Recap: Chris Williams arrives at OSI headquarters with a rose clutched in his hand - and even though we haven't seen him for the last five episodes, during which time Jaime was cavorting/flirting with various other men - it looks as if he's suddenly her main squeeze again. He runs into Sarah (last seen in The Antidote episode) and asks her if Jaime is around, and she tells him that Jaime went out on assignment this morning, then hands him a file containing all the details. Chris looks it over, contorts his face into a miffed expression, and says he was supposed to be meeting Jaime for lunch. He goes into Oscar's office to ask whaddup with him giving Jaime a BS babysitting gig, so Oscar explains that the young girl Jaime has been assigned to watch over is the daughter of a top notch scientist who just defected from his unnamed Asian country, and the OSI is worried that his enemies will try to blackmail him into returning by getting to his family. Chris points out that any OSI flunky could have handled such a low level task, and Oscar's like, "Well, d'yuh", but points out that Jaime is happiest when she's around children...but then puts his most solemn face on and says he's noticed that Jaime has been acting "edgy" lately.
Jaime and her babysittee, Reiko (the same child actress who played Kim in the Beyond the Call episode) are at the zoo, staring at polar bears and discussing whether or not animals who live in zoo enclosures can be truly happy. When a man selling balloons comes over, Jaime offers to buy one for Reiko...but after she pays the fifty cents and he's in the process of handing the balloon over, he "accidentally" lets go of the entire bundle and is all, "Oh no!" as it flies away. He says he can inflate more, but that he could really use a child assistant, and Jaime decides 'why not let the girl I'm supposed to be bodyguarding from her father's political enemies just wander off with a strange man?' She then sits on a bench, daydreaming and staring longingly at a toddler, until she hears Reiko suddenly shriek, "Please help me!" Jaime springs up, spots the balloon man stuffing Reiko into a steel box in the back of his truck, and picks up some kind of cartoon statue thing and hurls it at the vehicle. After it smashes through the truck's engine, Jaime runs over, bionically lifts and tosses the balloon man and his accomplice into an aquatic animal enclosure, and rescues Reiko from the steel box. The two hug - but things immediately get awkward when Reiko sees part of Jaime's plastic arm skin ripped away, exposing her bionic wires. She wigs out and cries, "What is that?! What are you?" then runs over to a police officer...and Jaime stares after her in total mortification.
Over at the OSI lab, Rudy does a quick repair of Jaime’s damaged forearm, but it doesn't seem to do much to improve her mood.
A day later, Jaime arranges to meet up with Reiko to see how she's doing after her big freakout and give her a matching set of stuffed polar bears. Reiko assures her she's over the shock of seeing her exposed arm wires, then asks Jaime if she's "like this" all over. Jaime breezily replies that she's only bionic in one arm and both her legs, then emphasizes that it has nothing to do with the person she is inside. Reiko's all, "Uh huh, whatever", then introduces Jaime to her father as "the robot lady". Jaime shoots her a look of horror, then excuses herself and grabs the stuffed polar bears she was about to give to Reiko - haha! suck on that, you rude little turd - and rushes out to her car.
That evening, Jaime changes into her red snuggie to lounge in front of the fireplace and write a long resignation letter to Oscar. She unburdens herself about how sick to the teeth she is of all the spying and espionage she's been forced to combat for three seasons, and desperately wants to get back to reality...and she also reminds Oscar that she didn't so much enlist herself as she was drafted by the OSI not long after her grisly parachuting accident during her first appearance on The Six Million Dollar Man. She concludes the letter by stating how tired she is of being an OSI slave...and that even though she'll miss them all very much, her mind is firmly made up.
The next morning, Jaime arrives at OSI headquarters, looking solemn and dazed as she ambles over to Oscar's office. She hands him the resignation letter, brusquely says, "Bye", and exits the room...leaving Oscar staring after her in shocked bewilderment.
Sarah calls Jaime the next morning, and Jaime tells her she feels awesome and freeeeee, and that she's so happy to be away from government employment for the foreseeable future. Sarah invites her to lunch tomorrow, then says she has a call on another line from Senator Renshaw. Uh oh.
Somewhere inside the State Department, Senator Renshaw and Deputy Director Bill Parr are in a closed door meeting with Oscar to discuss the conundrum they're facing at the hands of Janie Sommers, who Renshaw describes as "a walking library of their secrets" ... not to mention a blabby mouthpiece about her status as a bionic government spy. He points out the national security perils they could all face if a foreign enemy were to kidnap her and probe the science of her bionic limbs, then admonishes Oscar for just allowing her to walk away from the OSI. Oscar argues that he and Jaime have developed an unspoken bond of trust over the show's three season run, that she's risked her life in pretty much every episode in service of the OSI, and has proven herself to be loyal, trustworthy, and reliable. Bill Parr holds up a file folder and says it contains intel of Jaime's last assignment, namely the profile of a top notch scientist who was, until recently, considered by the government of his native country to also be loyal, trustworthy, and reliable - until he defected to the U.S. That's comparing apples to oranges, but OK. Senator Renshaw insists that Jaime cannot be permitted to resign from the OSI and leave herself vulnerable to potential enemy kidnappers, and Bill Parr concurs and proposes a solution: force Jaime to live in a community that's under government control so she can't be kidnapped and probed. Oscar angrily says that that translates to imprisoning her - but Senator Renshaw disagrees, then says he's decided to leave The Janie Sommers Matter in creepy Bill Parr's hands. Oscar declares that he'll do everything in his power to stop this, then grits his teeth and snarks, "Her name is Jaime, not Janie. Get it right and don't forget it!"
Oscar drops by Jaime's apartment to say hey to her and Oscar, and warn her that the powers that be who oversee the OSI (aka the NSB) are refusing to let her peacefully resign. When Jaime's all, "Wha-a-a?", he explains that because she's a government subsidized cyborg, they want her to retire in a state controlled community, where she'll have everything she needs - except, of course, her freedom. Oscar says it's out of his hands...and since the NSB is on their way over, she has about twenty minutes to pack, go on the run, and use all the fancy spy skills her taught her to keep herself hidden. He says he'll miss her a lot, thinks of her as family, but wants her to be free so she can find whatever she's looking for. He croaks, "I love you", and Jaime tears up, returns his I love you, and says the thing she's looking for is "whatever's left of Jaime Sommers". Oscar's like, "Good luck with that!" and beats a hasty retreat with Max. Jaime weeps for a few seconds, then glares at herself in the mirror and calls herself "an awful machine". She gets so distressed that she bionically smashes the mirror with her fist, wails, "Whyyyyyyy is this happppppening?" then quickly pulls herself together so she can escape before the feds show up.
After the commercial break, the NSB feds arrive at the Austin ranch and agree that they want Jaime's forcible retirement in a gated community-prison conducted smoothly...and are willing to tranquilize her if she puts up any resistance. When they see that her apartment is empty, Bill Parr radios his subordinates to put the word out that Jaime Sommers is a fugitive, and that every NSB agent officially has license to do whatever it takes to locate her. In the meantime, the NSB proceeds to cut off all communication with the OSI...prompting Rudy to complain to Oscar about how Bill Parr is using Jaime's escape as a political trick to usurp the OSI, which apparently he's been wanting to do for years. Chris scrunches his face concernedly and says he's worried about Jaime 'cause he knows the NSB will never give up searching for her - but Sarah insists that if Jaime doesn't want to be found, she won't be found.
As Chris mulls over Sarah's words, he has a flashback of when he and Jaime once vacationed at a romantic cabin hideaway in the snowy mountains...
As the two frolic on a snow-covered hilltop, Jaime coos about how awesome it is that no one in the OSI has any clue where they are right now, and that this mountain cabin is their own little secret.
Chris snaps out of his reverie and blabs to Sarah, "I know where she is!" Rudy warns him not to make a move, 'cause he could lead the NSB, whose agents are surely monitoring him, directly to where Jaime's hiding. Chris assures him he has a foolproof plan that involves a jeep.
Chris heads off in his car, which is being tailed by NSB agents on the road and in a chopper above. He enters a tunnel, switches vehicles by jumping into the jeep Sarah drove over in, then speeds off. The feds stupidly continue to chase Chris' car - but when they see that a woman is now in the driver's seat, they realize they've been duped. Sarah gives them a "fuck you" air kiss, chuckles, and drives off.
Jaime is chopping wood at the romantic cabin hideaway when she hears Chris' jeep, panics, and bionically jogs into the woods. Chris sees smoke coming out of the chimney, sees Jaime racing away, and hops onto a snowmobile to chase her down. He yells, "Stop! It's me, Chrisssssss!" and Jaime's all, "Wuh?" and is so startled by the sight of him that she falls down a steep hill and rolls all the way to the bottom. Fortunately, she doesn't crash into a tree, and looks unharmed when Chris runs over to cradle her in his arms.
That evening, Jaime and Chris sit by the fire and talk about her predicament. Chris urges her to stop running and surrender to the NSB, but Jaime argues that she'd prefer to not live like a zoo animal, and insists that she can evade capture by the NSB indefinitely. She concedes that Rudy Wells saved her life after the grisly parachuting accident, and in exchange agreed to the odd mission here and there...but once the spin-off really got rolling, here and there became nearly getting killed in every episode, and the wretched missions Oscar gave her every week started taking over her whole life. Plus, she's really starting to hate being a cyborg. Chris says he doesn't care about her internal wiring 'cause he finds her desirable regardless, and offers to live in "the zoo" with her 'cause of how much he loves her. Jaime's like, "Meh.." and says she has to work this out alone...then puts on her coat, heads to the door, and warns, "Don't follow me."
At daybreak, Jaime is ambling along with the road, with no better idea than to hitchhike and get into cars with strange man. When she and her hitchhikee reach Arizona, she wakes up from a nap in time to overhear him talking to police on a nearby pay phone, telling them he has fugitive Jaime Sommers in his car. She glances over at the newspaper he left in the driver's seat and sees her mug splashed across the front page, with an article stating that she's wanted for armed robbery. Jaime's all, "Ack!", hastily exits the car, and bionically races off.
Jaime makes her way to a zoo park and stares dully at the caged polar bears, then glances over at the carousel and gets nauseous during a flashback of the tragic incident that sparked this three year spin-off: that blasted parachuting accident.
The feds arrive at the zoo park, announce to each other that they're going in on foot, and that they have ten acres of park to cover in their search for Jaime Sommers.
Jaime encounters a little boy named Tommy who wants to play ball with her 'cause his blind dad can't play with him anymore. Jaime points out that he's still his dad, and that the most important thing is not his imperfections, but the man he is inside. She looks startled by her own words of wisdom and urges Tommy to run back over to where his dad is standing and stop getting hung up on his blindness...and he's like, "Can do!" and scampers across the park to where his poor blind dad has been forlornly standing.
The feds, meanwhile, spot Jaime and close in on her, and she stands frozen in place, looking defeated.
In the next scene, Jaime is in a meeting with Oscar and Senator Renshaw, telling them she's returning to the OSI under duress, given that the asshole powers-that-be are dickishly refusing to release their death-grip on her. That said, she insists on a better work-life balance so she can get a healthier perspective on life...and she no longer wants every mission to involve espionage, disabling nuclear bombs, or battling fembots. As Oscar winces at her candor, Senator Renshaw deems her conditions to be "not unreasonable", remarks on how often senator fucktards such as himself lose perspective on what life is all about, and welcomes her back into the fold. Oscar thanks the old crony for being so accommodating, and handshakes are dispensed all around.
Chris is waiting outside the meeting room with Max (yay!), and apologizes to Jaime for trying to dictate how she should live her life. She assures him it's all good, and that she'd be interested in working things out with him - until she gets back with Steve in the made-for-TV movie, Bionic Ever After? He's all, "Hurray!" and the two hug it out while Max wags his tail approvingly. Woof!
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Recap: Oscar tells Jaime he'd like to discuss her mission du jour, then hands her a wanted poster with her photograph on it and says she'll be posing as notorious female criminal Blondie Malone (who's currently doing time in prison). He informs her that she'll be travelling to the pretend country of San Rafael, then wanders over to a nearby wall map, points at Honduras (LOL), and says she'll be infiltrating the city of Hidalgo, a notorious refuge for murderers, thieves, and general-purpose gangsters. Her mission will be to find Frank Boylin, a shameless crook who recently stole two hundred dollar printing plates from the U.S. Mint, and get the stolen plates back. Looks like we've come full circle with printing plate crimes in this penultimate episode, 'cause this plot is a repeat of the first Six Million Dollar Man crossover episode plot, when Steve had to hunt down a chubby scoundrel who stole a twenty dollar printing plate from the Denver Mint. Oscar contorts his face all solemn-like and says he's afraid that Boylin will sell the plates to "other powers" [East Germans? Russians?] who may be interested in attacking the American economy by flooding the market with superfluous hundred dollar bills. Jaime asks Oscar why he's sending her on such a wretched sounding mission so close to the series finale, so he explains that he already sent two agents to Hidalgo - but never heard back from them, so assumes they're dead and decided 'why not saddle Jaime with this and see if she can come through for the OSI without getting killed in the process?' He buzzes his secretary and tells her to send in Petey "The Weasel" Regan...and a few seconds later, a weaselly looking guy wearing a green polka dotted shirt under a loud blazer saunters in. Oscar introduces him to Jaime and says he can ID Boylin and therefore help with recovering the stolen plates...and as a reward for his cooperation, he'll be granted early parole. Jaime makes an ew face and tells Oscar she doesn't like the idea of going on a mission with this criminal assclown, but Petey implores her to give him a chance.
After multiple flights, Jaime and Petey land on a remote airstrip that's within driving distance of Hidalgo. The two climb into a jeep...and we see that Jaime has dyed her hair brown and decked herself out in an off-the-shoulder peasant blouse and full length twirly green skirt, 'cause apparently her cover story (atop the cover story of her being Blondie Malone) is that she's a flamenco style dancer who fell in love with Petey while in search of a better life.
As the two drive toward Hidalgo, they encounter an eye-patch wearing mental patient named One Eye who has fake beard hair glued to his face and a revolver in each hand, which he uses to shoot all four of the jeep's tires after Petey sasses him. He orders Petey out of the driver's seat 'cause he wants to drive...and when Petey points out that the jeep's not actually drive-able 'cause he just shot all four tires, in the next scene we see all three of them bumpily arrive at a studio back-lot half-heartedly dressed up to look like a dusty South American town - I mean in Hidalgo via an oxen-drawn jeep.
Jaime and Petey enter the Hidalgo Hilton, a run-down cesspool of a building filled with suspicious looking guest stars. A man in a wrinkly suit named Gustav checks them in and demands a cash advance of $1000 for their room, while Petey looks over the registry to see if Frank Boylin happened to sign himself in. When Gustav tells him that no one in this hotel ever uses their real names, Petey asks him if he's ever heard of Blondie Malone...and Gustav says he knows Blondie quite well, and that she stayed at his hotel a few years ago. Jaime's like, "Shit, there goes that cover story", then tells Gustav she'd love to meet Blondie and also make friends with some of the more colorful characters in town. Gustav shoots her the stink-eye and warns her that people around these parts value their privacy, and Jaime bobs her head in agreement, then quietly heads upstairs with Petey to check out the room. Once they're out of hearing range, Gustav tells a heavy-set man who looks like Colonel Sanders that he suspects Jaime of being "a police person" and would have no problem killing her and/or Petey if either of them causes trouble. Eeeek!
Once they're safely inside their hotel room, Jaime recaps the mission for Petey:
Petey goes downstairs to retrieve their luggage and is all, "Wha-a-a-a??" when he sees that One Eye has stolen his jeep and is in the process of painting TAXI on the side of it in bright yellow paint - but he suddenly gets so upset at his terrible painting skills that he pulls out his gun and starts shooting up the jeep. Gustav rushes over, wrestles the gun away from him, and assures him that the paint job is just fine - and that it's a moot point anyway 'cause most of the Hidalgo residents can't read English. Which was a nonsensical "moot point" since taxi is also spelled taxi in Spanish. Petey picks up his suitcase, mutters, "Sorry, Jaime" and slinks onto the dirt road that leads out of town.
After a refreshing shower, Jaime glances out the window and happens to notice Petey and his suitcase absconding from the mission. She quickly gets dressed...then is radioed by Oscar, who called to inform her that two enemy agents just landed in San Rafael and are currently on their way to Hidalgo. Their plan is to make contact with Frank Boylin, buy the printing plates, and start churning out fake hundred dollar bills. Jaime's like, "Copy that", then leaps off of the balcony to chase Petey down.
Jamie quickly catches up to Petey, who admits that, yep, he's ditching her 'cause of what a bust this horrible operation is turning out to be. Jaime agrees that indeed the mission sucks pretty hard, but tells him that things are starting to pick up now that the two enemy agents are en route to Hidalgo to illegally purchase the printing plates. She reminds him that all he really has to do is point out Frank Boylin, help her recover the printing plates, and flee town. Petey sheepishly hangs his head in shame and admits he's never actually seen Frank Boylin before, and that he lied to Oscar so he could get early parole. Jaime's all, "The fuck?!", then warns that if he abandons her now, Oscar will eventually hunt him down and throw him back into prison. She orders him to see the mission through, then demands that he give her his word. Petey argues that his word ain't worth much, but then promises to do his best to identify Frank.
Gustav tells Colonel Sanders he's past the point of being merely suspicious and thinks he'll definitely shoot Jaime and/or Petey if they try to leave town.
Jaime and Petey seat themselves at the hotel bar, where One Eye is taking a break from launching his new taxi business and is tending bar. Jaime glances around, trying to suss out which of the men could be Frank Boylin, and ends up chatting with a hard-done-by looking woman who describes Hidalgo as "worse than prison". She warns Jaime and Petey that the menfolk in this town are super paranoid about police spies, so they should expect to be questioned...and a few seconds later, Jaime activates her bionic ear and overhears Gustav remark to someone about how sure he is that she's "a police spy".
In the hotel room, Jaime tells Petey they have a problem, namely that Gustav is onto them...and Petey's like, "That sounds like your problem" and climbs onto the balcony to make a second escape attempt. He's all, "Ack!" when he sees an armed man standing in front of the hotel, glaring up at him, and climbs back in and tells Jaime they're surrounded by guards. Jaime shrugs unconcernedly and tells him to go downstairs and keep Gustav occupied while she searches the other rooms.
Petey heads down to the lobby, where he hides behind a magazine and spots the two enemy agents check into the hotel. As One Eye escorts them to their room, Jaime spots them in the hall and bionically overhears one of them helpfully remark to the other man that he hopes that Frank contacts them quickly and accepts their offer of $5 million for the printing plates. The hard-done-by looking woman suddenly returns to her room, finds Jaime hiding in her closet, and promptly reports the break-in to One Eye.
One Eye forcibly escorts Jaime downstairs and orders Petey to stay with her...and then Gustav makes a beeline over and snarkishly tells Jaime he strongly suspects her of being a police spy. Petey nervously chuckles and insists that she's a dancer not a spy, and Gustav says, "Really? Then she must dance for all of our guests!" and warns Jaime that if her dance performance don't totally wow every single hotel guest, the "encore" will be the execution of a police spy. Jaime stares back at him with stricken horror, then takes a deep breath and hopes to hell her stunt/dance double can pull off a performance art miracle.
Petey pulls Gustav aside and tells him he's looking for a guest named Frank Boylin, then confesses that he and Jaime came to Hidalgo to steal a couple of valuable printing plates he has in his possession. Gustav perks up at that and tells Petey he'll be sure to keep an eye out for Mr. Boylin.
The guests gather in the lobby, eagerly anticipating Jaime's impromptu flamenco-ing. Petey, meanwhile, overhears Gustav order Colonel Sanders to go upstairs to Boylin's room and look for anything that resembles printing plates.
Jaime begins her performance by sticking her hands up in the air and seductively twirling her wrists...then promptly moves aside so that the camera can pan way out and allow her stunt/dance double to discreetly step in and dazzle the onlookers with her gratuitous hip gyrating, fancy footwork, and finger snapping.
Colonel Sanders enters the hard-done-by looking woman's hotel room and finds the printing plates hidden in a suitcase...and Petey sneaks up behind him and smashes something over his head and grabs the plates. The hard-done-by looking woman appears in the doorway, pulls a gun on Petey, identifies herself as Frank Boylin's wife Madeline, and orders him to hand over the plates. Petey's like, "To hell with that!" and shoves past her and flees the room - just as Jaime's stunt/dance double finishes up her skirt-twirling, foot stomping performance.
Madeline races downstairs and loudly announces that Petey just stole from her, and that the printing plates became her property after Frank died. Gustav decides that this means Jaime is a police spy and sentences her to death by firing squad. Petey, meanwhile, has fled the hotel and is hiding in some nearby bushes, then thinks better of leaving Jaime behind to face certain death and emerges from his hiding spot. Jaime uses the distraction to bionically shove the jeep, newly equipped with functional tires, at Gustav, Colonel Sanders, and One Eye, and they fly through the air in slo-mo with bewildered facial expressions. After they land and recombobulate themselves, they hop into the jeep to chase after Jaime and Petey. Jaime bionically karate chops a wooden water tower at the top of a hill, which creates a flash flood and washes out the bad guys long enough for her and Petey to escape on foot. Phew!
Back in Washington D.C., Oscar gushes, "You did great, babe" ... and when Petey bounds into his office in a loud, checkered suit, Jaime hands him a certificate that formally pardons him for his past crimes. He solemnly promises her he's going to go straight, even though his word still ain't worth much. Jaime looks touched and says, "It is to me."
Still no word on the two missing OSI agents who disappeared in Hidalgo.
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Recap: Oscar apologizes to Jaime for flying her into New York on such short notice...and he says this as though he ever gives her ample notice before sending her off on whatever horrible sounding mission the writers have cooked up on any given week. Jaime assures him that this particular mission is no bother 'cause she's positively thrilled to finally get a glamorous assignment: acting as bodyguard to King Kusari, who presides over a fictional, nebulously Middle Eastern kingdom. Oscar puts his serious face on and warns her that the assignment isn't so much glamorous as it is potentially deadly 'cause of all the unevolved cretins in the country who don't much appreciate Kusari's fancy progressive policies. He tells her that Kusari has no idea she's a bionic OSI agent and that she'll be posing as his social secretary who was sent from the State Department. Her liaison will be a womanizing assclown named Sam Sloan, who holds the title of Chief of Protocol...and he too has no idea she's an OSI agent [until such time as she decides to needlessly blurt it out once the mission is well underway]. Oscar chuckles and predicts that Sam will likely be so turned on by her shapely legs (!) that he won't even notice anything amiss with her cover identity, then instructs her to keep Kusari's social gatherings small so they can limit the number of people who have access to him. When the phone starts buzzing non-stop without anyone on the other end, a bemused Oscar rushes out to the secretary's desk to see whassup, and is dismayed to see that the culprit is Max, smacking his giant paw onto the phone buzzer and looking pleased with himself. Oscar wryly tells Jaime he'll arrange for some excellent doggy daycare while she's busy with her latest assignment.
Sam Sloan [who played Bill Taylor on Beverly Hills, 90210, as well as a fellow OSI agent in the Escape to Love episode] is canoodling with a woman named Beth and telling her he'll be too busy to hang with her with weekend 'cause of all the stuff he has to do for King Kusari. She's like, "OK, I guess I can buy that" and flounces out - just as Jaime arrives and is told by Sam's secretary to go right on in. Sam, who's having a sexy phone conversation with a woman he has on the side named Marilyn, takes one look at Jaime in her odd-for-Manhattan ensemble - skirt/blazer combo with a cowboy hat perched atop her head - and abruptly ends the call with Marilyn. He tells Jaime she's "a breath of fresh air" and brazenly ogles her, then "explains" that she reminds him of his dearly departed fiancee Beth, pulls out a photo of her, and claims she died in a car accident five years ago. He invites Jaime to dinner so they can get to know each other, and she shifts around uncomfortably and winces at the thought of spending an evening alone with this shameless philanderer.
Beth returns to Sam's office building and explains to his secretary that she forgot her purse in Sam's office. When she walks in and sees Sam and Jaime poring over the king's schedule, Jaime smirks and says, "You must be Beth", then jokes about how fantastic she looks for a corpse. Sam stammers awkwardly at being called out for his bullcack, and Beth shoots him the stink-eye and storms out.
King Kusari, a diminutive mustached man, arrives at his suite in the Plaza Hotel with his security detail. One of his flunkies, Colonel Mostada, announces that a James Sommers is on his way up to serve as His Highness' social secretary, and Kusari nods and remarks on how considerate it is for a serious agency like the State Department to be providing this type of service. When Jaime enters the suite, Kusari grins stupidly and says he assumed she was a guy 'cause her name is James, and Jaime corrects him about it being Jaime. He assures her he's not, in any way, disappointed that she's a woman, then tells her he'd like to do some shopping and get fitted for a new wardrobe. Jaime offers to arrange for various store owners to bring their wares to his suite for security's sake, and Kusari nods approvingly and says he likes the sound of that. Colonel Mostada informs King Kusari that the city's mayor is on the phone...and when Jaime activates her bionic ear and hears a strange tapping noise on the other end of the phone, she takes the receiver from Kusari before he can hang up, extracts a tiny bomb device that's been implanted inside, and discreetly smashes it between her bionic fingers. (Assassination attempt #1 thwarted.)
A local bookie named Wally calls Sam to warn him that since he's currently having an issue with cash flow, he's going to have to double his payments for the foreseeable future. Sam argues that due to his own cash flow problems he can't possibly afford doubled up payments, and Wally snarls, "Find a way!"
Colonel Mostada and his bad guy compatriot, Kia, meet with a third bad guy, Sharokah, whose best idea for assassinating the king is to place a smuggled gun inside one of those old, box-like cameras during an impromptu photo shoot. Colonel Mostada's like, "Excellent idea!" and gleefully says that when news of Kusari's assassination makes it to his country, there will be an immediate military coup, and the stern oppressor types who've been railing against Kusari's progressive ideas can finally seize power. He adds that the king just got a new social secretary, but that it's A-OK to dispose of her if she gets in the way. Eeeek!
The three carry the camera equipment into the king's hotel suite and go through the motions of pretending that everything's been thoroughly inspected. Jaime, who's in the next room doing paperwork, activates her bionic ear and overhears Kia tell Sharokah to slip the gun inside the camera equipment now...and Sharokah cocks the gun and slips it inside the contraption. As Colonel Mostada rushes off to summon the king. Jaime bounds over to Sharokah, chirps, "Hi!" and pretends to be fascinated with the antique camera and asks if she can look through it the box. Sharokah yells, "Noooo!" and shoves her away, and she responds by grabbing his arm and flipping him over, Judo style, and grabbing the gun from inside the camera. (Assassination attempt #2 thwarted.) Colonel Mostada enters the room, sees Sharokah on the floor, and is all, "The fuck?" so Jaime explains that she flattened him after she found a gun in his camera and suggests he be turned over to the NYPD for attempted assassination. Colonel Mostada pretends to agree, gets Jaime to hand over the gun by saying the NYPD will need it for evidence, then issues a faux order to Kia to ferry Sharokah over to the nearest police station. He then turns back to Jaime and urges her not to tell Kusari about what just happened since it would only upset him.
Jaime radios Oscar to report the gun incident, and Oscar grimly tells her that Sharokah somehow escaped NYPD custody. He asks her if the king's flunkies suspect she's an OSI agent, and she's like, "I don't think so", and he urges her "to be careful, babe".
Jaime and Sam are working on the guest list and general logistics for the king's reception. Sam apologizes for trying to con her about having a dead fiancee, then claims he would have eventually told her the truth. Jaime looks as if she highly doubts that, then says that while he's a fascinating, charming, handsome man...at heart he's a dickwadded man-child who enjoys playing games with women. Sam stares back at her sheepishly and says he feels bad about blowing it with such a hot lady he thinks he might possibly have mature feelings for, but then blames the women in his orbit for always treating him like a sex object. I laughed heartily at that, since it wasn't totally clear if he was being jokey.
The king, meanwhile, is having a fantastic time shopping, aka looking over fabric samples in his hotel suite.
Jaime calls Oscar from a pay phone to get an update on the mission, and he tells her he looked over the guest list for the king's reception and was able to clear everyone. He asks her how she's getting along with Sam Sloan...and when she politely says he's reasonably nice to work with, Oscar chuckles and tells her to say hi to the notorious skirt chaser for him.
Colonel Mostada and Kia meet up with yet another bad guy, John, to ask him what he learned when he looked into Jaime's background. John says he discovered that she's an OSI agent, and Colonel Mostada looks annoyed and says they're going to need to eliminate her so she doesn't somehow thwart their third attempt at assassination. He tells John - surprise! - he's just been hired as the hit man, and tells him that Jaime is scheduled to visit with a caterer tomorrow morning at 11am.
Jaime and Sam arrive at the caterer's, whose head office is located in a downtown skyscraper. They're diverted from the elevator by John, who's disguised as a maintenance man, and enter a room deceptively labelled stairwell. When they find themselves trapped in a windowless storage (?) room, John throws a gas bomb into the room and locks the door...and Jaime cries, "It's poisonous gas, we need to get out here asap!" and bionically breaks down a door that just happens to lead outside.
Over coffee, Sam tells Jaime he's pretty sure that the gas bomb was meant for him 'cause of his gambling problems, but Jaime looks unsure 'bout that and stares concernedly into space.
Sam calls Wally to accuse him of trying to gas him to death, and Wally's all, "Huh?" and says if he gassed him to death, he wouldn't be able to repay his gambling debts. Sam concedes that that's a really good point, then stares confusedly into space.
Back at the OSI New York office, Oscar tells Jaime her cover is blown and that he wants to replace her with another agent. Jaime argues that Sam has no idea who she is, and that he thinks the gas bombing happened because of his gambling debt. She snarks that she's refusing to give up the assignment, doesn't address the fact that it's probably Kusari's flunkies who suspect she's a spy and were the ones who tried to gas her to death, and storms out of his office.
Colonel Mostada is irked that Jaime and Sam survived the gas bomb and yells at John, "I want results!" John throws up his hands and says he's completely mystified by how the two were able to survive the gassing.
At the king's reception, Colonel Mostada remarks to Kia that Jaime hasn't left the king's side all evening, and Kia sourly retorts, "So much the worse for her."
King Kusari tells Jaime he finds it intensely boring to attend these receptions and meet people he'll never get the chance to really know - just as a waiter comes over with a tray of champagne. Jaime glares at him suspiciously, remarks that he's not the usual waiter, then clinks her glass really hard against Kusari's so that all of his champagne spills all over the carpet. She sheepishly apologizes for her clumsiness, but Kusari says he didn't just fall off the turnip truck and totally gets that she was trying to protect him 'cause she didn't trust the waiter. He then demands to know who she really is...so the two head over to a private room, where Jaime blabs that she's an OSI agent who was assigned to protect him from an assassination plot that's been in the works since he arrived in New York. Kusari's like, "The United States government sent a woman to protect me?", and when Jaime clarifies that she has, uh, special capabilities, he shoots her an affectionate smile and says he wishes there was something more in the way of this type of gender equality in his pretend country.
The next day, Colonel Mostada tells Jaime over the phone that the king would like to meet her for lunch, and that a limo is waiting outside to ferry her to the restaurant. Jamie sees no red flags with that impromptu invitation, tells Sam's secretary she's off to lunch with King Kusari, and scampers to the waiting limo.
Sam looks perplexed when his secretary informs him of Jaime's lunch plans, and says he knows for a fact that the king has appointments in his hotel suite all afternoon. He contorts his face into an expression of alarm, then rushes out to his car.
Sam speeds after the limo, which has stopped on the side of the road to begin Operation Get Rid of Pesky Jaime. Sam warns Jaime that there's something fishy about her faux lunch plans...and Kia and some other bad guy exit the car and pull out their guns. At gunpoint they steer Sam and Jaime across the road, where another car is parked...and one of the men pricks Sam with a needle, which causes him to instantly pass out. Jaime is somehow able to persuade the bad guys to use the needle on her right [bionic] arm 'cause she just got a flu shot in her left arm, and pretends to pass out. The bad guys stuff them both inside the empty car, then start the engine and push the car down the winding road. Once the car is far enough away so that the bad guys can't see that she's not really passed out, Jaime climbs into the driver's seat, is all "Ack!" when she discovers that the brakes don't work, then does the old stick-her-bionic-foot-out-the-door-and-stop-the-car-with-her-heel trick. When the car finally comes to a safe stop, she and Sam stumble out, then rush back to his car so they can speed back to the Plaza in the nick of time to save King Kusari.
Colonel Mostada stares at the latest assassination tool - a non-ticking time bomb that gives off a slight hum - while hoping third time's a charm.
As Jaime and Sam race against time to get to the Plaza before King Kusari can be shot, blown up, or poisoned, Jaime needlessly reveals that she's an OSI agent who's been tasked with protecting the king. Sam's all, "Wha-a-a?" and asks who she expects will take care of their children after they're married, and Jaime shakes her head in exasperation and says that while he's presumptuous and scarily delusional, he also has a sensitive, tender side to his dimwitted personality.
The faux tailor, who's in Kusari's hotel suite pretending to supply him with a new wardrobe, slips the non-ticking time bomb inside the suit he's about to try on. Eeeek!
Jaime bursts into the king's suite, detects the slight hum of the non-ticking time bomb, and rips it out of the king's blazer and throws it out the window, where it promptly explodes. (Assassination attempt #3 thwarted.) Sam, Oscar, and a bunch of OSI agents burst into the room a few seconds later and wrap things up quick by swiftly subduing all the bad guys and hauling them off to jail. Oscar apologizes to Kusari for all of this unpleasantness - though it's unclear why he's apologizing since it was the king's own security team that repeatedly tried to kill him - and Kusari graciously thanks him for the much needed protection.
That evening, on what looks like a romantic date, Sam implores Jaime to stay in New York, marry him, and start popping out babies asap. Jaime sits him down, asks him how he'd react if she insisted he drop everything and move with her to California...and he chews on that for a few seconds and suddenly realizes how presumptuous and unfair he's being. He calls her "an incredible lady" and gives her an intense smooch...and I can only assume this means that the spiritually intense courtship involving Jaime and Tommy Littlehorse from the previous episode is but a faint memory.
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Recap: Jaime enters the OSI research lab and sneaks up on her new boyfriend, a Native American dude named Tommy Littlehorse, and orders him to pack it in for the night and take her to dinner and a comedy club like he promised. The two then reminisce about how Jaime had recommended him to the OSI's Research Department after seeing how handy he was at fixing car engines - er, OK..? - and I guess this means that her last serious squeeze, Chris Williams, is definitely out of the picture.
Late that night, Dr. Jennings and two bad guy flunkies sneak into the OSI research lab. The lookout warns that the night watchman is coming...and when he enters the lab, peering around with his flashlight, the bad guys clunk him on the head and drag him over to a corner of the room. The bad guys remark that in order to steal Rosebud (the world's most devastating bomb-in-progress, built and designed by Dr. Jennings), they need to make it past "the voltage field". Dr. Jennings says he has that figured out - just as Tommy Littlehorse enters the lab and affably says he got here as quickly as he could, and that he parked his car out back, just as he was instructed. Dr. Jennings condescendingly calls him "a good lad" and opens a sliding door in front of another door labelled Danger, high voltage. Dr. Jennings tells Tommy he needs him to use his backup key to open that door, then pretends to shut the power switch off while Tommy puts in his key and - ack! - gets electrocuted in the process. As Dr. Jennings and his two flunkies step around Tommy's body to get into the high voltage room, one of them stares disdainfully down at Tommy and says, "Now that's a good Indian." Dr. Jennings shoots him the stink-eye and tells him to never make a shitheaded racist remark like that ever again, and the flunky just shrugs and points out that he was the one who killed him. As they wheel Rosebud out of the high voltage room, Tommy's near dead ghost spirit leaves his body and speed-floats over to Jaime's apartment.
Tommy Ghost floats through Jaime's window, and his ghostly backwind causes her curtains to flap around. Max starts whining/growling/barking when he senses the strange presence...and when Jaime also senses it, she turns on the light and climbs out of bed to look around. Tommy Ghost urgently tells Jaime, "It was Jennings!" and tries to draw her attention towards the lovely dovey framed photograph of the two of them. When it's clear that Jaime can't see or hear him, he gives up and speed-floats back to his lifeless body in the OSI research lab. Jaime opens a drawer, pulls out an amulet necklace that he gave her during their off-camera courtship, and stares at it contemplatively.
The next morning, a bra-less Jaime arrives at the OSI research lab and is told by Oscar that Tommy is suspected of stealing Rosebud. Jaime's all, "The fuck?" and tells Oscar and Dr. Jennings that Tommy could not possibly have had anything to do with such a robbery, then demands to know where he's being held. Oscar says he isn't being held anywhere 'cause he's dead...and Jaime tears up and squeaks, "Wuh? He's dead?" A few seconds later, someone runs in to loudly announce that Tommy Littlehorse is still alive, and Jaime perks up and is all, "Wuh? He's alive?" and Oscar scrunches his face perplexedly and says they all need to get to the hospital asap to see whassup with this episode's can't-decide-if-I'm-dead-or-alive guest star.
When Oscar, Jaime, and Dr. Jennings arrive at the hospital, Rudy tells them that Tommy is in a coma and is not expected to pull through. Jaime's all, "Ooooh nooo..", then says she'd like to sit at his bedside and reminisce about their spiritually intense courtship...which was somehow sandwiched between this episode and the time she was still seeing Chris Williams (three episodes ago) and getting all down and flirty with Jed Kimball aboard the Navy boat (two episodes ago).
Jaime flashes back to a time when she and Tommy were once lounging around her apartment together, chatting about his new OSI job, and him telling her how happy he is that white people like herself and Dr. Jennings gave him a chance. He gives her a necklace with a sun-shaped amulet and tells her that if she wears it while he's wearing his, their spirits will be linked forever...forever meaning until the end of this episode, 'cause once the end credits roll, we never see or hear from Tommy again. Tommy makes a hand motion over his heart and says it's a hand signal that means he has welcomed her as a friend into his heart...then makes a dagger-stabbing-the-heart motion and says it signifies the presence of an enemy [that will come in handy later in the episode]. Jaime looks touched and says she definitely likes the friend part of his hand motions...then snaps out of her reverie and sees that Oscar is poking his head in the hospital room, telling her he's ready to head back to the OSI. Jaime says she'd like to stay at the hospital awhile longer, then insists again that Tommy could not have committed the robbery. Oscar grimly says, "I hope so" and exits the room.
Dr. Jennings tells his bad guy flunkies to make sure that Tommy dies tonight...'cause even though he's at death's door, he doesn't want to risk Rudy pulling off a miracle and coaxing the brain dead lad out of his coma. The flunkies promise they'll head over to the hospital after visiting hours and get the job done.
The nurse tells Jaime that, yep, Tommy is still in critical condition, but that the life support machine is helping him through this crisis period. Jaime tells her she's going to take a break and go to the cafeteria for some coffee...but when she walks past Dr. Jennings' flunkies in the hall disguised as doctors, she touches her amulet necklace and senses that something is very wrong. She returns to Tommy's room and sees one of the flunkies trying to unplug his life support machine...and when she asks what in blazes they're doing, the other flunky whirls around and points his gun at her and snarls, "Don't move." Jaime retorts by bionically karate chopping his arm, which causes the gun to fly to the other side of the room...and the other flunky picks it up, and the two flee the room. Jaime bionically shoves a gurney at them, and their stunt doubles fall to the floor and open fire on Jaime, but fortunately the bullet misses her and hits the window. Jaime rushes back into Tommy's room to bionically fuse the disconnected wires together so that his life support machine will kick back into working order - just as the nurse runs over and asks her how she did that. Jaime's like, "Uh, rubber shoes..?" and the nurse refrains from calling her out on her non-answer, and also doesn't appear to notice the giant bullet hole in the window overlooking Tommy's room. Jaime resumes her vigil at his bedside and implores him to get well so he can tell the world what happened to him.
Dr. Jennings is talking to his flunkies on the phone, gets miffed when he learns that Tommy is still alive, and expresses bafflement that "that little slip of a girl" was able to overpower two grown men. Rudy and Oscar enter the lab and report to Dr. Jennings that Tommy will be guarded 24/7, and Jennings wryly says it was damn lucky that Jaime was there to defend him from the bad guys and then kickstart his life support machine. Rudy concurs, then tells him that, according to Jaime, Tommy has been trying to reach her on a subconscious level...and Jennings mulls over that troubling nugget and murmurs, "Hmm.."
Tommy Ghost rises up from his hospital bed and speed-floats over to a municipal power plant, where the two flunkies who just tried to kill him are camped out and plotting their next move. After glaring at them hatefully for a few seconds, he vanishes.
Jaime is at home, relaxing on the couch and staring at photos of her and Tommy while touching her amulet necklace. As she's doing that she suddenly has visions of Rosebud inside a municipal power plant...and Tommy Ghost appears and moans about how badly he wants to reach her. Jaime feels his presence, and reacts by calling up Dr. Jennings to tell him about the visions she just had: flashes of Rosebud in a large, industrial type building. Dr. Jennings looks wigged out by how accurate her visions are, then breezily says he can't really help in any way 'cause he knows nothing about dream analysis. He offers to monitor her brainwaves to see if that could do anything to help pull Tommy out of his coma, and Jaime says she's willing to do anything to help her beloved. She agrees to swing by the lab at 8pm and then go to dinner with him so they can talk about this crackpot idea some more.
Dr. Jennings tells his bad guy flunkies that they can solve the problem of Tommy Ghost communicating with Jaime "at Jaime's end", then starts smashing stuff in the OSI research lab to make it look as if there's been a break-in. After that, the flunkies tamper with the elevator.
Jaime, meanwhile, dolls herself up for dinner while Tommy Ghost tries to warn her that Dr. Jennings is very dangerous.
Jaime arrives at the OSI research lab and sees that everything is smashed up and in complete disarray. When she can't find Dr. Jennings, she heads back to the elevator...which starts hurtling down the elevator shaft. Jaime bionically rips off a piece of the steel hand railing and pokes it through the elevator wall to the shaft, and eventually the elevator slowly comes to a stop. Phew!
Over at the OSI, Oscar and Rudy discuss the apparent kidnapping of Dr. Jennings...and Rudy says that by the looks of how messed up everything is in the research lab, he put up quite a struggle. When the phone rings, Oscar presses record on his tape player before answering, and the caller is one of the bad guys, pretending to be Jennings' kidnapper. Dr. Jennings, who's listening in on the call, takes a break from eating what looks like a very tasty lunch and tells Oscar that he's being treated well - but that his "kidnappers" have Rosebud and want him to do the setup for them, and have threatened to hurt him if he refuses. The "kidnapper" gets back on the phone and tells Oscar he wants $5 million in exchange for Rosebud and Dr. Jennings, and specifies that he wants Rudy to be the go-between: on a rural highway at 4pm. Oscar hangs up, tells Rudy the latest development, and says he'll send Jaime along for reinforcement. He then calls Jaime, who's spacily sitting on her couch, ignoring the ringing phone as she rubs her amulet necklace. Tommy Ghost appears and wails, "It's Dr. Jennings! He stole Rosebud!" ... but when Jaime suddenly brightens and cries, "Dr. Jennings is in danger!", a frustrated Tommy Ghost gives up on her ability to see near-dead people and speed-floats somewhere out in nature to visit with his dead ancestors, who urge him to seek justice - not revenge.
Rudy goes home to change into a smart looking tweed suit, shirt and tie, and silly blue hat, then returns to the OSI to collect the briefcase packed with $5 million. Oscar tells him that there's a homing signal inside the handle, which has a range of five miles. That seems pretty inadequate for a tracking device, but OK.
Tommy Ghost returns to Jaime's apartment, and this time she's able to see his ghostly hologram against the brick of her fireplace. She watches as he does the over-the-heart hand motion that translates to you are my friend, then the dagger motion for Dr. Jennings tried to kill me and is therefore my enemy. Since Jaime isn't able to translate that last thing so well, Tommy Ghost summons a flurry of wind across the room so that a notebook on Jaime's desk opens to a map of a municipal power plant in the area. Fortunately, she twigs onto the fact that is a very important clue.
Rudy is standing on the side of the road, waiting to hand off the cash-filled briefcase in exchange for Rosebud and Dr. Jennings. One of the bad guys drives up in a motorcycle (dressed up like a police officer), relieves Rudy of the briefcase, chirps, "Thanks!" and races off. LOL. As Rudy's all, "Wha-at just happened?", the OSI tactical teams in the area scramble to chase the motorcycle...but then lose him when he suddenly goes off-roading in a mountainous area. Well done, guys.
Jaime arrives at the municipal power plant, spots the bad guy arrive on his motorcycle, and follows him inside...and eventually she reaches the area where Dr. Jennings is "being held". When Dr. Jennings sees her, he pretends to be a hostage and cries, "Help me!", so Jaime bionically karate chops one of the bad men and knocks the gun out of his hand. The bad guy who was riding the motorcycle appears behind her with his gun drawn and wryly says to Dr. Jennings, "Fast thinking, doctor." Jaime glares at Dr. Jennings, who covers his mouth while audibly gasping that he's just been outed as the mastermind behind this episode's cartoonishly sinister plot, then tells Jaime he's sorry she had to get involved in this. That said, he then orders the bad guys to handcuff her to Rosebud so she can meet a particularly grisly end.
Dr. Jennings warns Jaime not to put any pressure on Rosebud, otherwise the thing will blow [and take all of them with her before they've had a chance to abscond]. He then explains that he got really disgruntled with the OSI for refusing to let him develop Rosebud from being any more than 20% efficient, and promptly confiscated it. Well d'yuh, he sounds like a shitty bomb-maker they should have fired [along with the previously disgruntled scientist, Payton Jones from the Biofeedback episode, who bitchily absconded to East Germany with his OSI subsidized coding analyzer]. Dr. Jennings sets a timer, says there's no way to deal with his disgruntlement other than to blow her and this municipal power plant up (!), and makes a break for it with the $5 million. Jaime is somehow able to block a red laser beam that controls the bomb's timer, then gently breaks the handcuff chain. She takes off after Dr. Jennings and bionically leaps down a flight of stairs and lands right in front of him. He's all, "How did you do tha-at?" and doesn't bother putting up a fight when she demands that he hand over the briefcase and surrender himself for arrest.
Jaime is back at Tommy's bedside, imploring him to wake up so she can watch the sunset with him, swim with him under the full moon, listen to him drone on and on about his ancestors, etc. etc. She clutches his hand while staring at him imploringly, and is pleasantly surprised when he opens his eyes and smiles at her. Hurray!
Get well and farewell, Tommy Littlehorse. We hardly knew ye.
Recap: Inside the corporate offices of Funland, an amusement park currently closed for the season, three bad guys are standing around an office and cackling evilly as one of them packs 100K worth of cash into a briefcase. One of them (Jack Stratton) nods approvingly and refers to the cash as "a down payment", and says that the rest will be paid upon delivery. The old man bad guy says he's never gone after someone like her before, and Stratton nods and remarks on her superhuman strength, then promises old man bad guy that there won't be any rough stuff, and that Jaime Sommers (ack!) will be delivered to the buyers in good condition...though slightly sleepy. A third bad guy (Eddie Dwyer) shows old man bad guy a pack of small needles he's planning to use to tranquilize Jaime, then suggests they hold her captive inside Funland before human-trafficking her to her new owners. Stratton says he'd prefer to not abduct Jaime from her home 'cause she has a large German Shepherd who might get in the way, and figures it'd be better to snatch her while she's out shopping.
Jaime and Max are at home playing hide the slipper, which eventually Max chews to pieces before Jaime can extract it from his bionic jaw. Callahan and Russ drop by unannounced and inform her that Oscar needs her for an urgent mission to "the Orient", and that she has thirty seconds to pack and say bye to Max. Callahan says she's been assigned to house-sit/dog-sit while she's away, so Jaime quickly packs a bag, gives Callahan instructions about caring for Max [as if she's in any position to be doing that considering her habit of never remembering to buy dog food], and leaves her the keys to her shitty blue car.
As Jaime and Russ drive off to the OSI's Los Angeles field office, Jaime asks whassup with all the secrecy surrounding her mission to "the Orient", and he tells her that all he knows is that it's super urgent and super secret.
Callahan tells Max that while he's lovable and smart, she's the one in charge. Max mulls that over, decides nope, and barks in protest.
The following day, Russ tells Oscar that Jaime isn't enjoying being cooped up at the OSI office and laments having to con her about a non-existent Orient mission. Oscar's like, "I really don't give a rat's ass", then furrows his brows worriedly and says he's deeply concerned about intel he's been getting about bad guys snooping around the OSI, asking about a female agent who has unusual physical capabilities. Even though it's unclear why anyone would need to bother doing any amount of snooping after nearly three full seasons of Jaime freely demonstrating her bionics throughout much of the entire Western Hemisphere and in various cities inside fictional East Germany. Oscar worries that if he tells Jaime about the snooping she'd breezily call it an unfounded rumor and resist special protection.
Two flunkies who work for the bad guys spot Callahan (who's driving Jaime's shitty blue car) pull into a local shopping center. She leaves Max in the passenger seat and tells him she's just going to dash in for some coffee. Before she can reach the store, one of the flunkies bumps into her, injects her with one of his tranquilizer needles, and hovers over her as she collapses to the ground. The other flunky informs the gathering crowd that he's a doctor and would be happy to transport the woman to the nearest hospital. As the two men carry her off, an anxious Max watches from inside Jaime's car.
Oscar tells Russ they finally have a lead on who's been asking questions about Jaime...and Russ is like, "That's nice", but says they may have a fresh problem: he can't get a hold of Callahan. 'Cause what could have gone wrong with making Callahan house-sit Jaime's apartment and have her drive around in Jaime's car precisely when bad guys are looking into kidnapping Jaime?? Oscar tells Russ to drive over to the carriage house, pronto, to see whassup.
Max decides to take matters into his own paws and breaks out of the car's hatchback. He picks up Callahan's scent from where she was abducted, then bionically races off in the direction of Funland. As that's happening, a store employee, who's gathering shopping carts, watches all this with a dumbfounded look on his face.
Jack and Eddie enter the Funland tool shed, where Callahan is chained to a chair. When they address her as Jaime, she's all, "Wuh?" and is about to clarify that she's not Jaime, but decides better of it and lamely promises that she's not going to not give them any trouble. The men seem pleased and excitedly chat about "delivering the merchandise" ... and after they exit the shed, Callahan's like, "Oh boy.." while Max bionically makes his way to Funland.
Max arrives at Funland, but is quickly spotted and tranquilized by a bad guy lookout.
Russ arrives at the carriage house, finds it empty, and spots an empty tin of coffee and deduces that Callahan must have run out to buy coffee.
A lifeless Max is carried into the tool shed, and Callahan cries, "Maaaaax!!" and admonishes the bad guys for having nothing better to do than pick on animals and petite women. The bad guys tell her they merely tranquilized Max...and after they exit the tool shed, Callahan implores Max to regain consciousness and help her break out of this Funland prison asap.
Russ drives to the shopping center nearest Jaime's apartment and finds her blue car in the parking lot with the hatchback open. The store employee makes a beeline over to him and gives his first-hand account of how a large German Shepherd burst out of the car and ran off really really fast. Russ hands him a tip, says he'll arrange for someone to pick up the car later, and squeals off.
To Callahan's great relief, Max finally wakes up, but looks very groggy.
Jaime bitches to Oscar's secretary, Julie, about how she's been unable to get access to Oscar and/or get any kind of briefing about her faux Orient trip. Julie helpless throws her hands up and says she doesn't know nuthin' from nuthin'.
Jack gets a call from his buyer and assures him that Jaime Sommers is in good condition, and that they can go ahead and human-traffic her via helicopter. When the buyer happens to mention that Jaime is around 5'8, Jack's like, "Fuuuuuuuuuck.." and realizes that the woman in the tool shed doesn't quite fit that description.
Callahan implores Max to get up, chew his way through the chain link fencing, and then chew off her chains. He whines for a few seconds, but then gets to work and chews his way out of the cage. After freeing her from her chains, he uses his bionic jaw to bend the window bars wide enough to safely leap through.
Jack, Eddie, and some other flunky storm over to the tool shed, irked and baffled about why Callahan led them to believe she was Jaime Sommers. When they burst in, Max growls at them, then turns around and leaps through the window...and Callahan yells, "Run, Max! Runnnnn!!" She then grabs a garden hoe and pokes it threateningly at the bad guys - but one of them easily grabs it away from her and handcuffs her. Jack rifles through her wallet and comes across a photo of her, Jaime, and Max (helpfully signed Friends, love Jamie) and deduces that she and Jaime are good friends. He cackles and tells the other two bad guys that they'll use Callahan as bait to capture their real target.
Russ informs Oscar that Callahan has disappeared and is likely in trouble...and it suddenly dawns on Oscar that the bad guys who are after Jaime must have abducted Callahan in a case of mistaken identity. Ya think?
Callahan is marched over to the Funland office, where Jack says he wants her to help them lure Jaime to the Funland amusement park so they can sell her to whatever rich Eastern European sicko is interested in possessing a bionic woman. Callahan snarks that there's no way she'd ever agree to help them, even if her refusal means certain death. Jack says, "As you wish" ... and after Callahan is escorted out, he opens his desk drawer and pulls out the tape recorder he'd been using to record their conversation. He chuckles to himself and says, "You already have helped, Miss Callahan."
Jaime runs into Russ and asks whassup with Oscar not talking to her, and he does his best to politely blow her off and pretend as though he'll try to track Oscar down so he can give her some much needed straight talk.
Russ tells Oscar that Jaime's becoming a problem, and Oscar tells him that someone just called for Jaime...and when Julie pretended to be Jaime, the person on the other end played a tape recording of a conversation involving Callahan. He plays the message for Russ, which Jaime happens to overhear when she activates her bionic ear from where she's sitting, just outside his office. She's all, "Ack! Callahan's in trouble!" and bionically rushes off.
Russ tells Oscar he wants to set up a stakeout at Funland - just as Julie bursts into Oscar's office to inform them that Jaime just left the building. Russ correctly assumes that she must have bionically overheard the taped conversation and is now on her way to Funland to rescue Callahan...and Oscar takes off his glasses, mulls over this unexpected development, and murmurs, "Damn.."
Max returns to Funland and manages to evade the bad guys, who have been ordered to neutralize him with a tranquilizer gun.
Oscar pores over a map of Los Angeles and tells Russ they'll arrange a rescue convoy in coordination with the LAPD. He then calls up Captain Arnold to request help for a rescue operation at Funland, and that the first thing they'll need to do is block off all of the park's access points.
Jaime strolls inside Funland and is promptly tranquilized by one of the bad guys...and in the next scene, she finds herself chained to a chair in the same utility room where Callahan is now being held. Callahan tells her that a couple of goons grabbed her at the shopping center, thinking she (Callahan) was her (Jaime). Jaime's like, "Bummer" and says they need to get outa here pronto, then bionically frees her arms of the chains restraining her. A few seconds later, Jack and Eddie burst in with their guns drawn and warn Jaime that if she tries anything funny, they'll shoot Callahan. They proceed to handcuff Jaime to Callahan, then leave. When Callahan urges Jaime to bionically break out of the handcuffs, Jaime points out that she wouldn't be able to do that without ripping off her (Callahan's) arm in the process. Callahan mulls that over and says that perhaps Max could come to their aid...and Jaime perks up and chirps, "Max is here?"
Oscar and Russ coordinate Operation Rescue Jaime and Callahan From Funland with Captain Arnold while en route to Funland.
Max peers into the utility room through a wire meshed window, and Callahan and Jaime bellow at him to rip the mesh quickly, leap through the window, and chew off their handcuffs so they can escape asap. Max is like, "Yeah, yeah...I can only chew so quickly" and gets to work.
After Max chews off the handcuffs binding Jaime and Callahan together, Jaime tells the guard outside their door that a fire has suddenly broken out. When he's all, "Wha-a-a? A fire..?", Jaime bionically knocks down the door atop him, then flees with Callahan and Max.
Jaime orders Max to get Callahan to safety, then bionically jogs in the opposite direction to divert the bad guys. Dun dun dun dun dun..
Oscar finds Callahan, and she cries with relief as the two hug. Oscar asks Max, "Where's Jaime?" ... and when he realizes he was half expecting the dog to answer him, he's like, "Cancel that and just go find her." Max dutifully scampers off and Oscar, Russ, Callahan, and a small team of LAPD cops follow closely behind.
Jaime runs right into Eddie, while Oscar et. al. quietly sneak up on a couple of different bad guys from the other side of the building. Oscar then suddenly decides 'why not do the work of the LAPD even though there's a team of police officers standing right behind me?' and leaps out into the open in a serious legs apart stance with his gun drawn, shrieking, "Hold it right there!" - LOL - and proceeds to get shot at. After that pointless stunt, he sends in his most competent agent - Max - to get the job done, and Max is all, "I'm on it" and leaps over a tall gate in his pursuit of the two bad guys.
Max attacks the two men, causing one to fall to his death over the railing of a rollercoaster ride (ouch), then knocks the other down a long flight of stairs. Jaime uses the distracting chaos to karate chop Eddie, then wraps him up in the chain link fence they happen to be standing in front of.
The only remaining bad guy is Jack Stratton, high above them in a sky lift ride, with his rifle pointed downward. Jaime activates her bionic ear in time to hear the rifle cocking sound, then grabs the nearest thing - a stuffed teddy bear! - and bionically whips it into the air. The stuffed toy somehow hits Jack so hard that he drops the rifle, tumbles out of the sky lift, and splats into a conveniently placed pond. Oscar nods approvingly at Jaime and says, "You did good, babe", and hopes to hell that he was the last of the bad guys.
Recap: Mad marine scientist Dr. Henry Klempt radios his flunkies, who are aboard a boat spying on an OSI diving team as they futz around the ocean installing a state-of-the-art submarine detection system. Klempt's bad guy compadre, Anton Dasovic, stops by his office to praise his geniusness and happily announce that soon he'll be a very rich man. Apparently, Dr. Klempt has succeeded where great minds in marine biology have failed...meaning he just developed a transponder that gives off a low frequency vibration which attracts sharks and incites them to attack. Anton rubs his hands excitedly and says he'd love to see a demo of the device in action...and a few seconds later, the two watch an underwater video of a shark circling around a diving dummy that has the shark attack transponder attached to its arm. The shark advances on the dummy, bites into the foam arm, and within minutes rips the entire dummy to shreds. Anton says he's absolutely DE-lighted with the demo, and that he's been looking for a device that can cause this type of underwater human carnage...and Dr. Klempt's like, "Er, OK..?" and says he needs a few more days to put his finishing touches on the transponder and then make some duplicates. Anton gets a phone call from a disgruntled Navy diver named Ritter, who says he wants out of their nefarious arrangement 'cause he's too afraid of getting caught. Anton tells him not to make any rash decisions 'cause he's about to unveil a foolproof way of stealing the OSI's new submarine detecting system [no doubt to sell to high paying "Eastern customers"] by way of a transponder that can harness shark violence and then unleash it upon unsuspecting victims of his choosing. He urges Ritter to show up as scheduled at the San Pedro pier in two days...and Ritter agrees and gleefully says he can't wait to see the shark attack transponder in action. Whatever, ya sick fuck.
Jaime is hanging with Max in her apartment...and by hanging, I mean that the poor pooch is standing beside his empty food bowl, whining hungrily, while Jaime shrugs and tells him she forgot to buy food for him yet again 'cause she's too negligent to provide even the bare basics for a sweet dog like Max, who I thought had been transferred to Colorado Springs with cowboy Billy Cole. Oscar drops by to give Jaime this episode's assignment: become a deep sea diving expert in the next forty-eight hours so she can look into why his crop of Navy divers keep having freak accidents while they try to install the OSI's new submarine detection system. Jaime looks less than thrilled by the horrible sounding mission - but Oscar, who looks like he couldn't give even the tiniest of rat's asses, tells her to hurry up and pack so that he can drop Max off at the lab and then ferry her over to Deep Sea Diving School.
After an accelerated deep sea diving crash course [which thankfully occurred off-camera], Oscar accompanies Jaime to the San Pedro pier where the Naval ship is docked...and Jaime spots a former hot date, Jed Kimball, who just happens to be the ship's commander. Oscar doesn't look thrilled by the flirty reunion - hee! - and barks at Jed to gather up the other divers, Ritter and Marsden, so they can ogle Jaime and joke about how easy on the eyes this "new foxy lady" is going to be. Oscar warns them to not let Jaime's good looks fool them 'cause she has tons of diving experience...and when the two misogynist boneheads quiz her with diving related questions, she's able to confidently answer all of them. Eventually, the two decide she's knowledgeable enough to dive alongside them, and welcome her aboard their ship of fools.
Anton drops by Ritter's motel room to deliver the shark attack transponder and its activating beeper. Anton explains that he simply needs to attach the transponder onto the gear of the diver he'd like a hungry shark to rip into pieces, press the attack now! button, then stand back and watch the mayhem ensue. Once the pesky diver has met his grisly end, Anton's men will move in, steal the OSI's submarine detection system, and be on their way. It remains unclear why Anton's men couldn't just steal the detection system (sans shark carnage) after the divers have completed the installation and exited the ocean. Anton adds that he checked out the newest diver, Jaime Sommers, and found out that she's an OSI agent. He orders Ritter to get rid of her before she has a chance to aid in the diving mission.
The next morning, Jed gives Jaime a tour of the ship and explains that she and the other two divers will be lowered to the ocean floor inside a giant capsule thing, which they'll exit and then install the OSI's submarine detection system. Jaime, who's clearly bored by this episode's mission, stares dreamily at Jed and tells him how much she'd looooove to spend a romantic weekend with him in Mexico (!), then hilariously adds that she's not so much into deep sea diving. Jed scrunches his face confusedly, then puts a pin in trying to make sense of that bizarre pronouncement. He gathers the three divers in a room and tells them that their diving gear will be equipped with a relay device that allows them to communicate with each other while underwater, along with the non-diver staff aboard the ship.
Later, Jaime is ambling near the bottom of a stairwell when suddenly a large oxygen tank comes hurtling at her from the top of the stairs. She bionically deflects it, then races up the stairs to see who the culprit was, but finds no one. She pulls out her mini walkie-talkie and radios Oscar to report the murder attempt...and he tells her that while he'd love to extract her for safety reasons, the OSI really really needs the submarine detection system installed, like yesterday. Jaime somehow refrains from calling him out as a heartless dickwad and telling him where he can shove his weekly pain-in-the-ass OSI missions that always seem to devolve into scary brushes with death.
The next morning, Anton is aboard a boat with Dr. Klempt's flunkies, watching the activities aboard the Naval ship through a pair of binoculars. The flunkies report that they've been chumming the waters so that there'll be lots of sharks around for when Ritter presses attack now! on his beeper.
During the diving gear check process, Ritter surreptitiously attaches the shark attack transponders to Marsden's and Jaime's oxygen tanks. A few seconds later, Jed announces that the giant capsule thing is ready to transport them to the ocean floor.
Oscar gets a call that the divers are in the process of descending into the deep. He nods approvingly and says he wants to be given regular updates on how the mission is going.
Jaime, Marsden, and Ritter reach the ocean floor, and everything looks as though it's going smoothly as they start installing the submarine detection devices. Ritter presses the attack now! button on his beeper, and Jaime's bionic ear immediately detects the weird buzzing noise and she reports to Jed that she's getting some strange sounding audio feedback.
A group of sharks, meanwhile, respond to the low frequency vibration and swim over - and Jaime and Marsden are all, "Ack! There's sharks everywhere!" Marsden gets body slammed by a shark, and Jaime swims over to check on him and calls out to Ritter for help, but he pretends as though he can't 'cause he too is surrounded by sharks. Jaime grabs Marsden and swims with back to the capsule before his tank runs out of air, bionically smacking an aggressive shark in the process.
Anton watches the activity around the naval ship and is confused by the lack of shark induced chaos.
Oscar gets a call telling him that a group of hungry sharks is circling the divers. He tells Jed that while he really really wants the submarine detection system installed today, the divers can be excused from the task if things looks like they're going to deteriorate into a 'you're gonna need a bigger boat' type situation.
Inside the safety of the capsule, Jaime asks a dismayed Ritter if he's game to finish the installation, and he's like, "Yeah, sure, whatever" and pissily exits the capsule. Jaime notices the transponder on Marsden's air tank, and also sees one on hers...and when Marsden asks what the strange looking devices are, she tells him she suspects they're what made them look and sound like shark bait.
Jaime covertly attaches a transponder to Ritter's air tank, then accuses him of summoning the killer sharks that tried to attack her and Marsden. Ritter plays dumb and is all, "Wha-at are you talking about?" just as a shark swims over. Jaime gives it a bionic shove and, with Jed, Oscar and the rest of the ship's non-diver staff listening in, demands to know who's behind the nefarious scheme...and Ritter cracks under the pressure and shrieks, "It was Anton Dasovic!" LOL. Jaime grabs an iron rod from the submarine detection set-up to fend off the aggressive sharks, and the two manage to return to the safety of the capsule.
Jaime is decked out in a pretty sundress as she flirts with Jed aboard the Navy ship. She natters about shark attack beepers while he stares dreamily at her and describes the date he'd like to take her on. She chuckles and says it would be far less contrived for the viewers if they talked about the same thing at the same time...and the two chuckle happily as they firm up their romantic weekend plans.
I wonder if this means that Chris Williams is no longer in the picture??
Recap: At OSI headquarters, Rudy tells Oscar and [Jaime's current squeeze] Chris Williams about the recent solar activity - aka "explosions in space" - his team of space scientists have been observing. Chris shrugs unconcernedly and says it all looks pretty routine and that he doesn't expect anything catastrophic to come of it. Rudy, however, is worried that if one of their satellites fails, it could create a domino effect that might jeopardize the OSI's entire space program - which couldn't possibly be that big of a deal 'cause...well, NASA. Chris tells Rudy that if it makes him feel better, he's welcome to stop by the computer center to look into the specifics of the solar activity, and he chirps, "Yes please!"
Inside the OSI space program lab, which is filled with scientists busily tapping away at their keyboards, one of the scientists asks Rudy to check out something he finds particularly weird. Rudy stares at the monitor, remarks that one of the OSI satellites looks like it's malfunctioning, then orders it to be expelled from space to a landing site in southern California. Chris perks up at that and tells Rudy that overseeing the satellite's landing would give him an excuse to link up with Jaime this episode...so he quickly calls her up and informs her that he and Rudy are on their way to Ojai.
Jaime arrives near where the malfunctioning satellite is expected to land, then happily greets Rudy and Chris. As the satellite hurtles towards earth, it goes slightly off course from the landing site...and Jaime activates her bionic ear and is puzzled when she detects the distinct sound of a heartbeat (that she doesn't somehow mix up with the heartbeats of the people standing next to her). She asks Chris if by chance they stuck a tiny animal aboard the satellite (!), and Chris gives her a weird look and is like, "Um, no..?" LOL. Rudy and Chris hop into their jeep to follow the satellite's landing path - while Jaime, who senses something amiss with the imminent landing, says she'd prefer to bionically jog after the satellite and meet them there. She arrives at a nearby lake into which the satellite has just plopped...and a few seconds later, a young girl emerges to the water's surface and flaps around as she struggles to stay afloat. Jaime's stunt double is all, "Ack!" and quickly leaps into the water to pull her to shore...her being a young Helen Hunt decked out in a glittery gray pantsuit. Jaime asks her what in blazes she's doing in a lake after a satellite fell into it - but Helen Hunt just stares at her in bewilderment and then tries to make a break for it. Jaime stops her, urges her to relax, then peppers her with questions about who she is, what she's doing here, whether or not her parents know she's here...then marvels at the giant stone necklace she's wearing and asks, "Where on earth did you get that thing?" Helen Hunt haltingly replies, "I. Did. Not. Get. It. On. Earth", then explains that she was on mute just now so she could calibrate her brain long enough to get "the key" that makes it possible for her to understand and speak this earth language. Jaime scrunches her face confusedly and is all, "Wha-a-a?"
Rudy and Chris check over their satellite tracking data and deduce that the satellite must have landed in a nearby lake. They head over with their small convoy.
Helen Hunt tells Jaime that she's a princess from the planet Zorla (in a galaxy far, far away), and Jaime's like, "Yeah right" and asks her if she ran away from home. Helen Hunt's like, "Sort of" and tells her that her parents exported her into space so she could travel to a sanctuary planet (Pon) in order to avoid getting captured and held hostage during the inter-planetary war that just broke out. Unfortunately, however, during her in-space flight, her spacecraft went off-course 'cause of all of the unexpected solar activity happening...so when she spotted the OSI's satellite floating around, she climbed aboard and, next thing she knew, found herself getting plopped into an earth lake. A skeptical Jaime asks how she was able to fit inside such a tiny contraption, and Helen Hunt tells her she did it through "the magic of condensation". Jaime says she doesn't believe a word of this otherworldly story, but invites her back to her apartment where they can dry off and rehash the story of her inter-planetary travels in more detail.
The OSI convoy arrives at the landing site, and Rudy looks irked that he's going to have to assemble a diving team to search the lake. He tells Chris that since it's too late in the day to suit up the divers, they'll get on it first thing tomorrow morning.
Jaime and Helen Hunt have dried off, changed into snuggies, and are warming themselves by the fire. Helen Hunt dives into the unabridged backstory of her arrival on earth: her home planet of Zorla was attacked by soldiers from the planet Ullo, so Zorla launched a counter-attack...and now everyone's just kind of waiting around to see who emerges victorious. Her freaked out parents launched her into space with instructions to travel to Pon (the sanctuary planet) - but since she got diverted to a planet that isn't formally recognized as a sanctuary, she's concerned that the Ulloians will track her down, abduct her, and use her as leverage. Jaime breezily assures her that no alien could possibly land on earth without the OSI knowing about it...despite the fact that she's sitting beside an alien who just landed on earth without the OSI having the slightest clue.
A Ulloian spacecraft flies over earth and deposits a set of twins - the Hager twins from Hee Haw! - wearing matching blazers and blue turtlenecks. They silently wave handheld devices around, stare at each other blankly for a few seconds, then vanish into thin air.
Jaime tells Helen Hunt that while she believes she's fundamentally honest, she finds her otherworldly story totally implausible - even by Bionic Woman standards - particularly the part about her fitting into a tiny satellite. Helen Hunt offers to demonstrate "the magic of condensation" by shrinking into a two-inch tall version of herself...and when she re-resizes herself, Jaime's like, "Holy fucking crap, I totally believe you now" and says she's suddenly very worried about the Ulloians scouring the Milky Way so they can abduct her for nefarious reasons. She tells Helen Hunt she could probably use some special protection, then offers to call up Oscar Goldman 'cause apparently he's "one of the most powerful leaders of this planet". Bwahaha! He is? I figured he was just one of many subordinates of a Cabinet member. Helen Hunt nixes that idea and says that no one can know she's hiding out on Earth, and that the survival of her people depends on her ability to stay alive and unabducted throughout this crisis.
Chris interrupts the conversation by telephoning Jaime to ask why she bailed on him and Rudy at the satellite landing site, and Jaime fibs and tells him she suddenly got very tired and came home to crawl into bed. After the call, Chris scrunches his face concernedly at the odd blow-off, then tells Rudy that Jaime doesn't sound like herself.
Helen Hunt tells Jaime that if Zorla wins the inter-planetary war, her parents will be able to quickly beam her back via her rock necklace - but if not, she won't have a planet to return home to. Unless Pon allows her to immigrate, I guess. When Max suddenly starts barking from outside the front door, Jaime goes downstairs to let him in...then introduces him to Helen Hunt as her non-human pet, and tells her he really likes it when people scratch his head.
Two guardsmen from the U.S. Air Force are assigned to keep watch over the lake so that no one can sneak in and steal the satellite. After radioing into headquarters that everything is A-OK, the Hager Hee Haw twins appear and zap the guardsmen with their devices...and they both keel over in a really fake looking collapse.
The Hager Hee Haw twins scan the lake with their zappers, summoning the satellite to lift itself out of the water (through the magic of suspension cables that are pretty easy to spot even if you're not trying very hard to notice them). The twins scan it with their zappers, look satisfied with whatever intel they uncovered, and dash off.
Oscar calls Rudy and Chris to get an update about the satellite, and Chris tells him that they're waiting until morning to send divers into the lake. Chris expresses worry that while the satellite was hurtling towards earth, it had a sudden increase in mass - e.g. the negligible weight of a re-sized two inch alien princess - but then returned to its normal weight after landing. Oscar asks if the satellite may have picked up some magnetic space garbage, then dumped it shortly before landing...and Rudy says that while it's possible, it's highly unlikely - but that "space garbage" is certainly an apt description of the writing of this silly episode.
Jaime sits at her piano and - with her eyes closed 'cause she's really feelin' it - belts out a tune for Helen Hunt, who calls her voice beautiful and says her singing reminds her of her mother. Jaime decides that since Helen Hunt demonstrated her startling ability to shrink herself, she'll return the favor by needlessly demonstrating her bionic abilities...'cause apparently it isn't enough for Jaime that most of North America and swathes of fictional East Germany knows about her top secret superhuman abilities, now word of it is going to spread to every inter-galaxial alien between Zorla and Pon. After that, Jaime decides that they should make a salad for dinner...and as she natters at Helen Hunt about the various health benefits of the versatile vegetable, one of the Hager Hee Haw twins suddenly appears in the apartment and zaps Max and Helen Hunt, rendering them unconscious. Jaime hurls the head of lettuce at him, shoves a couch in his direction, then picks up his zapper and smashes it against the wall. She's understandably confused when the other twin appears and zaps her into unconsciousness.
The Hager Hee Haw twins use their zappers to create a small red force-field inside Jaime's apartment, then mutely glance over at where Jaime is laying unconscious.
Chris is worried about Jaime, so he calls to check up on her...and the Hager Hee Haw twins are so befuddled by the sound of the ringing phone that they zap it, causing it to disappear. When Chris can't get through, he decides, 'ah fuck it, I'll check on Jaime in person' and heads out.
Jaime and Helen Hunt find themselves confined inside the red force-field while the Hager Hee Haw twins scan the air with their zapping devices in an effort to pick up a signal from their spacecraft. Helen Hunt explains to Jaime that the twins are Ulloian soldiers who are next to powerless without their zapping devices...then mournfully says she's skeered they're going to kill her for harboring a Zorlian princess during the yet unresolved inter-planetary conflict. Jaime assures her that everything is going to be A-OK, and that they'll somehow figure a clever way out of this pickle before the end credits start rolling.
When Chris pulls into Jaime's driveway, the Hager Hee Haw twins disappear from the apartment, then appear in the driveway and zap Chris into unconsciousness. While that's happening, Jaime orders Max to bite the zapper that one of the Hager Hee Haw twins left behind...and when he does, the red force-field is immediately disabled. The Hager Hee Haw twins reappear in the apartment and stare confusedly at each other when they notice that the red force-field is gone. They scan the apartment with the remaining zapper...and when they find Helen Hunt hiding inside a cabinet, Jaime bionically shoves the cabinet door at one of them, while Max leaps atop the other. Jaime spots the remaining zapper on the floor, grabs it, and points it at the mute twins...creating an awkward stalemate where everyone just stares at each other - including Max, who's angrily baring his teeth at the twins.
The Ulloian spacecraft makes a sudden appearance...and a few seconds later, the Hager Hee Haw twins vanish. Helen Hunt tells Jaime they must have gotten zapped aboard their mother ship so they can return to their home planet...and her best guess is that they were ordered not to abduct her 'cause Zorla emerged victorious in the inter-planetary war. Hurray! Helen Hunt says this means she can go home now...then touches her rock necklace and promptly disappears in a puff of orange glow-smoke, and we can faintly hear her saying goodbye to Jaime.
Chris, meanwhile, regains consciousness from where he was keeled over in the driveway and asks Jaime what happened just now. Jaime wryly says she'd tell him everything that went down this episode - but that the plot was so ridiculously outlandish that it's unlikely he'd believe her.
Recap: Rudy and his fellow OSI buddy, Ray Fisk, are off to enjoy a day of fishing in a tiny coastal town named Paradise Cove (conveniently located just twenty minutes from Ojai). Ray gives his wife Norma a kiss goodbye, and then he and Rudy head over to a large pier while clutching their fishing poles.
A few minutes later, a really fake looking bright red flying saucer that gives off a weird lawnmower type buzzing noise appears in the sky and hovers over the pier [not coincidentally] exactly where Rudy and Ray are standing. A stunned crowd quickly forms...and everyone looks on with horror, including Norma who witnesses the otherworldly spectacle via a pair of binoculars. Oscar happens to arrive in Paradise Cove at that exact moment, and watches as the flying saucer spotlights Rudy and Ray with a bright red beam, zaps them into the spacecraft, then flies off.
Jaime is at home, hanging with Max and watching the local news coverage about the alien abduction. She spots Oscar on the news footage and decides she'd better head down to Paradise Cove and rope herself into what will surely become an impromptu OSI mission before Oscar does it for her.
Jaime finds Oscar sitting in the back of a police cruiser, comforting a tearful Norma. When he spots Jaime, he excuses himself to tell her all about the big red flying saucer that just abducted Rudy Wells and Ray Fisk. Jaime's like, "OMG! Not Rudy and some Ray guy!" ... and on the other side of the parking lot, a reporter named Casey from the national wire service has noticed Jaime's arrival, sees her conversing with Oscar, and decides it would be well worth his time to track her movements.
Oscar hooks Jaime up with Bill Robbins, the OSI's Domestic Operations Chief, to try to crack The Case of The Flying Saucer That Took Rudy and Some Ray Guy. Bill takes Jaime to what looks like a barn in the middle of nowhere, but is actually the entry point to an underground OSI control center and computer lab for tracking UFOs...and, not coincidentally, we learn that Ray Fisk was the OSI agent who programmed all of the computers. A woman (Nena) working at one of the UFO tracking workstations looks alarmed and informs Bill that the bright red flying saucer that the Martians used to abduct Ray and Rudy has suddenly gone off her radar.
The camera pans over to a dismayed looking Rudy, who's watching an unseen man gleefully plopping down thick stacks of cash atop the table in front of him. Sadly, there's no sign of any Martians.
Norma Fisk is besieged by reporters when she arrives home, and for some reason allows Casey inside for an interview. He acts skeptical of Ray's "abduction" and asks her whassup with his UFO computer project at the OSI, and Norma angrily denies that her husband works for the OSI and yells at Casey to get the hell out.
Rudy watches the unseen man, who turns out to be Ray Fisk, as he places the thick stacks of cash into a briefcase. He then telephones Norma to tell her, "It's all set" and that he feels like a very rich man.
Jaime wanders along the beach, bra-less in a cowl neck blue sweater, as she retraces the flight path the flying saucer took before it disappeared from radar. When she spots Casey following her, she decides 'why not needlessly showcase my top secret bionics to this nosy reporter who could blow the lid off the OSI's Bionic Project?' and leaps atop a cliff overlooking the ocean so she can smugly wave down at him. Casey scrunches his face confusedly, but climbs up after her. He asks what exactly her connection to Oscar and Bill Robbins is, and she refuses to answer, but says she'll allow him to tag along as she tries to figure out what in blazes just happened to Rudy and that Ray guy.
Ray calls Norma to inform her that it's time for them to deliver the other half of the plan. He tells her that everything is all worked out, and that they'll be set financially for the rest of their lives.
Jaime and Casey continue to wander down the coast. Casey finds the hat that Rudy was wearing at the time of his disappearance and declares it proof that the flying saucer was a hoax, which he's pretty sure is being perpetrated by the OSI.
Norma pulls out an envelop from a secret hiding spot in her bookshelf and slips it into her purse. She then gets into her car and drives off.
Jaime and Casey are still ambling along the coastal area when they spot Norma's car speeding in their direction. Jaime tells Casey that the road she's driving on leads only to the canyon, so she can't help but wonder what the woman is up to.
Moments after Norma arrives in the canyon, the bright red flying saucer appears overheard, looking hilariously fake against the backdrop of the picturesque canyon. It hovers over Norma and beams her aboard...and Jaime gasps and says the beaming is exactly as Oscar described after he witnessed the "abduction" of Rudy and Ray. She activates her bionic ear and hears Ray excitedly tell Norma that soon they'll be able to start their new life in South America.
Nena tells Bill Robbins they just got another UFO signal, and that it's currently flying towards the coastal canyon.
Casey tells Jaime there has to be a reasonable explanation for the appearance of a bright red flying saucer, and accuses her of being part of a government cover up. He then races off in the direction of the barn/secret underground lab, while Jaime rolls her eyes and is all, "Whatever, dude" and bionically jogs after the flying saucer.
Casey arrives at the barn/secret underground lab, but then contorts his face into an expression of surprise when he sees that the flying saucer is headed in a totally different direction.
Jaime watches the flying saucer land, which she learns, through the magic of '70s TV special effects, is really a helicopter encased in a bright red hologram. She watches as Ray, Norma, and the pilot disembark and greet another bad guy, Spencer, who's been guarding Rudy inside a secret hideaway. Ray hands Spencer a file folder of secret intel on the OSI's underground lab, and then the four go inside the hideaway.
Rudy glares at Norma with an unmistakable look of disgust...while Spencer thanks Ray for handing over the OSI intel, then steers him and Norma over to a walk-in freezer where he's been keeping their money on ice (pun intended). Before Ray and Norma can question why Spencer would be storing their money in a giant freezer and not inside a briefcase like TV villains usually do, Spencer shoves them both inside the freezer, locks the door, and turns the temperature setting to super frigid.
Jaime climbs into the helicopter and presses a button labelled projection, which activates a red hologram around the aircraft in the shape of a flying saucer.
Casey makes his way to the hideaway and sees Jaime sitting inside the hologram-encased helicopter and assumes that she's in on the hoax. He runs over to her and is all, "Ah-ha! Busted!"
The bad guys inside the hideaway hear someone starting up the helicopter and race outside to see whassup. They draw their guns on Jaime and Casey, then march them inside the hideaway, knock them unconscious, and drag them into the freezer, where Ray and Norma are starting to turn into human blocks of ice.
Once Jaime regains consciousness, Rudy warns her (via her bionic ear through the freezer wall) that her bionic limbs won't be able to function once her wiring freezes up. Seems like a really bad design flaw for a bionic spy who might one day be expected to embark upon missions in Arctic type weather. Ray contritely tells Jaime and Casey that he feels really bad about what's happened...and now that he's been double-crossed, wishes he could undo his treasonous acts against the OSI. Jaime's like, "Uh huh, go fuck yourself, Fisk" and asks Casey to distract the Fisks so she can bionically kick open the freezer door without anyone noticing...but it becomes a pointless exercise when her bionic legs poop out after having been exposed to the extreme cold for so long. Through the wall, Rudy advises Jaime to ask her gentleman friend if he wouldn't mind giving her limbs some [platonic style] rubbing so they can get warm enough to default back to their fully functional bionic settings.
Spencer and the pilot are ready to fly off and take Rudy along with them 'cause they regard him as "a valuable piece of property".
The local sheriff calls Bill Robbins to report that Norma Fisk is missing...and Bill's like, "That's weird, I haven't Jaime in awhile either. I wonder if the two disappearances are connected."
Casey warms up Jaime's limbs to the point that she's ready to bionically kick her way out of the freezer...and this time she doesn't bother going through the exercise of distracting the Fisks while she demonstrates her top secret, superhuman abilities 'cause what the hell is the point pretending that the jig isn't totally up at this late stage in the series?
Jaime, Casey, and Rudy flee the hideaway, and the bad guys decide to follow them in the helicopter and shoot at them while carefully avoiding offing Rudy.
Back at the secret underground computer lab, Nena spots the fake flying saucer on her radar again and carefully tracks its flight path.
Jaime pulls a switcheroo on the bad guys by putting on Rudy's jacket and sending them on a wild goose chase by racing bionically through the canyon. When the bad guys realize that the person running is Jaime and not Rudy, they start shooting at her - just as the police arrive on the scene. Jaime rolls down a small cliff, then grabs the nearest rock and bionically hurls it at the helicopter. She damages it so badly that black smoke starts pouring out of the engine, and the bad guys are forced to make an emergency landing and are swiftly arrested by police.
After Casey files his new story about the fake UFO, he asks Jaime out for dinner. The two chat about the Fisks, both of whom were charged with treason, and then Casey asks Jaime whaddup with her superhuman strength. Jaime just smiles and refuses to answer as Casey continues to pepper her with questions during the drive over to the nearest restaurant.
Recap: Oscar tells Jaime that this episode's mission is the most important mission he's ever foisted upon her, not least 'cause his very life depends on it. The mission: go to the Russian embassy in Washington D.C. and retrieve a letter from the Russian ambassador, Dmitri Zhukov. Sounds like a simple enough task.
An unseen man in a lab coat is examining a vial of poison that comes with a detailed label of all the toxins it contains. (This will be very helpful later on.) He says, "That'll take care of Jaime Sommers" then hands the vial to some other unseen person. Eeeeeek!
While an embassy party is in full swing, Jaime is in a private meeting with Ambassador Zhukov, who tells her that his government is very supportive of the treaty that Oscar is attempting to negotiate between two unnamed Middle Eastern powers. He hands her a letter marked top secret, which summarizes his government's position on the matter, and Jaime stares back at him with a surprised expression and says it's no secret that a faction of his party strongly opposes the treaty. Zhukov concurs, says he argued vigorously against handing over the top secret letter to an American cyborg, but in the end obeyed orders 'cause he's super loyal to his country...and would prefer to not end up in a Siberian gulag for being disobedient. He warns her that there are terrorists roaming about who would kill to learn the contents of the letter, along with the secret location where Oscar is conducting the treaty meetings. Sounds very State Department-ish...way to go, Oscar! Callahan suddenly bursts into the room, and after looking momentarily smitten with the perky blonde, Zhukov re-directs his attention back to Jaime and asks her if she has any idea of Oscar's location. She's like, "Well, d'yuh, but I can't tell you that 'cause it'll endanger Oscar's life" and he nods approvingly and says, "Veddy vise. Trust no one." And speaking of trust no one, two suspicious looking servers in not-so-subtle '70s spy disguises enter the room with champagne and a platter of caviar. Jaime and Zhukov detect no red flags with these two, and obliviously help themselves to the refreshments...while Callahan declines 'cause she wants to stick to her diet. Zhukov toasts to "true peace" and Jaime raises her glass before guzzling the champagne.
After the party, Jaime is driving with Callahan, and the two are discussing how desperate the terrorists are to learn where Oscar and the Middle Eastern delegates are holed up. Callahan says that all the pressure of terrorists and secret locations is really getting to her - just as Jaime's vision starts to get blurry. Callahan cries out with alarm as Jaime weaves across the road, then smashes into a van before squealing to an abrupt stop on the roadside. After the two crawl out of the smashed up car, Jaime clutches her stomach and collapses to the ground.
In the next scene, paramedics are rushing Jaime to the nearest hospital while Callahan wails, "Jaimmmmme!"
Chris Williams, Jaime's main squeeze, arrives at the hospital with Max. He tells Max to stay put in the car 'cause the hospital doesn't allow dog visitors. Max barks unhappily.
Callahan tells Chris that it seemed as though Jaime's vision suddenly got blurry while they were driving home from the embassy. Jaime's medical caretakers - Dr. Henderson, along with Rudy's medical assistant Sarah - assure Chris and Callahan that they [along with most of the Western world] are fully aware of Jaime's bionics. They reveal that Jaime has been poisoned by a mysterious combination of chemical compounds, and that they have no idea what kind of antidote to treat her with until they know exactly what kind of poison they're dealing with. Sarah adds that the poison was designed to kill Jaime in a progressive kind of way...meaning that each internal organ will shut down until she's left with zero functioning body parts. Yeesh.
The terrorist who posed as a waiter at the embassy party, an uggo named Carson, calls Callahan at the hospital. He tells her all ominous-like that Jaime has less than twenty hours to live, and whether or not she survives will be up to her. Callahan is all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and immediately relays the disturbing message to Chris. He steers Callahan to a private room and tells her to detail everything Jaime did that day...and she does and also tells him that the envelop Jaime received from Zhukov is being kept under guard in Rudy's safe. She wonders if Zhukov was the one responsible for Jaime's poisoning, so Chris offers to look into that by dropping in on the Russian embassy. He tells Callahan that - fingers crossed - he'll find out who's responsible for poisoning Jaime and return with an antidote.
Chris and Max arrive at the embassy and are startled to learn that Zhukov too was poisoned and that he's expected to expire very soon.
Sarah tells Callahan that they're desperately trying to contact Rudy, who's using up some vacation time by camping out on the sprawling grounds of an OSI facility in Georgia. Sarah adds that Jaime is deteriorating so quickly that soon she'll need to be put on a ventilator. Callahan contorts her face concernedly and says she's going to sit by her friend's bedside and wring her hands worriedly.
Chris returns to the hospital and tells Callahan that Zhukov too was poisoned, and she widens her eyes with horror and is all, "Nooooo!" The Chief Inspector from the National Security Bureau appears out of nowhere and chides Chris for dropping in on the embassy without prior authorization and says he's not in the mood to deal with any pesky diplomatic incidents. After that bitch-slap, he informs Chris that two of the wait staff at the ambassador's party were last minute replacements, and that the couple they replaced were found bound and gagged inside their apartment.
Chris gets a call from a mysterious woman who informs him that Jaime has just fourteen hours to live, and that her doctors are not going to be able to find an antidote to save her in time. She offers to deliver an antidote if Jaime reveals Oscar's whereabouts, then abruptly hangs up. Chris barks at the Chief Inspector to trace the call...and the camera cuts to the woman caller, who turns out to be Jaime nurse [in a very snugly fitted white nurse's uniform]. Eeeeeek!
Chris implores Dr. Hamilton and Sarah to revive Jaime in case she's willing to reveal Oscar's location in exchange for the life-saving antidote. Dr. Hamilton shrugs and decides it's worth a shot.
When Jaime regains consciousness, Chris tells her that they received calls from two mystery people who promise to deliver an antidote to the poison she ingested if she reveals Oscar's location. Jaime refuses, then points out the likeliest end result of that scenario: the terrorists will renege on the deal and let her die and also 'cause a bloody end to Oscar's critical-to-the-world treaty negotiations. Chris has to admit that, yep, that's probably how things would play out...and Jaime closes her eyes and drifts off.
Chris says he's soooooo frustrated by how long it's taking the OSI to track Rudy down, then gets a call from the embassy, informing him that Ambassador Zhukov died a few minutes ago. Apparently, the dying man asked his flunkies to pass along a message to Jaime: dying for something you disapprove of is the final test of loyalty. Chris passes the news along to Callahan, who wrings her hands even more worriedly.
Jaime is now being preserved inside a bubble, and Chris holds her hand through the Saran Wrap enclosure and urges her to hang on until Rudy comes. A few seconds later, the faux nurse enters the room and is instructed by Sarah to watch over Jaime and alert her if there are any changes. After Sarah exits the room, Jaime opens her eyes long enough to - ack! - notice that the nurse is staring daggers at her.
Chris tells Callahan he needs a jet so that he and Max can fly to Georgia and look for Rudy. Callahan says she'll arrange it pronto.
In the next scene, Chris and Max arrive at the OSI facility in Georgia. Chris is told that his measly Grade 6 clearance isn't enough to give him unrestricted access to the facility's grounds - which, incidentally, are riddled with laser guns and landmines. Chris pretends that, yep, he's willing to go through the proper channels to obtain permission to enter Grade 8 territory...then shoves something with Rudy's scent under Max's nose, attaches a Help! Jaime is dying! note on his collar, and orders him to go fetch Rudy. Max solemnly promises to fulfill the mission, then bionically leaps through the window and scampers off into the wilderness.
Jaime has a flashback of the waitress who served her caviar at the embassy party and realizes that she and the nurse are the same person.
Max manages to bionically evade getting blown up by laser guns and landmines, then reaches a hilltop and carefully surveys the area for any sign of Rudy.
Jaime opens her eyes to the sight of the nurse staring at her hatefully. She advances on Jaime and says, "You know me, don't you?", then says she's getting tired of waiting around for the poison to kick in. She's about to rip open the bubble when Callahan suddenly enters the room, senses nothing amiss, and tells the nurse she's going to sit at Jaime's bedside some more. Jaime struggles to tell Callahan that the nurse was the poisoner, but can't seem to squeeze the words out.
Rudy is hiking on the grounds of the OSI facility, clearly enjoying vacationing on a government owned landmine testing site. LOL. Next time try a luxury spa, Rudy. Max continues to dodge the laser bombs...and eventually finds Rudy and delivers the Help! Jaime is dying! note. Phew..
The nurse calls Carson to inform him that Jaime just recognized her, and Carson says he has a sinister plan in mind to torture Jaime into revealing Oscar's location...and after that they'll finish her off. Eeeeeek!
When Carson arrives at the hospital, the nurse tells him that Jaime's room is down the hall. She then pulls the vial of poison out of her pocket and suggests they shove it down Jaime's throat when no one's looking. Carson says he has a far stupider idea, then shows her a square device that's tuned for bionic frequencies and gives off ultrasonic buzzing. The buzzing will cause Jaime's heart to speed up and therefore make the poison work faster. He presses the on switch and places the device inside a drawer in a supply room.
Chris, Rudy, and Max return to the hospital...and Max is immediately distressed by the ultrasonic buzzing. Chris notes that he's in obvious pain, but decides to put a pin in that situation to rush upstairs with Rudy and see how Jaime's doing.
Rudy finds Jamie crying and writhing with pain...and tells the hospital staff that something within her bionic hearing range is killing her. Chris remarks that Max seemed to be suffering from something similar and rushes back down to the parking garage. He orders Max to locate the source of his discomfort, and Max is all, "I'm on the case!" and races upstairs.
Max is quickly able to locate the ultrasonic device, extracts it from the drawer, and bionically chews it to pieces. When the buzzing stops, Jaime gets instant relief...and the dismayed nurse slinks out of the room to warn Carson that they should probably hightail it outa there.
Jaime is able to weakly communicate that the nurse is the same woman who served her caviar at the embassy. Chris immediately springs into action and races down to the parking garage with Max.
Chris and Max catch Carson and the nurse as they try to flee the hospital. Max corners them and gives off a few warning barks, and the two cower in fear and beg him to not rip them to pieces. Chris searches their pockets and finds the poison vial with its helpful content label, then rushes it upstairs to Rudy.
Sarah shows Rudy the list of compounds that make up the poison Jaime ingested, and he happily tells her he can work out the antidote and save Jaime's life before the end credits roll! Hurray!
After being successfully antidoted, Jaime recovers in her hospital bed, happily sniffing a pretty purple flower. Rudy gives her a cheek kiss and tells her she's doing very well...then opens the door to let in Callahan, Chris, and a delighted Max. Oscar calls to report that the peace conference is going swimmingly, and Jaime decides that the agony of nearly being poisoned to death by unrepentant terrorists was worth keeping a lid on the secret of the conference's location. She decrees that, from this point forward, she shall enjoy every moment of her life...assuming that Oscar refrains from saddling her with idiotic OSI missions at the most inopportune times. Chris tells her she's getting discharged from the hospital tomorrow, and she shrieks with delight and gives him a happy, somewhat intense smooch.
Eat your heart out, Oscar. You too, Steve.
Recap: Oscar is at the National Aeronautics Space Administration, overseeing a beta rocket launch to test the dispersal of some OSI-manufactured explosive magic dust that will help restore the earth's damaged ozone layer. One of the scientists tells Oscar they're receiving some kind of radio interference from deep space...and Oscar scrunches his face concernedly and orders his team to look into what this could possibly be. When the interference disappears a few minutes later, he shrugs unconcernedly and orders everyone to proceed with the rocket launch as scheduled. After the explosive magic dust has been dispersed into space, the scientists happily report that the ozone layer atop California has increased by 2.7%, and everyone woots, high-fives each other, and gabbles about how excited they are to undergo step 2: disperse enough explosive magic dust to fix the depleted ozone layer around all of planet earth. Sounds like an ambitious endeavor - kudos, OSI. One of the scientists, Chris Williams, tells Oscar he's off to meet his lady for a lunch date...and Oscar asks him if this lady happens to be a willowy tall blonde to whom he lost his heart years ago, which...give it up, Oscar. Jaime-babe is never going to love you that way. Chris awkwardly replies, "Uh...yes?"
Jaime arrives at the Space Administration building to pick up Chris, and he gives her a smooch and gushes about how hot she's lookin' in the silky pajama ensemble she decided to slip into that day. He tells her about the radio interference they picked up during the rocket launch...which probably has something to do with why they decide to stop in at an abandoned building/bunker (?) that's giving off weird beeping noises. Jaime covertly breaks the door lock, then lamely tells Chris - one of the few OSI employees who's somehow unaware of her bionics - that the padlock broke in her hand 'cause it must have been rusted through.
The camera pans over to a mysterious looking old man who's meditating in front of a plate of crystals...and is dressed in a potato sack robe and rocking a fluffy white page-boy hairdo.
Jaime and Chris encounter a stairwell that's blocked by big chunks of concrete. Jaime sends Chris off to look for something that might help pry them loose...and as soon as he's out of sight, she bionically moves the concrete chunks out of the way. When Chris returns sooner than she expected and catches her in the act, he goes, "Bionic, right?" and she nods and asks him if her cyborg wiring is a turnoff to him. He's like, "I dunno...exactly how much of you is bionic?" - ouch - and she mumbles, "Not too much."
As Jaime and Chris descend further underground, a scantily clad Inca warrior awakens covered in sand - nope, that's not a misprint - then scrambles to his feet and picks up a crude looking weapon. Jaime's bionic ear continues to detect beeping noises, and she reacts by smashing her way through the building's drywall in order to pinpoint the source. Eventually, she and Chris discover an ancient tunnel, and Chris climbs through first and is promptly knocked unconscious by Inca Warrior. When Jaime finds herself face to face with Inca Warrior, she's all, "The fuck?" and tries to fight him bionically, but is quickly subdued when he tosses sparkly dust in her face.
Back at the Space Administration building, Oscar asks his team why Chris is MIA. Some OSI flunky named Jim says he left with Jaime five hours ago and the two haven't been seen since.
Jaime regains consciousness inside a cave and finds herself laying paralyzed on a big stone bed. She glances around and spots Inca Warrior, along with the white haired old man, who she quickly realizes is able to read her thoughts. He introduces himself as Ky, then starts babbling about a pyramid that got lost in the earth's innards during "the wind of ages". He then points his bony finger at Jaime, which results in her regaining the use of her limbs. She gets up and quickly checks on Chris, who's laying immobile on the ground...and Ky assures her he's just paralyzed, and will be revived whenever he feels like pointing his bony finger in his direction. He then tells her his bizarre backstory: five thousand years ago, he and his other-worldly friends came to earth to teach humans important stuff about stars and rocks...but when humans turned out to be too primitive and savage for their taste, the other-worldlies (sans Ky and, I'll assume, Inca Warrior) were like 'fuck this' and hastily returned to their home planet. Ky says he's been left to rot inside this forgotten pyramid cave ever since, and awaits the return of his people's mother ship...which, incidentally, is currently en route to earth - but faces peril from Oscar's upcoming rocket launch. Ky informs Jaime that he sent Inca Warrior to put a stop to the launch, then ominously adds, "If he fails, all life on planet earth will die." Sounds like the writers may have been running out of fresh ideas by Season 3, 'cause this dire warning seems pretty derivative of the Doomsday is Tomorrow two-parter.
Jim tells Oscar that conditions in space are perfect for the official rocket launch, aka Operation Ozone Layer Repair. Oscar nods approvingly, then orders an APB on Jaime and Chris.
Jaime assures Ky that the rocket launch isn't designed to hurt anyone, but rather fix the pooched ozone layer. Ky explains that the sodium chemical change that makes up the explosive magic dust is going to conflict with the electromagnetic propulsion system of his planet's mother ship...in other words, it'll cause the thing to blow up. He warns that when that happens, his people will assume they're under attack and retaliate by blowing up planet earth...but neglects to explain exactly how his people will be able to retaliate after getting blown up in the space ship they were riding around in.
Inca Warrior is too late to stop the rocket launch and the subsequent release of explosive magic dust. Ky senses something amiss, fondles a plateful of crystals while staring worriedly into space, and tells Jaime, "We've lost. The warrior failed." Well, sheee-it.
Back at the Space Administration building, Oscar's OSI team picks up a UFO signal that indicates it's headed straight for earth.
Warrior Inca returns to the cave just as Ky un-paralyzes Chris. Ky natters for several looooong, tedious minutes about pyramid capturing and storing cosmic energy, then grumbles about how the primitive humans he tried to school five thousand years ago insisted on filling tombs with unnecessary food and treasures. He tells Jaime and Chris that when the sands of time buried this pyramid, it lowered the "stored power of bio-cosmic energy", which means he no longer has the brain power to activate a transmitter to his mother ship. Jaime asks him if he can think of any other source of power that might work - a big, charged up battery? - and he says she could help out by a) finding him a ginormous crystal or b) sacrificing the bionic power pack he somehow knows she carries around beneath her skin. That's an interesting bit of bionic trivia I didn't know before. Jaime's like, "Ack! I need that power pack to live!" and Ky breezily retorts, "The gain justifies the risk." OK, well...easy for you to say, Obi-Wan. Chris recalls that Rudy has been experimenting with crystalline forms and is pretty sure he has a large crystal stored inside his office safe. Jaime offers to go get it...and Ky says he likes that idea and orders Inca Warrior to accompany her, while Chris will be kept as an unwilling captive to ensure her hasty return.
The alien mother ship continues to make beeping noises as it approaches earth. Oscar and his team spot the ship on their radar and worry that it's a dangerous meteor hurtling its way through space.
Jaime and Inca Warrior sneak into the OSI, go upstairs to Rudy's lab...and Jaime uses her bionic ear to crack the safe and extract the giant white crystal. A security guard suddenly bursts into the room, and Inca Warrior reacts by leaping out of the window with the crystal. The security guard warns Jaime not to move, but she throws a barbell at him and also leaps out the window. She finds the crystal laying on the ground where Inca Warrior dropped it, then picks it up and bionically races in the direction of the pyramid cave. On the way she finds an injured Inca Warrior...and the two stare awkwardly at each other for what seems like a looooooooong time - until he's finally willing to let her help him to his feet so he can hobble back to the buried pyramid cave with her and hopefully prevent the destruction of earth.
OSI security calls Oscar to inform him that Jaime just broke into Rudy's lab and stole a large crystal from his safe. Oscar's like, "That makes zero sense...though it's pretty much in keeping with the rest of this nonsensical episode", then calls up whoever has custody of Max this episode and orders that the pooch be brought to Rudy's lab asap.
Jaime and Inca Warrior return to the cave with the giant crystal. Ky examines it carefully, then deduces that it's too unstable to be used as the sole power source to contact the mother ship. Jaime's all, "Fuuuuuuuuuck" and gives him permission to take her bionic power pack, and Ky promptly removes it from her upper arm and inserts it into his communications dashboard thingy.
Oscar tells Max, “Jaime’s in trouble, I need your help, boy” and Max is like, "I'm on it!" and scampers off to save the day.
Ky uses the giant crystal, along with Jaime's bionic power pack to send an urgent message to his people to stay far away from earth, then warns Jaime and Chris to get the hell out 'cause there's about to be a risk overload situation inside the cave. Jaime and Chris beat a hasty retreat just as everything inside the cave starts smashing apart and catching fire. After several desperate attempts, Ky is finally able to get a message through to his people: 'abort! abort! go back to your home galaxy'. Hurray!
Chris carries a weakened Jaime to her car - just as Max appears and smothers her face with doggie kisses. Sweet! Oscar appears a few seconds later, learns from Chris that Jaime's power pack has been removed, and immediately calls for an ambulance. He coos, "You're going to be all right, babe" and asks her what in blazes went on inside that abandoned building. When Jaime just stares contemplatively into space and declines to respond, Oscar says, "Maybe you'll tell me about it someday" ... and then the camera pans over to the mother ship, which looks to be retreating towards outer, outer space.