Beverly Hills, 90210 - Season 3, Episode 9

"Oh God! Something just
exploded in my pants!"

"Highwire"
Original airdate: 9/23/1992

Episode summary: Brenda and Brandon are shocked to discover that their parents can only afford to send one of them to an expensive, out-of-state college. David walks in on Kelly in the bathroom and sees her naked, and Steve accepts the legacy key from B.J. Harrison, but is dismayed to learn that it doesn't actually unlock anything at West Beverly High.

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Recap: Kelly's in the bathroom, showering, when David emerges from his bedroom wearing headphones. He dorkily bops to the beat as he heads down the hallway toward the bathroom. Kelly, meanwhile, has finished her shower and is toweling herself off when David suddenly bursts in and gets an eyeful of her nakedness. He's mesmerized by the sight of her taut bare flesh, and mumbles an apology...but doesn't actually make an attempt to leave the bathroom. Kelly covers herself with a towel and shrieks at him to get out and then physically shoves him out the door. Mortified that her naughties were unintentionally exposed to David, she lets out a few desperate groans and runs back into the shower. Next time she may want to consider locking the door.

West Beverly High. Brandon and Gil enter the newsroom and find Ahn-drea sitting at her desk, working on something in her usual industrious, self-important manner. Brandon nosily sifts through the pile of books on her desk and notices one called How to Get Into the College of Your Choice. Ahn-drea explains that she's doing some prep-work for her college counseling session, and reminds him that counseling sessions are being held for all seniors this week. Brandon predicts that lots of colleges will be throwing scholarship money at her feet, and she admits that there have been a few offers - but none from the top schools. Brandon assures her she has nothing to worry about, since she's one of the smartest students at West Beverly...but since Ahn-drea's so tightly wound, she starts in on one of her annoying rants about how being accepted into the right college is the most important thing in her life, blah blah. Brandon interjects to point out that they're all in the same boat, but Ahn-drea argues that things are so much easier for him than they are for her. All he has to do is pick any college he wants to attend and just go. She, on the other hand, has to pick a college and then figure out how she's going to pay for it. 


Steve is trying to open his locker, but because he's a stupid bonehead, he's forgotten his combination. A couple of random girls walk by and snicker at him, as well they should. He marches over to the maintenance office and finds Mr. Hutchins, the maintenance worker. He whines to "Hutch" that he needs help opening his locker, but Hutch just blows him off, says he's too busy, and that he should take a number. Haha! Steve complains that all of his books are inside his locker, and Hutch retorts that it's not his problem. After some more back and forth, Hutch finally agrees to interrupt his current project of changing a light bulb to go pry open the idiot's locker.


In another hallway, Kelly is complaining to Donna that David is a sleaze-monger. Donna defends her pubescent boyfriend by pointing out that he had been listening to a Walkman and therefore couldn't hear the shower running as he approached the bathroom...but Kelly just grumbles about how she has no privacy in her own home. Mrs. Teasley makes a sudden appearance in the hallway and asks Kelly what the hell happened to her yesterday. Apparently Kelly blew off the college counselling appointment that had been scheduled at 3:30pm. She apologizes and tells Mrs. Teasley that it slipped her mind, so then Mrs. Teasley sternly tells her she'll have to reschedule. She then turns her attention to Donna, who meekly promises to show up for her 10:00am appointment the following morning. As soon as Mrs. Teasley is safely out of earshot, Kelly sarcastically declares that attending a college counselling session is at the top of her list of things to do...and Donna scrunches her big face in confusion.


Hutch opens Steve's locker and gripes that next time it'll cost him. This guy seems to really hate his job a lot. Dylan happens to catch the exchange as he's walking by and asks Steve if he forgot his combination again. He derisively asks him if this is, like, the thirtieth time it's happened. Steve snaps back that it's only the fourth time it's happened, as though this makes him seem any less stupid. To avoid a fifth occurrence, he may want to considerwriting down the combination to his locker.


DJ booth. David is in the middle of making an announcement about cheerleading tryouts, but when he spots Kelly through the booth's large window, his dong stiffens and he totally loses his concentration. Kelly notices his lustful stare and exasperatedly orders him to stop. As she storms off, Steve happens to walk by. He steps inside the DJ booth and asks David what's going on between him and Kelly.


Brandon and Nikki are locked in a tight embrace near a row of lockers. They have a pointless conversation about the name of the girl Brandon first kissed, blah blah. Dylan witnesses the nauseating PDA and walks over to cheekily remark to Brandon how glad he is that he got over "this age thing" with Nikki. He then saunters off, and Nikki giggles.


DJ booth. David has told Steve about the shower incident, but Steve is skeptical of the veracity of his story. He questions David about any distinguishing birthmarks Kelly has, and David accurately describes the one she has on her upper thigh. Steve's eyes instantly go wide with belief, and David moans that Kelly is a goddess. Kelly enters the hallway again, and the two perverts stare at her hungrily. She glances toward the booth and once again reprimands David as he gazes at her in a trance-like state.


Art class. Donna tells Kelly that David didn't walk in on her on purpose. Kelly is annoyed that Donna is sticking up for him, so then Donna theorizes that Kelly's jealous that she has a boyfriend for the first time. Kelly says that's ridic, which it totally is, considering the boyfriend is David. The art teacher then enters the room and announces to the class that they're going to explore the nude female form. How apropos.


The Peach Pit. Brandon is working the evening shift while Dylan is seated at the counter. The two banter about the reading list for Gil's English class, blah blah. Kelly then enters the diner and joins them after doing a quick scan to ensure that Pervert David is nowhere nearby. Dylan tells her she shouldn't be so hard on the perv, and says if it had been him who'd accidentally walked in on her while she was naked, he also would be unable to stop staring. Kelly laughs then swiftly changes the subject and asks Brandon if Brenda's around. He tells her that Brenda is preparing for her college counseling session, and Kelly wonders aloud why she would need to prepare for that. I'm actually wondering that myself. Dylan remarks that Brenda isn't just preparing, she's obsessing. Brandon dutifully defends his sister, telling them that college is very important to her...and Kelly and Dylan simultaneously retort that college is not important to them.


Ahn-drea ambles over to the counter and needlessly informs Brandon, Kelly, and Dylan that she's shortlisted some possible colleges: Duke, Vassar, Swathmore, and Brandeis. Unfortunately, her first choice is none of them. The only school she's ever been interested in attending is Yale...but she doesn't think she has a chance of being accepted.


Grandma Rose's apartment. Ahn-drea is dreaming that she's walking on a highwire, and she's doing so wearing a skimpy blue circus outfit. Dylan is on the other side of the wire, telling her that if she makes it across, she'll get into Yale. He then starts asking her questions about Gil, which immediately erodes her confidence. Suddenly, she looks down and notices that Gil has grabbed the highwire and is shaking it, trying to force her to fall. Ahn-drea cries at him to stop, but Gil just laughs maniacally and continues to shake the wire. She falls off, and gets jolted awake because she's also fallen off of the couch-bed in her grandmother's living room.


West Beverly High. Brandon is having his college counseling session with Mrs. Teasley. She informs him that with his B+ average and all the extracurricular stuff on his record, he has some excellent post-secondary school choices available to him. She asks him where he might want to attend college, and he's not sure. At this point, his session gets blended with Brenda's session. Both twins say they're considering Northwestern, Stanford, New York University, and Boston University. Mrs. Teasley points out that it's very expensive to attend school out-of-state, and Brandon replies that they "aren't exactly rich" the same time Brenda replies they "aren't exactly poor". There's no mistaking which of these twins is more delusional and self-entitled.


The Walsh house. Papa Walsh arrives home from work and finds Mama Walsh in the kitchen, preparing a home cooked, nutritious dinner. She tells him that the twins are talking about colleges, and looks sad about the impending milestone. As the family sets the table for dinner, Brenda and Brandon talk about the colleges they're considering applying to...and this forces Papa Walsh to deliver some jarring news. He says there's only enough cash to send one twin to a fancy, out-of-state school. The less deserving twin (Brenda) will be sent to Borner's Barber College. Brenda coldly retorts, "You're kidding." A guilt-ridden Mama Walsh starts to prattle about how they sunk a large portion of their savings into the house when they moved to Beverly Hills, and Papa Walsh adds that their investments have tanked, and reminds them that there's a recession going on. With college tuition running up to $20,000 a year, Mama and Papa Walsh don't have the kind of money that's needed to finance out-of-state tuition and living expenses for the both of them. Brandon asks about financial aid, and Papa Walsh wryly says that while they're not rich, they're too well off for financial aid. Brenda asks them what they're going to do, and Papa Walsh tells her they're going to put their heads together and try to come up with an equitable solution.


A second later, Brenda is ranting about why she has to be the one to take a back seat, and asks if it's because she's a girl. Unfortunately, no one has the stones to tell her it's mostly 'cause of her unrelenting bitchitude. Brandon sneers at her for playing the female card and accuses her of always getting a free ride. He says she's always gotten everything she's ever wanted, but this time he won't allow it. When Brenda angrily denies this, he points out that he's the one with a job, and for the last few years has never asked his parents for a dime. Fair point (1:0 for Brandon). Brenda is too lazy to have ever had a long-term job, so she has no real retort other than to snark, "Get over yourself." Papa Walsh yells at the two of them to cut it out. He says it's clear that they can't discuss this as a family, so he and Mama Walsh will talk it over and announce their decision by the end of the week. Brenda and Brenda stomp off in opposite directions.


West Beverly High. The following day, Brandon and Brenda arrive on campus, still bickering about college. He cynically predicts that Mama Walsh will rule in Brenda's favor, then reminds his sister that she lied about sneaking off to Mexico with Dylan and then got rewarded with a free summer vacation in Paris. Hmm...yeah, that's another good point (2:0 for Brandon). Dylan, who has been listening to the two of them argue, tells them they both need to chill out. Brenda sarcastically tells Brandon he should chill out, but he just gives his sister a stony glare and stalks off. Dylan tells Brenda that the two of them are blowing this whole college thing out of proportion, and she snidely tells him it's easy for him to say that because he's rich. As she stalks off, Dylan stares after her, clearly distressed by the incidious way his girlfriend's inner bitch has begun to chip away at his soul.


Donna is having her college counseling session with Mrs. Teasley. She says she hasn't thought seriously about college 'cause of her learning disability...and also 'cause her grades are in the toilet. Mrs. Teasley tells her there's plenty of colleges with special programs aimed to help the learning disabled, but Donna says that her parents think that the Beverly Hills Community College is the best place for her. She adds that her father doesn't believe she has a learning disability and thinks she's just dumb. Admittedly, it is a tough call.


Outside, David is staring over at Kelly with his tongue hanging out. He tells Steve he's having flashbacks of Kelly's ta-tas, and that they're distracting him from being able to get any work done. Steve sympathizes with his young friend's horny predicament, but advises him to bask in the glow of the visual of Kelly's naked body. Brandon strolls over and joins the Neanderthals' conversation, since he too has heard about the infamous shower incident. Steve assures David that it's perfectly normal for guys to undress girls in their minds. Ahn-drea, who's been shamelessly eavesdropping on their conversation, approaches the three guys and actually comes right out and asks if any of them have ever undressed her in their minds. Not wanting to insult Ahn-drea's non-existent sex appeal, they jokingly tell her they're mentally undressing her right now. They start oohing and aahing at her until she gets revolted and walks away.


The Blaze newsroom. Ahn-drea suddenly recalls her dream of walking across the highwire and asks Gil if he ever ran away and joined the circus...and he gives her a strange look and non-sequiturs that he did run off and go to Yale. When she tells him she's thinking of applying to their early admissions program, he wishes her luck and remarks that the school is very selective. Ahn-drea naturally takes this as a personal put-down and immediately looks upset. Gil then adds insult to injury when he cautions her not to put all of her eggs in one basket with regard to choosing a college. I'm really enjoying the way Gil so obviously enjoys fucking with Ahn-drea's head.


Ahn-drea whines to Brandon about how much Gil hates her. Well, d'yuh - that much is obvious. Brandon wearily tells her that Gil is probably just trying to get her to be realistic about her chances of getting into Yale, since it is such a prestigious school. Ahn-drea snarks back that Gil was clearly trying to discourage her from even applying to Yale, so Brandon finally gets fed up with her incessant bellyaching and tells her that she's not the only person with college problems. He says his parents aren't exactly rolling in enough dough to send both him and Brenda to high-priced universities - and this seems to shut Ahn-drea up...for the moment, anyway.


Steve is undergoing his college counseling session with Mrs. Teasley. He tells her he's only interested in one school: the University of Southern California. Of course, the writers amend this in Season 4, since he's really talking about the fictional "California University", which is where the entire Beverly Hills, 90210 cast ends up going. Steve brags about his father being an alumnus, but Mrs. Teasley tells him he'll need more than a legacy to get into pretty much any university, because he currently has a D+ average. Steve seems surprised by his shitty grades and says he thought he was more in the C- range. I think it was pretty optimistic of Mrs. Teasley to have even scheduled a college counseling session with Steve.


Kelly and Brenda are strolling in the outdoor corridor when David comes over and asks Kelly for a lift home. She snaps at him to get lost, then explains to Brenda that she doesn't want the little perv checking her out while she drives. Brenda asks her what's wrong and tells her she seems so troubled lately. Kelly tells her it's all the talk about college, and that she has no idea what she wants to do with her life. Brenda asks her if there's anything she can do to help, so Kelly invites her to go to a movie. Brenda tells her she can't go 'cause she has plans with Dylan, but invites Kelly to third-wheel it with the two of them...and Kelly declines 'cause that would be too weird.


Dylan's house. Dylan is tinkering with his motorcycle while Brenda stands a few feet away and tells him how depressed Kelly is over her uncertainty about college. Dylan gruffly tells her that not everyone wants to go to college...like himself, for example. Brenda looks troubled to hear this, since she assumed they'd be attending the same college. She asks him what's going to become of their toxic relationship if she ends up going to an out-of-state school, and Dylan casually retorts that they'll cross that bridge when it comes. He makes a vain attempt to change the topic by asking her if she wants to go for a ride on his motorcycle, but she snarks back that she hates motorcycles, and that they were in the middle of a serious conversation. Dylan irritably tells her not to plan his future for him.


The Walsh house. Brenda begs Papa Walsh to convince Dylan to go to college - but Papa Walsh wryly points out that if he ordered Dylan to attend college, it would be the best way of ensuring that that will never happen. Brenda is concerned that her aimless boyfriend is throwing his life away, so Papa Walsh asks her to consider if the two of them are moving in different directions. Brenda immediately starts wailing that he's trying to break them up, so Papa Walsh carefully avoids raising her ire any further by assuring her that he is, in no way, trying to do that. He's really quite frightened of Brenda's inner bitch, as any grown man should be. He asks her how the two of them spent their evening, so she tells him that Dylan was tinkering with his motorcycle while she nattered at him like a naggy wife. Papa Walsh looks smug and tells her that this proves his point. While she's preparing for college, Dylan is showing no signs of having any ambition or goals in his life. He then asks her who Dylan would be without his money, and Brenda retorts that he'd be a kind, sensitive person who she loves. Papa Walsh then asks her to think about whether or not she really wants to spend her life with so slouchy a guy who spends all of his time surfing at the beach and puttering around with his motorcycle...and Brenda falls silent and stares contemplatively into space.


The Walsh house. When Brandon arrives home from work, Mama Walsh needlessly informs him that Brenda is upstairs having a talk with Papa Walsh. Brandon immediately suspects that Brenda is trying to convince their father that she should be the chosen one for the expensive college and gets angry. He plays the martyr and tells his mother that he'll apply to California University, or maybe even the University of Minnesota where he can use Grandma's address so they don't have to pay out-of-state tuition. That last option sounds kind of fraudulent.


At bedtime, Mama Walsh tells Papa Walsh about Brandon's decision to attend a local university. Papa Walsh thinks it's great, but Mama Walsh points out that it may not be his choice to stay in California, and that it's a sign he's just giving up. She suggests that maybe Brandon does deserve a good out-of-state college more that Brenda because of how hard he works. He totally does. Papa Walsh points out that Brandon only took a job so he could afford a car...while Brenda was satisfied bumming rides off of him and her rich friends and therefore shouldn't penalized for that. Mama Walsh then suggests taking out a second mortgage, but Papa Walsh is adamant about not wanting to live in debt. Mama Walsh says she's officially out of ideas and doesn't see how they can possibly choose between their children, and Papa Walsh let out a sigh and says he feels like he's walking a tightrope.


Speaking of tightropes, Ahn-drea is having another dream that she's trying to walk across one...and this time Brandon is on the other side, encouraging her. She wails that she doesn't think she can do this, so Brandon tells her that Gil can't stand in the way of her going to Yale. Gil suddenly appears and laughs maniacally as he begins to cut the wire with a saw. A few seconds later, Ahn-drea wakes up in a cold sweat.


Steve is waiting for B.J. Harrison on a dark, deserted road. When B.J. pulls up, Steve tells him he's decided to take the legacy key, and B.J. is delighted and declares that the torch has been passed. He tells Steve that in a year from now, he'll be pledging his fraternity. Um, not with his current D+ average he won't be. B.J. tells him that the legacy is now in his hands, and that he should guard it with his life.


Steve immediately heads over to West Beverly High and tries to unlock the front door with the legacy key, but it doesn't work. Haha!


The Peach Pit. The following morning, Steve enters the diner and finds B.J. eating an artery hardening breakfast. He starts ranting about how B.J. punked him by giving him a key that doesn't work. B.J. looks genuinely confused and suggests that maybe the front door locks got changed during the past year. D'yuh.


Art class. The art teacher is instructing the class on how to draw the female form. She strolls over to where Donna is working and is immediately impressed. She praises Donna's graceful stroke, and suggests that she consider attending art school so she can formally train. She then picks up Donna's sketch and shows it to the entire class, saying how it's the work of an artist. Donna looks thrilled.


After class, Donna excitedly tells Brenda that her art teacher recommended that she go to college to train as an artist. Apparently the art teacher also promised she'd help her create a portfolio. Donna then happily skips off to tell Mrs. Teasley about her new career path. Brenda asks Kelly if she has time for a klatch about whether or not she thinks she and Dylan have enough in common. They go outside and seat themselves on a bench, and Brenda gets into how Papa Walsh said some things about Dylan being a deadbeat that really got to her. And after thinking about it for awhile, she wonders if maybe her father is right and that she and Dylan are on two different wave lengths.


The Walsh house. Brenda enters Brandon's room, and he immediately snaps that he's busy. She announces that he can go away to an out-of-state school if he wants to, then turns to leave - but he stops her from leaving and asks what happened. Brenda tries to pretend like she thinks he deserves it more than she does - which he totally does - but Brandon isn't buying her act and wants to know what's really behind her change of heart. Brenda cryptically answers, "It's not a what, it's a who." And that who is a slouchy hipster.


Dylan's house. Dylan picks up the phone and grimaces when he realizes it's Brenda calling. He tells her he's waxing his motorcycle, and she apologizes for trying to plan his future. She explains how scared she is about losing him if she were to go away to college, then tells him she wants to attend college in L.A. He tells her she shouldn't plan her life around him. Ouch. Brenda looks stunned and tells him she thought they were a part of each other's lives, so he wearily explains that he doesn't want her to resent him if she makes life decisions based on his aimless existence. Suddenly there's a knock at his door...and he opens it to find Kelly. He quietly invites her in and tells Brenda that he has to take care of something and will call her back. They both say their I love yous while Kelly glumly stares.


Dylan asks Kelly why she stopped by, so she tells him she found some wrenches in her garage and thought he could make use of them. He's happy to take them off her hands and thanks her. She then tells him she's been moping around for weeks because she misses their friendship...and no longer wants to keep avoiding him. She also points out that they're the only two people among their A-list crew who haven't gone totally mental about the whole college thing. She then checks out his motorcycle and asks him if she's ever going to get a ride, and he tells her that that could be arranged. She flashes him a flirty smile and heads home.


The Walsh house. Dylan calls Brenda back and assures her that they're going to make it through this umpteenth crisis. Brandon enters his sister's room and brusquely tells her to get off the phone because Mama and Papa Walsh want to talk to them downstairs. Brenda and Dylan exchange I love yous again, but Dylan doesn't look like he really means it as much anymore.


Mama and Papa Walsh announce that since they can't choose between their children, they're going to overindulge both of them, and encourage both twins to choose any school they wish to attend. A confused Brandon asks them if they just won the lottery, so Mama Walsh explains that they're taking out a second mortgage. Brenda thanks them, but announces that she's decided to go to California University, and Brandon makes the same announcement. Apparently he discovered it's one of the best schools in the country, which I think is highly questionable since we know that Steve also gets accepted. Mama and Papa Walsh let out a big sigh and look enormously relieved that their kids aren't going to suck every last dime from them after all.


Ahn-drea is having the dream about the highwire again. Gil is below her, pulling on the wire and grabbing at her ankles, but she kicks him away and suddenly applause breaks out. The audience then starts chanting that she can do it...and she does! She finally makes it across the highwire and then basks in the applause while taking a bow.


The Blaze newsroom. Ahn-drea enters the newsroom and sees that Gil is already there. Looking as nervous and uncomfortable as she can possibly make herself look, she tells him there's something she needs to say to him. She says that no matter how much he tries to shake her confidence, she's determined to apply to Yale...and Gil looks amused, but also indifferent to her college plans. Or maybe he's just amused by his indifference. Ahn-drea starts rambling about how Yale would be lucky to have her, and that it's fine with her if he can't support that. Gil tells her that it's terrific news, and that she's exactly the kind of person Yale is looking for: insecure, manic, and obnoxiously verbose. He also offers to write Ahn-drea a glowing letter of recommendation, and she looks touched by the unexpected gesture.


Steve is lurking around the hallway near the maintenance office. He opens the door and finds it empty. He then sticks a big wad of gum inside the door lock. A caper is imminent!


Later that night, Steve returns. He slips inside the maintenance office and checks out the collection of keys. Hutch immediately catches him in the act and correctly assumes that he's looking for the master key to the school, and pulls it out of his pocket to taunt Steve. Steve begs him not to rat him out and offers a $100 bribe, which Hutch is happy to accept. He then informs Steve that if he ponies up even more cash, he can buy himself a legacy key...and Steve is all, "Wuh?", startled that Hutch knows all about the illicit tradition.


David's/Kelly's house. Kelly enters the bathroom while David is plucking his facial hairs. She apologizes for giving him such a hard time about seeing her naked and tells him she has some ideas about how to make things run smoother regarding their bathroom use. And because she gave him so much grief about seeing her naked, she has a special, private treat for him. She turns on the water in the shower, eyes him sexily as she pulls the scrunchy out of her hair, and makes it look like she's about to do a strip tease. But when she opens her bathrobe, she's wearing very unsexy, plaid, full length pajamas. She cheekily wishes him pleasant dreams, wraps her bathrobe around her, and flounces out of the room.

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