Recap: The state police send out an APB for a svelte blonde woman fleeing Ojai with a large German Shepherd...and the police have orders to shoot to kill Max. Nooooo!!
Miles north of Ojai, a cop stops in at his local market - just as the pickup truck carrying Jaime and Max pulls up. Jaime activates her bionic hearing and eavesdrops on the cop telling the shopkeeper he's on the lookout for her and Max...and the driver of the pickup sees her crouching behind the truck with Max and correctly assumes they're on the lam. He watches as the cop drives off, then tells Jaime he knows what it's like to avoid law enforcement...and she thanks him for his discretion, then bionically jogs off with Max.
After running through various meadows for awhile, Jaime and Max arrive at the ranger's office for the Hardin National Forest. She tells Max she hopes her old friend is inside...and that he'll be in a friendly state of mind when he sees her. When a homely young man with a dorky pageboy 'do answers the door, Jaime warmly says, "Hello Roger", and he contorts his face into a look of surprise, then invites her in and offers her coffee and sustenance. She sheepishly apologizes for the abrupt way she dumped him pre-Bionic Woman, and he breezily says it's understandable that she'd prefer to go on a tennis circuit, 'cause it had to have been more exciting than anything that was happening in this dull town. Jaime says she should have been more mature about their split and told him face-to-face he was getting the heave-ho, but he assures her he isn't upset with her...then turns his attention to Max and gushes about how much he loves dogs. He starts nattering about an Australian Shepherd he once had...and as he's going on and on about that, Jaime curls up on the couch behind him and nods off. Roger tucks her in with a blanket, then goes over to his desk and picks up a warning message he received earlier about Jaime and Max, which, funnily enough, includes his doodles of Jaime's name...like twelve year old girls like to do when they replace the dots over the "i" in their name with little hearts. He folds the paper and puts it into his pocket.
The state police receive word over their radios that they're to intensify their search for Jaime and Max.
Jaime wakes up after sleeping for seven hours...and by this time Roger has fed Max and is fixing the two of them some dinner. He places candles on the table and gets out a book of matches...and he and Jaime stare longingly into each others' eyes as they light the candles together. Max gets upset at the sight of the flames and starts barking, but Jaime and Roger just kind of shrug and assume he's jealous of their canoodling. Roger then brings over some steak in a pan he wants to flambé...but as soon as he lights up the meat, Max has a flashback of the lab fire, suffers a complete meltdown, and breaks down the front door in his desperation to flee. Jaime stares after him in puzzlement, while Roger is totally mystified as to how a dog could be strong enough to physically break through his front door. Jaime stares contemplatively into space as she replays the various freakouts she's witnessed Max have during this two-parter and finally twigs onto the common trigger: fire. When she blurts all this out to Roger, he tells her he knows about the APB and that the police have been given orders to shoot Max 'caused he's been classified as a dangerous animal. Jaime decides it's time to contact Oscar and Rudy...and fortunately is able to reach them at her apartment. She gives them her location, tells them that Max has only been acting out because of his deathly fear of fire, then implores Oscar to call off the shoot to kill order. Oscar replies, "Of course, babe" and calls off the APB. Phew!
Max is deep in the woods, gazing at a herd of sheep from several feet away. When a scary looking wolf suddenly appears, the sheep begin to bahh uneasily...and Max dashes over to protect the herd. When the wolf leaps in and grabs one of the sheep, Max confronts him, and the two growl and bite at each other until the wolf gets scared off and runs away. A nearby ranch owner named Harley hears the commotion, so he runs over with his rifle...and when he finds a mournful looking Max standing over the murdered sheep, he pulls the trigger and shoots Max in the jaw. Asshole.
Jaime tells Roger she just heard a gunshot, and a few seconds later Roger gets a call from Harley, who reports that he just shot at the dog who killed one of his sheep and warns him that the wounded beast is probably headed his way. Roger tells Jaime they need to find Max before Harley finishes him off...and then the camera pans over to the smoking bullet that just grazed Max, and it suddenly sparks a forest fire. Nice going, Harley. Asshole.
In the woods, Jaime and Roger encounter the wolf - ack! - and Roger puts his arm around Jaime and assures her that the animal is probably more frightened than she is. The wolf glares at the two of them with his blood soaked mouth before turning around and running off...and Roger wryly says, "Well, now we know who killed the sheep" and says he noticed that the wolf had bite wounds, most likely courtesy of Max.
Harley comes upon Max, who's writhing in pain from his jaw injury - but before he can aim his rifle and take another shot, he accidentally steps into a bear trap. Max trots over to where Harley is crying out for help and takes a moment to bionically bite his rifle in half - haha! - before using his superdog jaw strength to spring open the bear trap and release Harley's foot. Harley, who was terrified that Max was getting ready to feast on his trapped foot, looks befuddled and asks, "What kind of dog are you?" and Max races off, then has another flashback-fueled freakout when he notices that part of the forest is on fire.
Jaime and Roger find Max - but he's so upset by the forest fire that he leapfrogs over the two of them and scampers away. Jaime is about to chase after him, but Roger tells her it's a bad idea and that he needs to head back to his office and deal with extinguishing the fire.
Firemen arrive at the scene to combat the flames, while Roger sits in his office and doodles Jaime on his notepad before he decides he should probably get back into the forest to search for his beloved. Jaime, meanwhile, is racing through the fiery forest to catch up with Max, who's still in freak-out mode. Oscar and Rudy arrive at the outer perimeter of the fire...and when the Fire Boss tells them they can't hang around, they haughtily inform him they're from the OSI, and that it's a matter of national security that they locate Jaime and Max. The Fire Boss tells them that a ranger just dashed into the flaming forest to find them, and Oscar and Rudy exchange worried glances.
Max has more flashbacks of the lab fire as he narrowly escapes being flattened by a burning tree. Jaime finally locates him, but he's so deranged from the pain in his jaw that he attacks her and bites her bionic arm until she passes out. He immediately looks contrite and stares sadly in her direction.
Max licks Jaime's face in an attempt to revive her, and a few seconds later Roger finds the two of them and cuddles next to Jaime. She looks freaked out by having her arm bitten by Max, then shows Roger her damaged bionic limb with wires sticking out of it. When he's all, "WTF?!", she spills the beans on the OSI secret [that Rudy and Oscar have been afraid since Part 1 would get out to the general public...so, well done, Jaime] that both she and Max are bionic...and that when Harley shot Max in the jaw, it short-circuited his wires and caused his brain to go all squirrelly. A bemused Roger's like, "Er, OK..?" then tells her that there's a steam engine nearby, and if they can get it to work, there's a chance the three of them can escape the flames via rail.
Jaime and Roger quickly locate the steam engine, bring Max aboard, and Jaime doesn't bother hiding her bionic strength from Roger when she forcibly pushes the gear into place.
The Fire Boss tells Rudy and Oscar about the parked steam engine and correctly assumes that Jaime and Roger will try to escape the fire on that.
The train starts chugging along the tracks...and when the wheels stick, Jaime hops out and gives the engine a bionic shove to get it moving again. Roger for some reason looks stunned and asks, "Can I ask how you did that?" and she says no, even though she had just revealed her bionics (and Max's bionics) to him a few minutes earlier. As the train glides through the fiery forest, Jaime and Roger breathe into wet handkerchiefs while Max whines anxiously. The Fire Boss and his team station themselves at the end of the tracks where they hope Jaime and Roger will soon materialize.
Roger suffers from smoke inhalation and keels over...and then the train comes to an abrupt stop after a tree falls on the tracks. Jaime also weakens from breathing in too much smoke, bionically hears the firemen talking nearby, and tells a panicked Max to go over to them for help. He's like, "I'm on it!", has flashbacks of all the fun times he and Jaime had together in Part 1, and scampers off toward the firemen.
Max arrives at where the firemen, along with Oscar and Rudy are stationed. They're like, "Max! Where's Jaime?!" and he barks, "She's over here!" and leads them to the steam engine. They quickly find Jaime and Roger, carry them out of the train and administer oxygen, and are relieved when they each start to breathe. Rudy gives Max, who fortunately doesn't try to maul him to death, a grateful hug and coos, "Good boy!" and Oscar stares down at Jaime-babe with tears of joy in his eyes.
Once the fire is under control, Harley tells the firemen about the gun eating dog he encountered in the woods, but they don't buy his story...or seem to be aware that the smoking bullet from his dickish shooting of Max just caused a major forest fire. Rudy tells Jaime he's reconsidered putting Max down and instead is going to help him overcome his fear of fire...and that he's going to do it while also allowing him to frolic outdoors. After that, they might let Jaime or Roger adopt him...and Jaime tells Roger if he gets custody of the pooch she definitely wants visiting privileges. Roger grins and says, "That's the idea", but Oscar solemnly informs them that the final decision of re-homing will be up to Max.
As it should be. Woof!
Recap: Jaime is at the OSI lab, undergoing her routine bionic workout/checkup with Rudy. After doing some arm weights, Rudy snarks that she's out of shape and reminds her that she's going to have to keep herself in better health if she wants to minimize the risk of bionic rejection. Jaime shrugs off his bitchy concern and tells him she'd like to take a quick shower before her bionic ear testing gets underway.
While heading downstairs to the shower, Jaime activates her bionic ear and hears whistle noises, along with the whimpering of a dog. She disregards the Restricted sign posted on a large steel door, bionically breaks her way into a large workout room, and sees two men attempting to train a large German Shepherd named Max. One of the trainers barks at Jaime to get out 'cause she needs grade 6 clearance to be in this room, and she snaps back that she does have the requisite clearance...and surprisingly doesn't demonstrate her bionic abilities to prove to them both that she's an OSI cyborg spy. When she sees the treadmill and weight machines, she has a flashback of the testing workouts she first underwent (sans bra, incidentally) when she was given bionic limbs after her skydiving accident. Jaime checks Max's collar and finds a tag that reads Maximillion and is startled by the sudden realization that he's a million dollar bionic dog.
Rudy explains to Oscar and Jaime that Max had been injured in a lab fire when he was a puppy, and that the only way his life could be saved was to insert bionic wires into his four limbs and his jaw. Seems plausible. He then plays video footage of Max bionically running and leaping and says that when he could run speeds of 90 miles/hour, he was the fastest animal alive. Afterwards, Oscar brings Jaime over to the room where Max is being confined and tells her that in recent years, Max has gotten depressed and spends the day moping around his titanium (aka inescapable) kennel...and that Rudy's concerned he's starting to reject his bionics, a risk that increases with age. It suddenly dawns on Jaime that this is probably why Rudy was so snappish about her health earlier, so she asks Oscar if bionic rejection could happen to her one day...and Oscar just winces and stares into space. [I'll take that as a yes.] Jaime looks less concerned than I'd be at that horrifying prospect and nuzzles Max and coos, "We're in this together."
Hours later, Jaime is still sitting beside Max's kennel, replaying the audio of Oscar telling her how concerned Rudy is that Max is starting to reject his bionics. She has a sudden flashback of when her brain went all squirrelly during the second crossover episode and murmurs, "It just can't be", then lays down next to Max.
Jaime sneaks into Rudy's office and reads through Max's file, and learns that the poor thing has been confined indoors for the last four years.
Jaime confronts Rudy and Oscar and tells them she doesn't believe that Max is rejecting his bionics, 'cause he doesn't appear to be acting particularly squirrelly - plus he'd be exhibiting signs of serious pain. She suggests that he's simply lost the will to live after being cooped up in a kennel for so long. Rudy tells her he's had no choice but to keep Max restrained indoors, 'cause the last time he was allowed outside he bionically ran eighteen miles and it was difficult to coax him back. Max shoots Rudy a hateful stink-eye and starts barking ferociously, and Rudy sheepishly tells Jaime he knows the dog dislikes him 'cause after years of working with him and bonding as man and dog, he coldly abandoned the pooch to focus on other OSI projects. Jaime tut tuts him for being such a soulless dickwad and says that Max is a loving animal who just needs someone to love and care for him, then offers to be that person while she's stationed at OSI headquarters for the next five days. Rudy agrees, but warns her it's probably not going to change his diagnosis. He adds that if Max shows no signs of improvement, he's going to put him down and examine his bionic parts in an autopsy to see what the hell went wrong. Jaime stares back at him in horror.
Jaime brings Max a big bowl of food, but when he doesn't seem interested, she tries to entice him by pretending to chow down on his kibble. When that doesn't work either, she lays beside him, strokes his fur, and coos about how much she loves him. She then tries hand feeding him, and he daintily accepts one kibble at a time.
Jaime bionically jogs on the treadmill while a listless Max watches. When she finishes, she says, "Your turn", but he just glances at the treadmill disinterestedly. In the next scene, Jaime physically places Max on the treadmill and urges him to run, but he retorts by laying down and refusing to budge. After that, she tries to get him to demonstrate his jumping skills by leaping over an eight foot high pool, but he just barks in disgust at the pole and trots underneath it. LOL.
At bed time, Jaime spreads out her sleeping bag and lays down next to Max's kennel. Max is having nightmares 'cause of flashbacks of the lab fire, so Jaime opens the kennel door and gives him a comforting canoodle. He whimperingly objects when she starts to shut the kennel door, then crawls out and cuddles next to her on her sleeping bag. She pets his fur and promises him that tomorrow they're getting out of here.
The next morning, Jaime explains to Rudy that part of the reason Max is so depressed is that he hates being confined to his kennel, so she proposes getting him outside so she can show him how much fun bionics can be. Rudy says he's concerned that Max will run away and reveal his bionics to the world, the way Jaime's always doing on her OSI missions. He then mutters that he's late for a meeting and rushes out of his office...and Jaime stares out the window and decides ah fuck it. She goes downstairs to the training room and tells Max's trainer, Crosby, that Rudy asked her to bring Max up to his lab pronto, and he buys her story and lets her take the dog. As she and Max make their way upstairs, Crosby gets on the phone to confirm the request with Rudy.
Jaime locks Rudy's office, then takes Max out on the balcony and points at the flowery meadow below. She tells him she's going to spend the day bionically frolicking in the meadow and hopes he joins her...then leaps off of the balcony, leaving Max to stare down at her and bark anxiously. While that's happening, Rudy and Crosby burst into his office - just as Max takes a running leap off of the balcony and bionically races off with Jaime. Rudy angrily orders Crosby to call security so they can track the two down asap, then opens a cabinet and pulls out a tranquilizer gun.
Jaime and Max are happily frolicking through the meadow, and we get a feel-good song in the background. She throws a thick stick for Max to fetch, and he dutifully catches it, then breaks it in half with his bionic jaw. She chuckles, pets him, and gushes about how proud of him she is...and then we get another loooooong, superfluous segment of the two continuing to leap and frolic about.
Max suddenly stops frolicking and gets a sad look on his face, and Jaime looks puzzled at the sudden change in his mood and asks him whassup. A few seconds later, she spots a jeep heading towards them carrying Rudy with Max's two trainers. Jaime tells an incensed Rudy she knows he's angry, but insists that just moments ago Max had been enjoying running through the meadow. Rudy admonishes her for jeopardizing a top secret OSI project, then looks over at Max, who's laying on the ground looking despondent again. Jaime urges him to get up and demonstrate how joyfully he was just frolicking, but he ignores her and continues to stare dully into space. When Crosby lights up a cigar, Max glares fearfully at the flame on the lighter, has a flashback of the lab fire he was trapped in during his puppyhood, and starts barking ferociously. An alarmed Rudy promptly shoots him with his tranquilizer gun, then tells Jaime that tomorrow he's putting Max down. Jaime shrieks, "You can't!" and begs him to give Max another chance, but he dickishly refuses to listen and orders the trainers to load Max onto the jeep. Jaime wails, "If I start to reject my bionics, are you going to put me down?!!" and Rudy mulls that over, no doubt thinking, "Well, d'yuh."
Before dawn, Jaime breaks into Max's room and tells him they're getting outa here. She breaks the lock on his kennel, leashes him up, and bitterly tells him she hopes that neither of them ever sees the inside of this shitty room again.
The next morning, Oscar and Rudy get word from security that Jaime left OSI headquarters at 4am, likely with Max hidden in the trunk of her car. Oscar credits Jaime with having good instincts and asks Rudy if it's possible she's right about Max not rejecting his bionics and just being depressed about his indoor life. Rudy gets defensive and asks him if he's questioning his [often questionable] judgement, and Oscar's like, "Whoa" and says he's merely giving him a chance to modify his position, then asks if he has even the slightest doubt he was mistaken about Max's diagnosis. Rudy admits that's there's an extremely slight chance he could be wrong, and Oscar says they owe it to Jaime to give her some quality time to work with Max. They correctly assume that she took him home with her to Ojai.
Jaime arrives in downtown Ojai with Max and runs into her friend Judy. Judy catches her up on things, points at her young daughter Sarah - who, for some reason, she left inside her Volkswagen bug unattended - then remarks on how big Max is. As Judy ambles off to run errands, Jaime heads over to the pay phone to warn Mama and Papa Austin that she now has a large pet...and they wryly tell her they already know all about it from Oscar and Rudy. Sarah, meanwhile, is climbing over her seat in the Volkswagen, giggling and cooing at Max...and in the process hits the gear shift with her foot. As the car starts to coast down a hill, Max barks anxiously at the looming tragedy, then bionically bursts through the window and chases after the car. A random bystander who noticed Max burst through the car window, says to Jaime, "Hey, isn't that your dog?", and Jaime's like, "Ack!" and starts bionically chasing him. Max reaches the Volkswagen, grabs the bumper with his bionic jaw, and heroically brings the car to a stop. Judy, who has just realized what happened as a result of her negligent parenting, rushes over and hugs Sarah...and Jaime nuzzles Max and tells him she's very proud of his good deed.
Back at her apartment, Jaime tells Papa Austin all about how Max saved little Sarah and that it's lucky that no one noticed - aside from the bystander who had to inform Jaime that her dog had just bionically burst through her car window - and insists that Max is fully domesticated and cares about people. A few seconds later, Oscar and Rudy arrive at the ranch, and Jaime asks Papa Austin to stay inside with Max 'cause he never reacts well to being in Rudy's presence.
Oscar and Rudy tell Jaime that they've agreed to give Max another chance, and Jaime's all, "Hurray!" and tells them that Max saved a small child today. While that's happening, Papa Austin is building a fire in Jaime's fireplace...and Max stares at the flames, has yet another flashback of the lab fire, and starts barking ferociously. While that's happening, Oscar tells Jaime that Max had better come through this time...cue Max, who suddenly crashes through the second story carriage house window and bionically runs off. Oscar scrunches his face with dismay and tells Jaime he has no choice but to call the state police, and Jaime's like, "Nooooo!!" and takes off after Max.
Jaime finds Max and hitches a ride far away from Ojai on the back of a pickup truck. She cuddles beside Max as we hear her narrate the goodbye message she left for Oscar, telling him that if it's really true Max is rejecting his bionics, she wants to be there for him and help him get through the grisly ordeal.
Recap: An old man (Inky) is sitting at a bar, guzzling booze and having flashbacks of a robbery he just attempted at the Austin ranch - before a slender blonde lady scared the bejeezus out of him with her superhuman strength. When the bartender, Saul, asks Inky if his latest heist went OK, Inky gets a haunted look on his face and says he was in the process of robbing a ranch house in Ojai when he was attacked by a superwoman. Saul assumes it's the booze talking and informs Inky that the mobster-in-chief, Gino Talvin, wants to see him asap. As Inky lumbers off still looking dazed, Saul chuckles about his tales of superwoman.
Inky arrives at mobster headquarters: a giant warehouse filled with stolen loot. Gino finishes a pep talk to one of his thieves on how he should always target the best stuff while robbing a place - which, no duh, sounds like Burglary 101 - then spots Inky and motions him over. He reminds him about the $200 advance he gave him, and says he had expected something good to come of it by now. Inky explains that he was in the middle of robbing a house in Ojai when he was interrupted by a woman...and we get a flashback of Jaime throwing a couch at him with one arm, then yanking the rug from his feet, causing him to topple onto the floor. He then recounts that the superwoman ran outside after him, and chased him in his getaway car before hurling a bottle of booze at him, which smashed through his car window. Gino rolls his eyes at the outlandish tale and tells Inky he's officially fired from further participation as a burglar in his criminal operation. He then calls over a burly guard, who grabs Inky and physically throws him out of the warehouse while Inky protests, "It was true! I'm not crazy! I'll prove it to you!"
The policeman investigating the burglary at Casa Austin tells Jaime he wasn't able to lift any fingerprints, and Jaime just shrugs and is all, "Oh well, whaddya gonna do?" She walks him out to his car, unaware that she's being spied on by Inky, who's hiding in the bushes with a pair of binoculars. After the policeman drives off, Inky witnesses Jaime fix the thick metal latch on the fence post he had damaged during his hasty getaway on the night of the botched robbery. After Jaime leaves for work, he ambles over to the fence post and checks the strength of the metal latch and is perplexed when he's unable to make it budge.
Inky breaks into Jaime's apartment and finds a written reminder about a teacher's meeting tonight, then wanders back outside and murmurs, "Now what can she bend?" He looks up at the TV antenna on the roof, then gets a ladder and uses a large tool to bend it out of shape. After climbing back down, he worries that she might not notice the warped antenna, so he also damages part of the white fencing surrounding the property.
Inky is perched in a tree with a little video camera when Jaime returns home, notices the broken fence, and quickly gets to work bionically repairing it. After that, she notices the bent antenna and leaps up to the roof to bionically bend it back into place before leaping back down. An astonished Inky captures all of this on film, then kisses his video camera.
Jaime bionically prepares her specialty, carrot cake, for the upcoming teacher's meeting, then calls up Oscar to arrange to meet up with him at the school.
That evening, Jaime heads to her car with her carrot cake...and gets startled when she finds Inky sitting in the passenger seat pointing a gun at her. He tells her he's been watching her all day, and that they have some business to discuss.
Inky directs Jaime to drive to his apartment hovel in a seedy party of town, where he lives with his monkey pet, Ralph. When they enter the apartment, Ralph screeches and jumps all over Inky - and in the midst of all that chaos, Jaime is able to grab Inky's gun, which she soon learns isn't actually loaded. Inky informs Jaime that he spent the afternoon filming her doing various superhuman stuff, and doesn't buy her claim that she's merely a schoolteacher. He adds that the film is being kept in a safety deposit box, and that her secret will be out if anything should happen to him. He then gives her an ultimatum: help him with his next heist and get the film, or refuse and deal with the consequences of the film being released.
Jaime summons Oscar to her apartment to discuss her blackmail conundrum, and he grimly tells her he ran a check on Inky and found that his criminal record includes a string of arrests, petty thefts, and two counts of grand theft after his pet monkey triggered the burglar alarm. Jaime asks Oscar if he was able to locate the safety deposit box where the film documenting her super powers is being stashed, and Oscar sighs deeply and says, "Well, since your bionics are top secret, it becomes a national security problem” and says it probably won't be an issue for them to get a search warrant. He then says he's not so much worried about a petty thief like Inky getting wind of her bionics as he is a mob kingpin finding out...and, presumably, everyone Jaime has unwittingly - but also pretty damn wittingly - demonstrated her bionics to ever since the pilot episode. Jaime tells him that right now Inky is waiting for her at a downtown bar to make plans for the heist, and Oscar tells her to pretend as though she's willing to go along with it. He says he'll arrange for himself and the police to be on hand to catch him committing his third felony so he can be shipped off to Alcatraz. When Jaime points out that Alcatraz has been closed for more than ten years, Oscar puts his most serious face on and replies, "You're beginning to get the idea, babe."
Inky is in a celebratory mood so he offers to buy rounds for everyone at the bar, then tells Saul he's expecting a big score now that "a very special woman" will be helping him out with his next heist. He's about as blabby about his robberies as Jaime is about her bionics. Saul's like, "OK, whatever", then notices Jaime enter the bar and gives her an appreciative once-over. He looks stunned when she walks over to Inky and suggests they go somewhere to talk privately...so he immediately calls Gino to report that Inky is partnering with a real nice lookin' woman for his next heist, then adds that he can't figure why a classy dame like that would want to be associated with a loser like Inky. Gino mulls that over and says he'll get one of his henchman to look into it.
Jaime and Inky are back at his apartment, where Ralph is engaged in his favorite activity: repeatedly ringing a toy bell. Outside the building, one of Gino's henchmen is eavesdropping on their conversation with some sort of high tech listening device. Inky pours Jaime a cup of tea using a charming tea cozy that belonged to his late mother, then goes over the plan to rob $3 million from a local bank and says that the operation will go down at noon tomorrow.
Gino's henchman continues to eavesdrop on Jaime as she exits Inky's building and makes a beeline over to the nearest phone booth to call Oscar. She tells him she hates the idea of setting up Inky...but when Oscar sternly tells her he has zero sympathy for blackmailers and demands the deets, she reveals the name of the bank and the day and time of the heist. Oscar says he'll be in touch with the police chief and warns Jaime to stay out of the getaway car after the robbery.
The henchman tells Gino that Jaime is double-crossing Inky...and Gino proposes they rob Inky of his $3 million score before the cops get a chance to arrest him.
The next day, Inky prepares his car for the heist while under surveillance by Gino's henchmen...who are also monitoring police radio communication.
Jaime arrives at Inky's apartment as he's packing up his stuff. The police, meanwhile, begin their stakeout at the bank and discuss over the radio airwaves their plan to seal off every escape route. Gino's henchmen intercept the intel and formulate a plan on how to best thwart the police so they can get to Inky first.
Inky assures Jaime that nothing bad will happen to her during the heist, then says he likes being associated with a classy lady such as herself. He brings Ralph along 'cause he can't bear to leave his beloved pet behind, then sadly looks around his grungy apartment for the last time.
The police, along with Gino's henchmen, are all monitoring Inky and Jaime when they arrive at the bank. Inky uses a car battery as a foil against the burglar alarm, and then Jaime bionically breaks open the door. Once they're inside, the police move in what they call their "ready position".
Jaime pries open the vault, and Inky rushes inside and starts filling his empty bags with money. He hands Jaime a stack of cash and tells her it's a reward for all of her troubles...but when he's not looking, she tosses it back inside the vault. The two head back to the getaway car - and Jaime's about to dash off when suddenly two of Gino's henchmen appear and order them at gunpoint to get into the car. The rest of the henchman team block the police cars in various alleys, successfully thwarting their plan to arrest Inky...and a dismayed Oscar tells the police chief they've been duped and are going to have to figure out how to get themselves in the center of the action, pronto.
The henchmen order Inky to drive into a waiting transport truck, which they lock up and drive off before the police can make heads or tails of what just happened.
At the mobster headquarters warehouse, Gino tells Inky he's impressed about the heist he just pulled off. He orders his men to lock up Jaime in a shipping crate, and as they start to lead her away, she bionically knocks over a stack of crates and races off...which I guess means so much for keeping her bionics a secret from a higher up crime boss like Gino. As the henchmen chase after her, Inky tries to escape on some scaffolding with Ralph and his bags of money, but he trips and dangles helpless while the money from his bags spills out and scatter around the warehouse. Jaime manages to lose Gino and his henchmen and rushes up the scaffolding to help Inky up and bring him to safety...and when the henchmen get distracted with snatching up all the money that's scattered everywhere, Jaime and Inky spot an alarm bell along the far wall and urge Ralph to climb over and ring it. Ralph obliges and hits the bell a few times, causing the very loud burglar alarm to go off. Gino and his henchmen are all, "Wha-at is happening?!" ... and soon after, the police swarm the warehouse. A weakened Inky tells Jaime to take care of Ralph for him, then slumps over, and Jaime gets teary and cries, "Nooooo!!"
Oscar phones Jaime at her apartment to report that after searching the mobsters' warehouse, they were able to recover the $3 million that Inky stole from the bank. Inky, who didn't die after all, is hanging at Jaime's place, along with Ralph. He tells Jaime he got a job at the police department teaching people how to protect themselves against burglars - I guess in lieu of being prosecuted for the bank robbery he just committed in broad daylight and witnessed by half the police force. He thanks her for everything she's done for him this episode, and tells her that aside from his late ma, no one has ever given a hoot about him. He assures her that the secret of her bionics is safe with him [hopefully Gino and his team of henchmen also share that sentiment], and then the two dive into Jaime's delicious carrot cake.
Recap: Late at night on a shipyard, two grizzled salvage workers (Dean and Jake) are blow-torching their way through the bulkhead of a decommissioned ship called the Handerson. Inside, they find a fully intact human skeleton - ack! - and Dean's like, "Yep, he was right where he said it would be." The two remove the skeleton, but don't notice the dog tags that scatter to the ground.
Oscar drops by Jaime's apartment for a solemn fireside chat. He shows her the dog tags that a shipyard salvage worker found, which belonged to his older brother Sam. Jaime's all, "Wha-a? I didn't know you had a brother!" and Oscar tells her he disappeared during the attack on Pearl Harbor, and that ever since that fateful day the Navy has written him off as a traitorous thief. He explains that Sam was involved in military intelligence work, and that he (Oscar) joined the OSI mostly so he could get the appropriate clearance to read Sam's file. Sadly, it's merely reopened old wounds while the same haunting questions remain unanswered. He tells Jaime that Sam had been carrying a briefcase with 250K, which he had received from his commanding officer and was supposed to pass along to an OSI double agent at 8:00am the morning of December 7, 1941. Of course, no one knew that Japanese bombers were on their way at that very moment...and we get a black and white flashback of Sam boarding the Handerson carrying his bag o' cash. He had barely stepped onto the deck when the Japanese planes appeared overhead and attacked...and once the smoke had cleared, both Sam and the cash mysteriously disappeared. The Navy classified him as MIA, and rumors soon circulated that he used the Pearl Harbor attack as a diversion to abscond with the money. Oscar is emphatic that his brother was not a thief, and says he's newly re-interested in the matter now that his dog tags have surfaced. He grimly says the Navy has zero interest in reopening the investigation 'cause they consider Sam a problem of the past, which brings him to the favor he came to ask. Jaime tells him she'd looooove to use her bionics for something other than stupid OSI missions and house cleaning...or, for that matter, speed cooking, lion taming, and Night Demon impersonating. Oscar looks touched and says, "Thanks, babe" and says he figured she'd be agreeable so he went ahead and arranged for her to start work as a salvage worker on the Handerson. That was predictably presumptuous of him.
Jaime arrives at the shipyard decked out in a hard hat and overalls and carrying a lunch pail. The grizzled salvage workers give her an appreciative once-over and whistle as she does her best to ignore her new hostile work environment and reports for duty with Dean and Jake. She chirps, "I'm your new hand!" and Dean shoots her the stink-eye and curses whatever fool signed off on hiring a female to do salvage work. He asks her what skills she has...and she's forced to admit that she doesn't actually possess skills in any kind of trade, but insists that she's really really strong and even offers to give them a demonstration of her superhuman top secret bionic strength...and why not, 'cause that cat has been out of the bag for nearly two seasons now.
Dean introduces Jaime to her burly co-worker, a friendly simpleton named Bobby, and assigns her the task of stacking heavy steel plates onto a pallet. Bobby furrows his brow and tells Dean the steel plates are much too heavy for a lady to be lifting...and Dean's like, "No duh" and says he's merely going through the motions of assigning Jaime - aka, an uppity woman who came to the shipyard looking to do man's work - a task he's sure she's going to fail at. Dean tells her that all of the steel plates have to be stacked on the pallet by noon or she'll be out of a job. After he stomps off, Jaime thanks Bobby for sticking up for her, and the oaf shakes his head and says he doesn't think it's right for a lady, especially one who's "so skinny and stuff", to be laboring in a shipyard. Jaime thanks him for his misplaced chivalry and says she heard that one of the workers had found a set of dog tags on the dock, and Bobby confirms that and points toward a bridge and says they were found over there. He then tells her to pretend as though she's working, and he'll stop by later and stack the steel plates on the pallet so she doesn't get fired. After he lumbers off, Jaime bionically stacks the steel plates onto the pallet, then heads toward the bridge so she can start snooping around.
A few minutes later, Bobby returns and sees the steel plates neatly stacked on the pallet, but with Jaime nowhere to be seen. He scrunches his big face confusedly.
Jaime finds the bulkhead that Dean and Jake had blow-torched their way through. She finds a bullet lodged on the inside of the hull - just as Bobby appears and suspiciously asks what she's doing and who she works for. She breezily retorts, "The same people you work for" ... and he seems satisfied enough with that answer and asks her if she'd like to spend her lunch hour with him and his kitty Myrtle, who has taken up residence inside the ship. How sweet! He explains that he's always worried that the "animal society people" might try to take Myrtle away from him, and thought that she might be one of them. She assures him she's not remotely interested in separating him from his pet, then shows him the bullet she found lodged in the hull, along with the blow-torched door. Bobby says he has no idea who might have done that, but that Duke might know...then explains that Duke is a grizzled yokel who runs a bar that all the salvage workers flock to after work. Jaime cuddles Myrtle and flirtily invites Bobby to ask her if she'd like to go to Duke's with him after their shift...and when he shyly asks her out, she nods and smiles.
As Jaime and Bobby head over to Duke's, he remarks that she probably has lots of guys [besides him] who are real sweet on her. Pretty much in every episode, Bobby. They enter the bar, which looks to be an ultra macho establishment with disheveled men guzzling beer at the bar, while others arm wrestle at tables. Bobby introduces Jaime to Duke, an old man who walks with a pronounced limp...and Duke tells Jaime he heard she's been pulling her weight pretty good on the shipyard. Jaime comes right out and asks him if he has any idea who might have blow-torched a hole in the side of the Handerson and/or dropped a set of dog tags nearby, and Duke looks alarmed and asks her why she wants to know. She tells him she's a collector and nonsensically adds, "I love that stuff" ... and Duke's like, "Uh huh.." and limps over to the far end of the bar, where Dean and Jake are drinking. He tells the two they're going to have to do something to scare Jaime off 'cause she's asking too many questions. Dean sneers that he's not interested in doing anymore favors for him after he and Jake spent an evening blow-torching a hull for the purpose of moving a human skeleton, which...yeech. When Duke snarls,"Get rid of her!" Dean says he'd rather not waste his valuable time scaring her off when he could simply get rid of her for good. Noooooo!!
The next morning, Oscar drops by the shipyard in a cab, and Jaime shows him the bullet she found lodged inside the hull. Oscar takes it and says he'll have the OSI lab technicians analyze it for anything that could inch this storyline forward.
Jaime meets up with Bobby inside the Handerson, where they have breakfast with Myrtle. He tells her he had fun at Duke's last night, then earnestly adds that Duke is "a real good guy". Jaime asks him if he knows how Duke hurt his leg, and Bobby says the injury happened during the Pearl Harbor attack. Mmm hmm..
Dean and Jake saw into one of the pulley cables in order to orchestrate a fatal "accident" to befall Jaime...and poor Bobby by association. An oblivious Jaime stands on the deck, peppering Bobby with more questions about Duke while Jake operates the crane and dangles a pallet filled with steel plates above their heads. When the cable eventually snaps, Jaime notices the pallet hurtling towards her in time to bionically dive out of the way - but Bobby isn't as lucky, and gets one of his arms pinned under the pallet. Jaime bionically lifts the pallet off of him, then cradles his head in her lap as they wait for medical help to arrive. She assures him he'll be OK, and that she'd be more than happy to feed Myrtle while he's in the hospital. Dean and Jake, meanwhile, scowl at each other for the failure of their murder plot.
Jaime calls Oscar and tells him that someone had sawed the cable that snapped, nearly killing her and Bobby...but that all is well 'cause the doctor assured everyone that Bobby is going to be A-OK. Oscar says he can't let her continue at the shipyard if her life is in danger, but she argues that she's really really invested in seeing this favor through. He tells her that the bullet she found was a fragment, and that it had dried blood on it.
Late that evening, Jaime breaks into the service entrance of Duke's, then hides behind a curtain in a storage room while she bionically eavesdrops on Duke admonishing Dean and Jake for nearly killing Jaime. Dean shrugs and points out that he gave Jaime a good scare like he wanted - just as Jaime notices the skeletal remains of Sam Goldman [the fuckety fuck is that thing doing there??!!] and shrieks in horror. She dramatically pulls back the curtain and bursts in on the conversation...and when Dean pulls a gun on her, Duke tells him he'll handle this and orders him and Jake to leave. Jaime informs Duke that the human skeleton - which, for some reason, he has on full display for anyone who should happen to stumble into his storage room - is the brother of a good friend of hers, then narrates her half-baked theory about what she assumes happened on that fateful day in 1941...and we get the following black and white reenactment:
Duke was a civilian dock worker at the time the war broke out, and was on the Handerson the morning Sam Goldman disappeared. Sam arrives on the ship with his briefcase...and seconds after he says 'good morning' to Duke, Japanese planes appear overheard and start pumping bullets. Sam hits the deck and drops his briefcase, money flies everywhere, and Duke grabs Sam's gun and shoots him at point blank range. He then hides his body in the bulkhead and makes off with the cash.
Duke's like, "Nice try, detective, but that's not how it played out", then offers up his own version of events that we get to see in an alternate reenactment:
Sam arrives on the Handerson with his briefcase, says 'good morning' to Duke just as the Japanese planes planes appear overhead and start pumping bullets. Sam is fatally shot while diving towards the safety of the bulkhead, just as Duke notices that the briefcase he was carrying is filled with cash. He grabs the briefcase and makes a run for it, but gets shot in the leg in the process. Before he loses consciousness, he throws the briefcase into a pump hole...and that's the last he remembers. He regained consciousness in the hospital two days later, but by then the Handerson had gone out to sea. He then spent the next thirty-six years of his sad existence waiting for the ship to return so he could reclaim his stolen money.
Duke offers Jaime half of the money if she keeps her mouth shut - but before she can indignantly refuse the offer, Dean and Jake, who have been eavesdropping on the conversation, decide they want in on that action. Dean pulls out his gun and orders Duke to accompany him to the ship and show him exactly where the money is stashed...then makes it clear that once they get the cash, he and Jake will be more than happy to sink the ship with Duke and Jaime on it.
Bobby sees Jaime climb into a car with Dean, Jake, and Duke and looks sad 'cause he interprets this to mean she's now interested in Dean, which...gross. The four drive over to where the Handerson is docked, board the ship, and climb down a hatch to the lowest level, which is already flooded with a foot of water. Duke gives the exact location as to where he thinks the money is stashed, and Jake uses his blow-torch to open up the wall, causing more water to gush inside the compartment.
Elsewhere on the ship, Bobby feeds Myrtle and commiserates to the kitty that he's pretty sure his new gal is sweet on Dean, who somehow fancies himself a ladies man. Myrtle suddenly senses something amiss on the ship and scampers off, urging Bobby to follow. She stands near a stairwell and urgently meows, "Jaime's in trouble!" just as a clanging noise can be heard from the depths below. Bobby tells Myrtle he's going to go check it out.
Jake is able to recover the briefcase filled with cash, and he and Dean cackle at each other as they climb back up the stairs, leaving Duke and Jaime to drown.
Bobby runs into Dean and Jake and asks them if they know where Jaime is, and Dean smirkingly says she's down below and could probably use his help. Bobby's like, "Can do!" and climbs into the hatch - and Dean locks the door behind him and races off with Jake and the cash. Jaime is dismayed to see that Bobby has somehow gotten mixed up in hers and Duke's plight, but is able to bionically break through the hatch door easily enough. She asks Bobby to help Duke climb up so she can pursue Dean and Jake.
Dean and Jake smugly high-five each other about the easy score...and don't notice that Jaime is behind them, yanking a giant nautical rope in their direction. The rope trips them, causing them and the cash to fall overboard. Bobby and Duke run over...and when Duke sees Dean and Jake flailing about in the water amid the soaked money he calls them fools, but then sadly admits that he's the biggest fool of anyone after wasting decades of his life hanging around a grimy dock in the hopes that he could one day re-steal 250K from a dead man. No argument there, Duke.
Jaime invites Bobby to attend Sam Goldman's very solemn burial at sea ceremony. At long last, Sam is honored with a military gun salute, and then Oscar is presented with the flag that had been draped over his brother's coffin. As Oscar stares pensively at the sea, Bobby tells Jaime it just dawned on him that the only reason she got the job at the shipyard was to help Oscar solve this decades old mystery. Jaime's like, "Well d'yuh", but assures him it doesn't change the fact that they're still friends. They chat about Duke, who apparently won't face any charges after the authorities agreed that he's been imprisoned enough by his own greed for the last thirty-six years. LOL. The criminal justice system in The Bionic Woman universe continues to be an intriguing puzzlement. Bobby says, "He's free now" ... and Jaime glances over at Oscar, who suddenly looks at peace now that the mystery surrounding the death of the brother no one knew he had has finally been resolved. She quietly replies, "Yeah, I guess he's finally free."
Recap: Under the blazing desert sun, with ominous snake hissing noises in the background, two men are digging up artifacts in what looks like an archaeological exploration of a Native American burial ground. When the older man (Thomas Bearclaw) finds a black carving of the Night Demon - a scary creature of lore, apparently - the younger man (Lyle Cannon) gets visibly nervous and urges Thomas to put it back where he found it. Thomas declines and points out that he's already touched it...and according to legend, whoever touches it is irreversibly cursed; therefore, reburying it wouldn't do any good. Plus, he's pretty sure that legends of cursed artifacts are nothing more than superstitious hogwash that got perpetuated ever since the Brady kids stumbled upon the ancient Tiki idol that brought nothing but trouble to their Hawaiian vacation.
That evening, Thomas is asleep in his bed with the Night Demon artifact on the nightstand beside him. Outside, his horses whinny and get all freaked out when an unseen beast places its large paw atop their enclosure. As the camera work makes it look as though the beast is advancing toward the house, Thomas wakes up and sees a crude white drawing appear on his bedroom wall before it promptly disappears again. He peers out of his window and is startled by a ghostly vision of a scary brown demon with groovy psychedelic rays around him. Thomas panics and throws a spear at the monster, but it just sails through the ghostly vision and hits his truck. Eeeeeek!!
The next day, Jaime is on a road trip to hand deliver a parcel that's sitting on her passenger seat. She stops for fuel at a rundown gas station, where she catches the eye of the owner: a disheveled, overalls-wearing yokel named Hawkins. He asks her if she's a Vegas showgirl and creepily remarks that she's definitely purdy enough to be one...and Jaime ignores her skin that all just crawled away and politely replies that she's a schoolteacher. She explains that she's in this neck of the woods to hand deliver a package to the Mount Harding Observation Station and adds that she's also a good friend and former colleague of Thomas Bearclaw, who lives in the area. Hawkins tells her he knows Thomas pretty well, and that he's very interested in going to ridiculous lengths to buy his property. He grumbles about how Thomas refuses to sell 'cause he doesn't want to give up access to the burial ground, but also doesn't seem interested in benefiting financially from any of the artifacts he digs up. Hawkins finishes gassing up Jaime's car and beckons her inside his shop to get her change...and when she enters, she's startled by the sight of a large taxidermied dog head mounted on the wall. Hawkins explains that the dog was his menacing pet before he got run over by a car...and a creeped out Jaime quickly grabs her change, rushes to her car, and peels out of the gas station.
Thomas tells Lyle about the ghostly demon vision he saw last night...and Lyle looks alarmed and says he's considering selling his (neighboring) property to Hawkins, and urges Thomas to do the same. Thomas says he's definitely not interested in moving, then notices Jaime's car pull up. He rushes out to greet her...and after Lyle gets a quick intro, he drives home with an unhappy look on his face.
Jaime notices the Night Demon artifact and remarks on how unusual it is, so Thomas gives her a brief lecture on tribal mythology, then hands her a book on the subject for some night time reading later. Jaime tells him she'd love to poke around the burial ground later, but Thomas looks uneasy at the prospect...and every time either of them glances over at the Night Demon artifact, we hear weird tinkly noises in the background.
Jaime takes the mythology book to bed with her...and as she's reading, the camera pans over to the freaked out horses outside 'cause it looks as though the demon beast has decided to make another visitation to the Bearclaw ranch. Jaime goes outside to see whassup, and is all WTF?! when she sees the same ghostly demon vision Thomas had the night before. She bionically throws a heavy barrel at it, and is mystified when it sails right through him. When the beast suddenly disappears, Jaime activates her bionic ear and hears the sound of footsteps running away. She runs off to chase whoever it is - just as a bewildered Thomas appears in the doorway and urges Jaime to come back.
Jaime bionically jogs to the nearby desert and runs into Lyle, who tells her his jeep got run off the road just now when a weird looking creature came at him. The two hear a gunshot...and a few seconds later, Hawkins comes running over with his rifle to report that he was shooting at a cougar. He studies the footprints that Jaime is tracking and says they look like the paw prints not of his cougar, but of a mysterious, two-legged Sasquatch type beast. Eeeeeek!!
The next morning, Thomas sadly tells Jaime and Lyle that the demon who's been haunting his ranch killed one of his horses. Jaime suggests calling the sheriff, but Lyle squashes that idea and says it's too crazy a story for law enforcement officials to believe. He then says he's so unsettled about the demon sightings that he's planning to sell his property to Hawkins asap, and once again urges Thomas to do the same. Jaime says they're going to need to put a pin in this conversation until after she makes a quick trip the burial site and then delivers her package to the Observation Station.
Jaime wanders around the burial ground and takes a series of photos. She's startled when she walks back over to her car and sees the same crude white drawing that Thomas saw on his bedroom wall the other night. When it promptly disappears, she stares perplexedly into space.
Jaime arrives at the Observation Station to hand deliver the package, then asks the captain if she could get a roll of film developed in their on-site Fotomat.
While waiting for the photos to be developed, Jaime studies a military class photo, notices Lyle Cannon in the photo, and tells Sergeant Woods she had no idea he had joined the service. Sergeant Woods tells her that Lyle abruptly quit a few months ago and cited a sick father as the reason for his departure. When Jaime's photos turn out blotchy and streaked with large white spots, Sergeant Woods tells her they could have been ruined by any number of things - except for uranium damage from hot ore deposits, which he's absolutely sure of 'cause they had some professional satellite photos developed that prove that there's zero, nada, zip uranium in the immediate area. He proudly adds that the facility is a leading developer of holographic research. Mmm hmm..
On her way back to Thomas's ranch, Jaime is startled when the ghostly demon suddenly appears in the middle of the road. She's all, "Ack!" and swerves off the road and smashes into a tree, and the impact knocks her unconscious.
Jaime is at Thomas's place when she regains consciousness. She tells Thomas she saw the ghostly demon again, and Thomas wrings his hands about how she was nearly killed. He tells her that the Night Demon curse tends not to follow people who run for the hills...which is why he's now considering selling his land to Hawkins. He adds that Lyle is ready to sell his property, something he was unwilling to do when his father died two years ago. Jaime's all, "Wuh?" and tells Thomas that Sergeant Woods from the Observation Station just told her that Lyle had quit the military a few months ago 'cause he needed to take care of his sick father. She springs out of bed, says she might be onto something, and urges Thomas to hold off on selling his land until she can look into this further.
Jaime hops into Thomas's pickup truck and drives over to Lyle's ranch. She enters his garage, pokes around, and finds a geiger counter (that quickly detects the uranium dust on her boots). She also uncovers a map of the area that helpfully details the various uranium deposits on the burial ground on Thomas's property...along with the best places to position projectors in order to screen a holographic image of a demon beast and totally freak Thomas out.
Jaime calls Sergeant Woods to ask him if Lyle Cannon ever worked in the holographic research department, and the sergeant says yep...in fact, he was in charge of it. He adds that Lyle was also responsible for processing the film from the satellites...presumably so he could doctor them so that no one would know about all the uranium deposits in the area.
Lyle pretends to sign over his deed to Hawkins and urges Thomas to do the same...and Thomas clutches his pen and stares contemplatively at the document.
Jaime returns to the site of the burial ground, looks around, and discovers a small cave. Inside, she finds what looks like a live version of the demon beast that both she and Thomas saw holographically. She inches fearfully toward the thing until she realizes it's nothing more than a costume hanging on the cave wall. She pulls off one of the beast's gloves and sees that it has two buttons: one which transmits a holographic image of the beast, and one which makes the beast growl and look sinister. She then finds the disappearing white stuff that was used to create the disappearing crude white drawings, a supply of hansen weed that made those groovy psychedelic rays appear, and the rifle Hawkins was using the night he claimed he was shooting at the cougar.
Jaime heads back to the ranch to tell Thomas that Lyle and Hawkins were conspiring to scare the bejeezus out of him so he'd sell his property so they could reap the benefits of owning land with uranium on it...and that the ghostly vision of the demon was nothing more than a hologram. Thomas moans, "Oh Lord.." and tells Jaime he sold his property to Hawkins an hour ago, even though she had urged him to hold off on making this kind of life decision until she returned to the ranch. Dumbass.
Jaime takes Thomas to the cave and shows him all the stuff that Lyle and Hawkins have been using to trick him into selling his land, and Thomas says he now realizes that Lyle planted the Night Demon artifact in his burial ground site so he'd find it and get the ball rolling with this idiotic storyline. He whines about how foolish and degraded he feels - but Jaime suddenly brightens and tells him she knows how he can get his land back...but in order for her to pull it off, it's going to take a convincing acting job on his part.
Lyle and Hawkins are driving over to Thomas's place, cackling about how they fooled the dumbfuck into signing over his deed. When they pull into his driveway, Thomas runs out of the house looking faux upset and tells the two he just saw the Night Demon - like, in person - and that it scampered into the desert just now. Lyle advises him to go inside and rest, and assures him that he and Hawkins will look into the demon sighting. The two head into the desert, cackle about how nuts Thomas is getting, then make a beeline over to the cave to clean out all their stuff. They're alarmed when they see crude white drawings appear and then disappear on the cave walls, and cry out in fear when a hologram of the Night Demon lunges at them. They look over at the costume hanging on the cave wall, which suddenly comes alive and raises an arm to point menacingly at them. Hee! Hawkins growls that whoever is playing games with them needs to be taught a lesson, so he picks up his rifle and starts shooting [blanks, 'cause Jaime emptied out the pellets from the shells earlier]. The Night Demon (er...Jaime) advances on Hawkins, bionically shoves him across the cave, and bends his rifle. For good measure she tosses some hansen weed in their direction, and the two men scramble towards the exit and flee the cave in terror. Lyle cries, "Someone is trying to scam us with our own scam!" - heh - as Jaime chases after them, picks up a giant boulder, and throws it in their general direction. The two race down the hill and cry, "Please don't hurt us!" just as Jaime bionically leaps down the hill and lands a few feet away from them. She etches confess to Thomas on one of the rocks, then points in the direction of Thomas's house. Lyle and Hawkins hastily agree to do anything the demon says if it allows them to live, then race back to the Bearclaw ranch to spill the beans about their treachery to Thomas.
Thomas is calmly reading a book when a terrorized Lyle and Hawkins race over to his ranch, admit they played a dirty trick on him to get him to sign over his deed, return the deed, then speed off in Lyle's jeep.
Later, Jaime and Thomas look over the Night Demon costume, and pontificate about how its only power was their belief that it was real...and their belief that it had the ability to kill them, or at least scare them into submission. Thomas says he's interested in going back to teaching Indian lore at the university, then offers Jaime the Night Demon artifact as a souvenir. She declines and says she'd prefer never to have to think about this idiotic plot ever again...and the two chortle at the pointlessness of this entire episode and share a friendly embrace.
Recap: Oscar shows Jaime two expertly forged paintings he has on display in his office and tells her that the forger is a genius, then orders his men to bring in the shameless scoundrel. He introduces him to Jaime as Pierre Lambert and describes him as a mediocre painter, extraordinary forger, and all-around dipshit. Pierre takes issue with that less-than-flattering assessment - but Oscar barks at him to shut up and sit down. He tells Jaime the Louvre was recently targeted by a forger and had two masterpieces stolen, which were replaced by fakes, and the police strongly suspect that Pierre is behind the theft. He adds that the authorities have no idea where the originals are, but are certain that Pierre is working for a top master criminal named Michael Beaumont. He hands Jaime a photo of Beaumont and tells her that the OSI and French police are doing everything possible to capture him. He then glares at Pierre and gives him an ultimatum: help them catch Beaumont or spend years of his life in prison. Pierre explains that he fled to the U.S. to hide from Beaumont, who thinks he's still working on a famous DeJon painting he plans to switch with the original in Paris's Rousseau Museum. Oscar says he wants to use this latest caper as a way to catch Beaumont in the act of switching paintings, then shoves a photo of a prison in Pierre's face. Pierre contritely agrees to fly to Paris with Jaime...and Oscar barks at him to get the hell out of his office, then pulls Jaime aside and warns her to be careful of the slippery trickster.
Upon arrival at the Paris airport, Jaime tells Pierre to set up a meeting with Beaumont and says he can pass her off as his newest girlfriend. As the cab heads to Pierre's apartment, Pierre spots a man he recognizes, and looks alarmed and sinks himself down into the car seat. He tells Jaime he just spotted Jack Rochette, an art critic Beaumont uses to authenticate forged paintings. He tells the cab driver to make the next turn...then asks Jaime to pay the driver so he can quickly dash into his building unseen. When he's unable to slip away from Jaime once inside the building, he jimmies the lock of a random apartment and tells her it's his place. She heads straight to the bathroom to freshen up, while Pierre sneaks out when the real tenant - a portly, middle-aged man - returns home. A few seconds later, Jaime emerges from the bathroom and is spotted by the half-undressed tenant, who demands to know what the hell she's doing in his apartment. She stammers that she's a friend of Pierre's...and as scripted coincidence would have it, the tenant's son-in-law's name is Pierre, so he assumes that Jaime is having an affair with him. When he thrusts a framed photo of his daughter and son-in-law at her and accuses her of being a homewrecker, Jaime says there's obviously been a mix-up and tries to explain that her Pierre is not the same Pierre he's talking about. She then glances out of the window, sees Pierre run across the street and enter a building...and bids the tenant a hasty adieu. She bionically runs across the street, then leaps up to the window ledge of Pierre's apartment - with her luggage! - and climbs inside and seats herself in his living room. She glares at him and chirps, "Hi!", and he stares back at her in shocked bewilderment. She strides over to the phone and threatens to call Oscar and report his attempt to abandon the mission, but he begs her not to and says he only did it 'cause he's so terrified of Beaumont. Jaime assures him that the OSI will protect him (sorta), so he promises to not try to ditch her again, and agrees to set up a meeting with Beaumont. He tells her that for the meeting she's going to have to wear something slinky so she looks like the type of skank he would normally hook up with.
In the next scene, Jaime is decked out in a low cut black dress and tacky fishnet stockings, along with a curly blonde wig that has a ridiculous red flower pinned on one side. She tells Pierre to call Beaumont and arrange a meeting...and he makes a pretend call and lets loose with a string of brash insults - but Jaime calls him out after bionically hearing the automated sound of the operator's voice on the other end. She barks at him to stop fucking around and call Beaumont for real, and he sheepishly obeys.
Pierre tells Beaumont he'll meet him at the Bon Chance Café to surrender and discuss their latest forgery collaboration. Beaumont agrees to the meeting...and after Pierre hangs up, Jaime warns him not to pull any more tricks.
At the café, Pierre excuses himself to use the men's room, then heads straight to the pay phone to report to police that a hooker at his establishment is attempting to entice customers. He orders them to jail the hussy immédiatement!
The French police arrive, spot Jaime in her blank skank dress, and forcibly escort her out of the café. She's all, "Wha-a-a? I'm an undercover OSI agent!" and explains, in a voice loud enough so that anyone within earshot can easily hear her, that she's an American spy working with the French Secret Service...and somehow restrains herself from showcasing her bionic abilities so that word of her superhuman cyborg strength can expand past North America and start spreading throughout western Europe. Beaumont's car pulls up...and Beaumont rolls down his window just in time to hear Jaime blow hers and Pierre's cover story. The police tell Jaime that they will have to verify her agent status, and she agrees to go to the station as long as they can resolve the matter rapidement. Pierre, meanwhile, is watching all this go down from the men's room doorway, then is, "Ack!" when he sees Beaumont's car parked in front of the café. Beaumont orders his driver to turn at the next corner so they can abduct Pierre when he tries to make a break for it. Incidentally, it is so interesting that every Parisian in this episode seems to speak in heavily accented English, even when speaking to other Parisians. LOL.
Jaime calls Oscar from the police station so he can vouch for her, then rushes out to resume carrying out her badly compromised mission. The French police salute her on the way out. LOL.
Jaime witnesses Pierre being forced into Beaumont's car, so she hails the taxi that just happens to appear out of nowhere and barks, "Follow that car!" Beaumont quickly realizes they're being tailed, and orders his driver to continue on to his gated property.
Beaumont brings Pierre into his workshop that's filled with various painting forgeries in progress and orders him to finish the fake DeJon 'cause he has a buyer lined up.
Jaime is caught trespassing on Beaumont's property and is swiftly brought inside the house. Beaumont snidely says, "Welcome, Miss Sommers" and Jaime is somehow stunned that he knows her name, despite her indiscreet blabbiness during the previous scene. Beaumont tells her that Pierre confessed everything about their spy mission, then receives a call from the DeJon buyer: a powerful mafioso from Cannes named Alfredo Moreau. Jaime bionically eavesdrops on the call so she can hear Beaumont try to increase the price for the DeJon by telling him that a Greek shipping magnate wants the painting so he can give it to his Swedish trophy bride as a wedding gift. Moreau retorts by threatening to kill him for trying to fuck with the deal they already made, and Beaumont pales and says he was only joking and promises to deliver the DeJon original in two days. He hangs up and orders his henchmen to lock Jaime in the painting workshop with Pierre.
Pierre complains to Jaime about how tired he is of painting forgeries, and is thinking about telling Beaumont he's not going to finish the DeJon, 'cause he figures either way he's a goner. Jaime implores him to finish - but to make one small flaw in the painting so they'll have a way of telling it apart from the original...and hopes that this will lead to Beaumont confessing his crimes. Pierre agrees and asks her if she'd be willing to change clothes and pose for him in a 'paint me like one of your French girls' Titanic type situation so he can feel more inspired, and she's like, "Sure, what the hell?"
Jaime poses like the subject in the DeJon painting - mid-way through combing a lock of her hair - and Pierre finishes the masterpiece just as Beaumont and his henchmen enter the room. Beaumont looks over the painting, declares it a brilliant forgery, and says he wants the chemical aging process done on it asap so they can switch it with the original tonight. As they leave with Beaumont clutching the fake DeJon, Jaime bionically overhears him tell his men they'll dispose of Pierre and Jaime before they leave for the museum. Pierre sheepishly admits to Jaime that he couldn't bring himself to make a flaw in the forgery, but Jaime says it's no problem 'cause it'll be obvious to anyone that it's a fake given that the paint hasn't fully dried yet...which - the fuck?? - seems like a brazenly inept error for a high caliber criminal like Beaumont to be making, but then I'm a recapper not an art forger. Jaime quickly formulates a new plan to hoodwink the bad guys: she's going to dress up the mannequin (that just happens to be in the workshop) in her outfit, put on Pierre's clothes, then leap out of the window with the mannequin so that Beaumont et. al. will be convinced that she and Pierre plunged to their deaths in a defiant suicide pact. Yep, that plan sounds just crazy enough to work!
Pierre starts loudly complaining about how fed up with life he is and how much he wants to end it all with Jaime...then hides on the balcony in his underwear while Jaime tosses the mannequin out the window. Beaumont and his henchmen are all, "Wha-at's going on up there?" and rush upstairs to see whassup - just in time to see who they think is Pierre [bionically] leaping to his death and landing face down beside his beloved. Beaumont and his henchman peer outside the window and decide that they're convinced beyond any kind of reasonable doubt that what they're looking at are the lifeless bodies of Pierre and Jaime. Beaumont says he'll arrange for the gardener to get a wheelbarrow and cart the dead bodies away after they get back from the museum...and once they're out of earshot, a clueless Pierre laments the sacrifice he believes Jaime would actually make for a dickwad such as himself. Jaime waits a few more seconds before leaping back up to the workshop...and when she calls out for Pierre, he assumes it's her ghost, coming back to haunt him out of revenge. She assures the dolt she's very much alive, but has no time to explain how 'cause they have a forgery switcheroo to stop!
Beaumont and his men arrive at the Rousseau Museum with the forged DeJon...and Jaime and Pierre pull up in a stolen car soon after. Jaime tells Pierre she's going inside to thwart the switcheroo - but that she needs him to create a diversion by throwing a rock in one of the windows. Jaime sneaks inside and leaps up to the second floor so she can get a good view of Gallery 3, where the DeJon is hanging. She watches the museum's security guard, who's in on the scam, lead Beaumont and his henchman over to the DeJon. They take down the original and hang the forgery in its place...and while they're doing that, they suddenly hear the shattering of glass and decide they all need to rush over to the window to investigate while leaving both paintings unattended. Jaime bionically leaps into the gallery and pulls a clever re-switcheroo...and when the thieves return, they leave with the same painting they came with. Jaime sneaks out of the museum and tells Pierre they need to get to Cannes asap...and that she's going to have to get a new outfit so she can pass herself off as a Swedish trophy wife.
In Cannes, Beaumont and his henchmen arrive at Moreau's yacht to deliver the DeJon. Moreau looks impressed, and Jack Rochette (the art appraiser) assures him he personally witnessed the switcheroo with the original from the Rousseau Museum. Moreau hangs the painting on the wall, calls it magnificent, and hands over the $1.2 million dollar fee.
Jaime and Pierre arrive at the dock where Moreau's yacht is parked, and she's dressed in a strapless white ensemble and a floppy beach hat. She bursts onto the yacht and lets loose with a cartoonish Swedish accent...and by cartoonish Swedish accent, I mean she's firmly in Muppet/Swedish Chef territory. She glares at Beaumont and sing-songingly snaps, "Diju really tink ju could cheat me and git avay vit it?" and Beaumont stares at her with a WTF? expression, not least 'cause he stupidly assumed she was dead, and tells Moreau the woman's name is Jaime Sommers and that she's an OSI agent. Jaime brushes that off as a lie and says she's the new wife of Greek tycoon Nick Theopolis and calls Beaumont "a naughty man" for selling her a forgery. She walks over to the DeJon, declares it too a forgery, then wipes her fingers on the painting to illustrate the wet paint. She rubs the paint on Beaumont's jacket while clucking, "Naughty, naughty", then summons Pierre aboard the vessel so he can confess that, yep, he forged the painting at Beaumont's order. Beaumont cries, "I've been tricked!" while an enraged Moreau orders his men to take him below deck so they can figure out how to terminate him. He then thanks Jaime for setting him straight about the forgery, and wishes her much happiness with her rich Greek husband. As Jaime and Pierre beat a hasty retreat, they walk past Beaumont, who's banging on the window on the lower level of the yacht pleading, "Help meeeeee!" Jaime says she'll break him out of there if he agrees to testify against Moreau and confess his many crimes...and when he eagerly agrees, Jaime bionically breaks the window and helps him climb out.
Back at the OSI, Oscar tells Jaime and Pierre that Beaumont's confessions helped the French authorities recover the original paintings that had been stolen, and that they're now back in the museum where they belong. He applauds Pierre for doing a good job on the mission, but Pierre laments all the harm he's caused everyone...then whines about how he's never going to be as brilliant an artist as the masters, blah blah. Jaime urges him to paint his own originals and have faith in himself, and reminds him that the masters didn't think they were masters while they were in the process of becoming masters. Pierre mulls that over and promises to give it a try. Fantastic.
Recap: As a plane lands at the Ojai air base, we hear Oscar's voice announcing the arrival of Major John Cross and his young daughter, then orders whoever he's talking to ensure that the two report to Jaime's classroom asap.
Jaime is giving some after-school help to a hapless student named Artie, who's irritating her by rocking on his chair...which is uneven 'cause one leg is shorter than the other three. She tells him to stop rocking, then remarks on what an exercise in futility it was asking the useless janitor to fix the chair. She dismisses Artie when Oscar arrives to tell her he's at the base to look over the new guided missile system...and that he wants her to take an overnight wilderness survival training course, which is apparently standard professional development for all OSI agents. Jaime's like, "Sure, whatever" as she uses her bionic abilities to try to even out Artie's chair. Oscar tells her he wants her to meet a prospective student who might be getting enrolled at the base school, then tells her the story about how Major John Cross married a stunning Vietnamese woman during the Vietnam war, had a daughter, and was told they both perished during a mortar attack. Turns out the daughter survived, but was MIA for a few years after she accidentally got placed in an orphanage...and when her name appeared on a list of war orphans, Oscar arranged for her to be brought to the United States so she could be reunited with her father.
John Cross enters the classroom with his daughter and introduces her as Kim. Jaime says hi...but when Kim just stares back at her mutely, John explains that she hasn't spoken since the day her mother was killed. Oscar tells Jaime that John will be teaching the wilderness training course he wants her to take...and when John says he'll need someone to watch Kim overnight, Oscar suggests they saddle the kid with Mama and Papa Austin. Oscar, Jaime, and Kim amble out of the classroom to work on those arrangements, while John stays behind to make a phone call. He tells whoever he's talking to that he's stuck doing wilderness training, but will try to ditch his trainee before dark so he can sneak over to the air base and steal the OSI's missile guidance system.
That evening, John hides in the bushes near the air base and spies on OSI personnel as they wheel the giant missile into a hangar.
Mama Austin forbids Kim to touch a cherished decorative plate she has on display in her living room 'cause apparently the fugly thing's been in her family for generations...then gives her Jaime's scrapbook (!) to amuse herself with 'cause she has zero ideas on how to entertain a sullen, mute child. She and Papa Austin then beat a hasty retreat to the kitchen to do the dishes. Kim flips through the scrapbook and sees a photo of Colonel Steve Austin which reminds her of her own father in uniform...and this leads to a pretend flashback of the trauma she suffered during the mortar attack in Vietnam. She picks up a black marker and scribbles over Steve's face. Haha!
Oscar drops by Jaime’s apartment to deliver a large file on John Cross he wants her to read, then gives her some background info: John was carrying out a covert mission when the South Vietnamese army collapsed. He had left his wife and daughter in a village that was supposed to be protected by the U.S. army - but sadly it was targeted by the Viet Cong, and Mrs. Cross got blown up and died in Kim's arms...and the kid was so traumatized she hasn't spoken since. Oscar says he's not completely sure if John's head is screwed on straight, so he wants Jaime to study him during the wilderness training and tell him if she thinks his behavior is, in any way, squirrelly. Jaime says she hates the idea of spying on a soldier and would rather focus her attention on helping Kim regain the power of speech...and Oscar wryly says she'll get her chance at that, then warns her that Kim was "an unholy terror" during her time at the orphanage.
Mama Austin tells Kim it's time for bed, then stiffly tells her that she and Papa Austin are glad she's here and that they hope she likes hanging with them. The camera then pans over to the living room table, and it looks like Mama Austin's decorative plate is missing from its display stand. Oh no!
Jaime and John arrive at the wilderness training site by helicopter, and he gives her her first instruction: her only tools for survival are whatever she has in her pockets. As they hike through the wooded area, he remarks that she's in pretty good shape...then says their first task will be to gather branches to build a shelter. He hands her some twine to aid in building a lean-to, then tells her to try starting a fire without matches. He rushes off to collect more brush and assures her he'll be back soon.
Mama Austin is dusting the living room when she notices that her decorative plate is missing. She calls Papa Austin over so that he too can stare dumbfoundedly at the empty display stand and wonder why in blazes a mute child would want to steal a plate.
Jaime starts a fire by bionically rubbing two sticks together. John, meanwhile, is jogging in the woods while having a flashback of his wife in Vietnam when he assured her he'd be back soon. He scrunches his face into a troubled expression.
By the time John returns to the makeshift camp, Jaime has built a lean-to and is chillaxing in front of the fire. John looks surprised and remarks how odd it is that Oscar thought she needed survival training when she's clearly capable of fending for herself. He hands her some of kind edible stick she can chew on for sustenance, then says he's going to take off and do some "scouting". As he races off, Jaime murmurs that she has the distinct feeling she's being ditched, so she gets up to follow him. John radios someone to tell him that he'll acquire the OSI missile guidance system tonight and asks that a chopper be ready to pick up him and Kim in the morning.
Jaime tracks John to a nearby road and watches him attempt to hitchhike. She bionically jogs ahead of him and seats herself on the side of the road so she can be all like, "Busted!" He stares at her in shock and asks her what she's doing here, pretends that hitchhiking was what he meant by scouting...then acknowledges that the jig is up. He admits that, yep, he was planning to leave her alone in the woods, not least 'cause he figured she was in good enough shape to make it back to civilization without his help. After that awkwardness, the two amble along the road together and chat about Kim. He laments how much she hates him since the trauma of her mother's death, then says he heard she had cried out for him during the mortar attack. And ever since that day, she's been a disturbed, angry, mute child.
Jaime stops by the Austin house and is alarmed when she sees that Mama Austin's decorative plate has been shattered - nooooooo! - and that Steve's photo has been defaced. Mama Austin is clearly miffed and snarkishly tells Jaime that Kim is a "one girl wave of destruction" ... and that Papa Austin took her horseback riding to distract her from breaking any more of her displayed collectibles.
Kim is happily petting her horse when Jaime ambles over and gives her a bucket of feed, then tells her that caring for horses helped her get through the mourning period for her parents when they were killed. She says she'd really really like to be her friend...and by be her friend, she means there are several barn chores she wants her to pitch in with.
John breaks into the air base by cutting through a chain link fence and climbing through the hole.
Jaime tells Kim to soap the saddle...and when Kim shoots her the stink-eye and refuses, Jaime sternly tells her she had fun riding the horse, but now has to take care of the equipment. Plus, she points out that soaping the saddle is more for the comfort of the horse than it is a favor to her. Kim reluctantly takes the soap and starts half-heartedly rubbing it onto the saddle.
John evades the base's patrolman and uses a long rope to quietly climb up to the hangar where the missile guided system is located. He sticks his head into the roof chute and hears Colonel Banning tell Oscar that the missile firing test is scheduled for 10:00am tomorrow.
Jaime milks the cow - and uses her bionic fingers to perform the task, which seems unnecessary and also doesn't seem to please the cow - while Kim gets bored of soaping the saddle and sneaks out of the barn. She goes up to Jaime's apartment, finds a large butcher knife, and stares at it demonically.
From the roof chute, John uses his rope to lower himself into the building where the guided missile is being stored.
Jaime is startled when she realizes that Kim has left the barn, then activates her bionic ear and hears banging noises coming from her apartment. She rushes over and is confronted by Kim brandishing the large knife. She sternly tells the demon spawn to put it down, which Kim eventually does...and Jaime gets irked when she notices that the blade is damaged from all the banging Kim did with it. She uses her bionic fingers to straighten the blade, then hands it to Kim and orders her to put it away...figuring that the badly kept secret of her bionics are safe with this mute child. A bewildered Kim takes the repaired knife and opens the drawer to put it back - but then pauses and shoots Jaime another defiant stink-eye before dropping the contents of the drawer onto the floor. An exasperated Jaime says she's going to refrain from giving her the spanking she deserves, then gives Kim another needless demo of her bionics when she speed-gathers the cutlery and puts it back into the drawer. She then asks Kim to help her set the table...and Kim glares at her while deliberately dropping both plates on the floor, which smash to pieces. Jaime wisely hands her a couple of paper plates and grimaces while pointing at the dining table.
John opens up a small panel on the side of the missile, then pulls out the guidance system circuit thingy and pockets it. He replaces it with his military medals, then has a pretend audio flashback about when he spoke to his superiors about the mortar attack that killed his wife and (presumed dead) daughter. He screws the panel door shut, then climbs up the rope to exit through the roof chute.
Jaime calls Rudy to discuss Kim's rude turdedness, and Rudy says it's prolly just her way of masking her anger at her father and/or her fear of ever needing him in a time of crisis.
John radios his partner in crime to report that he is now in possession of the missile guidance system, and that he and his daughter will be ready to be picked up by helicopter at the Austin ranch at 7:00am for a less-than-subtle getaway.
When a thunderstorm hits Ojai, Kim thrashes around in bed while having more pretend flashbacks of the mortar attack. She cries out, "Cha!" then starts weeping, and Jaime's like, "You can speak!" and coos about her breakthrough. She urges Kim to try and squeeze out another word or two, but Kim stubbornly purses her lips together and reverts back to her sullen, mute self.
Colonel Banning admonishes the patrolman for smoking while on duty, then glances around and happens to spot a hole in the fence.
John arrives at Jaime's apartment...and when Jaime tells him that Kim yelled out cha! in her sleep, John looks momentarily touched and says it's the Vietnamese word for father. He then tells Jaime he needs to wake Kim and get her dressed, pronto.
Colonel Banning informs Oscar that the missile guidance system is missing...and that someone shoved a bunch of medals in its place. Oscar looks over the medals and deduces that they can only belong to John Cross.
Oscar phones Jaime, finds out that John is with her, then asks her to activate her bionic hearing to see if she can detect the presence of the missile guidance system. Jaime does and hears a buzzing noise coming from John's pocket...and when John figures out that she's onto his thievery, he pulls out a gun and points it at her. When the call is abruptly cut off, Oscar shrieks, "Jaime!" and tells whoever's in earshot that they have to get to the Austin ranch asap!
John orders Jaime to put some clothes on Kim, then grumbles about how he entrusted the army with his wife and daughter only to be dismayed by how badly they screwed the pooch on that promise. He smugly adds that he's more than happy to screw over the military by selling the missile guidance system on the black market for a lot of cash so he can start a new life. Jaime chides him for being stuck in the past, and Kim stares fearfully at the gun and grabs onto Jaime 'cause she's afraid her nutty father is going to pull the trigger. John assures Kim that Jaime will be fine, then pulls the two apart. Kim suddenly has another pretend flashback of the Vietnam mortar attack and gets so wigged out that she pulls away from her father and races out of the apartment. Jaime and John rush out after her just in time to see Kim's (much taller) stunt double mount a horse and gallop off.
At 6:50am, John mounts another horse and gallops after Kim...and Jaime bionically jogs after both of them.
Lightning spooks Kim's horse, and she falls to the ground, tumbles down a cliff, and gets trapped on a small plateau. She glances around, realized she's trapped, and starts to cry.
Oscar and his cavalry are en route to Jaime's, while John's partner in crime appears via helicopter and flies around looking for him.
Kim can only bring herself to mouth help me as she gets drenched in the rain, which proves not to be helpful.
John's partner in crime spots John on his horse and lands the chopper in front of him. John says he can't leave yet 'cause he needs to find his daughter, but the man says he doesn't give a rat's ass about his mute brat, pulls a gun on him, and demands to know where the missile guidance system is. John pulls the guidance system out of his pocket and uses the movement as a distraction to punch him. He then grabs his gun, shoots at the chopper to render it useless, then climbs back onto his horse so he can continue searching for Kim.
Jaime activates her bionic hearing and hears Kim whisper, "Jaime.." and the quiet voice leads her to the spot where Kim tumbled down the cliff. She spots Kim on the plateau and bionically leaps to where she got trapped. A few seconds later, Jaime hears John trot over...so she tells Kim that their only hope for survival is if she calls out to him, then pretends to pass out. Kim silently flaps her lips before finally bringing herself to cry, "Daddy! Help us!" John hears her, spots her and Jaime huddled together on the plateau, then climbs down using his rope and assures Kim that they're all going to be A-OK.
Back at Jaime's apartment, John wraps Kim in a cozy warm blanket, while Oscar and Jaime have a solemn discussion about how screwed John's going to be when he's court-martialed. Oscar says he hopes the court will show compassion, then brushes aside the worrisome fate of John Cross and exclaims, "Cocoa!" when Jaime produces four steaming cups of hot chocolate. LOL. A now talkative Kim canoodles with her father and happily tells him he knows he'll come back to her...after serving what'll probably be a long prison sentence for a treasonous type crime he could have either avoided doing altogether, or gotten away with if he hadn't left his medals behind like a damn calling card. Moron.
Recap: A demented looking Persian shah - played by a young-ish Robert Loggia, squeal! - is riding his horse around the backyard of a villa while brandishing a curved sword. [Incidentally, I noticed on Robert Loggia's Wikipedia page that there's no reference to this 1977 acting credit...so if anyone out there with a Wikipedia login is interested in making the addition, have at it.] He rants about the shit job the gardener is doing trimming the bushes, then rails about America's inability to keep its nose out of his bidness. One of the flunkies (Hassan, the Prime Minister) who's dutifully listening to his tirade points out that the Americans are concerned he's in grave danger now that he's publicly supported their position on keeping oil prices low - but the shah snaps that he's not interested in their advice or their bodyguards. Hassan gives up on that topic and asks him if he's made his selection regarding which of his four wives he'd like to doink this evening, and he growls, "None of them. They all fail to amuse me" ... and the camera pans over to the four veiled women, who I thought looked visibly relieved at not having to spend any alone time with their misogynist assbag of a husband. The shah then glares over at his young son, Prince Ishmail, and demands to know why he's not inside studying - and Hassan interjects and that reminds him that they're in the process of hiring a tutor to replace the most previous one the bratty prince drove away with his imperious 'tude. The shah warns Ishmail he'd better not make the next one quit, shakes his head in an expression of general disgust with everything in his orbit, and gallops off on his horse.
After the opening credits, we get some fun footage of Monte Carlo...and then the camera zooms in on Oscar, who's brazenly ogling shapely bikini clad women while sitting in an outdoor café. Jaime arrives for their meeting wearing a schoolmarmish grey skirt suit and asks him why he instructed her to show up in a sexy place like Monte Carlo dressed like Mary Poppins. Oscar tells her it's 'cause her next mission is to pose as a tutor for Prince Ishmail, the son of Ali Ben Gazim, aka the shah of an unnamed oil rich Persian country. Jaime scrunches her face in disapproval and says she doesn't like the idea of using her personal teaching degree for OSI missions and prefers to keep those two parts of her life separate...and Oscar's like, "I really don't give a rat's ass" and tells her that Gazim is steering a neutral course between the U.S. and other foreign interests who want to triple the price of oil in order to fuck with western economies. He says that Gazim owns a villa just outside of town, and that he's about to host an international conference to discuss oil pricing. He wants Jaime to go undercover as Prince Ishmail's new tutor so she can protect the boy and his father from any assassination attempts. He warns her that Ishmail is an imperious little shit who's into karate, so she may need to use her bionic abilities to fend off his karate chops if he starts getting out of hand. As Oscar's telling her this, he gets distracted by the bikini clad women flirtily giggling at the table behind them...and an irked Jaime barks, "Leave my father alone please!", then bionically bends the table umbrella to create a shield between Oscar and the women and prevent further ogling on either side. Haha!
Jaime arrives at Shah Gazim's villa with her trusty red suitcase. After taking quiet note of all the manservants and veiled women roaming about, Jaime wanders around and happens to stumble into the room where the prepubescent Prince Ishmail is threatening to strike his karate instructor for some imagined wrongdoing. Jaime interrupts to introduce herself, then chides the little fucktard for threatening the man...and Ishmail pompously retorts in a quasi foreign sounding accent that mostly sounds weird 'cause of his careful avoidance of using any contractions: "It is my right to show him who is master." LOL. Jaime argues that that probably isn't necessary, given that he's the shah's son and will therefore never get smacked around (as he so richly deserves) 'cause everyone knows who's boss...and Ishmail counters, "But you do not. Perhaps you need to be taught" and gets into karate chop mode. Ali Ben Gazim strides into the room at that moment, and Ishmail glares over at Jaime and barks, "Observe our customs. Bow, woman." And Jaime contorts her face into a you shittin' me? expression...but when it looks as though the shah does in fact expect a bow from her, she lowers her head in a half-hearted display of faux reverence. The shah then orders her to turn around so he can check out her bod at every angle, then nods appreciatively and says that while he hates the frumpy grey shroud she's decked out in, the employment agency did an excellent job of sending over someone attractive...which is kind of a prerequisite 'cause he prefers to be surrounded by attractive women he can objectify. He commands her to treat his demon spawn with the proper respect at all times, and is about to exit the room when Ishmail proudly announces to his father that he's mastered the art of karate chopping two boards simultaneously, then gives him a demonstration. The Shah snorts derisively and says to let him know when he's able to do that with four boards...and a crestfallen Ishmail hangs his head in shame before scurrying out of the room.
Hassan hands Gazim the guest list for the upcoming conference and tells him he still needs to make some decisions about the proceedings - but Gazim says he can't be bothered with that right now 'cause he needs to finish his conversation with the hot new tutor. Jaime activates her bionic hearing and overhears the shah's veiled wives remark that the blonde new tutor is pretty and that they hope their husband isn't planning on divorcing one of them to install her in his household...and Jaime's all, "Ack!" at the horrifying prospect and asks Gazim whassup with him having four wives. He tells her that his country allows men to have four wives...in addition to however many dancing girls and concubines they wish to keep on the side. He smugly adds, "A woman's place has been clearly defined" and pronounces that everyone in his unnamed country is content 'cause "women know their place, just as men know what is good for them". Indeed, this unnamed Persian country sounds like a veritable utopia for the insecure, '70s misogynist. He criticizes western culture for not producing real men anymore and says western men have no idea how to handle their women...and Jaime rolls her eyes and murmurs, "They still seem to get the job done." She admonishes him for crushing his son's spirit after his karate demo just now, so Gazim explains that his son needs to suck it up and grow up fast 'cause his country only has oil to last for the next thirty years or so, which means they need to develop an economy that can compete in the modern world. He decrees that she is to teach Ishmail the following subjects: math, economics, philosophy, English, Russian, and geography. Interesting...I didn't realize Jaime was even pretending to have a working knowledge of Russian.
Jaime tells Ishmail it would be nice if they got to know each other before their first lesson, but Ishmail says he has no interest in learning anything from a woman and says, "You're excused." Jaime wryly retorts, "That's my line" and gives him an ultimatum: if she's able to demonstrate that she can karate chop six boards at once, he has to agree to let her tutor him. Ishmail grins with amusement and says that no woman could ever break six boards...then looks dumbfounded when Jaime stacks up six boards and bionically chops her way through them. After that, she gets right down to business and says that their first lesson will be Scandinavian geography, then urges him to stop referring to her as woman and start treating her like a human being by calling her Jaime.
During the lesson, Jaime bionically eavesdrops on Gazim arguing with Hassan about his insistence on keeping to the current price structure of oil.
Hassan gets on the phone and tells whoever he's talking to that the shah refuses to raise the price of oil. The man on the other end orders him to dispose of the shah before he's able to announce anything at the conference...and Hassan's like, "Can do", then cackles evilly and says that Prince Ishmail will be the last of his line, and that he shall be the first.
Jaime radios Oscar from her room to report that the shah is planning to announce his position on oil pricing at the conference tonight...and Oscar furrows his brows concernedly and says that the shah's enemies will likely try to kill him before he's able to make that announcement. He says it's crucial to the world's oil supply that she prevent the assassination, and also do her best to keep the snotty young prince safe. After she signs off, Ishmail bursts into the room - 'cause clearly he's too spoiled and imperious to knock first - and demands to know who she was talking to, then demands to see what she has in her hand. She shows him the radio, and he immediately accuses her of being a spy and assumes that she was sent here to cause harm to him and/or his father. He bellows for the nearest guard...and when Hassan and two manservants appear, Hassan snippily informs her that she's being hauled downstairs to face the wrath of his crankypants shah boss.
An angry Gazim rails about the danger of letting strangers into his orbit 'cause they always seem to want to gain advantage over him. Jaime chides his mistrust of everyone, then admits that, yep, she's an OSI agent who was sent here to protect him against a possible assassination. Gazim snarls about how the U.S. is interfering with his country, then picks up his sword, waves it around threateningly, and says, "In my father's day, a sharp sword solved problems quickly." Jaime ignores that unhelpful pronouncement and explains that the U.S. just wants to thank him for not raising oil prices and wishes to return the favor by offering him protection, but he snarls about how he doesn't trust America to not screw him over eventually. He waves his sword around some more and orders her out of his presence.
Hassan tells Jaime she's free to leave the villa, like pronto, then brushes off any concern about an assassination attempt of the shah as a mere over exaggeration. Jaime bids Ishmail goodbye...and as she's being led down the stairs, she bionically overhears Hassan and whoever he's talking on the phone with plot to plant the bomb in a place where the shah will not be able to escape. Jaime pleads with the manservants to let her talk to the shah, but they ignore her and march her out of the house and into a waiting car.
Jaime radios Oscar to inform him that she's just been ejected from the villa, and he tells her he's been ordered not to assign anymore OSI agents to protect Shah Gazim. She tells him she overheard someone tell the Prime Minister about a bomb that's going to be planted, but Oscar has clearly given up caring about the mission and is all, "Ah well, whaddya gonna do?" and says his hands are tied. Jaime says she refuses to let anything happen to the snotty young prince and is determined to figure out a way to sneak back into the villa.
Hassan is informed that the dancing girls have arrived. He looks them over and summons the one wearing a giant emerald...and we soon find out that she's the deliverer of the bomb.
Jaime bionically leaps over the villa fence, then jumps up and lands on a window ledge. She peeks into the room, which is occupied by one of the dancing girls who's practicing her bellydancing routine...and when the woman leaves the room with a spare bellydancing costume conveniently laid out on her bed, Jaime sneaks in and changes into the skimpy, midriff baring outfit.
Ishmail catches Jaime in the hall, recognizes her, and starts to call for a guard - but she covers his mouth, pulls him into the nearest bedroom, and tells him his father's life is in danger. She informs him that Hassan is planning to plant a bomb in order to do away with the shah, and that he plans to be Regent with custody over him until he finds a way to dispose of him as well. Ishmail asks her how she could possibly know all this, and Jaime says there's no time to reveal her top secret superhuman abilities - but then decides, nope, she can't go a single episode without unnecessarily showcasing her bionic strength, so she grabs a metal shield wall hanging and bionically punches a hole through it. She says that this should demonstrate that if she were interested in harming him or Gazim, they'd both be dead by now. She implores him to tell his father about Hassan's betrayal...and when Ishmail says he'll need proof in order to convince his father, Jaime suggests they sneak into Hassan's office to see if there's an incriminating bomb laying around.
Ishmal and Jaime are poking around Hassan's office when Gazim suddenly bursts in and demands to know what they're doing in here. He glares at Jaime, who he doesn't recognize even though the sheer face veil she's wearing is only covering her nose and mouth. When he orders her to lower her veil, Ishmail swiftly interjects and blushingly says he was just showing this pretty lady around the villa. Gazim chuckles and says he's growing up fast, but isn't pleased that he took one of the dancers into Hassan's office for what he assumes is some May-December hanky panky. Ishmail contritely apologizes, then orders Jaime to rejoin the other dancing girls - but by this time Gazim is so horned up by Jaime's scantily clad body that he arranges for her to be brought to his chambers so that she can sexily perform Dance of the Veils while he eats fruit and lecherously stares.
Hassan places the bomb under Gazim's pillow, then flees the room.
Jaime enters Gazim's bedroom, bionically hears the sound of the ticking time bomb from under the pillow, but decides to put a pin in dealing with that immediate, life-threatening danger so that viewers can get a loooong, needlessly gratuitous scene of Jaime gyrating in her skimpy bellydancing costume. Gazim chomps on fruit and calls her dancing magnificent...and eventually Jaime works her way over to the bed, uses her bionic hearing to detect exactly where the bomb is located, then grabs it and hurls it out the window seconds before it explodes. A startled Gazim rips off Jaime's face veil and growls, "You!" ... and when he accuses her of attempting to assassinate him, she insists that the bomb was placed there by his enemies. Gazim looks unconvinced and orders her to be placed under guard.
The conference guests (all men, naturally) arrive at the villa for the conference. Hassan pulls aside the bomb deliverer and tells her that the OSI agent found the bomb, which means they're going to have to kill the shah in a more direct, close-range type way. He opens a cabinet and pulls out a revolver and says that the new assassination plan will include "framing a dead OSI agent". Eeeeek!
Ishmail wanders over to where Jaime is being held and demands to see her, but the guard posted outside her door refuses to grant him entrance.
Hassan tells Gazim that it's time for his opening address, then covertly orders one of the manservants to bring the Sommers girl downstairs.
Jaime bionically knocks out the guard in her room, while Ishmail karate chops the guard who's posted at her door. Jaime bionically kicks her way out of the room, and she and Ishmail are about to run down to the conference room when they're stopped by a manservant wielding a sword. Ishmail tosses Jaime a sword, and she begins a superfluous duel with the manservant.
Gazim begins his speech, while Jaime tries to wrap up the sword duel 'cause she has an assassination to stop. Eventually she grabs the manservant's sword and bionically snaps it in two, then runs downstairs with Ishmail to the conference room.
Hassan slips behind a curtain at the front of the conference room and gets his revolver ready.
Jaime enters the conference room and activates her bionic hearing in time to detect the sound of a gun cocking. She spots Hassan behind the curtain, so she grabs the nearest sword and bionically whips it at the curtain so that it falls to the floor and reveals Hassan's treachery. When Gazim orders Jaime to be seized, Ishmail explains that Hassan is the real traitor. Gazim is all, "Wuh?" ... and when Jaime explains that Ishmail helped her escape the locked room so they could stop the assassination, he exclaims, "Thank the prophet you disobeyed!" and proudly calls his beaming son a man. Jaime smiles tearfully as the two share a heartfelt father-son hug.
Jaime changes into a flowy brown dress to say goodbye to Gazim and Ishmail. Gazim says he's sorry to see her go 'cause of how shocked he is by everything he learned from her, and was kinda hoping she'd travel back to their country and continue tutoring his son. He asks if there's anything he can do to entice her, so she says that treating his wives with dignity would be a good start. Gazim is like, "Done!" and tells his wives they no longer need to act subservient in his presence...and they react by staring at each other in bemused wonderment. LOL.
Jaime suggests he whittle his marriage down to one wife - but Gazim says that that's way too radical a lifestyle change for him, and that he's going to leave that kind of progress for the next generation. Jaime grins and gives him a goodbye handshake, then gives the snotty young prince a goodbye lip kiss, which I thought was a suitably creepish way to end the most creepish Bionic Woman episode to date.
Recap: The manhunt is on for the wrongly incarcerated Jaime...and a small army of police officers are chasing after her in a wooded area with bloodhounds. A helicopter is attempting to track her by air - but the bemused pilot gives up and radios back to mission control that the target appears to be "running too fast to be human". The chasing sequence goes on for what seems like a looooooong time, as Jaime bionically jogs through the woods, falls down, then gets up and continues fleeing. Dun dun dun dun dun...
Over in D.C., Lisa arrives at the federal testing lab to deliver Rudy's last existing supply of adrenalizine - but not before pocketing a big wad of the silly putty drug for her own personal use.
Jaime slides down a ravine, falls into quicksand - but quickly pulls herself out - then bionically pushes a giant tree across the quicksand so she can use it as a bridge to reach safer ground. Minutes later, the police arrive at the ravine, but get delayed in pursuing Jaime when one of the officers falls into the quicksand, flaps around helplessly, and has to be rescued.
The prison warden calls Oscar to inform him that [the woman he thinks is] Lisa has escaped his custody...and that he's worried about how squirrellier-than-usual she's been acting lately. He says she keeps insisting she's Jaime Sommers and that she's very convincing.
Lisa delivers a small wad of adrenalizine to the creepy technician at the federal testing lab. He smarmily tells her she's the prettiest courier he's ever seen and flirtily asks for her phone number so he can invite her to dinner, but she turns him down flat and sashays out of his office.
Lisa is driving around D.C., thinking about how much nicer Jaime's apartment is than her tiny prison cell. She smiles while having audio flashbacks of Dr. Courtney saying, "You are Jaime Sommers" - but then contorts her face into a troubled expression when she has video flashbacks of Papa Austin's kind face and the students at the base school.
Jaime bionically jogs out of the woods and finds herself in an industrial area. She spots a phone box, bionically breaks into it, and calls Oscar. She tells him the bizarre story about how she somehow ended up in Lisa Galloway's prison cell. On the other end, Rudy is listening in...and he and Oscar nod knowingly at each other 'cause they both assume that the caller is Lisa Galloway pretending to be Jaime.
Lisa calls Dr. Courtney and tells him she's really really enjoying assuming Jaime's identity and would like to keep that going indefinitely - but he tells her she can't 'cause eventually someone is going to twig onto the truth and blow apart their crazy scheme. He assures her that when he sells adrenalizine to the shady buyers he's lined up, she'll be richer than she ever dreamed - $10 million! - but Lisa makes a meh face and tells him she just discovered that there are other kinds of happiness besides having gobs of money.
Jaime gives Oscar her location, and he promises to send his men right over. He then gets on the horn with the state police and tells them he knows exactly where they can find Lisa Galloway.
Lisa ambles along a city street, dreamily smiling to herself while a song about a new day, forget about the past plays in the background. Subtle, writers. She then boards a California bound plane and continues to smile dreamily.
The state police arrive at Jaime's location...and she looks relieved to see them until she spots Dr. Harkens and the prison warden among the police posse. She looks alarmed and insists that she really is Jaime Sommers...and when the warden coaxes her to peacefully surrender, she flees into a nearby utility building/shed thing and blocks the entrance with giant crates. A man wearing overalls, who's been working inside the building while somehow oblivious to the half a dozen police cruisers that barreled over with sirens blaring, stares at Jaime in shocked bewilderment. Jaime yells out the window that she wants to talk to Oscar Goldman, then looks over at Overalls and says she has a hostage. The warden throws in the towel on anymore coaxing and tells the police they're going to have to call Oscar to help sort this mess out.
Lisa lands in Ojai, takes a small bite of adrenalizine, and continues to smile dreamily.
Oscar arrives in the industrial area by helicopter and gets on a blowhorn to talk to the woman he assumes is Lisa. When Jaime yells from inside the building that it's really her, Oscar tells her she's not Jaime Sommers, and that she's confused in the head. To speed up this 'identity mixup' two-parter, Jaime asks Oscar to whisper a question - no doubt so she can demonstrate her bionic abilities when responding - and instead of asking something that only Jaime would know, he quietly murmurs, "Who are you? What is your name?" and Jaime's voice cracks when she replies, "I'm Jaime." She then appears in the window to stare at him beseechingly, and Oscar decides he's convinced and runs over to the building crying, "Jaimmmmeeee!" and Jaime bursts out of the building so the two can share an emotional hug.
At the Ojai airport, Lisa is greeted by Mama and Papa Austin, who I guess she called in advance to pick her up. She smiles at them and gushes, "It's so good to be home!"
Dr. Harkens and whoever else was in on the Lisa/Jaime switcheroo are arrested after confessing that they were paid off by the creepy Dr. Courtney. Oscar wonders aloud how Lisa was able to pass herself off as bionic during the routine test...then mulls it over for a few seconds and goes, "Oh no! The adrenalizine!" and correctly assumes that Lisa must have taken some doses of it. Jaime scrunches her face in confusion and asks where Lisa is at the moment, and Oscar unhelpfully says he has no earthly idea.
Mama Austin serves dinner, while Papa Austin fetches his Polaroid camera so the three can take a group shot together...and then later in her apartment, Lisa gazes at the photo and kisses it goodnight. She gasps in pain from a sudden stomach cramp, no doubt from all the silly putty adrenalizine she's been taking. After a few seconds, the pain subsides and she's able to drift off to sleep.
Now that Jaime has reclaimed her rightful identity, Rudy shows her his lab rat Plato...and then Oscar comes over to inform them that Lisa only delivered ten grams of adrenalizine to the federal lab, which means she probably gave the other forty grams to Dr. Courtney. Oscar shakes his head solemnly and says that the silly putty is worth a fortune on the open market, then looks even more solemn while adding, "The military implications are frightening, potentially devastating." LOL - indeed it would be scary for the U.S. military to encounter an army of superhuman soldiers whose superhuman strength expires at the end of every thirty minutes per one adrenalizine dose. Rudy, Jaime, and Oscar chew on that disturbing notion while they watch Plato speed-run on his little mouse wheel.
Lisa is making herself breakfast in Jaime's apartment when she suddenly decides to double-cross Dr. Courtney. She calls the D.C. police, reports his exact whereabouts - a motel room in Arlington - and specifies that the OSI would be particularly interested in finding him. She then doubles over with another bout of painful stomach cramps.
Oscar tells Rudy and Jaime that they just got an anonymous tip about where Dr. Courtney is holed up, and says that Lisa is probably with him. While that's happening, Plato suddenly gets ill, looks like he's struggling to stand up, then keels over. RIP, Plato.
Lisa is teaching class at the base school, scarfing down more adrenalizine so she can needlessly write quiz questions rapidly fast on the blackboard. She suffers from stomach cramps again, then sits at her desk and looks tired.
Oscar, Jaime, Rudy, and a tactical OSI team burst into Dr. Courtney's motel room. Oscar demands to know where the adrenalizine is, and a perplexed Dr. Courtney looks over at Jaime and snarks that he should ask her, 'cause clearly she's gone into business for herself. Jaime tells him she's the real Jaime Sommers - but he doesn't believe her and talks about the phone call he had with her (meaning Lisa) yesterday, when he wished her luck while assuming Jaime's identity in Ojai. As the agents handcuff him and march him out of the motel room, Jaime asks Oscar if it's really possible that Lisa went back to Ojai, and he's just like, "I dunno" and shrugs cluelessly.
Lisa is hanging at the Austin house while Mama Austin makes breakfast. Lisa doubles over from the stomach cramping, and an alarmed Mama Austin urges her to lay down on the couch. A few seconds later, the phone rings...and Oscar instructs Mama Austin to just reply yes or no to his questions as not to arouse suspicion, then asks if "Jaime" is with her. She says, "Yes" ... so then Oscar tells her to remain calm while he puts the real Jaime on the line. Jaime explains to Mama Austin that the woman napping on her couch is her evil doppelganger, and that she needs to continue with the charade of believing she's Jaime until she and Oscar can get to Ojai and deal with the situation - in lieu of sending in local police to swiftly remove the imposter criminal from the Austin property so that Jaime's beloved guardian isn't kept in harm's way any longer than necessary.
Rudy shows Oscar and Jaime the lifeless body of Plato, declares adrenalizine poisonous [nice R&D work, Rudy], and says that Lisa will likely meet the same fate if they don't get her to a hospital asap.
Lisa continues to have stomach cramps and is now weeping from the pain. Mama Austin suggests she call a doctor, but Lisa says she just needs rest, then gets up and wanders off to Jaime's apartment in the carriage house.
Jaime, Rudy, and Oscar arrive in Ojai (on what must have been a super fast jet), and Rudy warns that the poisonous effects of the adrenalizine might cause Lisa to act erratically.
Lisa stares longingly at the Polaroid photo of herself and the Austins. She carefully adds it to Jaime's scrapbook as she chows down on more adrenalizine.
Mama Austin greets Jaime, Rudy, and Oscar when they arrive at her house, then worriedly tells them that Jaime's doppelganger appears to be very ill. Oscar orders his OSI team to surround the property, then gives Jaime the green light to go in alone for a poignant one-on-one scene with herself...I mean Lisa.
Jaime finds Lisa sitting at her kitchen table, eating more of the silly putty drug and staring sadly at the photos in the scrapbook. Lisa looks up at Jaime, scrunches her face confusedly, and asks her who she is...and Jaime says she's someone who can help, and that she should prolly not eat any more of the adrenalizine, 'cause it turns out the pink stuff is poisonous. Lisa gets rattled, threatens to kill her, then breaks the kitchen table and whips the broken part of it across the room. Jaime implores her to stop throwing stuff so she can help her - but Lisa says she'd prefer to get help from Mama and Papa Austin 'cause they truly love her, then cries, "Nobody ever looooooved Lisa!" She throws a lamp at Jaime, who breaks the news that Rudy's lab rat Plato died as a result of consuming adrenalizine - but Lisa ignores her and continues to pick up and throw large pieces of furniture in her direction. When Jaime calmly tells her she's being slowly poisoned by the adrenalizine and therefore needs to be rushed to the nearest hospital asap, Lisa finally breaks down and falls to her knees, lapses back into her southern drawl, and cries about how much she hates her life. Jaime coos, "You can change that" and says she'd be happy to help her with that paradigm shift...and Lisa weeps and hugs Jaime's torso.
Jaime visits Lisa in the hospital, and she's doing better now that every remaining scrap of the poisonous adrenalizine has been pumped out of her system...plus, she's happily working on her new needlepoint craft: a gift from Jaime. Lisa apologizes for all the trouble she's caused her during this nailbiting two-parter, and Jaime accepts her apology, then pulls out the photo of "original Lisa" (blech) and says now that she's starting to like herself more on the inside, it's time she underwent that long overdue plastic surgery reversal so she can go back to looking like her real self on the outside...and not be tempted to steal her identity a third time. Lisa says she's totes open to going back to being herself: an illiterate, chain smoking convict who's sure to get extra years added to her prison sentence for the ill-fated identity switcheroo/escape plot.
Recap: Jaime is enjoying a cozy night in, sitting in front of the fire with her granny glasses perched on her face, doing needlepoint. A car quietly pulls up to the carriage house, and two strange men wearing top hats get out. They open her door a crack, release some kind of knock-out gas into the carriage house...and Jaime gets sleepier and sleepier - probably figures it's the needlepoint that's boring her into unconscious oblivion - then finally passes out. A few seconds later, the men break into her apartment and carry her out.
The men load Jaime onto a small plane and transport her to wherever her evil doppelganger, Lisa Galloway (last seen in the Mirror Image episode), is serving her prison sentence. Two guards (one of whom is a scary woman), who are clearly in on the scam, let Lisa out of her prison cell, then drive her to the airstrip. She's instructed to climb aboard the plane and switch clothes with Jaime...and in the next scene, an unconscious Jaime now dressed in prison clothes is brought to the prison and carried into Lisa's cell. The scary woman guard locks up her cell and snarks, "Welcome to the penitentiary, Jaime." Nooooo!!
Lisa is greeted by Dr. Courtney, who's also aboard the Ojai-bound plane. He offers her a cigarette, and she eagerly grabs it and starts puffing away, calls him shuguh-paaa in her cartoonish southern drawl, and says it feels good to be out of her prison cell and "flaahin' above it aaall". Dr. Courtney asks her if she did what he instructed her to do, so she assures him that for the last few months or so she's been insisting to everyone at the prison that she's Jaime Sommers...to the extent that the prison psychiatrist thinks she developed a serious identity crisis. Dr. Courtney tells her, "From now on, you are Jaime Sommers" ... and when she asks him how she's supposed to fake Jaime's superhuman strength, he hands her a vial containing pink goo that looks like silly putty. He tells her it's a drug called adrenalizine, then tells the story (with hilarious faux flashbacks) of when he was an inmate worker in the drug testing ward of the prison. Apparently, he had been ordered to administer the drug to a wheelchair-bound inmate, and seconds after taking a dose of adrenalizine he was magically able to get up and start walking around. Dr. Courtney was so intrigued with the silly putty drug that he couldn't help wondering what would happen if an able-bodied man took it, so one day he ate some of it and felt tingley, electrical charges surge throughout his body...and within seconds he possessed superhuman strength. He took the opportunity to bend the bars of his cell and escape the prison - but quickly figured out that the drug only lasts about thirty minutes. And since he's one of the few people left in America who hasn't yet seen a live demo of Jaime's bionics, he assumes she gets her superhuman strength from taking regular doses of adrenalizine. He tells Lisa he needs her to help him get the formula for the drug so he can replicate it and get mega-rich selling it on the black market.
Dr. Courtney drops Lisa off at Jaime's apartment and warns her not to take any adrenalizine unless it's absolutely necessary - or at least until she finds more.
Lisa bounds around Jaime's apartment, giddy with joy to be living in such a beautiful home. She jumps on the comfy bed, puts a log in the fire, then tries her hand at the needlepoint.
Over at the prison, the shrill morning bell wakes Jaime...and she stares around Lisa's cell in total confusion. She's like, "What the..?" and wanders around the tiny space. She looks at a photo of Lisa Galloway standing next to her boyfriend Perkins...then flashes back to the Mirror Image episode and recalls when Lisa tried to kill her with poison darts. Jaime yells for the guard...and tries to explain that she's Jaime Sommers and somehow woke up in her doppelganger's prison cell - but the guard she's telling this to is the scary woman guard who helped Lisa escape. She barks at Jaime to take it easy, and Jaime barks back that she wants to see the warden asap.
Lisa is puffing away on a cigarette and searching Jaime's apartment for a supply of adrenalizine...and, no surprise, she isn't able to find any. She comes across Jaime's scrapbook and looks intrigued, and continues to puff away while she peruses Jaime's family photos and clipped newspaper articles. Mama Austin's husband, Jim Elgin, interrupts when he appears on the stairwell and asks her whassup with her broken front door...and Lisa quickly puts out her cigarette and tells him she accidentally locked herself out last night and used her superhuman strength to break in. Jim looks like he can buy that explanation, then tells her not to be late for her teaching job...and Lisa looks startled and is all, "Omma gosh!" and rushes around to get dressed.
The prison inmates are let out of their cells for their morning exercise. The scary woman guard barks, "Galloway!" and tells Jaime they're off to see the warden.
Lisa enters the classroom at the base school...and when the kids ask her if they're going to arrange their desks in a circle like they usually do after the janitor lines them up in boring rows, she disinterestedly retorts, "Nah, let's just keep them this way." The kids look at each other in surprise, then scrunch their faces in disappointment.
The scary woman guard brings Jaime to the infirmary and tells her that the warden and prison doctor will be by shortly.
Lisa tells the kids they're going to do science now, and they're like, "Kewl!" and start rearranging their desks in a circle. When Lisa irritably barks at them to stop, they explain that last week she told them the next science lesson would entail using the center of the classroom to do a cell building exercise. When she shoots that idea down, they get peeved and start throwing wads of paper at her, and she rushes out of the room so she can get tearful in private. As she sniffles self-piteously, she has an audio flashback of Dr. Courtney telling her, "You are Jaime Sommers" ... and after a few seconds decides to bravely face the class. The kids are apologetic and tell her she's the best teacher in the world...and she says she had a rough weekend, then gives them permission to move their desks so they can get started with the cell building exercise.
On the way to the infirmary, the prison doctor (Dr. Harkens) tells the warden that she's pretty sure Lisa Galloway is schizophrenic 'cause of how she keeps insisting that she's Jaime Sommers. That sounds more like a multiple personality disorder symptom, but OK. When they enter the infirmary, Jaime starts telling the bizarre story about how someone knocked her out while she was needlepointing in her apartment and brought her to this prison so that whatever sinister forces are behind this scheme could exchange her identity with that of Lisa Galloway. She's about to needlessly demo her bionic strength when the orderly advances on her and sticks her non-bionic arm with a needle. A few seconds later Jaime sinks to the floor...and as she stares despondently into space, Dr. Harkens shows her a photo of Lisa Galloway - as in, her blechy pre-plastic surgery face - and tells her she's going under the knife tomorrow to get her mug back. Nooooo!!
Jaime is brought to a padded solitary confinement cell...and Dr. Harkens tells the orderly to put a sedative in her food so she doesn't cause any trouble before her surgery.
Lisa is in Jaime's apartment, sitting cozily by the fire and talking to Dr. Courtney on the phone. She tells him she wasn't able to find any adrenalizine anywhere - but on the upside, she's very much enjoying pretending to be a teacher and luxuriating in her fabulous new home. Dr. Courtney's like, "Whatever" and tells her she's going to need to accompany him to D.C. tomorrow in order to track down some more adrenalizine, 'cause he lined up a foreign buyer who's willing to pay a small fortune for the silly putty drug. He orders her to arrange for a sub for her class at the base school and meet him at the airport first thing tomorrow.
Jaime wakes up in the padded room, stares around groggily, and hears voices referring to her as Lisa. She cries, "Nooooo!!" and has a hallucination that one of the padded walls is covered with photos of Lisa's original face and that she's tearing them down while shriek-crying, "I'm Jaime!" ... and this hysterical segment seems to go on for a really loooooong time. She tries to bionically break through the padded door, but the drugs have made her too weak...and later, when she's huddled on the floor weeping, someone slips in a tray with a sandwich and beverage. She contemplates the tray for a few seconds, then reaches for the sustenance.
Jim drives Lisa to the Ojai airport, then urges her to be careful and gives her a warm hug goodbye. She boards the plane where Dr. Courtney is waiting and looks genuinely touched when she says that Jim Elgin is so super sweet...and Dr. Courtney's like, "Whatever" and offers her a cigarette, but she declines and says she's trying to quit. Good for you, Lisa.
Jaime is carried out of the padded cell, placed atop a gurney, and wheeled to the infirmary for her plastic surgery reversal. Dr. Harkens tells the orderly that the sedative he put in her food will keep her adequately knocked out for the surgery...which seems crazily risky from a medical standpoint, but then I'm a recapper not an anesthesiologist.
Rudy and Oscar are hanging out in the lab together, watching a white lab rat named Plato run on his mouse-wheel...and the little guy's so energetic 'cause he's all hopped up on adrenalizine. Lisa enters the room, and the two men - who are oblivious that she's not Jaime - give her a hug and tell her they weren't expecting her for her regular superhuman strength check until next week, Lisa says that since she's here now she'd really like to get it over with. Rudy points at the mouse cage and tells her that Plato is able to run so fast on his little mouse-wheel 'cause he's been fed an experimental drug called adrenalizine, then shows her a glass box that contains an ample supply of the pink silly putty. Oscar returns after stepping out to take a phone call and tells Lisa he just got a call from the warden where Lisa Galloway is incarcerated to report that she's about to go under the knife to get her plastic surgery reversal. He jokes, "Looks like you're losing your twin" and Lisa lets out a huge sigh of relief, calls the news terrific, and excuses herself to go use the powder room.
Jaime is wheeled to the infirmary for the surgery and is left unattended.
Lisa sneaks into a maintenance closet at the OSI, pulls out the supply of adrenalizine that Dr. Courtney gave her and takes a bite. She smiles gleefully when she suddenly feels tingly all over, then tests her new-found strength by bending a metal bucket. She happily murmurs, "Just like Jaime."
Jaime leaps off the gurney and leaves behind the uneaten sandwich from the night before as kind of a "fuck you" gesture, then flees the infirmary.
Lisa returns to Rudy's lab decked out in her workout clothes...and when he tells her to hold onto the metal pole/test meter thingy with her arm, she does it with her left [oops, Jaime's non-bionic] arm. Rudy tells her to stop kidding around and put her right arm on the pole so they can get started.
Jaime bionically breaks out of the prison just as a hopped-up-on-adrenalizine Lisa tests her "bionics" by bending the metal pole.
Dr. Harkens and the orderly are aghast when they see that Jaime is missing from the infirmary. They alert the guards, who activate a loud siren.
Jaime bionically jogs away from the prison while Lisa performs her treadmill test. Rudy and Oscar look on and grin stupidly at each other, clearly fooled by Jaime's clever doppelganger.
Rudy asks Lisa if she wouldn't mind delivering the last of his supply of adrenalizine to the federal testing lab so the scientists can figure out how to reproduce it, and Lisa tries not to look too thrilled by how easy it was to get her hands on the drug. Oscar wryly tells Lisa she's probably the safest person to be delivering it, and Rudy hands her the glass box.
The prison guards leash up the bloodhounds and head out to pursue Jaime. The warden demands to know why the inmate was left unattended in the infirmary, and Dr. Harkens sheepishly says she thought she had been fully sedated.
Oscar gets a call from the warden, informing him that Lisa Galloway has just escaped from prison before they could perform the plastic surgery reversal. Oscar barks, "You need to capture her!", reminds the warden what a dangerous woman she is, and that her face operation needs to proceed as soon as she's recaptured.
Jaime, meanwhile, continues to bionically jog in slo-mo through the woods. Run, Jaime. Run!