Recap: The series starts off with a really looooong, dragged out opening sequence that showcases Denver, the gigantic Carrington mansion, and the many acres of Blake's gazillion dollar estate. After that, we get some needless footage of a black car slowly winding its way toward the main driveway. Joseph (the head manservant) enters the opulent library to inform Blake that his chauffeur (Michael) has brought the car around. Blake thanks him, gathers up his important papers, then heads out to the car...and ho hum, we get even more opening credits. The car exits the estate through the fancy wrought iron gates, and the camera lingers on the gates so we can't miss noticing that they're monogrammed with "BC". Subtle, show. From the plush back seat, Blake informs Michael that they'll be stopping at Miss Jennings' apartment on the way. Michael remarks that it doesn't seem like the kind of party he'd be invited to, and Blake saucily replies, "I wasn't."
Krystle's gal pals are throwing her a bridal shower in her very modest apartment. She's opening gifts, and one of them is the book, The Joy of Sex, which makes the gals titter...and the most uptight of her lady friends haughtily calls it raunchy. Michael interrupts the party to deliver a gift to Krystle from her husband-to-be, and Krystle rushes over to her window to wave down at Blake...and the gals all rush behind her to catch a glimpse of the millionaire douchebag that Krystle bagged. Krystle and Blake blow kisses at each other, and the gals gush about how gorgeous her fiance is - and by gorgeous, I'm pretty sure they just mean rich. One of the ladies suddenly bursts into tears and tells Krystle how much she's going to miss her, and Krystle assures all of her friends that they'll still hang out together (um, not) and reminds them that they're all coming to her wedding. She vows not to let the money and lifestyle change her (yeah right), but her friends all exchange doubtful glances...as they should, since - with the exception of the uptight friend - I don't think we see any of them after the wedding episode. Krystle opens Blake's gift, which is an exquisite pair of diamond earrings. Her friends gasp at the sparkly jewels that cost more than any of them probably earns in a year, then urge her to put them on. One woman remarks that “the other one” would never have given her diamonds, and the others quickly try to hush her...but then another woman blurts out that "the other one" was sent to the Middle East. Krystle looks visibly upset, though it's kind of hard to tell with her since she wears the same pensive expression on her face throughout much of the series.
Somewhere in the Middle East, an oil rig is on fire. Matthew Blaisdel (aka "the other one") watches it as a couple of guards physically restrain him. After that, he and a bunch of other Americans are forced onto the back of a truck...but when a gun fight breaks out among the guards, Matthew jumps down and gets into the fray. He kicks some ass for a little awhile, but eventually he's overpowered and thrown back onto the truck, beaten and bloody. The next day, Matthew and the rest of the Americans are boarding a small plane as Middle Eastern spectators jeer and wave a handful of anti-American signs. Matthew climbs up the stairs, looks back at the jeering mob, then takes a seat on the plane and stares despondently out the window.
Inside the skyscraper that is Denver-Carrington headquarters, Blake is in a meeting with his head lackey, Andy. Blake is griping, "Where are our friends in Washington and the State Department on this? Where are the damn Marines?" LOL. Andy's like, "I dunno" and tells him that all of their people got out - including Blaisdel, who's currently en route back to the U.S. Blake mutters that he'd like Matthew's plane to get shot down over Kansas, and Andy asks for clarification as to whether this is a joke or a direct order. LOL. Blake confirms that his wish for another man's death (along with the rest of the passengers on the plane) was indeed a joke, then mutters that he "doesn't need" Matthew back in Denver.
By scripted coincidence, Matthew is on the same Denver bound plane as Steven Carrington. Steven, who's sporting a fluffy '80s hairdo, is very drunk and being a pain in the ass to the flight attendants. Too bad it's not modern times, 'cause he could probably get arrested for that. Matthew overhears the commotion and goes over to help - and Steven drunkenly greets him, but then continues to nonsensically rant and rave. Matthew urges him to chillax, and in the next scene the two men are sitting together, chatting over drinks. Steven continues to drunkenly rant and rave about...well, I have no idea - and clearly Matthew is unable to make heads or tails of what he's nattering about. During one lucid moment, Steven tells Matthew that he got an invitation to his father's wedding, and Matthew jokes about how he wasn't invited...and Steven looks as though he's thinking very hard and asks Matthew if he doinked his father's future wife. LOL. Matthew's all, "Wha-a?!" 'cause apparently he didn't have a clue that Blake and Krystle became a couple. Steven gets up and staggers around the cabin, belligerently demanding more alcohol from the flight crew. When he gets physical with them as he tries to access the booze cart, Matthew punches him in the stomach, which somehow knocks him out cold.
At the Denver airport, Matthew collects his luggage from the baggage claim area...and Steven chases after him and acknowledges what a total ass he made of himself during the flight. Well d'yuh. He thanks Matthew for punching him, then notices that Michael has arrived in the fancy black car and assumes he's there to pick him up. Michael tells Steven he's been instructed to give Matthew a ride to Denver-Carrington headquarters...and that Steven is to take a cab to the mansion and wait for his father there. That's pretty dickish, but Blake is nothing if not a total dickwad.
Matthew arrives at Blake's office just as Blake is bidding adieu to Krystle...and when she whirls around to leave, she's shocked to see Matthew standing before her. She stammers about how surprised she is that he's back in the States...and during all this, Blake is lurking in his office doorway, thoroughly enjoying the awkwardness of the interaction. When it runs its course, he gives his discombobulated wife-to-be a kiss goodbye and invites Matthew into his office.
Blake asks Matthew if it's possible for them to get their equipment out of the Middle East, and Matthew's like, "Uh...no" which doesn't make Blake happy. He mumbles something about having to appear before a Congressional Committee to explain what happened, and Matthew shrugs disinterestedly and reminds his boss that he's just a geologist. He tells Blake that Denver-Carrington should consider digging for oil in the U.S. - and a few seconds later, Blake gets a call alerting him that whoever he's meeting with next is waiting for him in the board room. Blake passively aggressively mutters something about how he (Matthew) and Krystle seem to know each other, and Matthew tells him they're just friends. Blake encourages him to take time off to go visit his nutty wife, then glares at him suspiciously as he leaves the office.
Matthew arrives at his house (a modest bungalow), and it looks like it hasn't been lived in for awhile. He stares at a family photo: himself, his wife Claudia, and their pet daughter Lindsay.
Krystle arrives at Carrington manor...and we get to watch her arrival in actual time as she drives through the monogrammed security gates (LOL) and drives down the looooong winding driveway. When she arrives at the mansion, she rushes inside to meet with the snooty wedding planner. She heads straight to the ballroom - which is so completely awesome - and Snootypants snootily informs her that she's twenty minutes late for their appointment. He then snootily peppers her with questions about her music preferences for the ceremony, and she gets all nervous and stammers through her replies. Does this guy not get that Krystle's about to become the most powerful trophy wife in Colorado?? Steven, who's been lurking in the doorway, interrupts the meeting to help Krystle articulate her wedding plan wishes, then steers her over to the adjoining music room - which is also awesome - while Snootypants trots behind. Steven sits down at the piano and plays a sample of wedding music, then tells Krystle she looks tired and that she should go upstairs and lie down. He tells her he'll finish up the meeting with Snootypants, so she thanks him and leaves. Once she's out of earshot, Snootypants tells Steven that Krystle seems rattled, and that she isn't making the transition to dealing with "upper class ways" very well. Steven snarks at him for behaving like such a tool and warns him that if he can't be nicer, he'll never get work in this town again. Egads!
Blake is being chauffeured back to his estate, and in case we missed it the first three times, we get another close-up of the monogrammed security gate. [We get it, writers: BLAKE IS VERY RICH AND NARCISSISTIC!!] Blake is in the back seat, doing business with Andy, when he gets a call from his daughter Fallon. It seems she's riding a horse not too far away...and Blake chuckles indulgently when she chides him for riding around in a gas guzzler. When Fallon and her horse appear on the long driveway, Michael pulls over, rolls down his window, and tells her it's good to have her home. She gives him a pretend blank stare and coldly asks, "Do I know you?" then uses her foot to push his cap over his face. Blake exits the car and mounts the spare horse that Fallon just happened to bring along with her - and in the next scene, their stunt doubles gallop around the estate at breakneck speed. When they near a creek, Fallon's horse makes a sharp turn, causing her to fall off and land in the water. Fortunately (or not, if you hate this twit like I do) she's unhurt, and giggles as Blake fishes her out. He tells her he's glad she's home, and she says she wouldn't miss his wedding. She then asks him for his blazer, and in the next scene she's wearing his blazer (and nothing underneath) as she, Blake, and the two horses stroll along the driveway. Blake informs her that he asked Cecil Colby to bring his nephew Jeff to the wedding - and Fallon says she knows him from summer camp. Blake apparently promised Cecil that Fallon would act as Jeff's escort for the day, and when she teases him about charging a bride price, he says he just wants to see her happy and "settled down". She tells her father she's well aware that he'd love to merge Colby's oil company and Denver-Carrington, and Blake doesn't bother denying it. She then impishly proposes that Steven get married and provide a royal heir, to which Blake wryly retorts, "I'm afraid Steven isn't going to work out." Fallon scrunches her face in confusion and is all "Wha-a?!" which strongly implies that she has no functioning gaydar to speak of. Fallon suggests that maybe Krystle could have a baby, then apologizes for not showing her father's fiancee the proper amount of respect. Blake tells her that Krystle is the most important thing in his life, and that she and Steven are going to have to get used to it. Out of nowhere, Fallon blurts out how obvious it is that Krystle would rather be in bed with someone else, then petulantly mounts her horse and rides off - and Blake just stares after her with a disturbed expression on his wrinkly face.
Michael is cleaning the fancy black car when he gets a car phone call from Fallon. She says she remembers him now...so he hangs up and smilingly pulls out two wine glasses from the car's bar. Fallon arrives soon after, still dressed in nothing but her father's blazer, and enters a building that looks like a carriage house (I call it this because there are literally several carriages parked inside of it). Michael offers to take her jacket - heh - then offers her a glass of wine. They both take a few sips, and within a few seconds the jacket falls to the floor. Meanwhile, her poor horse is patiently waiting outside while she doinks the help...a detail which is not lost on Steven when he nosily peers out the window.
Krystle enters the ballroom and walks around looking pensive...and a servant pops in to tell her her taxi has arrived. She runs into Blake on her way out and tells him how annoyed she is that he so obviously set up that awkward interaction between her and Matthew outside his office. She asks him if it was a test, then storms outside before he can answer. Blake rushes after her and denies arranging the bump-into, and Krystle asks him why he didn't tell her that Matthew was back in town...but she doesn't wait for an answer to this, and climbs into the taxi. Blake asks her when he'll see her again, and she says she needs to get away to think. He tells her she can still drive her car instead of taking public transportation (taxis aren't public transportation, dumbass) but Krystle tells him it isn't her car; it's registered to Denver-Carrington. "Just like everything else around here," she snaps.
Blake goes back inside his mansion and asks Joseph is Steven is home. Joseph confirms that he's indeed on the premises and asks Blake if he wishes to see him, and Blake mulls that over for a few seconds, then bitchily says, "No. I don't." What was the point of asking then? Steven, who is loitering nearby, overhears this and looks hurt. Blake then needlessly tells Joseph how determined he is to get his family "shaped up" by the time he gets married...and by shaped up, I'm pretty sure he means turn Steven into a straight man.
Krystle is having coffee in her apartment, looking...well, pensive. She gets on the phone, dials a number, and asks whoever it is (Matthew), "Can we meet?"
In the next scene, Krystle and Matthew are having a private outdoor meeting near some rolling hills. He asks her if she loves Blake - and she says yes, but then looks down at the ginormous rock on her finger and says, "I thought I did." [So...um, no?] She tells Matthew she was so worried he'd die in the Middle East, then mumbles a question about whether or not she just imagined what they had together. Matthew urges her to stick with the rich guy, and Krystle mumbles something about the two of them having a chance together...but then her mumbling trails off. Matthew caresses her face and tells her they really have no chance at a relationship, and Krystle's like, "Well, d'yuh...you're married" but he insists that that's not why. She asks him if he cares for her anymore, and he's like, "Er...no" and Krystle managers to alter her default pensive expression to a look of hurt.
At Carrington Manor, Blake and his children are having dinner around a comically long dinner table. Do rich people really eat like that when there's no company over? Fallon makes a crack about how "the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away" - referring to the way Krystle took off - and Blake gets mad, throws down his napkin, and storms out like the volatile man-bitch he is. Steven tells his bratty sister it's clear that she's not heartbroken over Krystle's departure, then says he, on the other hand, wishes she'd come back. After that, the two get into an argument about how much more Blake likes Fallon. (Well d'yuh - she's not the quasi-openly gay son of a dark-hearted homophobe.) Fallon says she resents her father's relationship with Krystle and thinks he could do better, and Steven reminds her that she's not one to talk since she's been doinking the chauffeur. He promises not to tattle on her, which isn't much of stretch since Blake isn't talking to him anyway. Steven asks his sister if Blake has said anything to her about him lately, and Fallon says no and asks him what he did wrong. She really needs to look into developing some gaydar.
Inane scene alert: Matthew is at a gym, working out with a punching bag. A fluffy haired older guy named Walter enters, and the two have a boring interaction for awhile, blah blah...and then he teases Matthew about his romance (or whatever) with Krystle. Matthew punches him in the face, so Walter puts on a pair of boxing gloves since apparently it's the only way Matthew is willing to carry on a conversation with him. Um, OK. As the two punch at each other, Walter urges him to work with him on a new oil drilling venture, and adds that Denver-Carrington tendered an offer to finance the drilling.
In the next scene, Walter and Matthew are checking out the oil rig, and Walter insists that oil below is a sure thing. But Matthew isn't interested in drilling with him and tells Walter he can't go off "wild catting" with him anymore. He needs his regular paying job so he can afford to pay for his wife's treatments at the River Haven Funny Farm.
The next day, Matthew and his daughter Lindsay are driving together - and there's a really looooong, dragged out segment of their car ride as they drive to the funny farm. When they finally arrive, Matthew urges Lindsay to come inside to see her mom, but Lindsay refuses to get out of the car...and the two go back and forth on that for a really looooong time [writers: you're killin' me]. Matthew finally agrees to go inside on his own, but a little while later he returns alone. He tells Lindsay that the doctors released her a month ago, but it's all good 'cause he knows exactly where to find her.
Matthew drives to a nearby diner and finds Claudia working there as a waitress, tottering around the restaurant in scarily high heels. She's stunned to encounter her husband and daughter at one of her tables...then stares over at Lindsay and comments on how much she's grown. Lindsay sits really stiffly, keeps her eyes downcast, and addresses her mother as "ma'am", which was weird. Matthew urges Claudia to sit down for a chit-chat, so she obliges him and informs him that she's seeing her doctor on an out-patient basis three times a week and is about to be weaned off of her meds. Matthew urges her to come home with them, but she says she's not ready and thinks it would be better for her to be on her own for awhile. Matthew insists that he and Lindsay need her...then tells Lindsay to tell her mom exactly what he just said. LOL. Lindsay looks like she's about to self-implode from all the stress, so Claudia tells Matthew that their daughter has every right to be angry, since last time she saw her, she (Claudia) was running down the street screaming, and had to be restrained by medics and carted off in a straitjacket. Yikes. I wonder what wigged her out so badly.. Matthew insists that they need her - especially Lindsay, who will soon be going through "changes" that she specifically needs a mother around to explain (late puberty? womanhood?). Claudia asks Lindsay if she wants her to come home with them now, and Lindsay starts crying, nods, hugs her, and sobs hard. I guess Claudia's homecoming is a go.
Krystle's hanging in her apartment, reading and looking - yes - pensive. The doorbell rings, and it's a team of deliverymen from a nearby flower shop making a delivery of...THE ENTIRE FLOWER SHOP. They start carrying in more flowers than can reasonably fit inside the apartment...and Krystle just stands there and chuckles instead of pensively wondering if Blake is going to hire a clean-up crew to remove the stinking mess all those flowers will eventually become. The doorbell rings again, and it's a contrite looking Blake. He says he doesn't deserve to be forgiven and pleads guilty of all "crimes" for which he stands charged, then jokes about wanting an executive pardon. Krystle sternly tells him that his general propensity toward douchebaggery is a serious issue, so he suggests discussing it over dinner. He then hands her a small bouquet of wilted flowers, smiles sheepishly, and says it was all the flower shop had left. Apparently some lovesick douchetard bought out the entire shop! Krystle looks touched by the ridiculously over-the-top gesture and agrees to go to dinner.
In the car, Krystle makes it clear to Blake that she doesn't want to go anywhere fancy or expensive for dinner...and would maybe like Chinese food. They arrive at a runway where Blake's private jet is waiting. [OMG - he's flying her to China for some authentic Chinese food!!] Fortunately, their destination is just San Francisco, where they have dinner at a cheap restaurant in Chinatown. Afterward, they re-board the jet and Blake offers Krystle some brandy. She declines and says what she really wants is her [secretarial] job back. He blows her off and dismissively tells her he doubts she really wants that. She explains that she doesn't get to see her friends very often anymore, and that they seem uncomfortable around her now...but Blake doesn't seem to give much of a rat's ass 'bout that. He asks her point blank if she wants to call off the wedding, and when she doesn't answer, he pulls out a coin and says they'll leave it up to fate. Krystle tells him it's stupid to decide their future on the basis of a coin toss, so he asks her if she loves him. She dutifully answers, "Of course!" but he presses her to tell him exactly how much she loves him: 40%? 65%? Halfway to the moon? All the way to the moon? To the moon and back? Krystle ignores the idiotic question and tries to explain how hard it is for her to get used to all the over-the-top opulence in his life, 'cause she was raised by poor folk in small town America. Blake tells her he could get rid of all his money...but it wouldn't matter 'cause he'd just become a millionaire all over again! He then flips the coin, and it comes out tails. Krystle smilingly says, "Two out of three" then swears she loves him 100%. He gives her an intense stare and barks, "Prove it." The fuck?! Krystle, who doesn't look at all disturbed by the creepy edict, caresses Blake's wrinkly face and kisses him. The two quickly start going at it, and I ran to the toilet to heave.
Wedding day! Blake's servants are very busy getting everything set up for the big day. An insane amount of flowers and champagne arrive, and Snootypants bustles around, acting like a total douche as he bosses around the servants. The baker finishes off the five tier wedding cake - mmm...tasty - and the chefs are busily laying out plates of scrumptious looking treats. Fallon enters the kitchen and grabs a few pastries, then notices the giant wedding cake and gives it an evil smile. When Snootypants returns to the kitchen and notices the edible bride and groom missing from the cake, he screams, "Peeeteeer!!" (?? I don't know who Peter is.) The camera then cuts to Fallon, who's making her way upstairs while gleefully chomping on the bride and groom.
Oil rig. Walter is on the work site as his men drill for oil...and the camera lingers ominously on a pin that's holding the machinery together. It soon gives way, and one of the men gets hurt when some heavy tubes fall on top of him. The others tend to the wounded man and rush him to the hospital, which is good 'cause we have a wedding to get back to..!
Kystle is getting dressed with the aid of five servants, which seems like total overkill considering the boringness of her wedding gown. Fallon enters, still chewing on the bride and groom, and snarkishly tells Krystle that people from five states are attending the wedding to get a look at "the winner". Andy enters the room and brusquely tells Krystle he needs her to sign some papers, and so the superfluous servants are excused. Andy calls the papers "technical documents", and Fallon snottily explains to Krystle that it's a prenup which will ensure she gets nothing in the event of a divorce...and the wedding will not proceed unless it's signed. Andy politely tells Fallon to shut the fuck up, then kicks her out of the room altogether. Krystle tells Andy she might want to, uh, read the papers, but he breezily tells her it's just a formality, shoves a pen in her hand, and tells her to sign the damn thing. Krystle looks pensive for a moment, but signs the papers because she has no spine or common sense.
The injured oil worker has a fractured leg and some broken ribs. When he regains consciousness, he tells Walter that he inspected the pin that failed and insists that it was A-OK. Walter tells him not to worry 'bout that and assures him he'll look after his family. Another oil rig worker asks Walter for a word in private, then tells him he investigated the offending pin and discovered that it had been tampered with. Egads! Walter storms out of the hospital and to his car, where he pulls a gun out of the glove compartment. He tells the worker he's off to see Blake Carrington about "an accident".
Steven enters the library for the first father-son chat of the series...and it's a disturbing doozy. Blake bitchily recaps his son's recent history: he earned a useless college degree, has been out of school for two years, and lived in New York to try to find himself. He announces that the search is officially over, and tells Steven he's going to have to start earning his keep. He encourages him to take a vacation, gather his strength, and then report for duty at Denver-Carrington. Steven isn't even into having this conversation, so he tells Blake that they should maybe talk about all this sometime other than on his wedding day. Blake disagrees that it's bad timing and urges him to spill whatever on his mind, so Steven tells him that basically he's a giant dickwad for selling out his country and developing Arabian oil fields when he could be drilling in the U.S. and/or developing renewable resources. Blake scoffs that he's heard "this garbage" before from people he actually respects, then ridicules Steven for lazily sitting on his dumpster his whole life. Steven freely admits he's never had a job (wow, seriously?), but takes comfort in the fact that he doesn't rob, steal, or artificially raise the price of gas. Blake angrily retorts that the gas price allegation has never been proven, then says he can't respect the opinion of a man "who put his hands on another man". Steven stares back at him with a stricken expression on his face, so Blake back pedals a bit and says he didn't mean for it to come out that way...even though he'd prefer it if Steven's gayness would just disappear. He says he understands experimentation, but that it's wrong to bring that shit home. He orders Steven to "straighten up", and Steven just stares at him blankly and says he isn't quite sure what that means...but if it means what he thinks it means, he and his penis have no desire to go in the "straight" direction. This prompts Blake to go full on hateful monster, and he starts railing about how the American Psychiatric Association decided that homosexuality is no longer a disease (!), then snarlingly jokes about starting a foundation called The Steven Carrington Institute for the Treatment and Study of Faggotry (!). OK. Wow. That was a jarring flashback of the '80s, when things were still really crappy for gay people. Blake straightens his tie and says he's off to get married, and Steven remains slumped on the leather sofa, looking completely decimated.
Elsewhere in the mansion, Krystle is decked out in her wedding gown, pensively staring out the window at the vast estate below.
Run, Krystle! Run far, run fast!!!