Recap: An alarm is going off in a remote research complex, and a voice over the intercom system instructs all personnel to clear out of the facility through the various security checkpoints. Dr. Elijah Cooper, the crazy old physicist who runs the remote research complex, is informed by his computer operating system, Alex 7000, that the facility has been completely evacuated. He asks Dr. Cooper if he's absolutely positively sure he wants to go through with what he's about to do, and Dr. Cooper says he's quite sure, then wanders over to his mission control type computer lab and presses a bunch of buttons to activate his communications satellite, and hits play to transmit his first of several bitchy warning videos to the world. Jaime is in her apartment, watching a cooking show and trying to keep up with the chef in real time, when the TV suddenly goes blank and Dr. Cooper appears on the screen to deliver his State of the Shitty Universe address. He introduces himself as "the father of the cobalt bomb" and says he's speaking to people around the world, and that his address is being translated in real time in every language so that every living person who's near a TV set has the opportunity to hear his ominous words. He starts off with a reminder of what his cobalt bomb is capable of, and then we get footage of a ginormous mushroom cloud. Jaime's all, "Wuh?" - while Oscar, who's watching the broadcast in his OSI office, takes a call from the Secretary and barks that he did not authorize this and exasperatedly adds, "What on God's green earth does Elijah think he's doing?!" Dr. Cooper calls the results of the cobalt bomb explosion "supreme devastation", but warns that it's small potatoes compared to what a nuclear detonation would do...then claims that he has developed such a weapon of mass destruction that is capable of instantaneously destroying all life on earth. He orders the UN to deliver to his research complex four world-renowned scientists from various countries - Rudy Wells gets included in that group, way to go Rudy! - and warns that if any military force attempts to attack his complex, the nuclear denotation device, which hereafter shall be referred to as the doomsday device, will be irreversibly triggered. A startled Jaime watches TV news pundits discuss the troubling death to everyone warning. Some idly wonder if Dr. Cooper is a mental patient who's off his meds, while others reason that since he's a nuclear physicist, he must really be capable of developing such a horrific bomb. In further news coverage, we see that the UN Security Council had scheduled an emergency meeting (with Oscar in attendance), and it is decreed that Oscar Goldman will coordinate Operation What the Fuck Do We Do About This Unverified Threat? under the strictest of security. I had no idea that Oscar was this far up the food chain in the U.S. government. Way to go, Oscar! After the meeting, Oscar tells his (extremely intense) assistant Russ that the UN Security Council has caved to Dr. Cooper's demands and agreed to deliver the four scientists to his complex. The two then run into an ambassador/high ranking official (?) from the Middle East named Mr. Satari, who chides Oscar for "reacting a bit strongly" to Dr. Cooper's inane threats. Oscar warns him to take this potentially dangerous situation a lot more seriously, but Mr. Satari chuckles and says he has everything under control, and that he's more than happy to jet back to his country and leave the problem of world destruction in his capable hands. Oscar and Russ head over to JFK Airport, where Rudy is waiting to board Air Force One. Russ reminds Oscar that one of the scientists Dr. Cooper requested is a female French physicist named Marguerite Perry...and Oscar stares contemplatively into space as he chews on that potentially helpful nugget. In the next scene, Jaime is on the Air Force One flight, decked out in a smart tan pantsuit, blue neck scarf and silly hat as she amuses herself in front of a glum Oscar by practicing her cartoonish French accent, along with the few French phrases she picked up during her days on the tennis circuit. Oscar tells her that Dr. Cooper has never actually met any of the scientists he requested for his impromptu summit, and that NATO approved his request to allow Jaime to take the place of French physicist Marguerite Perry. He tells her to hang back and let the actual scientists handle most of the talking, and warns that if Dr. Cooper learns she's an OSI agent, God only knows how quickly he'll wig out and possibly activate his doomsday device out of dickish spite.
Oscar accompanies Rudy and Jaime to the gated security entry point of Dr. Cooper's research complex. He wishes them godspeed, but solemnly reminds them that they're dealing with a madman. Rudy and Jaime climb into a car, drive up to the gate and hold up their IDs to a remote camera, and are granted entry. After that, they drive down a long winding road to reach Dr. Cooper's facility and discuss how dangerous this mission could become. When they enter the complex, Dr. Cooper's computer operating system, Alex 7000, informs them via intercom that Dr. Cooper is busy, but will be joining them shortly. Jaime tells Rudy she's off to do some snooping, then wanders around and discovers Dr. Cooper's giant computer lab. When she extends her snooping to the adjoining office, Dr. Cooper ambles in, looks momentarily bewildered that she was able to make it past the security door, then eases himself into his big leather chair. Jaime introduces herself as Dr. Marguerite Perry, and Dr. Cooper perks up and says he'd loooove to hear her insights on her brilliant scientific theories, which he cites...and Jaime stammers and stalls as she discreetly hits the on button to the intercom system so that Rudy can hear Dr. Cooper's questions and then feed her impressive sounding answers via her bionic ear. Genius! Dr. Cooper seems oblivious to her parroting of Rudy's knowledge, and the scam mercifully gets cut short when the Japanese and Soviet scientists arrive. Dr. Cooper heads over to the lobby to greet the scientists, and the Japanese delegate barks, "This is not a social call!" and makes it clear how pissed off his government is about the old doctor's threat of world destruction. Dr. Cooper insists that he merely wanted their attention, then offers to show them proof of the existence of his doomsday device. Dr. Cooper takes the scientists to his computer lab, shows them the various formulas he used to develop the doomsday device, then informs them that it's housed in the lowest level of the complex. The scientists demand to know why in blazes he's done this and accuse him of blackmail, but he insists that he's perpetrating this insanity solely for world peace. The Soviet scientist asks him how creating a nuclear bomb could possibly lead to world peace, so Dr. Cooper explains that the only thing that can set off his doomsday device is an air burst of a nuclear bomb. Such an event will trigger his doomsday device to go off six hours later, which will result in the destruction of the entire planet. He then rails about the destructiveness of mankind, and that his gift to the world is using his bomb-making genius to bring about lasting peace for humanity. The scientists admonish him for playing God, and he retorts by shifting a bunch of levers on his computer dashboard and gravely announcing, "It is done." A button labelled systems on lights up, and it's followed by a series of loud beeps. Dr. Cooper informs the scientists that from this point forth, the triggering (or not) of the doomsday device will be under the control of Alex 7000. He gives the scientists a stern glare and says, "It is peace or oblivion" ... and after they chew on that for a few seconds, he tells them they're free to leave.
The UN Security Council meets again to implement a worldwide ban on any nuclear testing. Russ informs Oscar that not every country is complying with the ban - just as a phone call comes in from Mr. Satari. He gleefully tells Oscar, "I'm speaking from the desert testing center of my country" and says that his government has labelled the Cooper matter a superpower plot to keep Third World countries from expanding their nuclear capabilities. Oscar tells him that's ridiculous, and warns him that any nuclear testing could set off the doomsday device and annihilate the planet. Mr. Satari ignores the warning and informs Oscar that his country (which the writers refused to identify, or at least give a fake name to) is planning for an atmospheric bomb test five hours from now, then chirps, "Have a good day!" LOL. In response to Mr. Satari's troubling announcement, the UN sends emergency forces to whatever Middle Eastern country Satari lives in - but Oscar glumly tells Jaime, Rudy, and Russ that there's no way they'll get there in time to stop the nuclear test. Oscar decrees that, to avoid disaster on a planet-wide scale, they're going to have to find a way to disarm the doomsday device. Jaime asks what she can do to help (even though she knows next to nothing about computers), and Rudy tells her the trick will be to disable the computer's main memory banks - but that such a mission would require exercising extreme caution in order to avoid getting zapped/exploded/flattened by the various built-in defenses that Dr. Cooper no doubt installed to prevent infiltration of the area. Russ pulls out a map and shows Jaime the best way to approach the complex in terms of avoiding the most number of laser guns - but it's extremely rough terrain made up of giant rock mountains. Jaime's like, "Can do!" and starts bionically jogging toward the complex, dun dun dun dun dun, tripping a number of automatic defenses that shoot out laser bombs. She manages to run fast enough to avoid getting struck - but after a particularly powerful set of explosions, she takes cover in a trench...where - ack! - the Soviet scientist (whose real name is Dmitri Muskov) is hiding. The two admit they're not actually the physicists Dr. Cooper requested for his summit - but were sent for the purpose of disarming the doomsday device. Dmitri suggests that they forget about the Cold War for now and join forces so they can work together to save the world. As the automatic laser guns continue to shoot out firebombs, Jaime and Dmitri make it to a large rock mountain. Dmitri pulls out a remote device he cobbled together that disables the laser guns, and tells Jaime he designed the handy thing for the Soviet army. Jaime radios Oscar to tell him about Dmitri's presence, and asks if she should leave him behind or work with him to complete the mission...and Rudy interjects and says he knows that Dmitri is a top scientist in his country and that he could be very helpful. Jaime asks, "What about letting him see the bionics?" - bwahahahaha! - and Oscar's like, "Since you've never refrained from blabbing about your top secret superhuman strength to everyone during every mission we've ever sent you on, why stop now?" Dmitri, meanwhile, is struggling to drill footholds into the rock mountain so they can scale the thing, and an impatient Jaime bionically leaps up to the nearest plateau, then throws a rope down to Dmitri and tells him they need to speed things up if they're going to save the world in a timely fashion.
Mr. Satari laughs about Dr. Cooper's doomsday device wankery, then tells his lab assistant flunkies that they should be ready to perform the nuclear test in four hours. And, with that, the first apocalyptic countdown clock of this two-part episode is officially set. Oscar radios Jaime to tell her to speed things up even faster 'cause she only has three and a half hours to save the planet...so she starts bionically carving spikes into the rock mountain and kicking in footholds so they can climb up faster. Incidentally, Jaime is wearing really flimsy ballet type slippers when she probably should have put something sturdier on her feet for a save the planet type mission. Dmitri immediately twigs onto her bionic superpowers and is awestruck that American scientists were successful in creating a human cyborg. Jaime says she prefers the term bionic, then tells him to shut it 'cause they need to focus all their energy on scaling the rock mountain and breaking into the complex. Oscar, Russ, and Rudy head to the nearest military base and get to work opening communication lines with the White House, Pentagon, and whatever Secretary Oscar reports to. Oscar also orders his tech people to adjust the communications satellite so that only he and government leaders can receive future video broadcasts from Dr. Cooper...'cause he'd rather not have the entire world's population freaked out at the same time. Jaime and Dmitri encounter a minefield, and Dmitri starts shaking, sweating, and having a PTSD style meltdown and explains that he was almost killed in a minefield in Manchuria. Jaime pleads with him to chillax, reminds him he took on this mission to save his people, then takes his hand and uses her bionic hearing to help lead him carefully across the minefield. Mr. Satari and his lab assistant flunkies are clearing the sectors of all non-essential personnel in anticipation of the nuclear test. Sixty minutes and counting! During a second PTSD episode, Dmitri gets shot in the leg by one of Dr. Cooper's automatic laser guns...and Jaime helps him to his feet and tries to pull him along, but it's clear he's only going to slow her down and risk the success of the mission. He tells her to leave him here and that she now has to carry the torch for her country and his...but he'd appreciate it if she checked on him sometime before the end of Part 2. Jaime's like, "Er, OK" and bionically breaks into a steel door of the complex. She rushes over to the computer lab, and Alex 7000 remarks over the omnipresent speaker system that he assumes she's there to damage his components - but that it won't have any effect 'cause his core memory banks are located on level 8. When he reveals that the main breaker that powers the computer lab is located by the door, Jaime rushes over and shuts it off and is immediately plunged into darkness. Not sure how that's helpful. There are three minutes left on Mr. Satari's nuclear detonation countdown! Jaime finds Dr. Cooper slumped in his office chair, looking pale from his old age/heart problems. He correctly guesses that she's not Dr. Marguerite Perry, and Jaime confirms that she's from the U.S. government and asks if there's anything she can do to help him. Dr. Cooper tells her that, oddly enough, he feels closer to life now that he's about to expire...and she urges him to stop rambling about himself and reverse the doomsday device 'cause right now there's a group of fuckwits in the Middle East who haven't taken his warnings seriously and are about to test a hydrogen bomb. Dr. Cooper contorts his face into a sad expression and mumbles, "The world has persisted in its warring ways", looks up at Jaime and mournfully says, "God help you, my child", then slumps over and dies a few seconds later. Jaime scrunches her face in sorrow at the selfish prick who conveniently passed away so he wouldn't have to perish along with everyone else in the horrific planet-wide destruction he was responsible for unleashing, then stares hopelessly into space.
Mr. Satari's lab assistant flunkies launch their nuclear test, which results in a a bright flashing light and a scary looking mushroom cloud. Jaime suddenly hears a loud beeping warning in the computer lab, indicating that the doomsday device has officially been activated. Alex 7000 confirms that, yep, the world will end in precisely six hours. Oh no! The alarm triggers the release of a second video from Dr. Cooper - but this time only Oscar and government leaders are privy to the smug, I told you so message. Dr. Cooper's tired old mug appears on Oscar's TV screen, sadly stating that a nuclear device has just been tested somewhere in the world...which means that his doomsday device is set to detonate in six hours. Jaime watches the broadcast from inside the complex with a look of horror on her face, then pleads with Alex 7000 to put a stop to doomsday. He tells her he cannot do that 'cause he was specifically programmed to ensure that Dr. Cooper's doomsday device does detonate...and that it would be foolish for her to attempt to stop it, not least 'cause it's located more than a mile underground. He warns that he'll stop her at every step if she even tries...and Jaime stares defiantly into space and says, "So, then it is a duel between you and me?" and Alex 7000 dispassionately confirms it is, then adds, "May the best, er...one win." Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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