Recap: A hot young Jason Lewis (eventually known as Smith Jerrod from Sex and the City) is trying to get into the After Dark, but the security guard tells him he's not on the guest list. (Not sure when the After Dark became this exclusive a night club.) Valerie comes over and asks if there's a problem, so the security guard tells her that Jason Lewis claims he's part of Quentin Tarantino's party, but his name isn't on the list. Jason Lewis just shrugs and says, "Never mind. I didn't want to come here in the first place" and shuffles off...and Valerie chases after him and offers to check with Quentin, but he tells her not to worry about it. Out of nowhere, a small group of paparazzi appear and start snapping his photo...and Valerie's all, "Wuh?" and asks a paparazzo who he is. The paparazzo informs her that he's a hot new actor who everyone thinks might be the next James Dean...and Valerie looks intrigued by that tidbit while staring contemplatively into space. Beach house. Kelly is watering plants on the deck of her beach apartment when she finds a young boy sleeping on one of the loungers. She pokes him awake, and he immediately gets freaked out and tries to bolt - but she stops him and assures him he's perfectly safe. She asks him who he is and where his parents are, and he tells her his name is Joey and that his mother didn't show up at the beach to pick him up when she said she would. Kelly mulls that over and asks him if he's hungry, then says that once he's been fed, he's going to call his parents and let them know where he is. David and Donna are on their way to visit Donna's paternal grandmother, who lives somewhere out of town. David grumbles about how much Felice hates him and accuses Donna of doing nothing to promote his cause. Donna tells him it's a dead issue, since Felice thinks they're too young to be serious - but then says her grandmother is really looking forward to meeting him. David says he hopes she likes him 'cause he needs as many allies in the Martin family as possible. The Walsh house. Brandon tells Steve that Tracy thinks they're in a rut 'cause they do the same thing every weekend...not that this will matter much, since Brandon dumps her in favor of Kelly four episodes from now. Brandon notices that Steve is making him breakfast and suspiciously asks what he wants in return, so Steve tells him he needs access to the equipment at CUTV to film a video for a class assignment that's due Monday morning. Brandon sighs deeply and agrees to help his boneheaded friend, but says they have to be finished by 7pm 'cause he has plans with Tracy. Valerie tracks down Jason Lewis and calls him to apologize for not letting him into the After Dark last night. She offers him an open invitation for any night of the week, free of charge, but he's like, "Meh" and says he's not much into clubbing. She asks him if he wants to get together later, so he invites her to join him at the studio where he's currently doing some voice dubbing for a movie that just wrapped. She chirps, "Sounds great!" so he gives her directions. Beach house. As Joey enjoys his sandwich, Kelly nags him about calling his mom. Clare arrives home and looks startled to see a young boy in their apartment, so Kelly explains that he just showed up out of the blue and she has no idea what to do with him. Clare advises her to call the police - which she should totally do asap - and Joey overhears Clare and begs Kelly not to call the authorities, since it'll get his mom into big trouble. He says he's pretty sure she'll eventually arrive at the beach to pick him up - but when Kelly asks him where he lives, he just says, "L.A." He then says he wants to head back out to the beach, and Kelly offers to go with him and help him look around for his mom. Donna and David arrive at the home of her grandmother, a lovely older woman who makes it clear right off the bat that she doesn't like uppity Felice (hee!) and this makes David chuckle. She studies David and marvels about how much he resembles John (her late husband), then shows the two a series of photographs that were taken in the 1940s. In an uncanny coincidence, Grandma and Grandpa Martin look completely identical to Donna and David, except for the '40s clothes and hairdo. Grandma comes right out and asks David if he loves Donna, and when he assures her he does, she happily exclaims, "Good!" She tells them she's going to go get some cookies from the kitchen...and when she returns, she's going to tell them the long-winded story of when she and grandpa met. Oh joy. Valerie arrives at the movie dubbing studio just as the editors are working on a kissing scene. Jason Lewis sees Valerie enter the control room and waves at her. A few minutes later, he wraps up his voice dubbing and invites Valerie out for lunch, and she acts all gushily smitten and accepts. Over ginger snaps and tea, grandma tells David and Donna that she met her husband as a USO dance in Hollywood in 1941...and we get a fake flashback of 1941 Donna and 1941 David dancing and gazing lovingly into each other's eyes. Grandma voice-overs that shortly after that night of dancing, smooching, and falling in love at first sight, Pearl Harbor was bombed and she and John got married. She says her parents didn't approve of their quickie marriage, but instinctively she and John knew they didn't have much time together and really didn't give a rat's ass what anyone else thought. Grandma pauses and suddenly asks David if Felice approves of him, and David glumly replies, "No. She doesn't." Kelly and Joey are sitting on a bench near the beach house, and Joey finally concedes that his mom isn't coming. Kelly asks him his address, and Joey evades the question by saying his mom is probably at work - but he isn't sure where her workplace is. Kelly decides it's time for a treat at the Peach Pit, then warns him that after she's plied him with greasy diner junk food, he's going to have to tell her the truth. Just call the police, Kelly. Jason Lewis gabbles to Valerie about his passion for carpentry. He then tells her the implausible story of how he started out as an extra in the film, was so appealing to the director that he gave him a line...and when the leading man ended up in rehab, the director appointed him to be the new leading man. Jason Lewis laughs about how stupid he feels when he's kissing a woman while an entire crew watches and scrutinizes the scene. Valerie looks transfixed, then leans in to kiss him. She tells him he's an awesome kisser - but he looks kind of weirded out and calls her aggressive. Ouch. Donna's grandma continues telling her story...and is at the part where she and John were able to spend two months together before he had to go off to war. 1941 Donna is in the train station, crying while 1941 David assures her he'll be back. She tearfully replies, "We'll be waiting" and he scrunches his face in confusion and is all, "Wuh?!" so she spells out that she's got a bun in the oven...and he looks thrilled and envelops her in a big hug. She then gives him a necklace with a cross on it and says it's to keep him safe...and a few seconds later, he tells her he has to go. As he starts to walk away, he kisses the necklace and mouths I love you, and she mouths it back. Grandma sadly recalls that that was the last time she ever saw him, then pulls out a box of letters and instructs Donna to read them so she can get to know her grandfather. Donna takes the box and says she'll read them in the motel room she and David booked for the night - and when grandma's all, "Wuh? Motel room?!" Donna assures her there's absolutely no hanky panky going on. Grandma chuckles and says, "That must be Felice's influence" and David wryly retorts, "Tell me about it." Peach Pit. When Joey finishes his milkshake, Kelly asks him why he ran away...and he just tells her that life's a beach and that he was born to surf. Jesus, Kelly. Call the damn police already!! Meanwhile, Valerie and Jason Lewis enter the diner for some coffee...and Valerie thumbs through a real estate magazine and tells him she's super excited to help him find his first L.A. home. He isn't terribly picky, and says the property's only requirement is that it needs to have a garage to house his many tools. Motel. Donna is reading her grandmother's letters and looking at photos of 1941 David and his crew. We get a flashback of "John" hanging up a photo of his baby in his locker, kissing it, then glumly heading off to the war zone. Donna then reads the last letter her grandmother received: the official notice that her husband died a hero while saving his crew. Apparently, he died clutching the cross necklace she'd given him in the train station. Beach house. While Joey is in the bathroom, Kelly goes through his backpack and discovers a bus ticket from Phoenix - and finally calls the police. Phew. CUTV. Steve and Clare are filming a fake infomercial featuring a fake product called Sandershine. It's supposed to be a type of cleaner, but when they pour it atop the news desk, they're dismayed to discover it's a lot more like glue: Clare's hand becomes stuck to the rag, which becomes stuck to the news desk. Steve yells, "Cut!" but Brandon and Tracy are too distracted by their smooching in the control room to sense what's going on around them. Motel. Donna is reading more of her grandmother's letters, one of which recalls her wedding night. 1941 Donna definitely puts out a lot quicker than 1997 Donna does. Beach house. Kelly and Joey are enjoying a movie and snack when someone knocks on the door. It's a social worker and police officer, who inform Kelly that they've come to take Joey away. She invites them inside, then tells Joey that these two nice men are going to take him into their custody so they can help him find his parents. Joey wigs out and yells, "Liar! You're not my friend!" and when she tries to tell him it's for the best, he screams, "I hate you!!" while he's being led out. The social worker assures Kelly she did the right thing by calling the authorities and reporting the cheeky runaway. The Walsh house. Steve is showing Clare, Brandon, and Tracy the final cut of his shittastic informercial. Steve has re-purposed Sandershine into Sanderstick and is now pedaling it as glue. Brandon just shakes his head and says the infomercial is awful and would give it a grade of C-. Tracy improves on that a little and says she'd give it a C, while Clare throws all good sense to the wind and gives him an A for effort. Steve seems delighted with that, and he and Clare go upstairs to indulge in a celebratory doink. Brandon asks Tracy what she wants to do, and she says she'd like to swing by CUTV and finish what they started in the control room. Soak it up, Tracy - you only have three more episodes as Brandon's girlfriend. Valerie and Jason Lewis are checking out a fixer upper in the Hollywood Hills. He tells her he likes it 'cause it'll keep him busy, then starts grumbling about how much he hates schmoozing, show business, and being in L.A...and that everyone wants something from him. He says he needs people around him he can trust, and Valerie perks up at that, assures him she's totally trustworthy (bwahahahahaha!!!!!!), then gives him a giant smooch. Run, Jason Lewis! Run!! Donna and David head back to grandma's to return her photo albums and the box of letters. Donna tells her she read every letter and now fully realizes how much she and John went through. Grandma says that people often felt sorry for her because she lost her husband so early in life - but then smiles and says that John gave her a love that has sustained a lifetime. She then tells Donna that the cross necklace she gave to her for her confirmation is the very one she gave to her grandfather all those years ago, and Donna's all, "Wha-a?!" and finds it around her neck and starts fingering it. As she and David head out to the car, she declares to him that she's going to live her life by her own rules, then tells him she loves him. David looks hopeful that this declaration includes some long-awaited sex, returns the I love you, and the two kiss while grandma beams and nods approvingly from her front door. Beach house. The next day, the social worker returns to the beach apartment to inform Kelly that Joey ran away from the shelter. Kelly is upset at how easy it was for him to escape, and wails that the kids now feels like he has nowhere to go. The social worker just kind of shrugs and asks her to please call him if Joey shows up at the beach house - and she promises she will. Something tells me we haven't yet seen the last of the runaway brat. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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Recap: Brandon, Steve, and Dick are in the Alumni Gym, practicing for the upcoming three-on-three basketball tournament they've entered themselves in...and Tracy's in the bleachers, doing her homework and basking in the glow of being Brandon's official girlfriend. When Steve and Dick amble off to the locker room, Brandon comes over to where Tracy's sitting, and she gushes about how he's her guy, and the two start smooching. A few seconds later, she scrunches her face and says, "I smell something burning" and Brandon confirms that the smell of marijuana is definitely in the air. Dick and Steve stumble out of the locker room all stoned-like (that was some fast acting pot) and Brandon gets all judgey and asks them if getting high is how they prepare for a tournament. Dick giggles and says, "I just had a little hit" and doesn't get why Brandon has to harsh his mellow. Brandon tells him he can do whatever he wants on his own time, but says he has no intention of playing basketball with the two of them if they're getting high. Steve assures him it won't happen again, and Dick promises to maybe think about trying to abstain from weed. LOL. After Dick stumbles out of the gym, Brandon shoots Steve the stink-eye and says, "What are you thinking?" and Steve sheepishly hangs his head and doesn't reply. Beach house. Kelly is reluctantly packing for weekend spa retreat with Clare in Palm Desert. She tells Donna she's not sure she really wants to go, but Donna says it'll be good for her to get out of town and get a new perspective. Donna reports that she's still seeing Cliff...but also hopes that David and Chloe didn't really doink. The Walsh house. Valerie gets a call from Gigi Crane from LaLa Magazine and arranges to meet up with her at the Peach Pit. After the call, she excitedly tells Brandon and Steve that Gigi wants to feature her in her upcoming article: The 50 Coolest People You've Never Heard Of. Brandon furrows his brows and wryly says, "I've heard of you." Heh. After Dark. Donna drops by to see David and have a really awkward conversation. He asks her what's happened to their rollercoaster of a relationship, and she's like, "I dunno" and mumbles that it's been a confusing few weeks. He says he can't stop thinking about her - but she says it doesn't seem like that, considering all the time he's been hanging with Chloe. He insists it's just business, and Donna snarkily retorts that people don't usually conduct business in their bra...then says she still cares about him, but feels safe with Cliff. David acknowledges that he wasn't there to save her from nutty Evan, but points out he's been there for her many other times. He then asks her if she came over to rub Cliff's hotness in his face, and she shakes her head no and promises to straighten things out with him. David says he hopes that by straighten things out, she means she's dumping Cliff, 'cause he doesn't want to be one of the two guys she's juggling. Peach Pit. Valerie is meeting with Gigi Crane, who brags to nosy Nat that she has her finger on the pulse of everything fabulous. Gigi tells Valerie how impressed she is that she's a student and a club owner and says that being included in her article could be a real career booster for her. Alumni Gym. Brandon, Steve, and Dick are competing in the three-on-three basketball tournament and appear to be kicking ass. Desert Palm. Kelly and Clare arrive at the resort and check in...and a few seconds later, Kelly notices two dorkish guys checking them out. The guys, Roger and Dean, notice a sign advertising the upcoming performance of the Ukrainian Folk Dance Company...and they come up with an idea for an ice-breaker. They amble over to Kelly and Clare and ask them if they're with the Ukrainian dance troupe, and Clare slips into a grisly sounding Russian accent and replies, "Da. But of course" and the guys are all, "Wha-a?!" 'cause they just thought it was a clever line. They welcome Kelly and Clare to America and introduce themselves, and Clare introduces herself as Irina and Kelly as Katarina before they scurry up to their room. Roger (or Dean...not that it matters) looks smitten and says, "They're incredible." Marina. Donna meets Cliff at the houseboat he's staying at and says they have to talk, and he glumly asks, "Are you going back to David?" and she lowers her big doe eyes and whispers, "I have to." Cliff's like, "But we have something special!" and says he doesn't want to give up on her without a fight, and she moans, "Please don't make this any harder" but he refuses to make that promise. OMFG, writers...this could not be more nauseating. Papa Martin comes strolling over to chit-chat, then informs Donna that Felice invited Cliff over to their boat for brunch tomorrow. Donna scrunches her face in fake misery at the "predicament" of being the object of worship by two men, one of whom is a hot fireman, and Cliff chuckles and smugly says, "Some forces can't be denied." She shakes her head and moans, "Oh boy...I'm in trouble." Palm Desert. Kelly and Clare return to their room after enjoying relaxing massages and find a dinner invitation from Roger and Dean. Kelly reminds Clare she's already dating Steve, so Clare explains that she started this idiotic ruse for her benefit, which is nonsensical 'cause neither Roger nor Dean are what Kelly considers dateable. Clare calls the dorks, turns down their dinner invitation in her faux Russian accent, then abruptly hangs up. The Walsh house. Brandon, Steve, Tracy, and Dick are having dinner - and the guys gabble on and on about their awesomeness on the basketball court and how they progressed to the tournament's semi-finals. Dick apologizes to Brandon about the dope smoking incident in the gym the other day, and Brandon explains that the stuff makes him nervous. Dick assures him he's just a "weekend warrior" and doesn't do anything harder than marijuana...and Steve looks delighted that his BFF and first runner-up BFF may finally be starting to click. Palm Desert. Kelly and Clare are lounging by the hot tub when the dorks amble over. Oy. They talk about their careers as super successful web designers, and Kelly pretends she can speak a little broken English. Suddenly, the Ukrainian dance troupe comes trooping through the hot tub area, and Kelly and Clare are like, "Hey girls!" and act as if they know them. Roger and Dean offer to show them around the desert tomorrow, and for some reason they both say, "Da" and then flee. After Dark. The groovin' and boozin' is in full swing. Donna makes a beeline over to David and breaks the news to him that she didn't end things with Cliff, then explains that her parents invited him to brunch tomorrow without checking with her first. David is dismayed and says that if Felice is on Team Cliff, he's toast. Well d'yuh...and as if Felice wouldn't be on Team Cliff - especially if the only other option is Team David. Steve is hanging with Dick and Dick's girlfriend, Ellen, and Dick is acting high and out of control. Brandon, who's sitting with Tracy at the table behind them, does not look amused. Tracy remarks to Brandon that Dick looks a lot more than just drunk, meaning totally stoned, but Brandon shrugs and says he's taking a rare night off from playing narc. Donna ambles over to the Peach Pit looking glum. She starts unloading her man problems on Nat ["Too many men loooove meeeee!"], but when she sees Cliff sitting at a nearby table, she swiftly ditches him and goes over to sit with the sexy fireman. He tells her he's soooo happy to see her, and the two order coffee. Dick tells Steve he knows a guy who can supply him with heroin. He says he's never done it before, then goes, "But hey - there's a first time for everything, right?" Steve reminds him that they have the basketball tournament tomorrow, so Dick promises he'll just take a small hit and should be A-OK for tomorrow. He then tells Steve he'll leave "a taste" for him, but Steve says he has a fear of needles and doesn't want to inject anything into his body. Dick chuckles condescendingly and says he doesn't have to inject it; he can snort it! Like coke! Steve looks intrigued and says, "You can really snort this stuff?" and Dick is like, "Sure!" Steve mulls over the notion of snorting heroin and decides it sounds like a fabulous idea. He says, "OK. Save me a taste" 'cause what could possibly go wrong with that? Valerie is hanging with Gigi and some other flunky from LaLa Magazine. The flunky glances around the After Dark and derisively says it looks like a frat hangout, and Valerie says she's trying to attract a more diverse clientele. Gigi assures her that once her article comes out, the "hip quotient" at the After Dark is sure to improve...and a few seconds later, all three hit the dance floor. Ellen asks Steve if he's seen her druggie boyfriend, and Steve tells her he's in the john. She declares that she's had it with his drugging ways and stomps off somewhere. Steve enters the bathroom and - ack! - finds Dick unconscious in a stall with blood streaming out of his nose. Looks like he was sold a bad batch of smack. Steve snaps at some random extra who's washing his hands to go get help, and then Dick's eyes start fluttering as he moans, "I don't want to die." Steve barks, "You're not going to die! Look at me! Breathe!!" The extra runs over to the Peach Pit and tells Nat to call an ambulance 'cause some guy just overdosed on the bathroom floor. Cliff overhears him, then immediately jumps into action and runs over to the After Dark to help. David discreetly tells Valerie about the Dick Situation, and she excuses herself from Gigi and the flunky. Gigi perks up at the unmistakable state of emergency and excitedly tells the flunky, "Something is happening here!" Inside the men's room, Cliff is administering CPR on Dick, but by now he's pretty much a flatliner. A bunch of people hover over him looking sad, and we hear the sound of an ambulance siren in the background. The paramedics wheel Dick out of the club on a gurney, and a hysterical Ellen is wailing, "Let me go with him!" Valerie, meanwhile, is dismayed that the photographer from LaLa Magazine is snapping photos of the spectacle, and when she asks Gigi if she plans on using the photographs for her article, Gigi's like, "Well, d'yuh." Steve informs Valerie that Dick told him he bought heroin from some guy who regularly pedals it at the After Dark...and when a cop asks her about her involvement, she denies knowing anything about drug selling, then says she's keeping mute until her attorney arrives. Brandon shakes his head sadly and sanctimoniously tells Tracy, "I thought he was just smoking pot. What a waste." Cliff, meanwhile, doesn't offer anyone a shred of hope that Dick will survive and and tells everyone he was definitely a goner by the time he got to him. Donna shakes her head in disbelief that Dick was doing something as heavy as heroin, and Cliff tells Donna - loud enough for David to hear - that he doubts her parents will be thrilled she's hanging in a club where kids are doing drugs in the bathroom. David snaps, "Who asked you?" and Donna tut tuts Cliff and says, "That's not fair." The cop informs David he's under suspicion for distributing narcotics and tells him he'll have to come down to the station, and Cliff takes the opportunity to offer Donna a ride home. Palm Desert. Kelly tells Clare she wants to drop the Katarina act [because it's stupid, unfunny, and the best idea for a subplot the writers could come up with to dilute the seriousness of the "very special" Dick overdose storyline]. The phone rings just as someone knocks on the door - so Clare answers the phone while Kelly answers the door. Not surprisingly, it's Roger and Dean, and Kelly keeps up the dumb ruse of pretending she's Katarina. Over in the bedroom, Clare has been informed by Donna that Dick overdosed and died, and she looks devastated. She tells Kelly what's going on, so then Kelly gets on the phone with Donna...and Roger and Dean overhear her talking perfect English and are all, "Wha-at's going on?" and get pissy when they realize they've been played. Kelly explains that a friend of theirs died last night, but they're like, "We don't believe anything you phonies say. Do svidaniya" and exit the room. (No one cares, dorks.) Kelly tells Donna that she and Clare are coming home right away...and Donna tells her that Steve is taking Dick's death very hard. The Walsh house. Clare calls the house, but Steve refuses to answer the phone. He's slumped on the floor of his bedroom, about to light up his pot pipe when Brandon sneaks up on him through the bathroom, looks aghast, and demands, "What are you doing?!" Steve scrunches his face and moans, "Dick's dead...Dick's dead.." and says he needs something to dull the pain. Brandon points out that smoking pot won't help him change anything, so then Steve starts weeping and wails, "I don't know what to do!" Brandon assures him he'll get through this, and Steve stares sadly at his pot pipe and sets it on the floor. Marina. Donna arrives at her parents' boat for brunch. She explains she's late 'cause she was visiting Ellen, who's devastated about Dick's death. Felice haughtily informs her she knows all about how the police took Valerie and David in for questioning, and Donna insists that they had nothing to do with any drug dealing. When Felice and Papa Martin head below deck to get drinks, Cliff clarifies to Donna that he didn't blab to them about the overdose; her parents had already heard about it. He then shares his big news: he just received a job offer as head of security for a famous theme park in Orlando. He told them he needed a week to think about it...and if she decides she wants to be with him, he'll turn the job down and stay in L.A. What a dumb schmuck. Donna goes, "Oh Cliff.." Felice and Papa Martin return with drinks, and when Cliff goes down to the barbecue to start grilling burgers, Felice tells Donna he's sooo handsome and mature. She advises, "Do not let him get away!" but Donna just stares unhappily into space. Police station. David and Valerie are released after questioning, and their lawyer assures them they have nothing to worry about. He does, however, recommend that they tighten up security at the After Dark. Brandon and Steve stop by the gym and drop out of the basketball tournament, since their three man team just got reduced to a two man team. Marina. Felice remarks to Cliff how impressed and surprised she is that he's such a polite New Yorker. Heh. Suddenly, a little kid comes over and hands Donna a note, and when she unfolds the paper, it reads "I love you - D" and the kid points to where David is standing a few feet away, staring over at her. Cliff's like, "What does he want?" and Donna smugly says, "Me." With that, she throws down her napkin and says she has to go to him...and Felice hisses, "Sit down!" and urges a hapless Cliff to do something about this - but Papa Martin tells her to shut it and orders her to go for a walk with him. Donna tells Cliff she can't go on this way, so she's making the horrible choice to stick it out with David. She urges him to take the job in Orlando, then declares she loves David and says she's sorry and hopes he understands. He nods sadly and says, "Sometimes the only way to stop a fire is to let it burn out" and says he still holds out hope that she and David will break up so he can come sniffing around again. OMFG - there really is no hope for this dumbass. She wishes him luck in Florida, kisses his cheek, then gets up and strides toward David...with the same level of determination and purpose that Richard Gere demonstrated when he strode through the factory to claim Debra Winger as his woman in An Officer and a Gentleman. Papa Martin and a dismayed Felice watch as the two smooch intensely, then stroll off together. After Dark. A makeshift memorial in the alley has been set up in honor of Dick, and a small crowd is huddled around it, mourning the loss of the druggie douchebag. Brandon, Steve, and Tracy arrive and look at the candles, photo...and - oops - a bong. Steve scrunches his face angrily, then picks it up and asks, "Who left this here?" but no one 'fesses up. Steve throws the bong on the ground, smashing it, and lectures the crowd about how drug paraphernalia is not cool. He tells them that he was next in line to try "the big buzz", but (fortunately for him) Dick died before he was able to snort from the bad batch o' smack and suffer the same fate. He sadly recalls that Dick's last words were, "I don't want to die" then orders the mourners to remember Dick as a scholar and an athlete who let his brilliant future be destroyed by drugs. After his diatribe, Clare kisses and hugs him, and Brandon nods solemnly and says, "That was good, man." LOL. He hands him Dick's basketball jersey, and Steve lays it on the ground beside the candles and whispers, "Here's your jersey, buddy." He then kneels beside it and tears up. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Valerie is having a dream (in black and white) about being molested by her father - ewww - and then suddenly his blood is all over her hands. She wakes up in a cold sweat...and we see that Tom is laying in bed beside her. She tells him she's wigged out 'cause her mom is coming back from San Francisco today, but she's not ready to tell her about the molestation. Tom urges her to spill the beans about it to her mom and says she has to "face it all". Kelly's at the beach, writing in the journal that Valerie gave her during the Christmas episode. She writes that she feels alone - even among friends and family - and now regrets her nonsensical I choose me decision at the end of Season 5 - when Brandon proposed and Dylan offered to take her around the world. And now...Dylan is [supposedly] shacked up with Brenda in London, and Brandon's in love with Tracy (though not really). She sighs heavily and stares unhappily out at the ocean. CUTV. Brandon is leading a production meeting with the news station staff and tries to engage Tracy, but she just glares at him with her arms crossed in front of her. After the meeting, he admonishes her for her hostile behavior, so she snarks, "I don't know how to act when my boyfriend is keeping an engagement ring for someone else." Hmm...like a grownup, perhaps? He tells her he knew they'd have to talk about it, so she asks when he was planning to bring up the subject...but he just mutely stares into space and doesn't answer, so I'm guessing that that answer is hopefully never. Donna tells Clare she's going out with Cliff tonight. She's still mad at David for spending so much time with Chloe lately, but wonders aloud if it was all a misunderstanding. The Walsh house. Steve arrives home with his halfwit half-brother, Ryan, in tow. Ryan tells him he's sweet on a girl named Katie and that he finally got the courage to ask her out, but he doesn't know where to take her. Steve suggests that he and Katie double date with him and Clare at the Santa Monica Pier, and Ryan likes that idea. The doorbell rings, and it's Michelle Phillips, who has just returned from San Francisco. Valerie appears on the stairs and glares unhappily at her mother, then snarks that she's still not signing the mortgage papers. Michelle Phillips urges her to reconsider...and the two snark back and forth for a while, blah blah, until Michelle Phillips declares that since she doesn't feel welcome at Casa Walsh, she's going to stay at a hotel. CUTV. Chancellor Arnold presents Brandon with a plaque to celebrate the campus network's 100th newscast. Brandon publicly thanks the crew, then presents the plaque to Tracy (at the news desk), and she happily accepts it, then signs off for the evening. As soon as the cameras stop rolling, she stops smiling, shoots Brandon the stink-eye, and rips off her microphone and storms off. Clare, meanwhile, invites Donna to tag along to the Santa Monica Pier with her, Steve, Ryan, and Katie - and Donna accepts. Elsewhere in the station, Tom asks Valerie if she told her mom about the molestation, and she says she didn't...and when he tells her she should, she bitchily snaps, "Give it a rest!" Brandon ambles over to Kelly, and the two exchange pleasantries. She says she hardly sees him anymore, then invites him and Tracy to come by the beach apartment for dinner sometime...'cause, yeah, that wouldn't be awkward. Tracy suddenly appears in the hallway and looks visibly annoyed to see the former love-birds chit-chatting. Brandon tells her that Kelly has invited them to dinner, and she smiles, says thanks, but that she's not in the mood for a party. She snarkishly reminds Brandon that they were supposed to talk after the broadcast, then adds, "But obviously this conversation is more important to you" and Kelly looks sheepish and goes, "Oops. Did I get in the middle of something?" Tracy thrusts the plaque at Brandon, sarcastically bitches about his "virtue and honesty", then storms off. Kelly tells Brandon he should go to her, and he reluctantly toddles off after his pissed off girlfriend. Santa Monica Pier. Donna and Cliff are enjoying their date, compliment each other on how awesomely perfect they are, then scamper off to ride the Ferris wheel. Steve asks Clare whassup with Donna going out with Cliff and asks, "What about David?" and Clare goes, "What about him?" and says that if David can spend so much time with Chloe, Donna should be able to hang with a hot fireman. Damn straight. Ryan, meanwhile, is enjoying his evening with Katie...and she suddenly suffers a brain fart and invites him to kiss her. Steve sees the two kids smooching and looks delighted...and after Katie and Clare head off to the ladies room (or wherever), he congratulates his halfwit half-brother on possessing "the Sanders touch". Ryan discreetly asks him if he has a condom for his date tomorrow night, and Steve guffaws and applauds him for being prepared...instead of urging him to visit a drugstore, like pronto, to stock up on Trojans so that he doesn't have to rely on his older brother to supply his birth control for him. Dorm. Brandon tells Tracy that they're not going to be able to get through the Engagement Ring Situation if she refuses to talk to him. He insists he wasn't keeping the ring because he's been waiting for Kelly to come back into his life (even though he kinda is), so she asks, "Why then?" and he just scrunches his face and says, "I dunno." Tracy gets irked and snaps, "You can't make someone think you love them if you don't" and accuses him of cheating on her. Brandon denies cheating and tells her she's being ridic, so then she challenges him to declare he's not in love with Kelly, and he stares down at his feet and mutters, "It's not so simple." It is, actually. A crushed looking Tracy says, "At least you had the decency not to lie to me. Goodbye, Brandon" and Brandon says goodbye and exits her room...and Tracy starts weeping. Santa Monica Pier. Cliff asks Donna if she's having fun, and she assures him she is...and then the two start smooching. A few seconds later, she pulls away and hangs her head in shame...and he asks her if she's feels guilty about David. She nods and says they have a long, tedious history and she doesn't want to hurt him. She sheepishly says she shouldn't be "playing around" with him, but Cliff insists that he's not playing games...then leans in for another kiss. David's house. Chloe's playing on the keyboard while David tries to reach Donna at the beach house. He tells Chloe she's still not home, and correctly assumes she's still out with Fireman Cliff. Chloe says she does not get what Donna sees in Cliff, then remarks, "He certainly doesn't do it for me" which is such crazy talk, considering Cliff's inarguable hotness. David glumly says he hates that Cliff is back in L.A. and that Donna's "all over him"...then says at least he knows for sure that the two aren't hitting the sheets. Chloe chuckles and asks how he could be so sure 'bout that, so David enlightens her about Donna's virginity pledge. Valerie has another black and white dream about being molested by her father, which...gross. After she jolts awake, she tells Tom she has to deal with this...then heads over to her mom's hotel. She tells Michelle Phillips the ugly truth about her father - but Michelle Philips just stares at her incredulously and snaps, "How dare you?!" and wails that she was married to him for twenty years and knows he was a good man. Valerie says he was a horrible man, so then Michelle Philips accuses her of being wild and always in trouble. Valerie narrows her eyes and says that as much as she hated her father, she hated her even more because she could have stopped him from coming to her bedroom at night. Michelle Phillips gets a crazed look in her eyes, slaps Valerie hard across the face, and yells, "Go to hell!" and Valerie sadly replies that she's been in hell ever since she was eleven years old. She stalks out of the room, and Michelle Phillips looks like she may need to vomit. Beach house. Kelly's writing in her journal again, and we hear her voice-over, babbling about fate and destiny...pondering with the universe why she and Brandon aren't together - or if they're meant to be. (You're not.) Donna enters her room with some coffee, and Kelly asks her how her date with Cliff went. Donna says, "Terrific and awful" and explains that everything is so easy with Cliff, but difficult with David...but for some insane reason, she still loves David despite her feelings for Cliff. Kelly's like, "Well d'yuh...he's gorgeous!" but theorizes that she's prolly mad at David because he wasn't there for her while she was being held hostage by nutty Evan...similar to the way Brandon was hanging with Emily Valentine while she was being burned alive in a rave fire. Donna tells her that Brandon didn't look happy last night, and Kelly admits she's been thinking about him a lot lately. Donna advises her to tell him she loves him, and Kelly says she did do that: after she broke up with Colin, and again when Brandon dumped Susan. She says, "If he wants to do anything about it, he will." The Walsh house. Clare snarks at Steve about Ryan's sex plans and admonishes him for just wanting to hand the kid a condom and say, "Go out and play." I'm not sure how this falls under the category of Any of Clare's Business. Steve reminds his uptight girlfriend that she was once a wild teenager who handcuffed herself to Brandon's bed, and she gets all red-faced and mumbles an unintelligible retort. Haha! When Ryan enters the kitchen, Clare asks/declares, "Tonight's the big night" and Ryan just stares back at her in complete mortification. She asks him how much he knows about sex, but before Ryan can crawl under the nearest rock, Steve interjects and assures Clare that he'll educate Ryan about the birds and the bees after breakfast. Peach Pit. Brandon is slumped at the counter, looking miserable as he drinks his morning coffee. He moans to Nat about how he lost something important to him 'cause he couldn't let go of the past...and Nat correctly guesses that he's talking about Kelly and their complicated feelings for each other. Brandon tells Nat that Kelly knows how he feels about her, and if she wants to do something about it, she will. Oy. He then says he's off to do something he should have done a long time ago: return Kelly's ring. After Dark. Michelle Phillips arrives at the club and finds Tom cutting up fruit at the bar. She says she needs his help with Valerie, then starts to tell him about the molestation allegations - but Tom cuts her off and says he already knows all about it. Valerie enters the club and overhears her mom tell Tom she finally gets why Valerie has hated her all these years...then quickly adds that she had no idea the abuse was happening. Valerie walks over and says she didn't tell her earlier 'cause she was afraid she'd react exactly the way she reacted last night. Valerie then tells her mom she threatened to go to the police if her father didn't seek help...and later that night he shot himself. She snarls, "I'm glad he's dead" and Michelle Phillips starts weeping. Beach house. Tracy drops by the apartment to needlessly inform Kelly that she and Brandon broke up last night. Kelly's all, "Wuh?" and says she's sorry, and Tracy goes, "Are you?" then apologizes for being bitchy. Tracy tells her she found her engagement ring in Brandon's drawer, and Kelly looks surprised and says she had no idea that Brandon was still holding onto it. Tracy covers her face with her hands and moans, "This is soooo hard!" and says she came here to do the noble thing and bow out gracefully...but she can't bring herself to do it 'cause she still loves Brandon. Kelly's like, "Hey - so do I!" - LOL - and Tracy moans about how unfair this is, then snarkishly reminds her that she's the one who cut him loose. She says, "Brandon and I could be happy together, but you have to make up your mind" and Kelly stares contemplatively into space. The Walsh house. Steve starts telling Ryan about eggs and sperm - but Ryan cuts him off and says he already knows about the science part of sex. He says he's really nervous about doinking Katie, with whom he's only been one one date...so Steve suggests he hold off on sex [until she comes to her senses and runs away screaming so it doesn't become an issue]. Ryan mulls over that advice and asks if it's OK, then remarks that guys are always in such a big hurry to hit the sheets. Mercifully, the doorbell rings, and Steve flees the kitchen to answer it. It's Kelly, who's looking for Brandon. Steve says he's not allowed to tell her where Brandon went, so she tells him she knows all about the ring...and he blabs that Brandon went to a German jewelry store in Westwood to return it. David's house. Chloe trash talks Donna in front of David, then unzips her zipper top and says she no longer wants to take things slow. He tells her to zip herself back up, and she snarks, "What's the big deal?!" and says that unlike Donna, she's happy to give him what he wants. He tells her to get dressed and go...and a second later, Donna shows up at the house. David tells Chloe to go to the bedroom, and she looks hopeful and cheekily asks, "Why? Did you change your mind?" He answers the door, and Donna greets him and says they should talk. Chloe suddenly yells out David's name and rushes over to the door in her bra and pretends to bashfully cover herself up. She says, "Hi Donna" and Donna glares at David and says, "I knew this was a mistake" and runs off. Valerie returns to her mom's hotel room to tell her she'll sign the papers after all. Michelle Phillips says she's had a change of heart and now wants to sell the house, given the disgusting, unholy acts that were perpetrated there. She then starts weeping and says she didn't know her husband was a disgusting rapist-pedophile, and Valerie says she believes her...and the two hug it out. Ugh, writers. Why do you keep resurrecting this icky storyline? Brandon enters the jewelry store, explains the ring situation with the jeweler, and the jeweler asks him if he's ready to exchange his past for his future. As he's doing that, Kelly arrives at the store and stares at him through the window. Brandon tells the jeweler he can't bring himself to return the ring until he knows it's really, definitely, truly, absolutely over with Kelly, and the jeweler looks impressed and says, "She must be some girl." (Mmm...not really.) Brandon exits the store and spots Kelly, and she tells him that Tracy told him about the ring. He looks surprised and says she shouldn't have done that. He tells her he came to the jeweler's to return the ring, and Kelly goes, "Good! If that's what you want to do, you should." They both look pained as they agree that neither should pursue a relationship with the other...even though it's secretly what they both want. ^%$#@!! After Dark. Valerie arrives and finds Tom waiting for her. She tells him that everything turned out OK with her mom, and that she's on her way to the airport. She then tells Tom she loves him...but every time she looks at him, she just remembers being molested by her dad, and "it's all too much". Tom suggests that she probably just needs time to sort everything out, and Valerie agrees but makes it clear that she's still dumping him. Tom just shrugs and says, "I'm not used to staying in one place very long anyway." LOL. Dorm. Brandon stops by Tracy's room to inform her that he finally returned Kelly's ring. She's all, "Wha-a?!" and looks even more surprised when he hands her a small box from the jeweler's. She unwraps it and finds a lovely gold bracelet, then gives him a happy hug...but during the hug, Brandon looks troubled and unhappy. Kelly's ambling along the beach, voice-overing that she bought herself a gift today: something she didn't want anyone else to have. She then fingers the engagement ring Brandon just returned, which she's now wearing on her necklace. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Kelly arrives at Tom's house, decked out in a track suit and eager to go running. Tom, on the other hand, looks like he just rolled out of bed and complains that it's the crack of dawn (8:00am) and that he needs coffee - but Kelly barks at him to forgo his morning coffee and go get dressed so they can go for their run. The phone suddenly rings, and it's a distressed Valerie. She tells Tom she needs to see him, like pronto, 'cause her mom is on her way to L.A. Egads! Tom furrows his brows concernedly and says, "I'll be right over." Kelly rolls her eyes and snarks, "I don't like the sound of that" so Tom tells her that Valerie really really needs him. Kelly reminds him that Valerie uses people, but Tom's just like, "Whatever" and says he has to help her out with this contrived mom crisis and that she (Kelly) will just have to trust him. Kelly snarks, "It's not you I don't trust." The Walsh house. Valerie asks Brandon and Tracy if one or both of them wouldn't mind picking up her mother from the airport. Brandon asks her why she can't do it, so she says they don't get along and she can't stand the thought of spending an hour alone with her in the car. Brandon says, "I like your mother" so Valerie's like, "Good! Go pick her up" then thanks him and quickly exits the room. Brandon tells Tracy that things in the Malone family have been rough ever since the father committed suicide, and Tracy says she already knows all about it. Brandon looks surprised, so Tracy explains that Valerie's been reaching out to her lately, since she doesn't have a lot of girlfriends...and Brandon cattily adds, "And no boyfriend." Tracy then shifts gears and reminds Brandon that today is Valentine's Day and comes right out and asks him what he's getting her. He says he's taking her to see Luther Vandross at the After Dark later, and she makes a face and goes, "Is that all?" so he tells her she also gets his love and devotion (though not really), and she decides that that's all she really wants. Beach house. Clare urges Donna to get out of the apartment, where she's been cooped up for the last several days, but Donna insists she just wants to lay around in bed. Clare complains that she wanted to do something romantic with Steve today, but he's off playing golf with Dick. She then bugs Donna again to go out with her and do something, like maybe get their hair done, but Donna bitchily snaps, "Leave me alone!" Clare argues that she needs to snap out of her funk and points out that she hasn't left the house in days. She advises Donna to see a therapist, and Donna promises to look into it...tomorrow. David lets himself in the apartment and bellows, "Happy Valentine's Day!" and enters Donna's room with roses, chocolates, and a teddy bear. Donna gives him a thank you kiss, then asks him to put the roses in some water...so David and Clare head off to the kitchen and discuss how alarmed they are at Donna's withdrawal from the world. Over at the golf course, Dick offers Steve a joint, but Steve says he never really got into the whole pot thing and is more of a beer guy. Dick urges Steve to take the joint and smoke it with Clare, 'cause weed can make for some awesome sex. Steve perks up at that and eagerly grabs the joint. LOL. After Dark. Tom arrives at the club and finds a teary Valerie, who wails about how worried she is that her mom is going to ruin everything. Tom says that maybe things will be different, considering they haven't seen each other in three years, but Valerie just shakes her head despondently and says her mom blames her for her dad's death. Tom assures her it wasn't her fault, then kisses her on the forehead. Brandon's driving Valerie's mom - hey, it's Michelle Phillips! - to Beverly Hills from LAX. She thanks him for picking her up and says she's disappointed that Valerie didn't come. Brandon fibs and says she's very busy getting ready for the Luther Vandross concert tonight, but Michelle Phillips moans about how everything's fallen apart since her husband blew his brains out...and somehow she's gotten it into her head that Valerie blames her for his death. After Dark. Luther Vandross and some guy enter the club looking for David, and when Chloe Davis catches sight of him, she's all, "OMG! OMG! It's Luther Vandross!" and makes an ass of herself gushing over the singer while David calmly introduces himself and thanks him for coming. We learn that Mel recently did some emergency dental work for him, so he's doing this gig to repay the favor. I'm sure that paying the dental bill would have been thanks enough. Beach house. Clare again tries to get Donna to go out and do something, but Donna says she'd rather stay home and catch up on her soaps. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door, and - wuh? - it's Cliff, the super hot fireman from the Housewarming and Fearless episodes! Donna shrieks at Clare to stall him so she can make herself quasi presentable. A few seconds later, Cliff enters the apartment clutching a bouquet of flowers...and when Donna emerges from her room after throwing on a t-shirt and pair of jeans, he tells her he came all the way to L.A. 'cause he didn't want to be with anyone but her on Valentine's Day. She smiles and chirps, "Great!" while Clare just scrunches her weird looking doll face and looks perplexed. Donna and Cliff go for a stroll. She asks him how long he's in town for, and he says, "It depends on you" so she finally admits she now has a weeny boyfriend. Cliff nods sadly and says, "I figured you would" then asks her if she's engaged. She's like, "No!" and he smiles and says, "Good. I'm still in the game." Oh, Cliff. Why do you not realize you could do far better than Donna?? Donna tells him she has Valentine's Day plans with her boyfriend, so he urges her to have a good time - but warns her that he'll be calling her up tomorrow to ask her out. After Dark. Brandon brings Michelle Phillips to the club, and she glances around and looks very impressed. Valerie greets her coldly and re-introduces her to Tom, who Michelle Phillips doesn't look very thrilled to see. She tells him she's surprised he's in L.A., then makes a bitchy crack about all the various jobs he's had over the past few years. Valerie asks Tom if he could please give her mom a tour of the club so she can speak privately with Brandon...and once they're out of earshot, she snaps, "What the hell did you bring her here for?" Brandon says she just wanted to see "her little girl", but Valerie insists she must have an ulterior motive for her visit. Brandon says, "Like mother like daughter" and Valerie's all, "Huh?" so he points out that she's always talking about how manipulative and selfish her mother is - but it's also how a lot of people see her, himself included. Ouch. Beach house. Kelly tells Clare she hates losing - especially to Valerie - but Clare points out that Tom isn't exactly a prize. Haha! Kelly admits that yeah her doltish new beau is a tad rough around the edges, but basically he's an OK guy. David suddenly saunters onto the deck, and Kelly and Clare look alarmed and ask him what he's doing here. He says he came to check on Donna, since she wasn't doing very well this morning. Clare says she's not home at the moment, then says she started to feel a lot better. David's like, "OK, cool" and starts to head out...but then runs into Donna and Cliff returning from their stroll. He's all, "Wuh?" so Donna introduces him to Cliff as her boyfriend, and David glares at Donna and bitchily says, "I'm glad you're feeling better." She says she can explain, but David says he's been trying to cheer her up for days...then in walks Cliff and suddenly she's in a great mood. Well d'yuh. Cliff insists that Donna had no idea he was coming to town and that he didn't realize she had a boyfriend...then wisely beats a hasty retreat. Donna assures David she hasn't spoken to Cliff for months, then invites him to come in, but he says he has to get back to the After Dark. He tells her just stopped by to make sure she was OK...so she tells him she's fine, and he snarks, "Obviously you're better than fine." The Walsh house. Valerie tells her mom she has to change for tonight's show, then apologizes for being so rude earlier. Michelle Phillips tells Val she needs her to sign some papers so she can get a second mortgage on the house (apparently, Valerie owns half of it), and she immediately gets pissed off and assumes that her mom only came to L.A. for reasons of money. She bitchily declares she's not signing anything, then reminds her of the unholy acts that occurred in that house. She snarls, "I hope it burns to the ground!" then rails about how much she hated her dad and that house...and also her for standing by him instead of her own daughter. She storms upstairs, and Michelle Phillips is all, "Wha-a?!" After Dark. Steve, Clare, Dick, and the girl Dick is currently dating are hanging at the bar. Steve tells Clare he has a surprise for her and shows her the joint he's carefully holding in the palm of his hand...and the camera zooms in on the slender doobie for what seems like a really loooong time. Clare bitchily retorts that she no interest in any smokable substance, then grabs the joint and hands it to Dick's girlfriend - who, in turn, gives Dick the stink-eye and says, "I thought you stopped! You liar!" and angrily storms off. Dick glares at Clare and goes, "Thanks, Clare. Very discreet" and runs after his girlfriend. Clare asks Steve how much pot he's been smoking, then snarks about how much she hates potheads. He meekly assures her he's not an addict, and she snaps, "Good!" Kelly and Tom canoodle and make plans for their first doinkfest after the Luther Vandross concert. Kelly notices Valerie approaching, so she gives Tom a long, lingering smooch just to bug her. David, meanwhile, escorts Donna to their table and says that the seat across from her is reserved for him, not a certain sexy fireman. She lets out a hmm giggle (we haven't heard that sound in a long time - but then, I guess it's been awhile since Donna's had anything to hmm giggle about) and assures him she wants to have fun with only him tonight. Michelle Phillips arrives with Tracy and Brandon and apologizes for being a third wheel on their date, then natters about how worried she is that Valerie will wig out when she sees her. Steve suddenly bursts out of the back exit and mumbles to Brandon that he left something in his car. He encounters Dick in the parking lot, about to light his joint. Steve tells him how bummed out he is that Clare's so scarily uptight about a little weed, so then Dick offers him his joint back. Steve tries to decline because of how terrified he is of what Clare will do to him if she finds out...but Dick strenuously insists, so Steve gives in, and they each light up a fatty. As Chloe Davis performs her opening act for Luther Vandross, David looks on admiringly...and Donna studies his reaction to her and looks irked. Kelly suddenly appears and sits at her table and remarks on what a good singer Chloe is, but Donna just snarks that David spends every waking moment working with the cute young girl. Kelly chuckles at her insecurity and says, "She's just a baby" then reminds her that she's hardly one to talk after she spent the afternoon hanging with Cliff. Right? Michelle Phillips compliments Valerie on the awesomeness of the After Dark, but Valerie just assumes she's trying to squeeze money out of her. Michelle Phillips asks her whassup with her anger, and Valerie blows her off and says she doesn't want to get into it right now. Michelle Phillips tells her she's headed to San Francisco to attend a convention for a few days, but when she returns she wants them to work all this out...but Valerie isn't interested in restoring their relationship and brusquely orders her to sell the house. David goes on stage and introduces Luther Vandross, and we get to watch his performance for the next several minutes - which I couldn't keep from fast fowarding through. Kelly ambles over to Tom to publicly flirt, while David returns to Donna's table for some romantic hand holding. Steve walks over to Clare and nuzzles her neck, but she makes a blech face and storms off - which, I'm guessing, is 'cause he reeks of pot. Valerie glares unhappily at Tom and Kelly...and Kelly catches the glare and smooches Tom to irritate her even more. Valerie stomps off to the ladies room and, for some reason, Kelly follows her. She finds Valerie tearfully staring at herself in the mirror...and Valerie says she hopes she and Tom will be very happy together, even though Tom is the only guy who truly loves and understands her. She sadly adds, "If you really want him, there's nothing I can do about it. But if you don't, then let him go...'cause I really need him right now." She then moans, "Pleeease!" so Kelly stares back at her in bewilderment and says, "You're telling the truth, aren't you?" Valerie confirms she is, and the two frenemies just stare at each other mutely. OK - I'm confused. Didn't Valerie sternly rebuff Tom's advances just four episodes ago, when she made it clear that she only wanted him to infrequently serve as her boy toy? Let's examine.. [Tom] then puckers up to give Valerie a smooch, but she rebuffs him and says she's not interested in a relationship right now. Tom's all, "Wuh?" and reminds her that they've been doinking for the last few weeks, and Valerie says it's only 'cause they're old friends. Tom's all, "Wuh?" but agrees to back off...so then Valerie says it's OK to smooch her, now that she's laid out her nonsensical ground rules. Hmm. Now that I've reread that excerpt, I'm actually more confused about their relationship that I was before, so let's move on to the tedious Steve's a pothead/Clare's an uptight, snarly bitch subplot.. Clare snaps at Steve for being stoned...and when he insists he's just fine, she tells him his eyes are completely bloodshot (they are not) and that he reeks of pot (he probably does). She bitchily informs him that she intends to go home alone after the show, so I guess there won't be any fabulous weed-induced sex that Dick had promised Steve would happen. Valerie and David thank Luther Vandross for his superfluous cameo appearance, and then he heads off on his merry way. Donna tells David she's tired and is catching a ride home with Clare - and David looks disappointed, but wishes her a happy Valentine's Day. He tells her he's glad she's feeling better and everything, but is still mystified/irked about how Cliff was able to cheer her up so quickly...after he tried to cheer her up for three days while she refused to get out of bed. That's probably because Cliff's a hot fireman and you're not...so let it go, David. Chloe Davis ambles over to invite David out for a bite to eat with the rest of the After Dark gang, and he glares at Donna and says, "Sure!" which, of course, pisses off Donna and she storms off. Kelly finally comes clean with Tom and tells him she only asked him out to make Valerie jealous, and that she's not in love with him. She says that since she started things up with him for all the wrong reasons, she now wants to do the right thing and cut him loose so that he can be available for Valerie. Tom's like, "I feel pretty dumb" - well d'yuh - but then parts with Kelly on polite terms. Kelly, Donna, and Clare head over to the Peach Pit and order pie with ice cream. Mmm...sounds delish. Donna suddenly spots Cliff sitting at the counter, so she goes over to flirt with him. He says, "This is a nice surprise" and tells her she looks beautiful. Retch. He asks her out for tomorrow night, and she eagerly accepts. He grins and says, "That's what I came to hear" and kisses her on the cheek...and Donna giddily rushes back to her friends' table. After Dark. Valerie finds Tom cleaning up and asks whassup, so he tells her that Kelly just dumped him...and she looks surprised, then pleased. He says he never got a chance to dance tonight, then turns on the music and floor lights, and the two start slow dancing. He tells her that every woman he's been with the last several years have been all about trying to forget her...but it hasn't worked. He then leans in and the two start smooching. The Walsh house. Brandon and Tracy wish each other a happy Valentine's Day as they canoodle in bed. Brandon suddenly announces he's going downstairs to get them something to drink - then complains about how cold it is, and that she should get herself a t-shirt out of his drawer if she's cold. She does, and when she rifles through the drawer, she finds a small box with a diamond ring inside. Uh oh. When Brandon returns with a bottle of champagne and two glasses, Tracy stupidly gushes, "I like champagne, and the answer's yes!!" and he's all, "Wuh?" so she explains that she found the ring in the drawer. She says, "That's why you told me to get a t-shirt...right?" [Um, wrong.] As she gabbles about how much she loves him, Brandon has a flashback of when he proposed to Kelly with that ring at the end of Season 5. Tracy notices his spaced out expression and asks him what's wrong, but he just continues to mutely stare at her until she finally gets a clue and says in a flat voice, "This isn't for me." Brandon goes, "Trace.." but then has nothing else to say...and she looks sad and dejected. Just run, Tracy. Run far and fast. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: During a CUTV staff meeting, Brandon announces that Donna will be returning to weather forecasting duty the following day. Oh joy. Evan suggests that they underplay her absence and pretend like she hasn't been away, and Brandon likes that idea. After the meeting, Rusty bursts into the station and calls Brandon a bastard, then snarls, "How dare you send the cops after me!" He accuses Brandon of fingering him as the guy who's been stalking Donna, but Brandon denies doing any such thing and explains to the enraged nitwit that the police questioned everyone at the station. Rusty rails about how he feels like a criminal, and Brandon glares at him and coldly asks, "Is there some reason you should feel like a criminal?" Rusty bitchily retorts, "Someone oughta knock you down a peg. I hope you and Donna rot in hell!" (We all hope that, Rusty.) Beach house. Kelly and Tom are hanging out and flirting when Donna returns home after hiding out at her parents' luxury pad for the last few days. Tom invites Kelly out for dinner later, then heads off to work. Donna tells Kelly how relieved she is that her stalking ordeal is finally over now that Slan has left town...and Kelly says she's just happy that things can finally get back to normal. Donna remarks on how she (Kelly) is dating Tom and reminds her that Valerie is still really close to him. Kelly admits that at first she flirted with Tom merely to spite Valerie...but, to her surprise, she's discovered she actually likes the guy. Donna asks her if a relationship with him is worth pursuing if it irks Valerie so much, and Kelly mischievously grins and replies, "Not only is it worth it. It is icing on the cake." Me-ow! After Dark. Chloe Davis is performing a song for David - and when she finishes, he claps and tells her she's for sure going to be on MTV some day. She blushes prettily and thanks him, then tells him the sad tale about how her parents disowned her after she dropped out of school to follow her dream of being a singer. Well d'yuh. It is a pretty stupid thing to do. David advises her to make a demo tape of her music - but she tells him she has no cash, so he offers her the use of the recording studio in his house. Wait - wuh? Did I miss something? When the hell did David get a recording studio in his house? And isn't it really Mark's house? And since it is, why is David still living in it? Arnold, Samantha, Steve, and Clare arrive at a resort somewhere to attend some kind of retreat...and Steve and Clare grumble to each other again about how icked out they still are about their parents dating. They discuss how their foursome is rooming by gender - meaning Clare and Samantha will share a room, while Steve and Arnold are bunking together. Fantastic. After Dark. Tom arrives at the club and finds Valerie doing paperwork in her office. She snarkishly says that maybe hiring him to work at the After Dark wasn't such a good idea after all. She then criticizes his work and says he needs to devote more time to his job than to Kelly...and Tom gets fed up with her bitchitude and abruptly quits. Good for you, Tom! Retreat. Samantha gushes to Clare about how happy she is to be rooming with her, then gabbles about how proud her father is of her. During this, she's unpacking her things and hanging them in the closet, and Clare gets an eyeful of a sexy black teddy Samantha brought along and is all, "Ack!" David's house. David and Chloe are in the recording studio, mixing her track. The phone rings and it's Donna...and she looks put out when she hears Chloe's voice and realizes she's there with David. Chloe hands the phone over to David, and Donna tells him she needs his help with prepping for tomorrow's weather report. He tells her he's too busy at the moment, and Donna sulkily accuses him of giving her the brush-off. David explains that he's helping Chloe with her demo tape, so Donna's like, "OK, fine. Whatever" then hangs up and looks sad. The stalker is watching a tape of one of Donna's weather show re-runs while loading a gun and nonsensically snarling, "You bitch!" LOL. Retreat. As the boring foursome dines together, Clare gives her dad an embarrassing lecture about how he shouldn't eat cream sauce 'cause it gets him over-stimulated...plus it's high in cholesterol. Samantha flees the table and pretends she needs more food from the buffet, and Arnold gets up and follows her. Steve admonishes Clare for being such a snarky bitch, then says his mom really likes Arnold and that he's suddenly A-OK with their parents dating. Clare, however, is not A-OK with it, and she scrunches her weird looking doll face and whines, "She's taking my daddy away from me!" Steve just stares back at her, incredulous at her self-absorbed cuntiness. Beach house. As Tom walks Kelly home after their date, he tells her they need to straighten a few things out. He asks her if she's trying to hurt Valerie, then quickly reminds her that Valerie is his friend and says he doesn't want to be a means of Kelly getting back at Valerie. Kelly slips him the tongue for a few seconds and asks, "Does that answer your question?" and he's like, "Uh...not really" so Kelly assures him she's not with him because of her searing hatred for Valerie...but he still looks doubtful 'bout that and announces that he's going home. CUTV. Donna arrives at the station and says hey to Rusty, but he just snarks, "What do you want?" and mocks her silly weather segment. She apologizes to him for having to endure police questioning, but he just continues to snark about how he was treated like a criminal. Evan comes over and tells Rusty to leave, and Rusty's like, "Fine then! I will!" and bitchily storms out. (In about five minutes, he's going to be really glad he did that.) Donna looks visibly rattled, so Evan tells her to forget about him, then gives her a comforting hug. Retreat. Steve tells Clare that they should tell their parents how much their canoodling icks them both out...and a few seconds later, they come upon their parents locked in each other's arms, kissing. Clare wants to put an immediate stop to the intimacy, but suddenly Steve is no longer bugged by their blechy public displays of affection. Arnold pulls away from Samantha and tells her they can't do this because of how unhappy their romance is making Clare. He says he had intended for the four of them to grow closer during this retreat - but, sadly, it's doing the opposite. He tells her they have two great kids - but since the brats have no regard for their happiness and would prefer that they break up and be alone rather than hook up and be happy, they should indulge them and stop seeing each other. Steve and Clare, who have both eavesdropped on the conversation, stare into space and look contemplative. CUTV. Donna is standing in front of the mirror, primping for her weather segment. Evan comes over and natters about how great she is when she's doing her weather reports, and how it feels like she's talking only to him. He proudly says she makes him feel important, like she understands him...and Donna somehow chooses to ignore that giant red flag and replies, "That's a nice thing to say." Things start getting off-kilter when Evan picks up a tube of lipstick and urges Donna to wear that color, and she looks weirded out and goes, "Excuse me?" then asks him if he doesn't have to get ready for the broadcast. He's like, "Uh, no" then asks her if anything is wrong...and she admits that she's still shaken up by Rusty's hostile bitchitude. He says, "You don't have to worry. I'm here" which...ew. Donna applies the lipstick and asks Evan how she looks, and he replies in a raspy voice, "Perfect" and leans in for a cheek kiss. She flinches and tells him to stop, and he stares at her creepily and says, "I know you like me." She tells him his touchy-feelyness is making her uncomfortable...and the stalker jig is finally up when he says, "Phone calls...flowers. I know you like the attention." He admits he's the one who's been calling her with messages of love/death threats and sending flowers and dead rats...and, oh yeah, it was him who nearly ran her over with his car during the Unnecessary Roughness episode. He says, "I'm sorry, but you made me mad" and Donna's like, "Ack!" and flees across the room where Brandon and Tracy are standing. She hysterically tells them that Evan's the one who's been stalking her, and Evan storms over and says, "Whatever Donna just said is a lie." LOL. Brandon announces that he's calling campus security and then picks up the phone, but Evan orders him to put it down and then pulls out his gun. Eeek! He orders Donna to lock the outer doors, and tells Brandon to get into the control room. He steers a terrified Donna toward the news desk and orders Tracy to prepare to film an embarrassing spectacle of his nuttiness for all of CU to enjoy. Brandon sneakily dials 911 from the control room, then keeps the phone off the hook. The 911 operator's like, "Hello? Hello?" then hears Brandon cleverly urge Evan to put the gun down. Evan suddenly notices that the phone is off its cradle, wigs out about that for a few seconds, then orders Brandon to hang it up. Evan then sits beside Donna at the news desk and points his gun at her and ominously declares that he has plenty to say in front of the camera - and none of it will be with a single scrap of dignity. When Tracy warily tells Evan that he and Donna are on the air, Evan looks at Donna and says, "Go ahead" and she scrunches her face in confusion and is all, "Wuh?" Kelly, meanwhile, sees the hijacked news broadcast from the Student Union and goes, "What is that?!" then shrieks, "He's got a gun!" and all the extras within hearing range are like, "Eeek!" and rush toward the TV. In the newsroom, a quivering Donna tells Evan she has no idea what he wants her to say, so he orders her to declare her love for him - which she does. He then orders her to read from his diary...and she reads some what he wrote about when they first met. His diary entries describe how she winked at him during her weather reports...along with his delightful discovery of Donna's virginity - which he thought was romantic, 'cause in his deluded mind, he believed she'd give it up to him. Gross. This guy's hopeless fixation on Donna and her sanctimonious virginity is so disturbing on so many levels. Police arrive on campus and a SWAT team swarms around the CUTV building...and the detective in charge orders someone to turn the AC in the newsroom off. The police detective phones the control room, and Brandon discreetly answers the call and confirms that no one's been hurt - yet, anyway. Donna, meanwhile, is faux professing her love for Evan, but apparently her fake declaration isn't convincing enough 'cause he barks, "Like you mean it!!" Donna starts weeping, then says, "I love you soooo much, Evan" but he just snorts in derision and calls her a damn liar. Brandon informs Evan that the police want to talk with him on the phone, but Evan yells, "No!" so the detective tells Brandon he'll just communicate through him. Brandon urges Evan to let everyone go before he does something stupid - and Evan responds by pointing the gun at Brandon, then orders him to hang up the phone. He then turns his attention back to Donna and snarls at her for lying to his face and leading him on...then starts railing about the way she winked at him during her weather reports and made him believe that she wanted to ride his baloney pony. Over at the Student Union, Kelly frantically calls David to inform him that Donna's currently being held hostage by an obsessed nut...but he's still busy mixing Chloe's track, so he doesn't answer the phone. Back at the news desk, Evan orders Donna to repeat, "I am a manipulative bitch" and she tearfully obeys. Retreat. Clare tells her dad she loves him - but that she didn't actually realize what that meant until today. That's a weird thing to say, considering she's a grown woman. She tells him she doesn't want him to break things off with Samantha after all...and he's relieved to hear that and gives her a hug. She apologizes for bitchily trying to wreck the relationship, and he assures her she's still his number one girl...which was pretty nauseating. Steve, meanwhile, tells his mom that he was only trying to break her and Arnold up 'cause it was what was Clare wanted...and he doesn't seem embarrassed enough that this implies he's too much of a pussy-whipped halfwit to stand up to his bitchy girlfriend. He then chides his mom for not spending enough time with him lately, so she promises to be around a lot more. CUTV. Now that the AC has been turned off, Evan's getting all gross and sweaty. He orders Brandon to ask the cops why the AC isn't working, so Brandon puts the detective on the PA/speaker system, and the detective offers to have drinks delivered into the newsroom. Evan says he'll allow it...so a few seconds later, Brandon opens the doors to accept the beverages from the SWAT guys. Suddenly, one of the female hostages runs over to the nearest phone, and picks it up and shrieks, "Help us, please! He's going to kill us!" and while Evan's distracted with that, two SWAT guys slip inside undetected. An agitated Evan orders the girl to get off the phone and lay face down onto the floor, which surprised me 'cause I totally thought he was going to shoot her. As Brandon carries in the drinks, Evan grabs a bottle of water and guzzles it. The detective urges Evan to let everyone go, so he agrees to release everyone but Brandon, Tracy, and Donna. Brandon lumbers back into the control room, where the two SWAT guys are hiding. The detective asks Evan if there's anything he needs, and he replies, "I want everyone to know what a lying bitch Donna is" and the detective clarifies, "Er...no. I meant - what do you need from me?" LOL. Evan says he wants the police to bring him a car so that he and Donna can drive anywhere they want to go, then "reminds" the detective that he and Donna are in love...despite having called her a lying bitch a few seconds ago. The detective urges Evan to put the gun down and let Donna leave with him freely, 'cause then it can't be considered an actual kidnapping. Evan mulls that over and looks as though he's about to comply - but suddenly he catches sight of one of the SWAT guys in the control room, gets all squirrelly again, and threatens to kill Donna. The detective orders the two SWAT guys to stand down and leave the news room, which they do. Evan demands a car within an hour...otherwise he'll kill Donna. Hours later, Evan asks Donna if she's ever been to Mexico or South America, and she just whimpers that he's going to get them all killed. She tells him it's over, but he insists it isn't and points the gun at her again. She suddenly gets brazen and tells him she doesn't want to go anywhere with him, since he never even gave her the chance to like him. He's all, "Wuh?" so she points out that he never actually asked her out. He argues that without his gun, he's a nobody - well d'yuh - but she urges him to put the gun down anyway and be a man...not some creepy stalker. He bellows, "Don't push me!" then snaps his head to stare over at the camera and admonishes Tracy for staring at him in gaping horror. He points the gun at her and orders her to leave the station, so she rushes over toward the exit and somehow has a chance to kiss Brandon goodbye. She urges him to come with her, but he declines and says he needs to stick around and heroically rescue Donna from her unstable admirer. Evan wearily sinks to the floor and starts weeping. Donna decides it's finally time to forge a fake bond of trust between her and her captor, so she sits beside him and gently says she had no idea he cared so much for her. She calls his psychotic behavior sweet and that it makes her think things could really work out between them. She inches closer to him and says, "I've never been to South America" and he says that the rain forests are supposed to be incredible and they could be together there! She slips into a little girl voice, bats her freakishly large Bambi eyes up him, and asks, "Will you take care of me?" and nuzzles him, and he goes, "What about your boyfriend?" She's all, "Meh.." and says everyone knows she really loves him - and Brandon gets in on that action and tells Evan about how Donna's been talking endlessly about her crush on him and that she wants to break up with David. Evan orders Donna to kiss him, but she refuses to smooch while the gun is pointed at her, so he lays it on the floor. The two then engage in some revoltingly intense looking tongue action, and Donna bashfully asks him if he now believes how much she cares for him. He says he does...and suddenly Donna jumps into action and kicks the gun away. Brandon leaps out of the control room and tackles Evan...and by this time, Donna has grabbed the gun and is aiming it at Evan and yelling, "Don't move!" The SWAT guys burst in and subdue Evan...and he stares up at Donna incredulously and wails, "You said you wouldn't leave me!" (I don't remember her specifically promising that) and Donna glares back at her psycho admirer and derisively retorts, "I lied." And I'll bet he's thinking, "You bitch!" again. Haha.. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: After a night of music and dancing at the After Dark, a cute backup singer named Chloe Davis asks David if he'd be willing to listen to her demo tape. He's like, "Sure!" and tells her to drop it off any time. Elsewhere in the club, Tom tells Valerie he's packing it in for the night, and she responds by giving him a big smooch. He tells her he doesn't have time for a doink tonight 'cause he has to get up for an early morning hockey practice with Brandon (apparently, the two agreed to play for charity). He adds that he no longer wants to be her boy toy 'cause "it doesn't always work that way" but Valerie ignores his complaining and plants another smooch on his lips. Beach house. Donna is nervously flitting around the apartment, checking and re-checking the locks on all the windows and doors. Kelly emerges from her bedroom and assures Donna that everything is locked...and Donna moans about how shocked and appalled she is that Garrett Slan is out of prison after serving only two years, then stares fearfully out the window. The Walsh house. Brandon's alarm goes off at 5am, and he rolls over to tell Tracy to go back to sleep and then have breakfast with his housemates. She says she's embarrassed that Valerie and Steve will know she rode his baloney pony for the first time in his house, but he assures her they like her and heads out. Ice Dome. Brandon and Tom banter during hockey practice, blah blah, then meet two NHL players I've never heard of who will also be playing in the charity game. Steve stops by with some poly-sci notes for Brandon and razzes him about Tracy sleeping over at Casa Walsh, then chuckles about how crimson she blushed when she saw him at breakfast. Beach house. Donna's on the phone with her parents, assuring them she's fine and that she's under David's weeny protection, since he'll be staying at the beach apartment until the writers wrap up this stalker storyline. She tells them it's not necessary to cut their vacation short 'cause the authorities are serving Slan with a restraining order. After she hangs up, Donna glumly tells David that she purposely neglected to tell her parents that getting a restraining order isn't a sure thing - and because of that she's extremely wigged out. The Walsh house. Tracy tells Valerie that she feels really good about her relationship with Brandon. Valerie asks her if she's in love with him, and Tracy admits she is, so Valerie advises her to keep that to herself, or at least wait until he issues the first I love you. The Peach Pit. Steve joins Kelly and Clare at their table and tells them he was just at the Ice Dome, watching Brandon and Tom practice for the upcoming charity game. Kelly gushes about how cute Tom is, so Steve reminds her that he and Valerie are "really close", then says he has to drop off Chloe Davis' demo tape at David's/Tom's house. Kelly offers to do it so she can pretend to accidentally run into Tom there, and Steve indulges her and hands her the tape. Kelly exits the diner and runs into Valerie in the parking lot...and snarks at her for parking too close to her BMW. Valerie responds by throwing it in her face that Brandon and Tracy just started doinking in Casa Walsh. Kelly scrunches her face in distaste and goes, "Why do you do this?" and Valerie smugly replies, "For fun." Hee! Their snipefests are fun. Judge's chambers. Slan and his lawyer, and Donna (and David) and her lawyer are meeting with the judge to discuss Donna's restraining order request against Slan. The judge says that since there's no evidence linking Slan with the weird phone calls and flower deliveries Donna's been getting, he's not inclined to grant a restraining order. Donna's all, "Wha-a?!" and after the hearing wraps up, David warns Slan to stay away from Donna and says, "Or I swear to God I'll kill you." As Donna leaves, she turns around to glance fearfully at Slan, and he meets her gaze and shoots her a sinister smile. Eeek! David's/Tom's house. Kelly drops by to deliver Chloe Davis' tape, and Tom (who's looking pretty yummy in a wife-beater shirt) answers the door. After some flirty banter, he invites her to stay for a swim...and when she's like, "Aren't you boning Valerie?" he assures her he's no longer Valerie's boy toy (as of today, I guess). She declines the swim, but invites him to go to a movie with her, and he accepts. Steve and Clare are house-sitting for a professor friend of her father's...and it's a luxurious, secluded house. They discuss the kinds of vegetables they'd like to cook for dinner and remark on how nice it is to be away from the rest of the gang. Snorefest. The Peach Pit. Kelly and Tom stop by the diner after their movie, and giggle and flirt as they order pie. Valerie enters the diner and looks less than thrilled to see her boy toy looking so cozy with her frenemy. She strides over and bitchily orders Tom to tend to a malfunctioning speaker in the After Dark. He's like, "Now?" then reluctantly gets up and trails behind her toward the club. Once they're alone, Valerie bitchily snarks, "How can you go out with Kelly? I hate her!" and Tom's all, "Wuh?" and says he had no idea that him dating Kelly would hurt her. Valerie tells him that she and Kelly are archenemies and that Kelly's just using him to lash out at her. Tom says he's insulted that he's not good enough to be her boyfriend or that of her worst enemy, and stalks off. California University. Donna tells David she's going to give it a rest with her CUTV weather reports - hurray! - then complains about how she feels like she's in a prison. She looks around at other women, envious at how they're able to walk around campus alone, unafraid, the way she used to. David walks her to class and gives her a goodbye peck, and she enters the empty classroom. A few seconds later, Slan bursts in - eeek! - and tells Donna he just wants to talk to her, and she's like, "Nooo!!!" and runs across the room. He insists he means her no harm - but she freaks out, then runs back across the room and out the door. She quickly finds David, leaps into his arms, and tells him that Slan followed her to her classroom...and David hugs her while she hysterically sobs. CUTV. Rusty asks Tracy where their "hot little weather mistress" is so we'll all think he's the creepy sicko who's obsessed with her. Tracy says she doesn't know if Donna's ever coming back, then heads over to talk to Brandon about tomorrow's newscast. After they sort out whatever needed sorting out, she gives him a quick peck on the lips and blurts out, "I love you" then instantly freezes and tells him she didn't mean to say that. He just stares at her in dumbfounded horror, so she's like, "Please say something" and he goes, "I don't know what to say" - and the two just stare at each other in silent awkwardness. Ouch. That night, David and Tom drive over to Slan's house, and David issues the attempted rapist a warning to stay away from Donna. Slan insists that he's not the one who's been leaving her weird messages and flowers. He says she's in danger, then smirkishly adds, "A guy can get to anyone if he really wants to." David lunges at him and punches him...and suddenly, out of nowhere, two police officers appear and break up the fight. They inform David they've been staking out Slan's home, then take him into custody for assault. Bungalow. Clare and Steve are enjoying a lovely dinner in front of the fireplace and imagine what it would be like to live like this on a permanent basis. She tells him the place is theirs, free of charge, if they want it 'cause the professor who owns it is on a sabbatical for the next six months. She asks Steve if he'd like to live with her, and he just shrugs and goes, "Yeah, sure." Yawn. The Walsh house. Brandon tells Valerie that he and Tom are playing on opposite teams during the charity hockey game...and Valerie tells Brandon that Kelly's smitten with Tom, and that the two went to a movie together. Brandon just shrugs and pretends it's no big deal, so Valerie warns him that Tom can't be just friends with any woman for very long. Brandon stares contemplatively into space as he mulls over that tidbit. Beach house. Donna wigs out when the power suddenly goes out. She runs to the kitchen and gets a big knife, then bursts into Kelly's room and screeches, "We have to get out of here!" She drags Kelly through the apartment and onto the patio, where they run into their landlord. He tells them the power is on the fritz in the building, and that he's in the process of calling an electrician. Donna just stares at him in mute bewilderment, and Kelly notices the big knife in her hand and gently takes it from her. She offers to run Donna a bath and then sit with her until she falls asleep. Dorm. Brandon calls Tracy to say goodnight, and she goes, "Is that all? Are we OK?" and he says, "We're doing great!" LOL. She tells him again how much she regrets professing her love for him, and Brandon says, "Just give it a little time." For the love of all that is holy, get out now, Tracy. Beach house. Donna has another freakout when - eeek! - she finds a dead rat in her bed. Kelly runs over when she hears the screaming, then sees the rat and goes, "Ew." Donna whimpers, "Slan was here" and Kelly makes a half-hearted effort to comfort her. Ice Dome. Valerie and Tracy arrive at the arena to watch the charity hockey game. Tracy smiles over at Brandon, and he smiles back...and she tells Valerie she accidentally told Brandon she loves him. Valerie looks horrified and advises her to rescind the I love you - but Tracy argues that she doesn't want to play games, then admits that Brandon did not take it well. Evan comes over and asks Tracy if anyone else from the station is coming (like Donna, perhaps?) and he looks bummed when she tells him that no one else is coming. Tom waves over at Kelly when she arrives at the Ice Dome, and she waves back...and Brandon catches the exchange and grimaces. He warns Tom that Kelly is vulnerable and has been through a lot lately, and Tom cluelessly thanks him for filling him in. Just before the game starts, Tom calls Kelly over so that they can publicly flirt and smooch while everyone ogles them. As soon as the game gets underway, Brandon body slams Tom for no apparent reason. This results in a penalty, and Kelly, Tracy, and Valerie look on in mute shock. Bungalow. Steve and Clare have second thoughts about living together...and Clare wonders what the point of them being together is if they don't have a future. There isn't one. Break up now. He tells her they don't know for sure what will happen in life, so they shouldn't rush into anything...but they agree they love each other even if they prefer to live separately. No one cares, dullards. Ice Dome. Brandon is in the penalty box, looking depressed and glum...and to add insult to injury, Tom's team scores a goal. Tracy remarks that it's not like Brandon to play dirty, so then Valerie asks Kelly if she thinks Brandon's foul mood has anything to do with her kissing Tom. Kelly gives her a dirty look and goes, "Uh, nooo" and Tracy mumbles something about needing to warm up and ambles off somewhere. Brandon's time in the penalty box comes to an end...and a few seconds after he's released, he scores a goal because he's such a super awesome hockey player. After Dark. David tells Donna he'd like to take her out of town for a mini vacation, then plays Chloe Davis' tape for her. Donna says she likes her music and the two start smooching. A few seconds later, David goes up to the office to get/do something...and when the phone rings, Donna answers it and takes a message. Slan suddenly appears behind her - eeek! - and turns the music off...and Donna whirls around and stares at him in horror. He says, "This is where we first met, remember?" Donna urgently calls for David, and when he appears, Slan snarks at him for siccing the cops on him. David snarks back that he should still be in prison, so Slan leers in Donna's direction and says, "Too bad I didn't finish what I started. She would have loooved it." Gross. Donna shrieks at him to get out, and Slan advances toward David and punches him in the face. He bitterly says, "This should give you your restraining order" and David glares back at him and says, "Nice shot. Now your ass is mine." Ice Dome. Tom and Brandon shake hands in the locker room, and Brandon apologizes for his shitty, unsportsmanlike behavior. Tom asks him if he has a problem with him seeing Kelly, and Brandon concedes that it's none of his business...and then Tom heads out just as Tracy enters. She asks Brandon what happened with the body slam/penalty, and he just hangs his head shamefully and says, "Nothing." She asks him if he's jealous of Tom for getting cozy with Kelly, and he mumbles some nonsense about how tired he is of being careful and thinking things through. She asks him if he's holding back with her, and he leans in and whispers what I assume is I love you, 'cause she gives him a huge smile in response, and then the two share an intense smooch. It's still not too late to run, Tracy. Judge's chambers. The judge grants Donna with a restraining order and instructs Slan to stay away from the delicate blonde cherub for a period of three years. After the hearing wraps up, Slan informs David and Donna he's leaving town, then delivers an ominous warning: "My problems are over. Yours are just starting" but the two just laugh it off and hug. Beach house. The phone rings...and since no one's home, the answering machine picks it up. It's - eeek! - the garbled voice of Donna's more recent stalker: "Donna! Sorry I haven't called in awhile. I did send you a present. I hate it when you don't take my calls - it makes me very angry. I want you, Donna. I need you. And I'm going to have you." As he's spouting his psycho nonsense, he's watching a tape of one of Donna's silly weather reports. Eeek!! Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Donna wants her roommates' opinion on her weather show performance, but for some reason the videocassette she's trying to insert into the VCR keeps popping out. (VCRs were a fun technology, weren't they?) The doorbell rings, and Donna totters on her stilettos while rushing to answer the door. Whoever rang the bell has left behind a bouquet of flowers...and Donna, Clare, and Kelly gush over how pretty they are. The card is addressed to Donna, and it's signed "your number one fan". She makes a blech face and calls him her "number one creep" and tosses the flowers into the garbage. Clare and Kelly tell her she's overreacting and remind her that she hasn't had a crank phone call in over a week...but Donna explains that it's only 'cause she recently changed her phone number, then points out that her psycho number one fan knows where she lives. Yeah, that's probably not good. After a minor freakout about being stalked, she flees to the safety of her bedroom. Brandon and Tracy are on a road trip, and they look extremely delighted to be getting away from L.A. for the weekend. She says she's excited to be visiting her family home even though her parents are away. (Seems like a weird time to visit.) She tells Brandon she's surprised he was willing to drag himself away from Superbowl, and he looks mildly panicked and goes, "Your parents have a TV, right?" A few seconds later, they arrive at the Gaylian Ranch...and when Tracy spots a tall, good looking blonde guy milling about, she mutters, "Damn.." She tells Brandon his name is Sam, and that he's looking after the place while her parents are away. Sam ambles over to them, glares at Brandon, and informs Tracy that her favorite mare is sick. He then heads off to the barn, and Brandon correctly guesses that he's Tracy's ex-boyfriend. The Peach Pit. Steve and Dick are sitting at the counter together, chowing down on mega-burgers...and when Clare enters the diner and sees the two of them suddenly acting like pals, she scrunches her face in confusion and goes, "What's wrong with this picture?" Steve explains that he and Dick have formed an alliance for the purpose of selling sportswear, and that they've found a goldmine in the form of football t-shirts from France. They plan to mark up the prices 300% and donate all of the proceeds to Project Literacy. Clare gives Steve a smooch and tells him she's very impressed. After Dark. Valerie's annoyed that David and Tom have decided to throw a Superbowl party and decorate the club with football paraphernalia. She grumbles about how cheap the decor looks and that she doesn't want her club to be turned into a tacky sports bar. David reminds her that it's their club, and assures her they'll maintain very high standards for this party: nothing but the best beer and potato chips! LOL. She bitchily asks them if she gets to offer any input into the football festivities, and they tell her it's more of a guy thing and point out that it's just for one weekend. She makes a face and grumbles, "I hate football!" California University. Donna runs into Evan and the other CUTV camera man, whose name we finally learn is Rusty. She thanks Evan for putting together the tape of her weather schtick and calls him "the best". Rusty stupidly blurts out, "Hey - someday I'll show you the tape I have of you!" and when she stares over at him with a wigged out expression, he goes, "Just kidding." Evan and Rusty head off, so Donna ambles over to Clare's table, and the two discuss how annoying men are about Superbowl. They have no desire to attend the Superbowl After Dark party and decide it would be fun to plan a girls' night out. Clare has an idea of something raunchy they can do, but wants to keep it a secret. Donna suddenly spots the pudgy face of Garrett Slan (the icky attempted rapist from the Love Hurts episode) gazing at her from behind a pillar. She has a sudden flashback of the scary attack, then tears up and moans, "It's him. Garrett Slan." Clare's all, "Wha-a?!" and turns around to see if she can spot him - but of course he's no longer standing there. She reminds Donna that Slan is in prison, but Donna insists she just saw him, and now suspects him of being her recent stalker. She has a quasi meltdown and flees the Student Union. Gaylian Ranch. Brandon is pushing Tracy on a swing, and they talk about something boring and then smooch. Sam interrupts to tell Tracy that her mare is in pain, so she says she'll meet him in the barn. She then needlessly informs Brandon that Sam asked her to marry him just before she moved to L.A., and Brandon asks her if she regrets saying no and she assures him she doesn't. She might want to rethink her position on that when Brandon dumps her like yesterday's news, ten episodes from now. Beach house. Something has set off the burglar alarm, and Donna's all frazzled as she tries to punch in the code to turn it off. Clare rushes into the living room, punches in the right code, and the alarm finally stops blaring. Donna screeches at Clare and Kelly for not remembering to set the alarm, and Clare just kind of rolls her eyes, goes onto the patio to search for stalkers, and tells her no one's there. She trudges back to bed, and Donna steps onto the patio to double-check for stalkers and finds a flower on the railing. Eeek! She angrily pushes it away, endures another flashback of the attempted rape, then goes back inside and locks the door. Gaylian Ranch. Brandon finds Tracy in the kitchen, cooking up a hearty farmer's breakfast for him. She tells him that she and Sam have divided up the farm chores...and Brandon insists on also helping out, so she tells him to meet her in the barn once he's done eating. After Dark. Valerie enters her office and is annoyed when she finds her desk littered with Chinese food cartons. She's irritably tossing them in the trash bin when Tom enters. She snarkishly asks him why he and David couldn't just eat at the Peach Pit...then suddenly changes moods and gives him a big smooch. She tells him she can't wait until Superbowl is over so she can get her club back, and and he reminds her that it's David's club too. She instantly gets annoyed again and asks him whose side he's on, and he tells her he's on both their sides, and she snaps, "Traitor!" I really don't get why she'd be so peeved about David and Tom getting along. Beach house. A groggy Donna sees a shadowy figure advancing toward her bed, so she freaks out and starts screaming - but it's not a stalker, just David. He explains that he was trying to surprise her, and she explains that she's freaking out 'cause Garrett Slan is roaming around free and fears that he wants to exact revenge on her for putting him away. David points out that her tormentor could be any nutcase who's seen her perform her silly CUTV weather reports (not exactly a comforting thought), and reminds her that the Department of Corrections (DOC) is required to inform her if Slan gets released from prison. He urges her to relax and tells her they'll go to the DOC to check on Slan's status. He then encourages her to go out with Clare and Kelly for their ladies' night out on the town. Student Union. Steve and Dick open the big box of t-shirts they ordered from France and urge everyone to line up and buy one. Steve grabs a shirt and holds it up, and looks mystified when it reads Monde du Football over a graphic that's clearly a soccer ball. He scrunches his face in confusion and goes, "What the hell is that?" so Clare explains that the phrase is French for World of Football, and that in most countries football means soccer. Steve and Dick start bickering over who's to blame, then throw each other under the bus for the screw-up. Gaylian Ranch. Brandon is helping Sam move hay bales. Sam asks Brandon what his intentions toward Tracy are, and Brandon says, "I like her a lot." Sam goes, "Is that all?" so Brandon adds that he respects her and enjoys her company. Sam laughs and says that those were the exact same words she said to him before she dumped him. He says he'd like some alone time with Tracy to see if they could rekindle their relationship, but Brandon nixes that idea and says, "This is our time now" ...even though he dumps her like yesterday's news, ten episodes from now. Steve and Dick enlist their fraternity brothers to sew a patch that looks like a football over the soccer ball on each of their French t-shirts so they'll make sense when people wear them to the Superbowl party...though I'm not convinced that Californians would be all that jazzed about wearing a t-shirt with a French phrase written across it. At any rate, the fraternity guys look hilariously adorable as they industriously put their needles and thread to work and sew on the football patches. After Dark. The Superbowl party is in full swing, complete with pom pom girls. Unfortunately, Tom and David are having a mini crisis: they can't find the keys to the storage room where all the glasses are stored. Egads! David concedes that they'll probably have to call Valerie to ask her where the keys are. Steve and Dick arrive with their newly altered Monde du Football t-shirts...and Steve asks the pom pom girls to wear them as free advertisement, and for some reason the After Dark partyers look super intrigued by the shirts and gather around. Gaylian Ranch. Tracy serves Brandon a nice dinner, and he's very impressed with her homemaking skills. As soon as they start kissing, Sam bursts in to tell Tracy that her mare is still sick. Tracy and Brandon rush out to the barn to tend to the poor animal. Strip club. Kelly, Clare, and Donna enjoy the spectacle of male strippers gyrating suggestively. Donna shyly tips one of the dancers, and he lifts her onto the stage and twirls her around before putting her back down. Two sleazy guys suddenly appear and buy the three of them drinks and invite them to go someplace quiet for a good time, but the girls are like, "Eww.." and decline. When the sleazy guys attempt to follow them, Clare whirls around and bitchily snarks at them to get lost. The girls then scamper out to the parking lot and pile into Kelly's BMW, and we see that a creepy man in a baseball cap is sitting in a nearby car, watching them from across the parking lot...and when they drive off, he follows them. Eeek! After Dark. Valerie arrives at the club to give David and Tom the storage room key, and she's all smug that they had to call her to save the day...then gets even smugger when David needs her help typing in the override code on the cash register. David apologizes for forcing her to endure a Superbowl weekend, and she suddenly becomes cheery and eagerly pitches in at the bar. She's...kind of bipolar in this episode. Kelly, Donna, and Clare arrive at the After Dark, and the creepy man who's following them watches from a distance. Gaylian Ranch. Sam tells Tracy he's pretty sure her mare will be OK, and Tracy thanks him for all his help. He tells her that when she left for California she took a piece of him with her...but she remains unmoved and makes it clear that her answer to his marriage proposal is still no, and that he's still the same unappealing yokel she left behind. Brandon enters the barn and silently eavesdrops as Sam derisively says she can't possibly be serious about Brandon, and Tracy says she is and urges Sam to move on with his life. Brandon makes his presence known, so Sam gives up on trying to woo Tracy back and gives her some last minute advice in tending for her sickly mare. He glares at Brandon on his way out, and Brandon tells Tracy he can't blame Sam for trying to rekindle their relationship. After Dark. Donna tells David she had a great time tonight, and when he asks where they went, she stammers, "It was a...kind of...a dance recital." Heh. Clare tries to get her to leave, but Donna asks for five more minutes. Meanwhile, Tom sidles up to Kelly and the two start flirting. Clare tries to get her to leave, and she pauses her flirting and goes, "Gimme five minutes" and Clare rolls her eyes impatiently. Gaylian Ranch. Tracy checks on her mare, then steers Brandon into a private room that has hay bales piled everywhere. He gushes about how adept she is at handling ranch work, then asks her why she and Sam broke up. She says he didn't have many ideas in his thick, yokelly head, and that what they shared reached its conclusion. She says, without a trace of irony, "You either feel something for someone or you don't." The two start smooching, and miraculously Sam doesn't burst into the room to inform Tracy that her mare has taken a sudden turn for the worse. After Dark. Kelly and Clare head out to the parking lot, and Kelly remarks that she thinks Tom is cute. Donna lags behind, then drops her purse on the ground...and as she's picking it up, the creepy guy drives straight towards her. For some reason, he decides to spare her life and, at the last minute, swerves to avoid running her over. Donna wigs out and wails to Clare and Kelly that someone's clearly after her. Yep, I'd say so. They hustle her to Kelly's BMW and head home. Gaylian Ranch. Tracy and Brandon wake up in the barn and face the aftermath of their first doink. Tracy asks him what he's thinking, and he says, "All good things come to those who wait." She kind of winces at that lame response and says, "Just don't make me regret this, Brandon" and he says, "Same goes for you" even though he's the one who dumps her like yesterday's news, ten episodes from now. Beach house. Clare and Kelly are making breakfast and discussing how Donna almost become roadkill last night...and how fixated she is on Garrett Slan being the prime suspect. Donna suddenly appears in the room and snarks at them for talking about her behind her back. They assure her they're just worried about her, but she insists that the psycho rapist is after her. Clare tells her they gave the police a description of the car that almost ran her down, then blandly hopes they find the guy. It's a little weird that neither she nor Kelly seem all that concerned that a crazy person is targeting Donna, considering they live in the same house. Donna declares that she's staying at her parents' house while they're in Europe. She snarks, "I don't want to burden you with my fixation" then storms off to her room. After Dark. David enters Valerie's office just as she's having a new desk delivered. She calls it "a partners' desk" and says she bought it so that he can sit across from her and be her equal. This storyline is almost as riveting as Steve's French t-shirt debacle. Gaylian Ranch. Brandon and Tracy load up the car for the drive back to L.A. Tracy bids Sam adieu, and Brandon thanks him for showing him the ropes about caring for a sick mare. Sam orders him to treat Tracy raat, and Brandon assures him he will, even though he dumps her like yesterday's news, ten episodes from now. The Peach Pit. Steve has one t-shirt left to sell, and Nat agrees to buy it for $10. The topic of safety at the beach house comes up, and Steve tells Clare he wants her to stay at Casa Walsh until he's sure that Donna isn't being stalked by a deranged rapist. David arrives at the diner and joins Donna at her table. She's sifting through two weeks' worth of her parents' mail and notices a letter from the DOC. Eeek! She rips it open, quickly reads it, and wails, "Oh God, David!" He grabs it from her and reads it...and a few seconds later, the rest of the gang comes over to their table to see whassup. Donna waves the letter at them and hysterically explains that she's being informed by the DOC that Garrett Slan was released from prison two weeks ago. She starts crying and freaking out, and everyone just kind of stares at her and looks helplessly concerned. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Donna and Clare discuss Kelly's breakup with Mark and what a relief it must be for her to no longer have to worry about running into him. Apparently, the trauma of losing the Dryer Fellowship to Brandon and being dumped by Kelly caused Mark to drop out of CU four months before graduation...which seems odd, considering he was billed as a ruthlessly high achiever, but whatevs. Clare makes a blech face and says she had Mark pegged as a spoiled brat from day one. A few seconds later, Kelly arrives home looking fresh and rested from a day at the beach. She tells her roommates she walked along the coast for miles and collected shells and feels wonderful and free. Clare says they were worried about how the whole Mark thing would affect her, but Kelly just chuckles and goes, "Who's Mark?" Clare asks her if she'd be open to getting fixed up on a blind date with a super awesome guy she knows, but Kelly just shudders at the thought. Donna chimes in and encourages her to take a page out of her book, then tells her about her daring new gig as CUTV's weather girl. Clare insists that the guy she wants to set her up with is super amazing, then bitchily adds, "It's not like Brandon's there to pick up the pieces." Kelly's face falls, so Clare immediately apologizes for blurting out such a dickish remark...but Kelly acknowledges that it's the truth. She then has a sudden change of heart and agrees to the fix-up and says, "How bad can it be?" Um, very very bad..? CUTV. Donna's weather report is a superfluous schtick called Wardrobe Weather, during which she recommends how warmly (or not) people should dress that day. She takes off her jacket and sweater to demonstrate that the weather will be warm that afternoon (it's L.A., so d'yuh), then needlessly poses for viewers with her jacket slung over one shoulder. Brandon and David both look charmed and amused by her performance...and when her segment is over, they gush about how great she did. Steve reports to the Maintenance/Security Department, where he'll be working off his sentence for his plagiarism crimes. His supervisor Tony gleefully tells him he'll be on dumpster and security booth duty...then informs him that there's a homeless guy living on campus who's been annoying his staff with silly pranks. He tells Steve that if he's able to catch "the Phantom of CU" (as he's known among the maintenance men), he'll commute his sentence. Brandon was so impressed with Donna's weather schtick that he offers her a daily slot during the CUTV news broadcast. Oh joy. The two cameramen look over at Donna and the blonde one goes, "Is she for real?" and the other one, Evan, says he thought she did great. The blonde guy jokes that he'd prefer it if she did the weather naked - which is so disturbing on so many levels, the most disturbing being Aaron Spelling's insistence on trying to convince viewers that every man who's ever gotten a glimpse of the angelic Donna Martin automatically fantasizes about seeing her naked...and that they're destined to turn psychotic once they realize they cannot possess the cherub. Evan goes over to Donna and compliments her weather report and tells her she's really talented, and she thanks him and introduces him to David. Evan then reminds Donna about asking Kelly if she's interested in going on a date with him...and after Evan ambles off, David snickers and tells Donna that a dork like Evan doesn't stand a chance with an it girl like Kelly. The Walsh house. Brandon arrives home with groceries and is less than thrilled to find Tom in his kitchen, on the phone with somebody in London to discuss booking singer Donna Lewis for the After Dark. After the call, Tom asks Brandon if it's cool for him to continue staying at Casa Walsh, and Brandon scrunches his face and goes, "I dunno. How long are you planning on staying?" Tom says he promised Valerie he'd stay in L.A. for awhile, and Brandon goes, "How long is awhile?" Tom sheepishly says he doesn't want to be any trouble, then heads out for a walk. Beach house. Kelly's blind date (Neil) arrives, and he's a stuffy looking British guy wearing a stuffy looking three-piece suit. Kelly enters the living room, takes a good look at him, and goes, "Ack!" whereas Neil looks totally enamored of Kelly and admires her loveliness by quoting Shakespeare, which was weird. Clare tells Kelly that Neil is a British exchange student, captain of the debate team, and has been accepted to Harvard Medical School - but none of it is enough to impress Kelly. When the two head out for wherever they're going on their date, Kelly shoots Clare the stink eye. It's hard to imagine what was going on in Clare's head, thinking that Neil could be a good blind date choice for...well, anyone. California University. Sometime during the night, Steve has fallen asleep while studying in the security booth, and the hoodie clad "Phantom of CU" takes the opportunity to sneak up to him and replace the text book he's reading with a Phantom comic book, along with a note that reads The phantom strikes again! The phantom then beans him in the head with a rock, and Steve is jolted awake...and is dismayed when he realizes he's just been pranked. Restaurant. Neil is boring Kelly with his in-depth knowledge of wine. When the menus arrive, he recommends the duck, but she tells him she's a vegetarian. He says he's sorry to hear that, remarks that she's fascinating, then starts nattering about something boring. Beach house. David is about to head home for the evening when the phone rings...and when Donna answers it, a garbled voice says, "You're mine. You'd better like it or else" then abruptly hangs up. Donna scrunches her big face with worry, and when she describes to David what the caller just said to her, he decides it would be best if he spent the night. The Peach Pit. Steve meets up with Brandon and Tracy and tells them he got pranked by "the Phantom of CU" and that he's now plotting to entrap the scoundrel. Brandon and Tracy stare back at him blankly and say they've never heard of this so-called phantom. Clare arrives at the diner and gabbles about how she's been tasked with ensuring that every senior gets his/her photo taken for the yearbook. She says she has only ten hard-to-find seniors she needs to track down, and is determined to locate them all. I really don't get why the writers are so stubborn about giving Clare and Steve a remotely interesting storyline. Beach house. Kelly tells Donna how terrible her date with Neil was, and that he's a pompous windbag and self-proclaimed expert on everything. She says it was probably the worst evening of her life and vows to never go on another blind date. Donna asks her if perhaps she'd like to go out with a guy she already knows - Evan (the CUTV camera man) - and Kelly makes a blech face and says, "Sorry Donna. Not my type." Donna insists that Evan is very sweet and will be very disappointed if she doesn't go out with him, but Kelly just shrugs and makes it clear that she really doesn't give a rat's ass. After Dark. David snarks at Tom for not producing a signed contract with Donna Lewis, and also for not giving him a diagram of the stage set up. He then comes right out and says he doesn't believe that Donna Lewis will actually show up for her scheduled performance. Valerie tells David to chillax and assures him that everything will work out, and David's like, "Whatever" and bitchily storms out. Tom tells Valerie he's known Donna Lewis since childhood and has no doubt she'll do him a solid and honor her promise to perform at the After Dark. He then puckers up to give Valerie a smooch, but she rebuffs him and says she's not interested in a relationship right now. Tom's all, "Wuh?" and reminds her that they've been doinking for the last few weeks, and Valerie says it's only 'cause they're old friends. Tom's all, "Wuh?" but agrees to back off...so then Valerie says it's OK to smooch her, now that she's laid out her nonsensical ground rules. CUTV. Donna gets her hair and makeup done before her next weather report and tells Brandon and Tracy how freaked out she is about the weird phone call she got the other night. Tracy brushes it off as harmless and tells her she used to get wacky calls when she first appeared on CUTV news, but Brandon promises Donna he'll alert campus police in case it's an actual threat. After she ambles off, Tracy goes, "Why are you scaring her?" so Brandon explains that Donna was the victim of an attempted rape in Season 5. As Evan helps Donna carry out her weather related props, she relays the sad news that Kelly has absolutely no interest in dating him. Evan pretends not to be insulted and says, "You're the one for me anyways. Just kidding." Mmm hmm.. The blonde camera guy tells Evan that Donna must be giving him "something", 'cause otherwise why would he lug her crap around? Evan just shakes his head and quips, "You're a sick man" which proves to be ironic (oops, spoiler). Steve is seemingly asleep in the security booth...and when the CU phantom approaches and attempts to tie his shoelaces together, Steve grabs at him. The phantom manages to escape and run off, but Steve is in close pursuit. He corners him in a storage area, and suddenly the phantom removes his hoodie and reveals himself. He introduces himself as Larry Lincoln and tells Steve they used to be in a class together. He then pleads with Steve not to give him up to security 'cause he'll lose everything he's worked for. When another security guard radios Steve to ask him if he found the phantom, Steve tells him he got away. Larry smiles and calls him "one of the good guys", and Steve says he reminds him of himself...and the two share a conspiratorial chuckle. Beach house. Donna gets a hang up call, then goes into the living room and tells Kelly she's going to change her number. She then tells Kelly she told Evan that she doesn't want to go out with him and that he seemed very sad 'bout that. Donna proposes that she (Kelly) go out with Evan as part of a double date with her and David, and Kelly mulls that over and agrees. CUTV. Clare tells Brandon and Tracy that she managed to get photos taken of all the missing seniors except one: Larry Lincoln, address unknown. Tony commends Steve on a job well done, the way he chased the phantom into the storage area. He leads Steve to a little utility room, which is apparently where the mysterious phantom has been squatting all this time. Steve spots a laptop computer and discreetly covers it with a shirt so the campus police won't confiscate it...and looks sad that Larry's hiding spot has been discovered. Beach house. Kelly and Donna are getting ready to go to the After Dark to see Donna Lewis perform. I guess Tom was able to get her to show up after all. Evan arrives and brings Kelly an ugly bouquet of flowers...and when he insists on finding a vase and putting them in water for her, Kelly remarks to Donna, "He's so niiice." California University. Steve gives Larry his laptop computer, and he thanks Steve and says he could not afford to lose it. Steve asks him how he ended up as a homeless person, so Larry explains that he has six siblings and couldn't afford to pay his tuition without giving up housing and food. Steve hands him a thick wad of cash and urges him to find a place to live until the end of the semester. Larry bristles at "taking charity", but Steve points out that he can't continue to squat on campus, since it's inevitable he'll be caught...and Larry mulls that over and takes the cash. Steve then asks for a favor, and tells him that his girlfriend is on a boring mission to arrange for every senior to have photos taken for the yearbook...and he's the only missing one. Larry's worried that it might be too risky to be photographed, so then Steve asks him why he pranks the maintenance guys if he's so worried about getting caught. Larry just shrugs and says, "'Cause it was fun" and the two giggle. After Dark. Donna Lewis is performing her one hit wonder, "I Love You", and the double date (with Kelly/Evan/David/Donna) looks as though it's going reasonably well. Across the club, Clare tells Steve she still hasn't found Larry Lincoln, but Steve grins knowingly and says she may still get her chance. Donna Lewis finishes her song and gives a shout-out to Tom, who she calls "a special friend". Evan tells Kelly he's having a great time and says, "You know, I think I really like you" and Kelly gives him a funny look and says, "You barely know me!" Evan then makes himself look like even more of a loser dork by telling Donna that this is the best date he's ever been on. Valerie, meanwhile, pulls David aside and demands that he apologize to Tom for being so snarky about Donna Lewis showing up, but David insists that he doesn't trust Tom. Valerie gives him an ultimatum: either he apologize or she'll find herself another partner. Er...OK, but doesn't she need David's partnership/money way more than he needs a piece of the After Dark? Beach house. Steve tells Clare that Larry Lincoln is the phantom of CU, and Clare scrunches her weird doll face and goes, "So that's why I couldn't find him." She tells Steve she probably doesn't want a campus felon included in the yearbook, but Steve argues that Larry's an honorable guy who's had to live by his wits for a long time. He tells her he gave Larry money for housing, then pontificates about how good he has it and how little he appreciates it most of the time. That's a giant understatement. Clare looks impressed with Steve's generosity and calls him "a good soul" and agrees to include Larry's photo in the yearbook. David apologizes to Tom for his bitchy 'tude this episode, so then Tom asks him if he can crash at his Hollywood Hills pad. David's like, "Sure!" and Valerie is thrilled to have found such an easy solution to her fuck buddy's housing woes. Evan runs into Kelly at the Student Union and tells her again what a great time he had on their double date and that he really likes her...and she half-heartedly replies, "I like you too." He asks her if she'd like to go out again, and she goes, "Maybe", but when he asks her if she's free tonight, she's like, "Whoa. You're moving a little fast." She then clucks sympathetically and adds, "Don't feel bad. You gave it a shot." LOL. Clare, Steve, Larry, and the yearbook photographer are in the little utility room which Larry squatted in as a homeless phantom. He's getting his photo taken with his face obscured by his hoodie - with a cap and gown over top. Clare urges the photographer to hurry up in case a security guard hears them, so she takes a few shots, and then they all beat a hasty retreat. On his way out, Larry looks around the dank room nostalgically and says, "Thanks for the memories." CUTV. Donna enters the control room to give the producer some special music to play in the background of her next weather report...or some such thing. Evan tells her that he and Kelly are probably going out again (um not), and Donna's like, "Great!" but advises him to take things slow. Evan thanks her for being so nice to him, and she tells him he's a nice guy. The producer plays back one of Donna's recorded weather reports, and somehow her stalker has managed to record a garbled message on the tape, saying, "Donna, Donna. We're going to be together very soon. I'm going to make you very happy. Even if I have to kill you." That seems oddly contradictory, even for an obsessed psychopath. Donna scrunches her big face with confusion and fear, then starts to wig out and wail, "Why would someone do this to me?!" Evan tells her she probably shouldn't go on the air and do her forecast today, and Donna flees the control room, slinks onto the floor in the hallway, and hugs her knees and starts sobbing. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: A mysterious, handsome stranger enters the After Dark as David is puttering around and changing light bulbs. David informs him that the club is closed, so the guy explains that he's here to surprise Valerie. David demands to know who he is when Valerie suddenly emerges from her office, goes, "Tom..?!" and rushes down the stairs and throws herself into his arms. She asks him what he's doing in L.A., and he tells her he recently ran into her mother and she told him all about her running the After Dark. Valerie introduces Tom to David and says he's a friend from Buffalo. She invites her old friend upstairs to check out her office, and he sarcastically barks, "Thanks!" inches from David's face as he passes him on his way up the stairs. That seemed unnecessarily dickish. Tracy and Brandon are at the Student Union, covering the job fair for CUTV. After they finish filming their segment, they run into Kelly, who says she's just browsing 'cause she plans on entering graduate school next year. Brandon tells her he's been working on achieving a secret goal, then reveals that he applied for the super prestigious Dryer Fellowship. Kelly gives him a strange look and goes, "Really?" and Tracy gleefully informs her that he's been preparing for his interview for weeks. Kelly asks Brandon if he's told Mark, and he says he hasn't. She wishes him good luck...and after she leaves, Brandon asks Tracy what was up with that weird reaction. Tracy wonders if maybe Kelly was irked that she (Tracy) knew something about him that she (Kelly) didn't, but Brandon thinks it has to be something more than just that. Kelly meets up with Mark and tells him that Brandon has applied for the Dryer Fellowship. Mark says he already knew that 'cause of all the inside information he has access to via his rich family's connections. Kelly frowns upon this unfair advantage and urges him to level the playing field by telling Brandon that he too is applying for the scholarship. Mark mulls that over and says he'll consider it. The Peach Pit. Papa Martin meets up with Donna, and she urges him to join her for lunch since they haven't really seen each other since the Christmas episode. David stops by the table and asks Donna if she's going to campus today, but she makes a blech face and says she's staying far away from the job fair 'cause just thinking about getting a job after graduation makes her nauseous. Papa Martin suddenly gets beeped by his service and rushes off to use Nat's phone behind the counter. David asks Donna if she met Val's friend, Tom, and she says she hasn't...and David derisively calls him "a Buffalo reject". Papa Martin returns to the table and informs Donna that his receptionist just called in sick - then has a sudden brain fart and asks her if she would like to fill in for the day. Steve's doing chin-ups at the beach when Clare comes by to remind him that he has an interview at the job fair this afternoon. He assures her he hasn't forgotten about the interview she set up for him, and emphasizes that he's "the new and improved Steve Sanders". Incidentally, Clare's hair is looking unspeakable in this episode: a grisly shade of red with her black roots growing in underneath. Yeech. California University. Valerie runs into Tracy and Brandon and asks them how the job fair is going...and Tracy grimaces and says there are too many graduates for too few jobs. Valerie asks Brandon if it's OK if her friend Tom stays at Casa Walsh - she specifies that he'll be sleeping on the couch - and Brandon's like, "No problem." A dorky middle aged man in a suit appears and tells Brandon he represents Tri-Group Media Minneapolis and that he just heard he applied for the Dryer Fellowship...and the two amble off somewhere to discuss Brandon's awesomeness. Valerie tells Tracy that Tom used to work with her dad in construction and that he was her first. The Walsh house. Tom is in Valerie's room, unpacking his suitcase. Valerie phones him and offers to pick him up in an hour and take him to the beach. He's like, "Sure, OK" and then suddenly we hear ominous music in the background as Tom stares down at a videotape he brought along from Buffalo. Donna's working the phones at her dad's office, getting into in-depth conversations with chatty patients and offering unsolicited medical advice for their ailments. LOL. Papa Martin listens to her nattering from the doorway, and when she gets off the phone he reminds her to just take messages, not engage in chit-chat with the patients...and she sheepishly apologizes. When Brandon arrives at the news station, Mark invites him and Tracy to a mixer his dad is throwing tonight, then brings up the topic of the Dryer Fellowship. Brandon says it's always been a dream of his to be a Dryer fellow, and Mark says he's applying 'cause his father is making him. He tells Brandon there are twelve applicants for two scholarships, and Brandon looks troubled and says it's doubtful they'd pick two people from the same school. Mark retorts, "I doubt they'd pick two people from the same state." He then shakes Brandon's hand and says, "Sorry it has to be like this...may the best man win" and Brandon furrows his brows and looks contemplative. Beach house. Mark arrives to pick up Kelly for his dad's mixer. He tells her he told Brandon he applied for the Dryer Fellowship, and she seems super happy about that, which prompts him to snark, "Who are you rooting for here?" He tells her he's the underdog in this competition, but when she asks him if he really believes that, he admits he's more of a shoo-in than an underdog. He then urges her to stay out of the whole Dryer situation, and Kelly's like, "Can do." Valerie and Tom are strolling along the beach. He tells her how much he hates his construction job, blah blah...and a few seconds later, they run into Kelly and Mark. After some quick introductions, Kelly says they're on their way to a party, and the two hastily continue on their way. Tom remarks that while Mark seems like a total dickwad, Kelly is very nice...but Valerie warns him that appearances can be deceiving. Job Fair. Steve arrives, freshly pressed in his suit and tie - and Clare is gabbling at him about how first impressions are super important. He promises not to let her down. He heads over to the Tasco Sportswear booth and meets the company rep whose name is Conway...and Conway informs him that his interview will be conducted by the head of personnel, Dana Sawyer. Dana subtly checks out Steve's bod and asks him if he wouldn't mind conducting their interview over coffee and a cigarette, and he's like, "Sure!" Medical office. Donna offers to fax a bunch of prescriptions to the pharmacy, then asks her dad if he's mad at Mrs. Coatsley (one of his chatty patients), and he just rolls his eyes and tells her to get back to work. David calls to see how her day's going, and Donna moans that it's a nightmare and that she can't seem to do anything right. Well, d'yuh. Job interview. Steve tells Dana he believes he has what it takes to be a good salesman, and she seems impressed with whatever he's claimed to have accomplished thus far in his life. She tells him that this is her last interview of the day and asks him if he'd like to have another coffee "or anything else" then asks him if he's the type of guy that will pursue new opportunities "with gusto". Steve's like, "Definitely!" so Dana comes right out and says, "I'm a single woman in town for the night. That can make for a very dull evening - if you know what I mean." Steve clearly does know what she means and starts to awkwardly chuckle. She asks him if he finds her attractive, and he says he does...and she makes it clear that if he's not willing to doink her, she won't recommend him for the job. Tracy and Brandon arrive at the mixer. She tells him he has no reason to be in a funk over his chances for the Dryer and reminds him that his grades are better than Mark's and that he served as student body president. Brandon retorts that Mark was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and has lots of "old boy" connections he's never had access to. Brandon heads off to get them drinks, and by scripted coincidence, Kelly's at the bar ordering a white wine. She tells Brandon she always figured he'd go for the Dryer...then laments that she wasn't able to spill the beans to him earlier about Mark applying, and Brandon tells her to not get in the middle of this boring competition/tedious storyline. Mark calls Brandon over and introduces him to an old family friend who happens to be a member of the Dryer Fellowship selection committee...and he gives Brandon a quick hello before he rushes off. Brandon thanks Mark for the introduction, and Mark looks fake humble and says he's merely trying to keep a level playing field. Medical office. Donna apologizes to her dad for screwing up all day and says she knows she did a crappy job...then doubts she's capable of doing a good job anywhere. He looks contrite and says he's the one who should be apologizing, 'cause it wasn't really fair to ask her to fill in for his receptionist...and he also didn't want the patients to talk her ear off. Donna then mentions something about Mrs. Coatsley taking up smoking again, and Papa Martin pales and is all, "Wuh?!" and says that the combination of cigarette smoking and the medicine he just prescribed to her could kill her. Yikes - that sounds like a bad lawsuit in the making. Donna tells him that Mrs. Coatsley had babbled to her about her smoking again and worried that he (Papa Martin) was mad at her. Papa Martin orders her to get Mrs. Coatsley on the phone, stat!...and he rushes over to the other extension and calls the pharmacy. When the pharmacist tells him that the medicine was picked up two hours ago, he's all, "OMG! OMG!" After a few tension-filled minutes, Donna is finally able to get a hold of Mrs. Coatsley, and luckily the old bird hasn't ingested any of the medicine. Donna puts her dad on the phone so he can explain to her why the meds he prescribed could kill her...and after he's finished with the call, he thanks his daughter for pulling his fat out of the fire, and she smiles back at him with an annoyingly sanctimonious smile. After the mixer, Brandon and Tracy go for an awkward stroll with Mark and Kelly. Brandon assures Mark he's not looking for tips or anymore introductions...then says if he doesn't get the Dryer Fellowship, his life won't be over. Mark says his life pretty much would be over, and half-heartedly hopes they can both win. Tracy, meanwhile, admits to Kelly that she isn't always comfortable around her, her being Brandon's ex and all - and Kelly breezily tells her that staying friends with exes is a normal thing in their incestuous 90210 clique. David's house. David is giving Donna a massage, and he tells her it's a good thing she's so talkative on the phone - otherwise who knows what might have become of cigarette smoking Mrs. Coatsley. Donna laments how stressed out her dad is and says she wishes he'd cut back on his hours. The Peach Pit. Clare asks Steve how his job interview went, so he says the interview part went great...however, Dana made it clear she only wants him for his body. Clare contorts her weird doll face and accuses him of being ashamed to admit that he blew the interview. He insists that Dana did, in fact, proposition him in exchange for the job, but Clare just bitchily retorts, "You're the problem. You screwed up again, as usual." Steve gets irked and says he should have gone ahead and screwed Dana, then storms out of the diner. Someone please explain to me why these two are still a couple. Beach house. Mark walks Kelly home and tells her he's pretty confident that everything will turn out in his favor. He also feels pretty good about throwing Brandon a bone by suggesting that he too might possibly be chosen for the Dryer. He smiles smugly and says he's pretty much a sure winner...and Kelly tells him his arrogance is disgusting, so he explains that he's been groomed for this his whole life. Also, he has pressures that Brandon could never understand - meaning, if he doesn't win this scholarship, there will be be hell to pay from his douchebag father. The Walsh house. Valerie and Tom play the videotape he brought along from Buffalo. It's of the two of them going to prom together...shortly before she dumped him. The footage includes a few seconds of her father, waving at them from the doorway...and Valerie wigs out at the sight of him and recalls the day she found his lifeless body in the bathroom after he had just blown his brains out. She tells Tom he's the only one who knows the truth about him, and he promises not to tell anyone. Brandon arrives for his Dryer interview. The first panelist asks him to elaborate on why he chose to write his college essay about the 1987 Minnesota Twins, so he describes how inspiring it was that they worked as a team, showed real heart, and proved that adversity could be overcome, blah blah. Another panelist asks him to compare and contrast John Calvin and the prophet Ezekiel - eesh - and Brandon stares into space blankly, and the scene cuts away. Steve tracks down Dana at the Tasco booth and invites her to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee. She's reluctant at first, but when Steve hints that he's reconsidering doinking her, she agrees to join him. Beach house. Kelly wakes Donna up and tells her she's worried 'cause she hasn't heard from Mark. She's worried that he and/or Brandon will get their feelings hurt if one of both of them don't win the Dryer. Papa Martin phones to inform Donna that he's spending the day lounging by the pool at the country club. He giddily tells her he's decided to cut his hours, and Donna says she's pleased to hear that...and he urges her not to worry so much about what she'll do after college 'cause she'll be an asset to whoever hires her. Either that or a really big burden. California University. Dana asks Steve if he's seen the error of his ways, and he goes, "Oh yes. I have" and insists that he's willing to go that extra mile now. She tells him that that's what it will take to be part of the Tasco Sportswear team, and Steve chirps, "Great!" LOL. She tells him she'd like to do a "final evaluation" in her hotel room, then warns, "It might be an oral." (!) Steve suggests they go the kinky route and invite another couple to join them, then points at the couple sitting at a nearby table...and - surprise! - it's Conway and Clare. Dana is aghast that her colleague has clearly overheard what she's been up to, and Conway grimly remarks on the disturbing earful he just got regarding her recruitment approach. He apologizes to Steve for the blatant sexual harassment and assures him that this is not the way Tasco does business, and hopes he'll keep an open mind about their company. After that, Steve tells Clare he's upset with her for not believing him, and she admits she was foolish not to remember how irresistible he is. I notice she didn't apologize for her bitchy treatment of him. Brandon and Mark are among the Dryer candidates who are anxiously awaiting the announcement of the winners. When the selection committee emerges after an intensive deliberation, they announce the two winners: some random woman from Oregon, and...Brandon Walsh! Mark scrunches his face and is all, "Whaaaat?!" The committee chair tells Brandon he had a terrific interview and won everyone over with his charm. (The Oregon woman doesn't receive a similar compliment, so I guess she wasn't nearly as charming.) Mark just stares at Brandon in disbelief, then storms off. The Peach Pit. The gang has gathered together to celebrate Brandon's success. Nat brings out a cake to celebrate, but it appears to be an unclaimed birthday cake that reads Happy Birthday, Bobby! Haha! Donna asks Kelly where Mark is, and she's like, "I dunno" then says she's going to swing by his house to see if he's there. Meanwhile, Valerie asks David if Tom can co-manage the After Dark with her and says she'll cover his salary with her share of the profits. David makes a face and says he's not sure that's such a great idea. Kelly runs into Mark in the parking lot. He sourly says, "I thought I'd find you here at Brandon's victory party." She says she's been worried about him and asks where he's been, so he tells her that since blowing his interview he's been driving up and down the coast. She says she left him a bunch of messages and asks him why he didn't call her back, and he bitchily snaps, "I lost, Kelly. Thanks a lot." She gives him a look of incredulity and asks him if he's really blaming her for not being awarded the Dryer, and he grumbles that she got him so concerned about how Brandon was going to do, he didn't watch out for himself. He snarks, "Are you happy now? You know...you really screwed me over" then laughs bitterly at the irony of them never having actually screwed. Kelly tells him not to start up with that again...and he asks her if she's ready to give it up to him, but she shoves him away and snaps, "What are you? Drunk?" He guffaws and says he knew she wouldn't be willing to doink him. Kelly says there's a lot to be said for taking a relationship slow, 'cause sometimes it takes time for a person to show his true colors. Mark ignores that and accuses her of betraying him, but she argues that he lost the scholarship 'cause he didn't think he could lose, and that he didn't bother preparing for the interview 'cause he believed he was entitled to win. Mark bitchily retorts, "You're going to lose me unless you shape up" and Kelly raises her brows and says, "Excuse me? What did you say?", so he elaborates: "You're the kind of girl I could marry, but you're blowing it baby." Bwahaha! He then glares at her and says, "I'm a Reese. Do you have any idea what kind of inheritance I'm in line for?" and Kelly just starts laughing (and I laughed too, especially at the part where he said I'm a Reese). Mark dickishly warns, "Don't call me to tell me you're sorry unless you're ready to seal the deal" and Kelly shoots him a stony look and says that every time the phone rings, he should bet someone it's not her, 'cause he'll be right every time. Mark scrunches his face in confusion and goes, "What's that supposed to mean?" so she says, "You're a smart boy, Mark. Figure it out." She then shoves her way past him and storms out of his life forever. Hee! You go, girl! Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: The gang is hanging at the Peach Pit, grumbling about the hassle of Christmas shopping. Donna suggests they draw names so they'll only have to buy a gift for one person in their clique...and caps the limit at $50. (That's kind of a lot for university students to be spending on friends - but then, it is Beverly Hills.) Nat and his wife Joan are included in the draw because, for some reason, the writers feel as though they need to maintain Nat's relevance as a regular cast member on the show. Steve draws Nat's name, David gets Joan, and Tracy and Brandon get each other. By the time Valerie arrives, Kelly's the only one left to exchange gifts with, and Valerie wryly mutters that maybe she'll get Kelly a new personality for Christmas. Me-ow. Valerie and Tracy hit the mall together...and Valerie grumbles about having to buy Kelly a Christmas present, and contemplates buying her kitty litter. Er, OK..? Tracy's dilemma is that she has no idea what to get for Brandon, since she doesn't want to give him the wrong idea...and by the wrong idea she means she's totally crazy about him but doesn't want to advertise it. I'm guessing. Which she shouldn't, 'cause in a few months he'll dump her like yesterday's news so he can resume dating Kelly. After Dark. Mel is giving David relationship advice regarding his unholy re-coupling with Donna. David complains that things with her parents (well...mother) are stressing him out. He says, "I don't know if I'm ever going to figure out how to handle Felice" and Mel makes a blech face and says, "Join the club." Bwahaha! David says it would mean a lot to Donna if he could somehow get along with the uppity turd, so Mel suggests that he and Donna come to dinner at his and Jackie's condo and invite Donna's parents to join them. David perks up and says he likes the sound of that. Mall. Tracy spots a stack of nice sweaters and suggests to Valerie that one might be a lovely gift for Kelly - but Valerie says Kelly would probably look too good in it, so can't have that. She decides a broomstick would be a more appropriate gift, so the two head in the direction of the nearest hardware store. On the way, they pass a woman who's collecting money and donations for the needy. She overhears Valerie grumping about Kelly and urges her to let bygones be bygones. Valerie mulls over this advice and decides that she'll buy Kelly that nice sweater after all. Beach house. Donna is delighted that David is willing to have dinner with her parents. After they smooch, he goes, "What's the deal with your mom?" (I'm sure a lot of people would like to know the answer to that question.) He wishes Felice would like him more, and Donna tells him not to take it personally and that her mom is just looking out for her. She then says it doesn't matter how little her mom likes him 'cause it's how she feels that counts...and then the two kiss intensely. Brandon drags Steve to the mall to help him find a Christmas present for Tracy. Steve suggests lingerie so he can finally make a move on her. Brandon says he'lldecide when it's time to make a move, and Steve is like, "Whatever" and suggests something kinky with feathers. Beach house. Kelly arrives home, exhausted from her shopping trip...even though she still wasn't able to find a suitable gift for Valerie. Donna tells her that her dad called and left a message that he'd be arriving in Los Angeles for the holidays. Kelly's like, "Good!" and says it's about time she had the opportunity to give him the what-for for being the catalyst of her cocaine snorting habit last season. Steve arrives at the chancellor's house to pick up Clare for lunch. Clare asks him if he bought Nat's gift, so he tells her he bought him a Wolfgang Puck cookbook. She gives him a funny look and asks him if it he thinks that's appropriate, and he just shrugs cluelessly and tells her he believes it is. Chancellor Arnold invites him to his annual Christmas shindig tomorrow night, but Steve declines 'cause he has plans to spend the day with his mom. Arnold tells her to bring her along...and when Steve is out of earshot, he confides to Clare about how nervous he is that a beautiful actress will be attending his holiday party. Clare just scrunches her weird doll face and is all, "Huh?" Kelly arrives at a fancy restaurant to have dinner with her father...or so she thinks. When the host ushers her to her table, there's just a pretty, young, brown haired girl sitting there...and she looks happy to see Kelly and introduces herself as Joy. Kelly looks confused, so Joy explains that Bill is in New York because of some faux last minute business. Joy says she's been dying to meet her, but Kelly just keeps shooting her the stink-eye and snarks, "My father blows me off and sends his girlfriend to break the news?!" Joy informs her that she's not Bill's girlfriend - she's his daughter. Kelly just stares at her in shock and mumbles, "My sister..? Wha-a?!" Beach house. Kelly tells Donna that her father didn't show up for dinner last night (shocker)...and in his place he sent her half-sister, Joy. Donna's all, "Wha-a?!" so Kelly explains that her deadbeat dad apparently had a whole other family she knew nothing about. Donna asks her what Joy is like, and Kelly's like, "I dunno" and says she didn't stick around long enough to find out. Apparently, she sat down and said, "Pleased to meet you" then got up and left. Well that was dickish and rude. Donna asks her if she isn't at least a tiny bit curious about her half-sister, but Kelly says she's way too upset and self-absorbed to acknowledge anyone's feelings other than her own. Donna points out that this situation isn't Joy's fault and that getting to know her might be a nice opportunity for her to bond with a new family member, but Kelly's just like, "Whatevs" and says she has to go break the news about Bill's second family to Jackie. The Peach Pit. Clare arrives at the diner to pick up pies for her dad's party and runs into Valerie and Brandon. Valerie tells her she got a really nice gift for Kelly, and Clare contorts her weird doll face and basically says that Kelly's not returning the favor, nor does she have any intention of getting into the Christmas spirit. Valerie heads off to the mall to exchange the nice sweater for a broomstick. Sadly, Valerie isn't able to return the sweater because it was a clearance item. She donates it to the lady who's fundraising for the needy and tells her to give it to someone deserving. Chancellor's house. Chancellor Arnold tells Clare again how nervous he is about Samantha Sanders attending his party. A few seconds later, Samantha arrives with Steve...and when the chancellor is introduced to the has-been, he mumbles that he'll go get them a drink, then scurries off like a frightened mouse. The man definitely has issues. Jackie's condo. Kelly stops by to let Jackie know that her father is going to be in town for Christmas...then asks her to sit down for some earth shattering news. She tells her mom she has a sibling she didn't know anything about, and Jackie winces and is like, "Um. Yeah...I kind of know 'bout that already." She's also royally pissed off at her ex-husband for enlisting Joy to reveal the news to Kelly without informing her first. Kelly's all, "Wha-a?!" then gets really irked at her mom for never telling her about Joy. Jackie says she was protecting her from being hurt, so Kelly wails, "What am I supposed to do now?" Jackie says she doesn't have to have anything to do with Joy, and Kelly's like, "But she's my sister!" and angrily flounces out of the condo. Party. Samantha tells Steve she really likes Clare...so then Steve asks her what she thinks of the chancellor, and she says she has no idea, 'cause he hasn't said a word to her since that awkward greeting in the doorway. Steve makes a beeline over to Clare and tells her that her dad is giving his mom the cold shoulder. Clare says it's not what it seems, then asks Samantha if she has a decent repertoire of Christmas carols. Samantha's like, "Well, d'yuh" so Clare calls over her father and tells him it's time to gather people around the piano to sing songs. Arnold takes the opportunity to invite Samantha to sing along with them, and when she says she's game, he steers her over to his piano. Kelly meets Joy at a restaurant, so I guess this means she's rethinking not giving a hoot about her half-sister. She tells her her problem isn't with her, it's with their douchewad of a deadbeat father...and Joy is surprised to hear that they're not close, since apparently Bill gabbles about her all the time - which surprises Kelly. Joy tells her she's from Mexico City but that she speaks perfect English 'cause she went to school in the States. The two then compare notes and realize he's been a total deadbeat in both of their lives. He's due to arrive in Los Angeles tomorrow - but they highly doubt he'll actually show up, so they make a toast to his inevitable no show. Heh. Kelly grins and declares, "You're OK, sis" and Joy beams and replies, "You are too." Even though, not so much. Party. Arnold and Samantha are sitting at the piano together, belting out Christmas carols...and both are oblivious to the party guests who are calling it a night and leaving. Steve looks icked out at the spectacle of the two flirting and tells Clare it's disgusting. A few seconds later, Arnold announces to Steve and Clare that he and Samantha are going out for a bite to eat and asks Clare to see the remaining guests out. As he and Samantha head out on what looks dangerously close to being a first date, both Clare and Steve are like, "Ew." Mel's/Jackie's condo. David, Donna, Felice and Papa Martin arrive for dinner. Mel greets the foursome, leads them into the living room, and politely asks if anyone would like a drink. Felice asks for a glass of chardonnay, then snarkishy adds, "Unless you're passing out champagne again." Papa Martin looks mortified and exclaims, "Felice!" and Felice explains to her bewildered hosts that her ball-less husband was afraid she might blurt out something inappropriate about the prom episode from Season 3, then needlessly specifies, "When Mel got the kids drunk." She says she assured him she wouldn't bring it up, and a weirded out Jackie says, "What a relief." Haha! Felice glances around the condo and compliments Jackie on her "quaint touches" and says it's homey for a condo...and Jackie looks amused by the backhanded compliment and says, "Thanks. I think." Felice ambles over to the Christmas tree and says she was going to bring them an ornament, then says, "But with Mel, I wasn't sure if you'd have a tree...him being Jewish and all." David takes that opportunity to make a break for the kitchen, and Donna wisely follows him. Felice, who seems completely oblivious to her Tourette syndrome-esque behavior, tells Jackie it's nice to see her and Mel together again and snootily declares, "Marriage is the bedrock of our society." Jackie informs her that she and Mel never officially remarried, and Felice looks aghast and points out, "But you have a child!" Mel just kind of shrugs and says, "If it ain't broke.." and Felice makes a face and says that their lack of a marital status is just too confusing for her uppity brain to process...and no one stops her from delivering her final coup de grace of insulting zingers: "Two religions, married, not married. Phew! No wonder's David's been a little mixed up lately." Bwahahaha!! Pure awesome. Kelly and Joy are Christmas shopping at the mall...and Kelly grumbles that she still has to buy Valerie a gift. The two then compare the various gifts they've gotten from Bill over the years, and it turns out he's bought the exact same stuff for both of them. They're also shocked to realize that he hasn't actually spent the holidays with either of them lately, and idly wonder if maybe he has more secret children in different parts of the world. I'd be in favor of that storyline, since it'd be one way to liven up this dying show. The Walsh house. Valerie arrives home, exhausted after her trip to the mall. Brandon informs her that Kelly called while she was out, and that she gabbled to him about sisterhood and the Christmas spirit. Valerie looks alarmed and asks him if he thinks this means she bought her something nice, and Brandon sort of nods. Valerie grumbles that now she's going to look like the bad one, and rushes back out to the mall. Over in the living room, Tracy and Clare are trimming the tree...and Clare is doing a horrible job with the clumped tinsel. Tracy and Brandon teasingly bicker with each other, and Clare coos, "Ahh, must be love." (Nope...not so much.) Mall. Valerie tries to buy another sweater for Kelly, but the store is fresh out. She runs into the lady who's fundraising for the needy and asks her if she can have back the sweater she donated, then promptly changes her mind and decides she'd like her to have it, since she does so much for others. In exchange, the lady hands her a wrapped gift and assures her it would make an awesome gift for her frenemy. Dorm. Brandon walks Tracy back to her room. She invites him in, but he concocts a lame story about how he has to leave out a deli platter for Santa Claus. Boy, he really is not into her. She scrunches her face and asks him if he had a hard time buying her a gift, and he admits he did, and she chirps, "Me too!" The two agree to wait until tomorrow to find out what they got each other...'cause, well, what else are they gonna do? He gives her a chaste kiss and wishes her a Merry Christmas. Beach house. Felice comes over to ask Donna why she hasn't returned any of her calls. Um, seriously? Donna coldly retorts, "I'm busy" and returns to her gift wrapping, ignoring her mother. Felice apologizes for her cunty rudeness at Mel and Jackie's last night and says she knows she behaved badly. She claims she didn't mean to be rude and was just nervous. Donna accuses her of doing all she can to break her and David apart, and reminds her of how she offered to pay Ray "Pumpkin Head" Pruit 10K to dump her. Felice says, "I'm just overprotective of my baby" and Donna irritably points out that she hasn't been a baby for quite some time. Felice says she wishes she could see that a guy who has mental issues and a drinking problem isn't the best choice for her, and Donna gives her a cold stink eye and snarks, "Did you forget to add Jewish to that list?" Felice [whose reply suggests that yes she did, in fact, forget to add Jewish to her proposed list of dating no-nos], says, "Closing your eyes to these things is not going to make them go away." Donna says she doesn't want them to go away, then glares at her and says, "I want you to go away." Hee! She then turns her back on Felice, and Felice sadly announces she's leaving...but before she exits, she guilts Donna by warning her that if she fails to show up for Christmas, she'll break her father's heart. The Walsh house. Yippee - it's Christmas Day! Donna is opening her birthday gift with the gang gathered all around. It's a charm bracelet, and apparently David bought the bracelet while everyone picked out a charm for her. How adorbs. After that, everyone exchanges Christmas gifts. Nat looks miffed at his Wolfgang Puck cookbook, and Steve looks mystified at the gift Nat got him: a thesaurus. Haha! Brandon bought Tracy earrings, and she got him a fountain pen (boring), while Donna got a book on fashion, and Clare got tickets to a museum exhibit. Joan got handkerchiefs, and I forget [and don't care] what David got. When it's time for Valerie and Kelly to exchange their gifts, everyone watches in fascination. It turns out they both got each other a blank journal. Kelly says the one she bought for Valerie was the last one the store had, and Valerie offers no explanation of where she got hers. The two hug, and everyone's like, "Whoa!" and Brandon announces that this must be a special Christmas truce. After Dark. The gang is in attendance at a special performance of a band David booked called Clarence Fountain and the Blind Boys of Alabama. Papa Martin tells David he loooves them, and that he should do this every year. Felice concurs and says it's very nice, then apologizes for her rudeness at dinner the other night. David tells her that an apology isn't necessary...and she says that Mel and Jackie told her the same thing, which only makes her feel worse (as well she should). She tells David that she and Donna had a falling out over her cunty behavior, and asks him if he wouldn't mind smoothing things over for her - since, why should she bother making the effort herself? David promises to do what he can and heads over to where Donna is sitting. He tells her she should prolly go sit with her parents, and she makes a face and says she should be able to do whatever she wants on her birthday...and what she doesn't want is to sit next to her mother. He asks her to please do it for him, so she quickly caves and heads over to her parents' table...and she and Felice immediately make up and hug it out. Joy arrives and sits beside Kelly...and a few seconds later, Mel and Jackie arrive. Jackie looks nervous, but goes over to where Kelly and Joy are sitting and says hey. Joy, to her credit, is very sweet to her, and she and Kelly joke about how they accurately predicted that Bill wouldn't show up to spend Christmas with them. Jackie says it feels really good seeing the two of them together, then apologizes for not bringing them together sooner and having her own agenda, blah blah. Joy urges Kelly to forgive her mom, and Kelly jokes that it's more fun to watch her squirm...but then forgives her, and then mother and daughter hug it out. After that, everyone happily sings along with the band. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! |
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