Recap: The Facts gals (minus Jo) are decorating the residence with balloons, streamers, and a sign reading Welcome back Nancy, Sue Ann & Cindy. Andy rushes in, gushes about how horny-excited he is to meet Cindy Webster (aka a real live cover girl!), then rushes off to splash on some aftershave [and mercifully not be seen for the rest of the episode].
Beverly Ann gabbles about how happy she is that they're reuniting with the old gang...then reminisces about her high school reunion, during which she disdainfully noted that the popular guys all got bald and fat and she pretended to be a nuclear physicist.
Cindy, Nancy, and Sue Ann arrive, and everyone starts shrieking happy greetings at each other. When Blair compliments Sue Ann's chic brown suit, Sue Ann self-importantly explains it was a little something she picked up at Bergdorf 'cause she needs to look "a certain way" while hobnobbing at the elite levels of the corporate world. The gals then fuss and gush over Cindy's unexpected rise to fame as America's top fashion model, as well as Nancy's upcoming marriage to long-time boyfriend Roger.
Natalie announces that she wants to introduce someone who's become very important in their lives...and as Jo blushes with an 'aw shucks, Nat' expression, Natalie ushers over Beverly Ann, who politely wishes Nancy the best of luck for her upcoming marriage. Jo coughs to catch Tootie's attention, so Tootie hastily introduces her to the former Facts gals, who promptly ignore Jo in favor of updates on..
Jo, who looks visibly miffed at being left out, announces to no one in particular that she's off to the library to study...and after she dejectedly shuffles off, Nancy remarks that Jo doesn't seem at all like the wildcat they've been led to believe she is. Natalie jokes about how they've managed to domesticate her, which segue ways into a flashback of when Blair met [and become instantly smitten with] a hot-headed Jo for the very first time.
As the gals reminisce and look at old photos, Nancy asks Natalie how her writing career is going, and Natalie says she has a lot of unpublished stuff. Sue Ann condescendingly says it must be soooo frustrating to try to break into publishing, but Natalie just shrugs and says she has plenty of time...and, in the meantime, is working a lot of temp jobs to gain valuable life experience. After chewing on that for a few seconds, she bursts into fake tears and weeps about having to be a working stiff for the next twenty years. [Try the next forty years, Nat.] Cindy asks Tootie if she's landed any big acting gigs, and Tootie neglects to tell her about the Broadway audition she so stupidly squandered during the previous episode and says she thinks it's important to have a strong academic background before diving into acting...then circles back to actually answering the question by replying, "In other words: no." LOL.
Jo returns home while everyone is cackling over an old photo of Roger and a shout-out to Season 1's Flash Flood episode. Jo attempts to laugh along...but when she gets confused by the reference to Tootie's pet rabbits, Sue Ann dismissively says, "Forget it, you had to be there." Cindy asks Jo where she was while they were all bonding during the wretched Season 1 episodes, and Jo replies, "Surviving in the Bronx." Sue Ann dickishly chuckles about how she once flew over the Bronx, and Jo shoots her a seriously? look and wryly says, "Next time be sure and drop in."
Beverly Ann brings over a pitcher of lemonade and natters about how nostalgic she suddenly feels about her high school chums...and when the Facts and former Facts gals give her a 'the hell you sitting with us for?' look, she gets a clue and beats a hasty retreat.
Sue Ann tells Cindy she wishes she had known she was modelling, then explains that she was recently tasked with finding an all-American face for a campaign and traveled as far as Sweden - first class! - to scour the Swedish countryside for the perfect model. Jo remarks on how amazing [and literally unbelievable] it is that a company would give someone fresh out of college that much responsibility, and Sue Ann haughtily retorts that no one gave her anything and that she had to claw her way to the top. Tootie says she's not at all surprised by Sue Ann's success, given that she always had the best grades...and Jo mutters under her breath, "And the sharpest claws."
Blair gives the former Facts gals a tour of Over Our Heads and shows them the useless crap they sell...and while that's happening, Sue Ann boasts that she's about to be appointed her company's newest Vice President. Jo does her best to keep a straight face as she marvels how extraordinarily rare it is to be elevated to the VP level at the tender age of twenty-two, so Sue Ann faux explains that she single-handedly developed a shade called afternoon fawn, which became "color of the year" for the company's new clothing line. When Jo says she can't picture what afternoon fawn looks like [my guess would be light brown], Sue Ann compares it to a variety of other fake sounding colors, then tells a befuddled Jo, "You had to be there." Jo's all, "What? Again?" - but before the interaction can degenerate into a full-blown snipefest, Blair warns both Jo and Sue Ann that they don't want to mess with the other, a comment which superfluously segue ways into a flashback of when an emotional Sue Ann flailed her fists about and accidentally punched Blair in the face during the Running episode.
Tootie says she tried to get Molly to attend their impromptu reunion, but her mom claimed she was too busy and didn't offer any specifics about what Molly is doing now [aside from establishing herself as a teen movie icon through her various John Hughes collaborations]. The gals laugh again about old times...and when Jo contorts her face into an expression of puzzlement, Sue Ann condescendingly says, "You had to be there." Jo responds by rolling her eyes and irritably announcing that she has to be someplace, then scuttles upstairs.
Blair follows Jo to the bedroom to apologize for making her feel as though she's the odd man out, and explains that she, Tootie, and Natalie are just so darn excited to see their old friends and get caught up on each other's lives. Jo's like, "Whatever, get caught up" and says she's off to the library to hit the books...and as she leaves Blair stares after her concernedly.
Later, the Facts and former Facts gals are in their PJs, scarfing down pizza and listening to music. Blair asks Nancy what she plans to wear on her wedding night, a question that unnecessarily devolves into a flashback of when Blair mistakenly got a package filled with kinky lingerie from her dad's company.
As everyone chuckles at the nonsensical Season 1 subplot, the gals wonder aloud who's going to be next to walk down the aisle. Sue Ann calls marriage "a trap" and that she's seeking a man who can deal with a successful career woman...and an aghast Tootie asks where her sense of romance is, then reminds her that Nancy is about to get married and discover the sexy mystery of what it feels like to get boned for the first time. Nancy's all, "Um, about it being the first time" then admits that she and Roger have been hitting the sack for kind of awhile now...and that since he's apparently been raw-dogging it, she's now three months pregnant. Oops.
After the commercial break, Nancy assures the gals that she and Roger are happy about his bun being in her oven - but that a baby on the way means that her aspiring career as a psychiatrist is out of the question. Natalie tells Sue Ann she's jealous of how swiftly she's managed to figure out her career path and wonders if working one dead-end temp job after another is really the best way to become a writer. Blair, meanwhile, admits to being envious of Cindy's modelling career - but Cindy quickly says that her life isn't perfect...and that she'd looooove to devour the pizza they've all been inhaling but has to refrain from eating anything resembling junk food if she wants to continue getting hired to model in jeans commercials. Tootie suddenly giggles and invokes the flashback memory of when Sue Ann dunked Blair's head in rice pudding after putting her on a silly starvation diet. As everyone is chortling, Sue Ann needlessly says she wants to come clean about her annual salary and says she's pulling down 50K, not 60K...and everyone's all, "Um, OK..?"
Jo returns home from the library, hears all of the cackling coming from upstairs, and decides she'd much prefer to sleep on the couch. Beverly Ann enters the room and tells Jo there's a fun sounding pyjama party going on, but Jo says she's going to pass on that 'cause she has to get up early. Beverly Ann clucks sympathetically about how hard it can be to not be able to share the same memories with her friends' friends and have to smile stupidly and pretend it doesn't bother her. She then says she misses being near all of her friends in Appleton and often thinks wistfully about her ex...and Jo assures her that she's now part of their dysfunctional family and that she's actually starting to grow on them.
Hours later, Sue Ann tiptoes downstairs to make a covert call to her coworker, imploring her to cover for her by fetching the company bigwigs their usual breakfast donuts and ensuring that the coffee urn is full. When she hangs up, she's all, "Ack!" when she notices that Jo is awake and shooting her the stink eye. When Jo calls her out for lying about her fabulous corporate career, Sue Ann admits to being a lowly gopher, then explains that in high school she was always considered the smartest girl who was most likely to rapidly climb the corporate ladder...and really really wants her friends to be proud of her. Jo asks if she thinks that lying to her friends is OK, and Sue Ann says she fully intends to actually be a Vice President by the time the next reunion rolls around...then glumly assumes that Jo is going to humiliate her by ratting her out.
The next day, the former Facts gals are about to leave when Jo returns home. Tootie lays it on thick to Sue Ann about what an inspiration she is, a sentiment with which Natalie agrees and adds that she's seriously thinking about going to college. Sue Ann sheepishly says she owes them the truth and is about to 'fess up about her gopher status when Jo interjects and breezily says it's no big deal that her company didn't fly her to Sweden first class. When Sue Ann shoots her a grateful smile, a perplexed Blair wants to know what else the two of them have been talking about, and Jo replies, "You had to be there."
The Facts gals gush about what a great reunion that was, and Natalie decrees that the four of them (plus Beverly Ann) must forever be part of each other's lives. Which - OMFG - they will, for at least another season and a half...when the producers finally get the good sense to pull the plug for good.
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