- Published on
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, sir...but your daughter Fallon is a few clowns short of a circus."
"The Chauffeur Tells a Secret"
Original airdate: 2/16/1981
Episode summary: Michael learns that Fallon married Jeff because of a pact she made with Cecil, and then tattles on her to Blake. Matthew invites Steven over to his house for dinner...and when Steven and Claudia are alone together in the kitchen, they kiss (yes really). Lindsay wigs out when a boy tries to make out with her.
Original airdate: 2/16/1981
Episode summary: Michael learns that Fallon married Jeff because of a pact she made with Cecil, and then tattles on her to Blake. Matthew invites Steven over to his house for dinner...and when Steven and Claudia are alone together in the kitchen, they kiss (yes really). Lindsay wigs out when a boy tries to make out with her.
Recap: Steven gets mail from his ex-lover Ted, and when he opens the envelope he finds a strip of photo booth photos that Ted took of himself. Seems like a weird thing for a grown man to be sending in the mail. Steven stares at the photos contemplatively.
Blake and Krystle are playing a game of tennis with Fallon and Jeff...though it's really more a game between Blake and Fallon. When Blake scores the winning point, Fallon congratulates her dad on his athletic prowess and hugs him...and the four head over to the shade to relax with some refreshing lemonade. Fallon announces that she and Jeff will need to live at Carrington manor for the foreseeable future...and when Jeff double-checks with Blake if it's OK, he chirps, "Of course!" As an afterthought, Blake asks Krystle if it's OK with her, and she tells him it's fine - then looks over at Fallon and warmly adds, "You know we'd love for you to stay with us." Fallon just shoots her the mute stink-eye because she has no manners or social graces.
Claudia tells Matthew she ran into the wife of an oil rigger at the supermarket and heard all about the fight he (Matthew) got into over Steven. She was very surprised to learn that Steven's gay - does no one on Dynasty have a scrap of gaydar? - albeit the woman derisively referred to him as a fruit. Claudia makes a face and says that that sort of talk disgusts her 'cause people should just be whoever they want to be. Lindsay bounds down the stairs and tells her mom that she's bringing a friend home with her after school - and it's a boy! Marvelous. She and her dad head off to school and work, and Claudia settles in for another uneventful day at Casa Blaisdel.
Michael is polishing the black limo when Fallon and Jeff amble over. Jeff asks Fallon if she wants to watch a movie that evening, and she whines, "I hate plans, Jeff. And I hate daddy's projection room." [Spoiled brat - I bet I would have loved Blake's projection room.] Jeff mulls that over and suggests going to a movie theater and necking in the balcony - and Fallon glances over at Michael to note his disturbed reaction, then grins at her husband and exclaims, "Why didn't you say so?!" She leans in for a smooch, while Michael watches the PDA and grins to himself. After the nauseating display, Jeff thanks Michael for cleaning his car earlier and offers him a tip, but Michael gets offended and refuses to accept the cash. He gets into the driver's seat of the limo, raises the glass partition between himself and Fallon, and grins again. I really don't get what all of his grinning is about.
After driving for a few minutes, he pulls over to the side of the road, opens the back door and barks, "Get out." For some reason, Fallon obeys...and the two take a short walk. He asks her how her groom is, and she looks fake dreamy and calls Jeff ravishingly handsome [average at best] and gentle [a spineless wuss]. Michael retorts, "Just how you like it: once every two months." Huh? Fallon says she'd like to kick him where it really hurts, and Michael grabs her, presses her against the nearest tree, and forcibly kisses her. When she struggles to get away, he says, "I think I'm entitled to a few minutes with you" and Fallon laughs derisively and says the only thing he's entitled to is his dumb uniform. Michael chooses not to be insulted by that bitchy remark and says all he wants is her, so then she asks him if he's missed her. He moans, "You'd be surprised how much." When she openly scoffs at him, he needlessly tells her the story of when he was a child (who grew up poor) and his mother used to tell him she loved him one million dollars worth. He stares at Fallon meaningfully and says he's missed her a million dollars worth. LOL. She retorts that she's a married woman now and doesn't want to cheat on Jeff...and Michael wryly says, "Yet." He then gives her an intense, sloppy kiss and asks her why she married Jeff. She tells him it's none of his business, and Michael bitchily declares Jeff to be a jerk 'cause of that tip he offered him earlier. Huh? Fallon explains that Jeff is just really generous to servants, so he proudly informs her that Blake just gave him a raise in his allowance...and soon he'll be out of his dumb uniform. (No...it doesn't, Michael.) He asks her again why she married Jeff, and she tells him she hopes to own or run ColbyCo Oil one day. Say what?! Bwahaha!! Considering that Fallon has never worked a day in her life, possesses no skill set of any kind, appears to have zero educational credentials, and has the maturity level of a six year old - the idea of her being a checkout girl at the supermarket is laugh out loud funny, to say nothing of being a CEO of a large oil company.
Blake and Krystle are playing a game of tennis with Fallon and Jeff...though it's really more a game between Blake and Fallon. When Blake scores the winning point, Fallon congratulates her dad on his athletic prowess and hugs him...and the four head over to the shade to relax with some refreshing lemonade. Fallon announces that she and Jeff will need to live at Carrington manor for the foreseeable future...and when Jeff double-checks with Blake if it's OK, he chirps, "Of course!" As an afterthought, Blake asks Krystle if it's OK with her, and she tells him it's fine - then looks over at Fallon and warmly adds, "You know we'd love for you to stay with us." Fallon just shoots her the mute stink-eye because she has no manners or social graces.
Claudia tells Matthew she ran into the wife of an oil rigger at the supermarket and heard all about the fight he (Matthew) got into over Steven. She was very surprised to learn that Steven's gay - does no one on Dynasty have a scrap of gaydar? - albeit the woman derisively referred to him as a fruit. Claudia makes a face and says that that sort of talk disgusts her 'cause people should just be whoever they want to be. Lindsay bounds down the stairs and tells her mom that she's bringing a friend home with her after school - and it's a boy! Marvelous. She and her dad head off to school and work, and Claudia settles in for another uneventful day at Casa Blaisdel.
Michael is polishing the black limo when Fallon and Jeff amble over. Jeff asks Fallon if she wants to watch a movie that evening, and she whines, "I hate plans, Jeff. And I hate daddy's projection room." [Spoiled brat - I bet I would have loved Blake's projection room.] Jeff mulls that over and suggests going to a movie theater and necking in the balcony - and Fallon glances over at Michael to note his disturbed reaction, then grins at her husband and exclaims, "Why didn't you say so?!" She leans in for a smooch, while Michael watches the PDA and grins to himself. After the nauseating display, Jeff thanks Michael for cleaning his car earlier and offers him a tip, but Michael gets offended and refuses to accept the cash. He gets into the driver's seat of the limo, raises the glass partition between himself and Fallon, and grins again. I really don't get what all of his grinning is about.
After driving for a few minutes, he pulls over to the side of the road, opens the back door and barks, "Get out." For some reason, Fallon obeys...and the two take a short walk. He asks her how her groom is, and she looks fake dreamy and calls Jeff ravishingly handsome [average at best] and gentle [a spineless wuss]. Michael retorts, "Just how you like it: once every two months." Huh? Fallon says she'd like to kick him where it really hurts, and Michael grabs her, presses her against the nearest tree, and forcibly kisses her. When she struggles to get away, he says, "I think I'm entitled to a few minutes with you" and Fallon laughs derisively and says the only thing he's entitled to is his dumb uniform. Michael chooses not to be insulted by that bitchy remark and says all he wants is her, so then she asks him if he's missed her. He moans, "You'd be surprised how much." When she openly scoffs at him, he needlessly tells her the story of when he was a child (who grew up poor) and his mother used to tell him she loved him one million dollars worth. He stares at Fallon meaningfully and says he's missed her a million dollars worth. LOL. She retorts that she's a married woman now and doesn't want to cheat on Jeff...and Michael wryly says, "Yet." He then gives her an intense, sloppy kiss and asks her why she married Jeff. She tells him it's none of his business, and Michael bitchily declares Jeff to be a jerk 'cause of that tip he offered him earlier. Huh? Fallon explains that Jeff is just really generous to servants, so he proudly informs her that Blake just gave him a raise in his allowance...and soon he'll be out of his dumb uniform. (No...it doesn't, Michael.) He asks her again why she married Jeff, and she tells him she hopes to own or run ColbyCo Oil one day. Say what?! Bwahaha!! Considering that Fallon has never worked a day in her life, possesses no skill set of any kind, appears to have zero educational credentials, and has the maturity level of a six year old - the idea of her being a checkout girl at the supermarket is laugh out loud funny, to say nothing of being a CEO of a large oil company.
"Why did you marry Jeff Colby?"
"I married him because I want to run ColbyCo Oil one day."
"OK fine. Don't tell me."
Krystle has given the mansion staff the day off so that Blake can roam around the house in his bathrobe. Gross. He shuffles into the kitchen after getting her note to meet her there, and she proudly announces that she's going to cook him a Spanish omelette. She tells him how happy she is that he took the day off to be with her, and loves it when he's not stressed and doesn't act like a malevolent dickwad. She says she'd like to be more involved in his life and work, like when she was his secretary. Blake mulls that over and says it could be arranged, then blurts out that he wants her to bear his spawn...and that they should get on that, like pronto. Ewwwwwww. He points out, "Neither one of us is getting any younger" and Krystle chortles gaily and tells him she's totally on board with getting pregnant...and then the two make out.
Michael and Jennifer (Cecil's secretary) are enjoying a nooner and pizza in a cheap motel. She blathers about how Cecil usually just eats a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, then wonders aloud if that's how the rich stay rich: cheap lunches. When she remarks that rich people also bail each other out, Michael perks up and asks her to elaborate on that. She says it's no big deal and that it happens all the time, and he urges her to spill the details. She makes him pinky swear that he won't tell a soul 'cause it's confidential...but instead of promising to keep his mouth shut, Michael canoodles her and compliments her face, body, and British accent. Jennifer then takes a deep breath and stares at him for several long seconds, clearly eager to spill the beans.
Michael and Jennifer (Cecil's secretary) are enjoying a nooner and pizza in a cheap motel. She blathers about how Cecil usually just eats a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, then wonders aloud if that's how the rich stay rich: cheap lunches. When she remarks that rich people also bail each other out, Michael perks up and asks her to elaborate on that. She says it's no big deal and that it happens all the time, and he urges her to spill the details. She makes him pinky swear that he won't tell a soul 'cause it's confidential...but instead of promising to keep his mouth shut, Michael canoodles her and compliments her face, body, and British accent. Jennifer then takes a deep breath and stares at him for several long seconds, clearly eager to spill the beans.
"Why did Fallon marry Jeff Colby?"
"That's confidential. You have to promise never to tell another soul."
"How about instead of giving you a direct answer, I distract you by caressing your face?"
Lindsay arrives home with her little friend, Christopher. She tells him that her mom's out visiting a friend and that she made them a batch of cookies to snack on. The two enter the kitchen and chow down, and Lindsay bossily reminds him that they need to rehearse their lines.
Claudia, who doesn't actually have a friend, is in a therapy session with her shrink. She tells him that her marriage is slowly getting better...and that the enjoyment level and frequency of hers and Matthew's marital doinking is also improving. That said, she's been fretting lately 'cause she's been thinking about all the women Matthew must have slept with while she was MIA at the funny farm. She puts her sad face on and says she prefers to think of the women he slept with as his "faceless needs". And speaking of which, she got the distinct feeling that she met one of those "needs" the other day: the hostess at a dinner party. I guess this means she's onto Matthew's dalliance with Krystle.
Lindsay and Christopher are sitting together on the couch, going over lines for a play or something. When they finish, Lindsay asks him if he wants to listen to her new Supertramp record (yes please!) and Christopher makes a face and says that would be boring...then leans in for a kiss. Lindsay puts the brakes on and suggests they have another cookie, but Christopher ignores that and kisses her again. Unfortunately, she's not really into the kissing and for some reason starts flailing around to escape his lips...and in the process knocks over a lamp. She then starts wailing unintelligibly and yells at him to get out of her house, so he gives her a funny look and exclaims, "You're as crazy as your mother!" Judging from her over-the-top behavior in this scene, I'd say she's way nuttier than Claudia. Lindsay yells at him to get out, which he's more than happy to do. Upset and sobbing, Lindsay heads out to the driveway and climbs inside Claudia's blue car. She starts the engine, slowly backs out of the driveway, and swerves her way down the street. She's fourteen, so I guess it stands to reason that she'd be an abysmal driver.
Claudia, who doesn't actually have a friend, is in a therapy session with her shrink. She tells him that her marriage is slowly getting better...and that the enjoyment level and frequency of hers and Matthew's marital doinking is also improving. That said, she's been fretting lately 'cause she's been thinking about all the women Matthew must have slept with while she was MIA at the funny farm. She puts her sad face on and says she prefers to think of the women he slept with as his "faceless needs". And speaking of which, she got the distinct feeling that she met one of those "needs" the other day: the hostess at a dinner party. I guess this means she's onto Matthew's dalliance with Krystle.
Lindsay and Christopher are sitting together on the couch, going over lines for a play or something. When they finish, Lindsay asks him if he wants to listen to her new Supertramp record (yes please!) and Christopher makes a face and says that would be boring...then leans in for a kiss. Lindsay puts the brakes on and suggests they have another cookie, but Christopher ignores that and kisses her again. Unfortunately, she's not really into the kissing and for some reason starts flailing around to escape his lips...and in the process knocks over a lamp. She then starts wailing unintelligibly and yells at him to get out of her house, so he gives her a funny look and exclaims, "You're as crazy as your mother!" Judging from her over-the-top behavior in this scene, I'd say she's way nuttier than Claudia. Lindsay yells at him to get out, which he's more than happy to do. Upset and sobbing, Lindsay heads out to the driveway and climbs inside Claudia's blue car. She starts the engine, slowly backs out of the driveway, and swerves her way down the street. She's fourteen, so I guess it stands to reason that she'd be an abysmal driver.
"Eww! Gross! Did you just stick your tongue in my mouth?!"
"Um, yes..? Should I be calling a medic or something?"
Over at the rig, Steven's hard at work carrying a heavy looking tube. He walks past another rigger and accidentally brushes against him...and the guy saucily tells Steven it felt nice and asks, "Do you want to do that again?", then makes a crack about his gayness. Steven ignores him and continues carrying the heavy tube. Matthew, who witnessed the incident, ambles over to Steven and tells him that he and Walter are very pleased with the work he's been doing. He invites him over to his house for dinner that evening, and Steven snaps, "What is this, Blaisdel? Be kind to a faggot week?" Matthew shrugs and tells him to just forget it, and Steven hastily apologizes for the dickish remark. He thanks him for the invitation and promises he'll be there, then says he's looking forward to seeing Claudia again. Umm hmm..
Claudia arrives home and notices that her blue car is missing. When she enters the house, she notices the lamp lying on the floor and urgently calls for Lindsay. She rushes over to the phone and calls Matthew at the rig to report that their pet daughter and blue car are both missing. Matthew looks suitably concerned and tells her he's heading home right now.
Michael tells Blake he needs to talk to him about Fallon...then passes along the gossip he heard from Jennifer, meaning that Cecil made a deal with Fallon to bail him (Blake) out if she agreed to marry Jeff. Blake doesn't believe it and accuses Michael of lying, and Michael stonily replies, "Yes, sir. If that's what you want to believe." Blake furrow his brows and asks his duplicitous chauffeur how he found out about this, but Michael refuses to reveal his source and says he just thought it was something he should know. Blake stares into space, looking troubled and contemplative.
Lindsay arrives at the rig without getting into an accident. Walter spots her and immediately calls Claudia, and she tells him that she and Matthew are on their way. Walter admonishes Lindsay for causing her parents so much worry, then says he knows she's anxiety ridden about inheriting Claudia's crazy gene. Lindsay starts crying again, and a visibly uncomfortable Walter urges her to turn off the waterworks and wait until her mother gets there so the two of them can discuss her various emotional issues.
Matthew and Claudia arrive at the rig and the three form a family group hug. Claudia asks her daughter what happened, and she says she doesn't want to talk about it right now...but maybe later. She and Claudia get into the blue car - and, on their way home, she tells her mom about the bizarre overreaction she had when Christopher kissed her. Claudia somehow guesses that Christopher said something derogatory about her, and explains that not all men (or boys) respect women. She assures Lindsay that one day she'll find her special somebody, and that it can be very beautiful when it happens. Lindsay asks her if that's what it was like with her and her dad, and Claudia's like, "Um, yeah...OK."
At dinner, Lindsay (who seems to have bounced back from the traumatic kissing incident) is peppering Steven with questions about his personal life...and somehow he manages to deftly avoid revealing to her that he's an unattached gay man. He regales the Blaisdels with stories about how awesome New York is...and after that, Matthew and Lindsay head upstairs to study for her upcoming math test. This leaves Steven and Claudia alone together (which one would assume shouldn't lead to anything), and she offers to make him a cup of coffee.
Over at Carrington manor, Blake barks at Fallon to explain why she married Jeff. She sulkily asks him which of his spies told him, but he doesn't say. Krystle gets up and tries to make a run for it, but Blake whirls around and barks, "Where are you going?!" then gruffly orders her to sit her ass back down if she wants to be part of his dysfunctional family. Krystle obediently lowers herself in a chair and waits for the inquisition to resume. Blake asks Fallon if she at least loves Jeff, then demands to know why she thought he needed her pity and concern. He rails about how she made an unholy pact with Cecil Colby and says he doesn't need help from the likes of her; he's sought help from congressmen, kings, mob bosses, and dictators. LOL...oh Blake. It's probably not the smartest move to seek help from mob bosses or dictators, especially if you're unable to repay the favor. He asks Fallon what she's going to do a year from now - when his money woes are over. And what will she do if he gets in trouble again? Krystle jumps in and implores him to stop, pointing out that Fallon was only trying to help him. Fallon snaps at her to stay the hell out of it...and Blake angrily orders her to apologize to Krystle, which she refuses to do. She admits that, yeah, she sold herself...and then starts to slide off her wedding band, but Blake stops her and tells her she now has to make the marriage work. Fallon stares at him with a stricken expression, then slides the ring back on her finger.
Claudia arrives home and notices that her blue car is missing. When she enters the house, she notices the lamp lying on the floor and urgently calls for Lindsay. She rushes over to the phone and calls Matthew at the rig to report that their pet daughter and blue car are both missing. Matthew looks suitably concerned and tells her he's heading home right now.
Michael tells Blake he needs to talk to him about Fallon...then passes along the gossip he heard from Jennifer, meaning that Cecil made a deal with Fallon to bail him (Blake) out if she agreed to marry Jeff. Blake doesn't believe it and accuses Michael of lying, and Michael stonily replies, "Yes, sir. If that's what you want to believe." Blake furrow his brows and asks his duplicitous chauffeur how he found out about this, but Michael refuses to reveal his source and says he just thought it was something he should know. Blake stares into space, looking troubled and contemplative.
Lindsay arrives at the rig without getting into an accident. Walter spots her and immediately calls Claudia, and she tells him that she and Matthew are on their way. Walter admonishes Lindsay for causing her parents so much worry, then says he knows she's anxiety ridden about inheriting Claudia's crazy gene. Lindsay starts crying again, and a visibly uncomfortable Walter urges her to turn off the waterworks and wait until her mother gets there so the two of them can discuss her various emotional issues.
Matthew and Claudia arrive at the rig and the three form a family group hug. Claudia asks her daughter what happened, and she says she doesn't want to talk about it right now...but maybe later. She and Claudia get into the blue car - and, on their way home, she tells her mom about the bizarre overreaction she had when Christopher kissed her. Claudia somehow guesses that Christopher said something derogatory about her, and explains that not all men (or boys) respect women. She assures Lindsay that one day she'll find her special somebody, and that it can be very beautiful when it happens. Lindsay asks her if that's what it was like with her and her dad, and Claudia's like, "Um, yeah...OK."
At dinner, Lindsay (who seems to have bounced back from the traumatic kissing incident) is peppering Steven with questions about his personal life...and somehow he manages to deftly avoid revealing to her that he's an unattached gay man. He regales the Blaisdels with stories about how awesome New York is...and after that, Matthew and Lindsay head upstairs to study for her upcoming math test. This leaves Steven and Claudia alone together (which one would assume shouldn't lead to anything), and she offers to make him a cup of coffee.
Over at Carrington manor, Blake barks at Fallon to explain why she married Jeff. She sulkily asks him which of his spies told him, but he doesn't say. Krystle gets up and tries to make a run for it, but Blake whirls around and barks, "Where are you going?!" then gruffly orders her to sit her ass back down if she wants to be part of his dysfunctional family. Krystle obediently lowers herself in a chair and waits for the inquisition to resume. Blake asks Fallon if she at least loves Jeff, then demands to know why she thought he needed her pity and concern. He rails about how she made an unholy pact with Cecil Colby and says he doesn't need help from the likes of her; he's sought help from congressmen, kings, mob bosses, and dictators. LOL...oh Blake. It's probably not the smartest move to seek help from mob bosses or dictators, especially if you're unable to repay the favor. He asks Fallon what she's going to do a year from now - when his money woes are over. And what will she do if he gets in trouble again? Krystle jumps in and implores him to stop, pointing out that Fallon was only trying to help him. Fallon snaps at her to stay the hell out of it...and Blake angrily orders her to apologize to Krystle, which she refuses to do. She admits that, yeah, she sold herself...and then starts to slide off her wedding band, but Blake stops her and tells her she now has to make the marriage work. Fallon stares at him with a stricken expression, then slides the ring back on her finger.
"The conversation between Blake and Fallon is getting awkward. I think I'll quietly slip out of the room."
"Sit your ass back down until I give you permission to leave, woman!!"
"I never should have signed that pre-nup."
Steven's still hanging with Claudia in the Blaisdel's kitchen. He tells her how much he loves Lindsay's free spirit and openness and hopes she hangs onto it. (I'd much rather she squelch it in exchange for more normal behavior.) Claudia tells Steven he's open about the important things in life: who he is, what he feels. He looks over at her thoughtfully and asks if Matthew told her about his gayness, and she cryptically replies, "Someone did." He wonders aloud what the hell he's doing with his life - working on a rig...so Claudia urges him to quit, and assures him that if he packed it in, she wouldn't think less of him. She then abruptly changes the conversation and says he's always welcome in her home, and he looks surprised and goes, "Seriously?" and she's like, "Of course!" He babbles about how he'll bring her flowers next time he comes over, then starts quoting famous poets...and while he's doing that, he accidentally knocks over a coffee cup. The two kneel down to pick it up and stare at each other for a really loooong time before they kiss.
I'm probably as confused by this scene as Steven is about where the writers are taking his ambiguous sexuality.
I'm probably as confused by this scene as Steven is about where the writers are taking his ambiguous sexuality.
Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
0 Comments
