Dynasty - Season 1, Episode 8

"I'm not sure the writers of Dynasty have ever met a gay man."

"The Bordello"
Original airdate: 2/23/1981

Episode summary: Walter takes Steven to a bordello in an effort to "fix" him, but Steven isn't into it and spends his visit watching TV with the hooker. In an effort to dodge his creditors, Blake bullies Krystle into signing papers that gives her unwanted ownership of his sub-corporations. After a particularly nasty altercation with Blake, Steven packs his bags for New York, but then Fallon convinces him to stay.

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Recap: The oil rig crew wraps up an overnight shift, and Matthew orders the men to go home and get some rest. He asks Steven how he's doing and if he did something to tick him off, 'cause apparently Steven's been giving him the cold shoulder ever since he went over to Casa Blaisdel for dinner. (Mmm...must be related to the unexpectedly heterosexual kiss he shared with Claudia.) Steven mumbles that everything's fine...and suddenly Walter interjects and invites Steven to join him for breakfast. Steven gives him a funny look, but accepts the invitation and then ambles off somewhere to shower and change. Matthew asks Walter why he's being so nice to Steven, so Walter says he now thinks he misjudged the lad and is impressed with his strong work ethic. Matthew's all, "Wuh?" since he knows how uncomfortable Steven's gayness makes Walter...so Walter explains he'd like to try and "fix" Steven (aka turn him straight). Elsewhere, one of the laborers (Eddie..?), is loosening a large bolt and glancing around shiftily. Clearly he's up to no good.

"Thanks for inviting me over for dinner. It was the best night of my whole life."

"You don't get out much, do you?"

Over at Carrington manor, Krystle is fast asleep when one of the maids wakes her to tell her that Blake needs her in the library right away. Apparently there's yet another financial crisis looming on the horizon. Blake has assembled several of his employees in the library, and Andy is sniping at whoever he's talking to on the phone. After he ends the call, he tells Blake that the revolutionary government (of whatever fictional country they've been talking about so far this season) has confiscated his oil. Blake cryptically says he doesn't really want to go through with "those papers", so Andy reminds him it's not against the law for a man to give his wife a gift. Blake insists he'd rather not get Krystle involved in his financial woes, but Andy warns that if she doesn't, they'll all be out of business. I don't get this crisis - didn't Cecil's loan solve his current money shortage?? Blake suddenly notices that his secretary is writing down everything they're saying, and he asks her what the hell she's doing. She reminds him that she told him to "take it down", to which he barks, "You write when I tell you to write!!" She bows her head and meekly replies, "Yes sir" instead of giving him a well deserved kick in the gonads.

Krystle enters the library looking pensive, and worriedly asks Blake if he's OK. He assures her he's fine, then promptly clears the room and tells everyone that Joseph will serve them breakfast in the living room. Andy steers Krystle over to the leather couch, shows her a stack of papers, and says he needs her to sign them...and when she asks him what they're for, he tells her, "Some papers we need you to sign as Blake's wife." Well that explains...nothing. Krystle grimly recalls another set of papers he made her sign without giving her much in the way of an explanation. Andy mumbles that the pre-nup was just a formality, so then she argues that she was told the wedding wouldn't go ahead if she refused to sign. Blake, who can overhear all this from across the room, rushes over, tells Krystle he's in a jam, and explains, "I have to put my holdings someplace my creditors can’t get at them." I'm no financial expert, but that sounds pretty damn shady. He tells her if she signs the papers, she'll unwittingly become a corporate officer who's suddenly in charge of several newly formed sub-corporations...and he needs her to sign the papers, like pronto. A pensively confused Krystle asks Andy if this is legal, and Blake snarls at her for asking Andy that, since he just explained everything (even though he didn't, really). He barks at her to sign the fucking papers already...and a second later the phone rings, and Andy rushes over to answer it. Blake looks contrite and apologizes to Krystle for snapping at her in his usual dickish way. Andy tells him that "London" is on the phone for him, and as Blake takes the call, Krystle stares down at the papers, doesn't read any of them, and signs her name. What an idiot. Again.

"Krystle, I need you to sign some papers without reading them or asking questions of any kind."

"Hey wait - didn't you already pull this stunt when you made me sign a pre-nup just before the wedding?"

"That sounds an awful lot like a question."

Walter is driving Steven to "breakfast", nattering about how he's been married three times. Shocker. He babbles about how hot his latest wife was, then pauses awkwardly and says, "I guess you don't know what I'm talkin' 'bout - do you, boy?" Steven says he does, actually, and Walter looks surprised, then confused, then mumbles, "Well...that's good." He parks his jeep in front of a big blue house and tells Steven that this here place is what's known as a bor-DELLO. Steven looks stricken and exclaims, "You've got to be kidding!" and Walter ignores his reaction and starts blathering about how natural it is for men and women to doink. The Madam, who's on the balcony, spots Walter and calls out, "Yoo hoo! Hi Walter!" and I notice she's hanging with two of her "ladies" who are wearing ultra conservative, Little House on the Prairie type nightgowns. Steven tries to make a run for it, but Walter threatens him with physical violence if he's not willing to get busy with a hooker, so he obediently trots behind Walter toward the house. When the Madam appears at the front door, Walter motions to Steven and informs her that he has a code red, effeminate emergency on his hands - so could she rustle up a gal who might be able to turn a gay lad like Steven straight? The Madam is up to the challenge, invites them inside, then goes upstairs to inform one of her newer girls that she's on deck. The girl ends up being a frizzy haired young woman in a ghastly flowered robe and purple ribbon in her hair...and she's pretty homely looking to be playing a hooker on primetime TV. There's no way she's going to get the job done. She helps Steven unbutton his shirt and leads him over to the bed...but when she urges him to lie down next to her, he wigs out and says he's only there 'cause Walter made him come. She looks hurt and asks if this was a bet or something, and he says that while he has generally no interest in having sex with females, he wouldn't mind it if they just talked until his allotted doinking time runs out. She says they can watch TV for awhile, but he'll still have to pay for her time: house rules. The two bond a little and chat, yadda yadda. Afterward, Steven and Walter drive back to town...and Walter speculates on how orgasmic the doink with Miss Frizzhead must have been. Steven fibs and tells him it was everything he dreamed a doink could be, and Walter smugly retorts, "I knew I could fix you." 

"Come on, big boy. Let's see what's under all that flannel."

"I just can't get any of my naughty parts to tingle."

Krystle is playing tennis with a couple of her girlfriends, and she looks fantastic in her stylish tennis outfit. She easily wins the match, and her friend gets frustrated that two of them aren't able to beat her, then starts bitching about how Krystle has the rich husband (don't feel too bad; he's a total douche), tennis court, and a pro instructor. She bitchily points out that if she had those things, she'd be great at tennis too. I'm surprised it's taking so long for Krystle to ditch her old circle of friends and start to hang with a much richer set.

Matthew and Walter arrive at the rig and find Steven hanging upside down...and the rest of the crew gathered around his limp body. Matthew and Walter rush over and demand he be cut down, then learn that Steven is to blame for some mishap (the loosened bolt, I presume..?) and want him to admit to it. The riggers obediently lower him down, and Steven looks pale and ready to hurl. Walter tells Matthew that they're going to have to hit up their rich contacts to get some additional funding, but Matthew wants to find another way. When Steven regains the power of speech, he tells Matthew that he didn't screw up on purpose...but Matthew says it's best if he leaves the job site. 

Steven goes home and joins Blake and Krystle in the dining room. He reports that Matthew and Walter are shutting the rig down, and Blake smugly barks, "I know." Steven tells them about his alleged mishap and takes full responsibility, claiming he broke Matthew's and Walter's trust. He asks Blake if he'd considering extending their lease time, but Blake is like, "Hell no!" 'cause he's been waiting around impatiently for those leases to expire, plus he has a bunch of other financial problems...totally of his own making. Steven earnestly proposes that if Blake extends the leases, he'll take a job at Denver-Carrington and try to be the gayless son he's always wanted him to be. Blake perks up at this and goes, "Oh..?" and then starts peppering him with a series of ridiculous questions:

Blake: If I wanted you to work in Denver-Carrington's PR department, would you?
Steven: Um, sure.

Blake: If I wanted you to date my employees' daughters, would you?
Steven: Er...OK.

Blake: If I wanted you to give up your "curious New York ways" [LOL], would you?"
Steven: I'll try, but the penis wants what it wants.

Krystle closes her eyes as she cringes at yet another demonstration of her husband's outrageously dickish behavior. I wonder if, behind those closed eyes, she's secretly regretting marrying this hateful turd, despite his wealth and fancy estate. Blake snarks about Steven's willingness to do all of these things for Matthew, but not for him. Yeah...what a shocker. Steven insists he just wants him to do what's fair, and Blake snarks that he doesn't get to give him any conditions, then barks, "You be what I want you to be. Do you understand that?!" Steven gets up and tries to storm out, but Blake stops him and says he doesn't mean to hurt him (clearly you do, psychopath) and that everything he's been building his whole life is for his children. Steven's like, "Yeah whatever", then asks him if he's going to extend the leases for Matthew and Walter, and Blake snaps, "No!!" LOL. This is the last straw for Krystle, and she gets up and walks over to the window. When Blake notices her deflated mood, he sarcastically snaps, "You're thinking?!" She tells him she was thinking about how beautiful it is at Carrington manor...while at the same time it can be so ugly - not coincidentally whenever he's around. She recaps that Steven just threw himself at him and begged for mercy only to be cut off again, then asks him how he could possibly expect to be close to his son. Right?! Blake shoots her the stink-eye and asks her if all this concern isn't really about Matthew. She snarks back that that's a rotten thing to say, and he retorts, "Sometimes rotten things have to be said." True, but sometimes rotten things are the only kinds of things a douchewad like him ever says. Krystle defends Matthew's decision to quit Denver-Carrington in order to branch out on his own, blah blah...so then Blake starts whining about how he has stockholders and a board of directors to keep happy and that survival is the only thing that counts. He ominously tells her that "sheep get killed", and Krystle looks him in the eye and says she's a sheep, then accuses him of using her to seduce Matthew. Flee, Krystle! There's still time.

"Will you work for Denver-Carrington, date my employees' daughters, and give up any curiosity you have about penises other than your own?"

"Sure, yep, will do."

Steven is upstairs, packing his stuff when Fallon enters his room. She petulantly declares she's going with him, and he just ignores her and continues packing. She asks him if he's going back to New York...back to "him", and Steven pretends not to know what she's talking about. Fallon tells him she's finally twigged onto the fact that he's gay, and somehow discovered that he has a lover. Steven admits that he has an ex-lover named Ted, and that he was very important to him for awhile. He chides his sister for asking him too many questions and proclaims that it's way better to be a gay man in love with another man than a woman who's married to a man she doesn't love. Fallon pretends to look surprised by that assessment and asks Steven why he thinks she doesn't love Jeff, and he says it's obvious by the shitty way she treats him. Fallon mulls that over for a seconds, but puts a pin in it for now and implores him not to leave. She reminds him that he can have his heart's desire - right here in Denver. He says he doesn't want it, so then she tells him she'd love to have it - but unfortunately, Blake won't give it to her 'cause she's a girl. And not very bright. She advises him to play by Blake's rules and take advantage of his opportunities while keeping his gayness to himself. Um hasn't he kind of been trying to do that?? She begs him not to leave, tells him she loves him, and says she'll go crazy without him there. He thinks that over and eventually declares that he'll stay in Denver after all.

Claudia and Matthew are bummed out about the soon-to-expire oil lease situation. She urges him to express what he’s feeling deep inside, but he just stares back at her mutely. He tells her he doesn't know anything about no therapy stuff, then snarks at her to get off his back. Undeterred, she urges him again to share his innermost feelings ('cause men really love doing that), then helpfully lists what they might be: anger, fear, vulnerability. He just continues to stare at her mutely. 

Krystle is pensively staring at the fancy necklace and earrings that Blake gave her during the Dinner Party episode. She calls up her friend (the bitchy one from the tennis match), and the two meet in a nearby park. Krystle wants her to look into fake jewelry makers so she can pawn the real thing without Blake knowing. Her friend doesn't want to get involved and tells her she has a big problem she needs to sort out: is she in love with Blake and/or Matthew? Krystle insists that she loves Blake, even though he totally used her...but she also wants to make it up to Matthew. So...yes and yes.

That night, Krystle makes a clandestine visit to the rig to talk to Matthew. She hands him a packet that contains stacks of cash...and at first he refuses to accept it, but then takes it after she insists. She reminds him that a lot of men are counting on him to strike oil, and that he can pay her back whenever he's able. He gets up from his chair, stares into her big blue eyes, and caresses her fluffy sweater. The two start kissing, and he moans, "Oh Krystle...I love you", and she promptly returns his I love you, and their kissing starts to get even more intense. He leads her over to the couch...but as soon as he mounts her, she stops him and says, "I can't give you anything else that belongs to him." Ick, Krystle. Ick! She then scrambles to her feet and scurries out of the office trailer, leaving Matthew staring contemplatively after her.

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