Recap: Steve is heading down a busy hall at West Beverly High and notices Brandon leaning against his locker studying a betting sheet. He saunters over and asks him which team he's betting on in the Super Bowl, but Brandon just grins and doesn't answer. Steve snatches the betting sheet out of Brandon's hands and looks surprised that he's planning to place a bet on the next Knicks game. He warns Brandon that betting on basketball games is for suckers. Down the hall, Brenda and Kelly are trying to convince Donna to come along on the mother-daughter spa weekend they've all been planning at the swanky Montecito Hotel. Kelly asks Donna if she's certain her mother is really too sick to go, and Donna assures her that Felice is definitely not faking whatever illness she suddenly came down with. Donna wants to go spa-ing with her friends, but she's worried about feeling like a fifth wheel...which means they need to find a replacement for Felice. For whatever reason, they all agree that Ahn-drea constitutes a desirable replacement, and the three head over to The Blaze newsroom to extend the invitation. Ahn-drea, who's generally against anything fun, tells them she doesn't like spas, and that getting massages and beauty tips would make her nervous. The girls try to make their case by telling her that The Montecito is considered to be the best spa in California, it's totally geared toward women, and - most importantly - the trip is already paid for. Donna also points out that sitting in a whirlpool would probably be very good for Ahn-drea's recently broken legs. Ahn-drea mulls it over and admits that she is kind of curious about what it's like to spend a weekend at a luxurious spa. She accepts their invitation, and then needlessly pledges to document the experience for an article in her stupid Blaze. The Walsh house. Mama Walsh briefs her husband about the ready-to-heat meals she has prepared for him and Brandon while she's off spa-ing at The Montecito. Papa Walsh assures her that he's quite capable of taking care of himself for a few days. Jackie, who's sitting at the kitchen counter, cheekily advises him that if all else fails he can order take-out. Brenda and Kelly enter the kitchen, and Brenda asks her mother if she can borrow her bathrobe...but before Mama Walsh can respond, Kelly informs them that there's no need to bring robes. The Montecito provides very comfortable, chic robes for all their guests. That settled, the two return upstairs to resume their packing. Mama Walsh tells Jackie how great it is that the two girls are on speaking terms again...but Jackie accurately predicts that that will likely end when Dylan finally gets off the pot and decides which of them he wants to regularly doink. Papa Walsh reappears to wish Mama Walsh and Jackie a great time at the spa, and tells them he'll be busy working on an audit all weekend. His firm is representing a new client, Dr. Benjamin Kramer, a psychiatrist who recently wrote the self-help bestseller, Mid-life...Now What? Jackie gushes about how fabulous the book is and declares that every wife should read it. When she leaves the room to help Kelly finish up her packing, Mama Walsh snarkily asks her husband if he'll be working with his sexy secretary (Dottie) this weekend. Papa Walsh tells her he'll mostly be working with Dr. Kramer, but admits that Dottie will be at the office as well. Mama Walsh looks irked by this, so Papa Walsh assures her that she has nothing to worry about. The Peach Pit. Brandon asks Nat to call his shady bookie, Duke, so he can place some bets on sports games. Nat crinkles his face in concern and warns him not to get in over his head. Steve, meanwhile, is trying to convince his male buddies to go with him to a party in the Palisades to meet cute girls, but he doesn't have any luck. Dylan has his hands full with the Brenda/Kelly quagmire and doesn't want to meet any more girls; David is too busy studying and already has a girlfriend; and Brandon has no better excuse than he wants to stay home and watch the Knicks game. Steve gets annoyed with all three of them and storms out of the diner in disgust. The Montecito. Brenda, Kelly, and Donna are sacked out on the cushy lobby furniture while Jackie and Mama Walsh check everyone in. Ahn-drea comes rushing over, and in her usual annoyingly frenetic, rambley manner, she details for them every activity and amenity the spa has to offer. Brenda and Donna each bark her name in an effort to shut her up, but it's Kelly's stern command to stop nattering and chillax that jolts Ahn-drea back into relative coherence. Once Jackie is finished with the check-in process, she runs into an old drug buddy named Babette, who's now employed at the spa. The two briefly catch up on each others' lives, and afterward Jackie introduces her to everyone. Kelly, needless to say, is less than thrilled with the reappearance of her mother's former coke connection. The Walsh house. Brandon is trying to decide which of Mama Walsh's lovingly prepared dishes he wants to dive into first. Papa Walsh tells him he'll just grab a bite to eat while he's at the office, since he'll be so busy working all weekend. Brandon raises his eyebrows and asks, "With Dottie?" and Papa Walsh sarcastically retorts, "Yes, with Dottie" and Brandon grins and goes, "Way to go, dad." It's a tad weird for Brandon to be encouraging anything resembling a hook-up between his dad and his hot young secretary, but OK. About a minute after Papa Walsh leaves for the office, Mama Walsh calls to check up on him. Brandon tells her that he just left, so she says she'll give him a call later. But as soon as Mama Walsh hangs up, she furrows her brows concernedly and asks Jackie where the nearest bookstore is. In the following scene, Mama Walsh is strolling down a corridor in the hotel with Jackie, thumbing through Mid-life...Now What? In particular, she's searching for any chapters about married men who have affairs with their secretaries. Jackie accurately predicts that Papa Walsh's secretary is a young knockout and Mama Walsh confirms that this does, in fact, describe Dottie. Jackie nods knowingly and says she knows the type - hell, she used to be the type. When a shapely blonde woman saunters past them in the corridor, Mama Walsh gives her a once-over and starts moaning about how she can't possibly compete with that. Jackie concurs, but assures her that Papa Walsh doesn't expect her to...then reminds her that he's a good man who probably isn't going to doink Dottie. Papa Walsh's office. Papa Walsh and Dottie are reading over a list of their new client's various accounts. Dottie reads aloud a bunch of numbers, and Papa Walsh demonstrates his accounting prowess by calculating them in his head and then figuring out percentages. Dottie is impressed by his mathematical wizardry and tells him how amazing he is for being able to do all that computing in his head. Reverently she tells him, "You're really a brilliant man." Papa Walsh blushes like a schoolgirl and looks very flattered by the compliment. The Montecito. Brenda, Kelly, and Donna are exercising on various machines. We get some gratuitous footage when the camera zooms in on their lithe, sweating bodies...but the footage becomes far less gratuitous when the camera pans over to Ahn-drea, who looks frumpy and uncoordinated as she struggles with a Nordic Track ski machine. After the cardio workout, the four gals sit naked in a giant tub of mud. They're very grossed out by the mud's gooey texture, even after Donna explains that there are herbs in the mud, which expel toxins from the skin. The Peach Pit. Duke the bookie enters the diner and greets Nat in a cartoonishly phony, sinister way. He has dropped by to collect the money that Nat owes him for a lost bet. Nat obediently hands over the cash, but Duke tells him to give it to Brandon, who placed the winning bet. Brandon tells Duke to keep the money and roll it over for his next round of bets. Nat looks very concerned that Brandon is getting so deeply entrenched into the shady underworld of gambling and bookies. Brandon strolls over to Dylan's table to serve him his order, and Dylan starts whining to him again about how he's going crazy trying to decide which girl he wants to be with: Kelly or Brenda. It's weird that Brandon doesn't find it at all awkward to discuss Dylan's love-triangle situation, given that one-third of that love-triangle is his sister. The Montecito. Brenda, Kelly, Donna, and Ahn-drea have hosed themselves clean after the mud bath, and they're now ready for their massages. A spa worker appears to assign each of them to a masseuse, and for some bizarre reason she singles out Kelly and tells her that they're going to do a lot of work on her problem areas. Kelly looks bewildered by the notion that her body has problem areas - which it totally doesn't - but this scene marks the genesis of Kelly's future eating disorder, which will become a full-blown issue six episodes from now. As Brenda and Kelly get their massages, a really chatty masseuse asks them where they're from and which college they go to. She's stunned to learn that they're still in high school...and then starts telling them an inappropriate story about her friend Mandy, who was dating a married man until her best friend, Sheila, got her hooks into him and started dating him herself. Charming. Brenda and Kelly stare over at each other, but neither says anything. After their massages, Brenda and Kelly return to the locker room to get dressed. Kelly makes a remark about her "thunder thighs", but Brenda brushes off her negative self body image and tells Kelly that the story the masseuse told about the two best friends fighting over the same guy really got to her. Kelly, however, is still too troubled by her gargantuan thighs to allow the subject to be changed, so she asks Brenda if she thinks she has problem areas. Brenda gives her a definitive no and tells her that it's crazy to even think that...but Kelly isn't convinced and stares unhappily at her reflection in the full length mirror. The Peach Pit. Dylan is now whining about his girl problems to Nat. Since Dylan can't decide which girl to choose, Nat advises him not to stress about it so much - after all, he's not getting married any time soon, is he? The mention of the word married causes Dylan to suddenly look very contemplative, and he slips into his first of two ridiculous daydreams... Future Dylan arrives home - which, oddly, is the Walsh house - and is greeted by his two little daughters. He's wearing a striped shirt and suspenders, and has fluffed out grey hair and a ghastly mustache. He picks up the little girls and enters the living room, which is being trashed by two rambunctious amok-running little boys. Future Dylan yells at the boys and then loudly summons Future Brenda, who comes waddling down the stairs, heavily pregnant, and carrying a baby. She's oblivious to Dylan's troubled mood and tells him she can't decide which wallpaper to put up in the nursery: bunnies or bears. Future Dylan just stares at her in horror and looks a lot like he wants to blow his brains out. The Montecito. Brenda, Kelly, Donna, and Ahn-drea are sitting on an outdoor patio, eating lunch. Kelly is sniping at Donna for ordering two lunches, which have a total calorie count of 784. Donna isn't at all bothered by the criticism and even shovels off some of the uneaten food from Kelly's plate onto her own plate. Kelly just stares at her in annoyance and demands to know how she can eat like such a pig and stay so thin...and suggests that she's bulimic. Donna assures her she's not bulimic and explains that she just has a super high metabolism. Dissatisfied with that response, Kelly asks Ahn-drea if she thinks Donna has an eating disorder...and Ahn-drea, who is slumped in her chair and totally disinterested in the conversation, dreamily murmurs, "I don't know." An amused Brenda remarks that it looks as though Ahn-drea has finally decompressed and gotten the hang of spa-ing. Meanwhile, Mama Walsh and Jackie are enjoying their lunch at another table. Mama Walsh is browsing through the Mid-life...Now What? book and is getting very freaked out by the high percentage of men who cheat or fantasize about cheating. None of this surprises Jackie, as well it shouldn't since she's currently on husband #4. Mama Walsh excuses herself and rushes over to the nearest phone to call her husband...but Dottie answers the phone and tells her that Papa Walsh is in a meeting. When Dottie recognizes Mama Walsh's voice, she offers to interrupt the meeting if it's something urgent, but Mama Walsh tells her it's not necessary. Papa Walsh's office. Dottie brings in lunch for Papa Walsh and Dr. Kramer. She eyes Papa Walsh flirtatiously as she provides details of each lunch item. After that, she passes along the message that Mama Walsh called. As she sexily sashays out of the office, Dr. Kramer cranes his head to check out her ass. He turns back to Papa Walsh and asks him how he's able to concentrate with her around, so Papa Walsh gives him his usual line that he's a happily married man...but then stops and admits that he actually can't concentrate. He discreetly confesses that he thinks about Dottie all the time, even though he loves his wife and couldn't imagine life without her. He then starts rambling nonsensically about how he suspects that Dottie is coming onto him, but isn't totally sure, and then wonders if it's all in his head. Yep, it is pretty much all in your head, Jim. Dr. Kramer, who clearly has no interest in conducting a free therapy session, tells Papa Walsh that if he'd like to explore his feelings further, he can call his office and schedule an appointment the way his paying patients do. To tide Papa Walsh over in the meantime, he hands him a copy of his book. The Montecito. Jackie and Babette are regaling Mama Walsh with stories about their wild, drugged out days of yore. Babette sighs nostalgically and says how great those days were, but Jackie admits she also had a lot of bad drug trips during that time. Babette tells her she still indulges in a little "toot" every now and then; in response, Jackie proudly tells her she's totally clean, and with her recent marriage and new baby, she feels better than she has in years. Babette excuses herself so she can get back to work, but before she leaves she suggests that the three of them get together for a drink later...and they all agree that that's a great idea. Jackie humbly reminds Mama Walsh about the first time they met - when Mama Walsh caught her snorting blow in a public bathroom. Jackie looks sheepish and says how embarrassed she is by that now. Mama Walsh assures her that there's no reason to feel embarrassed, and then tells her how much she admires her for being able to completely turn her life around. Kelly tells Brenda that she's worried about all the time her mom is spending with Babette. Brenda brushes off her worrying and says she doubts that Jackie will get high. Kelly doesn't look entirely convinced, so Brenda tells her that if she's that worried, she should just talk to her mom about it - but preferably after they have their facials. At the moment, Kelly doesn't give a rat's ass about getting a facial, so she tells Brenda to just go ahead without her...but when Brenda gives her her customary bitchy death glare whenever she doesn't get what she wants, Kelly caves and meekly agrees to meet her in the locker room in ten minutes. In the "facials" area of the spa, the chatty masseuse is telling another disinterested customer about her slutty friend Mandy and her married boyfriend...but this time she goes a giant step further and describes him as an oral surgeon from Beverly Hills by the name of Dr. Mel Silver. Sitting beside the disinterested customer is Brenda, whose face is being de-towelled for her facial. She looks shocked by what she's just heard. The Peach Pit. David enters the diner with a pile of school books. He joins Dylan, who tells David he doesn't look so good. David explains that he got zero sleep last night because baby Erin was up crying all night; apparently she misses her mama. Plus, we now know that Mel has been shirking his fatherly duties while he sleeps around with various women and lies to David about his long work hours. David recounts for Dylan that Mel once told him that the reason he works so hard is to make the big bucks so he can spoil the women in his life...and then wryly says that this is why he and Kelly get along so well. At the mention of big bucks, Dylan once again looks contemplative and slips into his second of two daydreams... Future Dylan is sitting in his dining room, looking distressed as he tabulates expenses...and then starts cutting up credit cards. His wife, Future Kelly, arrives home decked out in a smart black suit with leopard print trim. She's been out shopping, and pouts about how the mean woman at Saks tore up her store credit card because they were late paying the bill. Future Dylan tells her they need to talk - but before he can get another word out, Future Kelly giddily orders him to close his eyes. He does, and when she gives him permission to open them again, she's holding up a purple parka she just purchased. She tells him it's for their upcoming ski vacation - in St. Moritz! Future Dylan complains that they were just in Paris a month ago, and says he would rather stay home. Future Kelly asks him why they would do that when they can go to - Hawaii! And as she says Hawaii, she pulls out a brand new bikini from her shopping bag. Future Dylan brusquely breaks the news to her that they're broke...and Future Kelly giggles but then soberly asks him how that could possibly be. He explains that all of the money has been spent on unnecessary clothing and excessive vacations, so Future Kelly starts wigging out about how they're going to live. Future Dylan attempts to calm his wife down by presenting her with a new emerald necklace. She glances at it and tells him she loves it, but then realizes that emerald is Brenda's birthstone...so she accuses him of still carrying a torch for her. This finally snaps Dylan out of his reverie. The Montecito. Brenda is sitting in the locker room when Kelly breezes in. She notices Brenda's quiet mood and asks her what's wrong. Brenda tells her that the chatty masseuse was once again yapping indiscriminately about her friend who dated the married boyfriend...but this time she named the married boyfriend, who is none other than Mel Silver. Kelly stares back at her in shock and says it has to be a mistake...but if it's not, she has no idea how she's going to break the devastating news to her mom. Kelly calls home and talks to David. She grills him about Mel's activities and whereabouts for the past couple of days...and when David checks with the housekeeper, it becomes apparent that Mel has been sleeping elsewhere for at least the last two nights. The Walsh house. Papa Walsh is in the kitchen reading Mid-life...Now What? when Brandon and Steve stop by to grab a bite to eat before heading out to a movie. Steve asks Papa Walsh what book he's reading, and Papa Walsh stares back at him like a deer in headlights and stammers that it's a book his client authored and he's not actually reading it. When Steve asks him what it's called, Papa Walsh turns crimson and reluctantly reveals the title. He's so mortified that he flees the room, and Brandon and Steve break out in laughter. The Montecito. Mama Walsh, Jackie, and Babette are sitting at a table in the spa restaurant, and it looks like the three of them are having a delightful time. Kelly suddenly interrupts the trio and tells her mom she needs to speak to her in private, so Jackie excuses herself and the two stroll over to the pool area. Jackie tells Kelly she's glad she pulled her away from Mama Walsh and Babette, since they haven't spent much mother-daughter time together on this trip. Kelly brusquely asks her mom if she's been drinking, so Jackie tells her she's had no more than a sip of white wine. Kelly then asks if Babette is still a coke-head, and Jackie admits that the woman toots, but only on special occasions. Kelly tells her mother that she has something important to tell her, but warns that it could be the thing that pushes her into a downward spiral of drug and alcohol hazed debauchery. The two then stroll away from the camera, and sit on a couple of beach loungers to have their big talk. Once Kelly drops the bomb on her, the two hug. In the next scene, Jackie is sitting by the pool area, alone. Babette happens to walk by and asks her why she looks so mopey. Jackie tells her that she got bad news from home, which is that her philandering husband of less than one year is having an affair. Well...multiple affairs if we're taking the chatty masseuse's word for it. Jackie says she feels naive for ever believing that a serial scumbag philanderer like Mel wouldn't eventually do the same thing to her that he's done to countless other women. She tells Babette that she's going to have to figure out what to do with her life...but Babette urges her to avoid making any big decisions while in a depressed state of mind. She then offers Jackie one of her special occasion toots to help take the edge off. Kelly is asleep on the couch when Jackie finally returns to their hotel room. She worriedly asks her mom where she's been, so Jackie explains that she couldn't sleep and then sat by the pool for awhile. She tells her that she ran into Babette and somehow ended up in her room with half a gram of cocaine. Kelly looks dismayed, but Jackie hastily assures her that while the coke was tempting, she made a firm decision not to deal with her problems by doing drugs. And so she thanked Babette - who's really not much of a friend since she nearly caused Jackie to fall off her sobriety wagon - and left the room. Kelly breathes a big sigh of relief and tells her mom she's very proud of her. Jackie tells her that while she was pontificating about her life, she realized that whatever happens with her douchebag of a cheating husband, she got a beautiful baby out of the relationship - so what more could she ask for? Kelly asks her what will happen with the marriage, and Jackie doesn't yet have any answers. She isn't sure if they can work through this, or if his cheating will completely break the marriage apart. Papa Walsh is in his office, reading Midlife...Now What? when Dottie interrupts him, looking shapely and attractive in jeans and a tight black shirt. She tells Papa Walsh they need to talk, and that it's so awkward. She then eyes him suggestively and strides toward him. She tells him he's a brilliant, passionate, sexy man, and that she really wants to bone him right now. Obviously this is the point at which their interaction becomes one of Papa Walsh's horny daydreams. Dottie sits in his lap and the two start making out. Between kisses, he mutters something about how he's a happily married man who loves his wife, but then moans that kissing her is a fantasy come true. Dottie abruptly stops kissing him, stares at him coldly and snaps, "Of course it's a fantasy." And then calls him an old horn-dog. Haha! In the non-daydream version of the scene.. Dottie interrupts Papa Walsh, looking shapely and attractive in jeans and a tight black shirt. She tells Papa Walsh they need to talk, and that it's so awkward. Papa Walsh cautions her that they shouldn't be doing this, but Dottie ignores his warning and presses ahead. She tells him he'd better find himself a new secretary because her boyfriend proposed last night, and they're moving to Florida! Papa Walsh looks dazed and a little wistful at the thought of losing his hot secretary...but he manages to recover quickly enough to congratulate her on her impending nuptials. The Montecito. Everyone's in the lobby, waiting for Jackie to finish the check-out process. Ahn-drea shows Brenda, Kelly, and Donna a big bag of all the free samples she's scamming from the spa. Mama Walsh strolls over to the girls to gloat about how Papa Walsh just called her for no other reason than to tell her that he loves her. No doubt he made that phone call after Dottie informed him that she was quitting her job and leaving town. Mama Walsh then ambles over to Jackie and asks her if she's all right. Jackie nods and says she knows what she has to do, and that it won't be easy. Mama Walsh sheepishly tells her she feels like a fool for being so suspicious of her husband and Dottie, while Jackie now has to deal with the real thing. Dylan's house. Dylan, Brandon, and Steve are watching sports on TV. Brandon is engrossed in the game, since he has a bet riding on it. He really is overdoing it with the gambling. The phone then rings, and Dylan answers it. He suddenly orders Brandon to switch to Channel 6, which features a breaking news story about Jack McKay. He's being released from prison after serving only two years of his sentence. Brandon asks Dylan why he didn't say anything about his father's release, and Dylan wryly says that up until a second ago, he had no idea his father was getting out of prison. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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Recap: Steve arrives late for morning detention, and the surly teacher - who's no doubt surly 'cause he's been stuck with the shitty task of supervising a roomful of deadbeats - berates him for not being on time. Steve tells him he had car trouble and slips into a vacant seat, which happens to be in front of a fellow detentioner by the name of Joe Wardlow. Joe leans forward and derisively asks, "Couldn't decide which one to drive?" The surly teacher snaps at Joe to shut up, then barks at him to do some homework or at least find something to read for the next hour. Joe pulls a rolled up magazine from his coat pocket, then leans forward again and taunts Steve about the shit-tastic show, The Hartley House, and mockingly describes Samantha Sanders as "one of the truly great actresses of our time". Haha! Steve gets pissed off, calls Joe a bonehead, and snarls at him to clam up. Joe continues to torment Steve by describing a Hartley House re-run he recently watched: Samantha throws a dinner party and little Chuckie steals a brownie from the dessert tray. But Chuckie doesn't want to get caught with the brownie, so he puts it on a chair and one of the dinner guests unwittingly sits on it. Joe then grins devilishly and chomps into a brownie. Steve puts two and two together and jumps out of his chair...and sure enough he has frosting and brownie goo all over his pants. He gets enraged and grabs Joe by the collar, but the surly teacher warns him not to take it any further. Steve reluctantly lets go of Joe, who stares back at him with a mixture of smugness and indifference. Later that morning, Ahn-drea tells Brandon about the major breakthrough she had in her latest hypnotherapy session. Brandon's surprised to learn she's undergoing hypnotherapy and jokingly asks her if she's going all "new age" on them. His mockery annoys Ahn-drea, and she informs him that this treatment could be the only hope she has of remembering any details about the hit and run driver who mowed her down five episodes ago. She tells him that through her hypnotherapy she was able to remember that the car had had stars dangling from the rear-view mirror. DJ booth. Donna's hanging in the DJ booth, keeping David company as he tries to play radio host and study at the same time. His schedule this semester is overloaded with physics, chemistry, and biology. Apparently, taking a bunch of science classes all at once will somehow make it possible for him to graduate an entire year earlier so he can attend California University in the fall with the rest of the cast members. While David is buried in one of his books, Donna takes it upon herself to queue the next CD. David is stunned that she's capable of inserting a CD into the machine, and asks her how she acquired this skill. She tells him she learned just by watching him...and David suddenly looks contemplative. Dylan is whining to Brandon about being forced to choose between Brenda and Kelly, but Brandon doesn't understand what could be bad about having two cute girls vying for his affection. The two stroll over to Dylan's locker, and Brandon alerts him that Brenda and Kelly are down the hall and that they're both staring hungrily in his direction. Dylan darts behind the door of his locker and complains about how trapped he feels. He quickly gathers his books, shuts his locker, and scurries toward the nearest exit. Brandon races after him and when they reach the safety of the outdoor quad, he laughingly suggests that maybe the girls will agree to a "time-share" agreement. Ew. This doesn't amuse Dylan and he tells Brandon that he doesn't respond well to ultimatums. Steve and Joe Wardlow have just been ejected from the principal's office. Joe laughs it off and jokes about how cute Mrs. Teasley looks when she's mad. Steve angrily retorts that he's desperately trying to graduate this year and orders Joe to leave him alone. After Joe saunters off, Brandon tells Steve it's nice to see him making friends in detention, and Dylan remarks that Joe Wardlow spends so much time in detention that he practically gets his mail there. Steve whines that he's only a first time offender, and therefore shouldn't have to sit in detention with "lifers" like Joe...and he's very worried he's not going to last until the end of the school year. Dylan advises him to pace himself and take it one day at a time. The Walsh house. Brandon comes down the stairs and catches the tail-end of a telephone conversation between Papa Walsh and one of his clients. When Papa Walsh finishes the call, he rants to Brandon about how his client is suddenly interested in risky "get rich" schemes. Brandon grins and says he likes the sound of getting rich quick, and so Papa Walsh lectures him about how the country is waking up to the reality of fast money, and declares that the party's over. Meanwhile, Brenda and Kelly are hanging in the kitchen with Mama Walsh. They're discussing Dylan and how he's been dodging them lately. Mama Walsh frowns and says that that doesn't sound like Dylan (actually it sort of does), and Kelly admits that it's not a pretty picture. Big understatement there. Brenda tells her mom that if things were up to Dylan, he'd date them both and just rotate them on different days. It then finally dawns on Kelly that maybe giving Dylan an ultimatum that forces him to choose between them wasn't such a good idea, since it's given him all the power. Mama Walsh delicately asks what will happen to their friendship when Dylan makes up his mind and chooses one of them, and Brenda soberly answers, "We don't know." Mama Walsh looks slightly troubled by this and offers a possible solution to the Dylan Drama. She tells them about a tennis friend of hers who has a son who goes to Princeton, and this son has a pal who also goes to Princeton. Just recently, these two college hunks were interesting in having a fun night out on the town, and Mama Walsh thinks it would be the perfect opportunity for Brenda and Kelly to go out, have fun, and temporarily forget that they both want to hook up with the same guy. West Beverly High. In the DJ booth, David is attempting to train Donna how to be a radio host...but she just sits stock-still with a terrified look on her face. In the hall, Kelly tells Brenda that she's never been very good at double dating, and isn't at all fond of blind dating. Brenda tells her to keep in mind that these guys are Ivy Leaguers. From the DJ booth, David introduces Donna to his listeners as his temporary replacement, and so Donna attempts to banter, but she's so nervous that she literally can't remember her own name or where she is. David tells her to pretend that it's just the two of them having a conversation, so Donna takes another crack at it and announces that she's temporarily taking over for David, who needs a break from his duties in the DJ booth so he can focus on his studies. She then happens to notice her reflection on the back of a CD and starts chattering inanely about how her makeup always seems to disappear as soon as she arrives at school. David stares at her, aghast, then abruptly ends the bit and puts on a song. Donna is strangely oblivious to David's displeasure and looks quite impressed with herself. She tells him that talking on the air is "such a rush". David starts to admonish her for doing such a stupid, unrehearsed bit...but at that moment Brenda and Kelly knock on the glass window and give her a thumbs up. Donna smiles back with smug satisfaction, so David has little choice but to half-heartedly assure her that it's possible she'll maybe improve. Steve approaches his Corvette and finds that a dozen eggs have been placed atop the roof. He looks perplexed, but when he opens his car, he finds it filled with live chickens. He forces the poor creatures out of his Corvette and bellows to Joe Wardlow, ordering him to show himself. Joe appears from behind a nearby car, mockingly tells Steve that the prank was inspired by The Hartley House episode entitled titled "The Chicken and the Egg". A furious Steve begins chasing him around the parking lot and tells him to stay away from his fancy car. Joe stops laughing long enough to apologize to Steve for messing with his Corvette and offers to help him clean out the chicken shit. The two walk over to Joe's car to get some cleaning stuff out of the trunk. Steve is impressed with it, momentarily forgets that he's pissed off, and asks Joe how fast it can go. Joe answers by asking him what he's doing later. Steve and Brandon drive over to an industrial area of town to meet up with Joe and a bunch of other guys. Brandon is confused why they're meeting Joe, who's supposed to be enemy #1. Joe notices that Steve has arrived and comes running over to greet him, and promptly asks him to loan him a hundred dollars...but Steve gets all bitchy about it and refuses. Brandon then realizes that they've stumbled upon a drag race that's just about to begin, and that there's fast money to be won. Joe begs Steve to put up the cash, explaining that he's short 'cause somebody stiffed him...and promises to pay him right back. Brandon thinks that betting on a drag race is an excellent idea and offers to put up forty dollars and convinces Steve to pony up the rest. Joe snatches the money, dashes toward his yellow car, and yells to everyone that the race is officially on. He climbs into the driver's seat, puts on a helmet, and gets ready to race some guy in a red car. It's a short race, which Joe easily wins. Steve and Brandon excitedly yell, "Cha ching!" They're thrilled about the unexpected quick cash they just made and are now totally stoked about drag racing. The Peach Pit. Brenda and Kelly are sitting at the counter when Donna enters the diner and joins them. She asks them how long things are going to go on this way, meaning with the two of them sitting at one end of the diner while Dylan sits on the other. Brenda and Kelly pretend to be totally indifferent to Dylan's presence, and Kelly suddenly remarks to Brenda that maybe they should go on the double date with the two Princeton guys after all, and Brenda is definitely into the idea and gives Kelly a big grin. Ahn-drea joins their group and congratulates Donna for her new stint as the school's replacement DJ, and a few seconds later David unexpectedly drops by the diner so he can share some of his ideas with Donna about their morning radio show. It doesn't seem as though he's using much of his freed up time to study. Brenda and Kelly then decide to head out, and when they reach the door, they stare over at Dylan...but he's deeply engrossed in a conversation with Steve, and so their pathetic looks of longing go completely unnoticed. Ahn-drea glances across the diner and nosily asks Brandon what Dylan and Steve are plotting, but he tells her he's sworn to secrecy. Dylan warns Steve that Joe Wardlow is most likely scamming him, and suspects that the car races are being carefully orchestrated in order to get Steve sucked into giving more and more money while the stakes get higher and higher. Brandon doesn't want to believe Dylan's dire warnings, but Steve thinks maybe they should back out. Ahn-drea, meanwhile, has sneaked across the diner to stand behind their table so she can eavesdrop on their conversation, as she is often prone to do. When she realizes that they're talking about illegal car racing, she immediately gives the three a haughty lecture about how she was almost killed by a drag racer. She admonishes them for having anything to do with car racing and prattles on and on about how much she's suffered since her accident. Dylan ignores her self righteous bitching and strongly advises Brandon and Steve to stay away from Joe Wardlow and not place any more car racing bets. West Beverly High. Steve is already in detention when Joe enters the room. He says hi to Steve and asks him how he liked the race, and Steve murmurs that it was pretty cool. Joe tells Steve about another race he'd like him to shell out more money for, and Steve snidely tells him to go to a bank and that he's not a sucker. Joe shrugs and tries to look indifferent when he says he'll just find someone else to pony up the cash. Donna is in the DJ booth, rambling nonsensically into the mic about a recent shopping trip. The captive listeners in the halls seem reasonably entertained, but David is less than impressed. When she finishes the silly bit, he rebukes her for doing a routine they hadn't rehearsed. She breezily explains that she just thought of it now...but assures him that she'll start playing the stuff that's on his prescribed playlist once the current song is over. Brenda tells Kelly that she talked to one of the Princeton guys and says that he sounded handsome and veryPrinceton. Kelly is excited about the upcoming date and remarks that she hasn't been out with a guy since - well...since the night she went out with Dylan. Oops, awkward. Donna bitches at David for hovering over her while she DJs, and points out that the whole reason she agreed to step in was to give him more free time to devote to his studying. And since she now has the hang of DJing, she tells him he doesn't need to monitor her so closely anymore. David derisively tells her that nobody wants to hear her stories about makeup or underwear, but he says this within hearing range of Brenda and Kelly, who insist that they actually like listening to Donna's inane chatter about makeup and underwear. An exasperated David stalks off to study, and Donna seats herself beside Brenda and Kelly. She asks them if they're up for a movie that evening, but Brenda excitedly tells her that she and Kelly have plans. The Peach Pit. Brandon's in the back room with Steve, and the two are chattering about the next car race. Brandon is excited about all the money he could potentially make from drag racing, but Steve is reluctant to place any more bets. Brandon informs him that Joe is asking for fifteen hundred dollars, and when Steve makes a face, Brandon points out that it could mean a profit of three thousand dollars. Dylan suddenly appears in the doorway and chimes in, "Or zero if Joe takes a dive." Steve announces that the guy Joe is planning to race is Frank Padilla. Dylan, of course, knows the guy and describes him as a thirty year old loser who deals drugs and has spent time in prison. Brandon isn't at all fazed by this and just cares about making some quick cash. Dylan shrugs and says, "Don't say I didn't warn you." The Walsh house. Brenda and Kelly are dolling themselves up for their double date and are in the final primping stages when the doorbell rings. Kelly tells Brenda she hopes the guys aren't too preppy, which is funny considering the next scene. The two head down the stairs and suddenly freeze when they see the two prepubescent dork boys Mama Walsh has just let into the house. She sheepishly introduces Wayne and Adam to the girls, and the little dorks stare up at Brenda and Kelly in awe. Brenda points out that they don't actually go to Princeton, so one of the dorks explains that they attend Princeton School in Encino. Kelly murmurs Brenda's name in a low voice, so Brenda explains that they thought they would be going out with college guys. The dork boys look bummed by the rejection, but are clearly willing to let the girls off the hook. However, just as Brenda and Kelly turn to flee back upstairs, Mama Walsh interjects and says, "Of course you're going out." Brenda and Kelly stare at each other in horror, and Kelly sarcastically says she can just feeeeel how much fun they're all going to have. Industrial part of town. It's the night of the big car race, and Joe is pacing around nervously. Brandon tries to sound tough and says that Padilla had better show. Joe assures him he will. Within a few minutes, several cars start to approach. A wussy looking guy exits one of the cars and Brandon asks Joe if he's Padilla...but when an older, (and way hotter) menacing looking guy steps out of his car, Joe informs him that that's Padilla. Mmm...Padilla. He's definitely a scrumptious looking bad boy. Padilla swaggers over to Joe, checks out his yellow car and contemptuously asks him if that's the car he's planning on racing. He then chuckles and jokes about how it must be his birthday and then saunters off. Arcade. Brenda and Kelly are annoyed that they spent so much time getting dressed up for two pipsqueaks, who are completely ignoring them and playing video games. In an effort to put an end to the failed double date, Brenda and Kelly march over to where Wayne and Adam are playing X-Men and tell the dorks they're very sick...but the dorks are too into their game to respond. Brenda and Kelly quickly give up on any kind of two-way communication with them and walk away. They then decide that as long as they're trapped at the arcade, they should try to enjoy the experience as much as possible and challenge each other to a video game. Car race. Steve says that betting fifteen hundred dollars on a car race is crazy...though he still thinks Joe has a shot of winning. But Brandon is barely listening because he's too busy staring intently at Padilla's car. When Steve asks him what he's looking at, Brandon tells him about how Ahn-drea remembered that the car that mowed her down had had stars danging from the rear-view mirror. Steve then looks over at Padilla's car and notices the dangling stars. Steve urges Brandon to leave so he can go fetch the cops, along with Ahn-drea so that she can positively identify Padilla. Steve assures him he'll somehow stall the race until the authorities arrive. Brandon hurries off toward his Mustang, while Steve saunters over to Joe and insists that he needs to examine the engine of his car. Joe indulges him. Kelly and Brenda play arcade games and really get into it. They somehow manage to win several large stuffed animals and then enter a nearby photo booth so they can create a lasting memento of their horrible double date. Car race. Steve is doing his best to stall the race, and he's now pretending to examine the radiator in Joe's car. Joe is getting annoyed by the delay and tells Steve he's making him look bad in front of Padilla. Steve suddenly declares that he wants to get behind the wheel and race Padilla himself...but Joe doesn't like that idea and insists that no one but him is allowed to drive his car. Steve then refuses to hand over any cash, and Joe warns him not to mess with a bad boy like Padilla. Padilla ambles over to Steve and Joe and asks them how it's going. Steve informs him there's a problem, but Padilla doesn't want to hear about it and brusquely orders Joe to make the race happen. Joe then becomes so angst-ridden that he finally gives in and allows Steve to drive his car in the race. The Peach Pit. Dylan is sitting alone at a table with his brows furrowed. Donna enters the diner and, uninvited, plops herself down beside him. She starts prattling about wanting his advice about how to handle the problems between her and David regarding the radio show, and rambles on and on about how fun the radio show is, but David doesn't think she's doing well. She finally notices that Dylan doesn't give a rat's ass and is barely listening to her...so she snarks that she now understands why Kelly and Brenda continually get frustrated with him. Dylan politely explains that he's so distracted 'cause he's worried about Brandon and Steve, who've gotten themselves tangled up with a street racing punk. Donna then asks him if he's so worried about them, what's he doing sitting in a diner? A terrified looking Steve is behind the wheel of Joe's car, pretending to prepare for the race. He and Padilla are making a lot of noise revving their engines and squealing the tires...but otherwise, there's no movement. Joe tries to give Steve some last minute tips for the race, but Steve abruptly gets out of the car. Joe exasperatedly asks, "What now?" and Padilla angrily accuses him of stalling. Suddenly Padilla is no longer interested in a regular street race against Steve, and challenges him and his Corvette to a game of chicken. Steve makes a crack under his breath about Padilla being thirty-ish, but unfortunately Padilla hears him and comes charging at him and puts him in a headlock. He then starts ridiculing Samantha and claims that the only reason she became famous was because she was willing to do the nasty with every television producer in Hollywood. Steve gets enraged and charges toward Padilla and briefly attacks him...then angrily agrees to the chicken challenge. Joe tries to stop him from possibly killing himself, but Steve barks back that he's got something to prove...and playing chicken with a thirty year old hoodlum is the best way to prove it. He strides purposefully toward his Corvette. Fast food restaurant. Brenda and Kelly are in a daze, wondering how the hell they ended up on such a horrible date with two such dorks. They briefly bring up the topic of Dylan, and Kelly wonders aloud what will happen if they both lose him because of their stupid ultimatum. Brenda jokes that if things don't work out with Dylan for either of them, they can always arrange to come to the arcade every Friday night with Wayne and Adam. But then they stare at each other with serious expressions and vow never to let any guy come between them. If memory serves, they behave the exact opposite of that when Dylan ends up choosing Kelly. Car race. Steve and Padilla are each revving their engines for a really looong time, and off to the side Joe is nervously wringing his hands. Suddenly, Dylan arrives in his Porsche just as the game of chicken gets underway. Dylan acts fast and pulls his car into the middle of the road, which effectively forces the idiotic game to abruptly end. Padilla screeches to a halt and storms out of his vehicle to yell at Dylan for butting into his bidness - but by this time, the police have arrived and their sirens are blaring. Padilla glares at Steve and angrily accuses him of setting him up. Dylan approaches Steve and tenderly asks him if everything's OK, and a tearful Steve softly moans, "Dylan.." and the two hug. As Padilla is being cuffed by a police officer, Ahn-drea appears on the scene and positively IDs Padilla as the hit and run driver in her accident. She declares in her uppity way that she's never been more sure of anything in her life. The Peach Pit. Steve, Brandon, Dylan, Ahn-drea and Joe are sitting at a table, recapping their collective brilliance at solving the mystery of the hit and run. Brandon describes how the cops showed instant signs of recognition and distaste when he mentioned Frank Padilla's name to them. Ahn-drea is thrilled that the thug has been hauled off to jail and wants to nail the guy. Take a number, honey. Joe remarks how lucky they all are to have each other, and Steve concurs. Brenda and Kelly enter the diner carrying their stuffed winnings from the arcade, and Wayne and Adam are trailing behind them. Brenda and Kelly introduce the dorky pipsqueaks to the gang...and everyone tries not to laugh too hard when they find out that they're students of Princeton School in Encino...not Princeton University. Brenda and Kelly then wander off toward the jukebox, and Dylan attempts to look serious when he asks Wayne and Adam how the double date went. Still not realizing that they're the butt of a joke, the two say the evening went great and then gush over the hotness of Brenda and Kelly. This, of course, prompts a lot more laughter from everyone. West Beverly High. Inside the DJ booth, Donna is rapping into the mic, and she sounds completely ridic. She tells her listeners that it's been fun DJing for them, but she's sure that everyone's missed David. I highly doubt that. Suddenly, David appears in the DJ booth with a pile of books. He's clearly warmed to the idea of her in front of the mic and tells her he doesn't want her to give up the DJ gig...and proposes that they become a team. She happily agrees. Brandon, Dylan, and Steve are strolling down the hall together, chatting jovially amongst each other. When Dylan stops at his locker, he catches sight of Brenda and Kelly staring hungrily at him...again. He also notices that there's a strip of photo booth photos of the two of them taped to his locker. He looks over at them again, and then slouchily ambles in their direction. As he's doing that, Brenda and Kelly each strike a sexy pose...and the episode abruptly ends. Weird. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: It's Christmas time in Beverly Hills, and this holiday episode serves as a silly homage to the classic film It's a Wonderful Life. It opens with Miriam, a guardian-angel-in-training, who makes an urgent call to Clarence, a more senior guardian angel. She warns him about an imminent code two (or three?) emergency, and says that the joy and happiness of future Christmases could be at stake. Egads! A tragedy is looming over a group of rich, spoiled California teenagers, and Miriam is also worried that this tragedy might prevent her from getting her wings. That sounds kind of self-serving for an angel. Clarence, a curmudgeon with a strong New York accent, is skeptical about the seriousness of the situation but agrees to hear Miriam out. Miriam draws Clarence's attention to West Beverly High, where David is videotaping some random students singing Christmas carols. She also points out Donna, who's standing nearby and bashfully covering her face from the camera as though she's too shy to be filmed. Miriam gushes about how Donna is "an angel on earth if ever there was one", which was so completely fucking nauseating - but all part of the writers' nauseating campaign to consistently portray Aaron Spelling's talentless, giant-headed daughter as an exquisite cherub who possesses a flawless character. Blech! Blech! Donna and David enter a classroom where Dylan, Brenda, and Kelly are busily wrapping children's presents. David films an impromptu interview with Brenda, who talks about how they're gearing up to transport all of the presents to the Alvarado Street Elementary School so that the impoverished ragamuffins who go there can have a halfway decent Christmas. Clarence doesn't get why Miriam is focused on this particular group of teenagers and remarks that they all seem way too good looking to have any real problems. Heh. The Blaze newsroom. Ahn-drea and Brandon are reading aloud a West Beverly High parody of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas to Gil Meyers and all of the Blaze writers - but Miriam puts a pin in that and swiftly moves on to Steve, who's languishing in detention. She tells Clarence that despite the fact that Steve is an idiot juvenile delinquent, he's not in any immediate danger so she's not really worried about him. Following detention, Steve whines to the gang about how slowly each minute drags when he's sitting in that room. Brenda's like "Whatever" and swiftly changes the subject to the Alvarado school visit. She announces that the Christmas presents for the kids are all packed, but they still need a guy who's willing to dress up as Santa Claus and entertain the ragamuffins. Brandon quickly says he'll be too busy covering the event for The Blaze, David says he'll be occupied with videotaping the blessed event...and Steve whines that ever since getting almost expelled, he's barred from school activities until the end of time. So that just leaves Dylan. He declines the role of Santa, then turns to make a run for it. As he's doing that, the screen suddenly freezes and Clarence grumps to Miriam that these kids don't look like they need any help. Miriam patiently explains that all the stuff they've just been watching took place two days ago, but right now the teenagers are in desperate need of a miracle. Right now.. The gang is on a bus, heading to the Alvarado Street Elementary School. There's a group of cheerful carolers sitting in the front, though Miriam doesn't seem to give a shit about their imminent deaths, and the gang is sitting in the back and they all look fake pissed off at each other. Clarence still doesn't get the point of any of this and chalks up their collective bad mood to seasonal apathy...but Miriam begs him to hear the full story. Clarence agrees, but tells her to just give him the highlights. Yes please. A couple of days ago.. Ahn-drea has just finished filming an interview with David about the highlights of The Blaze's Christmas issue when the phone in the newsroom rings. It's Grandma Rose, who's calling to tell her that a letter from Yale University just arrived. She asks Grandma Rose if the letter is thick or thin...then sounds disappointed when she hears that the envelop is thin. Oh, and apparently Ahn-drea also received a letter from her long-distance "boyfriend" Jay [spoiler: he dumps her ass], but we'll get into all of that later. Brandon and Gil argue about whether or not they think Ahn-drea got accepted to Yale. Brandon thinks she got in but Gil assumes she was rejected, so they decide to place a wager on it. But Gil says they shouldn't bet money, and leaves it up to Ahn-drea to set the stakes. Brandon convinces Ahn-drea to go to the apartment so she can open the Yale envelop...and he agrees to accompany her. After some annoying back and forth about whether or not she should open the damn thing, she finally does and is thrilled when she discovers she got accepted. She hugs Brandon and says that since Gil lost the wager, she's going to make him shave off his gnarly facial hair. As an afterthought, she opens the letter from Jay...but that one's not good news. Brandon asks her what it says, but she folds up the letter and doesn't actually admit that he gave her the heave-ho. Haha! The Walsh house. As the Walshes trim their Christmas tree, Brandon rails about how Jay has no class because of the insensitive way he broke up with Ahn-drea. He then declares that he never liked Jay and thought he was wrong for Ahn-drea. His family jokes that he's just jealous, but fortunately the doorbell rings and this disturbing topic doesn't get pursued further. Dylan and Kelly have come over to study with Brenda, but when Kelly sees the tree and all of the Christmas decorations laid out, she tells her friends she'd rather trim the tree. Clarence is finally showing some interest the lives of these self-entitled teenagers, and asks Miriam if the blonde is getting it on with the guy with sideburns. Miriam explains that currently there's a dysfunctional love triangle going on between them and the bitchy brunette...but she puts a pin in this part of the story so she can jump back (or forward?) in time to show Clarence what transpired in The Blaze newsroom... Gil has agreed to shave off his gross beard after losing the Ahn-drea/Yale wager with Brandon. It's definitely an improvement, but then I've never been a big lover of beards. David is filming The Shaving of the Beard, and after he finishes, he slumps over and looks very mopey. Donna notices his crappy mood and asks him what's wrong, so he starts whining about how all of his friends are going to start getting their college acceptance letters, and next year he'll be an abandoned loser at West Beverly High. Ahn-drea, meanwhile, still looks bummed about getting the dumperoo from Jay, so Brandon goes over to her and tells her how shitty he thinks her ex-boyfriend's timing was. She asks Brandon if he'd like to go to the movies with her, but he has to decline 'cause Nikki is due to return from San Francisco that evening...and they have a lot of heavy petting to catch up on. Brandon's bedroom. Nikki is lying on top of Brandon, and the two are making out. Between smooches she keeps looking toward the door, nervous that someone might walk in on them. Brandon assures her that that won't happen, and then a few seconds later Mama Walsh walks in on them. When she realizes they're dry humping, she stops short, looks shocked, mumbles an awkward apology...but doesn't make any attempt to leave the room. A mortified Nikki climbs off of Brandon and runs into the adjoining bathroom. Brandon sarcastically thanks his mother for the intrusion and then goes to the bathroom to talk to Nikki. He apologizes for what just happened and tells her he really missed her while she was away...but she just stares back at him with a stricken look on her face. She tells him that things with her parents went really well over the Thanksgiving break, now that Diesel/Weasel is out of the picture. And since they were able to function like a family again, she's decided to move back to San Francisco...and is leaving tomorrow. Clarence is stunned by her news, but tells Miriam there's plenty of fish in the sea, and he feels confident that Brandon will have no problem finding another girlfriend. Miriam ominously replies, "Not if he gets on that bus." Later, Brandon is sitting on his bed looking glum. Brenda breezes into his room and snarks about how conniving Dylan and Kelly are. Brandon snaps that he's not in the mood to listen to her problems because he's preoccupied with his own problems...and explains that he just got dumped by Nikki. But once he's able to get that off of his chest, he wearily asks his sister what Dylan and Kelly did to piss her off. Clarence is curious about that as well, so it's back to the Peach Pit we go... Several nights earlier, Kelly and Brenda had asked Dylan to meet with them so they could discuss their love triangle. Kelly and Brenda tell him how sexy and appealing they find him, and that they both love him. Dylan perks up, hoping that all of this ego stroking is leading up to a sexy 'menage a trois', but Brenda and Kelly inform him that they all need to have a cooling off period in order to preserve their platonic relationships. Dylan says he loves them both and is willing to do whatever it takes to stay friends with both of them. The three toast to friendship. Miriam then takes Clarence back to the fateful night that Kelly and Dylan came over to the Walsh house while they were trimming their tree. The three are in Brenda's room studying Shakespeare. Dylan goofs around and pretends to be a Shakespearean character, and this makes Brenda and Kelly giggle. Kelly leaves the room to go downstairs for a drink (or snack), and notices that the Walshes are in the living room watching It's a Wonderful Life...so she joins them. Upstairs, Dylan plops himself on the floor near the side of Brenda's bed, and she leans over and sneaks a kiss. Looking fake shocked, he asks her what that was, and she tells him it was just a friendly gesture...but then a few seconds later they start making out. Eventually they pull away and apologize for breaking their own rules about kissing. Brenda reminds him that they're just friends, but then stares at him longingly. The Peach Pit. The following day, Kelly gloats to Brenda and Dylan about how the three of them are being very mature about the situation because of the importance of their friendships. Kelly then announces the irrelevant news that David's mom has just decided to move to Portland, Oregon...and then flounces over to the table where David and Donna are sitting. Now that they have a moment alone, Brenda brings up the kiss to Dylan and tells him that it was a one time deal...but then they start staring at each other longingly. Donna, Kelly, and David break the spell when they suddenly join them at their table. Dylan expresses his sympathy to David regarding his mom's move, and David tells Donna he's probably going to be too depressed to videotape their visit to the Alvarado school. That's pretty damn lame, David. Kelly and Brenda pester Dylan to agree to dress up as Santa for the Alvarado ragamuffins...but he just gives them a tepid maybe. Brenda and Donna have to leave to iron out some last minute details for the Alvarado visit, and Brenda tells Kelly to "work on him" - meaning Dylan - about the Santa thing. Kelly saucily replies, "Oh, I plan on it." Mmm hmm.. Dylan's house. Kelly asks Dylan why he's being so stubborn about dressing up as Santa Claus, so he explains that it's ridiculous for a slim lad such as himself to try to pass himself off as a fat bearded man. The two retire to the couch, and she slips into her irksome baby talk routine and tries to convince him that he'd look really hot wearing a big red suit. The two edge closer together, and she tells him she'll do whatever it takes to convince him to wear the costume...and then the two start going at it. Unfortunately, Brenda shows up at that very moment to bring over the Santa suit. She peers through the window of Dylan's front door and sees the two of them kissing. Dylan and Kelly must have sensed her bitter aura, because they stop kissing, turn around, and notice that she's staring daggers at them from the other side of the door. Oops. Dylan rushes to open the door to let Brenda inside, and she angrily throws the Santa costume at him. He and Kelly urge her to come inside and talk about the canoodling she just witnessed, but she snaps that there's nothing to talk about. Dylan's only explanation is, "It just happened" and Brenda retorts with, "Like it just happened with me yesterday?" Naturally, this angers Kelly, and she's all, "Wha-at?" Dylan then tries to appease the two irate girls by trying on the Santa suit, but Brenda and Kelly are enraged that he's been playing them both. Brenda snaps that he looks ridiculous in the Santa suit and barks at him to take it off. Kelly snarks that it's ridiculous how they're all trying to convince themselves that they could all just be platonic friends...and then she and Brenda storm out of the house. West Beverly High. The next day, Brenda informs Donna that she's no longer speaking to Dylan and Kelly, and this means that the two are banned from participating in the Alvarado school visit. Donna argues that they're needed at the school...particularly Dylan, as he's supposed to be their Santa Claus. Brenda bitchily declares that, in that case, she's not going and storms off. Following her tantrum, Donna encounters each of her friends, and one by one they give her really lame-ass reasons why they're bailing out on the school visit at the last minute. Since each interaction is pretty much the same contrived conversation over and over again, here's a condensed summary of how those scenes played out:
And the winner is...Brandon! He wins for giving Donna the lamest possible cancellation excuse while acting totally out of character doing it. In the next scene, Mrs. Teasley is sternly lecturing the gang about what selfish, heartless douchebags they all are for bailing out on a charity visit to the Alvarado school without sufficient notice. Apparently, there was a long waiting list of students who had wanted to volunteer for the Alvarado visit, but as usual they were ignored in favor of the attractive, popular A-listers. Mrs. Teasley orders the sulky brats to get on that %$#@ bus immediately, and Donna looks on smugly as they obediently file out of the principal's office. Clarence is confused why things are so sour between Brandon and Ahn-drea. Miriam admits that she left out that part of the story, and then needlessly starts telling it. A few nights ago at the Peach Pit, Brandon is lamenting to Nat that he has bad relationship karma. Nat reminds him that girls are always throwing themselves at him and assures him that someone will come along soon. Not coincidentally, Ahn-drea suddenly enters the diner to pick up her dinner order. She asks Brandon about his plans with Nikki, and he tells her he's on his own tonight. He asks her if she's still up for a movie later, but she has to decline 'cause she took a babysitting gig...but then invites him to keep her company. He accepts, and hours later they're at the house together, eating popcorn and watching It's a Wonderful Life - just in case we didn't get the irony of the direct reference to this film when the Walshes were watching it earlier. The film makes Ahn-drea teary-eyed, and she goes off on a tangent about how shitty her life would have turned out if the Walshes hadn't moved to L.A. She theorizes that she probably would have been a social outcast had it not been for Brandon forcing the popular kids to talk to her and hang out with her. She then brings up how jealous Brandon got when she started dating Jay last summer, then gazes at him suggestively and says, "Timing is everything." The two stare intensely at each other, move closer, and start kissing. And it's not a mercifully quick peck either - it's a really gross, full-on, extended lip kiss that queased my stomach when I watched it. Suddenly, Ahn-drea pulls away and snaps, "I can't believe you" and accuses him of fantasizing about Nikki during the kiss. Brandon admits he was, which was stupid of him but also laugh-out-loud funny, and retorts that she shouldn't talk because she was fantasizing about Jay. I highly doubt that, given the way she's crushed on Brandon ever since the pilot episode, but nothing about this scene made any sense...so OK. Back on the bus... As the grumpy teens ride the bus headed to the Alvarado Street Elementary School, Miriam warns Clarence that everyone aboard is in grave danger. She pleads with him to do something - anything! - to divert the truck that's on a direct collision course with the bus. Clarence tries to calm her angst by assuring her that he diverted the route of Craig Clemmens' truck. Miriam wails that it's Greg Clemmens not Craig Clemmens she's worried about. And then we see that Greg Clemmens is currently at the wheel of a large garbage truck...and he's chugging from a bottle of hard liquor. Steve drives over to the Alvarado school in his Corvette. He's greeted by Gil, who's already there, and tells him he hopes Mrs. Teasley won't mind that he came. Gil furrows his brows concernedly and remarks that the West Beverly bus should have arrived by now. Miriam, meanwhile, begs Clarence to reroute Greg Clemmens' truck, but Clarence tells her he's not a miracle worker and can't do that...even though he was somehow able to alter the route of Craig Clemmens' truck. Clarence insists that he can't ask the "man upstairs" to intervene...and at this point all they can do is let destiny run its course and witness the gruesome carnage. On the bus, everyone continues to act totally out of character as they snipe and bitch at each other. Donna gets up and goes to the back of the bus to see if her friends have mellowed out yet, and sees that they haven't. Brandon gripes that they're not cut out to be ambassadors of good will, and Kelly petulantly tells her that they'll pass out the presents, but they're not going to enjoy it. A fed up Donna lectures them about how Christmas should be the one time of the year they don't act like rude, petty children...and that they should appreciate all of the positive things in their lives. Her words of wisdom give them pause, and they all look contemplative. Greg Clemmens' garbage truck, meanwhile, is still barreling in their direction. Dylan remarks that Donna is a wise and profound sage, and Brandon gets up and sits near Ahn-drea and admits that he was jealous of Jay. Ahn-drea, in turn, admits being jealous of Nikki, Brooke, and Emily...and every other girl he rubbed up against during Seasons 1 and 2. Elsewhere on the bus, a humbled Brenda suggests to Kelly and Dylan that they put aside their differences for one day, and David tells Donna he's willing to videotape the Alvarado visit after all. At the Alvarado Street Elementary School, Steve is passing the time playing Simon Says with the ragamuffins. Gil spots the school bus at the same time that Steve notices Greg Clemmens' truck going down the wrong way of a one way street. Alarmed, he shouts to the driver, but he's too drunk to notice Steve. At the intersection where the tragic collision is set to occur, Clemmens' garbage truck magically passes through the school bus without any carnage. It just sparks some weird looking blue lightning bolts. The spoiled brats have been spared! Everyone on the bus looks inexplicably dazed, and Miriam asks Clarence how he was able to pull off this Christmas miracle. Clarence tells her it was a higher power, and Miriam reverently replies, "Wow." When the bus arrives at the school, the ragamuffins run over to check out all the loot they're getting. Mrs. Teasley notices Steve and glares at him but says nothing as she hands him the Santa suit. The rest of the gang starts handing out presents to the ragamuffins and playing with them. David saunters over to Donna and informs her that if he loads up on all the required courses, he could finish high school a year early and graduate with her class. Of course, this also means he's not going to have any free time to spend with her. Steve, meanwhile, is doing his best at playing Santa, but his moustache keeps falling off. Mrs. Teasley finally gives him a warm smile. Elsewhere on the school grounds, Brenda and Kelly are each decorating a cookie. Brenda's has a B on it, and Kelly's has a K on it. When Dylan slouches over to them, they inform him that the three of them can't go on pretending to be platonic friends, and he's going to have to decide which one of them he wants to be with on New Year's Eve. That said, they both hand him their cookies and rush off to visit Santa Steve. Dylan is left staring at the lettered cookies, weighing both options. Whatever you do, Slouchy, don't pick the B. Donna hears a bell tinkling and tells David that every time a bell rings, it means an angel is getting her wings. David says that's a cute anecdote and gives her a hug. Up in the heavens, Miriam is awestruck as she receives her wings. She thanks Clarence and he gruffly tells her to thank "you know who". The end. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: It's a rainy day in Beverly Hills, and there's a hole in the roof of the Walsh house. It's causing rain to leak all over their kitchen, so Mama Walsh is busily putting pots everywhere. She expresses her concern about the leaking to Papa Walsh, but he claims there's nothing that can be done until it stops raining. I'll bet Mama Walsh wishes she were married to a handier type of man who's a lot more adept at preventive home maintenance. She jokes that if the leakage gets any worse, they'll all be eating Thanksgiving dinner in their raincoats. West Beverly High. Brandon is ambling down with hall with Ahn-drea, who's out of her wheelchair and hobbling around on crutches. He asks her if Grandma Rose puts on a decent Thanksgiving spread, and Ahn-drea just laughs about what a shitty cook the woman is. On top of that, Grandma Rose is in Miami Beach visiting her sister, so she won't actually be around for Thanksgiving. Ahn-drea complains that she'll probably be spending Thanksgiving at her parents' friends' house, where they always serve unappetizing vegetarian slop. She wistfully predicts that the Walshes will be eating a scrumptious turkey dinner with all the trimmings...and this leaves Brandon with no choice but to invite her to join his family for the holiday. Blech. Kelly, Donna, and David arrive at school. David is yammering excitedly about the ski trip that he, Donna, and Donna's parents are going on together...and mentions that the forecast is calling for two feet of fresh powdered snow to fall on Bear Mountain. Kelly says that Mel and Jackie are taking the baby out of town, and so she's looking forward to some alone time over Thanksgiving. At that moment, Brenda joins the group and is horrified to hear that Kelly is intentionally planning to spend the holiday alone. She invites Kelly to the Walsh house for dinner, but Kelly declines and tells her she's actually looking forward to spending some quality time by herself - but Brenda insists that she needs someone to talk to during all the football games, so Kelly relents. Brenda then prefaces her next question by saying she doesn't want to "start anything" and asks her if she knows where Dylan is spending his Thanksgiving. Kelly tells her she has no idea and that she doesn't care, and Brenda's like, "Ditto." Donna, however, isn't buying their cavalier attitude about Dylan and tells them they're both full of crap. Prison. Dylan has agreed to allow his felonious father to be temporarily released into his custody for the Thanksgiving holiday. Jack's parole officer informs Dylan that he's going to be calling his house several times a day to make sure that Jack is actually there the whole time. Dylan wearily agrees to the various conditions required for Jack's two day visit, and a few minutes later Jack is ushered into the room. He looks very excited to embark on his forty-eight hours of freedom. The Peach Pit. It's still raining hard when Brandon arrives at the Peach Pit. As soon as he enters the diner, Nat informs him that Steve has been moping at the counter all morning...and he wants Brandon to cheer him up so he stops depressing the other customers. Brandon agrees and approaches his despondent friend, who's been drowning his sorrows over his expulsion by downing one milkshake after another. Steve says he thought it would make him feel better, but they're really just making him feel worse...not to mention the havoc they're going to wreak on his intestines. He's very stressed out about getting expelled and tells Brandon he hasn't yet broken the news to his mother, who's currently out of town. Brandon agrees that it's going to be very tough to tell her, but sooner or later he's going to have to get it over with. Steve starts rehearsing how he might relay the bad news to her, then invites Brandon to come over that evening and share the traumatic experience with him. Brandon wisely declines and tells him to be a big boy and suck it up. Steve's house. Steve is sitting on his bed looking very anxious. Samantha suddenly enters his room and lays on her usual cheese about how he's her gorgeous darling son. She asks him if he's all packed, and he's like, "Wuh?" so she reminds him that they have plans to travel to Santa Barbara to film a revoltingly saccharine family Thanksgiving special. She tells him to throw a few things into a bag and be ready to leave in an hour, and assures him they're going to have a fabulous time. Dylan's house. Dylan brings Jack into his home, and Jack looks around and remarks on how much he loves bungalows built in the craftsman style. He then pours himself a drink and toasts to freedom. He tells Dylan he'd like to call his lady friend so he can get his rocks off during his temporary release from prison, but Dylan gets all uptight and bitchy about it and snarks that he's supposed to be bonding with his family, not hooking up with some bimbo. Jack sternly tells him that Christine isn't a bimbo. Brandon exits the Peach Pit out back. Through the pouring rain, he spots a vagrant picking through the dumpster...and a faint echo of a bugle starts up in the background. Brandon calls out to the vagrant and offers him money to buy food, so the vagrant walks over to the car, takes the cash and thanks him. Brandon then realizes he knows the man, so he backs up the car, gets out, and asks him if he's Jack Canner. He reminds the poor sod that they met on the beach last summer. Jack tries to pretend as though he's never met Brandon, but Brandon reminds him about how he set up a job interview for him with his boss at the Beach Club last summer, and that he never bothered to show up. Jack grimly jokes that he can't seem to shake Brandon off his leg and apologizes for looking so grungy. Brandon tells him he can't stay outside in such heavy rain and invites him to come inside the Peach Pit for a meal...and Homeless Jack accepts. Brandon introduces him to Nat as a war veteran and asks if it's OK to feed and water him for no charge. Nat charitably tells Jack to have a seat, and Brandon discreetly explains that he met the guy last summer at the Beach Club. After scarfing down a plate of food, Homeless Jack thanks Brandon for the great meal. Brandon tells him about a nearby shelter and offers to drive him there, but Homeless Jack is loathe to stay in shelters 'cause they make him feel more hopeless than he already does. Brandon explains that accepting a roof over his head in the rain doesn't necessarily mean he's given up on life...and that maybe it's a step in the right direction. Homeless shelter. Brandon brings Homeless Jack inside and helps him with the initial check-in process. Homeless Jack takes a registration form from the clerk and gets a free towel and some soap. He looks over the form as Brandon looms over him, but he can't bring himself to fill it out or check in. The Walsh house. Brandon arrives at his leaky home through the kitchen door and remarks on the yummy turkey smell. He informs his parents that he brought somebody home with him, and Papa Walsh says that's fine and urges him (and whoever) to come inside and shut the door. A few seconds later, Homeless Jack enters the kitchen looking like a drowned rat. He takes off his filthy hat and politely says, "How do you do?" while Mama and Papa Walsh just stare at him mutely. Santa Barbara. Samantha and Steve enter the mansion where they'll be staying and filming the Thanksgiving special. Nobody appears to be on site except for a couple of indifferent young laborers working on the flooring. One of them bellows that the "talent" has arrived, so a minute later a young woman rushes down a flight of stairs to greet Samantha and Steve. The young woman introduces herself as Alyssa, the production assistant for the television special. Samantha is indignant that no one more important is on hand to kiss her ass or offer her the use of minions to help her with her bags. She haughtily tells Alyssa that she was led to believe she and her son would be staying in luxury accommodations, then demands to speak with her superior - but unfortunately for Ms Uppity, only Alyssa and the camera crew are present. Steve finally interjects and tells his mother that the situation isn't that bad, and that he'll help her with her bags. The Walsh house. Papa Walsh is discreetly whining to his wife about the stinky homeless stranger Brandon has invited into their home. Mama Walsh urges him to feel compassion for Homeless Jack; after all, he did lose his home and his family while serving in Desert Storm. Suddenly, Brandon and Brenda enter the kitchen to show off Homeless Jack, who has de-stenched himself with a shower, shaved off his scraggly beard, and is dressed in a Minnesota sweatshirt and gray sweatpants. When Homeless Jack asks if it's OK that he sleep on a cot in their garage, Papa Walsh blurts out that it's not OK...and when everyone stares at him like he's a mental patient, he mumbles that the living room sofa would be a lot more comfortable for their surprise house-guest. Mama Walsh then insists that Homeless Jack stay on at least until the following day so he can enjoy a scrumptious Thanksgiving dinner with them. [Cue bugle music in the background again.] Homeless Jack gives Mama Walsh a grateful smile and says he now knows where Brandon gets his good heart from, and Mama Walsh beams proudly. Dylan's house. The next morning, Dylan is sitting at his kitchen table, drinking coffee and reading the paper. Jack enters the room and is still cranky at Dylan for cock-blocking him during his two day pass from prison. Dylan finally gets fed up with his father's complaints, and angrily orders him to call his floozy if that's what he really wants to do. The Walsh house. Donna and David have shown up unannounced. They explain that the road leading to Bear Mountain has been closed because of a heavy snowfall, and they've shown up at the Walshes 'cause they're hungry and have nowhere else to go...even though they could just go to either of their houses and found something to eat there. Brenda happily invites them inside, and they enter the living room and wish Papa Walsh a happy Thanksgiving and also introduce themselves to Homeless Jack. Brandon, meanwhile, is planted on the couch enjoying a football game, and Kelly and Ahn-drea are sacked out on another couch. A bored Homeless Jack ambles over to a bookshelf and pulls out an atlas. Across the room, Donna remarks that Homeless Jack resembles a patient of her father's, so Kelly discreetly informs her that the guy is a homeless person who Brandon dragged in out of the rain. Donna is shocked, and looks very weirded out by the notion of a sweetly untainted cherub like herself being in the same room as a homeless person. Over on the couch, Brandon and David are really getting into the football game when the cable suddenly goes out. A distressed Brandon blurts out that the cable had better magically repair itself 'cause he has a lot of money riding on this game. Papa Walsh raises his eyebrows and asks how much money he's talking about, and Brandon swiftly backpedals and says he doesn't really have that much riding on it. Ahn-drea sidles up to Homeless Jack and tells him that she too enjoys flipping through atlases and fantasizing about all the places she wants to visit. Homeless Jack tells her that he just wants to look over all the places in which he was stationed during the Gulf War, and so Brandon invites him to bring the atlas over so that all of his vapid friends can pretend to care about his military service. [Cue bugle music in the background again.] As he points out a bunch of places on one of the maps, Papa Walsh starts to pout and look very sulky. Homeless Jack asks him if he ever served his country, and Papa Walsh quips that the only thing he's ever served was drinks, and then slinks out of the room and into the kitchen. He whines to Mama Walsh like the giant baby he is about how Homeless Jack thinks he's such a big deal 'cause he he was a U.S. Marine. Mama Walsh points out that the mandid sacrifice a lot for his military service, and then urges her suck of a husband to chillax and try to act like an adult in front of the company. Dylan's house. When Jack's floozy arrives at the house, Dylan refuses to answer the door. He sneers, "She's your bimbo" and heads off to his bedroom. Jack then answers the door and greets his lady friend, who is an attractive and (thankfully) age appropriate blonde. The two kiss amorously in the doorway, and Dylan can't help himself from peering around the corner and sneaking a peek. Jack orders his son to make himself useful, so Dylan slouches over and helps Christine with her various shopping bags. She mentions that she got the food at a fabulous diner called the Peach Pit, and that she knows Nat, the fabulous owner. Dylan perks up when he learns that Christine is friends with Nat, and looks like he might possibly be willing to give her a chance. Santa Barbara mansion. While Steve chit-chats with Alyssa, she asks him which college he's planning to attend, then predicts that he wants to go to the University of Southern California. He grimly tells her that there's not much chance of that happening anymore since he just got thrown out of his high school. This seems to turn Alyssa on, who looks intrigued and asks him if he's a bad boy. Steve decides to play that angle and doesn't admit that he's not so much a bad boy than he is a stupid boy. She asks him how his mother is going to react to learning about his expulsion, and he tells her that the news will probably break her heart. Either that or she'll become enraged and kill him. He then goes on a tangent about how completely different his mother is when she's in front of the cameras...and then a moronic idea starts to take shape inside his tiny brain. The Walsh house. Brandon is too hungry to wait for the big turkey dinner, so he announces to everyone that he's going to make himself a small sandwich to tide himself over. Donna strolls over to Homeless Jack in her skin-tight white ski pants and bats her big doe eyes at him as she asks him if it's true that he really has no home. Brenda rebukes her as one might rebuke a five year old who doesn't know enough not to openly stare at a disfigured person, so Donna explains that she's never seen a real live homeless person before. Kelly tries to bring levity to the awkward situation by joking that Donna thinks it's a tragedy to leave home without a gold card, but Homeless Jack has no sense of humor about the situation. He lectures them about all the people out there suffering in their lives...and how they have far more serious problems than the cable going out, or fixing themselves a sandwich before dinner. His diatribe pisses off Papa Walsh, and he snaps that these criticisms are uncalled for. Donna slips into her meekly innocent, doe-eyed lass routine, and looks downcast as she clasps her hands in front of her...and I've never wanted to smack her more. Papa Walsh snarks at Homeless Jack that it's unfair to blame these self entitled teens for his problems and then brazenly asks, "Where are your children?" which I thought was a really douchey thing to bring up. Homeless Jack looks stricken for a few seconds, then lashes back at Papa Walsh by rubbing his nose in the fact that he's never served his country. Haha! Papa Walsh glares at him hatefully and orders him to get out of his house. Homeless Jack is more than happy to oblige and heads upstairs to change back into his grungy clothes. Along the way, he passes Brandon and tells him that if he ever happens to see him on the street again, he should just ignore him. Brandon follows Homeless Jack upstairs and apologizes for his dad's boorishness. He explains that the military is a sore spot with him because Grandpapa Walsh used to be a Marine, and of course he wanted his son to enlist and fight in Vietnam...but since Papa Walsh was against the war, he refused to go, blah blah. Homeless Jack tells Brandon that he's a good man and that he'll never forget his generosity. Suddenly, a loud crashing noise sends everyone running into the kitchen. Part of the ceiling has come crashing down, and rain is now pouring in through a gaping hole. Homeless Jack immediately takes control of the situation and asks the Walshes if they have any tarps lying around. Fortunately there just so happens to be a tarp lying around, and Homeless Jack climbs onto the roof to temporarily cover the hole with it. As soon as it's secured into place, the leaking inside the kitchen miraculously stops. Suck on that, Papa Walsh, you useless tool. Santa Barbara mansion. Steve and his mother are filming a nauseating scene during which she gazes at him lovingly and wishes him a "Happy Thanksgiving, gorgeous." Steve decides this is the ideal time to confess that he got expelled. As he confesses to his mother, the director looks confused, but the crew keeps the cameras rolling to capture all the juicy drama. Samantha gets very angry and through gritted teeth she tells Steve she wants to speak with him in private...away from the cameras. Dylan's house. Dylan, Jack, and Christine are sitting at the table, eating dinner together. Christine asks Dylan about school, and he tells her he dropped out. Wuh? When did that happen? I thought he told Brandon he just needed a break. Jack blurts out how stupid it is to drop out of high school, and Christine agrees. Jack then dredges up the SAT cheating allegation situation and tells Dylan to just retake the damn test. Right?? Dylan argues that his refusal to retake the test is somehow a matter of some deeply felt principle...and since Jack has no principles, it's obvious that he'll never be able to understand that. This pisses off Jack, and he storms away from the table, and Christine chastises Dylan for insulting his father. Dylan petulantly says that Jack has brought it all on himself, and so Christine snaps at him to stop blaming his father for everything, orders him to stop sulking, give Jack and himself a break, and go into the other room to straighten things out. Dylan mulls that over, then leaves the table to go talk to Jack. Santa Barbara mansion. Samantha is railing at a very sheepish looking Steve, and her mood worsens when he informs her that she's required to come to West Beverly High with him next week to sign some papers in order to make his expulsion official. She tells him in no uncertain terms that she has no intention of signing any papers, and refuses to simply stand by and watch him get expelled from high school like some low-life juvenile delinquent. In a tortured voice, he tells her they don't have much of a choice, but she remains unfazed and makes it clear that she's handling the situation from now on. She's going to save his keister one last time. Alyssa interrupts the conversation to politely inform Samantha that she needs to return to filming, otherwise she'll lose her job as the production assistant...and Samantha sweetly complies and heads back to the set. Alyssa, who's still intrigued by her erroneous perception of Steve as a bad boy, invites him to stop by her room later so they can enjoy their own private Thanksgiving celebration. Ew. The Walsh house. Papa Walsh thanks Homeless Jack for successfully getting the tarp onto his roof, and then apologizes for losing his shit and ordering him out of his house. He explains that the issue of military service is a sore spot for him 'cause his pro-military father didn't think he was much of a son, blah blah. Homeless Jack graciously accepts his apology and asks if he can use the phone to try to reconnect with his son. During the scrumptious turkey dinner, Donna tells everyone that ever since she learned how hungry homeless people are, she feels too guilty to eat. Ahn-drea brushes off her concerns for the plight of the less fortunate and tells her it's pointless to feel bad, so she should just shut up and enjoy her turkey. Homeless Jack slips into the dining room wearing the Minnesota sweatshirt and gray sweatpants again, and Mama Walsh invites him to sit next to her. Papa Walsh asks him if everything is all right, and Homeless Jack tells him everything is dandy. He then asks if he can say grace...and everyone solemnly bows their heads as Homeless Jack gabbles endlessly about happiness, misery, keeping the faith, and the kindness of strangers. At the mention of the last thing, he glances over at Brandon, and the two exchange a smile. Dylan's house. Dylan, Jack, and Christine are finishing up a game of Monopoly. Dylan is finally over his bitchy moodiness and is really getting into the game...but it plays itself out when Jack admits defeat and Christine says she's tired and is ready to go to bed. Dylan is in such rare good spirits that he offers the couple his bedroom and tells them he'll bunk on the couch. As she heads to bed, Christine invites Dylan to treat her to an artery hardening meal at the Peach Pit sometime. Jack then thanks Dylan for agreeing to let him stay at his place over the Thanksgiving holiday, and the two warmly wish each other a good night. Dylan caps off their conversation with, "Night, dad" and Jack looks visibly moved. West Beverly High. Samantha is marching purposefully down the hall while Steve trails behind her. Brandon, Brenda, and Kelly notice them, and Brandon runs up to Steve to ask him if everything's OK. Steve still looks radiant with afterglow following his sexy weekend with Alyssa, and tells Brandon about the awesome girl he hooked up with in Santa Barbara - but Samantha snaps at him to shut up, and that he'll have time to talk to his friends later. She then orders him to sit down in the waiting area of the principal's office while she strong-arms Mrs. Teasley into keeping her idiot son enrolled in school. When Samantha and Mrs. Teasley emerge from their meeting, they inform Steve that he is no longer expelled, but that he'll be on probation with daily double detention sessions. Samantha warmly thanks Mrs. Teasley for caving in to her haughty demands, and Steve tries to thank both of them, but they cut him off and each snap, "Don't talk to me!" After Samantha storms out of the school, Brandon reappears and asks Steve whassup. Steve, who's all puffed up with his usual bullshit bravado, tells his friend how much of a piece of cake it was to get reinstated as a student of West Beverly High. Brenda and Kelly are wandering down the hall, discussing the possibility of going shopping on Rodeo Drive...and Brenda complains that she can't afford the stuff on that street even when it's 50% off. Dylan sneaks up behind them and stuns them when he gives them each a kiss. He then mumbles something about Thanksgiving and rushes off as mysteriously as he appeared. Brenda and Kelly both stare after him in shock...then look at each other in puzzlement. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Steve is wheeling Ahn-drea and her two broken legs down a hallway at West Beverly High. As they pass the principal's office, they notice that the police are still hanging around, investigating the computer break-in. Steve asks if they're ever going to give up, and Ahn-drea tells him she's pretty sure the cops are never going to figure out who broke into the computer system...just like they're never going to catch the hit-and-run driver who mowed her down with his car two episodes ago [and failed to finish her off]. She also tells Steve she's having serious doubts that the legacy key was a factor in the break-in since all of the school's locks were changed a few months ago. Steve looks relieved and slyly remarks, "Oh well. Easy come easy go, right?" In another hall, Brenda tells Donna how concerned she is about Dylan, who no one's heard from in three days. Incidentally, Brenda's eyebrows are starting to look really over-tweezed in this episode...and if memory serves, they only get more tweezed from here on in. Donna remarks that Dylan seemed ready to explode right before he left, and Brenda laments that whenever he gets this ultra-moody, his first impulse is always to go straight for the bottle. Donna invites Brenda to attend David's music showcase that evening to help get her mind off of her troubles. Brenda bitchily asks if Kelly is going, and Donna wearily tells her that both she and Kelly are acting very juvenile toward each other. But Brenda insists that if Kelly is going to the showcase, then wild horses wouldn't be able to drag her there. And speaking of wild horses... Dylan and his defective Porsche are stranded in the middle of nowhere. Off in the distance, a woman with really long blonde hair is riding a pretty white horse. Eventually, she approaches Dylan and compliments his car, so he compliments her horse and explains that his car broke down. He asks her if there's a phone nearby, and she tells him there's one back at the ranch...and then huskily introduces herself as Anne. She's reasonably attractive and looks to be somewhere in her thirties, so it is inevitable that their mutual attraction will soon degenerate into an awkward May-December hookup. Anne urges Dylan to "climb on up" the horse with her, so he does. West Beverly High. Steve smugly tells Herbert that the police are getting nowhere with their investigation regarding the break-in, so it looks like they're home free. Herbert thinks it's weird that the cops are still hanging around the school, but Steve brushes it off as a harmless "dog and pony show". Soon after, Steve runs into Brandon, who informs him that Ahn-drea no longer thinks the legacy key was a factor in the break-in. He sheepishly apologizes to Steve for accusing him of accepting the key, and Steve jokes about him not grovelling hard enough. Nikki comes by and gives Brandon a from-behind hug, and Steve asks her when she's going to dump this bum and get a real man. She retorts with a crack about if Mel Gibson is available, which is blechy but ironic, since in the early '90s no one could have foreseen what a self-destructive douchetard Mel Gibson would turn out to be. David appears in the hall, and Nikki tells him that both she and Brandon will be in attendance at his showcase that evening. Brandon warns him not to choke, which is funny 'cause it kind of foreshadows the embarrassing musical disaster that is yet to occur. David spots Steve a few feet away and storms over to tell him that when he called the promoters of the showcase to find out what time he should be there for his sound check, they were like, "We've never heard of you, dude." Steve assures him that everything is under control, and that he's booked under "Sanders Management Team". As soon as he and David part ways, Steve makes a beeline over to the nearest pay phone and calls the promoters. He tells them he needs to book one of his acts for the showcase that evening and is willing to pay whatever it costs to make that happen. While he's on the phone, he catches sight of Hutch talking to someone who looks like he works in the cafeteria. Both of the men glance over at Steve and look very suspicious. Ranch. Dylan is inside Anne's spacious ranch house, calling a local mechanic about getting his Porsche fixed...and unfortunately for Dylan, it's going to take until the following day. After he hangs up, he asks Anne if there's someplace nearby he could stay, and she tells him there's a motel down the road, but then coquettishly invites him to stay in her guest house. He tells her he doesn't want to trouble her, but she just stares hungrily at him and assures him it's no problem. He accepts her invitation. Showcase. Donna, Kelly, Brandon, and Nikki are seated at a table together. Nikki looks around the club and remarks that a lot of heavyweights in the music biz are there and that it's a real industry crowd. Donna dreamily tells everyone that David is probably very excited about his big chance - and then the camera cuts to David ranting at Steve for booking him in the first slot of the night. He's pissed off that he won't have a chance to do a sound check, but Steve just tells him to be grateful that he got the opportunity to perform at all. LOL, right? David then looks out onto the stage and complains that his equipment isn't even set up right. Back at the table, Brandon checks his watch and whines that the showcase is already thirty minutes late. Kelly asks him if he's heard from Dylan, and he tells her he hasn't. She says she's worried about him, and Brandon agrees that he's also worried...but is equally as worried about her friendship with Brenda, which appears to be disintegrating. Kelly brusquely tells him that she and Brenda have agreed that hell will have to freeze over before they'll ever be willing to talk to each other again. The showcase's host introduces "David Silver and the Commotions" ... and it's unclear where or when David picked up these extra band mates. He starts singing the rap lite song he performed at the Pigskin Prom in the Home and Away episode...but about fifteen seconds into it, the mic starts making high pitched noises and everyone's ears start to hurt. Haha! Ranch. Anne serves coffee to Dylan in her fancy schmancy living room. He asks her if she lives at the ranch by herself, and she murmurs that she's unmarried. He then asks her if she ever gets lonely out here, and she just says she likes the quiet. When she asks Dylan how old he is, he gives her an evasive "Why?" and she cackles and quips, "Two points for the guy with the borrowed car." I guess she doesn't believe that Dylan really owns his Porsche. Dylan asks her what her take on him is, so she describes him as "Misunderstood, unappreciated, a little bored, a little angry." She forgot to add that he's obviously a narcissist for asking a total stranger what her take on him is. Anne adds that it's obvious he doesn't like being told what to do, and that he seeks freedom. Dylan seems pleased by her accurate assessment of his annoying moodiness and compliments her ability to "read" him. Showcase. The only good thing Kelly can say about David's grisly performance is that he looked good, but I'd argue that even that's debatable. Brandon isn't sure what he should say to David when he joins them at their table, so Donna tells him just to be honest, since honesty is probably what David would appreciate the most. As David and Steve approach the table, David rails about how he's never going to forgive Steve for this screw-up...and Steve gets all defensive and says it's not his fault they scheduled him to take the stage first. Donna ignores her own advice and lies to her boyfriend about how great his song was - LOL - and everyone at the table pretends to agree. David, however, knows how badly his performance sucked and tells them all to cut the shit. Steve tells him he's overreacting, and David summarily fires him as his business manager. It's about bloody time. The next band to be introduced is "Diesel Stone and the Waste Management" from San Francisco. Nikki looks stunned, and David discreetly snitches to Brandon that he thinks she used to date the keytarist. Diesel is played by David Arquette, which I thought was a strange casting choice since he's way too dorkish to convincingly portray a brooding rock star type. On stage, Diesel looks stinky and unkempt in his chest-bearing leather vest, disheveled hair, and ten day old stubble...and as he plays his keytar, he stares straight at a transfixed Nikki with his bloodshot eyes. After the band finishes their performance, Nikki heads straight over to her slovenly ex, while Brandon awkwardly toddles behind her. Diesel looks happy to see her and says he thought she fell off the planet. She gushes about how much she loves his new song, and he tells her he wrote it for her. He then informs her that he and his band mates are going to be hanging out at "this dump" later and that he'd like her to hang with them too. Sounds like a tempting offer. She tells him she can't hang with him tonight, but maybe the next day. He says he's only going to be in L.A. for one night, which proves to be a big lie but then he turns out to be a big liar in general. Nikki calls him by his real name, Dennis, and he laughs and says that if anyone hears her call him that it could ruin his image. He pleads with her to hang with him, but she argues that it's a school night and that she has a boyfriend. She invites Brandon to approach, and Diesel scoffs at the sight of his preppy clothes and perfectly coiffed hair and labels him The Beave. Haha! Brandon ignores the insult and compliments his keytarring and says his band was the best one out there. Diesel shrugs and says that it was like amateur night, and then mocks what a joke the "Vanilla Ice rip-off" was, and that he couldn't even get his mic to work. Haha! Brandon instantly gets pissed off and informs Diesel that the Vanilla Ice wannabe is a close friend of theirs, then stalks off with Nikki dutifully following him. Brandon gives her a look of disdain and asks her how she ever could have dated such an arrogant loser, and Nikki insists that Diesel isn't a loser...he's just really competitive. A competitive loser. Brandon doesn't care and tells her he just wants to leave, so then Nikki perks up and tells him that Diesel invited them (more just her) to an after-party in a run-down house. Brandon reminds her that they have plans to meet the gang at the Peach Pit, and Nikki rolls her eyes and complains about how they always go to the Peach Pit. Brandon tells her that David really needs the support of his friends after stinking it up so badly on stage, and Nikki sighs and wearily says, "Fine." Her attitude annoys Brandon, and he tells her that if she wants to hang out with "Weasel", then she should. Nikki irritably corrects his deliberate mispronunciation of Diesel's name, and Brandon retorts that he doesn't give a rat's ass what the loser's name is...and asks her who she's going to be with tonight: him or Diesel/Weasel. Nikki looks conflicted and explains to Brandon that her ex is only going to be in town for one night, and Brandon exclaims, "Fine!" and storms off. Nikki urgently calls after him, but he continues walking. The Walsh house. The next morning, Brandon vents to Brenda about Nikki and how dazzled she was by her bedraggled ex-beau, and that he walked out on her because he didn't want to hang around for the privilege of being humiliated. Brenda isn't terribly sympathetic and tells him he should have just put in a brief appearance at the house party instead of making such a big deal out of it - but Brandon disagrees and says he hates the whole rock star/groupie scene. Brenda accuses him of being petty and judgmental and strongly advises him to call Nikki and apologize for walking out on her. Brandon mulls that over for a few seconds and decides it's a good idea. Unfortunately, this advice backfires when he discovers that Nikki didn't come home last night, and that she lied to her aunt about spending the night at Donna's house. Brenda has no retort and looks suitably sheepish. Ranch. Dylan and Anne chat about her horses, and she tells him she'd like him to ride her favorite, Shadowcaster. Dylan seems suspicious about her motives, so she explains that horses get bored if the same person rides them all the time...and as she tells him this, she's eying him suggestively. Ew. West Beverly High. David is abusing his position as the school's DJ to broadcast a personal message of thanks to his friends for their support in attending his showcase, then publicly chastises Steve for his ineptitude as a business manager. I highly doubt most of the students at West Beverly would give a crap. Donna and Kelly stroll down the hall as they listen to David's bitter rantings...and they pass Brandon and Brenda, and Brenda and Kelly coldly ignore each other. This distresses Donna, who tells Kelly that their behavior is getting ridiculous. Kelly just gets huffy and blames Brenda for being the one who drove Dylan away. Steve marches purposefully toward the DJ booth. He tries to get inside, but the door is locked and David refuses to open it for him. Steve is furious with David for humiliating him in front of the entire school, but at that moment Hutch appears and motions that the two of them need to talk. Steve heads over to the maintenance office and snarks at Hutch for continuing to blackmail him, but Hutch snarks back that he's not rich enough to buy his way out of this situation. Confused, Steve tells him he thought the police had no clues, so Hutch tells him about how the police have been grilling him for hours on end about the break-in. He's supposed to go through another interrogation the next day, but he's too rattled to endure any more, so he's planning on singing like a canary and throwing Steve to the wolves. Steve argues that he paid him a lot of cash to keep quiet, but Hutch retorts that money can't buy everything. Nikki spots Brandon in the hall and tells him she wants to talk to him about what happened the previous night. He tells her there's not much to say, calls her a groupie, and stalks off. Nikki runs after him and explains that when she got to the run-down party house, everyone was partying hard...and so she had a few shots and passed out on the bathroom floor. I really don't see how this is helping her cause. He gives her a cold stare and asks her if she "made it" with Diesel/Weasel, so she assures him that he (Brandon) is her boyfriend. Brandon whines about how he felt invisible when she ran over to Diesel/Weasel during the showcase, then calls him a loser and questions what she could ever have seen in the guy. Nikki gets tearful and says that whenever she gets around him, he has "this thing" over her. This explanation doesn't compute with Brandon, and he tells her he can't deal with it...and as he walks away she cries after him that she's sorry. Ranch. Dylan and Anne are horse-back riding together, and soon they take a break and sit beside a lovely stream. Dylan, who's wearing his white wife-beater shirt, chides her for being so evasive whenever he asks her anything about herself. She offers up a few details about her sordid past, like how she got thrown out of boarding school for sleeping with the headmaster - gross - and then got married off by her rich parents to a rich man. She leans toward Dylan and sort of nuzzles his neck, and he asks her what she wants from him. She tells him she'd like him to stay on at the ranch and work with Shadowcaster. She'll pay him whatever he thinks is fair...but other than that, there will be no strings and no pressure. Dylan tells her he's tempted, and the two start kissing intensely as Dylan mounts her. West Beverly High. Nikki apologizes to Donna for not making an appearance at the Peach Pit to comfort David after he bombed during the showcase, then explains that she hadn't seen Diesel/Weasel since she left San Francisco. Donna is understanding, but remarks how suicidal David was after his disastrous performance. Suddenly, Diesel/Weasel pulls up beside them in a convertible. He's come by to announce to Nikki that his band scored a record deal. Donna stares over at him like he's something she just scraped off her shoe, while Nikki looks totally dazzled. He tells her there's a celebration in progress and that he needs his "sweet little inspiration" by his side. Nikki tries to explain that she can't just leave school in the middle of the day...plus she has a history test that afternoon. Diesel/Weasel's smile instantly vanishes and he gets all Ike Turner when he bitchily suggests that maybe she didn't hear him tell her that he drove straight over to her school to give her his good news after signing the record deal. Nikki looks uneasy and attempts to placate him by promising to stop by the party house immediately after school. Diesel/Weasel tells Donna to excuse them for a second, then yanks Nikki by the arm and pulls her away. He asks her what the hell is wrong with her - and that now that he's finally gotten his big break, all she can talk about is history tests. He orders her to get into his car, but she resists. Brandon suddenly appears and asks if everything is all right. Diesel/Weasel barks at him to get lost, and Nikki irritably assures him she's fine and can handle the situation. She allows Diesel/Weasel to steer her toward his car, then smells liquor on his breath and asks him if he's been drinking. He doesn't answer, shoves her into the front seat and gets in after her, then squeals off. Brandon uselessly stares after the car, his face scrunched concernedly. Brandon strolls down the hall with Brenda. He's pontificating about how they've both been spurned by their friends and lovers as though they were in an Elizabethan tragedy. Brenda starts bellyaching about how her relationship with Dylan went sour, but Brandon abruptly stops her and says they weren't done talking about his issues. Hee! Brenda indulges him and suggests that maybe Nikki was lying about being passed out the other night. Brandon thinks this over and decides that it's definitely possible...and then both agree that, at the very least, they're happy to have each other. Brandon heads off to class just as Donna and Kelly make an appearance. Brenda says helloto Donna, but as usual ignores Kelly. Donna then says hello to Kelly on Brenda's behalf, and Kelly reminds Donna that they're going to be late for their art class. Ranch. Dylan is working on the engine of his bum car when a ranch hand walks by and asks him how he liked riding Shadowcaster. Dylan says it was fine, and the ranch hand tells him that the horse is worth a lot...a lot more than his Porsche, in fact. Um, OK. Anne comes walking over and informs Dylan that she invited some neighbors over for dinner that evening. She'd like him to join them, and gently suggests putting on a clean shirt. Dylan jokes about coming to the table in his grease-stained clothes, and Anne pretends that that wouldn't bother her and says, "Suit yourself." He quickly relents and tells her he'll wear whatever she'd like him to, so Anne pretends to be all breezy when she tells him it's no big deal either way. West Beverly High. Steve tells Herbert that they have a situation, and suggests that it would be best if he - hemeaning Herbert - accept full blame for the computer break-in. Steve reasons that it would be easier for a freshman to take the fall, since a senior (like Steve, for example) might face expulsion. He emphasizes to Herbert how important it is for him to help him out of this mess, and Herbert tells Steve that he's a disgusting human being who thinks he can just use people and buy himself out of everything. Rhetorically, he asks Steve how he can stand to be him, and then storms off. Ranch. Anne's dinner guests turn out to be a really weird couple. The husband is a total douchebag and talks about his distaste for servants who don't work hard enough but still expect to be paid. He then tells Anne how much he likes Shadowcaster and offers her $600,000 for the horse. Anne makes it clear that her cherished horse is not for sale, so he gets a very intense, creepy look on his face and reiterates how much he wants the horse...and offers $700,000. Anne turns to a bored Dylan and asks him for advice on what she should do, and he tells her he thought the horse wasn't for sale. The husband glares at him and barks, "Everything is for sale, kid." He then turns to Anne and offers her $1 million cash for the horse. Dylan irritably tells Anne not to do it, but she ignores him and starts negotiating with the douchebag. They settle on $1.3 million, and Dylan looks totally icked out by the transaction he just witnessed. Douchebag smugly repeats to Dylan that everything is for sale. Peach Pit. Brenda and Donna are hanging near the counter when Kelly enters the diner. Once again, Brenda and Kelly shun each other, and it causes Donna to finally snap. She tells them how much it sucks being caught in the middle, and that their hostility toward each other is making her life miserable. She starts in on Brenda and reminds her that after she broke up with Dylan, she'd claimed it was fine with her if he started dating someone else. Kelly gets all self righteous and thanks her for making that point, but then Donna snarls at her to get off her high horse 'cause she should have known better than to start dating Dylan without getting Brenda's approval first. As if that would have ever happened. Donna orders the two of them to talk it out, and flounces out of the diner with David in tow. Kelly and Brenda just stare at each other mutely, and after a few awkward seconds, Kelly turns and leaves. Brandon appears and tells Brenda he's newly concerned about Nikki, who hasn't arrived home from school yet. Her aunt just told him that Nikki's parents have been trying to her to warn her that Diesel/Weasel is in L.A. As it turns out, he has a predilection for beating up girls. Shocker. Run-down party house. Nikki is sitting alone on a couch when Diesel/Weasel bursts through the front door with a frizzy-haired floozy. Nikki angrily asks where he's been, and he tells her he was out getting a pack of smokes. Nikki exclaims that that was over two hours ago, and tells him that the rest of the band went out to get something to eat. When he says that she should have gone out with them, she tells him she wasn't hungry. Diesel/Weasel introduces his floozy as Amy, and Nikki tells him she'd like to talk to him in private. He sends Amy to wait for him in another room, and Nikki demands to know who she is. This annoys Diesel/Weasel, and he starts ranting that he doesn't know how to deal with her when she gets on a "possessive trip"...and cracks open a beer. Fed up, Nikki snaps, "Then don't deal with it!" and heads toward the door. Diesel/Weasel grabs her by the arms and explains that a filthy lowlife such as himself can't be expected to be faithful to one woman. Gross. Nikki complains that he's hurting her, and when she screams at him to let go of her, he gives her a really fake looking backhanded smack across the face. Fortunately, Brandon has just arrived to the rescue. He parks in front of the nasty looking house and knocks on the door. Diesel/Weasel answers and immediately tells him to get lost, but Nikki urgently calls out for help. She begs him to take her home, but Diesel/Weasel refuses to allow her to leave. Brandon insists that he's taking Nikki with him, and Diesel/Weasel caves and calls her jailbait. Brandon glares at with him with a look of complete distaste and asks him if he ever slaps guys around. Diesel/Weasel takes this as a challenge and eggs on Brandon to take him on. Brandon invites him to take his best shot, so Diesel/Weasel drunkenly swings at his head, and Brandon ducks and punches him in the face and knocks him to the floor. Nikki cries out to Brandon and begs him to get her out of this hell-hole, so they leave Diesel/Weasel to roll around on the disgusting floor and moan in pain. The Walsh house. Nikki is all bruised up, sitting at the kitchen counter as Brandon prepares some ice for her swollen cheek. In a shaky voice, she explains that Diesel/Weasel is the main reason she left San Francisco, and that he was the main reason she wasn't getting along with her parents. Her eyes light up when she tells Brandon how great a guy Diesel/Weasel is when he's into his music and not drinking - but then stops herself from making any more excuses for the slovenly loser. Brandon asks her why she'd ever want to spend time with a moron like that, and she tells him she thought she didn't deserve any better...that is, until she met him (Brandon)...and he smiles proudly. Mama Walsh tip-toes into the kitchen and looks at Nikki in her usual concerned, motherly fashion. She asks her if there's anything she can do, but Nikki assures her she's fine, and that her aunt will be along to pick her up any minute. After Mama Walsh slips out of the room, Nikki remarks to Brandon that being at the Walsh house reminds her how much she misses her family. She tells him that she's going home next week for Thanksgiving, and Brandon tells her that when she returns he'll still be her boyfriend. The doorbell rings, and Mama and Papa Walsh open it to find Kelly on their doorstep. Hesitantly, she asks if Brenda is home, and they give her an affirmative and invite her in. Just as Kelly enters Brenda's room, Brenda is on the phone, trying to reach her. She smiles at Kelly and tells David that he doesn't need to leave a message for Kelly after all. The two apologize to each other at the exact same time, and then gush about how much they've missed their friendship. With that settled, Brenda asks Kelly if she's heard from Dylan, and Kelly tells her she hasn't. Ranch. Dylan is packed and ready to go. He's disillusioned with Anne for selling her beloved horse to her douchey neighbor...but she doesn't get why he's all mopey about it and tells him it was just a game, which she won. Dylan argues that selling her horse wasn't a game, and says she doesn't appear to need any more money. He then reveals that he too is the recipient of a trust fund, but that he has no desire to end up like her in twenty years...pathetic and alone. She gets mad and accuses him of bullshitting about having a trust fund, so he lectures her about how people should need commitment and strings in life, otherwise they're just dead inside. He then wishes her well, urges her to take care of herself and gives her a goodbye kiss before climbing into his Porsche. As he speeds away, Anne is left standing alone...then sadly looks on as her horse is being taken away to endure its new life of horror with its creepy new owner. West Beverly High. Kelly and Brenda are friends once more, and Kelly compliments Donna on her skills as a therapist. Steve saunters over to tell David that he has great news. He hands him a list of the top ten managers in the music business who have all received David's demo tape. He tells David he has real talent and deserves the best. Kelly suspiciously asks him how much he's charging for a finder's fee, and Steve gets all offended...and needlessly confesses that he once told some random guy that she was sexy in bed. He says he hopes she'll one day be able to forgive him for being so douchey and indiscreet. He then spots Brandon and slinks over in order to apologize about lying about taking the legacy key. He tells Brandon he'd understand if he never wanted to speak to him again, then says he's planning to go to the principal's office so he can confess the whole thing to Mrs. Teasley. Brandon easily forgives him for his duplicitous douchebaggery, and then Steve heads over to his second last stop on the Apology Tour: The Blaze newsroom. Steve admits to Ahn-drea that he was the person behind the computer break-in, but Ahn-drea is mostly miffed 'cause she thought he was just being nice to her to get inside information about the police investigation. Steve tells her he never needed a reason to be nice to her, which is such total bullcack. Principal's office. Mrs. Teasley tells Steve she's very disappointed in him, and that the break-in is a serious matter. She also points out that he's way too inept to know how to access the school's computer system all by himself, so she suspects that someone must have helped him. But Steve staunchly refuses to give up Herbert and takes the full blame...as he should, since it was his stupid idea to break into the grade bank in the first place. Mrs. Teasley tells him he's in serious trouble and that she's going to be recommending expulsion. In a dramatic conclusion to the episode, she somberly declares that, as of right now, Steve is no longer a student at West Beverly High. Steve stares back at her with an expression of total devastation. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Brenda and Donna are strolling down the hall together at West Beverly High, chatting about how someone tried to break into the school's computer system and alter the grade bank. Brenda, who's wearing a bustier top that's probably too risque for a day at school, instructs Donna to ask her to do something with her that evening. Donna dutifully takes the bait, and Brenda smugly tells her that she's busy because she has a date with Dean Cain. Donna's surprised, but mostly dismayed that Brenda is so eager to jump into a relationship with Dean Cain so soon after her breakup with Dylan. David barks at Steve for not securing a time slot for him in some upcoming Battle of the Bands. Steve assures him that the wheels are in motion, but David is skeptical and bitchily warns him not to blow this. Yeesh. For someone with such limited musical talent, he's really turning into a diva. Meanwhile, Herbert is nervously lurking in a nearby stairwell and calls out to Steve. When Steve saunters over to his cohort in crime, Herbert tells him he's now kicking himself for letting Steve convince him that breaking into the school's computer system was a good idea. Steve orders him to lay low and play dumb, but Herbert is very rattled and anxiously informs Steve that computer tampering is a felony. They could both wind up in jail. The two idiots look in the direction of the principal's office, where Mrs. Teasley is talking to two police investigators. Steve assures Herbert that no one's getting caught because no one's going to talk. Outside, Brandon runs into Dylan and hands him a stack of articles he found at the public library about some kid who was accused of cheating on his SAT last spring. Dylan is impressed with Brandon's efforts to help him, and mentions that Mrs. Teasley wrote a convincing letter to the SAT people on his behalf. He snarks that Mrs. Teasley understands his reasons for refusing to retake the test...unlike his bitchy ex-girlfriend. Brandon asks if he and Brenda actually broke up over an argument about the SAT, and Dylan stares off into the distance and catches sight of Kelly ambling toward the school and says, "It's a little more complicated than that." After the two part ways, Dylan rushes over to Kelly and asks her how she's doing. She glances around nervously and tells him she feels paranoid about being seen in public with him. He points out that he's single now, so they no longer have to hide their budding romance. He then invites her to go out with him to the observatory that evening. Kelly wants to tell Brenda about their imminent hook-up and says that she sort of feels like she needs Brenda's permission to go out with him. Dylan explains that honesty isn't necessarily the best policy when your ex-girlfriend is a schizo, and that the only person she needs permission from to go out with him is herself. He gives her a quick kiss and rushes off to class. The Blaze newsroom. Ahn-drea is back at school after the hit and run, wheeling around the newsroom with her two broken legs. Brandon enters and sees her struggling with the chair. He asks her if she needs anything, and she starts in on one of her rambley rants about how cumbersome it is to get around in a wheelchair, and how he'd better believe she's going to write a story in The Blaze about how horribly the physically challenged are treated in this country. First things first, however. She wants to start probing the details of the computer break-in, because if they're somehow able to crack the case before the cops do, it could be an award winning story. Brandon tells her it's impossible to get any details about it; he's already asked Mrs. Teasley about the break-in, and she has nothing to say on the matter. Ahn-drea stares at him in incredulity and barks, "And you let that stop you?" Steve furrows his brows when he sees Ahn-drea talking to Mrs. Teasley, and then remarks to Brandon how weird it is to see her confined to a wheelchair. Brandon tells him not to waste time worrying about Ahn-drea, since it's likely she's going to crack The Case of the Computer Break-in before the police do. Steve goes pale and tenses up when he notices that Ahn-drea is now chatting it up with the two police officers. After her conversation, she wheels over to Brandon and Steve and tells them that all of the deleted grades - most of which were Steve's Ds and Fs - have been restored. She then tells them in confidence that the case is still open, and that the cops are going to keep at it until they make an arrest. Steve looks uneasy when he sees that Hutch has just entered the principal's office to talk to the cops. Hutch glances over at Steve and smirks knowingly. Brenda boasts to Kelly and Donna about her date with Dean Cain that evening, and describes him as a sweet college man who happens to be gorgeous and completely crazy about her. She's also thrilled that he doesn't brood all the time...like a certain slouchy ex-boyfriend. Donna asks her if she'd mind it if Dylan went out with other girls, but Brenda says he's free to date whoever he wishes. Kelly visibly perks up at this declaration. It's night time when Steve enters the school and heads straight to the maintenance office to see Hutch. He demands to know why he's been summoned. Hutch mocks Steve for pretending to be a businessman who has no time to waste, and recounts how someone broke into the school the other night and tampered with the computer. Steve tells him he didn't have anything to do with it, and Hutch says while that might be true, the police would still be very interested to learn that four episodes ago, Steve had been caught breaking into the maintenance office to steal the master key. Steve reminds Hutch about how he accepted a bribe to keep quiet, but Hutch just laughs and says that no one's going to believe a self-entitled teenager over an employee with fifteen years of service. Steve pulls out a hundred dollar bill, and Hutch takes it and gleefully tells him they're back in business. The Walsh house. Mama Walsh answers a phone call from Dottie, Papa Walsh's new overeager secretary. Papa Walsh walks in the door at that exact moment, so Mama Walsh hands him the phone. After a quick conversation with Dottie, he explains to his wife that Dottie had finally been able to reach a client he had been playing phone tag with all day. Mama Walsh asks whassup with Dottie, and he explains that she's a temp who's bending over backwards to make a good impression, and that she's the best secretary ever. The doorbell rings, and Brandon answers it to find Dean Cain standing on his doorstep clutching a bouquet of flowers. Brandon invites him in and bellows to his sister that her date has arrived. Dean Cain is then introduced to Mama and Papa Walsh. He chats with them about how he moved to California because of the top notch business/economics department at UCLA, and naturally this impresses Papa Walsh. When Dean Cain realizes that Papa Walsh is the Jim Walsh who recently penned an article on tax shelters, he gets all verklempt about what an honor it is to meet him. Papa Walsh appears equally smitten with the young lad, and stares after him longingly when he and Brenda head out the door to go on their date. He blushes as he tells Mama Walsh that he thinks the two make a great couple. Observatory. Dylan and Kelly are in the observatory's theater, watching a 360 degree presentation about the galaxy. They chat about how they haven't been to the observatory since elementary school, and that the ten year old boy she had sat next to all those years ago didn't have the stones to try and kiss her. Saucily, she asks Dylan if he has the stones to make a move on her, so he leans toward her and the two kiss under the fake stars. The Peach Pit. Brenda and Dean Cain are seated at the counter. Dean Cain glances around happily and tells Brenda how much he loves the diner, and that it's "our place". Brenda flinches, and explains to the dimwit that the Peach Pit can't be their place, since her brother works there and all of her friends hang out there. Dean Cain's face falls, and he asks her if she's embarrassed to be there with him. She assures him she's not, and then he stupidly asks her if she's nervous about running into her ex-boyfriend. Brenda goes awkwardly silent, and Dean Cain tries to recover by breezily remarking that's it's all good because she's going to marry him, have his five children, and spend the rest of her life loving him. Yikes. Brenda looks icked out by all that future procreation and rhetorically asks, "How many children?" Suddenly, Donna and David make an appearance. They say hi to Brenda and Dean Cain, but then just stand there mutely as the four stare uncomfortably at each other. Donna finally announces that she and David are going to walk over to the jukebox, and Dean Cain agrees with Brenda that they should probably go elsewhere. Observatory. Dylan and Kelly are hanging out on a large terrace that overlooks the city lights. Dylan pontificates about how humbling it is to look at the stars and the lighted city below, because it makes all of his insignificant problems seem even more insignificant. Kelly looks mournful and asks, "You know what stinks?" and then answers her own question when she says that when a person (such as herself) screws up a few times, everybody thinks that's who you are, and all you'll ever be...even when you try to do the right thing. Cryptically she asks Dylan if it's worth it, and Dylan cryptically responds that it's all worth it, otherwise they wouldn't be here right now. The two then kiss intensely. She moans his name and tells him they should take it slow, and he jokes that they've known each other since kindergarten and can't possibly take it any slower. But Kelly begs to differ and announces that she's starving. The two kiss one more time and head out for a bite to eat. The Peach Pit. Steve enters the diner with Ahn-drea. Nat is happy to see her and tells her anything she orders will be on the house. Steve advises Ahn-drea that if she wants to get some leads on the driver who injured her, she should offer a reward...and then offers to put up the cash for her. She thanks him and thinks that maybe it could work. She informs him that the police are offering a reward of $250 for any information regarding the school's computer break-in. Steve goes ashen and blurts out what a terrible idea that is, since kids are likely to say anything to get their hands on some free cash. Ahn-drea mulls that over and says he could be right. She tells him that the cop in charge of the computer investigation told her that the case is getting really cold and that they have no leads...but Ahn-drea feels that he's being far too pessimistic. She doesn't believe there was an actual break-in, since the crime was obviously perpetrated by someone who had a set of keys...or maybe hid inside the school and waited until after everyone left. Abruptly she changes the subject and asks Steve who his freshman buddy is, and Steve tells her the dork's name is Herbert. Ahn-drea points toward the diner's entrance and informs him that he just walked in. An anxious looking Herbert rushes right over to Steve, who subtly motions to Ahn-drea and tells him that they'll talk later. Herbert quickly gets the hint and abruptly leaves their table. Steve tells Ahn-drea that Herbert is acting so jittery and weird because he's desperate for a girlfriend. The Walsh house. The phone rings, and it's Dottie calling. Again. Papa Walsh, who's already in his bathrobe, takes the call. Dottie excitedly tells him that she just finished typing up some legal documents and they're ready for him to sign. Papa Walsh briefly interrupts the call to tell his wife he may have to go back to the office to sign some papers, but Mama Walsh tells him it's past his bedtime and asks if Dottie could bring the papers to the house instead. Papa Walsh asks Dottie if she can stop by on her way home, and naturally she can. When Papa Walsh hangs up, he marvels about what an amazing secretary she is. Brandon wryly remarks that it sounds like she has no life. Restaurant. Dylan scarfs down a rich chocolate dessert while Kelly watches. He offers her a bite, but she declines 'cause it would exceed her calorie allotment for the day. A minute later she relents and asks for a "teensy weensy bite". I've noticed that Kelly often slips into the habit of baby-talk whenever she gets cozy with Dylan. He puts a tiny piece of cake on his fork, and she eats it, savors the chocolate taste, then asks for another bite. He coquettishly tells her she can have it all, and by all I'm pretty sure he's referring to his penis. The waiter comes by with the check, and Dylan promptly pays it. As he and Kelly banter, he tells her how beautiful she is, and how he wishes that the other people in the restaurant weren't there. To demonstrate what he'd do if they were alone, he leans across the table and the two share several sexy kisses. In a raspy voice, he asks her if she wants to spend the night at his place...and she's definitely into it, so the two get up and simultaneously kiss and walk. But just as they approach the restaurant's exit, they run right into Brenda and Dean Cain...and the encounter is awesome! Brenda stares at Dylan and Kelly in shock and croaks, "Oh my God." Kelly looks stricken at being caught so brazenly red-handed, and is at a complete loss for words to explain herself. But that's OK, 'cause Brenda starts ranting about how she can't believe that Kelly would do this to her. Kelly weakly reminds her that she said Dylan could go out with whomever he wants, and Brenda retorts, "And you said you were my best friend. What a joke." Dylan tells Brenda to give it a rest and points out that she was the one who broke up with him. Brenda glares back at him with an expression so scary I thought her face was going to melt off...and she snaps that if he's trying to make her jealous, it won't work. He's definitely not trying to do that, but if he were, it's obvious by her reaction that it would totally work. She demands to know how long this has been going on, and Dylan shrugs and cheekily replies, "Since about 6:30pm." Brenda re-directs her catty venom toward Kelly and says that dating Dylan is probably not going to help her shake her bimbo image. The remark infuriates Kelly - but just as she opens her mouth to retort, stupid Dean Cain interjects. He points out how much history there is between the three of them, and says that [Brenda] spewing hurtful comments [at Kelly] isn't going to accomplish anything. He then takes a moment to introduce himself to Dylan, and the two shake hands...before Dylan needlessly snarks that he heard what a great tour guide he is. Brenda tearfully asks Dean Cain if they can leave now, but he wants them all to stay and talk this thing out. He earnestly tells them they've known each other for too long to blow off their friendship this way. Kelly, meanwhile, has been using the last minute and a half to formulate a suitable retort to the bimbo remark, but the best she can manage is, "I'm not a bimbo, OK?" LOL. Brenda gets the better of her a second time when she replies, "Whatever you say, Kelly. But I was always taught that if it looks like a duck and it walks like a duck..." Lemme guess...it'll quack like a duck? Kelly snarls at her to go to hell and storms out of the restaurant. Dylan follows her out and glares at Brenda as he saunters past. The Walsh house. Dottie has arrived with the legal documents. Mama Walsh answers the door and is instantly dismayed by the sight of the young, hot brunette and her smokin' body. Papa Walsh races down the stairs and shoves his frumpy wife out of the way so he can properly greet his attractive secretary. Brandon enters the scene to check her out and clearly likes what he sees. He tells her she looks like Cindy Crawford...which she doesn't really, though she's still very pretty. Dottie laughs off the flattery and gets Papa Walsh to sign the papers, and then reminds him about all of his appointments for the following day...and after that, she lays it on thick about what a dream come true it is to work with someone she so deeply respects and admires. Mama Walsh takes all of this in with a gritted smile. After Dottie leaves, Papa Walsh carries on about how incredible she is...and Mama Walsh cattily says that "incredible" is one word to describe the woman, then stalks into the living room to sulk. Papa Walsh follows her to see whassup, and Mama Walsh tells him it's so obvious that Dottie has the hots for him. Brandon overhears this, and laughs at the absurdity of so hot a babe finding his dorky, middle aged father appealing. Mama Walsh accuses her husband of encouraging Dottie's crush, as was evidenced when he changed out of his bathrobe and then doused himself with aftershave just before her impromptu arrival. Papa Walsh accuses her of being a jealous wife, a charge she vehemently denies. He then assures her that when he's at the office, his mind is 100% on his work. Sort of. The Walsh doorstep. Dean Cain drops off a traumatized Brenda. She tells him how shocked she is by the betrayal of her two best friends. Dean Cain encourages her to move on, forget the past, and accept that relationships that were once important may not work anymore. Brenda wryly tells him he sounds just like her father, and Dean Cain assures her that her father is a very smart man. He then stares at her with a creepy intensity and vows that he'll make her forget Dylan McKay. Dylan's house. Kelly is having a very bad reaction to the ugly scene that just went down at the restaurant. She rails at Dylan for not agreeing to tell Brenda that the two of them are now dating...plus she's still reeling over the bimbo remark. Dylan, on the other hand, is pretty OK with the messy way everything unfolded...but mostly he's happy that Kelly's there right now, because he's really in the mood to hit the sheets with her and put The Brenda Years firmly behind him. He makes a move to kiss Kelly, but she's not into it anymore and starts griping about the way Dylan had pointed out to Brenda that she was the one to break up with him. She wonders if she's with Dylan because Brenda isn't. Hmm...probably, since Dylan never had the stones to make the first move in breaking up with Brenda. Dylan, of course, denies this, and reminds her about the incredible summer they shared just a few short months ago. Kelly just gets all flustered, tells him there's no way he can convince her that she's not a rebound, and leaves his house in a huff. West Beverly High. Ahn-drea tells Brandon that she thinks the computer break-in was part of some larger conspiracy. She asks him if he's ever heard of a legacy key, a question which startles Brandon. She explains that her pretend long-distance boyfriend Jay told her about an unconfirmed rumor regarding a master key that unlocks every door at West Beverly. Allegedly, kids have been using it for years to change their grades and steal tests. Her rambling gets intense when she likens the legacy key to the Billionaire Boys Club (BBC), which is a completely ridiculous comparison, not least because the BBC operated as a multimillion dollar Ponzi scheme that resulted in murder. Brandon fails to point this out, but then he's thinking about how Steve is the likeliest culprit...and if he committed the break-in, he's really screwed. Brandon quickly locates Steve in the outdoor corridor and asks him if he accepted the legacy key. Steve tries to play dumb, but Brandon tells him that Ahn-drea knows all about the key, and that it's only a matter of time before she figures out who might be desperate enough to break into the school's grade bank. He reminds Steve that Ahn-drea has nothing better to do than pretend she's an investigative reporter, and that it's her job to crack cases. Steve pretends like he had nothing to do with the break-in, so Brandon presents the following circumstantial evidence that has already mounted against Steve: he was recently offered the legacy key, he bombed on his SAT, and his grades suck. Steve angrily insists that there's a line in the sand and he didn't cross it. Brandon then challenges him to turn in the person who offered him the legacy key, but Steve just stares back at him and says nothing. Principal's office. Dylan arrives for a private meeting with Mrs. Teasley. She gives him the bad news that the school board denied his appeal regarding the SAT cheating allegation. Apparently there wasn't enough evidence to support his case. She tells him he can battle it out in court, but there are no guarantees that he'll win. Dylan immediately gets moody and pissed off, ranting about how this entire situation is sorry. He then slams the door as he storms out. I really don't know why he doesn't just retake the damn thing. Kelly takes a turn down a hallway and runs right into Brenda, who shoots her the stink-eye and then stalks over to her locker. Kelly girds her loins and bravely approaches Brenda. She tries to explain that she had wanted to come clean with her about the Dylan Situation, but Dylan held her back 'cause he thought it would only hurt her feelings. Brenda retorts that it's pathetic how Kelly sneaked around behind her back for the purpose of protecting her feelings, and Kelly throws Brenda's words back at her about how tired she was of dating someone who brooded all the time. Brenda needlessly speculates that Kelly and Dylan probably slept together after arguing in the restaurant. Donna walks by, notices them fighting and asks what's going on, but the two completely ignore her. Kelly decides to throw all caution to the wind and starts mocking Dean Cain for being a big, sweet, boring stud, and Brenda snidely retorts that at least she wasn't second choice. Meow! Dylan suddenly appears in the hall, freshly angry about the whole SAT thing. He slouchily strides past Brenda and Kelly without saying a word to either of them. When Brenda barks out his name, he continues walking, and in his annoying 'world weary' manner declares that he just wants to be anywhere but here. Papa Walsh's office. Dottie is going over Papa Walsh's itinerary with him for the following day. She's wearing a tight, cleavage bearing top that would probably be completely inappropriate in any real life accounting firm. Papa Walsh signs her time-card and thanks her for putting in so much overtime. Dottie wanks him some more by gushing about how being his secretary is the best job in the whole wide world...and gives him a heads-up that the employment agency will soon be calling to ask if he'd like to hire her on a permanent basis. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she starts acting like a sex kitten and purrs about how she can't get him out of her mind. She unzips the side of her tight leather skirt and climbs across his desk, moaning about how happy her life will be when he offers her a permanent, full-time position. The camera then cuts to Papa Walsh staring hungrily into space as Dottie tries to snap him out of his reverie. She tells him she'll warn the employment agency to hold off calling him so he doesn't feel pressured, and he gets all flustered and tells her it's not necessary and accidentally blurts out that he'll sleep with her - but quickly corrects himself with, "I'll sleep on it." Still looking hot, horny, and bothered, he dials his home number to tell Mama Walsh that he's on his way. Kelly's/David's house. David remarks to Kelly that it was a pretty ugly scene between her and Brenda in the hall, and Kelly starts whining about how she can't win. She kept Dylan at arm's length all summer because of her close friendship with Brenda...but now that she's dating him 'cause he's available, Brenda thinks she's a bitch. David half-heartedly mumbles that he doubts Dylan sees her that way, then leaves the room. Kelly picks up the phone and tries to reach Dylan, but his answering machine kicks in. She leaves a message asking him to call her. Dylan, meanwhile, is standing in his living room, staring at the phone as he listens to Kelly's message. He turns around and walks out the door. The Walsh house. Dean Cain is in the living room, discussing tax shelters and capital gains with Papa Walsh while Brenda sits on the couch beside him, bored out of her gourd. Dean Cain notices her lack of interest in their conversation and apologizes for neglecting her, but explains how thrilled he is to be talking to a top financial expert like Jim Walsh. A besotted Papa Walsh invites his new BFF to drop by his office sometime for a tour, and Dean Cain looks very excited about doing that. West Beverly High. That evening, Steve is summoned to the maintenance office to be blackmailed further by Hutch. Steve is wearing a skimpy muscle shirt - ew - but thankfully a zippered sweatshirt over it. He's annoyed by Hutch's scheme to extort him out of hundred dollar bills, but pulls out his wallet to pay another installment. To his dismay, Hutch informs him that his hundred dollar bills are no longer going to cut it. The Walsh house. After singing/bonding with Papa Walsh, Dean Cain returns to the living room and apologizes to Brenda about spending so much time hanging with his future father-in-law. Brenda is sitting on the couch, looking lonely, sad, and thoughtful. Dean Cain kisses her, but she turns her face away. He asks her if she's mad at him, and she assures him she's not. She then gives him the "you're a nice guy, but" speech, and tells him it's not going to work out. He's shocked and asks why, so she tells him she doesn't think they have anything in common. Looking totally crestfallen, he asks her about fate...and their kismet. Brenda tells him that she allowed herself to get wrapped up in the romance of it all, but she's not actually ready to jump into another relationship. She chides him for moving way too fast and acting like they're an engaged couple, ready to walk down the aisle together. Solemnly he tells her he never believed in love at first sight until that day he saw her in Paris, and then refers to her as "the one". She says maybe if it were another time...and then starts to cry. Dean Cain looks utterly defeated and starts to ask her a question - but she cuts him off and assures him that her complete disinterest in him has nothing to do with Dylan McKay. He doesn't buy that obvious lie, but kisses her tear-stained cheek and jokes about how crushed Papa Walsh is going to be when he learns about their breakup. She chuckles and promises to break it to him gently. He then tells her not to lose his number, because he's definitely not going to lose hers. He leaves the Walsh house looking very sad. And that's that. The Peach Pit. Dylan enters the diner and tells Brandon about losing the SAT appeal. He thanks Brandon for standing by him through everything, and informs him that he's taking off for awhile because he needs some time and space from all of the self-inflicted drama in his life. Brandon warns him about his self destructive tendencies, but Dylan points out that the very reason he's leaving is 'cause he doesn't want to start drinking and hustling in seedy pool halls again. Brandon wishes him good luck, and the two shake hands and give each other a quick man hug. Dylan's house. The phone rings, but Dylan's already long gone. As soon as the answering machine kicks in, a distressed looking Brenda hangs up without leaving a message. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Brenda, Kelly, and Donna are wandering through the aisles of a video rental store, looking for a movie to rent. Donna picks out Father of the Bride, but Kelly points out that she's already seen it fifty times and tells her to just buy the damn thing already. Brenda suggests renting a classic, and a bored Kelly ambles toward the "how to" section. David, meanwhile, is browsing the store's porn section and looks slightly embarrassed when Donna catches him in the act...but then puts his arm around her and asks if she wants to have some X-rated fun with him. Donna prudishly declines, lectures him on the evils of porn, and forcibly steers him away from the area. Just as they're exiting the porn section, she comes face to face with Father Chris, the priest who gave her her first communion. Father Chris looks happy to see her, makes a mental note that she's standing near porn, and invites her to stop by his church for a soul-cleanse. Donna promises she'll be in touch. Donna and David rejoin Brenda and Kelly. Suddenly, Brenda looks down one of the video aisles and is startled to see Dean Cain. She mutters, "Oh my God.." and asks Donna to hide her. Donna tells her there's no way she's going to make it out of the video rental store without Dean Cain seeing her, so Brenda goes on the offensive and boldly approaches him. Donna fills in Kelly and David about who Dean Cain is, and also that he thinks Brenda is a native Parisian. Dean Cain is flabbergasted when he sees Brenda "Dubois". She slips into her grisly fake French accent to explain that she's in California visiting her "Ameri-caan relateev in Beverly Ills" - OMFG - but is jetting back to Paris in a couple of days. Dean Cain tells her he finally gave up enduring cold Wisconsin winters and transferred to UCLA...then guilts her about the way she stood him up in Paris that day. He recounts his deep sadness over the thought of never seeing her again - but now that he's suddenly re-connected with her, he's over the pain and wants to give her a tour of L.A.! Brenda tries to decline, but gives up the fight when he starts babbling about kismet and dreamily remarks on how beautiful she is. God - he's still as schmaltzy as he was in Paris. He asks her where she's staying during her "visit", so she tells him she's bunking over at her Aunt and Uncle Walsh's house. The Walsh house. The family is setting the table for dinner when the phone rings. Mama Walsh answers it and then looks confused. She holds the receiver in her hand and announces that the caller is a boy who wants to know if her niece Brenda is at home. Brenda dashes over to the phone, takes the receiver from her mother, and slips into her ridiculous accent to converse with Dean Cain. She declines an invitation for that evening, but agrees to get together with him on Saturday. When she finishes her call, her bewildered family asks her whassup, so she breezily explains that he's just some guy she met in Paris who somehow believes her ghastly accent is authentic and that she's a native Parisian. She didn't think she'd ever see him again, but then bumped into him the other day in a video rental store, so now she's forced to keep this absurd, implausible deception going. Brandon points out that the guy is sure to go postal when he discovers that she's been lying to him all this time, but Brenda smugly insists that that isn't going to happen. Kelly's house. Kelly is painting her room black, and Jackie is worried that the black paint might be a subtle cry for help. She delicately asks her daughter what's bothering her, so Kelly tells her how lonely it feels to be single when everyone around her is coupled up. She cites the following:
Like every good mother who has a daughter, Jackie dutifully assures Kelly that she's young, beautiful, and has her whole life ahead of her. Kelly laments always falling for the wrong guy, and Jackie tells her it's impossible to control who a person falls in love with. Out of curiosity, she asks Kelly who this "wrong guy" is...but the conversation is interrupted when baby Erin starts crying and Jackie has to rush over to the nursery to attend to her. Donna's house. Donna and David are making out on Donna's bed. Ew. David tells her he's surprised she hasn't stopped him, since this is usually the point at which she shoves his thrusting pelvis off of her. Donna tells him she wants him to keep going, but then reverses herself and stops him. They both sit upright on the edge of the bed, and David formally announces that he and his blue balls are ready, willing, and available to doink at any time...so whenever she's ready, she need only roll over and unzip his pants. Donna looks uncertain and tells him she doesn't know if she's ready, so David lists a number of reasons why they could be doinking right now: a) they're both virgins and therefore won't contract any diseases, b) her parents are out of town, so they can orgasm at the top of their lungs, and c) he has condoms, so she won't get knocked up. Donna isn't swayed, however, and tells David she was brought up to believe that she must hold out until marriage. David warns her that he's not likely to get married for at least ten years, and there's no possible way he and his ardent penis are going to make it through such a lengthy, self-imposed sex drought. Donna looks contemplative. West Beverly High. As the gang strolls outdoors, Kelly proudly tells everyone that Donna's SAT score went up by eighty points from the last time she took the test. I guess that was before they figured out she was learning disabled. Brandon asks Steve how he did, and he says he did about the same. Kelly laughs and quips, "Not so hot, huh?" to which he irritably retorts, "It'll do." Brenda asks Dylan how he did on the SAT, and he tells her he hasn't gotten his results back...but assumes it's 'cause he took the test in Lompoc. Steve approaches Brandon at his locker and discreetly tells him that his SAT scores are horrific, and that he's worried about not getting accepted into UCLA. At that moment Herbert happens to walk by and amiably asks Steve how it's going, and Steve bitchily snaps, "It's going." Brandon tries to buoy Steve's sagging spirits by pointing out that universities look at other things besides the SAT, but Steve confesses that his grades are also in the toilet. Brandon gently urges Steve to scale down his post-secondary aspirations to something more along the lines of Burger King University, but Steve insists that in his family, it's UCLA or nothing. With no more empty words of encouragement left to offer, Brandon just advises Steve to maybe try studying...and Steve sarcastically thanks him and strides down the hall. As he passes the computer lab, he notices Herbert inside, and soon a terrible scheme takes root inside his muddled brain. Steve enters the lab and apologizes to Herbert for acting like a douchebag thirty seconds earlier. He invites Herbert to go to a Raiders game with him, and then gets right down to business and asks him if he's ever hacked into a big computer system before. He adds that he heard the administrators of West Beverly High store all of the students' grades on a computer system and suggests breaking into this system so they can alter their grades. Herbert tells him he could probably do it if he knew the password - but even if he did know the password, he'd have to break into the school first. Steve assures Herbert that he has that end covered and proudly shows him his key. The Blaze newsroom. Ahn-drea is on the phone, hustling some hapless, unsuspecting person into spending money on advertising space in The Blaze. When she finishes her call, Brandon hands her an article he just finished editing, then tells her he has to go study for a history midterm. He asks her if she needs a lift, but she declines and tells him she's in the mood for a walk. After the final bell rings, Ahn-drea leaves school and ambles along the street, clutching her school books. She crosses at an intersection, and somehow fails to notice the silver muscle car that's barreling toward her. In a badly edited action sequence, Ahn-drea's stunt double is struck by the side of the car, bounces in the air, then splats onto the pavement. The camera then cuts to the real Ahn-drea, lying unconscious amid her school books with one foot at a weird angle. The driver continues to speed off, leaving her for dead. Hospital. Miraculously, Ahn-drea survived the accident and is laying in a hospital bed with casts on both legs. Her face is all bruised up too. She's conscious when Brandon quietly enters her room holding a bouquet of flowers. She's happy to see him and tells him he just missed her parents. She tells him she has two broken legs...and Brandon tenderly holds her hand (blech, Brandon!) and asks her exactly what happened. She recounts that she was walking home from school, thinking about how great her life is (seriously?)...and suddenly a car came out of nowhere, struck her, and then kept on going. The police told her she's lucky she didn't end up as roadkill. Brandon kisses her forehead and tells her he's there for whatever she may need, and so she takes full advantage of his sympathy and asks him to sit with her awhile. West Beverly High. Steve tells his young new protege, Herbert, that the legacy key has been used ever since the 1960s, and infers that breaking into the school after hours is less a crime than a folksy tradition. Herbert reveals a glimmer of intelligence when he points out to Steve that he doesn't actually need to change his grades since he gets straight As...but somehow Steve manages to guilt Herbert into his nefarious scheme by reminding him about how he helped break him out of his wimp mold. I'm not sure when or how that metamorphosis occurred. Steve then appeals to Herbert's sense of loyalty and adventure, and promises to one day make Herbert the heir to the legacy key. Poor Herbert easily capitulates and hands over what's left of his gonads to Steve, and agrees to do his bidding. Outside, Steve uses his cell phone to a call up a security company. He pretends to be an employee of a computer maintenance corporation and requests the password to the school's network...and gets it! He turns to Herbert and cackles, "We got 'em!" and then runs off, screeching with joy. Nikki joins Brandon, who's hanging with Donna and David. She asks how Ahn-drea's doing, and Brandon tells her that she's OK, and that she'll be back in school next week. Nikki tells the group that her aunt gave her four tickets to a live cable AIDS benefit that Rosie O'Donnell is hosting. She apologizes for the short notice because it airs that evening...but Brandon's into it, and Donna and David also agree to go. The Walsh house. Mama Walsh answers the door for Dylan and announces to Brenda that Slouchy has arrived. Brenda, meanwhile, is on the phone with Dean Cain, finalizing plans to get together with him on Saturday. Dylan locates Brenda in the kitchen just as she's hanging up the phone and asks her if Papa Walsh is around. She asks him if anything's wrong, so he tells her he got his SAT results back...and it turns out that he did so well that the SAT people are accusing him of cheating. In the next scene, he's seated on the couch in the family room, discussing the situation with Brenda and her parents. Papa Walsh reads over the letter and says he understands why a red flag was raised: Dylan's score improved by three hundred points from the last time he took the test. Dylan explains that the last time he took the SAT was the day Brenda was in the hospital to have her non-cancerous breast lump removed, and he did so terribly 'cause he left halfway through the test to be by her side. Papa Walsh tells him that there's an appeal process, but recommends retaking the test, since it would entail a lot less red tape. Dylan doesn't like that last option and moodily insists that he didn't cheat. Hospital. Donna, David, Brandon, and Nikki have dropped by to pay a visit to Ahn-drea and tell her that they're on their way to a cable AIDS benefit. Ahn-drea is grateful for the company and urges the four of them to sign her two casts. Cable AIDS benefit. A young Rosie O'Donnell is delivering a monologue about the scourge of AIDS and unprotected sex. She then announces that she's going to put unsuspecting audience members on the spot by asking them to share stories about their first sexual experience...because that's an appropriate thing to do to complete strangers on live TV. Naturally, she makes a beeline right over to Brandon and Nikki, and starts grilling them about their relationship. They shift awkwardly in their seats as they tell her that they've been dating for a few months. When she asks them if they're "doing it", they laugh nervously and tell her that they've doinked before...but not with each other. She then moves on to David and Donna. Donna demurely reveals that she's still a virgin, and when Rosie asks if her if she's going to wait, Donna says yes and sanctimoniously adds that that's just the way she was raised. Rosie nods her approval and orders Donna to go home and thank her mother for doing such a good job raising a non-slut. She then takes a needless jab at David by advising Donna not to let him pressure her into sex, and that it's OK to wait. As the audience claps, Rosie barks at her male viewers to wear a condom if they're so much as contemplating having sex. Dylan's house. Dylan and Brenda have just finished watching the cable AIDS benefit on TV. He apologizes for taking her home so early, but says he's pretty beat. Brenda's amused by the spectacle of her brother and their friends being interviewed by Rosie O'Donnell about their sex lives. Dylan, however, is dismayed that anyone would discuss something so personal on national television. Brenda brings up the SAT situation again and tells him she thinks he should just retake the test...but this gets Dylan all prickly, and he tells her doesn't want to discuss it. She assures him she believes he didn't cheat, since he's always been so honest with her...and this prompts Dylan to admit that this is not exactly true. He slouches over to the couch and confesses that while she was in Paris last summer, he started seeing another girl. He apologizes for keeping it a secret for so long, but Brenda has already become enraged by his deception and demands to know who she is. Was it Stacy? And if not, does Stacy actually exist? Dylan wisely tells her it's not important who it is, but this only angers Brenda further. She spits out a faux thank you for his "integrity" and hisses at him to take her home. Donna's house. David and Donna are lying atop her bed again. He tells her he wants to stay the night, but only to sleep. Clever, David. Donna consents, but only as long as there's no hanky panky. David promises to keep the snake in its cage, so the two cuddle together and fall asleep. Donna has a dream that she's in the video rental store again, but this time she's wearing a white communion dress and is accompanied by a group of little girls, also wearing communion dresses. As the strange looking group approaches the porn area, one of Donna's companions tells her that she can't go in there because she's just a little girl. But Donna keeps walking...and suddenly she's inside a church, walking toward the altar. She sits with the little girls in one of the pews, and when Father Chris makes an appearance, Donna asks him if God will still love her if she doinks David. He assures her that God will still love her...but that her uppity mother will probably have a fit. Donna wakes with a start, and then pokes David and orders him to go home. One of the stops on Dean Cain's L.A. tour is the Peach Pit. He tells Brenda his fraternity brothers swear by this place, and that they serve a wondrous artery-hardening treat called the mega-burger. Brenda tries to resist entering, but he says he's starving and ushers her inside. Much to Brenda's horror, Dean Cain also insists that they seat themselves at the counter. Brandon happens to be working and is clearly amused to play along with Brenda's inane ruse of being a vacationing Parisian. Nat strolls over and, naturally, sticks his big fat nose into their private conversation...but he does such a poor job of pretending that Brenda is French, that Brenda finally cracks under the pressure and gives up on the jig. She reverts to her normal voice and blurts out to Dean Cain that she's really an American, and apologizes for lying to him and making a huge ass out of herself since the moment they met...then flees the diner. As Dean Cain is processing all of her lies, Brandon wryly tells him that his twin sister has always had a flair for drama. Suddenly, Dean Cain jumps off the stool and chases after Brenda - but as soon as he reaches the door, she re-enters the diner. She tells him she's been wanting to tell him the truth but was scared he'd hate her. Dean Cain, however, shows no signs of being even the slightest bit annoyed; in fact, he plants a big smooch on her lips and tells her that while he liked Brenda Dubois, he thinks he can fall in love with Brenda Walsh. There's really no hope for this hapless masochist. Church. Donna drops by to have a heart-to-heart with Father Chris. He can tell she's been struggling with something, so she tells him about how she and David have been dating for a year, and that she's very attracted to him but doesn't know if she should start riding his baloney pony yet. Father Chris advises her to figure out what her heart is telling her to do, and that her love is a gift...blah blah...and does she want to give this precious gift to a boob like David? At the end of their talk, he encourages her to pray on it, and he promises that God will love her even after her cherry gets popped. The Walsh house. After the L.A. tour, Dean Cain drives Brenda home and walks her to her door. She tells him it's a lot easier to talk to him without that horrible fake French accent. Yes, and it's also far less painful for everyone around you. Dean Cain tells her he loved the fake French accent, which only proves he's completely insane. He wants to see Brenda tomorrow, but she wavers and tells him she doesn't know. He reminds her what a gift it is that they found each other again, but Brenda reminds him that she has a boyfriend who she's seeing that evening. Dean Cain tells her that he hopes this boyfriend is worth throwing away their kismet. Donna's house. David is annoyed that Donna blabbed to a priest about their non-existent sex life. She hands down her final decision about their sex life, and tells him that, as far as doinking goes, they'll have to wait at least until they're finished high school. (And then I think about three years after that.) David is disappointed, but he tells her he's OK with limiting their sexual contact to kisses and dry humping. Hospital. Ahn-drea is sitting up reading when Brandon stops by for yet another visit, and he's pleased to see that she's recovering so well. She tells him that the police were just here, and that they revealed they have no suspects for the hit and run. All Ahn-drea can remember about the accident is a big loud silver car. She then shows Brandon the wheelchair she'll be using until her casts come off in about a month. For some reason he's taken aback that she's going to be wheeling around instead of using crutches. Dylan's house. Dylan is slouched over his typewriter, composing an angry letter to the SAT Testing Service. Brenda tells him to just retake the damn thing, which gets him all bitchy and he accuses her of harping on that. She asks him why he's so angry and has to turn everything into a battle, and he snaps that she'd be angry too if someone accused her of cheating. He snarls that if she can't support him then she should just leave him alone, and so she retorts with, "Fine. I'll leave you alone" and he goes, "Good." Brenda tells him they should stop pretending that their fight is about the SAT, and confesses that her Paris fling is currently living in L.A. and that she spent the day with him. She then drops the bomb that she needs a break from his relentless moodiness. He perks up at this tidbit, immediately sensing an escape from their toxic dump of a relationship. He tells Brenda that she'd better mean what she's saying, 'cause this time he's not going to try and stop her. She insists that they can't go on like this any longer and begs him not to hate her, which I found amusing. As relief floods through every pore of Dylan's being, he hugs her and gives her one last kiss. And as Brenda leaves his house for the last time as his ball & chain, he slowly breathes the sweet, fresh scent of freedom. West Beverly High. It's night time when Steve and Herbert break into the computer lab. Herbert boots up the computer, enters the password that Steve illicitly acquired, and within a few seconds he's inside the school's network. He accesses the grade bank files and brings up Steve's dismal record of Ds and Fs. He starts changing them to Bs when suddenly the system freezes. Herbert tells Steve he's locked out, and wonders aloud if some kind of silent alarm was just activated. Steve contributes to the crisis by banging on the computer monitor, and seconds later the screen goes blank. Panic sets in, and the two flustered idiots flee the building. Kelly's house. Jackie enters Kelly's bedroom to inspect her newly blackened walls, and she sees that Kelly has descended further into her madness and is now sponge painting her walls green. She starts to tell her mom that she's going through some changes...but then their conversation gets interrupted by a call from Brenda, who delivers the breaking news that she and Dylan just broke up. Again. She tells Kelly about how things finally came to a head, and that Dylan confessed to seeing someone else last summer. Kelly nervously asks who the girl is, but Brenda says she doesn't know. Kelly says she thought the two of them would be together forever, then asks Brenda if she's doing this 'cause she now has Dean Cain waiting in the wings...which, d'yuh. There's a knock at Kelly's door, and she assumes it's David and snaps that she's on the phone - but when she turns around, she's stunned to see Dylan standing in her doorway. She hurriedly gets off the phone with Brenda and asks him what he's doing at her house. He looks around at her freshly sponged walls and jokes that he came by to help her paint. He then fills her in on his breakup and tells her that Brenda told him they should start seeing other people...and that he thinks it's time he started seeing her. Yippee! He then pulls Kelly toward him and plants a sexy kiss on her lips. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: It's Dylan's eighteenth birthday, and the gang is having a party for him at the Peach Pit. They all sing "Happy Birthday" as Nat carries over an elaborately decorated cake with a surfer theme. Dylan jovially begs them to stop singing, blows out the candles, then starts coughing uncontrollably. He brushes it off as nothing serious...and suddenly there's music! The party guests start grooving to the beat, and Nikki tries to get Brandon to join her on the makeshift dance floor, but he refuses and so she boogies with David instead. Ahn-drea, meanwhile, corners Gil Meyers so they can discuss her Emily Dickinson paper...but he tells her he's off-duty and to go away 'cause he doesn't want to talk business. When she presses the issue and demands to know why he only gave her a B+, Gil wearily tells her they're at a party and saunters off. Haha! Sue Scanlon enters the diner with a bushy-haired hooligan and runs into Gil. He greets her warmly and offers her a piece of birthday cake, but she declines and asks him what she has to do to get a decent grade from him - take her clothes off? Gil looks discombobulated by the sleazy offer, flails around helplessly, then awkwardly introduces Sue to Ahn-drea, who's conveniently sitting nearby. Sue explains to Gil that her kooky mother is going to kill her if she fails freshman English, so he advises her to maybe show up for class once in awhile. She proposes doing an independent study project to improve her failing grade, and Gil looks like he's willing to consider that. Ahn-drea, who's shamelessly eavesdropping as she so often does, interrupts them in order to sarcastically inform Gil that she's excusing herself so the two of them can continue to talk business. Gil ignores Ahn-drea's passive-aggressive bitchitude and puts a hand on Sue's shoulder as he invites her to stop by his classroom so they can discuss ways in which she could improve her English grade. Across the diner, Ahn-drea witnesses the exchange and narrows her beady little eyes as she glares suspiciously at Gil. The Scanlon house. Sue quickly wipes off her makeup and tries to make a break for her bedroom. Her mother, who's milling around in Scott's old room, sees her run past and barks, "You're late!" so Sue backs up and stands in the doorway and argues that she's only late by four minutes and however many seconds. Mrs. Scanlon is not amused and tells Sue that she won't be allowed to go out for the rest of the week...then perkily announces that Uncle Henry is coming to visit, and that he'll be staying in dead Scott's room. Sue looks dismayed by the news and snaps that he shouldn't be allowed to stay in her brother's room...but Mrs. Scanlon says it's all good 'cause he was Scott's favorite uncle. Not. West Beverly High. Brenda and Donna enter the principal's office, where Brenda is apparently working/volunteering for the purpose of this episode's storyline. She tells Donna that her duties mostly entail delivering notes for Mrs. Teasley. Donna notices Sue loitering in the waiting area, and Brenda discreetly tells her that the girl practically lives in the office. She then announces that she has to collect attendance forms, and rushes off. Donna approaches Sue and tells her that they never got a chance to talk about what happened after she (Sue) made an ass of herself flirting with David during the previous episode. Sue sullenly tells her she doesn't have to worry since David no longer means anything to her, so then Donna says she knows that she still cares about David and that she doesn't want her to feel weird around him now. Sue reminds her that she promised to stay away from David, but Donna insists she doesn't have to do that, and says that David likes her...but only in a platonic, sisterly, non-sexual way. Sue snappishly retorts, "I know." In the hall, Nikki announces to Steve and David that Brandon has agreed to go to Kingston 12 (an L.A. dance club) with her. They don't believe her, but she insists it's true...and that Brandon's dance moves will impress and astonish everyone. As the little group disperses, Brenda sidles up to Brandon and asks him if it's really true that he's becoming more open-minded, and he jokes that he's feeble-minded and whines about how much he hates dancing. He asks her if she and Dylan want to come along with them to Kingston 12, but Brenda tells him that Dylan is too sick to dance...and that he's being very stubborn about going to a doctor to look into his coughing fits. Further down the hall, they find Dylan hacking away as he tries to chat it up with some random guy. Classroom. Sue is ranting to Gil about how Mrs. Teasley called her kooky mother and tattled on her for cutting class. During her rant, she slams the classroom door shut. She wails that her mother thinks she's a deadbeat, then wonders aloud if she'd be better off dead. She suddenly gets all morose and says it should have been her who died last season, not Scott. Please. Nobody wants that yokel back on the show. Almost immediately Sue apologizes to Gil for being such a downer, but he assures her it's A-OK to be raw and honest while she works through her various mental issues. Sue complains about how she doesn't have anything good in her life, so Gil points out that if she were dead, she wouldn't know him...and look what she'd be missing. She calls him conceited, then laughs and tells him she's thankful to him for cheering her up. She remarks on how different he is from all the other teachers, and then he cups her face with both hands and calls her a special girl. Oh Gil. There's no way that gesture isn't going to get badly misinterpreted. Sue then throws her arms around Gil and hugs him, and after that they gaze into each others' eyes and totally look like they're about to kiss. Suddenly, the scene cuts to the hallway and we see Sue running out of the classroom with mascara streaked across her face. Ahn-drea happens to witness this, and once again narrows her beady little eyes and glares suspiciously in the direction of Gil's classroom. The following day, Gil is in the middle of teaching English class when Brenda barges in and hands him a note from Mrs. Teasley. He reads it and furrows his brows concernedly. The scene then cuts to Brandon remarking to Ahn-drea how weird it was that Gil left halfway through English class and then pulled a no-show for the Blaze meeting, and Ahn-drea haughtily retorts that she's not at all surprised. David suddenly appears out of nowhere and asks Brandon when he wants to get together - and Brandon cuts him off and quickly says, "For the meeting. The meeting." Apparently, David is taking a page out of the Footloose playbook and has offered to secretly teach Brandon some of his most funktastic dance moves for the gang's big night at Kingston 12. In a different hallway, Brenda urges Kelly to feel Dylan's forehead. She does and agrees he's burning up with fever. Dylan promises to go home and eat some chicken soup, but the girls insist that what he really needs is a doctor. Doctor's office. After examining Dylan, the doctor writes up a prescription for antibiotics. When he mentions that he does a lot of surfing in Malibu, the doctor warns him how bacteria-laden those waters are. She advises him to give surfing a rest and take up an indoor sport. West Beverly High. Brandon moans to Dylan about how Gil has been gone for several days now, and that a sucky sub has taken over teaching his English class. He's tried to reach Gil by phone, but he keeps getting the machine. For some reason, Brandon has Gil's address in Malibu, and he tells Dylan he'd like to stop by and find out what's going on. Dylan tells him he knows the area and offers to go with him...and adds that the antibiotics he's been taking have made him feel a lot better. Suddenly, Brenda rushes up to the two of them and informs them that Gil is in a boatload of trouble. He's been accused of sexual misconduct with a female student, and has been relieved of his duties pending an investigation. Dylan and Brandon arrive in Malibu. Dylan looks out at the ocean and wistfully tells Brandon how much he misses surfing...then walks over to a chain-link fence and leans against it as he stares longingly at the waves. Brandon, meanwhile, strolls over to Gil's very cool beach house. Gil looks happy to see him, and is flattered when Brandon fills him in on how terrible the substitute English teacher is. He asks Gil when he's coming back, and Gil grimly tells him that the mother of the girl who lodged a complaint against him agreed to drop the matter if he leaves quietly, and so he's decided to quit his job. Brandon is against this idea because he strongly believes in Gil's innocence, and urges him to stick around and clear his name...but Gil shuts down and refuses to talk about it anymore. Classroom. Ahn-drea finds Sue in a classroom and tells her that she saw the way she ran out into the hall the other day, and that it was obvious she was really upset. Sue asks Ahn-drea if she's from the newspaper, and Ahn-drea confirms she is...but assures her she's not looking for a story. She tells Sue she assumes she wants to keep her personal business private, to which Sue snaps, "What you do care what I'd prefer? Nobody else does." She then flees the room, and Ahn-drea dashes after her. She tells Sue she's involved with something called peer counseling - I assume she's referring to that awful Rap Line - and that she's qualified to talk to Sue about all of her deep dark problems. To gain Sue's trust, Ahn-drea reveals the sordid story of how she fell in love with her drama teacher, Young Elvis, during Season 2 and got her heart broken. Hee! That that was such an awesome episode, especially at the end when he ever so casually mentioned he had a girlfriend. This revelation perks Sue's interest, and she promises not to tell anyone...and Ahn-drea promises not to tell anyone the stuff Sue tells her in confidence. The Walsh house. Ahn-drea drops by to find out all the dish Brenda has on Sue, since the girl is her freshman buddy. Brenda wants to know why she's so interested in the little tart and asks if it's 'cause Gil is involved. Ahn-drea expresses surprise at the mention of Gil's name, so Brenda tells her that the gossip about those two is all over school. Ahn-drea asks her what Sue's story is, so Brenda tells her that Donna filled her in about how Scott's death caused the family, which was pretty weird to begin with, to completely fall apart. Mr. Scanlon has mentally checked out, and Mrs. Scanlon is a major control freak on top of being a freak in general. Brandon suddenly bursts into Brenda's room and dramatically announces that Sue Scanlon is the one who accused Gil of sexual misconduct, and Brenda and Ahn-drea look at each other in amusement. Brandon is skeptical about Sue's version of events and refers to her as "the so-called victim"...which gets Ahn-drea all riled up, and she retorts that there's never been an unfounded claim of sexual abuse at West Beverly. Brandon counter-retorts that it doesn't mean there can never be one, and adds that Sue is a nutcase and that Gil has every right to confront his accuser. Ahn-drea angrily accuses him of judging the victim, expresses doubt about Gil's innocence, and storms out. After Ahn-drea's abrupt departure, Brenda tells Brandon she isn't sure what to believe...and Brandon says he strongly believes that Sue is screwed up enough to wrongfully accuse Gil of sexual harassment. A few seconds later, David drops by to give Brandon a private dance lesson before the Kingston 12 outing. Brandon tells him he totally forgot, and that it isn't a good night. David reminds him that they're going to the club the following evening, but Brandon says he just doesn't have time to play Chris Penn to his Kevin Bacon. David shrugs and leaves, and Brandon begs Brenda to never tell anyone that David had nearly given him a dance lesson. When he declares that he's not going to go to Kingston 12 anyway, Brenda chides him for being so stubborn about dancing. She points out that he has a nice, sexy girlfriend who really wants to dance with him...so he should get over his annoying phobia and not blow it with her. The Blaze newsroom. It's Saturday and Gil is in the newsroom, packing up his stuff. While he's doing that, Ahn-drea enters the room, glances over at him, and gives him the stink-eye. He wryly asks her if she works weekends now, and she coldly retorts that she hates to leave loose ends. Plus she has no life and likes to feel self-important by pretending that being the co-editor of The Blaze requires her to come in on Saturdays. Gil tells her he just came by to get his stuff, which sparks a misinformed tirade from Ahn-drea about how she can't believe he took advantage of a young girl who clearly has a crush on him. She also snarls that kids don't just make things like this up. Gil denies that he did anything inappropriate and insists he was just trying to help her. He says if he leaves West Beverly on his terms, he'll still have a teaching career...and that he really likes working with young people. Ahn-drea responds in her usual haughty, judgmental fashion: "Maybe you like it. A little. Too. Much." Gil then drops the bomb that he doesn't want two suicides on his conscience, and this throws Ahn-drea off balance and she's like, "Wuh?" He explains that during his first teaching job, there was a troubled female student who was bright, beautiful, and amazing...but also mad as a hatter. She fell in love with him, but he refused to cross any lines...and so he pushed her away, and she ended up killing herself. She even left a note, citing his rejection as the reason for her suicide. Gil is still so scarred by the experience that he isn't willing to publicly call Sue a liar and risk her committing suicide. Ahn-drea looks like she believes him now and asks him who's going to help Sue, and he challenges her to be part of the solution and take a stab at helping the skanklet. Beach. Dylan runs into Gil as he's strolling along a Malibu beach. He whines about how he can't surf there anymore, but that he'd like to do something to help clean up the polluted bay. Gil tells him that things for him at West Beverly are all fucked up, and Dylan says that if it were him, he would have slouched off into the sunset, never to be seen again. Gil tells him that some things aren't just black and white...and then wonders if he sent mixed messages to Sue. Well, d'yuh. If this man insists on taking teaching jobs that require him to be around teenage girls a lot, he's going to need to lay off the shoulder touches, face cupping, and hugging. Kingston 12. The gang arrives at the club for a night of dancing. David and Donna hit the dance floor, as do Steve and Kelly. Some guy comes over and asks Nikki to dance, and Brandon gives her his blessing. As the evening progresses, Nikki dances with every available guy in the club, while Brandon creepily watches her. During a break in the music, she asks the gang about Brandon's dancing issues, so Donna informs her that he's always had a major hang-up about grooving in public. Nikki exasperatedly asks if he'll ever get over it, so Steve encourages her to go the jealousy route. Nikki takes this as an invitation to grab Steve and dirty dance with him in full view of Brandon. Ew. Brandon immediately gets pissed off and storms over to break it up, a move which then makes Nikki angry. Brandon barks at Steve to take Nikki home and then storms out of the club. West Beverly High. Sue sees Ahn-drea in the hall and invites her over for dinner that evening. Ahn-drea accepts, and this seems to make Sue very happy. Steve finds Brandon at his locker and asks him if he's made up with Nikki yet...and tells him that if the two of them ever break up, he should let him know...and then he softly moans, "God". I'm guessing his penis is still on fire from the dirty dance he and Nikki shared. Brandon spots Nikki, who is conveniently loitering down the hall, so he walks over to apologize, and she tells him that the no-dancing thing has become a serious deal-breaker in their relationship. Brandon argues that he has no rhythm, so Nikki is willing to compromise: he must agree to one dance lesson, given by her, in the privacy of his home. Reluctantly, he agrees to these terms. The Scanlon house. Ahn-drea arrives carrying a dessert. Sue answers the door and nervously tells Ahn-drea that she made a mistake when she invited her...and then tries to shoo her away. Seconds later, Mrs. Scanlon comes to the door and gets all animated when she sees Ahn-drea and invites her inside. She introduces Ahn-drea to her brother Henry, a dumpy, middle-aged redhead who's visiting from Oklahoma. Sue announces that she and Ahn-drea are going to hang upstairs, but Mrs. Scanlon snaps that they'll be eating soon. She then starts gushing to Henry about how Ahn-drea is the smartest girl in school, and that she's going to Yale next year. I can't imagine how she'd know about Ahn-drea's Yale plans. Ahn-drea tries to downplay her achievements, but Mrs. Scanlon cuts her off and adds that she's also the editor of the school paper. Henry tells the ladies that he used to write for his high school paper, then jokes that when he couldn't get a good story, he just made one up...then he starts laughing like a crazy person. Following that bizarre exchange, Mrs. Scanlon orders Sue to round up her brothers and sisters for dinner. The Walsh house. Nikki is doing her best to teach Brandon how to jig, but he remains stiff and stubbornly refuses to move his limbs to any kind of beat. He tells her he prefers slower music because it only requires him to stand in one spot and sway. Nikki complies, and so the two sway to a slow song. Brandon then gets amorous, lifts her up, and transports her over to his bed where they get into some heavy petting. The Scanlon house. At the dinner table, Mrs. Scanlon remarks that her husband, Conrad, is away on business - but thank goodness Uncle Henry is around, guarding the homestead. She wants to show Ahn-drea a video of Henry's ranch in Oklahoma, but Sue snaps that Ahn-drea wouldn't be interested in their home movies...and adds that she doesn't want to see any video that has footage of her dead brother. Mrs. Scanlon apologizes to Ahn-drea for Sue's outburst and explains that she hasn't been the same since the "nasty mess with the disgusting teacher" and Sue snaps that she doesn't want to talk about it. Henry chimes in and rebukes Sue for talking about it first...and that if she started it, she should finish it. He says he never really heard what all the "mess" was about and asks Sue what she did to make Gil think he could make advances on her. A bewildered Ahn-drea insists that Sue didn't do anything wrong...and suddenly Sue gets tearful and declares that she was the one who tried to kiss and seduce Gil, but he wouldn't let her. She then runs out of the dining room, and Uncle Henry sits back in his chair and looks smug. Mrs. Scanlon, meanwhile, continues to ignore Henry's general creepiness and all the huge red flags flapping all around her. West Beverly High. Ahn-drea enters the newsroom as Brandon is welcoming Gil back. She tells Brandon she's glad she was wrong about Gil. Elsewhere in the newsroom, Kelly tells Dylan she was worried about his bad cough, but is glad he's getting over being sick. I am so looking forward to these kids finally hooking up. Ahn-drea approaches Gil with her tail between her legs and apologizes for jumping to some very insulting conclusions. He tells her that an apology isn't necessary (even though it totally is), and that she gave him lots of food for thought. Whatever, Gil. He tells her that he's still very worried about Sue and encourages Ahn-drea to do anything she can to help the nutter. The Scanlon house. Ahn-drea stops by to see Sue, but Mrs. Scanlon informs her that Sue isn't seeing anyone but family right now. She then shuts the door in Ahn-drea's face, which is really rude but also kind of funny 'cause it's Ahn-drea. The Walsh house. Ahn-drea persuades Brenda to go over to the Scanlon house to see whassup with Sue. Brenda points out that she was only Sue's senior buddy, not a family member, so she probably wouldn't get past the front door. Ahn-drea says it's unhealthy for Sue to be shut up in that house, and adds that the Scanlons are a really wacky bunch. She insists that someone's got to get in there, and suddenly Brenda knows exactly who would have the best chance of getting in. The Peach Pit. Brenda and Ahn-drea are trying to convince Donna to infiltrate the Scanlon house because they're worried that Sue might be suicidal. Donna tells them she's not family and wouldn't be able to get in...but Brenda says that since the Scanlons consider David to be family, he probably could. The Scanlon house. David arrives with Donna, and grumbles that he doesn't think this is a good idea...but then Sue answers the door and looks very happy to see the two of them. Mrs. Scanlon also appears at the door, hugs David, and marvels about how tall he's gotten and invites the two of them inside to join the family for a barbecue. When Donna expresses her concern about Sue not being in school anymore, Mrs. Scanlon blames the school for the incident with Gil and says that she pulled her daughter out. She then happily announces that they're all moving to Oklahoma! She wants to be nearer to her extended family, and for all of them to live in a community with wholesome values. She then invites Donna and David to join them in the backyard for the barbecue. Donna attempts to talk to Sue and ask if she's OK, but Sue gets all defensive and bitchily asks her why she cares. She then assures Donna she's fine, and that her family cares about her, so everyone can stop worrying. Donna tells David that the more Sue says she's fine, the more she suspects that things aren't fine at all...and at that moment, wacky Mrs. Scanlon interrupts them to ask if they want hot dogs or hamburgers. Donna gets herself a plate of food and sits at a table with David. She asks him what the deal is with Uncle Henry, so David explains that he used to be Scott's favorite uncle, but during his last trip to Oklahoma, something happened that made Scott think he was a jerk and then he never talked about him again. Uncle Henry, meanwhile, is grilling the hotdogs and hamburgers with the help of Sue's younger sister. Sue sees this and attempts to drag the little girl away from him, but Henry rebukes her and tells her that he's in charge when her father is out of town. He then grabs the little girl back, and this upsets Sue so much that she runs inside the house. Donna follows her and finds her crying in her bedroom. Sue tearfully asks her if the kids at school are talking about her, and Donna's like "D'yuh" and tells her that everyone is very curious about what really happened between her and Gil. She tells Sue that kids don't typically make up stories about being abused...and this prompts Sue to want to tell her what really happened. She recalls that "he" was kissing and touching her, but that she doesn't remember who started it...so it could have been her. But then she didn't want to do it anymore so she pulled away, but he wouldn't let her go and then hurt her. Donna assumes they're still talking about Gil...but Sue clarifies that it wasn't Gil - it was her Uncle Henry. Ewwwwww. Donna is shocked and suitably icked out by the disturbing visual. Donna accompanies Sue outside where the barbecue is still in full swing. Sue approaches her hapless, clueless mother and nervously says she needs to tell her something. In the background, Henry looks really antsy, as well he should - but then the scene abruptly ends. What a rip-off. I would have loved to have seen nutty Mrs. Scanlon's reaction to being told that her brother is a disgusting pedophile. The Peach Pit. Donna is recounting for the gang the strange series of events at the Scanlon house. She says Ahn-drea was right after all: Sue didn't make up her story about being abused. David remarks it was no wonder that Scott didn't like his uncle anymore, and Brenda clucks sympathetically about how Sue was worried that her Uncle Henry would start abusing her younger sister. Ahn-drea says it's a good thing that Sue doesn't have to carry around her awful secret anymore and that she can finally get some help. And hopefully a more tasteful wardrobe. Brandon and Nikki enter the diner, and Brandon picks up his paycheck. They declare to everyone that they're off to a new dance club. David expresses surprise that Brandon is willing to put himself through that kind of humiliation again, so Brandon discreetly tells him that dancing makes Nikki horny - I mean romantic - so now he's suddenly into it. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Amid the bustling inside The Blaze newsroom, some random flunky tattles to Ahn-drea that Brandon hasn't finished his editorial yet. Ahn-drea assures the anxious lad that she'll make certain Brandon meets his deadline, and that the layout is done correctly before it hits the presses. What a huge relief. Incidentally, Brandon is sitting only a few feet away...but he's oblivious to everyone around him as he stares intensely at the blank screen of the computer. He finally starts typing, and his typing is accompanied by an annoying voice-over that is carried out throughout most of the episode. The scene cuts to the Peach Pit, and Brandon voice-overs about how all-American it is to have a football game, a high school dance, and a burger joint all combined in one tedious storyline. So far, the West Beverly High football team stands undefeated after three games, something that never happens 'cause usually the players are so shit-tastic whenever they're on the field. Brandon is sitting at a table, yukking it up with the jocks...while Brenda is sitting at a different table with Dylan, discussing the upcoming Pigskin Prom. Dylan can't grasp why she'd want to volunteer to be the head of the prom committee, then makes a lame joke about how she wants to date a jock. Brenda jokes about how she's madly in lust with Tony Miller - a sad irony since Tony Miller ends up being her pity date for the big graduation dance at the end of Season 3. Brenda explains to Dylan that all the money that gets raised during the Pigskin Prom will be donated to the Alvarado Elementary School for their Christmas drive. Dylan praises her civic-mindedness, but then whines about not wanting to go to the prom. Donna and Kelly are sitting together at the counter. Donna is peeved by the disturbing sight of Sue Scanlon pawing David and whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Ew. Kelly confirms for Donna that the young skanklet is indeed shamelessly coming onto her boyfriend. The football players ask Brandon to make a prediction regarding the outcome of their next game, but Brandon declines and just says that the opposing team, Shaw High School (located in the 'hood), is a very strong team. Steve, meanwhile, is on the phone, relaying back to everyone the latest high school football scores. He reports that Shaw just defeated whatever team they were playing by a score of 49:0, then adds that there was some sort of violence at the end of the game. Everyone at the table shrugs disinterestedly as Brandon voice-overs how much he regrets not jumping on the story immediately. The Walsh house. At the breakfast table the following morning, Papa Walsh reads aloud an article from the paper that describes the fatal shooting of two students from Shaw High School. Apparently, they were slain in the stands during the latter part of the football game. Brandon furrows his brows and remarks that the West Beverly High football team is supposed to travel out to the 'hood and play Shaw next week, and Papa Walsh somberly tells him he highly doubts that the game will happen. West Beverly High. Brandon enters the boys' locker room to sit in on a football team meeting. One of the players, who happens to be black, says that after the shooting he has no desire to play at Shaw. Tony Miller asks him why he's so worried, him being a bro and all. The black kid shoots him a look of irritation and tells him that the kind of violence that occurs in the 'hood is less about skin color than it is about where a person lives, how they talk, and what kind of car they drive. Coach Chapman enters the locker room and informs everyone that practice has been canceled because he needs to rush off to an emergency school board meeting. Auditorium. Brenda and Donna are holding music auditions for the Pigskin Prom. The bands are all rehearsing at the same time, and the result is a ghastly cacophony of badly tuned instruments. Donna tells Brenda she should have just hired David so that they could have skipped the audition process altogether. Yeah, 'cause why give any opportunities to the 99.95% of the students who aren't part of their tiny A-list clique? David is onstage, prepping himself and his keyboard, while Steve is carefully monitoring the rehearsal. He sternly tells his managee that he'd better get this gig. Just as Brenda announces that the audition is about to get underway, Kelly breezes into the auditorium. She excitedly tells her gal pals that her dad called from Barcelona that morning, and gushes about how it was the best conversation they've ever had. Donna looks at her with concern, since she knows he's let her down many times before. Kelly acknowledges his failings and explains how apologetic her dad was for being such a deadbeat for the past fifteen years...and that they cried together on the phone. Kelly says that he'll be flying to L.A. on Friday night just to see her...which means she won't be able to go to the Pigskin Prom. She then tells Brenda that since she's bailing on the dance, she should probably resign from the dance committee. Back at the audition, the first band to perform is Grudge Master...and while they're definitely not great, they're about 100x better than David's unspeakable attempts at hip-hop. Kelly, however, isn't impressed by Grudge Master and asks Brenda why she doesn't just hire David. I really miss those early Season 3 summer episodes when Kelly seemed to fully grasp how badly David's "music" sucks ass. Board of Education building. Brandon is loitering in front of the building, waiting to hear if the upcoming football game is being canceled. A few minutes later, Mrs. Teasley and Coach Chapman exit the building. They look annoyed to see Brandon there, and tell him that a decision hasn't been made...and that there probably won't be one for several days. As Brandon heads back to his car, a black kid rushes after him. His name is Jordan Bonner, a student from Shaw High School. He noticed Brandon talking to Mrs. Teasley and Coach Chapman, and asks him if he knows anything about the upcoming game. Brandon tells him that a formal decision won't be made for at least a few days, and remarks that his school's administrators are concerned with the safety of the students - but Jordan scoffs at this and says that their concern is unnecessary. The Shaw students were killed by a rival gang, but it has nothing to do with anyone from Beverly Hills...or "you people", as Jordan calls them. Brandon retorts that since "his people" will be sitting in the same bleachers that the teens were sitting in when they got shot, it is a valid concern. Jordan brushes it off as an isolated incident, but predicts that the school board will cancel the football game. Brandon argues that the board is doing everything humanly possible to make the game happen, but Jordan just snorts derisively. He refers to Brandon as "Brandon from Beverly Hills" and snarls that he doesn't know squat. Brandon voice-overs that fifteen minutes later, the school board made the decision to officially forfeit the game with Shaw. His voice-over then blends in with the words he's typing on the computer in the newsroom, where Ahn-drea and Gil are hovering over him, curious about how the editorial is coming along. Gil is concerned about Brandon meeting the deadline, which is only forty-five minutes away. Egads! Brandon assures him he'll get his editorial done in time, so Gil leaves for the day. However, the second he's out the door, Brandon tells Ahn-drea there's no way in hell he's going to be finished in forty-five minutes. She looks annoyed and insists that she's going to need his editorial within the hour - otherwise they'll be in deep "you know what". LOL. No I don't know what, since The Blaze isn't even a real newspaper, and its readership is limited to the students and faculty of one very privileged high school. How much could possibly be at stake here? Brandon lies through his teeth and promises Ahn-drea he'll have the editorial finished in an hour. Donna bursts into the DJ booth and starts berating David for inviting Sue Scanlon to third-wheel it with them to the Pigskin Prom, so he explains that Sue is an old family friend and that she really likes music. Donna snaps back that Sue is nothing more than a slutty groupie and that she doesn't want her hanging around...and David easily calms Donna with a kiss and assures her that she has nothing to worry about. The Blaze newsroom. Brandon is still working on his editorial when Ahn-drea pokes her head inside the newsroom and asks him if he's done yet. He snaps that he's not done, and that hearing her pace up and down the hallway isn't going to help him finish it any sooner. Hee! Ahn-drea is very freaked out about the looming deadline, so Brandon finally tells her that there's no way he's going to meet it. He does, however, promise that the editorial will be done first thing in the morning, and that he'll take care of doing the layout and getting all the copies printed up. Or photocopied. Or whatever it is they do to disseminate this rag. He bids her good night, then practically shoves her out the door and locks it. He then voice-overs that a window of opportunity has just opened, and that he and Jordan Bonner have something mysterious up their sleeves. He calls up Jordan and invites him to stop by the newsroom...and assures him that no one else is around. Brandon voice-overs his observation about how the students of West Beverly High are isolated from the world's problems and are therefore unable to see past their own concerns. Well, d'yuh - isn't that the basic premise of the show? To demonstrate Brandon's point, the scene cuts to the main outdoor quad, and Kelly is heard telling the gang about the reservation she made at Spago for her and her deadbeat dad. Dylan starts griping again about how he doesn't want to go to the dance, and so Brandon suggests that it should be canceled altogether. Steve strongly disapproves of that, 'cause he arranged for two A&R guys to attend the dance so they could discover the musical genius that is David. LOL. Brenda then snarls that just 'cause the football game was canceled, it doesn't mean that the entire world has to come to a grinding halt. Brandon argues that it's weird to have a Pigskin Prom in the absence of a football game, but Steve argues that the kids at West Beverly are way more into going to a dance than watching a football game anyway. When Nikki is asked to express her opinion on the matter, she refuses to throw in her two cents and says she prefers to remain in "the neutral zone". This phrase immediately clicks with Brandon, and minutes later he's in his Mustang, driving through the tattered remains that is this show's version of South Central L.A. He voice-overs about his secret plan to get the football game rescheduled, and how it will change the world...and by the world, he means the two dozen or so football players and however many spectators a game in the 'hood usually attracts. Brandon arrives at Shaw High School and is jarred by the experience of having to go through a metal detector. He meets up with Jordan and tells him about his idea to move the football game to a neutral location. Jordan thinks it's a dumb idea, so Brandon pouts about the way he keeps dissing him yo. There's something extra lovable about Brandon whenever he ventures out into the 'hood. Jordan explains to his coddled new friend that moving the game away from Shaw is the equivalent of handing the neighborhood to the gangs, and insists that everyone needs to take a stand and demand that the football game be played where it was originally scheduled to be played. Jordan then hands Brandon the editorial he wrote, and the two stroll down the hall. Jordan shows him the locker that belonged to one of the shooting victims and says that the slain kid was his friend. When Brandon asks if he was a gang member, he immediately regrets the question and says it probably doesn't matter. Mmm...it might matter a little bit. The two then agree to publish their editorials, side by side, in each of their school newspapers. Brandon's editorial will be a eulogy for the forfeited football game, while Jordan's will be an actual eulogy for his slain classmates. That settled, Brandon flees to the safety of Beverly Hills, 90210. The Blaze newsroom. Gil tells Brandon that Jordan's editorial is way too over-the-top to publish. Ahn-drea agrees and remarks that it's too incendiary and has far too many expletives. She wants Brandon to edit it, but he refuses to touch it, which doesn't matter anyway 'cause Gil refuses to allow it to be published in any form, period. As Brandon continues writing what is fast becoming the most time-consuming, dragged-out editorial in the history of Blaze editorials, he bitchily voice-overs that the students at West Beverly High only care about the dance. And it's at that very moment that he gets the idea to use his editorial as an open invitation to invite the students of Shaw High School to attend the Pigskin Prom. Jordan stops by The Blaze newsroom to drop off an updated version of his editorial. He's surprised that Brandon was willing to print his first expletive-filled version...but now he wants the new version to be the one that gets published. Well that was pretty fickle and dickish of him. Brandon hands Jordan his editorial...and as Jordan scans it, he tells Brandon that it's way too crazy an idea to invite Shaw students to a West Beverly High dance. Brandon, however, insists that they have to shake things up. The next day, Brenda looks puzzled as she reads a copy of The Blaze. She encounters Brandon as he's heading toward his locker, and starts reading aloud his editorial. When she finishes, she angrily tells him he had no right to invite the Shaw hooligans to her Pigskin Prom without checking with her first. She's worried that the administration will cancel the event, but Brandon brushes off her concerns and tells her she's overreacting...however, when he continues walking down the hall, a bunch of people call out his name and then glare at him while holding a copy ofThe Blaze. Looks like shit just hit the fan. Buckle up, 'cause this episode's about to get slightly less tedious than the tedious tedium it's been up until now. The Blaze newsroom. Brandon apologizes to Ahn-drea for secretly publishing his editorial, but he strongly felt it was something he had to do. Ahn-drea is angry he didn't trust her enough to confide in her. Gil bursts into the room and tells Brandon they're going to have to do some serious damage control, and says he covered for him with Mrs. Teasley by telling her that the editorial somehow got published by mistake. Brandon insists that it wasn't a mistake, and Gil sternly tells him that if Mrs. Teasley knew that the editorial had been intentionally published, he'd be booted out of school. Really? 'Cause that would seem like a giant overreaction. Ahn-drea now gets mad at Gil for covering for Brandon, and she's so galled at the two of them that she flees the room to take a walk and let off some of her excess hot air steam. Outside, Brenda is ranting to Dylan that Brandon is a traitor. As a general rule, Dylan doesn't like to get involved in their bickering, so he shifts the conversation and tells her that he really liked Jordan's editorial. Brenda then non-sequiturs that if the dance gets canceled, they can always show up uninvited to Spago and meet Kelly's father. Dylan grimly tells her that the odds of Kelly's deadbeat dad actually showing up in L.A. and keeping his promise to Kelly are slim to none. Out in the hallway, Brandon gets heckled by Tony Miller and a fellow jock about how he should stick to writing the sports page. Nikki breezes over and jokingly asks him if the editorial was an elaborate ruse to get out of going to the dance with her, then tells him how much she admired what he wrote. Steve, however, is pissed off that the A&R guys might not have a chance to discover David's musical genius and thereby make him a rich business manager...and Donna voices her displeasure about what could be a missed opportunity for David. They all look over at David in the DJ booth, where his pathetic moping can easily be viewed through the booth's large window. Forget about it, Davey. Your musical breakthrough is never meant to happen. Principal's office. Mrs. Teasley lectures Brandon about how her first obligation is the safety of her students, so he counters by asking her if the students at Shaw would be welcome at West Beverly if there hadn't been a shooting. She doesn't give him an answer, but the look on her face says hell no. Brandon dramatically concludes that the students at Shaw have never been welcome at West Beverly. Well...perhaps not - but I don't ever recall my high school having dances that were also open to the entire student body of a different high school. They just had their own dances. Clothing boutique. Brenda, Kelly, and Donna are in fitting rooms, trying on new dresses. Brenda tells them that Mrs. Teasley called the principal at Shaw, who told her that the Shaw students probably won't come to the Pigskin Prom, despite the open invitation. She adds that they'll still be getting security guards just in case the ruffians cause any trouble. Donna, meanwhile, complains that Sue Scanlon will probably fawn all over David the whole night. Brenda emerges from her fitting room in an unflattering white dress that has see-through fabric on the arms and torso. Blech. Donna is wearing a more traditional looking short tight black dress and it looks pretty good on her skeletal frame. Kelly is also buying a new dress, but it's for her evening out with her deadbeat dad...and it's a very pretty royal blue number with a zig-zag corset thing across the back. Brenda delicately asks her if she's sure her father will actually come, and this immediately raises Kelly's ire. She derisively tells Brenda that she lives in "Walsh Land" and doesn't understand other people's problems and that she should just shut up. She then stalks back to her fitting room. David's/Kelly's house. David asks for Kelly's opinion on what he's wearing, which is an atrocious, shiny, leopard skin-esque jacket. Jesus. Did he really need to ask? Kelly grimaces and tells him it looks like something Steve would pick out for him...and so he wisely changes into something else. Kelly then asks him how she looks in her blue dress, and David dutifully tells her she looks beautiful. Kelly looks down at her watch and remarks that her dad is running a little late. Uh oh. David reminds her that if her plans change, she can always come to the dance. The Walsh house. Brandon gets a call from Jordan, who tells him that a lot of kids from Shaw are on their way to attend the dance at West Beverly High...and adds that some of them have been drinking. Brandon quickly hops into his car and races over to the school. West Beverly High. David girlishly raps as he does a mic/sound check...and Steve looks on, excited about the evening ahead. Sue Scanlon is also particularly excited. She's standing on the dance floor in front of the stage, enthusiastically clapping for David and making squeaky "ooow" noises - LOL - as Donna glares at her in annoyance. Brandon, Brenda, and Nikki arrive...and Brandon anxiously looks around for Gil. Jordan is at the door trying to get in, but the hyper-vigilant security guard won't let him pass, so Brandon and Brenda have to walk over there in person and order the guard him to let him in. Locker room. David is having a meltdown, freaking out to Steve 'cause he somehow just realized he's about to humiliate himself by rapping in front of a roomful of black kids from the 'hood. Steve's unhelpful, yet hilarious, response is that he should be relieved he's not a country and western singer. True that. Suddenly, Sue Scanlon enters the locker room and purposefully strides toward David decked out in cycling shorts, which seems to be her slutty outfit of choice. Steve immediately heads out, but not before he reminds David that musicians usually enter "the business" to get young tail. Sue, meanwhile, continues to advance, telling David that the band is hot. The band? David has no band - so far it's only ever been just him onstage. She then starts to massage his shoulders, and he pulls away from her, looking extremely icked out. He reminds her that her dead brother Scott used to be his best friend before he offed himself in Season 2, and that the two of them hooking up would be creepy and incestuous. Sue finally gets the message and snarls that he doesn't know what he's missing. Tony and the rest of the football players make it known that they're ready to rumble with the Shaw students, should the need arise. Gil and Ahn-drea finally arrive, and Brandon gives them both a heads-up that they may have a potential Jets versus Sharks situation on their hands. The Peach Pit. Dylan enters the diner and briefly chats it up with chatty Nat before noticing Kelly sitting alone at a table weeping. He slouches toward her with a plate of food to see whassup. Kelly tearfully tells him that some woman called her on behalf of her deadbeat dad to inform her that he wasn't able to fly to L.A. after all, but that he'll make it up to her next time. Kelly says that the last time this happened, she got high with some guy...but was pretty messed up back then. Dylan quips that a dance isn't a dance without Kelly Taylor, and invites her to accompany him to the Pigskin Prom. Kelly accepts his offer. Dance. Dylan and Kelly arrive at the school and notice a long, chaotic line-up of Shaw students trying to get in. Security guards snark at the Shaw students that the dance is only for the mostly pretty white people who attend West Beverly...and so the 'hood kids argue that they got a personal invitation to the dance from Brandon Walsh. Dylan and Kelly breeze past the guards without incident, and this exacerbates the already tense situation. Brandon charges over to the entrance and orders the security guards to let everyone from Shaw inside...and when Gil backs up his decision, the Shaw kids start filing in. Everyone is bopping to a bland '90s beat while David stands onstage and wiggles his narrow hips. The Shaw students amble around, amused by the sight of their privileged counterparts dancing awkwardly without a scrap of rhythm. The West Beverly football players look rigid and on-guard, and Brandon has to stop them from advancing on the Shaw football players. Suddenly, a crowd forms around two guys fighting...but it just ends up being Tony Miller pretend fighting with one of his football teammates. After that, everyone just stares daggers at each other until Nikki saves the day by politely asking one of the Shaw guys if he'd like to dance with her. He checks her out and accepts, so Donna follows suit and asks a different Shaw guy to dance. Onstage, David is still wiggling his tiny hips while he works up the courage to start rapping. Ahn-drea asks Brandon to dance, and they both laugh as he declines. He asks her if she's forgiven him for inviting the Shaw students to the dance, and she grins and says, "Maybe." David then finally bites the bullet and dives into one of his rap lite songs. Seconds later, a black kid from Shaw climbs up onstage to adjust the sound...and then starts rapping along with David, which does a lot to dilute the high-pitched quality of David's girlish voice. After that, everyone dances together and has a rockin' time. A bit later, Dylan and Brenda dance to a slow song, and they look happy and kiss. Kelly walks by and gets pulled into their dance, making it a threesome - which is super ironic. Elsewhere, Donna and David dance together. He assures her that nothing is going on between him and Sue Scanlon, and Donna believes him and gives him a happy kiss. Jordan tells Brandon that his two deceased friends would have liked the dance...and they also would have liked Brandon. He then points out the Shaw students who are on the football team, and Brandon says he still wants to reschedule a game between the two teams...and as the camera begins to fad out, the two saunter toward the Shaw football players, who look like they've just started to warm up to the West Beverly High football players. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Kelly's in the bathroom, showering, when David emerges from his bedroom wearing headphones. He dorkily bops to the beat as he heads down the hallway toward the bathroom. Kelly, meanwhile, has finished her shower and is toweling herself off when David suddenly bursts in and gets an eyeful of her nakedness. He's mesmerized by the sight of her taut bare flesh, and mumbles an apology...but doesn't actually make an attempt to leave the bathroom. Kelly covers herself with a towel and shrieks at him to get out and then physically shoves him out the door. Mortified that her naughties were unintentionally exposed to David, she lets out a few desperate groans and runs back into the shower. Next time she may want to consider locking the door. West Beverly High. Brandon and Gil enter the newsroom and find Ahn-drea sitting at her desk, working on something in her usual industrious, self-important manner. Brandon nosily sifts through the pile of books on her desk and notices one called How to Get Into the College of Your Choice. Ahn-drea explains that she's doing some prep-work for her college counseling session, and reminds him that counseling sessions are being held for all seniors this week. Brandon predicts that lots of colleges will be throwing scholarship money at her feet, and she admits that there have been a few offers - but none from the top schools. Brandon assures her she has nothing to worry about, since she's one of the smartest students at West Beverly...but since Ahn-drea's so tightly wound, she starts in on one of her annoying rants about how being accepted into the right college is the most important thing in her life, blah blah. Brandon interjects to point out that they're all in the same boat, but Ahn-drea argues that things are so much easier for him than they are for her. All he has to do is pick any college he wants to attend and just go. She, on the other hand, has to pick a college and then figure out how she's going to pay for it. Steve is trying to open his locker, but because he's a stupid bonehead, he's forgotten his combination. A couple of random girls walk by and snicker at him, as well they should. He marches over to the maintenance office and finds Mr. Hutchins, the maintenance worker. He whines to "Hutch" that he needs help opening his locker, but Hutch just blows him off, says he's too busy, and that he should take a number. Haha! Steve complains that all of his books are inside his locker, and Hutch retorts that it's not his problem. After some more back and forth, Hutch finally agrees to interrupt his current project of changing a light bulb to go pry open the idiot's locker. In another hallway, Kelly is complaining to Donna that David is a sleaze-monger. Donna defends her pubescent boyfriend by pointing out that he had been listening to a Walkman and therefore couldn't hear the shower running as he approached the bathroom...but Kelly just grumbles about how she has no privacy in her own home. Mrs. Teasley makes a sudden appearance in the hallway and asks Kelly what the hell happened to her yesterday. Apparently Kelly blew off the college counselling appointment that had been scheduled at 3:30pm. She apologizes and tells Mrs. Teasley that it slipped her mind, so then Mrs. Teasley sternly tells her she'll have to reschedule. She then turns her attention to Donna, who meekly promises to show up for her 10:00am appointment the following morning. As soon as Mrs. Teasley is safely out of earshot, Kelly sarcastically declares that attending a college counselling session is at the top of her list of things to do...and Donna scrunches her big face in confusion. Hutch opens Steve's locker and gripes that next time it'll cost him. This guy seems to really hate his job a lot. Dylan happens to catch the exchange as he's walking by and asks Steve if he forgot his combination again. He derisively asks him if this is, like, the thirtieth time it's happened. Steve snaps back that it's only the fourth time it's happened, as though this makes him seem any less stupid. To avoid a fifth occurrence, he may want to considerwriting down the combination to his locker. DJ booth. David is in the middle of making an announcement about cheerleading tryouts, but when he spots Kelly through the booth's large window, his dong stiffens and he totally loses his concentration. Kelly notices his lustful stare and exasperatedly orders him to stop. As she storms off, Steve happens to walk by. He steps inside the DJ booth and asks David what's going on between him and Kelly. Brandon and Nikki are locked in a tight embrace near a row of lockers. They have a pointless conversation about the name of the girl Brandon first kissed, blah blah. Dylan witnesses the nauseating PDA and walks over to cheekily remark to Brandon how glad he is that he got over "this age thing" with Nikki. He then saunters off, and Nikki giggles. DJ booth. David has told Steve about the shower incident, but Steve is skeptical of the veracity of his story. He questions David about any distinguishing birthmarks Kelly has, and David accurately describes the one she has on her upper thigh. Steve's eyes instantly go wide with belief, and David moans that Kelly is a goddess. Kelly enters the hallway again, and the two perverts stare at her hungrily. She glances toward the booth and once again reprimands David as he gazes at her in a trance-like state. Art class. Donna tells Kelly that David didn't walk in on her on purpose. Kelly is annoyed that Donna is sticking up for him, so then Donna theorizes that Kelly's jealous that she has a boyfriend for the first time. Kelly says that's ridic, which it totally is, considering the boyfriend is David. The art teacher then enters the room and announces to the class that they're going to explore the nude female form. How apropos. The Peach Pit. Brandon is working the evening shift while Dylan is seated at the counter. The two banter about the reading list for Gil's English class, blah blah. Kelly then enters the diner and joins them after doing a quick scan to ensure that Pervert David is nowhere nearby. Dylan tells her she shouldn't be so hard on the perv, and says if it had been him who'd accidentally walked in on her while she was naked, he also would be unable to stop staring. Kelly laughs then swiftly changes the subject and asks Brandon if Brenda's around. He tells her that Brenda is preparing for her college counseling session, and Kelly wonders aloud why she would need to prepare for that. I'm actually wondering that myself. Dylan remarks that Brenda isn't just preparing, she's obsessing. Brandon dutifully defends his sister, telling them that college is very important to her...and Kelly and Dylan simultaneously retort that college is not important to them. Ahn-drea ambles over to the counter and needlessly informs Brandon, Kelly, and Dylan that she's shortlisted some possible colleges: Duke, Vassar, Swathmore, and Brandeis. Unfortunately, her first choice is none of them. The only school she's ever been interested in attending is Yale...but she doesn't think she has a chance of being accepted. Grandma Rose's apartment. Ahn-drea is dreaming that she's walking on a highwire, and she's doing so wearing a skimpy blue circus outfit. Dylan is on the other side of the wire, telling her that if she makes it across, she'll get into Yale. He then starts asking her questions about Gil, which immediately erodes her confidence. Suddenly, she looks down and notices that Gil has grabbed the highwire and is shaking it, trying to force her to fall. Ahn-drea cries at him to stop, but Gil just laughs maniacally and continues to shake the wire. She falls off, and gets jolted awake because she's also fallen off of the couch-bed in her grandmother's living room. West Beverly High. Brandon is having his college counseling session with Mrs. Teasley. She informs him that with his B+ average and all the extracurricular stuff on his record, he has some excellent post-secondary school choices available to him. She asks him where he might want to attend college, and he's not sure. At this point, his session gets blended with Brenda's session. Both twins say they're considering Northwestern, Stanford, New York University, and Boston University. Mrs. Teasley points out that it's very expensive to attend school out-of-state, and Brandon replies that they "aren't exactly rich" the same time Brenda replies they "aren't exactly poor". There's no mistaking which of these twins is more delusional and self-entitled. The Walsh house. Papa Walsh arrives home from work and finds Mama Walsh in the kitchen, preparing a home cooked, nutritious dinner. She tells him that the twins are talking about colleges, and looks sad about the impending milestone. As the family sets the table for dinner, Brenda and Brandon talk about the colleges they're considering applying to...and this forces Papa Walsh to deliver some jarring news. He says there's only enough cash to send one twin to a fancy, out-of-state school. The less deserving twin (Brenda) will be sent to Borner's Barber College. Brenda coldly retorts, "You're kidding." A guilt-ridden Mama Walsh starts to prattle about how they sunk a large portion of their savings into the house when they moved to Beverly Hills, and Papa Walsh adds that their investments have tanked, and reminds them that there's a recession going on. With college tuition running up to $20,000 a year, Mama and Papa Walsh don't have the kind of money that's needed to finance out-of-state tuition and living expenses for the both of them. Brandon asks about financial aid, and Papa Walsh wryly says that while they're not rich, they're too well off for financial aid. Brenda asks them what they're going to do, and Papa Walsh tells her they're going to put their heads together and try to come up with an equitable solution. A second later, Brenda is ranting about why she has to be the one to take a back seat, and asks if it's because she's a girl. Unfortunately, no one has the stones to tell her it's mostly 'cause of her unrelenting bitchitude. Brandon sneers at her for playing the female card and accuses her of always getting a free ride. He says she's always gotten everything she's ever wanted, but this time he won't allow it. When Brenda angrily denies this, he points out that he's the one with a job, and for the last few years has never asked his parents for a dime. Fair point (1:0 for Brandon). Brenda is too lazy to have ever had a long-term job, so she has no real retort other than to snark, "Get over yourself." Papa Walsh yells at the two of them to cut it out. He says it's clear that they can't discuss this as a family, so he and Mama Walsh will talk it over and announce their decision by the end of the week. Brenda and Brenda stomp off in opposite directions. West Beverly High. The following day, Brandon and Brenda arrive on campus, still bickering about college. He cynically predicts that Mama Walsh will rule in Brenda's favor, then reminds his sister that she lied about sneaking off to Mexico with Dylan and then got rewarded with a free summer vacation in Paris. Hmm...yeah, that's another good point (2:0 for Brandon). Dylan, who has been listening to the two of them argue, tells them they both need to chill out. Brenda sarcastically tells Brandon he should chill out, but he just gives his sister a stony glare and stalks off. Dylan tells Brenda that the two of them are blowing this whole college thing out of proportion, and she snidely tells him it's easy for him to say that because he's rich. As she stalks off, Dylan stares after her, clearly distressed by the incidious way his girlfriend's inner bitch has begun to chip away at his soul. Donna is having her college counseling session with Mrs. Teasley. She says she hasn't thought seriously about college 'cause of her learning disability...and also 'cause her grades are in the toilet. Mrs. Teasley tells her there's plenty of colleges with special programs aimed to help the learning disabled, but Donna says that her parents think that the Beverly Hills Community College is the best place for her. She adds that her father doesn't believe she has a learning disability and thinks she's just dumb. Admittedly, it is a tough call. Outside, David is staring over at Kelly with his tongue hanging out. He tells Steve he's having flashbacks of Kelly's ta-tas, and that they're distracting him from being able to get any work done. Steve sympathizes with his young friend's horny predicament, but advises him to bask in the glow of the visual of Kelly's naked body. Brandon strolls over and joins the Neanderthals' conversation, since he too has heard about the infamous shower incident. Steve assures David that it's perfectly normal for guys to undress girls in their minds. Ahn-drea, who's been shamelessly eavesdropping on their conversation, approaches the three guys and actually comes right out and asks if any of them have ever undressed her in their minds. Not wanting to insult Ahn-drea's non-existent sex appeal, they jokingly tell her they're mentally undressing her right now. They start oohing and aahing at her until she gets revolted and walks away. The Blaze newsroom. Ahn-drea suddenly recalls her dream of walking across the highwire and asks Gil if he ever ran away and joined the circus...and he gives her a strange look and non-sequiturs that he did run off and go to Yale. When she tells him she's thinking of applying to their early admissions program, he wishes her luck and remarks that the school is very selective. Ahn-drea naturally takes this as a personal put-down and immediately looks upset. Gil then adds insult to injury when he cautions her not to put all of her eggs in one basket with regard to choosing a college. I'm really enjoying the way Gil so obviously enjoys fucking with Ahn-drea's head. Ahn-drea whines to Brandon about how much Gil hates her. Well, d'yuh - that much is obvious. Brandon wearily tells her that Gil is probably just trying to get her to be realistic about her chances of getting into Yale, since it is such a prestigious school. Ahn-drea snarks back that Gil was clearly trying to discourage her from even applying to Yale, so Brandon finally gets fed up with her incessant bellyaching and tells her that she's not the only person with college problems. He says his parents aren't exactly rolling in enough dough to send both him and Brenda to high-priced universities - and this seems to shut Ahn-drea up...for the moment, anyway. Steve is undergoing his college counseling session with Mrs. Teasley. He tells her he's only interested in one school: the University of Southern California. Of course, the writers amend this in Season 4, since he's really talking about the fictional "California University", which is where the entire Beverly Hills, 90210 cast ends up going. Steve brags about his father being an alumnus, but Mrs. Teasley tells him he'll need more than a legacy to get into pretty much any university, because he currently has a D+ average. Steve seems surprised by his shitty grades and says he thought he was more in the C- range. I think it was pretty optimistic of Mrs. Teasley to have even scheduled a college counseling session with Steve. Kelly and Brenda are strolling in the outdoor corridor when David comes over and asks Kelly for a lift home. She snaps at him to get lost, then explains to Brenda that she doesn't want the little perv checking her out while she drives. Brenda asks her what's wrong and tells her she seems so troubled lately. Kelly tells her it's all the talk about college, and that she has no idea what she wants to do with her life. Brenda asks her if there's anything she can do to help, so Kelly invites her to go to a movie. Brenda tells her she can't go 'cause she has plans with Dylan, but invites Kelly to third-wheel it with the two of them...and Kelly declines 'cause that would be too weird. Dylan's house. Dylan is tinkering with his motorcycle while Brenda stands a few feet away and tells him how depressed Kelly is over her uncertainty about college. Dylan gruffly tells her that not everyone wants to go to college...like himself, for example. Brenda looks troubled to hear this, since she assumed they'd be attending the same college. She asks him what's going to become of their toxic relationship if she ends up going to an out-of-state school, and Dylan casually retorts that they'll cross that bridge when it comes. He makes a vain attempt to change the topic by asking her if she wants to go for a ride on his motorcycle, but she snarks back that she hates motorcycles, and that they were in the middle of a serious conversation. Dylan irritably tells her not to plan his future for him. The Walsh house. Brenda begs Papa Walsh to convince Dylan to go to college - but Papa Walsh wryly points out that if he ordered Dylan to attend college, it would be the best way of ensuring that that will never happen. Brenda is concerned that her aimless boyfriend is throwing his life away, so Papa Walsh asks her to consider if the two of them are moving in different directions. Brenda immediately starts wailing that he's trying to break them up, so Papa Walsh carefully avoids raising her ire any further by assuring her that he is, in no way, trying to do that. He's really quite frightened of Brenda's inner bitch, as any grown man should be. He asks her how the two of them spent their evening, so she tells him that Dylan was tinkering with his motorcycle while she nattered at him like a naggy wife. Papa Walsh looks smug and tells her that this proves his point. While she's preparing for college, Dylan is showing no signs of having any ambition or goals in his life. He then asks her who Dylan would be without his money, and Brenda retorts that he'd be a kind, sensitive person who she loves. Papa Walsh then asks her to think about whether or not she really wants to spend her life with so slouchy a guy who spends all of his time surfing at the beach and puttering around with his motorcycle...and Brenda falls silent and stares contemplatively into space. The Walsh house. When Brandon arrives home from work, Mama Walsh needlessly informs him that Brenda is upstairs having a talk with Papa Walsh. Brandon immediately suspects that Brenda is trying to convince their father that she should be the chosen one for the expensive college and gets angry. He plays the martyr and tells his mother that he'll apply to California University, or maybe even the University of Minnesota where he can use Grandma's address so they don't have to pay out-of-state tuition. That last option sounds kind of fraudulent. At bedtime, Mama Walsh tells Papa Walsh about Brandon's decision to attend a local university. Papa Walsh thinks it's great, but Mama Walsh points out that it may not be his choice to stay in California, and that it's a sign he's just giving up. She suggests that maybe Brandon does deserve a good out-of-state college more that Brenda because of how hard he works. He totally does. Papa Walsh points out that Brandon only took a job so he could afford a car...while Brenda was satisfied bumming rides off of him and her rich friends and therefore shouldn't penalized for that. Mama Walsh then suggests taking out a second mortgage, but Papa Walsh is adamant about not wanting to live in debt. Mama Walsh says she's officially out of ideas and doesn't see how they can possibly choose between their children, and Papa Walsh let out a sigh and says he feels like he's walking a tightrope. Speaking of tightropes, Ahn-drea is having another dream that she's trying to walk across one...and this time Brandon is on the other side, encouraging her. She wails that she doesn't think she can do this, so Brandon tells her that Gil can't stand in the way of her going to Yale. Gil suddenly appears and laughs maniacally as he begins to cut the wire with a saw. A few seconds later, Ahn-drea wakes up in a cold sweat. Steve is waiting for B.J. Harrison on a dark, deserted road. When B.J. pulls up, Steve tells him he's decided to take the legacy key, and B.J. is delighted and declares that the torch has been passed. He tells Steve that in a year from now, he'll be pledging his fraternity. Um, not with his current D+ average he won't be. B.J. tells him that the legacy is now in his hands, and that he should guard it with his life. Steve immediately heads over to West Beverly High and tries to unlock the front door with the legacy key, but it doesn't work. Haha! The Peach Pit. The following morning, Steve enters the diner and finds B.J. eating an artery hardening breakfast. He starts ranting about how B.J. punked him by giving him a key that doesn't work. B.J. looks genuinely confused and suggests that maybe the front door locks got changed during the past year. D'yuh. Art class. The art teacher is instructing the class on how to draw the female form. She strolls over to where Donna is working and is immediately impressed. She praises Donna's graceful stroke, and suggests that she consider attending art school so she can formally train. She then picks up Donna's sketch and shows it to the entire class, saying how it's the work of an artist. Donna looks thrilled. After class, Donna excitedly tells Brenda that her art teacher recommended that she go to college to train as an artist. Apparently the art teacher also promised she'd help her create a portfolio. Donna then happily skips off to tell Mrs. Teasley about her new career path. Brenda asks Kelly if she has time for a klatch about whether or not she thinks she and Dylan have enough in common. They go outside and seat themselves on a bench, and Brenda gets into how Papa Walsh said some things about Dylan being a deadbeat that really got to her. And after thinking about it for awhile, she wonders if maybe her father is right and that she and Dylan are on two different wave lengths. The Walsh house. Brenda enters Brandon's room, and he immediately snaps that he's busy. She announces that he can go away to an out-of-state school if he wants to, then turns to leave - but he stops her from leaving and asks what happened. Brenda tries to pretend like she thinks he deserves it more than she does - which he totally does - but Brandon isn't buying her act and wants to know what's really behind her change of heart. Brenda cryptically answers, "It's not a what, it's a who." And that who is a slouchy hipster. Dylan's house. Dylan picks up the phone and grimaces when he realizes it's Brenda calling. He tells her he's waxing his motorcycle, and she apologizes for trying to plan his future. She explains how scared she is about losing him if she were to go away to college, then tells him she wants to attend college in L.A. He tells her she shouldn't plan her life around him. Ouch. Brenda looks stunned and tells him she thought they were a part of each other's lives, so he wearily explains that he doesn't want her to resent him if she makes life decisions based on his aimless existence. Suddenly there's a knock at his door...and he opens it to find Kelly. He quietly invites her in and tells Brenda that he has to take care of something and will call her back. They both say their I love yous while Kelly glumly stares. Dylan asks Kelly why she stopped by, so she tells him she found some wrenches in her garage and thought he could make use of them. He's happy to take them off her hands and thanks her. She then tells him she's been moping around for weeks because she misses their friendship...and no longer wants to keep avoiding him. She also points out that they're the only two people among their A-list crew who haven't gone totally mental about the whole college thing. She then checks out his motorcycle and asks him if she's ever going to get a ride, and he tells her that that could be arranged. She flashes him a flirty smile and heads home. The Walsh house. Dylan calls Brenda back and assures her that they're going to make it through this umpteenth crisis. Brandon enters his sister's room and brusquely tells her to get off the phone because Mama and Papa Walsh want to talk to them downstairs. Brenda and Dylan exchange I love yous again, but Dylan doesn't look like he really means it as much anymore. Mama and Papa Walsh announce that since they can't choose between their children, they're going to overindulge both of them, and encourage both twins to choose any school they wish to attend. A confused Brandon asks them if they just won the lottery, so Mama Walsh explains that they're taking out a second mortgage. Brenda thanks them, but announces that she's decided to go to California University, and Brandon makes the same announcement. Apparently he discovered it's one of the best schools in the country, which I think is highly questionable since we know that Steve also gets accepted. Mama and Papa Walsh let out a big sigh and look enormously relieved that their kids aren't going to suck every last dime from them after all. Ahn-drea is having the dream about the highwire again. Gil is below her, pulling on the wire and grabbing at her ankles, but she kicks him away and suddenly applause breaks out. The audience then starts chanting that she can do it...and she does! She finally makes it across the highwire and then basks in the applause while taking a bow. The Blaze newsroom. Ahn-drea enters the newsroom and sees that Gil is already there. Looking as nervous and uncomfortable as she can possibly make herself look, she tells him there's something she needs to say to him. She says that no matter how much he tries to shake her confidence, she's determined to apply to Yale...and Gil looks amused, but also indifferent to her college plans. Or maybe he's just amused by his indifference. Ahn-drea starts rambling about how Yale would be lucky to have her, and that it's fine with her if he can't support that. Gil tells her that it's terrific news, and that she's exactly the kind of person Yale is looking for: insecure, manic, and obnoxiously verbose. He also offers to write Ahn-drea a glowing letter of recommendation, and she looks touched by the unexpected gesture. Steve is lurking around the hallway near the maintenance office. He opens the door and finds it empty. He then sticks a big wad of gum inside the door lock. A caper is imminent! Later that night, Steve returns. He slips inside the maintenance office and checks out the collection of keys. Hutch immediately catches him in the act and correctly assumes that he's looking for the master key to the school, and pulls it out of his pocket to taunt Steve. Steve begs him not to rat him out and offers a $100 bribe, which Hutch is happy to accept. He then informs Steve that if he ponies up even more cash, he can buy himself a legacy key...and Steve is all, "Wuh?", startled that Hutch knows all about the illicit tradition. David's/Kelly's house. Kelly enters the bathroom while David is plucking his facial hairs. She apologizes for giving him such a hard time about seeing her naked and tells him she has some ideas about how to make things run smoother regarding their bathroom use. And because she gave him so much grief about seeing her naked, she has a special, private treat for him. She turns on the water in the shower, eyes him sexily as she pulls the scrunchy out of her hair, and makes it look like she's about to do a strip tease. But when she opens her bathrobe, she's wearing very unsexy, plaid, full length pajamas. She cheekily wishes him pleasant dreams, wraps her bathrobe around her, and flounces out of the room. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! |
Beverly Hills, 90210 homepageRecapper: Isabel K. French
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