Recap: Donna and Clare discuss Kelly's breakup with Mark and what a relief it must be for her to no longer have to worry about running into him. Apparently, the trauma of losing the Dryer Fellowship to Brandon and being dumped by Kelly caused Mark to drop out of CU four months before graduation...which seems odd, considering he was billed as a ruthlessly high achiever, but whatevs. Clare makes a blech face and says she had Mark pegged as a spoiled brat from day one. A few seconds later, Kelly arrives home looking fresh and rested from a day at the beach. She tells her roommates she walked along the coast for miles and collected shells and feels wonderful and free. Clare says they were worried about how the whole Mark thing would affect her, but Kelly just chuckles and goes, "Who's Mark?" Clare asks her if she'd be open to getting fixed up on a blind date with a super awesome guy she knows, but Kelly just shudders at the thought. Donna chimes in and encourages her to take a page out of her book, then tells her about her daring new gig as CUTV's weather girl. Clare insists that the guy she wants to set her up with is super amazing, then bitchily adds, "It's not like Brandon's there to pick up the pieces." Kelly's face falls, so Clare immediately apologizes for blurting out such a dickish remark...but Kelly acknowledges that it's the truth. She then has a sudden change of heart and agrees to the fix-up and says, "How bad can it be?" Um, very very bad..?
CUTV. Donna's weather report is a superfluous schtick called Wardrobe Weather, during which she recommends how warmly (or not) people should dress that day. She takes off her jacket and sweater to demonstrate that the weather will be warm that afternoon (it's L.A., so d'yuh), then needlessly poses for viewers with her jacket slung over one shoulder. Brandon and David both look charmed and amused by her performance...and when her segment is over, they gush about how great she did.
Steve reports to the Maintenance/Security Department, where he'll be working off his sentence for his plagiarism crimes. His supervisor Tony gleefully tells him he'll be on dumpster and security booth duty...then informs him that there's a homeless guy living on campus who's been annoying his staff with silly pranks. He tells Steve that if he's able to catch "the Phantom of CU" (as he's known among the maintenance men), he'll commute his sentence.
Brandon was so impressed with Donna's weather schtick that he offers her a daily slot during the CUTV news broadcast. Oh joy. The two cameramen look over at Donna and the blonde one goes, "Is she for real?" and the other one, Evan, says he thought she did great. The blonde guy jokes that he'd prefer it if she did the weather naked - which is so disturbing on so many levels, the most disturbing being Aaron Spelling's insistence on trying to convince viewers that every man who's ever gotten a glimpse of the angelic Donna Martin automatically fantasizes about seeing her naked...and that they're destined to turn psychotic once they realize they cannot possess the cherub. Evan goes over to Donna and compliments her weather report and tells her she's really talented, and she thanks him and introduces him to David. Evan then reminds Donna about asking Kelly if she's interested in going on a date with him...and after Evan ambles off, David snickers and tells Donna that a dork like Evan doesn't stand a chance with an it girl like Kelly.
The Walsh house. Brandon arrives home with groceries and is less than thrilled to find Tom in his kitchen, on the phone with somebody in London to discuss booking singer Donna Lewis for the After Dark. After the call, Tom asks Brandon if it's cool for him to continue staying at Casa Walsh, and Brandon scrunches his face and goes, "I dunno. How long are you planning on staying?" Tom says he promised Valerie he'd stay in L.A. for awhile, and Brandon goes, "How long is awhile?" Tom sheepishly says he doesn't want to be any trouble, then heads out for a walk.
Beach house. Kelly's blind date (Neil) arrives, and he's a stuffy looking British guy wearing a stuffy looking three-piece suit. Kelly enters the living room, takes a good look at him, and goes, "Ack!" whereas Neil looks totally enamored of Kelly and admires her loveliness by quoting Shakespeare, which was weird. Clare tells Kelly that Neil is a British exchange student, captain of the debate team, and has been accepted to Harvard Medical School - but none of it is enough to impress Kelly. When the two head out for wherever they're going on their date, Kelly shoots Clare the stink eye. It's hard to imagine what was going on in Clare's head, thinking that Neil could be a good blind date choice for...well, anyone.
California University. Sometime during the night, Steve has fallen asleep while studying in the security booth, and the hoodie clad "Phantom of CU" takes the opportunity to sneak up to him and replace the text book he's reading with a Phantom comic book, along with a note that reads The phantom strikes again! The phantom then beans him in the head with a rock, and Steve is jolted awake...and is dismayed when he realizes he's just been pranked.
Restaurant. Neil is boring Kelly with his in-depth knowledge of wine. When the menus arrive, he recommends the duck, but she tells him she's a vegetarian. He says he's sorry to hear that, remarks that she's fascinating, then starts nattering about something boring.
Beach house. David is about to head home for the evening when the phone rings...and when Donna answers it, a garbled voice says, "You're mine. You'd better like it or else" then abruptly hangs up. Donna scrunches her big face with worry, and when she describes to David what the caller just said to her, he decides it would be best if he spent the night.
The Peach Pit. Steve meets up with Brandon and Tracy and tells them he got pranked by "the Phantom of CU" and that he's now plotting to entrap the scoundrel. Brandon and Tracy stare back at him blankly and say they've never heard of this so-called phantom. Clare arrives at the diner and gabbles about how she's been tasked with ensuring that every senior gets his/her photo taken for the yearbook. She says she has only ten hard-to-find seniors she needs to track down, and is determined to locate them all. I really don't get why the writers are so stubborn about giving Clare and Steve a remotely interesting storyline.
Beach house. Kelly tells Donna how terrible her date with Neil was, and that he's a pompous windbag and self-proclaimed expert on everything. She says it was probably the worst evening of her life and vows to never go on another blind date. Donna asks her if perhaps she'd like to go out with a guy she already knows - Evan (the CUTV camera man) - and Kelly makes a blech face and says, "Sorry Donna. Not my type." Donna insists that Evan is very sweet and will be very disappointed if she doesn't go out with him, but Kelly just shrugs and makes it clear that she really doesn't give a rat's ass.
After Dark. David snarks at Tom for not producing a signed contract with Donna Lewis, and also for not giving him a diagram of the stage set up. He then comes right out and says he doesn't believe that Donna Lewis will actually show up for her scheduled performance. Valerie tells David to chillax and assures him that everything will work out, and David's like, "Whatever" and bitchily storms out. Tom tells Valerie he's known Donna Lewis since childhood and has no doubt she'll do him a solid and honor her promise to perform at the After Dark. He then puckers up to give Valerie a smooch, but she rebuffs him and says she's not interested in a relationship right now. Tom's all, "Wuh?" and reminds her that they've been doinking for the last few weeks, and Valerie says it's only 'cause they're old friends. Tom's all, "Wuh?" but agrees to back off...so then Valerie says it's OK to smooch her, now that she's laid out her nonsensical ground rules.
CUTV. Donna gets her hair and makeup done before her next weather report and tells Brandon and Tracy how freaked out she is about the weird phone call she got the other night. Tracy brushes it off as harmless and tells her she used to get wacky calls when she first appeared on CUTV news, but Brandon promises Donna he'll alert campus police in case it's an actual threat. After she ambles off, Tracy goes, "Why are you scaring her?" so Brandon explains that Donna was the victim of an attempted rape in Season 5. As Evan helps Donna carry out her weather related props, she relays the sad news that Kelly has absolutely no interest in dating him. Evan pretends not to be insulted and says, "You're the one for me anyways. Just kidding." Mmm hmm.. The blonde camera guy tells Evan that Donna must be giving him "something", 'cause otherwise why would he lug her crap around? Evan just shakes his head and quips, "You're a sick man" which proves to be ironic (oops, spoiler).
Steve is seemingly asleep in the security booth...and when the CU phantom approaches and attempts to tie his shoelaces together, Steve grabs at him. The phantom manages to escape and run off, but Steve is in close pursuit. He corners him in a storage area, and suddenly the phantom removes his hoodie and reveals himself. He introduces himself as Larry Lincoln and tells Steve they used to be in a class together. He then pleads with Steve not to give him up to security 'cause he'll lose everything he's worked for. When another security guard radios Steve to ask him if he found the phantom, Steve tells him he got away. Larry smiles and calls him "one of the good guys", and Steve says he reminds him of himself...and the two share a conspiratorial chuckle.
Beach house. Donna gets a hang up call, then goes into the living room and tells Kelly she's going to change her number. She then tells Kelly she told Evan that she doesn't want to go out with him and that he seemed very sad 'bout that. Donna proposes that she (Kelly) go out with Evan as part of a double date with her and David, and Kelly mulls that over and agrees.
CUTV. Clare tells Brandon and Tracy that she managed to get photos taken of all the missing seniors except one: Larry Lincoln, address unknown.
Tony commends Steve on a job well done, the way he chased the phantom into the storage area. He leads Steve to a little utility room, which is apparently where the mysterious phantom has been squatting all this time. Steve spots a laptop computer and discreetly covers it with a shirt so the campus police won't confiscate it...and looks sad that Larry's hiding spot has been discovered.
Beach house. Kelly and Donna are getting ready to go to the After Dark to see Donna Lewis perform. I guess Tom was able to get her to show up after all. Evan arrives and brings Kelly an ugly bouquet of flowers...and when he insists on finding a vase and putting them in water for her, Kelly remarks to Donna, "He's so niiice."
California University. Steve gives Larry his laptop computer, and he thanks Steve and says he could not afford to lose it. Steve asks him how he ended up as a homeless person, so Larry explains that he has six siblings and couldn't afford to pay his tuition without giving up housing and food. Steve hands him a thick wad of cash and urges him to find a place to live until the end of the semester. Larry bristles at "taking charity", but Steve points out that he can't continue to squat on campus, since it's inevitable he'll be caught...and Larry mulls that over and takes the cash. Steve then asks for a favor, and tells him that his girlfriend is on a boring mission to arrange for every senior to have photos taken for the yearbook...and he's the only missing one. Larry's worried that it might be too risky to be photographed, so then Steve asks him why he pranks the maintenance guys if he's so worried about getting caught. Larry just shrugs and says, "'Cause it was fun" and the two giggle.
After Dark. Donna Lewis is performing her one hit wonder, "I Love You", and the double date (with Kelly/Evan/David/Donna) looks as though it's going reasonably well. Across the club, Clare tells Steve she still hasn't found Larry Lincoln, but Steve grins knowingly and says she may still get her chance. Donna Lewis finishes her song and gives a shout-out to Tom, who she calls "a special friend". Evan tells Kelly he's having a great time and says, "You know, I think I really like you" and Kelly gives him a funny look and says, "You barely know me!" Evan then makes himself look like even more of a loser dork by telling Donna that this is the best date he's ever been on. Valerie, meanwhile, pulls David aside and demands that he apologize to Tom for being so snarky about Donna Lewis showing up, but David insists that he doesn't trust Tom. Valerie gives him an ultimatum: either he apologize or she'll find herself another partner. Er...OK, but doesn't she need David's partnership/money way more than he needs a piece of the After Dark?
Beach house. Steve tells Clare that Larry Lincoln is the phantom of CU, and Clare scrunches her weird doll face and goes, "So that's why I couldn't find him." She tells Steve she probably doesn't want a campus felon included in the yearbook, but Steve argues that Larry's an honorable guy who's had to live by his wits for a long time. He tells her he gave Larry money for housing, then pontificates about how good he has it and how little he appreciates it most of the time. That's a giant understatement. Clare looks impressed with Steve's generosity and calls him "a good soul" and agrees to include Larry's photo in the yearbook.
David apologizes to Tom for his bitchy 'tude this episode, so then Tom asks him if he can crash at his Hollywood Hills pad. David's like, "Sure!" and Valerie is thrilled to have found such an easy solution to her fuck buddy's housing woes.
Evan runs into Kelly at the Student Union and tells her again what a great time he had on their double date and that he really likes her...and she half-heartedly replies, "I like you too." He asks her if she'd like to go out again, and she goes, "Maybe", but when he asks her if she's free tonight, she's like, "Whoa. You're moving a little fast." She then clucks sympathetically and adds, "Don't feel bad. You gave it a shot." LOL.
Clare, Steve, Larry, and the yearbook photographer are in the little utility room which Larry squatted in as a homeless phantom. He's getting his photo taken with his face obscured by his hoodie - with a cap and gown over top. Clare urges the photographer to hurry up in case a security guard hears them, so she takes a few shots, and then they all beat a hasty retreat. On his way out, Larry looks around the dank room nostalgically and says, "Thanks for the memories."
CUTV. Donna enters the control room to give the producer some special music to play in the background of her next weather report...or some such thing. Evan tells her that he and Kelly are probably going out again (um not), and Donna's like, "Great!" but advises him to take things slow. Evan thanks her for being so nice to him, and she tells him he's a nice guy. The producer plays back one of Donna's recorded weather reports, and somehow her stalker has managed to record a garbled message on the tape, saying, "Donna, Donna. We're going to be together very soon. I'm going to make you very happy. Even if I have to kill you." That seems oddly contradictory, even for an obsessed psychopath. Donna scrunches her big face with confusion and fear, then starts to wig out and wail, "Why would someone do this to me?!" Evan tells her she probably shouldn't go on the air and do her forecast today, and Donna flees the control room, slinks onto the floor in the hallway, and hugs her knees and starts sobbing.
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Recapper: Isabel K. French
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