Beverly Hills, 90210 - Season 2, Episode 15

"I'm laughing not 'cause I'm high,
but because of your smooth,
hairless chest."

"U4EA"
Original airdate: 11/14/1991

Episode summary: During a wild night out at a seedy underground club, Emily slips drugs to an unsuspecting Brandon, which ruins their relationship...and mercifully puts an end to their non-stop kissing.

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Recap: It's Friday at West Beverly High, and it looks like the romance between Emily and Brandon is heating up. Emily opens up her locker and shows Brandon how she cleared off a shelf for him in case he ever needs extra storage space. Brandon jokes about how sharing lockers is a big step in their relationship, and then gives her a big smooch...as he will do many, many more times during this episode. I'm not exactly sure why Brandon would need to share a locker with Emily when their lockers are right next to each other (as was documented in the Wild Fire episode), but I'm guessing the writers want to bring home the point that these two really really liked each other before their relationship gets abruptly torn apart.

Brenda, Donna, and Kelly are walking down the hall together. They're happy it's Friday, but not happy about their lack of exciting plans for the evening. Brenda suggests going to a movie, but Kelly grumps that there's nothing she wants to see that she hasn't already seen. Donna suggests going miniature golfing, but Kelly makes a blech face and snarks that she's been hanging around David Silver too long. Heh. The trio runs into Brandon and Emily, and Kelly asks them what disgustingly romantic plans they have for tonight. Emily tells them she made plans for Brandon and herself, but invites them to come along if they wish. Brenda asks for details, so Emily hands her a small flyer with a drawing of an egg and a street address. She got it from a guy on Melrose Avenue and explains that they have to bring an egg to the address indicated on the flyer, and exchange it for the address of the underground club. Emily describes it as a hip, happening place where "anything goes" and which changes its location every week. In other words, it's a roving paradise for druggies. Brandon is totally up for a night of underground clubbing, just as long as he doesn't have to dance. Kelly, Donna, and Brenda are also up for it, and everyone agrees that they're happy not to have to witness the uncomfortable spectacle of Brandon dancing.


Brandon and Emily enter The Blaze newsroom. Brandon tells Ahn-drea all about their plans to delve into the seedy underbelly of the L.A. underground club scene...and in an inexplicable lapse in sanity, he invites her to come along. Ahn-drea asks him if he's doing this to research a Blaze article she doesn't know about, and Emily condescendingly retorts that, no, they're going clubbing for the sole purpose of having a good time. Hee! Ahn-drea, who doesn't understand the concept of fun, tells them she's not interesting in going. Steve suddenly appears in the newsroom and demands to know why he hasn't been included in the seedy underbelly plans. Ahn-drea is leery about the secrecy surrounding the club's location, and suggests it must be 'cause there are illegal activities going on. No duh, Einstein. Emily brushes off the accusation by saying that cops are always busting up places where kids want to have fun, and Steve is so horny that he doesn't care if the club is legal or illegal - he just wants to go so he can pick up loose girls. Brandon, who can't seem to leave well enough alone, keeps trying to convince Ahn-drea to come with them...but she's still not very enthused. It's only after Emily implies that she's too much of a fraidy-cat to come that Ahn-drea suddenly changes her mind and decides she'll come so she can write a story about it. Steve - in his own inexplicable lapse in sanity - asks Ahn-drea to be his date for the evening. He has a misguided theory that if the girls at the club see him with someone, they'll want him more. Poor deluded Steve. Anyway, now that Ahn-drea's on board with the gang's plans to go clubbing, she stares over at Emily and gives her a smug little half smile...which is so unwarranted because Emily is still the more enviable of the two of them since she's Brandon's girlfriend. So if anyone has the right to be smiling smugly it's Emily...at Ahn-drea.


Kelly's walking down the hall with Brenda and Dylan, bragging about how her mom is so hip and cool that she'll have no problem telling her she's spending the evening at a sleazy underground club. Apparently Jackie will tolerate anything as long as Kelly doesn't lie to her. Brenda, on the other hand, knows that Mama and Papa Walsh would not be at all OK with her and Brandon delving into the seedy underbelly of L.A., so they're going to have to put their heads together and come up with a convincing lie.


The Walsh house. Brenda and Brandon are in the upstairs bathroom, trying to formulate a believable cover story. Brandon suggests telling them they're going out to study for the evening, but Brenda argues that not even their bumpkin parents would buy such implausible horseshit. He then suggests telling them they're going to a party and supplying them with a fake name of the party host, but Brenda doesn't like that idea because she really hates lying to their parents. After a bit more brainstorming, they both agree to tell Mama and Papa Walsh that they're going to see the movie, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. I guess Brenda's OK with that particular lie.


Kelly's house. Kelly's in her bedroom, squeezing herself into a pair of tight black jeans when Jackie enters and asks about her plans for the evening. Kelly tells her the truth about going to a seedy underground club...but unfortunately, Jackie just saw an expose on the news about these clubs and learned that they're usually illegal and in horrible neighborhoods. She forbids Kelly to go, even after Kelly argues that back when she (Jackie) was a drunken, coked out wreck, she (Kelly) was able to go anywhere and do anything she wanted without any parental interference. That's a fair point...sort of, but Jackie still refuses to budge on the issue.


The Walsh house. Mama and Papa Walsh are deeply engrossed in a television program when Brenda and Brandon come downstairs to announce that they're going out. Jim and Cindy are like, "Whatever", and agree to let them stay out until 1:30am. They're so distracted by their program that they don't even press for more information when Brandon vaguely tells them they're going to "a thing".


Kelly's house. Jackie comes into Kelly's room and finds her daughter sitting on her bed in a pink bathrobe, reading. Jackie's going over to Mel's for the evening...and the minute she leaves, Kelly strips off her bathrobe and reveals her slinky clubbing outfit. She's now wearing a different slinky outfit than the one she had on a few minutes ago. It's a black top with lacy sleeves and a black mini skirt. She gathers her purse and keys and then sneaks out to go meet the others.


The Peach Pit. Brenda and Brandon arrive at the diner. Before they merge with the rest of the gang, Brenda asks her brother if he's sure about going to an underground club. She suddenly feels like they're going "because Emily said so" which I think is an unfair thing to say. I don't recall Emily holding a gun to anyone's head, forcing them to come out. Nat, who hasn't been getting much airtime in recent episodes, is being very nosy about where the gang is going tonight, so Brandon gives him as vague an explanation as he gave his parents. Nat then reminds him about his early shift in the morning. Steve and Ahn-drea haven't shown up yet, but Emily says they can't wait around indefinitely because they need to exchange their egg before midnight or risk not being able to get into the club. David chimes in to say that he thinks the whole "egg exchange thing" is very cool, which prompts Kelly to roll her eyes and ask Donna why David has to go everywhere they go. Her hostility toward him is a bit weird, considering that at the end of the previous episode (when he was all fucked up about Scott Scanlon's death), Kelly had given him a touching little speech about how it was OK for him to share their innermost feelings with them. They all head out and make their way to the first stop of the evening: a convenience store. Emily goes up to the clerk and and tells him she wants to exchange an egg. The clerk asks for $10, and after Emily pays, he hands over a piece of paper that has details about the location of the underground club. While they're there, the others buy gum, water, and mints...and David jokingly tells the clerk he wants to buy a bottle of whiskey. To everyone's shock, the clerk sells him one.


Underground club. The gang arrives at an indoor set that's supposed to look like a parking garage. David is chattering to no one in particular about his bottle of whiskey, and Brenda suddenly gets cold feet about going inside the club. Dylan gives her the low-down and tells her that these types of clubs can be a fun place to dance and enjoy music...but usually there's rampant drug use. After he assures Brenda that he won't be tempted to use any drugs, they both decide to focus on having a fun time and go inside.


The underground club looks like what you'd expect a standard L.A. night club to look like...I guess. There are go-go dancers and lots of people walking around with spiked hair, piercings, and leather outfits. David asks anyone if they'd like to share his whiskey, but no one does. Kelly, however, snidely warns him not to get so tanked that he throws up all over her shiny red BMW. That said, David takes his first swig of the whiskey and makes an ew face. That's about right; to most novice drinkers, whiskey is about as tasty as rocket fuel.


Kelly is very bummed out that she's single, and remarks about feeling twinges of nostalgia for Steve. Ew. Emily fake commiserates and tells her she knows that life can be depressing without a boyfriend...and then walks across the room to go suck face with Brandon. Weird. Brenda, who overheard the conversation, remarks to Kelly and Dylan that there's something about Emily that rubs her the wrong way.


The Peach Pit. Steve and Ahn-drea arrive at the diner long after the gang has left. They're late because Grandma Rose held them hostage with her infernal yapping. Nat passes along a map of the convenience store location, which Emily drew for them on a napkin...but in less than a minute, Ahn-drea spills coffee all over the napkin and completely ruins it. Idiot.


Underground club. Brandon and Emily are sitting together, scoping out the club. Brandon is adamant about not wanting to dance and points to a guy who seems to be very popular even though he's just standing around. Emily chortles and informs him that the guy is a drug dealer, and that he's self-identified as such because of the giant "4" on his shirt. It represents the 4 in U4EA (pronounced "euphoria"), a fictional drug name that the writers of Beverly Hills, 90210 invented and then named this episode after. Emily describes U4EA as a "love drug" that rids people of their inhibitions. In other words, it's Ecstasy. Emily and Brandon are joined by Brenda, Dylan, and Kelly. With no current boyfriend, Kelly complains about feeling like a fifth wheel and looks around for any cute, available guys. She remarks on the cuteness of the guy with the 4 on his shirt, but Brandon quickly warns her that the guy is a drug dealer. This prompts Brenda to snicker derisively about how the hell Brandon would know anything about drug dealers. Emily suddenly excuses herself to go talk to an old friend from San Francisco she alleges to have just spotted...but instead she sneaks over to the 4 drug dealer to score some U4EA.


Steve's car. Steve is still pissed off at stupid Ahn-drea for spilling coffee all over the napkin map, which has rendered it useless. And since they have no idea where the convenience store is, they're just driving around L.A. aimlessly. Ahn-drea spots a convenience store and thinks it might be the one they're looking for, so she orders Steve to pull over - but when they go inside and repeatedly try to exchange their egg, the confused store clerk just looks at the two of them like they're mental patients and threatens to call the police.


Emily returns to where Brandon is sitting and tells him that the girl she spotted wasn't her friend after all...but that she did get something "4 U and 4 me." Brandon doesn't clue in to her drug-speak, so she shows him the packet of U4EA and encourages him to explore any curiosity he might have about the "love drug". Squeaky clean Brandon tells her he doesn't do drugs, and is firm about not wanting to do any tonight. He adds that he doesn't have a tolerance for chemicals, which is true enough when we remember the events of the fateful B.Y.O.B episode. David chooses this moment to stumble over, clearly drunk, clutching his whiskey bottle...and as he rambles incoherently to Brandon, Emily slips away to get some sodas.


At the bar, Emily orders two sodas and covertly slips the powdery U4EA into both drinks. She brings them over to where she and Brandon are sitting, and he downs his in one gulp. After that, they kiss passionately. A short while later, Brandon and Emily stroll around the club, and clearly the drug is starting to take effect. Brandon remarks that he feels really good, and really alive. After yet another passionate kiss, Emily asks him if he's feeling "U4-ic". OMFG. I really can't take any more of this fake drug lingo, so from now on I'm just going to refer to the drug by its real-life name. Emily admits to Brandon that she slipped him some Ecstasy, but fortunately he's way too mellow and hazy-happy to get angry at her. All he can manage to articulate is that he didn't want to do any drugs, but she tells him that "what's done is done" and that he should kick back, relax, and wait for the fun to start. The two kiss passionately for the hundredth time this episode.


Steve's car. Steve and Ahn-drea are still driving around, looking for the correct convenience store. By now it must be getting late, so I'm not sure why they haven't just given up and gone home. Ahn-drea is suddenly blaming the poor map quality on Emily, and then starts bitching about the way she "operates". She prefaces her self-serving diatribe by telling Steve that she doesn't want to be catty, and then proceeds to bitch cattily about how Emily joined The Blaze just so she could be around Brandon all the time...and how she's a sucky writer and never meets her deadlines. Her complaining only serves to amuse Steve, and he mocks Ahn-drea with a "meow".


Underground club. David is annoying everyone with his drunkenness, Kelly in particular. It is now 1:00am, and Brenda announces that she's ready to go home. First, however, she agrees to accompany Kelly to the ladies room. As they walk through the club, they're amused to notice Brandon dancing with Emily. Thankfully it's only slow dancing and he's mostly just swaying.


Steve and Ahn-drea are sitting in a parking lot, and Ahn-drea is ranting about what a shitty night it's been and that she just wants to go home. Steve, on the other hand, is still determined to find the underground club, so he's not ready to give up. Ahn-drea rags on Emily some more, and so Steve, who's clearly lost his mind during the course of the evening, encourages her to "get in the game" and go for Brandon...and then maligns Emily for "always being in Brandon's face". The hell? Why on earth would Steve want to unleash a love-sick Ahn-drea on his best friend when he knows full well that Brandon could never be into her?! For the moment we're going to have to put a pin in that, because Ahn-drea has just noticed a guy with spiky hair enter the convenience store carrying an egg. Finally they've found the right convenience store.


After getting icked out by the club's bathroom, Kelly is ready to leave. As she and Brenda walk through the club, they notice drug paraphernalia strewn all over the floor, as well as people openly shooting up. This creeps them out sufficiently, so they quickly round everyone up so they can flee the disgusting hell-hole. Brenda is looking around for Brandon, while Dylan escorts a drunken David toward the parking lot...and as soon as David steps outside, he runs off somewhere to vomit. Kelly, meanwhile, is getting very stressed out about arriving home before her mother does, but Donna refuses to leave David stranded in this wretched parking garage. As soon as he's finished retching, Dylan steers him over to Kelly's BMW and shoves him in the back seat so the three of them can leave. Following that, Dylan and Brenda are startled to find Brandon making out with Emily on the hood of his car. For some reason, Brandon has taken off his shirt and then put on his jacket over his smooth, hairless chest. He looks fairly ridiculous. Dylan glares at him suspiciously and rhetorically asks if he's on something. After a somewhat contentious conversation, Brandon refuses to hand over his car keys, so Dylan gives him a wad of cash so he can take a cab home. He then insists to Brenda that the best course of action is to abandon the stoned-out Brandon, which I found pretty dickish and irresponsible.


Kelly is stressed about getting home before Jackie so she can pretend like she's been home all night, studying in her bathrobe. She bitches about how David reeks of vomit, and angrily calls him a dork. Donna is confident that Jackie is still at Mel's place, but her theory is proven wrong when they arrive at Kelly's house and find Jackie sitting on Kelly's bed, looking extremely stern and unhappy.


Underground club. Steve and Ahn-drea finally arrive at the club. They hear the sound of police sirens approaching, and Ahn-drea rushes to get inside the club so she can witness a drug bust and then write about it in her stupid Blaze. On the way, she runs into a drugged-out Brandon and Emily. Brandon climbs off the hood of his car and falls into a group hug with Steve and Ahn-drea, and then leans toward Ahn-drea for a kiss. Yep, he's stoned all right. She shoves him away, squandering a rare opportunity to receive a kiss, complete with tongue action, from the biggest crush of her life. Emily warns everyone that the cops will be showing up any second to bust up the club, so Brandon starts looking for his keys...but in his spacey state, he has no idea where they are.


The Walsh house. It's dawn, and Brenda's in the living room, waiting up for Brandon...who finally drags himself in the door at 6:00am. She admonishes him for violating the trust that Mama and Papa Walsh have in him and asks if Emily is "so important" to him. That's a little hypocritical of her, considering that she too was part of the lie about going to the underground club. Brandon confides in his sister that Emily slipped Ecstasy in his drink, but that once he found out, he was filled with too much mellow loveliness to get angry at her. The drug took away all of his real emotions, and nothing made sense. He then tells Brenda he has to be at work at the Peach Pit soon, and that he's going to call up Dylan to go with him so he can pick up his car.


Brandon and Dylan go back to the secret underground club location, and are shocked by the state of the Mustang. It's covered with spray paint, and the doors and front tires are missing. When Dylan hears about Emily slipping him Ecstasy without his knowledge, he describes it as "cold". Brandon agrees and tells him that his relationship with her has been irreparably torn apart as a result. Brandon also knows that there's no way he's going to be able to hide the damage to his car...and he's going to have to bite the bullet and risk Papa Walsh's wrath when he tells him what happened.


The Walsh house. The Walshes are having an uncomfortable family meeting at the kitchen table. Papa Walsh is livid about Brandon's night of debauchery, and demands to know what he was doing downtown until 2:00am. Brandon admits that he was too spaced out to drive - not from alcohol, but from the Ecstasy someone slipped in his drink. Papa Walsh is then skeptical of this story and wants to know who it was...but Brandon chooses not rat Emily out. The doorbell rings, and Brenda goes to get it. She finds - guess who! - Emily on her doorstep and bitchily asks her what she's doing here. Emily saw the wrecked Mustang in the driveway and tells her how bad she feels about what happened. Brenda snarks that she doubts Brandon will want to see her, but Emily insists on barging her way into the house anyway. She joins the kitchen klatch and extends her sympathy to Brandon about his totaled car. Mama Walsh asks her if she knows what happened last night, and Emily throws her boyfriend under the bus and tells them that all she knows is that she dealt with "a high Brandon" all night. Brandon assures his father that he'll pay for the damage to the car, since his life seems to be about paying for the damage he inflicts on his vehicles. Brandon excuses himself to get ready for his shift at the Peach Pit, and Emily makes the unwise decision to follow him upstairs.


In his bedroom, Brandon warns Emily that he's suffering from a massive headache. She tries to kiss him, but he's unresponsive and shoves her away. Thank goodness all of their passionate kissing is finally over. He reminds her that he'd been pretty firm about not wanting to do drugs, and that he can't ever trust her again. She weakly argues that she thought Ecstasy would bring them closer together, but he snarks that all she got from him was a chemical reaction...and several passionate kisses. She offers to pay for the damage to his car, but he turns her down and makes it clear that he wants nothing more to do with her. Emily gets tearful, exclaims that all she did was make a mistake, and reminds him about all the loving things he said to her last night. To her dismay, he points out that he said those things only because he was high. Ouch.


The Peach Pit. Ahn-drea enters the diner and approaches the counter to talk to Brandon. She tells him how worried she was about him last night, and knows that his drugged-out behavior wasn't really him. Brandon doesn't want to talk about it, but asks advice about what to do when "someone you care for proves not to be the person he thought she was". Ahn-drea can barely hide her delight at this new development, and is clearly hopeful that Emily is history. She then takes an egg and frying pan and gives Brandon the annoyingly cliche demonstration of how a fried egg is his brain on drugs. The two scramble it up together, and suddenly I'm in the mood for a Western omelet. 

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