Recap: Under a full moon inside Eastern Europe, a small group of men including high-profile scientist Arlo Kelso and his dimwitted teenage son Sandor are attempting to escape the Iron Curtain by cutting through a barbed wire fence. Dr. Kelso urges Sandor to make a break for freedom simply by running a few feet to reach the chain-link fence that now has a giant hole in it - just as a squad of East German policemen arrive and yell, "Halt, or vee vill fire!" LOL. Dr. Kelso's all, "Ack!" and climbs through the fence, and gets shot in the arm in the process...and Sandor is so traumatized that he stands frozen with terror and watches as two men pick up his father and carry him over to a getaway truck. As the truck speeds off, the East German policemen seize Sandor and take him into their custody. Back in Ojai, Jaime is decked out in a red snuggie (!), lighting candles to create a romantic ambiance for her dinner date with some guy named Raymond...and Max (who must be visiting from Colorado Springs) is visibly upset that he's not her plus one for the evening. Jaime tries to cheer him up by asking him to fetch her mail...and he eagerly scampers downstairs, and then returns a few seconds later with the entire mailbox. Oh Max! Oscar drops by unexpectedly...and Jaime preemptively groans, "Oh no.." and says that no way in hell is she getting roped into an OSI mission while expecting her date to arrive. Oscar confirms that, yep, forcing her to take on yet another unwelcome OSI mission at the least convenient time is exactly why he's here, then says she's going to need to fly to Berlin asap so she can rescue the dimwitted teenage son of Dr. Arlo Kelso, a scientist who defected from East Germany last night. He says he can't possibly assign the task to another agent 'cause this particular job requires a woman's touch, superfluously adds, "It's true, babe", and solemnly explains that Sandor Kelso is a particularly timid boy-child who let himself be captured by the East Germans 'cause he was too fearful to move after witnessing his father get shot. He tells her that Sandor is going to need plenty of gentle cooing and warm encouragement in order to get him to cooperate with his rescuer...then instructs her to break Sandor out of prison and bring him to a quarry on the outskirts of the town, where a rescue chopper will be waiting to fly them across the border. He puts his most serious face on and warns her that if she doesn't make it there by 3:00pm, the chopper will take off, leaving her and Sandor stranded and abandoned behind the Iron Curtain...which seems heartlessly dickish of the OSI. Jaime shoots Oscar the stink-eye and chides him for always putting a wrench in her social life.
Jaime is smuggled into East Germany on the back of a delivery truck, disguised in a thick shawl so she looks like all of the other Eastern European peasant women huddled on the truck. Her OSI colleague - hey, it's the actor who played Bill Taylor on Beverly Hills, 90210! - pulls out a map and tells her they're currently two miles away from the prison where Sandor is being held. He tells her that every day at noon a guard delivers a lunch tray to Sandor's cell...then adds that he hopes she has some kind of plan to break Sandor out and get him to the rescue chopper in time. Jaime shrugs unconcernedly and says, "I'll think of something that involves gratuitously showcasing my top secret bionics to whoever happens to be nearby", bids him Auf Wiedersehen, then bionically jogs in the direction of the prison. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.. Jaime scales the prison wall with a rope and makes it over just as the guard is delivering Sandor's lunch. When he unlocks the cell door, Jaime sneaks up behind him and bionically strikes him with her knapsack, causing him to fly across the cell and get knocked unconscious. Sandor clutches his mandolin and stares at Jaime in terrified bewilderment, so she gently explains that she's here to rescue him so he can be reunited with his father, who's in a Berlin hospital recovering from a gunshot wound. She tells him that once they escape the prison, they're going to run and run and run until they reach the outskirts of town, where a rescue chopper will be waiting to fly them to safety. Sandor says he's not sure he isn't too frightened to make another escape attempt, with a woman rescuer no less, then starts to wig out about his fear of being shot. Jaime sits him down at the table and concedes that, yep, the escape attempt will probably be dangerous, but assures him that she's "really good at these things" and warns him that the longer they sit around his prison cell discussing how quickly he needs to man the fuck up and face his fears, the more risky this operation becomes. He mulls that over for a few seconds before suddenly staring defiantly into space, then gazes into her eyes with an unmistakable look of smittenness, and agrees to give it a go.
When another guard enters Sandor's cell to see whassup with his lunch-delivering colleague, Jaime shoves him across the cell and he too is knocked unconscious. Sandor straps his mandolin to his back, and then he and Jaime sneak outside, race over to the wall, and use Jaime's rope to climb down to the other side. As Jaime and Sandor make their way through the nearby woods, Sandor says he feels very good about escaping. He credits Jaime with forcing him to muster up the courage to leave the safety of the prison walls, then shyly adds, "You're very pretty." Jaime puts a pin in the uncomfortableness of his sudden crush - just as the alarm is sounded in the prison. Colonel Dubnov rushes to the prison courtyard to ask the guards what in blazes just happened, then orders them to catch zee prisoner asap. He evilly recounts how he just sent a note to Dr. Kelso in Berlin, threatening that if he doesn't return to East Germany in twenty-four hours, Sandor will be executed. Oscar drops by Dr. Kelso's hospital room and tells him that Jaime and Sandor escaped the prison and - fingers crossed - will soon be airlifted out of East Germany. He notices a bouquet of flowers on the night stand and out of curiosity opens the card that came with it...and is startled when he sees that it's a blatant threat ordering Kelso to return to his homeland or suffer the consequences: his son's execution. Oscar tells Kelso it's a bluff - but Kelso isn't so sure 'cause he well knows how shitty and corrupt the East German government can be. Colonel Dubnov orders his men to continue searching the perimeter around the prison, and do everything possible to prevent Sandor from reaching the border. Sandor, meanwhile, strolls through the woods and picks flowers as if he were not currently fleeing a repressive police state...and in the process he clumsily trips over something and hurts his ankle. Jaime rushes over to see whassup, wraps his injured ankle with her scarf, and urges him to stand the fuck up and put a tad more urgency into his fleeing, 'cause it's 2:58pm, as in TWO MINUTES BEFORE THE RESCUE CHOPPER IS SCHEDULED TO DEPART, WITH OR WITHOUT THEM. Sandor, for whom none of the urgency of the perilous situation appears to be sinking in, makes no move to get to his feet...and instead shyly hands Jaime his makeshift flower bouquet and says he hopes she thinks they're pretty. Jaime despondently stares up at the sky, silently curses Oscar for sending her on this fool's errand, and concedes that there's no way in hell they're going to make it to the rescue chopper in time. When Sandor starts babbling about his tender feelings for her, an irritated Jaime snaps at him to shut it so she can focus on finding somewhere for the two of them to hide. LOL. Bill Taylor and his OSI partner are dismayed when they see the rescue chopper take off without Jaime and Sandor. When a couple of East German guards arrive on the scene and are all, "Vut are you two doing here?", Bill Taylor and his partner tackle them to the ground and steal their uniforms. Oscar gets a call while at the hospital, informing him that Jaime and Sandor did not make it to the rescue chopper by 3:00pm...and so the dickwad of a pilot decided, "Oh well, sucks to be them" and took off. Dr. Kelso tells Oscar he's giving in to Dubnov's demands and will return to his homeland so he can (hopefully) spare Sandor from execution. Jaime and Sandor take refuge inside a chicken farm barn. Jaime asks Sandor about his family, and he tells her he's an only child and that his mom died when he was three. He shyly asks her if she has a lot of boyfriends, and Jaime vaguely replies, "A few" as she keeps watch through a crack in the barn door. Sandor tells Jaime he's been using their down time inside the barn to write a love song about her, then hands her a piece of paper and asks her to read it aloud so he can play along on his mandolin. Jaime decides, 'Yep, we've got time for this' and reads the lyrics of the awkward love song detailing how much this dimwit adores her...and she breezily remarks, "What a beautiful song." He professes his love for her - just as Bill Taylor and his OSI partner burst into the barn disguised as East German guards...and Jaime's all, "Phew! Perfect timing!" and hurls herself at Bill Taylor and gives him a long bear hug as a visibly crestfallen Sandor looks on.
A few minutes later, real East German guards approach the farm and discuss zurrounding zee barn. Sandor peeks through the crack in the barn door and spots the East German guards milling around and decides he's heartbroken enough about Jaime not loving him to surrender himself. When Jaime finishes hugging Bill Taylor and notices that Sandor is gone, she insists on going after him...but Bill Taylor warns against that and suggests they hang back and formulate a more dramatic action plan that involves the superfluous use of her bionics. Colonel Dubnov tells Sandor he'll be reunited with his father soon, then orders his men to take the dimwit to military headquarters. Colonel Dubnov phones Dr. Kelso's hospital room to smugly report that Sandor has been recaptured...and that he has exactly two hours to surrender himself in order to save his son from execution. Oscar cautions Kelso against returning 'cause he's pretty sure that Dubnov will just kill them both to send a message to future defectors...but Kelso says that since it's largely his fault his son is such a timid boy-child, he needs to do everything in his power to give him a chance at life. He asks Oscar to arrange a car to transport him to the border. Colonel Dubnov tells Sandor he's going to be placed in a youth facility so he can be indoctrinated on where he fits in in this weird society - a process which, considering his dimwittedness, isn't expected to take longer than a week to achieve. Jaime and Bill Taylor are hiding near Dubnov's military headquarters, and they spot a couple of guards bundling Sandor into a car. Jaime bionically races down a side street to get ahead of the car, knocks down a power pole to force it to come to a complete stop, then reaches into the driver's seat and bionically pulls the guard out of the car. Bill Taylor climbs into the driver's seat, and then he, Sandor, and Jaime speed towards the border. Yippee! While that's happening.. Oscar and Dr. Kelso arrive at the East/West German border. Kelso shakes Oscar's hand and thanks him for doing all he could to help him and Sandor, and Oscar bids him a sad farewell and wishes him good luck. Kelso begins crossing the border on foot - just as Jaime et. al. speedily approach the border from the opposite direction while being pursued and fired upon by Dubnov's men. Oscar notices the sudden commotion and urges Kelso to stop before progressing any further inside the Iron Curtain. Bill Taylor speeds up and crashes through the border gate, then stops right in front of the border's chain-link fence. Jaime bionically rips a hole in the fence and urges Sandor to follow her by climbing through, but he has a sudden freakout and flashes back to when his father was shot at the beginning of the episode. Dr. Kelso screeches at his idiot son to snap out of it and run, and Sandor stares bewilderedly into space for a few seconds and decides to not let himself get captured by the East Germans a second time. He revs himself up and speeds past Jaime and Bill Taylor - who clap and cheer him on, LOL - and then collapses into the arms of his father, who assures him that everything is going to be A-OK.
Inside the safety of the West, Jaime is wearing a floral, off-the-shoulder sundress and sitting on a park bench with Sandor, telling him she can't/won't return his feelings 'cause he's underage...and also far too much of a dork for her to ever give him a second glance. She wanks him by telling him he has a lot of living and loving ahead of him, then asks if she can kiss his lips without him misinterpreting her feelings for him...which WHYYYYY IN THE HELL DO YOU NEED TO KISS HIS LIPS, JAIME. WHYYYYY??? Sandor goes, "I guess so", so Jaime gives him a quick lip smooch. The two then get up and stroll through the park hand in hand...and judging by the smitten look on Sandor's face, it's doubtful he's going to be able to not misinterpret her platonic-only feelings for him. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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