Recap: The marriage celebration party is wrapping up, and Blake and Krystle are bidding their guests good night. Cecil congratulates Blake on regaining his sight, then scrunches his face in puzzlement and asks if either of them have seen Alexis. They haven't, of course, since Alexis is at the accident site, violently shaking an injured Fallon. LOL. Fallon wakes up and starts moaning, "Oh God...it's the baby" and a freaked out Alexis totters off in her high heels to get help. She manages to flag down a passing car and tells the driver to call an ambulance.
Jeff escorts Claudia to her apartment, which is a two-room dump in Denver's low rent district. He thanks her for accompanying him to the St. Dennis Club for a drink, then says he should probably get going. She asks, "Why? Is Fallon waiting for you?" and he says no, and that their marital situation is not good (that's putting it mildly). She tells him she totally gets that marriages can go sour, then gives him a needless overview of her failed marriage to Matthew. She then massages his shoulders and says she likes having someone around to talk to, then awkwardly places her forearms on his shoulders and stares at him hungrily. Eventually, the two move over to the couch and start smooching intensely.
Nick returns to the hospital to check on the patient he helped perform surgery on earlier. He runs into Tom, who wanks him about how great he was during the surgery, then tells him he'd love it if he gave up on psychiatry and became a full time surgeon. Nick mulls that over and officially agrees to make the transition. Ho hum.
Alexis bursts through the hospital doors, followed by the paramedics who are wheeling in Fallon on a gurney. Alexis spots Nick and wails to him about how Fallon crashed her Clenet car in a dirt pile while driving erratically...and Nick's all, "Wha-a?!" and rushes after the paramedics to get a full report on her condition.
Blake and Krystle are lounging together in front of a fireplace, sharing a bottle of champagne. They're laughing and canoodling, which is a pleasant switch from Blake's usual passive aggressive douchebaggery, not that their foreplay isn't completely nauseating to watch. They toast each other and smoochily cuddle in various positions for what seems like a really looong time...and then Blake moans, "I love you so much." Krystle grins and asks, "How much?" so he says, "More than life. Can you match that?" - and I was half expecting Krystle to retort, "More than life infinity" and for Blake to counter-retort, "Well, than I love you more than life infinity plus one" and so forth. It's very weird how Blake always feels the need to turn declarations of their love into a pissing contest. Krystle tells her ogre husband how badly she wants to show him how much she loves him - OMFG - when mercifully the phone rings. They let it ring for awhile, but eventually Blake answers it...and it's Alexis, calling from a hospital pay phone. She tells him that Fallon crashed her car and is in the hospital, then wails, "Pleeeeease come!! Waah!"
When Jeff dozes off for a post-coital snooze, Claudia rifles through his pockets and fishes out his key chain. She finds the key that unlocks Denver-Carrington's file room and removes it from the key chain, then tip-toes over to the door, puts on a trench coat so that viewers can fully grasp that she's about to embark on Part 1 of her spy mission for Cecil, and sneaks out the door.
Fallon wakes up looking sweaty and miserable. She's pleased to find Nick sitting by her bedside and asks him to please hold her hand. She whimpers, "I'm in...so much pain" and he assures her that she and the baby will be just fine. The doctor comes in to examine her, then brusquely announces that she needs to get to the OR - stat! The doctor takes Nick aside and informs him that Fallon needs an emergency Cesarean section. As she's being wheeled out, she cries, "Nick! Stay with me!" and he promises to wait it out at the hospital all night.
Alexis is anxiously pacing in the hospital's waiting room when Blake and Krystle arrive. She shrieks, "Blake!" then runs over and hurls herself into his arms. She tells him that Fallon's undergoing emergency surgery, and Blake barks, "My God! How did this happen?" Alexis starts rambling incoherently about how Fallon wanted to go for a drive with her, and then started driving erratically for no apparent purpose, drove into a construction site, and crashed into a big pile of dirt. LOL. She says she "suspects" that Fallon may have had too much champagne to drink, and Krystle furrows her brows and says she didn't see Fallon drink any champagne - which makes total sense since she's pregnant...not that I'm confident Fallon is responsible and/or mature enough to not drink during her pregnancy, so...well, whatever. Alexis snappishly asks, "Did you watch her the whole night?" and Krystle admits that, no, she didn't watch her step-daughter every minute of the evening. Alexis shakes her head dramatically and recounts how horrible the accident was and ponders whether or not she could have prevented it. Blake gently retorts, "You mustn't blame yourself" and credits her for getting Fallon to the hospital so quickly. He then says, at this point, all they can do is pray that the doctors are able to save Fallon's spawn.
Things in the operating room look tense, and the doctors and nurses all stare at each other with pensive concern. After a few minutes, the baby is delivered, but he's not breathing. The doctor quickly starts ventilating him, and after a few anxious moments he stabilizes...and she bundles him up and rushes him up to the NICU.
Claudia returns from whatever key copying place was open in the middle of the night and sneaks back into her apartment. She's in the process of putting the key back on Jeff's key chain when he starts to stir. He notices she's wearing a trench coat and asks her where she's going, so she tells him she went out for some, uh, groceries. Jeff says he should probably get going, but Claudia urges him to stay a little longer and starts smooching him...and as they're lip-locked, she slips his keychain back into his pants pocket, and the two get naked again.
Alexis, Blake, and Krystle are anxiously waiting in the hospital's waiting room. After a few seconds, the doctor comes out and tells them that Fallon will be OK, and that her baby was premature - but since he's "perfectly formed" and "a determined fighter", he's expected to be A-OK as well. Alexis nods and gravely says, "He's a Carrington" as though that's any kind of reasonable explanation for the baby's robustness. Steven suddenly stumbles off of the elevator, and Blake rushes over to him and informs him that Fallon is fine and that she delivered a boy. Steven congratulates him on becoming a grandfather, then wonders aloud where Jeff is...and the two amble off in search of a phone to see if anyone at the mansion has heard from him. Once Blake is out of earshot, Alexis snidely tells Krystle she must be less than satisfied, and Krystle's all, "Wuh?" so Alexis rubs it in about how Blake didn't appear to believe her when she said she didn't see Fallon drinking during the party. Krystle admits it's possible she may have been wrong 'bout that, and Alexis bitchily retorts, "I forgive you." She then taunts Krystle about how upset she must be now that Fallon has given Blake something she'll never be able to give him, and that she must feel very left out and shattered. Alexis then smugly sashays down the hall, and Krystle stares after her with a pensively stricken expression on her face. Incidentally, I've always found it really weird when babies are referred to as something a person gives to another person.
Steven picks up Sammy Jo's clothes that she left strewn across their bedroom floor. As he gets dressed, Sammy Jo wakes up and asks him where's he's going. He tells her he's headed over to the hospital to see Fallon, then snarks, "Like you didn't last night." He glares at her and barks, "What happened?!" so she whines that she was "dead tired". (Apparently, she'd come upstairs to change for a visit to the hospital, but instead had crawled into bed and fallen asleep. LOL.) Steven grumbles, "That's real caring of you. Don't you give a damn about anybody but yourself?!" and Sammy Jo whimpers, "I do...but I didn't think I'd be of any help" which is a completely valid point. She asks Steven how Fallon is doing, and he tells her he doesn't really know, but makes it clear that he expects her to go to the hospital with him - as in, right now. Sammy Jo makes a blech face and says she'd rather not, 'cause her hangover is suddenly giving her a fever. Steven snarks that Fallon went through the trouble of throwing her a party, and yet she can't even bring herself to congratulate her sister-in-law about her new baby. He snaps, "You're all heart, aren't you?" and storms out of the room.
Fallon wakes up in her hospital bed and looks around in complete befuddlement and moans, "What is this place?" so Alexis explains that she's in the hos-pi-tal and that she had a C-section and delivered the baby. Fallon scrunches her face as she thinks hard, then tells her mother she remembers the accident, as well as when Sammy Jo told her that Blake isn't her bio dad. Alexis looks aghast and snaps, "That little tramp told you that lie?!" Fallon asks her if it's true, and Alexis shrugs and says she has no way of knowing for certain exactly which man fathered her all those years ago. LOL. Fallon gets upset at the possibility that Blake may not be her father, and accuses Alexis of stealing him from her. She then slumps against her pillow and looks completely deflated, then says, "I'm nothing now. I used to be Fallon Carrington...but now I'm nothing." Oh Fallon. Regardless of your DNA, you were never not a dimwitted scourge on humanity. Fallon angrily orders Alexis out of her room, and when Alexis tries to shush her, she bellows, "Get out!" Alexis dashes out...then stands in the hallway, narrows her eyes, and snarls, "Sammy Joooo.."
Blake is on the phone in his study, demanding to know if Logan Rhinewood is the person who's buying up big blocks of Denver-Carrington stock - and if not, who the hell is it? The person on the other end of the line is like, "I dunno" so Blake is forced to end the conversation without a clear answer. He then runs into Jeff in the hallway and asks him where he was all night, and Jeff comes right out and tells him he went on a drunken bender after the party. He suddenly notices that Blake has regained his sight and exclaims, "Oh my God! You can see!" Blake tells him that last night was a night of miracles and informs him that he's the father of a baby boy - and Jeff beams with pure delight as his caterpillar eyebrows furrow really far upwards. (Damn, but those hairy things seem to take on a life of their own.) He tells Blake he feels like a jerk for drunkenly carousing around town on the night his son was born - well d'yuh - but Blake just kind of shrugs indifferently and is like, "Meh."
Fallon's doctor tells Nick that the Colby baby isn't doing very well, and Nick responds by giving her a goofy smile. He's such a weirdo.
Alexis storms into Carrington manor and orders Joseph to fetch Sammy Jo, and by fetch she means drag out of bed if necessary. Joseph haughtily informs her that the vapid tart left the house a little while ago and that he has no idea to where she flounced off. Alexis tells him the moment she returns, she's to report to her studio.
Blake and Krystle arrive at the hospital to visit Fallon and congratulate her on the birth of her son...but Fallon just stares into space despondently and doesn't appear to give a rat's ass about her spawn. Blake asks her whassup with her bad mood, and she snarks that she's tired and doesn't want to talk to him...so he gives up and leaves the room. In the hallway, he tells Krystle that something serious must be bothering Fallon, and Krystle looks contemplative and recalls that since Fallon seemed so happy during the party, something must have happened later in the evening to change her mood. She suggests he speak to Alexis about it, and he bobs his head in agreement.
Morgan Hess calls Alexis to report that he just flew in from Ohio and has some juicy intel on Krystle. Alexis snarks that it had better be good, and he promises to stop by her studio later and give her a debriefing. A few seconds later, Sammy Jo arrives...and Alexis glares at her and snarls, "How dare you throw that lie at Fallon about her father!" Sammy Jo chuckles and says that Steven threw it first, at her...and, furthermore, she doesn't believe it is a lie. She cheekily asks, "So what are you going to do about it?" and Alexis tells her she wants her out of the Carrington family and not married to Steven anymore. She offers her daughter-in-law $20,000 to sign a "declaration" and leave town immediately. Sammy Jo asks her what declaration means, so Alexis explains that it is an official statement upon which she swears that she and Steven never doinked and can therefore get an annulment. Sammy Jo says that that would be a lie, since she and Steven have doinked "a real lot". That being said, she'll agree to take the $20,000 - but in exchange she wants a different deal: she'll leave Denver, enroll herself in a finishing school for yokels, acquire some fancy manners, and undergo an Eliza Doolittle type transformation. Alexis doesn't much care for that idea and tells her she'd much rather she took the money and simply went away forever - but then Sammy Jo threatens to show Steven the 'no doink' declaration "that would make him out to be a fag". (Oh, '80s TV..) Alexis tries to snatch the paper back, but Sammy Jo holds it tightly and refuses to hand it over until she gets the check. She throws Alexis a bone and tells her that once she's improved herself, it's possible she'll stumble across a richer, less sexually confused man...and if he's game to hook up with her, she'll divorce Steven in a New York minute.
When Fallon wakes up in her hospital room, Jeff is sitting by her bed holding her hand...and she bitchily snatches it away. He apologizes for not being present for the baby's birth, but Fallon just shrugs indifferently and says it doesn't matter. He tells her he spent the night drinking and doinking another woman, but that it doesn't matter 'cause right now their son is the most important thing. Fallon says she doesn't want to talk about the baby or see him, and Jeff is appalled and calls her a monster and inhuman...or maybe he called her an inhuman monster. In either case, well d'yuh.
Sammy Jo has her bags packed and a cab waiting for her outside. Krystle's all, "What's happening?!" and asks her niece where she's going, and Sammy Jo cryptically says, "Far away" and says if she wants more details, she should ask Alexis.
In the kitchen, some guy named Tony is cleaning a skeet shooting rifle. Krystle asks him whassup, and he tells her he's cleaning it for "the other Mrs. Carrington" and then remarks, "She really does love to go out there and shoot." Krystle looks thoughtfully pensive and has a flashback of when she fell off the horse and got dragged. She asks Tony if he happens to recall whether or not Alexis was shooting on the day she had her accident, which subsequently caused her miscarriage, and Tony mulls that over and says, "As a matter of fact, she did decide to go shooting that day!" Krystle curtly thanks him, then offers to deliver the cleaned rifle to Alexis' studio.
Krystle bursts into the studio clutching the rifle, and Alexis wryly asks her if she's going to shoot her for sending Sammy Jo back to the boondocks where she belongs. Hee! Krystle tells her she's finally pieced together what happened on the day of her accident, then accuses her of firing the gun that spooked her horse. Alexis just chuckles and says, "You don't know what you're talking about." Krystle accuses her of being jealous about her pregnancy, so then Alexis counter-accuses her of being paranoid now that Fallon has had her baby - then denies causing her accident and subsequent barrenness. Suddenly, two mannish looking stunt doubles rush onto the set - one in a blonde wig, the other in a brunette wig - and I'm delighted to announce that we are about to witness the first official Alexis vs. Krystle Cat Fight! Woo hoo!! They start off light by throwing pillows at each other...but when the stuffing starts to fly (and I mean that literally - the stuffing from the ripped pillows quickly becomes airborne), they put some real muscle into it and wrestle each other to the ground. Krystle rips Alexis' clothes, and the two roll around on the floor together...and Alexis gets shoved down a small flight of stairs (and somehow doesn't injure herself while doing so), then throws a vase at Krystle. After that, they chase each other around the studio for awhile and lunge at one another...and eventually Krystle wins the fight by slamming Alexis against the wall, which causes her to cartoonishly slump to the floor. Krystle stalks over to the easel, picks up Alexis' portrait of Blake, and smashes it until the canvas rips apart. As Alexis catches her breath and recovers from the ass-kicking, Krystle snarls, "If you want a rematch, just whistle...if you can" and then strides out of the trashed studio. Fucking...awesome.
Claudia drops by ColbyCo to inform Cecil that she managed to steal Jeff's key to the file room and had a duplicate made - but, unfortunately, the papers he wants weren't there. She's like, "Oh well" and says she wants to know where Lindsay is. Cecil reminds her that that wasn't the deal, and that he needs those papers. He wonders if perhaps Claudia is too reluctant to betray Jeff, and Claudia admits she really doesn't want to betray her new lover, but insists that Lindsay is worth it (that crybaby is not worth it). She sneers, "You've made a prostitute out of me" so Cecil tells her she's naive and that if she wants something in life, she has to pay for it. He gruffly tells her that when he gets what he wants, the deal will be completed...and she glares hatefully at him and stalks out of his office.
Morgan Hess arrives at the studio and looks bewildered that it's been completely trashed...but then gets right down to business and tells Alexis he's finally earned his keep. While poking around in Dayton, he discovered that Krystle isn't legally divorced from her first husband, Samuel Mark Jennings. Alexis perks up and shrieks, "Bigamy!" and orders Morgan to locate this Samuel Mark Jennings and bring him to her.
Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!