Recap: Oscar apologizes to Jaime for flying her into New York on such short notice...and he says this as though he ever gives her ample notice before sending her off on whatever horrible sounding mission the writers have cooked up on any given week. Jaime assures him that this particular mission is no bother 'cause she's positively thrilled to finally get a glamorous assignment: acting as bodyguard to King Kusari, who presides over a fictional, nebulously Middle Eastern kingdom. Oscar puts his serious face on and warns her that the assignment isn't so much glamorous as it is potentially deadly 'cause of all the unevolved cretins in the country who don't much appreciate Kusari's fancy progressive policies. He tells her that Kusari has no idea she's a bionic OSI agent and that she'll be posing as his social secretary who was sent from the State Department. Her liaison will be a womanizing assclown named Sam Sloan, who holds the title of Chief of Protocol...and he too has no idea she's an OSI agent [until such time as she decides to needlessly blurt it out once the mission is well underway]. Oscar chuckles and predicts that Sam will likely be so turned on by her shapely legs (!) that he won't even notice anything amiss with her cover identity, then instructs her to keep Kusari's social gatherings small so they can limit the number of people who have access to him. When the phone starts buzzing non-stop without anyone on the other end, a bemused Oscar rushes out to the secretary's desk to see whassup, and is dismayed to see that the culprit is Max, smacking his giant paw onto the phone buzzer and looking pleased with himself. Oscar wryly tells Jaime he'll arrange for some excellent doggy daycare while she's busy with her latest assignment. Sam Sloan [who played Bill Taylor on Beverly Hills, 90210, as well as a fellow OSI agent in the Escape to Love episode] is canoodling with a woman named Beth and telling her he'll be too busy to hang with her with weekend 'cause of all the stuff he has to do for King Kusari. She's like, "OK, I guess I can buy that" and flounces out - just as Jaime arrives and is told by Sam's secretary to go right on in. Sam, who's having a sexy phone conversation with a woman he has on the side named Marilyn, takes one look at Jaime in her odd-for-Manhattan ensemble - skirt/blazer combo with a cowboy hat perched atop her head - and abruptly ends the call with Marilyn. He tells Jaime she's "a breath of fresh air" and brazenly ogles her, then "explains" that she reminds him of his dearly departed fiancee Beth, pulls out a photo of her, and claims she died in a car accident five years ago. He invites Jaime to dinner so they can get to know each other, and she shifts around uncomfortably and winces at the thought of spending an evening alone with this shameless philanderer.
Beth returns to Sam's office building and explains to his secretary that she forgot her purse in Sam's office. When she walks in and sees Sam and Jaime poring over the king's schedule, Jaime smirks and says, "You must be Beth", then jokes about how fantastic she looks for a corpse. Sam stammers awkwardly at being called out for his bullcack, and Beth shoots him the stink-eye and storms out. King Kusari, a diminutive mustached man, arrives at his suite in the Plaza Hotel with his security detail. One of his flunkies, Colonel Mostada, announces that a James Sommers is on his way up to serve as His Highness' social secretary, and Kusari nods and remarks on how considerate it is for a serious agency like the State Department to be providing this type of service. When Jaime enters the suite, Kusari grins stupidly and says he assumed she was a guy 'cause her name is James, and Jaime corrects him about it being Jaime. He assures her he's not, in any way, disappointed that she's a woman, then tells her he'd like to do some shopping and get fitted for a new wardrobe. Jaime offers to arrange for various store owners to bring their wares to his suite for security's sake, and Kusari nods approvingly and says he likes the sound of that. Colonel Mostada informs King Kusari that the city's mayor is on the phone...and when Jaime activates her bionic ear and hears a strange tapping noise on the other end of the phone, she takes the receiver from Kusari before he can hang up, extracts a tiny bomb device that's been implanted inside, and discreetly smashes it between her bionic fingers. (Assassination attempt #1 thwarted.)
A local bookie named Wally calls Sam to warn him that since he's currently having an issue with cash flow, he's going to have to double his payments for the foreseeable future. Sam argues that due to his own cash flow problems he can't possibly afford doubled up payments, and Wally snarls, "Find a way!" Colonel Mostada and his bad guy compatriot, Kia, meet with a third bad guy, Sharokah, whose best idea for assassinating the king is to place a smuggled gun inside one of those old, box-like cameras during an impromptu photo shoot. Colonel Mostada's like, "Excellent idea!" and gleefully says that when news of Kusari's assassination makes it to his country, there will be an immediate military coup, and the stern oppressor types who've been railing against Kusari's progressive ideas can finally seize power. He adds that the king just got a new social secretary, but that it's A-OK to dispose of her if she gets in the way. Eeeek! The three carry the camera equipment into the king's hotel suite and go through the motions of pretending that everything's been thoroughly inspected. Jaime, who's in the next room doing paperwork, activates her bionic ear and overhears Kia tell Sharokah to slip the gun inside the camera equipment now...and Sharokah cocks the gun and slips it inside the contraption. As Colonel Mostada rushes off to summon the king. Jaime bounds over to Sharokah, chirps, "Hi!" and pretends to be fascinated with the antique camera and asks if she can look through it the box. Sharokah yells, "Noooo!" and shoves her away, and she responds by grabbing his arm and flipping him over, Judo style, and grabbing the gun from inside the camera. (Assassination attempt #2 thwarted.) Colonel Mostada enters the room, sees Sharokah on the floor, and is all, "The fuck?" so Jaime explains that she flattened him after she found a gun in his camera and suggests he be turned over to the NYPD for attempted assassination. Colonel Mostada pretends to agree, gets Jaime to hand over the gun by saying the NYPD will need it for evidence, then issues a faux order to Kia to ferry Sharokah over to the nearest police station. He then turns back to Jaime and urges her not to tell Kusari about what just happened since it would only upset him.
Jaime radios Oscar to report the gun incident, and Oscar grimly tells her that Sharokah somehow escaped NYPD custody. He asks her if the king's flunkies suspect she's an OSI agent, and she's like, "I don't think so", and he urges her "to be careful, babe". Jaime and Sam are working on the guest list and general logistics for the king's reception. Sam apologizes for trying to con her about having a dead fiancee, then claims he would have eventually told her the truth. Jaime looks as if she highly doubts that, then says that while he's a fascinating, charming, handsome man...at heart he's a dickwadded man-child who enjoys playing games with women. Sam stares back at her sheepishly and says he feels bad about blowing it with such a hot lady he thinks he might possibly have mature feelings for, but then blames the women in his orbit for always treating him like a sex object. I laughed heartily at that, since it wasn't totally clear if he was being jokey. The king, meanwhile, is having a fantastic time shopping, aka looking over fabric samples in his hotel suite. Jaime calls Oscar from a pay phone to get an update on the mission, and he tells her he looked over the guest list for the king's reception and was able to clear everyone. He asks her how she's getting along with Sam Sloan...and when she politely says he's reasonably nice to work with, Oscar chuckles and tells her to say hi to the notorious skirt chaser for him. Colonel Mostada and Kia meet up with yet another bad guy, John, to ask him what he learned when he looked into Jaime's background. John says he discovered that she's an OSI agent, and Colonel Mostada looks annoyed and says they're going to need to eliminate her so she doesn't somehow thwart their third attempt at assassination. He tells John - surprise! - he's just been hired as the hit man, and tells him that Jaime is scheduled to visit with a caterer tomorrow morning at 11am. Jaime and Sam arrive at the caterer's, whose head office is located in a downtown skyscraper. They're diverted from the elevator by John, who's disguised as a maintenance man, and enter a room deceptively labelled stairwell. When they find themselves trapped in a windowless storage (?) room, John throws a gas bomb into the room and locks the door...and Jaime cries, "It's poisonous gas, we need to get out here asap!" and bionically breaks down a door that just happens to lead outside. Over coffee, Sam tells Jaime he's pretty sure that the gas bomb was meant for him 'cause of his gambling problems, but Jaime looks unsure 'bout that and stares concernedly into space. Sam calls Wally to accuse him of trying to gas him to death, and Wally's all, "Huh?" and says if he gassed him to death, he wouldn't be able to repay his gambling debts. Sam concedes that that's a really good point, then stares confusedly into space. Back at the OSI New York office, Oscar tells Jaime her cover is blown and that he wants to replace her with another agent. Jaime argues that Sam has no idea who she is, and that he thinks the gas bombing happened because of his gambling debt. She snarks that she's refusing to give up the assignment, doesn't address the fact that it's probably Kusari's flunkies who suspect she's a spy and were the ones who tried to gas her to death, and storms out of his office.
Colonel Mostada is irked that Jaime and Sam survived the gas bomb and yells at John, "I want results!" John throws up his hands and says he's completely mystified by how the two were able to survive the gassing. At the king's reception, Colonel Mostada remarks to Kia that Jaime hasn't left the king's side all evening, and Kia sourly retorts, "So much the worse for her." King Kusari tells Jaime he finds it intensely boring to attend these receptions and meet people he'll never get the chance to really know - just as a waiter comes over with a tray of champagne. Jaime glares at him suspiciously, remarks that he's not the usual waiter, then clinks her glass really hard against Kusari's so that all of his champagne spills all over the carpet. She sheepishly apologizes for her clumsiness, but Kusari says he didn't just fall off the turnip truck and totally gets that she was trying to protect him 'cause she didn't trust the waiter. He then demands to know who she really is...so the two head over to a private room, where Jaime blabs that she's an OSI agent who was assigned to protect him from an assassination plot that's been in the works since he arrived in New York. Kusari's like, "The United States government sent a woman to protect me?", and when Jaime clarifies that she has, uh, special capabilities, he shoots her an affectionate smile and says he wishes there was something more in the way of this type of gender equality in his pretend country. The next day, Colonel Mostada tells Jaime over the phone that the king would like to meet her for lunch, and that a limo is waiting outside to ferry her to the restaurant. Jamie sees no red flags with that impromptu invitation, tells Sam's secretary she's off to lunch with King Kusari, and scampers to the waiting limo. Sam looks perplexed when his secretary informs him of Jaime's lunch plans, and says he knows for a fact that the king has appointments in his hotel suite all afternoon. He contorts his face into an expression of alarm, then rushes out to his car. Sam speeds after the limo, which has stopped on the side of the road to begin Operation Get Rid of Pesky Jaime. Sam warns Jaime that there's something fishy about her faux lunch plans...and Kia and some other bad guy exit the car and pull out their guns. At gunpoint they steer Sam and Jaime across the road, where another car is parked...and one of the men pricks Sam with a needle, which causes him to instantly pass out. Jaime is somehow able to persuade the bad guys to use the needle on her right [bionic] arm 'cause she just got a flu shot in her left arm, and pretends to pass out. The bad guys stuff them both inside the empty car, then start the engine and push the car down the winding road. Once the car is far enough away so that the bad guys can't see that she's not really passed out, Jaime climbs into the driver's seat, is all "Ack!" when she discovers that the brakes don't work, then does the old stick-her-bionic-foot-out-the-door-and-stop-the-car-with-her-heel trick. When the car finally comes to a safe stop, she and Sam stumble out, then rush back to his car so they can speed back to the Plaza in the nick of time to save King Kusari.
Colonel Mostada stares at the latest assassination tool - a non-ticking time bomb that gives off a slight hum - while hoping third time's a charm. As Jaime and Sam race against time to get to the Plaza before King Kusari can be shot, blown up, or poisoned, Jaime needlessly reveals that she's an OSI agent who's been tasked with protecting the king. Sam's all, "Wha-a-a?" and asks who she expects will take care of their children after they're married, and Jaime shakes her head in exasperation and says that while he's presumptuous and scarily delusional, he also has a sensitive, tender side to his dimwitted personality. The faux tailor, who's in Kusari's hotel suite pretending to supply him with a new wardrobe, slips the non-ticking time bomb inside the suit he's about to try on. Eeeek! Jaime bursts into the king's suite, detects the slight hum of the non-ticking time bomb, and rips it out of the king's blazer and throws it out the window, where it promptly explodes. (Assassination attempt #3 thwarted.) Sam, Oscar, and a bunch of OSI agents burst into the room a few seconds later and wrap things up quick by swiftly subduing all the bad guys and hauling them off to jail. Oscar apologizes to Kusari for all of this unpleasantness - though it's unclear why he's apologizing since it was the king's own security team that repeatedly tried to kill him - and Kusari graciously thanks him for the much needed protection. That evening, on what looks like a romantic date, Sam implores Jaime to stay in New York, marry him, and start popping out babies asap. Jaime sits him down, asks him how he'd react if she insisted he drop everything and move with her to California...and he chews on that for a few seconds and suddenly realizes how presumptuous and unfair he's being. He calls her "an incredible lady" and gives her an intense smooch...and I can only assume this means that the spiritually intense courtship involving Jaime and Tommy Littlehorse from the previous episode is but a faint memory. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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