to the nurse's station to place an emergency call to Alan.
Jaime tells Alan she's pretty sure that Kristy is behind the ghostly disturbances 'cause of her telekinetic abilities. A puzzled Alan says he had her tested for telekinesis and the results came back negative, so Jaime suggests that it's her subconscious that is telekinetic...and that it's lashing out 'cause he's not spending enough time with her. When Jaime reminds him that Kristy was asleep while they were being terrorized by the maniacal log...and that she's been asleep during all the other spiritual visitations (except during the sulfuric acid incident, and when Laslo got crushed by the giant bookcase just now...not that I want to split hairs now that I'm finally in the home stretch of this tedious episode). Alan mulls over Jaime's theory and decides that, yep, it's definitely possible. He suddenly goes, "Ack!" and says he's now worried that his demon spawn may unwittingly do something to damage the phase 2 component of his Alpha Sensor Project. He asks Jaime to get back to the house asap and get Kristy to understand that her subconscious is what's been scaring the bejeezus out of everyone in Essexville...and destroying every damn breakable in his house.
Kristy is fast asleep...and the sensors on the ghost-o-meter are going wild. Eeeeek! She dreams about her father telling her that he's going to have to work on the phase 2 component when he gets back from MIT, and when he turned to Jaime and smooched her cheek...and the dream continues in a loop of those two flashbacks.
Jaime nearly loses control of her car and screeches to a stop just as she's about to cross the large bridge...which starts self-destructing. She gets out of the car and bionically jogs across the collapsing bridge as it tries to pelt her with beams and metal parts. When she safely arrives at the house, the front door opens for her - which was pretty creepy - and after a few seconds of quiet eeriness, the furniture starts shaking and objects begin flying in her direction. She rushes upstairs, dodging flying debris, then forces her way into Kristy's room and shrieks at her to wake up. As the ghostly wind howls menacingly around her, she urgently tries to explain to Kristy that the violent disturbance has been her bratty subconscious mind doing its best to get her father's attention...and as she's doing that she's getting pelted by drawers, lamps, and an alarm clock. LOL. As the bed starts shaking violently, Jaime urgently tells Kristy to give her father another chance...and chides her naughty subconscious from nearly killing him in the lake the other day. A horrified Kristy cries, "Noooooo!!" and tearfully clings to Jaime...and Jaime assures her that she's not here to take her father away, 'cause who the hell wants to date a guy whose daughter's subconscious is harboring an out-of-control poltergeist? As Kristy absorbs this information, the ghostly wind dies down and everything stops vibrating. Phew!
Oscar is at Cory manor with Jaime, wrapping up this bizarre mission. Oscar tells Alan that the sensor components are a great success...and Alan seems pleased, but says he's going to have to take a break from work for awhile to spend some quality time with Poltergeist and look into controlling her subconscious telekinetic impulses. Jaime kisses them both goodbye while Oscar impatiently urges her to step on it, otherwise they won't stand "a ghost of a chance" being on time for their plane. Kristy gives him a cheesy thumbs up and retorts, "That's the spirit, Mr. Goldman!" and everyone chuckles light-heartedly as Oscar and Jaime climb into his car and get the hell out of Ghost Town forever.
Recap: Inside the Courtney Medical Clinic, two men in white coats enter a room where a female patient who has her face completely bandaged is sitting up in bed, puffing away on a cigarette. LOL. The older man, Dr. Courtney, tells his patient that today's the big day - but first she's going to have to gratuitously practice some more poison dart throwing at a cardboard cutout of Oscar Goldman (!). He instructs her to aim for the neck, 'cause a nick is all it's going to take to kill him. Ack!
In the next scene, Dr. Courtney and the other white-coated man, Matthews, slowly snip off the bandage, then hand the woman a mirror. Dr. Courtney smugly asks, "How do you like it, Jaime?" and we see from the reflection in the mirror that she's a dead ringer for Jaime Sommers. Egads!
Another of Dr. Courtney's cohorts, Baxley, is parked near the Austin ranch, wiretapping Jaime as she and Papa Austin chat about her messy apartment and imminent vacay in the Bahamas. When Papa Austin passively-aggressively offers to have his wife clean up after her while she suns herself, Jaime kicks into gear and bionically mops, sweeps, and cleans up her dirty dishes within five minutes. Papa Austin chuckles at the superfluous house-cleaning footage, then helps her carry her luggage out to the car.
Jaime's doppelganger, a chain-smoking woman with a Georgian drawl named Lisa Galloway, has been spending the last few weeks studying the life history, voice inflection, and mannerisms of Jaime Sommers. Dr. Courtney praises her work, but says she's going to have to nix the cigarette 'cause Jaime doesn't smoke. He then asks her if she's ready to assume Jaime's identity, and she puts out her cigarette and confidently replies in an accent-free voice, "Who's Lisa? I'm Jaime Sommers."
The real Jaime Sommers, meanwhile, is lounging on a Nassau beach, dismayed by the stubbornly pasty white skin of her bionic arm. She puts on her beach robe while mumbling curses at Rudy for not creating tannable bionic skin. Baxley comes over to her lounger, pretending to be a local, and gushes about what a beeeeeautiful American woman she is, then asks if he can join her. Instead of getting suitably turned off by his creepy leering, she's like, "Sure, why the hell not?"
Dr. Courtney supplies Lisa with an array of spy paraphernalia: a bracelet/camera, poison dart pens, and lipstick in a bomb. She assures him she's totes ready to go out and carry out her mission...then gets up, smooches one of the doctor's cohorts named Perkins (her boyfriend, I'll assume), and flounces out of the room.
Oscar gets buzzed by his secretary and is told that Jaime is here to see him, and he looks perplexed and says, "Send her in." When she - she being Lisa Galloway - enters his office, Oscar happily greets her, then asks her why she's not in the Bahamas. She tells him the weather was lousy and she got bored sitting in her hotel room...then decided that she feels much too isolated from the D.C.-based OSI and would like to learn more about about what the agency does. Like reading the confidential paperwork that's atop his desk, for example. Oscar flatly says no, and that he doesn't get why she'd be so interested in the inner-workings of the OSI...but when Lisa insists, he agrees to get her a security building permit. After he exits his office, Lisa opens the folder titled Top Secret and uses her camera bracelet to make copies of the report it contains.
Back in Nassau, Jaime has thrown all common sense to the wind and is aboard a boat with Baxley and two other shifty looking men. One of them slips a drug into her fruity drink, then serves it to her as Baxley gushes about what a huge fan he is of her tennis playing. A few seconds later, she takes a couple of sips, then gets woozy and passes out. Baxley orders the driver to head for deeper waters...and then he and the other guy stuff an unconscious Jaime into a wooden box marked fragile and toss her overboard. Oh no!
Lisa is hanging at a bar called The Pump Room, boozing and puffing away on a cigarette while waiting for Matthews. When he arrives, he chides her for smoking and reminds her how important it is to stay in character. She reluctantly hands over her pack of cigarettes, along with the film from the bracelet camera that contains the report in Oscar's Top Secret file folder.
Jaime's wooden casket hits the ocean floor - but before anyone can worry that all hope is lost, she somehow regains consciousness, bionically kicks off the top of the box, torpedoes herself up to the surface, and bionically swims to shore. Phew!
Oscar returns to his office and finds Lisa sitting in his chair with her feet on his desk, reading the latest briefs contained in his Top Secret file folder. She grins at him cheekily and says it's interesting reading. Oscar gruffly orders her to get out of his chair and get him some coffee, then gets buzzed from his secretary, who tells him that a woman claiming to be Jaime Sommers is calling from Nassau. Oscar stares over at Lisa in confusion...and she shrugs as if she has no idea what this could be all about, then turns around to covertly ready one of her poison darts. Oscar picks up the phone and hears Jaime wail about how someone just tried to kill her - just as Lisa whirls around and whips the dart in his direction. Fortunately, he ducks quick enough to avoid getting hit, and the dart gets embedded in the top of his chair. He summons security, and two men rush in and apprehend Lisa...and a furious Oscar gets all in her face, briefly swiping at it as if he's trying to figure out whether or not it's some kind of freakish mask. LOL. He demands to know who she is, but she refuses to answer. Jaime, meanwhile, is still on the other end of the phone going, "Hello? Hello? What's going on there?" and Oscar rushes back to his desk and instructs Jaime to get to the American embassy, like pronto, then head straight for the airport. He'll send a plane from Miami to pick her up in an hour. Jaime tells him she's very skeered, and Oscar stares at the poison dart that's embedded in his chair and says, "Babe, I know how you feel." (Note: again with the babe.)
The next day, Jaime's plane lands in D.C. and she heads straight over to Oscar's office. He gives her a quick debrief of the doppelganger situation, then brings her over to the office where Lisa is being held so she can get a quick peek. When she sees her look-alike, she's all, "OMG!" then asks Oscar who she is...but Oscar says he has zero clue 'cause the woman refuses to talk. All they can deduce at this point is that she recently had plastic surgery, and photographed some secret documents with a bracelet camera, the film from which was been smuggled to whoever she's working for. He solemnly tells Jaime it's imperative they get that film back, 'cause if the information gets out, it could compromise some high level government negotiations. He then sighs and resigns himself to the faint hope that one of OSI's double agents will intercept the report - but Jaime offers a more proactive solution by posing as her doppelganger in an effort to blow the nefarious operation wide open. Oscar mulls that over and says the plan could work...then gives her the only clue they have at this point, which is a matchbook from The Pump Room that they found in the doppelganger's pocket.
Jaime heads straight over to The Pump Room and is immediately recognized by the bartender, which seems like a promising start. She orders a club soda and patiently waits at the bar...but after downing four more club sodas and no one showing up to clandestinely discuss spy stuff, she's about ready to throw in the towel. Suddenly, Matthews surreptitiously appears beside her and asks her if she has any film to hand over, and when she chirps, "Nothing today" he asks her why she set up this meeting. She says she has some important intel for the head cheese that can only be delivered in person, and an irked Matthew growls, "It better be good, Lisa" then heads over to the nearby pay phone to call Dr. Courtney. The doctor worries that meeting with Lisa during the two weeks of her mission could jeopardize the entire operation - and Matthews agrees, but tells him that Lisa insists it's very important. Dr. Courtney asks him to put Lisa on the phone, so Jaime tells him she has some top secret intel to pass along, then adds, "It's not on film, it's in my head." LOL. Dr. Courtney marvels at her spot-on voice impersonation of Jaime Sommers and says if he didn't know any better he'd swear he was talking to the real thing...but then chuckles at that impossibility and tells her to let Matthews know it's OK to bring her to see him. Jaime passes along the message to Matthews, and the two exit the pub...along with a bearded, undercover OSI agent who has been sitting at the bar the entire time, eavesdropping on their exchange.
Matthews hails a cab and hustles Jaime inside...and a few seconds later, the OSI agent also catches a cab and orders the cabbie to pursue the cab ahead of him. That's interesting. I would have thought the OSI would have a more reliable system of tailing criminals (e.g. a company vehicle, assigning more than one agent to important missions like this, etc.) After driving a short while, Matthews and Jaime change cars...and easily lose the OSI agent in the cab behind them.
Matthews offers Jaime a cigarette, and she accepts it to maintain the facade of being her doppelganger...but she can't keep herself from hack-coughing after taking a few puffs. She bionically waves her finger in front of the cigarette to create enough wind to burn it down quickly - but when Matthews notices that it's nearly down to the butt, he offers her another one.
Oscar tells Lisa if she spills the beans, he'll ensure that she gets a lighter sentence - but she just continues to just sit mutely in her chair and stare into space. Oscar gets a call and learns that the agent tailing Jaime lost her - shocker - and he's all, "Damn! He lost her?!" and Lisa smirks gleefully to herself. It remains unclear why Oscar doesn't think to confine Lisa in a secure interrogation room and then conduct his OSI business far away from her prying eyes and ears.
Matthews pulls up to the Courtney Clinic and tells Jaime he'll meet her in Courtney's office. He then says she can drop "the Jaime Sommers routine" and talk like herself...even though a few scenes earlier, he had chided Lisa for not doing a good enough job of staying in character. Jaime ambles into the clinic, peruses the Staff Directory on the wall to find out what floor Dr. Courtney is on, then bionically eavesdrops on two men talking about the top secret report that Lisa got from the OSI. A few seconds later, she runs into Perkins, who grabs her and plants a big smooch on her lips.
After the commercial break, Perkins pulls Jaime into a utility room to smooch in private. He coos about how worried about her he's been, and she's like, "Uh huh" and sees the cardboard cutout of Oscar. Perkins implores her to slip back into her regular accent, 'cause he's been missing his Georgia peach...so Jaime does her best to mimic a southern drawl - but continues to rebuff his relentless kisses.
Oscar warns Lisa that it's her last chance to cooperate before they transport her to a maximum security cell. She bursts into faux tears, cries about how "a-fright" she must look with her mascara running down her face, and asks to have her lipstick so she can freshen up. One of the OSI agents unwittingly pulls the lipstick bomb out of her purse and hands it to her...and she clutches it and grins evilly.
Jaime asks Perkins if he knows what Dr. Courtney did with the top secret report she just gave him, and Perkins says it's prolly been filed in the basement vault...then whines about how she's not kissing him back. She indulges him with a quick kiss, then reaches toward the wall behind him and bionically breaks the water pipe he's leaning against, causing water to suddenly go spritzing in all directions. Dr. Courtney bursts into the room with Baxley and snaps, "What in thunder is going on?!" then tells Perkins to deal with the spritzing water and orders Jaime to follow him up to his office.
Lisa throws her lipstick bomb onto the floor of Oscar's office, and it lets out a much tinier boom than I was expecting - yet somehow the smoke renders all of the OSI agents in the room helpless as they clutch their throats and cough uncontrollably. Lisa slips out of the room, then exits the building and hails a cab.
Dr. Courtney hands Jaime a cigarette, then studies her all suspicious-like and asks her how he'd even know if she were the real Jaime Sommers. Jaime slips into her fake Georgian drawl as she chuckles and tells him she's prettier, then points out that the real Jaime is "at the bottom of the deep blue sea". He goes, "Is she?" then chuckles at the ridiculousness of Jaime being alive and asks her what was so important that she needed to talk to him face-to-face. Jaime stalls, mutters something about "whistlin' Dixie", and asks him if he really thinks the vault is in a secure enough location. He easily falls for the trick and reveals that the vault is located inside the laundry room, and that it has two impenetrable steel doors that are impossible to break into. He then asks her if she's holding out for more money before she's willing to reveal whatever intel is currently being stored in her head, and she's like, "Uh...sure, OK."
In the aftermath of the lipstick bombing, Oscar learns from the cab company that Lisa is on her way to the Courtney Clinic.
Dr. Courtney orders Jaime to get the cash box out of the wall safe...and she glances around the room and spots a painting she figures it has to be located behind. He looks at her all suspicious-like again and reminds her that she knows the combination, and she goes, "Raat" and presses her ear against the safe while activating her bionic hearing so she can break the combination. Dr. Courtney looks relieved (sort of) and says he was getting worried for a minute there. He's suddenly called away to Intensive Care for what I'll assume is a real life medical emergency, and orders Jaime to wait for him here. When he exits his office, she bionically overhears him tell Matthews to make sure that she stays put 'cause how how strangely she's acting...then orders him to tell the switchboard to disable his phone line. When Jaime overhears that, she rushes over to the phone to try to call Oscar, but the line has already been pulled.
Oscar and a young OSI agent, Russ, are en route to the Courtney Clinic. Oscar gets on his car phone and frantically orders backup.
Lisa arrives at the Courtney Clinic and encounters Perkins, gives him a big smooch, and asks him if he knows where Dr. Courtney is. He stares at her in befuddlement and tells her he's in his office, and she lights up a cigarette and steps into the elevator.
When Lisa enters Dr. Courtney's office foyer, Matthews stares at her in confusion and goes, "Hey! How did you get out?!" Inside the office, Jaime activates her bionic hearing and soon realizes that her doppelganger is right outside the door. She quickly sneaks onto the balcony, leaps to the ground, and bionically races out of sight. A few seconds later, Lisa and Matthews burst into the office...and Matthews glances around, confused that Jaime is nowhere to be found. Lisa seems oblivious to his confusion and continues her search for Dr. Courtney. Jaime, meanwhile, re-enters the clinic from the front door and runs into an increasingly perplexed Perkins. She smooches him, then enters the elevator...and a few seconds later, Lisa gets off the adjacent elevator. He wails, "How did you doooo that?" and Lisa somehow doesn't consider the possibility that Jaime is in the same building - even though she's fully aware that Jaime didn't actually die in Nassau. She grumbles to herself about how "they've all gone crazy!"
Dr. Courtney chides Lisa for not waiting for him in his office, and she's all, "Wuh? and says this is the first time she's seen him today...and then it finally dawns on her that all of this confusion she's seeing from everyone she's encountered in the clinic must be due to Jaime's presence. Now it's Baxley's turn to look confused, and he insists he killed Jaime in Nassau. Lisa just kind of shrugs and explains that she had been detained by the OSI and saw Jaime Sommers with her own eyes. That settled, the band of idiots go off in search of Jaime.
Oscar and Russ are still en route to the clinic. The driver tells Oscar he's five minutes away...but if he presses a little harder on the gas, he could make it there in four. Oscar urges him to hit the gas as hard as the speed limit will allow.
Jaime locates the vault, just as Baxley enters the laundry room with his gun drawn. Jaime bionically hears him cocking his gun, then leaps behind a pile of laundry bags just as he opens fire.
Oscar and Russ finally arrive and storm the clinic. They encounter Dr. Courtney and his men in the main hallway and order them to drop their guns.
Baxley snarks at Jaime to come out and stop wasting his time, and she responds by bionically throwing full laundry bags at him, eventually burying him under mounds of dirty sheets and towels.
Lisa finds Jaime standing in front of the vault door. She readies her poison darts and says, "Time for you and me to have it out, sugar pie. There's gonna be only one Jaime Sommers now." She throws a few of the darts in Jaime's direction, but Jaime is able to deflect them with her bionic arm. By this time, Oscar and Russ have entered the laundry room - but they're confused by the sight of the two Jaimes who are dressed in nearly identical outfits. Lisa points at Jaime and tries to pass her off as Lisa, and of course Jaime points at Lisa and does the same thing. When Oscar and Russ just stare at each other, and then at each Jaime in total befuddlement, the real Jaime rolls her eyes in exasperation and ends all confusion by bionically leaping up to the ceiling and swinging onto a pipe for a few seconds - while Lisa looks up at her in disbelief and is all, "What the..?" Jaime leaps back down and picks the darts out of her arm, and Lisa exclaims, "You should be dead!" then concedes, "I got your looks, but I shooore don't have your moves." That you don't, Lisa. That you don't.
Oscar tells Jaime that Dr. Courtney's vault was filled with stolen government papers, and that the Secretary wanted to personally thank her for her good work - but he's out of town and apparently can't get to a phone. He tells her that Lisa is going to prison, but that she'll still have her Jaime Sommers face, 'cause apparently her facial tissue will go all out of whack if she has another plastic surgery within the next twelve months. Oscar enters his office and sees the cardboard cutout of himself propped up in his chair - hee! - and Jaime walks over to it and starts talking to it as though it's him, then picks it and carries it out with her. Oscar's all, "Wha-a?" then cracks a rare smile at the silliness of having a cardboard doppelganger.
Recap: Jaime arrives at Arthur Hatch, Research Inc. in her little car and checks in with the security guard while Oscar and Dr. Hatch watch her movements from inside the complex on the security monitor. Dr. Hatch remarks that Jaime seems much too young and pretty for this assignment, but Oscar convinces him that that's what will give her the best cover for the task at hand.
Dr. Hatch shows Jaime a clunky looking device with a number pad on it that apparently took him three years to build and cost the taxpayers $40 million. Yeesh. For that kind of money they could have built half a dozen more Six Million Dollar men. When Jaime jokes that the boxy contraption looks like a garage door opener - bwahaha! - Oscar solemnly informs her that it is a Cryptograph Analyzer (sounds intense) and Dr. Hatch explains that when it's plugged into a computer, it can crack any code in the world. Except ones with any letters. He says it will be invaluable to NATO's defense, but then Oscar furrows his brows worriedly and adds, "To other people too" and says there have already been attempts to steal the decoder. He tells Jaime that her mission in this episode will be to hand deliver the contraption under cover of night to General Frank Partridge in the Mohave Secret Center. Dr. Hatch asks Jaime to sign a receipt in triplicate and provide an imprint of her thumb to prove that she's definitely, officially, absolutely been given possession of the Cryptograph Analyzer. Oscar puts it into a satchel, hands it to Jaime, and tells her it's now in her care. Dr. Hatch tells her that a pilot will meet her at the base and fly her to the Mohave Secret Center...and she's like, "OK dokey" and breezily assures him that she'll take good care of his brainchild.
As Jaime departs the research facility, a shady looking guy who's parked across the street gets on his car phone and reports that the courier - a pretty blonde woman - has just left. He snarls, "Too bad it's the last delivery she'll ever make." Eeeeeeek!
That evening, Jaime arrives at the base and notices that there's one other car in the parking lot. She activates her bionic hearing and listens in on a lovey-dovey laced conversation between the helicopter pilot, Ted Ryan, and his girlfriend. As the two canoodle, the girlfriend gabbles excitedly about their upcoming trip to Mexico...and when the two get smoochy, Jaime sheepishly switches off her bionic ear. When she exits her car, Ted Ryan does the same and ambles over to her. He asks her to verify who sent her, and seems satisfied when she chirps, "Oscar Goldman." As Ted's girlfriend drives off, Jaime happens the catch the license plate - MILLE 3 - on the off chance that that information will come in handy later. She and Ted climb into the helicopter, then have a brief and uneventful flight to the Mohave Secret Center, where two men are awaiting their arrival in a military jeep. After Jaime presents her ID, one of the men introduces himself as General Frank Partridge and asks her for the package. Jaime hands over the satchel and Frank says he's very happy to receive it...and Jaime giggles and says he's probably as happy to receive it as Oscar is relieved to get rid of it. She asks Frank to sign the receipt with his signature and thumb print, and when that's all done he [kind of snidely, I thought] tells her to say hello to his good friend Oscar. He then says he'll probably be asking her back to help with the test phase of the decoder, and Jaime rolls her eyes at that boring prospect and sarcastically retorts, "That would be a thrill!" Haha! Frank hands her a briefcase that contains "dispatches for the base" and asks her to give it to the pilot...then thanks her for her service and wishes her a safe flight home.
Ted transports Jaime back to the base, and as soon as she gets off the helicopter she rushes over to the nearest phone booth to call Oscar. She chirps, "Mission complete!" and Oscar says he's very pleased, then urges her to go home and get some rest...and that he'll send a car to her place in the morning to retrieve the all-important signed receipt. Jaime hangs up and for some reason finds herself locked inside the phone booth, so she bionically breaks the door open and then glances around furtively to see if anyone saw. Weird.
When Oscar phones Jaime the next morning, she rolls over in her bed and sleepily murmurs, "Go away", then answers the phone as if she's an answering machine. An irritated Oscar barks, "Cut that out!" and tells her that something has gone terribly wrong: General Frank Partridge is reporting that she never showed up in Mohave to deliver the decoder. Jaime's all "Wha-a?!" and tells Oscar she made the delivery as instructed and even had the general sign for it, thumbprint and all. Oscar tells her that everyone is totally freaked out about the missing decoder, and no one seems to know what happened to the clunky thing. Jaime peers out of her window and tells Oscar that a car just pulled onto the ranch, and he's like, "Uh oh. Must be the National Security Bureau." He orders her to go with the agents, and he'll meet her at their office. Jaime looks alarmed and asks if she's in trouble, and Oscar tells her it's nothing they can't resolve by the end of the episode, then reassuringly adds, "Don't worry, babe." Jaime lets the babe remark go by without comment - despite me hitting rewind to make sure I didn't just hallucinate that - and tells him she's definitely worried, then hangs up so she can bionically dress herself before the agents start knocking down her door.
Oscar introduces Jaime to Chief Investigator Gregory, who asks to see the signed receipt. Jaime pulls it out of her purse and hands it to him...and then he hands it to one of his flunkies and orders him to verify it. He asks Jaime to recount everything that happened last night, which she does...and when he still seems skeptical about her version of events, she exasperatedly tells him to talk to the pilot if he doesn't believe her. Oscar grimly informs her that they've been unable to locate the pilot and currently have an APB out on him. Gregory tells Jaime that her account of the decoder drop-off doesn't match the facts, then sternly asks her if she has any theories about how the decoder was stolen...but then doesn't give her a chance to answer 'cause he buzzes in Dr. Hatch. Dr. Hatch says he heard from a colleague in Paris that espionage broker Alex Martine is now in possession of the decoder - egads! - and that he's already made a deal to sell it to their enemies. Gregory bitchily asks Jaime what she has to say 'bout that, and Oscar snaps, "Hold on a minute!" and says that whatever may have happened to the decoder after Jaime delivered it can't possibly be her fault. Gregory concedes that it's possible Jaime is innocent, then asks her to describe General Partridge. She offers a general description - middle aged white man in a military outfit - then looks to Oscar to help her out. Oscar's like, "I dunno" and says he's never met the man...and Jaime's all, "Wha-a?! He told me you two were good friends!"
Gregory motions to a man who's been quietly sitting in the back of the room the whole time and dramatically announces that he's General Frank Partridge. Whoa. Jaime gets all discombobulated and says if that's true, then she has no idea who the fake general was who she gave the decoder to. General Partridge, who must have just quietly gotten word from whoever verified the receipt, says that the thumbprint on the receipt matches that of Alex Martine. Gregory glares at Jaime incredulously and snarls, "How much did he pay you, Miss Sommers?!" and Oscar gets angry and says he has no right to accuse babe like that. Gregory declares that Jaime will be detained pending an investigation...or until they locate the pilot and see how well his story matches up to hers.
A patrolman finds Ted's helicopter, crashed, in a remote wooded area. He calls dispatch to report the crash, and that inside the helicopter is the body of Ted Ryan, the pilot who's wanted on APB.
Jaime is detained in a jail cell, distressed and wailing, "Wha-at's happening to meeeee?!" Oscar comforts her by cooing, "Easy babe" (!) and says that since the pilot flew her to a fake air base so she could unwittingly hand over the decoder to an imposter, it's obvious she's being framed. Jaime asks him who else knew about this mission, and Oscar mulls that over and says her, himself, Dr. Hatch, and General Partridge...but that somewhere along the line there must have been a leak. Oscar gets a call from the Secretary (of State..?) on the jail phone and is sternly told that Jaime is to remain in jail and that he will not be permitted to be part of the investigation 'cause of how much he personally likes Jaime, as is evidenced by the two times so far in this episode he's referred to her as babe while tenderly trying to ease her worries. Jaime lets this bad news sink in, then needlessly demonstrates to Oscar her ability to bionically bend the steel bars of her cell. He cautions her not to do that, and argues that it would only make her look more guilty. He then says he's gotta run, warns her to not do anything foolish, and promises to return during visiting hours sometime soon.
Oscar runs into Dr. Hatch on his way out of the jailhouse. Dr. Hatch rails about how the theft of his decoder came as a terrible shock, and that he's kinda pissed off at Oscar for entrusting Jaime with three years of his hard work. A few seconds later, Dr. Hatch's assistant John Naud pulls up, and - ack! - he's the fake general Jaime gave the decoder to. Intriguing! He offers his boss a ride back to the lab.
Gregory drops by Jaime's jail cell to inform her that they found Ted Ryan's body, and that he was in possession of a briefcase full of money - 100K - with her fingerprints all over it. Jaime explains that the fake general handed it to her and said that it contained dispatches for the base, but Gregory doesn't believe her and accuses her of being in on the scam. Jaime's like, "Dude, obviously the fake general tricked me" but Gregory's like, "Blah blah blah...you're definitely guilty" and advises her to 'fess up so she can at least save Oscar from losing his job. Jaime says she should probably lawyer up, and Gregory tells her she'll get one from the OSI once she's officially in trouble. He then lifts the briefcase and snaps, "And I call this trouble" and stalks out. Um...OK. So then go get her a lawyer, dickwad.
Jaime lays down on her little prison cot and complains to the guard that she's very hungry, and demands that he get her a sandwich and cup of coffee from the vending machine upstairs. The guard easily gives in, says, "Don't go away" (heh), and heads off to get Jaime a snack. Jaime taps various places of the brick wall of her cell, finds as good a place as any to launch her escape, and bionically kicks at the bricks until she creates a hole large enough to crawl through. She makes her way outside and speeds off in a slo-mo bionic jog in her brown wrap dress and heels. When the guard returns with her food, he sees the hole and is all, "Wha-a?!" and sounds the alarm...and then he and another police officer rush outside to begin their pursuit. Jaime slips into an alley behind a condemned building, sees a window open on the top floor and bionically leaps upward...dun dun dun dun dun...and crawls inside. She takes the stairs down to the lobby and casually exits the building from the front door on the opposite side of the building.
Jaime flees to the nearest phone booth and breaks into the change box in order to steal a dime so she can call Oscar. When he picks up, she's like, "Don't be upset with me, but..." then tells him about her bionic jailbreak. He's all, "Noooo! You just made things worse!" but says he'll do all he can for her when he meets with the Board of Inquiry in D.C. Jaime announces that she's initiating her own impromptu investigation of the matter and needs his help with clue #1: she remembers that a young woman was in the car with Ted Ryan shortly before he flew her to the faux Mohave Secret Center, and gives him the license plate number MILLE 3. When she suddenly spots the two police officers coming her way, she abruptly hangs up, flees the phone booth, and hides behind a tree...and the two cops are mystified by how quickly she was able to disappear from view. Jaime bionically jogs to another phone booth and calls Oscar to see if he was able to trace the owner of the MILLE 3 car, and he tells her that it's registered to Millie Wilson and gives her the street address...which Jaime is miraculously able to find a few minutes later. She sees Millie's car parked in the driveway, then hides behind a fence when a car pulls up. It's the fake general, John Naud! Jaime activates her bionic hearing and hears Naud call out for Millie...and she then leaps up to the second floor balcony and tiptoes over to the window so she can eavesdrop. Millie is in tears about Ted turning up dead, and Naud explains that the plan had been for Ted to crash the chopper and leave the briefcase for the cops to find. Sadly, though, something went very wrong, and the dumb sod wasn't able to crash the chopper without actually dying in the process. Naud insists he had nothing to do with Ted's demise, and Millie cries, "You better not have!" and tearfully tells him that she and Ted were planning to go to Mexico after the scam had been successfully executed. Naud tells her she can still go since there aren't any loose ends, then offers to go with her. Mmm hmm.. He says he's very sorry about Ted, then cackles about how the authorities bought the frame on the girl. Jaime winces as she watches the two go downstairs, exit the house, and climb into his car. She leaps back down to ground level and bionically chases the car, which pulls into Dr. Hatch's research facility. Jaime leaps over the fence and enters the building...and the two jailhouse police officers appear on the scene at that moment, spot her entering the building, and radio Gregory to inform him that they've located their fugitive.
Jaime barges into Dr. Hatch's office to inform him that she's cracked The Case of the Missing Decoder and needs his help. She informs him that his assistant, John Naud, posed as General Partridge and somehow imprinted Alex Martine's thumbprint on the receipt [sorry, I kind of spaced out while they were explaining that backstory]...and Dr. Hatch dismisses that as ridiculous and says it can't possibly be. Jaime insists it be and urges him to call Oscar asap, so Dr. Hatch gets on the phone - but instead of calling Oscar, he dials Naud's number to covertly let his partner in crime know that Jaime is onto him. From a nearby office, Naud pulls out a gun from his drawer and heads over to Dr. Hatch's office with Millie in tow.
Oscar rushes back to California after ditching the Board of Inquiry meetings in D.C. to help Jaime with her sleuthing. He barks at his assistant to get Gregory on the phone, stat!
Naud enters Dr. Hatch's office with his gun drawn...and a bewildered Jaime's all, "Wha-a?!" as she quickly figures out that Dr. Hatch has been in cahoots with his assistant the entire time. She asks him why he'd want to steal his own decoder, and Hatch dismissively calls it a piece of crap that was never going to work, so he figured he'd embezzle the $40 million he received in funding and abscond to Mexico. He orders Naud to lock Jaime inside the giant vault - which, for some reason, is adjacent to his office - and set the timer for it to self-destruct in five minutes. Nooooooo!! As Naud tries to steer Jaime into the vault, she bionically shoves him away from her, grabs Dr. Hatch, and pulls him into the vault with her, and locks the door. Naud's all, "Ack!" and tries to undo the self-destruct timer and open the vault door...but when it refuses to budge, he mulls over the situation for a few seconds and tells Millie that with Hatch out of the way, they can abscond with the entire $40 million. She's like, "Can do", so the two head toward the exit...but are stopped when the police, Oscar, and Gregory suddenly arrive on the scene.
Jaime assures Dr. Hatch that she can get them out of the vault, and demonstrates her bionic ability to shift the steel lever. But before she does that, he's going to have to provide her with documented proof that the decoder was a hunk o' junk. After some quick hemming and hawing (the clock is ticking!), Dr. Hatch walks over to one of the filing cabinets and pulls out a pile of folders and hands them over. Jaime takes it on faith that he's giving her something relevant, and starts bionically turning the lever of the vault door...and remarks that she's finding it harder to open than she thought she would. With scarily little time left, Oscar yells at her to hurry...and - phew! - she's finally able to push the stubborn thing open. She and Dr. Hatch run out and flee the room, and seconds later the giant vault is blown to smithereens.
Gregory barks at Jaime that she's under arrest, and she snaps, "Tell me about it after you've read this!" and thrusts Dr. Hatch's file folders at him. Oscar's like, "Haha! In yer face!", then jokingly tells Jaime she nearly went out with a bang just now...and the two giggle at the clunkiness of his rarely demonstrated sense of humor.
Oscar accompanies Jaime back to her place and gets a phone call there from the Secretary. The Secretary tells Oscar they all owe Jaime an apology, and Oscar concurs and hands the phone over to Jaime so she can hear the apology first-hand. She bitches to the Secretary about how no one (aside from Oscar, naturally) gave her the benefit of the doubt...but then concedes that everyone is entitled to one mistake and is glad the episode is wrapping up with no real harm done. Except to Ted. And the U.S. taxpayers, who were fleeced for $40 million to finance a bum decoder. After the call, Jaime tells Oscar that the Secretary is sending her a letter of commendation, then thanks him for sticking by her through the ordeal. Oscar grins and says, "Think nothing of it, babe" (that's three babes, for anyone who's keeping a tally) and she says the one thing he did do wrong was give her terrible advice...meaning he didn't advise her to ask the Secretary for a raise. Oscar lets out a chortle.