Recap: Blake and Krystle are on Blake's private jet, nestled in each others' arms as they make out. Ew. Krystle, who's rocking a bikini top, tells her revolting new husband how great it would be if they never went back to Denver and just lived on a deserted island together. Blake grumps that they wouldn't actually be alone 'cause there'd be too many damn mosquitoes, which was weird. The two make out again until Blake gets an urgent call from his lawyer lackey Andy, who informs him that "the colonel" (dunno who that is) was assassinated by "those damn barbarians" (dunno who they are). Blake wants to know what their friends in the State Department have to say about that [it's funny how he frequently rails about his "friends" in the State Department, 'cause they never seem to be willing to do much for him...LOL] and Andy tells him that the rebels are expected to take over the country. Blake grumps that they still have a fortune invested in whatever unidentified Middle Eastern country they're talking about, and Andy informs him that the rebels have blockaded all tanker traffic. Egads! Blake snaps, "Damn it, we've got five tankers in that port!" and hangs up the phone. He slumps in his seat and looks distraught, so a pensive Krystle ambles over to him and asks him whassup. He assures her they'll still continue with their six week honeymoon, but she says she doesn't mind cutting their trip short and returning to Denver so he can deal with this crisis. Blake looks relieved and promises to make it up to her.
Fallon and Jeff are playing a game of tennis at Carrington Manor. Jeff notices the black limo pull into the driveway and announces that Blake and Krystle have returned from their honeymoon...and then remarks to Fallon that he's noticed the way she's openly hostile to Krystle for no apparent reason.
Joseph opens the door for Blake and Krystle and stuffily welcomes them home from their honeymoon. Krystle glances around the large sitting room and remarks that it seems bigger than she remembers, and Joseph sardonically retorts that they've done their best to keep it the same size. Krystle gives him a WTF? look, but he ignores her...and Blake is too distracted by the Middle Eastern crisis to notice. He orders Joseph to set up a meeting with Andy and a bunch of other cronies, and Joseph obediently rushes off to do his master's bidding. Fallon and Jeff enter the room to welcome the newlyweds home, and Blake swiftly steers Jeff away and asks him how Cecil is doing...and this leaves Krystle alone with Fallon.
Awkward. Fallon notices some statue thing that Krystle's holding and suggests getting it wired to be a lamp or something, and Krystle says, "Good idea" and makes a quick getaway. Michael approaches Fallon after carrying in the Carringtons' luggage and asks her why she's still seeing Jeff. She grins and tells the cheeky chauffeur that she's only keeping Jeffy around until she beats him in tennis...and when she does, she'll find someone new she can't beat. Um, OK.
Over at the Blaisdel house, Matthew surprises Claudia with a new car and dangles the keys in front of her. She stares mutely at the car for several looong seconds, then says they have way too much debt to buy a new car. He tells her it wasn't very expensive and invites her to go for a drive...but she just continues to mutely stare at the car. Matthew sighs, hands her the keys, and tells her to just use the car whenever/if ever she wants. She snaps that that's just the way her doctor talks to her (no doubt), so then he suggests she go inside and have a cup of coffee, and this prompts another bitchy retort. Have I mentioned yet how much I hate these two as a couple?? Matthew wearily tells her he'll take the car back, but when he turns toward the house, she barks, "Don't you walk away from me and treat me like damaged goods!" She reminds him that he's the one who insisted she return home, and if they have something to fight about, she's going to fight with him...regardless of how stupid, contrived, or unnecessarily drawn out the fight may become. She urges him to yell at her if he's pissed off about something, so he mulls that over and decides to go for it. He tells her they've been married for fifteen [looooong, interminable] years, and yet they still can't exchange a gift without punishing each other. He recounts that they were a couple of kids who fell in love, doinked prematurely, accidentally created a baby, and "grew up faster than was fun". Ouch. Claudia pretends like he didn't just say all that and whines about how she's just not ready to handle driving a car yet, and he impatiently snarks, "Then get ready, 'cause I don't like being married to a mental patient any more than you like bein' one." Ouch again. He snaps that he doesn't want to chauffeur her around anymore and tosses the keys at her. Meanwhile, Lindsay has exited the house and is standing on the doorstep, staring worriedly at her bickering parents. Matthew summons her and says he'll take her to school...and Claudia continues to stare glumly at the car. After Matthew and Lindsay leave, she walks closer to the car, stares at it some more, gets in, then starts the engine and pulls out of the driveway. Oddly, she forgot to put her seatbelt on, but then maybe seatbelt safety wasn't so important in the early '80s. As soon as she pulls onto the street, another driver heads right for her, but quickly swerves and just misses hitting her in a head-on collision. Claudia gets wigged out and scrambles out of the car and then mutely stares at it again.
Walter arrives at the rig to tell Matthew that the bank turned him down for a loan...and since he can't pay the crew, they walked off the job. Well d'yuh. Since he has nothing better to do, he offers to buy Matthew a beer at the nearby Hillside Bar.
Claudia is carefully driving her new car well below the speed limit, and eventually arrives at the rig. She climbs out clutching a large picnic basket and wanders around calling for Matthew, but no one's there. She encounters Steven, who's also looking for Matthew. The two introduce themselves to each other, and she looks sheepish and tells him it was dumb of her to come to the rig...but she was celebrating driving a car for the first time since her stint at the funny farm. She asks Steven if he's free for lunch (there must be lots of food in that picnic basket), but he declines 'cause he really needs to find Matthew. He starts to leave, then stops and tells Claudia he'll stay if she really really wants to have lunch with him, but she says it's OK and gives him a sandwich for the road. Steven stares at her for a long time as she climbs up a long wooden staircase to return to her car...and when he heads over to his car she waves, and then she stares at him as he climbs into his car and drives off. It's pretty jarring watching the agonizingly slooow pace of '80s TV.
Blake's cronies arrive for a emergency summit at the mansion, and Andy greets them and directs them to Blake's private study. Krystle catches a glimpse of Blake and rushes toward him, but he shuts the door of the study before she can reach him. It's not clear if he didn't see her or if he was being his usual dickwad self and deliberately shut the door in her face. Joseph notices the slight, gives Krystle a smug look, and saunters off.
At the Hillside Bar, Matthew is arm wrestling one of the boneheads on Walter's crew. After he loses, Matthew talks to the crew and tries to convince them to put in a day's work without getting paid...and they somehow manage not to laugh in his face. Walter, who's sitting at the bar, snarkishly informs the crew that since they've stabbed him in the back, he won't give them a reference if they try to seek employment elsewhere. What a douchewad. One of the guys wants to punch Walter (totally understandable), but Matthew intervenes and tells the guys he got some new pipe and a bank loan...and promises that they'll get paid for today if they return to the rig. As the riggers mull that over, Steven enters the bar and announces to Matthew that he'd be happy to work for him. The riggers realize that he's Blake Carrington's son and make fun of his privileged background and call Blake a crook. Steven denies the accusation against his dad, which is weird considering that he himself accused Blake of corruption and general douchebaggery during the pilot episode. He insists to the men that Blake never walked off the job or left his friends in a jam. One of the guys wants to fight Steven, but Steven's like, "I'm more a lover than a fighter"...but when the guy shrugs and turns away, Steven sucker punches him in the face. The guy punches him back and smacks him around for a little while until Matthew intervenes and keeps him from giving Steven a serious beating. Matthew and Walter help drag a flopped-over Steven out of the bar, and Walter admonishes Matthew for hiring him simply because he showed "a little spunk". Meanwhile, the riggers also exit the bar and agree to head back to the rig...and they take Steven along with them. They drag him over to one of the trucks and toss him in the back like a sack of potatoes.
Back at the mansion, Blake is on the phone railing, "What does the State Department expect me to do? Invade the damn country to get my oil out?!" No, dickwad. I'm sure they expect you to leave them the hell alone about your problems. He hangs up the phone and ambles over to Andy, who's also snapping at someone on the phone. He too hangs up and tells Blake that whoever he was talking to recommends that they wait and see which fanatics out-kill their enemies and come out on top. Makes sense. Andy tells Blake that this latest crisis could mean bankruptcy for the company, and Blake gripes (and this is a direct quote), "What dim-witted office boy thought we ought to go in there in the first place?" Andy gives him a wry look and looks outright pleased to retort, "You, Blake. That dim-witted office boy was YOU!!" Bwahaha!! Fallon chimes in from the large armchair she's sitting in by declaring that she still thinks it was a good idea to drill in the Middle East, and Blake stares at her in shock and is like, "How did you get in here??" But more importantly, why are you wearing that ridiculous blue sweater dress with white knee socks? He gruffly tells her he's busy and to "be a good girl and run along". Andy tells Blake they haven't been successful in "knocking down" Walter's/Matthew's oil rig venture, and Blake barks at him to just handle it. Fallon suggests trying a gentler approach, and Blake irritably orders her out of the room again. She implores him to invite Matthew over to the mansion and explain to him the advantages of returning to Denver-Carrington, along with his valuable leases...then chides her father for being jealous about the past relationship between Matthew and Krystle (that's never been adequately explained on the show). Blake thinks that over and says he'll consider it, then orders her to get lost.
The maid is setting the table for dinner when Krystle enters the dining room. She asks her if anyone's coming over for dinner, and the maid tells her it'll just her and Blake dining. She then explains that she's setting up early 'cause she has plans to go to a dance later...and says that Joseph gave her permission to leave early. Krystle smiles and goes, "Of course" but tells her she'd prefer to eat dinner outside, on the terrace. The maid scrunches her face with concern and says that Joseph prefers all evening meals to be served in the dining room then adds, "He's liable to have a snit if..." but her voice trails off when Joseph enters the room and gives her the stink-eye. Uh oh: snit alert! Krystle looks deflated and tells the maid she'll just eat indoors, then wishes her a good evening.
Andy encounters Fallon on his way out, and she asks him if Blake is really in trouble. Andy's like, "Yep", so Fallon asks him how much money it would take to bail him out. He chuckles in amusement and tells her there's nothing a silly girl like her could possibly do to help. She insists that inviting Matthew Blaisdel over for dinner is a smart thing to do, and Andy says that such an invitation is sure to drive Krystle crazy, then accuses Fallon of deliberately trying to chip away at the woman. Fallon insists that Krystle is no good for Blake and that she's just dragging him down. Andy smiles condescendingly and tells her that after the age of six, little girls should realize they can't grow up admiring their daddies...and Fallon finally gets insulted and lifts her arm to slap him, but Andy sees the move coming, grabs her wrist and sternly says, "Friends shouldn't fight." Fallon immediately looks contrite, agrees, and gives him a kiss on the cheek.
Over at the Blaisdel abode, Claudia's in bed reading. Matthew emerges from the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist and apologizes to his wife for being so rough on her earlier. He promises to take the car back...and will wait until she's ready to start driving again. Claudia gleefully tells him she drove out to the rig today to see him, and that it was totes awesome 'cause she felt like herself for the first time since her release from the funny farm. She tells him that "slugging it out" with him helped, then thanks him for letting her fight with him. The two look at each other suggestively and kiss...and she tugs at his towel and pulls it off of him, and they start going at it.
Blake and Krystle are kissing and riding horseback. Steven pulls up next to them in a yellow truck, his face still beat up from his altercation with the rigger. Krystle gasps and asks him what happened, and he breezily says it was just a little accident. Blake asks him when he's going to let him know which job at Denver-Carrington he wants to have, and Steven informs him that he already has a job; he's working for Matthew Blaisdel. This troubling news makes Krystle revert to her default pensive expression, and Blake grumps that he doesn't much like the sound of that. Steven looks put out and says he thought he'd appreciate him learning the oil business on his own terms...but Blake is like, "Hello? Have we met?" and makes it clear he doesn't like him being under Matthew's tutelage. Steven brings up the subject of the rig accident from the pilot episode, and Blake avoids answering and bitchily says he has twenty-two rigs and could put Steven to work on any one of them. Steven declines and says he wants to accomplish something on his own 'cause being the son of a rich, corrupt dickwad hasn't been easy. Blake snaps back that being the father of a quasi-openly-gay son is no picnic either, and Steven looks hurt and drives off. Krystle chides her troll of a husband for his cunty behavior, and Blake barks back that Steven's his son, and he'll deal with him his way.
Krystle enters the kitchen to chat with the cook. She tells him that she was looking over the menus for the rest of the week and feels that duck is a little heavy for this time of year. The cook tells her that Joseph ordered him to cook duck - and naturally Joseph enters the kitchen at that exact moment. He glares at Krystle and snootily offers to substitute squab for duck, and Krystle stares at him with a confused and dumbfounded look on her face 'cause I'm pretty sure she has no clue what the hell squab is (I'll admit I didn't either, so I Googled it and discovered it was pigeon...ick). After an awkward delay, she stammers that squab will be just fine. Blake enters the kitchen and asks Krystle what she's doing there, and Joseph interjects and replies, "We were just substituting one favor for another." Huh? Blake informs his manservant that he'll be hosting a dinner party for ten next Saturday evening, then turns to Krystle and tells her he's invited Walter, Matthew, and Matthew's loony wife to the mansion. Krystle just gives him a pensive stare.
That evening, Fallon walks over to her car, and she's decked out in a fancy gown and and a fantastically fluffy feather boa. She's intercepted by Michael, who demands to know where she's going. She informs her presumptuous pain-in-the-ass-lover that she has a date, and he snarkishly asks if it's with Jeff Colby...and when she tells him it is, he grabs her by the arm and asks, "But what about us?" She orders him to let her go, and he releases her but then points a finger in her face and says, "One of these days, lady, you're going to want me..." He suddenly goes mute as though he's forgotten his lines...and [waiting...waiting] after a long pause the lines come back to him, and he resumes talking: "And I'm not going to be here." LOL. Fallon mulls that over, decides that that would be A-OK with her, and drives off in her fancy car.
When Blake comes to bed, Krystle is combing her hair and looking visibly upset. He asks her how her day was, and when she grunts in response, he apologizes for snapping at her about Steven. She tells him that, rude as that was, she's not annoyed about that, but rather his decision to invite Matthew and his wife over to the mansion. She's worried it will be hugely embarrassing for her. Blake gruffly tells her it's important to him that Matthew attend the reconciliation dinner, and she starts bitching that everything is always about him...then starts grumbling about the servants. When he hears the word servants, he perks up and is all, "Wha-a?" so she tells him that she's annoyed she can't eat on the terrace when she wants, feels uncomfortable when a maid gets offended when she folds something, and hates that the menus are carved in stone. But the most irksome thing of all is that she can't even get flowers put in the bedroom. She wails to Blake that she doesn't want to bother him with this stuff, but she doesn't know what to do or not do in his giant mansion. Blake furrows his brows concernedly, then gets on the horn and orders Joseph to assemble the servants...and caps off the order with, "Now!" Eeek!!
The mansion staff has been roused out of bed, and they all lumber into the kitchen in their bathrobes. Blake enters the kitchen with a reluctant Krystle and says he is formally, officially, finally introducing them to his wife, who they should consider The Mistress of the House. Krystle looks mortified and tries to shut Blake up, but he insists on continuing making an ass of himself. He steers her toward the staff, who's lined up, and declares that basically they're all deficient fuckwits. He concedes that they all do good work - which, fortunately for them, outweighs their deficiencies. Blake asks if anyone is uncomfortable with being humiliated in front of their colleagues while in their bathrobes, and they all just stare at him mutely. He then zeroes in on the hapless gardener, the douchenozzle who refused to cut flowers for Krystle and place them in the bedroom. Blake admits that he doesn't actually like flowers in his bedroom, but he'll get used to it...however, what he WON'T get used to is rudeness (that's seriously funny) and fires the gardener! Blake narrows his beady eyes, glares at the petrified staff, and growls, "What I've tried to convey is that you are all dispensable to me. My wife...is not." Blake then steers Krystle out of the kitchen, and she shakes her head and asks him how he could do such a shitty thing to the gardener. Blake assures her he'll rehire the guy tomorrow (the fuck?), and that he really just did it to scare the bejezus out of the other servants. He condescendingly tells her that she's new to all this, but it's OK 'cause he'll teach her. Judging from his behavior in this scene, that's a scary and creepy thought.
Fallon and Cecil are strolling outside, looking close and cozy. He tells her that their hook-up has been an indulgence, since usually he prefers the company of women who have at least two brain cells to rub together. Fallon makes it clear she's still available to him, but Cecil changes the subject to Blake and says he's in real financial trouble, and understands that she wants to do anything she can to help him. He tells Fallon he really really wants her to marry Jeff...and she makes a face and looks less than thrilled. She tells the old man she'd rather marry him (blech) and he says that that's sweet, but life is not about what they want for themselves. He tells Fallon that Jeff adores her, and he wants his nephew to settle down with someone smart. [Newsflash: Fallon isn't smart.] In exchange, Cecil promises to secretly bail Blake out - and this, he decrees, will be his wedding gift to her. Fallon complains that Jeff doesn't make her naughty parts tingle even a little, but Cecil doesn't give a rat's ass and predicts that Jeff will be a powerful man one day, but only if his "drive" is properly guided. He reminds Fallon that he's the only person who can help Blake out of his current financial woes, but he'll only do it if she agrees to marry Jeff, like immediately. He then gives her a sinister look and warns her that if she doesn't keep up her end of the bargain, he'll unleash a merciless vengeance upon her. Yikes. He asks her if they have a deal, and she stares back at him in shock...but eventually shakes on it.
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