Recap: Jaime arrives at the OSI lab looking for Rudy - and instead finds a man wearing nothing but a pair of '70s short shorts, laying on a stretcher hooked up to various monitors. She sees the flatline reading on the heart machine, then checks his pulse and exclaims, "He's cold!" She activates her bionic hearing to see if she can pick up a heartbeat...and when she can't, she runs out of the room in a panicked search for Rudy. Rudy and Oscar are in a contentious meeting with an OSI scientist named Payton Jones, who's arguing with them about budget cuts. Rudy acknowledges that the coding analyzer he designed for the OSI was brilliant - but that they still have no choice but to cut his research budget. Payton snarks, "Cut back elsewhere!" but Oscar stands firm and tells him that everyone feels that way whenever budget cuts affect them. Jaime bursts into the room to inform Rudy that there's a dead man in his lab, and everyone follows her down the hallway to see whassup. Rudy carefully checks the man's vitals, murmurs, "It's amaaaazing" then asks Jaime to activate her bionic hearing to see if she's now able to detect any signs of life inside the man. She does, and this time hears a heartbeat...and when Rudy checks the man's pulse, the heart monitor he's attached to goes from a flatline to a slow beeping pattern. Jaime asks Rudy if the man was actually dead, so Rudy explains that the semi-corpse is OSI scientist and deep meditator Darwin Jones - Payton Jones' brother. On his way out of the lab, Oscar tells Payton they'll talk later, but Payton snappishly retorts, "What's there to talk about?" ... and Rudy discreetly tells Jaime there's always been an obnoxious sibling rivalry between the brothers. Darwin regains consciousness and says he feels very refreshed, and Rudy admonishes him for shutting down his body to such a near death state. As Payton bitchily snarks, "Welcome back, brother", Darwin puts his hand in front of the EKG machine and says he can sense a buildup of electrostatic energy...and Rudy checks the machine and discovers that, yep, there is indeed a loose ground wire that needs tightening. Darwin then touches Jaime's right arm, scrunches his face in puzzlement, and tells her her limb appears to have an electrical field. Jaime hastily changes the subject to his meditation, and he explains - in a hilariously earnest way - that he's successfully trained his mind to raise his awareness level so that he can directly control the functioning of his internal organs. He says that during this latest experiment, he commanded his heart to stop beating, then to resume beating, and explains that this type of science is called biofeedback. The next exercise he'll be performing is how much pain he can endure: a walk across hot coals.
Payton gets a call in the lab from the guy who played Cecil Colby on Dynasty, and he wanks Payton about how impressed he and his shady associates are with his coding analyzer. He offers Payton a giant research grant if he's willing to come over to the dark side, and Payton gruffly says he'll get back to him when he's a tad more disgruntled with his employer. Darwin tells Jaime that the key to walking across a bed of hot coals without feeling pain or getting scarring on the soles of his feet is to be totally at peace with himself...and to demonstrate, he shuts his eyes and chants, "Om...shanti peace...om..." and commands his body to increase cardiac frequency, accelerate circulation rate, then anesthetize his feet...and as he's doing that, we get footage of the inside of his body (blech) as his innards prepare themselves. Darwin then opens his eyes, stares into space all zombie-like, and slowly walks across the hot coals without flinching. When he finishes, he commands his body to go back to its default settings...and Rudy checks his feet for blisters or burn marks and miraculously finds nothing amiss. As Jaime stares at him in complete wonderment, Payton bitches at Rudy for not supporting him more in front of Oscar. Darwin urges Payton to fucking chillax about his budget cuts already, and Payton retorts by shooting him the stink-eye and storming out. As Darwin rushes out after him, Rudy asks Jaime if she wouldn't mind using her bionic hearing to eavesdrop on the brothers. When Jaime points out that that would be unethical, Rudy explains that since Darwin's next torture test involves being dunked in a giant tank of water, he's worried that he'll be so distracted by an argument with his brother that his mental faculties won't be at their sharpest. Jaime walks over to Payton's office and bionically eavesdrops on him bitching to Darwin about how the OSI is cutting back on his funding while continuing to fund his brilliant brother. Darwin tries to wank him by reminding him that he designed a brilliant coding analyzer...but then goes blank and asks Payton to refresh his memory about what the thing does - LOL - so Payton sourly replies, "It can decipher irrational bigram substitution codes in a matter of hours." Sounds intense. Payton angrily throws a stack of papers across the room and says that his coding analyzer is only scratching the surface, and that he's resentful as fuck that the flashy biofeedback-type projects always get all the limelight and grant money...then bitterly asks how useful it is to mankind for a person to get funded to walk across hot coals. He chides himself for wasting so many years of his life in this office, then angrily swipes off whatever's on his desk. He then decides that Darwin is also to blame for what's become of his life and says it drives him extra nuts that he's always so chilled out and together. Yeesh. Someone needs a time-out and some self-reflection. Jaime looks alarmed and mutters, "This is getting personal", then rushes back to the lab to report to Rudy that Payton is throwing a tantrum like a toddler who's missed a week's worth of naps. Rudy says he's going to ask Oscar to lock up the coding analyzer, along with Payton's other security materials until he calms down. A sad looking Darwin, meanwhile, returns to the lab to commence his water torture test. Rudy wires up Darwin for the near drowning experiment, and Jaime looks on worriedly and asks Darwin if he's absolutely, positively sure he's OK. He assures her is, then starts up his relaxation-meditation routine - om, shanti peace, om.. - but is so distracted by the argument he just had with Payton that he's unable to block his brother's words from his thoughts. He does his best to solely concentrate on his innards for the exercise, while Rudy and his lab assistants slowly lower him into the water tank. While trying to focus on not drowning, it's clear he's unable to stop thinking about his pissy brother. The lack of concentration causes him to start panicking, and he signals Rudy for help...and Rudy quickly orders his flunky to lift him out of the water tank. At that moment, the pulley device decides to jam...and Darwin flails about in the water while Jaime rushes over and bionically lifts the pulley by hand until Darwin is safely lifted out of the tank. A few seconds later, Rudy gets a call from security informing him that both Payton and his coding analyzer have disappeared. Oscar tells Jaime he has reason to believe that Payton is headed to East Germany to peddle his invention to the communists. He explains that Steve Austin has been working undercover in Brussels looking into an ex-patriot American: Cecil Colby (who had called Payton earlier). Apparently, Cecil is involved in the buying and selling of top secret materials while hiding out in the fictional East German town of Halderstadt, and he's pretty sure he's acquired a coded list of OSI agents he wants Payton to decode. Jaime asks if Steve is going to sort this mess out, but Oscar tells her that since this isn't a crossover episode, Steve needs to remain undercover in Brussels so that she can be saddled with the mission. Jaime somehow lights up at that news and looks uncharacteristically delighted to be jetting off to eastern Europe.
Jaime leaves Oscar's office, loudly bidding auf wiedersehen to Oscar by chirping, "OK then, I'm off to Halderstadt!" - and Darwin, who's standing nearby, overhears and asks Jaime if she's going after his idiot brother. She tells him she's going after the coding analyzer, so Darwin says he really really wants to come along so he can persuade Payton to give up the madness of working for the East Germans and return to the United States. Jaime firmly declines his help and says there's no way she'd even be allowed to bring him along on this fool's errand. After landing in West Germany, Jaime drives a rented Volkswagon to an East German Frontier border crossing near Halderstadt. She abandons the Volkswagon and sneaks up to the border on foot...and, unbeknownst to her, a car pulls up behind the Volkswagon a few seconds later. Jaime encounters electrified chain-link fencing with multiple signs warning her that she's leaving West Germany, and makes a bionic leap into the GDR. She suddenly hears Darwin calling out to her...and he appears on the west side of the fence, insisting on tagging along. Jaime urges him to go back where he came from, not least 'cause the voltage on the fence is going to fry him if he even attempts to climb over it. Darwin says he'd like to use this as an opportunity to test out his biofeedback theory in a real life situation, which means that hopefully his awareness level will be raised high enough to let the fence's voltage pass through him without him getting electrocuted. He starts up with his om, shanti peace, om.. meditation routine, then gets all blank-faced as he scales the fence. His arm gets caught on the barbed wiring for a few seconds, but he's able to use his brainpower to anesthetize the flesh wound. Eventually he makes it over...and the two steal a car that's parked in front of the little checkpoint building and quietly drive off. While en route to Halderstadt, Jaime spills the beans to Darwin about her bionics...'cause by this point in the series, it'd be a shock if she went through an entire episode not blabbing to someone about her top secret superhuman abilities - and Darwin says he figured something was up when he sensed the electrical charges emanating from her arm. Jaime radios Oscar to inform him that Darwin followed her to Europe, and Oscar scrunches his face in annoyance and tells her that under no circumstances is she to take him across the East German border. He then gives her a reminder for the mission: retrieve the coded list of OSI agents, along with the decoder. Payton, on the other hand, can be left to rot in the Eastern Bloc. He then tells her that Steve got some intel about where she might find Cecil Colby hanging out: Hotel Ellrich. Jaime chirps, "We'll check it out!" and ends the call as Oscar stares confusedly into space and mutters, "What do you mean we'll..?" Oops. Jaime and Darwin arrive in a studio back-lot set up to look like a not-quite-grey enough-for-East Germany downtown Halderstadt, and they're able to quickly locate the Hotel Ellrich. Jaime spots Cecil Colby sitting in an outdoor cafe reading the paper...and a few seconds later, one of his associates arrives and joins him. Jaime activates her bionic hearing and overhears Cecil chuckling about how brazenly he's scamming Payton, and that the dumbass is so naive about the promise of a giant research grant that he flew all the way to East Germany, completely willing to betray his own country. Cecil tells his associate that once Payton decodes the list of OSI agents, they'll promptly dispose of him. As the two get up to leave, Cecil happens to spots Jaime and Darwin staring over at them - so Jaime quickly grabs Darwin and starts smooching him in order to avoid looking like the amateur spies they are. The two men climb into their car and drive off...and as Darwin recovers from what I suspect was his first ever kiss from a female, they jump into their stolen car and follow. While on the Autobahn, Jaime apologizes to Darwin for forcibly smooching him just now, and he admits to being a shy, lonely, and socially inept nerd...and now regrets not being more proactive in sharing his life experiences with Payton. He insists on accompanying her to Cecil Colby's estate 'cause he'd really like to help rescue his brother, and also squeeze in some more real life testing of his biofeedback quackery. Cecil Colby is showing Payton around his lavish estate, which is interesting 'cause I didn't think East Germans were allowed to have lavish estates...so I'll have to assume that Cecil is a member of Erich Honecker's inner circle. He brings Payton into the main living room, where mission control of his elaborate security system is headquartered. He then hands Payton the list of OSI agents he wants him to decode, and Payton just kind of shrugs and goes, "OK, whatever." Jaime and Darwin, meanwhile, arrive outside the estate and navigate through a field rigged with tear gas missiles - while somehow managing to remain out of sight by the various security cameras. Cecil Colby's security men see the clouds of tear gas and raise the alarm about there being some kind of security breach on the property. Jaime tells Darwin it would be great if he could make it to the wall (that encloses the main house) without tripping anymore tear gas missiles or being caught on the security cameras, and asks him if his biofeedback techniques would make that possible. He looks uncertain and says, "Theoretically..?" and Jaime shoots him a WTF? look and says she can avoid the cameras by running bionically while holding her breath. Darwin starts his chanting, then makes a run for it - and manages to reach the wall without being detected. Phew. Jaime takes off - but triggers more tear gas missiles and collapses while coughing uncontrollably...and Darwin runs over, picks her up, and carries her to the safety of the wall. By this time, the security men have set off a loud alarm and are scrutinizing the video footage to figure out what in blazes is going on. One of them grabs his gun and says he's going outside to investigate.
Jaime coughs some more from the tear gas, but assures Darwin she's OK...and is deeply impressed that he's so chilled out in such a highly stressful situation. She gives him a bionic boost over the wall, and the two begin advancing on the main house. They're quickly spotted by the armed security man...and then two more men appear, shoot Darwin, and grab Jaime. One of the gunmen pokes at Darwin and declares him dead, and Jaime moans, "Oooh Darwin.." - but we quickly get audio on him chanting om, shanti peace, om.. in order to anesthetize his body from suffering the effects of the gunshot wound. Cecil Colby orders his men to dump Darwin's lifeless body in the nearby lake. Inside the house, Cecil Colby warns Jaime that she too will end up dead if she tries anything foolish. Payton enters the room, is all, "Wha-a-a?" when he sees Jaime, then is ordered by Cecil to hurry up and get back to his decoding assignment 'cause a couple of foreign buyers are en route to the estate to purchase his coding analyzer. Payton glances out of the window and notices two of the security men dumping a body in the lake...and Jaime covertly tells him the body is Darwin's and that he too will meet the same fate once he's decoded the list of OSI agents. Payton contorts his face into an expression of sorrow and says he didn't think that selling state secrets to East Germany would get anyone killed. What a stupid moron. At the bottom of the lake, Darwin is meditating to keep himself from drowning and/or bleeding to death from his gunshot wound...and we get footage of his innards struggling to function without oxygen, along with a visual of the bullet that's lodged in his rib cage. He suddenly panics about drowning and/or bleeding to death, then thinks about Jaime and the way she made his naughty parts tingle during the forcible kiss in downtown Halderstadt. He quickly removes the rope that the gunmen had tied to him, and quickly rises to the surface and swims to shore.
Payton returns to the living room and defiantly tells Cecil Colby that he just destroyed the coded OSI list, along with the coding analyzer. Cecil gets enraged, gives Payton a hard backhand across the face, then grabs the nearest gun and cries, "Nobody makes a fool of me!" At that moment, Darwin flies into the room and knocks Cecil to the floor - and Jaime neutralizes the other gunmen by bionically throwing a giant lamp in their direction. As the bad guys deal with all the chaos, Payton, Darwin, and Jaime escape to another room, which Jaime bionically barricades with a large piece of furniture. The three flee to the front door and exit the house just as the helicopter carrying the foreign buyers lands on the front lawn. Jaime tells the buyers that Cecil Colby is waiting for them inside...and when the buyers just shrug amiably and head toward the front door, Jaime, Darwin, and Payton pile into the helicopter, wave a gun at the pilot and order him to take off, which he promptly does. The episode then completely skips the part about how Jaime, Darwin, and Payton were able to make it out of East Germany without attracting the attention of a single policeman or Stasi official. Back at the OSI, Oscar tells Jaime that he thinks everything with Payton is going to be A-OK...even though the fucktard should probably be charged for treason, or at the very least steel-toed from the OSI for stealing company property with the intent of selling it to a hostile foreign government. Jaime heads over to the lab, where she finds Payton and Darwin happily working together. Payton tells her that Darwin taught him some meditation techniques so he could better cope with his deeply-rooted anger issues...and Jaime grins happily and tells Darwin she just consulted with her innards, and that her stomach told her she's ready to go have some lunch with him. Har har. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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