Recap: Krystle and Nick Toscanni are exactly where we left them at the end of the previous episode: locked in each other's arms, smooching in Nick's living room. Krystle suddenly pulls away, then rushes over to the phone to call herself a cab. Nick takes the receiver out of her hand and hangs up the phone, and she looks up at him with a pensively tortured expression and tells him she has to go. He implores her to stay and insists that she feels something for him. He recalls the first time they met by literally bumping into each other at Carrington manor, then says he's wanted her ever since that moment. He asks her what she felt when she first saw him, and she's like, "Um, nothing." Ouch. Nick asks her what she feels for him now, and she admits she feels a little something, but doesn't want to betray her ogre husband. Nick reminds her that Blake is in Italy, doinking his ex-wife, then gets exasperated and grumbles, "Is that what's keeping you out of my bed tonight?" Krystle falls silent, and when he asks her again if she has feelings for him, she tells him to stop pressuring her. He finally backs off, then tells her she doesn't need to call a cab 'cause he'll give her a ride back to her car.
Fallon retires to her bedroom and finds Jeff slouching in a chair and drinking heavily. He tells her he spent the evening looking for Cecil but couldn't find him, and Fallon shrugs disinterestedly and tells him he should try to get some sleep. Suddenly, he jumps up from his chair, grabs her by the arms, and snarks that since he wasn't able to locate Cecil, he couldn't confirm if the story she told him was the truth. She looks at him blankly and asks, "What story?" and he reminds her about how she claimed she promised Cecil she'd marry him (Jeff) in exchange for the $9 million loan to Blake. Considering that this marriage is an unrecoverable train wreck, I can't imagine why it even matters to him at this point. The two snipe back and forth some more, and then Jeff orders her to tell him that the story was a lie, then declares that he still loves her. He's mad as a hatter, this man. Fallon petulantly tells him to go find Cecil and ask him if the story's true, and Jeff moves his chair adjacent to her bed and says he's going to plant himself there all night so he can stop her from going to the abortion clinic tomorrow and destroying their child.
Alexis is having her future told by Adrianna, a delightfully wacky fortune teller. She consults her crystal ball and tells Alexis it looks like the last few days have been very pleasant for her, and Alexis chuckles and says she's been hanging out with her ex-husband. Adrianna solemnly says, "You vant him veddy much" and Alexis replies, "Yes, I do." God knows why. Adrianna then begins studying the tarot cards, and looks momentarily puzzled that the cards somehow indicate that no lovemaking occurred during their time together. Alexis confirms that nothing sexual happened, but she's curious about whether or not it will in the future. Ew. Adrianna stares deeply into her crystal ball and sees a frightened blonde woman (Krystle) riding a horse, then falling off it. She gets very worked up and barks, "She vas hurt because of you!!" Alexis tries to mask her guilt by claiming that she warned blondie not to ride that frisky horse, but she wouldn't listen...then hastily asks Adrianna to go back to reading the tarot cards. Adrianna then makes a cryptic prediction for the future of Alexis' love life: "Man veddy positive, veddy powerful, veddy attracted to you." But, unfortunately, the cards can't actually identify who this man is. She tells Alexis it's someone who knows her "veddy well...veddy intimately" and Alexis looks momentarily deflated and wryly retorts, "Well, that could be a regiment." Haha! She wants to know more about this mystery man, so Adrianna waves one of the tarot cards in the air and says he's going to ask her to marry him, and Alexis perks up and goes, "Really?" and suddenly Adrianna's face darkens as she bellows, "He vill expire!! He vill expire!! Like death!!" LOL. She glares at Alexis and ominously holds up the death card, which has a graphic of a funny looking, cartoonish skeleton on it...and Alexis dramatically clutches her chest, then gets up and flees the room. That scene was pure awesome.
Blake is on his private jet, en route back to Denver. He phones the pilot and asks him to arrange a meeting with Andy and himself once they land. The pilot asks him if he'd like him to ring Krystle, but Blake says it's too early, and would prefer to tell her all about his deal with Ahmed in person. Shouldn't, um, the pilot be concentrating on flying the plane instead of functioning as Blake's personal assistant?
Fallon slips out of the mansion and gets into a shiny red car. (I wonder what happened to her ridiculous Clenet?) Jeff, meanwhile, has just stirred in the chair he was sleeping in, and is alarmed to see that Fallon is gone. He runs out of the house, then down to the garage and sees that his wife's car is gone, then hops into the nearest Mercedes and peels out of the driveway. Downtown, Fallon pulls up to the Blandon Clinic and tries to bribe the receptionist into moving up her 1:00pm appointment, but the receptionist refuses to take her money and sternly tells her to come back later...and, if she doesn't like it, she can get her abortion elsewhere.
Cecil calls his secretary and asks her to arrange a lunch date for him and Claudia. Suddenly, a disheveled looking Jeff bursts into his office and demands to know if Fallon married him in exchange for him (Cecil) loaning Blake $9 million. Cecil carefully mulls that over and goes, "Yeah, I guess you could look at it that way." Jeff tells him to cut the double talk...but then finally throws in the towel and believes it's probably true. Well, d'yuh. He then starts railing at his uncle about how he married him off to Fallon so that the Colbys and the Carringtons could be merged into one horrific oil powerhouse, and Cecil snarks back that Blake was well aware of what the deal entailed. Actually, I don't think Blake knew anything about this deal, but it's so hard to give a rat's ass about the origins of Jeff's and Fallon's marriage that I'm not even going to go through the trouble of digging up and quoting anything from my past recaps.
Over at the lake cabin, a towel clad Sammy Jo dashes into the kitchen where Steven is making orange juice and drags him over to the couch and mounts him. She tells him that last night was the most special night of her whole life and that she's never been happier. He chirps, "Me either!" and declares that he wants out of the oil business so he can become a stock car racer. Um...OK? Sammy Jo looks delighted at his sudden desire for a career change and asks him if she can be his coach and "pit girl", and he's like, "Sure!" He then tells her he wants to be with her...and the two start smooching. Steven has to be the most fickle person on the planet.
Fallon arrives at Nick's office, but he doesn't look at all happy to see her and snarkishly tells her he doesn't have time to talk 'cause he's due at the hospital soon. She tells him she's in deep trouble and needs a place to hide out, then asks him if she can stay at his house. He asks her if she's hiding from Jeff and if Jeff still cares that she's aborting their child, and she admits he does still care, then petulantly says, "Right now I exist only for me. If that's wrong...if that's selfish, I don't care!" God she's such a soulless waste of skin. She tells Nick she loves him and thinks he'd love her if she weren't pregnant, and he gives her a look of revulsion and accuses her of using him and says she'll have to live with her decisions. She says she's already made her decision, and he gives up trying to talk sense into the nitwit and tells her she can hang out at his house for a few hours, but makes it clear he doesn't want her there when he gets home. Ouch.
Blake gets back to his office at Denver-Carrington and tries to call Krystle, but Joseph tells him she's still asleep. Ray Bonning makes a sudden, unexpected appearance, and Blake looks startled to see the lanky Vegas mobster. Ray reminds him that his boss, Logan Rhinewood, is determined to buy 100% of the football team that Blake sold him 45% of...and Blake says he knows, then explains that when he sold nearly half of the team to the mobster, he was in a tight spot financially...but that's no longer the case. In fact, he'd like to counteroffer and pay Rhinewood $10 million to get back full shares of the team, but Ray turns him down flat and ominously tells him that if he continues to refuse to sell, he'll be sorry. Blake asks him if that was a threat - I'd say so - and Ray says it's a fact...and then Blake gets mad and barks, "Get outta here!"
In the lobby of the Denver-Carrington building, Ray calls Rhinewood on a pay phone and tells him it looks like they're going to have to do something to scare Blake into selling them the entire football team...and if that doesn't work, hopefully they'll deal with someone more reasonable, like his widow. Hurray!
Joseph drops by Alexis' studio to deliver the mail that came for her while she was away in Europe. He tells her it's been piling up, then draws her attention to the tabloid newspaper with the photo of her and Blake. She tut tuts the impertinent majordomo and asks him if he still subscribes to that "trashy rag" and he grins and says, "Every week!" Hee! She quickly bores of his presence and brusquely dismisses him from her orbit.
Back at Denver-Carrington, Andy congratulates Blake on the deal he made with Rashid Ahmed. Blake brags about the fantastic job he did negotiating with the wily Arab and instructs Andy to finish up the paperwork, then fly to the Middle East and personally ensure that his oil tankers are released. He giddily informs his lawyer that they're on the verge of solvency. Andy's expression suddenly turns grim, and he tells Blake he has something to show him, then opens his briefcase and pulls out a copy of the trashy tabloid with him and Alexis on the cover. Blake looks at it in dismay and says he isn't surprised, but thinks it's too obscure a publication for Krystle to ever see. Andy then tells him that the story also made its way into several more reputable newspapers and explains that his murder trial sparked a lot of public interest in him and that this "affair" could become national news. Blake says he was only with Alexis in Italy 'cause she set up the meeting with Ahmed and insists that nothing happened.
Cecil and Claudia lunch together and bore me with their small talk. She tells him she lives in a shitty little apartment, so he offers to arrange for more luxurious accommodations in a building his company owns, but she declines. Cecil then tells her the purpose of their lunch: his "people" have a new lead on the whereabouts of her husband and daughter! They were spotted in Brazil, but have since gone elsewhere...probably Venezuela. I'm mildly curious how Matthew seems to have endless financial resources to travel from country to country with a teenage daughter in tow. Claudia is thrilled by the news and says she doesn't know how to thank him...and Cecil gives her a sly half smile. Blech.
Steven and Sammy Jo are at a Justice of the Peace, getting married. Considering that the episode was named for this event, the scene is strangely brief and anti-climactic.
Jeff, who's still careening around Denver looking hungover and disheveled, arrives at Denver-Carrington and storms into Blake's office. Blake asks him what the problem is, and Jeff snarls, "You, Blake! You're the problem!" He grumbles about how he was "bought", and how Blake must have laughed his ass off when Fallon married him. [I know I did.] Blake insists he was happy when he married his brat 'cause he liked the idea of having him as a son-in-law. He also swears that he didn't know anything about the deal Fallon made with Cecil until well after the wedding, then adds that the $9 million loan has been repaid, so it's a moot point anyway. Not to mention an overplayed storyline. He reminds him that he and Fallon have a baby on the way, but Jeff bitterly informs him that his cunty wife is getting an abortion at the Blandon Clinic, probably as they speak. Blake is all, "Wha-a?!" and after Jeff stalks out, Blake calls his driver and says they need to get over to the Blandon Clinic, like pronto.
Blake arrives at the clinic in record time and brusquely announces himself to the receptionist. She tells him that his daughter was just wheeled into surgery, so he bolts down the hall and barges past a nurse who tells him he's in a restricted area. He barks, "I don't give a damn about your regulations!" then suddenly sees Fallon standing in the hallway, dressed in a hospital gown and looking red-eyed and ghastly. She runs into his arms, and he mutters, "Oh honey. What have you done?" and she replies, "Nothing. I couldn't do it" and tells him he'll get his grandchild after all. What a relief.
Alexis admonishes investigator Morgan Hess for not finding anything adequately juicy about Krystle's past. He tells her there's a mysterious gap of information on Krystle's first husband, and Alexis gets annoyed and tells him to step it up, then snaps, "I want every damn piece of information you can get on Krystle Jennings!" He hangs his head sheepishly and leaves just as Andy arrives at the studio. He congratulates Alexis on arranging the meeting with Rashid Ahmed, then tells her he's leaving for the Middle East tonight to meet with him. He has a problem, however: his office can't seem to get a hold of the man, so he'd like her to call him. She agrees and picks up the phone and starts dialing...and as she's doing that, Andy asks her who the man is who just left her studio, and she fibs and says he's a picture framer.
Back at the mansion, Blake tucks Fallon into bed...and to punctuate the ickiness of their creepy father/daughter dynamic, Fallon is decked out in a Victorian era nightgown buttoned up to her chin and has a matching bow-tie ribbon on her head. OMFG. Blake reminisces about how when she was a little girl she used to sneak into the kitchen at night and make fudge for him. He then smiles at her gently and says she's been through a lot today, but that it'll all be OK...and urges her to get some sleep. She slips into her little girl voice and asks, "Daddy, do you love me? Really love me?" and he gazes down at his precious little lamb and replies, "More than ever, if that's possible." Fallon sighs contentedly and closes her eyes...and a few seconds later, Joseph tip-toes in and asks Blake if Fallon needs anything [other than a good, swift kick in the rear]. Blake tells him she's going to sleep off her aborted abortion, and that he's off to go see Krystle.
Blake heads over to the master bedroom and notices that there's a copy of the tabloid newspaper laying on the bed. He greets Krystle, but she just shoots him the stink-eye. He earnestly tells her that the tabloid is trash and assures her that nothing happened between him and Alexis. Krystle angrily points out that every time he called her during the trip, he never once mentioned that she was in Italy with him. Fair point. Blake reverts to his regular douchebag self and snarls at her for still not regaining her senses after her miscarriage, and she gets pissed off and scoops up her gigantic fur coat and storms out of the room. She heads down to the garage and climbs into one of her luxury cars and squeals off. Blake rushes out after her, but he's too old and slow to catch up to her. Joseph appears from out of nowhere and asks his master if he's OK or if he needs anything, and Blake says he won't need dinner tonight, so he and the other servants can take the night off. Alexis, who's eavesdropping nearby, looks intrigued.
That evening, Blake is bumbling around the kitchen when Alexis pops by and asks him if she can grab something to eat, since her cupboards are bare. He's like, "Sure!" and tells her they'll have to do their own cooking since he gave the staff the night off. He grimly tells her that Krystle saw the tabloid, and she looks fake apologetic and concerned. He then looks her in the eye and asks her if she had anything to do with orchestrating the photos, and she looks fake insulted, dramatically shakes her head from side to side (LOL), and asks him if he really thinks she could be so deceitful. She assures him she'd never do anything to jeopardize her relationship with her children or with him, so he gruffly apologizes and explains that he's just upset about the entire sitch. She offers to cook something for the two of them, and he nods amicably.
Krystle, meanwhile, pulls her car over to a phone booth and wedges herself and her oversized fur inside the booth and calls the mansion. Back at the mansion, Blake is in the pantry with his hands full, so he asks Alexis to answer the phone. She does, and Krystle looks put out by the sound of Alexis' voice, then abruptly hangs up. Alexis smirks to herself knowingly and tells Blake there was no answer, then jokes that at least it wasn't a heavy breather.
Inside the phone booth, Krystle starts weeping. As well she should.
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