At the police station, Andy tells Blake that the DA is going to push hard to convict him of first degree murder. Apparently one of the servants told police she heard him threaten Ted's life before he barreled up the stairs - and that's considered premeditation! Blake denies premeditating Ted's death and insists it was just an accident. Andy somberly tells him that in a situation like this, the charge would normally be manslaughter and that he'd just get probation (for manslaughter? seriously?), but that's "not how this will play out". Blake snaps at Andy to get on the phone and do what he does (?) then reminds the lackey that they've helped a lot of politicians get into office. He impetuously barks, "Call in some of those IOUs, Andrew! You get this thing taken care of, and you DO IT RIGHT NOW!!!" Andy tries to get his dickwad boss to grasp that he's being charged with first fucking degree murder, but Blake just shakes his head and angrily mutters, "That's what I've got you for." Huh?? A visibly frustrated Andy turns toward Krystle and advises her to go home and get some rest, 'cause things are about to get ugly. Andy then spells it out for Blake: over the years he's stepped on a lot of toes, supported all the wrong people during political campaigns, and passed out a lot of cash to support causes that were resented by a lot of people. Blake mulls over his shameful track record and asks, "What about my friends?" and Andy is forced to state the obvious, which is that he basically has no friends...and by no friends, he means there's a whole lot of people who'd enjoy seeing him dead or locked up. Haha! 

Krystle, meanwhile, has left the interrogation room and is on her way out of the building when she finds Matthew waiting for her. He tells her the trial will be very difficult and urges her to run from it...meaning, run from him and Blake. He reminds her that she finally had the courage to do the right thing by dumping Blake and fleeing, and advises her to follow through with it. Krystle reminds him that he didn't just desert Claudia when she was in trouble, and he just hangs his head mutely. That's not really a fair comparison...Claudia may be a loopy, fickle, depressing broad, but she's nowhere near as horrible as a homophobic, murderous dickwad like Blake. Krystle sanctimoniously declares that Blake is still her husband and that she'll stand by him during his time of crisis. Whatever, Krystle. You're hopeless.

Steven and Fallon attend Ted's funeral service in North Dakota. His parents are clearly distraught, and when Steven ambles over to apologize for Ted's death, they just glare at him and stalk off. Fallon witnesses the snub and tells Steven they could have at least had the grace to accept his apology - after all, it was an accident...and Steven stares back at her and goes, "Was it?" A dorky looking photographer arrives at the cemetery, and Fallon tries to persuade him to leave and not bother Steven. The photographer whines that a photo of Steven standing next to Ted's coffin is worth a cool $150 to him, and then he goes off on a tangent about how Blake's trial is going to become a media circus. He suddenly raises his camera, aims it in Steven's direction, and gets his money shot.

Blake and Krystle make their way to the courtroom amid a throng of reporters and photographers. Considering he was just arrested and charged the previous day (or so the timeline seems to suggest), this is one speedy judicial process. Inside the courtroom, Andy shakes hands with the prosecutor, Jake Dunham, who expresses puzzlement that Blake doesn't have a team of of expensive lawyers defending him. That's actually a good point. I wonder why Blake is relying just on Andy, who's his corporate lawyer...and doesn't exactly seem like the sharpest knife in the drawer. Jake smugly tells Andy he's going to enjoy this trial, and is delighted to "get to play with the big boys now". LOL...sorry to burst your bubble, Jake, but there's no way Andy could possibly be considered a heavyweight in the legal community. Andy seats himself beside Blake and tells him that Jake Dunham has his eye on the governor's office and is therefore eager to make a name for himself...and Blake wryly retorts that he hopes the guy doesn't do it over his dead body. Blake then looks over Andy's witness list and says he doesn't want Claudia Blaisdel included. Andy argues that cutting her might hamper his defence, but Blake insists she's already "been through one hell" and doesn't want to torment her unnecessarily. That's weird, 'cause since when has Blake ever given a crap about anyone but himself? Andy agrees to take Claudia off the witness list for now, but tells Blake he'll have to add her on later if he decides he needs her. Not sure why he would need Claudia to testify, unless he thinks it would somehow help Blake's case to prove that Steven was temporarily doinking a woman.

Steven peeks into the courtroom and remarks to Fallon that the lawyers are in the process of selecting a jury. Fallon sneers and says, "That's a joke. Who are they to judge Blake Carrington?!" Um, jurors in a court of law, you idiot. Steven stares back at her with a stricken expression and asks, "What about Ted?" and Fallon just stares back at him mutely.

Jake Dunham makes his opening statements while leaning against the jury box, looking all cocky and smug-like. He recounts for the jury that Blake knew Steven was sleeping with Ted, and that he felt "a cold and unrelenting hatred" for Ted. Jake recalls for the jurors that they were all asked during the [five minute] jury selection process how they feel about homosexuality, then lectures them about how people are entitled to doink whoever they want. He says he fully expects the defence to create a smoke screen and portray Ted as the criminal of the case - and the judge interjects to admonish him for using closing type arguments in his opening remarks. Jake apologizes for the gaffe, immediately stops talking altogether, and sits down...and Blake shoots him the stink-eye.

It's Andy's turn to make his opening statement, and he urges the jury to hear both sides of the case. He says that Ted's death was an accident and that Blake loved his son...and even though Steven had gone awry, "he was on the road to a normal, manly life." LOL. Unfortunately, along the bumpy path to this normal, manly life, Blake learned "to his horror and disgust" that Ted Dinard was present in his home. Egads! Andy tells the jury that Blake wanted to protect and save Steven from a life of shame...and this explains why Blake, upon discovering Steven and Ted hugging, commanded Ted to leave his home. Hey - wait a minute! I object! That is not what happened...and if it pleases the court, I'd like to present Exhibit A from my recap of the previous episode:

"Blake, meanwhile, is barreling toward Steven's room...and just as Steven and Ted are hugging goodbye, Blake bursts in and bellows, "Take your hands off my son!" LOL. Fallon hears the ruckus and stands in the doorway to watch the show. Blake lunges at Ted, and Steven tries to hold him back...but Blake wrenches himself loose and shoves Ted across the room, which causes him to hit his head on the stone fireplace hearth thing, and he dies instantly."

​I rest my case. So suck on that, counsellor.

Steven's in his apartment, lying atop his bed and ignoring the ringing phone...and on the other end Fallon mutters, "Pick up, Steven. Pick up. Pick up." Jeff tells her Steven's fine, and she snaps back not to pacify her. He argues that he's a part of this family now, and so she reminds him he made it pretty clear during the Birthday Party episode what he thinks of her father, and that he'd probably be happy to see the ogre carted off to prison. Well d'yuh, who wouldn't enjoy that spectacle? Jeff shrugs, but doesn't actually disagree...and Fallon dials Steven's number again, but he's still not answering.

That evening at the mansion, Blake, Krystle, Fallon, and Jeff sit around the dinner table, but everyone looks depressed and just kind of picks at their food. Blake asks Fallon if she spoke to Steven, and she fibs and says she did and that he sounded OK. Blake remarks that he tried calling a few times, but got no answer. Jeff tells Blake he's been hearing some gossip around the office about Denver-Carrington, so then Blake starts railing about how some of the directors on the board want to take advantage of the fact that he's on trial for murder. He says he'll be able to make Friday's board meeting 'cause the judge had to recess for a doctor's appointment. Fantastic.

The next morning, Blake spots Steven in the courthouse and tries to make nice with him, but Steven refuses to speak to him or even look at him...so Blake gives up and sadly ambles off with Krystle. When the trial gets underway, Jake Dunham cross examines the maid, Miss Robbins, who testifies that when Blake arrived home on the night of Ted's demise, she was talking to Joseph, the majordomo. Jake scrunches his face in confusion and asks, "Don't you mean butler?" and Miss Robbins explains that Gerald is the butler, and Joseph is the majordomo. [Who the hell's Gerald?] Jake tries hard not to laugh and remarks, "Well that's very interesting" and says he didn't realize American people had majordomos anymore. Did they ever? I've never even heard of a majordomo outside of this show. Jake asks Miss Robbins what the hell a majordomo is, so she explains that it's the administrative head of the household - and when Jake interrupts to ask her where she got that description, she says Joseph told her. Everyone in the courtroom bursts out laughing, and Joseph stiffens in his seat, clearly not amused by being the butt of a joke. Miss Robbins testifies that when Blake returned home and learned that Ted was upstairs, he became enraged and - she pauses and nervously looks over at Blake - said I'll kill him. Jake makes her repeat the line for dramatic effect, and suddenly all the spectators in the courtroom start tittering and making a lot of ooh and aah noises.   

Matthew's in his office, watching TV coverage about Blake's trial. His ex-rigger, Eddie, is on the tube, talking to reporters about how he once saw Steven and Ted at a restaurant, touching and holding hands. He says, "They were acting like a couple of - what do you call them now...gays?" LOL - I'm pretty sure he was struggling not to say preverts on live television. Claudia drops in on Matthew and watches the coverage with him, and Matthew remarks on what an idiot Eddie is, and that he thinks being on TV makes him a movie star. Claudia just shakes her head and says she has no idea why they're dredging up all this gay stuff about Steven. She says, "Steven isn't a homosexual...at least not entirely." Matthew asks her how she could possibly know that, so she says that Steven, uh, told her during the Dinner Party episode. Matthew looks perplexed and says it's an odd thing for Steven to bring up during their first ever conversation, but Claudia doesn't answer and clucks about how the media is turning this trial into a sporting event.

That evening, Blake and Krystle walk upstairs together, and he says he'd like her to "be with" him tonight. Ew. She makes a face and says she only came back to support him through this crisis and isn't ready to share his bed again...and she solemnly adds, "A lot has to change between us." [Like maybe, don't rape your wife anymore or treat her like a five year old.] He nods sadly and asks her if she thinks he purposely killed Ted, and she mulls that over and says, "Not purposely." She does say that the night she dumped him, he was in a terrible state...and by terrible state, she means he had passed out from boozing too heavily. She tells him she blames herself (partly, anyway) for leaving and wonders if Ted would have suffered his "accident" if she'd been home at the time. She then shakes off that disturbing thought and says she just wants them to get through "this thing", and maybe then they can figure out their lives.

Before court the next day, Jeff informs Blake that the board of directors at Denver-Carrington have moved up the board meeting to this afternoon - and not Friday as originally planned. Blake mutters, "Damn.." just as Andy appears to tell him the judge wants him back in court. Blake quickly pulls Andy and Krystle into a private room and tells Michael to stand guard at the door. LOL. He announces to the two that he plans to hold a stockbroker's  meeting at the courthouse - say what?! - and orders Krystle to attend the board meeting as his representative. He tells her "the sharks are circling" and that she needs to find out who the ringleader is, and to "cut him down before he knows what's happening". He then gives her some tips on how to handle herself at the meeting, and she looks panicked and furiously jots down his nonsense.  
 
Fallon's on the stand, being cross examined by Jake. He asks her what she does for a living, and she stares back at him blankly and flatly states, "I don't work." He asks her if she performs any housewifely duties, and she gives him the stink-eye and retorts, "I'm a wife. I'm also here as a hostile witness for the prosecution." Jake's like, "Er...OK" and asks her to testify about the night Ted died...and then wants to formally introduce into the proceedings a photo of Ted, post death, so that Fallon can officially identify Ted Dinard as the victim. Is that really necessary? I don't think the identity of the guy who fell on his head and died is in dispute here. Fallon testifies that Blake was upset and that there was a scuffle...and by scuffle, she means that Ted was the one who pushed Blake. Uh oh...somebody just committed perjury. She repeats her claim, and everyone in the courtroom begins to titter and ooh and aah again. Jake grabs a copy of the police report and says her testimony doesn't line up with what she told police that night, but she doesn't really address that and insists that things happened very fast: Ted took a step backwards, tripped on a box, fell and hit his head and instantly died. Jake points out once again that she never told police that...and instead of pursuing this line of questioning to get to the bottom of what precisely occurred on that fateful night, he abruptly stops his cross examination and sits down. LOL. Jake's never going to play with "the big boys" if he keeps up this level of ineptitude. 

Krystle attends the Denver-Carrington board meeting and requests postponements on all major pending decisions. She then starts railing at one particularly lippy guy and accuses him of trying to take over the company. She summarily removes him from the board and warns the others she'll be keeping an eye on them as well, and they all shift uneasily in their chairs. You go, girl!

Steven takes the stand and answers the prosecutor's line of questions about his relationship with Ted, the funniest one being, "Did you meet at a gay party?" LOL. Steven says it wasn't a gay party per se; they met at an art gallery opening in New York, and soon after became lovers. Steven testifies that on the night of Ted's demise, Blake angrily ordered Ted to stop hugging him, then lunged toward him and pushed him across the room. Fallon looks distressed, since her testimony conflicts with that of her brother's (and reality), and the spectators start oohing and aahing again. The prosecutor barks at Steven, who's now perspiring heavily, to tell him if Ted did anything to defend himself. Steven says he didn't, then tells the court that Fallon outright lied while she was on the stand. The tittering starts up again, and Fallon stiffens and looks stunned that her brother chose not to perjure himself...while Blake just grimaces.  

Duhn! Duhn! Duhn!

Recap: Steven gets mail from his ex-lover Ted, and when he opens the envelope he finds a strip of photo booth photos that Ted took of himself. Seems like a weird thing for a grown man to be sending in the mail. Steven stares at the photos contemplatively. 

Blake and Krystle are playing a game of tennis with Fallon and Jeff...though it's really more a game between Blake and Fallon. When Blake scores the winning point, Fallon congratulates her dad on his athletic prowess and hugs him...and the four head over to the shade to relax with some refreshing lemonade. Fallon announces that she and Jeff will need to live at Carrington manor for the foreseeable future...and when Jeff double-checks with Blake if it's OK, he chirps, "Of course!" As an afterthought, Blake asks Krystle if it's OK with her, and she tells him it's fine - then looks over at Fallon and warmly adds, "You know we'd love for you to stay with us." Fallon just shoots her the mute stink-eye because she has no manners or social graces.

Claudia tells Matthew she ran into the wife of an oil rigger at the supermarket and heard all about the fight he (Matthew) got into over Steven. She was very surprised to learn that Steven's gay - does no one on Dynasty have a scrap of gaydar? - albeit the woman derisively referred to him as a fruit. Claudia makes a face and says that that sort of talk disgusts her 'cause people should just be whoever they want to be. Lindsay bounds down the stairs and tells her mom that she's bringing a friend home with her after school - and it's a boy! Marvelous. She and her dad head off to school and work, and Claudia settles in for another uneventful day at Casa Blaisdel.

Michael is polishing the black limo when Fallon and Jeff amble over. Jeff asks Fallon if she wants to watch a movie that evening, and she whines, "I hate plans, Jeff. And I hate daddy's projection room." [Spoiled brat - I bet I would have loved Blake's projection room.] Jeff mulls that over and suggests going to a movie theater and necking in the balcony - and Fallon glances over at Michael to note his disturbed reaction, then grins at her husband and exclaims, "Why didn't you say so?!" She leans in for a smooch, while Michael watches the PDA and grins to himself. After the nauseating display, Jeff thanks Michael for cleaning his car earlier and offers him a tip, but Michael gets offended and refuses to accept the cash. He gets into the driver's seat of the limo, raises the glass partition between himself and Fallon, and grins again. I really don't get what all of his grinning is about.

After driving for a few minutes, he pulls over to the side of the road, opens the back door and barks, "Get out." For some reason, Fallon obeys...and the two take a short walk. He asks her how her groom is, and she looks fake dreamy and calls Jeff ravishingly handsome [average at best] and gentle [a spineless wuss]. Michael retorts, "Just how you like it: once every two months." Huh? Fallon says she'd like to kick him where it really hurts, and Michael grabs her, presses her against the nearest tree, and forcibly kisses her. When she struggles to get away, he says, "I think I'm entitled to a few minutes with you" and Fallon laughs derisively and says the only thing he's entitled to is his dumb uniform. Michael chooses not to be insulted by that bitchy remark and says all he wants is her, so then she asks him if he's missed her. He moans, "You'd be surprised how much." When she openly scoffs at him, he needlessly tells her the story of when he was a child (who grew up poor) and his mother used to tell him she loved him one million dollars worth. He stares at Fallon meaningfully and says he's missed her a million dollars worth. LOL. She retorts that she's a married woman now and doesn't want to cheat on Jeff...and Michael wryly says, "Yet." He then gives her an intense, sloppy kiss and asks her why she married Jeff. She tells him it's none of his business, and Michael bitchily declares Jeff to be a jerk 'cause of that tip he offered him earlier. Huh? Fallon explains that Jeff is just really generous to servants, so he proudly informs her that Blake just gave him a raise in his allowance...and soon he'll be out of his dumb uniform. (No...it doesn't, Michael.) He asks her again why she married Jeff, and she tells him she hopes to own or run ColbyCo Oil one day. Say what?! Bwahaha!! Considering that Fallon has never worked a day in her life, possesses no skill set of any kind, appears to have zero educational credentials, and has the maturity level of a six year old - the idea of her being a checkout girl at the supermarket is laugh out loud funny, to say nothing of being a CEO of a large oil company.

Lindsay arrives home with her little friend, Christopher. She tells him that her mom's out visiting a friend and that she made them a batch of cookies to snack on. The two enter the kitchen and chow down, and Lindsay bossily reminds him that they need to rehearse their lines.

Claudia, who doesn't actually have a friend, is in a therapy session with her shrink. She tells him that her marriage is slowly getting better...and that the enjoyment level and frequency of hers and Matthew's marital doinking is also improving. That said, she's been fretting lately 'cause she's been thinking about all the women Matthew must have slept with while she was MIA at the funny farm. She puts her sad face on and says she prefers to think of the women he slept with as his "faceless needs". And speaking of which, she got the distinct feeling that she met one of those "needs" the other day: the hostess at a dinner party. I guess this means she's onto Matthew's dalliance with Krystle.

Lindsay and Christopher are sitting together on the couch, going over lines for a play or something. When they finish, Lindsay asks him if he wants to listen to her new Supertramp record (yes please!) and Christopher makes a face and says that would be boring...then leans in for a kiss. Lindsay puts the brakes on and suggests they have another cookie, but Christopher ignores that and kisses her again. Unfortunately, she's not really into the kissing and for some reason starts flailing around to escape his lips...and in the process knocks over a lamp. She then starts wailing unintelligibly and yells at him to get out of her house, so he gives her a funny look and exclaims, "You're as crazy as your mother!" Judging from her over-the-top behavior in this scene, I'd say she's way nuttier than Claudia. Lindsay yells at him to get out, which he's more than happy to do. Upset and sobbing, Lindsay heads out to the driveway and climbs inside Claudia's blue car. She starts the engine, slowly backs out of the driveway, and swerves her way down the street. She's fourteen, so I guess it stands to reason that she'd be an abysmal driver.

Krystle is playing tennis with a couple of her girlfriends, and she looks fantastic in her stylish tennis outfit. She easily wins the match, and her friend gets frustrated that two of them aren't able to beat her, then starts bitching about how Krystle has the rich husband (don't feel too bad; he's a total douche), tennis court, and a pro instructor. She bitchily points out that if she had those things, she'd be great at tennis too. I'm surprised it's taking so long for Krystle to ditch her old circle of friends and start to hang with a much richer set.

Matthew and Walter arrive at the rig and find Steven hanging upside down...and the rest of the crew gathered around his limp body. Matthew and Walter rush over and demand he be cut down, then learn that Steven is to blame for some mishap (the loosened bolt, I presume..?) and want him to admit to it. The riggers obediently lower him down, and Steven looks pale and ready to hurl. Walter tells Matthew that they're going to have to hit up their rich contacts to get some additional funding, but Matthew wants to find another way. When Steven regains the power of speech, he tells Matthew that he didn't screw up on purpose...but Matthew says it's best if he leaves the job site. 

Steven goes home and joins Blake and Krystle in the dining room. He reports that Matthew and Walter are shutting the rig down, and Blake smugly barks, "I know." Steven tells them about his alleged mishap and takes full responsibility, claiming he broke Matthew's and Walter's trust. He asks Blake if he'd considering extending their lease time, but Blake is like, "Hell no!" 'cause he's been waiting around impatiently for those leases to expire, plus he has a bunch of other financial problems...totally of his own making. Steven earnestly proposes that if Blake extends the leases, he'll take a job at Denver-Carrington and try to be the gayless son he's always wanted him to be. Blake perks up at this and goes, "Oh..?" and then starts peppering him with a series of ridiculous questions:

Blake: If I wanted you to work in Denver-Carrington's PR department, would you?
Steven: Um, sure.

Blake: If I wanted you to date my employees' daughters, would you?
Steven: Er...OK.

Blake: If I wanted you to give up your "curious New York ways" [LOL], would you?"
Steven: I'll try, but the penis wants what it wants.

Krystle closes her eyes as she cringes at yet another demonstration of her husband's outrageously dickish behavior. I wonder if, behind those closed eyes, she's secretly regretting marrying this hateful turd, despite his wealth and fancy estate. Blake snarks about Steven's willingness to do all of these things for Matthew, but not for him. Yeah...what a shocker. Steven insists he just wants him to do what's fair, and Blake snarks that he doesn't get to give him any conditions, then barks, "You be what I want you to be. Do you understand that?!" Steven gets up and tries to storm out, but Blake stops him and says he doesn't mean to hurt him (clearly you do, psychopath) and that everything he's been building his whole life is for his children. Steven's like, "Yeah whatever", then asks him if he's going to extend the leases for Matthew and Walter, and Blake snaps, "No!!" LOL. This is the last straw for Krystle, and she gets up and walks over to the window. When Blake notices her deflated mood, he sarcastically snaps, "You're thinking?!" She tells him she was thinking about how beautiful it is at Carrington manor...while at the same time it can be so ugly - not coincidentally whenever he's around. She recaps that Steven just threw himself at him and begged for mercy only to be cut off again, then asks him how he could possibly expect to be close to his son. Right?! Blake shoots her the stink-eye and asks her if all this concern isn't really about Matthew. She snarks back that that's a rotten thing to say, and he retorts, "Sometimes rotten things have to be said." True, but sometimes rotten things are the only kinds of things a douchewad like him ever says. Krystle defends Matthew's decision to quit Denver-Carrington in order to branch out on his own, blah blah...so then Blake starts whining about how he has stockholders and a board of directors to keep happy and that survival is the only thing that counts. He ominously tells her that "sheep get killed", and Krystle looks him in the eye and says she's a sheep, then accuses him of using her to seduce Matthew. Flee, Krystle! There's still time.

Steven is upstairs, packing his stuff when Fallon enters his room. She petulantly declares she's going with him, and he just ignores her and continues packing. She asks him if he's going back to New York...back to "him", and Steven pretends not to know what she's talking about. Fallon tells him she's finally twigged onto the fact that he's gay, and somehow discovered that he has a lover. Steven admits that he has an ex-lover named Ted, and that he was very important to him for awhile. He chides his sister for asking him too many questions and proclaims that it's way better to be a gay man in love with another man than a woman who's married to a man she doesn't love. Fallon pretends to look surprised by that assessment and asks Steven why he thinks she doesn't love Jeff, and he says it's obvious by the shitty way she treats him. Fallon mulls that over for a seconds, but puts a pin in it for now and implores him not to leave. She reminds him that he can have his heart's desire - right here in Denver. He says he doesn't want it, so then she tells him she'd love to have it - but unfortunately, Blake won't give it to her 'cause she's a girl. And not very bright. She advises him to play by Blake's rules and take advantage of his opportunities while keeping his gayness to himself. Um hasn't he kind of been trying to do that?? She begs him not to leave, tells him she loves him, and says she'll go crazy without him there. He thinks that over and eventually declares that he'll stay in Denver after all.

Claudia and Matthew are bummed out about the soon-to-expire oil lease situation. She urges him to express what he’s feeling deep inside, but he just stares back at her mutely. He tells her he doesn't know anything about no therapy stuff, then snarks at her to get off his back. Undeterred, she urges him again to share his innermost feelings ('cause men really love doing that), then helpfully lists what they might be: anger, fear, vulnerability. He just continues to stare at her mutely. 

Krystle is pensively staring at the fancy necklace and earrings that Blake gave her during the Dinner Party episode. She calls up her friend (the bitchy one from the tennis match), and the two meet in a nearby park. Krystle wants her to look into fake jewelry makers so she can pawn the real thing without Blake knowing. Her friend doesn't want to get involved and tells her she has a big problem she needs to sort out: is she in love with Blake and/or Matthew? Krystle insists that she loves Blake, even though he totally used her...but she also wants to make it up to Matthew. So...yes and yes.

That night, Krystle makes a clandestine visit to the rig to talk to Matthew. She hands him a packet that contains stacks of cash...and at first he refuses to accept it, but then takes it after she insists. She reminds him that a lot of men are counting on him to strike oil, and that he can pay her back whenever he's able. He gets up from his chair, stares into her big blue eyes, and caresses her fluffy sweater. The two start kissing, and he moans, "Oh Krystle...I love you", and she promptly returns his I love you, and their kissing starts to get even more intense. He leads her over to the couch...but as soon as he mounts her, she stops him and says, "I can't give you anything else that belongs to him." Ick, Krystle. Ick! She then scrambles to her feet and scurries out of the office trailer, leaving Matthew staring contemplatively after her.

Recap: One of the maids is rushing down the grand staircase so that she can reach the front door in time to let in Blake and Krystle, who have just returned from an evening out. Blake barks at the maid to get his crony pal, Peter, on the phone. Krystle remarks that it's pretty late to be calling anyone, but Blake blatantly ignores her like the rude douchewad he is and tells the maid he'll take the call in the library.

Blake rants and raves to Peter about how Matthew Blaisdel somehow got additional funding to keep his oil rig operation going. His fixation on this rig is getting weird and tiresome. As a CEO of a large corporation, doesn't he have more important things to focus on?? Krystle trails behind her ogre husband into the library, and looks worriedly pensive as she warms herself by the fire and eavesdrops on the call. Blake barks at Peter to tell him who gave Matthew all that money, and Peter's like, "I dunno", so Blake says he has his suspicions. He lists off a bunch of names, Cecil Colby's included, then orders Peter to find out who it was and slams the phone down. Krystle gently reminds her dickwad husband that the men he just accused of funding Matthew's rig are all friends of his, then says she doubts it was any of them. Heh. Blake gruffly says that in this business "your only friend is a dead enemy", and if the situation were reversed, he'd do the same thing to them. No doubt. He then fixes his beady little eyes on Krystle and snarks that she's trembling, so she tells him she's just cold and hates it when he gets himself all worked up. He lowers himself on one of the leather couches and tells her she's the only person he feel comfortable with, and she flashes him a smile and says that that's nice to hear. He then starts bellyaching about how the pressures on him are so heavy, blah blah...then looks contemplative and says that it looks like Fallon is starting to come around, and that she's acting less like a spoiled tart now that she's married (mmm, no...she still seems just as bad). Krystle pretends to agree and says she's noticed a change, then assures him that Steven too will come around. Steven doesn't need to "come around", he just needs his father to get over the fact that he's gay and stop acting like a hateful fucking monster all the damn time. Blake gets a faraway look in his eyes and tells Krystle that when Steven was born, his mother wanted to name him Blake, but Blake insisted they name him after her father instead. He asks Krystle if she thinks Steven might have sensed that, and it somehow turned him gay, and she manages to keep a straight face and tells him it's highly unlikely that Steven would have picked up on such a thing when he was an infant. Blake perks up and declares that they can name their yet unconceived child Blake, then needlessly specifies/orders/declares, "Our child. The one that you'll give me." Blech. The old man really makes my skin crawl whenever he references anything even remotely related to penetration.

Over breakfast, Claudia tells Matthew she's looking for a job, and he's all, "Wuh?" and tells her she doesn't need to 'cause their finances are OK. She tells him she wants to work, so Matthew scrunches his face worriedly and tells her he doesn't want people to question his masculinity or think he can't support his family. He then shakes off the disturbing notion and goes, "So it's settled...you'll stay in the home" (LOL) but Claudia argues that it's not settled, and assures him that his genitalia won't suddenly shrink if she enters the workforce. She reminds him that she never got a chance to go to college, and he looks sheepish and says that that's because he knocked her up when she was sixteen. Yikes. Were there no pills or condoms back then? She acknowledges that they were both to blame for that dumb mistake...plus, they were just a couple of horny kids. Lindsay, who's been eavesdropping from the hallway, rushes into the kitchen, announces she's late, then flees from the house. 

Lindsay is in the Vital Statistic's office, looking up her parents' marriage record on microfiche. She gets distressed at what she discovers, then awkwardly scampers out of the building. Did she really never know the year her parents got married?

One of the riggers tells Matthew that "something funny" is going on with the rig. Matthew checks it out and finds the suspiciously loosened bolt. He stares at it contemplatively and says he thinks someone did this on purpose, and that he knows who that someone is.

Matthew heads over to the nearby Hillside bar, orders a beer, and watches as Eddie holds court with a small group of winos. Eventually Eddie notices that Matthew is in the bar watching him, so he explains that he's on a break...then asks him how he got the money to finance the oil rig. Matthew ignores his obvious fishing expedition and says he recently discovered that Steven had been set up. Eddie asks if he's accusing him, and Matthew's like, "Well d'yuh" so Eddie gets all riled up and threatens to beat Matthew up with a pool cue. He teases him about his sissy friend, so Matthew heatedly retorts, "I'd rather have a sissy friend than hang out with a snake and a coward." The name calling proves to be too much for Eddie, and he takes a swing at Matthew, and then the two start punching each other and rolling around on the ground in a really looong, fake looking fight sequence. When Matthew emerges victorious in the ass-kicking, he drags Eddie over to a container filled with ice water and dunks his head a few times. Eddie finally spills the beans and admits that he knows Blake was behind the sabotage attempt that was blamed on Steven. Matthew promptly fires him, then stalks out of the bar.

Matthew rushes over to Denver-Carrington and bursts into Blake's plush office. Blake looks startled, then amused, then asks Matthew who he was just scrapping with...but Matthew won't say. Blake offers him a drink, but Matthew declines and demands to know why he let Steven take the rap for something he didn't do - for something his own father set up. Blake kind of shrugs and mutters, "Oh that.." (!) then condescendingly tells Matthew he's being overly emotional in his rush to judgement and that he's way too temperamental to be in charge of a rig. Huh?? Matthew tells Blake he used to respect him, but doesn't anymore 'cause of all the brazenly dickish stuff he's been doing lately. Blake mutters something unintelligible about the American dream, and Matthew tells him he poisons everything he touches. Blake snaps, "Including my wife?" and refers to her as "the only thing" Matthew really wants. He challenges Matthew to look him in the eye and tell him he doesn't still think about Krystle every day and every night...and if he can manage to do that, he'll call off his dogs. I wonder if he means that literally, and his Dobermans are lurking around his office somewhere, ready to pounce on Matthew like they did to Walter during the wedding episode (which was so awesome.) Matthew doesn't respond and just stares mutely at Blake...and the camera zooms in, getting progressively closer as it pans from Matthew's deer in the headlights expression to Blake's evil smirk and then back again. Weird.

Over at the mansion, Fallon runs into one of the maids, who's on her way to deliver a telegram to Steven. Fallon tells her to hand it over so she can give it to her brother, and the maid obediently does. Fallon then rushes over to the nearest window and holds the envelop up to the light...but when Steven suddenly appears out of nowhere, she hands it to him after pretending she thought it might have been for her (apparently Jeff's in the Middle East on business). Fallon asks him who the telegram could be from, and Steven says he knows exactly who's it's from, then saunters off without elaborating further. 

After the school bell rings, Lindsay dashes out of the building with her friend Tonya rushing after her. Tonya asks her about the school play she's supposed to be rehearsing for, but Lindsay says she's not interested anymore. Tonya asks her what her parents are going to say 'bout that, and Lindsay snaps at her to lay off about her parents, then bursts into tears. Tonya asks her what's wrong, so Lindsay starts blubbering about how her dad knocked up her mom when they were both teenagers and they got married soon after. (And this is a big deal because..?) Tonya tries to explain to her histrionic friend that she's hardly the first person who's been born under such circumstances, but the crybaby continues to sob and wail...and it's a pretty tough thing to watch because she's a really ugly crier.  

Over at the Blaisdel house, Claudia's in the living room, sewing Lindsay's play costume. Matthew arrives home early in order to spend some quality time with his family, but Claudia tells him that Lindsay went to bed early 'cause she wasn't feeling well. Matthew goes upstairs to check on his pet daughter...and we see that she's in bed, still crying. Good grief, girl - shut off the waterworks already. Lindsay feigns sleep when she hears her dad enter her room. He kisses her forehead before tip-toeing out again, and Lindsay resumes her endless crying.

Blake is in the library, reading through a pile of papers and drinking heavily...and for some reason his wiry grey hair is all disheveled. Krystle enters the room carrying a tray of coffee, and he glances over at it and snaps, "I didn't ask for that!" Krystle says she knows, but thought he might like a dose of caffeine. He gruffly explains that he's busy trying to make sense out of "this mess", and she gently asks him if this can't wait until morning, to which he snaps, "No!" God he's a fucking troll. She then asks him if he's coming to bed (ew), and he waves her away and says he'll up in awhile. Krystle lets out a deep sigh and exits the library with her sad face on. A drunk Fallon arrives home, and she's wearing her fantastic white feather boa. Krystle politely asks her if she had a good time tonight, and Fallon says she did, then sarcastically apologizes if this disappoints her. Krystle pensively cocks her head and goes, "Wha-a?" so Fallon "explains" that since her husband's out of town, according to Krystle's "bourgeois ethical system" (the fuck she talking 'bout?), she should have been locked in her room with a Bronte novel. Well, that's ridiculous, since it's unlikely that anyone in that household believes Fallon can actually read. Fallon brags that her escort for the evening was Muffins Bagley of Bagley Bread (I'm confused...is she dating pastry? And what about her pledge to not cheat on Jeff?). After she flounces upstairs with her boa, Krystle steps outside the front door and leans against the pillar looking despondent, as well she should.

Steven's in his bedroom, about to turn the light off when Fallon bursts in for a night time chat. He tells her he spent the whole day thinking about what he should do with his life, and reveals that the telegram was from his ex-lover, Ted. Turns out he wants Steven to meet up with him in San Francisco. Fallon reminds Steven that when he was little, all the little girls loved him. Steven recalls that they were pretty, and Fallon assures him that some of them still are. She asks him if he's ever really tried to be with a girl...and when he doesn't respond, she asks him how he knows he's truly gay. [I think Steven should now butt into Fallon's life and ask her how she knows she's truly straight, despite never having gotten it on with a lesbian.] Fallon suggests that maybe Steven's gayness and her scandalous behavior stem from the fact that they didn't have a mother growing up...and she admits she's scared she'll never measure up to Blake Carrington (don't use him as your yardstick; he's a douche) or amount to anything (please...you're never going to amount to anything beyond a spoiled party girl). The siblings recall how they used to hold hands in the dark and wonder why their mother left. That reminds me, I can't wait for Alexis to arrive and shake things up on this boring show.  

Steven arrives at the rig after being summoned by Matthew, and Matthew thanks him for coming and hands him his last pay check. He apologizes for blaming him for the loosened bolt incident...and when Steven looks confused, Matthew explains that he now knows it was Eddie. He offers Steven his job back, but Steven bitchily retorts that he doesn't want it. He reminds Matthew that he was a constant target of the other riggers' bullying, and after the loosened bolt incident, Matthew let him down when he just assumed "the faggot did it". Matthew looks sheepish as Steven storms off.

It looks like Claudia's gotten herself a job at a book store, and she's busily restocking shelves when Eddie drops by. She notices his black eye and asks him what happened, so he says he had a "disagreement" with Matthew and got fired from the rig. He then brings up her recent stint at the funny farm and the way Matthew "behaved" while she was there...and when she stares at him blankly, he exclaims, "You don't know?!" He abruptly drops the subject and asks her if the store has any books on orchids, and she orders him to just spit out what he was about to say. He tells her that while she was at the funny farm, Matthew was hitting the sheets with another woman. She asks, "What woman?" and he comes right out and tells her it was Krystle. Well d'yuh - doesn't everyone, Claudia included, already know this? Claudia stares off into space, then barks at Eddie to go away. 

Fallon intercepts Ted at LAX before he can board his connecting flight to San Francisco. She offers to give him a lift to his final destination on the Carrington jet so they can have a chat, and he accepts. Once they're airborne, she offers him a glass of wine...and he correctly guesses she brought him here to tell him to get out of her brother's life. She admits she did and snarks that a homosexual relationship could cost Steven everything. He'd be throwing away his father's love and respect (who cares? Blake is a douche), along with the money and power he may not realize he wants. Ted suggests that maybe Steven doesn't want money and power, so Fallon tells him that Steven comes from a world where "cripples and homosexuals are taken behind a barn and slaughtered before they can breed." Yeesh. I know Blake doesn't like gay people, but what did crippled people ever do to him? Ted retorts that Blake is a crusher of human souls and businesses (right?!), and rhetorically asks her how much money Blake needs. Fallon advises Ted to give Steven the space to decide what kind of life he wants to live (um, isn't he trying to do that??), and suddenly Ted grins and tells Fallon she has a certain charm about her, then asks her if she's ever really loved someone...like, more than money or power, or more than her own life. Fallon stares back at him blankly and says she's way too shallow to have ever felt even a twinge of empathy or emotion for someone who isn't her. Ted assures her that that's OK, then invites her to join him for dinner once they arrive in San Francisco...and Fallon smiles back at him, looking unexpectedly charmed herself. 

Matthew enters the master bedroom and finds Claudia in bed, reading. He tells her he's been thinking about going to therapy after all (say what?), but she coldly tells him she doesn't give a rat's ass about it anymore. He gives her a puzzled look and asks her if anything's wrong, so she tells him that Eddie came by the book store. Matthew asks her what he wanted, and she cryptically says he was looking for books about orchids. She then shoots him the stink eye and turns out the light. Yawn. These two are so dull even their fights are boring.

Blake finally staggers upstairs and into his bedroom. As he hangs up his suit jacket in the closet, Krystle's silk robe falls to the floor. He stares down at it and notices a roundish container in the pocket, so he scoops it up and discovers it's a packet of birth control pills. He stares at them for several looong seconds, looking contemplative. A little while later, he's sitting in bed, looking disheveled and grotesque as he boozes it up. Krystle breezes in from a night out with the girls, and it takes her a minute to notice that her ogre husband is glowering at her. She spots her silk robe draped over a chair, and he asks her if she's looking for these...referring to her birth control pills, which he starts flinging around the room while chanting, "She loves me, she loves me not." What a nutwrench. Krystle exclaims, "What the hell are you doing?!" and he drunkenly retorts that he thought they had an understanding: a shared desire for a child. Krystle tells him she needs to sort out some stuff first, and he barks back that he thought she knew everything about him before she married him. I highly doubt she knew he was this big of a dickwad. Blake starts railing about how he's surrounded by people who betray him...then gets up and staggers around the room, grumbling that he has a son who's in love with a man, a daughter who's in love with sex (and herself), and a wife who's taking birth control pills behind his back. Krystle looks pensively concerned and tells him he doesn't look so good and that she's going to call the doctor...but he ignores that and tries to lunge kiss her, and she pulls away in revulsion. He orders her to come closer, then snarls, "You're my wife! You do what I tell you when I tell you to do it!" OMFG. Krystle tries to make a run for it, but somehow the old creep chases her to the door, and then drags her across the room and throws her atop the bed. He then scrambles onto the bed and mounts her, pressing on her neck with his forearm as he rips her clothes off of her body. She's all, "Nooo!" as he forcibly kisses her...and I ran to the nearest toilet to dry heave 'cause there's nothing hot about marital rape, especially when the perpetrator is an icky, belligerent ogre like Blake.

Blech!

Recap: Blake is in his plush office at Denver-Carrington headquarters, reading through a stack of papers. After a few seconds he stops reading, takes off his glasses and looks contemplative. He buzzes his secretary and tells her to get Krystle on the phone via her private line.

Over at the mansion, Krystle is lying atop her bed, staring pensively at the ceiling and ignoring the ringing phone.

The secretary tells Blake his wife must be out 'cause there's no answer at the mansion. He orders her to try again in twenty minutes, then glumly stares out the window.

Over at the Blaisdel house, Lindsay is trying on a hideous pink sundress that Claudia made for her to wear to a party. Lindsay gushes to her mom about how much she loves it, and Claudia gushes back that her dad will be so proud. (Why? 'Cause she's in a sundress??) Claudia goes downstairs and tells Matthew that Lindsay will be at a party all evening, which means they'll have some alone time. The phone suddenly rings - and it's Walter, excitedly calling to announce to Matthew that they're close to hitting oil and that he should drive down to the rig so he can be there the moment it happens. Matthew shares the good news with Claudia, who says she wants to go with him. He looks less than enthused by that idea and explains that if the well strikes oil, the riggers will want to hit the nearest bar to drink themselves senseless. Claudia insists she really really wants to be with him at the rig tonight, and Matthew insists he really really doesn't want her to come...and she gets angry and accuses him of caring more about his oil well than their sinking, disintegrating marriage. Well d'yuh - that much is obvious. She snidely asks him who he'll be celebrating with when he's done celebrating with the guys, and Matthew scrunches his face angrily and asks her what the hell that's supposed to mean, so Claudia snaps, "What's her name?" Matthew pretends not to understand what she's getting at and says that this is a really exciting time in his life and she should allow him to have it...then storms out of the house. Lindsay, who's been eavesdropping the entire time, puts her sad face on and tells her mom she doesn't want to go to the party after all. Claudia looks at her blankly and asks, "You heard us?" (It's a small house dummy.) She explains that all married people argue, but Lindsay says she doubts that they argue all the time and storm out of the house like her dad just did. Claudia quickly says he's the best man she's ever known and that he's entitled to lose his temper now and again. Lindsay moans that she doesn't want to see her get hurt, and Claudia assures her she's fine and that she should go to the party and have fun.

Blake arrives home carrying a box of flowers and sheepishly tip-toes into the master bedroom, where Krystle has been moping all day in her bathrobe. He apologizes to her for being late, then explains that Andy had some news to share about the "overseas situation". Turns out the Middle Eastern crisis is improving, and he might be able to get half of his oil reserves back. Fantastic. When Krystle doesn't respond, he tries to provoke a reaction from her by asking, "Good news, eh?" but that doesn't work either. He then starts nattering about how he stopped by the flower shop on his way home and convinced the shop owner to re-open his store (after it had just closed) so he could buy flowers for the most beautiful woman he's ever known or ever will know. He finally acknowledges assaulting her during the previous episode when he recalls, "Something happened between us the other day that...something I'm very sorry about, deeply ashamed of." He told the shop owner that this something - this sexual assault - might have damaged her faith in him and love for him, so the guy agreed to re-open the shop so that Blake could buy his wife's forgiveness with some flowers. When Krystle continues to just stand there mutely, Blake shoves the box at her and tells her to open it...and she obeys, pulls out a flower and mutters, "The old fuchsia routine." Blake perks up at that [highly disturbing] remark and looks hopeful as he says, "It worked for me once" then  tries to explain away his disgusting violent actions by saying she has a strange kind of power over him, and that he's not used to being affected this way. As for him relentlessly bullying her to have his child, he says, "I wanted a part of me to live inside you" -  eww!! blech!!! - then adds, "To be with you after I'm gone." Krystle finally makes eye contact with the old creep, smiles at him and says, "Oh Blake. You're not going anywhere." He smiles back at her and sheepishly replies that if she still loves him, maybe he'll live forever - perish the thought! - and the two make up and hug it out. Wow, '80s TV. 

Over at the rig, Walter, Matthew, and the rest of the drillers are all waiting around nervously for oil to start gushing out of the well, but so far nothing is happening. Ho hum.

A group of gangly teens are dancing to the groovy beat at Tonya's party. One of the boys asks Lindsay to dance, and when she says no, he asks her why she bothered coming, since she doesn't look like she's in a party mood. Tonya shoos the boy away, and Lindsay tells her doesn't feel so hot 'cause of all her parents' problems. Tonya encourages her to call home and check on her mom, which she does...but when no one at Casa Blaisdel answers, she scrunches her face with concern.

Claudia has dolled herself up for the evening, crimped hair and all, and enters a nightclub named Scandals. LOL. Inside, everyone's dorkishly boogying to the early '80s beat and wearing the horrible clothes of that horrible era. Claudia surveys the dance floor, then heads over to the bar and orders herself a martini. She's soon joined by a balding uggo, who asks her if they've met somewhere before. She coldly says no, and he gabbles about how he's from Detroit - and if, by chance, she's interested in hearing how things in Grosse Pointe are going. She goes, "Not particularly", and he finally takes the hint and scurries off like a rat. His chair is quickly filled by a tall uggo, but before he can start flirting, a more appealing (and I use the term loosely here) guy sits on Claudia's right and jokes about how creepy the guy was who just tried to hit on her. Claudia looks instantly smitten with this "handsome" stranger, who introduces himself as Larry and assures her that he's not creepy [he kind of is], is attractive [passable at best], and is a"whiz" at his job [so irrelevant]. Claudia jokes that he's also very modest, then gets dazzled by his chivalry when he tells the bartender to put her drink on his tab. They spend the next few hours together: jigging on the dance floor, sitting at a table with more drinks, then slow dancing. After that, he drives her over to his apartment in his fancy sports car...but when he gets aggressive while kissing her, she freaks out. He invites her upstairs for a drink - and when she says no, he looks puzzled and asks her why she bothered coming over to his apartment if she wasn't up for a casual doink. She tells him she made a mistake, then drops the bomb that she's married...and he shrugs, clearly unfazed, and goes, "So am I. What difference does that make?" I'm going to go with: IT MAKES A GINORMOUS DIFFERENCE, SINCE YOU'RE CLEARLY A PHILANDERING CREEP. Claudia flees the parking garage, tottering on her ridiculously high heels, and he yells after her, asking her if she's some kind of tease. Nah, just a nutter.

Michael is getting ready for bed when he looks out the window and spots Fallon headed his way. He takes off his robe so he can showcase his taut muscular body when she breezes in, which of course she does without knocking. She tells him she couldn't sleep 'cause she's bored - what with Jeff being away...and Michael jokes that she looks more bored when he's around. She chuckles and says, "Cheap shot" then calls his girlfriend (Jennifer) an English wench, and says she's heard they've become quite close. Michael looks delighted at Fallon's obvious jealousy and says he really likes Jennifer 'cause of her British accent, along with all the lovely dish she passes along to him about Cecil Colby and other rich people. Michael tells her he recently heard a fascinating tidbit about Krystle, and Fallon looks intrigued and orders him to spill it. Michael gleefully explains that Jennifer is friends with the private secretary of a loanshark, who told her that Krystle recently paid him a recent visit to pawn some jewelry and got $40,000 in exchange. Fallon widens her eyes with shock, then rewards the chauffeur with a kiss.

Claudia calls Steven from a pay phone and tells him she's in trouble and has no one else to call. He offers to come pick her up...and on his way out, he runs into Fallon and tells her he has an emergency. She nosily asks him whassup, but he's in too much of a hurry to elaborate.  

Claudia and Steven are enjoying a quiet stroll together, and she sheepishly tells him what happened at Scandals. He tells her she didn't really do anything wrong, but she argues that she almost did. She tells him she feels safe...er good with him, and he suddenly looks sheepish and invokes the kiss they shared during the Chauffeur Tells a Secret episode. She chuckles and says a "stolen kiss" is hardly as bad as an affair, then says it felt more brotherly than anything. Ouch. She tells him never to change, and he's like, "Um, OK" and tells her he's going to his cabin the next day to contemplate his life as a straight gay man. Claudia says the cabin sounds lovely and that she'd love to go with him, but he doesn't respond...and after a really awkward pause, she asks him to drive her to her car.  

The next morning, Fallon comes downstairs for breakfast and encounters Krystle. She asks her if she can borrow her emerald necklace for a party tonight, and Krystle looks startled and stammers, "Uh, of course."

Krystle goes to her bedroom to retrieve the fake version of the emerald necklace from her private safe. She hands it to Fallon, who's clearly surprised that Krystle was able to produce the jewelry. She dramatically reminisces about the day she helped Blake pick out the necklace and earrings, but Krystle calls her on her BS and reminds her that she was in Reno when Blake made the purchase. Fallon widens her eyes and gasps, "Was I?" then says she must have confused the event with something else. She then decides she doesn't want to wear the necklace after all and puts it back in the case. Krystle asks her if there's something she wants to have out with her, and Fallon says no...not even the "love whispers" she overheard between her and Matthew the night of the dinner party. After Fallon flounces out of the room, Krystle pensively stares at a receipt that has Reproduce Emerald Necklace written on it. She wisely sets it on fire, destroying the evidence of her misdeed.

Claudia's having a therapy session with her shrink and tells him that she went to a singles' bar, got smashed, and picked up a guy. She wonders aloud if she's an animal? a hooker? Her shrink asks her what Matthew had to say about it when she got home, and she says he was at the rig all night. She says she got mad at him 'cause she wanted to go with him to the drill site, but now she thinks she was wrong to make such a federal case out of it. No duh. She then questions her own sanity after picking up a strange man and wonders aloud, "Will I ever get it together?" (In a word, no.) She tells her shrink that she can't seem to get Matthew to respond to her "sexually, verbally, or emotionally" so he asks her what she thinks they're really fighting over, and Claudia says the root cause of all their problems is another woman. She hasn't confronted Matthew about it 'cause she knows in her heart that Krystle is the woman he loves. 

After the session, Claudia heads over to Vance Gallery, where Krystle is leisurely strolling around, staring at art. Krystle looks surprised to see Claudia, but greets her politely and asks her how her family's doing. Claudia says that Matthew's fine, and that he's at the drill site, waiting for oil to start gushing. Krystle remarks that she's learning to appreciate new things [aka become a lady of leisure now that she doesn't have to work] and says how wonderful it must be to have the talent to create art. Claudia snidely says there are all kinds of talent, such as when a woman can get any man to fall in love with her. That was a really weird segue way. She tells Krystle that bumping into her was no coincidence; she called over at the mansion and apparently the staff there told her exactly where Krystle was. (Nice violation of the woman's privacy, mansion staff.) She then comes right out and says she believes that she (Krystle) and her husband slept together while she was laid up at the funny farm. Krystle just stares at her pensively for a loooong time, then says it's unfair to expect her to answer and asks her if she's asked Matthew this question. Claudia's like, "Uh, no" and then rails about how Krystle has Blake, and rhetorically asks her if she doesn't already have enough. She storms off, and Krystle stares after her with her brows slightly furrowed.

Oil finally strikes at the rig, and all the men hoot and holler excitedly...and then get filthy when the black goo starts spraying everywhere. 

Over at Carrington manor, Fallon tells Blake that Jeff just called from Paris. (Paris? I thought he was supposedly in the Middle East.) Blake suggests she hop the pond and meet up with him, but Fallon insists that he (Blake) needs her here, plus she loathes all the swanky hotels in Paris because a Nazi might have slept in one. What a weirdo. She informs Blake that Matthew and Walter finally struck oil, and he stares into space for a few seconds and grunts something unintelligible.

The Hillside bar. The riggers are getting drunk and celebrating, and Walter and Matthew are doing some type of country dance with their arms around each other. After that disturbing spectacle, Matthew toasts Walter and credits his foresight and general smarts, and then Walter toasts Matthew and applauds him for giving up the security of a regular pay check to partake in the risky venture. Walter then plays a tune on the piano for what seems like an excruciatingly looong time, and he's bloviating about...well, I dunno. I can't stand the sound of his voice, so I generally tune him out once he gets going.

Matthew arrives home late and is surprised to find Lindsay home by herself. She snappishly tells him that Claudia went out for the evening. Matthew tells her about the oil well, and she just grunts disinterestedly in response. He asks her whassup, so she comes right out and asks him if she's a bastard. He's all, "Wha-a?!" and asks her what kind of question that is. She tells him that that's what people are when they're born out of wedlock, then tears up in preparation for another ugly cry and tells him that she recently went to the Vital Statistics office and looked up his and Claudia's marriage license. Matthew admits that they were just kids when they hooked up, and that he knocked her up before it should have happened, but that he loved her more than anything in the whole wide world. She shoots him the stink-eye and demands to know if he loves her mom now, and he glances around shiftily and goes, "Uh, sure." LOL. Lindsay says she doesn't believe him and abruptly gets up from the table. She snaps, "I'm glad about your well!" before storming off to her room, leaving Matthew staring into space, looking discombobulated.

Claudia's hanging with Steven at his very luxurious cabin on the lake. She tells him about the chat she had with Krystle in the gallery, and now realizes she really did sleep with Matthew. Well d'yuh - didn't we all already know this? Steven tells her she should have confronted Matthew with her questions, and Claudia admits she didn't want to hear him actually admit to the affair. Steven then makes one of his weird, off-topic pronouncements when he tells her she's not wrong 'cause being wrong happens when someone deliberately hurts people. Claudia wails that she doesn't know what she's doing here, and tells him to make her leave...but Steven insists he wants her stay, and the two stare at each other meaningfully. She orders him to hold her, and he hugs her tightly.

In the next scene, the two are canoodling in bed, nekkid. He tells her he's never been with a woman before, not counting the hooker he spent an hour watching TV with but never doinked. Claudia tells him there's a beautiful gentleness about him, a tenderness that transcends gender...and the two kiss passionately. 

Er...OK then.

Recap: Guests begin to arrive at Carrington Manor for Blake's and Krystle's wedding, and a security team is busily directing traffic toward the mansion. In the ballroom, the orchestra is gearing up for the ceremony, and Krystle is in an upstairs bedroom, standing by the window and pensively staring out at the vast estate...which is where we left her at the end of the previous episode. 

Over at the Blaisdel house, Lindsay and Matthew are having lunch...and Lindsay is reading an article about the Carrington/Jennings wedding in the paper. She remarks on how pretty Krystle is, then says, "I guess if you're as rich as Mr. Carrington, you can marry anyone you want." Yep, that pretty much explains how old rich douchebags like Blake are able to attract young tail. She asks her pa if he knows Krystle, and Matthew tells her they've met, then quickly changes the subject. After that, the two get into an inane conversation about bacon and whether or not Lindsay is going to become a vegetarian...and while she continues to prattle about her dietary preferences, Matthew glances over at the photo of Krystle in the newspaper and looks contemplative.

Walter, meanwhile, is racing over to Carrington Manor in his jeep to confront Blake about the "accident" that injured one of his men.

Back at the Blaisdel house, Matthew slips into the master bedroom to get something out of the closet and is surprised to find Claudia wide awake. She apologizes for not coming downstairs for lunch, then says she was hoping he'd come back upstairs and give her a little action. He tells her he can't 'cause he has to go to the supermarket (ouch), so then she mumbles something unintelligible about monogamy and polygamy and the differences between men and women. When she mumbles something about society's expectations of men, Matthew asks her if she's asking him whether or not he slept with another woman...and she gets all flustered and says she doesn't know what she's asking. He says he wouldn't have been able to mess around with another man's woman while he was in the Middle East, since doing that could get a person killed. It's interesting how he deliberately avoids addressing whether or not he slept with a woman (married or unattached) prior to his travels in the Middle East. Claudia saucily tells him she'd like it if he messed around with her, so then he mumbles that in the Middle East it's a man's duty to mess around with his wife, and asks her if that's what she wants from him. YES, MATTHEW. IT OBVIOUSLY IS. SO STOP TALKING IN FUCKING CIRCLES. Claudia says that when she was at the funny farm, she'd have sexual fantasies about him and would sometimes hold her breath until she passed out. What a weirdo. She meekly asks him if things between them will ever be good again, and he kind of shrugs and says that things are just fine...but Claudia argues that things are lousy and that they have no fire or passion. (No duh. You two are as dull as dishwater.) Matthew offers to doink her right then and there, but Claudia gets offended and snaps that she's not a charity case - so he throws up his arms in frustration and says he can't win with her. He gives her an obligatory hug, and she starts blubbering about how she wants their marital relations to be...well, existent. He's like, "Uh...yeah. Me too", but then explains that he has a lot o' stuff on his mind these days - and by stuff he means Krystle - and asks for a rain check on that doink.

Recap: Blake and Krystle are on Blake's private jet, nestled in each others' arms as they make out. Ew. Krystle, who's rocking a bikini top, tells her revolting new husband how great it would be if they never went back to Denver and just lived on a deserted island together. Blake grumps that they wouldn't actually be alone 'cause there'd be too many damn mosquitoes, which was weird. The two make out again until Blake gets an urgent call from his lawyer lackey Andy, who informs him that "the colonel" (dunno who that is) was assassinated by "those damn barbarians" (dunno who they are). Blake wants to know what their friends in the State Department have to say about that [it's funny how he frequently rails about his "friends" in the State Department, 'cause they never seem to be willing to do much for him...LOL] and Andy tells him that the rebels are expected to take over the country. Blake grumps that they still have a fortune invested in whatever unidentified Middle Eastern country they're talking about, and Andy informs him that the rebels have blockaded all tanker traffic. Egads! Blake snaps, "Damn it, we've got five tankers in that port!" and hangs up the phone. He slumps in his seat and looks distraught, so a pensive Krystle ambles over to him and asks him whassup. He assures her they'll still continue with their six week honeymoon, but she says she doesn't mind cutting their trip short and returning to Denver so he can deal with this crisis. Blake looks relieved and promises to make it up to her.

Fallon and Jeff are playing a game of tennis at Carrington Manor. Jeff notices the black limo pull into the driveway and announces that Blake and Krystle have returned from their honeymoon...and then remarks to Fallon that he's noticed the way she's openly hostile to Krystle for no apparent reason.

Joseph opens the door for Blake and Krystle and stuffily welcomes them home from their honeymoon. Krystle glances around the large sitting room and remarks that it seems bigger than she remembers, and Joseph sardonically retorts that they've done their best to keep it the same size. Krystle gives him a WTF? look, but he ignores her...and Blake is too distracted by the Middle Eastern crisis to notice. He orders Joseph to set up a meeting with Andy and a bunch of other cronies, and Joseph obediently rushes off to do his master's bidding. Fallon and Jeff enter the room to welcome the newlyweds home, and Blake swiftly steers Jeff away and asks him how Cecil is doing...and this leaves Krystle alone with Fallon.

Awkward. Fallon notices some statue thing that Krystle's holding  and suggests getting it wired to be a lamp or something, and Krystle says, "Good idea" and makes a quick getaway. Michael approaches Fallon after carrying in the Carringtons' luggage and asks her why she's still seeing Jeff. She grins and tells the cheeky chauffeur that she's only keeping Jeffy around until she beats him in tennis...and when she does, she'll find someone new she can't beat. Um, OK.   

Over at the Blaisdel house, Matthew surprises Claudia with a new car and dangles the keys in front of her. She stares mutely at the car for several looong seconds, then says they have way too much debt to buy a new car. He tells her it wasn't very expensive and invites her to go for a drive...but she just continues to mutely stare at the car. Matthew sighs, hands her the keys, and tells her to just use the car whenever/if ever she wants. She snaps that that's just the way her doctor talks to her (no doubt), so then he suggests she go inside and have a cup of coffee, and this prompts another bitchy retort. Have I mentioned yet how much I hate these two as a couple?? Matthew wearily tells her he'll take the car back, but when he turns toward the house, she barks, "Don't you walk away from me and treat me like damaged goods!" She reminds him that he's the one who insisted she return home, and if they have something to fight about, she's going to fight with him...regardless of how stupid, contrived, or unnecessarily drawn out the fight may become. She urges him to yell at her if he's pissed off about something, so he mulls that over and decides to go for it. He tells her they've been married for fifteen [looooong, interminable] years, and yet they still can't exchange a gift without punishing each other. He recounts that they were a couple of kids who fell in love, doinked prematurely, accidentally created a baby, and "grew up faster than was fun". Ouch. Claudia pretends like he didn't just say all that and whines about how she's just not ready to handle driving a car yet, and he impatiently snarks, "Then get ready, 'cause I don't like being married to a mental patient any more than you like bein' one." Ouch again. He snaps that he doesn't want to chauffeur her around anymore and tosses the keys at her. Meanwhile, Lindsay has exited the house and is standing on the doorstep, staring worriedly at her bickering parents. Matthew summons her and says he'll take her to school...and Claudia continues to stare glumly at the car. After Matthew and Lindsay leave, she walks closer to the car, stares at it some more, gets in, then starts the engine and pulls out of the driveway. Oddly, she forgot to put her seatbelt on, but then maybe seatbelt safety wasn't so important in the early '80s. As soon as she pulls onto the street, another driver heads right for her, but quickly swerves and just misses hitting her in a head-on collision. Claudia gets wigged out and scrambles out of the car and then mutely stares at it again.

Walter arrives at the rig to tell Matthew that the bank turned him down for a loan...and since he can't pay the crew, they walked off the job. Well d'yuh. Since he has nothing better to do, he offers to buy Matthew a beer at the nearby Hillside Bar.

Claudia is carefully driving her new car well below the speed limit, and eventually arrives at the rig. She climbs out clutching a large picnic basket and wanders around calling for Matthew, but no one's there. She encounters Steven, who's also looking for Matthew. The two introduce themselves to each other, and she looks sheepish and tells him it was dumb of her to come to the rig...but she was celebrating driving a car for the first time since her stint at the funny farm. She asks Steven if he's free for lunch (there must be lots of food in that picnic basket), but he declines 'cause he really needs to find Matthew. He starts to leave, then stops and tells Claudia he'll stay if she really really wants to have lunch with him, but she says it's OK and gives him a sandwich for the road. Steven stares at her for a long time as she climbs up a long wooden staircase to return to her car...and when he heads over to his car she waves, and then she stares at him as he climbs into his car and drives off. It's pretty jarring watching the agonizingly slooow pace of '80s TV.

Blake's cronies arrive for a emergency summit at the mansion, and Andy greets them and directs them to Blake's private study. Krystle catches a glimpse of Blake and rushes toward him, but he shuts the door of the study before she can reach him. It's not clear if he didn't see her or if he was being his usual dickwad self and deliberately shut the door in her face. Joseph notices the slight, gives Krystle a smug look, and saunters off. 

At the Hillside Bar, Matthew is arm wrestling one of the boneheads on Walter's crew. After he loses, Matthew talks to the crew and tries to convince them to put in a day's work without getting paid...and they somehow manage not to laugh in his face. Walter, who's sitting at the bar, snarkishly informs the crew that since they've stabbed him in the back, he won't give them a reference if they try to seek employment elsewhere. What a douchewad. One of the guys wants to punch Walter (totally understandable), but Matthew intervenes and tells the guys he got some new pipe and a bank loan...and promises that they'll get paid for today if they return to the rig. As the riggers mull that over, Steven enters the bar and announces to Matthew that he'd be happy to work for him. The riggers realize that he's Blake Carrington's son and make fun of his privileged background and call Blake a crook. Steven denies the accusation against his dad, which is weird considering that he himself accused Blake of corruption and general douchebaggery during the pilot episode. He insists to the men that Blake never walked off the job or left his friends in a jam. One of the guys wants to fight Steven, but Steven's like, "I'm more a lover than a fighter"...but when the guy shrugs and turns away, Steven sucker punches him in the face. The guy punches him back and smacks him around for a little while until Matthew intervenes and keeps him from giving Steven a serious beating. Matthew and Walter help drag a flopped-over Steven out of the bar, and Walter admonishes Matthew for hiring him simply because he showed "a little spunk". Meanwhile, the riggers also exit the bar and agree to head back to the rig...and they take Steven along with them. They drag him over to one of the trucks and toss him in the back like a sack of potatoes.

Back at the mansion, Blake is on the phone railing, "What does the State Department expect me to do? Invade the damn country to get my oil out?!" No, dickwad. I'm sure they expect you to leave them the hell alone about your problems. He hangs up the phone and ambles over to Andy, who's also snapping at someone on the phone. He too hangs up and tells Blake that whoever he was talking to recommends that they wait and see which fanatics out-kill their enemies and come out on top. Makes sense. Andy tells Blake that this latest crisis could mean bankruptcy for the company, and Blake gripes (and this is a direct quote), "What dim-witted office boy thought we ought to go in there in the first place?" Andy gives him a wry look and looks outright pleased to retort, "You, Blake. That dim-witted office boy was YOU!!" Bwahaha!! Fallon chimes in from the large armchair she's sitting in by declaring that she still thinks it was a good idea to drill in the Middle East, and Blake stares at her in shock and is like, "How did you get in here??" But more importantly, why are you wearing that ridiculous blue sweater dress with white knee socks? He gruffly tells her he's busy and to "be a good girl and run along". Andy tells Blake they haven't been successful in "knocking down" Walter's/Matthew's oil rig venture, and Blake barks at him to just handle it. Fallon suggests trying a gentler approach, and Blake irritably orders her out of the room again. She implores him to invite Matthew over to the mansion and explain to him the advantages of returning to Denver-Carrington, along with his valuable leases...then chides her father for being jealous about the past relationship between Matthew and Krystle (that's never been adequately explained on the show). Blake thinks that over and says he'll consider it, then orders her to get lost.

The maid is setting the table for dinner when Krystle enters the dining room. She asks her if anyone's coming over for dinner, and the maid tells her it'll just her and Blake dining. She then explains that she's setting up early 'cause she has plans to go to a dance later...and says that Joseph gave her permission to leave early. Krystle smiles and goes, "Of course" but tells her she'd prefer to eat dinner outside, on the terrace. The maid scrunches her face with concern and says that Joseph prefers all evening meals to be served in the dining room then adds, "He's liable to have a snit if..." but her voice trails off when Joseph enters the room and gives her the stink-eye. Uh oh: snit alert! Krystle looks deflated and tells the maid she'll just eat indoors, then wishes her a good evening.

Andy encounters Fallon on his way out, and she asks him if Blake is really in trouble. Andy's like, "Yep", so Fallon asks him how much money it would take to bail him out. He chuckles in amusement and tells her there's nothing a silly girl like her could possibly do to help. She insists that inviting Matthew Blaisdel over for dinner is a smart thing to do, and Andy says that such an invitation is sure to drive Krystle crazy, then accuses Fallon of deliberately trying to chip away at the woman. Fallon insists that Krystle is no good for Blake and that she's just dragging him down. Andy smiles condescendingly and tells her that after the age of six, little girls should realize they can't grow up admiring their daddies...and Fallon finally gets insulted and lifts her arm to slap him, but Andy sees the move coming, grabs her wrist and sternly says, "Friends shouldn't fight." Fallon immediately looks contrite, agrees, and gives him a kiss on the cheek. 

Over at the Blaisdel abode, Claudia's in bed reading. Matthew emerges from the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist and apologizes to his wife for being so rough on her earlier. He promises to take the car back...and will wait until she's ready to start driving again. Claudia gleefully tells him she drove out to the rig today to see him, and that it was totes awesome 'cause she felt like herself for the first time since her release from the funny farm. She tells him that "slugging it out" with him helped, then thanks him for letting her fight with him. The two look at each other suggestively and kiss...and she tugs at his towel and pulls it off of him, and they start going at it.

Blake and Krystle are kissing and riding horseback. Steven pulls up next to them in a yellow truck, his face still beat up from his altercation with the rigger. Krystle gasps and asks him what happened, and he breezily says it was just a little accident. Blake asks him when he's going to let him know which job at Denver-Carrington he wants to have, and Steven informs him that he already has a job; he's working for Matthew Blaisdel. This troubling news makes Krystle revert to her default pensive expression, and Blake grumps that he doesn't much like the sound of that. Steven looks put out and says he thought he'd appreciate him learning the oil business on his own terms...but Blake is like, "Hello? Have we met?" and makes it clear he doesn't like him being under Matthew's tutelage. Steven brings up the subject of the rig accident from the pilot episode, and Blake avoids answering and bitchily says he has twenty-two rigs and could put Steven to work on any one of them. Steven declines and says he wants to accomplish something on his own 'cause being the son of a rich, corrupt dickwad hasn't been easy. Blake snaps back that being the father of a quasi-openly-gay son is no picnic either, and Steven looks hurt and drives off. Krystle chides her troll of a husband for his cunty behavior, and Blake barks back that Steven's his son, and he'll deal with him his way. 

Krystle enters the kitchen to chat with the cook. She tells him that she was looking over the menus for the rest of the week and feels that duck is a little heavy for this time of year. The cook tells her that Joseph ordered him to cook duck - and naturally Joseph enters the kitchen at that exact moment. He glares at Krystle and snootily offers to substitute squab for duck, and Krystle stares at him with a confused and dumbfounded look on her face 'cause I'm pretty sure she has no clue what the hell squab is (I'll admit I didn't either, so I Googled it and discovered it was pigeon...ick). After an awkward delay, she stammers that squab will be just fine. Blake enters the kitchen and asks Krystle what she's doing there, and Joseph interjects and replies, "We were just substituting one favor for another." Huh? Blake informs his manservant that he'll be hosting a dinner party for ten next Saturday evening, then turns to Krystle and tells her he's invited Walter, Matthew, and Matthew's loony wife to the mansion. Krystle just gives him a pensive stare. 

Fallon and Cecil are strolling outside, looking close and cozy. He tells her that their hook-up has been an indulgence, since usually he prefers the company of women who have at least two brain cells to rub together. Fallon makes it clear she's still available to him, but Cecil changes the subject to Blake and says he's in real financial trouble, and understands that she wants to do anything she can to help him. He tells Fallon he really really wants her to marry Jeff...and she makes a face and looks less than thrilled. She tells the old man she'd rather marry him (blech) and he says that that's sweet, but life is not about what they want for themselves. He tells Fallon that Jeff adores her, and he wants his nephew to settle down with someone smart. [Newsflash: Fallon isn't smart.] In exchange, Cecil promises to secretly bail Blake out - and this, he decrees, will be his wedding gift to her. Fallon complains that Jeff doesn't make her naughty parts tingle even a little, but Cecil doesn't give a rat's ass and predicts that Jeff will be a powerful man one day, but only if his "drive" is properly guided. He reminds Fallon that he's the only person who can help Blake out of his current financial woes, but he'll only do it if she agrees to marry Jeff, like immediately. He then gives her a sinister look and warns her that if she doesn't keep up her end of the bargain, he'll unleash a merciless vengeance upon her. Yikes. He asks her if they have a deal, and she stares back at him in shock...but eventually shakes on it. 

Recap: Steven is at the rig/work site, smeared with dirt as he toils in the mud. When he stops for a moment to rest, he removes his gloves and winces at his many blisters. Suddenly a limo arrives...and it's Blake, dropping by unannounced. Steven anxiously tells his dad he'll have to wait until he gets home to talk 'cause right now he's too busy working. Blake chuckles condescendingly and tells him to run along and get back to work, 'cause he's not the reason he stopped by. Walter and Matthew emerge from the portable office/trailer thing to see whassup, and Walter jokes about wanting to bust Blake's jaw in retaliation for when he sicced his Dobermans on him at the wedding. Matthew asks him what he wants, and instead of just giving him a straight answer, Blake thanks him and Walter for hiring his inept gay son and teaching him how to do "man's work". A mortified Steven is promptly sent on a faux errand so he can stop wishing the earth would open up and swallow him whole. Blake admits that coming to the rig wasn't easy, but he wanted to apologize for his recent "unfortunate behavior". He reminds Matthew they used to be good friends (that seems doubtful), credits him with being a great geologist, and admits how dumb it was to let him quit Denver-Carrington. And so, in an effort to atone for his douchebaggery since...well, the pilot episode, he invites Matthew, his loony wife, and Walter to the mansion on Saturday night for a "gathering of influential people"...and then orders Michael to hand the men their gold embossed party invitations. LOL. Matthew looks skeptical and accuses Blake of inviting him only 'cause he wants a shot at their oil leases. Blake grins and confirms that, yes, he does want their ratty-ass operation to be under the umbrella (meaning total control) of Denver-Carrington. Don't do eeeet, Matthew! Don't goooooo!!!

Over at Carrington manor, Krystle is meeting with clothing designer James Beaumont. He shows her a bunch of sketches, and she stares at them pensively and asks him how much her fabulous new wardrobe is going to cost. James looks befuddled and tells her he always just hands the bill to Blake and waits for the check. Krystle insists on learning how much her clothes will cost, so James pretends to think very hard and estimates that, for the current season, her outfits will run somewhere between $75,000-$100,000...not including furs. Krystle's eyes widen, and her pensive expression changes to one of shock...and at that moment, Fallon enters the room with an amused expression on her face. Krystle tells James she wonders if Blake really wants her to order all these clothes 'cause he never said a word to her about it. Fallon interjects and tells her that daddy does this kind of thing to her all the time...but he always leaves her a note in advance, encouraging her to shop to her heart's content. Krystle goes back to looking pensive and tells James she can't order any new clothes without first discussing it with Blake, then flees to her bedroom.
Krystle finds the Hi Honey - I'm footing the bill for your brand new wardrobe note from Blake, and is reading it when Fallon appears in the doorway. Krystle tells her she feels funny ordering expensive new clothes when Blake is in the middle of a financial crisis, especially since she already has a closet full of outfits Blake bought her while they were dating. Fallon rolls her eyes and explains that he bought those rags for her when she was just his girlfriend...but now that she's his wife, she'll need to upgrade everything. She derisively chuckles at Krystle for not being able to win over everyone in the house (her included), and advises her to listen to people when they're trying to help. Krystle assures her snotty step-daughter that she's eager to learn, so Fallon tells her the most important thing she must grasp is how rich people function during times of crisis: spend like a drunken sailor. Krystle scrunches her face in confusion, so Fallon uses Blake's upcoming dinner party as a case in point: important people will be in attendance (not really), and they're going to pass judgement on stupid shit like how the table is set, how respectful the servants are, and how expensively Blake's wife and daughter are dressed. She tells Krystle to get Joseph to divide up the clothes she currently has in her closet among the servants, then work with James Beaumont to build up a fancier wardrobe. Krystle tells Fallon she's not sure if she should thank her for this advice, but Fallon bitchily tells her not to bother, since "it wasn't a gift".

Back at the rig, Walter is studying his gold embossed party invitation. Matthew tells him he has no desire to attend the dinner party, and would prefer it if Walter didn't go either. He reminds him about the Doberman attack and how Blake ordered his bodyguards to beat him up...but Walter's ready to let bygones be bygones and credits Blake with having the courage to show up at the rig and apologize for his psychotic misdeeds. He nods as he recalls Blake's apology and admiringly gushes, "That's my kind of man." LOL. He also really likes the idea of mingling with rich oil men at the Carrington estate and tells Matthew that the gold embossed invitation is their "passport to wealth", and that more deals are made in rich peoples' houses than...well, those that are not. Matthew shrugs disinterestedly and tells him he can go if he wants. Walter says he dang well will go, and urges Matthew to attend - unless, of course, he's too afraid of looking at Blake's wife across the table, while knowing he can't lay his hands on her. Walter lumbers out of the office/trailer, leaving Matthew to stare contemplatively at his invitation.

Krystle is swimming in the luxurious Carrington pool. When she comes up for air, she stares pensively at her surroundings. 

Late that evening, a shirtless Matthew is glumly staring out the window of his bedroom. Claudia rolls over in bed and tells him that maybe Walter's right - meaning he should go to Blake's party. She asks him if he's worried about taking her for fear she'll have an embarrassing meltdown, but Matthew insists it's the furthest thing from his mind...though not really 'cause a second later he says he wants her to slowly ease back into life and not "push it". She reminds him what he said to her during the previous episode about not wanting to be married to a mental patient...and at first he denies saying it [sorry Matthew, but my recap is documented proof], then takes her word for it and says it was a shitty thing to say. She tells him he's right to not want to live with a basket case (well d'yuh), then thanks him for paying her exorbitant funny farm bills without ever complaining about what a complete financial, emotional, and marital drain she's proven herself to be. She says it's time for her to pay him back and tells him she wants to attend the dinner party...and will do her best not to have an emotional breakdown in front of Blake and his rich friends.

Krystle enters the kitchen where all the servants are preparing for the dinner party. The gardener (hey, he really did get re-hired!) is hard at work on a flower arrangement and politely tells Krystle he just delivered a fresh bouquet to her room. Joseph and his snooty aura enter the kitchen, and Krystle bounds over to him and gushes about how wonderful everything looks...and he rudely ignores her and stiffly walks over to the oven to check on the lamb. Krystle tells him she'd like to speak with him in private, and he tells her there's still a lot of work to be done...but she's determined to show him who's boss and forces him to follow her into the adjoining room. She tells him she knows she's new to Carrington manor and all that, gets that there's a certain amount of resentment against her now that she's the lady of the house, but wonders if maybe the two of them could somehow become BFFs. Joseph looks horrified at the thought and tells her that a friendship would be inappropriate. Krystle looks disappointed and murmurs, "I see" and then asks him for the party's seating arrangements. He dismissively tells her that everything has already been arranged - but she demands to see it anyway, so he reluctantly hands it to her. She studies it carefully and remarks that Matthew and Blake should sit next to each other (they probably shouldn't), and Joseph haughtily disagrees. Krystle glares at him and asks him if he likes his job, and he coolly tells her he could easily find employment elsewhere. Krystle gleefully points out that if she's ever called as a reference, she'll tell his prospective employers what a petty, insubordinate, and uptight dickwad he is. He finally looks suitably chastened...and embarrassed that his staff is within earshot and have, no doubt, been eavesdropping on this conversation. Krystle barks at Joseph to follow her, so he trots behind her as she heads back into the kitchen to needlessly announce to everyone that there will be a new seating arrangement for the party...and Joseph will provide all the details. She politely thanks everyone, tells Joseph he's a good worker, and that she'll speak to her husband about increasing his salary. Say what? Not only does this snooty man-bitch not deserve a raise, but it's really bad form to announce an employee's raise in front of employees who aren't getting one. 

Krystle heads out to the hallway looking emotionally spent and lowers herself on a plush chair to mull over what just happened. Blake happens to enter the hallway at that moment and asks her if she's OK and if the staff is still giving her a hard time. She gives him a wan smile and says she's finally reached an understanding with Joseph. Blake looks pleased and hands her a velvet box, which contains a sparkly necklace and matching earrings. He tells her she should wear them to the dinner party, then contorts his voice to MIMIC HER and jokingly asks her if they can afford to buy expensive jewelry. Krystle sheepishly recalls Fallon's stupid advice from earlier and tells her jerkwad of a husband that even though he's in serious financial trouble, it's perfectly sensible for him to be spending a small fortune on bling she doesn't need. She swiftly changes the subject and asks him if it's in Matthew's best interest for Blake to take over his oil leases (what do you think, dummy?) and Blake says it is definitely is. Krystle asks him if what he just said a second ago is really true - LOL - and Blake asks her if he's ever lied to her. She ponders that loaded question while the scene fades out.

It's dinner party time! The guests are gathered around the long dinner table, and everyone seems to be having a good time. Someone tells a lame joke, and Walter slaps his thigh and starts cackling like a deranged hyena. Matthew glumly stares at Krystle from across the table...and this doesn't escape Claudia's attention.

One of the trophy wives compliments Krystle on the superb dinner (not sure why - she didn't cook it), and Blake invites everyone to retire to the sitting room for brandy. Fallon strikes up a conversation with Matthew, but then Jeff interrupts to ask her if she'd like to go for a ride. She irritably tells him they can go for a drive later, but right now she wants to mingle. Cecil overhears the snarky exchange and looks displeased. Blake watches Krystle, who continues to mingle with the trophy wives who are now tittering about a woman in their circle who's currently cheating on her husband. Cecil ambles over to Blake and tells him his new wife is lovely, and that it's too bad he had to cut his honeymoon short. He invokes the fiasco in the Middle East and tells Blake he knows he has a fortune locked up over there. Blake breezily replies that it's just one of his many fortunes, then asks Cecil what it would cost him if hypothetically he desperately needed some cash to ride out the crisis. Cecil says he'd want a piece of the oil leases he knows Blake will underhandedly take over from Matthew and Walter...and Blake chuckles and says he's not going to allow himself to be robbed. Cecil laughs and says he had to give it a shot, then assures Blake his help won't cost a thing. Blake perks up at this, and Cecil remarks that Fallon and Jeff make a nice couple (they make a horrible couple), and that the two of them should have lunch sometime to work out the details of this arranged union...which was creepy and weird. Krystle comes over and asks Blake how it's going, so he tells her that Cecil offered to bail him out - but he's worried 'cause it seems too easy to be true. Across the room, Fallon is annoyed with Jeff mostly 'cause he always seems to annoy her...but Cecil stops her and reminds her about their arrangement and says she has to fulfill her end of the bargain. Elsewhere in the room, Walter and his new rich friends are telling jokes and loudly guffawing, and Walter finds it hilarious when he's unable to lift his keister off of the chair he's sitting on. Matthew watches the spectacle in dismay, then scans the room for the nearest exit. To appease Cecil, Fallon joins Jeff at the bar and agrees to go for that ride with him, but only if he takes her where she wants to go: New Orleans. Jeff furrows his funny looking eyebrows (they furrow up instead of down...weird) and goes, "Are you serious?" and asks her when she's going to get a job, or at least engage in something remotely meaningful. Fallon shrugs disinterestedly and says, "I dunno." He lectures her about how being born wealthy is a responsibility, and she retorts (and this is a direct quote), "The hell it is!" She tells him she doesn't feel the slightest scrap of guilt for being born obscenely rich and doing nothing beyond flouncing around town and flaunting the wealth she did absolutely nothing to earn, and then petulantly complains that the evening has "lost its vitality". Cecil overhears that remark and shoots her the stink-eye, so she immediately reverses herself and tells Jeff he's right about everything he's ever said. She tells him he'll be her charity (um, OK..?) and kisses him. Michael, who's been tending bar and listening to their inane back and forth, looks annoyed that he may not be the only guy Fallon's sleeping with. Frankly, I think even he could do better than this vapid nitwit.

Two men ask a seemingly drunk Walter if his properties really have oil somewhere underneath, and he tells them they definitely do. They tell him they'd love to make a deal with him so they can get their hands on all that lovely fossil fuel, and Walter slaps his thigh and lets out a loud belly laugh.  

Fallon and Jeff scamper outside to smoke pot. Fallon lights up a joint, while Jeff wrings his hands with worry that someone will catch them. He anxiously warns, "We could get arrested for fooling around with that stuff" but Fallon just rolls her eyes and offers him a puff. When he declines and says it confuses the thought process, Fallon shoves the joint in his mouth. 

Walter is still acting like a buffoonish assclown, which is making Matthew cringe. Krystle comes over to Matthew to chat, so he tells her it's a nice party, and then she offers to give him a tour. She tucks her hand in the crook of his arm and steers him toward the patio door, and Claudia notices them leaving and stares around the party room looking discombobulated...and completely ridiculous in her scarily low-cleavage terry cloth sundress and severe, slicked back 'do. She heads across the hall and escapes to the study - and is startled when she encounters Steven, who's sitting by the fire, reading. She explains that she needed to escape from the party for a minute, and Steven sympathizes and says he hates these affairs and derisively describes them as a "thousand dollar a plate zoo". He asks her if all the lunatics are locked up or if they're pretending to be politicians or captains of industry, and Claudia gives him a funny look 'cause she clearly has no idea what the hell he's talking about. He asks her about her recent stay at the funny farm, then immediately apologizes for bringing it up. [He should probably just stop talking now.] Claudia calls his directness very refreshing and says she hates it when people walk on eggshells around her. He tells her that a lot of creative people are loony (just like her), then goes over to the bookshelf and pulls off a book by Emily Dickinson. He reads her a poem about madness ('cause that's not weird), then gives her the book as a gift. Yeesh - even by Dynasty standards, that was one strangely written scene. 

Krystle and Matthew stroll outside and admire the outdoor gardens. He jokes about the "nice little place" she has, and she tells him how happy she is with her rich douchebag husband and that she has a good life. He, in turn, tells her he's happy to have his own rig...so then she tells him it makes good sense for him to bring his oil leases to Denver-Carrington 'cause Blake could make him a very wealthy man. Matthew gives her a funny look and accuses her of trying to buy him out for Blake, then asks her if she also supplies hookers to out-of-town executives. That was a weird leap. Krystle pensively tells him she didn't realize he hated her so much, and Matthew replies, "I don't hate you...I love you." She's all, "Wha-at?!" but he refuses to backpedal and insists that he'll always love her. She reminds him that during the pilot episode he claimed he didn't care about her anymore, so he explains that he did what he thought was the best thing at the time. Krystle angrily says she could have made her own decision, then flees back into the mansion...running past Claudia, who's standing in the doorway. Matthew shuffles toward Claudia and tells her how lame he thinks the party is and that he wants to leave. After the two disappear inside the mansion, Fallon and Jeff emerge from the bushes. Fallon's all, "OMG!" and we can safely assume the two just overheard the Matthew's declaration of love for Krystle.

Matthew tells Walter he wants to leave...and Walter informs him he sold some of their oil leases to the partygoers - then clarifies that he didn't sign anything, but sealed the deals with a handshake. Walter quietly explains to Matthew that he's been letting everyone think he's drunk (for no intelligible reason), and Matthew makes a face and says he hates playing games. Walter tells him he should learn how to play, otherwise he'll "get eaten alive". Absolutely nothing about this sub-plot makes any damn sense. Matthew tries to undo the deals that Walter made while he was pretend drunk, but Blake interjects and gruffly tells him he can't do that. Matthew is about to accuse Blake of using his wife to make deals, but stops short when he sees Krystle's pensively stricken face. Instead, he thanks Blake for inviting him to his party, then beats a hasty retreat with Claudia. A second later, Cecil sidles over to Blake and says it sounds like Matthew just told him to go to hell, and a grumpy Blake retorts that he's going to "blow him right out of the water". Whatever, psycho-nut. 

Joseph enters the party room to inform Krystle that a problem has arisen that requires her immediate attention. The two hurry outside, and Krystle finds Fallon and Jeff frolicking in the pool, stoned and naked. She orders them to get out of the pool immediately, otherwise she'll tattle on them to Blake. Fallon climbs out, and the camera pans down to show us her naked feet as they pitter-patter in the direction of a towel. Krystle admonishes her for not being discreet, and Fallon snaps back not to lecture her on discretion 'cause she heard every word of the incriminating conversation she just had with Matthew. As she storms off, Krystle stares after her looking pensive and worried...I mean worriedly pensive.

Over at the rig, a laborer named Eddie banters with Steven about how he could never be considered common-folk because he's a wealthy Carrington. True enough.

Inside the office trailer thing, Matthew and Walter discover that they're missing some important files. Walter grimly tells him that this sort of thing happened at another rig he worked at, and the guilty party was a young worker who passed along inside information to his uncle. At that exact moment, Steven enters the trailer and chit-chats with them about his day off yesterday, which he spent hiking. Walter glares at him suspiciously and asks him if he hiked anywhere near the office trailer, but Steven just scrunches his face in confusion and doesn't answer. Matthew gives him back the Emily Dickinson book he'd loaned to Claudia during the dinner party, and Steven tells him it was meant as a gift. Matthew says he wasn't sure if Claudia was supposed to return it 'cause the name "Ted" is inscribed inside. Steven pales at the mention of Ted, then grabs the book and beats a hasty retreat. Walter asks Matthew if he thinks Steven was really hiking on his day off, and Matthew sighs wearily and says he highly doubts Steven is a spy. 

Steven places a covert call to Ted and makes plans to meet him at some out-of-the-way restaurant off of a highway exit. Ted agrees and looks super excited and hopeful. He strikes me as the needy type. 

Blake pops by Fallon's room and tells her how nice it was of Jeff to stop by during breakfast. Fallon makes a face and says she thought his impromptu visit was "jerky", so Blake points out that she didn't find him hard to take during the Dinner Party episode. He jokes about how weddings might be contagious in this house, then tells her that Cecil recently revealed his great desire to see her and Jeff marry. Fallon looks irked and says that Cecil had no business bringing that up, then petulantly cries, "It's my life!" Blake tells her that he and Cecil just happened to stumble upon the topic of her impending marriage; however, if it happens, he says, "I'd feel very good about it." I'd feel very sorry for Jeff...but then, anyone who's dumb enough to marry a vapid twit like Fallon deserves whatever unspeakable horrors the union leads to.

Fallon is being chauffeured downtown by Michael. He asks her if they're going to hook up later, and she rolls her eyes and tells him to just shut up and drive. When he drops her off in front of Colbyco Oil Company, he tells her he can't get together with her tonight anyway 'cause he has a date. So na na. 

Fallon flounces into Cecil's office, and he pretends to look happy to see her and offers her a glass of "an amusing white wine", which she declines. He notices her petulant frown and invites her to sit down, and she tells him she's miffed at him for telling Blake that she and Jeff are getting married. He looks puzzled and asks, "Why is that a bad thing?" so she tells him she doesn't think she can go through with marrying the dumb oaf. They're so different, plus he doesn't make her naughty parts tingle - even a little. Cecil glares at her and reminds her about their agreement, and Fallon says she'd much rather marry him. Seriously? Ick. Cecil pretends that the idea doesn't totally repulse him and explains that such a marriage wouldn't benefit either of them. He sternly says, "We made a deal. And a deal is a deal." Fallon stubbornly retorts that she doesn't think she'd be good for Jeff and that they'd drive each other insane. She and Cecil, on the other hand, would be magic together. She reminds him about the night they doinked, and he nods and woodenly reminisces, "That night. It was very good between us." LOL. After a few seconds, he shakes off the disturbing memory and says that people like them (rich, self-absorbed douchebags?) don't put personal pleasures first; they do what's best...and what's best is him bailing Blake out and her marrying Jeff. Fallon looks deflated and tells him she'll take a glass of that amusing white wine now. She sullenly remarks that Jeff hasn't even proposed to her yet, but Cecil tells her he's confident of her resourcefulness and will make it happen. 

Somewhere in the Middle East, an oil rig is on fire. Matthew Blaisdel (aka "the other one") watches it as a couple of guards physically restrain him. After that, he and a bunch of other Americans are forced onto the back of a truck...but when a gun fight breaks out among the guards, Matthew jumps down and gets into the fray. He kicks some ass for a little awhile, but eventually he's overpowered and thrown back onto the truck, beaten and bloody. The next day, Matthew and the rest of the Americans are boarding a small plane as Middle Eastern spectators jeer and wave a handful of anti-American signs. Matthew climbs up the stairs, looks back at the jeering mob, then takes a seat on the plane and stares despondently out the window.

Inside the skyscraper that is Denver-Carrington headquarters, Blake is in a meeting with his head lackey, Andy. Blake is griping, "Where are our friends in Washington and the State Department on this? Where are the damn Marines?" LOL. Andy's like, "I dunno" and tells him that all of their people got out - including Blaisdel, who's currently en route back to the U.S. Blake mutters that he'd like Matthew's plane to get shot down over Kansas, and Andy asks for clarification as to whether this is a joke or a direct order. LOL. Blake confirms that his wish for another man's death (along with the rest of the passengers on the plane) was indeed a joke, then mutters that he "doesn't need" Matthew back in Denver.

By scripted coincidence, Matthew is on the same Denver bound plane as Steven Carrington. Steven, who's sporting a fluffy '80s hairdo, is very drunk and being a pain in the ass to the flight attendants. Too bad it's not modern times, 'cause he could probably get arrested for that. Matthew overhears the commotion and goes over to help - and Steven drunkenly greets him, but then continues to nonsensically rant and rave. Matthew urges him to chillax, and in the next scene the two men are sitting together, chatting over drinks. Steven continues to drunkenly rant and rave about...well, I have no idea - and clearly Matthew is unable to make heads or tails of what he's nattering about. During one lucid moment, Steven tells Matthew that he got an invitation to his father's wedding, and Matthew jokes about how he wasn't invited...and Steven looks as though he's thinking very hard and asks Matthew if he doinked his father's future wife. LOL. Matthew's all, "Wha-a?!" 'cause apparently he didn't have a clue that Blake and Krystle became a couple. Steven gets up and staggers around the cabin, belligerently demanding more alcohol from the flight crew. When he gets physical with them as he tries to access the booze cart, Matthew punches him in the stomach, which somehow knocks him out cold.

In the car, Krystle makes it clear to Blake that she doesn't want to go anywhere fancy or expensive for dinner...and would maybe like Chinese food. They arrive at a runway where Blake's private jet is waiting. [OMG - he's flying her to China for some authentic Chinese food!!] Fortunately, their destination is just San Francisco, where they have dinner at a cheap restaurant in Chinatown. Afterward, they re-board the jet and Blake offers Krystle some brandy. She declines and says what she really wants is her [secretarial] job back. He blows her off and dismissively tells her he doubts she really wants that. She explains that she doesn't get to see her friends very often anymore, and that they seem uncomfortable around her now...but Blake doesn't seem to give much of a rat's ass 'bout that. He asks her point blank if she wants to call off the wedding, and when she doesn't answer, he pulls out a coin and says they'll leave it up to fate. Krystle tells him it's stupid to decide their future on the basis of a coin toss, so he asks her if she loves him. She dutifully answers, "Of course!" but he presses her to tell him exactly how much she loves him: 40%? 65%? Halfway to the moon? All the way to the moon? To the moon and back? Krystle ignores the idiotic question and tries to explain how hard it is for her to get used to all the over-the-top opulence in his life, 'cause she was raised by poor folk in small town America. Blake tells her he could get rid of all his money...but it wouldn't matter 'cause he'd just become a millionaire all over again! He then flips the coin, and it comes out tails. Krystle smilingly says, "Two out of three" then swears she loves him 100%. He gives her an intense stare and barks, "Prove it." The fuck?! Krystle, who doesn't look at all disturbed by the creepy edict, caresses Blake's wrinkly face and kisses him. The two quickly start going at it, and I ran to the toilet to heave.

Wedding day! Blake's servants are very busy getting everything set up for the big day. An insane amount of flowers and champagne arrive, and Snootypants bustles around, acting like a total douche as he bosses around the servants. The baker finishes off the five tier wedding cake - mmm...tasty - and the chefs are busily laying out plates of scrumptious looking treats. Fallon enters the kitchen and grabs a few pastries, then notices the giant wedding cake and gives it an evil smile. When Snootypants returns to the kitchen and notices the edible bride and groom missing from the cake, he screams, "Peeeteeer!!" (?? I don't know who Peter is.) The camera then cuts to Fallon, who's making her way upstairs while gleefully chomping on the bride and groom.

Oil rig. Walter is on the work site as his men drill for oil...and the camera lingers ominously on a pin that's holding the machinery together. It soon gives way, and one of the men gets hurt when some heavy tubes fall on top of him. The others tend to the wounded man and rush him to the hospital, which is good 'cause we have a wedding to get back to..!

Kystle is getting dressed with the aid of five servants, which seems like total overkill considering the boringness of her wedding gown. Fallon enters, still chewing on the bride and groom, and snarkishly tells Krystle that people from five states are attending the wedding to get a look at "the winner". Andy enters the room and brusquely tells Krystle he needs her to sign some papers, and so the superfluous servants are excused. Andy calls the papers "technical documents", and Fallon snottily explains to Krystle that it's a prenup which will ensure she gets nothing in the event of a divorce...and the wedding will not proceed unless it's signed. Andy politely tells Fallon to shut the fuck up, then kicks her out of the room altogether. Krystle tells Andy she might want to, uh, read the papers, but he breezily tells her it's just a formality, shoves a pen in her hand, and tells her to sign the damn thing. Krystle looks pensive for a moment, but signs the papers because she has no spine or common sense.

The injured oil worker has a fractured leg and some broken ribs. When he regains consciousness, he tells Walter that he inspected the pin that failed and insists that it was A-OK. Walter tells him not to worry 'bout that and assures him he'll look after his family. Another oil rig worker asks Walter for a word in private, then tells him he investigated the offending pin and discovered that it had been tampered with. Egads! Walter storms out of the hospital and to his car, where he pulls a gun out of the glove compartment. He tells the worker he's off to see Blake Carrington about "an accident".

Steven enters the library for the first father-son chat of the series...and it's a disturbing doozy. Blake bitchily recaps his son's recent history: he earned a useless college degree, has been out of school for two years, and lived in New York to try to find himself. He announces that the search is officially over, and tells Steven he's going to have to start earning his keep. He encourages him to take a vacation, gather his strength, and then report for duty at Denver-Carrington. Steven isn't even into having this conversation, so he tells Blake that they should maybe talk about all this sometime other than on his wedding day. Blake disagrees that it's bad timing and urges him to spill whatever on his mind, so Steven tells him that basically he's a giant dickwad for selling out his country and developing Arabian oil fields when he could be drilling in the U.S. and/or developing renewable resources. Blake scoffs that he's heard "this garbage" before from people he actually respects, then ridicules Steven for lazily sitting on his dumpster his whole life. Steven freely admits he's never had a job (wow, seriously?), but takes comfort in the fact that he doesn't rob, steal, or artificially raise the price of gas. Blake angrily retorts that the gas price allegation has never been proven, then says he can't respect the opinion of a man "who put his hands on another man". Steven stares back at him with a stricken expression on his face, so Blake back pedals a bit and says he didn't mean for it to come out that way...even though he'd prefer it if Steven's gayness would just disappear. He says he understands experimentation, but that it's wrong to bring that shit home. He orders Steven to "straighten up", and Steven just stares at him blankly and says he isn't quite sure what that means...but if it means what he thinks it means, he and his penis have no desire to go in the "straight" direction. This prompts Blake to go full on hateful monster, and he starts railing about how the American Psychiatric Association decided that homosexuality is no longer a disease (!), then snarlingly jokes about starting a foundation called The Steven Carrington Institute for the Treatment and Study of Faggotry (!). OK. Wow. That was a jarring flashback of the '80s, when things were still really crappy for gay people. Blake straightens his tie and says he's off to get married, and Steven remains slumped on the leather sofa, looking completely decimated.