Dynasty - Season 1, Episode 14

"Dearly beloved...we are gathered here today to pay our final tribute to Ted, a throwaway character on Dynasty who no one gave a hoot about."

"Blake Goes to Jail"
Original airdate: 4/13/1981

Episode summary: After Ted Dinard is pronounced dead at the Carrington mansion, Blake is arrested, charged with first degree murder, and put on trial - all in the same week.

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Recap: The mansion is crawling with police officers and detectives investigating Ted's untimely demise. Krystle suddenly appears and rushes through the front door, and Andy looks enormously relieved to see her. She tells him that when she fled the mansion that morning, she wasn't planning on ever coming back...but when she heard about the tragedy, she figured it was her duty to return home and stand by her douchebag husband. Andy discreetly motions toward all the cops milling around and advises her to be careful about what she says and does - and then a couple of paramedics wheel Ted's corpse past them. Ew. As Krystle continues down the hallway, she notices that Steven, Fallon, and the servants are being separately questioned by police...and when she and Andy reach the library, he tells her to stay put for a minute while he goes in and checks out the situation.

Inside the library, a disheveled and wild eyed Blake is yelling, "No! No!" at the two hapless detectives who want him to come to headquarters for questioning. It's annoying that they don't just cuff the belligerent ogre and haul his ass over to the squad car the way they would with any suspected murderer who wasn't a millionaire CEO. Andy tries to explain to his dickwad boss that this is a very serious situation 'cause Ted was just fucking killed in his house after he (Blake) physically attacked him, but Blake stubbornly refuses to go anywhere until he hears from Krystle. Andy tells him she's standing outside the door, and then asks the cops to vacate the room so the couple can have a tender reunion in private...and naturally the pantywaists politely oblige. Krystle enters the library, and after the two stand and mutely stare at each other for a loooong time, he grabs her and hugs her, and she starts weeping. Incidentally, Blake looks unspeakable when his stringy grey hair is all disheveled and flopping around his face; he could use a much shorter 'do. The two leave the library together, and the cops suddenly start acting like cops; they restrain Blake and put him in handcuffs (albeit they apologize to him while they're doing it). Fallon yells at the cops for having the gall to cuff daddy, but Blake insists it's OK and that they're just doing their job. Well, d'yuh. As Blake endures the walk of shame toward the police car, a group of photographers have somehow made it onto the private estate and start snapping away. 

"No, Andy! I'm not going anywhere with these blue collar jerkwads."

"You know we can hear you, right?"

At the police station, Andy tells Blake that the DA is going to push hard to convict him of first degree murder. Apparently one of the servants told police she heard him threaten Ted's life before he barreled up the stairs - and that's considered premeditation! Blake denies premeditating Ted's death and insists it was just an accident. Andy somberly tells him that in a situation like this, the charge would normally be manslaughter and that he'd just get probation (for manslaughter? seriously?), but that's "not how this will play out". Blake snaps at Andy to get on the phone and do what he does (?) then reminds the lackey that they've helped a lot of politicians get into office. He impetuously barks, "Call in some of those IOUs, Andrew! You get this thing taken care of, and you DO IT RIGHT NOW!!!" Andy tries to get his dickwad boss to grasp that he's being charged with first fucking degree murder, but Blake just shakes his head and angrily mutters, "That's what I've got you for." Huh?? A visibly frustrated Andy turns toward Krystle and advises her to go home and get some rest, 'cause things are about to get ugly. Andy then spells it out for Blake: over the years he's stepped on a lot of toes, supported all the wrong people during political campaigns, and passed out a lot of cash to support causes that were resented by a lot of people. Blake mulls over his shameful track record and asks, "What about my friends?" and Andy is forced to state the obvious, which is that he basically has no friends...and by no friends, he means there's a whole lot of people who'd enjoy seeing him dead or locked up. Haha! 

Krystle, meanwhile, has left the interrogation room and is on her way out of the building when she finds Matthew waiting for her. He tells her the trial will be very difficult and urges her to run from it...meaning, run from him and Blake. He reminds her that she finally had the courage to do the right thing by dumping Blake and fleeing, and advises her to follow through with it. Krystle reminds him that he didn't just desert Claudia when she was in trouble, and he just hangs his head mutely. That's not really a fair comparison...Claudia may be a loopy, fickle, depressing broad, but she's nowhere near as horrible as a homophobic, murderous dickwad like Blake. Krystle sanctimoniously declares that Blake is still her husband and that she'll stand by him during his time of crisis. Whatever, Krystle. You're hopeless.

Steven and Fallon attend Ted's funeral service in North Dakota. His parents are clearly distraught, and when Steven ambles over to apologize for Ted's death, they just glare at him and stalk off. Fallon witnesses the snub and tells Steven they could have at least had the grace to accept his apology - after all, it was an accident...and Steven stares back at her and goes, "Was it?" A dorky looking photographer arrives at the cemetery, and Fallon tries to persuade him to leave and not bother Steven. The photographer whines that a photo of Steven standing next to Ted's coffin is worth a cool $150 to him, and then he goes off on a tangent about how Blake's trial is going to become a media circus. He suddenly raises his camera, aims it in Steven's direction, and gets his money shot.

Blake and Krystle make their way to the courtroom amid a throng of reporters and photographers. Considering he was just arrested and charged the previous day (or so the timeline seems to suggest), this is one speedy judicial process. Inside the courtroom, Andy shakes hands with the prosecutor, Jake Dunham, who expresses puzzlement that Blake doesn't have a team of of expensive lawyers defending him. That's actually a good point. I wonder why Blake is relying just on Andy, who's his corporate lawyer...and doesn't exactly seem like the sharpest knife in the drawer. Jake smugly tells Andy he's going to enjoy this trial, and is delighted to "get to play with the big boys now". LOL...sorry to burst your bubble, Jake, but there's no way Andy could possibly be considered a heavyweight in the legal community. Andy seats himself beside Blake and tells him that Jake Dunham has his eye on the governor's office and is therefore eager to make a name for himself...and Blake wryly retorts that he hopes the guy doesn't do it over his dead body. Blake then looks over Andy's witness list and says he doesn't want Claudia Blaisdel included. Andy argues that cutting her might hamper his defence, but Blake insists she's already "been through one hell" and doesn't want to torment her unnecessarily. That's weird, 'cause since when has Blake ever given a crap about anyone but himself? Andy agrees to take Claudia off the witness list for now, but tells Blake he'll have to add her on later if he decides he needs her. Not sure why he would need Claudia to testify, unless he thinks it would somehow help Blake's case to prove that Steven was temporarily doinking a woman.

Steven peeks into the courtroom and remarks to Fallon that the lawyers are in the process of selecting a jury. Fallon sneers and says, "That's a joke. Who are they to judge Blake Carrington?!" Um, jurors in a court of law, you idiot. Steven stares back at her with a stricken expression and asks, "What about Ted?" and Fallon just stares back at him mutely.

"How dare these jurors think they can judge the great and powerful Blake Carrington!"

"But, Fallon...our father killed Ted."

"Who's Ted?"

Jake Dunham makes his opening statements while leaning against the jury box, looking all cocky and smug-like. He recounts for the jury that Blake knew Steven was sleeping with Ted, and that he felt "a cold and unrelenting hatred" for Ted. Jake recalls for the jurors that they were all asked during the [five minute] jury selection process how they feel about homosexuality, then lectures them about how people are entitled to doink whoever they want. He says he fully expects the defence to create a smoke screen and portray Ted as the criminal of the case - and the judge interjects to admonish him for using closing type arguments in his opening remarks. Jake apologizes for the gaffe, immediately stops talking altogether, and sits down...and Blake shoots him the stink-eye.

It's Andy's turn to make his opening statement, and he urges the jury to hear both sides of the case. He says that Ted's death was an accident and that Blake loved his son...and even though Steven had gone awry, "he was on the road to a normal, manly life." LOL. Unfortunately, along the bumpy path to this normal, manly life, Blake learned "to his horror and disgust" that Ted Dinard was present in his home. Egads! Andy tells the jury that Blake wanted to protect and save Steven from a life of shame...and this explains why Blake, upon discovering Steven and Ted hugging, commanded Ted to leave his home. Hey - wait a minute! I object! That is not what happened...and if it pleases the court, I'd like to present Exhibit A from my recap of the previous episode:

"Blake, meanwhile, is barreling toward Steven's room...and just as Steven and Ted are hugging goodbye, Blake bursts in and bellows, "Take your hands off my son!" LOL. Fallon hears the ruckus and stands in the doorway to watch the show. Blake lunges at Ted, and Steven tries to hold him back...but Blake wrenches himself loose and shoves Ted across the room, which causes him to hit his head on the stone fireplace hearth thing, and he dies instantly."

​I rest my case. So suck on that, counsellor.

Steven's in his apartment, lying atop his bed and ignoring the ringing phone...and on the other end Fallon mutters, "Pick up, Steven. Pick up. Pick up." Jeff tells her Steven's fine, and she snaps back not to pacify her. He argues that he's a part of this family now, and so she reminds him he made it pretty clear during the Birthday Party episode what he thinks of her father, and that he'd probably be happy to see the ogre carted off to prison. Well d'yuh, who wouldn't enjoy that spectacle? Jeff shrugs, but doesn't actually disagree...and Fallon dials Steven's number again, but he's still not answering.

That evening at the mansion, Blake, Krystle, Fallon, and Jeff sit around the dinner table, but everyone looks depressed and just kind of picks at their food. Blake asks Fallon if she spoke to Steven, and she fibs and says she did and that he sounded OK. Blake remarks that he tried calling a few times, but got no answer. Jeff tells Blake he's been hearing some gossip around the office about Denver-Carrington, so then Blake starts railing about how some of the directors on the board want to take advantage of the fact that he's on trial for murder. He says he'll be able to make Friday's board meeting 'cause the judge had to recess for a doctor's appointment. Fantastic.

The next morning, Blake spots Steven in the courthouse and tries to make nice with him, but Steven refuses to speak to him or even look at him...so Blake gives up and sadly ambles off with Krystle. When the trial gets underway, Jake Dunham cross examines the maid, Miss Robbins, who testifies that when Blake arrived home on the night of Ted's demise, she was talking to Joseph, the majordomo. Jake scrunches his face in confusion and asks, "Don't you mean butler?" and Miss Robbins explains that Gerald is the butler, and Joseph is the majordomo. [Who the hell's Gerald?] Jake tries hard not to laugh and remarks, "Well that's very interesting" and says he didn't realize American people had majordomos anymore. Did they ever? I've never even heard of a majordomo outside of this show. Jake asks Miss Robbins what the hell a majordomo is, so she explains that it's the administrative head of the household - and when Jake interrupts to ask her where she got that description, she says Joseph told her. Everyone in the courtroom bursts out laughing, and Joseph stiffens in his seat, clearly not amused by being the butt of a joke. Miss Robbins testifies that when Blake returned home and learned that Ted was upstairs, he became enraged and - she pauses and nervously looks over at Blake - said I'll kill him. Jake makes her repeat the line for dramatic effect, and suddenly all the spectators in the courtroom start tittering and making a lot of ooh and aah noises.   

"Joseph isn't the butler. He's the majordomo."

"He's a what?! A majorhoho?"

Matthew's in his office, watching TV coverage about Blake's trial. His ex-rigger, Eddie, is on the tube, talking to reporters about how he once saw Steven and Ted at a restaurant, touching and holding hands. He says, "They were acting like a couple of - what do you call them now...gays?" LOL - I'm pretty sure he was struggling not to say preverts on live television. Claudia drops in on Matthew and watches the coverage with him, and Matthew remarks on what an idiot Eddie is, and that he thinks being on TV makes him a movie star. Claudia just shakes her head and says she has no idea why they're dredging up all this gay stuff about Steven. She says, "Steven isn't a homosexual...at least not entirely." Matthew asks her how she could possibly know that, so she says that Steven, uh, told her during the Dinner Party episode. Matthew looks perplexed and says it's an odd thing for Steven to bring up during their first ever conversation, but Claudia doesn't answer and clucks about how the media is turning this trial into a sporting event.

That evening, Blake and Krystle walk upstairs together, and he says he'd like her to "be with" him tonight. Ew. She makes a face and says she only came back to support him through this crisis and isn't ready to share his bed again...and she solemnly adds, "A lot has to change between us." [Like maybe, don't rape your wife anymore or treat her like a five year old.] He nods sadly and asks her if she thinks he purposely killed Ted, and she mulls that over and says, "Not purposely." She does say that the night she dumped him, he was in a terrible state...and by terrible state, she means he had passed out from boozing too heavily. She tells him she blames herself (partly, anyway) for leaving and wonders if Ted would have suffered his "accident" if she'd been home at the time. She then shakes off that disturbing thought and says she just wants them to get through "this thing", and maybe then they can figure out their lives.

Before court the next day, Jeff informs Blake that the board of directors at Denver-Carrington have moved up the board meeting to this afternoon - and not Friday as originally planned. Blake mutters, "Damn.." just as Andy appears to tell him the judge wants him back in court. Blake quickly pulls Andy and Krystle into a private room and tells Michael to stand guard at the door. LOL. He announces to the two that he plans to hold a stockbroker's  meeting at the courthouse - say what?! - and orders Krystle to attend the board meeting as his representative. He tells her "the sharks are circling" and that she needs to find out who the ringleader is, and to "cut him down before he knows what's happening". He then gives her some tips on how to handle herself at the meeting, and she looks panicked and furiously jots down his nonsense.  
 
Fallon's on the stand, being cross examined by Jake. He asks her what she does for a living, and she stares back at him blankly and flatly states, "I don't work." He asks her if she performs any housewifely duties, and she gives him the stink-eye and retorts, "I'm a wife. I'm also here as a hostile witness for the prosecution." Jake's like, "Er...OK" and asks her to testify about the night Ted died...and then wants to formally introduce into the proceedings a photo of Ted, post death, so that Fallon can officially identify Ted Dinard as the victim. Is that really necessary? I don't think the identity of the guy who fell on his head and died is in dispute here. Fallon testifies that Blake was upset and that there was a scuffle...and by scuffle, she means that Ted was the one who pushed Blake. Uh oh...somebody just committed perjury. She repeats her claim, and everyone in the courtroom begins to titter and ooh and aah again. Jake grabs a copy of the police report and says her testimony doesn't line up with what she told police that night, but she doesn't really address that and insists that things happened very fast: Ted took a step backwards, tripped on a box, fell and hit his head and instantly died. Jake points out once again that she never told police that...and instead of pursuing this line of questioning to get to the bottom of what precisely occurred on that fateful night, he abruptly stops his cross examination and sits down. LOL. Jake's never going to play with "the big boys" if he keeps up this level of ineptitude. 

"What do you do for a living, Mrs. Colby?"

"A living..? Let's see...I shop, lunch, and attend lots of fun parties."

"Let me rephrase the question.."

Krystle attends the Denver-Carrington board meeting and requests postponements on all major pending decisions. She then starts railing at one particularly lippy guy and accuses him of trying to take over the company. She summarily removes him from the board and warns the others she'll be keeping an eye on them as well, and they all shift uneasily in their chairs. You go, girl!

Steven takes the stand and answers the prosecutor's line of questions about his relationship with Ted, the funniest one being, "Did you meet at a gay party?" LOL. Steven says it wasn't a gay party per se; they met at an art gallery opening in New York, and soon after became lovers. Steven testifies that on the night of Ted's demise, Blake angrily ordered Ted to stop hugging him, then lunged toward him and pushed him across the room. Fallon looks distressed, since her testimony conflicts with that of her brother's (and reality), and the spectators start oohing and aahing again. The prosecutor barks at Steven, who's now perspiring heavily, to tell him if Ted did anything to defend himself. Steven says he didn't, then tells the court that Fallon outright lied while she was on the stand. The tittering starts up again, and Fallon stiffens and looks stunned that her brother chose not to perjure himself...while Blake just grimaces.  

Duhn! Duhn! Duhn!

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