The Bionic Woman - Season 3, Episode 18

"It appears as though the biggest perpetrator of leaks regarding Jaime's top secret bionics has been Jaime's blabby mouth."

"Which One is Jaime?"
Original airdate: 2/25/1978

Episode summary: Callahan is abducted by kidnappers, who mistake her for Jaime.

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Recap: Inside the corporate offices of Funland, an amusement park currently closed for the season, three bad guys are standing around an office and cackling evilly as one of them packs 100K worth of cash into a briefcase. One of them (Jack Stratton) nods approvingly and refers to the cash as "a down payment", and says that the rest will be paid upon delivery. The old man bad guy says he's never gone after someone like her before, and Stratton nods and remarks on her superhuman strength, then promises old man bad guy that there won't be any rough stuff, and that Jaime Sommers (ack!) will be delivered to the buyers in good condition...though slightly sleepy. A third bad guy (Eddie Dwyer) shows old man bad guy a pack of small needles he's planning to use to tranquilize Jaime, then suggests they hold her captive inside Funland before human-trafficking her to her new owners. Stratton says he'd prefer to not abduct Jaime from her home 'cause she has a large German Shepherd who might get in the way, and figures it'd be better to snatch her while she's out shopping. 

Jaime and Max are at home playing hide the slipper, which eventually Max chews to pieces before Jaime can extract it from his bionic jaw. Callahan and Russ drop by unannounced and inform her that Oscar needs her for an urgent mission to "the Orient", and that she has thirty seconds to pack and say bye to Max. Callahan says she's been assigned to house-sit/dog-sit while she's away, so Jaime quickly packs a bag, gives Callahan instructions about caring for Max [as if she's in any position to be doing that considering her habit of never remembering to buy dog food], and leaves her the keys to her shitty blue car.

As Jaime and Russ drive off to the OSI's Los Angeles field office, Jaime asks whassup with all the secrecy surrounding her mission to "the Orient", and he tells her that all he knows is that it's super urgent and super secret.

Callahan tells Max that while he's lovable and smart, she's the one in charge. Max mulls that over, decides nope, and barks in protest.

"You're going to be a good boy and obey all of my commands, right?"

"You are not my true master."

The following day, Russ tells Oscar that Jaime isn't enjoying being cooped up at the OSI office and laments having to con her about a non-existent Orient mission. Oscar's like, "I really don't give a rat's ass", then furrows his brows worriedly and says he's deeply concerned about intel he's been getting about bad guys snooping around the OSI, asking about a female agent who has unusual physical capabilities. Even though it's unclear why anyone would need to bother doing any amount of snooping after nearly three full seasons of Jaime freely demonstrating her bionics throughout much of the entire Western Hemisphere and in various cities inside fictional East Germany. Oscar worries that if he tells Jaime about the snooping she'd breezily call it an unfounded rumor and resist special protection.

Two flunkies who work for the bad guys spot Callahan (who's driving Jaime's shitty blue car) pull into a local shopping center. She leaves Max in the passenger seat and tells him she's just going to dash in for some coffee. Before she can reach the store, one of the flunkies bumps into her, injects her with one of his tranquilizer needles, and hovers over her as she collapses to the ground. The other flunky informs the gathering crowd that he's a doctor and would be happy to transport the woman to the nearest hospital. As the two men carry her off, an anxious Max watches from inside Jaime's car.  

Oscar tells Russ they finally have a lead on who's been asking questions about Jaime...and Russ is like, "That's nice", but says they may have a fresh problem: he can't get a hold of Callahan. 'Cause what could have gone wrong with making Callahan house-sit Jaime's apartment and have her drive around in Jaime's car precisely when bad guys are looking into kidnapping Jaime?? Oscar tells Russ to drive over to the carriage house, pronto, to see whassup.

Max decides to take matters into his own paws and breaks out of the car's hatchback. He picks up Callahan's scent from where she was abducted, then bionically races off in the direction of Funland. As that's happening, a store employee, who's gathering shopping carts, watches all this with a dumbfounded look on his face.

Jack and Eddie enter the Funland tool shed, where Callahan is chained to a chair. When they address her as Jaime, she's all, "Wuh?" and is about to clarify that she's not Jaime, but decides better of it and lamely promises that she's not going to not give them any trouble. The men seem pleased and excitedly chat about "delivering the merchandise" ... and after they exit the shed, Callahan's like, "Oh boy.." while Max bionically makes his way to Funland. 

"You've got the wrong...uh, idea if you think I'm going to give you a moment's worth of trouble."

"We'd appreciate that."

Max arrives at Funland, but is quickly spotted and tranquilized by a bad guy lookout.

Russ arrives at the carriage house, finds it empty, and spots an empty tin of coffee and deduces that Callahan must have run out to buy coffee.

A lifeless Max is carried into the tool shed, and Callahan cries, "Maaaaax!!" and admonishes the bad guys for having nothing better to do than pick on animals and petite women. The bad guys tell her they merely tranquilized Max...and after they exit the tool shed, Callahan implores Max to regain consciousness and help her break out of this Funland prison asap.

Russ drives to the shopping center nearest Jaime's apartment and finds her blue car in the parking lot with the hatchback open. The store employee makes a beeline over to him and gives his first-hand account of how a large German Shepherd burst out of the car and ran off really really fast. Russ hands him a tip, says he'll arrange for someone to pick up the car later, and squeals off.

​To Callahan's great relief, Max finally wakes up, but looks very groggy.

Jaime bitches to Oscar's secretary, Julie, about how she's been unable to get access to Oscar and/or get any kind of briefing about her faux Orient trip. Julie helpless throws her hands up and says she doesn't know nuthin' from nuthin'. 

Jack gets a call from his buyer and assures him that Jaime Sommers is in good condition, and that they can go ahead and human-traffic her via helicopter. When the buyer happens to mention that Jaime is around 5'8, Jack's like, "Fuuuuuuuuuck.." and realizes that the woman in the tool shed doesn't quite fit that description. 

Callahan implores Max to get up, chew his way through the chain link fencing, and then chew off her chains. He whines for a few seconds, but then gets to work and chews his way out of the cage. After freeing her from her chains, he uses his bionic jaw to bend the window bars wide enough to safely leap through.

Jack, Eddie, and some other flunky storm over to the tool shed, irked and baffled about why Callahan led them to believe she was Jaime Sommers. When they burst in, Max growls at them, then turns around and leaps through the window...and Callahan yells, "Run, Max! Runnnnn!!" She then grabs a garden hoe and pokes it threateningly at the bad guys - but one of them easily grabs it away from her and handcuffs her. Jack rifles through her wallet and comes across a photo of her, Jaime, and Max (helpfully signed Friends, love Jamie) and deduces that she and Jaime are good friends. He cackles and tells the other two bad guys that they'll use Callahan as bait to capture their real target.

Russ informs Oscar that Callahan has disappeared and is likely in trouble...and it suddenly dawns on Oscar that the bad guys who are after Jaime must have abducted Callahan in a case of mistaken identity. Ya think?

Callahan is marched over to the Funland office, where Jack says he wants her to help them lure Jaime to the Funland amusement park so they can sell her to whatever rich Eastern European sicko is interested in possessing a bionic woman. Callahan snarks that there's no way she'd ever agree to help them, even if her refusal means certain death. Jack says, "As you wish" ... and after Callahan is escorted out, he opens his desk drawer and pulls out the tape recorder he'd been using to record their conversation. He chuckles to himself and says, "You already have helped, Miss Callahan."

Jaime runs into Russ and asks whassup with Oscar not talking to her, and he does his best to politely blow her off and pretend as though he'll try to track Oscar down so he can give her some much needed straight talk.

Russ tells Oscar that Jaime's becoming a problem, and Oscar tells him that someone just called for Jaime...and when Julie pretended to be Jaime, the person on the other end played a tape recording of a conversation involving Callahan. He plays the message for Russ, which Jaime happens to overhear when she activates her bionic ear from where she's sitting, just outside his office. She's all, "Ack! Callahan's in trouble!" and bionically rushes off.
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Russ tells Oscar he wants to set up a stakeout at Funland - just as Julie bursts into Oscar's office to inform them that Jaime just left the building. Russ correctly assumes that she must have bionically overheard the taped conversation and is now on her way to Funland to rescue Callahan...and Oscar takes off his glasses, mulls over this unexpected development, and murmurs, "Damn.."

"Jaime must have eavesdropped on our conversation."

"That pesky bionic ear."

Max returns to Funland and manages to evade the bad guys, who have been ordered to neutralize him with a tranquilizer gun. 

Oscar pores over a map of Los Angeles and tells Russ they'll arrange a rescue convoy in coordination with the LAPD. He then calls up Captain Arnold to request help for a rescue operation at Funland, and that the first thing they'll need to do is block off all of the park's access points.

Jaime strolls inside Funland and is promptly tranquilized by one of the bad guys...and in the next scene, she finds herself chained to a chair in the same utility room where Callahan is now being held. Callahan tells her that a couple of goons grabbed her at the shopping center, thinking she (Callahan) was her (Jaime). Jaime's like, "Bummer" and says they need to get outa here pronto, then bionically frees her arms of the chains restraining her. A few seconds later, Jack and Eddie burst in with their guns drawn and warn Jaime that if she tries anything funny, they'll shoot Callahan. They proceed to handcuff Jaime to Callahan, then leave. When Callahan urges Jaime to bionically break out of the handcuffs, Jaime points out that she wouldn't be able to do that without ripping off her (Callahan's) arm in the process. Callahan mulls that over and says that perhaps Max could come to their aid...and Jaime perks up and chirps, "Max is here?"

Oscar and Russ coordinate Operation Rescue Jaime and Callahan From Funland with Captain Arnold while en route to Funland. 

Max peers into the utility room through a wire meshed window, and Callahan and Jaime bellow at him to rip the mesh quickly, leap through the window, and chew off their handcuffs so they can escape asap. Max is like, "Yeah, yeah...I can only chew so quickly" and gets to work.

"Make it snappy chewing through that mesh...we need to be outa here before the end credits start rolling."

"Keep your damn pants on. I'm chewing as fast as I can."

After Max chews off the handcuffs binding Jaime and Callahan together, Jaime tells the guard outside their door that a fire has suddenly broken out. When he's all, "Wha-a-a? A fire..?", Jaime bionically knocks down the door atop him, then flees with Callahan and Max. 

Jaime orders Max to get Callahan to safety, then bionically jogs in the opposite direction to divert the bad guys. Dun dun dun dun dun..

Oscar finds Callahan, and she cries with relief as the two hug. Oscar asks Max, "Where's Jaime?" ... and when he realizes he was half expecting the dog to answer him, he's like, "Cancel that and just go find her." Max dutifully scampers off and Oscar, Russ, Callahan, and a small team of LAPD cops follow closely behind. 

Jaime runs right into Eddie, while Oscar et. al. quietly sneak up on a couple of different bad guys from the other side of the building. Oscar then suddenly decides 'why not do the work of the LAPD even though there's a team of police officers standing right behind me?' and leaps out into the open in a serious legs apart stance with his gun drawn, shrieking, "Hold it right there!" - LOL - and proceeds to get shot at. After that pointless stunt, he sends in his most competent agent - Max - to get the job done, and Max is all, "I'm on it" and leaps over a tall gate in his pursuit of the two bad guys.

"Cover me, everyone."

"Hold it right there! And don't shoot! I repeat, don't shoot!"

Max attacks the two men, causing one to fall to his death over the railing of a rollercoaster ride (ouch), then knocks the other down a long flight of stairs. Jaime uses the distracting chaos to karate chop Eddie, then wraps him up in the chain link fence they happen to be standing in front of.   

The only remaining bad guy is Jack Stratton, high above them in a sky lift ride, with his rifle pointed downward. Jaime activates her bionic ear in time to hear the rifle cocking sound, then grabs the nearest thing - a stuffed teddy bear! - and bionically whips it into the air. The stuffed toy somehow hits Jack so hard that he drops the rifle, tumbles out of the sky lift, and splats into a conveniently placed pond. Oscar nods approvingly at Jaime and says, "You did good, babe", and hopes to hell that he was the last of the bad guys.

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