Recap: Jennie Garth is having a nightmare about being back on the West Beverly Hills High set, playing Kelly Taylor. She runs past David Silver, who's blathering at the student body from the DJ booth, just as someone yells, "Kelly's dead!" ... and she wakes up in a cold sweat. In the next scene, Jennie is in the kitchen with her blonde daughter Kyler, telling her how freaked out she is by the notion of possibly rebooting a show that was sooo traumatizing to be on for ten seasons. Kyler rolls her eyes and points out that a) no one held a gun to her head and forced her to remain a cast member through the wretched episodes that compromised Seasons 5-10, and b) it can't have been that traumatic to be on a show that earned her zillions of dollars. Jennie argues that it was traumatic, and disputes that her earnings were in the zillions. Kyler's all, "Whatevs. It still sounds fun" then casually mentions that she has an audition later. Jennie's all, "Wha-a-a?" and reminds her about the 'no auditions' rule as long as she's a minor, but Kyler's like, "Whatevs. I'm still auditioning" ... and after she heads off to school, Jennie sifts through her mail and sees that her soon-to-be ex-husband has mailed her a petition for divorce.
Tori and Jennie are at Fox headquarters to pitch their superfluous 90210 reboot idea to two 90210-friendly executives. Tori plays the footage of her manic self during the previous episode when she shattered the glass enclosure so she could make off with the poofy red dress and tells the executives that while it wasn't her finest [or even a barely amusing] moment, she figured 'why not live-stream this contrived meltdown on Instagram?' and somehow attracted five million views in twenty-four hours, which she translates to mean that even the casual-est of Beverly Hills, 90210 viewers would probably be into seeing the cast together again on a [please let it be a limited] new series. The executives gush about how much they loooooove this idea and ask if the rest of the cast is on board...then assume that they all must be, 'cause why else would Tori and Jennie be at Fox headquarters, wasting their time pitching this nonsense. After Tori and Jennie stare bewilderedly into space for a few seconds, Tori promises to bring the entire cast into Fox for a meeting asap so they can flesh out the details.
The 90210 gang arrives at the courthouse to face the music for fleeing Vegas with the stolen red dress. They mug for fans on the way in - except for Gabrielle, who flashes everyone the middle finger. My sentiments exactly.
Inside the courtroom, the judge reads out the charges against them: larceny, destruction of property, public drunkenness, and public urination. Not sure who committed that last thing, but Jennie glares over at Jason Priestly and says she's pretty comfortable assuming he was the urinator. The judge tells them they should all be ashamed of their buffoonish behavior during the previous episode...but, that said, she's A-OK with taking the advice of the DA to drop all the charges. Tori springs up from her chair, chirps, "I object!", and insists that she acted alone and doesn't want anyone else to have to pay the price for her idiocy. The judge tells her to save her confession for the pending civil case, then explains that the owner of the poofy red dress (who's a creepy chubbo currently present in the courtoom and leering at Tori) is seeking 100K in damages and wants the dress returned unlaundered. She then sentences the 90210 gang to fifty hours of community service, which is nonsensical given that she had just declared she was dropping the charges, and Gabrielle snaps, "Thanks, Tori" as everyone grumpily exits the courtroom. In the courthouse lobby, Tori tells everyone she'd really like to make it up to them...and by make it up to them, she means she wants them to all agree to appear in a 90210 reboot. After staring at her incredulously for a few seconds, they burst out laughing 'cause they figure surely she's gotta be shittin' them, and the da na na na, da na na na, cha cha opening credits start to roll.
After the commercial break, Tori tells everyone that Fox has a serious interest in airing a 90210 reboot, which could translate to some serious cash for each of them...and when no one responds, she begs, "Pleeeeeease. I neeeed this." Jason nixes the idea and says he has zero desire to put on his old Peach Pit uniform, Gabrielle derisively says she's simply not interested in resurrecting the on-screen horrendousness that was Ahn-drea Zuckerman, and Ian says he's too busy trying to get proof that his wife has been sleeping around so he can extricate himself from paying her half his earnings when he springs a divorce on her. As everyone exits the building, Jennie shrugs and tells Tori it was always a long shot...and Tori dejectedly stares into space.
At home, Tori is sitting in front of a dollhouse model of the Peach Pit, using little doll versions of each cast member to strategize about how she's going to convince everyone to agree to the reboot. Not sure why she needs the visual of a dollhouse to do this, but OK. When Nate tells her how crazy he thinks the whole reboot idea is, she tells him she's mostly doing it to generate some much needed cash, not least 'cause she's just been sued for 100K. Nate shakes his head skeptically, refrains from offering to pitch in with paying the overdue bills by getting a damn job, and tells her she'll never be able to pull off a 90210 reboot.
Camille tells Jason she's thrilled that her pregnancy is giving her license to eat carbs - just as she gets a text from a guy who's lurking around outside. When she discreetly steps outside to confront him, he tells her he wants to make full use of her showbiz connections in exchange for continuing to keep her secret on the down-low...and I'm pretty sure we can assume that the "secret" is that it's not Jason's bun that's currently in her oven. Yawn.
Kyler tells Jennie she auditioned for the part of a drunk cheerleader and got the role, and Jennie's all, "Excuse me?" and grounds her for defying her 'no auditions' rule.
Brian is auditioning for a drama/comedy (he's not sure which) and is instantly given the part - but soon learns he only got it 'cause his wife promised the producers she'd provide her Grammy award winning music to play during the end credits of the film.
Tori tells Jennie she's getting frustrated that no one is returning her calls about the reboot. As Jennie watches her bustle around the kitchen, cooking and doing her usual mom multi-tasking, she gushes about her friend's amazing ability to take care of her insanely large brood of small children. Tori mulls that over for a few seconds, then looks as though she just got a brilliant idea and tells Jennie she knows exactly how she's going to get everyone to agree to do the show.
In the next scene, Tori meets up with Jason at a restaurant and promises that if he signs on, she'll talk to the network about letting him direct this sure-to-be spectacle. Jason perks up at that and looks intrigued.
Jason drops by Gabrielle's place to ask if she can please do something that will convince the Actor's Guild to let him resume his director jobs. Gabrielle tells him that while she's not willing to pull strings, she'll set up a mediation between him and the young actor he punched and hope something good comes of it. She then starts gabbling about how hard it sucks "being caught in the middle", and Jason assumes she's referring to his boning of Jennie in Vegas and sheepishly refers to it as "a drunken mistake". Gabrielle does her best to unhear that disturbing nugget and confesses to kissing a woman in Vegas and possibly enjoying it - but is bummed that, for obvious reasons, she can't discuss her sudden lesbian urges with her husband.
Shay is in a practice session with her backup dancers when Brian bursts in and demands to know if she pulled strings with the movie producer he just auditioned for in exchange for the rights to play her music during the end credits. She's like, "Well, d'yuh" and says she didn't think it was that big of a deal, then throws him a bone about how "talented and sexy" he is. Brian grumbles about feeling like a chump who needs his famous wife's help...and from a distance we see that the sad lonely boy (SLB) who had showed up at Brian's house at the end of the previous episode is lurking nearby, filming their argument with his phone. In the next scene, SLB stares at his bulletin board, which looks to be dedicated to chronicling everything Brian has been up to lately. This kid must really have a lot of time on his hands.
Jason dons a superhero outfit to film a fight scene with the young actor he punched in the face. After the director yells, "Cut!", the young actor kicks Jason in the balls...and as he lays writhing on the floor, Gabrielle rushes over to soothe his nuts with an ice pack. The nut cracking somehow prompts Jason to get on board with the 90210 reboot, and he calls Tori to give her the happy news. She then seats herself in front of her Peach Pit dollhouse and grins stupidly at the Brandon doll.
While strolling in the park together, Gabrielle tells Tori she could get into the idea of a 90210 reboot if the producers would be willing to push the envelop...and by push the envelop, she'd like it if she could use Ahn-drea as a vicarious means of exploring her sexuality. Tori blurts out, "Gay?!", then says she looooves the idea.
Over lunch, Ian tells Tori he managed to capture video footage of his wife cheating on him with various men...and since she broke the rules of their prenup, he's open to being in the reboot - but with one condition: he wants a lot of product placement for whatever crap he's peddling these days. Tori's like, "Deal!"
Later, Brian tells Tori he's not doing the movie anymore 'cause of how irked he is about Shay's meddling...and is agreeing to the reboot 'cause of how inspired he is by her (Tori's) relentless insistence on living in the past and reuniting the old gang.
Jennie tells Tori she's no longer agreeing to the reboot on account of she needs to spend her every waking moment keeping Kyler away from auditions and movie/TV sets. Sounds like a reasonable use of her time.
Brian makes a call to his secret best pal...who turns out to be - surprise! - Shannen Doherty...and she's - surprise! - on a California beach untangling a sea lion from some netting. Shannen tells Brian to go easy on Shay 'cause it seems like she was only pulling strings in an effort to kickstart his dormant acting career that everyone figured would peak then swiftly fizzle out once Beverly Hills, 90210 came to a merciful end. Brian thanks her for the much needed perspective, then mentions that Tori's been trying to reach her about the 90210 reboot. Shannen makes an ew face and snarks, "I have no time for that."
Jason drops by Jennie's house to tell her he heard that she dropped out of the reboot, then assumes it's 'cause they hit the sheets in Vegas. Jennie assures him it has nothing to do with him, but rather a desperate attempt to keep her daughter from making an underage foray into acting. Jason argues that she'd be better off supporting her daughter's dreams, then assures her that Kyler is gonna be aw' right 'cause she has the world's greatest mom. Jennie chews on that compliment as she stares contemplatively into space.
Jennie tells Tori she's back on for the reboot - but only if the producers would be willing to hire Kyler in a recurring role so she can keep her eye on her on set. The two then meet up with the rest of the 90210 gang to work off a few hours of their court-mandated community service, aka don orange city worker vests while they clean up trash in a local park. Tori tells everyone how happy she is that they've all agreed to do the reboot...then announces that she plans to take on the role of executive producer, and is allowing Ian a lot of latitude on product placement. Jason looks irked by that and says that as the show's director he didn't sign off on that...and this prompts a bickerfest between him and Ian. Tori tells them to shut it, and that they can all exploit the reboot to get whatever perks they want, e.g. Jennie getting her daughter cast in a supporting role. Ian's all, "The fuck?" and asks if they didn't all learn their lesson from the horrible nepotism that Aaron Spelling demonstrated by giving his talentless daughter what would inevitably become a major role on Beverly Hills, 90210 for ten seasons. Bwahaha! Gabrielle interjects and says the perk she most wants is for them to undergo group therapy...and everyone's all, "Wuh? Group therapy?" just as the paparazzi arrives and eggs the group on to mug and pose for the cameras.
The entire 90210 gang shows up at Fox for the reboot's first official pitch meeting...along with a surprise announcement from the two executives about the person they've hired as showrunner: Christine Elise (aka Emily Valentine). As Jason shifts uncomfortably in his chair [yes, we know you two hooked up in real life], Christine tells the group how much she loooooved the recent TMZ pics of them performing their community service, and thinks their collective neuroses will make for some awesomely bad TV.
Jennie tells Kyler she doesn't want to stand in the way of her acting dreams, so she arranged for her to get a recurring role on the 90210 reboot so she can hold her hand through the perils of acting on a "hit show" at a tender age.
Gabrielle and her husband are kicking back on the couch, enjoying a glass of wine and gushing about how much they love each other - even after thirty years of marriage. She turns to him and says all serious-like, "I have something to tell you" ... then announces that she's decided to do the 90210 reboot, during which "Ahn-drea" will look to delve into some action of the female-on-female variety. She adds that she wants to tell him why it's so important to her - but we're left hanging when the camera abruptly cuts to the street where Shay and Brian are strolling.
Shay apologizes to Brian for overstepping and hopes he isn't mad at her, and he assures her isn't 'cause he knows she was only trying to help. He then tells her how excited he is about the reboot and figures he's going to need to hire an assistant [no doubt to handle all the fan mail and movie offers that will suddenly be coming his way]. SLB, meanwhile, is watching from a nearby parked car with an inscrutable expression on his face.
Tori excitedly natters to Nate about how everything's coming together regarding the reboot, and that she's super passionate about it and would like his unwavering support as she embarks upon this venture. She stops nattering when she realizes he's been asleep on the couch during the entire scene.
Jason is chillin' in a nice restaurant when he gets a call from his doctor to report that he has fertility issues no one knew he had - but he has to put a pin in that subplot when the newly hired writer for the 90210 reboot comes over to introduce himself.
SLB types up his resume to apply for the job as Brian's assistant...and we see further proof of his derangement after he wanders off and reveals that pics of the 90210 cast members make up his computer wallpaper.
Brian receives a package that contains a David Silver doll, which looks to be a replica of the doll in Tori's Peach Pit dollhouse menagerie. Brian looks bemused when the head suddenly pops off...and the camera pans over to the other cast members, each of whom receives their own doll in various states of dismemberment, splotched with red paint, and (in Jason's case) filled with voodoo pins. They all look suitably perplexed and horrified.
Recap: Da na na na...da na na na...cha cha...
Hurray! The A-list 90210 gang - minus Luke Perry (RIP) - is together again...and by the looks of the show's sleek intro, everyone [mostly] looks as if they've held up pretty well since the original series finale.
We get a shot of pink stilettos that we soon see are attached to Donna Silver's feet as she breezes into the Peach Pit with David in tow...and Brandon is dressed in his Peach Pit uniform and waiting tables (what?) as he cheerfully greets Mr. and Mrs. Silver. He then chides Kelly, who's idly standing behind the counter, for being unwilling to get her hands dirty despite his warning to her when they bought the place that she might have to pitch in once in awhile and sling hash. Ahn-drea (blech) and Steve enter the diner...and Kelly serves Ahn-drea a hard-boiled egg, which Ahn-drea asks to exchange before she and Steve smile conspiratorially at each other and dissolve into giggles. I'm guessing this won't be the last time the reboot is going to rely heavily on the nostalgia factor, e.g. this not-so-subtle shout-out to Season 2's U4EA episode. David peruses the menu and remarks to Donna that Brenda had asked him to order her a slice of pie, and Donna scrunches her big face perplexedly and murmurs, "Wuh? I thought she went to 'London' after her Season 4 firing." The lighting in the diner suddenly goes all wonky as smoke starts pouring in through the front door...and as Donna starts screaming, the noise gets blended in with Tori Spelling's screams from her coach seat on a flight bound for Las Vegas, where she and a very well-tended looking Jennie Garth are headed to for the 30th year reunion of Beverly Hills, 90210. [Holy crap, it's hard to fathom that that show premiered so long ago.] Jennie covers Tori's mouth and tells her to shut it...and when Tori's brain recombobulates, she snaps a selfie for her Instagram feed and says she hopes it'll help keep her fans interested enough in her life to tune into a future installment of her reality show, given how broke she is after burning through ten years' worth of Beverly Hills, 90210 earnings.
We get a flashback from six days prior, where Tori is hanging in the kitchen with her deadbeat actor wannabe husband, Nate, and their six children. As she wrings her hands about all the unpaid bills that are stacking up, the camera pans out...and we see that her financial woes are fodder for their reality show titled Tori and Nate: Spelling the Beans. As that's happening, some guy on the crew gets a call informing him that the network has just cancelled the show, 'cause apparently the network brass came to the inevitable conclusion that there's nothing more that could be filmed that is likely to be of any interest to even the most ardent of Tori Spelling fans.
Tori tells Jennie she plans to peddle her reality show to another network, and Jennie scrunches her face in puzzlement and asks why in blazes Nate doesn't consider getting himself a job.
Brian Austin Green is on a private plane, also bound for Las Vegas, and he's Face-timing with his wife Shay, a super famous recording star. Brian whines about having to attend the dumb reunion, but Shay assures him he'll have a good time with his '90s pals, and that she's A-OK with looking after their three young daughters while he takes a well-deserved break from his house-husband duties.
Ian Ziering packs up boxes of the new book he and his hot wife Stacey just co-wrote - Holly-wed Workout - while she posts about it on social media. In a flashback from four days earlier, Stacey tells Ian she won't be able to make the reunion 'cause she's auditioning for The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - a show it doesn't look like she'd have any problem fitting in with - and Ian congratulates her and wishes her luck.
Gabrielle Carteris is on a bus, staring at photos of her new granddaughter on her phone...and in a flashback, she tells her son/daughter-in-law (or maybe it's her daughter/son-in-law) that since she's so wigged out by the notion of being a grandmother, she'd prefer it if the little gaffer called her Gabby instead of Gramma. The new parents nix that idea 'cause of how confusing it would get, given that they're naming the tot Gabrielle...and Gramma looks touched and gets teary-eyed. Back in present day, Gabrielle gets a call from the Actor's Guild of America (of which she's president), and is visibly annoyed when it's regarding a complaint about a director with anger management issues, who - spoiler - turns out to be Jason Priestly.
Jason is laying on his bed, despondently staring at the ceiling as Camille, his wife/publicist, does her best to spin an altercation he recently had on a movie set. In a five days earlier flashback, Jason interrupts the filming of a scene in his Indie flick to give acting tips to an arrogant young movie star, who doesn't take kindly to getting advice from a middle-aged flunky who can never hope to shake the stain of playing a sanctimonious assbag for nearly a decade. Jason stares back at him hatefully for a few seconds, then retorts by punching him in the face. Back at the mansion, Camille warns Jason that no one's going to want to hire an angry director and urges him to use this weekend's 90210 reunion as an opportunity to remind people that he was once America's Golden Boy.
As Tori and Jennie get ready to de-plane, Jennie begs Tori to keep mum about her imminent divorce 'cause of how embarrassing it is that she's now going to have three failed marriages under her belt. Tori dismissively calls Mark an idiot for leaving her...and we get a nine days earlier flashback showing Jennie tossing her husband's golf clubs into the pool from a second story balcony while her teenage daughter suggests she just use the nearest garbage can. Jennie tells Tori she has zero desire to be around swarms of 90210 fans this weekend, but Tori assures her it'll all be fine, then points out the silver lining: Shannen Doherty won't be at the reunion.
Tori and Jennie arrive at the hotel that's hosting the 90210 reunion, and the lobby is filled with t-shirt vendors and life-sized cardboard cutouts of all the cast members. Jennie approaches the hotel clerk to check her and Tori in...and when he asks what name the reservation is under, she stares back at him in incredulity and haughtily says she's Jennie Garth, as in the actress who played Kelly Taylor on the show that this hotel is currently hosting a reunion for. The clerk squints at her for a few seconds, stares at the poster behind her, and needlessly remarks on how much older she looks now. She somehow refrains from smacking him as Tori pulls her aside and tells her how nervous she is about seeing Brian Austin Green again, then "reveals" that she lost her virginity to him both on and off camera. Over the next several minutes, the cast members (minus Shannen Doherty) arrive, assemble themselves in the lobby, and stand around staring at each other with dazed, 'we must all be really hard up for cash to have agreed to this reboot' expressions while the scene fades out for a commercial break.
Jason Priestly remarks on how surreal it is for them to all be in the same room again, and Gabrielle says she looooves that the reunion brought them all here. Jason stares forlornly into space and says, "I wish that were true" and everyone pauses for a few seconds to let the sadness of Luke Perry's untimely passing sink in. Gabrielle tells Jason she heard about him punching an actor on set, while Brian gives Tori a platonic 'hey, how're you doing?' arm pat. A miffed Tori pulls Jennie aside and complains, "That's all I get after twenty years?"
Brian tells Tori he's worried about looking stupid during the reunion panel discussion, so Tori reminds him about the stress easing ritual they always did before filming their more nerve-wracking 90210 scenes: breathe into their hands, then rub their palms together for good luck.
During the panel discussion, a woman who identifies herself as an Ahn-drea fan (I continue to be skeptical that such people exist) asks Gabrielle how much she liked playing a sanctimonious tool for five seasons...and Gabrielle spews some nonsense about how "strong, intelligent, and true to herself" Ahn-drea was. After that, Brian is asked whaddup with Shay's new album, and he says he doesn't involve himself in his superstar wife's career - but would be happy to answer any non-Shay related questions. A lonely looking young man who identifies himself as a David Silver level dork asks Brian if he continues to feel like an outsider even though he's now middle-aged...and Brian breezily chirps, "Sure!" and jokingly says it's mostly 'cause he lives with his wife and three daughters. Ian, meanwhile, plugs his new fitness book and urges everyone to include the tags #sweattogether and #gettogether whenever they tweet about his awesomeness. A Kelly Taylor fan puts her sad face on and expresses to Jennie how sorrrrry she is to hear about her third divorce...and as Jennie stares despondently into space, Tori jumps in and urges the audience to direct any and all personal questions to her, since she considers no tidbit too private to be publicly dissected, gossiped about, and splashed across the covers of every seedy tabloid rag in existence. The moderator asks the gang if they've heard from Shannen Doherty lately, then announces that - surprise! - she'll be live-streaming from Jaipur (India) three seconds from now...and suddenly Shannen's head appears on a giant screen behind them. The castmates exchange uncomfortable glances as the scene fades out for another commercial break.
Shannen shows the audience the baby tiger she's currently bottle feeding, then talks about the international animal rights organization she's been heading up. As the rest of the 90210 gang rolls their eyes in annoyance, the audience oohs and awws and gives her a standing ovation.
After the panel discussion, Jennie rails about how annoying it is that her third marriage is ending at the same time St. Shannen is changing the world. She says she really really wants to leave Vegas asap, and Brian says he can have his [wife's] private plane ready to fly them out in four hours. Jennie perks up at that and suggests they spend the next four hours getting as hammered as possible.
Inside a spacious cabana by the hotel pool, Gabrielle shows her castmates photos of her new granddaughter...and she's followed by Donna, who shows everyone photos of her large brood. Jason says he never had kids 'cause he's too busy directing, and Ian says that life with his trophy wife is totes awesome, but that she has zero desire to get pregnant 'cause she prefers to focus on her pretend acting career. Jennie quickly bores of the conversation and stumbles out of the cabana to get herself another drink. Her mood improves when she spots a hot guy sunning himself on a floatie and wanders over to say hey...and when Tori interrupts their flirty banter and tries to get her to come back to the cabana, Jennie says to leave her be 'cause she's hankering for a meaningless roll in the hay.
Tori Face-times Nate, who tells her he turned down a job as a local network affiliate 'cause he's somehow deluded himself into believing he's destined for "the big leagues". Tori scrunches her face in disappointment and refrains from reminding the idiot freeloader about the dismal state of their finances. After that, she runs into Brian and suggests they do shots at the nearest bar.
Gabrielle sits at a different bar, which is being tended by the Ahn-drea fan from the panel discussion. The bartender introduces herself as Theresa, makes Gabrielle a pretty looking drink, and asks her if she ever wished Ahn-drea had been allowed to come out of the closet...and if so, have those types of urges ever spilled over in her personal life?
Jason gets a text from his wife, applauding his performance during the panel discussion. When he texts back I miss you, she remains businesslike and tells him to keep the positive publicity spin machine going. He bitterly mutters, "I love you too, honey."
The pool hunk suggests to Jennie that they go somewhere private to indulge in a sexy romp, then stares up at her with a dreamy expression and refers to her as Kelly. Jennie looks irked, snaps that she's Jennie, and storms off.
Jennie ends up at the bar where Jason is mopishly drinking and seats herself beside him. She moans about how people think she's Kelly Taylor and have no idea who she really is, and Jason assures her that he knows who she is and that he "really sees" her. In the next scene, the two are in his hotel room, stripping off their clothes and going at it atop the bed.
After the commercial break, Jason and Jennie are laying on their backs looking dazed. Jennie snarks, "Kill me now", and Jason chides her for the insult and says there's probably plenty of people who would be more than happy to hit the sheets with him. Jennie jumps out of bed, bitches about how everyone considers him America's sweetheart no matter how badly he screws up, then hurriedly gets dressed and reminds him that their plane will be taking off soon.
Tori and Brian are finishing up their shots...and Tori mutters, "Thank God" when Brian offers to pick up the check. He shakes his head and says it defies explanation how broke she is, given that it was her dad who created the show that made them all rich and famous...and instead of addressing this mystifying turn of events, Tori gets so enraged by the sight of a woman carrying a dog that's wearing a Donna Martin t-shirt that she runs out of the bar after the woman, demands compensation, and threatens to sue her and her little dog. She then looks up to the hotel's mezzanine level and spots the poofy red dress she wore during Season 1's Spring Dance episode and proceeds to bully her castmates into smashing the glass booth it's currently protected by so she can snatch it and abscond with it. I fear there's something not quite right in the head of Reboot Tori Spelling.
Gabrielle and Theresa are chuckling about how badly Theresa wants her to be a lesbian in real life...and the two lean in and indulge in a female-on-female smooch that would surely have been frowned upon in the early '90s.
Tori hands her phone to a bystander (the lonely looking kid who had asked Brian about being an outsider during the panel discussion) and barks at him to film her so she can live-stream [and provide for the police video evidence of] herself as she smashes her way through the glass booth and grabs the poofy red dress. As chaos ensues, Brian looks panicked and cries, "I lost my wallet!" just as security guards lumber over in response to the alarm that Tori has just set off. The 90210 gang flees the scene...and on his way out, Ian decides to steal his life-sized cardboard cutout, 'cause at this point in the episode, why the hell not?
Aboard Brian's [wife's] private plane, Tori puts on industrial grade spanx and squeezes herself into the poofy red dress. When she emerges from the bathroom, she gushes about how happy she is about getting "their" dress back, and explains to her bemused castmates that it symbolizes what they created together. She toasts them, along with the late Luke Perry, and everyone sips champagne while staring sadly into space. When Ian excuses himself to go to the bathroom, his wife accidentally Face-times him while she's getting it on with another man, which...awkward. As the 90210 gang stares at the phone in morbid fascination, Ian returns from the bathroom, looks aghast at what his wife is up to while he's away, then snarks about not wanting anyone's pity. He changes the subject to Tori's squandering of her Beverly Hills, 90210 fortune [which...yes, was monumentally stupid - but this is now the third time the show has brought it up] and Jennie "defends" her by saying that Tori's lack of life skills can be likened to "letting a zoo animal out into the wild". Bwahahaha! True enough.
When the 90210 gang lands in whatever city they've jetted to, they're promptly arrested for grand larceny and destruction of private property.
Ian who I'll assume got bailed out the next morning, kisses his slutty wife hello and asks her how the Real Housewives audition went. She vaguely says it was exhausting, and then wanders off...and Ian stares after her with a mournful expression, then turns his attention back to his computer and continues to peck away at the prenuptial agreement he has open.
Gabrielle sheepishly tells her husband she did something new this weekend...then chickens out of confessing the female-on-female kiss she had and says the new thing she did was spend the night in the clink.
Jason stares morosely into space as he tells his wife he needs to tell her something...and she's like, "Me too. I'm pregnant!" Jason silently chews on that for a few seconds, then decides he'll accept it as good news.
Brian is so buoyed by all the positive coverage he's been getting on social media as a result of the arrest that he calls his agent to tell him he's ready to jump back into the acting world. The camera then pans across the exterior of his mansion and over to the main gate, where the lonely looking kid who had asked Brian about being an outsider during the panel discussion is standing with Brian's wallet in his hands. It remains unclear if he's a creepy stalker, or a Good Samaritan who's merely returning a lost wallet.
Tori and Nate are lamenting their debt problems, and Nate just shrugs and says they'll figure it all out...and by they'll, he means her. Jennie drops by to apologize to Tori for sassing her on the plane...and after the two hug it out, Tori asks her for advice on what to do about her cancelled reality show. Jennie derisively says to pull the plug 'cause reality shows are a waste of time - but Tori is no longer listening, 'cause she's too transfixed by the TV, which is airing The Green Room episode. She looks as though a brilliant idea suddenly penetrated her brain and says they should do a 90210 reboot, but Jennie makes an ew face and goes, "Have you lost your mind?"
Shannen Doherty packs her bags and leaves her luxury tent with a plane ticket that indicates destination: Los Angeles.
Jennie reminds Tori that they "can't go home again" - but Tori's like, "Sure we can!" ... and the two stare at the TV, which just happens to features a scene that marks the genesis of the friendship between Dylan and Brandon.