Recap: A cyber bandit wearing white gloves has broken into an office on a university campus, and is tapping away on a computer. The burglar's accomplice says he hears someone coming and urges him to "boogie" and start the deprogramming process. The bandit's like, "I'm on it" and starts to deprogram whatever nefarious thing he's doing - but isn't able to fully finish the process when he's forced to flee so he doesn't get caught red-handed. The two men race off just as Professor Thomas Tharp bursts in...and he glances around the office with a look of puzzled bewilderment on his face, then glares suspiciously at the computer.
Oscar and Rudy discuss the unknown cyber bandit who was able to transfer $5,000 from an OSI account late last night without anyone being able to trace where it went. Rudy shakes his head in dismay and says that whoever's stealing from the OSI is a genius 'cause there doesn't seem to be any way to stop him...such as, I dunno, tightening up cyber-security at the OSI, or putting a temporary freeze on withdrawals from the OSI bank account until someone in the IT department can get to the bottom of whatever the hell's going on. Rudy says there's one bit of good news: the bandit was in such a hurry to flee that he left behind some un-deprogrammed code, which means they were able to identify the computer terminal used in the theft: a computer in the library at the fictional South Coast University, which has a direct connect into the Library of Congress. Apparently, the clever bandit devised a program that logs onto the Library of Congress, and this somehow gives him unfettered access to the cash stores of various banks and businesses throughout the country...which sounds highly improbable, but then I'm a recapper not a pre-Internet age network administrator. Oscar furrows his brows and solemnly says, "Amazing, Rudy", then adds that a breach like this could mean that top secret OSI material might become "as available as a library book", namely their documentation about Jaime and Max (and Steve, I'm assuming) in what they generically refer to as The Bionic Project. He stares concernedly into space for a few seconds before rhetorically asking, "Do you have any idea what a foreign power would pay for that?" and Rudy refrains from pointing out that much of Europe, in particular a cluster of fictional East/West German border towns, is already well acquainted with Jaime's "top secret" bionics after getting first hand demonstrations of her super human abilities during the course of her various overseas OSI missions. Rudy tells Oscar he can put a pin in that concern, 'cause - at least for now - it looks as though the bandit is only interested in withdrawing money. He says he put together a profile on the person and deduced that he/she is highly educated, has likely worked for a government or bank, and is probably a teacher or alumnus of South Coast University. Oscar says they're going to need to get someone over there, pronto, and Rudy concurs and says he's already spoken to Professor Tharp, who almost caught the bandit in the act. Oscar picks up the phone, hits #1 on his speed-dial and cheerily asks, "Hello, Jaime..? How would you like to go back to college?" [Answer: fuck off, Oscar. I'm too busy teaching school five days a week to take on anymore of your idiot missions]
Jaime is impersonating a student on the South Coast University campus when she's nearly mowed down by a cyclist (a black dude named Benny). He shrieks, "Sorry! I'm late for work!" and cycles over to his place of employment, the Gypsy Wagon lunch truck. Jaime gathers all the stuff that spilled out of her bag during the near collision and is approached by a letter jacket clad jock, who flirtily asks her if she needs help. When she declines, he shoots her a look of incredulity and says, "You must have no idea who I am" and she confirms that, yep, that is correct and asks him if he could direct her to the physics building. He stares back at her blankly and says he has no idea, but that he could easily show her where the phys. ed building is located...and she mutters, "Shocker" while ambling over to the Gypsy Wagon. She stands in line behind an old lady (Mrs. Simpson) who's a senior student enjoying some continuing education in her twilight years. Benny orders the lunch truck cook, a Native American dude named Mango, to make Mrs. Simpson's order a special special, which appears to be fast food slop with a side order of cash. Jaime orders a cup of tea and asks if anyone in the lunch truck knows where the physics building is, and Benny says he has to deliver lunch to Professor Tharp, whose office is in the building, and would be happy to walk her over there in a few minutes.
The overbearing jock takes it upon himself to sit beside Jaime on a nearby bench and get all touchy feely with her, to which she reacts by telling him she's not interested and could he please get lost. Benny notices what's going on and heads over to launch a rescue by "accidentally" spilling his drink all over the jock...and then Jaime sends the jock flying through the air by bionically tipping the bench in her direction as if it's a teeter-totter. When he lands with a painful sounding thud, Jaime tells Benny they'd better get the hell outa there.
As Jaime and Benny stroll across campus, Jaime tells Benny she's taking a computer course from Professor Tharp. He exclaims, "I dig computers!" - but says he thinks Tharp is a turkey. When the two arrive at Tharp's office, Benny hands him his lunch, while Jaime introduces herself. Tharp goes, "Oh right. Jaime Sommers, from the government" and Jaime's all, "The fuck?" and looks miffed at him for blowing her cover in front of Benny. After Benny heads out, Jaime chides Tharp for being as blabby as she usually is on her missions, and reminds him that he was supposed to keep mum about her status as an OSI agent. Tharp dismissively assures her that it all went straight over Benny's head - just as Benny can be seen through the window, mocking Tharp with a turkey impersonation, gabbling, "Gobble gobble!" LOL. Jaime tells Tharp she plans to uncover the bandit's identity by taking classes, asking questions, and - fingers crossed - catching him in that act when he makes a return trip to the computer.
After Jaime leaves, Tharp gets on the phone and tells whoever he's talking to that their friend's computer program is very valuable...and that after talking to the OSI agent, it's obvious that the OSI hasn't been able to break the code. He says that everything is ready to be set into motion, then gets an order to kill the OSI agent who's looking into the matter. Oh no!
Jaime ambles over to the Gypsy Wagon to get a coffee and tell Benny that she too concurs about what a turkey Tharp is. Benny comes right out and asks her if she's a federal agent, and she chuckles and breezily says she's just a low level clerk who was sent to the university to take a computer course now that the government is computerizing all of their records. A skeptical Benny asks her what kind of computer system they're getting, and she replies, "A big one" ... and after Benny and Mango exchange a knowing glance, Mango slips a knockout drug into Jaime's cup of coffee.
Jamie reports to Professor Tharp that Benny seemed overly curious about her presence on campus, and Tharp half-heartedly apologizes for blowing her cover and says he's not used to all "this spy stuff". He assures her that Benny is just a dopey lunch trunk flunky, but Jaime insists that the men that make up the food truck crew (Benny, Mango, and Stubbs) are a lot smarter than he's giving them credit for. After she leaves his office and is out of [non-bionic] hearing range, Tharp mutters, "A lot smarter" then installs a recording device on the computer that was the target of the earlier break-in.
Jaime settles in for her all-night stakeout by sitting at a table in the library and pretending to study. She sips her coffee in an effort to stay awake - just as Mrs. Simpson joins her. She natters about her decision to go back to school so she could fulfill her life's dream of earning a college degree...and Jaime starts involuntarily yawning and eventually passes out. Mrs. Simpson coos, "It's all right, just sleep", then gives Benny and the food truck guys the all clear. They tiptoe inside the library, sneak past Jaime, and enter the computer office. Benny cackles gleefully as he calls the computer "my little money machine" and starts to tap away on the keyboard...while, unbeknownst to him, the device that Tharp installed earlier begins recording everything he's doing. Benny logs into the Library of Congress, then accesses the OSI bank account and transfers another $5,000 to his account. It's unclear why he doesn't think to transfer larger amounts of cash so that he can cut down on the number of break-ins he needs to risk doing.
Tharp sidles up to Stubbs, who's standing outside the library building acting as a lookout. Tharp suggests to Stubbs that they get Benny to do their dirty work for them and dispose of Jaime - but Stubbs scrunches his face concernedly 'cause he's not totally on board with selling out his friend and/or getting into the murder business.
While cyber thieving, Benny taps into the OSI's Bionic Project data and runs a profile on Jaime Sommers, who he learns is 28, 5'9, 120 lbs, has a grade 6 clearance, and possesses bionic capabilities. Mango's all, "Aaah man! She's here to stop us" and Benny promises he won't let that happen.
Jaime phones Oscar to tell him she wasn't able to turn up anything last night 'cause she fell asleep and allowed the bandit to sneak past her and steal another $5,000 from the OSI. Oscar asks her if it's possible she was drugged, and Jaime mulls that over and says that since she's drugged, chloroformed, or restrained by rope in pretty much every episode, it's a definite possibility.
Benny laments to Mango being unable to de-program his computer code last night...and a few seconds later, a student named Raoul comes over to the Gypsy Wagon and requests a special special. Jaime, who's standing nearby, activates her bionic ear and hears Benny tell the lunch truck guys to be cool 'cause he's not about to let her (Jaime) catch them giving out special specials. Benny then returns Raoul's quantum physics book and remarks on how fascinating he found it - just as Jaime wanders over to report that the coffee she got from him yesterday tasted like shit. She unwisely orders another coffee...and after she ambles off, Mango shakes his head worriedly and tells Benny, "She's gettin' heavy."
Jaime tells Professor Tharp that she's pretty sure Benny is in on the computer scam - but Tharp dismissively retorts that Benny is nothing but a dopey dead end kid. Jaime points out that anyone who reads books on quantum physics in his leisure time can't be dismissed as a dope, then informs him that she's going to do a deep dive into Benny's activities and see if she can uncover anything resembling a smoking gun. After she exits his office, Tharp calls someone to report that he plans to retrieve the computer tape later tonight, and that he's going to arrange with Stubbs, his inside man, to "kill two birds with one stone".
Late that night, Jaime bionically breaks into the library building and heads over to the kitchen area. Benny, Mango, and Stubbs, who are staking out the building from a distance, are all, "Ack! What if she finds the thing we're hiding in the refrigerator?!" The men advance on the building with Benny armed with Stubbs's gun, as Jaime breaks into the padlocked fridge and finds a stash of money, along with a book on pre-Internet age computer coding. Ah-ha!
Jaime activates her bionic ear and hears Mrs. Simpson ask the lunch truck crew whassup with them sneaking inside the building at this time of night, and they tell her they're here to stop Jaime from getting all in their bidness. Jaime ambushes them by leaping down from atop the fridge, grabs the gun from Benny, and at gunpoint demands to know what in blazes the four of them are into. Benny admits to being the computer bandit, and Jaime's all, "Yeah..? No shit" ... and Mrs. Simpson interjects and tells Jaime that Benny is the Robin Hood of South Coast University 'cause he's been stealing from the rich and helping a total of thirty-eight impoverished kids afford higher education. Benny explains that because he's black, he wasn't able to get himself admitted to university despite how hard he worked...so instead vowed to sneak into enough computer science classes and learn all he could on the down-low. Jaime shakes her head in wonderment and calls him incredible, but says that as a government agent she's pretty sure she's not supposed to condone his cyber crimes. Suddenly, Tharp and two thugs appear and chloroform Jaime from behind, and then Tharp then orders Stubbs to tie up his friends. When Benny's all, "Wha-a-a-at's going on?!", Tharp snidely tells him he's too damn smart for his own good.
Benny, Mango, Jaime, and Mrs. Simpson are tied up and transported over to the lunch truck...and the full extent of the nefariousness of this episode's plot is fully revealed. A sheepish Stubbs tells his friends he betrayed them 'cause Tharp offered him a shit ton of money, and Tharp tells Benny he recorded his computer program so he could replicate the cyber-thieving for his own evil-minded purposes. He then chloroforms Benny, puts the gun in his limp hand, turns on the gas, and sets a timer for a bomb to go off a few minutes from now.
Jaime regains consciousness, smells the gas, and quickly realizes that she needs to get herself and everyone else out of the lunch truck pronto. She bionically breaks through the ropes on her arms and feet, then pokes everyone else awake and kicks open the back door. Everyone spills out - except Benny, who she has to go back for - and hobbles as far away from the lunch truck as possible so they can watch it blow up from a safe distance. Jaime asks the group if they know who's responsible for nearly killing them just now, and Mango tells her it was Tharp. She's all, "Mother! Fucker!" and bionically races over to the library.
Tharp and Stubbs are inside the office, taking apart the computer so they can extract Benny's program from the recording device. Stubbs moans about how bad he feels for blowing up his friends, and Tharp snarks at him to shut it.
When Jaime enters the library, Tharp spots her and orders his men to shoot her - but every one of their bullets miss as she ducks behind the stacks. She then bionically pushes the heavy shelving units onto the two men shooting at her, crushing them beyond recognition. Tharp, who really can't bring himself to do his own dirty work, orders Stubbs to shoot Jaime...but Stubbs is reluctant to commit murder on demand, especially after Jaime coos, "You're not a killer, Stubbs." Benny, meanwhile, has sneaked into the library and gives Tharp a hard thump on the back of the head with a heavy reference book. Hurray!
Jaime strolls on campus with Benny, Mango, and Mrs. Simpson. She tells Benny that Oscar's OSI cyber experts think his computer program is brilliant, which explains why he was offered a lucrative job in D.C. as opposed to being charged for wire fraud or grand theft. He tells Jaime he was only too happy to accept the job, 'cause part of the deal was that the OSI would pick up the financial slack for the thirty-eight impoverished students he was helping put through university. The four chuckle over the implausible but happy outcome of this episode, and stroll along their merry way.
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Recap: Oscar and another OSI agent are surveilling a sixty-nine year old retired OSI spy named Terrence Quinn, who's vigorously jogging in a neighborhood park. Oscar tells his agent that Quinn was the best spy the OSI ever had, not least 'cause he was "the master of disguise" and had "turned the world upside down" at the start of the Cold War. Oscar explains that the OSI desperately needs his help for this episode's mission, then climbs back into his car and drives over to where Quinn is jogging. When Quinn spots Oscar, he's like, "Beat it!" and grumbles about the lack of gratitude he got from the OSI once he hit the mandatory retirement age. Oscar ignores his grumbling and asks him if he remembers Boris Slotsky, and Quinn looks startled at the mention of his former Russian nemesis and agrees to a brief chat.
Quinn recalls the injury he suffered years ago when he opened one of Slotsky's letter bombs, and says he figured the Russian spy was long dead. Oscar says he has intel suggesting that Slotsky is currently in the United States...and since Quinn is the only OSI agent who has any idea what he looks like, he's needed to make a formal identification. Oscar explains that Slotsky's spy team recently stole a computer chip that has the ability to decode the OSI's transmitted messages...and that he's planning to pass the chip along to a courier at a local hotel, who will then fly it to Moscow. I wonder if the OSI has ever considered a total revamp of their message decoding system to something more foolproof, 'cause it seems like a really high proportion of Bionic Woman episodes are built around the agency's chronic problems with chip theft and data decoding vulnerabilities. Quinn mulls over the request and says he'll do it, but only if the OSI offers him a ten year contract at full salary. Oscar says he's A-OK with that [ridiculously unreasonable] request under one condition: he has to work with special agent Jaime Sommers.
Jaime arrives at Quinn's apartment complex and, unwittingly, encounters Quinn disguised as an old woman carrying groceries. The "old woman" asks her for help with the doorbell...and when Jaime walks over to help her out, Quinn sneaks behind her and covers her mouth with a chloroform soaked rag.
When Jaime regains consciousness, she finds herself inside Quinn's apartment, tied up on his couch. Quinn is sitting in the easy chair opposite the couch, still decked out in his granny wig and dress, waxing on about the benefits of using chloroform whenever he has cause to knock people out. He tells her he's more than capable of handling this mission on his own and would prefer it if she didn't tag along, then heads upstairs to change out of his granny dress and pack a suitcase. Jaime bionically rips her way through the ropes and contacts Oscar on her little radio to report that Terrence Quinn is a total nut who just chloroformed her and tied her up. Oscar chuckles at Quinn's audacity and replies, "Give him another chance - will you, babe?" and stresses the importance of the mission. Jaime snarks back that despite it being against her better judgement, she'll agree to give it a go. She then pours herself a drink and is casually sipping it when Quinn comes downstairs with his suitcase. When he sees her sitting in his easy chair, sipping a drink, he stares at her perplexedly and is all, "Wha-a-a?" and she firmly declares that she's coming along on the mission whether he likes it or not.
Quinn and Jaime check into the local hotel where the chip exchange is set to happen. Jaime tells Quinn she learned that there are two conferences on the hotel's schedule: one for international fashion designers (that takes place today), and another for economists (taking place tomorrow). She suggests they get a look at the hotel registry cards to see if he recognizes Slotsky's signature on any of them, and he tells her he'll take care of it by creating a diversion. He proceeds to light a firecracker and throws it in a nearby waste can...and when everyone freaks out during the explosion, he dramatically slides his body across the check-in counter and reaches behind it to steal the stack of registry cards.
Quinn and Jaime head back to their hotel room to pore over the cards. Quinn picks out two signatures that he thinks resembles Slotsky's signature...and suspect #1 is a Spanish fashion designer named Juan Robles, who's currently lunching by the pool. Quinn calls room service and orders a bottle of Dom Perignon to be sent to Robles's table so he'll know who Robles is...and then he and Jaime change into hideous clothes and don phony looking wigs that all but scream 'we're '70s TV spies wearing the least subtle disguises possible!' and head down to the pool area.
Quinn squints in the direction of the man who received the bottle of Dom Perignon...and he's squinting 'cause, at sixty-nine years of age, his eyesight has gotten pretty terrible. Which is probably something he should have disclosed to Oscar...or avoided bad vision issues by bringing along a pair of eyeglasses. He tells Jaime it's possible that Robles is really Slotsky in disguise - but to be absolutely sure, he's going to have to break into the man's hotel room and find proof. He tells Jaime to keep an eye on Robles.
As Quinn breaks into Robles' room and looks around for anything that can prove he's Slotsky, Robles gets up and leaves his table. Jaime's all, "Ack!" and follows him - but falls behind when she's asked by the waiter to sign for the check. She skips taking the elevator and bionically leaps up to the second floor landing and breaks into the adjoining room beside that of Robles, and frantically motions at Quinn to exit now.
Quinn thinks it's possible that Robles is really Slotsky and that he's planning to use the sequins on his fashion creations to hide the computer chip and pass it along to the courier. The two exit the room to head down to the fashion show...and on the way they walk past an old man, who Quinn suspects works for Slotsky.
Jaime and Quinn sneak backstage so they can browse through the racks of clothes. They see Robles hand one of his slinky fashion creations to a model and hear him loudly tell her to go inside the fitting room to wait for the seamstress, who will sew her into the outfit. Jaime tells Quinn, "I'm on it" and enters the fitting room and pretends to be the seamstress. She bionically unravels the hem of the pants, then asks the model if she wouldn't mind removing them so she can sew them up quick, and also to go fetch the designer. Jaime quickly puts on the silky outfit - a midriff baring top and pants...and when she slips out of the fitting room, Robles sees her making a break with his outfit on and yells, "Stop that girl!" Quinn shoves a rack of clothes in his way so that Jaime can escape.
In the hotel room, Quinn studies the sequins on the slinky outfit, but can't find anything that looks like it could be hiding a computer chip. He says the other Slotsky possibility, suspect #2, is an economist by the name of Vilmos Vanovic...and while they're talking, the old man from the earlier scene is standing outside their door, eavesdropping.
The old man calls room 447 to report that two OSI agents are in the hotel, and were heard mentioning Slotsky by name. The man on the other end (Vilmos Vanovic!) orders him to make arrangements to kill them both asap. Oh no!
When a room service cart is delivered to Jaime's/Quinn's room, Jaime activates her bionic hearing and detects the sound of a bomb ticking. When she tells Quinn that something in their room is about to blow up, he rolls his eyes and lectures her about the hysterical nature of all females, which makes them unreliable spies. Jaime refrains from giving the misogynist's nuts a bionic squeeze and instead feels around the bottom of the room service cart and is able to locate the bomb. She rushes it over to the balcony and hurls it onto an unattended dirt pile...and a few seconds later it explodes. Jaime shoots Quinn a smug glare.
Jaime tells Quinn she's going to look into Vilmos Vanovic's bidness to see if he has any connection to Slotsky. She leaps up to Vanovic's balcony, sneaks into his room, and starts poking around. When she hears Vanovic enter the room with yet another bad guy, she quickly hides in the closet. She overhears the two reveal that the computer chip will be given to the courier in the Rose Garden, and specify that the chip is currently hidden in an old photograph. As Jaime absorbs all of the details she's going to need to bust this Russian spy ring wide open, Quinn knocks on the door pretending to be hotel security. He tells the two men there's been a second bomb threat and that he needs to search their room to make sure there isn't anything ticking that shouldn't be. He looks over the furniture...and when he enters the closet, he sees Jaime hiding and for some reason can't refrain from loudly blurting out, "Jaime!" - LOL. The bad guys rush over and shake their heads in dismay that they failed to kill these pesky OSI agents.
The men tie up Jaime and Quinn, and it looks like their plan is to stuff them into giant trunks and drop them in the nearest body of water. Jaime bionically breaks her ropes and springs through her trunk like a jack-in-the-box, which sends the two men flying across the room. She unties Quinn and tells him they have to get to the Rose Garden pronto so that he can ID Slotsky before he's able to pass along the computer chip to the courier.
Quinn squints at the guests milling around the Rose Garden...and since he can't see worth a shit, Jaime asks him if he knows anything about the courier that can help her pick him out of a crowd. Quinn says he knows that the man is left-handed and that he always wears a pocket watch bedazzled with emeralds, 'cause yeah that's a subtle thing for a courier to be openly displaying whenever he's doing spy work. Jaime notices a bearded man approach a man who looks like he's the courier, and is all OMG! when she witnesses the exchange of an old photograph. She tells Quinn she'll chase after the courier if he can muddle his way through the capture of Slotsky.
Jaime follows the courier to an underground parking garage and is all, "Oh no!" when she sees that he's about to drive off. She thinks fast and shoves a parked car in his path, which prompts him to crash and pass out from the impact. Jaime reaches into his pocket and pulls out the old photograph - just as Oscar and his OSI team arrive on the scene. Jaime gives the photograph to Oscar, then bionically races off to see how Quinn fared in his efforts to capture Slotsky.
Quinn handcuffs Slotsky and smugly says, "Gotcha!" ... and then the two sit on a park bench and reminisce about their various spy missions over the years. Slotsky says he'd loooove to retire and live somewhere tropical, while Quinn says he's considering writing a book. Slotsky sighs and refers to the two of them as old fools who'd be better off leaving the spy business to the younger folk. Jaime, who's been bionically eavesdropping on the conversation, ambles over and asks Quinn what she's going to do with Slotsky now that he's finally caught up with him after all these years. When Quinn dutifully replies, "Why, of course I'll turn him over to Oscar" then stares contemplatively into space, she tells him she's going to forget what she just walked in on and leisurely head back toward where Oscar is stationed. As she turns to leave, Quinn uncuffs Slotsky, and the two frenemies flee across the lawn together. Jaime grins and says, "It's nice when wars are over."
It's also nice when OSI missions have a point to them.
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Recap: Peter Brady from The Brady Bunch fame is playing with Max in his backyard...and by playing, I mean he's losing a tug-of-war match with the bionic dog. Peter then decides it would be fun to tie the rope to a steel post, give the other end to Max and watch what happens with that...and as anyone could predict, Max bionically pulls the rope hard enough to uproot the steel post, then drags it around and proceeds to make a giant mess of the yard. While that's happening, a white van labelled Department of Animal Regulations cruises by, and one of the men inside snaps photographs of Max bionically pulling on the rope. He cackles to the other man in the van about all the money they're going to make from the bionic dog. Eeeeek!
Oscar, Russ, and a top bionic scientist named Valerie Breuer - who's sporting a rockin' Dorothy Hamill mushroom 'do - visit Jaime while she's laid up in the hospital, 'cause apparently Rudy is performing a total re-jiggering of her bionic limbs. Jaime asks how Max is doing, and Oscar tells her they've implanted him with a transmitter that can monitor his vitals and track his location as long as he's within a certain range. Jaime moans, "I miss Maaaax.." but Valerie assures her he's having a great time with her nephew, Peter Brady, and that the two are inseparable.
When Valerie arrives home, Max hides in some nearby bushes to avoid an inevitable scolding for all the damage he just caused in the backyard. Peter Brady sheepishly tells his aunt that he and Max were just playing, and Valerie sternly reminds him that he's not supposed to let Max use his bionics when he's outside...then snarkishly adds that he's an expensive government asset, not the family pet.
Valerie goes inside and taps on the keyboard of her giant home computer...then looks wistfully at a photograph of her brother and his son, both of whom died in a recent plane crash, and tears up. She tells Peter that if they had had a homing device planted inside of them (like Max now has), she would have been able to locate the crash site sooner. She then shakes off her feelings of grief and asks her nephew if he could please take Max for a short walk, preferably close to home so that his homing device doesn't go beyond its 5 km tracking range.
Peter Brady scampers down the street with an unleashed Max, who's so excited by being taken out for a walk that he races off at top bionic speed. Valerie gets irked when she notices that Max's homing device is now beyond the 5 km range.
Max comes to a stop, just as the Department of Animal Regulations van cruises by. One of the men inside uses an electronic contraption to jam the signal for Max's homing device, then steps outside of the van and asks Peter why his dog isn't on a leash. Peter says it broke...and while that's happening, two men quietly exit the back door of the van, pull out an Aqua Net spray can, and spritz knockout gas at Max. (I wonder if it's the same stuff the fembots were using on their victims.) Max is all, "Woof..?" and promptly collapses...and once he's fully unconscious, the men pick him up and load him into the back of the van.
Valerie quickly realizes that Max's homing device is being jammed - just as the faux dog-catcher is writing up a ticket to Peter Brady for failing to leash his dog. As the van speeds off, Peter calls for Max...then stares perplexedly into space when there's no sign of him.
Valerie alerts Oscar that Max is missing, and he rushes over pronto so he can watch Valerie tap on her computer's keyboard in a frantic effort to locate the dog...and get frustrated when the computer continues to go haywire because of the jamming. She exclaims, "Something is very wrong!" and says this reminds her of when her brother's plane went down. Peter Brady, who's been sheepishly eavesdropping on the conversation, enters the room and apologizes for losing track of Max...as well he should, the careless idiot. He tells his aunt and Oscar that around the time Max disappeared he was issued a ticket by someone from the Department of Animal Regulations, and Oscar puts his most solemn face on and calls Russ to report that Max may have been kidnapped, and that it was probably a professional job. He passes along Peter Brady's description of the white van and orders Russ to alert the authorities to keep an eye out for it.
Max is imprisoned inside a steel kennel inside a makeshift lab inside what looks to be an abandoned train station. The two dog-nappers enter the lab and ask how the testing is going, and a man in a long white lab coat (Dr. Sanders) says in his heavy German accent that he can't run tests on a dog who refuses to cooperate...and who could tear him to bloody pieces with his bionic jaw. He tells them that Valerie Breuer is an expert in dog bionics and has had a long-standing relationship with the OSI...then cackles and says, "It vill kill two birds vith vun stone." One of the dog-nappers reminds him that they only have forty-eight hours to deliver Max's bionic data to their "Eastern customer", and Dr. Sanders mulls that over and smirkingly says, "Surely he vill pervorm vor Valerie."
Back at the hospital, Jaime tells Russ she's soooo frustrated that the writers are giving her such little airtime in this Max-centric episode, and Russ urges her to chillax while Rudy gets her bionic limbs back to proper working order.
Valerie's computer is still buzzing uselessly, so she tells Peter Brady that perhaps an OSI computer might help her "generate with more variables". She tells him she's off to OSI headquarters.
Dr. Sanders tells Max that as long as he's located within fifty feet of their jamming device, no one will be able to track him...and Max nods as he thoughtfully absorbs that interesting nugget.
The dog-nappers follow Valerie while she's en route to OSI headquarters. They cut her off at an intersection...and one of them pulls a gun on her and forces his way into the driver's seat of her car.
Max glares at Dr. Sanders, who puts on a thick glove to place a bowl of food inside his kennel. Max responds by clamping his jaw on his wrist, which causes the doctor to writhe around in pain before passing out...and Max takes the opportunity to bionically break the lock on the kennel door. He then trots over to the door and uses his jaw to turn the doorknob (a trick I see that Rudy was finally successful in teaching him) and exits the lab. Way to go, Max!
When Dr. Sanders regains consciousness, he panics at the sight of the empty kennel. He races out of the lab - just as the dog-nappers arrive at the abandoned train station with Valerie.
Max is trotting around the building, looking for the nearest exit. He makes his way outside and is alarmed when he sees Valerie being dragged toward the building. When he barks in protest, Valerie urges him to run away [and get help!]. When one of the dog-nappers rushes at him with the Aqua Net spray can, Max wisely backs off and bolts down the street, and the dog-napper hops into his car to chase after him.
Peter Brady notices on his aunt's computer that Max's homing device is suddenly working again and that he's located just 5 km from the house. He calls the OSI to report this to Valerie or Oscar, but neither is there to take the call. He decides 'why not be part of the solution for a damn change?' and puts the tracking device into his pocket, hops onto his bicycle, and heads out to find Max.
While visiting Jaime in her hospital room, Oscar issues an APB for Valerie, who has just been reported missing. He tells Jaime he also has a new lead on "an underworld character" who might have had something to do with Max's kidnapping. I wonder if it's the Eastern customer (Soviet? East German?) the dog-nappers were referring to earlier.
Valerie refuses to give the dog-nappers top secret intel on Max's bionic structure - but quickly changes her mind when the men threaten to kill her idiot nephew.
Peter Brady tracks Max to a park and finds him slurping water from a fountain. The two greet each other happily, and Max barks and motions for him to follow...and it takes Peter Brady a lot longer than it should have to grasp that the dog is urgently trying to tell him something.
Max leads Peter Brady to the abandoned train station, and the dog-napper who had been chasing after Max in his car sees them arrive at the building and grins gleefully. Peter Brady orders Max to stay put while he goes inside to investigate...and Max whines concernedly at that dumb idea.
Valerie is tapping out reports on Max's bionic structure on Dr. Sanders' computer and says it's all the intel she's currently able to provide them with. The men scrunch their faces in disappointment and tell her they're most interested in info on muscle/tissue rejection and bionic surgery, and Valerie explains that those things aren't part of her dog bionic expertise. One of the dog-nappers smacks her around and snarls, "We're through fooling around!" then stalks out of the room...and Peter Brady, who's hiding nearby, overhears him tell someone on the phone about the 100K he and his partners in crime are going to make once they've delivered Max's bionic intel and disposed of the woman scientist. As Peter Brady's all, "Oooh nooo!!" he's spotted and promptly seized by the other dog-napper.
The dog-nappers tie Peter Brady and Valerie to chairs with really thick rope and leave them unattended in the lab. Max, meanwhile, has decided to take matters into his own paws and trots inside the building to see whassup.
Oscar and a small team of OSI agents arrive at Valerie's house. Oscar goes inside, looks at her computer and perks up when he sees that they now have a location on Max. He races back out to pass along this helpful development to his agents.
Max sneaks past the dog-nappers, who are in the middle of plotting how best to dispose of Peter Brady and Valerie. Max enters the lab, much to the relief of Valerie and Peter, and uses his bionic jaw to rip through the thick ropes so they can flee. Dr. Sanders spots them running away and orders the dog-nappers to chase after them. Max leads Peter and Valerie to a back exit and bionically chews through a chain link fence so they can escape - just as Oscar and the OSI cavalry arrive in time to arrest the dog-nappers.
Everyone crams themselves into Jaime's hospital room to gabble about the episode's predictably happy ending...and Oscar somehow sneaked Max past hospital security so that Jaime can enjoy a visit with her beloved pooch. She urges Valerie to take some much needed time off work and plan a vacation with her nephew, and Valerie mulls that over and says that after all of the dog-napping drama of the last twenty-four hours, it sounds like a very good idea. Woof!
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Recap: Under a full moon inside Eastern Europe, a small group of men including high-profile scientist Arlo Kelso and his dimwitted teenage son Sandor are attempting to escape the Iron Curtain by cutting through a barbed wire fence. Dr. Kelso urges Sandor to make a break for freedom simply by running a few feet to reach the chain-link fence that now has a giant hole in it - just as a squad of East German policemen arrive and yell, "Halt, or vee vill fire!" LOL. Dr. Kelso's all, "Ack!" and climbs through the fence, and gets shot in the arm in the process...and Sandor is so traumatized that he stands frozen with terror and watches as two men pick up his father and carry him over to a getaway truck. As the truck speeds off, the East German policemen seize Sandor and take him into their custody.
Back in Ojai, Jaime is decked out in a red snuggie (!), lighting candles to create a romantic ambiance for her dinner date with some guy named Raymond...and Max (who must be visiting from Colorado Springs) is visibly upset that he's not her plus one for the evening. Jaime tries to cheer him up by asking him to fetch her mail...and he eagerly scampers downstairs, and then returns a few seconds later with the entire mailbox. Oh Max! Oscar drops by unexpectedly...and Jaime preemptively groans, "Oh no.." and says that no way in hell is she getting roped into an OSI mission while expecting her date to arrive. Oscar confirms that, yep, forcing her to take on yet another unwelcome OSI mission at the least convenient time is exactly why he's here, then says she's going to need to fly to Berlin asap so she can rescue the dimwitted teenage son of Dr. Arlo Kelso, a scientist who defected from East Germany last night. He says he can't possibly assign the task to another agent 'cause this particular job requires a woman's touch, superfluously adds, "It's true, babe", and solemnly explains that Sandor Kelso is a particularly timid boy-child who let himself be captured by the East Germans 'cause he was too fearful to move after witnessing his father get shot. He tells her that Sandor is going to need plenty of gentle cooing and warm encouragement in order to get him to cooperate with his rescuer...then instructs her to break Sandor out of prison and bring him to a quarry on the outskirts of the town, where a rescue chopper will be waiting to fly them across the border. He puts his most serious face on and warns her that if she doesn't make it there by 3:00pm, the chopper will take off, leaving her and Sandor stranded and abandoned behind the Iron Curtain...which seems heartlessly dickish of the OSI. Jaime shoots Oscar the stink-eye and chides him for always putting a wrench in her social life.
Jaime is smuggled into East Germany on the back of a delivery truck, disguised in a thick shawl so she looks like all of the other Eastern European peasant women huddled on the truck. Her OSI colleague - hey, it's the actor who played Bill Taylor on Beverly Hills, 90210! - pulls out a map and tells her they're currently two miles away from the prison where Sandor is being held. He tells her that every day at noon a guard delivers a lunch tray to Sandor's cell...then adds that he hopes she has some kind of plan to break Sandor out and get him to the rescue chopper in time. Jaime shrugs unconcernedly and says, "I'll think of something that involves gratuitously showcasing my top secret bionics to whoever happens to be nearby", bids him Auf Wiedersehen, then bionically jogs in the direction of the prison. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun..
Jaime scales the prison wall with a rope and makes it over just as the guard is delivering Sandor's lunch. When he unlocks the cell door, Jaime sneaks up behind him and bionically strikes him with her knapsack, causing him to fly across the cell and get knocked unconscious. Sandor clutches his mandolin and stares at Jaime in terrified bewilderment, so she gently explains that she's here to rescue him so he can be reunited with his father, who's in a Berlin hospital recovering from a gunshot wound. She tells him that once they escape the prison, they're going to run and run and run until they reach the outskirts of town, where a rescue chopper will be waiting to fly them to safety. Sandor says he's not sure he isn't too frightened to make another escape attempt, with a woman rescuer no less, then starts to wig out about his fear of being shot. Jaime sits him down at the table and concedes that, yep, the escape attempt will probably be dangerous, but assures him that she's "really good at these things" and warns him that the longer they sit around his prison cell discussing how quickly he needs to man the fuck up and face his fears, the more risky this operation becomes. He mulls that over for a few seconds before suddenly staring defiantly into space, then gazes into her eyes with an unmistakable look of smittenness, and agrees to give it a go.
When another guard enters Sandor's cell to see whassup with his lunch-delivering colleague, Jaime shoves him across the cell and he too is knocked unconscious. Sandor straps his mandolin to his back, and then he and Jaime sneak outside, race over to the wall, and use Jaime's rope to climb down to the other side.
As Jaime and Sandor make their way through the nearby woods, Sandor says he feels very good about escaping. He credits Jaime with forcing him to muster up the courage to leave the safety of the prison walls, then shyly adds, "You're very pretty." Jaime puts a pin in the uncomfortableness of his sudden crush - just as the alarm is sounded in the prison.
Colonel Dubnov rushes to the prison courtyard to ask the guards what in blazes just happened, then orders them to catch zee prisoner asap. He evilly recounts how he just sent a note to Dr. Kelso in Berlin, threatening that if he doesn't return to East Germany in twenty-four hours, Sandor will be executed.
Oscar drops by Dr. Kelso's hospital room and tells him that Jaime and Sandor escaped the prison and - fingers crossed - will soon be airlifted out of East Germany. He notices a bouquet of flowers on the night stand and out of curiosity opens the card that came with it...and is startled when he sees that it's a blatant threat ordering Kelso to return to his homeland or suffer the consequences: his son's execution. Oscar tells Kelso it's a bluff - but Kelso isn't so sure 'cause he well knows how shitty and corrupt the East German government can be.
Colonel Dubnov orders his men to continue searching the perimeter around the prison, and do everything possible to prevent Sandor from reaching the border. Sandor, meanwhile, strolls through the woods and picks flowers as if he were not currently fleeing a repressive police state...and in the process he clumsily trips over something and hurts his ankle. Jaime rushes over to see whassup, wraps his injured ankle with her scarf, and urges him to stand the fuck up and put a tad more urgency into his fleeing, 'cause it's 2:58pm, as in TWO MINUTES BEFORE THE RESCUE CHOPPER IS SCHEDULED TO DEPART, WITH OR WITHOUT THEM. Sandor, for whom none of the urgency of the perilous situation appears to be sinking in, makes no move to get to his feet...and instead shyly hands Jaime his makeshift flower bouquet and says he hopes she thinks they're pretty. Jaime despondently stares up at the sky, silently curses Oscar for sending her on this fool's errand, and concedes that there's no way in hell they're going to make it to the rescue chopper in time. When Sandor starts babbling about his tender feelings for her, an irritated Jaime snaps at him to shut it so she can focus on finding somewhere for the two of them to hide. LOL.
Bill Taylor and his OSI partner are dismayed when they see the rescue chopper take off without Jaime and Sandor. When a couple of East German guards arrive on the scene and are all, "Vut are you two doing here?", Bill Taylor and his partner tackle them to the ground and steal their uniforms.
Oscar gets a call while at the hospital, informing him that Jaime and Sandor did not make it to the rescue chopper by 3:00pm...and so the dickwad of a pilot decided, "Oh well, sucks to be them" and took off. Dr. Kelso tells Oscar he's giving in to Dubnov's demands and will return to his homeland so he can (hopefully) spare Sandor from execution.
Jaime and Sandor take refuge inside a chicken farm barn. Jaime asks Sandor about his family, and he tells her he's an only child and that his mom died when he was three. He shyly asks her if she has a lot of boyfriends, and Jaime vaguely replies, "A few" as she keeps watch through a crack in the barn door. Sandor tells Jaime he's been using their down time inside the barn to write a love song about her, then hands her a piece of paper and asks her to read it aloud so he can play along on his mandolin. Jaime decides, 'Yep, we've got time for this' and reads the lyrics of the awkward love song detailing how much this dimwit adores her...and she breezily remarks, "What a beautiful song." He professes his love for her - just as Bill Taylor and his OSI partner burst into the barn disguised as East German guards...and Jaime's all, "Phew! Perfect timing!" and hurls herself at Bill Taylor and gives him a long bear hug as a visibly crestfallen Sandor looks on.
A few minutes later, real East German guards approach the farm and discuss zurrounding zee barn.
Sandor peeks through the crack in the barn door and spots the East German guards milling around and decides he's heartbroken enough about Jaime not loving him to surrender himself. When Jaime finishes hugging Bill Taylor and notices that Sandor is gone, she insists on going after him...but Bill Taylor warns against that and suggests they hang back and formulate a more dramatic action plan that involves the superfluous use of her bionics.
Colonel Dubnov tells Sandor he'll be reunited with his father soon, then orders his men to take the dimwit to military headquarters.
Colonel Dubnov phones Dr. Kelso's hospital room to smugly report that Sandor has been recaptured...and that he has exactly two hours to surrender himself in order to save his son from execution. Oscar cautions Kelso against returning 'cause he's pretty sure that Dubnov will just kill them both to send a message to future defectors...but Kelso says that since it's largely his fault his son is such a timid boy-child, he needs to do everything in his power to give him a chance at life. He asks Oscar to arrange a car to transport him to the border.
Colonel Dubnov tells Sandor he's going to be placed in a youth facility so he can be indoctrinated on where he fits in in this weird society - a process which, considering his dimwittedness, isn't expected to take longer than a week to achieve.
Jaime and Bill Taylor are hiding near Dubnov's military headquarters, and they spot a couple of guards bundling Sandor into a car. Jaime bionically races down a side street to get ahead of the car, knocks down a power pole to force it to come to a complete stop, then reaches into the driver's seat and bionically pulls the guard out of the car. Bill Taylor climbs into the driver's seat, and then he, Sandor, and Jaime speed towards the border. Yippee!
While that's happening..
Oscar and Dr. Kelso arrive at the East/West German border. Kelso shakes Oscar's hand and thanks him for doing all he could to help him and Sandor, and Oscar bids him a sad farewell and wishes him good luck. Kelso begins crossing the border on foot - just as Jaime et. al. speedily approach the border from the opposite direction while being pursued and fired upon by Dubnov's men. Oscar notices the sudden commotion and urges Kelso to stop before progressing any further inside the Iron Curtain. Bill Taylor speeds up and crashes through the border gate, then stops right in front of the border's chain-link fence. Jaime bionically rips a hole in the fence and urges Sandor to follow her by climbing through, but he has a sudden freakout and flashes back to when his father was shot at the beginning of the episode. Dr. Kelso screeches at his idiot son to snap out of it and run, and Sandor stares bewilderedly into space for a few seconds and decides to not let himself get captured by the East Germans a second time. He revs himself up and speeds past Jaime and Bill Taylor - who clap and cheer him on, LOL - and then collapses into the arms of his father, who assures him that everything is going to be A-OK.
Inside the safety of the West, Jaime is wearing a floral, off-the-shoulder sundress and sitting on a park bench with Sandor, telling him she can't/won't return his feelings 'cause he's underage...and also far too much of a dork for her to ever give him a second glance. She wanks him by telling him he has a lot of living and loving ahead of him, then asks if she can kiss his lips without him misinterpreting her feelings for him...which WHYYYYY IN THE HELL DO YOU NEED TO KISS HIS LIPS, JAIME. WHYYYYY??? Sandor goes, "I guess so", so Jaime gives him a quick lip smooch. The two then get up and stroll through the park hand in hand...and judging by the smitten look on Sandor's face, it's doubtful he's going to be able to not misinterpret her platonic-only feelings for him.
Recap: Oscar and his assistant Russ are sitting in the back of an OSI car, monitoring the movements of an informant named Antonio Pinedo as he covertly exits a building and scurries over to a nearby park. Oscar solemnly tells Russ he's off to conduct his secret one-on-one with Pinedo, then exits the car and follows him into the park. He finds Pinedo hiding in a gazebo amid a giant cluster of rose bushes...and Pinedo tells him how fearful he is of being killed now that he flipped from whatever South American government he was working for and became an informant for the U.S. government - just as a hitman who's been pretending to be a gardener points a gun at the gazebo and fires. The bullet misses Pinedo, who's all, "Ack!", and lashes out at Oscar for compromising his safety yet again. As he flees the park, Oscar chases after the hitman, who's high-tailing it to a nearby wooded area.
At OSI headquarters, Callahan is excitedly gabbling about her new boyfriend to Jaime, who's dressed in a scarily low cut blouse that reminded me a lot of the hideous boob baring green thing J.Lo wore at the 2000 Grammy Awards. Yikes. Callahan says her new beau's name is John, and that he owns a super successful hair salon...and would like to introduce them so she can get Jaime's official seal of approval. Oscar and Russ return to headquarters, and Oscar barks at Callahan to get in his office. He gruffly asks her who knew about his secret meeting with Pinedo, and she says that only a small handful were in the know - and they're pretty much all standing in this office right now. Oscar says that he and Pinedo were just shot at, and is certain it means that there's a leak within the OSI. He explains to a puzzled Jaime that Antonio Pinedo is a South American diplomat who disappeared at the height of an embassy bribery scandal last year, and is seeking immunity from the U.S. in exchange for providing information that will lead to the criminal prosecution of four South American diplomats. Translation: he's considered a traitor, and lots of people want him dead. Oscar is worried 'cause every time he tries to meet up with Pinedo, there's always a near fatal attempt on his life. A few seconds later, Pinedo calls and agrees to try for another meeting...and Jaime activates her bionic hearing 'cause she's nosy and wants to hear both sides of the conversation. Pinedo tells Oscar he'll secretly write down the place and time of their next meeting on page 400 of the phone book in a public phone booth, then gives him the address of the phone booth.
Callahan brings Jaime to John's hair salon to introduce the two...and John somehow refrains from ogling Jaime's scarily low cut blouse and gets all canoodley with Callahan, who tells him she'd really love a wash and set. John escorts her to the exclusive Gold Key Room (LOL) and in the next scene, drops by the waiting room to needlessly spark Jaime's curiosity by telling her that Callahan is currently under the dryer, singing like a canary. Jaime's all, "Wuh? Singing?" so she activates her bionic hearing and is alarmed when she overhears Callahan, talking really spacey-like as she reveals classified OSI intel about Oscar's upcoming meeting with Pinedo.
Back at the OSI, Callahan eavesdrops on Jaime telling Oscar that she was overheard revealing OSI intel to someone at the hair salon. She moans about how awful she feels, ratting out her friend, but Oscar assures her she did the right thing and that he'll give Callahan a BS research job somewhere out of town so they can gather hard proof of her betrayal. Callahan bursts into the room and tearfully says that that won't be necessary, tells them how hurtful it is that they'd believe she'd ever betray the OSI [not counting all the damage the Callahan fembot caused in two separate episode sequences], then abruptly announces, "I quit." She rushes back to her desk to clear out her stuff, and Jaime follows her and tells her they should prolly discuss this - but Callahan denies any wrongdoing and tells her to get lost.
Jaime heads over to John's salon to see if she can get to the bottom of what is going on at that creepy place. She tells John she'd love a new 'do, so he ushers her over to the Gold Key Room while not-so-subtly fishing for information about Callahan's abrupt resignation from the OSI. Jaime shrugs helplessly and says she doesn't know a thing about it...and when he briefly exits the room, she snoops around and finds various electrical cords plugged into a strange box with a switch labelled override. John catches her snooping and says that the electrical cords are all attached to a hidden stereo system, and Jaime pretends to buy that explanation and sits down to get shampooed. As John lathers the shampoo into her hair, her starts asking her questions about the OSI...and Jaime's vision blurs as she woozily answers. After a few minutes of lathering, John tells her she's ready for his dryer, and Jaime sleepily says she feels great, then loses consciousness.
John places the dryer over Jaime's head, then hits a record button to tape Jaime as she spills the beans about being a schoolteacher and bionic special agent. When John scrunches his face confusedly and asks her what bionic means, she demonstrates her super human strength by bending the metal arm rest on her chair, then bends it back into place. He puts a pin in that startling revelation and asks her about Oscar's upcoming meeting with Antonio Pinedo, and Jaime gives him the address of the phone booth where Pinedo is planning to provide Oscar with the location/time of the meeting. John looks pleased with that helpful intel and orders Jaime to return to his salon once a week so she can get her hair done and spill more OSI secrets, then commands her to forget about this session, including everything she just revealed to him.
Oscar goes to a public payphone and rips out page 400 of the phone book, where Pinedo has written Kennedy Stadium, 6AM.
Callahan arrives at the hair salon - just as Jaime is gushing to John about how much she looooves her restyled hair, which - OMFG - has been transformed into a ginormous, flyaway afro 'do. John tells her she looks fantastic, then gets all touchy-feely as he smarmily coos about what a beautiful woman she is. Callahan enters the Gold Key Room at that moment, stares at Jaime and her poofed up mane in shocked disbelief, and angrily storms out. Jaime and her afro 'do run outside after her, and she insists to Callahan that John means nothing to her...not least 'cause he's a fugly dork she wouldn't normally give the time of day to. Callahan tearfully squeaks, "Then why are you trying to take him away from me?" and chides Jaime for treating her like a sidekick and for always having to be the tall, good looking one in the friendship - who now can't stand to see her friend have her "moment in the sun". Jaime tearfully croaks, "I love you, you're the best friend I've got", but Callahan just shoots her a skeptical glare and asks her why she was in the Gold Key Room with John. Jaime lamely replies, "I needed to get my hair done" and Callahan snorts derisively and stomps off.
The hitman who shot at Pinedo earlier stops by the phone booth and sees that page 400 has already been ripped out of the phone book. He uses the pencil shading trick to see if he can make out the imprint of the message (clever!), and is able to extract the time/location of the meeting. He calls his South American boss to report this development, and the old man warns, "This time, no mistakes."
Jaime has troubled dreams about her wash and set at the salon and remembers John's creepy, hypnotic voice asking her various OSI-related questions. She wakes up in a sweat and calls Callahan, prefaces the call by begging her to not hang up, and asks her if she remembers what goes on while John is doing her hair. Callahan thinks hard, then says she's fallen asleep during every single appointment...and for some reason never thought that that was any kind of red flag.
Jaime breaks into the salon's Gold Key Room, is able to locate a giant tape recorder, and hits the playback button. She listens to her session from earlier, and is startled to hear herself providing the details of Oscar's upcoming meeting with Pinedo. She's about to flee so she can warn Oscar - but John and his flunky Benny enter the room with guns pointed at her. John ominously says, "You're not going anywhere."
The hitman has arrived at Kennedy Stadium. He climbs atop the roof of the press box and gets his high powered rifle ready for firing.
Callahan, who must have gotten suspicious about her weekly 'wash and set' snoozefests with John, enters the hair salon, tiptoes over to the Gold Key Room, and overhears John cackling to Jaime about what a "pool of information" she (Callahan) has been to him during their "courtship". Callahan's all, "Why, you!" and bursts into the room, grabs John from behind, and yells at Jaime to run. In the chaos, Jaime grabs Benny's gun, and then shoves a table at John as he lunges at her...and when he crashes to the floor, Callahan slaps him hard and calls him "a filthy lying rat".
The hitman watches as a nervous looking Pinedo arrives at the stadium...and it remains unclear why he doesn't just open fire on him at that point.
Jaime decides to give John a taste of his own medicine - or shampoo, as it were - and lathers his '70s pageboy 'do before questioning him under the dryer. John reveals that there's a hitman waiting on the roof of the press box at Kennedy Stadium so he can shoot Antonio Pinedo.
Oscar arrives at the stadium with his briefcase and screeches, "Antooooooonnnio!! Where are you?!!!!!" - subtle tradecraft, Oscar - just as Jaime and Callahan pull up in the parking lot. Jaime tells Callahan to call the police, then bionically races toward the press box to thwart the murder plot. Antonio yells, "Do you have my paaaaaapers?!!" and Oscar holds up his briefcase and yells, "Right heeeeeere!" and Antonio yells back, "I'm in tunnel 19, row 55!!" - LMAO - just as Jaime spots the hitman, who's about to pull the trigger. She warns Oscar to duck, then grabs a steel pipe and smashes it into the rifle, which misfires. The hitman panics at the sight of Jaime's super human abilities and tries to run off, but she catches him and ties his foot to the railing so he can't get away.
Back at the OSI, Rudy tells everyone he ran tests on the shampoo John was using on Callahan and Jaime, and discovered that it was laced with some kind of woozy-causing truth serum that penetrates through the large pores of the scalp. We then learn that John has been sentenced to twenty years in prison for his crimes, so I'll assume he either plead guilty and was immediately sentenced, or had a really speedy trial off camera. Pinedo stares perplexedly into space and natters something about the suspicious nature of people, even between friends...and Callahan and Jaime exchange sheepish glances. They both admit they were wrong to doubt the other, and Callahan assures Jaime she doesn't resent her looks or her exciting spy missions. She then perks up and tells her she just met a new guy, and Jaime scrunches her face in exasperation and is all, "Nooooooooooo!!"
Recap: Evel Knievel is performing his trademark brand of death-defying motorcycle stunts in front of an enthusiastic crowd in a West Berlin stadium. As the show wraps up, Jaime (who I guess is on a European mission) bionically chases after a curly haired man named Schmidt. He swiftly hops into a black car, which speeds off.
As that's happening, Evel Knievel tells his manager he's going to ride his motorcycle back to the hotel. On his way there, he nearly gets into a three-way accident with 1) the black car Schmidt is fleeing from Jaime in and 2) Jaime as she's bionically chasing the car. Jaime urgently tells Evel she "needen den helpen", climbs atop the back of his motorcycle, and orders him to chase the black car...and he decides 'why the hell not get involved in a dangerous car-motorcycle chase with a total stranger?' and hits the gas.
As the black car approaches the border between West Berlin and East Germany, Schmidt radios his KGB contact, Major Petrov, for help. Petrov asks Schmidt if he got the computer tape...and he says he did, but that the Americans are close behind. Petrov says, "Don't vorry, help eez on zee vay", then calls for air and ground support. A few seconds later, police cars speed over with their sirens blaring...and Jaime barks at Evel, "Mush! Schnell!" and then lapses into a faux German accent [the logic being that speaking in broken English with a heavy German accent will help a German person be able to understand her better, LOL] as she screeches, "Dey vent dat vay!"
The black car crosses the border into East Germany...and, at Jaime's incoherent urging, Evel crashes through the gate a few seconds later. Jaime happily shrieks, "Ja, ja! Gooot motorbiking!" - LOL - and Evel finally tells her she can knock off the inane manner in which she's barking at him 'cause he too is an American. Petrov, meanwhile, orders the East German police to find the Americans and dispose of them. Jaime tells Evel that since they no longer have the black car in their sights, they're going to have to go into town and formulate something resembling a plan.
Jaime and Evel take cover in a storage shed, and Evel wrings his hands about how worried he is that he won't be able to make it back to West Berlin in time for his 4pm show at the stadium. Jaime gives him a half-hearted thank you for charging through the border checkpoint and entering verboten GDR territory at her urging, then tries to radio Oscar. When Evel asks her who she is, she tells him she's an OSI agent...and he proudly retorts, "I'm Evel Knievel!" Jaime rolls her eyes and says she isn't buying that obvious lie, then rudely shushes him while she continues to try to radio Oscar. When Rudy answers the call, she tells him that Schmidt escaped into East Germany with the top secret computer tape, and Rudy's all, "Ooooh noooo.." and tells her that Oscar's going to hit the ceiling when he hears about this. He tells her that Schmidt will likely take the computer tape to the local KGB field office for decoding, then advises her to get back into West Germany, pronto. Jaime insists on staying behind the Iron Curtain as long as it takes to get the tape back, then mentions that she got across the border with the help of a dorky motorcycle rider...but when she turns around, she's startled to see that both Evel and his bike are gone.
Jaime bionically races after Evel. When she catches up to him, she implores him to help her get the stolen computer tape back, 'cause if the East Germans are able to decode it, they'll be able to break all of America's national security codes. Sounds like this computer tape should be locked in a secure vault somewhere in D.C. When the police spot them chit-chatting, they take off on the motorcycle and drive inside the back of a large moving truck that just happens to be parked on a nearby street corner...and just happens to have boxes of clothes they can loot to disguise themselves, along with IDs in the pockets of some of those clothes and snacks including wiener-schnitzels. No, I'm not kidding about that last thing.
Over at the KGB field office, Major Petrov (in a heavy Russian accent) tells whoever he's talking to on the phone that they're now in the possession of the OSI's computer tape and plan to begin the decoding process right away...and Schmidt stands next to Petrov and nods approvingly. After the call, he tells Petrov he's worried that the persistent American OSI agent will still come after the computer tape, but Petrov just chuckles and points out what a boneheaded suicide mission that would be.
Jaime and Evel get stopped at a checkout on their way to the KGB field office. Jaime flashes the ID she stole from the moving truck, bats her eyes flirtily at the strapping checkpoint guard...and when he waves them through, she tips him with a wiener-schnitzel. She radios Rudy to give him an update on her location, and he grimly tells her she has about a 10% chance of stealthily making it inside the KGB field office, but a 0% chance of making it out in one piece. He implores her to turn around and head back to West Germany asap, but Jaime decides she's A-OK with those shitty odds and insists on pressing ahead.
The East Germans intercept Jaime's radio transmission and dispatch a helicopter with armed militia who open fire on them with machine guns [but miss hitting them with a single bullet] and frantically tell each other in heavily accented English: "Vee haf to flush zem out!" Evel heads for the cover of a nearby wooded area and encounters a washed out bridge...and when he tries to execute a dramatic Evel Knievel type stunt that entails sailing over to the other side of the river, his motorcycle poops out midway through, and he and Jaime take a plunge. The two swim to shore...and Evel whines about having soggy boots and a ruined $3,000 motorcycle. Jaime chides him for continuing to pretend that he's Evel Knievel, then decides that their imminent arrest by East German police would be the fastest way to speed this completely-fuckwitted-even-by-Bionic-Woman-standards storyline forward.
Jaime, Evel, and the $3,000 motorcycle are hauled over to the KGB field office, and Evel snarks at the guards to be careful with his bike. Jaime snaps at him to shut it so she can bionically eavesdrop on the two guards posted outside their room...and as best she can make out, they're saying something along the lines of: "Interrogate them, then shoot them while they're trying to escape." Evel moans, "Ooooh maaaan!" and tells Jaime he's not used to being in serious jams like this...and that his mother warned him against picking up hot female hitchhikers.
Major Petrov enters the room and smugly informs Jaime and Evel that the computer tape is almost decoded, and that he'll be sending it off to Moscow within the hour. Evel suddenly looks hopeful and says, "Great! I need to perform in West Berlin at 4pm" - but Petrov wryly says he doubts he'll make it 'cause of the shoot to kill order he gave the police earlier. He leaves the room, taking one of the guards along with him...and Jaime perks up at that and says this could be their best chance for escape. Evel whines about how she got him into this predicament, and Jaime finally looks contrite and apologizes for holding a gun to his head and forcing him to crash through the East German border on his motorcycle - even though, uh nope, he pretty much did that voluntarily. The two then decide they're going to have to generate some positivity if they plan on retrieving the computer tape and safely make it back to the West before the end credits roll.
Jaime bends the window bars to make it look as though she and Evel escaped through the window, loudly exclaims, "Hey! Let's escape through this window!" and then she and Evel hide in a corner of the room. The guard posted outside the door is all, "Wuh? Escape?" then bursts in and scurries over to the window to anxiously peer outside. Jaime comes up behind him, pokes her finger in the middle of his back, and barks, "Don't move! This is a gun!" and he widens his eyes with alarm and is all, "Ooooh nooo.." and lets Jaime and Evel gag him and pin his head between two of the window bars. Jaime then orders him to strip so that Evel can put on his uniform and somehow fool other East German guards by passing himself off as an East German guard who's transporting Jaime to a spare closet for some guard-on-prisoner sexy time. OMFG.
Evel is able to infiltrate the computer room, and [in his severely limited German] tells the decoding scientist he needs to hand over the computer tape 'cause Petrov wants it sofort. The decoding scientist decides there's nothing suspicious about a guard he's never seen before, and who's clearly not a native German speaker, giving him orders to hand over a top secret government computer tape he's currently in the process of decoding.
When a guard enters the room where Jaime and Evel were being held, he finds his fellow guard with his head stuck between the guards and stripped down to his gitch. When Major Petrov learns of the Americans' escape, he's all, "OMG! Zee computer tape!" and races down the hall toward the computer room.
The decoding scientist hands Evel the computer tape seconds before an alarm suddenly goes off inside the building. Jaime bionically grabs the gun away from the guard in the hallway and crushes it with her bare hand, then bursts into the computer room, where the decoding scientist faints from the shock of seeing a bionic OSI spy shoving the giant computer across the room to block the door. She grabs the computer tape out of his hands and tells Evel they need to escape through the window, like schnellen, and escape on his motorcycle, which is conveniently parked out front. Jaime bionically leaps out, then breaks Evel's fall when he too jumps out...and the two hop atop his motorcycle and race toward the border.
Major Petrov is enraged when he realizes that Jaime and Evel absconded with the computer tape. He orders every available law enforcement officer to do whatever is necessary to capture them and barks, "Dey must not get avay!"
Evel rides through the wooded area they rode through earlier to once again avoid getting machine-gunned to death by the militia flying in the helicopter above them. As they approach the East-West German border marked by a chain link fence, Evel tells Jaime to hold on tight, then revs up his bike and sails over the chain link fence and lands safely in the West. He's all, "Yippee!!" and tells Jaime that if he can ride at the speed of light, he'll be able to make it to his 4pm show in the West Berlin stadium. Jaime scrunches her face in astonishment and sheepishly admits she's starting to believe he's really Evel Knievel.
During the 4pm performance in West Berlin, Evel Knievel demonstrates his impressive motorcycle stunts to an enthusiastic crowd. Ooooh...jaaa...
After the show, Evel meets up with Jaime, gives her a smooch, and asks her about the super human abilities he witnessed her demonstrating throughout the episode. She tells him she can't discuss it with him, other than to reveal that she "got stronger" after a really bad parachuting accident. He seems satisfied enough with that nonsensical answer, and then the two drive off in his fancy convertible.
Recap: Somewhere in Africa, two jeeps packed with mercenaries are speeding down a dirt road. They come to a stop so that the men can assemble their weapons and briefly strategize - and then the camera cuts to a quasi-abandoned village. A woman, presidential candidate Leona Mumbassa, tells her two men friends that she hates the silence of the village now that the children are no longer there...and one of the men assures her that the little gaffers will return once it's safe for them. The mercenaries in the jeeps approach the village and blow up one of the huts, and one of the men friends implores Leona to get outa here pronto and flee to the village of Adabba, and promises they'll meet up with her there. She disappears into the jungle...and we hear the mercenaries tell each other they want to take the woman alive if possible. After that, they storm the village and subdue Leona's men friends, then force them into one of the jeeps.
Colonel Azzar admonishes his mercenaries for letting Leona get away, and one of them suggests that maybe she was never in the village. Azzar says that all of the presidential candidates agreed to stay in their home villages until after the election, so he's pretty certain she wouldn't have gone back on her word. Another mercenary advises him to just forget about the election and storm the capital now, but Azzar snaps, "No!" and says it's violent coup-ing like that that cost him the presidency once before. He's worried that Leona, the widow of his former opponent (former 'cause Azzar had him killed), is an appealing candidate to voters, so he's going to pretend to abide by the election rules so that no one can contest the results. One of the mercenaries gently reminds him that his reputation as a murderous despot hasn't exactly endeared him to his countrymen, and Azzar cackles maniacally and says he's confident he'll win the election by a landslide. He then explains that he has a nefarious plan in motion to rig the results after enlisting a man from Zurich to deliver a programmed computer element that will hook up to the voting machine and display phony election results in his favor. Once he seizes power, he's going to eliminate every member of the Mumbassa family so that no one is left alive to accuse him of fraud and/or start up a pesky resistance movement.
Back in the United States, Oscar tells Jaime that one of his agents in Zurich has reported that a ruthless African dictator wannabe named Colonel Azzar is trying to fix the voting results in his unnamed country's upcoming election...and adds that the front runner among the candidates is her old college chum, Leona Mumbassa. Jaime's mission will be to exchange an OSI computer element (that will report the election results honestly) with the one Azzar is planning to use in order to fix the election. He's made arrangements for Jaime to meet with an American ex-pat named Jeff Peters, who will take her by boat to Azzar's compound.
Jaime arrives in the unnamed African country, enters a rustic pub, and asks a Caucasian man sitting at the bar if he's Jeff Peters. He gives Jaime an appreciative once-over and flirtily says, "No, but I wish I were", then points across the room at a grizzled drunkard who's slumped across a table and says he might know the whereabouts of Jeff Peters. Jaime pokes the drunkard and asks him if he knows where she can find Jeff Peters...and he lifts his head, squints at her with bloodshot eyes while pulling a bottle of booze from inside his jacket and taking a swig, and asks her what she wants with Jeff. Jaime says she made arrangements to meet him here, and he looks despondent while muttering, "Arrangements can get screwed up in this part of the world" and tells her that Jeff and his boat got blown up by a landmine yesterday. He introduces himself as Mr. Walker, then gazes at her dreamily and says, "I like attractive women. Call me Harry." Jaime shoots him an icked out stink-eye and says she'll pay him $5,000 to take her up the river to Colonel Azzar's compound...and as she's telling him this, a large man named Duma, who's sitting at a nearby table and eavesdropping on their conversation, suddenly looks alarmed. Harry tells Jaime it's too dangerous to travel there by boat, not least 'cause Azzar has mercenaries and explosives everywhere - but when Jaime says she really neeeeeds to get to the compound, Harry says he'll take her there via dry land if she's willing to offer more cash. Jaime agrees to pay him $10,000 - half now, half later - and he's like, "Deal!" Duma rushes out of the pub and radios to someone that a white woman is looking to travel up river to get to Azzar's compound, then ominously says, "I'll take care of it now."
As Harry walks with Jaime to his nearby house, Duma finishes whatever nefarious thing he was doing to Harry's vehicle, then radios someone with the message, "It's done" and runs off.
Harry proudly shows Jaime the WWII tank, The Princess, he re-purposed to function as an impractical, slow moving vehicle. An unimpressed Jaime climbs into the passenger seat and gets visibly irked when Harry has problems getting the engine started, then can't get the thing moving when he discovers a metal rod tangled in the tires (courtesy of Duma). Harry pulls out his flask and takes a few swigs, then stumbles over to his house to fetch a crowbar. An impatient Jaime tries to speed the mission along by bionically pulling the metal rod out of the tires, then sticking it back in so that Harry can "fix" the problem while being none the wiser about her bionic abilities. A few seconds later, he stumbles over with his crowbar...and looks impressed with his brute strength when he's able to easily extract the metal rod. He chirps, "Let's go, Cookie!" and the two climb back into the tank-trunk and head north.
Harry tells Jaime they're about to enter dangerous territory...and when she looks worried and asks him if they need to work out some kind of plan to avoid getting killed, he just shrugs unconcernedly and goes, "Naah."
Duma is monitoring the road with his binoculars and spots Harry and Jaime slowly motoring along in The Princess. He perplexedly wonders how Harry was able pull the metal rod out of his tires so quickly, then tells his men they have to do whatever it takes to stop the two from reaching Colonel Azzar's compound, even if it means killing them. Oh no!
The Princess starts to overheat, so Harry pulls over and pops the giant hood, then swigs more booze from his flask. Jaime glares at him disapprovingly and asks him why he drinks so much, then activates her bionic ear and detects a jeep coming their way...and the two quickly scramble back into the tank-truck. The men in the jeep, Duma et. al., open fire on them, so Jaime leaps off of The Princess, races up a hill, and bionically pushes a giant Papier-mâché boulder [that just happens to be perched in that exact spot] onto the road...and it smashes into the side of the jeep and causes the front tire to pop off. Jaime races back to the tank-truck and tells Harry she took care of the shooters in the jeep. Harry pulls over, jots down in a little notebook that the fee for being chased by hostiles just went up by $5,000...and Jaime gets infuriated by his blatant greed and declares that, from this point on, she's travelling to Azzar's compound alone. Harry pulls out a gun, aims it in her direction, and - ack! - shoots a snake that had been slithering towards Jaime from a nearby tree. Jaime looks freaked out by the close call with her least favorite reptile and rushes back to the safety of the tank-truck. She tells Harry she'll pay him $2,500 more, then snaps, "No more negotiations."
Colonel Azzar is holding court with his men, bloviating about how he plans to maintain order after he rigs the election...and by maintain order, he means violently squashing all pockets of resistance. Leona's two men friends are brought before Azzar...and when he asks them where Leona's holed up, both men just glare at him hatefully and refuse to answer. Azzar tut tuts their disobedience and cackles about how she's soooo not worth the sacrifice, then shrugs and says his men will find her soon enough. After ordering them to be taken away, he smugly informs them that soon after the election, it's more than likely they'll be executed for hitching their wagon to a losing presidential candidate.
Duma and his men, who have somehow caught up to Harry and Jaime, shoot poison darts in their direction. Harry and Jaime both get struck in the arm, collapse, and The Princess grinds to a halt.
Leona, meanwhile, is still fleeing through the jungle, headed in the direction of the village of Adabba.
Jaime and Harry are brought to Adabba...and when they regain consciousness, they find themselves tied up and surrounded by scowling, rifle-toting men. Duma tells Jaime he searched her bag and found a computer element, and leaped to the conclusion that she's the computer expert Azzar hired to help him rig the election. Jaime tells him he has it all wrong, then blabs that she's an OSI agent whose secret mission it is to ensure that the election results are tabulated correctly. She explains that she was assigned to exchange her accurate-votes-counting computer element with the rigged one Azzar plans to use to seize power, then adds that Leona Mumbassa can vouch for her 'cause they're old college buddies. Duma glumly says that Leona is probably dead, then snidely urges Jaime to use the rest of the time she has left on this earth to pray for a miracle.
A little while later, Duma orders his men to drag Jaime and Harry in front of a firing squad. As the men take aim and prepare to shoot, Leona suddenly emerges from the jungle and yells, "Duma!" ... then sees that Jaime is about to be executed and scrunches her face confusedly as she cries, "Jaime..?"
Jaime changes clothes, freshens up, and blabs to Leona about the parachute accident that led to her to become a reluctant OSI agent - then stops herself and says she's really not supposed to talk about it. LOL. Leona catches Jaime up on her life: after college she moved back to her unnamed African homeland and married Mumbassa. Together they captivated their homeland's people with Mumbassa's words and ideas...and Azzar considered him such a threat to his dream of becoming the despot-in-charge that he ordered his murder and also took out much of his tribe. Leona thanks Jaime for coming all the way to Africa to help, then coldly says, "We'll take it from here." Jaime insists on being permitted to complete her mission...which irritates Leona 'cause she makes it clear that her people get kinda prickly about having to depend on white people for help. Jaime argues that she has special qualifications to get this job done, then says, "I want to show you something" ... and by something, she demonstrates her ability to bionically rip a thick metal chain off of the wall of a hut. When a startled Leona's all, "How did you do that?" Jaime tells her to please not breathe a word of her super human strength 'cause it'd be embarrassing if all of her indiscreet blabbing resulted in even the remotest of African villagers getting wind of the kind of OSI intel she's supposed to be keeping her mouth shut about. Leona's like, "OK, whatever", decides that having super strong upper body strength qualifies Jaime to ensure a fair election for her countrymen, and wishes her Godspeed in the successful completion of her mission.
Jaime snarkishly tells Harry she's tired of putting up with his shit and will be completing the rest of the mission herself. Harry apologizes for his greed and promises to not demand anymore money if she lets him needlessly tag along with her to Azzar's compound.
Jaime and Harry arrive at the compound and spot the arrival of the man from Zurich, who has just arrived to deliver the computer element that will rig the election in Azzar's favor. Jaime and Harry sneak into the house, then eavesdrop on Azzar as he thanks the Swiss man for his delivery and announces that he's now going to put it inside of his safe. After the men scamper off to celebrate Azzar's imminent presidential victory with food and wine, Jaime sneaks into Azzar's office to make the switch while Harry stands guard by the door. As they sneak back out, they're spotted by one of the guards, so they make a break for the front door, then hop into a luxury car that's parked out front and just happens to have the keys in the ignition. An alarmed Colonel Azzar rushes back to his office to check that the computer element is still inside his safe, and sighs with relief when it appears as though it hasn't been tampered with.
Fast forward to the post-election victory..
Jaime congratulates Leona on winning the election and becoming Madam President of her unnamed African country, and Leona chuckles about how shocked Colonel Azzar looked when the correct results flashed across the monitor of the voting computer...and then looked even more shocked when the army arrested him. Leona thanks Jaime for all of her help, then climbs into a black Mercedes and drives off. Harry, meanwhile, has been watching the exchange from across the street...and is looking a whole lot healthier now that he's laying off the booze. He walks Jaime to her cab and wishes her a fond farewell, and credits her for giving him the motivation to clean himself up. Jaime promises she'll never forget him, then bionically eavesdrops on him when he wanders into a nearby bar and orders water on the rocks and happily chirps, "This one's for you, Cookie!"
Recap: At OSI headquarters in D.C., Oscar is showing Jaime video footage of a rodeo rider on a bucking bronco, then tells her his name is Dr. William Cole, resident OSI genius. Oscar then scrunches his face concernedly and adds that Billy's hobby is very costly to the OSI...cases in point: he once suffered a concussion after a rodeo accident, which set back an OSI project for seven weeks, and on another occasion delayed a crucial project after he broke his arm. Oscar says he got so exasperated that he gave Billy an ultimatum - the OSI or rodeo-ing - and when Billy quickly chose rodeo-ing, Oscar backed down and gave him license to pretty much do whatever he wants. He tells Jaime that this weekend Billy will be competing in the Tempelton Frontier Days rodeo in Cheyenne WY, which concerns him 'cause he has "a critical analysis of Max's bionic structure" due next week. Jaime asks him if Billy knows about her bionics, and he tells her he only knows about Max...but is sure that by the time the end credits roll she will have blabbed to him about her bionics, her top secret 6th grade OSI clearance, and also needlessly demonstrated her super human strength in front of whatever rodeo bystanders happened to be in her orbit. He tells Jaime she's going to have to figure out a way to get close to Billy without him suspecting that she was sent to function as his bodyguard...then contorts his face all dreamy-like as he flashes back to when Jaime wore that wretched blue cowgirl onesie outfit in the Road to Nashville episode and wistfully murmurs, "There won't be any problem there, babe."
Rudy is hanging in his lab with Max - hurray, Max is back! - when Billy saunters into the room to check something on the computer. Rudy chides him for wearing cowboy boots in the lab 'cause apparently they pick up static electricity from the floor, which then throws off the readings of their most sensitive equipment. Billy doesn't seem to give much of a rat's ass 'bout that and tells Rudy he just popped by to do a final check of his latest project, the Minerva code. He then says he's off to the rodeo for the weekend and gives Max a goodbye pat.
When Oscar and Jaime knock on the door a few minutes later, Rudy tries to get Max to perform the trick they've been working on: turning the door knob with his jaw to let visitors in. In his doggie eagerness, Max puts way too much bionic strength in the effort and ends up breaking off the knob, along with a chunk of the door. He sheepishly carries it over to Rudy, and everyone chuckles at his cuteness and cuddles him affectionately. Rudy wryly tells Oscar and Jaime that Billy is off on yet another kamikaze rodeo mission, and Oscar throws his hands up and says he's been helpless to do shit about Billy's risky hobby ever since giving him the ultimatum. Rudy bitchily says if Billy wants to go off and be a cowboy they should let him, then puts a finger to his temple and snarks, "He's got the entire Minverva code in his head!" and reminds Oscar that if he should happen to crack his skull after falling off of a bucking bronco and can no longer remember the code, the OSI doesn't even have a written record of it. Oscar's like, "Yep, it's a gamble", then says it's precisely why he's sending Jaime to Cheyenne to play cowgirl this episode.
It's the Tempelton Frontier Days welcoming parade! Jaime - who's sporting a white shirt, jeans, neck scarf and cowboy hat - spots Billy flirting with all the pretty cowgirls, as do two shady looking gangster types who quietly discuss a plot to kidnap him and smuggle him into East Germany 'cause somehow they know he holds "the keys to the Minerva code in his head". Jaime spots two yokelly cowboys dressed in jeans and plaid [and whose names I don't remember so I'm just going to call them Frick and Frack] cackling at each other all yokelly-like...and when she activates her bionic hearing, she hears them talk shit about Billy being a hoity-toity scientist who breezes into the Midwest for rodeo events, then heads back to his fancy job in Washington, D.C. They chuckle about how surprised Billy's going to be when he can't find a hazer...and when I Googled hazer + rodeo, I learned that a hazer is a second rider who rides on the opposite side of the steer to keep it running straight. Sounds like a completely insane thing to be doing, as does rodeo-ing in general, but OK.
Billy gets irked when a friendly old cowboy informs him that Frick and Frack have warned every cowboy attending Frontier Days that if they haze for him, it'll mean big trouble. Billy whines that this could prevent him from winning the coveted silver buckle prize, then shrugs and says he'll just have to make do without a hazer. Jaime, who has been eavesdropping on the conversation from a few feet away, asks the friendly old cowboy what would happen if a rodeo-er competed without a hazer, and he tells her it's simply impossible to wrestle a steer to the ground without the help of a side rider.
Jaime watches Billy do a practice run with his horse...and when he finally notices her perched atop the fence, she flirtily says hi. She tells him she heard he's looking for a hazer, and that she'd be happy to fill in since she's currently out of work...and Billy laughs heartily and says, "But you're a girl", then dickishly adds, "Or is a cow-person?" Jaime tells him she's a woman and in need of a job, but he's like, "Nah, sorry" and says he doesn't want to see a delicate flower such as herself get hurt. She points out that he too could get hurt and suggests they both sit this rodeo out, but he tells her he can't quit when he's soooo close to winning the silver buckle, a prize that may seem dumb to anyone who's never contemplated bronco bucking or steer wrestling. He asks her if she's ever hazed before, and she says no but that she's a fast learner. Billy mulls that over and tells her her first step will be to acquaint herself with Windfire, the horse his hazers use.
Jaime heads over to the stables to get Windfire, and endures misogynist wooting from Frick and Frack - ew - along on the way. When she tells the two yokels she's hazing for Billy Cole, they look put out and decide they need to take it upon themselves to teach "the little lady a lesson to mind her own business". After Jaime enters the horse pen, Frick wraps a chain around the front gate and padlocks it so she can't exit. Very mature. When Jaime sees it a few seconds later, she rolls her eyes and mutters, "Games boys will pay" and bionically breaks it open. She leads Windfire out, credits him for kicking down the door that "somehow" got padlocked in the three seconds she was inside the pen, then casually saunters off...and Frick and Frack stare at each other perplexedly and are all, "Wha-a-a?"
The two gangsters have overheard Frick and Frack talking shit about Billy and decide they need to learn more about how they can use these idiots to further their sinister plan.
Jaime and Billy are saddled up and ready to try a practice run wrestling a steer. Ye haw! Billy's last words of caution to Jaime are, "Don't ride wide" ... but when the gates burst open, she unwittingly rides wide and Billy is unable to wrestle the steer. He glares up at Jaime and snarks about how she's much too weak and skinny to haze properly...but on the second try, Jaime uses her bionic legs to keep Windfire in check and running in more of a straight direction...and Billy is successfully able to wrestle the steer to the ground. When Jaime smiles smugly at him about her remarkable improvement, he tells her she still has a lot to prove, and a lot more practicing to do.
Billy takes a practice run at the bucking bronco event - which looks like a completely insane thing to make a horse do - and it looks like he's able to hang on long enough for the spectators to impressively ooh and ahh. When he climbs atop Jaime's horse afterward, she asks him if she should consider herself hired, and he says he's going to need to get to know her better...over dinner, for example. In the bleachers, Frick and Frack agree that Billy's cowgirl hazer is surprisingly good, then express worry that he could win the silver buckle. The gangsters overhear and conspire, within earshot of everyone sitting around them, about their plan to smuggle Billy into East Germany without arousing OSI suspicion. They decide it'd be a good idea to hire Frick and Frack to kidnap Billy, not least 'cause the OSI would never suspect the real reason he was taken: extraction of the Minerva code.
Jaime and Billy enter a yokelly country-western bar...and Frick and Frack notice their arrival and snidely refer to Billy as "a big city hotshot" before challenging him to a game of pool. Instead of simply declining and getting a table so they can order dinner, Jaime offers to make the break shot...and as Frick and Frack giggle about a weak armed girl interjecting herself in the game, Jaime sends the cue ball hurtling across the table, smashing all of the pool balls in half. She shrugs and says, "Oops, I guess we can't play anymore" and she and Billy head over to the dining area while Frick and Frack stare at the broken balls in befuddlement.
Billy asks Jaime how in blazes she did that, and she breezily replies, "I haven't the faintest idea" and pretends to focus hard on the menu. Billy glumly says he knows that Frick and Frack hate him 'cause he's a nerdy computer jockey who breezes into flyover country a few times a year, then leaves again for his high paying job in the big city. He says he also doesn't fit in with the other scientists when he's in D.C., and therefore always feels like an outsider looking in.
Frick and Frack, who seem to have a lot of time on their hands to moodily glare over at Billy and Jaime all evening, finally decide to wander over to their table and act like schoolyard bullies. When Frick throws a drink in Billy's face without warning, Jaime grabs him by the pants and sends him flying across the bar, then shoves Frack so that he too goes flying. Billy, who's been wiping his eyes from the drink that just got thrown in his face, is all, "Wha-at just happened?!" and Jaime suggests they leave this dump and find a better place to eat their dinner. Billy says he really really wants to stay so they can celebrate their new cowboy/hazer partnership.
Frick and Frack are scratching their heads to figure out what just happened, and decide it had to have been Billy who violently shoved them, 'cause if they had to admit it was the woman, they'd never be able to show their dumb faces in this yokelly bar ever again. Frick grumbles, "He'll be buzzard bait next time" ... and the gangsters, who are sitting within earshot a few feet away, suggest a better way to punish their nemesis. They offer a payment of $5,000 if they're able to kidnap Billy and deliver him to them, and Frick and Frack look intrigued by the idea of committing a serious felony in service of two shady looking strangers and chirp, "Count us in!"
Jaime is leading a drunken Billy over to where his pickup truck is parked, then makes up a bed in the back and helps him climb up. He slurringly calls her "some kind of girl" and laments that he's never had a girlfriend for any length of time 'cause of how busy he is working at the OSI and then rodeo-ing in his spare time. Plus there's the dork factor. He clutches her hand and says that winning the silver buckle and the right girl would be the equivalent of "getting it all", and Jaime looks moved by his smittenness and confesses that she's not exactly what she's been pretending to be. When she looks back down at him to gauge his reaction, he's already fast asleep. She smiles wistfully and covers him with a blanket.
Rodeo time! The next morning, Frick sneaks over to Billy's horse and sabotages him by cutting a thick rope that I'll assume is integral to keeping Billy safely atop his horse while he steer wrestles. A few seconds later, Billy and Jaime obliviously wander over to get ready for their first practice run.
Frick and Frack carefully study the syringes they were each given by the gangsters, which contain a knockout drug to incapacitate Billy.
During the practice run, Billy tumbles to the ground after the rope breaks...and Frick and Frack rush over and pretend to want to be of help. Frick sticks Billy with the syringe...and when Jaime gets suspicious and demands to know what the hell they're doing looming over Billy, Frack sticks the other syringe into her non-bionic arm. As they hoist the two over their shoulders and carry them off, they explain to bewildered spectators that Jaime must have fainted after seeing Billy get injured.
Frick and Frack load up Jaime and Bill in their pickup truck and drive to the remote ranch they arranged to meet the gangsters at. They cackle about collecting their earnings and absconding past the southern border...'cause I guess $5,000 in 1970s Mexico goes a pretty long way.
When Jaime and Billy come to, they're tied up, back-to-back, atop a hale bale inside a barn. Jaime decides 'why not reveal my OSI spy status and secret mission for no real reason?' and blabs to Billy that the only reason she was at the rodeo was 'cause Oscar sent her to protect him. She then needlessly reveals that, like Max, she's bionic...and Billy gets peeved about being lied to and snidely calls her a cyborg freak. Ouch. He instantly looks contrite and adds that he too is a freak 'cause of how brainy he was as a kid while also developing a love for the rodeo, then tells her he feels soooo good inside when he's steer wrestling and really really wants to win that silver buckle. Jaime tells him to go for the dumb thing if it's what he wants, and he gushingly calls her "some kind of gal". Jaime activates her bionic hearing and detects the sound of an incoming plane, then hears one of the gangsters tell the other, "The cargo is ready for loading." Jaime says they're going to have to cut the chit-chat and start working on an escape plan, then bionically breaks the ropes tied around her ankles and wrists, and quickly unties Billy.
Billy swings open the barn door, and Jaime bionically kicks a hay bale at Frick, who crashes to the ground. She then distracts Frack while Billy runs around the barn and leaps atop him, and renders him immobile by hog-tying him with a thick rope. Jaime gushes, "Nice work!", then hears the plane that's about to land and tells Billy they still have a couple of loose ends to tie up, pun intended.
After the plane lands, Billy lassos the gangster who's been waiting on the ground, while Jaime holds the tail of the plane to prevent the other gangster from taking off again. Billy dives inside the cockpit and shuts off the engine and tells the gangster he has no choice but to surrender and endure the indignity of being hog-tied.
In the next scene, Billy and Jaime are speeding back to the rodeo in Frick and Frack's truck so that Billy can get there in time to - fingers crossed! - win the silver buckle.
Oscar, who quickly flew to Cheyenne after hearing that Billy and Jaime were injured, sees the two pull up and asks Jaime whassup. She tells him there's no time to talk 'cause she and Billy have a rodeo event to get to, then points over at the pickup truck and breezily orders, "Take care of the junk in the trunk." A bemused Oscar wanders over to the truck, opens the back, and finds Frick and Frack, along with the two gangsters hog-tied together.
Billy asks Jaime to please not use her bionic strength while she's hazing 'cause he wants to win fairly...and she promises to use only her natural horse-riding abilities. The gates burst open, and Billy bucks around on his horse as grainy archival footage of a real rodeo rider gets inserted to create a really odd looking, disjointed segment. Billy hangs on long enough to win the competition and claim the silver buckle prize. Ye haw!
Oscar tells Billy he's decided to give him the best of both worlds and transfer him (along with Max!) to Colorado Springs, which is less elite-ish and a lot closer to rodeo events than Washington, D.C. After Oscar excuses himself, Billy hands Jaime the silver buckle and tells her he wants her to have it, then flirtily adds that he wants visiting privileges. Jaime agrees to hold onto his beloved prize, stares up at him longingly, and leans in for an intense smooch.
Recap: At the Vandenberg Air Force Base, Rudy's space telescope is set to launch in exactly sixty minutes. The fembot who's taken over the base's communications center issues a red alert to seal the base from any further infiltrators...and orders that anyone attempting to get past security is to be held for questioning until after the launch. The only exception will be a high priority cargo shipment that will be delivered by Fembot Nancy, who's posing as a naval officer. Oscar, meanwhile, cluelessly assures the Secretary that the base has been sealed, and that there's no possible way the energy ray weapon can be inserted into the telescope and launched into space.
Rudy is running tests on the now defunct Tami fembot when Jaime enters the room and remarks on how frightening it is to fend off these android bitches. Rudy tells her he's having trouble figuring out the frequency Carl is using to communicate with the bots and admits that he always seems to be one step ahead of them.
Fembot Nancy arrives at the Vandenberg Air Force Base with the energy ray weapon to complete Phase Three (I think we're at three) of Carl's master plan. Fembot Callahan pulls out her can of Aqua Net and spritzes the Air Force staff milling around the soon-to-be-launched rocket, then removes Rudy's telescope from the nose cone of the rocket and replaces it with the energy ray weapon.
Rod tells Jaime he feels bad about creating the energy ray weapon (as well he should) and now wants to do all he can to get it back from the fembots. He adds that he's A-OK with the infection risk he faces living outside of his glassed-in sterilized environment, which is the least he can be contrite about considering he created a weapon of mass destruction that has put the entire planet in peril. Oscar enters the room and tells Jaime he wants her to fly to the Vandenberg Air Force Base and see if her bionic ear can pick up anymore fembot buzzing, and Rod offers to tag along and fly her there on his private plane.
Over at the Air Force base, the officers inside mission control are doing their final checks as the clock counts down to the official launch.
Rod radios the Vandenberg communication center and asks for permission to land his plane. The fembot-in-chief replies, "Permission denied", and Rod's like, "Say wuh?" and explains that he and Jaime Sommers are here on official OSI business, and that they're landing regardless...so suck on it. The fembot quickly informs security that an unauthorized aircraft is about to land.
As Jaime and Rod deplane, a security jeep speeds over. Jaime hears the countdown for the rocket launch via the base's PA system and asks the lieutenant on the jeep why in blazes they're still proceeding with the launch - but he ignores her question and tells her that she and Rod are under arrest for trespassing a restricted area. When he suddenly starts wheezing and sneezing into his hanky, Jaime and Rod exchange worried glances about what could be an airborne infection that could potentially kill Rod, and Rod wryly mutters, "Gesundheit." LOL. The lieutenant informs Jaime and Rod that they're going to be held at the base for questioning...so Jaime leaps off of the jeep and bionically races off to see about putting a stop to the launch.
The mission control staff continues to do their pre-launch checks and stare obsessively at the clock: three minutes and counting!
Jaime races across the base and quickly encounters the fembots near a hangar. She jogs around in circles before bionically grabbing a chain link fence and using it to wrap around two of the fembots like a sushi roll, rendering them helpless and pretty funny looking as they awkwardly flail about. An infuriated Fembot Callahan grabs a metal pipe and strides purposefully toward Jaime...and their stunt doubles wrestle around in slo-mo with slowed down dun dun dun dun sound effects for what seems like a really looooong time. With only a few seconds left on the countdown clock, Jaime comes to the hopeless realization that it's too late to stop the rocket launch...and she limps out of the hangar and collapses in the arms of two Air Force officers. Carl orders Fembot Callahan to let Jaime go for now and return to headquarters for the final phase of his demented plan.
Later at Fembot Headquarters, Fembot Callahan informs Carl that linkage of the targeting unit to his computer is complete, and that the satellite is standing by for whatever nefarious acts he wants to commit.
Rudy looks down at Jaime, who's recovering from the cyborg-on-fembot wrestling match in a hospital bed. He tenderly kisses her forehead.
Over at OSI mission control, Oscar asks Rod what the best course of action is now that the energy ray weapon is in orbit...and Rod taps away at a computer and says he's running "counter measure parameters", hoping to find a defect in his design. Rudy enters the room to report that Jaime doesn't have any serious injuries and that he gave her a sedative so she can rest. Oscar sighs wearily and says it's pretty clear that Carl Franklin has them by the short and curlies...and Rod concurs and says that all Carl has to do is link up the ray weapon's targeting unit to an analog computer, and - voila! - he can start indiscriminately blowing shit up. Oscar suggests they send in the marines to attack Carl's ground base, but Rudy's like, "No can do" 'cause they haven't been able to pinpoint his location. Oscar sighs again and concedes that all hope is lost, and dejectedly mutters, "I guess we'll just have to give in to his demands." After Rod steps out of the room to check on Jaime, Oscar grimly bloviates to Rudy, "You can't win 'em all, but it hurts when you finally lose the big one."
Jaime is having nightmares about fembots dressed up as showgirls and attacking her. When she wakes up in a cold sweat, Rod coos at her that she's safe, and urges her to relax. She stares concernedly at his face, which is suddenly all sweaty...then touches his forehead and tells him he's burning up. Rod says he likely caught a cold after being sneezed on by the lieutenant earlier, then shrugs 'cause he figured that his immune system was going to crap out on him sooner or later. Rudy enters the room, checks Rod's forehead at Jaime's behest, and confirms that, yep, he definitely has a fever. Jaime implores him to think up a medical solution to cure his disease, so Rudy rattles off a list of treatments, all of which have already been attempted by Rod's doctors. He racks his brain harder and suggests Asparagine 90H negative, and Rod perks up and says he hasn't tried that one yet, and he and Rudy agree it's worth a shot.
Carl calls Oscar at mission control, gives him the coordinates of his location, then tells him he intends to demonstrate the effectiveness of the energy ray weapon. He says the target will be the uninhabited coast of Sonora, and adds that one of the OSI's weather observation planes is within five miles of the target and will be able to verify the destruction first-hand. He says he'll call back shortly after the demo...and Oscar quickly radios the weather observation plane to ask if they've noticed anything unusual, and they tell him they haven't.
At Fembot Headquarters, the fembots set location coordinates followed by a firing sequence, then hit the blast now button. A few seconds later, a laser from the energy ray weapon shoots at a small island and completely disintegrates the entire land mass. The pilot on the weather observation plane cries, "Good Lord!" and tells Oscar he's not going to believe this, but that he just witnessed an entire island get blown to smithereens...and Oscar grimly replies, "I do believe it" and stares concernedly into space. Carl calls back and smugly tells Oscar that it should be clear to him how futile it is to argue with his demands, which are that he wants the three people responsible for the destruction of his father - Jaime, Rudy, Oscar - delivered to his headquarters within twelve hours.
Jaime wakes up and finds Rod in her hospital room, looking sick and sweaty. He tells her that Rudy and Oscar flew off somewhere and left her a videotaped message, then inserts the tape into the VCR and hits play. On the video, Oscar tells her that he and Rudy have agreed to bite the bullet and turn themselves in to Carl Franklin, and implores her to not follow them for any kind of last-minute, heroic rescue that only someone with bionic, superhuman abilities could hope to pull off. Oscar then signs off by smiling into the camera and cooing, "So long, babe." Jaime predictably leaps out of her hospital bed and tells Rod she has no choice but to try to save them, not least 'cause she stands a far better chance fighting against the fembots than anyone with non-bionic limbs. Rod finds her clothes in a nearby closet...and as she changes behind the changing curtain, she asks him if there's a flaw in his energy ray weapon that could be helpful to her rescue mission, e.g. Can it be turned against itself? Rod mulls that over and tells her the weapon could be programmed to fire at its own targeting unit and thereby destroy itself - but in order to pull that off, she'd need to be inside Carl's headquarters to insert a programmed cassette tape into the targeting unit, then flee like hell 'cause there's only a five minute delay before the laser blasts the target. Jaime decides she likes the sound of that plan and says she's going to give it a go.
Carl is incensed that Rudy and Oscar didn't bring Jaime along, then makes a creepy remark about how much he'd loooove to possess a bionic woman. A few seconds later, Fembot Callahan reports that she just spotted Jaime on their surveillance cameras...and Carl delightedly orders her and the other fembots to hang back and allow Jaime to proceed closer to their base. As Jaime approaches the entrance of the building, which looks like a giant grain elevator, she hears Carl's voice on the PA system exclaim, "Welcome! We've been expecting you." She turns around and - ack! - is blocked by three fembots decked out in solid colored onesies, and she wearily gives in and agrees to be forcibly escorted inside the base.
Jaime is brought to the storage room where Oscar and Rudy are being held...and they hug her and pretend to be surprised that she threw all caution to the wind to attempt to save them. She shows them the programmed cassette that Rod gave her, and says their survival depends on one of them inserting it into the targeting unit in the computer room, then fleeing the premises before the building gets zapped. She suggests she distract the fembots by bionically running off, giving one of them an opportunity to insert the cassette into the targeting unit. A few seconds later, Fembot Callahan enters the room and ushers the three of them over to the computer room to face Carl's wrath. He smugly tells them how thrilled he is that the three of them are finally at his mercy, then blames Oscar for not stroking his deranged father's ego enough. When Oscar says his father had a few screws loose and was far too grandiose, Carl argues that he was never the madman Oscar made him out to be. Oscar snarkishly tells him that machines have limitations, and Carl argues that machines are capable of faster evolution than humans, then motions toward Jaime and reminds everyone that she's an advanced cyborg. Jaime tells him there's a lot more to her than his fembots, then bionically leaps over them and races out the door. The fembots chase after her...and in the ensuing chaos, Oscar shoves Carl away from him and tosses the cassette to Rudy, who inserts it into the targeting unit. Hurray! As Jaime races down a hallway, she hears two women cry, "Help us!", so she bionically breaks into the room and finds the real Callahan and Tami Cross. She locks the door behind her just as the fembots arrive...and when Carl gets wind of what's happening, he orders the fembots to break into the room and kill everyone inside. Noooo!!
As Rudy is getting the life choked out of him by a fembot, he desperately shrieks to Oscar, "Smash the fembot controls!", so Oscar throws a chair at the computer dashboard, which results in a lot of sparking and sizzling...and causes all of the fembots to simultaneously freeze and become immobile. Rudy and Oscar dash to the exit - but Carl appears in the doorway pointing a pistol at them, and orders them to back away. Jaime, meanwhile, inches around the fembots, now frozen in their about-to-lunge positions, and urges Callahan and Tami to take the elevator, flee the building, and run for the hills. Jaime saunters back to the computer room to smugly declare to Carl that his evil plan has failed, but he just shrugs and says he's totes fine with his base getting destroyed. He says he's not afraid to die 'cause of the immense pleasure it brings him to take his enemies down with him. He breaks his pistol in half with his bare hands, then gets all in Jaime's face and maniacally asks, "Now do you see?!!" And when she just stares back at him in creeped out bewilderment, he tells her that his nutty father gave him a soul, meaning his soul...then - ACK!! - dramatically rips off his face skin to reveal that he too is a googly eyed, central vac mouthed bot. A wigged out Jaime moans, "Ooooh noooo.." as Carl explains that Dr. Franklin had a son who died when he was a baby, then decided 'why the hell not create a maniacal manbot replacement to carry on the Franklin name?' Jaime suddenly realizes that what Carl has really been angling for in this two-parter is a cyborg-on-manbot showdown, so she tells Oscar and Rudy to flee the building while she indulges the freak in one last fight to the death.
Jaime and Carl violently wrestle around the computer room for awhile, and then Jaime bionically leaps up to the upper floor and flees to a large balcony. Carl follows her and takes a running leap at her - but when Jaime deftly moves out of the way, he falls off the balcony...and quickly gets replaced by his inanimate googly-eyed stunt dummy, which gets tossed off the side of the balcony and lands with a thud on the ground below. Jaime races to the elevator, pries open the doors, and shimmies down the thick cable until she reaches the ground floor.
Oscar tells Rudy he half-heartedly wants to go back for Jaime, but Rudy says it's too late to give her a second thought now that the laser is about to hit. The two take cover beside Callahan and Tami...and just as it seems like all hope is lost for Jaime, she emerges from the front door and bionically races away from the building. As a giant laser strikes the building, she somersaults through the air to take cover just seconds before the building explodes. Oscar and Rudy rush over to make sure she's OK, then clump together in a grateful group hug.
Later, in a Las Vegas nightclub, Rod calls Jaime to tell her his health is improving, then hands the phone over to Tami so she can personally thank Jaime for saving her boyfriend's life. After the call, Oscar, Rudy, Callahan, and Jaime drink champagne, decide it's really not so bad that there's a deadly energy ray weapon floating around in space, and celebrate the end (for real this time) of Dr. Franklin and his lethal fembots.
Recap: Jaime is ambling the labyrinthine halls of the OSI basement and finds Oscar in a storage room, gathering files for an upcoming hearing of the Congressional Oversight Committee. He tells Jaime that the storage room contains sealed evidence of past OSI missions, including the fully intact Callahan fembot from the Season 2 fembot trilogy that, for some strange reason, they're keeping on display [with the operating system still installed so it can come back to life and re-wreak havoc for the OSI...and rest of the world]. Jaime has a flashback of when she wrestled the Callahan and Katie fembots and then pooched her bionic legs after leaping from an apartment window. When Jaime looks visibly spooked by the recollection, Oscar soothingly says, "She's only alive in your memory, babe", then informs her that the diabolical fembot creator, Dr. Franklin, died in prison two months ago. Callahan suddenly bounds into the room to inform Oscar that his plane is ready to jet him and Jaime to the Vandenberg Air Force Base...and then the three leave the storage room, Oscar firmly latching the steel door behind him. Once they're out of earshot, we hear a male voice command Fembot Callahan to put on her face mask. She obeys, opens her eyes, and then we hear the voice declare, "It's time, Callahan." The fembot gets up, rips the steel latch off of the door, and robotically exits the storage room. Eeeeeek!!
Oscar and Jaime arrive at the Vandenberg Air Force Base, where Rudy is preparing to launch a space telescope into orbit. Once the contraption has been fully assembled and is ready to shoot into space in precisely twenty-four hours, Oscar suggests to Jaime that the two of them go to Las Vegas for some fun. When Jaime laughs about how uncharacteristic it is of him to seek out anything resembling fun, he admits that his ulterior motive in wanting to go to Vegas is to hook up with Rod Kyler, owner of the mega-successful Kyler Industries (along with a swanky Vegas hotel), to discuss the OSI's decision to turn down funding for the solar energy ray weapon he wanted to develop. When Jaime scrunches her face confusedly, Rudy interjects and explains that the weapon is "a high intensity fluoride beam that focuses and directs atomic particles at the speed of light" ... then translates that to mean it's a deadly thing that shoots out destructive beams from outer space so whoever controls it can blow shit up anywhere on earth. Apparently, Rod was upset and somehow perplexed that the OSI would decline to finance his proposed weapon of mass destruction that would pose a danger to all of mankind...and, long story short, the Russians got wind of his insane notion and have been pouring resources into it. Oscar grimly says the reports on their progress have been alarming, so he desperately needs to talk to Rod about "closing the gap". He then gets on the phone with Callahan and asks her to pull the Kyler file from his OSI office and bring it along when she joins them on their impromptu Vegas vacay.
Callahan goes into Oscar's office to pull the Kyler file, when suddenly - ack!! - Fembot Callahan (in her outdated, Season 2 hairdo) enters the room, pulls out her Aqua Net spray bottle and spritzes Callahan in the face until she collapses. The male voice controlling the fembot says, "Nice work", then orders Fembot Callahan to bring human Callahan back to their base, so they can spend some time restyling her 'do so she sports Callahan's shorter, sassier cut. After that, she'll join the other fembots, who are already in place in Rod Kyler's Vegas hotel. Eeeeeek!!
Oscar cruises in his rented convertible, then grins over at Jaime in the passenger seat and happily says, "Welcome to Las Vegas. Here we are, babe." When Jaime expresses surprise at his unusually cheery mood, he tells her he loooooves driving with the top down and indulging in a rare loosening up. Jaime tells him she'd like to see a Vegas show, and he's like, "Can do" once he sets up a meeting with Rod Kyler, which may not be easy 'cause he's uber-private and always surrounded by security.
While Oscar's on a pay phone trying to contact Rod, Jaime's bionic ear picks up a weird buzzing noise...and when it quickly goes away, she brushes it off as nothing. Oscar calls Dan Mayers, the flunky who runs Rod's research lab, and asks him if he could assist him in getting a meeting with Rod...and Dan promises to try, but isn't optimistic that his call will get through. With that request pending, Oscar and Jaime head over to the theater to catch a Vegas showgirls show.
Oscar perks up when he recognizes one of the performing showgirls as Tami Cross, Rod Kyler's girlfriend. He asks Jaime if she wouldn't mind sneaking backstage to implore Tami to arrange a one-on-one with him and Rod...and when Jaime looks less than thrilled by the task, Oscar puts his most solemn face on and says it's critical for national security that he speak with Rod about his energy ray weapon asap.
During a break in the show, Jaime wanders around backstage and quickly gets snapped at by the stage manager and told to return to her seat. While pretending to leave, her bionic ear picks up the strange buzzing noise again, and she murmurs to herself, "The fembot hum. I'm sure of it." She grabs a spare showgirls costume, 'cause...was there ever any doubt she'd be required to gratuitously slip into something ultra skimpy during an episode featuring other scantily clad Vegas showgirls? Now that she's able to wander around the backstage area "incognito", she overhears Tami talk on the phone with Rod's assistant, Neil. He tells her that Rod wants to see her tonight, and that she's to come upstairs to the penthouse in an hour. As Tami walks past Jaime, Jaime's bionic ear once again detects the fembot hum.
Oscar is over at Dan Mayers' office, and the two are putting their heads together to figure out the quickest way Oscar could arrange a meeting with Rod. Oscar asks Dan if he knows whether or not Rod has moved ahead with building an energy directed weapon...and when Dan cagily says he can't answer that, Oscar grimly retorts, "You just did." Jaime, who somehow knew exactly where Oscar could be found, calls Dan's office to report that Tami Cross is a fembot, evidenced by the telltale fembot hum her bionic ear has been picking up. Oscar condescendingly tells her that's impossible and reminds her that Dr. Franklin is dead, then says he's going to ask Rudy to give her ear a much needed tune up. When Jaime hears the fembot hum as Tami wanders past her again, she hangs up the phone and discreetly pursues her.
Jaime follows Tami into the casino, sees her get onto an elevator, then bionically races up the stairwell to beat her to the penthouse floor so she can eavesdrop on her conversation with Rod.
Over at Fembot Headquarters (in a secret, unspecified location), a fembot informs Carl Franklin - aka weird son of the late Dr. Franklin - that Tami is on her way up to Rod Kyler's penthouse. Carl's like, "Mmm...excellent" and orders Tami to keep Kyler talking for at least five minutes so they can get a recorded sample of his vocal patterns. When Tami enters the penthouse, she finds Rod standing behind a glass wall with a despondent look on his face...and when she asks him whassup, he tells her he caught a rare immunization disease the last time he was in Mexico, and now has to avoid infection by living out the rest of his life as a grown bubble-boy. He tells Tami he loves her and just wanted to see her one last time to say goodbye. Tami tells him she'll probably pop by again tomorrow for a final final goodbye, returns his I love you, then exits the penthouse.
Jaime overhears Carl order Tami to pass along the cassette recording of Rod's voice to Gina, a brunette fembot who's posing as a casino employee. While that's happening, a fembot at Fembot Headquarters alerts Carl that Tami is being followed...and Carl examines the video footage and quickly zooms in on Jaime. He tells his fembots her name is Jaime Sommers, and that his father told him she has a bionic ear that can detect the fembot hum. He barks out orders to change the transistor frequency on all fembots, then orders Tami to lead Jaime into the backstage area of the theater so she can attack her then do away with her. Tami dutifully lures Jaime behind a black curtain, then leaps at her from the rafters and shoves her around with her super strong robotic blows...and Jaime throws things at her and shoves her back...and the attack goes on for what seems like a loooooong time. During the scuffle, Tami's face mask slips off, 'cause somehow Carl hasn't gotten around to fixing this basic design flaw with a simple adhesive, revealing her robot face innards, googly eyes, and central vac mouth. Carl orders her to put her face mask back on and not let Jaime get away.
Tami chases Jaime outside the hotel, but doesn't look both ways before crossing the street and gets hit by a car. The wires in her robot body spark, explode, and sizzle...and she falls to the ground, her entire body short-circuited. Jaime peeks over at the damaged bot with her creepy googly eyes and central vac mouth and moans, "Oh my God.."
In the next scene, Rudy is in his lab examining the lifeless fembot. He tells Jaime it definitely looks like Dr. Franklin's design, but that the bot contains a new transistor that's only been on the market for the last six months. Oscar enters the lab and sheepishly apologizes to Jaime-babe for doubting her about hearing the fembot hum. He then informs Rudy and Jaime that Dr. Franklin had a son named Carl who's now in his late twenties.
Carl informs Fembot Callahan that Oscar Goldman took custody of Tami, then orders her to find out how much he knows about his plot. He then tells Fembot Gina he's going to upload Rod Kyler's vocal patterns into her memory bank so she can take Tami's place and proceed with his sinister operation.
Oscar tells Rudy and Jaime that Carl paid frequent visits to his father in prison, and that the two spent as much time with each other as regulations would allow - up until six months ago, when the visits abruptly ended. Fembot Callahan enters the room, hands Oscar the Kyler file, and looks visibly disturbed by the sight of the short-circuited Tami bot. Carl remarks to his fembot harem that the three people who destroyed his father are all in one room right now, then scrunches his face angrily and snarls, "They have much to answer for." Rudy tells Jaime and Oscar that Rod Kyler is suffering from an acute immunization disorder and now has to live in a sterilized environment, and Oscar chimes in and says it's a foregone conclusion that he developed an energy ray weapon, which Carl is trying to acquire via his fembots - much like the way Carl's deranged father plotted to acquire the OSI's badly functioning weather control machine. Back at Fembot Headquarters, a pretty fembot named Nancy appears out of nowhere dressed in a Navy uniform, and Carl orders her to head over to Rod Kyler's research lab and carry out the next step of his evil plan.
Oscar is able to get a court order to enter Rod Kyler's penthouse...and as he and Jaime enter the elevator, Fembots Callahan and Gina follow them upstairs.
Oscar informs Rod, who's standing behind his glass wall, that a formidable force is after his energy ray weapon...and by formidable force, he means an army of busty fembots who are being controlled by a second generation nutter named Carl Franklin. Rod says he read all about the fembots in Rudy's report ['cause he somehow has OSI clearance??], and Jaime tells him he talked to one last night...then pulls Tami's face mask out of her purse and says she was a robot posing as his girlfriend, and has no idea if the real Tami is still alive. A few seconds later, the fembots break into the penthouse and knock down Jaime and Oscar. Fembot Callahan tells Rod they've come for his energy ray weapon, then orders him to pick up the red phone inside his bubble and give the order to Dan Mayers to turn it over to Fembot Nancy, who's going to be showing up at the Kyler research lab, posing as a naval officer. He refuses and tells her the order can only be given on the red phone with his voice, and that the weapon can only operate when it's in orbit. Fembot Callahan tells him he doesn't need to concern himself with their problems and threatens to break the glass wall if he doesn't comply. Oscar shrieks, "Don't break the glass! He'll die! Noooo!!" and heroically lunges across the room - LOL - but Fembot Callahan's stunt double smashes the glass, then violently shoves Oscar out of the way. Rod runs out and cooingly asks Jaime if she's OK - just as Fembot Gina picks up the red phone and talks in Rod's voice as she orders Dan Mayers to turn over the energy ray weapon to the Navy...and Dan is easily fooled by the fembot's voice trick and replies, "Sure thing, boss!" Jaime tells Rod they can't let this happen, so she throws furniture at the fembots as Rod escapes the penthouse and races up to the roof where his helicopter just happens to be parked.
Rod climbs into the helicopter and starts it up, while Jaime stays behind for a two-on-one wrestling match with the fembots. When there's a break in the tedious fighting, Jaime escapes by bionically leaping up and grabbing onto one of the helicopter's landing skids...and hangs on for dear life until she's finally able to hoist herself up and climb inside the chopper for a more comfortable ride.
Carl orders the fembots to bring Oscar to their secret base asap...but Oscar quickly comes to, escapes the penthouse, and dashes into the elevator. Yay!
Fembot Nancy arrives at the Kyler research lab to take possession of the energy ray weapon...and Dan Mayers hands it over without incident and looks smitten with the faux naval officer.
Jaime and Rod see the military plane take off from Kyler's research lab and realize they're too late to prevent the theft of the energy ray weapon. Carl tells Fembot Nancy he's ready to launch Phase Two, then sourly adds, "Now they'll pay for what they did to my father."
Dan sheepishly apologizes to Rod for unwittingly allowing a fembot posing as a naval officer to make off with the energy ray weapon, but Rod just shrugs and is all, "Ah well, whaddya gonna do?" When Oscar calls for a status check on the weapon, Jaime tells him it's gone, then somehow predicts that Carl is planning to load the weapon onto the space booster that Rudy is using to launch the telescope at the Vandenberg Air Force Base. Oscar says he'll get on the horn with the base and try to stop it asap, then calls the base's communications center.
A brunette fembot, who has used her Aqua Net hairspray can to spritz the entire staff of the air base's communications center, intercepts Oscar's call. He orders a suspension of the launch, and the fembot assures him she'll get right on that...then promptly calls mission control and orders the launch to proceed as scheduled. Back at Fembot Headquarters, Carl cackles maniacally as he tells his coterie of fembot gal pals that in four hours the energy ray weapon will be launched into space - and that he'll have full control over it! Mwuahahaha!!