Dynasty - Season 2, Episode 12

Recap: Three weeks have passed since Blake's car got blown up by dynamite...and the old goat is still blind and more crotchety than ever. Like, even more crotchety than he was throughout Season 1 - so that's pretty fucking crotchety. When the episode begins, Blake wakes up with his hair all disheveled, puts a pair of dark glasses on, then has problems finding both of his slippers. Joseph enters the room, helps him locate his slippers, and informs him that someone left a gift-wrapped package for him at the front door. Blake barks at him to open it, so Joseph unwraps it and discovers a foldable walking cane inside the box, then reads the accompanying card: "With my condolences, L.R." Blake quickly deduces that L.R. stands for Logan Rhinewood, then flies into a rage and starts whipping the cane around, knocking everything over in its path. Joseph meekly begs him to stop, and a few seconds later the entire family rushes in. Jeff urges Blake to chillax, and Blake responds by railing about how he's been blind for three weeks and "nothing's being done about it" by his useless doctor. Steven tells him that a police lieutenant is waiting for him in the study, and Blake snarls, "What does he want?" and grumbles that he doubts they've found the scum who tried to kill him. Steven shrugs and says he has no idea what the cop wants, so Blake snaps, "Tell him I don't want to see him!" then cackles at the bitter irony of saying the words "see him". He suddenly pauses his bitchy ranting and asks how many people are in the room with him right now...and when he realizes that Jeff, Steven, Krystle, Fallon, and Joseph are all staring at him in bewildered fascination, he snarks, "Is this an exhibition?! Come look at the blind man! See how he rages in his blindness!" LOL. Well, d'yuh. Blind Blake is far more of a train wreck-ish spectacle than Regular Blake. Fallon abruptly orders everyone out of the room, and they all file toward the door. Blake thanks her for clearing the room and says he can't stand not being able to see peoples' expressions while he's making a giant arse of himself. She tells him she loves him, then starts weeping...and he tells her to stop it, 'cause he hates it when she's upset. He lets out a deep sigh and decides that he should probably go downstairs and talk to the police lieutenant to see if he has any breaking news to share about the investigation. 

As Fallon helps the ogre down the stairs, he asks her how things are going with Jeff...and she rolls her eyes and fake assures him she's doing everything possible to save the marriage. He reminds her that Jeff saved his life when the dynamite was thrown at him, and she's like, "Yeah, whatever" and tells him to take it easy with the police lieutenant...and he gruffly promises. During all this, Krystle is pensively staring down at the two of them from atop the stairs.

Blake irritably tells the cop he already answered all their questions, and grumps that he now wants answers. The cop tells him he has none, 'cause the car that was involved in the explosion hasn't been identified, nor have the occupants of the car. Blake tells him he's fairly certain that the culprit is Logan Rhinewood, and the cop mulls that over for a few seconds and says that no one in his department has ever even seen Rhinewood 'cause he's such a recluse. Blake admits he's never seen the mob boss in person either, then snarks that it's the police's job to find the proof that Rhinewood ordered the dynamite attack. The cop half-heartedly promises that they'll keep trying to identify the driver, and Blake gets all prickly bitchy and snarls, "I am fed up with your incompetence, you understand?! I am fed up!" After the cop slinks out, Nick enters the study with Blake's doctor, who apologizes for arriving late, then needlessly explains that he was detained at a convention in L.A. He tells Blake he's examined his x-rays and is happy to report that there's no damage to his optic nerve. Blake snaps, "Then why the devil can't I see?!" and the doctor shrugs and goes, "I dunno." He suggests to Blake that his blindness is due to a psychological trauma, which only makes Blake even more prickly bitchy. He demands to know when it will go away, and the doctor says he has no clue, then wisely beats a hasty retreat.

Blake snaps at Nick about the doctor's incompetence, and Nick snaps back at him for behaving like such a cunty troll. Blake declares that he's going back to his Denver-Carrington office on Monday, and Nick reminds him he's blind, then remarks, "You're human...if not humane" and Blake pissily snaps, "Now what's that supposed to mean? Answer me!" but Nick just smirks to himself and quietly sneaks out as an enraged Blake bellows, "Toscanni! Answer me!" Nick saunters past Krystle, who's standing in the doorway...and she rushes after him and admonishes him for treating her dickwad husband in such a rude manner. Nick grumbles at her for leaving him hanging for the last month, and tells her he wants her for himself. He demands to know if she's sleeping with the old goat...and she tells him they haven't coupled since before Blake was in Rome with Alexis. He asks her when she plans on giving up the charade, and she's like, "I dunno" and ambles back inside the mansion. 

Jeff stops by Fallon's room to remind her that they're due at the Randolph's at 7pm. She helps him with his tie and gives him a smooch, but he just kind of pulls away and orders her to get ready. She makes a face and says she'd rather not go, 'cause apparently Mrs. Randolph is always talking about pregnancy and babies. She smooches Jeff again, and once again he tells her to get ready, then accuses her of trying to seduce him as a way of pleasing her father. She tells him she's actually doing it more out of horniness...but when she tries to kiss him again, he rebuffs her, snarks that she should call her boyfriend, then stalks out of the room. Ouch.

Early the next morning, Blake pulls down on some kind of bell/alert system to summon Joseph. A couple of minutes later, Joseph rushes into the room, tying his tie. He explains that he's late 'cause he generally likes to sleep in on Sundays...then reminds his ogre boss that he woke him up twice during the middle of the night to shave him and read spy stories to him. He grumbles about how much he hates spy stories, and Blake snaps that maybe it's 'cause he reads them so dully. Joseph wearily complains that his sarcasm is getting harder and harder to stomach, so Blake snarls that if he hates his job so much, he's free to leave and find another rich family who's in need of a majordomo...assuming that anyone aside from the Carringtons know what the hell a majordomo is. Joseph's face falls, and Blake immediately apologizes for his douchebaggery and asks him to please continue being his friend. Joseph tentatively asks, "And majordomo?" and Blake confirms that, yes, he'd like Joseph to continue in his current position of debasing himself by kissing his rich ass, as well as the rich asses of his self-entitled family members. Joseph smiles with relief and toddles off to the kitchen to get his master some much needed coffee.   

Andy enters the room, greets Blake, and tells him he's looking...er, fit. He has great news: Denver-Carrington's Middle East oil has been purchased, and the company is finally solvent again. Hurray! Blake grumpily thanks him, then tells him he'll sign the necessary papers at the office tomorrow. He then tells Andy his plans for Logan Rhinewood: “I’m going to get the man who did this to me. Get him and put him away!" and Andy doesn't appear to give much of a rat's ass, so he's just like, "Er...OK."

Outside, Sammy Jo is working on Steven's car engine again. Fallon flounces past her without saying anything, and Sammy Jo calls her out on her rudeness and snarkishly asks her if she doesn't speak to her own relatives. Fallon climbs into her ridiculous Clenet car and mutters a hello. Sammy Jo tells her she's now a part of this family whether she likes it or not, and Fallon concedes that that's true, but only for the time being. As she drives off, Sammy Jo bellows, "Enjoy church! That is where you're going, isn't it?!" Steven appears with some tools and asks his wife whassup with her snarly mood, so she sarcastically tells him that Fallon just asked her to lunch. She then puts her sad face on and asks him why he's ashamed of her...and by ashamed, she demands to know why he hasn't told Blake about their marriage. Steven says he's afraid of telling Blake anything in his current state of grouchy blindness, but then promises to break the news to him sometime today...and by sometime today, he means in the very next scene.

Blake snaps, "You did what?!" so Steven confirms that he really, actually did marry Krystle's skanky, vapid niece. Blake snarls, "How could you do that?" and Steven scrunches his face in confusion and tells him he doesn't understand the question. LOL. Blake asks him if he was drunk when he married her, and Steven insists that he married her because he loves her...then sarcastically thanks his father for congratulating him. Blake back pedals and half-heartedly congratulates him on his doomed marriage, and Steven pouts about his lack of enthusiasm. Blake wearily tells him they'll somehow all find a way to get used to each other, then decrees, "We'll train her to fit into the family." Steven furrows his brows and sarcastically quips, "Like you'd train your guard dog?" and Blake snaps that he's trying very hard to accept his rash, boneheaded decision...and speaking of rash, boneheaded decisions, Steven then tells him that he quit his job at the refinery so he can become a professional race car driver. Blake just shakes his head in disbelief and mutters, "My God...what have I done?" LOL. At that moment, Alexis happens to walk down the hall and overhears Blake tell Steven that he's not going to stand by while he kills himself on a racetrack. Steven snarls that it's his life, and Alexis quickly bursts inside the room and pulls Steven out into the hallway. She admonishes him for upsetting Blake while he's so blind and crotchety, and the two argue back and forth as Sammy Jo skulks around the hallway - just in time to overhear Steven needlessly remind Alexis that she once claimed that Fallon isn't really Blake's daughter. 

Alexis commiserates with Blake about the disaster-in-the-making that is Steven's and Sammy Jo's marriage, then suggests they try to annul the unholy coupling. Joseph enters the room and kind of grunts when he sees Alexis, then tells Blake he shouldn't spend his nights alone and offers to sleep next to him on a folding bed. Blake takes him up on his disturbing offer and later remarks to Alexis what a decent man Joseph is. She asks him if Krystle isn't going to feel awkward with Joseph sleeping beside them on a folding bed, and Blake tells her it's a non-issue, since Krystle is currently sleeping in the guest room. Alexis looks visibly delighted at the hint of marital problems between them, then contorts her lips poutishly and tells him that a husband should always have his wife close by 'cause, apparently, that's what marriage is all about. She adds, "That's something I learned too late" and then dashes out of the room, leaving Blake going, "Wuh?" and blindly staring into space.

Blake is back at work and has brought Joseph along to help him orient himself in his office. He feels around his desk, then answers a buzz from his secretary. She tells him Mr. Colby is here, and he happily says, "Send him in" not realizing it's Cecil, not Jeff. Cecil strolls in and says he came by to welcome him back, and also to bury the hatchet. He proposes they merge their companies, since ColbyCo has all the best leases on oil shale land, while Denver-Carrington has the technology to extract the oil. Blake basically tells him to go pee up a rope, then snarls that there's only one Colby he trusts: Jeff.

Cecil drops by Claudia's cubicle. Apparently she recently got promoted from file clerk to the up-and-coming Oil Shale Department. Cecil tells her he has breaking news about Matthew and Lindsay: the two have left Peru and are heading toward Colombia. Claudia scrunches her face in confusion and says he had last reported that they were entering Venezuela. She glares at Cecil skeptically and he quietly slinks off in order to avoid any more questions.

Nick calls Krystle while she's enjoying a pedicure and tells her he wants to see her at his place tonight. She tells him she can't make it, and he gets annoyed and threatens to come to the mansion and discuss their affair in front of all the servants. Krystle looks pensively troubled as she contemplatively stares into space. 

Alexis and Fallon arrive at a restaurant...and Fallon spots Nick dining alone and goes over to say hello. She sits down uninvited and tells him she's here with her mother, then babbles about...well, I dunno 'cause I kind of checked out during this part. Nick gets up and leaves, and Fallon returns to where Alexis is sitting. She asks Fallon if Nick is "the one" and Fallon admits he is. Alexis says she can tell by looking into the man's eyes that there's something dangerous about him, but Fallon's just like, "Whatever" and says he's the only man she's ever been truly in love with and wants to marry him someday. I guess his constant, unmistakable brush-offs somehow aren't getting through to the imbecile. Alexis asks her if she knows who he's involved with, and Fallon says she has an idea, but wants to confirm her suspicions. 

Jeff is in Blake's office, reading the contents of Nick's personnel file to Blake. Blake suddenly remembers that Nick once said something odd about family members who were hurt...so Jeff reads aloud the names of Nick's siblings, and Blake recognizes the name of Gianni and looks contemplative.

Fallon is staking out Nick's house 'cause she's a crazy stalker with not enough to do in her life...but the effort pays off when she sees Krystle pull up. Nick walks onto the driveway and greets her, and then the two head toward the house. Fallon glares at them through her narrowed, beady eyes.

Nick asks Krystle if she told Blake about wanting a divorce, and she says she hasn't - not after Nick was so rude to him. She warns him that the old goat is still her husband, despite the fact that they're not currently doinking. Nick snarkishly asks her why she's letting herself suffer, then says he's worried he'll be waiting forever for her to leave Blake. He kisses her, but then Krystle wails, "I have to do what I have to do...otherwise, I'll end up hating myself." She tells him to leave her alone, then rushes back to her car. 

Blake tells Andy he wants to nail Rhinewood for the dynamite attack, but Andy points out that they don't have any evidence to prove that he was behind it. Blake isn't too concerned 'bout that and says that by nail him, he means make him look guilty in the court of public opinion...and Andy just scrunches his face in confusion. Ray Bonning drops by unannounced and tries to get Blake to sell his controlling interest in his football team to Logan Rhinewood, but Blake refuses and snarks that he knows he (Ray) was responsible for having dynamite thrown at him. Ray informs him that he was in Vegas when it happened, and Blake says he'll have to prove that during a senate investigating committee, which he plans on putting together so that government officials can look into crime in Colorado. LOL - say what?! Ray tells him he'll look like an assclown if he does that, and Blake yells at him to get out and moves toward him as though it were possible to take the guy on - which I doubt would work out well for Blake even if he could see - and Andy humors him by restraining him and ordering Ray to leave, which he does while smirking. Blake mutters, "I'm gonna get him." Andy asks him what the hell he was talking about when he mentioned starting up a crime commission, then says, "I hope you're kidding." LOL. Blake says he's not, then orders Andy to call in all of their political favors and start on this thing immediately, then declares, "I'll testify as Exhibit A." Bwahaha! What a delusional fucktard. Andy tells him to stop with his lunacy, and reminds him that Rhinewood is dangerous and might actually kill him...but Blake gruffly says he's willing to take that chance. Yes! Take it!

Sammy Jo and Steven are canoodling in bed. She tells Steven she overheard what he said to Alexis about Fallon not being Blake's daughter, and he warns her not to breathe a word of it to anyone, since he doesn't even know for sure if it's true. Sammy Jo fake promises to keep her mouth shut and says she'd never want to repeat anything that might hurt Fallon...then smirks to herself.

Blake is on the phone with some unfortunate person, trying to get his ridiculous crime commission started up, like pronto. Krystle is standing in front of his desk holding a cup of coffee, and he's surprised to learn that it's her and not his secretary. She offers to take him home, but he irritably retorts that Joseph can do that. She wails, "I'm trying!" so he grumps about how he has servants and assistants to do errands and tote him around town, then ickily declares, "I need a wife in my bed." He asks her if that's what she's offering by bringing him coffee and offering to take him home, but she doesn't answer and then turns and walks away. I'll take that as a no.

Fallon drops by Alexis' studio to report that she saw Krystle at Nick's house...then adds that she once caught Krystle coming home very late while Blake was in Rome. Fallon says she doesn't blame Nick for the affair, since Krystle is clearly the one "throwing herself at him". She's itching to tell Blake about his wife's extramarital activities, but Alexis tells her not to do it as long as Blake is in his current state of grouchy blindness. She then tells her daughter to leave it with her to deal with, then promises to get Krystle out of Nick's life, as well as Blake's life...and both women grin evilly at each other.